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8BitNinja
2016-07-12, 12:14 AM
Every paladin should have a high charisma. And what better way to use that than cheesy pickup lines. The only rules here is that is has to be paladin related and are from the perspective of being told by or to a paladin.

WARNING: These are purely jokes, and probably not very good ones (don't worry, there are good ones here somewhere). Use at your own risk.

Actually, do tell us if a fair maiden does swoon to these words.

I'll start,

I must be evil aligned, because I'm smitten with you

You want me to cast shield other? Because I'd like to put a ring on your finger.

You seem to have some missing HP, want me to lay hands on you?

No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to successfully break your enchantment

OldTrees1
2016-07-12, 12:31 AM
Love is the purest form of benevolence, shall we go make the world a better place?

RickAllison
2016-07-12, 12:51 AM
When I Lay on my Hands, you'll be done with your man!

Vitruviansquid
2016-07-12, 12:58 AM
Hey baby, let's go back to my place...

... and get married after a lengthy courtship process and with the the blessings of both of our fathers and mothers, after which we will make love in the missionary position for the exclusive purpose of procreation without smiling or talking during the deed?

Madbox
2016-07-12, 01:00 AM
Some people say sleeping around is evil. Good thing I can Smite Evil with my greatclub.

Freemason Than
2016-07-12, 01:43 AM
Hey baby ... I can't get diseases.

hymer
2016-07-12, 02:17 AM
Wanna try my special mount? I'll let you ride ever so hard.

Edit: Apparently, that paladin was trying to pick up a tiefling. :smallredface:

Steampunkette
2016-07-12, 03:13 AM
You're a naughty one, aren't you? I might have to smite that ass!

Being lawful good doesn't mean I can't have a one night stand, it just means I've gotta be up front and honest about sprinkling my holy water.

Just for tonight, I'm gonna call you "Steed". Giddyup!

Is that a holy avenger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 'Cause either way I'd -really- like to find out...

Why, yes, this is a +2 Circlet of Charisma. And no. I won't be taking it off 'til morning.

My last lover was a Barbarian, think you've got the constitution to match him?

Nuns and Priests are the ones who take the vow of celibacy. I am under no such compunction, cutie.

*brandishes holy symbol* Of course I've got protection.

Trust me. By morning I'll have turned the skeletons in your closet and you'll be praising the Morninglord.

Not -every- religious person uses words to net a convert.

Are you a pious boy..? Or am I gonna have to discipline you?

You don't need to cast Charm Person, Mage. But you might need an Ox's Endurance.

Inevitability
2016-07-12, 04:46 AM
"Want to know why Bear's Endurance and Charm Person aren't on my spell list? I don't need them."

Seppo87
2016-07-12, 04:59 AM
You're a naughty one, aren't you? I might have to smite that ass!

Being lawful good doesn't mean I can't have a one night stand, it just means I've gotta be up front and honest about sprinkling my holy water.

Just for tonight, I'm gonna call you "Steed". Giddyup!

Is that a holy avenger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 'Cause either way I'd -really- like to find out...

Why, yes, this is a +2 Circlet of Charisma. And no. I won't be taking it off 'til morning.

My last lover was a Barbarian, think you've got the constitution to match him?

Nuns and Priests are the ones who take the vow of celibacy. I am under no such compunction, cutie.

*brandishes holy symbol* Of course I've got protection.

Trust me. By morning I'll have turned the skeletons in your closet and you'll be praising the Morninglord.

Not -every- religious person uses words to net a convert.

Are you a pious boy..? Or am I gonna have to discipline you?

You don't need to cast Charm Person, Mage. But you might need an Ox's Endurance.

I'd be torn between the urge of leaving asap to avoid further cringe and the fear of angering what looks like a very horny and powerful adventurer with a big sword.

hymer
2016-07-12, 05:06 AM
I'd be torn between the urge of leaving asap to avoid further cringe and the fear of angering what looks like a very horny and powerful adventurer with a big sword.

I think the cringe factor is inherent in the pickup line. If it isn't cringe-worthy, you're doing it wrong. :smallwink: Speaking of big swords:

Pats big sword very near groin: "I smote a succubus with this just the other night. Wanna see my big sword?"

Mutazoia
2016-07-12, 05:21 AM
Hey baby, wanna spit shine my holy symbol?

I just learned "Lay on Hands". Mind if I practice on you?

Are you sure you don't have a little bit of the Divine in you? Would you like to?

I'm Lawful Good in the streets, and awful good in the sheets.

*Sings Dulcinea* (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayz50HeFJUU)

Wanna be my "Epic Mount"?

BWR
2016-07-12, 05:54 AM
I'm Lawful Good in the streets, and awful good in the sheets.


Best one yet.

Frozen_Feet
2016-07-12, 06:10 AM
Does Paladin need pick-up lines? I mean, being a literal knight in shining armor, displaying most traditional signs of authority, wealth and nobility, should do most of the work already.

2D8HP
2016-07-12, 06:25 AM
Oh my!
You guys crack me up. :biggrin:
Not as good but;

To a 5e Oath of Ancients Paladin:
"Spreading Joy is part of your Oath isn't it? Let's test that, sweet thing."

To a 5e Oath of Devotion Paladin:
"I need you to Never Fear to Act, right now, sugar"

To a 5e Oath of Vengeance Paladin:
"I've got some Greater Evil that needs no mercy now baby! "

From a 5e Paladin:
"You know I can Smite that good doncha'"

From a 1e Paladin:
"I just can't keep these magic items"

BWR
2016-07-12, 06:36 AM
Does Paladin need pick-up lines? I mean, being a literal knight in shining armor, displaying most traditional signs of authority, wealth and nobility, should do most of the work already.

Which is why they can get away with the stuff here. :smallwink:

IntelectPaladin
2016-07-12, 06:38 AM
AS much as I dislike the source and reason for pickup lines,
I still have to add to this, if only to show that I'm not dead to the forums.

"Hey there, beauty. Would you care to be redeemed?"
I'm actually really disgusted with myself for this. I'm only doing it because it's 4.am. It's not even decent.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day! Also,
a reminder: I leave hidden messages in every post.

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-12, 08:27 AM
But why let paladins have all the fun?


Ranger (for some reason these all came out pretty dirty):
Do you have a bush? Because that's my favored terrain.

Don't mind my animal companion, he's just jealous because I'm hung better than him. (note: do not use with a horse companion)

You've seen me fire my bow now, want to see me fire my arrow?

I showed you my wolf, now you can show me your *****. (The worst part about this one is that I actually had to tone the real anecdote down to fit D&D better, a friend of mine owns a snake.)


Wizard:

Want to see me enlarge an object?

I've been told that I'm absolutely magical in bed.

Wanna see my fireballs?

Baby, I can take you so high we'll need feather fall to get back down.


Bard:

Baby, I just made my bardic knowledge check, and I know this is going to be good.

Wanna know my Perform(flute) skill level?

Tonight you can play with my instrument.

In all the bars in all the world, I've never seen a girl as beautiful as you. Still no? Bitch!

CharonsHelper
2016-07-12, 08:46 AM
"I know all about how to make you an honest woman."

Kaveman26
2016-07-12, 08:58 AM
You must have some aasimer in you because that body is out of this world.

The Solar's must be looking for you because they are missing an angel.

Segev
2016-07-12, 09:31 AM
Spoken by a male paladin:

"M'lady, may I buy you a drink?" It's really the sparkling teeth and fine physique that sell it.

"The King has promised me the title to this land if I solve his 'dragon problem.' I doubt he'd have any problem with my beautiful wife sharing in that demesne. Would you marry me?" to a dragon, which hopefully can shapeshift.

"Madam! I am not that kind of boy!" ...why this one only makes the ladies come on stronger tends to baffle the poor lads.


Spoken by a female paladin:

*to a bard* "Before you ask: yes, I would like to make beautiful music with you."

"You know, I could use a squire to buff my breastplate."

LordFluffy
2016-07-12, 09:50 AM
Wanna see me charge up my Sacred Weapon?

*holds out palms to Lay on Hands* Show me where it hurts....

Waker
2016-07-12, 10:57 AM
I shall show you the way to Celestia by screwing the Hell out of you.

Liquor Box
2016-07-12, 04:27 PM
Hey baby, let's go back to my place...

... and get married after a lengthy courtship process and with the the blessings of both of our fathers and mothers, after which we will make love in the missionary position for the exclusive purpose of procreation without smiling or talking during the deed?

:smallbiggrin:

Mutazoia
2016-07-13, 12:56 AM
I'm going to treat you like a war horse: Rode hard, and put away wet.

hymer
2016-07-13, 01:18 AM
I'm going to treat you like a war horse: Rode hard, and put away wet.

That's no way to treat any horse! :smalltongue:

8BitNinja
2016-07-13, 01:23 AM
You guys are hilarious. I both love and deeply regret this.

So here is another one from me

"Many guys probably don't talk to you because of fear of being turned down, thankfully I have only other to that."

