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View Full Version : 101 fun things to find in a Sci Fi cargo crate



Blackhawk748
2016-10-21, 09:05 PM
Ill be running a Sci Fi game and i need a list of random sci fi stuff to put in salvage ships. The tech level is Firefly style, so its solid projectile weapons for the most part.


Pre Packaged Food
Weapons
A mess of tangled wires
MREs

Tohron
2016-10-21, 09:11 PM
5. Seedy-looking instructions to hidden treasure.
6. A 2400 page treatise on the distribution of iron oxide content in medieval-era European cooking pots.
7. A handwritten request for money from a "Nigerian Prince".
8. A laser gun. Laser is powerful enough to show a red dot on the wall, and not much more.

Velaryon
2016-10-21, 09:34 PM
9. Spy drone
10. Holographic projector
11. Medicine vials
12. Exotic animals (alive or dead)

Fri
2016-10-21, 09:42 PM
13. A million live chicken, cryogenically frozen for transport, and back to active the instant you open the crate.

Mastikator
2016-10-21, 11:03 PM
14. A spool of room temperature superconductor wire
15. A vial of alien proteins
16. A cybernetic brain
17. Parts of a powered armor suit
18. Asteroid rock
19. Comet snow/ice
20. The embryo of a genetically engineered animal/human in a synthetic womb
21. Food made from aliens animals and plants
22. Food made of an alien civilization
23. Ingots of rare earth elements mined in space (like iridium or neodymium)
24. Sealed containers containing the equivalent of the F.E.V virus
25. Cheese made from human milk
26. A crystalline silicon based life form (plant like)
27. A blob of inert grey goo


13. A million live chicken, cryogenically frozen for transport, and back to active the instant you open the crate.

Also works with snakes. :smallbiggrin:

Dragonexx
2016-10-21, 11:14 PM
28. A holo-projector containing footage that would probably get you arrested if it was known you had it.
29. An experimental gun that causes severe bowel distress in it's targets.
30. The unique parts necessary to activate a legendary starcraft.
31. A substance that is simultaneously edible food, high-powered explosive, and efficient fuel.
32. A plasma bomb about to detonate.
33. A gigantic insect that is both live and angry.
34. An invitation to an exclusive party hosted by a wealthy and hedonistic crime lord.
35. Nothing.
36. Nothing (or is there?)
37. A thriving colony of miniature aliens.
38. A sample of a deadly disease.

BootStrapTommy
2016-10-21, 11:24 PM
39. Big ol' box of dildos.

Kami2awa
2016-10-22, 04:08 AM
40. A functional cloaking device. Unfortunately it is switched on, so the crate looks empty.

Mutazoia
2016-10-22, 04:23 AM
41. A fully functional Android. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdz5gsRkbxw)

Vizzerdrix
2016-10-22, 06:55 AM
Collectable replicas from another sci fi setting.
Functional collectable replicas from another sci fi setting.
Damaged and poorly made action figures that almost resemble the pcs.

TheTeaMustFlow
2016-10-22, 09:04 AM
44. Apples - like, real, actual Earth apples.
45. ...Something. You're not really sure what it is. But it's beeping.
46. Keys to the Drop Zone.
47. Tartan Fluid.
48. Grid Squares.
49. A Flight Stick Actuator.
50. Elbow Grease
51. The last Stradivarius.
52. The last Rembrandt.
53. The last Emin (not quite as valuable as the previous two)

Spore
2016-10-22, 09:50 AM
54. Blinker fluid, complete with a convincing treatiser on why spaceships need both blinker fluid AND blinkers in the first place.

Berenger
2016-10-22, 10:18 AM
55. Twenty disassembled cargo crates.
56. A stowaway.
57. Nerf guns.
58. Human organs.
59. Silken lingerie.
60. Drugs (10% chance of hidden tracking transmitter placed by nearest law enforcement agency).

