LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[ArlEammon]

Notice: This is mostly a support thread. There is an LGBTAI+ Q&A Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?386745-LGBTAI-Questions-and-Discussion-thread-II-Make-It-Double&p=18487367#post18487367) right here.

The AI is for All-Inclusive because we have only so much space in the title, but everyone, regardless of orientation, direction, letter, acronym or chosen astrological symbol is welcome here!

We do, unfortunately, have a few rules. We are not an anarchist state! Or, we weren't until we voted we were? But shush.

1. We are primarily a support thread.
This means that the primary focus should be in helping people here feel better; about themselves, about their lives, about their problems. We are also an education thread, but when helping someone learn involves not supporting, we will default to support - Mostly. We are only mostly human, after all.

All of the other rules are basically precisions of rule #1.

2. If you want answers to triggering topics, spoiler-box or ask them privately.
Triggering topics are those which are likely to make other people feel bad, in any way whatsoever: for instance, rape, violence, bullying and many others may be triggering to some people. If someone, even just that one individual person, has a problem with a topic because it stirs demons best left in their pit, Do. Not. Bring. It. Up. Publicly. Use a spoiler box and think carefully about whether this is the place to broach the topic at all (see rule #1: "We are primarily a support thread.")

If you have questions or need help on something that involves triggering topics, please use spoiler tags and label your spoilers for trigger warnings. When in doubt, put trigger warnings.

3. Avoid discussing politics or religion.
It doesn't matter how much these two topics intersect with our forum topic, they are verboten. Sometimes, hints are...looked over, such as, "Man, in my country being gay sucks," but detail is right out, and even that could be considered willful disregard. Be careful. As the moderators themselves often say, if you aren't sure, don't.

4. Do not discuss moral justification.
No one here is going to discuss whether or not it's Right" or "Okay" to be LGBTAEIOUsometimesY or anything else. It's not topical, it's not relevant. We are, and we are here to cope with that and with the stresses it causes.
And no, my joking acronym doesn't constitute considering this rule less important.

5. Do not post sexually explicit content.
It's against forum rules, it's against decorum, and it will get us shut down pretty fast. What adults do behind closed doors is cool, and allusion is fine. Anything that could involve a diagram, though? No.

6. Avoid unfriendly debates.
Several topics of conversation have created huge arguments that made several people uncomfortable and defied our goal of being a support thread. This is especially true debates of definition. These do not always end well, and are best avoided.

Fight Club, AKA things we do not talk about.
This thread has a past of traumatic experiences which we would rather not repeat, and some topics which have created (in)famous rows include:
- The precise distinction between bi- and pansexual;
- What is or isn't a polyamorous relationship;
- Whether transgender is more correct than transgendered.
- Whether people who have homosexual sex should be able to give blood.
(Other topics may be added to the list.)
Unless you need support or help about this, please refrain from bringing up these topics.

Also, if a conversation that is not about support runs long, spoiler it if possible, even if it is polite.

Glossary of Common Terms

For reference, here is a list of commonly-used words in our community along with their definitions. Please keep in mind that this vocabulary is constantly evolving and that this list may not be complete. Any contributions to the list are appreciated.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*

LGBTAI: LGBT+Asexual/Aromantic/Agender+Intersex/All-Inclusive

QUILTBAG:
Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender/Transsexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual/Aromantic/Agender
G - Gay, Genderqueer

GSRM: Gender, Sexuality, and Romantic Minorities; sometimes only GSM

Where a word below is in italics, that means it has its own entry on the list.

A note on labels: many of these labels are seemingly interchangeable, and for some people they are. However, please do not presume to correct or judge another person's use of a label. Bisexual and pansexual are especially tricky in this regard, as are transgender and transsexual to a lesser degree.
Often the difference in why one person feels one label is appropriate and not another is deeply personal. If you wish to know more it is probably a topic to seek private advice on, from one of the people listed in the next section.

AFAB/AMAB: Assigned Female/Male at Birth.

Agender: Someone who lacks a gender.

Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.

Androsexual: A person who is attracted to men.

Asexual: A person who does not feel sexual attraction.

Assignment/Assigned Gender:-The gender which someone is assigned at birth.

Bigender: Someone who identifies as both male and female (or as any two genders) either simultaneously or alternating. See also Genderqueer, Genderfluid

Binary, The: See: Gender Binary.

Bisexual: 1. attracted to two genders; 2. attracted to one's own gender and another gender; 3. attracted to various genders; 4. attracted to people regardless of gender; 5. ask the person who says they're bi what exactly they mean by that. See also Pansexual

Cis: See: Cisgender

Cisgender (CG): Somebody whose gender and sex align.

Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone only after they have formed an intense emotional relationship with them.

Dysphoria: The etymological opposite of "euphoria." A state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction. In this context, generally referring to the discomfort or dissociation Trans* people feel with their own body.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Female: See: Woman

Female-to-Male (FtM): Someone who was assigned female at birth, but is male. (AKA: trans man)

FAAB: Female Assigned at Birth.

Feminine: Something generally associated by society with women.

FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. Associated primarily with MAAB Trans people

FtM: See: Female to Male

Gay: See: homosexual.

Gender Binary: The commonly held notion that there are only men and women on two extremes, with nothing in between.

Gender Expression (GE): How one expresses their Gender Identity to society.

Gender Identity (GI): How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other".

Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between different genders.

Genderqueer (GQ): Someone who is not of a binary gender; someone who is neither male nor female.

Gynosexual: A person who is attracted to women.

Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.

Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their own gender.

HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's tend to progesterone, estrogens and androgen blockers, while FtM's take testosterone almost exclusively.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.

MAAB: Male Assigned at Birth.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Man/men: A cis man or trans man. Male.

Masculine: Something generally associated by society with men.

Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender. See also Bisexual

Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.

Presenting: Trans* shorthand for appearing as their preferred gender, regardless of any HRT, SRS or other changes.

Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender primarily, with the asterisk denoting that the trans- prefix could be followed by any number of appropriate words. It also includes other labels, and is a catch-all term for people who identify as something other than their biological sex at birth.

Note: While "Trans*" was at one time preferred terminology, of late it has become seen as problematic for various reasons, and is being phased out of use. The preferred term at this time is simply "Trans". You use the term in the definition of dysphoria.
Also, FtM and MtF are sometimes seen as problematic, and i've been seeing a lot more 'Trans man/Trans woman' for target gender, moving on to 'Trans-feminine/Trans-masculine' which describes the direction of change, but does not define an end point.
"Transsexual" is also being phased out as being a bit obsessed with crotch bits and orientation linked either to the cis obsession with genital configuration, or the proven false idea that transgender people are just "super gay".

Transgender: Used in reference to a person whose sex(body) and gender(mind) are at odds or do not match. A transgender person can also identify as genderqueer, transsexual, or may use transgender as their only identity.

Transitioning: The process a Trans* person undergoes to move to their preferred gender. Often includes HRT, SRS, FFS.

Transsexual: In common terms the same as transgender above. In medical terms refers specifically to people who wish to transition from male to female or female to male, not accommodating any other options.

SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.

Sexual Orientation (SO): How one identifies who they are attracted to.

Significant Other(s) (SO): Person(s) you are in a relationship with.

Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa. Also a person who feels they do not identify with any other gender identity.

Woman: A cis woman or trans woman. Female.

Allies: Heterosexual-Cisgender people who support equality for sexual, gender, and romantic minorities.

Aromantic: a person who does not experience romantic attraction.

Non-Binary: Same as Genderqueer.

Enby: Shortened form of "Non-binary".
Private Consultation.

We have a list of people who are willing and able to discuss topics that may not be thread-appropriate but are still topical. They can be reached by Personal Message (PM), thought they may not respond immediately, or may be on sabbatical.

Don't be afraid to reach out and talk to them.

Many of us on the list are more than willing to listen to your questions or concerns and will not just lash out in hostility or anger.


Name: Especially familiar with the topic(s) of
Absol197: Gender identity issues.
Philemonite: Relationships, depression.
Astrella: GSRM rights, feminism, trans stuff, Skype.
Chess435: Skype.
Eirala: Trans stuff (esp emotional issues), Skype(no voice or video, however).
Eldest: General/basics, bisexuality, polyamory, pansexuality will Skype(voice if needed, no video).
Enrico Dandolo (Caroline): Trans stuff, mental health, feminism, asexuality, hugs, make-up advice. PM first, Skype chat if asked.
Golentan: Mental health, fluid and questioning sexualities, and issues arising from sexual trauma.
HMS Sophia: Trans stuff (esp hormones).
inuyasha: Shoulder on which to cry, someone to listen.
Irish Musician: PM, Rants/Venting.
KenderWizard: General/basics, gender and feminism, bisexuality.
Kesnit: Trans stuff (FtM), legal issues.
Lea Plath: Genderfluidity.
Lentrax: General/basics, depression, bullying.
Lix Lorn: General/basics.
Lycunadari: Genderqueer and agendered.
Metditto: PM/Skype for L, T, GQ, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), demisexual, feminism, therapy, depression, dissociative identities.
Miraqariftsky: Family issues, transfolk issues, bullying, depression
Musashi: General/basics, asexuality/demisexuality, depression.
Mystic Muse: Skype-y goodness.
noparlpf: General/basics, asexuality, greysexuality, biology, Skype.
Partysan: PM/Skype, polyamory, pansexuality, BDSM(Off-thread or Spoiler Triggered), Rants/Venting.
Socratov: Skype-ness.
TaiLiu: General Transgender information, transphobia.
Warkitty: Academic/technical discussions, Make-up advice.
Wormwood74: Transgender legal issues, transgender outside contacts.

Some people are also willing to talk off-board, through Skype or email or other means; this is especially useful if your question involves board-forbidden topics such as religion or politics. Also, we can't (and ethically shouldn't!) give medical advice. If you need medical advice, please see a professional!

And as a parting note, I will say that even though moderators do not read PMs, they are still part of the forum and still subject to forums rules. Non-allowed topics and discussion should NOT be conducted via PM.


Previous Incarnations

Like the Glorious and Unconquered Sun, we have risen, lived, died, and risen anew, with many faces, many voices, many hearts. In this past, much can be found, both good, and bad, should one be brave or perhaps, foolish, enough to seek it.


LGBT people in the playground

LGBT people in the playground - part II

LGBTitp - part III

LGBTitp 4: We are a family?

LGBTitp - Part Five

LGBTitp - Part Six

LGBTitp - Part Seven

LGBTitp - Part Eight

LGBTitp - Part Nine

LGBTAitp - Part Ten

LGBTAitp - Part Eleven

LGBTAitp - Part Twelve

LGBTAitp - Part Thirteen

LGBTAitp - Part Fourteen

LGBTAitp - Part Fifteen

LGBTAitp - Part Sixteen

LGBTAitp - Part Seventeen

LGBTAitp - Part Eighteen!

LGBTAitp - Part Nineteen

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty - Critical Hit!

LGBTAitp - Part Twenty-One - BLACKJACK!

LGBTAitP Part 22: The Best There Is

LGBTAitP Part 23: Et tu, ~Bianca?

LGBTAitP: Alphabet Soup-with 24 different Vitamins!

LGBTAitP part 25: Doing Away With Subtitles

LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

LGBTAitP 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

LGBTAitP #28: Come Taste the Rainbow!

LGBTAitP #29: The Rainbow Outreach Program

LGBTAitP 30: Free Cuddles (Enquire Within)

LGBTAitP #31: Cuddles Are On Back Order. Have Some Snuggles!

LGBTAitp #32: The Great Plushie Invasion!

LGBTAitp #33: The Thread at the End of the Rainbow!

LGTAitP #34: <3!!

LGBTAitp #35: What Midlife Crisis? :3

LGBTAitp #36: May Contain Bites!

LGBTAitP #37: Once upon a time...

LGBTAitP #38: Once More With Feeling!!

LGBTAitP #38: Making Your Way in the World Today....

LGBTAitP #40: Technicolour Partyboat

LGBTAitp #41 - Imprecise Terminology Supercenter

LGBTAitp #42: Better Than Skittles/The Meaning of Life!

LGBTAitp #43 [Insert snappy subtitle here]

LGBTAIitP #44: Quick, We Need To Vote A New Title!

LGBTAIitP #45: Rainbow Anarchy

LGBTAitP #46: I Cast Prismatic Hugs

LGBTAIitp #47: Weather Control Central

LGBTAIitp #48: For a Cuddly Tomorrow!

LGBTAIitp #49: Please check all baggage before boarding the Rainbow Rail Road

LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This Thread Has Exceeded its Maximum Awesome Level

LGBTAI+ 51: Lay That Hammer Down!

LGBTAI+ 52: Aces High

LGBTAI+ 53: The Nefarious Rainbow Syndicate

LGBTAI+ 54: A Full Deck

LGBTAI+ 55: AKA The Page We'll Get to if I Don't Make a New One

LGBTAI+ 56: Prismatic Spray (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?424207-LGBTAI-56-Prismatic-Spray!)