"There's no secrets to love. You know the rules, and so do I. A full commitment is what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell you a lie and desert you."

2D8HP
2016-07-13, 01:47 AM
Is Rickrolling really Lawful Good behavior?
If anything may be oathbreaking....

:confused:

Traziremus
2016-07-13, 02:09 AM
Why yes, that is the holy symbol of Sharess. Why do you ask?
*Casts Bull's Strength*

hymer
2016-07-13, 02:47 AM
Is Rickrolling really Lawful Good behavior?
If anything may be oathbreaking....

It seems to me that Rickrolling is well within the bounds of Oath of the Ancients, at least! Here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ), try it. :smallbiggrin:

Edit: As long as we're using lyrics as pickup-lines, I suppose this should be mentioned: "I am a man who will fight for your honour. I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of." Link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsV12jBmMi0)

Sith_Happens
2016-07-13, 09:49 AM
"I seem to have lost my mount. Care to stand in?"

"This armor can be so hard to get off at night, I might need help."

sengmeng
2016-07-13, 04:16 PM
"Immunity to fear has left me very open to trying new things."

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-13, 05:20 PM
You come here often? Because I never visit these hell houses full of drunks, liars and whores.

Pex
2016-07-13, 11:40 PM
I need some help taking a stick out of my butt, though it could be interesting if you want to put yours in.

I want to be your Holy Avenger.

I want to be your Bonded Mount.

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-14, 12:28 AM
O, so you're a cavalier? *barfight in 3, 2...*

8BitNinja
2016-07-14, 02:33 AM
I think others have said this but...

Hello

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-14, 04:22 AM
Do you know the atonement spell? Because I think I'm falling for you.

Frozen_Feet
2016-07-14, 04:25 AM
"Hello ladies. Look at your man, now bacn to me. Now look back at your man, then back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he wore this shiny, expensive suit of plate armour, a Cloak of Charisma and lead a life of virtue and goodness to gain an aura of holiness, he could be like me."

"Look up. Back down. You're in a village safe from all harm because I eradicated the local tribe of demons and goblins harassing you. Look again. Your life of poverty and misery is now over because I donated all their loot to charity."

"Anything is possible when your man is a champion of Law and Good instead of a dirt farmer. I'm on a celestial warhorse."

Chromat
2016-07-14, 05:57 AM
"Im gonna push good into you and pull out bad"

"You look bit sunburned, I have a holy oil baby!"

goto124
2016-07-14, 10:27 AM
Do you know the atonement spell? Because I think I'm falling for you.

I can't believeeeeeee how, I've faaaaaaaaallen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_xHP9l3xX0) for youuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Cozzer
2016-07-14, 10:40 AM
"You know what? We would be such a good couple that wasting this opportunity to get together would be downright Evil".

"Falling in love with you is the one and only time I intend to Fall in my entire life".

Telonius
2016-07-14, 10:44 AM
Spoken to a Paladin? One pickup line that never fails:

"I need your help."

Sith_Happens
2016-07-14, 12:12 PM
"Hello ladies. Look at your man, now bacn to me. Now look back at your man, then back to me. Sadly, he isn't me, but if he wore this shiny, expensive suit of plate armour, a Cloak of Charisma and lead a life of virtue and goodness to gain an aura of holiness, he could be like me."

"Look up. Back down. You're in a village safe from all harm because I eradicated the local tribe of demons and goblins harassing you. Look again. Your life of poverty and misery is now over because I donated all their loot to charity."

"Anything is possible when your man is a champion of Law and Good instead of a dirt farmer. I'm on a celestial warhorse."

/thread This space intentionally left blank.

Pex
2016-07-14, 12:42 PM
No words, hands over a flower.

No words, bashfully blushes.

No words, just smiles.

No words, suddenly and quickly grooms himself.

hymer
2016-07-14, 02:15 PM
No words, hands over a flower.

No words, bashfully blushes.

No words, just smiles.

No words, suddenly and quickly grooms himself.

No kissing hands?

Sith_Happens
2016-07-14, 02:20 PM
No words, hands over a flower.

No words, bashfully blushes.

No words, just smiles.

No words, suddenly and quickly grooms himself.

Somehow I don't think that narrating yourself is a good way to get a date.:smalltongue:

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-14, 02:35 PM
Vow of silence huh?

I love the strong silent type.

wumpus
2016-07-14, 02:40 PM
Does Paladin need pick-up lines? I mean, being a literal knight in shining armor, displaying most traditional signs of authority, wealth and nobility, should do most of the work already.

1e paladins took a vow of poverty, but since the effect tends to force them to constantly give away wealth it probably works for them (at least for picking up NPCs. If they also take vows of chastity (outside of marriage), they may have a harder time). And that pumped up charisma doesn't hurt at all.

Belac93
2016-07-14, 02:40 PM
"I can find a steed any day, but it's rare that I find someone as hot as you."

Lvl 2 Expert
2016-07-14, 02:44 PM
Am I gonna have to smite a bitch? You want to talk to my bitch smiting hand?

*Uhum*, terribly sorry, old habits you see. But I assure you I am a changed man. I will bid you goodnight now.

Inevitability
2016-07-14, 02:57 PM
O, so you're a cavalier? *barfight in 3, 2...*

I take it the paladin dumped wisdom? :smalltongue:

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-14, 04:58 PM
Since I primarily play Paladins, here is one from a game I was in.

While abrubtly awoken from sleep, my paladin exits his room at the local in to the sight of the bar maiden. Now, this paladin (Gallant J. Holyshield) always carried his sword (A large holy avenging greatsword), so upon answering the door in his pajamas with the sword, the bar maiden says. "Well them, I've never seen a sword that large before!" clearly hinting at more. My paladin smiles charmingly and answers "Well, my lady, that's because my sword... is a great sword." :smallwink:

8BitNinja
2016-07-15, 12:55 AM
Since I primarily play Paladins, here is one from a game I was in.

While abrubtly awoken from sleep, my paladin exits his room at the local in to the sight of the bar maiden. Now, this paladin (Gallant J. Holyshield) always carried his sword (A large holy avenging greatsword), so upon answering the door in his pajamas with the sword, the bar maiden says. "Well them, I've never seen a sword that large before!" clearly hinting at more. My paladin smiles charmingly and answers "Well, my lady, that's because my sword... is a great sword." :smallwink:

This seems like a mix between an almost fallen paladin and a parody of The Lusty Argonian from The Elder Scrolls

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-15, 10:49 AM
This seems like a mix between an almost fallen paladin and a parody of The Lusty Argonian from The Elder Scrolls
I think you misread my paladin's intent. He was actually talking about the sword. Hahahaha.

CharonsHelper
2016-07-15, 01:13 PM
Classically over-literal lawful stupid paladin attempt at a pick-up line...

"You look rather light and I have a strength score of 20, so I should be able to lift you without any sort of difficulty."

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-15, 01:44 PM
Classically over-literal lawful stupid paladin attempt at a pick-up line...

"You look rather light and I have a strength score of 20, so I should be able to lift you without any sort of difficulty."
"Would you like me to plow your fields? What? No ma'am what are y- I meant the ground, ma'am!"

hymer
2016-07-15, 01:51 PM
"Would you like me to plow your fields? What? No ma'am what are y- I meant the ground, ma'am!"

'Fields'? Don't you mean 'furrow'? :smallwink:

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-15, 01:52 PM
'Fields'? Don't you mean 'furrow'? :smallwink:
You said it, not me. :smallwink:

8BitNinja
2016-07-15, 11:40 PM
I think you misread my paladin's intent. He was actually talking about the sword. Hahahaha.

This makes it even better

Mutazoia
2016-07-17, 05:00 AM
I will part you like the Red Sea.

hymer
2016-07-17, 05:13 AM
I will part you like the Red Sea.

Sounds more like the beginning of a duel to me.

Mutazoia
2016-07-17, 10:38 AM
Sounds more like the beginning of a duel to me.

After a manner of speaking....yes :smallamused:

8BitNinja
2016-07-18, 01:18 AM
One I found to work after saving the maiden from a tower guarded by a wizard and his dragon friend.

I'm here to rescue you. Are you hurt?

hymer
2016-07-18, 02:28 AM
How about "Come with me if you want to live"?

Madokar
2016-07-18, 03:23 PM
"Contrary to popular belief, we are NOT all work and no play."

"What good is it to save the lives of others, if you don't live a little yourself?"

"Did you know that wearing this full-plate has given me a lot of... endurance training?"

Segev
2016-07-18, 03:47 PM
"M'lady, you are lovely. Would you mind if I courted you?"

Red Fel
2016-07-18, 03:55 PM
I'd like to point out that, with a Paladin's solid Cha modifier, the line itself becomes less important. You can say most anything and get a result. Towards that end, I go with one of the old classics:

"You. Come here."

Don't believe me? Listen to when Cyd Charisse says it (https://youtu.be/0xCrQ4kElBs?t=1m21s).