Bohandas
2016-10-22, 11:32 AM
61. Alien food. Inedible to humans.
62. Circuit diagrams/robot pornography
63. Klein bottles
64. VR headsets
65. Medical equipmemt
66. Smart rings
67. Sporting goods
68. A mysterious (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulp_Fiction) glow (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repo_Man_(film))
69. Copies of a new Tupac album
70. Memory cards
71. The Blob

Squiddish
2016-10-22, 04:04 PM
72. A genetically modified creature, cryogenically frozen. It shapeshifts into an exact replica of the first living thing to touch it.
73. A single, pure white, freshly-washed sock. Never, ever explain why it's there.
74. The crate contains another crate. On further inspection a) it's the same crate and b) it's a hypercube.
75. A small film of a green material. Any creature, whether terrestrial or not, that eats this or breathes the fumes for more than ten minutes is permanently turned green and can only be turned back by (pick one) magical restoration/an exotic medicine/divine intervention.

InvisibleBison
2016-10-22, 04:35 PM
76. A data storage device containing some highly encrypted data. Is it valuable? Who knows?
77. Metal ingots.
78. Babies!

Spore
2016-10-22, 05:03 PM
79. The strongest hallucinogen in the galaxy: table salt (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Arcona/Legends)

Bohandas
2016-10-22, 05:29 PM
80.) Plutonium
81.) Canisters of compressed radon
82.) volatile chemicals

Calen
2016-10-22, 06:17 PM
83. Dongles
84. Widgets
85. A book titled Players Handbook: (insert title of your system here)

ComradeBear
2016-10-22, 06:51 PM
86: A robot built to pass butter. It feels existential crisis about this.

87: Fusion batteries

88: (if psychics are a thing) Highly psycho-reactive crystals. They extend the range of telepathy, make precognition a bit clearer, explode when moved telepathically, and if teleported.... you don't wanna know what happens if you teleport them. Just know that every psychic on the planet will be in a lot of pain, if not dead.

89: Chemical weapons.

90:.Biological samples.

91: Ship toilets.

92: A comms relay

93: A whole bunch of mascot costumes for the most popular snack company in the system.

94: Dehydrated soybeef.

95: Rehydrated beefsoy.

Bohandas
2016-10-22, 09:04 PM
96.) Blood samples
97.) Sprockets
98.) Dehydrated water
99.) DVDs of Futurama
100.) Eyeballs for transplantation
101.) Plans for the Death Star
102.) Cloned dinosaurs
103.) Spice melange cut with Tang
104.) Advertisement flyers for a hotel run by a featureless black monolith
105.) A battleaxe with a laser for a blade

EDIT:
Products from throwaway gags on Futurama:

106.) Aracno-spores: the fatal spore with the funny name.
107.) Glagnars Human Rinds: Its a buncha muncha cruncha human
108.) Thompsons Teeth: the only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth
109.) Molten boron

EDIT:

110.) Copies of The Book of the SubGenius
111.) A solarinite bomb
112.) A corbomite bomb
113.) DEVO energy dome hats
114.) hygiene products for creatures with alien anatomy and physiology
115.) Edison phonograph cylinders. The hipster music crowd insists that the sound quality is better than digital.
116.) Personal teleporters

EDIT:

117.) Canned air
118.) Superman crystals
119.) Proton packs
120.) Liquid schwartz

EDIT:

121.) Self-sealing stem bolts
122.) Soylent green
123.) A laser gun inexplicably shaped like a composite longbow
124.) An enormous diamond

Kami2awa
2016-10-23, 01:20 PM
125. Jesus. Have you found him?
126. Bacon burgers.
127. A crate-replicating machine.
128. A crate-moving device.
129. A label maker, in its original unopened packaging.
130. The ship's cat, which leaps out to ruin the tension of the scene.

FabulousFizban
2016-10-23, 03:56 PM
131) Self Sealing Stem-bolts

Bohandas
2016-10-23, 07:10 PM
132.) Kryptonite
133.) Dilithium crystals
134.) Another smaller crate
135.) cybernetic hands
136.) promotional drink cups
137.) Illudium q-36 explosive space-modulators

Professor Chimp
2016-10-24, 06:19 AM
138. A depressed robot named Marvin.
139. A triggerhappy Martian, also named Marvin.
140. Both of the above. In the same crate.
141. A full set of all 1978 12 back Star Wars action figures in mint condition unopened packaging.
142. A crateload of lightsabers. They're really just fancy glowsticks for sweet rave parties tho.