LGBTAI+ 57: I Love You, Always Forever






Webcomics that touch on... Well, everything related to the thread.
Venus Envy. (http://www.venusenvycomic.com/) Long dead webcomic. The creator has chosen not to continue it and move forward in life.
Rain. (http://rain.thecomicseries.com/comics/first/) A story of a MtF girl in high school.
Khaos Komix. (http://www.khaoskomix.com/)As the creator puts it(from his site): "A complete GLBTWTFBBQ comic about gender and sexuality. (Trigger warnings for EVERYTHING and nothing is safe for work.)"
Always Raining Here. (http://alwaysraininghere.com/index.php/first-page/) "Adrian is heartsick, Carter is horny. This is a story about their misadventures as awkward teenagers as they fumble through unrequited romances."
Tripping over you. (http://trippingoveryou.com/comic/gmorning-sunshine/)An awkward blind date leads to better options.
Questionable Content. (http://www.questionablecontent.net/) The LGBTA characters are fairly well done, and not stereotypes.
What's normal anyway. (http://whatsnormalanyway.net/?p=93) "What’s Normal Anyway? is a comic that discusses the trans male experience through the story of Mel, who takes the big risk of being himself and transitioning from female to male."
Princess. (http://the-princess.funonthe.net/) A webcomic.
Twokinds. (http://twokinds.keenspot.com/) Keveak: "It generally portrays GRSM matters positively and is quite a nice tale overall."
Misfile (Misfile.com) The Rose Dragon: "Ash is a young boy who, as a result of a screw-up in Heaven, gets stuck in a girl's body in a life he doesn't recognize, and has to deal with the changes and challenges of his new body while trying to get back his old life. Supernatural hijinks and car racing are involved."
Portside Stories (http://portsidestories.tumblr.com/) A cute(and recently started) webcomic.
El Goonish Shive (http://www.egscomics.com/) A long running webcomic, that I've heard often touches on lgbta relevant stuff.
Validation (http://www.validationcomic.com/) A Slice of Life webcomic focusing on Ally, a young transger woman, just living her life.
Wildflowers (http://wildflowers.smackjeeves.com/comics/1579765/ve-shoutout/) A self proclaimed triggering comic dealing with suicide, depression, dysphoria and more.

I know I missed a few webcomics, and if anyone finds more, feel free to PM them to me with a brief description, and I will add them.

And a picture made by the Giant to celebrate gay amrriage legalization in America.

http://www.giantitp.com/Images/gitpkick/PrismaticSpray.png

[Siosilvar]

You seem to have lost all the formatting. Quote the original OP before the thread is closed and copy that instead.

[ArlEammon]

You seem to have lost all the formatting. Quote the original OP before the thread is closed and copy that instead.

Sorry. (See what I did there)?

[Siosilvar]

And a free link to the old thread for the list: LGBTAI+ 57: I Love You, Always Forever

edit, for anyone wondering: Yes, this works, it was added... last year, maybe? There's a [post] tag too, IIRC.

Proof: LGBTAI+ 57: I Love You, Always Forever

[JNAProductions]

So how is everyone?

[Iethloc]

So how is everyone?

Not well. I technically got a job in June, but they hired too many people so I got put in reserve. It put me in a downward spiral, but I think I'm past the worst of it now.

Finding another job would be extraordinarily hard, given my various health problems.

[JNAProductions]

Not well. I technically got a job in June, but they hired too many people so I got put in reserve. It put me in a downward spiral, but I think I'm past the worst of it now.

Finding another job would be extraordinarily hard, given my various health problems.

*Offers hugs*

I'm sorry to hear that. Though I am glad you're past the worst of it.

If I can do anything to help, just let me know.

[golentan]

So how is everyone?

Stressing. Hard. The explosions tonight aren't helping, but mostly I'm stressed about my upcoming board exam and my ability to function as a human being.

[Grytorm]

Somewhat depressed, but it could be worse I guess. Are you holding up okay?

[Jormengand]

So how is everyone?

Alive, I guess? Not in the best of ways. Struggling with people's reactions to who I am and who I love, in new and exciting ways, but apart from that... all right, I suppose.

[YossarianLives]

So how is everyone?
Meh. I have an audition this week that looks promising and the weather is nice. On the other hand, my friend groups have a bunch of unnecessary drama and I'm struggling to get myself to actually accomplish something.

[JNAProductions]

*Offers hugs for everyone who needs it*

I myself am doing okay. Stressing a bit over my job, but I should be able to handle it.

[TaiLiu]

We're a page early, aren't we?

[Coidzor]

We're a page early, aren't we?

Yeah, I figured a few posts were scrubbed or something, but I didn't really have much else to say that wasn't about gotes and horns and ships and incorporating horn painting into my satyrkin people.

[TaiLiu]

Yeah, I figured a few posts were scrubbed or something, but I didn't really have much else to say that wasn't about gotes and horns and ships and incorporating horn painting into my satyrkin people.
Tell us more about these satyrkin people.

[RyumaruMG]

So how is everyone?

Depression is hitting me like a freight train right now. Family problems. None related to my orientation, thankfully, but... just a lot of bull that has happened.

[Dire Moose]

Well, I've lost my job and more in the last couple of weeks, and I'm also trying to fight of depression and hopelessness as I try to find something to cover my expenses in the next couple of months and generally try to put my life back together.

Oh, also, I got this rainbow bracelet at the Phoenix Pride Parade back in April, and while I've worn it a few times since then, I've decided that after the Orlando shootings I'm going to try wearing it whenever I'm out in public now.

[JNAProductions]

Depression is hitting me like a freight train right now. Family problems. None related to my orientation, thankfully, but... just a lot of bull that has happened.


Well, I've lost my job and more in the last couple of weeks, and I'm also trying to fight of depression and hopelessness as I try to find something to cover my expenses in the next couple of months and generally try to put my life back together.

Oh, also, I got this rainbow bracelet at the Phoenix Pride Parade back in April, and while I've worn it a few times since then, I've decided that after the Orlando shootings I'm going to try wearing it whenever I'm out in public now.

*Offers even more hugs*

My PM box is open if you want to talk in private (either of you), whether you want to vent, be distracted by inane chatter, whatever. And regardless of if you take me up on this offer, I wish the best for both of you.

[ArlEammon]

To be honest I'm the paragon of loneliness.

[Coidzor]

Might anybody have some tips on tucking without panties or similar underwear? I'm trying to figure out how to do this but it's just... messing with me.

You mean while going commando or while wearing looser underwear like boxers?

[goto124]

Does a belt work?

[Siosilvar]

Does a belt work?

That's, ah... not the kind of tucking being referred to here. I'm pretty sure a belt won't help keep the nethers out of the way.

[Coidzor]

That's, ah... not the kind of tucking being referred to here. I'm pretty sure a belt won't help keep the nethers out of the way.

It would probably have to be a pretty specialized belt, to the point that one would probably have an easier time acquiring panties, yeah. :smallconfused:

[GrayGriffin]

Just had a painful reminder yesterday that my parents are still homophobic. Found an anti-gay-marriage booklet on the dining room table. Probably handed out by my church.

[goto124]

That's, ah... not the kind of tucking being referred to here. I'm pretty sure a belt won't help keep the nethers out of the way.

Oh, I misunderstood your question, sorry!

Afraid I'm of no help here. Another apology!

[Heliomance]

Might anybody have some tips on tucking without panties or similar underwear? I'm trying to figure out how to do this but it's just... messing with me.

Not really possible. You need something tight to hold things in place. You could try using sports/medical tape, but I've experimented a bit with that and it's somewhat uncomfortable. And tends to result in torn skin in unpleasant places.

[noparlpf]

(From the previous thread)


Wait you're in Dublin now? I just left. In Berlin now but not remembering any German from classes + being cripplingly shy at new situations means I haven't worked up the courage to leave my hostel yet....

I was only in Dublin for one day. Now we're driving out towards Galway. The stupidly wealthy Hollywood side of the family rented an entire castle and basically invited everybody they know, so even though we haven't seen them in like five years we're visiting for a few days.

Yeah, Berlin was the hardest city for us so far. I don't know a word of German. My brother's enbyfriend's sister used to live there and she said we managed to pick the side of the city where fewer people speak English. We had less trouble in Italy; even though my Italian is pretty rudimentary I know enough and my rusty Spanish is still good enough that I could read most things and get the gist, and it seemed like a lot more people (at least in the cities) could speak fair English anyway.

[Lissou]

So how is everyone?

I'm doing well! I've just started fencing yesterday. My thighs are really sore :P I'm taking classes with both my boyfriends (and our relationships are going well). My husband used to fence in high school so he'll be giving us tips, too (although he's not joining us because his schedule and health don't really allow for it).

I'll be getting a HSG in a few days (that's a procedure in which the patient's womb is filled with dye to check if the tubes are blocked) to make sure the procedure I had 3 months ago for permanent birth control worked. I'm excited and looking forward to it being done.

And finally there is a big BBQ coming up in August at a friend's place, it's a yearly thing and there are lots of people I only see there nowadays so I'm looking forward to catching up with them.

Hopefully, everyone whose answer was less positive will feel better soon! Hugs to everyone who wants them.

[JNAProductions]

I'm doing well! I've just started fencing yesterday. My thighs are really sore :P I'm taking classes with both my boyfriends (and our relationships are going well). My husband used to fence in high school so he'll be giving us tips, too (although he's not joining us because his schedule and health don't really allow for it).

I'll be getting a HSG in a few days (that's a procedure in which the patient's womb is filled with dye to check if the tubes are blocked) to make sure the procedure I had 3 months ago for permanent birth control worked. I'm excited and looking forward to it being done.

And finally there is a big BBQ coming up in August at a friend's place, it's a yearly thing and there are lots of people I only see there nowadays so I'm looking forward to catching up with them.

Hopefully, everyone whose answer was less positive will feel better soon! Hugs to everyone who wants them.

You lucky son of a gun. :P

I'm glad things are going so well!

[Jerry]

So how is everyone?

I'm doing well, thanks for asking! I have settled in my new apartment, my boyfriend has gotten over his "disappointment" of us not living together right away. My dad doesn't give me a hard time about having a boyfriend, in fact doesn't speak of it at all, but hey one step at a time, right? How are you, JNA? Hope the world's treatin you right.

[JNAProductions]

I'm doing well, thanks for asking! I have settled in my new apartment, my boyfriend has gotten over his "disappointment" of us not living together right away. My dad doesn't give me a hard time about having a boyfriend, in fact doesn't speak of it at all, but hey one step at a time, right? How are you, JNA? Hope the world's treatin you right.

Well, went in to work yesterday, and it went fine. So I was nervous for nothing. That's good. So overall, life's not doing so bad for me.

[Astrella]

I haven't seen a photo of you in a while but I don't remember you looking even remotely manly a year or two ago. But I know it's a lot harder from inside one's own head than just by having somebody from the internet tell you that you look fine. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, doing a little bit better now. Anxiety and dysphoria just have been hitting me pretty hard so I've been quite frazzled. :s doesnt' help that I've read some terf stuff about body language and how kids can supposedly always "tell" which is now making me constantly second guess myself around kids at work. :s

[goto124]

If nothing else, you could say your 'pear' keeps flopping everywhere and getting stuck to your thighs, and you need something tight to hold them in place.

Best of luck!

@V: Much of my sexual orientation is theoretical and based on limited unscientific evidence when I surf the internet and stare at strangers at train stations!

[Asmodean_]

So how is everyone?

Unsure whether I'm hetero or bi, not willing to put in the effort to find out which, unsure how to feel about that attitude.

Edit: For clarity, it's because I'm lazy and have limited free time.

[Heliomance]

We're missing the rainbow tag on the thread! :(

[JNAProductions]

Unsure whether I'm hetero or bi, not willing to put in the effort to find out which, unsure how to feel about that attitude.

Edit: For clarity, it's because I'm lazy and have limited free time.

Meh. Does it matter that much? I mean, it's going to matter eventually (probably) but if you aren't sure right now, then you just aren't sure. Not a huge deal.

Regardless, whether you're straight, bi, or something else altogether, hope you're able to be happy.

[ArlEammon]

We're missing the rainbow tag on the thread! :(

I put it back.

[Asmodean_]

Meh. Does it matter that much? I mean, it's going to matter eventually (probably) but if you aren't sure right now, then you just aren't sure. Not a huge deal.

Regardless, whether you're straight, bi, or something else altogether, hope you're able to be happy.

Mostly it's when someone asks me something like "so are you... gay... or what?" and all I have to respond with is: "nah... at least i don't think so"

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

I'm not asexual per se, just *has better things to do with my time*.

[JNAProductions]

Mostly it's when someone asks me something like "so are you... gay... or what?" and all I have to respond with is: "nah... at least i don't think so"

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

I'm not asexual per se, just *has better things to do with my time*.

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.

[golentan]

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

[Jormengand]

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

Yeah, but that's pretty unlikely! :smalltongue:

(To clarify, Asmodean is my friend and we make this kind of jab at each other all the time).

[JNAProductions]

They might be wanting to jump Asmodean's bones, though... In which case it would be relevant for them.

Just sayin.

True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts, that's probably the case. :P

In which case, yet another appropriate response is "I dunno. I'm figuring it out." The truth is often a good approach.

[Coidzor]

Getting in relations (particularly of a sexual nature) is pretty far down my list of priorities. In the next decade or so of my life I'll be going through my GCSEs, AS-s, A2-s, and up to four years of university and I just wouldn't have the time.

Just remember not to go crazy from doing nothing but studying and working all the time. Burnout is very real.

[Grytorm]

True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts, that's probably the case. :P

Even me? I've always doubted if anyone has been interested in me.

[Asmodean_]

An appropriate response could easily be "None of your business" or something similar. Because it really isn't their business, by and large. Another possible answer is "Does it matter?" because, again, it doesn't really. You're you, regardless of who you're interested in romantically.
Yeah but if I tell someone to mind their own business, they tend to think something along the lines of oh he's not answering the question therefore avoiding the question therefore ashamed of the answer and why would someone be ashamed of being heterosexual? therefore he's homosexual.


Yeah, but that's pretty unlikely! :smalltongue:
Quiet, you.


True. And since I automatically assume all forum-goers are sexy beasts
I'm rather emphatically not.


Just remember not to go crazy from doing nothing but studying and working all the time. Burnout is very real.
I've experienced it a couple times, but after realizing that tests don't test how good you are at a subject, they test how good you are at school, it got much better.

[Grytorm]

Hello again, I have minor news to share, I might start exploring things a bit more I guess. Still nervous and I probably won't figure a lot out. But I accidentally removed the collar from one of my shirts, and I think it is kind of fetching. So I'm going to dress up when I can, maybe post a picture if I can find the camera. If only I can find a good time to wash my sports bra, haven't wanted to wear it for months.

[JusticeZero]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?
There's actually a method to this, but it's, uh, really convoluted. I'm going to attempt to be a girl for a bit and see if any of it sticks - it would be a lot easier to get people to accept - but I have all these suppression reflexes from several layers of socialization and closet and it makes me present in ways that I don't like. I miss out on conversations because every response emotional or otherwise gets reviewed for so long that I can no longer say or do it when it gets the stamp of approval.
I figure if I want to change that, I need to start on replacing the old habits, and I want to start with being more giggly instead of silent.

[Jormengand]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?

Try making a high-pitched "Huh?" sound with a mostly-closed mouth repeatedly and quickly. Also, try closing you mouth when you're laughing, and it should come out more giggly.

[NecroDancer]

I'm new to this thread but I just want to thank everyone here for supporting each other and being openminded. (Sorry if this sounds cliche, I'm running on 4 hours of sleep).

[GrayGriffin]

I just tried it, and for me it seems to be making a "hmhmhmhm" sound while keeping my mouth lightly shut (lips together, but not pushed together.)

[RyumaruMG]

After having a conversation with my significant other, we have agreed that I am most likely demisexual.

I am okay with this.

[Kittenwolf]

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..



So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?

[Heliomance]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

[Lissou]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

This is only my personal experience and I don't claim to be representative of other cases. But I was in your situation, decided to give it a try since I liked him so much as a person, and it was a disaster. We stayed together 5 years, I was never attracted to him, I always felt bad/shallow about it, he could tell after a while and felt terrible about himself, we had a nasty break-up and don't even talk to each other anymore.

I'd advise against it. I think the rule of "f*ck yes! or no" should apply both ways. If it's not a "f*ck yes!" then it's a "no".

It may seem rude and shallow, but you can't control your attraction, and in the end, you're giving him a chance to find someone who is actually attracted to him.

[Thufir]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

My inclination is to say no, don't do it. Since you say you're not at all attracted to him. No attraction is going to be bad for a relationship.

Now if, hypothetically, you were attracted to him at least a bit, but weren't sure if it were sufficient attraction for pursuing a possible relationship (an experience which I have had), then I'd say it could be worth exploring those feelings, but even then I'd say you should be cautious, because while in theory some attraction could develop into more attraction over time, in practice if you go into a relationship and your heart's not really in it, it's not fair on either of you - not on him because he wouldn't be getting what he actually wanted, just kind of going through the motions of it; and not on you because you'd be stuck in a relationship you didn't really want and forced to pass up on every new attractive person you meet and would rather be pursuing until you break it off and both parties feel bad about the whole thing.
That's slightly more negative than I meant to be, I do think it's possible that feelings can grow into stronger feelings, but the thing is equally they can end up not doing so.

Anyway, bottom line is, if you're not attracted at all, don't do it. If you find yourself becoming attracted a bit then consider exploring those feelings but be cautious abou it because it's pretty tough to know if those feelings will continue to grow or just stop where they are or something else entirely.

[Togath]

How is everyone?
Like, I know the Bastille Day incident wasn't LGBTAI oriented... But it's a tragedy regardless of sex, orientation, or whatever.
Anyone here hurt/know people who were hurt?

*offers tons and tons of hugs*

[Coidzor]

Okay, so this is going to sound off topic as heck, but um... Does anybody have any suggestions on how to learn how to giggle?


Try making a high-pitched "Huh?" sound with a mostly-closed mouth repeatedly and quickly. Also, try closing you mouth when you're laughing, and it should come out more giggly.


I just tried it, and for me it seems to be making a "hmhmhmhm" sound while keeping my mouth lightly shut (lips together, but not pushed together.)

About that, but I'd add a sort of flutter or trill internally, say your bronchiols or lungs or the lowest part of your throat or one of those other tubes in that general vicinity. Sort of like how you'd roll an R or growl or purr, only not the tongue so much and deeper inside of you. While also going higher pitched and shorter sounds, of course.

I've got a bit of a sore throat and am badly out of practice, but that's what I'm getting anyway.

That or I'm accidentally making dolphin clicks.


Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..



So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?


I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to advise you. Is there no way to get into touch with your doctor before/without a fullblown appointment and its wait time?


How is everyone?
Like, I know the Bastille Day incident wasn't LGBTAI oriented... But it's a tragedy regardless of sex, orientation, or whatever.
Anyone here hurt/know people who were hurt?

*offers tons and tons of hugs*

Come to think of it, I think there were a couple of GITPers in Nice... :smalleek: Can't remember if any of them frequented this thread offhand.

[noparlpf]

Mrr. I has a confuse.

There's a guy I know, one of my best friends from uni. I'm pretty certain he has a crush on me. Personality-wise, I really like him, and would totally date him. The thing is, though, physically I'm not at all attracted to him. It's really confusing me and I don't know what to do >_<

Personally I don't think physical attraction is a super important factor, but that's probably not going to work for allosexual people. Personally I've tried once or twice to make myself see people romantically when I wasn't romantically attracted to them and it doesn't really work. In retrospect I did end up leading one person on for a while and it kinda sucked for everybody. I don't talk to either of those people anymore. So I'd say don't try to force something that isn't there. Don't feel bad about it, you can't help that kind of thing.

[Icewraith]

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..



So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?



So is your Dr in on this or no?

Edit: You need to decide pretty quick whether or not you want boobs right now. If you want the possibility of biological kids, look into having some sperm frozen.

Starting to grow boobs and not being sure if you want them is probably a big enough deal to camp out at your dr until someone will have a look at you. Especially if this isn't something you previously discussed with your dr.

[Astrella]

Congrats! I thought your mom gave you the clear to start this summer though?

[Dire Moose]

Comrade: Yay, you finally got them! *hugs* :D

[noparlpf]

We talked it out... Was a long and rough night. But she finally said she'd be fine if I started taking the pills this Monday. So... that's great. That's perfect. Just hoping she doesn't change her mind.

Congrats! Good luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of stuff.

[Kittenwolf]

I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to advise you. Is there no way to get into touch with your doctor before/without a fullblown appointment and its wait time?


I appreciate the thought :)



So is your Dr in on this or no?

Edit: You need to decide pretty quick whether or not you want boobs right now. If you want the possibility of biological kids, look into having some sperm frozen.

Starting to grow boobs and not being sure if you want them is probably a big enough deal to camp out at your dr until someone will have a look at you. Especially if this isn't something you previously discussed with your dr.


Doc is *definitely* in on this :)
Just things moving much much quicker than I expected and.. yeah.
Going to make an appointment and see how quickly I can get in.


We talked it out... Was a long and rough night. But she finally said she'd be fine if I started taking the pills this Monday. So... that's great. That's perfect. Just hoping she doesn't change her mind.

Woooo!! Congratulations :)
I hope they kick in super well for you.

[Sobol]

Good luck, then! Let us know if you win or not.
I won 4 games out of 7. Had fun playing the Halloween Gambit (http://timkr.home.xs4all.nl/tour/breeze.htm) as White and the Englund Gambit (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Englund_Gambit) as Black.

[JNAProductions]

We talked it out... Was a long and rough night. But she finally said she'd be fine if I started taking the pills this Monday. So... that's great. That's perfect. Just hoping she doesn't change her mind.

Hoping for you too. Glad it's going so well!

[CWater]

After having a conversation with my significant other, we have agreed that I am most likely demisexual.

I am okay with this.

Good for you.:smallsmile: (That you are ok with yourself, that is generally a good thing.)

What did you used to assume you were? I thought I was completely ace for years, until at 22 I suddenly* grew attracted to one close friend. It was reeeally weird at first for me, I remember. A bit like going through a teenage that I'd never had (when it came to these matters anyway), only all the feelings were only towards one person.

First I thought I was a late bloomer or something, but since that relationship ended (sadly, I guess), I'm again practically asexual in my daily life. If it weren't for the constant hinting/pressure from people and society that I should wish for things to be different, I wouldn't really mind either. It's even difficult to truly remember what I felt back then, which is also kind of weird in a way. Like, I know what I felt for him, I just can't relate to it anymore on an emotional level. Yeah, being demi can be strange.

Oh, this turned into quite a ramble that probably doesn't have any point. Um... sorry?

*Well, relatively speaking. Over the course of a... year? ^^'

[Coidzor]

Good luck, Comrade. :smallsmile:


I appreciate the thought :)



Doc is *definitely* in on this :)
Just things moving much much quicker than I expected and.. yeah.
Going to make an appointment and see how quickly I can get in.


Hopefully emphasizing the emergency/time-sensitive nature of the issue will help there.

[Iethloc]

So things aren't going well for me. Over the past few months, I've ended up drifting away from most of my friends. I haven't had any luck finding a job, either, so I haven't had much to fill my days.

Anyone up for a chat?

[JNAProductions]

So things aren't going well for me. Over the past few months, I've ended up drifting away from most of my friends. I haven't had any luck finding a job, either, so I haven't had much to fill my days.

Anyone up for a chat?

Ooh! Me! I love talking! :P

In all seriousness, I totally am. If you need to talk, I'm here for you, Iethloc.

[Eldest]

Hi everyone. Kinda been gone for a while, hope everyone is doing well?

I've.. kinda hit a bit of a crisis/confusion/wtf/don't know what to do point/utter meltdown so.. ramblings incoming..



So, I've identified as Genderfluid for a while, though leaning more often towards the femme/transgirl side. I'll pretty much always automatically categorise myself in the 'girls' group at any particular gathering, though I'm still very much presenting male 99% of the time.
Four months ago I started low dose HRT (no T blockers, 2mg Oestradiol for the medically inclined), hoping for a bit more emotional sensitivity and to develop some hips/waist, since even when in boy mode I want more of an hourglass figure (though being overweight rather causes issues with that). Was hoping that breast growth would be slow/minimal since they'd make being in guy mode a bit on the tricky side (/understatement).

At my six week blood test my hormone levels had gone from "Normal for a male my age, though testosterone a bit below average" to "Testosterone between male & female normal ranges, Oestrogen into the normal female range" so.. big change, my body evidently absorbs oestrogen absurdly well. Which is weird considering that barring some <NSFW, Redacted> I didn't really feel any different. Plan from there was to continue and do anther bloodwork in a few months.

Then around the time I finished one box of meds I started noticing my nipples getting a bit sensitive (which I put down to the freezing cold) but quite rapidly over the next week and a bit that escalated and they're now quite sensitive (to the point where a day in one of my rougher shirts gets a tad uncomfortable). My girlfriend also noticed some changes in my chest, maybe some growth or maybe more definition of my flabby chest.

And so it's pretty much thrown my brain into a corkscrew because it seems like the only thing I'm getting out of HRT is the big thing that I really don't know if I want and.. argh ><
So now I'm sitting here in a tizzy having no idea about which way to jump, whether to drop the meds and try go see my doc (probably a fortnight to get the appointment), whether to say **** it, open the next box and keep to the schedule, or just.. what to do.
I also have no clue if (even if I stop) there's enough E in my system for my chest to keep growing or to get more sensitive, or how quickly that would happen, if the sensitivity goes down/goes away, or even, bluntly, how obvious they are in the first place (pics for reference I guess? http://imgur.com/a/d4niW).

I guess.. if anyone has any advice, suggestions or experience, I'd really appreciate hearing it?


Having just gone through the start of HRT myself, yeah, that's breast growth. If it helps, I have certainly gotten hips (to quote a partner, "dem hips yo"), I'm about... 4.5 months into HRT, and nobody save my partners have noticed the breast growth on me, so I'd be surprised if anybody notices yours atm.
So to sum up, yes those are breasts, lactation might occur if you continue (it surprised me, so figured I would warn you), and at least to my point at HRT breasts do not seem to cause a problem male-passing.

[Kittenwolf]

Having just gone through the start of HRT myself, yeah, that's breast growth. If it helps, I have certainly gotten hips (to quote a partner, "dem hips yo"), I'm about... 4.5 months into HRT, and nobody save my partners have noticed the breast growth on me, so I'd be surprised if anybody notices yours atm.
So to sum up, yes those are breasts, lactation might occur if you continue (it surprised me, so figured I would warn you), and at least to my point at HRT breasts do not seem to cause a problem male-passing.


That does help, thanks :)
Quite envious that you've already gotten hips after only 4.5 months!
I'm going to make a doctor's appointment as soon as I can get in and discuss with her things like expected timelines and all that type of stuff and see what happens.

[golentan]

So things aren't going well for me. Over the past few months, I've ended up drifting away from most of my friends. I haven't had any luck finding a job, either, so I haven't had much to fill my days.

Anyone up for a chat?

My inbox is open and I've gone through some similar stuff over the past couple years. Lemme know if I can help.

[Icewraith]

That does help, thanks :)
Quite envious that you've already gotten hips after only 4.5 months!
I'm going to make a doctor's appointment as soon as I can get in and discuss with her things like expected timelines and all that type of stuff and see what happens.


See if you can get the doc on the phone or grab a tent and camp out in their office. People develop differently, so if you're getting all boobs and no hips and that's a problem you should probably clue in your doc.

[Lycunadari]

Can I have some hugs, please?


I've actually been feeling quite good the last couple of weeks – I'm on antidepressants that seem to work really well, I have a new therapist that seems super nice (I've only had 3 sessions with her so far, but I have a good feeling about her), and my chronic pain is relatively mild currently.