Heck, even if she were a Paladin, I'd go for that. I mean, have you seen the size of her Cha modifier?

2D8HP
2016-07-18, 06:07 PM
I'd like to point out that, with a Paladin's solid Cha modifier, the line itself becomes less important. You can say most anything and get a result. Towards that end, I go with one of the old classics:

"You. Come here."

Don't believe me? Listen to when Cyd Charisse says it (https://youtu.be/0xCrQ4kElBs?t=1m21s).

Heck, even if she were a Paladin, I'd go for that. I mean, have you seen the size of her Cha modifier?@Red Fel,
Thanks for that!
I've only seen the 1939 non-musical version before (I just realized my knowledge of "Popular Front" era films is much deeper than my knowledge of 1950's and 60's movies).

Ninotchka (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh3V7Uvm8sA) as "Lawful Good"?

Huh...

Actually I think it fits!

Eno Remnant
2016-07-18, 06:47 PM
Heck, even if she were a Paladin, I'd go for that. I mean, have you seen the size of her Cha modifier?

Careful, a certain Paladin might see that and think you're not beyond redemption :smallamused:

My contribution to the thread: "I have sworn to defend the people's freedom with my every breath. I could use someone to uphold that vow with tonight."

Paladin of Freedom for the win.

Red Fel
2016-07-18, 08:24 PM
@Red Fel,
Thanks for that!
I've only seen the 1939 non-musical version before (I just realized my knowledge of "Popular Front" era films is much deeper than my knowledge of 1950's and 60's movies).

Silk Stockings is a glorious musical. It's so exuberant it hurts. The songs are just so bouncy. "The Red Blues?" "Siberia?" Brilliant. And Fred and Cyd absolutely sizzle in their dance numbers.


Ninotchka (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh3V7Uvm8sA) as "Lawful Good"?

Huh...

Actually I think it fits!

It kind of does. Ninotchka is extremely L, no question, with her loyalty to the Motherland. But there's also a suppressed warmth and passion, a care for her fellows, and a hidden joy for life that smacks as surprisingly G. So yeah, I'd call her LG. Maybe not a Paladin, but then again, in other ways...


Careful, a certain Paladin might see that and think you're not beyond redemption :smallamused:

Appreciation for a perfect pair of legs can unite even sworn enemies.


My contribution to the thread: "I have sworn to defend the people's freedom with my every breath. I could use someone to uphold that vow with tonight."

Paladin of Freedom for the win.

So, you're looking for someone to uphold your "vow?" Is that what you kids call it these days?

8BitNinja
2016-07-19, 12:42 AM
"M'lady, you are lovely. Would you mind if I courted you?"

This describes Lawful Good and romance perfectly. No wonder a paladin would use it.


I'd like to point out that, with a Paladin's solid Cha modifier, the line itself becomes less important. You can say most anything and get a result. Towards that end, I go with one of the old classics:

"You. Come here."

Don't believe me? Listen to when Cyd Charisse says it (https://youtu.be/0xCrQ4kElBs?t=1m21s).

Heck, even if she were a Paladin, I'd go for that. I mean, have you seen the size of her Cha modifier?

Thank you for bringing me to this. But I think certain lines wouldn't work. Take for example:

"There's gonna be two hits....me hitting you, you hitting the floor"

"I'll drop you like a bad habit"

"I'm gonna hit you to tomorrow."

"Look, after you take your first swing and miss, I am gonna knock the crap out of you....then I am gonna press charges for assault and battery!"

For more: https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/27350-give-me-some-intimidating-lines.html

digiman619
2016-07-19, 01:20 AM
Forgive me, but I had make this joke:

Q: Why don't barbarians or rouges hit on transvestites?
A: They have trap sense.

Piedmon_Sama
2016-07-19, 01:34 AM
Forgive me, but I had make this joke:

Q: Why don't barbarians or rouges hit on transvestites?
A: They have trap sense.

I'm going to drop this on my friends in our next game and I'm betting they'll laugh because I did.

Inevitability
2016-07-19, 04:26 AM
Forgive me, but I had make this joke:

Q: Why don't barbarians or rouges hit on transvestites?
A: They have trap sense.

Q: Why does everyone want to sleep with rangers?
A: They have Endurance.

Let the vaguely-appropriate jokes take over this thread!

digiman619
2016-07-19, 04:41 AM
Q: Why does everyone want to sleep with rangers?
A: They have Endurance.

Let the vaguely-appropriate jokes take over this thread!

Q: Why are monks always invited to orgies?
A: Because they can do a flurry of blows. Or blowjobs. Same thing really...

2D8HP
2016-07-19, 05:35 AM
No.insinuation intended.
Not a bit!
Just a simple list of class features:

Barbarian:
Feral Instinct,
Indomitable Might,

Bard:
Peerless Skill,

Cleric:
Supreme Healing (got tooo haaave),

Druid:
Wild Shape,

Fighter:
Second Wind,
Remarkable Athlete,

Monk:
Quivering Palm,

Paladin:
Lay on Hands,

Ranger:
Natural Explorer,

Rogue:
Expertise,

Sorcerer
Font of Magic

Warlock:
Beguiling Influence,

Wizard:
Hypnotic Gaze,
Mage Hand (so very many uses).

Mutazoia
2016-07-19, 09:37 AM
Q: Why are monks always invited to orgies?
A: Because they can do a flurry of blows. Or blowjobs. Same thing really...

Are you sure it's not for the Quivering Palm?

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-19, 09:57 AM
Appreciation for a perfect pair of legs can unite even sworn enemies.
He's not wrong. :smallconfused:

hymer
2016-07-19, 10:02 AM
Are you sure it's not for the Quivering Palm?

Or even the Stunning Fist?

Absol197
2016-07-19, 12:22 PM
Forgive me, but I had make this joke:

Q: Why don't barbarians or rouges hit on transvestites?
A: **********.

This is incredibly hurtful to a very vulnerable demographic, and which has a surprisingly large population here. Could we not make jokes like this? Please?

digiman619
2016-07-19, 07:20 PM
This is incredibly hurtful to a very vulnerable demographic, and which has a surprisingly large population here. Could we not make jokes like this? Please?

Very well; it was made in jest and not intended to be harmful. Consider the joke unmade. I will not make its like here again.

Absol197
2016-07-19, 07:49 PM
Thank you!

8BitNinja
2016-07-19, 11:23 PM
No.insinuation intended.
Not a bit!
Just a simple list of class features:

Barbarian:
Feral Instinct,
Indomitable Might,

Bard:
Peerless Skill,

Cleric:
Supreme Healing (got tooo haaave),

Druid:
Wild Shape,

Fighter:
Second Wind,
Remarkable Athlete,

Monk:
Quivering Palm,

Paladin:
Lay on Hands,

Ranger:
Natural Explorer,

Rogue:
Expertise,

Sorcerer
Font of Magic

Warlock:
Beguiling Influence,

Wizard:
Hypnotic Gaze,
Mage Hand (so very many uses).

Guess what's getting brought up next D&D game? If you said this post, thanks for ruining the guessing game!


This is incredibly hurtful to a very vulnerable demographic, and which has a surprisingly large population here. Could we not make jokes like this? Please?

Everyone gets made fun of, no matter who you are. Unless the mods scrub this thread, if you find a joke insulting, don't comment on it. If no one finds it funny, then they'll probably stop. Otherwise, this is the internet, so follow the philosophy of Voltaire, "I may disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."

YossarianLives
2016-07-19, 11:47 PM
Everyone gets made fun of, no matter who you are. Unless the mods scrub this thread, if you find a joke insulting, don't comment on it. If no one finds it funny, then they'll probably stop. Otherwise, this is the internet, so follow the philosophy of Voltaire, "I may disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
There's a pretty big gap between making a casual jab and using slurs to joke about, as Absol197 said, a very vulnerable demographic.

Edit: let's not get this thread locked, folks

Sith_Happens
2016-07-20, 12:43 AM
https://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/5692755+_a33c5e1d01910aec0ec6e4147ea49502.png

Comically offensive, sure, but also a legitimately clever pun.

Inevitability
2016-07-20, 04:34 AM
I can't help but think about how this would've been handled on most different sites. It makes me glad I'm on GitP. :smallsmile:

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-20, 11:20 AM
Everyone gets made fun of, no matter who you are. Unless the mods scrub this thread, if you find a joke insulting, don't comment on it. If no one finds it funny, then they'll probably stop. Otherwise, this is the internet, so follow the philosophy of Voltaire, "I may disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
I'm of the same train of thought here. That's how the world works. If people want to take pot shots at people like me, I'm going to take pot shots at people like them. No malice, just giving an equal treatment. Honestly, avoiding jokes like that is more offensive. Since you're basically saying they're not able to handle what everyone else can. Just remember that we're all here for fun, not to make people feel bad! :smallwink:


https://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/5692755+_a33c5e1d01910aec0ec6e4147ea49502.png

Comically offensive, sure, but also a legitimately clever pun.
I feel like this is probably the only time I'll agree with you, Sith. Haha.

JNAProductions
2016-07-20, 11:39 AM
I think it's good that digiman apologized for it-he was hitting some people who are vulnerable (more so than, for instance, a cis-gendered white guy) but at the same time there was no malice in it.

Now, on-topic:

...

Well crap, I can't actually thing of any new pick-up lines. All the good ones (I can think of) are taken. :P

Absol197
2016-07-20, 12:15 PM
I'm of the same train of thought here. That's how the world works. If people want to take pot shots at people like me, I'm going to take pot shots at people like them. No malice, just giving an equal treatment. Honestly, avoiding jokes like that is more offensive. Since you're basically saying they're not able to handle what everyone else can. Just remember that we're all here for fun, not to make people feel bad! :smallwink: .

I'm sorry, but here's the problem: I feel very confident that if the joke made was to the effect of: "Hey, why don't [certain people] like to be around [racial group]? Because they don't want those [racial slur]s to rape them!"

You might (rightly) refrain from calling it a pot shot and say that it was going a bit too far. I'm not saying that there are groups of people who are immune or unable to handle a good-natured joke, but when members of the group disparaged are frequently beaten or killed because of the (very incorrect) stereotype, and it's used as a reason to pass laws against us...

I'm just saying there's a difference between joking that "[racial group] people looove [food item] and [food item]! They just can't help themselves!" and joking that, "[slur]s are sexual predators, amirite!"

hymer
2016-07-20, 12:19 PM
Well crap, I can't actually thing of any new pick-up lines. All the good ones (I can think of) are taken. :P

Well, I can think of something that may be more of an in (for getting a paladin) than an actual pick-up line:

"A vow of chastity, you say? Could you explain the exact difference between that and a vow of celibacy?"

Absol197
2016-07-20, 12:28 PM
Well, I can think of something that may be more of an in (for getting a paladin) than an actual pick-up line:

"A vow of chastity, you say? Could you explain the exact difference between that and a vow of celibacy?"

"Well you see, with my vow of chastity I have to remain pure; a vow of celibacy means I would have to remain a virgin. Shall I show you the difference...In person?"

Jormengand
2016-07-20, 12:28 PM
Forgive me, but I had make this joke:

Q: Why don't barbarians or rouges hit on transvestites?
A: They have trap sense.

Yeah, you know what the best part about my slap attack on anyone who makes that joke IRL (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/traps.htm#neverMiss) is?

Madokar
2016-07-20, 12:41 PM
I'm sorry, but here's the problem: I feel very confident that if the joke made was to the effect of: "Hey, why don't [certain people] like to be around [racial group]? Because they don't want those [racial slur]s to rape them!"

You might (rightly) refrain from calling it a pot shot and say that it was going a bit too far. I'm not saying that there are groups of people who are immune or unable to handle a good-natured joke, but when members of the group disparaged are frequently beaten or killed because of the (very incorrect) stereotype, and it's used as a reason to pass laws against us...

I'm just saying there's a difference between joking that "[racial group] people looove [food item] and [food item]! They just can't help themselves!" and joking that, "[slur]s are sexual predators, amirite!"


I'm all for maintaining civility and respecting the rights of individuals and groups. However, I don't think the context of the joke in question implied rape at all. The joke was about being able to identify someone as not being gender-compatible.

Basically, what I got from it was that if I had the ability to "detect traps", as the joke said, then I would be able to identify someone as being a transsexual or crossdresser. I know that if I were to meet a girl I'd want to consider dating, then I would like it if she was born a girl. That's not to say there is anything wrong with dating a transsexual or crossdresser if you are okay with that. But my preference is for born, biological females.

And just as trans people deserve rights and respect, so too does my sexual interests. I am a straight male. I prefer women. I will not deny or demonize people with other sexual orientations and gender identities. I will not claim my sexual identity as superior or as "natural" to any others. But all the same, my identity is my own and deserves respect as well. That's how equality works.

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-20, 12:47 PM
I'm sorry, but here's the problem: I feel very confident that if the joke made was to the effect of: "Hey, why don't [certain people] like to be around [racial group]? Because they don't want those [racial slur]s to rape them!"
I am definitely not to target group for this logic. First off, some red flags go up immediately before I comment on any of what you just said. Two things were brought up unprompted: rape and race. Those are the go to buzz words to gain footing in any sort of PC debate. So, to maintain our topic of pick up lines, I'm tossing them out. Since they don't apply to the topic at hand and they're only there to stir chaos. I'm a lawful being.

If the joke was meant to hurt someone, than it is not a joke. I do not believe that Digiman meant to cause emotional harm to anyone, so it was a joke made in good fun.


You might (rightly) refrain from calling it a pot shot and say that it was going a bit too far. I'm not saying that there are groups of people who are immune or unable to handle a good-natured joke, but when members of the group disparaged are frequently beaten or killed because of the (very incorrect) stereotype, and it's used as a reason to pass laws against us...
I won't comment on your locale or laws in your area, in fact I'll pretty much refrain from touching on them at all, since I feel like that might be too close to infringing on a forum policy and I don't want to do that.

But this is victim mentality to me. Now this might cause an "LP! How insensitive could you be!?" Joking is one of the ways that people come together as a community. In fact, it is entirely based on making people laugh. It's why soldiers of all different backgrounds joke and complain about things going on, to form unity. Removing the ability to joke about a group of people is just removing another way to relate to them.

Remember, the functional definition of a joke here is to make a humorous comment without malice, with the intent to provoke laughter.


I'm just saying there's a difference between joking that "[racial group] people looove [food item] and [food item]! They just can't help themselves!" and joking that, "[slur]s are sexual predators, amirite!"
In reference to my first paragraph, I'm not not commenting on this either.


Yeah, you know what the best part about my slap attack on anyone who makes that joke IRL (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/traps.htm#neverMiss) is?
Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not respond with violence. I think that hurts everyone's cause. We're all friends here!


I'm all for maintaining civility and respecting the rights of individuals and groups. However, I don't think the context of the joke in question implied rape at all. The joke was about being able to identify someone as not being gender-compatible.

Basically, what I got from it was that if I had the ability to "detect traps", as the joke said, then I would be able to identify someone as being a transsexual or crossdresser. I know that if I were to meet a girl I'd want to consider dating, then I would like it if she was born a girl. That's not to say there is anything wrong with dating a transsexual or crossdresser if you are okay with that. But my preference is for born, biological females.

And just as trans people deserve rights and respect, so too does my sexual interests. I am a straight male. I prefer women. I will not deny or demonize people with other sexual orientations and gender identities. I will not claim my sexual identity as superior or as "natural" to any others. But all the same, my identity is my own and deserves respect as well. That's how equality works.
This was incredibly well stated, Madokar.

Segev
2016-07-20, 12:58 PM
I would just like to comment that I'm glad we can have a conversation like mature adults, rather than having any disagreement with an unofficial (in that the mods won't admit to it existing) orthodox position being labeled "flame bait" ... even when the raising of the controversial topic to which they are a response is not labeled as such, nor chastised at all.

I appreciate that this forum has rules and enforces them fairly and consistently. And that the people on it are mature enough to remain civil without trying to claim that they have exclusive right to bring up a topic and express their views on it, because disagreement with them is flaming or flame-bait.

Pex
2016-07-20, 01:03 PM
"Hello. My name is John. May I have the pleasure of your company?"

8BitNinja
2016-07-20, 01:23 PM
I may have a vow of chastity, but there is nothing in the code against courtly love.

Jormengand
2016-07-20, 01:38 PM
Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not respond with violence. I think that hurts everyone's cause. We're all friends here!

To be clear, I don't actually intend to slap anyone. I like my AC bonus and constant calm emotions aura, dammit! :smalltongue:

2D8HP
2016-07-20, 03:50 PM
Yeah, you know what the best part about my slap attack on anyone who makes that joke IRL (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/traps.htm#neverMiss) is?I'm so dim, that I saw neither malice or humor in the joke that's caused such discussion.
My initial reaction was "I don't get it".
You folks have taught much.

Max_Killjoy
2016-07-20, 08:13 PM
I'm all for maintaining civility and respecting the rights of individuals and groups. However, I don't think the context of the joke in question implied rape at all. The joke was about being able to identify someone as not being gender-compatible.

Basically, what I got from it was that if I had the ability to "detect traps", as the joke said, then I would be able to identify someone as being a transsexual or crossdresser. I know that if I were to meet a girl I'd want to consider dating, then I would like it if she was born a girl. That's not to say there is anything wrong with dating a transsexual or crossdresser if you are okay with that. But my preference is for born, biological females.

And just as trans people deserve rights and respect, so too does my sexual interests. I am a straight male. I prefer women. I will not deny or demonize people with other sexual orientations and gender identities. I will not claim my sexual identity as superior or as "natural" to any others. But all the same, my identity is my own and deserves respect as well. That's how equality works.


