Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[Martin Greywolf]

Game based on high medieval Hungary, with three PCs, Leto Atreides, Lucia Jesenska and Ctibor.

Leto: That's the wolf we found last session?
Ctibor: We didn't find the wolf, we poisoned the wolf.

Leto: What did I find out?
DM: Their tier 6 hookers are pretty good.
Leto: I'll take one for me and one for Ctibor.
DM: And what about Ctibor's wolf?
Lucia: He gets a steak.
DM: Steak, huh? Is that what kids are calling it these days?

Ctibor: This king is a theological hooker.

[Telonius]

DM: The Necromancer shouts: "I'll kill you, you ..." (mouths words. Looks around, confused, then points and silently, furiously shouts at the approaching Monk.)

Bard: I try to sound like the Necromancer. Ghost Sound. "Everybody head to the burning wagons and stay there. Also, never listen to anything I say ever again!"

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Game based on high medieval Hungary, with three PCs, Leto Atreides, Lucia Jesenska and Ctibor.

...How did the God Emperor of Dune (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leto_II_Atreides) end up in Hungary?

[Freelance GM]

Player 1 (Barbarian): "I take the giant's toenail clipping, tie up my hair, and use it as, you know, a hairpin."

Me (DM): "You do so. It smells horrendous."

Player 2 (Wizard): "I cast Prestidigitation on it."

Me (DM): "It smells like roses."

[TurboGhast]

Overheard this at FLGS: (Paraphrased)
"Remember that time you caused an explosion in a forest?"
"I can't believe that didn't end in a forest fire."

[OctoberRaven]

"Holy [Expletive], you're going on a date with a tentacle monster, dude,"
"Can't be worse than the time I hooked up with the Seeker of Japan's national Quidditch team."

[goto124]

Doc: “I dunno, if you're using a Bethesda-written story as the basis of your argument, you kind of start yourself out with a disadvantage right off the bat.”

Hey hey, no metagaming :smalltongue:


Bertly: “Well lass, it doesn't contain any caffeine, which I imagine would be your main concern.”
Viridia: “Huh. How does it give energy without caffeine? I thought that energy drinks had to have energy...molecules to...polarize?”

Sugar. Loads of sugar. Also preserves the drink, very important in a Fallout world.

[DigoDragon]

Me (DM): "It smells like roses."

Or you could, maybe, wash it first?



"Can't be worse than the time I hooked up with the Seeker of Japan's national Quidditch team."

How is that... worse?



Hey hey, no metagaming :smalltongue:

That hasn't stopped us before. ;)



Sugar. Loads of sugar. Also preserves the drink, very important in a Fallout world.

Yes, very important. :3
Speaking of which...


Energy Drink Ingredients: “Naturally Engineered Products, Meitnerium.”
Viridia: “Eww, why did they put meat in JUICE?! That's gross. They're gross.”
Bertly: “That is actually a highly radioactive synthetic element. I do not believe any living creature produces it as part of their life cycle. I imagine it's no more radioactive than anything put in the limited edition Sparkle Colas.”

Choro: “Well, there's a giant monster bat in there. I think it’s dead. And a lot of filing cabinets. I don't think Stitchheart's file will be with all the others though if it's top secret. It'll be somewhere secure, yes?”
Doc: “Shouldn't we check the cabinets anyway? After all, this is is the Research lab. Wouldn't they all be top secret?”

GM: “If Doc wants a Yes Man, reprogramming Bertly wouldn't be especially hard for Choro to do.”
Doc: “I suspect Stitchheart and/or Fan Knife may have a problem with Doc nicking a perfectly serviceable Mr. Handy from the basement.”
GM: “He's just a lowly Orderly, it's not as if he's a Ms. Nurse or anything.”
Doc: “Hmm, anyone interested in a team minion?” :D
Viridia: “I refuse to take a robot minion unless it has tits painted on it.”
GM: “Wouldn't large cutie marks placed on its sides be more appropriate or something?”

Choro: “Could insect colonies have survived with no exterior food source?”
GM: “Doc encountered a burgeoning ecosystem in a fridge, so there's really nothing off the table.”

[Telonius]

Cassandra: "Who said we're heroes?"

[calam]

Dm: you're too far to properly sex the mantis


Out of character: Why do so many campaigns end in researching foreign desserts?

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dimir: Are we still-
GM: In the gardens, yes.
Dimir: First order of business: Let's not be here.

Brick: I'm going to punch someone!
Valena: Someone? The bad guys, I would hope!

Dace: Was there any damage during the "fight"?
GM: Yes. A chair was knocked over.
Dimir: Oh, the humanity!

Dimir: We'd like to negotiate for better food-
Valena: With keys in it! Lots of keys!

Brick: Can we "Power Rangers" it up?

Dace: Could be worse: you could be the crotch piece.

GM: Roll willpower to see if you avoid saying that out loud.
Brough: Not again...

GM: The Regent's mech is smashed into pieces against the walls of the castle.
Dimir: I'm not cleaning that up.

Sou-Van: *after brutally murdering the Regent* I'm not angry, just disappointed.

[Arachnion]

"Her soul is now diamonds."

[goto124]

Bertly: “I imagine it's no more radioactive than anything put in the limited edition Sparkle Colas.”

Such is life in a radioactive wasteland.


Viridia: “I refuse to take a robot minion unless it has tits painted on it.”
GM: “Wouldn't large cutie marks placed on its sides be more appropriate or something?”

Is there a FO:E version of the BoEF? Actually, I think I know the answer.


"Her soul is now diamonds."

🎵Diamonds are a girl's best friend🎵

[DigoDragon]

Is there a FO:E version of the BoEF? Actually, I think I know the answer.

I'm not gonna Google for it. :smalltongue:



Brick: I'm going to punch someone!
Valena: Someone? The bad guys, I would hope!

Yes, please be specific with your violence. XD



Out of character: Why do so many campaigns end in researching foreign desserts?

Sounds delicious.


GM: “A hostile robot would be about the same threat as any of the working tri-beam turrets around the facility.”
Choro: “Wait... Beam turrets. So they're energy weapons? YAY, New weapon for Choro!”

Doc: “Hey GM, someone drew anime "chibi"-style versions of Doc and Mirror (http://orig08.deviantart.net/7e77/f/2016/242/3/e/3ec9a99a207b6e242a786774c78b392a-dafqyr1.png).”
GM: “Aww.”
Doc: *Wonders if that was a ‘heart-melting’ aww, or a ‘darn why is there not one image of Mirror sacrificing somepony yet?’ aww*

GM: “Rolling Science for Bertly's chance of figuring out what's up with Viridia's sword. Needs to be 20 or below to pass.”
Percentile Dice: *1*
GM: “@*$%! Also rolling an opposed roll that needs to be 60 or below to beat Moondshadow's perception.”
Percentile Dice: *66*
GM: “…”
Doc: (imitating Nelson) “Ha ha!”

Doc: “Couldn't keep those secrets to yourself forever, though it's amusing that the robot orderly figures something out about the sword while several trained mages (including one necromancer) wasn't sure.”
GM: “Bertly did just pull the local equivalent of the Good Will Hunting math scene, honestly.”

Viridia: “Teenage Undead Ninja Pony?”
Doc: “Hero in a half skin!”

[D.KnightSpider]

Viridia: “Teenage Undead Ninja Pony?”
Doc: “Hero in a half skin!”

This begs the question: can you spin that concept into a multi-million dollar franchise?
====

Ray: Oh, you know the story. There was an overdue library book, pirates and a frantically bluffing GM.
====

Fashion Statement: Vegetarian menus! Speak not that evil name in my presence!
====

Fashion Statement: I beg your pardon. I am a mare of breeding. I never ride up in the crotch!
====

Lisa: Yes! Interrupt all you want! An interruption a day keeps the squick away!
====

Ray: Anyone else having a really intense rush of deja vu or is it just me?
Gumdrop: I have no familiar impulses of this situation... Did the Masked Matter-Horn spontaneously enlarge herself by four feet?
Lisa: Or did the rest of us shrink in that last warp?
Ray: Um, why is everything neon?
Gumdrop: Why can I not feel my tentacles?
Ray: Why are we talking in questions? This isn't philosophy class.
====

Matter-Horn: I must ask: who are you ponies and what have you done with my comrades in arms?
Gumdrop: Other... ponies?
Matter-Horn: Yes, you ponies who surround me.
Ray: Uh, Masked Matter-Horn, there's no one else... around... but... us...
*silent beat of realization*
Lisa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[DigoDragon]

This begs the question: can you spin that concept into a multi-million dollar franchise?

Can I?
Maybe a $25 dollar franchise...


Fashion Statement: I beg your pardon. I am a mare of breeding. I never ride up in the crotch!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5wWqxDx3wO0/TymxrrmuFaI/AAAAAAAAArw/JMFy6cAt8zw/s1600/Nathan-Fillion-reaction-gif.gif



Matter-Horn: Yes, you ponies who surround me.
Ray: Uh, Masked Matter-Horn, there's no one else... around... but... us...
*silent beat of realization*
Lisa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!! :smallbiggrin:

[digiman619]

Brick: Can we "Power Rangers" it up?

That's half the reason to play an aegis (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/psionics-unleashed/classes/aegis).

[Vrock_Summoner]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5wWqxDx3wO0/TymxrrmuFaI/AAAAAAAAArw/JMFy6cAt8zw/s1600/Nathan-Fillion-reaction-gif.gif
Wow, that might be the most versatile gif I've ever seen.

[DigoDragon]

Wow, that might be the most versatile gif I've ever seen.

It really is. If there's a better "I have no words" reaction gif out there, I don't know of it.


Viridia: “Finally, pulling my sword out at every opportunity pays off. Assuming GM isn't being tricksy.”
GM: “Nope! Viridia's going to learn something about the magic of her evil perfectly normal sword here.”

Doc: “Looks like a Class 4 Free-Roaming Boss Critter.”

GM: “Rolling the Greater Hospital Horror's initiative...”
Doc: (sees its description & stats) “Well, looks we're fighting Baron Harkonnen. We could kill it, but it's gonna sting a bit.”
GM: “Oh, it's not so bad. It can barely hit something standing right in front of it, like Choro. See, do I not have mercy?”
Doc: “Yeah, I suppose this isn't all that bad comparing the relative skills. If we pump as many attacks into it as we can per round we could bring it down within three. Okay then, let's do this. LEROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY!!”

Choro: “That pesky darkness! I bet this creature is actually a gazebo!”
Doc: “I think this creature ate a gazebo.”

GM: “The wild gazebos of Equestria have, since the bombings, been displaced by kiosks and rotundas.”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Yes, please be specific with your violence. XD
Brick's player has been itching for a decent fight since day 1. We're just lucky that there were indeed bad guys around at the time. :smalltongue:

[OctoberRaven]

Talia: "Aye, indoors's always better'n outdoors when it comes ta sleepin'. Hopefully we'll get ta sleep peacefully this time."
DM :smallamused:
Arnien OOC: "Hopefully that means 'You're going to get some XP'"

DM: Orc 3 tries to brave the river like this friend... *nat1s check against fear of water*
Talia OOC: Brave Sir Orc ran away. Bravely bravely ran away...

Talia: "Thank ye, Fror... thought I was done fer."
Fror: "Don't mention it, just try to dodge next time. It looked as if you meant to jump into it."
Talia: "I did dodge, just in the wrong direction."

EDIT:


It really is. If there's a better "I have no words" reaction gif out there, I don't know of it.


http://assets.adamriff.com/images/tough_enough.gif

[D.KnightSpider]

Eh... Gotta go with Digo's Castle gif on this one. It just fits better.


Fashion Statement: It does feel good to get out of that costume.
Ray: I'm sure. That suit's gotta get a little uncomfortable over time.
Fashion Statement: Fortunately not. My costume is composed of a special fiber blend that I, myself, created. It's actually very easy on the skin/hair.
Ray: So... you don't chafe?
Fashion Statement: ...... No.
Ray: Oh, good. For a second there I thought I was being set up for the Spider-Man 2 elevator scene. "And it rides up in the crotch."
Fashion Statement: I beg your pardon. I am a mare of breeding. I never ride up in the crotch!

[ZeroGear]

Prof. Mason: "What kind of monster awaits us now?"
Minion over loudspeaker: "At last, the challengers have arrived! Trekking the long way though the facility, these stalwart adventurers have finally made their way to the challenge of challenges! I'm Bill,"
Other minion over loudspeaker: "And I'm Ted! Today, we bring you these entrapped heroes as they seek to over come and survive: CASTLE SUPERBEAST!"
Serrah: "...did we walk onto a Japanese gameshow?"
DM: You see a guy in a general suit appear and blow his whistle, signaling the attack.

Minion Ted: "You know what the Lord says: The best candidate is a moist candidate!"

Davis: "The boulder rolls UPHILL too?"

Prof. Mason: "It's not every day that I get pushed down a hill in a teacup."

Minion Bill: "The goal of this challenge is to knock the middle two discs out from underneath the other candidate without having them fall off.
Minion Ted: "It's a much tougher challenge than it appears!"
Davis: "Can't I just hit someone with the mallet and be done with it?"

Linsey: "I call dibs on the karaoke challenge!"

Davis: "This is the last time I ever dress up as a bowling pin."
Linsey: "But it suits you!"
Serrah: "It suit's the professor better, he's the pinhead."
Prof. Mason: "Why thank you kin....HEY!"

Prof. Mason: "WHY ARE THERE SNAKES IN THE BALL PIT?"

Davis: "Next time we go on an adventure, you're laying off the cake."
Linsey: "Did you just call me FAT?"

[comk59]

Well, after a long hiatus the Superhero RPG is back on, with a few rapidfire sessions over the next two weeks.


Black Mirror: "The worst thing that Red Menace has done is speak in an awful Russian accent and act a bit spooky."
Red Menace: "I was very spooky!"

GM: "The crowd around the Captain Jetpack memorial is filled with WW 2.5 veterans."

Red Menace: "So, if he's a native to Metro City, why is this the only memorial to him?"
Spook: "The city has actually unveiled 5 statues of him, but... y'know..."
Red Menace: "Supervillains?"
Spook: "Supervillains."

Spook: "Black Mirror, you need to protect the Captain Jetpack statue!"
(five minutes later)
Black Mirror: "I'm going to dropkick the statue."
Spook: "Good idea!"

Red Menace:" Alright, I'm going to drop the chandelier on the middle schooler."
Noel: "Wait! That's museum property!"

GM: "Mayor Loelfield is making an impassioned speech-"
Red Menace: "Before we continue, we need to discuss who is voicing-"
GM: "Bill Murray."
Red Menace: "Yes!"

Spook: "So, what is this book villain thing called?"
GM: "Its title is in an ancient language that none of you can understand."
Spook: "I'm gonna just call it Grimoire in my notes."
GM: "..."
Noel: "That's a better name than you had, isn't it?"
GM: "Noel earns one adversity."

Grimoire: "I am a kind and noble book. Please read me."

[Illven]

Evil campaign quotes edition.

Shiela (OOC): Who uses candles?
Nicky (OOC): Raises hand for candle usage

Michel (OOC): if she took off the eye patch, she'd just look like any other bar whore.
Shiela (OOC): Hey, that's offensive
Michel (OOC): (to bar whores for comparing them to shiela?)

Travis "That's a possibility, Nicky. But It's been over fifty years since a death was reported from isolation."
Nicky "Reported, being the key word"

Nicky "Now. How do we get me my house."

Michel "Is it really so hard to get a house?"
Nicky "Apparently!"

Nick (OOC) but then I'm sure building permits would be an issue
Michel (OOC): (lol, wtf? this is D&D)

Nicky (OOC) [oh so we're fighting vampires, got it. :p

Michel (OOC) (I'm not even paying attention and I knew that)

Peter "Wait, I know all three of you."
Shiela "do i owe you money?"

Nicky "Shiela... As much as it pains me to say it, is right."
Michel "Sheila's an expert on non smart plans and dumb moves."

Nicky (OOC) "[just have a random group of ruffian kill us, we need to wade in blood"

Nicky (OOC) "Are we the only people in this city that don't have high level spells"

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "Here lies: My Finances. Cause of Death: Warhammer 40k

[goto124]

Red Menace: "So, if he's a native to Metro City, why is this the only memorial to him?"
Spook: "The city has actually unveiled 5 statues of him, but... y'know..."

Wait, is that how memorials work? More than one memorial to a person?

[DigoDragon]

[tough_enough.gif]

I've never seen this one before!
Gonna hold on to this. ;)


Linsey: "I call dibs on the karaoke challenge!"

This sounds like something my brother would say. He'd rock the challenge too.
(possibly in the literal sense because he has several band instruments).


Michel "Is it really so hard to get a house?"
Nicky "Apparently!"

I've been trying for five years and haven't succeeded. :smallfrown:


GM: “Rolling the Greater Hospital Horror's initiative...”
Doc: (sees its description & stats) “Well, looks we're fighting Baron Harkonnen. We could kill it, but it's gonna sting a bit.”
GM: “Oh, it's not so bad. It can barely hit something standing right in front of it, like Choro. See, do I not have mercy?”
Doc: “Yeah, I suppose this isn't all that bad comparing the relative skills. If we pump as many attacks into it as we can per round we could bring it down within three. Okay then, let's do this. LEROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYY!!”

Moon: “I'd advise running away so we can get Viridia in on this fight. We wouldn't want her to feel left out after all.”
Choro: “Yeah, because sticking this thing with a necromantic power battery can only do good.”

Doc: “If Choro can blind it or something, then we could tank it.”
Choro: “If the [boss] closes to three yards of us while looking at Choro, he's at -10 to everything visual. We just need Harky to be looking at her. Which makes me think if he goes melee, he'll go for someone else.”
Doc: “Well Moonshadow just fled the room, so that just leaves Doc.”

Choro: “Yay for being the party flashlight!”

Doc: “Sweet! Might get to see Sith Lord Choro do the thing.”
GM: “Choro can't be a sith lord! She's too innocent.”
Doc: “But she's also a unicorn. Isn't that the opposite of innocent in your campaign?”

[IZ42]

Ankhit (OOC): Please don't inflict anything too horrible on my little androgynous cinnamon roll.
DM (OOC): If the cinnamon roll wasn't baked before...

[Vrock_Summoner]

Choro: “That pesky darkness! I bet this creature is actually a gazebo!”
Doc: “I think this creature ate a gazebo.”

GM: “The wild gazebos of Equestria have, since the bombings, been displaced by kiosks and rotundas.”
*uncontrollable laughter*

Unfortunately, while gazebos are comedy gold, my players chose something far less mature and nuanced to try and be funny about. Even more unfortunately, at least for me, the players gave me something entirely outside my ability to cope with today. See if you can figure it out.

Shae: [looking disheveled] *knocks on door* Aurora, I think we're doing the same thing right now. Wanna do it together?
Aurora: Mhmm.
Shae: *walks in, closes door behind her quickly*
Gambi and Dante: Snrk... *exchange glances, start laughing*
Shae and Aurora temporarily fused into one being recently, and their biological differences mean they were both sort of blown away by experiencing each other's senses. So they're basically studying and trying to process their respective new information about reality.

Gambi: Darn it! I can't keep up with its speed!
Dante: Climb on! I'll give you a ride, I can go fast enough!
Gambi: But you won't last very long...
Both: :smallamused:
:smallsigh: Dante rides a hoverboard of lightning, making his flight the fastest non-teleportation movement of the party (a little under a hundred miles per second in a planetary atmosphere, about a third of the speed of light through a vacuum (yes, I know that isn't quite scientifically accurate, but his within-atmosphere speed is based on the "leading charge" speed and his vacuum speed is based on the "return stroke" speed (it works for us (parentheses are fun (wheeeee)))), but he's got trouble carrying passengers and fighting at the same time.

Gambi: So for whatever it's worth... I have this.
Shae: ... My gods, the number of times that could've saved us.
Gambi: I'm sorry, I'm not good at remembering which gadgets I've pre-prepared!
Dante: She rolled her inventory management check... And she critical fumbled.

Green Boomstick: I think I'm actually made of pure concentrated awesome.
Shae: Your name is still stupid.
Green Boomstick: But it's so hip and trendy!

Aurora: Are we not going to address what sort of demon we've unleashed?
Green Boomstick: It's fine, they pay me by the hour, I'll be gone in a jiffy!

GM: The meteor hurtles towards Earth-
Green Boomstick: I use a reflection barrier to paddle it back!
GM: Huh, that's actually pretty clever... It uses power mimicry to make its own reflective barrier.
Green Boomstick: I telepathically ask it to play a game of ping-pong with me.
GM: ... Wait, what-
Green Boomstick: I use a mental command to try and force it to agree.
GM: I... *rolls Will save* I... Guess it starts to...
Green Boomstick: Ohhh, I have object replication too! Handy! I make six more meteors! It'll be a real festival!
GM: Somebody help me...
Green Boomstick: OOOOHHHH! I use another mental command to make it use its power mimicry to also make more meteors!
GM: You know you're supposed to be protecting Earth, right!?
Green Boomstick: I'm the guest star, I have to make every moment count!

Aurora: You're completely out of control!
Green Boomstick: You bet I am, babe.
Aurora: ... No. Rain check.
Green Boomstick: Rain check? I'd like to cash it in right away.
Aurora: I think I'd melt if it touched me.
Green Boomstick: I can make you melt without the rain, my Wicked Witch~
Aurora: Shae, can we still separate them if I kill the fusion?

Aurora: It's been several jiffies. I'd like Gambi back now.
Shae: Heck, I won't even be too annoyed about Dante, considering what we're trading.

Green Boomstick: I'mma hack into the UN database.
GM: The UN was disbanded after-
Green Boomstick: I'mma recreate the UN so I can hack its database.

GM: I'm going to prematurely veto any efforts to create a conspiracy in order to prove that there's a conspiracy.

Malakal: This place is sort of like our Heaven. Still, we can't be here all the time with the threats going on...
Shae: Really? I just came back down for a chance to have cheese again...
Green Boomstick: Whoa, hold the phone! If there isn't cheese here, it is by definition not Paradise! You all need to fix your game.

Aurora: So... Green Boomstick didn't like your Creator heaven or whatever...
Shae: Right...
Aurora: ... So they created a new dimension, which...
Shae: Apparently follows the laws of cheese rather than physics, yes.
Aurora: I'm lost.
Shae: I've been all episode.

Aurora: Tell me those aren't cheese elementals.
Green Boomstick: Technically, they're void cheeses, since they're not native to this universe.
Aurora: *starts screaming incoherently with bewilderment*

[Fable Wright]

*uncontrollable laughter*

Unfortunately, while gazebos are comedy gold, my players chose something far less mature and nuanced to try and be funny about. Even more unfortunately, at least for me, the players gave me something entirely outside my ability to cope with today. See if you can figure it out.

Gambi and Dante should not be allowed to fuse. Ever again.

Corollary: They should stay fused as long as possible. :smallbiggrin:

[CrazyPenguin]

Dungeon Master: "NAME ONE POSITIVE EFFECT OF SYPHILIS"

[ZeroGear]

Dungeon Master: "NAME ONE POSITIVE EFFECT OF SYPHILIS"

Getting rid of people you hate while making them suffer as much as possible without being legally liable for their death?

[Inevitability]

Dungeon Master: "NAME ONE POSITIVE EFFECT OF SYPHILIS"

A 3.0 Cancer Mage, who is immune to all diseases but still shows all symptoms, could use it to gain badass bald spots and skin blots without actually falling ill.

