View Full Version : The "Rolled a 20" Game

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2016-07-18, 12:39 AM
Enough negativity! The Rolled a 1 game is entertaining, but we need some people putting something in the win column once in a while. For anyone familiar with the aforementioned game, this one will be a mirror image. You will take up the previous person's prompt for a situation (in gaming, real-life, or otherwise) where a skill or ability check could be rolled, and come up with the kind of uber-awesome outcome a 20 might get you. Then finish your post with a new prompt for the poster who follows you.

To start:

You set out to seduce the buxom barmaid...

*rolls 20*

...and apparently tumble her twin sister as well. At the same time.

Next prompt:

You've got one chance left to find some sustenance in this desert....

2016-07-18, 02:34 AM
Did I say desert? I meant dessert. There's triple fudge brownies everywhere and you don't know why but you don't want to question it either.

Roll cooking to prepare snacks for the voracious halfling.

2016-07-18, 03:43 AM
You also made breakfast.

And second breakfast.

Roll to solve a Sudoku puzzle.

2016-07-18, 03:57 AM
...And you find the last digit of Pi. Nice!

Driving in the middle of the night, car breaks down. I roll my trusty d20 to get out of the situation and...

2016-07-18, 09:21 AM
...the impact of the die on the dash knocks the loose wire back in place, and she cranks up and purrs like a kitten.

It's down to you and the Tarrasque, and your only weapon at hand is a rusty butter knife...

Mister Tom
2016-07-18, 01:42 PM
The wound is so tiny the tarrasque doesn't even notice you- until it seizes up due to tetanus contracted from the rusty wound, keels over and is crushed to death by its own weight.

Roll to evade the watch by dodging through the marketplace

Prince Zahn
2016-07-19, 05:44 AM
Not only did you evade the watch, but you also managed to snag a huge bargain on this snazzy Hat of Disguise.

I roll to cheat the my fellow gangsters at cards.

2016-07-19, 06:14 AM
Not only do you now own all of their money, but they are also amazed at how you won every hand legitimately.

You're at the royal ball, trying to convince the king to reward you for saving the kingdom...

2016-07-19, 05:53 PM
He pretty much makes you the leader on his next conquest against his enemies for your great deeds. Oh and something about the key to his treasure hold or something.

I'm gonna roll to pull something seemingly intelligent out of my rear end when the archaeologists eyeballs me for snooping around the sarcophagus.

2016-07-19, 08:03 PM
Congratulations on your promotion, Doctor Blacksymphony.

I compete in the appetizer round of Chopped.

2016-07-20, 05:08 AM
You do so well that, somehow, you are also proclaimed Iron Chef.

Looks like a suspicious-looking fellow has crept up behind you in a darkened alley...

2016-07-20, 06:14 AM
And has just decided to give you a present of 300gp, his dagger, and a pair of trousers.

You search the internet for entertaining webcomics...

2016-07-20, 12:35 PM
You not only find The Order of the Stick, you find out that for some reason, you stumbled upon All the comics that were planned for release.

I am in a bar brawl with a particularly drunk, 300 pound Dragonborn of muscle... I got no choice, I make an unarmed attack roll...

2016-07-20, 12:47 PM
Critical hit, right to the spot where no armor, no muscle, nobody of any race can withstand the blow. If they're male. A winner is you!

I roll to defeat Batman in one turn. This is gonna be tough...

Black Socks
2016-07-21, 06:30 AM
You obliterate Batman from the universe, as well as Robin, Superman, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, and Alfred the butler.

I roll to do a backflip.

2016-07-21, 09:10 AM
You flip the universe back by three hours.

I roll to punch my computer monitor after the fourth Deathclaw 1HKO in an hour.

2016-07-21, 09:24 AM
Instead of destroying your monitor, you remove the code for Deathclaws while keeping the game operational.

Alright, the dreaded DMPC has appeared, I roll a diplomacy check to avoid them being a consistent character...

Prince Zahn
2016-07-21, 12:44 PM
You epically succeed in making the DMPC a reliable contact who will do favors for you without ever having to see you again. Good job. Even the DM is impressed by how you handled the situation.

I roll to shoot a fish in a barrel, WITH MY WARHAMMER.

Mister Tom
2016-07-21, 02:56 PM
You miss the the fish but hit the wooden barrel so hard that the carbon in it is compressed into DIAMONDS.

I sing "bluff, bluff, bluff the stupid ogre"...

2016-07-21, 04:24 PM
The ogre really likes your song and all of you join in a happy sing song circle and laugh with joy. He is very delighted by his new friends and is willing to guide them to their next destination the best he can.

Rolling to impress the local suspicious gang with my drifting skills.

2016-07-21, 07:32 PM
Not only have you impressed the gang, but also 3 hot people belonging to your preferred gender who just happened to be passing by your location. Let's hope you haven't made plans with any barmaids.

I attempt to convince the Bard not to seduce the entire town.

Blue Ghost
2016-07-21, 07:39 PM
Your speech is so impassioned that you not only manage to convince the bard, but also seduce the entire town while you're at it.

I attempt to make a halfway decent DnD homebrew.

2016-07-21, 11:37 PM
Very good! :smallsmile::smallsmile::smallsmile::smallredface: :smallmad::smallfurious::smallfrown::smallyuk::sma lleek::smallconfused::smallwink::smallbiggrin::sma llsmile::smallannoyed::smalltongue::smallamused::s mallsigh::smallredface:

2016-07-22, 09:08 AM
You make the next Eberron.

Roll to stab Xihirli.