That's how I read it.

digiman619
2016-07-20, 09:52 PM
Should I have deleted the earlier post? I usually don't indulge in that kind of humor and looking back I should have probably realized its inappropriateness. Is there anything else I should to make up for it? Or should I just leave this thread and hope I don't have to interact with anyone on the sight that saw my bad joke?

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-20, 10:02 PM
Should I have deleted the earlier post? I usually don't indulge in that kind of humor and looking back I should have probably realized its inappropriateness. Is there anything else I should to make up for it? Or should I just leave this thread and hope I don't have to interact with anyone on the sight that saw my bad joke?
You're fine, Digi. You aren't going down in the Paladin's book as a bad guy. Keep on keeping on.

RickAllison
2016-07-20, 10:07 PM
Should I have deleted the earlier post? I usually don't indulge in that kind of humor and looking back I should have probably realized its inappropriateness. Is there anything else I should to make up for it? Or should I just leave this thread and hope I don't have to interact with anyone on the sight that saw my bad joke?

Put it in a spoiler with a title declaring its questionable nature.

As has been pointed out, this kind of joke is indicative of the difficulty present in integrating formerly fringe minorities into accepted society. The history of it means that the first instinct is to be protective of the group, but treating them differently than other social groups by making such jokes verboten is another form of discrimination. Until such jokes can be made in the non-hostile manner that you intended, society has not integrated them.

When we can feel as comfortable joking about transvestites and transsexuals as we do stereotypes of different phenotypes (I hate the term race for that, as it doesn't make much sense historically. Races are supposed to be language and social groups, but mainstream Afro-American culture has very little to do with Kenyan culture), that is when discrimination is stopping.

Segev
2016-07-20, 10:13 PM
Put it in a spoiler with a title declaring its questionable nature.

As has been pointed out, this kind of joke is indicative of the difficulty present in integrating formerly fringe minorities into accepted society. The history of it means that the first instinct is to be protective of the group, but treating them differently than other social groups by making such jokes verboten is another form of discrimination. Until such jokes can be made in the non-hostile manner that you intended, society has not integrated them.

When we can feel as comfortable joking about transvestites and transsexuals as we do stereotypes of different phenotypes (I hate the term race for that, as it doesn't make much sense historically. Races are supposed to be language and social groups, but mainstream Afro-American culture has very little to do with Kenyan culture), that is when discrimination is stopping.

Frankly, the haste to assume hostile intent seems to me only to spread that kind of hyper-awareness that spawns discrimination. But I've been shouted down for that assertion in the past, so obviously people disagree, and frankly...I'd rather see more dumb paladin pickup lines than argue this here. So allow me: "Shut up, Segev, you bigoted hate-monger!"

"Bah. I don't have time for you. I'm an evil necromancer! I don't have to care if I'm not good-aligned!"

RickAllison
2016-07-20, 10:49 PM
Frankly, the haste to assume hostile intent seems to me only to spread that kind of hyper-awareness that spawns discrimination. But I've been shouted down for that assertion in the past, so obviously people disagree, and frankly...I'd rather see more dumb paladin pickup lines than argue this here. So allow me: "Shut up, Segev, you bigoted hate-monger!"

"Bah. I don't have time for you. I'm an evil necromancer! I don't have to care if I'm not good-aligned!"

In that case, let me supply one that will kill all your chances with romance!

"Hello, fair maiden, would you care to embark on a moonlit stroll, with the opportunity to entertain ourselves however you wish? After all, you are the only match for me here who has not failed my Detect Disease spell..."

legomaster00156
2016-07-20, 10:56 PM
In that case, let me supply one that will kill all your chances with romance!

"Hello, fair maiden, would you care to embark on a moonlit stroll, with the opportunity to entertain ourselves however you wish? After all, you are the only match for me here who has not failed my Detect Disease spell..."

Aw, don't worry. A paladin who can cast spells is already immune to disease.

Sith_Happens
2016-07-20, 11:04 PM
"Do you mind if we do things 'by the book?' I'm rather partial to [setting equivalent of Kama Sutra] myself."

"Play your cards right and a stick won't be the only thing up my ass tonight."

Vinyadan
2016-07-20, 11:10 PM
How can I gain your favour?

You already have it, brave knight.

...how can I get your something else?

8BitNinja
2016-07-20, 11:38 PM
Put it in a spoiler with a title declaring its questionable nature.

As has been pointed out, this kind of joke is indicative of the difficulty present in integrating formerly fringe minorities into accepted society. The history of it means that the first instinct is to be protective of the group, but treating them differently than other social groups by making such jokes verboten is another form of discrimination. Until such jokes can be made in the non-hostile manner that you intended, society has not integrated them.

When we can feel as comfortable joking about transvestites and transsexuals as we do stereotypes of different phenotypes (I hate the term race for that, as it doesn't make much sense historically. Races are supposed to be language and social groups, but mainstream Afro-American culture has very little to do with Kenyan culture), that is when discrimination is stopping.

Like I said, unless the mods decide to scrub the post, just ignore it. If the mods don't care, then I don't see a reason to censor the joke, as it hinders freedom of expression. I think we can put our feelings aside for that. Everyone who is talking about it is just making a bigger deal out of it than it should be. I hear offensive jokes everywhere about everyone, and I say nothing even if it offends me. For all you could've known, it was a troll post (not that I think it is) and one of the rules of the forum and the internet in general is to not feed the trolls. Unless the problem persists, I think there is no reason to react.

2D8HP
2016-07-21, 12:10 AM
"Hello, fair maiden, would you care to embark on a moonlit stroll, with the opportunity to entertain ourselves however you wish? After all, you are the only match for me here who has not failed my Detect Disease spell..."
Aw, don't worry. A paladin who can cast spells is already immune to disease.:biggrin:
These in tandem make me smile.
Thanks!

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-21, 09:51 AM
"Play your cards right and a stick won't be the only thing up my ass tonight."
Oh, come on! Is no one else going to acknowledge this!?

Eno Remnant
2016-07-21, 09:58 AM
Oh, come on! Is no one else going to acknowledge this!?

I was going to pretend it never happened, actually. Yep, never happened.

Segev
2016-07-21, 10:41 AM
Oh, come on! Is no one else going to acknowledge this!?

I think Roy hears that one from Miko in his nightmares.

Madokar
2016-07-21, 11:02 AM
Oh, come on! Is no one else going to acknowledge this!?

So long as it's safe and consensual, I don't see a problem with it. And considering a paladin is involved, everything should be hunky-dory.

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-21, 11:47 AM
I'm pretty sure I just got the "safe sex" talk from GitP. :smallconfused:

8BitNinja
2016-07-21, 12:42 PM
One that probably won't work and will just be weird and confusing.

I can only hold 10 magic items, but I've got a Rod of Lordly Might I really want to take with me, would you mind carrying it for me.

You have to say it really creepily

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-21, 12:59 PM
One that probably won't work and will just be weird and confusing.
I feel like this can be applied to 90% of the things said on this forum.

Icewraith
2016-07-21, 05:57 PM
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment.

I am sworn to smite evil, dispense justice, protect the innocent, and spread joy and goodness wherever I travel. I'm immune to fear, immune to disease, and proficient in athletics. I've got a long rest coming up, there still aren't rules on actually sleeping, and I've covered the evil, justice, goodness, and protection parts of my vow.

Up to three women -in good health and of consenting age, whose only desire is one night of glorious ecstasy, whose hearts are not pledged to another, and who are not part of a tiresome assassination ruse- are welcome to join me in my room.

For everyone else, the next round is on me."

Sith_Happens
2016-07-21, 11:16 PM
I think Roy hears that one from Miko in his nightmares.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IE6WYF_SDVU/SFYUCvM4M-I/AAAAAAAAAN8/D6out-QTRWw/s320/FG-nose_milk.jpg


and who are not part of a tiresome assassination ruse

Of all the expectations to set, this is definitely the most important.:smallwink:

8BitNinja
2016-07-21, 11:24 PM
"Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could have your attention for a moment.

I am sworn to smite evil, dispense justice, protect the innocent, and spread joy and goodness wherever I travel. I'm immune to fear, immune to disease, and proficient in athletics. I've got a long rest coming up, there still aren't rules on actually sleeping, and I've covered the evil, justice, goodness, and protection parts of my vow.

Up to three women -in good health and of consenting age, whose only desire is one night of glorious ecstasy, whose hearts are not pledged to another, and who are not part of a tiresome assassination ruse- are welcome to join me in my room.

For everyone else, the next round is on me."

Paladin of Alister in one post

Klorox
2016-07-21, 11:36 PM
1e paladins took a vow of poverty, but since the effect tends to force them to constantly give away wealth it probably works for them (at least for picking up NPCs. If they also take vows of chastity (outside of marriage), they may have a harder time). And that pumped up charisma doesn't hurt at all.