[dramatic flare]

Witch Doctor: Wait, if I cause an epidemic, do I get experience for that?

Witch Doctor: No, no don't. If you start this process now, you're going to end up with a wolf, rabbit, cabbage situation, except there's a gnome whom we can't trust around anyone with money, two horse-sized carnivores, a pyromaniac kobold, the idiot willing to cut off his own hand for more strength, and, well, me, and I can't be trusted all the time.
Skald:Now, now. You don't need to worry about the gnome. I put a leash on him, remember.
Entire party, including gnome: Oh yeah, We did do that!

DM: How is the Witch Doctor suddenly the advocate for all that is good to the rest of the party?

[DigoDragon]

Ankhit (OOC): Please don't inflict anything too horrible on my little androgynous cinnamon roll.

This sounds like a term of endearment towards an alien assistant.



Shae: [looking disheveled] *knocks on door* Aurora, I think we're doing the same thing right now. Wanna do it together?
Aurora: Mhmm.

Dante: Climb on! I'll give you a ride, I can go fast enough!
Gambi: But you won't last very long...

Pffft. Sometimes even done on purpose the innuendo continues to be hilarious. ^^;



Getting rid of people you hate while making them suffer as much as possible without being legally liable for their death?

That was my thought too.



Witch Doctor: Wait, if I cause an epidemic, do I get experience for that?

DM: How is the Witch Doctor suddenly the advocate for all that is good to the rest of the party?

Something went terribly wrong in the time-span between these statements. O.o


Choro: “Also, I called it! This IS Frankenequine. A... giant, super strong, Frankenequine.”
Viridia: (adjusts monocle) “I think you'll find it's Frankenequine's Monster.”

GM: “After it recovered its footing, [the creature] made a sound that resembled an angry trombone that would best be transcribed as ‘#$@%!!!’”

Choro: “... Guys. Doctors. How was this supposed to be used for peace again?!”
Doc: “Heart of the what now? Peace?”

GM: “It was dead; Doc's gun obliterated the better part of the left side of its face and Choro's lightning simply fried it.”
Doc: “Hoooboy... that was a close encounter of the mutant kind. Awesome job, ladies.”
GM: “Its right eye was wide and clear, and the creature’s last moments, it seemed, were spent glaring at Moonshadow.”
Moon: *Glares back*
Doc: “I suppose we should find that last file and go catch up with V.”
Moon: “Right. Let's get this over with.” *Searches around the lab for the second Macguffin file*
GM: “The top secret file Stitchheart wanted was probably the filing cabinet labeled 'Top Secret', in the filing room that Choro passed by earlier. Moonshadow was presumably looking for the one present in 'Heart, Stitched'.”

Choro: “Note to self. Science is disgusting, dangerous, and a serious threat to me keeping my robe clean.”

Choro: “Again. Thank you, Doctor. Whenever I get into hooficuffs with a giant monster, I'll make sure to come to you afterwards.”
Doc: “Well, in my professional opinion, try to avoid hooficuffs with anything larger than a tank.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Getting rid of people you hate while making them suffer as much as possible without being legally liable for their death?
I like the way you think...

"NAME ONE POSITIVE EFFECT OF SYPHILIS"
I'm not sure whether the fact that three people had answers for this restores or destroys my faith in humanity...


DM: "At first you think it's Colonel Sanders, but then you realize that it's Stalin."

[Vrock_Summoner]

DM: "At first you think it's Colonel Sanders, but then you realize that it's Stalin."

This happens more than you might think.

One between-session gem to share with you guys.

Aurora: Wait, you built the Belt of Anatomy into a sword? Why would you ever-
Gambi: By the power of Greyskull, I become He-Man!
Aurora: I take back every nice thing I've ever said about you.

[Genth]

The Unturning Legion "The Unturning Legion has been a nuisance for a while"

Astraeus"Sure, when they were still a Legion"

Legion"They still are."

Astraeus "...Yes, when there were still a multiplicity of independent units in physically separate bodies with the numerical ability to ACTUALLY HAVE A FORMATION!"

Legion "With the addition of the auxiliaries they can again use basic formations, or they could if the auxiliaries would remain with the main force."

Astraeus ""I am in formation. I'm always where I need to be."

Legion"The Unturning Legion cannot argue with your results, though they caution that if you stray too far they will be unable to make emergency repairs should you be critically damaged."

----------------------------------------

Legion's Player Do warforged feel the cold?

*Astraeus throws a snowball at them*

Legion"Private, check your fire."

Astraeus"That didn't actually answer the question though...."

Legion "They felt it" The Unturning Legion pauses for a moment before adding "Ass"

Astraeus "...Legion..."
"You just made a sarcastic comeback"
"You realize what this means, right?"

Legion"...No"

Astraeus"You're beginning to *like* me"

Legion "You are the only conversation they have had for two years, the bar has been set low, but yes, they hope you survive the war for non tactical reasons."

-----------------------------------------
*Edit* I'd like to point we haven't even actually started the game yet, this is just banter between the players in character to get a feel for the dynamic. It's great.

[goto124]

Looks like Doc's put his shiny new gun to good use!

[DigoDragon]

DM: "At first you think it's Colonel Sanders, but then you realize that it's Stalin."

This happens more than you might think.

I'm not sure what happened to fried chicken chains if this is becoming a common issue. O.o



Looks like Doc's put his shiny new gun to good use!

He is! And soon he will get some cybernetics, including a Strength mod to help him use that gun even better!


Choro: “Although one thing bugs me. If this is the Greater Hospital Horror, does that mean its got minions? Regular pony-sized Hospital Horrors?”
Doc: (sarcastically) “Yes, the hospital is infected with a group of ghouls that are subconsciously being brainwashed to lure more food down here.
...
...nevermind.”

Viridia: “Somewhere, somepony is very happy that they got to throw me into a dangerous situation.”

Viridia: “I've been trying to get [this sword] identified properly forever! The last mare I spoke to recommended killing something with it. Do you know what that might have done? ...besides the thing dying, I mean. We'll take that as granted.”

GM: “The remains on the couch continued to struggle against the crates of energy drinks [and the 15-pound teddy bear] that had been mercilessly stacked upon it.”
Viridia: “I'll remove the bear when you stop wiggling.”

Doc: “She's playing Jenga with a skelly.”

Viridia: “Do ponies still donate organs? You'd think that having just a few to clone would mean you're set for life.”

GM: “Down the hall and towards the entrance to the labs, there were three squat creatures that resembled microwaved ponies that were then left to putrefy. They were colored a greyish-purple-pink hue, overlarge blue eyes, and instead of mouths they had clusters of tentacles, dripping a black slime.”
Viridia: “Eww. They look like Sari's soul.”
Bertly: “Oh, them? There's a few of those lads around here. I would suggest not interacting with them, or looking at them directly. If they touch you, hit them with something solid and flat to dissuade them.”
Viridia: “I like your style, Bertly.”
Andante: “I would suggest you kill them. Save the mouthparts, however.”
Viridia: “...do you want to eat them?”
Andante: “Taint mutants disagree with me, sadly.”
Viridia: “Most of us do.”

[goto124]

I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

[ZeroGear]

I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

Not unless they work the same way they do in Shadowrun.
Granted, in the story the characters had enough anxiety already, and the parts needed to burn gems as fuel to work, but that's beside the point.
(Dear god, now I'm picturing Doc having to suck down gemstones...and learning about cybernetics from Diamond Dogs.)
(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

[DigoDragon]

I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

The word of the day is SHOWER.
As in, Doc needs a shower to wash off this filth of twisted science and blood off his clothes. :smallbiggrin:



Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

Not unless they work the same way they do in Shadowrun.
Granted, in the story the characters had enough anxiety already, and the parts needed to burn gems as fuel to work, but that's beside the point.

The system we use is haphazard with cybernetics. There are no cyber parts listed in the equipment section. They're only found as Perks that are available strictly to Earth Ponies (and no solid rules on how they're acquired other than you're suddenly now a cyborg with no explanation). Only 3 cybernetic perks mention anything about a soul-loss effect; it only comes into play in a specific case of being attacked by necromancy magic (which is not available to anyone except as a plot point by NPC wizards or magical spirits). So...

The GM did away with the perks and wrote up all the cybernetics as purchasable things by any pony type. Naturally, they cost an arm and a leg (:smallbiggrin:) to acquire, thus the GM can control supply by assigning them as quest rewards to players. Doc recently earned $15,000 in credit towards cybernetics. The GM also wrote up rules on the maximum number of cybernetic parts any pony can have, with Earth Ponies able to install more than any other race. Overall, this is not a bad deal. I have enough credit for the specific parts I want and I can spend my Perk slot on something else entirely.

I do like the Shadowrun system of Cybernetics. Enough that I have been working on a Pony conversion (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TFhVVeeO3tLqh54yTvjfg8vSiMApEpO-fa8CWjOMf74/edit?usp=sharing) for 4th Anniversary Edition. Will hopefully have that completed by the holidays.



(Dear god, now I'm picturing Doc having to suck down gemstones...and learning about cybernetics from Diamond Dogs.)

Mmm, crunchy.

Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune. :smallbiggrin:



(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

There is a mob of people who have told me this. ^^;
If I can find the free time, I certainly will.


Viridia: “Bertly for father of the year.”
GM: “Bertly for mayor.”
Doc: “Bertly for team mascot?”
Viridia: “Bertly Rule 34?”
Viridia: “It's getting hot in here~
So remove your armored shell~”

Viridia: “Do genies grant wishes, or is that just a myth, like Crystal Cola or Mirror's love?”

GM: “As Moonshadow went past the dried bat, she heard a creaking sound, akin to leather sliding over leather, followed by bones. While it looked like a dried up old dead thing, it seemed to still have some life in it.”
Moon: “Don't make me kill you whatever you are. I'm not getting paid for murder. Well I suppose I was with the hobos upstairs, but you're not with them, and we didn't have to murder them anyways.”
GM: “Moonshadow would notice the creature had a ring on one of its wingtips. The ring looked to be made of silver and had a nice fat purple amethyst embedded in the center.”
Moon: “So...think I can steal a ring off of that bat thing?”
Choro: “I... guess it doesn't have any use for it. And you are very good at being sneaky.”
Moon: “Alright. Just be ready in case I mess this up.”
Dice Roll: **Messes this up**

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dimir: So, it's like... mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

[Inevitability]

dimir: so, it's like... Mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

YES PLEASE.
I ain't no spambot, you caps-resetting piece of rusty slag!

[D.KnightSpider]

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”

Nothin' like a demoted boss upon which to flex your muscle.

====

Ray: It's a good thing that we're masters of inter-dimensional time travel, because we're waaaaaay too metal to make it through airport security.

====

Lisa: Sing a song to dispense, through a handful of die, four and twenty daggers straight into your eye...

====

Gumdrop: To put it in technical terms: I think the darn thing's busted.

====

GM: 'Whump' goes the former-flump.

====

Ray: I dunno, Gumdrop. I think I'd feel better if we had a medic who could walk and chew gum at the same time... Or just walk at all, really.

====

Matter-Horn: Perhaps a more equine psychologist could succeed where the flumph failed?
Ray: Oh, yeah. That'd go over real well. "Hi, Doc, I'm a cyborg killing machine from another dimension trapped in a mare's body." They'd have her ticket to the funny-farm punched before lunch.
Matter-Horn: I know the human saying: 'Laughter is the best medicine', but I hardly think subjecting Lisa to a comedy club would fix anything.
Ray: Eh?
Gumdrop: Huh?
Matter-Horn: The Funny Farm? You know.
Ray & Gumdrop: *blank look*
Matter-Horn: *sigh* It's a club over on east street.

====

Ray: Okay, so for future reference. My pony alias is Glib Gypper. Lisa's Companion Cube. Gumdrop, you're Laffy Taffy. And we won't bother about giving The Masked Matter-Horn her own alias because she's already got two. She's special.

====

Matter-Horn: Regardless, our first priority is to get you newly equined beings some proper disguises. The Masked Matter-Horn can't be seen working with a lot of ordinary ponies. It would ruin her mystique.

====

Ray: Yo, dog. I heard you like secret identities so I put some secret identities in your secret identities so that you can secret identity while secret identity-ing.

====

Matter-Horn: I give you: the Knights of the Round Stable!
Gumdrop:​ Does this make us the 'Knights Who Say "Neigh"?

[Lord Torath]

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/nonplussed). Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally". :smallsigh:

In other news: Get off my lawn, ya dang whippersnappers! Yeah, yeah, I'll show myself out.

[Vrock_Summoner]

Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/nonplussed). Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally". :smallsigh:

Maybe he's trying to act cool and make someone else deal with it because he's really overwhelmed right now and doesn't know how to deal with it. :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

Dimir: So, it's like... mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

I approve of this. :D



Lisa: Sing a song to dispense, through a handful of die, four and twenty daggers straight into your eye...

In my head, I managed to picked up the context cue and sing this in tune the first time. I'm a little surprised by that.

Fun song though!


Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite (https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/nonplussed). Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally". :smallsigh:

Yep, pretty much what you're seeing there. Nonplussed in American English has a slang definition of "to be unfazed". Happens with living languages. A couple other examples--

Terrific: used to mean something that denoted terror, but now can mean something that denotes a positive response.
Awful: used to mean something that inspires awe, but it has a second meaning now to denote something that is bad.



Maybe he's trying to act cool and issue orders because he's really overwhelmed right now and doesn't know how to deal with it. :smalltongue:

It's Doc being frustrated. He knows neither thing he addressed will listen to him anyway. :3

[Beacon of Chaos]

YES PLEASE.

I approve of this. :D
Hooray! I have created a popular thing!

And by "created" I mean "named" because my GM came up with it. But the name was good!

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Now that you have defeated the boss, it's time to deal with its stupid children in a room full of primed laser turrets.”
Doc: “I think I remember something in the notes about being on fire would aggravate the turrets.”
Doc: (Checks notes) “The notes said fire, smoke, poking the turrets, and not being a basic quadruped pony shape will set the turrets off. Okay, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.”

Doc: “Dr. Tenaculum, do the turrets respond to someone shooting the experiments?”
Dr. Tenaculum: “If you fired from inside the labs, the turrets in the labs would shoot you. They are programmed to assume a victim follows the Ministry of Peace-approved conflict resolution system, which involves laying down and crying for help.”
Doc: “"Good to know, but we're gonna skip the MoP part of the rules here.”

Bertly: “The doctor's favorite foods include mangos and avocados.”
Doc: “I like Dr. Tenaculum already!”

Moon: “Well, how many of them are there Doc?”
Doc: “I saw one, so there's probably two, maybe three of them.”
Choro: “My caps say half a dozen, minimum.”
Doc: “Yeah... maybe I'm being too optimistic.”

[Slarg]

Paladin, to the Warlock: Did you just convince the Elder Dragon to join your cult?

[ZeroGear]

Mmm, crunchy.

Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune. :smallbiggrin:

I assume so, given that Blackjack ate some that were baked into what can only be described as a battle-grade pancake (which was made by Morning Glory and included other oddities like scrap metal and machine oil). Thankfully, BJ had a tendency to eat strange food even before she was cybernetic ally augmented.


DM: As you enter the room, the first thing you notice a large, luxurious queen-size bed with crimson sheets. Within in lies the sleeping form of a very attractive woman. The second thing you notice is Joey standing about five feet to the left, clad only in a flowery pink apron, and holding a tray with what smells like french toast upon it.
Serrah: "Uh..." *covers Linsey's eyes*
Davis: "What. The. Hell?"
Joey: "This...isn't what it looks like!"

Davis: "Let me get this straight: While we slugged our way though multiple life-threatening games, including being pushed down a hill in a teacup towards a lake of acid, getting spiked boulders thrown at us, being shot at by cannons, wading though a ball pit full of snakes, navigating an obstacle course trying to crush us, and having to endure Linsey's singing,"
Linsey: "HEY!"
Davis: "You were content playing tonsil hockey with the enemy?"
Joey: "To be fair, she did have me at gun point."
Serrah: "Sounds more like you were busy defusing her bombs."

Joey: "Welp, no point in hanging around here any longer, let's get going!"
Serrah: "Aren't you forgetting something important?"
Joey: "Like what?
Davis: "Do us all a favor and put some pants on."

DM: As you enter the room, you notice a pedestal with a big red button on it.
Joey: *about to say something*
Everyone else: "NO!"
Joey: "But I didn't say anything yet."

[IZ42]

This sounds like a term of endearment towards an alien assistant.

It's referring to the character Ankhit, who is notably smol, adorable, completely androgynous, and insane for multiple reasons.

[Vrock_Summoner]

DM: As you enter the room, you notice a pedestal with a big red button on it.
Joey: *about to say something*
Everyone else: "NO!"
Joey: "But I didn't say anything yet."



Aurora: Hold on a second guys, I think-
Dante: No.
Gambi: Hell no!
Shae: Inadvisable.
Aurora: I haven't even said anything yet!

Déjà vu. My spiritual connection with your group grows ever inexorably stronger.

[Recherché]

"I am the Oprah of death! Pistols for everyone!"

"Clive, you can't murder someone because they're ugly! Well you shouldn't kill people because they're ugly."

"Sir, our bird is a professional."

"So after this wine, women and song and bouncy castles?"

[OctoberRaven]

DM: So, you head up the mountain, Eventually, you reach the walls of the monastery grounds, the doors are closed, you don't see anyone
Handir: I look around for anyone outside, or in sight
Arnien: "Should we knock?"
DM: Perception
*rolls, Talia gets a nat-20*
Talia OOC: WHAT DO MY MAN EYES SEE
Arnien OOC: Why do I even have perception if you always roll 20?

[goto124]

[cybernetics explanation]

Oooooooooo, I certainly did not expect such a long backstory of cybernetic rules! What about Shadowrun cybernetics do you like, however?[/quote]


Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune. :smallbiggrin:

I don't think that's what they meant by 'consumes gems".


Awful: used to mean something that inspires awe, but it has a second meaning now to denote something that is bad.

These days "awful" is only ever used to mean the bad thing, right?


Dr. Tenaculum: “If you fired from inside the labs, the turrets in the labs would shoot you. They are programmed to assume a victim follows the Ministry of Peace-approved conflict resolution system, which involves laying down and crying for help.”
Doc: “"Good to know, but we're gonna skip the MoP part of the rules here.”

I must have missed something, would following MoP standards lead to death or some other sort of failure?

[Asmodean_]

(after a natural 20 on a knowledge architecture roll)
DM: ...ok fine. You drop a church on its deity. We're fifth level.

[DigoDragon]

I assume so, given that Blackjack ate some that were baked into what can only be described as a battle-grade pancake (which was made by Morning Glory and included other oddities like scrap metal and machine oil). Thankfully, BJ had a tendency to eat strange food even before she was cybernetic ally augmented.

Scrap metal and machine oil? Huh. O.o



It's referring to the character Ankhit, who is notably smol, adorable, completely androgynous, and insane for multiple reasons.

Perfectly nicknamed then! :D



Oooooooooo, I certainly did not expect such a long backstory of cybernetic rules! What about Shadowrun cybernetics do you like, however?

What I like about Shadowrun cybernetics is that it has a lot of options, but is fairly straightforward to figure out. You can get components for nearly any kind of ability, and you're only limited by your Essence score (like a soul stat). Mix and match as you want.



These days "awful" is only ever used to mean the bad thing, right?

It's the only definition I've heard it used for.



I must have missed something, would following MoP standards lead to death or some other sort of failure?

The MoP procedure is how Dr. Tenaculum described it--you curl up on the floor and cry for help if you're attacked. :smalltongue:

Moon: “Right then. As far as crit fails, that's a lot less painful then that damn Talon way back when.”
Doc: “I remember that one. Real piece of work that sniper.”
Viridia: “Her name was Kaboom Boom Boom LeBoom Chesterfield. In hindsight, her name was kind of a giveaway.”

Viridia: “The Chesterfields are well known for their suicide bombings.”
Doc: “Is it irony she detonated inside a bomb shelter?”

[Forum Explorer]

(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

He can skip Project Horizons. In fact I recommend he does. That story was so bad that I can't even think up an appropriate metaphor for how awful it was.

[azaph]

Other player: Hey, how's your character's name spelled, again?
Me: I hire several dozen bodyguards.

[Vrock_Summoner]

Other player: Hey, how's your character's name spelled, again?
Me: I hire several dozen bodyguards.
Uh... :smallconfused: How's that work?

Gambi's player: Dang it, guys, we specifically messed with fusion so it wouldn't be a metaphor for real stuff, and now you're turning the cosmic disaster into a thinly veiled abortion allegory? Come on! I'm here to blow stuff up and needlessly complicate things with my emotions!

Shae: What in my name is going on here? (Teehee, deity jokes)
Aurora: I know this looks bad, but we've got to make her look as dapper as possible.
Gambi: I knew the price I would pay.

Dante: I miss the good old days.
Aurora: What? We all barely tolerated each other and the Earth was constantly under attack.
Dante: Yeah, but that was simple. All this closeness and peacetime is too... feelingsy.

Shae: So where were you last night?
Gambi: I, um, plead the Third.
Shae: ... You refuse to offer free housing to soldiers in wartime?
Gambi: No, something about not having to self-incriminate, I think. Maybe it was the Fifth?
Shae: Why would there be a law like that? Anybody dumb enough to accidentally testify against themselves should be separated from society on principle.
Aurora: I'm not sure if you're just horrible or if you really have no idea what fairness is and just stopped reading at the Fourth Amendment.

Dante: *does some adjustments on a chart*
Aurora: What's that?
Dante: Number of women living here who have better luck with the ladies than me, and the rate they're added. If I extrapolate from the current rate and take the average of how many partners a given individual will have, I can calculate that I'll acquire a steady girlfriend sometime within the next seven years!
Aurora: That chart also suggests there will be over 40 lesbians living here by then...
Shae: [from another room] Stop abusing statistics!

Reporter: So what's it like for each of you, being superheroes?
Shae: High-stakes, stressful, and thankless, but I'm glad for the friends I've gained doing it. So... Basically just like everything I've ever done.
Aurora: It's difficult and not at all glamorous. You'd think I'd spend my time thinking of how great I am for saving so many people, but it's a lot more sleepless nights agonizing over my failures. But I do take pride in inspiring another generation of heroes to rise up. Especially the hot ones. I am dating three superheroines. Stand in fear and awe.
Gambi: I think it's exciting! Sometimes it's scary and I don't know what to do, and sometimes people get hurt and it's sad, but for the most part, I'm flying around blowing up baddies and ruffling the hair of little kids I just dramatically rescued from monsters and disasters and Brussels sprouts. What more could a girl want?
Dante: Hero? Where? I don't fight crime. The only thing I work to destroy is the plot.

Dante: I've spent the last seven months doing everything in my power to avoid a character development arc and you won't break my record, dammit.

Dante: Gah, I've got to do something for the children at home! *turns in a random direction* A brief distraction from the horrible gory violence to remind you to always brush your teeth! Never stop brushing.
Gambi: I... Can't believe I actually fused with that. [shouts] We're in the middle of a fight, moron!

Aurora: I am sick and tired of all these motherloving subplots on this motherloving train!

Dante: There are two parts to my answer to that. The first part is that I can fly at a third of the speed of light and have no interest in what you're saying. The second part is bye. *flies away*

[azaph]

Uh... :smallconfused: How's that work?

I feel giving context would be off topic. Also, I honestly can't explain it that well. That campaign was complicated.
Suffice to say that he had reasons to want me dead, way outclassed me*, and was writing something that looked 'note-to-GM'y. I decided that cowering in terror was the better part of valour.

