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View Full Version : Weirdest things you've ever had to roll for?



Amaril
2016-10-13, 11:46 PM
What are some of the weirdest, craziest rolls you've ever had to make in a game?

My top two currently have to be "roll to conceal erection" and "roll to pretend your phone isn't full of anime theme music". Same game, separate occasions.

Lalliman
2016-10-14, 12:01 AM
The party had to travel through a magical barrier guarded by fey. We asked them what the price of getting through was. Turns out, in this setting, fey can only procreate with mortals, not with each other. So we had to have sex with them. First we rolled for how good the sex was, then for whether we conceived any children. Note that one of the characters was a druid who spent all his time in velociraptor mode. So we had dinosaur-on-fey sexytimes which then, due to a good roll, resulted in successful insemination.

Odd thing is, this wasn't even one of those creepy DMs who fetishize the game. I guess he was going for surrealism, and he succeeded.

Kane0
2016-10-14, 12:43 AM
"Roll to see where you crater and how many undead are destroyed"

"Roll to see what color you turn the prostitute"

"Roll to discern bear-ness"

"I use Detect Magic"
"Roll a Fort save"

"Roll to see who gets a Slaad tadpole"

"Roll to see if your Kamehameha overpowers his"

"Roll to avoid the Mardi Gras incident"

"Roll for mustard"

"Roll to dream"

"Roll to hide the soul gem from the paladin"

All in the same. damned. game.

Edit: Oh wait, I couldn't forget "Roll to see what table to roll on"

Pex
2016-10-14, 12:52 AM
Not weird, just idiotic. Playing Pathfinder, the DM is very much the stickler on opening/breaking doors. If the party doesn't do it his way we will never be able to get through the door or it will take forever. We cannot just "kick in the door". We come across a large pair of iron doors. They are not locked but very heavy and hard to move. To open them would take time and make noise. We don't care. The DM asks us to make Strength checks. I ask if we can Take 20. The DM says no. We roll. We don't make the DC even with using Aid Another to help the strongest character. We try again. Nope. We try again. Nope. And again. No. Why? Because the DC is These Doors Will Not Open Unless Someone Rolls A Natural 20 With Everyone Else Successfully Aiding. Since no one rolled a 20 the doors won't open. Finally tired of the situation, the DM handwaves that after two minutes someone rolls a 20, and the doors open. If only there was a rule to handle such a situation so as to not to waste time making pointless rolls.

Professor Chimp
2016-10-14, 04:35 AM
"Roll an Escape Artist check to worm yourself through the intestines and out of the worms ass"


"Roll to discern bear-ness"To be fair, any game that has discern bear-ness rolls sounds like a good time to me.

Zaydos
2016-10-14, 05:26 AM
"Roll to determine in what bodily cavity the male necromancer's child with the Lovecraftian abomination was gestating" - It was his lung. They were warned not to proposition the Lovecraftian abomination.

DigoDragon
2016-10-14, 05:32 AM
I had a fellow player try to roll for faking a cough. And fail. :smalltongue:

Floret
2016-10-14, 05:38 AM
"Roll to see if you catch the onion that is being thrown at you, while sleeping/Sleepwalking"

I did not roll that myself, but had one of my players roll that. Somehow the magician thought waking up the Warrior from his sleepwalking by throwing stuff at him was a good idea, and the warrior wanted to catch them...

DigoDragon
2016-10-14, 06:47 AM
Edit: Oh wait, I couldn't forget "Roll to see what table to roll on"

There are several tabletop RPGs where that is a real thing for loot tables. :smalltongue:


More weird things I remember rolling for--

Guiding myself through the vacuum of space with a fire extinguisher (and I was playing an android too, if you were wondering about that being a reference).
Rolling initiative for combat while free-falling at about 11,000 feet (The only time someone's skydiving hobby skill ended up making them OP in combat).
And then there was the one time I rolled a crit-success to program the clock on a VCR (hey, those things were complicated back in my day).

Khaiel
2016-10-14, 07:09 AM
FATAL. Enough said.

Grod_The_Giant
2016-10-14, 08:01 AM
At the start of an Exalted game, the GM (jokingly) asked us to roll 1d6 for our position on the Kinsey scale. (ie, how gay are you? Very gay, as it turns out)

MrZJunior
2016-10-14, 08:15 AM
"Pull to befriend the ogre."

This was in a LARP where we were using playing cards.


FATAL. Enough said.

You've actually played FATAL? That's some serious nerd cred.

Khaiel
2016-10-14, 08:19 AM
You've actually played FATAL? That's some serious nerd cred.

I have played it and GM'd it. The first time, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The second time, my players wanted to play it to see if it really was that bad. Those 50 euros were not worth it at all.

Aotrs Commander
2016-10-14, 08:52 AM
I have played it and GM'd it. The first time, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The second time, my players wanted to play it to see if it really was that bad. Those 50 euros were not worth it at all.

You can play FATAL...?

Vinyadan
2016-10-14, 09:07 AM
FATAL. Enough said.

"Roll for anal circumference..." :smallbiggrin:

Cazero
2016-10-14, 09:18 AM
I had a player feel like my lovingly hand-crafted game system gave him enough skill diversity to waste one in decorative cake frosting (probably a reference to this (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/GuestStrips.html)). He ended up using it to blow the cover of an assassin.

Segev
2016-10-14, 09:29 AM
I had a player feel like my lovingly hand-crafted game system gave him enough skill diversity to waste one in decorative cake frosting (probably a reference to this (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/GuestStrips.html)). He ended up using it to blow the cover of an assassin.

Oh, no, no, no no. You don't get to leave us hanging without the details on that gem. Please do elaborate, good sir!

Cazero
2016-10-14, 10:09 AM
Well, the story isn't that interesting. Unless that's a "my life is boring" bias.
Shadowrun-style of game (even though I never played any actual Shadowrun). The party was guarding VIPs in a high class hotel. Room service shows up.
My system works on training penalty (don't have the specialised training? eat a major skill penalty) and has a synergy rule (you got a proxy training? congrats, your penalty is reduced), so since the player modified skill was above 0 (the minimum possible) he used it to inspect the patisserie on display on the chariot and rolled pretty well.
Turns out the assassin took the place of a real groom in a hurry and that would have shaken the chariot at some point, wich would have ruined some of the delicate cakes and the clean-up required would still have a visible impact. So I answered "It doesn't look luxurious enough for the hotel you're in." It made them suspicious enough to further their questioning and notice the "groom" was hiding a gun in a chest pocket.

Pugwampy
2016-10-14, 10:49 AM
If i wrote it on a public board , the moderator would probably give me a wrist slap . :smallbiggrin:

dascarletm
2016-10-14, 12:44 PM
You want to roll to see if you transform into a werewolf when you climax?
Roll to... not... just... alright fine, just roll okay?

Roll to passive aggressive.

Roll to roll.

Roll to see what campaign I run today.

digiman619
2016-10-14, 12:50 PM
I had a fellow player try to roll for faking a cough. And fail. :smalltongue:

One of those situations where in trying to fake a cough caused himself to choke and almost cough up one of his lungs, huh?

Segev
2016-10-14, 01:16 PM
Well, the story isn't that interesting. Unless that's a "my life is boring" bias.
Shadowrun-style of game (even though I never played any actual Shadowrun). The party was guarding VIPs in a high class hotel. Room service shows up.
My system works on training penalty (don't have the specialised training? eat a major skill penalty) and has a synergy rule (you got a proxy training? congrats, your penalty is reduced), so since the player modified skill was above 0 (the minimum possible) he used it to inspect the patisserie on display on the chariot and rolled pretty well.
Turns out the assassin took the place of a real groom in a hurry and that would have shaken the chariot at some point, wich would have ruined some of the delicate cakes and the clean-up required would still have a visible impact. So I answered "It doesn't look luxurious enough for the hotel you're in." It made them suspicious enough to further their questioning and notice the "groom" was hiding a gun in a chest pocket.