Black Socks
2016-07-22, 06:53 PM
You ascend into the heavens as the God of Stabbing. Millions pray to you each day, including a certain halfling CE ranger you may have heard of.....

I roll an Athletics check to climb the mountain.

2016-07-22, 07:16 PM
The mountain sprouts an escalator that you are allowed to ascend. The escalator leads directly to a +5 sock of swiftness.

I roll to attack a giant with scimitar-chucks.

2016-07-24, 05:02 AM
You trip the giant over and it falls face-first into a volcano.

I make a sandwich.

2016-07-24, 10:38 AM
Thor himself descends from Asgard to try your sandwich, and he declares you the greatest sandwich artisan of all time in front of the gods and sends this message to all of his priests.

Roll to reduce falling damage.

2016-07-24, 11:27 AM
You manage to miss the ground and start flying.

I roll to kill Pun Pun.

2016-07-24, 01:21 PM
Not only do you kill him, but all mention of him is magically erased from time and space, exempting you from murder charges.

I roll to finish my coursework on time.

2016-07-24, 01:38 PM
You finished yesterday.

I roll a spot check.

2016-07-25, 05:00 AM
You saw the sign. And it opened up your eyes.

I roll to hack Evil Corp.

Black Socks
2016-07-25, 07:03 AM
You are the new ruler of Evil Corp.

I roll to write a convincing essay on why Harry Potter is a good book.

2016-07-25, 08:32 AM
You manage to successfully do so without having to resort to the reasons most people use.

I roll to convince my friends that Harry Potter is not the best book series ever and can we please let it die already.

2016-07-25, 11:29 AM
There is now only one Harry Potter book, and in the climax instead of using his hands and turning into sand Quirrel just uses magic and wins.

I roll to use magic to kill an eleven-year old.

2016-07-26, 10:58 PM
Nothing remains but a little bit of ash.

Roll to charm the guard into letting me pass.

2016-07-27, 11:43 AM
He immediately retires and tries to court you later. Better break the news to him gently later...

I make the roll to forge a quality battleaxe.

2016-07-27, 03:56 PM
You make the second greatest battleaxe ever forged (what, you wanted the greatest? Not with that skill total).

I roll to create a quality Unearthed Arcana article.

2016-07-28, 02:39 AM
The article runs a little long. Then a lot long. By the time you're done you've actually created an entire sourcebook, and everyone agrees that the Swiss cheese monster encounter alone makes it worth the purchase. You're (somewhat) rich!

I roll to get some sleep.

2016-07-29, 08:36 AM
"Some" sleep is enjoyed as per the amount specified. Also you find that you were ravished by two Bavarian barmaids who have no problem pandering to clichéd stereotypes. Forever.

I roll for a new job

2016-07-29, 02:15 PM
You get not only your dream job, but it pays awesomely as well.

Roll to get the right coordinates for teleport.

2016-07-29, 03:18 PM
You attain omniscience.

I roll initiative!

2016-07-30, 10:07 AM
You not only go first, but get two free turns and you go first in every future combat ever.

Roll to not get killed by a ninja.

2016-07-31, 12:19 AM
A rift in time opens, and when you emerge in feudal Japan you manage to persuade the man who would have created ninjutsu to pursue a more peaceful existence. Upon coming back to your present, your attacker fades from existence.

I roll to procreate!

2016-07-31, 05:59 PM
and your child is destined to found a mighty dynasty, who will rule the land for centuries to come.

I roll to abuse RAW.

2016-07-31, 10:12 PM
RAW takes on severe depression and can never fully rejoin society again because of how thorough your abuse is.

I roll to heal RAW and rehabilitate her.

2016-08-01, 05:52 AM
RAW is now on 4000% of maximum HP, and completely reintegrated into society as a useful, productive and well-respected citizen.

I roll for this week's weather forecast

Black Socks
2016-08-01, 03:14 PM
You literally decide the weather- even if you say something like 'I predict it will rain jellybeans', that will happen. In other words, you are a god of weather.

I roll to come up with a good idea for a new message board game.

2016-08-01, 04:57 PM
You create a whole new forum full of message board games that you've created.

I roll to smite the lich.

2016-08-01, 06:18 PM
The lich simply evaporates. His phylactery? Also turned into dust.

Roll to get out of an awkward situation

2016-08-01, 09:08 PM
You succeed, and now have advantage on all checks of that nature from now on.

I roll to defend somebody against an accusation of murder.

2016-08-01, 10:15 PM
You prove their innocence by producing the person they are accused of killing - alive - and kill her yourself in front of dozens of witnesses.
The prisoner goes free!

I roll to break out of prison.

2016-08-02, 06:35 AM
You were never inside to begin with, and record that you were supposed to be.

I roll to roll my d20.

2016-08-02, 07:51 AM
Your D20 now has 20 faces all at value 20

I go to the roulette table and roll it all on green

2016-08-06, 05:50 PM
You lose, of course. But you end up taking a job at the casino to pay off your debts, but bring such bad luck to all players around you that the place makes even more money than before. Within months YOU are now the manager of the whole place. The first change you make? Green is an acceptable bet for roulette. Which you promptly bet on, win big, and retire.

I roll a save to avoid my condom springing a leak.

2016-08-07, 12:59 PM
You become infertile.

I roll to achieve ramming speed.

2016-08-07, 01:21 PM
Ramming speed now has a value, specifically 6*10^5m/s.

I roll to cause a freak lab accident.

2016-08-09, 03:27 AM
The lab accident has the amazing consequence of giving you all of the abilities of all hero's in the Marvel Universe. Including for some strange reason being Iron Man, and an Asgaardian to boot.

I roll on my next golf game

2016-08-14, 03:37 PM
You successfully play something more entertaining, like pretty much anything else in the world.

I roll to mail a letter.

2016-08-14, 07:53 PM
You revolutionize the mail system and send an e-mail.

Mister Tom
2016-08-19, 06:33 PM
...I roll to revive a thread...

2016-08-19, 06:40 PM
It works.

I roll to get out of job early.

2016-08-20, 02:40 AM
Your ingenuity at getting out of work actually impresses your boss, who gives you the rest of the day off as well as a promotion to a position with a higher salary and less working hours.

I roll to hide the body.

2016-08-20, 08:31 AM
You hide it so well you forget where you hid it. When you're arrested and brought in for questioning, they think you're innocent due to your honestly not knowing where the body is.

I roll to make a pun.

2016-08-20, 03:20 PM
You craft a clever pun so funny that everyone finds absolutely hilarious, or at the very least humorous. You win a nobel peace prize for uniting the world under one joke, and to think it involved just a donkey, a string, and a llama.

I roll to craft an intelligent weapon.

Mister Tom
2016-08-22, 01:54 PM
It's entirely benign, but much, much smarter than you are. So much so that it is able to convince you to give up adventuring and use its abilities to make money from arbitraging the bloated and inefficient financial system operating in your setting. This gives you sufficient seed capital to open a new and better weapons forge and hire the finest smiths on the continent. Under its careful direction you are able to craft even smarter weapons, which in turn are able to improve your rapidly automating processes still further. By the time your companions have returned from their latest side quest, you have instigated the technological singularity.

Roll to Rickroll.

2016-08-22, 02:49 PM
That's how you roll.

I roll to roll 20 D20s.

2016-08-22, 03:55 PM
They all land on 21. Somehow.

I try to load a d20 such that it will always roll 20.

2016-08-22, 04:47 PM
Instead of rolling only 20s the die rolls a distribution of numbers that is not suspicious, but always high, with 20 being the mode.

I roll to pass my exam.

2016-08-23, 07:33 AM
You somehow get more right answers than there are questions on the test.

Roll to find out when the next Song of Ice and Fire book will be released, if ever.

2016-08-27, 01:38 AM
You discover that the book is printed now, and you acually won a hardcover copy for free.

I roll to repair my bicycle :(

2016-08-28, 07:23 AM
Your fumbling failure at trying to fix your bike attracts the attention of your new neighbour. She's pretty handy, and able to do it for you in no time. You gained a new friend!
(sorry, with no skill points invested into Mechanics skill, even a natural 20 is not going to help much)

I roll for sanity check against boredooom at work.

2016-08-28, 08:21 AM
Not even a 20 can save you.

I roll for something that you can't accomplish with a 20.

2016-08-28, 11:18 AM
The DM hits you with a rulebook.

I roll to build a castle for my archenemy.

2016-08-28, 06:49 PM
Your archenemy is so impressed by your castle building skills, that his alignment radically shifts to be the same as yours, then joins your party.

I roll to create a new alignment that's between chaotic and neutral.

2016-08-28, 07:31 PM
Lawful | Neutral | jkhero73 | Chaotic

I roll for a towel-related awsome act of space travel.

2016-08-29, 11:20 AM
You give the corpse of Douglas Adams such a thorough snapping with a wet towel that he is revived, and sets about including you in his next Hitchhiker novel.

I roll to find the darkest timeline.

2016-08-30, 04:38 AM
You locate one that is literally pitch black.

I roll to avoid bumping into something while I try to get back to a brighter timeline.

2016-08-31, 03:52 PM
You stand up and spoke: "There will be light!" And there was light...

I roll to nuke the USA and let it look like it was china/russia/both, trying to destroy the world and claim the biggest part of the broken planet! MUHAHAHA!!!

2016-09-01, 09:44 AM
Turns out while you were making your plans you were unanimously elected world leader anyway. The nukes still make a pretty awesome fireworks show when you drop them on the moon though.

I roll to intentionally catch the flu.

Black Socks
2016-09-02, 10:52 AM
You catch the flu, tie it up, kill it, stuff it, and hang it on your wall.

I roll to defend the alignment system against people who say that it's terrible.

2016-09-02, 03:17 PM
not even a natural 20 would save you... wait... your skills with the die are so impressive! what was the problem again?

I roll for rebuilding MY moon. As a space station!

2016-09-02, 03:23 PM
YOUR moon now features centrifugal gravity, an array of surface to orbit shuttles, a nice restaurant, and a wine rack, in addition to the life support and science modules.

I roll to derail this plot.

2016-09-04, 09:17 AM
You break the campaign so hard the world it takes place is no longer useable. Ever again.

Roll to convince someone who doesn't like D&D to try a campaign.

2016-09-04, 12:47 PM
We all meet in a Inn... your inn, because i want to lend me the rulebook.

I roll to build a deathlaser in my moon-siced space station. Also, i rename my planet alderan.

2016-09-04, 05:56 PM
Your laser was so powerful, that it destroys 2 other planets as well.

I roll to flirt with the bear.

2016-09-05, 03:40 AM
You get married two months later and have biologically questionable children together.

I roll to come up with a good roll for the "Rolled a 1" thread.

2016-09-05, 06:47 AM
Since someone tryed allready to roll for a one in the rolled a 1 therad you should instat try to roll something like against what you wand to happen, so that you can say: "Just as planned..."

My Deathmoon needs new shoes! is going to be the ultimate weapon to tread the universe! I make a roll to convice the leaders of everything to give me their power. Metaphorical and literal!

2016-09-05, 11:57 AM
You now own every universe.

I roll to pet the dog. He was a good boy.

2016-09-05, 02:36 PM
The dog is so well petted he will now only be a good boy no matter the circumstances.

I roll to make my next move in this chess game.

2016-09-05, 03:59 PM
Your opponent realizes that with that single move you have sealed their fate. There is nothing awaiting them but checkmate, so they concede.

I roll to remember where I left my keys.

2016-09-05, 04:07 PM
you remember. You also remember where you left everything, including where all the opportunities you left behind are and whether or not you can still go back to them. Good job.

I roll to slay the Tarrasque as a level one commoner.

2016-09-06, 02:11 AM
The DM failed to count how much exp you got and now, you are a tripple epic commoner whit a reserved place in a pantheon of choice if you should ever die. The people allready startet preying to you.

The amount of time travler trieing to kill me got to big. I roll to retire to a nice place. But nothing to hot please.

2016-09-06, 10:42 AM
You retire to heaven.

I roll to disbelieve.

2016-09-06, 11:38 AM
Well, i am allredy atheist, do you wand to convert?

I roll to get a other dice, this one it not working correct...

2016-09-06, 12:28 PM
You now own every dice in the universe, and people have to ask to borrow one if they need to roll a die.

I roll to make dinner. I mean, I have a rank in Profession: Chef. What could go wrong.

2016-09-06, 02:09 PM
"Here, take my dice.....
Hey, it looks great, can i have a plate, too?"

I roll for a plate of the food.

2016-09-08, 12:28 PM
You manage to get a neverending plate - when it is finished it is magically refilled, but not before revealing the design on the bottom: an intricate art that spells out: Remember The Three Post Rule

I roll to get people to remember the three post rule.

2016-09-08, 12:59 PM
I post next.

I roll to disarm Anakin.

2016-09-08, 01:48 PM
Unlike when Obi-Wan did it, you also amputate his prosthetic hand, leading him to fall into the lava and die. An alternative continuity is created, featuring both casino games and members of the oldest profession.

I roll to write a silly reply.

2016-09-08, 01:59 PM
Sorry, this is not your roll, it is anni's. (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0631.html)

I roll to find out if i this counts as a good post or i broke the three post rule again.

2016-09-25, 10:55 AM
You are now immune to the three post rule.

But seriously, that was fine.

I roll to summon a pillow.

Just Helping
2016-09-25, 10:57 PM
You summon a pillow, and underneath is a masterwork chocolate mint. (If a fancy hotel will do it...)

I roll to microwave a package of Instant Ramen.

2016-09-26, 05:16 AM
The microwave transforms the packet into a bowl filled with hand made raman, complete with egg.

I roll not to embarrass myself in front of my Significant Other's parents.

2016-10-03, 04:21 PM
You get to marry your Significant Other.

I roll to not be a Munchkin.

2016-10-04, 07:46 AM
Not only is your character perfectly balanced, but so are those of the entire party.

Roll to be a munchkin without anyone noticing.

2016-10-09, 07:54 PM
Somehow nobody notices you bring the Tarrasque loaded with templates & spellcasting to a 1st level game where everyone else is playing commoners.

Roll to make a cheese platter for guests, and some tea to go with it..

2016-10-09, 08:46 PM
Your party is so amazing that the king drops by, and he ends 2 wars over the course of the party.

You roll to find your kidnapped wife

2016-10-10, 03:26 AM
Turns out the kidnappers were hiding behind the sofa.

Unfortunately they are armed. I roll to disarm the kidnappers.

2016-10-10, 07:51 PM
You kick the remote so it makes a boomerang effect, disarming both of them and also knocking them out unconscious.

I roll to win a thread.

2016-10-10, 11:54 PM
You kick the remote so it makes a boomerang effect, disarming both of them and also knocking them out unconscious.

I roll to win a thread.

You now own the forum.

I roll to seduce a bar wench.

2016-10-14, 03:34 PM
You succeeded. You also now own all of the bars within a 1-mile radius.

I roll to see what role I get in my next WW game in Structured Games.

2016-10-28, 04:19 PM
Whatever you get, your side wins.

I roll to climb a tree.

2016-10-28, 04:22 PM
You climb so far that you meet Zeus, and apparently you getting there means he's lost a bet. You now have the power to fly to heaven and back to earth. (Acts as Plane Shift spell like-ability 3/times a day)

I roll to build a desktop computer.

2016-10-31, 07:49 AM
The computer is so powerful, it can provide the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Roll to look through the veil between worlds.

2016-11-01, 09:44 AM
You become omniscient.

I roll to stab Xihirli.

2016-11-01, 10:10 AM
Xihirli was actually an Aleax sent to kill you. You killed it instead. Good job stabbing Xihirli.

I roll to have an actual friend.

2016-11-01, 12:10 PM
You get more than a friend. They are a companion, a guardian, an emotional aid, and a good form of pest control.

+1 schnauzer

I roll to try and resolve my feelings of insignificance.

2016-11-01, 12:39 PM
You are now worshipped as a god. Have fun with that.

I roll to brew a soda.

2016-11-01, 01:05 PM
Some investors found it to be the best soda ever, and you now rule the world as the Soda King.

Roll to be inspired.

2016-11-02, 07:46 AM
You think up a solution to all the world's problems.

Roll to understand animals.

2016-11-17, 06:21 PM
You fundamentally understand them on every level.

I roll to find something.

2016-11-17, 09:58 PM
You find the entire room you're in. Unfortunately, this doesn't help you find the actual item.

Roll to paint a portrait.

2016-11-17, 10:43 PM
You somehow paint the exact likeness of every living creature in one divine form. It resembles absolutely everyone perfectly, and is thus unrecognizable.