[Illven]

Nicky (OOC): the only thing I suggest is choking him out
metal as ****, but will take some time

Michael (OOC): I was going to pin him and then break his fingers

Nicky (OOC): yes. I too strive to do what the high level wizard wants

Shiela (OOC) so let me get this striaght, the second i get stunned you decide to tentacle rape me?
(nicky you could have just asked.)

[ZeroGear]

He can skip Project Horizons. In fact I recommend he does. That story was so bad that I can't even think up an appropriate metaphor for how awful it was.

Only half of it was bad. Honestly, it was ok until the events on the battleship, then it dropped to being tolerable. It didn't really start sucking until the events at Shadowbolt Tower, which I suspect resulted from having a too convoluted bad guy and being overly influenced by action anime (which honestly didn't fit the Fallout theme too well).
I'd say it stays readable until around chapter 68 or 69.
(Still really bitter that Somber killed of my favorite bar pony).

[Forum Explorer]

Only half of it was bad. Honestly, it was ok until the events on the battleship, then it dropped to being tolerable. It didn't really start sucking until the events at Shadowbolt Tower, which I suspect resulted from having a too convoluted bad guy and being overly influenced by action anime (which honestly didn't fit the Fallout theme too well).
I'd say it stays readable until around chapter 68 or 69.
(Still really bitter that Somber killed of my favorite bar pony).

I would say it was ok for a little while. Tolerable until Blackjack met Littlepip and then it just flat out got bad. The Battleship was it's last chance to end with some dignity, but it messed up that up and kept going. And going. And going. Project Horizons remains the most overbloated story I have ever read. Period. And I only got something like halfway through it.

[AvatarVecna]

This is all from one session.

"Can I use Minor Illusion to make a 5ft cube rendition of the inside of his nose?"

"I look for a blacksmith to forge a flea-sized sword for my familiar."

"Dude, have you been snorting birds?"

"Are you really suggesting that True Resurrection is the only solution for a magical tick?"

"We're more familiar with butt parasites around here." "Like ass maggots?" "...yeah."

"Look, breaking a guy's hands and tossing him into shark-infested waters is on my character's bucket list."

"Turns out the thri-kreen bartender incapable of speech of quite the chatterbox."

"I will say this: if there's a bright pink juggernaut wandering around the pirate, I'm sure as hell not messing with them."

"I think warforged prefer online dating services."

"I'm gonna use the lighthouse to make a doggy handshadow puppet."

"I'm just gonna assume they walked off the edge of the underwater cliff."

"Okay, so just shooting off Fireballs without checking was a bad plan, I admit that."

"Do you actually know anything about what's up my nose?"

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "SHUT UP AND LET [Harukai] TALK ABOUT THE VAGINA CLAMPS"

Ella: *calls Sheogorath, who's late*
Sheogorath (over the phone): "Yes?"
Harukai: "LET ME TALK ABOUT VAGINA CLAMPS"
Sheogorath: *hangs up*
DM: "Call him back."
Ella: "He just blocked my number."

DM: "Hanging up on people is so much more satisfying with a home phone. The action of slamming it back down onto the rest is just... so great."

Harukai: Let's do the start...thing.

DM: "So anyone want to try to recap the absolute f***ing insanity that was last session?"

Harukai: "good morning everyone."
Draco: "Mornin'"
Hazirawn (talking sword): "GOOD MORNING VIETNAM"
Draco: "What the f*** is a 'Vietnam?'"

Governor: "I believe the point of scouting is to report one's findings, yes?"
Party: *silence*
Governor: "So somebody tell me what you found."
Harukai: "Right so there was a canyons and some guys and we stole their things and *begins sobbing* I'm soooorrrrryyyyyy."
Governor: "Somebody who isn't her"

Draco: "I ask the governor if he has a daughter."
DM: *facetable*
Draco: "What:
DM: "Just roll the Stupid Dice."

DM: "Sheogorath just kind of fluctuates in and out of canon depending on how late [Sheogorath's player] is."

Hunter: "Oh! Hi there! You're... You're tall."
Draco: "Why are you English now."
DM: "Because everybody knows fantasy humans are always English. Now shut up and roll with it."
Harukai: "hi."
Hunter: "Hi there.:
Harukai: *smiles*
Hunter: *smiles*
Harukai: *does this weird thing where her face tears open to smile really wide*
DM: "Right. The hunter looks into his flask. Then back up at you. Then you pours the flask out."
Draco: "Who are you?"
Hunter: "I'm a hunter."
Draco: "A what?"
Hunter: "A hunter! I hunt things."
Draco: "What things?"
Hunter: *huge over exaggerated hand gesture* "ANIMALS. WE'RE IN THE WILDERNESS. Oh f*** I dropped my cigarette"
Draco: "Why are you here?"
Hunter: "Huh? Oh, they pay me to hunt things."
Draco: "Who?"
Hunter: "The cultists."
Draco: "Why?"
Hunter: "Gimme a mo'."
DM: He goes back into the tent and comes back with a bottle of some kind of alcohol."
Hunter: "I am nowhere near drunk enough to deal with you. *chug*"
Draco: "WHY DO THEY PAY YOU TO HUNT THINGS."
Hunter: "TO EAT. Y'KNOW, THAT THING WHAT PEOPLE DO SO THEY DON'T STARVE TO DEATH.
Draco: "Who's that guy over there in the cave?"
Hunter: "Dunno. Some cultist wanker."
Draco: "So you're not a cultist."
Hunter: "NO. I THOUGHT WE'D ESTABLISHED THIS."
Draco: "I think this guys lying to me. F*** it, I grab him by the throat and lift him into the air."
DM: *facetable*

DM: "Sheogorath exists again."

Sheogorath: "What did I miss?"
DM: "Harukai was insane. Draco tried to knob the governor's nonexistant daughter and then harrassed a drunk Englishman."

DM: "HOW DID I FORGET PABLO."

DM: "So Draco walks in, then about 30 second later you hear him screaming in pain."

DM: "The stairs lead down about 10 feet to a fungus-filled cave. Two paths go through the fungus."
Draco: "Right, let's turn around, I don't want to go through the fungus."
DM: "But there are paths through the fungus!"
Draco: "So the two paths lead up to the fungus?"
DM: "NO. THE PATHS GO THROUGH THE FUNGUS."
Draco: "So there's room with 2 paths and then a fungus room. How do we get around the fungus?
DM: *facetable*

DM: "S*** like this is why you need a rogue."

DM: "You are lovingly caressed by the fungus. Take 3 damage."

DM: "If you're gonna spend the whole game bitching about the system, the least you could do is show up on time."

DM: "Roll a Dex save."
Draco: *succeeds*
Sheogorath: "What was that for?"
DM: "To avoid triggering the trap. I swear, its almost like you guys are new players and don't know how to go through dungeons. Oh. Wait."

DM: "The pit is full of trash. Some of it is shiny."
Draco: "WELL THEN I SEARCH THE TRASH"

Hazirawn: "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD. SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE. CORGIS FOR THE CORGI FAERIE."

Kobold: "Do we know him?"
Kobold: "No."
Kobold: "Well he's in leader's robes."
Kobold: "Huh?" *looks over* "OH S***."
Kobolds: "Hello there sir. So sorry we didn't see you sir. Anything you need sir?
Draco: "Leave."
Kobolds: "Okay. Yessir. Will do. Leaving. Right now. That's what we're doing. Leaving."

DM: "You notice a portion of the ceiling above the stairs looks a bit off."
Harukai: "I throw a rock at it."
DM: "Nothing happens"
Draco: "I poke it with a stick."
DM: "Nothing happens."
Sheogorath: "Well it has to do something."
DM: "That's metagaming."
Draco: "I throw my maul at it."
DM: "A maul is not a throwing weapon."
Draco: "I throw my maul at it."
DM: "A kobold comes around the corner."
Kobold: "Hey, can f***ers keep it dow-" *notices the party are wearing cult leaders robes* "OH S*** SORRY NEVERMIND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT BY THE WAY MY NAME IS [untranscribable hissing noises]."
DM: "You're 99% positive that's someone else's name. Also, nothing happens with the ceiling still."

Draco: "I search the stairs for traps."
DM: "ohthankgodyoufinnalyfigureditout."

DM: "As you walk into the room, you see a dozen kobolds. Every single one points at this one kobold in the corner and says 'It was him!'"

[Squiddish]

During Curse of Strahd, our party cleric and his player have said many odd things.
This first one came when trying to sell of some of the random garbage found in the death house.
Cleric: "What, are you just going to walk up to a direwolf and steal its tongue?
Shopkeeper: "No, because I don't need one!"
Our cleric continued to attempt to sell all manner of random garbage, to no avail.
Later, out-of-character,
Cleric's player: "I have had the privilege of seeing many a cat gallop."

[Christian]

This is all from one session.


I wish I could say that was an unusually strange session.

OK, maybe it was, just a bit.

[DigoDragon]

DM: "As you walk into the room, you see a dozen kobolds. Every single one points at this one kobold in the corner and says 'It was him!'"

Wow, throw that one under the bus at terminal velocity. :smalltongue:


GM: “Also, everyone should level up! Even Viridia, who did nothing but talk to a robot and watch it throw heavy objects on top of her child.”

Stellar: “Glorious. Stellar now hits for 5d10+23 on a charge, doubled vs limbs, not counting zaps or burns.”
Viridia: “Lookie here at Miss ‘I actually put some thought into my build.’”
GM: *Internal screaming intensifies (https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/11/1021222__safe_solo_fluttershy_screencap_animated_o pen+mouth_tongue+out_floppy+ears_frown_wide+eyes.g if)*

Viridia: “Do genies grant wishes, or is that just a myth, like Crystal Cola or Mirror's love?”

Andante: “Genies do not grant wishes. All they can do is manipulate time and space at will three times a century.”
Doc: “So in other words, Genies can't do the impossible miracle of making Andante stop talking.”

Viridia: “I'll have you know that Viridia finally got to learn something solid about her sword.”
GM: “Also, so did Andante.”
Viridia: “Yeah, but Viridia knows that Andante tried to bang her while both of them were in relationships. This is equally dangerous knowledge.”

GM: “Anyone who only weighs several ounces would be constantly aggravated.”

[CrazyPenguin]

After a long break, Exalted begins anew!:

Nirvele:"Hey Chuckle-F***, go check your email.

And some D&D I forgot about:

DM: "I'm gonna get a box and label it 'Sin Bin.' When you sin, you sit in the bin."

Ella: "Two hours should be plenty of time if we focus."
Draco: "BUT WE NEVER FOCUS"
DM: "You'll focus if I bring a baseball bat."

Ella: "Ok so-"
DM: *pterodactyl screech*
Ella: "Right but-"
DM: *continuing pterodactyl screech*
Ella: "But-"
DM: "*continuing pterodactyl screech*
Ella: "COULD YOU SHUT UP"
DM: "Ah, yes. Now that I have your attention COULD YOU AT LEAST LET ME FINISH SETTING THE SCENE BEFORE YOU DERAIL THE SESSION WITH POINTLESS SIDE CONVERSATIONS."

[ZamielVanWeber]

Three quotes:
"I just sold five corpses to that necromancer and four of them were [Player]!"
"Oh so it turns out we are a secret society of religious nutjobs. Now somebody hand me that crowbar."
"You guys look like, for all the world, that you just robbed Blackguards R' Us."

[DigoDragon]

DM: *pterodactyl screech*

I had that very same DM once! :smalleek:



"I just sold five corpses to that necromancer and four of them were [Player]!"

Were they selling the [Player]'s dead clones? O.o


Viridia: “What love story is complete without abandoning your lover to die in a blizzard while you chill with the woman who blackmailed them into murdering an innocent man?”
Choro: “Huh. I think I remember that one. Predator's Gold, sequel to Mortal Engines.”
GM: “In Everfrost, such situations are likely called 'Tuesdays'.”

Viridia: “Money hasn't been an issue for us, and definitely not for you, so there must be a reason beside caps that you want them dead. Now stop showing off and get in my head.”

Viridia: “I don't know a whole lot about robots. I'm more of a relationship manager.”

Moonshadow: “To give you a rundown, Equestria was blown up by megaspells. The Pegasi weren't so they formed the Enclave, which is pretty awesome.”
Choro: “I think your description of the Enclave was... a little biased, Ms. Moon.”

Dr. Tenaculum: “Dr. Stitchheart is a war criminal of the highest order, and for her to have lasted longer than a few moments outside the womb is a great tragedy.”

[CrazyPenguin]

I had that very same DM once! :smalleek:



Which is weird, because I'm the DM of this game.

[gmoyes]

A middle-aged engineer, a shut in hacker, a street artist turned PI and a sniper ex-cop jump out of a shuttle to investigate The Wirip, a derelict ship.
PI: *misses the airlock door and slams into the side of the ship*
DM: There is now a (PI) shaped dent in the ship.

Engineer: So this ship's planned route went from Europa to Venus via Saturn? Seems legit.

DM: If someone realizes why I named the ship Wirip, you get an extra item of loot.
After a couple of minutes
Hacker: When It Rains, It Pours.
*beat as everyone thinks 'oh sh**'*
PI: And we just finished exploring the SOL.
Engineer: I can't wait for us to encounter the FUBAR.

After the hacker decides to flush the air out of the ship after the PI and Ex-Cop encounter a monster on the bridge and discusses the ramifications.
DM: So with there being no air on the ship, you can't hear anything besides what's on the coms, there is no lighting due to all the energy going towards keeping the ship from falling towards Saturn and you not being able to survive long if your suits get destroyed... *cue evil laugh*

Hacker: In my line of work, you inadvertently kill people all the time.

DM: The next time (PI's Player) mentions his spray paint, one of the cans explodes and (Engineer's Player) flick him.

Party: *opens ship armoury*
Engineer: Shotgun!
DM: And (Hacker) finds the bonus Assault Rifle.
Engineer: Aw...

DM: After exploring every single other room of the ship, you finally discover the captain's quarters.

NPC Engineer: *seething with anger* Who vented this ship?!
PC Engineer: That was her call. *points to hacker*
NPC Engineer: *pins hacker to the wall* You idiot! There was crew on this ship and you killed them!
Hacker: I rang the coms but there was no answer! I figured it was safe!
PC Engineer: And there wasn't really a welcoming party to let us know what the situation was here.
NPC Engineer: Well between the power being out all over the place so no one could hear it! And I was outside working on the engine. And someone turned it on while I was inside it!
PC Engineer: Oh. Whoops.

NPC Engineer: *gestures with gun to chase the party out of her engine room*
PC Engineer: Hey I've been working on repairing ships for a couple decades. I can help! *meh roll*
NPC Engineer: *shoots gun an inch away from his helmet*
PC Engineer: Yes Ma'am!

*After Ambushing some pirates in the dark*
Pirate sniper: *throws some glowsticks down the hall*
Ex-cop and Hacker: *spend actions to throw a couple of them back and not getting much distance due to grenade rules*
Engineer: *Just grabs a couple of them and stuff them into his pocket*
Hacker: Why didn't I think of that?

Engineer: Heh, those pistol shots are hardly doing anything to my armour. *runs up to a piece cover opposite a pirate*
Pirate: *pulls out shotgun and unloads on engineer point blank*
Engineer: Of course.

Engineer: *looting pirates before dealing with the next wave* Shotgun!

Ex-cop: Pfft what a boss that is. He hiding!
Engineer: Oh he's a boss alright. He's taking cover behind one of his own lackies!

PI Player: *mentions spray paint while DM was on a bathroom break*
Ex-cop Player: *when DM come back* One of (PI's) paint cans exploded.
DM: Oh? Did you flick him (Engineer's Player)?
Engineer Player: Oh right. *tries to flick PI's Player*
PI Player: *blocks it* Heh, missed.
DM: Flank him!
Ex-cop Player and Hacker Player: *stand up*
PI Player: *runs out of the room with Ex-cop Player and Hacker Player chasing after him.

*Party retreating in the dark towards the life pods and get attacked by a monster*
Engineer: *Get hit after having his armour shredded by the pirates* Ow. Why me?
PI: It saw the glowsticks in your pockets.

Engineer: In short, we did much more harm than good here. The crew would've been better off if we hadn't shown off and could've taken care of themselves. And that's about 125-150 off the paycheck.

[Fortis]

Dixori: Theodore! No! It's an illusion! You're chasing a hobo!

[DigoDragon]

Dixori: Theodore! No! It's an illusion! You're chasing a hobo!

D&D is one of those things where hobos are the most dangerous. :smalleek:



Engineer: Shotgun!
DM: And (Hacker) finds the bonus Assault Rifle.
Engineer: Aw...

Shotguns could be pretty spiffy in their own right!



Which is weird, because I'm the DM of this game.

Really? Oh... well if you're half-Korean, then you may have a long lost brother here in Florida. :3


Doc: “Her hobby is splicing DNA together to create a bunch of little chimera-like critters. Nothing seemed viable, but she was fairly proud of the spider-pegasus thing since it could kinda twitch.”

Choro: “You can tell scientists made this, Doctor. No sparkle, no fancy lights. Just a pony in a box.”
Doc: “No sparkles or fancy lights probably means an earth pony scientist designed it.”
Moon: (stepping out of the box) “I feel like I should be itchy, but I'm not itchy.”

GM: “Doc felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck, and all of his worries melted away. When he woke up, he didn't feel like he had recently had a thin layer of acid slathered all over him, which was an obvious improvement to the state of affairs.”

Doc: “I can hear a Moonshadow shoulder devil whispering ‘Get the cyberwings! One of us! One of us!’”
Moon: “Doooooo it.”
GM: “I'd avoid it, because then Choro's left out.”
Doc: “But then Choro could sit on Doc's back and he flies her over the battle field while she rains down hot electrical death!”
[beat]
Doc: “No...?”

GM: “Lightning works on many things, including those that breathe.”

[goto124]

Stellar: “Glorious. Stellar now hits for 5d10+23 on a charge, doubled vs limbs, not counting zaps or burns.”
Viridia: “Lookie here at Miss ‘I actually put some thought into my build.’”
GM: *Internal screaming intensifies (https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/11/1021222__safe_solo_fluttershy_screencap_animated_o pen+mouth_tongue+out_floppy+ears_frown_wide+eyes.g if)*

I remember the epic battle with that creepy giant deathbot that the GM intended for the party to run away from, not to fight and actually win.

It was quite an experience actually witnessing a FO:E combat, with all its numbers and rolls.


GM: “Doc felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck, and all of his worries melted away. When he woke up, he didn't feel like he had recently had a thin layer of acid slathered all over him, which was an obvious improvement to the state of affairs.”

Er... acid? What happened here?

[DigoDragon]

I remember the epic battle with that creepy giant deathbot that the GM intended for the party to run away from, not to fight and actually win.

It was quite an experience actually witnessing a FO:E combat, with all its numbers and rolls.

Yeah, that was a pretty scary fight, but Doc managed to keep everyone in the fight and Stellar was tanking like a boss.



Er... acid? What happened here?

With power to the basement restored, we used an auto-doc machine to heal the party. That wasn't acid being described, it was something much more awesome-- pain killers. :D

[Inevitability]

DM: You could've kept eating gnomes and we'd all be happy!

NPC: It's the cow monster! Everybody hide!

DM: Okay, I looked at your stats and apparently the house-sized abomination has a better hide check than the supernatural shapechanging assassin. Something is wrong here.

DM: The lesson here is that one should always be able to throw giant and deadly AoE's around.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "This is not anime. You can't effortlessly cut four armored opponents cleanly in half with one swing."

DM: "So apparently Draco should have been killing things even deader. Which is terrifying, seeing as he already dealt 4d6 damage at level 3."

DM: "Adding a rogue to this party is a good thing, as it means you no longer have to disarm traps with [Draco]'s face."

[Beacon of Chaos]

Guard: Okay, this is obviously some kind of hazing ritual of some kind, so how about I just stand in the cupboard and I'll pretend like you weren't here?
GM: He opens the cupboard, blushes, and closes it again.
Valena: Just get in there!

Valena: Let me rescue you, you bastard!

GM: You see your brother's airship outside-
Dimir: Nope! Avoid, avoid, avoid! I'm not ready to deal with that!


Slim pickings tonight due to Valena and I being the only players. There were a couple of other quotes, but I was being divvy and forgot to write them down. Maybe they'll come back to me in the morning.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "THIS IS AMERICA. NOBODY CARES HOW UNHEALTHY IT IS. THIS IS THE COUNTRY THAT INVENTED DEEP FRIED WATER. WE DON'T CONSIDER IT FOOD UNLESS IT HAS A GOOD CHANCE OF CAUSING INSTANT CARDIAC ARREST."

Sheogorath: "DORITO CANCER COVER MAC AND CHEESE"

Harukai: "You know what's good?"
DM: "Murder!"

Harukai: "A**hole sauce."

DM: "Healthy Mac n Cheese is sin."

Shad: "I don't like bacon."
DM: "BURN THE WITCH. BURN HIM. BURN THE WITCH."

DM: "The first thing you say to every authority figure you meet cannot be 'Do you have a daughter?'"

DM: "You're intended to kill the BBEG, not sleep with her.

DM: "Gnocchi is best pasta. I mean, it pasta AND POTATOES. IT PLEASES ME GREATLY. FOOD FOR THE IRISH AND THE ITALIAN."

Ella: "If you french fry when you pizza, you're not going to have a good time."

Shad: "All respect has been lost. And its about to go further!"

Draco: "The disappointment penetrates my soul."

Shad: "Is there a hole and how much will you pay me."

Sheogorath: "I can't look up a gif to represent [Draco], because my phone will filter out any German dungeon porn."

Sheogorath: "Nose twerking."

[bulbaquil]

Dungeon Master: "THIS IS AMERICA. NOBODY CARES HOW UNHEALTHY IT IS. THIS IS THE COUNTRY THAT INVENTED DEEP FRIED WATER. WE DON'T CONSIDER IT FOOD UNLESS IT HAS A GOOD CHANCE OF CAUSING INSTANT CARDIAC ARREST."

Heretical context please?

[CrazyPenguin]

Heretical context please?

We were trying to decide what to eat at the next session and Sheogorath's player was complaining about how our choices were unhealthy.

[Inevitability]

We were trying to decide what to eat at the next session and Sheogorath's player was complaining about how our choices were unhealthy.

I thought you were kidding, so I looked up deep fried water. Now I know you weren't. :smalleek:

[Illven]

I thought you were kidding, so I looked up deep fried water. Now I know you weren't. :smalleek:

Welcome to AMERICA!

I had to switch to photosynthesis to maintain my slim figure.

[CrazyPenguin]

Welcome to AMERICA!

I had to switch to photosynthesis to maintain my slim figure.

That won't work. You still need water. Which, as previously stated, is deep-fried here.

[DigoDragon]

DM: You could've kept eating gnomes and we'd all be happy!

I dunno that such junk food should be eaten in large quantities.



DM: "Adding a rogue to this party is a good thing, as it means you no longer have to disarm traps with [Draco]'s face."

It's sad how often that's an accepted plan for traps.



That won't work. You still need water. Which, as previously stated, is deep-fried here.

Ah, the catch-22. Deep fried edition. :smalltongue:



GM: “Oh, he wants fancy realistic [wings].”
Doc: “Have to look my best when I roll that 92-failure in combat.”

Doc: “Okay, but the earth pony perk Cyberpony I would give him a +10 to Medicine, which is something I'd want to have. That's why I asked if there's a priced version of that. Doc wants to doctor better.”