Hah, nice! Thanks for sharing that. :smallsmile:

AnBe
2016-10-14, 05:03 PM
"Roll to see if the Ogre you summoned has a Mohawk or not"

sktarq
2016-10-14, 05:08 PM
Roll for bat rumour mill accuracy

Roll for what color shirt you wore this evening

Roll vs dinosaur (during a LARP-set in modern California-i think the reactions of a group of people wandering by is what makes this one so good in my memory-wondering how we were fighting a dinosaur when we had been sent to get a ruby)

Roll to see where your torso lands

FATAL-I don't discuss that night

Cluedrew
2016-10-14, 06:55 PM
Well I was the GM in this situation but:

"What's the roll for awkward flirting?"
"...I have no idea."

Dimers
2016-10-14, 10:19 PM
Roll to accidentally create a coffee-and-poetry chainstore empire based in medieval Switzerland.

Inspector Valin
2016-10-15, 04:29 AM
Roll to Overcome Gravity. :smallbiggrin:

kraftcheese
2016-10-15, 08:29 AM
"Roll to see if the Ogre you summoned has a Mohawk or not"


https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTMzwHNgmqFsVb1AOvxx4bVgcbwjcXox nSm52gWwEVSDn6SrQl2hfQCkhtF (https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTMzwHNgmqFsVb1AOvxx4bVgcbwjcXox nSm52gWwEVSDn6SrQl2hfQCkhtF)

Keltest
2016-10-15, 09:32 AM
Roll to see if you can telepathically control the swarm of flies attracted by your stink cloud.

Turns out, I could!

DigoDragon
2016-10-15, 02:46 PM
One of those situations where in trying to fake a cough caused himself to choke and almost cough up one of his lungs, huh?

It somehow ended up with the head chef choking on something he was badly allergic too, resulting in anaphylactic shock and an argument over whether the Epipen would break kosher rules or if we should just wait and see if he'd recover on his own. Turns out Epipens are not filled with pork and cheese (we had a lot of failed rolls that scene).

Inevitability
2016-10-15, 02:54 PM
You want to roll to see if you transform into a werewolf when you climax?
Roll to... not... just... alright fine, just roll okay?

It's not bestiality as long as they're human when the sex starts! :smalltongue:

Chijinda
2016-10-15, 03:50 PM
"Roll for sexual proficiency."

Draconium
2016-10-15, 04:20 PM
It's not bestiality as long as they're human when the sex starts! :smalltongue:

:smalleek:

That's enough Internets for me today.

gooddragon1
2016-10-15, 06:48 PM
1- "Roll for profession: trolling"
2- "Nat 20."
1- "He mad."

I had extra skill ranks. What else was I supposed to spend them on?

LooseCannoneer
2016-10-15, 06:58 PM
I've recorded the weirdest things I've said over my last campaign. Here's some of the highlights:

"You dropped him over Mauna Kea not during a meteor shower! Of course I'm rolling to see if anyone notices a decapitated body burning in the atmosphere!"

"Roll for how drunk your robot decoy is."

"Please just pick up the dice and roll for the quality of your viking impression."

"Roll for inebriation incineration."

"What do the dice think about your car's survival?"

"I'm rolling to see how many weapons they're pointing at you. 12. Have fun."

"Roll for how quickly you notice the falling nuke."

"Roll for the amount of radiation the particle accelerator is producing. *Player rolls* Well, my mother always told me not to play in the LHC, and now I know why."

KillianHawkeye
2016-10-15, 07:03 PM
In an otherwise normal game of D&D, I once had to roll to determine my character's ovulation cycle. Ended up getting pregnant, too. :smallredface:

Dunsparce
2016-10-16, 03:59 AM
Jokingly rolling a seduction check... for a Giant Space Hamster. vs a human Bodyguard of a Casino we wanted to go all Oceans 11 on. It succeeded.

Luckily nothing bad happened to the hamster, we immediately knocked the guy out when he was led to the hotel room. And we decided in character to scrub the event from our minds.

MrZJunior
2016-10-16, 05:32 AM
1- "Roll for profession: trolling"
2- "Nat 20."
1- "He mad."

I had extra skill ranks. What else was I supposed to spend them on?

I like the idea that someone, somewhere is paying you to be a troll.

