Interactions Involving Friendly Characters w/ Estranged Players

[Falcii]

Trigger warning. This Discussion is about a social situation. I need advice and have nowhere more legitimate to turn. please humor me. (also i know asking dnd players about relationship advice should be some kindof irony but whatever)

I have got myself in a pretty ... weird situation.
I play DnD with a dude i used to date. He was the dumper, i the dumpee. Without going into details, i had and to a degree still have feelings for him, but its super clear those are going to go unrequited.
Our characters however have a weird chemistry. They interact well, they play well off of each other socially and by chance they kind of fit each others types.

so here i am... role playing having a far more successful relationship than we had, but always playing around the edges of something deeper. Its getting to the point where its making me uncomfortable and sad whenever we have breakaway sessions (occasionally subsets of the party go outside and talk in character if the DM is working with the others, which usually means us). I really don't have a good reason to do so, but i just don't want to subject myself to it anymore. Because part of me wants to dig in and go there and explore the fantasy, but that'd be super inappropriate and at some level would make for some uncomfortable situations, but from a story standpoint (which i have a genuine commitment to) i cannot justify just cutting the other character out of mine own characters inner circle.

i feel super lost over the whole thing. advice would be super welcome.

PS: this is what happens when you build deep and multifaceted characters, they start taking on a life of their own and steering a willful vessel becomes harder and harder the further you go.

[weckar]

So reading that was a bit of a collar-pull moment. Sheesh. Been there, done that, as they say.

I'd hate to be rattling off clichés, but honesty really is the best policy here. If that is not an option (and I really get if it is not), either changing the way you play this character to be more antagonistic towards their character - or playing a different character altogether, would solve the problem more directly. No need to go murdering them, just shift your alignment away from them and let natural arguments do the rest.

[Vizzerdrix]

Eeep. Abort character man! Get iced in a dungeon, reroll a warforged and have deep, meaningful conversations with the tea cups.

Or just tell him (ooc) to put a bit of distance between characters. Let him know you are okay with sharing a group and being buds, but would like a tiny bit more space.

[Name1]

If he's not CE, devote yourself to an Elder Evil if you are not a divine based character. Solves social problems, gives feats and if you get smitten, well, see Vizzerdrix.

[Inevitability]

If he's not CE, devote yourself to an Elder Evil if you are not a divine based character. Solves social problems, gives feats and if you get smitten, well, see Vizzerdrix.

Elder Evils can be lawful too!

Also, if you're a divine caster worshipping one gets even more attractive. Free access to all domains, wooooo!

[Falcii]

I'm a LE Beguiler he's a LE cleric. The campaign is centered around capturing fragments of God's and either returning them or stealing them. We both independently decided to contain them and when I suggested using them for fuel for an engine (I have alot of mechanical background) he basically creamed his jeans at the thought. Devoting to an opposed edit isn't an option lol. Basically the only thing I could do that would upset him is feebleminding innocents (he has problems with taking away humanity) or aligning with a faction that my character despises.

[Fizban]

You're both evil? Clearly you were just being nice so he'd drop his guard, giving you the opportunity to murder him and take full control over the god engine and rule the world on your own. (Probably not actually a good idea but someone had to suggest it).

[Falcii]

You're both evil? Clearly you were just being nice so he'd drop his guard, giving you the opportunity to murder him and take full control over the god engine and rule the world on your own. (Probably not actually a good idea but someone had to suggest it).
Yeahhhhh... I gave him an instant GiB against me should I ever go crazy. My previous character who started some pcpvp and nearly killed the whole party left him feeling antsy about people who could speak telepathically and mess with minds... when I started feebleminding things to dispose of them humanely he got really offended, so to win back his trust I got the GM to give me a ring of spell storing in which I put a single feeblemind which (with dm approval) I preopted to fail the save. If we ever get in combat, he wins and I become the intelligence equivalent of poorly cooked lobster.

[Fizban]

Unless you just make yourself immune via anti-compulsion of choice. Or you could get fancy and pack a Ring of Counterspells with a Feeblemind, the exact mirror counter to the item you gave him as a sign of "trust." It'd work out beautifully if you hadn't got the original as part of deal to increase party cohesion.