I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :D

2D8HP
2016-07-22, 01:07 AM
I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :DIn 1970's rules DnD the Paladin was limited in how much wealth they could retain, as in La Chanson de Roland the 1975 "Greyhawk" supplement which introduced the class (which also introduced Thieves hmm... what a coincidence funny that). From "Greyhawk".
"Paladins will never be allowed to possess more than four magically items, excluding the armor, shield and up to four weapons they normally use. They will give away all treasure that they win, save that which is neccesary to maintain themselves, their men and a modest castle. Gifts must be to the poor or to charitable or religious institutions, i.e.not tho some other character played in the game. A paladin's stronghold cannot be above 200,000 gold pieces in total cost, and no more than 200 men can be retained to guard it."

For giggles, even more "ye olden times" pedantry:


"Charisma scores of 17 or greater by fighters indicate the possibility of paladin status IF THEY ARE LAWFUL from the commencement of play for the character. If such fighters elect to they can become paladins, always doing lawful deeds, for any chaotic act will immediately revoke the status of paladin, and it can never be regained. The paladin has a number of very powerful aids in his continual seeking for good......
Paladins normally prefer to dwell with lawful princess of patriarchs, but circumstances may prevent this. They will associate only with lawful characters"
Huh? What's lawful? What's chaotic? What's associate? And what is this charitable? I don't believe PC's know this word. :smallwink:
Well...helpfully there are some clues:

" Chaotic Alignment by a player generally betokens chaotic action on the player's part without any rule to stress this aspect, i.e. a chaotic player is usually more prone to stab even his lawless buddy in the back for some desired gain. However, chaos is just that - chaotic. Evil monsters are as likely to turn on their supposed confederate in order to have all the loot as they are to attack a lawful party in the first place".
OK Paladins are "continual seeking for good", "All thieves are either neutral or chaotic - although lawful characters may hire them on a one-time basis for missions which are basically lawful" "Patriarchs" (high level Clerics) "stance" is "Law", and "Evil High Priests" "stance" is "Chaos". So we can infer that Law = Good, and Chaos = Evil in early D&D, which fits how the terms were used in novels Gygax cited as "inspiration", first in Anderson's "Three Hearts and Three Lions", and than later in Moorcock's "Stormbringer" (though Moorcock eventually in his novels show that too much "Law" is anti-human as well, which is probably why Gygax added the separate Good-Evil axis so you could have "Lawful Evil" and "Chaotic Good" alignmemts later).
How did this actually play out?
The characters:
Swingy McStabbySword - Fighter,
Sparky McBigBooms - Magic User,
and
Pally McLayOnHands - Paladin:
The scene: Private room at village Inn "The Inn":
Sparky: Time to pay our tavern tab methinks (authentically like medieval style dialogue)
Swingy: Aw dude that sucks, I won't have enough left to get that awesome plate armor forsooth (again real authentically medieval speachifyin' that's just how we rolled),
Sparky: Hey lets just sneak out and bail on the tab methinks in truth.
Swingy: Ye spake most awesomely, that would be badass!
Pally: Hark! If you do that I can't hang with you dudes!
Swingy: Verily it sucketh to be ye then!
Sparky: Don't let the door hit ye!
Swingy: Hey! How will we survive the Dungeon without Pally!, hark ye etc.
Sparky: Dude! We will loot the village instead! That will be way safer methinks!
Swingy: Awesome! Um.. thou spake most badass!.....

Swingy and Sparky went on to live happily until they got smoked by pitchfork wielding villagers. Pally got help in building her castle from the villagers, and lived happily until going to lay some smackdown on a Red Dragon.:frown:
So what did we learn?
1) Fighters really like Plate Mail armor.
2) Magic Users are jerks!
3) Sometimes Paladins must travel a lonely road.

Kane0
2016-07-22, 02:25 AM
"Excuse me, have you seen a stick by any chance? Its a class ability you see. If i cant find it by the end of tonight i'm afraid I'll have to find a replacement of some sort..."

Klorox
2016-07-22, 02:48 AM
In 1970's rules DnD the Paladin was limited in how much wealth they could retain, as in La Chanson de Roland the 1975 "Greyhawk" supplement which introduced the class (which also introduced Thieves hmm... what a coincidence funny that). From "Greyhawk".

For giggles, even more "ye olden times" pedantry:


Huh? What's lawful? What's chaotic? What's associate? And what is this charitable? I don't believe PC's know this word. :smallwink:
Well...helpfully there are some clues:
OK Paladins are "continual seeking for good", "All thieves are either neutral or chaotic - although lawful characters may hire them on a one-time basis for missions which are basically lawful" "Patriarchs" (high level Clerics) "stance" is "Law", and "Evil High Priests" "stance" is "Chaos". So we can infer that Law = Good, and Chaos = Evil in early D&D, which fits how the terms were used in novels Gygax cited as "inspiration", first in Anderson's "Three Hearts and Three Lions", and than later in Moorcock's "Stormbringer" (though Moorcock eventually in his novels show that too much "Law" is anti-human as well, which is probably why Gygax added the separate Good-Evil axis so you could have "Lawful Evil" and "Chaotic Good" alignmemts later).
How did this actually play out?
The characters:
Swingy McStabbySword - Fighter,
Sparky McBigBooms - Magic User,
and
Pally McLayOnHands - Paladin:
The scene: Private room at village Inn "The Inn":
Sparky: Time to pay our tavern tab methinks (authentically like medieval style dialogue)
Swingy: Aw dude that sucks, I won't have enough left to get that awesome plate armor forsooth (again real authentically medieval speachifyin' that's just how we rolled),
Sparky: Hey lets just sneak out and bail on the tab methinks in truth.
Swingy: Ye spake most awesomely, that would be badass!
Pally: Hark! If you do that I can't hang with you dudes!
Swingy: Verily it sucketh to be ye then!
Sparky: Don't let the door hit ye!
Swingy: Hey! How will we survive the Dungeon without Pally!, hark ye etc.
Sparky: Dude! We will loot the village instead! That will be way safer methinks!
Swingy: Awesome! Um.. thou spake most badass!.....

Swingy and Sparky went on to live happily until they got smoked by pitchfork wielding villagers. Pally got help in building her castle from the villagers, and lived happily until going to lay some smackdown on a Red Dragon.:frown:
So what did we learn?
1) Fighters really like Plate Mail armor.
2) Magic Users are jerks!
3) Sometimes Paladins must travel a lonely road.

I started with the red box D&D, and AD&D (1e) about the same time, so paladin was already a class in 1e. Strange that I don't remember the 4 magic item thing, but it does kinda ring a bell.

Anyway, I love your username. :D

2D8HP
2016-07-22, 04:03 AM
I started with the red box D&D, and AD&D (1e) about the same time, so paladin was already a class in 1e. Strange that I don't remember the 4 magic item thing, but it does kinda ring a bell.

Anyway, I love your username. :DThanks!
2D8HP comes from the hit points of a 1970's Ranger