I roll to die, cold and alone.

2016-11-17, 11:27 PM
You somehow paint the exact likeness of every living creature in one divine form. It resembles absolutely everyone perfectly, and is thus unrecognizable.

I roll to die, cold and alone.

You survive just long enough to wonder A) how the heck you got on Pluto and B) how you know you're on Pluto.

I roll to seduce the prettiest girl.

2016-11-22, 10:14 PM
You survive just long enough to wonder A) how the heck you got on Pluto and B) how you know you're on Pluto.

I roll to seduce the prettiest girl.

You get all the girls.

I roll to get one of those girls.

2016-11-22, 10:44 PM
You get all the girls.

I roll to get one of those girls.

You get the second prettiest girl and her two sisters. The three of them are identical triplets. Have fun with that.

I roll to destroy Canada.

2016-11-22, 10:48 PM
You get the second prettiest girl and her two sisters. The three of them are identical triplets. Have fun with that.

I roll to destroy Canada.

You destroy the entire continent of North America, thus also eliminating the United States. Thanks.

I roll to have the other people in my PbP game post while I'm awake.

2016-11-23, 11:17 AM
Your game actually advances at a rate of 10 posts per person plus the GM per day, equaling your game actually advance by a lot during a single day.

I roll to repair my bicycle... Again.

2016-11-23, 01:17 PM
Your game actually advances at a rate of 10 posts per person plus the GM per day, equaling your game actually advance by a lot during a single day.

I roll to repair my bicycle... Again.

You somehow install a rocket to the back. Now it reaches 150 on a bad day.

I roll to save Will.

2016-11-29, 07:32 PM
Everyone in the world named Will who is in a dangerous predicament is somehow saved from it by your mere existence.

I roll to get a bank loan.

2016-11-29, 07:38 PM
You now own the bank.

I roll to sneak aboard a pirate ship.

2016-11-29, 10:07 PM
You now have perfect nonimpression to pirates.

I roll to lose some weight.

2016-11-30, 09:23 AM
You are now weightless.

Roll to bake cookies!

2016-11-30, 09:52 AM
Alas, your cookies have started a grandma apocalypse.

I roll to detonate a few barrels of gunpowder.

2016-11-30, 11:15 AM
Well great, you just nuked Africa. Nice job.

I roll to dance the night away.

2016-12-02, 08:35 AM
As if enchanted by some magics, you and the scarecrow spend an entire 12 hours dancing and dancing without a care I. The world. You hear the clock on the clock tower in clock town and realize it is 6am of the next day. Yet you are neither hungry nor tired.

I roll to find the outcome of my divorce.

2016-12-12, 01:44 PM
'Tis better than you hoped, by alot.

Roll for good luck on my final in less than two hours. :smalleek:

2016-12-12, 04:09 PM
Your finals are returned. You got... a thousand percent!? Well done!

I roll to eat a bagel.

2016-12-13, 05:18 AM
You managed to do it without leaving any crumbs on the table! Yay! (why should a roll of 20 result into something epic every time?)

I roll for hug.

2016-12-13, 12:09 PM
You hug the world and everything is fine.

I roll to breed pea plants.

2016-12-13, 06:06 PM
You now have an infamous Zombie defense system.

I roll to build an unusual Zombie defense system.

2016-12-14, 01:04 PM
An incomprehensible system of magical defenses annihilates every form of undead that approaches your house/castle/lair/whatever.

Roll to teach the parrot fluent common.

2016-12-15, 10:51 PM
The parrot is now capable of not only perfectly communicating by any and all languages, it is also capable of truly understanding the essence of all things. It ascends to become the god of communication.

Roll to write an epic novel.

2016-12-31, 10:53 PM
Roll to write an epic novel.

You take a chance with a niche target demographic, and your magnum opus not only outshines every bestseller, but invokes a pop cultural mania in favor of your audience. All sorts of celebrities form book clubs just to discuss your one masterpiece, even diplomats from foreign nations.

Roll to negotiate what variety of pizza the diplomats should order--it's notorious that nobody can agree on pizza toppings.

2017-01-03, 06:02 PM
you suggest the perfect pizza combination that no group could ever turn down, your suggestion is now a staple option for every pizza place on the planet

I roll to rescue Bruce Wayne's parents

2017-01-03, 06:07 PM
They both live and also become Batman. Now there are three batmans (batmen?) and Gotham is safe forever.

Roll to beat Tomb of Horrors with a level 1 commoner that is both blind and deaf.

2017-01-04, 01:35 AM
You wander in, terrified, but because you're blind you immediately trip and roll down a series of stairs, bump into some things, and while trying to stand up accidentally grab something and spin it around. You hear a slight pinging sound, and level up a hundred and fifty times, incidentally solving your blindness and deafness with one of your zillions of epic feats. Looking around, you see a dead demilich, a series of smashed doors leading through the tomb, an adoring crowd, the Archbishop of Canterbury in coronation robes, and your One True Love on one knee proposing.

I roll to decide on a major.

2017-01-16, 06:50 PM
While you deliberate, Yale and Harvard both send you scholarships, begging for you to learn from them.

Incidentally, you still aren't sure what to major in, but you've got a heck of a lot of options now. :smallbiggrin:

I roll a skill check, specifically: Perform: God-Attracting Haiku

2017-01-24, 05:26 AM
Bedecked in shimmering silk
The goddess of naked lust
She has really nice boobies.

I roll to find Waldo.

2017-01-24, 07:48 AM
Bedecked in shimmering silk
The goddess of naked lust
She has really nice boobies.

I roll to find Waldo.