But since Friday I've been feeling horrible - I'm crying at the smallest things, I have bouts of anxiety that leave me shaking so much I can barely type and I'm just generally feeling really depressed.
Part of it is probably that the huge amount of hate the ace community on tumblr currently gets is starting to get to me (some people think (cis, heteroromantic) asexuals don't belong in the LGBT+ community, and they are vicious about it, and they don't care if they hurt numerous gay, bi, trans, nb etc people in their quest to kick aces out), to the point where I don't even trust my friends there anymore.
Another part is that exams are coming up, and while I'm usually doing pretty good, it's of course still stressful.
And I'm lonely - my only friend at uni is taking the next semester off due to health problems, so I'll be back to having no friends here. (Nevermind the fear that I'll never find a partner due to being nonbinary and ace.)
I'd also like to be more open about being queer, but I'm so afraid of being judged or losing the few connections I have, that I never talk about anything identity related.
I also feel like I'm losing the connection to people online, because my social anxiety makes it so hard to speak to people.
(And disasters like the arguments on the relationship advise thread make this so much worse, it has actively made me want to start selfharming again (or alternatively curl up in a ball on the floor and cry for the next couple of days). It's just telling me again that I should never speak up about anything, ever, because I'll just be dismissed anyway and any attempts at trying to help are just met with criticism and more dismissal.)

I'm just feeling really, really fragile right now.

Also, can someone please tell me that I didn't completely overreact and shouldn't just have kept my mouth shut in the other thread?

[Jormengand]

*Hugs Juniper*.

[Lissou]

*Hugs Juniper*

I don't think you overreacted. You even made it clear that you had no problem with advice phrased "you really shouldn't date someone you're not attracted to" because that advise was targeted at a specific person, you only expressed how statements such as "nobody should date someone they're not attracted to, it's cruel to that person, it's a horrible thing to do" which is easy enough to take as "asexual people shouldn't date an allosexual person, it's cruel and horrible to do so" without any qualifiers. I stopped posting in there because the argument was getting very derailed but I thought a lot of people overreacted by getting defensive, and were putting things in your mouth. For instance saying "but that advice was to Helio specifically!" when you had made it clear you had no issue with that advice, just the generalizations.

I'm sorry that you feel so bad right now and I hope you feel better soon. Please don't hurt yourself, I know a lot of us care about you.

[Lentrax]

*hugs*

There is never anything wrong with speaking up when you think you need to be heard.

[The_Snark]

Juniper: what you said over in the other thread seems perfectly reasonable to me. You don't particularly know me, but I'm sorry you're feeling stressed, and if you want hugs from a relative Internet stranger: *hug*

[noparlpf]

Can I have some hugs, please?


I've actually been feeling quite good the last couple of weeks – I'm on antidepressants that seem to work really well, I have a new therapist that seems super nice (I've only had 3 sessions with her so far, but I have a good feeling about her), and my chronic pain is relatively mild currently.

But since Friday I've been feeling horrible - I'm crying at the smallest things, I have bouts of anxiety that leave me shaking so much I can barely type and I'm just generally feeling really depressed.
Part of it is probably that the huge amount of hate the ace community on tumblr currently gets is starting to get to me (some people think (cis, heteroromantic) asexuals don't belong in the LGBT+ community, and they are vicious about it, and they don't care if they hurt numerous gay, bi, trans, nb etc people in their quest to kick aces out), to the point where I don't even trust my friends there anymore.
Another part is that exams are coming up, and while I'm usually doing pretty good, it's of course still stressful.
And I'm lonely - my only friend at uni is taking the next semester off due to health problems, so I'll be back to having no friends here. (Nevermind the fear that I'll never find a partner due to being nonbinary and ace.)
I'd also like to be more open about being queer, but I'm so afraid of being judged or losing the few connections I have, that I never talk about anything identity related.
I also feel like I'm losing the connection to people online, because my social anxiety makes it so hard to speak to people.
(And disasters like the arguments on the relationship advise thread make this so much worse, it has actively made me want to start selfharming again (or alternatively curl up in a ball on the floor and cry for the next couple of days). It's just telling me again that I should never speak up about anything, ever, because I'll just be dismissed anyway and any attempts at trying to help are just met with criticism and more dismissal.)

I'm just feeling really, really fragile right now.

Also, can someone please tell me that I didn't completely overreact and shouldn't just have kept my mouth shut in the other thread?



*hugs*

I wonder if it's the planets misaligning or something. I've been doing well for a while but I've also been having some bad mental health days since around Friday. I hope you feel better soon.

And no, I don't think you overreacted in the other thread. I haven't been following it lately but I just skimmed the last couple of pages and I think you started out perfectly reasonable. It was obvious you were getting more upset after some posts that really bothered me too (my brother is sitting here like "what are you groaning about so much I'm getting curious") but I don't think you ever got rude or said anything that seemed like an overreaction.

[Astrella]

Can I have some hugs, please?


I've actually been feeling quite good the last couple of weeks – I'm on antidepressants that seem to work really well, I have a new therapist that seems super nice (I've only had 3 sessions with her so far, but I have a good feeling about her), and my chronic pain is relatively mild currently.

But since Friday I've been feeling horrible - I'm crying at the smallest things, I have bouts of anxiety that leave me shaking so much I can barely type and I'm just generally feeling really depressed.
Part of it is probably that the huge amount of hate the ace community on tumblr currently gets is starting to get to me (some people think (cis, heteroromantic) asexuals don't belong in the LGBT+ community, and they are vicious about it, and they don't care if they hurt numerous gay, bi, trans, nb etc people in their quest to kick aces out), to the point where I don't even trust my friends there anymore.
Another part is that exams are coming up, and while I'm usually doing pretty good, it's of course still stressful.
And I'm lonely - my only friend at uni is taking the next semester off due to health problems, so I'll be back to having no friends here. (Nevermind the fear that I'll never find a partner due to being nonbinary and ace.)
I'd also like to be more open about being queer, but I'm so afraid of being judged or losing the few connections I have, that I never talk about anything identity related.
I also feel like I'm losing the connection to people online, because my social anxiety makes it so hard to speak to people.
(And disasters like the arguments on the relationship advise thread make this so much worse, it has actively made me want to start selfharming again (or alternatively curl up in a ball on the floor and cry for the next couple of days). It's just telling me again that I should never speak up about anything, ever, because I'll just be dismissed anyway and any attempts at trying to help are just met with criticism and more dismissal.)

I'm just feeling really, really fragile right now.

Also, can someone please tell me that I didn't completely overreact and shouldn't just have kept my mouth shut in the other thread?


I'm glad the antidepressants are working well and your therapist seems decent. *hugs*

Tons of sympathies as well over people being jerks and you weren't overreacting. And the social anxiety feelings making it hard to connect to people is rough, I hope that gets better soon too.

[Coidzor]

I thought a lot of people overreacted by getting defensive, and were putting things in your mouth. For instance saying "but that advice was to Helio specifically!" when you had made it clear you had no issue with that advice, just the generalizations.

This position of moral superiority would have more structural integrity if you were not putting words in peoples' mouths while complaining about people putting words in others' mouths and grossly mischaracterizing what happened.


Can I have some hugs, please?


I've actually been feeling quite good the last couple of weeks – I'm on antidepressants that seem to work really well, I have a new therapist that seems super nice (I've only had 3 sessions with her so far, but I have a good feeling about her), and my chronic pain is relatively mild currently.

But since Friday I've been feeling horrible - I'm crying at the smallest things, I have bouts of anxiety that leave me shaking so much I can barely type and I'm just generally feeling really depressed.
Part of it is probably that the huge amount of hate the ace community on tumblr currently gets is starting to get to me (some people think (cis, heteroromantic) asexuals don't belong in the LGBT+ community, and they are vicious about it, and they don't care if they hurt numerous gay, bi, trans, nb etc people in their quest to kick aces out), to the point where I don't even trust my friends there anymore.
Another part is that exams are coming up, and while I'm usually doing pretty good, it's of course still stressful.
And I'm lonely - my only friend at uni is taking the next semester off due to health problems, so I'll be back to having no friends here. (Nevermind the fear that I'll never find a partner due to being nonbinary and ace.)
I'd also like to be more open about being queer, but I'm so afraid of being judged or losing the few connections I have, that I never talk about anything identity related.
I also feel like I'm losing the connection to people online, because my social anxiety makes it so hard to speak to people.
(And disasters like the arguments on the relationship advise thread make this so much worse, it has actively made me want to start selfharming again (or alternatively curl up in a ball on the floor and cry for the next couple of days). It's just telling me again that I should never speak up about anything, ever, because I'll just be dismissed anyway and any attempts at trying to help are just met with criticism and more dismissal.)

I'm just feeling really, really fragile right now.

Also, can someone please tell me that I didn't completely overreact and shouldn't just have kept my mouth shut in the other thread?


I'm sorry that you're having a bad time, I hope you get to a better place soon.

However. Laying the responsibility for your emotional and mental health on me is incredibly unfair to both of us and is not doing you any favors when it comes to getting back up again.

[lio45]

For instance saying "but that advice was to Helio specifically!" when you had made it clear you had no issue with that advice, just the generalizations.

But that's the thing -- there were no generalizations. The advice was to Helio specifically, from the start. If you think it's a generalization, you're wrong. All these "you"s in replies to Heliomance's initial post are all meant to be read as "you, Heliomance, a non-asexual person".

I'm very sorry to hear Lycunadari happens to be going through a bad patch, but there's no way Coidzor or Cozzer or Aedilred or Heliomance or Icewraith or myself or anyone else I might forget who found themselves on the argument side of "it wasn't erasure, it was just specific advice in a specific case without us bothering to add asterisks and disclaimers for other possible cases out there" involved in the giving of advice to Heliomance after her first post is responsible for that.

[Lissou]

This position of moral superiority would have more structural integrity if you were not putting words in peoples' mouths while complaining about people putting words in others' mouths and grossly mischaracterizing what happened.

My point was that Lycunadari clarified that statements meant for Helio specifically weren't the problem, generalizations were, but the conversation afterwards kept repeating the argument of "this was meant for Helio, so why do you have a problem with it?". Lycunadari did not have a problem with the statements that were meant for Helio. They had a problem with the generalizations, which due to being generalization, were obviously not specificly targeted to an individual (a generalization is pretty much the opposite of that).

I didn't set out to put words in anyone's mouth, but you are right that by paraphrasing, I did just that, and I was wrong. This was due to laziness and not wanting to go fetch the relevant quotes, and I will remedy it right now. As I understand, the quotes that originally made Lycunadari feel uncomfortable were:


being in a relationship with somebody who isn't actually attracted to you is way worse than being rejected.

and, responding to it:


Yeah, my reading indicates that, uh, it tends to destroy a person's self-esteem and mess them up for 2 or more future relationships.

Both quotes were part of bigger posts that were targeted directly at Heliomance, but these specific sentences were general and I can see how someone who is asexual would be hurt by reading them, because yes, there are cases of asexual people in relationships with allosexual people, and nothing in those sentence that would indicate that it's somehow not "worse than being rejected" or doesn't "destroy a person's self-esteem" if the person who isn't attracted to you also isn't attracted to anyone else.
And sure enough, those accusations of being unfair to allosexual people and destroying their self-esteem are made towards aces on a very regular basis and used to say that aces shouldn't be in relationships with anyone who isn't also an ace. Seeing the exact argument that is used against you in your everyday life you definitely hurt from a place you know to be generally supportive, and so Lycunadari spoke out. I don't think it was an overreaction.

This being said, I realise that your name came up and it would be upsetting to be accused of things you never meant to do. But that doesn't mean Lycunadari was wrong to point out they were uncomfortable with some of the comments, as innocuous as they may have seemed at the time. Hurting someone accidentally is still hurting them.

I certainly didn't mean to claim moral superiority either. I hurt people through lack of attention, clumsiness, saying the wrong thing and so on, too. I'm not above any of it. I'm not above getting defensive when accused, either. I just feel like at this point, we just need to acknowledge how everyone felt and that nobody meant to hurt anyone else, and drop the whole thing.

I'm still available to discuss it in PMs if you want to.

[TaiLiu]

I won 4 games out of 7. Had fun playing the Halloween Gambit (http://timkr.home.xs4all.nl/tour/breeze.htm) as White and the Englund Gambit (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Englund_Gambit) as Black.
Oh, wonderful! I'm glad you had fun! Mind telling us chess-newbies about the Gambits?

[Jormengand]

I feel I could use a lot of hugs about now...

[JNAProductions]

I feel I could use a lot of hugs about now...

*Hugs*

What's wrong?

[Jormengand]

*Hugs*

What's wrong?

Go look at the relationship thread.

EDIT: I'll PM you.

[Heliomance]

Ye gods, I'm regretting ever posting that question. Juniper, really sorry for the distress the whole thing caused. Everyone else, could we maybe not just move the argument over to the support thread? That'd be grand, ta.

[JusticeZero]

Holy heck, I don't know what this argument was about but I am really feeling kind've bad about seeing it blow up in the face of the person saying "I feel icky because of this argument". What. The hell. I feel super awkward and uncomfortable just reading that argument. I'm not sure that it counts as an argument at this stage.
By the way, I have a heteroromantic demi friend who thought she was ace, and whose partner thought she was ace when he proposed, who JUST got married; also, my sex repulsed enby friend is being extremely adorable with their sex repulsed SO. Have hope!
If you were in my area, I would hang out with you, but I'm pretty positive I am not. :p I wish you were, I need some friends in my area myself. My birth family is acting in ways that they seem to think is supportive and positive, but which in practice is a bit inept in icky and awkward ways. Avoiding asking me questions, acting like nothing had changed, etc. I think they're probably walking on eggshells, and at this point, I would be relieved to have one start spouting hate speech and argue with me.

[noparlpf]

Let's maybe drop this entirely for now because this is a support thread, not an argument thread, and I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to bring arguments from one thread into another thread anyway.

[Lentrax]

I feel I could use a lot of hugs about now...

*hugs*
*more hugs*

[Jormengand]

*hugs*
*more hugs*

*Cuddles*
*More cuddles*.

Hihi Lenlen. How've you been?

[Lentrax]

Better now I have a Jor to cuddle.

[Grytorm]

*Offers Jormengard a polite pat on the back*

[Sobol]

*Hugs everyone who needs a hug*

*Courteously offers to scratch somebody behind their ears*


Mind telling us chess-newbies about the Gambits?
A gambit is when at the beginning of the game you sacrifice a piece (usually, a pawn), but get some compensation for it - your other pieces become more mobile, you get a position which is more comfortable for you than for your opponent, etc.