GM: “Viridia could go upstairs and try and hit up the donkeys for a palantír.”
Viridia: “Viridia doesn't have enough wisdom for a palantír.”
GM: “I would have said maturity.”

GM: “Pegusi tricks are probably something Viridia should be interested in. Why doesn't she have a lovely trail of shimmering iridescent snowflakes clouds shaped like her face following behind her as she flies?”
Viridia: “Shimmering iridescent snowflakes would actually be pretty neat. I can't think of much that would make a good contrail. Gold lightning? Purple tentacles? A giant multicolored scarf?”
GM: “The 'default' advanced contrails would all look like variations of colored fire, colored lightning, and cutie mark patterns done in clouds, but anything's possible.”
Viridia: “Her contrail is a scroll made out of clouds, listing everybody she hates and the reason they suck.”
Doc: (looks up) “Huh. Tirkes is on there only three times. Guess V is in a good mood today.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Draco: "Its me. People know that I am do stuff."

[Inevitability]

I dunno that such junk food should be eaten in large quantities.


The character in question has a metabolism that would make an overactive shrew blush. I doubt junk food will seriously affect them.

[D.KnightSpider]

Matter-Horn: Like a good neigh-bor, Matter-Horn's there!
===

Gumdrop: I would suggest that we begin gathering information on any recent strange happenings.
Ray: Good idea, 'drop. So, Fashion Statement, who's the snitch around here?
Fashion Statement: I do have a friend in the newspaper business. If anyone knows anything, it's her.
Ray: Let me guess. Her name's Lois Mane, right?
Fashion Statement: Becky Bale, actually.
===

Becky Bale: Well, hello handsome! Are you doing anything tonight?
Ray: It's funny you should ask, I--
Becky Bale: *walks right past Ray and strokes Pony!Gumdrop's chin* Because I could use some help painting the town red.
Ray: -- guess you have a thing for Calamari, then.
===

Gumdrop: I really must object to your advances, Miss Bale.
Becky Bale: *smooch* Overruled!
===

Ray: This makes zippo sense! He's not even a real pony! He's a squid!
Lisa: Look who's talking, whinny-boy.
===

Lisa: It's one thing to be ponified... but being ponified and sent through the gender bender at the same time? That's just sick, man.
===

Ray: Excuse me a minute, I need to make sure that me, myself and I are all on the same page.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "Your mayonnaise privileges have been revoked."

Sheogorath: "We're gonna boycott the color orange."

Sheogorath: "I need you to come up with a way for your son to become your father without using time travel."

Ella: "I still haven't started the fanfic."
DM: "I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume I'm involved somehow. So: f***ing no."

Sheogorath: "What if your dad.... WAS ALSO YOUR FATHER?"

[Cristo Meyers]

It's sad how often that's an accepted plan for traps.

When in doubt, throw a rock at it. If a rock cannot be found, the party tank is an acceptable substitute.

--

"Yeah, sorry, the last time we started messing around here it dropped a murderous extra-galactic entity on our heads. That's a hell of a light socket!"

--

"It's green. Kinda. Maybe more like black that has aspirations of one day being green."

--

"We're talking about someone who's chosen method of killing a 20-year-old with no combat training is 'blow up the apartment.' Then his response to finding out his rival is in town is 'blow them up too.' DOES THIS SEEM LIKE THE PICTURE OF SANITY TO YOU?"

[DigoDragon]

The character in question has a metabolism that would make an overactive shrew blush. I doubt junk food will seriously affect them.

Huh, that's pretty active. O.o



Matter-Horn: Like a good neigh-bor, Matter-Horn's there!

Ray: Let me guess. Her name's Lois Mane, right?
Fashion Statement: Becky Bale, actually.

Ray: -- guess you have a thing for Calamari, then.

Gumdrop: I really must object to your advances, Miss Bale.
Becky Bale: *smooch* Overruled!

Lisa: Look who's talking, whinny-boy.

I love this group and wish to subscribe to their fanclub newsletter. :smallbiggrin:



DM: "Your mayonnaise privileges have been revoked."

Must of been one heck of a stunt to warrant such a line like this to be uttered. :smalleek:



When in doubt, throw a rock at it. If a rock cannot be found, the party tank is an acceptable substitute.

Especially if it's one of those variant tanks that get bonuses to survive traps.



"It's green. Kinda. Maybe more like black that has aspirations of one day being green."

Great description of forgotten leftovers in my fridge.

[Inevitability]

Huh, that's pretty active. O.o

That's what happens when one can regenerate a few cubic feet of bodily tissues a round.

[CrazyPenguin]

When in doubt, throw a rock at it. If a rock cannot be found, the party tank is an acceptable substitute.

This party tried to disarm a trap by throwing a rock at it, then poking it with a stick, then throwing the stick at it, and then finally throwing the barbarian's maul at it. Before even searching for the trigger for the trap. Or figuring out what it did. They just knew that there was a trap somewhere. The rest of the traps in the dungeon got the "let the barbarian walk into it" treatment, though.

------

Ella: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY SHOULDERS DON'T HAVE LUNGS"

Ella: "I wanna go to Disney World."
Sheogorath: "But, like. Florida."
Ella: "Florida is amazing!"
Draco: "Florida is the world's nursing home."
Sheogorath: "It has lots of sinkholes. And lots of really, really stupid people."
Draco: "And lots of old people."
DM: "Stupid old people. Got it."

Ella: "You'll eat the pasta we make and you will like it and not complain. Now shut up."

[digiman619]

DM: "Healthy Mac n Cheese is sin."

https://derpicdn.net/img/2014/3/3/565723/full.png

[goto124]

Why did I think palantír was a really fancy pancake?

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "I don't even have to knock at [Sheogorath]'s house. His dogs announce me. Like I'm a king sending forth heralds so all you stupid peasants know who to grovel for."

DM: *goes within 50 feet of [Sheogorath]'s house*
Dogs: "BARK. BARKBARKBARK. BARKWOOFBARKBARKWOOF. HOWL."
DM: "Oh, hey Clyde. Hey Monty.
Dogs: "BARKBARKWOOFBARKBARK. GROWLBARKBARKGROWL."
DM: "I hate you, too. Now f*** off."

[Inevitability]

Player: Why do people keep accusing me of killing their loved ones?
DM: Have you considered it's because you're exploding said loved ones with pure energy?
Player: That's different! My character doesn't consider that killing!

Player: [PC name] is out of his territory, all he needs is an "excuse me, occupado, this is the area my pre-god horror gave me to mangle" and he'll be all "oops, sorry".

Player: As far as I'm concerned, the gnomes got off pretty lightly.
DM: You know this game is great when 'losing a major port city and a quarter of their fleet' equals 'getting of lightly'.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "It goes in the butt and then humpey-humpey."

[DigoDragon]

Why did I think palantír was a really fancy pancake?

Maybe you didn't have enough to eat for breakfast?


Unrelated quotes without context~

Silver: "Uh, this one is kinda inaccurate, since it implies that Bielefeld is a real place. I'm pretty sure it isn't."

Switchblade: "I was gonna slap you for the furniture comment up until you mentioned there would be food. Do go on..."

Crash Cart: "Just asking, 'cause it would suck if we're trying to transport a server and end up delivering a pizza."

[Theoboldi]

Silver: "Uh, this one is kinda inaccurate, since it implies that Bielefeld is a real place. I'm pretty sure it isn't."


This one is so out of context, it's even gonna confuse the people in the actual game. GM included!

*sniff* It's a thing of beauty.

[DigoDragon]

*sniff* It's a thing of beauty.

Bonus awesomeness~

Grund: "Thanks for not listening, Karashi. I'm real happy about that."

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "Sauce-less pasta is sin."
Shad: "Some people just don't like sauce."
DM: "And they will burn in Hell with the rest of the sinners."

DM: "Also brocolli is healthy and healthy is gross."

DM: "So I started writing up the setting for the next campaign. And. and. Instead of starting somewhere reasonable, like, I dunno, a map. Or races. Or countries. I started with a random-a** battle. These very specific parts of these armies. The armies themselves? No. The countries that these armies fight for? Nah. You wanna know about the Esnary Republic? Too bad! I haven't written a single thing about them yet. Not a single f***ing thing. But I can tell you about their 1st Marine Division. I can tell you loads about that. Why am I like this?

[goto124]

Maybe you didn't have enough to eat for breakfast?

Switchblade: "I was gonna slap you for the furniture comment up until you mentioned there would be food. Do go on..."

I'll go eat after this. Pancakes if I can get them, but spinach will do.


Silver: "Uh, this one is kinda inaccurate, since it implies that Bielefeld is a real place. I'm pretty sure it isn't."


This one is so out of context, it's even gonna confuse the people in the actual game. GM included!

I hope it was an IC quote, because ready access to Google isn't a thing in an post-apocalyptic world, but IRL...


DM: "Sauce-less pasta is sin."

How is it even possible to eat that thing? Even aglio olio has olive oil! BURN THE WITCH!


Not a single f***ing thing. But I can tell you about their 1st Marine Division. I can tell you loads about that. Why am I like this?

It's called "getting straight to the good stuff" :smallbiggrin:

[DigoDragon]

DM: "Also brocolli is healthy and healthy is gross."

Have it deep fried in tempura batter. Complete 180 on the health chart. :smallbiggrin:



I hope it was an IC quote, because ready access to Google isn't a thing in an post-apocalyptic world, but IRL...

It's apparently a running joke in Germany that the city of Bielefeld doesn't exist.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dimir: *rolling eyes*
Valena: You know you love me really.
[long pause]
Dimir: *slowly* Yes. Love is... a word... I have used...
[long pause]
GM: Moving on then.

[CrazyPenguin]

Harukai: "Yucky. That involves pants."

Shad: "Guys, some people just don't like sauce."
Sheogorath: "That's weird. You're weird. IRISH PEOPLE ARE WEIRD."

Sheogorath: "I can't just make more pasta. That would require me having more pasta. What do you people think I am, Italian?
DM: "Yes, actually, I was under that impression."
Sheogorath: "Oh. Well, then. Carry on."

[ZeroGear]

Big Scary Sub Boss: "PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!"
Prof. Mason: "Davis, I think it is time we used that."
Davis: "That?"
Prof. Mason: "Yes, That!"
Davis: "Ah, yes, That."
Joey: "That?"
Davis: "That."
Serrah: "That?"
Prof. Mason: "That!"
Linsey: "That?"
Davis: "That."
Joey: "Oh for the love of...can you two just tell us what the heck you are going on about?"
Prof. Mason: "That is our ultimate technique for when we run in to really big trouble. It has never failed us so far."
Davis: "Except that one time in Switzerland."
Prof. Mason: "WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT SWITZERLAND!"
Serrah: "So...what is this technique?"
Prof. Mason: "Simple:" *grabbs Linsey*
Davis: *Grabs Serrah and Joey*
Prof. Mason: "We run away as fast as we can!"
DM: ...I really should have seen this coming.

*after falling down a hole*
Prof. Mason: "Everyone alright?"
Joey: "I'm fine, I landed on my head."
Serrah: "Ow, my butt's bruised."
Linsey: "I think I landed on something soft."
Davis: "Yeah, on me. Get off."

DM: It appears you have found the armory.
Joey: Sweet! What's in here?
DM: *Pulls out a 2 inch stack of 6x8 flashcards* Feel free to look.

Linsey: I have my selection!
DM: May I see?
Linsey: *hands over three flashcards*
DM: ...Cyber Strength Gauntlets... Rocket Sledge... Grenade Launcher... Somehow, this does not surprise me.

[Khaiel]

Prince Valerion: "You are outmatched, boy. Surrender."
Tadao: "Never!"
Prince Valerion: *Cuts one of Tadao's arms off.* "Surrender. There is no need for this to go any further."
Tadao: "I can still fight!" *Attacks Valerion, gets his other arm also chopped from his body*
Prince Valerion: "Stop, boy! You are already maimed for life."
Pilot Cain: "Keep fighting boy! It's only a flesh wound!"

Captain Jack: "Dunkel! You are back!" *Gets punched in the face by Dunkel*
First Mate Dunkel: "First, what the hell were you thinking?"
Captain Jack: "You are back!" *:D*
First Mate Dunkel: "Second, why would you kill Zoidberg?"
Captain Jack: "YOU ARE BACK!" *:D* *Hugs Dunkel*
First Mate Dunkel: "Third... Please tell me that's your sword..."

GM: "It's not hard for you to find Simbad. Just like Jack, he has gone for the ostentatious look. In fact, your [Jack and Simbad's] clothes, almost matched in quality and style, are the best that can be found at the party."
Captain Jack: "What do you mean 'almost matched in quality and style'?"
GM: "Well, Captain Simbad, as a symbol of his rank and prestige, is wearing a very finely made cloak with the heraldry of his pirate crew."
Captain Jack: "Curses! He's always one step ahead of me!"

Captain Jack: "Damn, we are all men, we can't go to the women district like this."
Pilot Cain: "I have an idea."
GM: "It better not have been inspired by JoJo's Bizarre Adventures."
Pilot Cain: *:D*
All the players: *:D*

Prince Valerion: "Leave them be, or thou shall find thyself at the end of mine sword!"
Cult Hierophant: "What are you going to do? Kill me with your lack of fashion sense? Or just bore me to death?"
Pilot Cain: "Ugh... You really touched all the wrong buttons. You shouldn't have done that."
Cult Hierophant: "Buttons? What buttons?" *Gets his body cut in half with a sword.*

[D.KnightSpider]

I love this group and wish to subscribe to their fanclub newsletter. :smallbiggrin:

Unfortunately... no such thing exists at this point in time. ;) Glad to brighten your day, though.
===


Ray: The worst thing about this setting? 'Starbucks' is its own equine equivalent.
====

Ray: And considering that you're not wearing any pants, that's seriously saying something!
====

Betty Bale: *takes Gumdrop's picture*
Gumdrop: Madam. The fire is behind you.
Betty Bale: Who care about that when there's hot stuff right here?
====

Gumdrop: I would recommend that we exercise caution.
Lisa: Pffft. Caution's for wimps. Besides.... *points at the Masked Matter-Horn* who needs caution when we've got a living fire extinguisher?
Matter-Horn: That's cold, girl.
====

Ray: So how are we getting inside? Right. Stupid question. We use the human battering ram.
Matter-Horn: *gasps* I'll have you know that some of my best friends are rams!
====

Lisa: Can we, like, sync this to the '90's Iron Man cartoon theme song? I... AM... IRON MARE...
====

Gumdrop: So is it 'Tanya Stark' now? I suppose that, technically, it could be 'T-O-N-I' Stark, but the lack of auditory differentiation causes a loss of connotation and implication.
====

Fashion Statement: Tanya Stark, I presume?
Iron Mare: *raises helmet* Pepper Potts, actually.
Ray: Welp, we totally ruined that historical reference.

[CrazyPenguin]

Its a bit late but I figured I should introduce the party. Better late than never, I guess.

Draco: black dragonborn barbarian, Shad's brother. He lives for food, drink, loot, women, and violence.
Shad: gold dragonborn rogue, Draco's brother
Harukai: tiefling druid. She's absolutely insane and psychotic, but in a way that makes her adorable. Also, she has a pet mouse with herpes.
Ella: tiefling wizard. She's the only member of the party that's not either chaotic, evil, or both.
Sheogorath: half-elf warlock. He's loosely based on that (http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Sheogorath) Sheogorath.
Pablo: Ella's raven familiar.


DM: "Yeah and is playing a dragonborn rogue?"
Harukai: "Well that just confirm that [Draco & Shad] are totally gay for each other."
Random Heckler: "What, are you against inter-species couples?"
DM: "I mean, not on the principle of the thing. But I'm also not sure whether or not dragonborn are 'compatible' with most other races. Seeing as they're reptiles. And the others are, y'know... not."

DM: "Seriously, though. The real question that need to be answered: Are dragonborn sexually compatible with humans?"

Shad: "Draco and I are brothers."
DM: "Whoa, calm the f*** down, gay dragon Ser Jaime."

DM: "Meanwhile, [Shad] looks deeply into his pasta, contemplating ways to off himself with that fork."

Langdedrosa: "I've been trying to decide whether you're brave, or just really, really stupid. But that settled it. You really are just stupid."

DM: "While your distracted getting a finger-blowjob from [Harukai], he disembowels you."

DM: "So in the last six seconds, you challenged your old foe to single combat, he vomited lightning onto you, you hit him with a sword, then your brother (who you didn't even know was here) appeared out of nowhere, stabbed him in the throat, and then was immediately beaten to the ground by two large, half-naked, axe-wielding men. You are confused. And angry. And slightly horny. That last one is probably unrelated, though."

Draco: "That was the single stupidest thing I have ever seen anyone do."
DM: "We all know that was nowhere near the stupidest thing you've seen. That was, at best the 12th stupidest thing you've seen this week.

DM: "You crush his head in your jaws like a grape."

Shad: "We're out of shampoo at my house."
Draco: "Just buy some at the dollar store."
DM: "Can we get on with the this?"
Ella: "What, this is totally in character. What else are we gonna do during our short rest?"
DM: "Ah, yes. The two hairless lizards will talk about hair products that hasn't been invented yet."
Ella: "Yep."
Sheogorath: "Hey, guys. What's shampoo?"
Pablo: "I think its an elvish thing."

DM: "You hear a weird hissing noise coming from the room you just left. Then Harukai starts screaming."
Shad: "Should we go back?"
Draco: "Nah, I bet their fine."

Draco: "Wanna f***?"
DM: "She stabs you."

DM: "Congratulations, you've just survived your first gas attack. Welcome to [S]the Western Front the Sword Coast.

Shad: "I use my breath weapon!"
DM: "You severely injure almost all of the cultists."
Shad: "Alright. Now we can finish them off easy."
DM: "The woman casts mass healing word."
Shad: "OH FOR F***S SAKE."

DM: "So you decide 'That's it. No more Lancelot. Time to be Sir Robin.'"
Draco: "If that means 'f*** this I'm leaving, yes."

Harukai: "I just made a fortune!"
Draco: "You mean we just made a fortune?"
Harukai: "No, Sheogorath and Ella are unconscious and you two are in the other room, so I mean I just made a fortune."

DM: "Draco and Shad suddenly burst in."
Draco: "RUN RUN RUN"
DM: "They are immediately followed by 12 armed, angry-looking people."
Sheogorath: "Oh, so an ordinary Tuesday, then?"

Harukai: "Oh hey I just remembered that I forgot to take my meds tonight. Ooops."
DM: "That explains a lot, actually."

Sheogorath: "I just realized, [Shad] would look a lot like Bob Ross if he grew his hair out."
Everyone: *awkward silence*
DM: "We're all just trying to figure out whether that's an insult or a complement."

DM: "That went well. Ish. Decently. Well it wasn't bad. Actually, that was best described as Monty Python and the Holy Grailish.
DM: "[Shad], you get a musical instrument."
Sheogorath: "Pick something weird. Or obtuse. Or a saxophone."
DM: "NO. Saxophones are banned ever since Rhubarb."

Sheogorath: "Gimme da gimme da gimme da pasta bowss."

Harukai: "BECAUSE I WILL F***ING FIGHT A B**** but also i just genuinely want to cuddle in a blanket and eat food."

DM: "SUCK MY HAPPY SLOTH."

[Professor Chimp]

Me: "Does he have an evil mustache?"
NPC: "A what?"
Me: "An evil mustache. It's how you can tell he's evil."
NPC: "No, he doesn't have a mustache. But I assure you, he's a thoroughly evil monster that must be stopped!"
Me: "Oh ... then I'll have to imagine one."
(imagines BBEG with stereotypical highly twirlable mustache)
Me: "SO EVIL!"

Me: "Holy Known Unknown Flying Objects! Are you Batman?"

Me: "I'm not gay! I'm just sensitive. I'm a homo."

Me: "It's like a German sausage fest in here. Lots of guys and little girls."

Me: "Let's eat his horse. He was Italian anyway."

Some of these may or may not have made any sense in context either.

[DigoDragon]

(imagines BBEG with stereotypical highly twirlable mustache)
Me: "SO EVIL!"

DBZ Abridged references are among the best when timed right. :D



DM: "Meanwhile, [Shad] looks deeply into his pasta, contemplating ways to off himself with that fork."

I've seen a PC crit themselves with a fork. You should probably take those utensils away from Shad. O.o`



Draco: "You mean we just made a fortune?"
Harukai: "No, Sheogorath and Ella are unconscious and you two are in the other room, so I mean I just made a fortune."

Someone is going full rogue. :smalltongue:



Unfortunately... no such thing exists at this point in time. ;)

Ray: And considering that you're not wearing any pants, that's seriously saying something!

Betty Bale: Who care about that when there's hot stuff right here?

Your group needs to work on one, chop-chop! :D



Pilot Cain: "Keep fighting boy! It's only a flesh wound!"

Classic. XD



Prof. Mason: "WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT SWITZERLAND!"

This sounds like either a Noodle Incident, or a story time that needs to be retold with Patrick Stewart narrating.


Moon: (Sees the skeleton buried under crates and a 15-pound teddy bear) “Looks like you had a bit of a party.”
Viridia: “Yep. Turns out my sword is like a battery of a gajillion megadeath spells and a sliver of it animated that skeleton. How've you been?”
Doc: “We... well we fought the biggest 7-legged ball of puss ever, and we found Dr. Tenaculum. Ghoulified bat pony.”
Viridia: “Doctor Tenaculum's a stallion, right?”
Doc: “I'm assuming he is. Didn't ask him to turn his head and cough.”
Viridia: “Shame. Never had a roll in the stalactites.”

Viridia: *trots over to her skeleton and removes the bear*
GM: “The skeleton continued to be a skeleton, in that it did not attempt to stand or do anything skeletons were not meant to do, which was most things.”

Viridia: “Fan Knife will probably just stab [Dr. Teneculum’s] face off otherwise. Well, we know that doesn't work on ghouls, but that won't stop her from trying really hard.”

Viridia: “I wanted her to come with, but she was all ‘Noooo I'm too busy licking trees’ or whatever.”

Doc: “Hmm, wonder what Viridia's mystery stranger will look like.”
Viridia: “Probably up to the GM, so... a mammoth, an Equestria Girl, or Discord.”
GM: “Funnily enough, only two of those are entirely out of the question.”
Viridia: “John de Lancie when.”

[Cristo Meyers]

Viridia: “Shame. Never had a roll in the stalactites.”

I'm not sure if that seems more or less uncomfortable than doing it on a flight of stairs...

--

"So if we just move this part over here and...wait...I...why is Garrus Vakarian trying to sell me boxed wine?"

"That...is a lot of purple. When did this turn into a Grimace family reunion?"

"I've had harder jobs in the past 2 years."
"You were 17 when you brought this guy down last time."
"I had a bear and a chipmunk with me that time. You're just a cop."

[CrazyPenguin]

Sheogorath: "I feel like super out of it right now. Like 'Please leave a message after the beep' and then the beep never comes, because I forgot or something."
Shad: "That sucks."
Sheogorath: "Or like... 'knock knock, hey what are you doing knocking on that door no one's lived there for like 20 years.' Spooky s***, y'know man?"
Shad: "Yeah."
Sheogorath: "Man these socks are really f***ing comfortable right now. All these new social medias are weird."
Shad: "Are you high?"
Sheogorath: "They like let people know what's up, when I'd rather know what's down."
DM: "Which one of you idiots gave him drugs?"

[ZeroGear]

DM: "Which one of you idiots gave him drugs?"

