Don't Drink and D&D

[Jack_McSnatch]

Best drunk D&D stories, go.

We were supposed to be sieging the gates of hell after gathering ancient relics. We spent weeks preparing for this. It would've been an epic battle, and some of us were sure to die.

Except just before we were supposed to perform the ritual, the dwarf got drunk and ornery. It started with something innocuous.

"You damned knife-ear, just make with the magic!"

"This takes focus, and your foul stench is distracting me. Why don't you go munch on a rock?"

And then we spent four hours coming up with racial slurs for each others races, most of which were promptly forgotten the next day.

[erok0809]

I'm not sure if you mean in-character drunk or in-real-life drunk. For in-character drunk, we had a funny one where our halfling monk got drunk while our dragon shaman was in jail for multiple attempted murders and we were thinking of what to do to free him. Someone had the wonderful idea that the dragon shaman's player should be the monk's drunk brain telling her what to do, since his character couldn't be active.

I don't remember all the details, but I do know that she spent something like an hour attacking a door for insulting her by not opening properly, and then ended up ripping it off its hinges and then burying it, since it was dead now. She also buried a pouch of hers that had some items with sentimental value to her, so she wouldn't lose them while she was drunk, since she clearly can't be trusted to hold on to them, she's too drunk.

I think she may have saved someone's life and become a local folk superhero that same night as well, while the rest of us worked on plans and schemes to free the dragon shaman and escape on a ship. It was a lot of fun, and we heard rumors about "the flying kickapow" for the rest of the campaign.

[Calthropstu]

in character drunkenness can be quite fun. At one point I had my drunken female sorcerer cast mirror image and begin doing the can can, which was promptly joined by the party wizard. We had an entire ballroom dance just the two of us lol.

real drunkenness during D&D is not so pleasant. Played with a real asshat once who really enjoyed pvp and got drunk before the game. Long story short, dead characters, very unpleasant and the group broke up soon after.

[Inevitability]

DM: As you enter the tavern, you see a number of dwarves loudly swinging some mugs of ale around.
Monk: I ask the dwarves what they are doing.
Dwarf: Well, laddy, we be playin' a great drinking game! Thar be two rules: first is someone gotta tell tha story of Draco the Dragon, Dragonslayer of the Doomdragon of Dragontown. The second is that whenever someone says 'dragon' ye take a drink!
Paladin: I join the dwarves in their game!
Monk: So do I!
Rogue: Me too!
Wizard: You're all insane.

Months after that players would still make references to this whenever someone said 'dragon'.

[KillianHawkeye]

DM: As you enter the tavern, you see a number of dwarves loudly swinging some mugs of ale around.
Monk: I ask the dwarves what they are doing.
Dwarf: Well, laddy, we be playin' a great drinking game! Thar be two rules: first is someone gotta tell tha story of Draco the Dragon, Dragonslayer of the Doomdragon of Dragontown. The second is that whenever someone says 'dragon' ye take a drink!
Paladin: I join the dwarves in their game!
Monk: So do I!
Rogue: Me too!
Wizard: You're all insane.

Months after that players would still make references to this whenever someone said 'dragon'.

This reminds me of the time I started watching the Will Smith movie "I, Robot" and challenged myself to take a shot of tequila every time anyone said the word "robot." It... didn't end well.

[Goodkill]

i've never been drunk while playing PnP D&D because 1) i play with my father as one of the characters (he's a very good roleplayer, surprisingly), and in my house i'm not allowed to drink because of a mental illness i supposedly have but don't really (schizophrenia is one set of "disorders" that is not well understood by the medical community) and 2) i recently got gout after a (secret) drinking binge so i basically can't drink alcohol anymore without possibly causing another gout attack.

i did get drunk a couple of times while playing Neverwinter Nights 2, which is 3.5 D&D, and it was epic. at one point i had the mindset that i was a medieval villager whose village was being ransacked. it was very interesting. it was just generally a fun thing to do. i was playing a half orc fighter/frenzied berserker.