In the Halloween Gambit, White sacrifices a knight and starts a fierce attack on Black.

In the Englund Gambit, Black sacrifices their king's pawn and get a position which is rather unusual for most Whites and contains some traps. It's good for blitz tournaments, when White doesn't have much time to think.

[Jormengand]

*Courteously offers to scratch somebody behind their ears*

Meow! : 3 :smallbiggrin:

[TaiLiu]

A gambit is when at the beginning of the game you sacrifice a piece (usually, a pawn), but get some compensation for it - your other pieces become more mobile, you get a position which is more comfortable for you than for your opponent, etc.

In the Halloween Gambit, White sacrifices a knight and starts a fierce attack on Black.

In the Englund Gambit, Black sacrifices their king's pawn and get a position which is rather unusual for most Whites and contains some traps. It's good for blitz tournaments, when White doesn't have much time to think.
Oh, I see now.

[JNAProductions]

http://i.imgur.com/fAZ3mbd.jpg?1

Thanks to all of you for helping me make it to this point. It's not over, but I'm glad I made it here.

*High fives Comrade*

Awesome!

[Lissou]

So happy for you! Grats!

[Phae Nymna]

Hey, Hi, Hello everybody! It's been a very long time––years now, I think––since I've posted here. Long enough that I don't recognize most of the names posting. I just want to pop in to tell you all that you are loved, that I am here for you, and that you must march on and fight the good fight. I'll go back to lurking for a bit but know that you are better than no other and no other is better than you. :smallredface:

[Ravens_cry]

http://i.imgur.com/fAZ3mbd.jpg?1

Thanks to all of you for helping me make it to this point. It's not over, but I'm glad I made it here.

"Is it not a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing? So small a thing!"
Regardless, congratulations on the newest portion of your journey! :smallbiggrin:

[Dire Moose]

http://i.imgur.com/fAZ3mbd.jpg?1

Thanks to all of you for helping me make it to this point. It's not over, but I'm glad I made it here.

I'm glad you made it this far, and we're all very proud of you. Now bottoms up!

also, nice use of that LOTR quote, raven's_cry.

[Kneenibble]

Hey, Hi, Hello everybody! It's been a very long time––years now, I think––since I've posted here. Long enough that I don't recognize most of the names posting. I just want to pop in to tell you all that you are loved, that I am here for you, and that you must march on and fight the good fight. I'll go back to lurking for a bit but know that you are better than no other and no other is better than you. :smallredface:

I'd know that tush anywhere.

[TaiLiu]

I'd know that tush anywhere.
Kneenibble! :smallbiggrin:

[Kneenibble]

Kneenibble! :smallbiggrin:

Hello, Thai Lily.

[golentan]

Hello, Thai Lily.

Hallo kneebiter. How have you been?

[Heliomance]

Kneenibble! :smallbiggrin:

Nibbler of knees! Haven't seen you around for ages!

[Asmodean_]

I feel I could use a lot of hugs about now...

*Has no idea of what's going on but offers hugs regardless*

[Heliomance]

Now it's time for... Bitch About Charing Cross! With your host, Heliomance!

Last appointment a month ago. Was told I'd be being referred for surgery. Haven't received a copy of the referral letter yet. Just phoned up to ask what's going on. Apparently they're currently processing letters from April.

Why the hell do they have a two month backlog on typing up freaking letters?! My entire life plan is basically on hold until surgery happens - I'm still living with my parents mostly so I can have my convalescence in a house with a nurse (my mum) living in it. I'm 27, I want to get on with my life, and these endless delays are driving me mad! It's been three years since I was first referred, can't I just be done already?

[Jormengand]

*Has no idea of what's going on but offers hugs regardless*

Pfft, like you'd ever hug me! :smalltongue:

But nah, situation has been resolved (sorta) and I guess I'm feeling better now, so thanks to those offering hugs.

Yeah, even you.

[TaiLiu]

Hello, Thai Lily.
Hey, Kneenibble. How's life treating you?

[Togath]

So some... Some stuff has sorta come up(transition and HRT related, spoilering since it's sort of sex life related).
After looking more in HRT and talking to a few trans friends, I've become hesitant to look into it.
While I do identify as female, and would like a more feminine looking body, I also have no dysphoria over my masculine genitals, and in fact don't want them to change... Which, from everything I've heard, they would, even on low doses of HRT(is it worth seeing if a doctor/therapist might know of an HRT method that doesn't affect them?)
Can anyone here offer more information? Do any other trans girls/androgynous people/gender fluid folks here have feelings like I do, where they want to be able to maintain the functioning of their masculine genitals?
I've read(a lot) that HRT causes them to shrink, makes it harder to get erections, reduces sex drive and ability to get aroused, reduces fertility/renders you sterile(along with turning your semen clear), and can dramatically increase your odds of cancer unless your have an orchiectomy, which are all negatives for me.

[Heliomance]

On a happier note, I got dressed up nice a few weeks ago - have some photos!

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/1d11081e23(pp_w602_h901).jpg

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/cd3b131698(pp_w901_h602).jpg

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/8eaaec9438(pp_w901_h602).jpg

[Eldest]

So some... Some stuff has sorta come up(transition and HRT related, spoilering since it's sort of sex life related).
After looking more in HRT and talking to a few trans friends, I've become hesitant to look into it.
While I do identify as female, and would like a more feminine looking body, I also have no dysphoria over my masculine genitals, and in fact don't want them to change... Which, from everything I've heard, they would, even on low doses of HRT(is it worth seeing if a doctor/therapist might know of an HRT method that doesn't affect them?)
Can anyone here offer more information? Do any other trans girls/androgynous people/gender fluid folks here have feelings like I do, where they want to be able to maintain the functioning of their masculine genitals?
I've read(a lot) that HRT causes them to shrink, makes it harder to get erections, reduces sex drive and ability to get aroused, reduces fertility/renders you sterile(along with turning your semen clear), and can dramatically increase your odds of cancer unless your have an orchiectomy, which are all negatives for me.

Harder to get errections: a bit but not nearly as bad as feared.
Reduced sex drive: very much yes. Mind you, I still most certainly have a sex drive. It's just not as... loud?
Reduced ability to get aroused: oh no. I can still get horny af, it just generally happens less and more often because of partners/me actively initiating something.
Reduced fertility: yup! That's actually a plus for me since having a child terrifies me (I'm going to adopt). Sperm freezing is a possibility if you want biological children.
Increased odds of cancer: never heard of this one. I'll look over the literature I have but I don't think it was in there.

[Dire Moose]

On a happier note, I got dressed up nice a few weeks ago - have some photos!

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/1d11081e23(pp_w602_h901).jpg

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/cd3b131698(pp_w901_h602).jpg

https://www.pennyyoungphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/pp/proofing-galleries/34036/8eaaec9438(pp_w901_h602).jpg

Oh wow. You are truly beautiful, Heliomance. :smallsmile:

[JNAProductions]

Looking sharp, Helio. :)

[Togath]

Harder to get errections: a bit but not nearly as bad as feared.
Reduced sex drive: very much yes. Mind you, I still most certainly have a sex drive. It's just not as... loud?
Reduced ability to get aroused: oh no. I can still get horny af, it just generally happens less and more often because of partners/me actively initiating something.
Reduced fertility: yup! That's actually a plus for me since having a child terrifies me (I'm going to adopt). Sperm freezing is a possibility if you want biological children.
Increased odds of cancer: never heard of this one. I'll look over the literature I have but I don't think it was in there.


It still sounds like something I'd probably not want...
Which, from what I've read so far, seems to primarily leave me surgery or not transitioning at all.:smallfrown:
edit: But I shouldn't give up hope. I should seek out a doctor specializing in nonbinary gender stuff and ask them if there is some obscure third option

[Grytorm]

Well, I feel kind of depressed again. Not to bad, but still. The worst part is that I'm reimagining songs to match my mood. Not really the worst part. But annoying.

(Every day I'm a suffering suffering. and Today I'm just not doing anything.)

[Togath]

Since I've been curious... What is wanting SRS/GRS/At least an orchiectomy like? Like, I've never had any problems with having masculine "parts" despite identifying as a girl... Which made me curious what it is like for transgirls who have enough dissatisfaction to want to take surgical measures to change things(which is not to say I find that kinda stuff odd, it's just something I have been curious about).

I've also been curious if anyone here has had experience with other types of feminizing surgeries, and what the procedures and recovery are like?(since I have considered them for making the non "parts" parts of my body more feminine).

[Heliomance]

It's kinda really hard to explain. It's like trying to explain the concept of "blue", it just doesn't really translate into words that well.

[Togath]

It's kinda really hard to explain. It's like trying to explain the concept of "blue", it just doesn't really translate into words that well.

That's what I'm getting from talking to a few other trans friends too.

[JusticeZero]

Since I've been curious... What is wanting SRS/GRS/At least an orchiectomy like? Like, I've never had any problems with having masculine "parts" despite identifying as a girl... Which made me curious what it is like for transgirls who have enough dissatisfaction to want to take surgical measures to change things(which is not to say I find that kinda stuff odd, it's just something I have been curious about).

Personally, I get interroceptive 'freudian slips', where my body map flips and then tries to interpret sensations based around topography, nerve responses, etc. that don't exist. Ghost limb type stuff, where the 'ghost limb' corresponds to an 'actual limb' that has momentarily disappeared out of my body map. That feels 'glitchy' in a way at the time. For me, that's a bit disorienting, but manageable. I can imagine it being worse for others.
I'll have to leave discussion of surgery to others - I still can't even get HRT, based on various annoying bureaucratic issues.

[Astrella]

I've recently had an orchi (am not 100% sure on vaginoplasty yet, but I do have quite a bit of bottom dysphoria), it was, well, the bits that got removed just always felt like they got in the way, I'd be frustrated and feel crappy if I was aware of them, they just, felt wrong is really what to call it. I really hated looking down and seeing a bulge as well.


So some... Some stuff has sorta come up(transition and HRT related, spoilering since it's sort of sex life related).
After looking more in HRT and talking to a few trans friends, I've become hesitant to look into it.
While I do identify as female, and would like a more feminine looking body, I also have no dysphoria over my masculine genitals, and in fact don't want them to change... Which, from everything I've heard, they would, even on low doses of HRT(is it worth seeing if a doctor/therapist might know of an HRT method that doesn't affect them?)
Can anyone here offer more information? Do any other trans girls/androgynous people/gender fluid folks here have feelings like I do, where they want to be able to maintain the functioning of their masculine genitals?
I've read(a lot) that HRT causes them to shrink, makes it harder to get erections, reduces sex drive and ability to get aroused, reduces fertility/renders you sterile(along with turning your semen clear), and can dramatically increase your odds of cancer unless your have an orchiectomy, which are all negatives for me.

Function is a bit of a crapshoot, since it varies from person to person, not that I'm personally pleased with it myself but I can still get erections 3+ years on HRT for a reference, and uhm, maintaining your bits, by which I mean, making sure you regularily get erections (since HRT tends to reduce / do away with the regular night ones) helps a lot in mantaining the function you want. HRT causing cancer has actually been debunked as well, you do get an "increased risk" of breast cancner but only in the sense that you'll be at the cis woman level instead of the cis male level.

In my experience how you relate to your bits can also change on HRT and practially most effects from it are reversable so like, trying out HRT and seeing how you feel about it is always an option as well. :) Hope you can figure out what works for you.

[Irish Musician]

Wow am I tardy to the party. Thought it was weird I had seen no activity on the other thread. Saw the new link had been posted......man I'm an idiot.

Hugs for all, hope every is doing better/good.

At the beginning of the thread there was talk about taping things aside when it comes to tucking. Has anyone ever used Vet Wrap? It's the stuff they sometimes use on your arm when you give blood. Not as sticky to things like skin and hair, but sticks to itself quite well. The stuff for humans its oddly expensive, but at our horse supply store it is just a few bucks, and pretty much the same stuff. Don't know if that helps at all, but was just something that popped into my head as maybe a less ouchy alternative to tape, esp for a sensitive area.

[Eldest]

Since I've been curious... What is wanting SRS/GRS/At least an orchiectomy like? Like, I've never had any problems with having masculine "parts" despite identifying as a girl... Which made me curious what it is like for transgirls who have enough dissatisfaction to want to take surgical measures to change things(which is not to say I find that kinda stuff odd, it's just something I have been curious about).

I've also been curious if anyone here has had experience with other types of feminizing surgeries, and what the procedures and recovery are like?(since I have considered them for making the non "parts" parts of my body more feminine).

Uh. It's... my self-image doesn't match up to my body. In a lot of ways, but that's one of the most glaring and the hardest to hide.

[ArlEammon]

I'm fu. . . well, I'm lonely.

[JNAProductions]

I'm fu. . . well, I'm lonely.

What's wrong? Other than being lonely, if anything.

[Togath]

I've also been curious if anyone here has had experience with other types of feminizing surgeries, and what the procedures and recovery are like?(since I have considered them for making the non "parts" parts of my body more feminine).

Just remembered the LGBTAI questions thread:smallredface:... Would it be better to ask over there?

[Heliomance]

We've had a solid week of utterly glorious weather. Today, we planned to go to the beach, and I was going to put on a swimming costume and go swimming for the very first time since I started transitioning. Guess what day the weather decided to break and start raining?

[Lentrax]

The day after right?

[Heliomance]

The day after right?

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

[Lentrax]

Sorry, Tamsin. I can't imagine what it must feel like, and I am sorry to have tried to make a joke to lighten the mood.

[Irish Musician]

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

Tam, I'm so sorry. Hopefully the bad weather goes away quickly and you can still get out there in your pretty swim costume? That is what I am going to hope for.

By the way, never heard swim costume before.....and can I just say how awesome that sounds?