Next time this happens, see if you can get him to chug salad dressing.

[Fungi]

"Ok, you are now drunk and invisible."

[Inevitability]

"Ok, you are now drunk and invisible."

Someone spiked the Potions of Invisibility?

[Cheesegear]

"Are you going to talk bulls* the whole time, or are you going to drive?"
"Joke's on you. Talking is a Free Action. I can do both."

[DigoDragon]

Someone spiked the Potions of Invisibility?

Or maybe someone enchanted the keg of ale?



Next time this happens, see if you can get him to chug salad dressing.

Eww. D:


I'm not sure if that seems more or less uncomfortable than doing it on a flight of stairs...

And yet both options are more comfortable than the futon in my living room...


Choro: “I'm not sure how IC deep-diving into forbidden arts is for Choro ATM.”
GM: “It will probably involve Strata. Alternatively, it could involve Choro being a Stable pony who just walked around in a laboratory inhabited by taint mutants.”
Choro: “...Excuse me, I think I need to borrow that gif (https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/11/1021222__safe_solo_fluttershy_screencap_animated_o pen+mouth_tongue+out_floppy+ears_frown_wide+eyes.g if) you used.”

Moon: “Well I just realized I got manipulated into waking up the batpony by the GM putting something shiny in front of Moonshadow.”
Doc: “Doc probably could find Moon some Adderall in the hospital pharmacy.”

Choro: “We still haven't read the second file yet. I'm more than a little curious about it... but that can probably wait until we get up top.”
Doc: “I wouldn't have an issue if Choro wanted look through the file, but she might want to open it while we're down here. You know, away from Stitch and Fan who may protest us looking through their things.”

Choro: “I don't think we took anything other than your shotgun, but even if we did, I'm sure anypony who has something of yours will be happy to return it now.”
Doc: “Never! The pair of toy bats are mine!”

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "Stop. Being. Distracted. By. Smut."

Sheogorath: "Hey why do you think they call potholes potholes? Because they're more like... bowls. Or like plates or something. Man, I can't wait for dinner. Hey, [Harukai], do you like water?"
Harukai: "Yes?"
Draco: "Ye- OH WAIT NO I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING."
Sheogorath: "Then you already like 75% of me."
Draco: "F*** YOU. DIE IN A HOLE."
Sheogorath: "Damn these potholes, man."
DM: "Alright, seriously, WHO THE F*** GAVE HIM DRUGS"

[Beacon of Chaos]

DM: "Stop. Being. Distracted. By. Smut."


DM: "On the ceiling there's a mural, depicting a scene with an attractive naked woman and some angels..."
Paladin and Barbarian: "Ooh, boobies!" *they stare*
Warlock: *sigh* *drags them away by their ears*
No game for me tonight as I am home with a cold, hence quoting of old post. Maybe I'll dig up some older RPs of mine for potential quotes later.

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “Was the safe in Tentacular's office?”
Doc: “Nope, it was in Dr. Caitlin's office, behind the hanging picture of Fleur De Lis.”
Viridia: “Ah, thanks. Was worried Choro would be all ‘We didn't steal anything’ and then Viridia and Moonshadow ransacked his everything.”

Choro: “Aren't you guys busy cutting up the blood tainted monster-ponies for fun and profit? Somewhere near Bertly's secret side room stash?”

Bertly: “Technically, there are no laws that would disqualify an undead individual from retaining their Equestrian citizenship, although that might be because of taxes or something equally mundane.”

Moon: “How about Lightning Ball traps?”
Viridia: “I feel like people would notice a ball of lightning, which means it would be a kinda sucky trap.”
Moon: “Disguise it as a light bulb.”

Doc: “What about a thunder trap (sound-based damage)?”
Viridia: “Thunder trap, eh? ...only if it explodes with the sound of ‘You've been...THUNDERSTRUCK!’ Followed by a guitar riff.”
Doc: “In whose voice? I'd offer Randy Savage.”
Viridia: “George Takei's.”

[D.KnightSpider]

Your group needs to work on one, chop-chop! :D

I've been toying with making a campaign journal. Still might, depending on time. Although, let's be honest... you really just want details on the one-sided pony romance, don't you? / jk


Bertly: “Technically, there are no laws that would disqualify an undead individual from retaining their Equestrian citizenship, although that might be because of taxes or something equally mundane.”
You know the saying. If it moves...



Moon: “How about Lightning Ball traps?”
Viridia: “I feel like people would notice a ball of lightning, which means it would be a kinda sucky trap.”
Moon: “Disguise it as a light bulb.”


Genius.

Lisa: Let me get this straight. The real reason Pepper Potts wasn't in Captain America: Civil War is because she got sucked into the Pony-verse?
Gumdrop: I feel compelled to warn everyone that exposure to this much meta has been clinically proven to cause migraines.
===

Ray: Sooooo.... anyone else just realize that we're openly talking about company secrets in the presence of an NPC?
===

Ray: Here we go again. The mare with the guillotine cutie mark is Lisa. Laffy Taffy is really named Gumdrop. Fashion Statement is actually Fashion Statement so there's no surprise there. And I'm--
Lisa: Potty Dance.
Gumdrop & Fashion Statement: ????
Ray: ... That was such a nostalgic callback wrapped up in a beautiful burn with a side of payback that I can't even be mad about it.
===

Ray: So you see, Becky, Gumdrop isn't a beast of burden at all. He's just a beast.
Becky Bale: Well, then just call me Belle, because I'm his Beauty~
===

Gumdrop: That's not the way this is supposed to wooooooooooooooork!
===

Becky Bale: Anyone know anything about this guy?
Lisa: Nyet.
Ray: Nein.
Gumdrop: Nee.
Fashion Statement: No.
Ray: Way to ruin the theme there, 'Statement.
Fashion Statement: 'No' is 'No' in Spanish.

[goto124]

Next time this happens, see if you can get him to chug salad dressing.

Which kind? There're quite a few types... (http://cdn.mommypotamus.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/salad-dressing-toxic-ingredients.jpg)


Choro: “...Excuse me, I think I need to borrow that gif (https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/11/11/1021222__safe_solo_fluttershy_screencap_animated_o pen+mouth_tongue+out_floppy+ears_frown_wide+eyes.g if) you used.”

A highly serviceable gif in this type of campaign.


Doc: “Never! The pair of toy bats are mine!”

Did Doc check that the toys are toys? As opposed to... say, corpses waiting to be animated at the right moment?



Fashion Statement: 'No' is 'No' in Spanish.

Very barely related: "Gay" in Spanish is "gay". I think.

[Inevitability]

Becky Bale: Anyone know anything about this guy?
Lisa: Nyet.
Ray: Nein.
Gumdrop: Nee.
Fashion Statement: No.
Ray: Way to ruin the theme there, 'Statement.
Fashion Statement: 'No' is 'No' in Spanish.

Gumdrop's Dutch?

[DigoDragon]

You know the saying. If it moves...

That you didn't hit it hard enough? :smallbiggrin:
[/Joke]


Ray: So you see, Becky, Gumdrop isn't a beast of burden at all. He's just a beast.
Becky Bale: Well, then just call me Belle, because I'm his Beauty~

I feel like this is going to end as a tragic love story.



Did Doc check that the toys are toys? As opposed to... say, corpses waiting to be animated at the right moment?

Pretty sure Doc checked. We already found one animated batpony corpse and he's sort of our friend now, so worst case, Doc has a couple decrypted followers. XD


Anac: "Good children, telling the truth to your mother. And now for your promised reward. Ahem, the rust monster is the bane of adventurers everywhere...” **launches into an excruciatingly dry lecture on the ecology of the rust monster**

Karashi: "Karashi is up for whatever lets her break some bones."

Grund: "That would pay you... more than all of my pickle-barrels! Grund could fill a the whole market place with pickels!"
Karashi: ""Pickles for days? That going to be Karashi's new dream!"

Karashi: "Karashi have one track mind, but choo-choo on time to station."

Jack: "Lets knock on Waelvur's door, that windbag needs a face-full of Karashi."

GM: "So, let me get this straight. Your plan is to walk up to Waelvur's workshop in the middle of the day, knock on the door, and force your way into that secret door?"

[Beacon of Chaos]

Bits from an old RP that died quite quickly, due to the unfortunate disappearance of the GM. Includes the return of Scarlet Blaze, because why use a character only once?


Scarlet: There is no evil that I cannot punch into submission! I will find this bad guy and teach him a lesson.

Hmm. Sparky! Help me find this bad guy so I can teach him a lesson!

[B]Sparky: Chirp!
Scarlet: What?
Sparky: Chirp!
Scarlet: Camera? Oh, Sparky, we don't have time to take pictures!

Gold Leaf: I have retinas to burn!
Blue Flare: Well I have everything else to burn.
Close Counts: Well you two have fun.

Gold Leaf: Afterwards you will turn yourselves in to the authorities. I don't care if it's your mother, the Royal Guard, Princess Celestia, or some cosmic entity whose name can only be pronounced by a metal power chord.

Scarlet: Hey, thanks mysterious ghostly minotaur who appeared out of nowhere for no apparent reason!

Sparky: Chirp.
Scarlet: Psychotic? I think you're being a bit harsh there, Sparky.
Blue Flare: The Guards don't seem to like him very much either, and I wasn't going to incinerate all of him. I was going to start with his reproductive organs, and move from there if he still wasn't giving us a straight answer.
Scarlet: Nevermind.

[Cristo Meyers]

Doc: “What about a thunder trap (sound-based damage)?”
Viridia: “Thunder trap, eh? ...only if it explodes with the sound of ‘You've been...THUNDERSTRUCK!’ Followed by a guitar riff.”
Doc: “In whose voice? I'd offer Randy Savage.”
Viridia: “George Takei's.”

Someone get George Takei on the phone!

--

Just one for now. Hasn't been a productive week...

"I could smell your perfume."
"Do I look like I wear perfume on the job?"
"It was nicer than saying 'I could smell you coming.'"

[CrazyPenguin]

Next time this happens, see if you can get him to chug salad dressing.

Thing is, depending on a number of variables (including how much sleep he's gotten, the time of day, the force of our peer pressure, and the alignment of the stars), he might actually do it.

And, of course, we would have to use the chant:

"Do it and you're cool! Do it and your cool! Its not peer pressure its just your turn!"

[goto124]

The real question is what type of salad dressing would you buy for him to chug? Thousand Island? Ranch? French? Japanese?

[Khaiel]

Very barely related: "Gay" in Spanish is "gay". I think.

It is. Spanish is very prone to taking words from other languages.

[Urzamax]

It is. Spanish is very prone to taking words from other languages.

No moreso than English.

[Khaiel]

No moreso than English.

Well, English goes around dark alleys, hitting other languages on their heads and stealing their words, so yeah.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Well, English goes around dark alleys, hitting other languages on their heads and stealing their words, so yeah.

Lexical Piracy is the best Piracy.

[DigoDragon]

Lexical Piracy is the best Piracy.

Especially if you don't yet have a word for it.



The real question is what type of salad dressing would you buy for him to chug? Thousand Island? Ranch? French? Japanese?

Thousand Island is delicious on sandwiches. :q



Includes the return of Scarlet Blaze, because why use a character only once?

Word.


Viridia: “Would the Enclave have a response if you, say, took a laser cannon and wrote 'The Enclave Sucks' on a giant field somewhere?”
Doc: “Maybe set the field on fire? Or some grounders?”
Viridia: “Can you set dirt on fire?”
Moon: “Yes. Yes you can (http://blogs.sciencemag.org/pipeline/archives/2008/02/26/sand_wont_save_you_this_time).”

Viridia: “What if you left a flirty message instead?”
Moon: “What would that even look like?”
Doc: “Once you touch ground, you'll always come around.”
Choro: “Got Flank? I like big wings, and I cannot lie? Oooh, how about ‘Free Beer!’”

GM: “Cutting up rubbery tentacle faces was harder then it looked! Really, for being dead, the bodies of the mutants were giving up a good fight.”

Doc: “Well, guess I'll just have to do everything. Gonna need a horn, a pair of wings, and about 1.21 gigathaums of magic.”

Moon: “Hey guys, what are you talking about?”
Doc: “Hearthswarming and resource logistics at the moment.”

Doc: “New quest—bring wasteland Hearthwarming to Choro.
GM: “You simply need to track down the giant flying deer abomination and hook it up to a sled.”
Doc: “Well I'm halfway there. Plan B will require three camels and a high-explosive rocket.”

[Grand Arbiter]

Becky Bale: Anyone know anything about this guy?
Lisa: Nyet.
Ray: Nein.
Gumdrop: Nee.
Fashion Statement: No.
Ray: Way to ruin the theme there, 'Statement.
Fashion Statement: 'No' is 'No' in Spanish.
And in Italian, too. Or at least the Florentine dialect that I learned in middle and high school.


Yes you can (http://blogs.sciencemag.org/pipeline/archives/2008/02/26/sand_wont_save_you_this_time)
:smalleek:
...And here I thought thermite was really bad...


And now, quotes from my dwarven wizard who is soon to retire after his rather brief adventuring career:

Elthias: The Thelcrig dwarves may have had quite the trading empire in their day, but their stonework isn't fit for kobolds. If these were the roads near Hror's Hold, someone would have hell to pay for the shoddy masonry....

El:On the subject of Tes's mind, the better question may be how much he had to begin with, as opposed to how much he's lost

Not as half as good as the stuff you regulars post, but I thought I may as well contribute in exchange for all the laughs I've gotten from lurking in this thread.

[CrazyPenguin]

Shad: "Wooo! First session, already unconscious and bleeding out. Yeah!"
Draco: "Not even your first session. Your first turn."
DM: "In-universe, his character has been present less than six seconds and he's already dying."

[Khaiel]

Half Elemental Priestess: You have come here to die heroes! The Elder Elemental Eye shall rise again!
Bardic Sage: I believe you have mistaken us for someone else. Here's our bill. As you can see there have been plenty of combat expenses. I would suggest calling the local law enforcement, as it seems the upper levels of the complex haven been taken by various bandits and cultists.
Half Elemental Priestess: Excuse you?
Bardic Sage: We would also recommend suing the contractor, as most of the square metres of the facility are taken by 5' wide corridors. Please remember that Sánchez & Sánchez & Sánchez & Sánchez & Sánchez Inc also specializes in providing legal advice for our clients. But your boss can find all of that in our report. Now, please, I need you to sign this.
Half Elemental Priestess: Alright... I guess...

DM: You know what would be funny? Playing this again with ACTUAL heroes and have them find all the bosses of the temple going through paperwork.
Bardic Sage: I can totally see it: "Ugh, what do you want and will it take longer tan five minutes? I have to send all of this back to the consultant company before four o'clock or Tharizdun will have my ass on a silver plate."

[GrayGriffin]

OOC: (( Look, “stick” is the most obvious innuendo. Any erotica writer worth their salt knows it. ))

[Beacon of Chaos]

OOC: (( Look, “stick” is the most obvious innuendo. Any erotica writer worth their salt knows it. ))
The Order of the Stick takes on new meaning.

[DigoDragon]

DM: "In-universe, his character has been present less than six seconds and he's already dying."

Paranoia calls this "A typical session." :smalltongue:


Doc: “Might be worth more if they had a doctor use surgical precision to cut off the parts.”
Moon: “I'm sure Bertly's chainsaw won't hurt the resale value too much.”

Doc: *attempts an origami crane with the towelette. Even though he has no idea how to fold an origami figure*
Die Roll: *Fail*
Doc: *holds out a perfectly crumpled ball for Choro*
Choro: (chuckling) “Valiant effort, Good Doctor.”

GM: “Viridia's butt does not have the force of a sledgehammer.”

Viridia: “Hey Moony. You done screaming my name yet?”

Doc: “Was it something like chess, or was it closer to the other end of the spectrum, like say, Calvinball?”

[goto124]

Doc: *attempts an origami crane with the towelette. Even though he has no idea how to fold an origami figure*
Die Roll: *Fail*
Doc: *holds out a perfectly crumpled ball for Choro*
Choro: (chuckling) “Valiant effort, Good Doctor.”

Just like real life!

[Cristo Meyers]

Paranoia calls this "A typical session." :smalltongue:

Paranoia: the game where a simple job to deliver a memo from one office to another can, and often does, end the in the complete thermonuclear destruction of an entire sector.

Ah, memories...

[Inevitability]

Player: You dare call me a parasite? My carrier is getting more out of this than I am: if it weren't for me he wouldn't even be in the story!
DM: I consider everything that borrows into spines and drains vital fluids a parasite until proven otherwise.

[Yael]

BBEG Illithid: I HAVE NOW ACHIEVED MY ULTIMATE FORM!
Player 1: Oh, that must be Priceless, like the look upon our faces.
Player 2: You know, I think we'll face Extintion, on all our puny races.
Player 1: This will make a Revolution, that could and will be scryed.
Player 3: Yes, yes how F****d we are, allow him to reprise.
Player 2: Hey, he's so Eccentric, just look at his forme.
Player 4: He has achieved Completion, that he's waited for so long!
Player 1: And now, Terror, upon us he'll bestow.

DM: .... I hate you all...

[DigoDragon]

Just like real life!

It was a roll that I think failing was the more rewarding of the two results.



Ah, memories...

The game where I got a superior officer killed just by asking him if I should take a step forward in the queue.



Crash Cart: "And since we threw the puppy at them, that means we only need to split the reward three-ways, right?"
Nocturne: "Yes, all according to plan."
Razor Pillow: "Wait, no! I didn't agree to this. I will pee in your shoes!"

[Cristo Meyers]

The game where I got a superior officer killed just by asking him if I should take a step forward in the queue.

I got promoted for losing a game of musical chairs. :smallbiggrin:

[OctoberRaven]

Talia OOC: No need to cut purses when you've got a sugar daddy
DM: Please don't call one of the most honorable eldar a sugar daddy

Talia OOC: Easy way to tell if something is Mordor: can you simply walk into it? If yes, then not Mordor.
Arnien OOC: From the way you talked about it doesn't seem to be easy to walk into Dorthonion either
DM: Tell that to Talion Talia, he walks in Mordor all the time
Talia OOC: But does he SIMPLY walk in it? That's the quantifier.

[weckar]

"Wandering through the city you see in the distance the same stone giant man; except now he's made of ice, has two extra arms, two fewer legs and is probably much bigger. Frankly, I don't think your characters would realize it's the same guy so forget I said that."

[goto124]

a simple job to deliver a memo from one office to another can, and often does, end the in the complete thermonuclear destruction of an entire sector.

Ah, memories...


I got a superior officer killed just by asking him if I should take a step forward in the queue.


I got promoted for losing a game of musical chairs. :smallbiggrin:

All these would make excellent out-of-context quotes.

[Cristo Meyers]

All these would make excellent out-of-context quotes.

Sadly I'd be making them up whole cloth at this point. Both of those games were more years ago than I can to admit. :smallwink:

[ZeroGear]

Linsey: "I got someone!"
Minion: "Miss, this position is really not comfortable. You you mind getting off?"
Linsey: "Did you just ask me to c**"
Minion" "NO!"

Davis: "Tell us how we beat your boss."
Minion: "You'll never make me talk!"
Linsey: "Oh yes we will."
Minion: "What you going to do sweet cheeks?"
Linsey: :smallbiggrin: I grab his jewels and twist.
Everyone else: :smalleek:
Joey: I honestly forgot she had a habit of doing that.
Serrah: Isn't she also wearing power gloves?
All guys in the room: *faces of realization/horror and shifting to cover tender bits*
Prof. Mason: Well, there go his oranges.

DM: You immediately spot the area's boss sitting on a throne in front of you.
Beast Boss: "Ah, I've been expecting you. Though, I had figured you'd be here sooner. It matters not though, as my lovely pets shall enjoy making a meal out of you lot! Isn't that right mr. Fluffles?"
Serrah: Uh, who's mr. Fluffles?
DM: The white rabbit that's sitting on his lap.
Davis: *Screams in terror and leaps into Linsey's arms*
*beat*
Prof. Mason: "Oh, I had forgotten about Davis's overwhelming fear of rabbits."
Joey: "The big buff bodyguard that flexed his way out of trouble is scared of tiny fluffy rabbits?"

[Inevitability]

Davis: "Tell us how we beat your boss."
Minion: "You'll never make me talk!"
Linsey: "Oh yes we will."
Minion: "What you going to do sweet cheeks?"
Linsey: :smallbiggrin: I grab his jewels and twist.
Everyone else: :smalleek:
Joey: I honestly forgot she had a habit of doing that.
Serrah: Isn't she also wearing power gloves?
All guys in the room: *faces of realization/horror and shifting to cover tender bits*
Prof. Mason: Well, there go his oranges.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. :smalleek:

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: You immediately spot the area's boss sitting on a throne in front of you.
Beast Boss: "Ah, I've been expecting you. Though, I had figured you'd be here sooner. It matters not though, as my lovely pets shall enjoy making a meal out of you lot! Isn't that right mr. Fluffles?"
Serrah: Uh, who's mr. Fluffles?
DM: The white rabbit that's sitting on his lap.
Davis: *Screams in terror and leaps into Linsey's arms*
*beat*
Prof. Mason: "Oh, I had forgotten about Davis's overwhelming fear of rabbits."
Joey: "The big buff bodyguard that flexed his way out of trouble is scared of tiny fluffy rabbits?"

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln5bjksyDD1qix6d4o1_500.gif

Sheogorth: "Don't knock or anything. No, just lightly molest my door and walk in, why don't you?"

[Squiddish]

I'm back with more quotes from the most recent session. We're playing CoS, and our party cleric's player tends to jump straight to Hitler comparisons.

Fiona Watcher: ...And I have dealt with the zombie menace...
Cleric's Player: Just like Hitler!!!
DM: Hitler fought zombies?
Warlock's Player: Actually, that was Mussolini.

Later in the speech:

Fiona Watcher: ...I feel that it would be best if we ally ourselves with Strahd...
Cleric's Player: Just like... STALIN!! You thought I would say Hitler, didn't you?
Warlock's Player: Which vampire did Stalin ally with, exactly?
Cleric's Player: Hitler?? No, wait...

[DigoDragon]

Serrah: Isn't she also wearing power gloves?

Oww.... >.<;



"Wandering through the city you see in the distance the same stone giant man; except now he's made of ice, has two extra arms, two fewer legs and is probably much bigger. Frankly, I don't think your characters would realize it's the same guy so forget I said that."

Okay, guess the GM had a moment. :3


Viridia: “Lesbian Magic Babies quest perk plz.”

Moonshadow: “I thought that the diamonds were group fund and the coins were split among everyone? If not, then can I delete my last post?”
Viridia: “I dunno, I'm not your mom.”

Moon: “So my post doesn't really make sense and has been deleted!”
Doc: “Deleted (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6K_Vi4qCtY)!”

Stellar: “Sorry I got kinda held up. Strawberry got her leg caught in some guttering. You would not believe the trouble I had getting her unstuck.”
Doc: “I suppose amputation was out of the question? No, that's probably my shtick.”

Stellar: “So the wizard is eccentric. Stellar quietly files her under 'weird, but useful'.”

GM: “A necromancer holed up in a government facility who's really just interested in everyone's accent just doesn't sound right.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Warlock's Player: Which vampire did Stalin ally with, exactly?
Churchill?

Viridia: “Lesbian Magic Babies quest perk plz.”
What.

Stellar: “So the wizard is eccentric. Stellar quietly files her under 'weird, but useful'.”
I think pretty much every PC could be reasonably filed under this.