ReaderAt2046
2016-10-16, 08:00 AM
Let's see, I have on various occasions:

1. Made a Will save to not be healed by another PC and die of my wounds. (I knew that if I survived, the other PC would rip out my soul and damn me to hell).

2. Made (and failed) rolls to realized IC that something was a terrible idea. (the character I was playing was a lot less intelligent than I was).

3. Okay, this one's going to take some explanation. In one of my more recent campaigns, my character hated werewolves. Like really hated them. About halfway through, a new PC joined the party, and she was a werewolf. She knew about my character's hatred, so she kept it secret (It helped that she'd been sent to join the party by an old friend of my PC, so I was actively refusing to believe she could have been a werewolf). So we get to the final battle. The BBEG is one step away from touching the McGuffin Of Ultimate Power and ending the world. In order to stop him, the other PC has to turn into her werewolf form to tackle him. It's my turn, and I can either stab the BBEG and save the world, or stab the werewolf and probably end the world. After about a minute OOC, I roll a Will save to not instinctively turn on the werewolf.

Tiktakkat
2016-10-16, 12:51 PM
Weirdest situation:

I was running A2 Secrets of the Slavers Stockade.
The PCs had made a bit too much noise and had to cross the courtyard to get to the main base.
They decided to put wheels on the rogue modron, hitch him to a horse, and ride him like a chariot across the courtyard.
Once there, they faced a pack of hobgoblins with an ogre.
The crazed halfing wanted to use his sickles to scale the ogre and attack his head.
So:

roll to turn modron into chariot
roll to hitch modron to horse
roll to ride modron-chariot
roll to "climb" ogre

The roll to attack the ogre was totally mundane at that point.

(They failed the chariot roll, made the hitching roll so the modron got dragged, made the ride roll so the Halfling "surfed" the modron across the courtyard, then nat-20 to climb and nat-20 to decapitate, making that the weirdest scene I have ever DMed.)

JBPuffin
2016-10-16, 10:18 PM
Roll to see where in the world Carmen Sandiego is at this moment and if the nuke will reach there.

Draconium
2016-10-16, 10:22 PM
"I roll to disbelieve the fourth wall!"
*Natural 20*

Misereor
2016-10-17, 05:31 AM
"Roll save versus being hit by falling flowerpot on rainy thursday"

2nd Ed. AD&D had just come out, and it had a "design your own character class" chapter.
Bought +2 save against something, but couldn't decide what to choose.
DM got tired of waiting and chose for me, and I complained "but that's never gonna happen".
But it did.
Repeatedly.
For the entire campaign.

Cespenar
2016-10-17, 06:05 AM
-Four rolls for four deep gnomes to hold on to an Earth Elemental's each member while it can travel and fight.

-Roll to see which arm you lose to the dragon's bite.

-Roll for common sense. Which happens to be the most useful roll of them all.

TeChameleon
2016-10-18, 06:40 AM
Don't know if it was amazingly weird or anything, but it was certainly not a roll you end up making often-

"Roll to determine the climate of the flying continent you're creating."

That was quite the campaign finale...

NecroDancer
2016-10-18, 07:08 AM
Roll for moonwalk

Roll to see how well you can angle you pee

shadow_archmagi
2016-10-18, 09:21 AM
A successful "Roll to spill soy coffee on Troll Michael Bay" scored us like ten thousand nuyen once.

MrZJunior
2016-10-18, 12:42 PM
2. Made (and failed) rolls to realized IC that something was a terrible idea. (the character I was playing was a lot less intelligent than I was).


Every so often I will come up with a plan so spectacularly destructive or stupid that my GM will have me make a wisdom saving throw to not go through with it. Every time this happens I look him in the eye and say "you can deliberately fail a saving throw, right?" My party does not find this very amusing.

Zaydos
2016-10-18, 12:51 PM
I didn't think Saving Throw versus Stupid or Common Sense checks counted as weird things to roll. They're pretty common.

Oh I had a player roll to stuff the soul of a sliver into a dying god once. Another rolled to aid. They both failed their common sense checks on that one.

ChaoticDitz
2016-10-18, 12:57 PM
"Roll a Fort save. If you fail, you turn into a horrible snake monster. If you pass, you just die."