[noparlpf]

We've had a solid week of utterly glorious weather. Today, we planned to go to the beach, and I was going to put on a swimming costume and go swimming for the very first time since I started transitioning. Guess what day the weather decided to break and start raining?

Aw, that sucks. I was actually super surprised by how warm and sunny it was in Oxford and London last week.

[JusticeZero]

That sucks. Is it bad that I was hoping for pictures? Is there any indoor pools or anything like that?

[JNAProductions]

No. Sadly the universe is not that accommodating.

And I had my first attack of dysphoria in a couple of years last night, and now I'm lying on my bed with tears rolling down my face because I'm not going to put on a pretty swimming costume and go to the beach.

And I'd give up, cancel the leave I booked, and just go into work, except I don't want to be fighting back tears all day at work.

*Offers hugs*

That sucks. I wish you hadn't gotten dysphoria from it, because it is just weather. Is there anything we can do to help?

[Lissou]

Maybe you can go to the pool instead? Or even wear your swimsuit in the bath/shower or just in your room, on a towel, and pretend to be on the beach so that you can see yourself rocking it and feel better? I'm sure you look amazing, you do in all of your pictures :)

It definitely sucks when things seem to conspire against you. And things that would have made you go "meh" and shrug can be devastating when you're already emotionally vulnerable. I'm sending you lots of hugs if you want them, and wishes for more sun so you can go to the beach another time!

[Heliomance]

We went to the beach anyway. And it hadn't been raining there, just cloudy, and it was still warm, and I had a really good time. And then the sun came out later in the afternoon and I sunbathed and now I have a slight case of lobster. And the sand was soft and fine and the water was surprisingly warm and we made a big sand castle and watched as the tide overran it and it was all just really nice.

I'm maybe going to regret the sunbathing tomorrow though.

[Togath]

Sounds like an awesome way to turn stuff around!~:smallbiggrin:

Edited to remove the overly sexual thing I posted. Sorry:smalleek:
Was related to a sort of transition and biological sex thing I was wondering about myself, but I realized any way I worded it ended up kinda explicit(pg-13 version, I seem to be very feminine during intimate stuff with my boyfriend, which makes me wonder if I might be unusually[for a person assigned male at birth] feminine biologically).

[Coidzor]

Tamsin, yeah, gotta use your sinblock.
Sounds like an awesome way to turn stuff around!~:smallbiggrin:

Edited to remove the overly sexual thing I posted. Sorry:smalleek:
Was related to a sort of transition and biological sex thing I was wondering about myself, but I realized any way I worded it ended up kinda explicit(pg-13 version, I seem to be very feminine during intimate stuff with my boyfriend, which makes me wonder if I might be unusually[for a person assigned male at birth] feminine biologically).

I think that may be more of a Question Thread thing. Maybe. :smallconfused:

That said, I don't quite understand the question if you identify as female and feminine.

[Grytorm]

That's to bad about the rain Heliomance. I kind of wish we had a bit more rain right now where I live, but most of the year we have lots of rain. So its good to have some sun.

About dysphoria one thing that confuses me is I typically don't feel to awful. I feel icky pretty often. But I don't think I've cried much over it. Although I think Helio you've been on HRT for a while which would help explain the crying. Sorry if that sounds weird. Just that, as always after about 2 years I'm still uncertain.

[Heliomance]

Tamsin, yeah, gotta use your sinblock.


On the plus side, I seem to have picked up a light dusting of really cute freckles!

[Irish Musician]

We went to the beach anyway. And it hadn't been raining there, just cloudy, and it was still warm, and I had a really good time. And then the sun came out later in the afternoon and I sunbathed and now I have a slight case of lobster. And the sand was soft and fine and the water was surprisingly warm and we made a big sand castle and watched as the tide overran it and it was all just really nice.

I'm maybe going to regret the sunbathing tomorrow though.
Yay!! I'm glad you got to go out anyway and enjoy the beach.

And an extremely pale person, I too am in the lobster club.

On the plus side, I seem to have picked up a light dusting of really cute freckles!

Freckles are the best, really. :smallsmile:


About dysphoria one thing that confuses me is I typically don't feel to awful. I feel icky pretty often. But I don't think I've cried much over it. Although I think Helio you've been on HRT for a while which would help explain the crying. Sorry if that sounds weird. Just that, as always after about 2 years I'm still uncertain.
Hugs? Hugs if you want them. And kittens.

[goto124]

Is this a good time to reference the sunbathing Irish girl meme?

[ArlEammon]

if anyone wants to talk, that's fine.

[YossarianLives]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

[Asmodean_]

After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

https://imgflip.com/s/meme/Captain-Picard-Facepalm.jpg

[Heliomance]

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

[noparlpf]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

http://i.imgur.com/cGIay9e.png


Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

That sucks, I'm sorry. I hope you manage to find it. Hang in there.
At least you've identified something specific like that. I forget, do you have a regular therapist you could bring that up with? Maybe they'd have some ideas.

[Irish Musician]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom
Well, on the up-side, at least it seems as though she is trying to make an effort. She may not understand, but at least there is still some manner of trying to relate and understand. Even if it didn't quite go so well as she might have hoped.

And I'm glad that she didn't just start freaking out. :smallsmile:

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.
I'm sorry Helio :smalleek:. I wish I had better words than just "You do deserve pretty things" and "Here's a bunch of hugs and kittens"....but that's about all I got :smallfrown:

[JNAProductions]

Well, I just came out to my mom. That was really awkward.

I explained what being genderfluid, panromantic and asexual meant. She took it in fairly well, and didn't start spouting hate speech or anything. Honestly, it went about as good as I expected. She didn't really understand the whole asexual thing, and tried to give me "The Talk," which was uncomfortable, especially since I'm more than old enough to know such things. After I finished, after a lengthy pause, she asked "so, are you gay?"

thanks mom

Am I allowed to chuckle at that? Because your mom sounds hilariously ignorant. But! She also seems like she loves you and is understanding, so while she might know jack and squat, you can teach her and she'll accept it.

So I'm happy for you. It sounds like you have someone who'll support you, even if they aren't 100% sure how.


Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.

You do deserve nice things. You're a nice woman. I wish I could do more than just reassure you, but at least have some e-hugs. *Sends e-hugs your way.*

[YossarianLives]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

Bleh.

So, something I've noticed is that any time any of my pretty girl stuff is spoiled somehow, it translates in my head into "I don't deserve nice things" and then spirals into a dysphoria attack. It happened a few years ago when I tore the zip of my favourite boots, it happened earlier this week when the swimming costume I was going to wear was a bit too small (I ended up borrowing one from mum for the beach trip) and it's happening now, because I've just lost an earring.

I can't afford a dysphoria attack now, I'm at work. But I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes already.

Guh, I hate dysphoria.I totally feel you - I experience similar things, and self-loathing is never ever fun. I hope things get better.

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

I'm glad you can laugh at it. I was honestly a bit worried you'd be hurt by my words, but glad that's not the case!

[Coidzor]

Thanks for the kind words, everybody. Looking back, I think the whole thing is kind of funny. And, yes, she is very supportive, if quite ignorant.

Yeah, it may take a while for it to percolate through her understanding, bit by bit, especially the more advanced concepts. Thankfully, if she's willing to take the time with you, then you should reach a point where there's a functional understanding eventually with patience. :smallsmile:

[AliceLost]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

[JNAProductions]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

*Hugs! Lots of hugs*

I'm glad to hear the surgery went well and she's on the road to recovery. Sucks that she needs nursing, but good thing she has you.

Best of luck with the whole situation.

[Coidzor]

Is there a way to sleep on a couch or air mattress or something for a while so you both can get the sleep you need?

[AliceLost]

Is there a way to sleep on a couch or air mattress or something for a while so you both can get the sleep you need?

Yeah, I've set up an air mattress for tonight and am about to try it out. Hopefully tonight I get some better rest.

[Irish Musician]

*flops into the thread*

Hi thread. I'm just really tired right now. My girlfriend went in for surgery the other day (which went fine, she is fine, everything is fine), but it has several weeks of recovery time, so I'm out at work during the day, and playing nurse at home at night (and not the fun kind). She's not unwell, but she has a limited range of motion, and she needs a lot of help with basic things like lifting, moving, dressing, bathing...I've had to worry about wrangling unreliable friends and relatives to come and visit her while I'm out, and she's so sensitive in bed that I'm not getting much sleep, and I know things will be better in a few days...but right now I'm just so tired.

I'm glad nether of us ever wants to be a mom, because dear lord this probably still isn't as bad as having a child, and I simply couldn't handle that. Maternal instinct be damned, I would eat it.

*AliceLost keels over and starts accepting hugs*

I hope she gets well soon, and I hope you got some sleep last night on the air mattress!

Also, can I just say, that is both an amazing name and an amazing Avatar. Alice is one of my fav books and cartoon movies (though the more recent one I think they did a good job on too). Just wanted to say how awesome your name and avatar was :smallsmile:

Hope everyone else is doing well, and hug out to anyone who needs them!

[AliceLost]

I hope she gets well soon, and I hope you got some sleep last night on the air mattress!

Also, can I just say, that is both an amazing name and an amazing Avatar. Alice is one of my fav books and cartoon movies (though the more recent one I think they did a good job on too). Just wanted to say how awesome your name and avatar was :smallsmile:

Hope everyone else is doing well, and hug out to anyone who needs them!

Aww, thank you. I've always felt a kinship with the character, I suppose partly because of my name, partly because the world is often a confusing place. (Also there was an old TV movie starring Kate Beckinsale as Alice that played a formative role in my sexual awakening :smallredface:)

the_fennecfox did a great job with the avatar, I was super happy with it!

I've had a bit more sleep, and had a bit less to do today, so I'm feeling a bit less dead, although it'll still be a while before things are back to normal. I'm not the best nurse in the world :smallfrown:.

[ArlEammon]

No one cares. Cutting used to be a thing and I never got help for it. . . this is just weird to be thirty two and for no one to care. . . like I'm stuck in High School.

[Lissou]

I'm also playing nurse to my husband right now. He got surgery on his foot, a bad abscess, they were going to amputate but managed to save his foot, but he's got a long recovery in front of him because the surgery was still pretty extensive, even though they manage to save the bones.

Anyway, my point is, I totally sympathize. Playing nurse is difficult. And I have the luxury of being able to take a break from work as I nurse him, so considering how tired I am I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. AND he has neuropathy in his foot, so he's not in pain. (Which is great, but at the same time, the reason why it got so bad in the first place).

Anyway, hang in there, It's awesome that you're there for her, and I hope she recovers well and that you get to rest better, and relax. I have been doing everything I can to find ways to relax (meditating, lots of reading) while still being "on call" if he needs me, and it has helped a lot. Maybe you can find something that helps you relax and escape the responsibilities now and then, too?

[AliceLost]

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.

[Irish Musician]

Aww, thank you. I've always felt a kinship with the character, I suppose partly because of my name, partly because the world is often a confusing place. (Also there was an old TV movie starring Kate Beckinsale as Alice that played a formative role in my sexual awakening :smallredface:)
My kinship has always been with the Cheshire Cat (which I actually played in a show in college, so much fun), but Alice has always been a big fav of mine. (and I'm with you on the Kate thing, she is the one who made me realize I'm definitely not gay. There was a confusing time for a bit, but she pretty much hit the nail on the head there).

Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.
The fact that you are even taking care of her, and trying to do your best and sacrificing your own immediate relaxation and happiness, says something to your character and person. Being a good partner isn't always about always being happy or everything going correctly for everyone all the time. The fact that you are putting her needs first is part of what makes a good partner (I'm using partner here because it isn't just restricted to girlfriends, or boyfriends, or husbands, or wives, or whatever else people might decide they are to each other). So you both seem to be luck ladies to have found each other. :smallsmile:

[JNAProductions]

I'm also playing nurse to my husband right now. He got surgery on his foot, a bad abscess, they were going to amputate but managed to save his foot, but he's got a long recovery in front of him because the surgery was still pretty extensive, even though they manage to save the bones.

Anyway, my point is, I totally sympathize. Playing nurse is difficult. And I have the luxury of being able to take a break from work as I nurse him, so considering how tired I am I can't imagine how exhausted you must be. AND he has neuropathy in his foot, so he's not in pain. (Which is great, but at the same time, the reason why it got so bad in the first place).

Anyway, hang in there, It's awesome that you're there for her, and I hope she recovers well and that you get to rest better, and relax. I have been doing everything I can to find ways to relax (meditating, lots of reading) while still being "on call" if he needs me, and it has helped a lot. Maybe you can find something that helps you relax and escape the responsibilities now and then, too?

Aw. I'm sorry to hear your husband had that, but good thing they managed to save the foot! Best of luck in your nursing, and best wishes to you and husband!


Thank you, that actually means a lot. I'm not actually great at being nurturing and caring for someone...I need a lot of space and me time, and when I can't control when I get it, it stresses me out. I don't feel like a great nurse, or even a great girlfriend, right now.

Seconding what Irish said. You're putting your girlfriend first-that's being the best partner you can be.

[AliceLost]

*breaks down and cries*

I'm just so bad at this. I'm so tired, and it doesn't even feel like I'm getting that much done. I snapped at her today, and made her cry, and now I'm the one lying in bed, and I'm just so... useless.

Fortunately, she's recovering quickly, and we have lots of friends who have been supportive and helpful, and everything is getting done, and she appreciates me, and everything is fine.

But I'm still lying in bed crying and feeling like a failure who can't even make lunch for her sick girlfriend...

[Asmodean_]

*breaks down and cries*

I'm just so bad at this. I'm so tired, and it doesn't even feel like I'm getting that much done. I snapped at her today, and made her cry, and now I'm the one lying in bed, and I'm just so... useless.

Fortunately, she's recovering quickly, and we have lots of friends who have been supportive and helpful, and everything is getting done, and she appreciates me, and everything is fine.

But I'm still lying in bed crying and feeling like a failure who can't even make lunch for her sick girlfriend...