DM: "So over here we have The Mario Brothers (except dragons who were dropped on their heads as newborns), and over there we got Larry, Moe and Curly with ADHD.

[IntelectPaladin]

Hello, everyone. I've got quite a bit for you today:

DM: This time? You're dead.
The (Demon-bomb thing.) explodes, tossing you off the cliff.
Me: I use my bedroll as a cushion for the impact, slowing my -hp rate for the search party to find me.
DM: Fine, roll for discov-
Me: Actually, my warg mount went with them, and is probably able to smell the explosives, and is likely to have heard the explosion.
DM:...Fine. Not dead. Fine.
Our GM really didn't like my "Intelligent do-gooder" tidbit.
DM: Alright, (Ranger) just tricked the Adamantite golem into falling into the courtyard.
Well,(Paladin, I-e me), where are you, exactly? (In far too smug a tone.)
Me:...In the courtyard.
DM: Alright, I suppose that's that, pick up a new character sheet, noble sacrifice and all-
Me:Which part of him landed on me? If it were his arm, I would certainly have more of a
chance than if it were his torso, I imagine.

DM:..Fine. Roll to see if it's his arm, or hand, or even toe! But Nothing but a nat 20 passes, though. .
Me: {Proceeds to roll nat 20}
DM: For the LOVE OF-
I'd rather not finish that. The D.M. was of the "Kill every character" mindset.
DM: You've been hit by a colossal gnomish locomotive.
Me: I roll to remain at 1hp. I can still heal myself,
and wouldn't it be an instinctive reaction to pain at this point?
DM: ...Fine. 1hp. One round, and you're dead, however. Now-
Me: I attempt to throw my shield onto the tracks in front of me,
effectively acting as a colossal penny, potentially derailing the locomotive.
DM: You've been hit, I say it again, by a Locomotive. With a 70-feet-per-round movement rate, I might add.
Ranger: Why does it have a movement rate?
DM:...I'm very thorough.

Me: Isn't there any appeal?
Druid:I don't care who lives or dies, I just want to see a literal trainwreck! take THAT, civilization!
Theif: I'm rooting for him on this one. When would we next get a chance to loot a freaking train?
Besides, this guy threw a gnome! And it worked!
Warlock(OoC): I think my char would be a touch upset at losing the moral compass, here. Just a thought.
Dm: Alright, alright! The train roll's off of the side of the bridge, into the gorge, just like you asked.
With the paladin up front.

{DM pulls me aside.}
Me:(Ooc) So what happens now, then.
DM:Look, You've helped (Everyone else) have fun, alright?
For that,I'll cut you a deal. Your character is about to die. But there are still...options.
Me: Options? What sort of options, exactly? And how? What would cause it, whatever it is?
DM: Well, there were a LOT of cultists on that train. So...
{And that's how I became a Graveknight good-guy.}
Well, he wasn't the best D.M, but he tried.I left, but it's still the same char.
A bit long, but I haven't got much to draw on.
Thanks for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[goto124]

Viridia: “Lesbian Magic Babies quest perk plz.”

Considering how friendship is literally magic, one would think love creating new ponies out of (almost) nothing is something that everypony can do, no quest perk required.

[Khaiel]

From yesterday's session:

GM: Well, you all leave and go to the library district in search for the next Hierophant.
Prince Valerion: Wait, we are leaving Gaster without supervision? Well, I guess nobody can steal our zeppelin if we no longer have one...

GM: The bug creature fires what seems like an orb of acid towards you.
First Mate Dunkel: I dodge.
Prince Valerion: I dodge.
Pilot Cain: I dodge.
Captain Jack: I cut it in half with my katana!
GM: For a second there, I was surprised that everyone was doing the sensible thing.

Prince Valerion: I am sorry, but I must leave. If you need me later, come and seek me, but for now I must go.
Captain Jack: No one leaves the crew. If you want to leave you'll have to fight. And I will not have mercy on you.
Three rounds later.
Captain Jack: I surrender!

Valerion was made thinking that someone else would take the mantle of tech guy, but nobody did, so the GM and I decided it would be best to retire him and make another character after the end of the current story arc. Jack didn't like it, and after 3 rounds of trying to kill me using everythin he got, he knew that on the 4th round I would kill him.

Lesson learnt: Never duel a man that becomes unkillable on the 3rd round of combat if you can't kill him before that.

[DigoDragon]

What.

It's Viridia's shtick. I don't question it anymore.



Considering how friendship is literally magic, one would think love creating new ponies out of (almost) nothing is something that everypony can do, no quest perk required.

Probably, but why skip out on the fun parts of that quest? :smallbiggrin:



DM:..Fine. Roll to see if it's his arm, or hand, or even toe! But Nothing but a nat 20 passes, though. .
Me: {Proceeds to roll nat 20}

The DM really set himself up, and the die totally obliged. XD



Captain Jack: I cut it in half with my katana!

But... acid...?


Strata: (looks at Stellar’s cutie mark) “Okay, I'm going to guess that you are a… time-displaced grad student?”
Doc: “Action Scientist.”
Viridia: “Blue Bombshell.”

Viridia: “Yes, Viridia borrows slang from 40s, you gonna flip your wig?”
GM: “It's better than her saying 'totally radical' or something along those lines, so I have no objections.”
Viridia: “Dude, I just swiped this copy of Bloodstrife and it's dope, dawg! Booyah!”
GM: “Eww.”

Strata: “Speaking of culture, do you know what a garburator is? I'm asking for a friend who taught linguistics… who's probably dead.”
Choro: “It sounds like a machine for making garbage to me. A garbage generator. Garburator.”
Stellar: “As a player, I have no idea what that word is. Does Stellar? INT check?”
Doc: “You're allowed to use Google.”
Viridia: “Please. Ask Jeeves is where it's at.”
Doc: “It's just ‘Ask.com’ now, isn't it? I think the butler got laid off.”

[Joe the Rat]

The party always has its moments.

DM: After quietly spiderclimbing halfway up the tower, you see a window.
Overly Endowed Halfling Warlock: I look inside.
Super Stealth Elf Assassin: What do you see?
OEHW: Let's see, there's a bed, a desk with a bunch of papers and books-
Book Obsessed Dwarf Paladin: Which books?
DM: So are you guys actually having this conversation?

...

DM: Several heads peer over the side of the tower, looking down.
OEHW: I press up against the side of the tower and hope they don't see me. *rolls stealth: 8*
DM: Well, you do tend to stick out a bit... *rolls perception: 4* ...but apparently your boobs fit perfectly into the window space.

...

SSEA: So these harpies, how do they look, on a scale of 1 to 10?
DM: About a -2.
SSEA: *contemplates* ...nah.



Doc: “Action Scientist.”Truly no greater calling. Except maybe Academically(Accidentally?) Credentialed Theropod.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "I said 'moan seductively,' not 'have a ****ing seizure.'"

Sheogorath: *violently and repeatedly slaps DM on the shoulder*
Harukai: "Dude, he's vaping you."
DM: "I feel... violated."
Harukai: "Good. You should."

DM: "Quick, put the mayonnaise away! [Sheogorath]'s coming.
Harukai: "Wha-"
DM: "He's not allowed to be near mayonnaise! Now quit j***ing on your sandwhich and put the mayonnaise away!"

[Khaiel]

But... acid...?

It is as stupid as it sounds. Jack is kinda special...

[Fable Wright]

DM: You've been hit, I say it again, by a Locomotive. With a 70-feet-per-round movement rate, I might add.
Ranger: Why does it have a movement rate?
DM:...I'm very thorough.

...Not really that thorough, if he thinks getting hit at 8 miles per hour is an instant kill, even if it's by a train.

Also? Why is there a train only moving at 8 miles per hour?


But... acid...?

Honestly, some D&D builds have been able to parry lightning with their swords. I'm not even surprised here.

[DigoDragon]

...Not really that thorough, if he thinks getting hit at 8 miles per hour is an instant kill, even if it's by a train.

Hilarious answer using GURPS:
Assuming a 5,000 ton train, at 8 mph it would deal approximately 129d6 damage. :smallbiggrin:



Also? Why is there a train only moving at 8 miles per hour?

There are train speed limits that slow at certain railroad crossings here.

That or they like to annoy motorists.



Truly no greater calling. Except maybe Academically(Accidentally?) Credentialed Theropod.

BEHOLD! An ordinary roleplayer!

[Khaiel]

Honestly, some D&D builds have been able to parry lightning with their swords. I'm not even surprised here.

This is Anima Beyond Fantasy. With Aura Extension (Which you can get at level 1 if you are a Technician, or level 2-3 if you are any other martial class) you can parry things like fire, lightning and pure supernatural energy, as well as touch ghosts and other immaterial beings. However this was specially stupid, as it was very clearly an explosive mine fluffed as an acid orb. And Explosive Mines are not fun for whoever is near them. Even more so if you are less than a meter away.

As I said, Jack is not the smartest pirate captain out there.

[Fable Wright]

And Explosive Mines are not fun for whoever is near them. Even more so if you are less than a meter away.

As I said, Jack is not the smartest pirate captain out there.

Don't worry, he can just parry the blast wave! :smalltongue:

[IntelectPaladin]

Hilarious answer using GURPS:
Assuming a 5,000 ton train, at 8 mph it would deal approximately 129d6 damage. :smallbiggrin:


That explains the DM's near coronary, then. And technically speaking, I didn't survive, per se.
I was forcibly transformed into a graveknight. Thankfully, that D.M. quit.
And come to think of it, it WAS a crossing we were at, with tiny gnomish cars.

And now, thread-relevant quotes!
Me: "I'll now do a dramatic pose, leaping grandly into the air, attacking the wraith with my armor gleaming!
And I roll...{nat 1}. Oh."
DM: Tch. Alright, mr album cover, you take 18 cursed damage. "
Me"...Fudge."
Yes, I actually said "Fudge." I don't cuss. It just feels off.
Me: "You know what, fudge dramatics. They don't help anyone.
I jump up to reach the ceiling, and attack the wraith to keep it off of (Thief.)"
DM: "Alright, and your damage is...{Nat 20.} The wraith dissipates mid-air,
and I need an aspirin."
Moral of the story? Being dramatic doesn't work for me. Ever.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[CrazyPenguin]

Burning Sunset: "I'm gonna eat the demon!"
Rouser of Souls: "Don't eat the demon."
Burning Sunset: "I'm gonna eat the demon!"
Rouser of Souls: "But it could have horrific and irrevocable consequences."
Burning Sunset: "But we won't know until we try. And so, I'm gonna eat the demon. FOR SCIENCE!"

[goto124]

Probably, but why skip out on the fun parts of that quest? :smallbiggrin:

:smallbiggrin:

Was thinking more of skipping out on the messy 9 (?) months after the fun parts. Yikes.


Stellar: “As a player, I have no idea what that word is. Does Stellar? INT check?”
Doc: “You're allowed to use Google.”
Viridia: “Please. Ask Jeeves is where it's at.”
Doc: “It's just ‘Ask.com’ now, isn't it? I think the butler got laid off.”

I Googled "ask jeeves" just to find out :smalltongue:

Google has been replacing a lot of my INT checks...


Overly Endowed Halfling Warlock: I look inside.
[snip]
DM: Well, you do tend to stick out a bit... *rolls perception: 4* ...but apparently your boobs fit perfectly into the window space.

I wonder what the character sheet said.

[Cazero]

:Was thinking more of skipping out on the messy 9 (?) months after the fun parts. Yikes.

Please. Magical Lesbian Babies. That's not magic worth having if they can't spontaneously pop into existence offscreen.

[DigoDragon]

That explains the DM's near coronary, then. And technically speaking, I didn't survive, per se.

GURPS is a nice system to adapt mechanics for any genre idea, but it has some funny quirks.

I'm curious about how you "technically didn't survive per se" that collision. Sounds like physics didn't follow through somewhere. :3



Rouser of Souls: "But it could have horrific and irrevocable consequences."

Like a bad case of IBS (Infernal Bowel Syndrome) :smalltongue:



Was thinking more of skipping out on the messy 9 (?) months after the fun parts. Yikes.

Please. Magical Lesbian Babies. That's not magic worth having if they can't spontaneously pop into existence offscreen.

My character can get access to an artificial womb. He probably could splice up some DNA and grow magic babies from two subjects.


GM: “It took about five seconds for Doc to realize that the horse wasn't actually wearing anything at all!”

GM: “Doc is going to get his cybernetics from a guy who's vocabulary regularly includes the phrase 'hey bro'.”

Moon: “We harvested some samples from [the taint mutants], in case you were interested in purchasing them.”
Doc: “Ever the businesspony.”
Moon: “Moonshadow is all about the money (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sor9GzivGbk).”
Doc: “There's something extra-brazen about selling Stitch samples of slain mutant from her own basement.”

[IntelectPaladin]

GURPS is a nice system to adapt mechanics for any genre idea, but it has some funny quirks.

I'm curious about how you "technically didn't survive per se" that collision. Sounds like physics didn't follow through somewhere. :3

As my rather hidden fans could tell you, I leave hidden messages in every post I make.
Which I had hoped was adequate enough of an explanation.
I've been using them as a hidden commentary for a long time.

In response to your question, I "died" in that trainwreck.
Which was so full of black lives (I-e cultists), that their life force "seeped into my decrepit form,"
And thus, a custom Graveknight was born. With ethics, and morals. It was the fun of evil, without the evil.
For those who don't know what one is: http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/bestiary3/graveknight.html

I hope that answer's your question, Mr. Digo.
And now, we resume our forum-mandated quotes!
Are they mandated, or are they just the rules? That's going to bug me all day.
DM: "As you approach the train {Three days after wrecking it,} you feel unnaturally uneasy.
The overcast clouds take on a blacker tone, the wind begins to howl, higher pitched than you've ever heard.
DM: "Lighting strikes not 3 miles away. The cold, dead remains of the locomotive seem enshrouded in inky blackness. The wind hit's a crescendo, sounding as if it were laughing, the locomotive seem's to shift in the distance, the unnatural fear increases, blackness is seeping from the train!
DM: As everything hits it's critical point, you see! A black, 7-foot armored form, outlined against the sky!
And as the rising fear nearly overwhelms you at this introduction, a voice booms across the landscape!
Me: "Hey, guys."
Our D.M. had a flair for the dramatic, when need be.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[DigoDragon]

For those who don't know what one is: http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/bestiary3/graveknight.html

I hope that answer's your question, Mr. Digo.

Oooooh, that's the context I was missing. Didn't know a Graveknight was "living impaired" (I haven't truly played Pathfinder). :smallbiggrin:
Thanks, it's cleared up now.

(You don't have to call me 'Mr.', I ain't that old yet. ;)

[goto124]

(You don't have to call me 'Mr.', I ain't that old yet. ;)

But old enough to have a daughter!

[Joe the Rat]

I wonder what the character sheet said."Note to self: When someone asks you to "sample" a potion to identify it, say no."
Hilarity did ensue that day...

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "I'm just sayin', if I were gonna terrorize the populous, and I was given the choice between an annoying horn and napalm, I'm going with the napalm.
Sheogorath: "But napalm just doesn't hold the same terror in the public consciousness right now, what with the clowns running amok.
DM: "Napalm will always be terrifying, by merit of it being f***ing napalm."
Sheogorath: "But like, people hear the horn honking, there's this dread that hits them that you just don't get with napalm."
DM: "I'm pretty sure most people will be pretty scared if I point a flamethrower in their face."

[Inevitability]

DM: "I'm just sayin', if I were gonna terrorize the populous, and I was given the choice between an annoying horn and napalm, I'm going with the napalm.
Sheogorath: "But napalm just doesn't hold the same terror in the public consciousness right now, what with the clowns running amok.
DM: "Napalm will always be terrifying, by merit of it being f***ing napalm."
Sheogorath: "But like, people hear the horn honking, there's this dread that hits them that you just don't get with napalm."
DM: "I'm pretty sure most people will be pretty scared if I point a flamethrower in their face."

A DM who is encouraging his players to resort to flammable death? That's new.

[D.KnightSpider]

Gumdrop's Dutch?

As much as a floating squid/jellyfish can be.
====

Gumdrop: It is no wonder your kind are always so grumpy. Walking is extremely stressful.
====

Ray: All I know is that Gumdrop is in the kitchen, and if you value your eyes you will not go in there.
====

Ray: Yeah, but with my plan, we get to catch the bad guy and bring Disco back. Ergo. Best. Plan. Ever.
GM: That cataclysmic sound you just heard was Ray's alignment shifting.
====

Fashion Statement: Of course I freelance on the side. Those wonderful super-hero gizmos and gadgets don't pay for themselves.
====

Lisa: I feel stupid for even asking this, but... why do you even have access to sixty industrial-strength mirrors?
Fashion Statement: *perplexed* You don't?
====

Ray: In my defense, never said anything about not making out.

[goto124]

industrial-strength mirrors?

Google isn't telling me what those things even are, let alone their purpose!

[digiman619]

Google isn't telling me what those things even are, let alone their purpose!

I would assume they are for observatory telescopes.

[Khaiel]

Not exactly an ingame quote, but at the moment it was kind of hilarious.

GM: Well, now that Valerion is out, what's your next character?
Me: I've been thinking about Dr Doctor Zoidberg's death, and I kinda miss him.
GM: Well, you could always make your next character as his brother or something...
Me: I've also been watching JoJo lately...
GM: I don't like where this is going.
Me: So this is my new character, Joyce Joystar Zoidberg, Zoidberg's daughter, aka JoJo Zoidberg.
GM: I'm going to try to kill myself. See you next Saturday, I guess.

[DigoDragon]

"Note to self: When someone asks you to "sample" a potion to identify it, say no."

I would have thought that kind of advice went without needing to write it down, let alone saying. :smalltongue:



DM: "Napalm will always be terrifying, by merit of it being f***ing napalm."

This goes well with my old Shadowrun group that believed flamethrowers to be terror weapons illegal on any planet.



A DM who is encouraging his players to resort to flammable death? That's new.

Pshaw, I did that all the time. Course anytime I did, my players would extinguish all fire sources within 50 yards because they knew I was up to something. XD



Lisa: I feel stupid for even asking this, but... why do you even have access to sixty industrial-strength mirrors?
Fashion Statement: *perplexed* You don't?

Think about the name, Lisa. :3
Yeah, I'm to genre-savvy to survive this group.



Google isn't telling me what those things even are, let alone their purpose!

I'd Google it, but I'm pretty sure it would come up with a certain pink-mane pony having super-strength powers...



GM: I'm going to try to kill myself. See you next Saturday, I guess.

I really don't blame the GM. Like, at all. :o


Temporarily out of FOE quotes, so have some vintage D&D quotes from about 11 years ago:
DM: "What? How could Aberham Lincoln be beaten by the Metric System!?"

DM: "Okay I have my choice of 'Blood-n-Tears' or Barbed Wire. I'll go with the wire."

DM: "The pillar of light peeking over the horizon. The average horizon is about 3 miles out and since it's as big as the sun at this distance the pillar is anywhere betweem 3 miles and 96 million miles away."
Nagumo: "...can we narrow this down a little?"

Shiro: "The Path of Truth is absolute and require much searching."
Nagumo: "Well I drove a castle into the ground so I think that should count."

DM: "After the civil war East Inverness changed the eagle coin to the hawk."
Nagumo: "And the west half adopted the flaming chicken?"

Nagumo: "I'll roll a listen check... 8. I hear natural gas. Probably my own."

DM: "Go on and walk on by. Look like you're part of the problem."

Phone: "Thank you for calling Bast Tech Support. If you wish to give prayer, press 1. If you need divine intervention, press 2."

City Guard: "You guys are either the bravest heroes or the stupidest adventureres ever."
Vincent: "I answer to both."

Niomi: "I can spit on him and he'll heal 24 hit points. I'm that good."

Vincent: "I just wanted to confirm that the winged panther kissed you and it wasn't a taste test."

Vincent: "Damn it, it's like another Digo Adventure! I know Sir Kain is partly to blame, but damn you Digo!"

DM: "Yes, they're vegetable brained as much as they are... vegetable bodied."

Vincent: "Niomi, cast Detect Evil on the DM."
Niomi: (*pseudo-claws at her eyes*) "I'm blind!!"

Vincent: "Damn you, grey areas of morality!"
Niomi: "Hon, this is where fire comes in handy."

[CrazyPenguin]

A DM who is encouraging his players to resort to flammable death? That's new.
I guess I'm still transitioning away from my last Exalted character, who literally had the word "burning" in his name.


As much as a floating squid/jellyfish can be.
Is Gumdrop a flumph?


Not exactly an ingame quote, but at the moment it was kind of hilarious.

Me: So this is my new character, Joyce Joystar Zoidberg, Zoidberg's daughter, aka JoJo Zoidberg.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with this character concept.


I would have thought that kind of advice went without needing to write it down, let alone saying. :smalltongue:
What about magical toxic waste?


This goes well with my old Shadowrun group that believed flamethrowers to be terror weapons illegal on any planet.
As opposed to reality, where flamethrowers are legal in most U.S. states.


Pshaw, I did that all the time. Course anytime I did, my players would extinguish all fire sources within 50 yards because they knew I was up to something. XD
Most of the player in my game right now are new to tabletop roleplaying games. They're not nearly paranoid enough yet. But they'll learn soon enough...


DM: "What? How could Aberham Lincoln be beaten by the Metric System!?"
Is this "Aberham Lincoln" different from Abraham Lincoln?


City Guard: "You guys are either the bravest heroes or the stupidest adventureres ever."
There's a difference?



Sadly, I seem to be fresh out of quotes until my group meets again...

[Inevitability]

DM: I just realized this is the first time I ever used the phrase 'frozen pony'.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Strasser(OoC): Yea verily, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I have AC 27 and three overlapping hit point pools.

Strasser(OoC): I cast Power Word: Nope.

The Maverick Cop: Detective , NYPD.
The Martial Artist: ...We're in LA.
The Maverick Cop: [I]Do you have any idea what kind of day I'm having!

[IntelectPaladin]

Here's what I got this time:
And yes, I promise I'll stop this "ongoing train" thing.
"DM: It is clearly the same huge armored form of you're ally, Sir Je-
Warlock: "I attack! Arcane bolt!"
Thief: "I can't believe this. Sneak attack!"
Ranger: "Acid arrow! That should get through!
Me: "Seriously!? Was this about the Kingdom Come incident!?"
I had to choose to save a PC, or a floating castle. I forgot we had a rez.
Ranger: "That's not you anymore! We can kill and loot, we're murderhobos, dangit!"
Warlock: " The moral compass is dead, and I've never felt so free!"
Thief: ."..I don't care who wins, I'm taking the train."
I didn't expect a TPB. They said THEY liked me, and that their "Chars" didn't. Oy vey.
DM: "Well, let's see, that...doesn't get past your A.C."
Me: "I am not putting up with the yahoo reasoning of this! What can I do, exactly?"
DM: Well, have a look at your new char sheet.
Me: "... Well. Destructive Retribution it is."
It wasn't a rampage, It was self defense in rampage-esq styling. No one died.
Theif: "I thought you said you'd never associate with the unholy!"
Me: "I said I would never associate with demons. The undead are fine."
I've reformed vampires, as well as a lich. If I can save them, I usually will.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[Beacon of Chaos]

Sheogorath: "But napalm just doesn't hold the same terror in the public consciousness right now, what with the clowns running amok."
This line alone is pretty hilarious to me.


Fresh batch from tonight's session. This was a good 'un:

GM: A brontosaurus peeks its head over the wall and gives you a knowing wink.