[ace rooster]

Tell him that the situation is causing you pain, and needs to change. From there you can work towards a solution that is joseki*.

There are a few possibilities that come to mind:

You can have your characters have a mild falling out. If you don't want to break character, and there is nothing available that you can think of that your characters would fall out over, think of a hypothetical where they would. Ask the DM to warp the world into one where this occurs. This should be enough to prevent the worst of the situations you describe.

Roll up a new character. Not much better than the previous option I'm afraid. This at least can be designed to spend more time with other players, adding in a pull away from the issue.

One of you leaves. Not a great answer, and has the unfortunate flip side that one of you stays. Unless one of you has much stronger ties to the other players, this can lead to resentment. Of note is that each of you trying to force the other out is not joseki, because one of you definitely loses. Two sub options are present here to make it joseki. Firstly, you can trade for it. This is hard to get right, particularly if there is little to trade, or there is a large discrepency in the value each of you place on it. The second is to flip a fair coin.

Both leave. It's main draw is that it is fair. It's main weakness is that nobody wins.

The last option is that the game dissolves. The nuclear option. Can cause resentment in the group. Aim for the option above if this looks likely.


One things to keep in mind is that you dated, which means that you must get on reasonably well. You will probably draw each other in unless you both put in active effort to avoid it.

Lastly, remember that sometimes life doesn't need malice to suck. Sometimes there are no good options. My working definition of courage is the ability to commit to the best option when there are no good ones. I hope that helps.

* joseki: an outcome that is acceptable for all sides. No side should look back and say "I should have done something different". No moves should be based on the assumption of other players playing badly. It is a go term, but I find it very applicable to life, and find it encases very neatly all the important ideas that I want to convey.

[Name1]

Yeahhhhh... I gave him an instant GiB against me should I ever go crazy.

...You know that you don't have to play an idiot to be Evil, right? Characters with positive Int-Mods can be Evil, there are various accounts of that.

With that out of the way, I'll assume you do and have a relevant Ring of Counterspells ready, or even better, a Spellsword keyed to Feeblemind so you can throw it back at him when he uses it. Of course, what follows now is murder, as that would solve your problem the same way it does anywhere else in life. Though I'd only do it ingame, 'cause you know, law is what's in the book and all that...

You could choose Death-by-Runecaster and have him use Scholar's Touch on a book full of Explosive Runes. You could just hire an assassin in-game. If he doesn't have Dark Speech, your character could take it as a feat and then attempt to "teach it" to him. You could bluff the other characters into believing that he raped you, since that's an Evil act that's a pet-peeve to most non-Evil (and even some "Evil-by-cirumstance") people, in which event even you getting Feebleminded could be solved by a partymembers Heal spell. If they don't know you being Evil, you could go the full lenght and claim you are only Evil (when he claims you are or you light up) because he forced you to go along with his plan. That's sorta chaotic, but a single act doesn't make an alignment change. And if it kills you, well, that solves the problem too.

Main point, a character get's removed. It would be better if it's him, but if it's not, the problem's still solved. What matters is that you know you made a mistake and won't do it again next character.

[bean illus]

Uhmmm, back to the OP.

It's hard, but your future happiness depends on it, so i'm going to say it. Grow up.

I am over 50, and have had my share of ups and downs, and the only thing that really works in the long run is to just be the best you can every time. Quit throwing tantrums, worrying about yourself, demanding things be your way, etc.
Let me be clear; i don't know you, and you seem nice, but this is advice i try to remind myself of every day.

We magnetize our future to ourselves with our actions and vibrations. There are no excuses or alternatives. If you want to be happy in your long term future then magnetize that future to you. Be light hearted, understanding, confident, helpful, and sane. You'll be glad you did.

It sounds like you have a very nice chance at stories and friendship, do yourself a favor and enjoy it.

With Sincere Regards
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PS: On the other hand, if you're both evil, then sure, kill him. lol. But do it in goodnatured fun.