::offers hugs::

Times like these can always be a hard time for a relationship, snaps are to be expected. But, to misquote someone whose name escapes my mind, "Don't be sad because it happened, be happy because it's over."

And given that you tried to make lunch for her, I know it's a similarly old chestnut, but it's the thought that counts. Trying and failing to make lunch is so much better than just not trying at all.

And if you care so much about your girlfriend that you feel so bad about this, you're clearly not a failure.

[AliceLost]

::offers hugs::

Times like these can always be a hard time for a relationship, snaps are to be expected. But, to misquote someone whose name escapes my mind, "Don't be sad because it happened, be happy because it's over."

And given that you tried to make lunch for her, I know it's a similarly old chestnut, but it's the thought that counts. Trying and failing to make lunch is so much better than just not trying at all.

And if you care so much about your girlfriend that you feel so bad about this, you're clearly not a failure.

Thanks. I rationally know that everything is fine. But right now I'm just sad and stressed. Thank you for the hugs.

[Jerry]

Hey Alice, sorry to hear you're going through such a stressful time. It's times like these that really challenge a relationship, but they can also strengthen them once you're one the other side of the situation as long as you hang in there. She's lucky to have you. :smallsmile:

[Lissou]

Have you heard of the ring theory of support? Comfort in, Dump out? Here (http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407) is an article about it. Find your own support network, get support from them (actually that might be us, come to think of it :P But you probably need less anonymous support too, like friends and family) and you'll be able to comfort her better without dumping your stress on her.

Maybe call people if you can't see them in person. Chat about your stress. Feel better. You're still human, you can't be expected to always be fine just because she needs you. You can dump it, just preferably not on her. And if you snap a bit, just say you're sorry and do your best going forward. She'll understand and I'm sure she's very grateful to you either way.

*hugs*

[AliceLost]

Thanks for the advice; it's basically what I am doing with you kind internet folks. I'm fortunate to have a good support network to help with difficulties, but it's also therapeutic to have an outlet for negative emotions in the outermost rings of the ring theory. Sometimes, you don't want or need people to actually help, you just need to be able to vent your emotions and have people who are sympathetic and willing to listen. It's nice to be able to complain from time to time without people who know both of us worrying about our relationship or trying to fix things.

So I appreciate anonymous internet people willing to listen, it really is the help that I'm looking for.

Thank you, y'all. :smallsmile:

[Heliomance]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

[AliceLost]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

I'd watch those films for sure! Hermione Potter?

[Eldest]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

That would have made me so happy. The idea still is fantastic.

[JNAProductions]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!

Oh god! Ariana Black flashbacks! :P

That would've been cool. Also, HOLY CRAP! YOU MIGHT'VE BEEN HARRY POTTER? That's awesome!

[Grytorm]

That would have been amusing, especially if you had still ended up nerdy and posting here.

[Illven]

I'd watch those films for sure! Hermione Potter?

So is this hypothetical scenario where Hermione Potter beats Ginny if she disagrees with her? :smallconfused:

[JusticeZero]

So in the self revelation department..
Planning a camping trip with the family, with my niece. Had an internal monologue along the lines of "So this is totally a girl trip? No, my husband is a guy, and my niece is nonbinary, so we have one of each between the three of us.... ..... .... . Crap, I'm a girl, aren't I?"
I still have no clue what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" is, though.

[Irish Musician]

So an amusing thought occurred to me in the shower. Way back when, I auditioned to be Harry Potter in the films. Got a fair way through the selection process, too. Can you imagine the media furore a few years later, if I'd got it?

BOY WHO LIVED TURNS OUT TO BE GIRL WHO LIVED!
Well.....sounds like something we need to start putting together and send to Rowling. Tell her, "Hey, so we got this idea.....feel like doing some collaborative writing?!" :smallbiggrin:

So in the self revelation department..
Planning a camping trip with the family, with my niece. Had an internal monologue along the lines of "So this is totally a girl trip? No, my husband is a guy, and my niece is nonbinary, so we have one of each between the three of us.... ..... .... . Crap, I'm a girl, aren't I?"
I still have no clue what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" is, though.

Have fun on your trip! Camping is always fun :smallsmile:

[Lentrax]

If only we lived in the world of Harry Potter... Magic would be so useful.

Also, damn. It woulda been so cool to have been able to do that. The only thing I have with that kind of brush with acting was being on vacation and driving through the Badlands while they were filming Starship Troopers. They needed some kids to fill in ranks of extras, but I was just a bit too young to sign the releases to be in a movie. Ah, well.

[Heliomance]

That would have been amusing, especially if you had still ended up nerdy and posting here.
Being a celebrity makes that kinda thing hard. I certainly wouldn't have been able to post as many photos as I have.

[Astrella]

Yay, got my bloodwork back and I was a bit worried about it since I had an orchi earlier this year and was scared no longer taking anti-androgens would mean higher testosterone, and while it went up a bit, ti's still in normal cis women's range, and so is my estrogen, my estrogen values even went up a bit. :)

[Bobbybobby99]

Hi everyone! I don't post in this thread very often, but I figured I ought to stop by :smallsmile:. Still gay, though I'm less confident in that than I used to be; I'm beginning to suspect that I just prefer guys over girls, and mentally flinch away from the idea of liking girls as well because of ingrained negative societal associations with bisexuals.

[Grytorm]

Well I had a bad dream where I was really dysphoric. But then I had a dream in which my grandmother was queen of England and she comforted me. Which helped make me feel better. (Her throne was a comfy armchair).

[Irish Musician]

Yay, got my bloodwork back and I was a bit worried about it since I had an orchi earlier this year and was scared no longer taking anti-androgens would mean higher testosterone, and while it went up a bit, ti's still in normal cis women's range, and so is my estrogen, my estrogen values even went up a bit. :)
Yay! *Happy Dance*

Hi everyone! I don't post in this thread very often, but I figured I ought to stop by :smallsmile:. Still gay, though I'm less confident in that than I used to be; I'm beginning to suspect that I just prefer guys over girls, and mentally flinch away from the idea of liking girls as well because of ingrained negative societal associations with bisexuals.
Well, love who you want to love and don't worry so much about what society says. If you feel attraction to boys and girls.....then go for it! I know easier said than done, but only you know who you are attracted to, no one else can answer that question but you. And what that answer is, is perfectly fine. :smallsmile:

Well I had a bad dream where I was really dysphoric. But then I had a dream in which my grandmother was queen of England and she comforted me. Which helped make me feel better. (Her throne was a comfy armchair).
Well, at least the Queen and the chair was nice and comforting! :smallbiggrin: Hope you are feeling better from the bad part of the dream.

[Eldest]

I felt like there were tiny differences after 2 weeks. So might actually be changes!

[Xihirli]

Finally realized to myself that I was a girl.
Well, realized was a long time ago.
But the state of denial is mostly dead now.

[Asmodean_]

Happy to hear all the good news! This calls for a round of imaginary cake!

[Xihirli]

Cake is nice.

[Asmodean_]

Here you go.
http://images.crateandbarrel.com/is/image/Crate/EssentialDinner10p5inSHF15/$web_product_hero$&/160203170134/essential-dinner-plate.jpg

As stated previously the cake is imaginary so you'll have to imagine the cake yourself.

Hey I'm on a budget alright?

[Simsimillia]

Finally realized to myself that I was a girl.
Well, realized was a long time ago.
But the state of denial is mostly dead now.

I came to the same realization about seven months ago. Took me six more months to come out to the first person (a lesbian friend of mine). Now I'm trying to work up the courage to tell my mum. I know...or well at least I'm very sure of it that she'll be supporting and all, but I'm still really scared to tell her. There is the rest bit of doubt, that she wont be cool about it. It's weird, I know that I have to tell her at some point, because in those six months I kept it all to myself I wasn't well at all.

[Astrella]

Mrrr, talk with surgeon tomorrow, nervous cause I'm scared he'll be poopy about me having gained weight and since I still have a lot of anxiety / fears about whether I want bottom surgery.

[Xihirli]

You don't have to if you're worried. Just go for the body that feels right for you.

[FallenFallcrest]

http://i.imgur.com/cGIay9e.png


I'm sorry for potentially derailing anything by this, but that star... oh my gosh. Laughed way too much. Teachers should give that to students not worthy of a real gold star, but gosh darn it, they tried! Can I use that?

[Iethloc]

I got my ears pierced recently. It's a pretty small thing, but I still feel really good about it.

There's also a chance I'll be able to get some good money for other transition-related stuff in the next few months. I've been looking into local Certified Nursing Assistant classes. It's actually the first time I've felt any enthusiasm at all for a potential job.

[noparlpf]

I'm sorry for potentially derailing anything by this, but that star... oh my gosh. Laughed way too much. Teachers should give that to students not worthy of a real gold star, but gosh darn it, they tried! Can I use that?

I mean, it's not mine. It's a meme/reaction image I've seen around tumblr (and probably other sites).

[Hollow]

Like to post in support of all the people on the tread going through issues right now, not lgbt myself but I recently helped a close friend overcome some struggles and now have a deeper respect for the community as a whole. keep on trucking people.:smallsmile:

[JusticeZero]

Any thoughts on how to figure out who I am? I thought about changing my avatar here, but I don't have enough fruits from self reflection to know what to ask for instead. Which is an issue in all sorts of ways outside of here right now, really.

[Xihirli]

Any thoughts on how to figure out who I am? I thought about changing my avatar here, but I don't have enough fruits from self reflection to know what to ask for instead. Which is an issue in all sorts of ways outside of here right now, really.

How to find out who you are? As in, gender questioning? Or philosophically?

[JusticeZero]

How to find out who you are? As in, gender questioning? Or philosophically?
As in, things that are not my gender. I figured out fairly quickly that huge portions of my interests, hobbies, and personality were either part of my facade or only 'interesting' because they relieved dysphoria. Once I started detoxing, they crumbled and vanished, but I don't know what is in its place. And it's made worse by that frame-lag memory effect where things pretransition are harder to remember in context because the cues are different.

[AmberVael]

Any thoughts on how to figure out who I am? I thought about changing my avatar here, but I don't have enough fruits from self reflection to know what to ask for instead. Which is an issue in all sorts of ways outside of here right now, really.

This sounds like lame advice to me, but: try things?

There's no divination or analysis that will speed things up, in my opinion. And I say this as someone who really loves to wait and ponder and analyze. So, just experimenting with a lot of different things is probably the way to go. Be aware of yourself and your reactions, and build an idea of yourself from there.

[Syless]

I'm planning a week-long trip to Denmark in a couple of weeks, just thought I'd ask any trans people who have traveled with hormones-- should I bring the hormones with me or is there too much risk of hassle at the airport, better to just not take them for a week?

I have no idea of international travel is harder to deal with, but assuming it's at all possible (even if it's a bit of a hassle), try and bring them with you. Going off them, even briefly, is profoundly unpleasant and will make your trip less enjoyable.

[Lissou]

I don't know about hormones specifically, but I have traveled internationally with medicine. Have your prescription available on you and a copy with the meds (and unless you need to take them while on the plane, keep them in your checked luggage) and there shouldn't be any trouble. Make sure they're clearly labeled and match the prescription. Getting off meds and back on them is not generally recommended, I don't know how exactly it works for hormones, but I would avoid it if possible.

If you're really worried, you can also ask your doctor to send you a note to also keep on you saying that you need to have your meds with you when you travel.

[noparlpf]

I just travelled Europe with two bottles of amphetamines and nobody ever stopped me to check what meds I had or to ask for a prescription. Besides, even if anybody checks them, most airport security agents have no idea what most meds are for. That said, it's probably a good idea to bring a copy of your prescriptions and/or a doctor's note explaining the prescriptions with you, and always bring meds in carry-on in case something happens to checked bags.

[Delusion]

I have traveled on plane within EU with all my medicines without prescriptions (which would have been hassle anyway as I don't even have paper prescriptions) on multiple occasions. I just putt all the meds in small see-through plastic bags and take them out of (not-plastic) bag during the the security check.

Never had any trouble with them.

[Iethloc]

I just shaved off all of my facial hair for the first time ever. I almost look like a different person! One with cuts on her face from shaving. I still don't regret it.

[ArlEammon]

I need someone to help me realize that just because bad things happen I'm not a bad person.

[Asmodean_]

::offers existential-crisis hugs::

The universe doesn't give a **** about people, it just happens. Random **** can happen to anyone at any time. In insurance, they call it "Act of God" - something that couldn't be predicted or prepared for. Personally I feel that since it can't be predicted or prepared for, there's no use worrying about it.

And whether or not you're a good or bad person doesn't depend on the cards you're dealt, it only depends on how you play them.

[ArlEammon]

Can we talk?

[Xihirli]

Of course. Feel free to speak your mind.

[ArlEammon]

Of course. Feel free to speak your mind.

PM maybe? :D

[lio45]

FWIW, I'm perfectly willing to be a listening ear too, if it can help. (I was also kinda wondering why you abruptly cut off the PMing that we had happened to start a little while ago; I don't think I said anything that should've scared you off...? I did try my best to offer helpful, constructive advice.)

[Kittenwolf]

As someone who did it recently for a few weeks, I can say that going off and back on hormones can be weird, though sometimes it does make you realise just how much of an effect they have (yay moods?).
But that was me specifically and only a low dosage, and hormones tend to affect everyone differently.
*offers hugs*

Hi everyone else! Just on my tram to work so haven't been able to read through the whole thread yet, I hope everyone is doing well :)

Also, wanted to share a couple of pics of new shiny things that arrived yesterday, though yes, the hoodie is way too big!



http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b279/LeviathanZero/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpszacotz3x.jpeg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/LeviathanZero/media/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpszacotz3x.jpeg.html)

http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b279/LeviathanZero/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpscxcwv86o.jpeg (http://s21.photobucket.com/user/LeviathanZero/media/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zpscxcwv86o.jpeg.html)

[JNAProductions]

-Snip-

Cutie is cutie. Looking great, KW!