Dimir: I vote we name our airship Shippy McShipface.

Brough: We need to call it something manly!
Valena: Ugh, you always have to be so macho. Might as well call it the Waving ****.
Brough: Yeah, let's go with that.

Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

Dimir: A park filled with dinosaurs. That's something that has never gone badly, ever.

Dimir: I want to tame a dragon! I'll just feed it... someone.

Valena: What has this pirate actually pirated?
Dimir: Mp3s.

Dace: Where is one-eye?
GM: He's making himself useless.

Polykritos: I am rich with the blessings of the lord! *throws up on the guard captian then falls down a flight of stairs*

Polykritos: I'm sorry, but we're taking this vessel! *he punches the merchant clear off the boat*
Dimir: We're the good guys! *thumbs up*

GM: Valena is rubbish at fighting a dragon without a rider.
Valena: It won't stop wiggling!

[DigoDragon]

What about magical toxic waste?

Anything with the word 'waste' in the name is a flag. If it were Magical Toxic Juice, you'd have a line going back around the block wanting to buy it. ;)



Is this "Aberham Lincoln" different from Abraham Lincoln?

Well obviously! Your history book doesn't show Abraham Lincoln ever losing to the Metric system, does it? :smalltongue:



DM: I just realized this is the first time I ever used the phrase 'frozen pony'.

o/~ Do you want to freeze a pony? o/~



The Martial Artist: ...We're in LA.
The Maverick Cop: Do you have any idea what kind of day I'm having!

Ouch, that is a Really bad day... Wait, is this maverick cop John McCain?



Thief: ."..I don't care who wins, I'm taking the train."

I literal train robbery! o.o



Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

So it's a 60s Disney song then?


Dawn Star: "I can sum up Dawn's motive as 'Scoops some butter and applies it to Silver's ego'."
Silver Lining: "The carrot was ill-placed, I'll say that much."
Dawn: "Sometimes a carrot is just a carrot. In this case a floating carrot which will provide yummy vitamin B."

Nobility: "I am also very interested meeting the changeling, and if it is a trap, to make a musical number called 'I told you'."

Dawn: "That seems oddly specific for a pony campaign. I thought musical numbers didn't need justification."

Dawn: "I am both proud and scared at how prepared Nobility is with musical numbers."
Nobility: "She has a lot of time alone in the bath."

[goto124]

I literal train robbery! o.o

The realization hit me like a freight train.

"Take anything that isn't nailed to the floor" indeed.


Nobility: "She has a lot of time alone in the bath."

But has she spent a lot of time with someone else in the bath? :smallamused:

[Coventry]

"Take anything that isn't nailed to the floor" indeed.

"Nailed down" is why all characters should carry claw hammers and pry bars.

[digiman619]

Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

Clearly it's In a World of My Own from Alice in Wonderland.

[DigoDragon]

But has she spent a lot of time with someone else in the bath? :smallamused:

I hope not. She's technically underage. :x


Dawn: "How about you colts? Anything you want to confide with the floating princess of friendships?"

Silver: "I'll trust my friends, though. And you and Dawn, I guess."
Dawn: "Um, thanks?"

Nobility: "Could you at least *try* to act like... somepony normal and sane?"

Dawn: "You sound pretty confident, like a pony who has at least 12% of a plan going on."

Curtain Call: "They managed to code taste into this game--I'm impressed!"

Curtain: "Well, this is a beta, so there are bound to be bugs, right? There's probably someone working to patch the game right now."
Nobility: "Translation from dorkish please!"
Dawn: "Curtain thinks that this 'game' has some mistakes and they'll get fixed once we play through it and achieve victory."
Nobility: "What, a game? This is NOT Dorkland. The game was just... a portal or something. Don't be more stupid than you are. You are making Silver Fail look smart!"

Nobility: "Does this supposed 'Game' remind you, any game you have played before? A game where... you actually can feel.. pain?"
Dawn: "Dodge ball."

[DCraw]

Player: [singing] How many Gnolls must a man hunt down, before you call him a man?
NPC Mentor: I Told You! To complete the Rite of Initiation bring me the heads of three Gnolls, each the leader of their pack. Now get back to work!

[Cristo Meyers]

Just one. Too much vacation prep to get much time in.

"Great, you're back. Now get back out there and steal more candy from more babies!"

[Beacon of Chaos]

So it's a 60s Disney song then?

Clearly it's In a World of My Own from Alice in Wonderland.
I do not understand these references. :/

[Necroticplague]

GM: as your lawyer slithers in....
Gene: wait, slithers?*realizes the implication* Man, there are so many jokes about that I could make.....
Namely, the implication her lawyer was a Naga. Those ones practically write themselves.

[Theoboldi]

I hope not. She's technically underage. :x


What do you mean, technically? She is literally 12 years old. :smalltongue:

[CrazyPenguin]

GM: as your lawyer slithers in....
Gene: wait, slithers?*realizes the implication* Man, there are so many jokes about that I could make.....
Namely, the implication her lawyer was a Naga. Those ones practically write themselves.

Suddenly, Sergeant Schlock appears and eats the lawyer.

[Rerem115]

"Gnomes. They pull their weight."

"Can I get you a drink?" "No, I don't need help being stupid."

"The night is young, I'm no longer a single father; the world is my oyster."

"Can I get a stick of jerky in my bloody mary? No wait, I'll get flashbacks to that night."

[GrayGriffin]

Serknight: “Gwuh-” blink, blinkblink :…Oh. Oh dear. I-I won’t stand for this!" *squirms*
Jericho: “Well, you can’t really. You’re kinda suspended by ropes.”

Serknight: “…” *sighs* “I suppose I could.” *cranes his neck back up* “Listen and know, jailers, that I aided the prosecution! Keep that in mind when I am delivered unto your mercy.”
Geistowl 1: “It is known.”
Noctowl 1: “It is irrelevant.”
Spectowl 1: “it is of tangential interest.”
Serknight: “…I have no idea what that means for me.”

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "I just want you to know, I am seriously and legitimately concerned for your mental health.
Draco: "More than you usually are?"
DM: "Yes, more than I usually am."

[Inevitability]

NPC: Just give up! I already have a nemesis, and he's much less simple-minded than you are!
PC: Really? Guess I'll have to kill you then. I'm too dumb to solve this rationally, aren't I? *devours NPC*

[DigoDragon]

I do not understand these references. :/

Old animations in the 50s and 60s were very... controversial by today's standards. :3


No game quotes today, but I collected some hurricane quotes~

Doc: "I had considered flying a kite out in the hurricane, just for something to do."
Drake: "Dammit, now I wish I had thought of it."
Doc: "Um, it's probably best you don't follow my advice when I'm bored."
Drake: "Do you not know me?"

Darkwolf: "Apparently Bank of America's teller systems are down across the eastern seaboard due to hurricane Matthew."
Kitten: "When BoA is down, it's called weekdays."

Doc: "Here I'm talking about a halo on a palm tree and then Facebook suggests the 'Naughty Nerds' group for me to join. Uh, what are you trying to say, FB?"

Doc: "If I were by myself, I would have slept through this storm."
Paddy: "Only if you have kick everyone out of the house."
Drake: "You'll want to lay down a net in Georgia then."

Stragus: "OK, yeah. You just stay over there. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine."
Cora: "Oi. Don't tease the apocalyptic hurricane!"

[digiman619]

I do not understand these references. :/

And him bursting into song onto a balcony without getting dressed first indicate that he's in his own little world in his head, thus explaining my reference.

[D.KnightSpider]

Is Gumdrop a flumph?

Yepperoni. A master chef/cleric Flumph, to be precise.

====

Lisa: Sure. I could do that easy. If I were still bipedal.
====

Ray: The time has come. Release the jailbait!
Fashion Statement: *valley girl voice* That was, like, so immature. *regular voice* And to think that I used to like you.
Lisa: I know, right?
Ray: Wait-- what?
====

Lisa: Uh, newsflash, I almost committed suicide because of you!
====

Gumdrop: May I advocate for the sudden appearance of the villain?
====

Gumdrop: I would like to clarify something. My kitchen time yesterday had little to do with cooking food and everything to do with cooking chemicals.
====

Captured Bad Guy: I'll never talk-- you hear me! You'll get nothing from me!
Gumdrop: We have ways of making you talk. *floods the prison cell with pepper spray*
Captured Bad Guy: *anguished scream of pain*
Ray: ... uh... remind me never, ever to make Gumdrop mad.
Fashion Statement: *in awe*I have got to get some of that.
====

Ray: *slams newspaper down on table*
Newspaper Headline: White Stallion Captures Living Laser; Saves City
Ray: Can you believe this? They think Gumdrop caught the Laser single-handedly! They didn't mention us at all!
Gumdrop: I, er, have a good publicist?

[DigoDragon]

Lisa: Sure. I could do that easy. If I were still bipedal.

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated. :smalltongue:


Fan Knife: “Yeah, they're mine. Thanks for not stealing them.”
GM: “Choro then got to watch Fan Knife's face go through some weird muscle contortions, possibly fighting muscle memory, until something approximating an awkward smile was present on her face.”

Viridia: “So... do we get anything for clearing out those vagrants? Caps? Ninja training? A crisp hoof-bump?”

GM: “Arranging the ghoul into a position that looked comfortable wasn't too hard, because Strata weighed about as much as a bag of twigs.”

Choro: (to herself) “No, don't be pushy! That's the Equestrian stereotype. You mustn't force people to talk to you. Be relaxed. Play it cool... Oh, but don't be cold!!”

Fan Knife: “Well, we'd have to start right about now, if you want sword lessons.”
Viridia: “Oh, very well. Teach me your ways, Fan Knife-sama-sensei-senpai-san-sama...kun!”
GM: “Fan Knife made several restrained faces as Viridia spoke, a few of which looked painful and at least one which made a loud popping noise that seemed to come from her jaw.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated. :smalltongue:

But thumbs are pretty great.

[Fable Wright]

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated. :smalltongue:

Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

People kinda take those things for granted nowadays, though.

[Inevitability]

Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

People kinda take those things for granted nowadays, though.

I'm fairly sure Slenderman can't sweat. :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

But thumbs are pretty great.

Until you smash one of your own with a closing door. :x



Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

Eh, I'll give you Rampant Superstition. That's a pretty useful evolutionary trait when dealing with herds.


Razor Pillow: "I vote we just do it now, what's the worst that can happen?"

Nocturne: "Plans keep forming in my head, each with really crippling holes in them-"
Crash Cart: "More or less holes than the breezies enacting those plans?"
Nocturne: "I feel like the breezies would be less 'filled with holes' and more 'turned to paste'."

Crash: "Well, we discovered the science of overkill. How many level ups is that worth?"

Crash: "I'll probably borrow the Ministry of Peace self-defense tactics. Namely to lie down in fetal position and cry until the battle ends."

Astral: "Yeah, if you will excuse me, I'm just going to get into the bunker now and lock the door. Let me know when the insanity ends."
Crash: "The insanity NEVER ends."
Astral: "Then let me know when the dragon is done eating everyone, I just realise I'm out of Sparkle-Cola."
Nocturne: "Well he's a computer so..."
Astral: "I guess I see your point."
Crash: "Well, we're breezies. Probably could shove us into the tape drive."

Astral: "You just don't take my Cola without asking, ok?"
Crash: "But just imagine how long one bottle would last a Breezie!"
Astral: "They can pay for it like the rest of us. Or better yet, they can pay me if they want more from my stash. Yeesh, precocious greedy little..."

[CrazyPenguin]

Crash: "Well, we discovered the science of overkill. How many level ups is that worth?"

There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

[JBPuffin]

From a rather ludicrous one-shot.

DM: It fires an arrow made of cogs and...pigeon whispers, I don't know.

DM: 7 damage from the green bird magic missile robot attack.

Shhh: You can't see me!
DM: Behind the glass turret on the roof?
*rolls*
DM: ...apparently not.

DM: She can't do that!
The Gnameless: She has an ability called, "Yes She Can," so...

DM: Where were they coming from?
Stabilis: The hills!
DM: Run away from the hills!
NPC #47: I have to use the restroom!
Shhh: The restroom is in the hills!
The Gnameless: The OTHER hills, though.

Stabilis: Erathis is like if Ptah looked good in a skirt.

DM: All the Fs have seven letters. You know, like written around them.

DM: The gnome gets his gnext turn.
The Gnameless: Algright...wait a minute.

Shh: We are the soy mermaids.

Shh: I'm not a halfling. I'm a halfling.

Stabilis: Why would you help me? You don't knooooow me!
Shhh: Well, now you're dead, so...

DM: There are bird swimming in the ice.
Shh: But they're birds!
DM: Yes.

The Gnameless: I'll take a number 4, hold the violence, extra pickles.

DM: GODDESS WRATH. And then the snakes came.

The Gnameless: You could raise a family of six under this!

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "But, why does it have a mustache?"
Sheogorath: "Because it's an instrument. It can't be an instrument without a mustache."

DM: "You see this?" *hold up straightened paperclip* "This is goin' up your urethra."

[Melville's Book]

The game system is Double Cross. For those who haven't heard of it, the short version on the setting: Modern world, people (and some non-people) started gaining superpowers due to the Renegade virus, becoming Overed. The more you use your powers the more the virus encroaches on your mind, and emotional connections are the only means you have to fight back against being turned into a Renegade monster called a Gjaum. The Renegade virus has existed in extremely small, isolated amounts for unknown millennia, but twenty years ago a huge amount of the stuff was spread into the atmosphere, infecting many people and even giving humanlike intelligence to some animals, rock formations, electronics, and the like.

The player characters of this game are as follows:

Lucifer: A possesser of the Ancient Renegade, "Lucifer" became an immortal Overed so many millennia ago that he's long since forgotten his original name, and became well-known throughout the land by such glamorous titles as the "king of vileness" and "lord of deceivers," his actions laying the groundwork for what were first considered sins in the newly-developing religion of Judaism. He adopted his current moniker much more recently, when Lucifer became the more common moniker by which the Devil is referred. (He finds the name Satan distasteful and refuses to respond to it.) Lucifer is a Hanuman/Orcus/Neumann Tri-Breed who focuses on manipulation, deception, and long-term planning to get what he wants without dirtying his hands in a straight fight.

Lucibald: Originally a failed computer program designed to mathematically quantify morality, Lucibald was made intelligent by the Renegade virus and uploaded into a comatose Overed to try and awaken him and discover his memories of an important event referred to vaguely as the Blood Crystal Incident. The body awoke, but the mind wasn't completely kickstarted, with only bits and pieces of the Overed's memory and consciousness combining into Lucibald's dominant mind. Lucibald decided to discover the secrets of the Blood Crystal Incident for personal gain and broke free from containment, taking his current name out of a petty desire to "seem even more vicious than Satan." (His player is kind of a jerk.) He's a very brutal Black Dog/Chimaera Crossbreed with a Bram Stoker power left over from his host. He's earned an even poorer reputation than he already had for subjecting his "host" body to severe treatment, twisting it into animalistic shapes and supercharging the muscles with electricity while draining blood from foes to heal the damage this method of fighting causes.

Ashaitu: Ashaitu is one of the experiments of Black Dog expert Varric, making her one of the extreme few intentional and controlled artificial intelligences in the world, all invented by him. Others may wish to use her to reach him, but she's extremely loyal and refuses to reveal any of Varric's secrets or work against him. Although loyalty to Varric is her first and foremost concern, she's also a staunch defender of the weak, and will fight to the death to protect those who can't protect themselves. She's an Angel Halo/Salamandra/Black Dog Tri-Breed who uses Renegade-powered mechanical weaponry to fight, including lasers, missiles, and a high-tech steam shield. She's also the tech expert of the group.

Xander: Xander is a true-born UGN Child, which means she was born with the Renegade virus already awakened in her and was raised in a facility of the Universal Guardian Network (the primary "defend humanity from Gjaums and rogue Overeds" secret agency of the setting). She grew up surrounded by other children who died or turned into Gjaums, and almost became one herself due to the fear of attachment that was born from that, but with her incredible mind and particularly her skill with weapons she could do a lot to change the system to make it better for Overeds. She dedicated herself to this cause, holding it above the personal connections most Overeds defined themselves by. She never went rogue from the UGN but obviously holds no respect for their rules if they get in the way of her goals, and she's watched very carefully for fear that she might cross over to the Overed terrorist group False Hearts if given enough incentive. Xander is a Morpheus/Neumann Crossbreed with a variety of skills and utility abilities courtesy of her Syndromes, but her first and foremost specialties are Renegade knowledge and her signature dual-wielded alchemical shotguns.

Lucifer: Can you please stop eating puppies while I'm talking, Lucibald? It makes me kind of uncomfortable. And the yelping is distracting.
Lucibald: But Xander told me it's rude to do it while I'm talking. What, am I just supposed to stop for the whole conversation?

Lucifer: (Following an inspiring speech) Now what do you say we go out there and turn this fight around!?
Lucibald: I'm not quite sure how the pretty words were meant to help.
Xander: Yeah, I think our enemies just got into position.

Xander: Don't feel bad, bards are never really that inspiring before they bring out the mind control.
Lucifer: I could also leave.
Xander: Wait, no, don't run off with my buffs! Long live the king!
Lucifer: *smiles*

Ashaitu: I think maybe you guys aren't the most upstanding company I could pick.
Lucibald: (slowly licks blood off his fingers) What makes you say that?

Ashaitu: Let's fly, everyone!
(everybody but Lucifer starts flying with their powers)
Lucifer: Wait! Little help!?
Xander: (delighted grin) Ooooh? What do you say?
Lucifer: ... Please?
Xander: No no no, you know where I'm going with this.
Lucifer: I'm not saying 'long live the queen' and you're still not gonna leave without your buff king.
Xander: ... Damn you.

Ashaitu: Which of our enemies should I prioritize?
Lucibald: You have to ask? Just aim for the biggest threat!
Ashaitu: ... (slowly turns to aim laser at Lucibald)

Ashaitu: What's wrong, tough guy? I thought for sure you'd ignore orders to go for the big strong enemy, since you looove violence so much. Or are you finally scared?
Lucibald: Not of our enemy, no.
Ashaitu: ... What?
Xander: (smiles)

[DigoDragon]

Shh: We are the soy mermaids.

So either they're salty sea creatures, or they're introducing themselves in Spanish. ;)



DM: "You see this?" *hold up straightened paperclip* "This is goin' up your urethra."

:smalleek:



Lucibald: You have to ask? Just aim for the biggest threat!
Ashaitu: ... (slowly turns to aim laser at Lucibald)

Always be specific. :3


Dr. Stitchheart: “I believe I have heard that name before, but I do not believe I have met anyone named Seaweed, as of the last few days.”
Moon: “She can teleport.”

Choro: “We really can't leave Professor Strata here like this. She deserves to at least be passed out somewhere safer, out of everypony's way.”
Doc: *raises a hoof to explain that-*
Choro: *magically lifts Professor Strata into the air, bows to the ghoulish sisters, and then follows Viridia*
Doc: *lowers his hoof and rescinded his objection, due to Unicorn*

Viridia: “I got this for you. I promise it has minimal mutant juice.”
River: “Everything's probably coated in mutant juice, Viridia.”

Doc: “I'd be interested in some credit I could use towards funding a few implants.”
Baqir: “Yeah, I could do that for ya.”
Stellar: “I'd been thinking of an implant or two myself.”
Doc: “Oooh, we can be patient buddies.”
Viridia: “And Viridia can be the impatient buddy! Hahahahaha...ha...ha...” *cries*

[CrazyPenguin]

Until you smash one of your own with a closing door. :x


Ah, but was it not your thumbs that allowed the door to be opened in the first place?

[goto124]

Crash: "I'll probably borrow the Ministry of Peace self-defense tactics. Namely to lie down in fetal position and cry until the battle ends."

Did someone say MoP advice is useless and should not be followed? :smalltongue:


[Doc: *raises a hoof to explain that-*
Choro: *magically lifts Professor Strata into the air, bows to the ghoulish sisters, and then follows Viridia*
Doc: *lowers his hoof and rescinded his objection, due to Unicorn*


https://i.imgur.com/YAGpXPd.png


Viridia: “I got this for you. I promise it has minimal mutant juice.”
River: “Everything's probably coated in mutant juice, Viridia.”

She said minimal mutant juice!

[DigoDragon]

Ah, but was it not your thumbs that allowed the door to be opened in the first place?

In my specific case, it was a pneumatic door. >.>



Did someone say MoP advice is useless and should not be followed? :smalltongue:

Funny enough, yeah. My smarter doctor PC. :D



[Something like this?]

Exactly that.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dace: You mean you've been operating heavy machinery while drunk!?
Valena: And high!

Dace: I don't need luck, I have ammo.

Pirate: How exactly did you manage to defeat the Royal Army's best dragon-riders and mechs?
Dimir: Same way we do everything: brute force and ignorance.

Dimir: What do you get the woman who has everything? Lock-picking lessons.

[Rerem115]

"What's your alignment?" "Drunken Disorderly."

"...do ye ken? Aye, tha' hammer's a hammer."

"That turtle did way more damage than I am comfortable with."

[Diachronos]

"Right in the dammit."

[Inevitability]

Player: Hello sir, I couldn't help but notice you randomly appeared inside the city I am divinely destined to take over, smashed a bunch of buildings, and devoured some people. Could you please go?
Other player: Oh, sorry. I didn't know it was yours. Guess I'll be on my way, then, have fun with the mortals I didn't eat. *disappears*
DM: You realize you just convinced the building-sized, flesh-craving monstrosity to leave a major city alone by politely asking?
Player: Well, if it failed I could always Death Attack him.

[CrazyPenguin]

In my specific case, it was a pneumatic door. >.>

Then was it not thumbs which allowed the door to be constructed in the first place?

[DigoDragon]

Then was it not thumbs which allowed the door to be constructed in the first place?

I dunno. I just assumed some factory robot played a key role there.


Doc: “Viridia could feed Stellar her cup of Jello at lunch time.”
Viridia: “It occurs to me that body shots would actually be a terrible idea for ponies. Who wants salt in their fur?
GM: “Also, no one has thumbs, so actually grabbing shot glasses could be problematic.”
Doc: “Not for a unicorn. We'll just gather a few and have them do the shots.”
Choro: “Why is some strange and terrible part of me now whispering that this is going to be Choro's quest perk?”
Doc: “Isn't Choro glad she left the safe, dry comforts of her Stable to join a bunch of party wastelanders?”
Viridia: “Remember, kids: The best way to win a drinking contest is to not drink at all.”
Doc: “That's true, but kind of boring.”

Viridia: “Nothing makes you feel quite so alive as intentionally poisoning yourself.”
Doc: “It's more fun when they don't tell you what's in the shot glass. I've played the alternate drinking game where you try to drink several shots really fast in a row. My friends told me I was going to drink some cheap low proof rum. What was actually in the glass was Bacardi 151.”

Viridia: “I guess I could leave it in limbo and have a staring Fan Knife follow us through the rest of the game.”
Doc: “So would that mean Viridia gets a... Fan following?

[D.KnightSpider]

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated. :smalltongue:

Oh, you just wait until your cybernetics don't function correctly because you've changed posture styles. :smalltongue:

====

Lisa: Yeah, I used to have this little schoolgirl crush on Ray. Then I fell in love with crushing skulls.
====

Lisa: I'm just sayin'. If we ever end up in the Paw Patrol Universe, I will kill someone-- and not necessarily in-character.
====

Ray: So, Iron Mare, you want a lift back to the MCU?
Iron Mare: No. I think I'll stay. I'm actually wondering why I ever left Maretropolis in the first place.
Ray: Guh...
Matter-Horn: What's the matter with him?
Gumdrop: Given that his eyeballs are displaying what is colloquially referred to as the 'Blue Screen of Death', my diagnosis would be that he's suffering from brain freeze.
====

Ray: You knew?
Lisa: Well, duh. With a name like 'Pepper Potts' how could she not have originally been a pony?
====

Gumdrop: Ms. Bale, while I am flattered you wish to accompany us, I must urge you to reconsider. If you will be honest with yourself, I think you will find--
Becky Bale: -- That I want to be your mate~.
Gumdrop: Would you please stop doing that!!
====

Gumdrop: Let us be honest, Ms. Bale. You have but a brief glimpse of my life which is not representative of who I am. I am not in this for adventure, fame or fortune. I have a dream of a quiet life. I seek a life removed from the hustle and bustle of the city and away from crime and murder. I wish to run a little bed and breakfast in the country. All of this... this job... is but a means to that end. Once I have achieved enough money to finance my dream, I will walk away from this life and live my dream. I highly suspect that you would not be happy in such a future and that I would not find contentment in the life you envision. Let us be mature and part ways as consenting adults, lest we both drive ourselves to personal ruin.
====

Ray: Wow. Way to go, Gumdrop. I didn't know you had it in you.
Gumdrop: I am rather amazed that we resolved that issue diplomatically. I fully expected pepper spray to be a required aspect of our break-up.
====

Ray: Right. On that note, if we stay in this universe any longer, there's a very real chance that we'll all start resolving our deep-seated emotional issues. And who wants to see that?
Lisa: Right. We're out of here. Sprocket, take us home.
====

Matter-Horn:​ This... does not look like home.

[CrazyPenguin]

Matter-Horn:​ This... does not look like home.

Of course not. It wouldn't be any fun if things went right.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DM: "One should generally avoid crushing the dreams of a person who's physical strength is sufficient to crush one's skull."

[Granhyt]

"Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated."
Oh, you just wait until your cybernetics don't function correctly because you've changed posture styles.
Wait, are you Lisa ? I thought you were playing Ray (not that it matter in the end).
While I'm asking questions and not posting quotes, which medium do you use for your game ? Instantchat, voice chat, pbp, irl, something else ? I've wondered since a few weeks.

[D.KnightSpider]

Wait, are you Lisa ? I thought you were playing Ray (not that it matter in the end).
While I'm asking questions and not posting quotes, which medium do you use for your game ? Instantchat, voice chat, pbp, irl, something else ? I've wondered since a few weeks.

Eh, that wasn't necessarily an IC response to an IC response; it was just me playing devil's advocate. Lisa loses all of her cybernetics and combat skills when ponified, so the joke was that when Digo is humanized, he'll lose all of his cybernetics as well.

It's an IRL game.

As toward who I play... I shall refrain from answering that question for the sake of preserving some lack of context! Bwahahahaha!

[DigoDragon]

Lisa: I'm just sayin'. If we ever end up in the Paw Patrol Universe, I will kill someone-- and not necessarily in-character.

Pffft... yeah, that would probably be justifiable homicide. XD



Lisa: Well, duh. With a name like 'Pepper Potts' how could she not have originally been a pony?

That's a good point. Pony names are weird.



Eh, that wasn't necessarily an IC response to an IC response; it was just me playing devil's advocate. Lisa loses all of her cybernetics and combat skills when ponified, so the joke was that when Digo is humanized, he'll lose all of his cybernetics as well.

I've been waiting about a month for my character to get his cybernetics installed. Unfortunately the GM is currently tied up with college work, so I gotta wait with just a partial component list for now. Part of me says "Eff It" and get the cyber-wings since 3 out of 5 PCs are pegasi, plus we have another two potential NPCs joining us on a raid that are pegasi.

[Khaiel]

GM: You are actually using Killer Queen as Joyce's presentation theme... Is it a JoJo joke?
Me: Isn't everything a JoJo joke?
Dunkel's Player: I believe [GM] is starting to consider adding Queen to the list of restricted themes for your characters.

Captain Jack: My common sense is tingling.

Professor NPC: There was this guy who only had my subject left. If he passed, he could graduate. So I made the exam incredibly difficult. He failed, and had to take the course again. But since he had already failed my subject twice before, I made the University's council force him to change degrees. *Evil laugh*
Pilot Cain (OOC): You failed Labor Law again, didn't you?
GM: Yes.

[DigoDragon]

Captain Jack: My common sense is tingling.

In my experience it's not a very common sense that tingles. :3


GM: “Fan Knife probably couldn't teach Viridia how to do swords better and would probably abandon that line of thinking after watching her use any melee weapon.”
Viridia: “Heyyy, I put some skill points into Melee this level!”
GM: “Well, she still only has about a 60% chance to hit the broad side of a barn, as of this moment.”
Viridia: “That's hardly relevant. Viridia has no quarrel with barns!”

Stitchheart: “Personally, Wagon, I would feel more confident about sticking an ice pick under a patient's eye and call them cured of all their ills.”

Doc: “Oookay, did you see what I saw? Cause I just saw Dr. Stitch go from pleasant ghoul willing to do a little surgery to suddenly flipping her s**t.”
Moonshadow: “I guess it's a sore subject for her.”
Doc: “Well then. Reckon I ought to see if someone pee'd in Stitch's oat-bran today.”

Doc: “That makes what, the 13th NPC to suddenly go from good mood to upset in just one post?”
Moon: “Doc has a gift.”
Doc: “It’s happened to Viridia too. Isn’t this kind of thing why Moonshadow has the Empathy perk? I think we need to prescribe some lithium to these NPCs.”
Viridia: “Well... drugging everyone we meet isn't the worst idea in the world.”

[Khaiel]

In my experience it's not a very common sense that tingles. :3
Common sense is, by far, the less common of senses in Jack's crew. Even more so if we are talking about Jack. This is the guy who decided that cutting an exploding orb of acid in half would be a good idea.

[bulbaquil]

Mage: "I'm going to juggle all the heads as we head back to the lady."
GM: "Give me... a Feat of Agility."
Mage: *rolls a 5* "That means I can juggle 5 heads at once, right?"

Bard: "I walk cautiously into the air."

[Illven]

Shiela (OOC) NOONE TOUCHES THE SANGUINE STAR
Michael (OOC) that's what you call your private area? I agree, no one has touched it

Michel "I move at the speed of commerce."
Hugh: "What kind of catchphrase is that?
Michel: "...Eh, that wasn't the greatest quip. I've had a rough day."
Hugh: "I'll say, hehehe"

[Vrock_Summoner]

I have no idea if anyone missed us, but the hiatus is over, folks! The Steven Universe-loving cosmic superhero gang is back, this time with a very short introduction blurb (love that word btw) since they didn't get one when I first started posting their quotes.

The setting is hard to simplify, but I'll try. Some nonexistent beings, the aptly-named Creators, created the universe so they'd be able to start existing (it makes sense in context) and made intelligence the primary thing allowing one to change the universe since it was the one thing they all had in common. Then they made some servants, the Angels, to preside over all the little local details while they maintained the laws of physics as a whole. That's all fine and dandy, until that stupid little blue planet's life accidentally evolves to have intelligence. It takes a few tens of millions of years for them to notice, since they weren't looking for it, and they've been busy for the last fourteen billion years and "yeah yeah, I'm almost done, give me just a minute to finish up and then I'll get to that" doesn't actually take just a minute. So now there are a bunch of organisms able to actually will change upon their surroundings, and the Creators group up to talk what to do about it. Except for one, Asra, who gets the bright idea to go to Earth and see what all the fuss is about... Followed by the even brighter idea to start adoring earth's intelligent life, at which point this spanner in the works thinks, "Hm, the universe would be a lot cooler if these guys were stronger." Tries to tear just a little itty bitty hole in spacetime to reach that nonexistence they formed the universe from to get the humans and other animals set to start being cosmic players, but of course, a couple of other nonexistent beings didn't appreciate never being allowed to exist (I swear it makes sense in context you gotta believe me) and one forces the hole open more to allow a bunch of other things that don't follow the laws of physics to wander in and get cozy. These are the Void Beings. And for some inexplicable reason they hold a grudge against the Creators (what a mystery amirite) and start trying to erase Earth and the Creators from existence.

Thankfully, that little "forcing open a hole in spacetime" thing had a little bit of success, increasing the frequency of humans with psychic potential by a huge amount and creating a handful of Anomalies, beings strong enough to go toe to toe with the Creators and, more importantly, help them fight the Void Beings. I mean, okay, it also did some bad stuff (did I mention Void Beings), but you can't always be so negative.

The game started at Power Level 20 and is now Power Level 23, for those who have any idea what those words mean. For those who don't, well... Let me give you a sense of how the scale increases. PL10 is the movie versions of Spiderman and the Fantastic 4. PL12 is around where the movie Avengers fall, while PL14 is more like movie Superman (I'm thinking specifically Man of Steel, but I think the scale was similar in the original Superman movies). By PL20... Well, let's just say the heroes' second Void Being turned a large island to ash in one attack and could precisely snipe anywhere on the planet in fast succession with that attack, and their third Void Being's opening move would've literally erased Earth from existence if one of the heroes hadn't Nullified it.

So, our heroes.

Aurora, the human Anomaly, a nineteen-year-old (trans)woman currently filling the "broke college student" shoes. She's the most magical-seeming one, using force fields for defense and creating big, overtly supernatural effects to fight. She comes off as a sci-fi psychic turned up to eleven, attacking with cosmic storms and reality manipulation or teleporting everyone around and using mental communication, and is arguably the most powerful and versatile character in the group, but her main weakness is her humanity; if somebody shuts down her powers, she's barely any more durable or threatening than your typical trained combatant, which means just about nothing at this scale. She's also merciful way beyond the point of sanity, advocating for (and at one point splitting the group over) the lives of any Void Being who shows intelligence and any more depth of character than just wanting to destroy everything. In lighter-hearted news, she's currently in a polyamorous relationship with Gambi, Shae, and an NPC artificial intelligence named Alexa.

Dante, the psychic ghost Anomaly, created during the big event that let in all the Void Beings because a few tens of millions of psychic spirits got pulled into one spot and combined into him. His powers are based largely on lightning and martial arts. His personality is in relatively constant flux, and he has trouble pursuing any long-term goals and relationships because he's liable to develop widely different opinions on things from day to day. Occasionally he's been an outright monster because of this, but most of the time he's just a goofball who tries to live in the moment and causes some inconvenience and confusion for his friends over it. He's convinced himself several times that his one constant personality trait is his care for Gambi, and that he thinks he could manage a romantic relationship with her. She was willing at first, but that "several times" bit should clue you in on how constant those feelings really were, and she's mostly given up on him by this point.

Shae, one of the Creators, governing, in general terms, shapes, states of being, and the fact that things exist separately from one another. Her powers are based in transformation and shapeshifting, mainly, with her most common tricks being things like turning her arm into a serpentine dragon, stretching/hardening her limbs ala Parasyte, and spontaneously turning objects near her opponents into nuclear weaponry. However, while these are what she's known for, her potential for manipulating reality within her domain is nearly limitless, given the instrumental roll she played in creating the universe to begin with. She got along with the party well enough from the start, though it took her a while to get used to personal relationships and she's been constantly struggling with how quickly things are happening since she spent the previous fourteen billion years existence in relative stasis, watching grand physical events unfold at the scale of millions of years. Aurora and Shae, however, developed a particularly close bond early on, which eventually escalated into mutual romantic attraction. A lot of nearly world-ending drama went down when Shae couldn't wrap her head around Aurora being polyamorous, assumed it meant their emotional connection had been a lie, and then decided she no longer trusted Aurora's judgment about sparing Void Beings and split the party over her desire to kill them all. They worked it out during a climactic scene and are now in a relationship, though it's still somewhat awkward. Last thing of note, Shae's development of emotional connections with the party and her growing love for Steven Universe caused her to subconsciously alter the laws of physics to allow fusion (as in the fantasy kind, not nuclear fusion). No joke.

Finally, Gambi, the strongest of the Angels. She went rogue quite a long time ago for... complicated and meaningful reasons. (The Creators are self-important jerks! Boring self-important jerks!) Despite her own age numbering in the billions of years like Shae, they couldn't be more different. Gambi is an obsessive inventor and avid partaker in consumer culture, spending most of her free time enjoying books, television, and video games. She's very casual, but also fairly wild, seeking to live in the moment and get swept away in her feelings. She butted heads with almost everyone in the group at some time or another, Shae for being a Creator and generally too rigid, Dante for being so inconsistent, and Aurora because of Gambi's own lack of actual combat experience and jealousy over what she saw as favoritism towards Shae, but she ended up becoming the heart of the team due to her relentless optimism, empathy, and ability to come up with solutions to problems. She mainly fights through her native explosion-based powers and her wide variety of inventions.

I'm pretty sure every other named character I've provided quotes for is a Void Being the party spared (except for Lucy, who is an actual, normal dog), but to quickly recap them:

Algor: Short for Algorithm. The first one they spared, since he didn't even realize there was intelligent life on the planet when he attacked and immediately stopped when he found out. Super nice, but easily tricked. Usually looks like a floating black box, but can take a combat form where he looks like one of those fist-fighting robots from the movies.

Vespin: Only has animalistic intelligence, so it's basically the team pet. Lucy takes exception to this, so they play quarrel quite a bit. Looks like a hole in reality in the general shape of an arachnoid dragon. Adorable, I know.

Cretin: The unwilling, permanent fusion of a human mad scientist villain and a previously evil but reformed Void Being named Itto. Since the fusion is imperfect, Cretin lacks most of Itto's original laser-based abilities, and is constantly leaking toxins from all over his extremely fat, humanoid body. But he managed to get the best of both worlds personality-wise, being far less villainously-inclined than either of his constituent parts.

Azulus: The Blue Titan, released when an incident caused a temporary slip in the hole in reality, making it even bigger for just long enough to let in two extremely powerful Void Beings. He's much stronger than the party, and has the ability to manipulate minds (though Aurora is immune), so when the party beat him by the skin of their teeth with help from the other Creators, everybody else in the party strongly opposed Aurora's decision to spare him. This resulted in the party splitting for quite a while, until they were forced back together by the other of the two super powerful Void Beings and made up their differences. Azulus remains docile mostly out of a sense of guilt for causing the party divisions and remains untrusted by Shae, though Gambi and Dante warmed up to him.

Aurora: *looks at menu, almost spits out drink, then looks sheepishly across table at Gambi *
Gambi: What?
Aurora: Y'know the great thing about restaurants? The appetizers are big enough to be a meal! So how about we just...
Gambi: I wanna get a meal... *pout*
Aurora: Y-yeah, that's fine too. *looks at wallet sadly*

Gambi: Now, I summon my rambunctious phoenix!
Aurora: That sounds like a band name.

Dante: The great thing about being a sci-fi hero is you can wipe out a whole species and everyone will forget by next episode.
Gambi: Great point! Say, given your unique origins, you count as the last of your species, don't you?
Dante: I'll behave, jeez.

Dante: I think this'd be great with a bowl of lice.

Aurora: You always find new and exciting ways to activate my gag reflex.
Dante: Heh, that sounds dirty.

Gambi: It just occurred to me that a strangely large number of songs have something to say about how people's tears taste.

Azulus: And now, for the opening act... Videos of pandas!
Dante: You can't win me over with cuteness.
Azulus: ... Pandas... Tearing off people's faces?
Dante: Take me now.

Aurora: Oh jeez, is Dante having one of those days?
Gambi: How many of Dante's days can't be described that way, really?

Aurora: Wait, we have a fanbase now?
Shae: You sound upset. Isn't popularity advantageous?
Aurora: Ostensibly, yes, but...
Gambi: You're about to meet the darkest corner of humanity.

Dante: Fandooom! *crowd surfs*
Aurora: Wow, he's popular. I'm happy for him, he seems to feed off the crowd... Maybe he's finally found his element.
Gambi: [walks up to Aurora, whispers in ear] You're now worried about what fate awaits his fangirls.
Aurora: Is it your goal to just ruin all innocence?
Gambi: ... Asked their fathers.
Aurora: Gaaaah!

Dante: Why yes, I did get swallowed by a giant clone of Bill Clinton. And yes, it was kind of erotic. Great questions.
Gambi: Wait, is that why you were so eager to-
Dante: Next question.

Dante: Honey, things become more ethical when you're famous. No exceptions.

Shae: I feel unquotable today...

[Khaiel]

Eric: Why is Garrus the Sergeant? I thought High Command had decided the officer in charge would be Liara.
Garrus: Last minute recommendation from High Councilor Sorin.
Liara: Damn, so that's why it didn't work, he prefers men...
Garrus: I got promoted the "Shooting giant robots with a high caliber gun" way, not "that" way.

Eric: We are supposed to be the experts?
Liara: Well, we better start working with this defense system then. What's the worst that could happen?
Garrus: You guys do that... I'll be in the officer's barracks. Writing my will.

Liara: Ok Logain, I now need you to distract the other Colossus for another 18 seconds.
Logain: F*** you.

Liara: Oh my god! I've just realized! The Vetala from the other day was called Garlick Sunlight! And Vetalas are vampires!
Garrus: And she is supposed to be the intelligent one...

GM: As you walk back the corridor, unconscious Logain in your arms, you see a the giant robot wolf, now facing you and prepared to attack.
Garrus: I'm so glad I wrote my will earlier today.

Garrus: In the last three hours, my squad has been stabbed, shot at with guns, shot at with cannons, shot at with psychic powers, burnt alive, dismembered, exsanguinated, pursued by a giant robot wolf and forced to clean the mess at the hall. So when I ask you for a bottle of brandy I am not taking a no for an answer.

[Tentreto]

A few from a Fate based Pokémon one-shot, set at the lake of rage
A wannabe Gym leader who eventually tried to release Gyrados on Mahogany to build a gym there. He failed, but still claimed the reward for taking out the base, and built a gym with it.

An International police Investigator who was investigating the lake. He got promoted.

An Ex-rocket member wondering why Team Rocket is trying a third time-who with the Investigator probably inadvertently foiled multiple other plots and between them released the Gyrados in the base.

A Black belt who was just there. He survived basically everything exploding and got the award for 'best bystander.'

And a Coordinator who was incredibly 'fabulous' and got showed up so much by the Rocket and black belt that he attempted to try to take out the Black belt and went essentially mad.

Cookie to whoever can guess who I was

Gym Wannabe: (When Picking Pokemon) I'm not much of a Gym leader, I have all different types...wait, I can be Gym leader of Multi-type Pokemon!

Coord:I run into the lake.
DM:You mean the lake which is currently electrified, covered in smog and has two rampaging Gyrados in it?
Player:...Yes?

Coordinator My wigglytuff uses Disarming voice!
DM: The sound is terrible, so terrible all the combee in the area come to defend the queen from the terrible singer.
Ex-rocket My altaria uses sing to calm the besmiquen.
DM: Your singing is so good you make the Besmiquen docile.
Coordinator: ...I need your altaria...
DM: Oh, the combee are still angry at you by the way.


Coordinator: I laugh maniacally as my wigglytuff destroys all the machinery in the room.
Black belt: You do realise we're meant to be the good guys?
Coord: Nope, at this point, I'm pretty much forming my own evil team.
Black belt: Well, at least I'm next to you, as a black belt, with fists...

Ex-Rocket: So, who do you work for?
Investigator: I work for the international police, why?
Ex-Rocket: No reason...
Investigator: Its kind of obvious you are an ex-rocket member you know.
Ex-Rocket: Yep....err, well this is awkward...

(Running away from a stampede of Gyrados in an underwater tunnel)
B Belt and Coord: We roll to trip the other.
DM: Just to say, whoever loses, gets trampled, the other escapes and gets home dry.
Later...
DM: When the police uncover the ruined base, they find alive among the rubble a slightly disfigured Coordinator with a permanent smile on his face, still alive.
Coord: He mutters, 'Team fabulous will rise' over and over...'

IP player: As you did help me take out the base, I'll let you go, but don't let me find you.
Ex-Rocket Ok, can I get a reward from the town before I go?
DM: You kind of have to leave quickly, so probably not.
Ex-Rocket: Ok, I'll just grab that Porygon I knocked out and run.
IP: Hey!

Ex-Rocket:(OOC)In my defence, I think only the investigator knew I was actually Ex-Rocket. Probably helped I didn't have a rattata...

[digiman619]

Gambi: Now, I summon my rambunctious phoenix!
Aurora: That sounds like a band name.

You sure they weren't playing Yu-Gi-Oh!? Because tat sounds like Yu-Gi-Oh!.

[Vrock_Summoner]

You sure they weren't playing Yu-Gi-Oh!? Because tat sounds like Yu-Gi-Oh!.
You're thinking of the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian. :smalltongue:

These guys only over-dramatically play games that don't already have TV shows about them. Them playing Risk was hilarious, but it became worrisome when they started negotiating with hostages during Monopoly.

[digiman619]

You're thinking of the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian. :smalltongue:

You leave Shamus out of this!

[ZeroGear]

Joey: "Man this place is creepy."
Prof. Mason: "Especially with all these portraits."
Davis: "This guy must really be full of himself to have all these pictures hanging here."
Serrah: "I'll say. Almost feels like they're watching us. Right Linsey?"
*Beat*
Serrah: "Linsey?"
DM: This is the part where you realize that the failed spot check from earlier was to see if anyone would notice your team mate disappearing.

DM: You enter a room that is decked out like a chapel. As you look around, you notice a familiar looking girl near the altar, wearing what most would recognize as a wedding dress.
Serrah: "Linsey?"
Linsey: "Hi guys! Are you here for my wedding?"

Barron Fawk-Fawk: "You shall not take my bride!"
Davis: "We'll see about that."
B. F-F: "Well then, en grade!" *Draws a rapier*
Davis: *draws gun and shoots*
Everyone else: *stares at Davis*
Davis: "What? Gun beats sword. This is an established fact ever since Raiders of the Last Arc."

B. F-F: "You shot me!"
Davis: "Yes, yes I did."
B. F-F: "You shot me! In the leg!"
Davis: "Be happy I didn't dump you into an incinerator first."

New Guy in dungeon (Merton): "Hi there."
Prof. Mason: "You don't look like you belong here."
Merton: "No, I really don't. Can you get me out?"
Serrah: "Depends, what are you in for?"
Merton: "Not handing over my collection of antique scrolls of Egyptian spells."
Joey: "Why do you even have those?"
Merton: "I have a vast collection of items regarding the supernatural and mysterious. I collect such things. It's a hobby."
Serrah: "So you're a gothic nerd then?"
Merton: "I prefer Occult enthusiast."

Prof. Mason: "Anyone find anything interesting?"
Serrah: "Nah, just a waste basket full of used tissues."
Davis: "Just a bunch of rags on the bed."
Joey: "I found a jar labeled 'granny'. I think there are ashes in it."
Linsey: "I found a toupee!"
Merton: "Guys! Give me those things!"
Prof. Mason: "Why?"
Merton: "Those fit the bill for ingredients in a voodoo doll!"

Merton: "Two, Four, Six, Eight! Who do we assassinate?"

Boss Tanner: "I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU INTO A HAT!"
Linsey: "A pretty hat?"
BT: "IT SHALL BE THE MOST FABULOUS HAT I HAVE EVER CREATED!"

BT: "Get back here and die with dignity!"
Joey: "Screw dignity! I'll trade dignity for another day on earth!"