That's not a haiku... you have two syllables too many on the first and third lines. I would say that the easiest way to fix it is to swap "shimmering" for "fine" and cut out "really" entirely.

Waldo finds you. You become best friends.

Roll to win a thread.

2017-01-24, 08:15 AM
Three different people sig you.

I roll the dice just for fun, and sigh; there's no one to play with.

2017-01-24, 09:04 PM
You now have friends!

I roll for damage!

2017-01-24, 10:35 PM
"...And that, children, is what really blew up Alderaan."

Roll to fix a planet.

2017-01-25, 12:03 AM
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.


Roll to get a job.

2017-01-25, 12:35 AM
Due to a very strange legal loophole, you become the President of the United States for about 20 minutes. You now receive $400,000 a year in perpetuity.

I roll to find love.

2017-01-25, 09:55 PM
It was under the couch all along. Always the last place you look.

And yes, I am bad at counting syllables.

I roll to find meaning.

2017-01-26, 12:19 AM
You write a 400 page thesis titled: Life, the Universe, Everything, and Forty-Two.

I roll to improve my currently pathetic physical condition.

2017-01-26, 05:06 PM
You develop muscles so impressive that they turn into a organic jetpack. (http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/3p28/)

I roll to create sword-chucks.

2017-01-26, 05:44 PM
You create sword-chucks, and even more miraculously, they actually work. In fact, they're such a horrifyingly lethal weapon that all the world's armies see the destruction they can inflict and swear off violence forever, ensuring world peace forevermore.

I roll to fall asleep.

2017-01-27, 04:44 AM
You lapse into a coma. Fortunately for you, coma dreams are pretty fun!

I roll to tickle Elmo.

2017-02-02, 10:11 PM
As Elmo is a Monstrous humanoid of Sesame Street, his laughs are contagious. You can cast Hideous Laughter at will.

I roll to hide from the earthquake.

2017-02-02, 11:21 PM
You hide so well that you're on the other side of the earth.

I roll to feed my leopard gecko.

2017-02-02, 11:26 PM
Your leopard gecko has been fed the flesh of gods, and gains godly power while being forever loyal to you.

I roll to doff my hat.

2017-02-05, 01:24 AM
Your hat disappears s soon as it leaves your head, and you can resummon it at will.

I roll to hold the dying universe together through sheer force of will.

2017-02-25, 11:28 PM
The universe now obeys your every whim.

Roll to make a facsimile of a Protoss unit using pathfinder rules for a play by post campaign.

2017-03-15, 02:21 PM
Aaaaand you've got a 12 part greentext known the internet round.

Roll to see if they're lying.

2017-03-15, 09:05 PM
You know that they're lying, and you also figure out what they're thinking at the moment and everything that they will think and do until the end of their lives.

I roll to play "Circus Gallop" on piano.

2017-03-15, 10:01 PM
The very heavens open up during your performance, and Athena herself applauds your skill. You now have access to and from Mt.Olympus whenever you choose.

I roll to find a hot asian girlfriend. Because I'm lonely.

2017-03-16, 10:25 AM
She's not just hot, Aphrodite herself asks you out on a date, and get this: She looks asian!

Roll to get to work on time

2017-03-16, 10:41 AM
Your car won't start so you take your friends DeLorean and get there 30 years early.

Roll to see if you can swat a fly with a rolled up newspaper.

2017-03-16, 04:14 PM
You swat at the fly, and cut off it's wings with the rolled newspaper, then it vaporized entirely leaving only the wings behind

I roll to seduce Tiamat's mother

Simetra Irertne
2017-03-31, 07:21 AM
You succeed, and get Tiamat as well.

I roll to go skydiving.

2017-03-31, 09:36 AM
You're now in perpetual low earth orbit.

I roll to play a children's card game. Specifically Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Forth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.

2017-03-31, 09:55 AM
Checkmate in 3 moves, and a royal flush 7 times in a row.

I roll to not get sick from a 250 year old pot roast

2017-03-31, 02:37 PM
It secretly contained the immortality and power of the wizard king

I roll to kill chuck Norris

2017-03-31, 03:19 PM
It secretly contained the immortality and power of the wizard king

I roll to kill chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is dead. So dead, in fact, that you actually impressed him, and you now have beer with him twice a month.

... what? He kept going after Bruce Lee killed him, too.

I roll to find the perfect Waifu.

2017-03-31, 07:30 PM
You find 20.

I roll to dodge the arrow.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-01, 05:21 PM
You get protection from arrows forever.

I roll to challenge the DM's authority.

2017-04-02, 09:03 AM
You've undone rule zero.... you fool you've doomed us all!

I roll to return the world to it's natural order

2017-04-02, 07:28 PM
I seem to have been stabbed.

I roll to smite the lich.

2017-04-02, 09:02 PM
You smite him so hard that he turns into a thin powder. A knee-height furry blue humanoid comes along and comments something about a 'sand lich' and proceeds to consume the powder.

I roll Knowledge against a dragon.

2017-04-02, 09:33 PM
You forgot to select a topic, so for a brief instant you know the exact position and velocity of every atom in creation. Congrats, you are now omniscient.

I roll to program a video game.

2017-04-02, 10:23 PM
You invent SR, or Substitution Reality. Rather than broadcasting information through a screen, SR sends sensory input directly to the brain, and intercepts your signals for motor function. This allows for perfect lifelike senses and motion in-game. In addition, the graphics and physics engine are revolutionary. I want this game system and the game you made for it.

I roll to hack the CIA's most vital computers.

