The deck of many silly things

[martixy]

The deck of many things are is a legendary and very well known item in the realm of D&D.
So are its campaign-upsetting powers.

Many DMs don't want to have to deal with it, I myself among them.

But I do want to include the deck of many silly things.

But what should it do?

Here is what I've come up with so far:

- Teleports you 10 feet in a random direction, you appear at that spot after 1 round.
- Makes you feel queazy/dizzy for all day. No actual effect.
- Makes you smell of flowers for a whole day.
- You repel mugs. DC10 Reflex save to catch a mug. Permanent or until break enchantment.
- Curses you with horrifying bed hair. Permanent or until break enchantment.
- Calls a mephit to you. It's always the same for each character. They're usually harmless. It may however be the servant of some powerful creature which might seek satisfaction for disturbing its work. The creature is under no obligation to you. But it might make for a friend if you treat it well, if its master doesn't.
- All wooden items you wield clank as if they were made of metal.
- The character's tongue grows until he is able to easily touch his nose.
- The next morning the character finds by his side a ferret. It won't leave his side. He now has a pet ferret(weasel). It is a Tiny Animal, with the stats of a weasel. It is very wily, Handle animal checks are increased by +2.
- Any drink you touch with your hands turns very slightly lemony. Refreshing drinks for everyone!
- You gain a tattoo of a butterfly on the small of your back. It can be removed by a remove curse or heal, but comes back 1 day later. Break enchantment removes it permanently.
- You gain the ability to grow a majestic beard in the span of a week. Regardless of gender.
- You get the hiccups (-4 to move silently). You can suppress them for 1 minute with a DC10 Fortitude save. It goes away in a week or with break enchantment.
- You suffer heterochromia. Your eyes become of a different color each.
- You get a tan.
- Each time you draw this card you get a papercut. No matter how tough you are.
- Birds start crapping on you far too frequently to be a coincidence. DC 20 Reflex save to avoid.
- You get smacked by a snowball in the back of your head when you draw this card. It happens no matter where you are.
- A Solar decides to be pen-pals with you. His first letter materializes in front of you immediately. You may send letters back to him by putting them in the envelope his letter arrived in and leaving it under your pillow overnight.
- The character gains a personal demi-plank. It is made of darkwood and is about a foot long. Feel free to draw eyes and a mouth on it yourself.
- When you tickle someone they sneeze.
- Cake in front of you.

Help me expand it!

[Lvl 2 Expert]

- Draw another card, but put it back without looking
- When in the presence of someone who reveals important information you will get the urge to start singing about that information. For one month or until break enchantment.
- 7 of clubs

[Necromancy]

Might I suggest looking to the robe of useless items for inspiration?

Version 1
d%------Result
01-05: 21 piece iron dinner set (bent forks, knives and spoons)
06-10: Sack (large) with a hole (medium)
11-15: Pile of Rope scraps (10 lb)
16-20: Dead herring (fresh, feeds 1)
21-25: Broken glass shards (5 lb, multicolored)
26-30: Mask that takes on appearance of wearer
31-35: 2-legged stool (wooden)
36-40: Scroll with equations for centroids of objects
41-45: Walnut shells (25 lb)
46-50: Clay mug (chipped)
51-55: Wand of 'Polymorph Shoes' (1d6 x5 charges)
56-60: Half-eaten sandwich (wearer's choice)
61-65: Scroll of Bigby's Middle Finger
66-70: Quaal's Feather Token, Rock
71-75: Pile of dead bees (10 lb)
76-80: A sponge (5'x5'x5')
81-85: Vial of purple ink that only writes the writer's name
86-90: Set of Dice
91-95: Vial of Troll Mucus (1d4 doses)
96-00: Old Pirate Map

Version 2
d% Result
01–08 Bag of 100 clearly counterfeit gold pieces. A DC 10 Spot check or DC 5 Appraise check reveals the falsehood.
09–15 Tiny tin coffer (1/2 inch by 1/2 inch by 1 inch.), no value.
16–22 Door, paper (up to 10 ft. wide and 10 ft. high with no lock — must be placed upright, attaches and hinges itself)
23–30 Shiny stones, 10 (No value)
31–44 Ladder, wooden (24 ft. long). It's rotten and broken, anything more than 20 lbs of weight breaks it.
45–51 A dead mule.
52–59 Pit, open (10 ft. by 10 ft. by 10 ft.) which appears immediately under you.
60–68 Potion of cure minor wounds
69–75 Rowboat (12 ft. long), leaks. Will sink 1d10 rounds after launching, or twice as long if actively removing water each round.
76–83 Paper with explosive runes, with the appearance of a scroll.
84–90 Pair of wolves which are hostile to you.
91–96 Cloudy Opaque Window (2 ft. by 4 ft., up to 2 ft. deep).
97–100 Large sized portable ram animated object which attempts to attack the closest thing to it (typically you).


Google it and get a dozen more variations. All chock full of ridiculous

[Gildedragon]

Take the standard DoMT results and twist them to something silly
The fortress is either a folly (a castle shaped like an elephant) or a bouncy keep
The enchanted sword swap out for a silly weapon or piece of armor... Etc

[Cerefel]

Another good place to look for ideas would be the drawbacks for cursed magic items.

[DirePorkChop]

I have some good ideas for this:

Ghost: someone believes that you are the spirit of their dead relative. Lasts forever or until wish/ miracle.
Poo: No matter where, no matter when, you will always step in poo at least 3 times per day. Poo of different kinds. Ie: The royal chamber pot is emptied right before you walk out the door, the griffons being ridden by the watch captains leave a soggy mess right where you were about to step. You always smell like poo. -1 to diplomacy/ +10 to handle animal (dung beetles only, and you may use handle animal to influence vermin)
Village: You are considered the village idiot everywhere you go. People talk really slow to you, give you treats for no reason, and congratulate your party members on being so forward thinking and progressive with handling someone who is "differently abled". People perceive you like sloth from the goonies, you poor unfortunate soul.
The Liar: For the next 24 hours, every lie you tell is perceived as the truth, even though it isn't, but every truth you tell is looked at as a lie, even if it isn't.
The Ass: Everyone you meet for the next two weeks thinks that you are a jerk. There is nothing that you can do about this. The effect wears off after these two weeks.
The Yodeler: Any time you meet a member of the opposite sex with a charisma over 14, you spontaneously burst into a yodel. You get a single permanent rank added to perform (Yodeling), but you may never increase this skill, even if it is a class skill.

[Jay R]

I want something halfway between this and the Deck of Many Things. Something that can improve or hurt the character in ways that will affect the game in a meaningful way, but not at the game-breaking level.

Lose or gain one minor item, one skill become a class skill (or a class skill becomes cross-class), etc.