[Puke]

Each game we are playing starts like that :

DM : Is everyone ready ? Lets take a minute to forget real world and go into your characters.
Char 1 : Hold on, gotta grab a beer.
Char 2 : Haven't you opened a beer 2 minutes ago ?
Char 1 : Yup.
Char 3 : Hey I'm back ! Have you started yet ? Got my 6 beer pack.

In most of the games, after like 3 hours of playing, (and drinking) funny things happens.
When I was DMing, completely drunk along with the players, I made them fight JarJar Binks and hayden Christensen. They took a lot of pleasure to rip off every part of their bodies... surprisingly.

One time, they slayed an adult dragon, chopped his head of, and teleported to deepwater with the firm intention to put it on the highest tower of the city to show off. The explainations they gave to local autorities were really entertaining.

But the funniest is when the PC are drunk. When it happens, I roll fixed and random debuffs and I interpret their moves to make them the funniest possible.
One time, they rushed into a dragon's lair, asked me if the dragon was enough to fill their bellies, and attacked him witch completely fool moves :
- The barbarian tried to mount the dragon, because he wanted a dragon pet. He asked him "gently" to become his pet.
- The thief tried to go INSIDE the dragon, because why not, he was immune to fire... so why not... seems legit isn't it ?
- The paladin tried to convince him that being evil is bad, and made a speach to his mates in the middle of the fight instead of helping them

They had malus to AC, attack rolls, but were immune to fear.

The PC were so drunk that one of them was bleeding to death on the ground, feeling no pain, and nobody noticed that he was down, until they counted themselves. Eventually, they tried to patch his injuries by putting his blood back into his body (along with the dirt... on which he bled...).

And they ended up slaying the dragon thanks to the magic of critical hits.

I may have funnier stories, but unfortunately, I think we were all too drunk to remember them.

[Shinn]

One day, as we were stopped in a thorp in a sea-themed scenario, my Halfling Pirate challenged an entire tavern of commoners in a drinking contest, with a 50 GP bet (a fortune for commoners). They didn't know I optimized my character for eating and drinking as much as possible, even with a Bag of Holding-like stomach graft.
So I won, but my DM suggested to check how many strong booze liters I drank... 77 [that was a REALLY silly rule, I know]. Then we raided against an enemy ship ; the Halfing got to their deck, but he was wayyyy too drunk to do anything useful... So our party wizard casted a Fireball at him.
Ladies and gentlemen, after the Fireball, the Fire-Halfling. Running and screaming, burning almost every inch of the enemy ship... And dying, while the other PC died from laughter to see such a comic situation.

[LoyalPaladin]

Oh boy. Playing as a paladin with my friend (who was very intoxicated and playing a swashbuckler).

Me (IC): Hurry! Don't let the drow escape!
Him (IC): I'm on it! I walk through the door.
Me (OoC): The door is behind us.
Him (OoC): Oh. It is. Is the door flat footed?
Me (OoC): What?!
Him (OoC): I sneak attack the door!
Me (OoC): You're a swashbuckler.
Him (OoC): ... And?
Me (OoC): Are you drunk?!
Him (OoC): I don't tell you how to live your life!

*face palm*

[Inevitability]

Playing as a paladin

This somehow isn't very surprising to me. :smalltongue:

[LoyalPaladin]

This somehow isn't very surprising to me. :smalltongue:
Shocking, I know. :smallwink:

[lastoutkast]

Best thread ever.

[Thurbane]

On OOC intoxication - we regularly have a few ales at each game, but I can't remember if the below story was a result of beverages or just a slip in concentration.

My namesake character (Thurbane the Evoker, back in our 2E days) had become a fairly well known hero by about level 9 or so. Running through a homebrew adventure where where for reasons I can't entirely remember, we were trying to travbel incognito to get some info on the BBEG and his minions. At the local tavern, Thurbane's "disguise" pretty much consisted entirely of having his hooded cloak pulled low over his face. The local inkeep asked me my name, to which I replied:
"Thurbane"
"...err, not that Thurbane?"
Needless to say, pretty much everyone in the tavern then recognised me.
"Hey, it's the hero Thurbane! Three cheers for Thurbane!"

:smallredface: