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Fan of the fail
2016-07-12, 12:23 PM
For those of you who don't know, Central Casting: Heroes of Legend is a book filled with tables upon tables of random stuff for the express purpose of generating character back stories via dice rolls. Sometimes you get an incoherent mess, but sometimes you can strike gold.

I would like to share with you my favorite character backstory that ever popped out of this book.
I present to you, the tale of Maltus Trickbender:

Born to a family of wealthy Halfling merchants, Maltus was the youngest of five sons. Unconcerned with the finer points of the family business, Maltus focused his energies on throwing lavish parties for every conceivable occasion. After one particularly extravagant birthday party he threw for himself, Maltus found himself bankrupt.
His family, tired of constantly digging Maltus out of debt, decided that he could work it off in the family trading company. This proved to be a colossal mistake as Maltus used company coin to make a series of comically terrible investments and promptly bankrupted the family business.

Disowned, penniless, and lacking any marketable skills, Maltus sought employment in the military. Using his charm to secure himself a safe desk job far from the fighting on the front lines, he had made an easy life for himself. Easy, that is, until a clerical error put him in command of an infantry unit set to lead the charge against a band of marauding orcs.

Shaking in his boots on the front line, Maltus was denied his chance at a glorious death as an orcish arrow pierced his brain and struck him dead before he could utter a single command.

Maltus awoke hours later on the desolate battlefield marveling at how very much NOT DEAD he was. But he was not alone, the soul of another had taken up residence in Maltus' body. Making his way back to town with his new spectral hanger-on, the Halfling wondered what his future had in store.

Feel free to share any cool backstories you cooked up for your characters, Central Casting or otherwise.