"... What?"

Inevitability
2016-10-18, 01:01 PM
"Roll a Fort save. If you fail, you turn into a horrible snake monster. If you pass, you just die."

"... What?"

Gotta love Tainted One mixture, right?

Hunter Noventa
2016-10-18, 01:09 PM
"Roll to see if your magical Voltron penetrates the barrier around the magical tower at the center of the world"

"Roll to see if you overpower the god-like abomination with a weapon made only of your blazing spirit"

Not exactly what was said, but close enough. Same game, even.

"Roll to convince the prostitute that you actually are a spy and are not just roleplaying"

Aembrosia
2016-10-18, 06:49 PM
Roll to kick over a chest full of dead demon babies.

Khi'Khi
2016-10-18, 07:41 PM
Rolling for pregnancy is always fun. A PC has a night of fun at the inn only to be surprised nine months later with a bassinet on his doorstep

Vknight
2016-10-23, 10:56 AM
From a Call of Cthulhu campaign; Roll for-
-The amount of eggs it lays inside your still twitching corpse
-Which for arm you cut off with that attack
-Noticing your crippling depression
-The dog breed that attacks you
-Convincing the Nobles to make that woman your serf

From a Dragon Age Campaign; Roll for-
-Pregnancy then roll a 1d6+3 for how many kids(They got 9; that poor elf)
-Making it so you can speak to your pet wolf(the wolf was the father from the previous line)
-Seeing if the prince realizes your a guy or not(The prince didn't care, but also didn't find out)
-If you land on the jagged stones sticking up or the jagged edge of the icy cliff or onto that 4 feet of snow hiding a jagged boulder

From a Base Raiders Campaign; Roll for-
-If the blood splatter gets into any civilians mouths(Super strength does bad things to people especially when the person using it swings a sledgehammer)
-If the body drifts out to sea or back onto the beach
-Stealing the files on making Trout Piranha hybrids

From a Spy Campagin(Also my current campaign, and further they are only 1 session in); Roll for-
-Strapping a block of C4 to the monster and tackling it out of the window without falling out yourself
-Dropping the bomb into a Klu Klux Klan rally
-Getting the cat off of the hood of your car
-Not breaking your disguise when you realize they are not anti-vaccine's
-Finding a way to not be nominated as the new Grand Wizard
-Breaking into the police chiefs office
-Realize that you have no forensic skills and need to sneak out of the police chiefs office and have someone else sneak in with those skills
-grappling the cat to try and store it in the vent

Remedy
2016-10-23, 11:15 AM
Rolling for pregnancy is always fun. A PC has a night of fun at the inn only to be surprised nine months later with a bassinet on his doorstep
Outsider pregnancy rates make it even more fun. Nothing quite like playing in a sequel campaign and finding out... Well, remember that old plot event that was so personally awful that it led your previous PC to dedicate her entire immortal life to making sure it could never happen to anyone else? Yeah, your old PC had the BBEG's baby.

Segev
2016-10-24, 10:33 AM
Rolling for pregnancy is always fun. A PC has a night of fun at the inn only to be surprised nine months later with a bassinet on his doorstep

Even more fun if she is surprised 9 months later by a bassinet on her doorstep.

Strigon
2016-10-24, 01:59 PM
My friends and I went through a period of designing our own P&P games. We had one Star Wars one, and when we were running through space combat, 2 starfighters overlapped in their paths. I jokingly suggested that we should roll for a collision. Natural twenty, and I was out an A-wing. Lost to a TIE Fighter; not the best trade.
Another time we designed a Dwarf Fortress Tabletop Game. Didn't last very long because we were brutally murdered (Imagine that), but we had to roll to see who would come down with a Strange Mood, which body part was mauled by a lion, and (in a related incident) whether the neighbouring humans would accept a lion cub as tribute.

sengmeng
2016-10-24, 02:37 PM
penis size. Probably not that weird by itself, but it was 1d20. On a halfling.

Inevitability
2016-10-24, 02:54 PM
penis size. Probably not that weird by itself, but it was 1d20. On a halfling.

Halflings: the ducks of humanoids.