http://annarchive.com/files/Strv102.pdf
RANGERS
AN EXCITING NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CLASS
By Joe Fischer
Rangers are a sub-class of Fighting Men, similar in many ways to
the new sub-class Paladins, for they must always remain Lawful or lose
all the benefits they gained (except, of course, experience as a fighter).
Strength is their Prime Requisite, but they must also have both Intelli-
gence and Wisdom scores of at least 12 each, and a Constitution of at
least 15. The statistics regarding Rangers are:
Rangers Experience Points Hit Dice* SpelI Ability**
Runner 0 2 Nil
Strider 2500 3 Nil
Scout 5000 4 Nil
Guide 12000 5 Nil
Pathfinder 25000 6 Nil
Warder 50000 7 Nil
Guardian 100000 8 Nil
Ranger-Knight 175000 9 Cleric, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord 275000 10 +Magic-User, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord, 10th 550000 10 +2 +Cleric 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 11th 825000 10 +4 +Magic-User 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 12th 11OOOOO 10 +6 +Cleric 3rd Level
Ranger-Lord, 13th 1375000 10 +8 +Magic-User 3rd Level
*either with the standard system or the alternate system which
allows fighters 8-sided dice
**spell progression is as follows: when only 1st Level are usable,
then only one spell is usable, when 2nd Level spells can be
taken then the R-L gets 2 1st Level and 1 2nd Level, and at
3rd Level it is 3, 2 and 1 respectively.
Until they attain the 8th level (Ranger-Knight) characters in the
Ranger class are relatively weak, for they have a number of restrictions
placed upon them, These restrictions are:
- They may own only that which they can carry with them, and
excess treasure or goods must be donated to a worthy cause.
- They may not hire any men-at-arms or other servants or aides
of any kind whatsoever.
PRESENTING A NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MONSTER FOR
YOUR ENJOYMENT.
The Roper: This monster appears to be a mass of foul,
festering corruption. The Roper is cigar-
Number Appearing 1-3 shaped, about 9’ long, with a diameter
of some 3’. It can stand upright in order
Armor Class 0 resemble a pillar or stalagmite or flatten
itself at full length upon the floor so as to
Move 3” look like nothing more than a hump. The
Roper has six strands of strong, sticky
- Only two of the class may operate together.
Advantages which accrue to low-level Rangers are:
+They receive no regular bonuses for advancement due to ability,
but they automatically gain 4 experience points for every 3 earned.
+They have the ability to track the path of most creatures when out-
doors, and even in dungeons they are often able to follow:
Monster’s Action Regular Needs to Track
goes down a normal passage 01-65
goes through a normal door 01-55
goes through a trap door 01 - 50
goes up/down a chimney 01 - 40
goes through a secret door 01-3The ranger so tracking must have observed the monster no more than
six turns previously when in dungeon situations. On the outdoor he has
a basic 90% chance of following a trail, with a 10% reduction for every
day old the signs are.
Because of their ability to track Rangers also are difficult to surprise,
requiring a roll of 1 instead of 1 or 2.
All Rangers gain a special advantage when fighting against monsters
of the Giant Class (Kobolds - Giants). For each level they have gained
they add +1 to their damage die against these creatures, so a 1st Level
Ranger adds +1, a 2nd Level +2, and so on.
Upon reaching the 8th and higher levels, Rangers begin to accrue a
number of advantages besides the use of spelIs already indicated.
+From 2-24 followers will join the character as soon as 9th level is
attained by him. These followers are detailed later.
+Ranger-Knights are able to employ magic items which heal or cure
disease, including scrolls.
+Ranger-Lords are able to employ all devices which deal with
Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, ESP, Telepathy, Telekenesis, and Tele-
portation, including scrolls.
Drawbacks which apply to the 8th and higher levels are:
-The 4 experience points for every 3 earned bonus is lost.
- Followers who are killed cannot be replaced, although regular
mercenaries can be.
-As already mentioned, if a Ranger turns Neutral or Chaotic he
loses all benefits of the class, becoming an ordinary Fighting Man.
Special Followers: For each of the 2-24 followers the Ranger gains
a dice roll must be made to determine what the follower is. Further
dice rolls to determine type, class, and/or level will also be necessary.
Type Class (Men Only)
01-60 Man 01 - 50 Fighter
61 - 75 Elf or Half-Elf 51 - 75 Cleric
76 - 90 Dwarf 75 - 95 Magic-User
91 - 99 2 Hobbits 95 - 00 Thief
00 Extraordinary (see below)
Multi-Class (Elves Only) Level of Ability (Roll for each)
01 - 50 Fighter 01 - 50 2nd Level
51 - 75 Fighter/Magic-User 51 - 65 3rd Level
76 - 90 Magic-User 66 - 80 4th Level
91 00 Fighter/Magic-User/Thief - 81 - 90 5th Level
91 - 99 6th Level
00 7th Level
Extraordinary Followers
01 - 20 Ranger, 3rd - 7th Level
21 - 40 Lawful Werebear
41 55 2 Unicorns -
65 - 70 Pegasus
71 80 Hill Giant -
81 - 90 Stone Giant
91 - 99 Golden Dragon
00 Take two rolls ignoring any 00’s which might come up
Where not otherwise specified Rangers perform as Fighting Men.
They may build strongholds. In all cases the Ranger will prefer Lawful
to Neutral types.

1970's Ranger pick up line:
"I didn't need to do any Tracking to spot your Giant Class hotness" (you need the 'stache for it to work).

Stay classy

And all you little hooligans stay off my lawn dagnabbit!
:wink:

Klorox
2016-07-22, 08:46 PM
Thanks!
2D8HP comes from the hit points of a 1970's Ranger

http://annarchive.com/files/Strv102.pdf
RANGERS
AN EXCITING NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS CLASS
By Joe Fischer
Rangers are a sub-class of Fighting Men, similar in many ways to
the new sub-class Paladins, for they must always remain Lawful or lose
all the benefits they gained (except, of course, experience as a fighter).
Strength is their Prime Requisite, but they must also have both Intelli-
gence and Wisdom scores of at least 12 each, and a Constitution of at
least 15. The statistics regarding Rangers are:
Rangers Experience Points Hit Dice* SpelI Ability**
Runner 0 2 Nil
Strider 2500 3 Nil
Scout 5000 4 Nil
Guide 12000 5 Nil
Pathfinder 25000 6 Nil
Warder 50000 7 Nil
Guardian 100000 8 Nil
Ranger-Knight 175000 9 Cleric, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord 275000 10 +Magic-User, 1st Level
Ranger-Lord, 10th 550000 10 +2 +Cleric 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 11th 825000 10 +4 +Magic-User 2nd Level
Ranger-Lord, 12th 11OOOOO 10 +6 +Cleric 3rd Level
Ranger-Lord, 13th 1375000 10 +8 +Magic-User 3rd Level
*either with the standard system or the alternate system which
allows fighters 8-sided dice
**spell progression is as follows: when only 1st Level are usable,
then only one spell is usable, when 2nd Level spells can be
taken then the R-L gets 2 1st Level and 1 2nd Level, and at
3rd Level it is 3, 2 and 1 respectively.
Until they attain the 8th level (Ranger-Knight) characters in the
Ranger class are relatively weak, for they have a number of restrictions
placed upon them, These restrictions are:
- They may own only that which they can carry with them, and
excess treasure or goods must be donated to a worthy cause.
- They may not hire any men-at-arms or other servants or aides
of any kind whatsoever.
PRESENTING A NEW DUNGEONS & DRAGONS MONSTER FOR
YOUR ENJOYMENT.
The Roper: This monster appears to be a mass of foul,
festering corruption. The Roper is cigar-
Number Appearing 1-3 shaped, about 9’ long, with a diameter
of some 3’. It can stand upright in order
Armor Class 0 resemble a pillar or stalagmite or flatten
itself at full length upon the floor so as to
Move 3” look like nothing more than a hump. The
Roper has six strands of strong, sticky
- Only two of the class may operate together.
Advantages which accrue to low-level Rangers are:
+They receive no regular bonuses for advancement due to ability,
but they automatically gain 4 experience points for every 3 earned.
+They have the ability to track the path of most creatures when out-
doors, and even in dungeons they are often able to follow:
Monster’s Action Regular Needs to Track
goes down a normal passage 01-65
goes through a normal door 01-55
goes through a trap door 01 - 50
goes up/down a chimney 01 - 40
goes through a secret door 01-3The ranger so tracking must have observed the monster no more than
six turns previously when in dungeon situations. On the outdoor he has
a basic 90% chance of following a trail, with a 10% reduction for every
day old the signs are.
Because of their ability to track Rangers also are difficult to surprise,
requiring a roll of 1 instead of 1 or 2.
All Rangers gain a special advantage when fighting against monsters
of the Giant Class (Kobolds - Giants). For each level they have gained
they add +1 to their damage die against these creatures, so a 1st Level
Ranger adds +1, a 2nd Level +2, and so on.
Upon reaching the 8th and higher levels, Rangers begin to accrue a
number of advantages besides the use of spelIs already indicated.
+From 2-24 followers will join the character as soon as 9th level is
attained by him. These followers are detailed later.
+Ranger-Knights are able to employ magic items which heal or cure
disease, including scrolls.
+Ranger-Lords are able to employ all devices which deal with
Clairvoyance, Clairaudience, ESP, Telepathy, Telekenesis, and Tele-
portation, including scrolls.
Drawbacks which apply to the 8th and higher levels are:
-The 4 experience points for every 3 earned bonus is lost.
- Followers who are killed cannot be replaced, although regular
mercenaries can be.
-As already mentioned, if a Ranger turns Neutral or Chaotic he
loses all benefits of the class, becoming an ordinary Fighting Man.
Special Followers: For each of the 2-24 followers the Ranger gains
a dice roll must be made to determine what the follower is. Further
dice rolls to determine type, class, and/or level will also be necessary.
Type Class (Men Only)
01-60 Man 01 - 50 Fighter
61 - 75 Elf or Half-Elf 51 - 75 Cleric
76 - 90 Dwarf 75 - 95 Magic-User
91 - 99 2 Hobbits 95 - 00 Thief
00 Extraordinary (see below)
Multi-Class (Elves Only) Level of Ability (Roll for each)
01 - 50 Fighter 01 - 50 2nd Level
51 - 75 Fighter/Magic-User 51 - 65 3rd Level
76 - 90 Magic-User 66 - 80 4th Level
91 00 Fighter/Magic-User/Thief - 81 - 90 5th Level
91 - 99 6th Level
00 7th Level
Extraordinary Followers
01 - 20 Ranger, 3rd - 7th Level
21 - 40 Lawful Werebear
41 55 2 Unicorns -
65 - 70 Pegasus
71 80 Hill Giant -
81 - 90 Stone Giant
91 - 99 Golden Dragon
00 Take two rolls ignoring any 00’s which might come up
Where not otherwise specified Rangers perform as Fighting Men.
They may build strongholds. In all cases the Ranger will prefer Lawful
to Neutral types.