[Kittenwolf]

Cutie is cutie. Looking great, KW!

'Cutie'? Now you're just trying to make me blush! :)
Not too much pink? I've never actually owned anything pink in my life before this :P

[AliceLost]

'Cutie'? Now you're just trying to make me blush! :)
Not too much pink? I've never actually owned anything pink in my life before this :P

Girl, as long as you want it, there's never such a thing as too much pink.

[golentan]

Girl, as long as you want it, there's never such a thing as too much pink.


'Cutie'? Now you're just trying to make me blush! :)
Not too much pink? I've never actually owned anything pink in my life before this :P

I don't know if that's true. You could in theory have so much pink that it obscures your facial features under an enamel pink shellac, causing you to suffocate.

In this case, though, the amount of pink seems plenty reasonable.

[Kittenwolf]

I don't know if that's true. You could in theory have so much pink that it obscures your facial features under an enamel pink shellac, causing you to suffocate.

In this case, though, the amount of pink seems plenty reasonable.

That.. sounds quite terrifying.
I'm imagining a pink shellac beetle carapace kind of thing, but sealed like a statue...

[JNAProductions]

'Cutie'? Now you're just trying to make me blush! :)
Not too much pink? I've never actually owned anything pink in my life before this :P

MWAHAHAHAH! My plan is complete! You have blushed, and now, you are my minion for taking over the world! MWAHAHAHAHAH!

Or, you know, it was just a compliment. One of those two. :P

And I think the amount of pink is just fine.

[Asmodean_]

Personally I don't have anything much against the colour pink, I just think that's not a very photogenic skirt. IMHO it looks like a cardigan tied around the waist.

[noparlpf]

Oh, neat. Just got an email from school (Tufts vet) asking us to fill out a form with our legal name, preferred name, pronouns, and any dietary restrictions so they can plan orientation next week.

"We ask that ALL students send us confirmation of how you would like your name to appear on your name tag for orientation. The name you use at orientation and during your time at Cummings need not correspond with your legal name, and we encourage students to introduce themselves as they would like to be addressed. We also encourage students to share with us the pronouns by which they would like to be referred. We ask that all students consider sharing their pronouns on their name tags, if they feel comfortable doing so, so that we don’t make assumptions about your identity based on your name or appearance."

[Lissou]

That's really neat, noparlpf!

[Xihirli]

Oh, neat. Just got an email from school (Tufts vet) asking us to fill out a form with our legal name, preferred name, pronouns, and any dietary restrictions so they can plan orientation next week.

"We ask that ALL students send us confirmation of how you would like your name to appear on your name tag for orientation. The name you use at orientation and during your time at Cummings need not correspond with your legal name, and we encourage students to introduce themselves as they would like to be addressed. We also encourage students to share with us the pronouns by which they would like to be referred. We ask that all students consider sharing their pronouns on their name tags, if they feel comfortable doing so, so that we don’t make assumptions about your identity based on your name or appearance."

That sounds nice.

[JusticeZero]

My supervisor came out to me with gushing squeeing and cheer and conversation, with what seemed like a 'zomg another queer person in the office I can talk to yay!' sort of thing. A bit confusing since I am still hazy as to exactly how she found out about this fact at that particular moment, mind. Not that I am being secretive, I even put 'female' on an internal application for a job (I didn't get it, btw) that I had interviewed for that day. Apparently it had something to do with both of us giving different boilerplates to the head of HR for an updated trans protection clause. Still, she met with someone else then came back gushing and wording things in a way that felt like it was a continuation of a conversation I wasn't actually present for, which is a bit disorienting. Hopefully I wasn't especially put off by it.

Still... no... damned.. word.. from.. the.. endo... *eyetwitch* Seriously, I have been trying to get in to talk to one since October. At this point, I would pay cash to see a doctor outside of the system to get the starting prescription, just to force some movement.

[Asmodean_]

I think I need someone to talk to over PM regarding religion and an LGBT friend. Any takers?

[YossarianLives]

I think I need someone to talk to over PM regarding religion and an LGBT friend. Any takers?
My inbox is open, though I'm not always the best at giving advice.

[JNAProductions]

I think I need someone to talk to over PM regarding religion and an LGBT friend. Any takers?

Same as MK-I'd be glad to talk to you, Asmodean.

[Asmodean_]

Sent yous both a PM.

[Merellis]

Really starting to think I should just say I'm straight instead of bisexual to a lot of people I know. Because I am really getting tired of having the fun conversation of "If you haven't done it with a dude, how would you know?" and the ever so fun one of "So your wife is your beard?"

Also because I don't think breaking knees is conducive to having a proper conversation as to why those two questions fill me with an urge to lash out. I mean, it'd get the gist of my point across, but then I'd have some other issues to deal with after that.

Uuuuuugh.

Edit: And I don't even want to get started on having to have a certain conversation with other people who are LGBT about how the B does stand for Bisexual, and yes, that is a real damn thing.

[Asmodean_]

I'm just curious as to what conversation you might have been having that would lead straight* to that. I've never been asked my sexuality except in a joking manner.





*Pun always intended.

[Merellis]

I'm just curious as to what conversation you might have been having that would lead straight* to that. I've never been asked my sexuality except in a joking manner.





*Pun always intended.

Slip of the tongue when I mention someone interests me. Which me and my wife are more used to doing with each other, so I've gotten too used to that, which isn't really a bad thing considering we both get to poke fun at each others taste. That or in some LGBTQA+ spaces I get the whole bit of fun conversation that has me wondering if this is what irony tastes like.

I did like the pun.

[Lissou]

Uh, why did they think the B stood for? I thought it was pretty common knowledge that it stood for "bisexual".

[Siosilvar]

Uh, why did they think the B stood for? I thought it was pretty common knowledge that it stood for "bisexual".

Somebody gets a little bit of privilege, "screw you I got mine" starts to kick in. See also: "drop the T" and the aro/ace inclusion fight. It's nothing new, but it is a little more prevalent nowadays. There's a really surprising amount of infighting between certain people in each of the letters, considering we all face very similar challenges.

[Merellis]

The B stands for Bisexual might have been a little hyperbole on my part to get the general point across and not a literal thing that I've been asked. (Though with how its been going, I assume that question will pop up sooner or later.)

Sorry, just wanted to vent for a quick minute.

[Lissou]

Oh, the venting is fine. It just went way over my head that you were being metaphorical here. And I'm sadly very aware of bi erasure (and if I were bi myself I'm sure I would be made more aware of it on pretty much a daily basis).

Really sorry you have to deal with that kind of stuff. Hugs if you want them.

[Asmodean_]

As someone who is bi, I've never heard of bi erasure before. What exactly is it?

[JNAProductions]

The idea that you're either pretending to be gay or pretending to be straight and should just pick a side. Where you're obviously going to cheat on your SO because bi people are just more promiscuous. Where you're obviously going to leave a woman for a man because you aren't really gay, or just are really gay.

And so on and so forth.

And the lovely tv portrayal of where you don't need a label, or just have an exception and they just won't say bisexual on the damn screen even though they keep toeing the line of saying it.

Admittedly, people don't really need a label. But yeah, I don't get people who don't believe in bisexuality. Why is that any harder to believe than being straight, or being gay?

[AmberVael]

Admittedly, people don't really need a label. But yeah, I don't get people who don't believe in bisexuality. Why is that any harder to believe than being straight, or being gay?

You can't like chocolate ice cream and vanilla ice cream. That's ridiculous.

[EternalMelon]

As someone who is bi, I've never heard of bi erasure before. What exactly is it?
Bi erasure is when people don't believe in or downplay a persons Bisexuality. Usually by insinuating that a Bi person is lieing about their sexual preferences, or hasn't chosen yet...

Its hard to explain because its so dumb.

Alternitavly, Bi-erasure (http://youtubedoubler.com/?video1=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv% 3DeSMeUPFjQHc&start1=&video2=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3 DRiKVjS3gR88&start2=0&authorName=Bi-Erasure).

You can't like chocolate ice cream and vanilla ice cream. That's ridiculous.
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/minecraftcreepypasta/images/8/8b/Chocolate-vanilla-cake-cone_no-wrap_rgb_sm.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/238?cb=20150830162041

[Siosilvar]

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/minecraftcreepypasta/images/8/8b/Chocolate-vanilla-cake-cone_no-wrap_rgb_sm.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/238?cb=20150830162041

But I saw you eating chocolate ice cream the other day, you can't like vanilla!

[noparlpf]

Come on now, that's just being greedy. You have to pick, you can't have both chocolate and vanilla.

[golentan]

Strawberry and Butter Pecan for life!

[AmberVael]

*snip*
You are blowing my tiny mind. Stop that. :smalleek:

[Lissou]

Bi erasure involves a lot of small things that basically ignores the existence of bi people. It goes from saying that bi people don't exist to more subtle things like assuming that everyone in a relationship with a man only likes men and anyone in a relationship with a woman only likes women. Or seeing a female friend who used to have a girlfriend and now has a boyfriend and saying "oh, you're straight now?" rather than considering they may like both.

Usually bi men are assumed to actually be gay, and bi women to actually be straight (I guess everyone must secretly like men only and only pretend to like women?).

It also can involve more systemic things, like characters in stories not being bi even if they have relationships with people of multiple genders, being instead portrayed as having a fluctuation orientation, changing their mind or finally coming out. Or there is also this idea that a bi person will have a "real" relationship with someone of the opposite gender but that anything with the same gender is less "real", not an actual relationship, can't possibly be serious and is just for fun.

[EternalMelon]

Strawberry and Butter Pecan for life!
Pshhh. Those arn't real flavors. You're just making them up for attention.*

You are blowing my tiny mind. Stop that. :smalleek:
http://images.chickadvisor.com/item/29137/original/default.jpg


Usually bi men are assumed to actually be gay, and bi women to actually be straight (I guess everyone must secretly like men only and only pretend to like women?).
'Course not, girls are icky.

Serious time:
Lissou did a better job explaining Bi-erasure than me. Like I said, I can't wrap my mind around it. :smalleek:
Bi-erause is weird in that even people in the LGBT spectrum/community perpetuate it.

*That actually hurt to type. I have no quarrel with non-binary/genderfluid/ect people and the backlash you get saddens me.
Shine on you crazy diamonds.

[Merellis]

Bi erasure involves a lot of small things that basically ignores the existence of bi people. It goes from saying that bi people don't exist to more subtle things like assuming that everyone in a relationship with a man only likes men and anyone in a relationship with a woman only likes women. Or seeing a female friend who used to have a girlfriend and now has a boyfriend and saying "oh, you're straight now?" rather than considering they may like both.

Usually bi men are assumed to actually be gay, and bi women to actually be straight (I guess everyone must secretly like men only and only pretend to like women?).

It also can involve more systemic things, like characters in stories not being bi even if they have relationships with people of multiple genders, being instead portrayed as having a fluctuation orientation, changing their mind or finally coming out. Or there is also this idea that a bi person will have a "real" relationship with someone of the opposite gender but that anything with the same gender is less "real", not an actual relationship, can't possibly be serious and is just for fun.

What this also dives into is the idea that bi women shouldn't be dating other women because of course they'll leave you for a man. Or that they're just doing it for male attention.

Y'know, because they're totally straight and are just being /promiscuous/

[Dire Moose]

Hi everyone! I'm back!

I was gone for a week or so due to having other things on my plate. As you may recall from a thread I posted on the subject, I lost my job as a field paleontologist in California after two clients I was brought on to do consulting work for backed out of their projects and left me with no work.

Anyway, I could no longer afford rent in California without the job, so my parents ended up having to bail me out of that positions and cosigned with me on a small studio apartment back in Arizona where I'd been living before. So anyway, I'm back on my feet for the moment. My last apartment complex was nice enough that they'll be returning most of my $2490 deposit soon and I still have around $350 to my name before that after rent and bills are paid for August. I'm back to doing volunteer work on fossils at the local museum while interviewing for various different jobs at this point.

Anyway, I only just got my internet connected at my apartment today, so I thought I'd stop in and say hi.

EDIT: Oh, and it's cookies and cream for me. Also cookie dough. Preferably both at once. :D

[JNAProductions]

Hi everyone! I'm back!

I was gone for a week or so due to having other things on my plate. As you may recall from a thread I posted on the subject, I lost my job as a field paleontologist in California after two clients I was brought on to do consulting work for backed out of their projects and left me with no work.

Anyway, I could no longer afford rent in California without the job, so my parents ended up having to bail me out of that positions and cosigned with me on a small studio apartment back in Arizona where I'd been living before. So anyway, I'm back on my feet for the moment. My last apartment complex was nice enough that they'll be returning most of my $2490 deposit soon and I still have around $350 to my name before that after rent and bills are paid for August. I'm back to doing volunteer work on fossils at the local museum while interviewing for various different jobs at this point.

Anyway, I only just got my internet connected at my apartment today, so I thought I'd stop in and say hi.

Hi Moose!

Glad you got your situation worked out, though it could've gone a bit better. Still, good luck finding a new job!

[Dire Moose]

One good thing coming up for me in the near future I should mention.

Back when I was having a major crisis about my gender identity last fall/winter, I talked to a lot of people in order to help try to make sense of myself. Most of them were unable to help me resolve it despite having dealt with it a lot themselves, including a professional gender therapist.

Finally, one trans woman who had been talking with me on this one IRC (which ravens_cry is also a member of) was able to calm me down like nobody else really could, and really spent some time with me helping work things out and put them in perspective. We've remained close friends after that, and she was also with me through losing my job and my girlfriend last summer, where she was able to help lift me out of that.

As it turns out, she's having her SRS done in late October right here in the Phoenix area, where she'll be staying for almost a month. We're both looking forward to finally meeting in person. :)

[WarKitty]

This thread needs more kittens.

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q154/juliainitaly/54243.jpg