2017-04-03, 01:07 AM
FINE RUN YOUR OWN GAME!! You are now the GM

I roll to get a good nights sleep

2017-04-03, 02:16 AM
You are now unquestionably a previous director of the CIA enjoy the huge pension

After waking up you find you never get tired again but can still sleep peacefully whenever you want to

I roll to not throw away my shot.

2017-04-03, 06:56 AM
You start a nation, and then live a long and (mostly) happy life. Besides a duel when you were 47, your life is almost never threatened.

I roll to hit.

2017-04-03, 07:36 AM
Ever seen One Punch Man? It's like that.

I roll to fix the broken mirror on my car

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-03, 07:49 AM
Your mirror is fixed. Also, your car is now self-driving. Also, it somehow no longer requires fuel.

I roll to storm the castle.

2017-04-03, 07:59 AM
All the characters from heroes of the storm come and help you crush the resistance in the castle

I roll to surf down a magma flow on my shield of heat immunity

2017-04-03, 08:42 AM
Not only do you successfully surf down, but the path that you took solidified into rock for someone to be able to follow you

I roll to beat the dark souls trilogy

2017-04-03, 09:23 AM
You don't die once. Nobody believes you.

I roll to write an essay on a topic I f#@$ing hate.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-03, 09:35 AM
You write it in your sleep. You don't have any memory of actually writing or researching it, but the essay turns out perfectly.

I roll to do a standing double backflip.

2017-04-03, 03:15 PM
You do it in slow motion. You find that you are able to decrease your weight to make acrobatics easier.

I roll a tumble check to survive falling 500' off of a headless zombie dragon.

2017-04-03, 03:26 PM
as you began to fall you grabbed one of the zombie dragon's wings and ripped it off, you use it to glide slowly down towards the earth

I roll to bargain with Dormammu

2017-04-03, 04:07 PM
You are now allies with both him and doctor strange

I roll to get my stupid little brother to shut up

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-03, 06:13 PM
You succeed in not only getting your brother to shut up, but mine as well. Thank you.

I roll to do a coin trick and make an entire bank vault vanish, dime by dime.

2017-04-03, 09:12 PM
You accidentally do the mass version of the magic trick.

I roll to defend the throne room of the almost entirely destroyed kingdom from the infinite masses of undead.

2017-04-07, 06:28 AM
Not only do they stop attacking, you force them to repair the throne room and the city!

I roll to throw a Frisbee.

2017-04-07, 09:17 AM
You through the frisbee so well that it achieves orbit

I roll to kiss my girlfriend

2017-04-07, 11:20 AM
When you come up for air, she asks how soon you can get married and/or have 12 children.

I roll to build a space ship

2017-04-07, 11:43 AM
You build a ship out of space, that sails IN space. SPAAAAAAAACE!

I roll to breed normal-sized Eagles that can carry riders.

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-07, 01:01 PM
You succeed, and they have built in gyroscopes so the riders can't fall off.

I roll to dodge the "rocks fall".

2017-04-07, 03:35 PM
the rocks fall on the GM and he dies

I roll to cast grease

2017-04-07, 03:53 PM
The universe slips.

I roll to roll a die.

2017-04-07, 04:07 PM

I roll to quickly find research info so I can finish my dang paper!!

Simetra Irertne
2017-04-07, 07:00 PM
You find a finished version of the paper. In your own handwriting. Posted by a future you. Taken from...you. Where did it come from???

I roll to cast magic missile on a tarrasque.

2017-04-10, 10:32 AM
it hits, even though the tarrasque was in another plane

I roll to stay focused at work

2017-04-17, 04:22 AM
The All Night's Mask appears before you, gaining its effect to prevent sleep.https://www.models-resource.com/resources/big_icons/13/12375.png

I roll to botch my roll.

2017-04-17, 09:41 AM
You botch your roll.
"Which one?"

I roll to rock.

Dire Moose
2017-04-25, 03:26 PM
You blow out everyone's eardrums at your concert. No wait, it's actually so awesome that their heads explode.

I go fishing.

2017-04-26, 11:57 AM
you catch every fish, the ocean is now void of life.

I roll to tank it like a boss

2017-05-22, 04:45 PM
you catch every fish, the ocean is now void of life.

I roll to tank it like a boss

You tank it better then a person named tank in a tank top in a military tank inside of a water tank inside of an oil tanker

Roll for a random encounter

2017-05-22, 05:58 PM
A group of servants pledge their undying loyalty to you. And the key to a forgotten but luxurious castle is bequeathed to you.

I roll to find true love.

2017-05-22, 07:26 PM
"Hi, I'm Aphrodite. What's your name?"

I roll to build a harem.

2017-05-28, 07:13 PM
You find a large number of people of the opposite sex willing to join your harem, and one of them already owns the property where you can all live together. You now need to hold auditions to find the most attractive... and there's the thing that one person can do with their tongue that's just mmmmhmmm.

I roll to build a timed explosive that will destroy this spaceship's hull so we can board.

2017-06-01, 07:55 PM
The explosive also kills half the guards without destroying anything you wanted intact.

I roll to come up with a plan in my Werewolf game.

2017-06-01, 08:04 PM
You come up with the perfect plan. That you can use for every werewolf game you enter. And no one including me discovers it.

I roll to commit seppuku

2017-06-03, 10:27 AM
Just as you commit seppuku, your sworn enemy, a truly evil dude, has snuck up behind you in order to stab you in the back. But you stab first, and your long blade pierces through him, too! Your seppuku is so succesful, you've defeated a true villain by taking your own life. For a long time, people will tell this tale to honor you. Honor on your family, honor on your cow. Just honor all around.

I roll to feed the ducks in the park.