1970's Ranger pick up line:
"I didn't need to do any Tracking to spot your Giant Class hotness" (you need the 'stache for it to work).

Stay classy

And all you little hooligans stay off my lawn dagnabbit!
:wink:

I was first exposed to this ranger in the 1e PHB. I really miss 1e sometimes. :)

8BitNinja
2016-07-22, 11:05 PM
I don't remember a vow of poverty. They had to tithe 10%.

Great thread, BTW. :D

Tithe means 10%

Thanks for the compliment

Pex
2016-07-22, 11:40 PM
"I'm very good at helping people quite vocally plead to the gods."

2D8HP
2016-07-23, 12:31 AM
I was first exposed to this ranger in the 1e PHB. I really miss 1e sometimes. :)*sniff*
Me too.
Good times.
But as I've said before:

You may change it around a a little bit , but for me as long as the game features a Dragon sitting on a pile of treasure, in a Dungeon and you play a Wizard with a magic wand, or a Warrior in armor, wielding a longbow, just like the picture on the box I picked up in 1978, whatever the edition, I want to play that game!https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/09/D%26d_original.jpg/200px-D%26d_original.jpg

Max_Killjoy
2016-07-23, 12:37 AM
The true measure of a classic pickup line... if you'd never actually sleep with someone who'd fall for it. :smalltongue:

.

Inevitability
2016-07-23, 08:49 AM
The true measure of a classic pickup line... if you'd never actually sleep with someone who'd fall for it. :smalltongue:

What if someone has a fetish for bad puns? :smalltongue:

Benthesquid
2016-07-23, 10:56 AM
"Tomorrow I go to face the Great Wyrm, in a battle for the Kingdom's fate. Who wants to help me practice tonight?"

"Tomorrow I go to face the Great Wyrm, in a battle for the Kingdom's fate. My Protector walks beside me, and I shall not fail to turn it back, but I may not live out the day. It would be my honor to fall in the defense of my kingdom, my church, and my people. But tonight, before I walk into that valley of death, I should like, perhaps for the final time, to celebrate the joys and pleasures of this world. I can think of no companion I should prefer to you for such a celebration."

digiman619
2016-07-23, 12:38 PM
What if someone has a fetish for bad puns? :smalltongue:

Is there such a thing as a good pun? :smalltongue:

LoyalPaladin
2016-07-23, 04:44 PM
Is there such a thing as a good pun? :smalltongue:
I only make [Good] puns. :smallwink:

Mutazoia
2016-07-23, 09:33 PM
I only make [Good] puns. :smallwink:

Never point a loaded pun at somebody, unless you are prepared to use it.

8BitNinja
2016-07-23, 10:29 PM
Is there such a thing as a good pun? :smalltongue:

Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

Sith_Happens
2016-07-24, 02:31 AM
Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

Truly it is an eternal pun-undrum.:smalltongue:

Ignimortis
2016-07-24, 04:14 AM
Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

Surely you mean...pundered?

...I'll show myself out.

Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

Inevitability
2016-07-24, 09:51 AM
Philosophers, Religious Teachers, and Wise men have pondered this question for ages.

And still they don't pun-derstand.

digiman619
2016-07-24, 01:31 PM
Truly it is an eternal pun-undrum.:smalltongue:


Surely you mean...pundered?

...I'll show myself out.

Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."


And still they don't pun-derstand.

No you fools! Cease this at once unless you wish for divine pun-ishment!

Sith_Happens
2016-07-24, 03:40 PM
Is there such a thing as a good pun? :smalltongue:

Actually, now that I think about it I'm pretty sure Randall Munroe solved this one too (http://xkcd.com/1704/).

8BitNinja
2016-07-24, 11:51 PM
Closer to the topic: "Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."

Fire in your loins? Sounds painful, you should probably see a cleric.

2D8HP
2016-07-25, 12:45 AM
"Lady, your beauty lights a righteous fire in my heart! And also my loins."So the cause of that burning sensation is beauty?
I wonder why penicillin works then.....
:wink:

RickAllison
2016-07-25, 12:58 AM
So the cause of that burning sensation is beauty?
I wonder why penicillin works then.....
:wink:

It doesn't, because he Pally is immune to disease :smalltongue:

Now parasites... Maybe he caught micro-Ankhegs from "converting" a villainess.

Pex
2016-07-25, 12:59 AM
Fire in your loins? Sounds painful, you should probably see a cleric.

I just Lay Hands on myself, but I wouldn't mind giving you hands on experience.

Inevitability
2016-07-25, 02:10 PM
It doesn't, because he Pally is immune to disease :smalltongue:

Now parasites... Maybe he caught micro-Ankhegs from "converting" a villainess.

Unless the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble seeing how she could be infested with ankhegs of any size.

If the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble understanding the paladin

Segev
2016-07-25, 02:40 PM
Unless the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble seeing how she could be infested with ankhegs of any size.

If the villainess was an earth elemental, I'm having trouble understanding the paladin

Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.

2D8HP
2016-07-25, 08:04 PM
Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.Like huge tracts o' land!
(Sorry but someone had to step up and quote Python, also that's not punny!)

Pex
2016-07-25, 08:07 PM
Maybe she was the matron of the Jones clan of Dao. The Dao Jones have many attractive assets, after all.

Grr. Do be aware I'm taking stock of this!

8BitNinja
2016-07-25, 11:45 PM
I just Lay Hands on myself, but I wouldn't mind giving you hands on experience.

It's alright, save it for a much darker time. A time where the cleric can't heal others from his position.

And here's one from me

I'm here to rescue you. Don't worry about the wizard or his dragon thrall, they're dead.

Segev
2016-07-27, 03:52 PM
Grr. Do be aware I'm taking stock of this!

Claiming your shares?

Pex
2016-07-27, 06:02 PM
Claiming your shares?

Assessing the dividends.

8BitNinja
2016-07-27, 11:41 PM
Here's another one.

"I heard that all ladies are into these days are knights in shining armor, I don't mean to brag, but I literally am a knight in shining armor."

Belac93
2016-07-28, 02:07 AM
Here's another one.

"I heard that all ladies are into these days are knights in shining armor, I don't mean to brag, but I literally am a knight in shining armor."

-Captain obvious, knight of the round table, who verily declared: 'I am holding a large sword!'

Now I want to make a bunch of rogue puns about stealing... something else.

8BitNinja
2016-07-28, 10:19 PM
-Captain obvious, knight of the round table, who verily declared: 'I am holding a large sword!'

How big of a sword?

legomaster00156
2016-07-28, 11:49 PM
It's not the size, it's how you wield it.

Belac93
2016-07-29, 12:12 AM
How big of a sword?

Many legends speak, and they all reply; It was a big one.

Mutazoia
2016-07-29, 03:47 AM
Many legends speak, and they all reply; It was a big one.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th_LMP-SBdU

Pex
2016-07-29, 01:00 PM
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Inevitability
2016-07-29, 01:19 PM
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Aaaaaand now I've been rickrolled on GitP. One more thing on the bucket list to cross, I guess.

Pex
2016-07-29, 06:52 PM
Aaaaaand now I've been rickrolled on GitP. One more thing on the bucket list to cross, I guess.

That and I really do think it makes for a good pick up line a paladin would say.

:smallsmile:

RickAllison
2016-07-29, 07:17 PM
That and I really do think it makes for a good pick up line a paladin would say.

:smallsmile:

Performance is a Charisma skill...

2D8HP
2016-07-29, 08:41 PM
"There's no secrets to love. You know the rules, and so do I. A full commitment is what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell you a lie and desert you."
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Aaaaaand now I've been rickrolled on GitP. One more thing on the bucket list to cross, I guess.Twice on this thread!
:biggrin:

Honest Tiefling
2016-07-29, 09:00 PM
I may have a vow of chastity, but there is nothing in the code against courtly love.
I don't know if it really counts as a pick up line if you never have sex, but whatever floats your boat.


I was going to pretend it never happened, actually. Yep, never happened.
Don't knock it until you've tried it. Or at least stay away from the class known for inserting trees up where Pelor doesn't shine.

"Do you see yourself in these greaves?" as said by the paladin with the literal shining, very polished armor.

"Swiggity Swoogity, I'm coming for that booty" as said by the paladin of slaughter. Hey, still a paladin!

8BitNinja
2016-07-29, 11:29 PM
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

I already did this one.

And one from me

Is this another assassination plot?

sengmeng
2016-09-09, 08:06 PM
Would you prefer a Lay on Hands, or a hands-on lay?

Inevitability
2016-09-09, 11:45 PM
"Baby, I've got an Aura of Resolve, but it's not enough to suppress your charms!"

Because paladins of freedom need some pickup lines too.


Would you prefer a Lay on Hands, or a hands-on lay?

Nice.

8BitNinja
2016-09-11, 12:28 AM
"Baby, I've got an Aura of Resolve, but it's not enough to suppress your charms!"

Because paladins of freedom need some pickup lines too.



Nice.

Chaotic does not equal paladin

(I'm just kidding)