2017-06-03, 07:45 PM
Somehow, you now have a personal army of duck stormtroopers (seriously, what the heck were you feeding them?) loyal to you to the death.

I roll to gain superpowers.

2017-06-14, 02:21 AM
You gain the US, Russia, Great Britain, France, Luxembourg, Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece, Babylon, various assorted fantasy superpowers, and pretty much any other real or fictional, modern or historical, superpower you can think of. Oh, and you can also fly, teleport, sing, and shoot laser beams from your eyes.

I roll to relieve intestinal pressure.

2017-09-15, 02:43 PM
You relieve it so well, you never have any intestinal discomfort ever again.

I roll to come back from the dead.

2017-09-19, 02:31 PM
You come back to life and gain the powers of death including being able to kill anyone you want raising the dead and being immortal. you can kill yourself however.

I roll a knowledge war check on a nearby shrub.

2017-09-20, 04:00 PM
You discover the sacred rituals of an ancient Knightly Order, who use neatly-shaped shrubberies as cover while the cast their disturbing spells.

I roll to silence the above Knights.

Plus one
2017-09-20, 04:08 PM
You discover all natural toxins and anti medicinal functions of all related fauna. Just a little splicing of genetics and you can weaponise most plants with a wide variety of optional results. Triggers, neutralising and cultivation are now easy to manipulate.

I roll to design and develop new technology.

2017-09-25, 09:17 PM
You develop a maximum-efficiency device that designs and develops new technology every minute.

I roll to make a website.

2017-09-25, 09:22 PM
You created a website so popular and expensive that it everything not on it is considered countless and you make millions of dollars through donatiins to the site.

I roll to have a bad day.

2017-09-26, 10:32 AM
You have the absolute worst day possible.

I roll to kill Byron Hall.

2017-11-01, 07:09 AM
As you go for the shot your arm is knocked to the side. However the bullet richochets of 7 different nearby objects, including both a trash can and a cup (don't ask how, you don't want to know, trust me)and kills him, and leaves no trace that you did it.

I roll to sneak out of the house without waking up anyone crashing here from last night.

2017-11-01, 11:30 AM
You kill them in their sleep. Now they'll never wake again!


......... *tilts head* what?

I roll to find love.

2017-11-04, 04:22 AM
"Hi, I'm Venus. What's your name?"


2017-11-06, 12:30 AM
You are the first Artificer ever documented in your campaign world. Which is going to be interesting, because you're playing a Hollow World campaign.

I roll for initiative.

2017-12-01, 07:02 PM
Everything is over before anyone else gets a turn.

I roll to make some origami.

2017-12-01, 07:38 PM
You get 3 wishes. Lord almighty I hope someone gets that...

You roll to stake a vampire.

2017-12-01, 09:04 PM
You get a steak. You think that you worded your roll poorly, but magic emanates from the steak and kills the vampire. Now you may eat the steak. It is delicious.

I roll to get my cat to accept its leash.

2017-12-02, 01:51 AM
So, your walking down the street with your pet tiger on a chain.

I roll to ask out a really cute girl.

2017-12-02, 08:27 AM
Turns out she is interested in you, too, but wasto shy to say anything. You are a cute couple and will live a happy life. People are a bit jealous, but nothing dramatic.


2017-12-02, 08:30 AM
Well, you've conquered the world, and now sit in a mansion with everything you could ever want available, but... there'll be no more conquests... So, what now?

I roll to get motivation to finish a character.

2017-12-02, 03:15 PM
You are the trillionth customer at a popular chain of stores. You win a fabulous prize, and, now being independently wealthy, are able to dedicate your life to role-playing. You also hire a Harvard drama graduate student to give you pointers on character creation.

I role to play a jig.

2017-12-04, 09:58 AM
You play such a beautiful jig that all other musical geniuses like Mozart are forgotten and you are now studied as a musical savant.

I roll to give a dragon a papercut.

2017-12-04, 06:25 PM
"...and that, kids, is the story of how I decapitated an elder dragon with nothing but a paper airplane."

I roll to give an intimidating smile, then make a dramatic exit.

2017-12-10, 04:37 PM
...and you suddenly realized there is nowhere to exit from. Literaly. Reality itself was intimidated into headless flight.

I roll to not kick my thumb on that blasted drawer again.

2017-12-10, 04:44 PM
You are granted the ability to never kick your thumb. Thus now you will never kick it on the drawer again.

I roll for charity!

2017-12-10, 05:00 PM
You get faith, hope, AND agape.

I role to search for penguins.

2018-01-03, 12:48 AM
Not only do you kill him, but all mention of him is magically erased from time and space, exempting you from murder charges.

I roll to finish my coursework on time.
The wound is so tiny the tarrasque doesn't even notice you- until it seizes up due to tetanus contracted from the rusty wound, keels over and is crushed to death by its own weight.

Roll to evade the watch by dodging through the marketplace ?

2018-01-04, 11:05 AM
You never encounter watches again. (both types)

I roll to swat a fly

2018-01-09, 11:55 PM
I roll to swat a fly

You swat the fly so hard that every single fly gets swatted in this one hit.

I roll to murder the rest of my party and loot the corpses.

2018-01-11, 07:52 PM
I roll to murder the rest of my party and loot the corpses.

You murder all the parties and loot all the corpses. Yes, even the parties that are demigods. You do this all by simply touching a single party member. Congratulations, MooseImperium, new god of murder!

I roll to sneeze.

2018-01-11, 07:55 PM

2019-05-09, 05:45 AM
Good day .,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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nice one keep it up

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Hello. impressive job. I did not imagine this. This is a remarkable story. Thanks!