JAL_1138
2016-10-24, 06:45 AM
143: A brain-damaged psychic human female with positively frightening hand-to-hand combat skills, who is the younger sister of the ship's medic.

Lord Gehnvaar
2016-10-24, 07:34 AM
Dried paint, cans and cans of useless dried paint

Beleriphon
2016-10-24, 10:00 AM
144. Dried paint, cans and cans of useless dried paint

145. A batch of xenalene
146. A cyrbike
147. A brand new Data Circulator Tool
148. Five-hundred Comprehensive Dream Possessor Interfaces
149. A disassembled Reinforced Pet Teleporter Matrix

Grand Arbiter
2016-10-24, 10:51 AM
143: A brain-damaged psychic human female with positively frightening hand-to-hand combat skills, who is the younger sister of the ship's medic.

150: A mechanical lightning bug capable of traveling at interstellar speeds. :smallwink:

Hunter Noventa
2016-10-24, 12:39 PM
131) Self Sealing Stem-bolts

Love it.

151: All of the Holographic Foil Charizard Pokemon Cards. ALL OF THEM.
152: Singing and Dancing Vocaloid Plushies
153: Anime Body Pillows meant for Omicron Persei 8
154: A Microscopic Space Fleet
155: Towels
156: Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses
157: Dozens of Paintings of Robots playing Poker

goto124
2016-10-27, 09:13 AM
13. A million live chicken, cryogenically frozen for transport, and back to active the instant you open the crate.

158. A strange microchip that embeds deeply into the wrist of whoever touches it first. Whenever the person attempts to take an item out of a container, flip a coin. If it turns up tails, the person takes out a chicken instead.

MrZJunior
2016-10-27, 10:06 AM
159. Prince Albert, you'd better let him out!
160. A cookbook personalized for whoever opens the crate.
161. Another, slightly smaller crate, inside that an even smaller crate, eventually the crates get so small they become microscopic with no end in sight.

iceman10058
2016-10-30, 09:34 PM
162. A remote with a blinking light and button, that randomly explodes something else in the universe at random.

Fishybugs
2016-10-31, 03:32 PM
163: A list of 101 items which were supposed to be in the box.
164: Andy Kaufman

JAL_1138
2016-10-31, 05:19 PM
165: A shipment of highly-illegal and highly-valuable glitterstim spice...which is ruined by exposure to light, and hasn't been packed in opaque bags within the crate.

Tohron
2016-10-31, 09:33 PM
166. A two-inch diamond meticulously sculpted into the shape of a rude hand gesture.

Batou1976
2016-10-31, 11:55 PM
167. Rubbery blue bricks of... some unknown substance. If anyone thinks to try, the blocks are indeed edible and nutritious, if not particularly tasty. They turn your poop blue for 2d4 days.

168. An entire cargo hold full of 55 gal industrial waste drums filled with New Coke. The drums are corroded and leaking sticky syrup into the hold.

169. Boxes of uncrushed, vintage "E.T. for the Atari 2600" cartridges. Some have multiple price stickers on them, starting at the original price of $59.99, and going down from there to a final clearance sale price of $0.50.

170. A crate full of unpackaged, um, "adult novelties". May or may not have been used. :smalleek:

171. A musical instrument case labeled "Rusty's trombone"

172. A drown-healing 1st aid kit

173. All season/episodes of Jerry Springer on Blu-Ray

174. Foam-packed glass jars containing human brains preserved in brine. Some of the jars have leaked. Opening the crate releases a foul stench, requiring a Con save (or your game's equivalent) to not barf.

175. The Autobot Matrix of Leadership

176. 3 tons of loose Chessex speckled polyhedral dice

177. Pelican® cases containing mint-condition M41A pulse rifles (never fired, only dropped once :smallbiggrin: ) (OK, so they're "like-new" rather than "mint" :smallannoyed: )

178. hundreds of iPhone 3GS's, all with cracked screens. None of them will turn on (batteries are dead).

179. A plastic crate containing a 200lb bag of chicken n dumplings. The "sell by" date expired 15 years ago.

180. Optimus Prime

181. The entire run of the FOURTH printing of FATAL (Revised 5th Edition); the containers are marked with a radiological warning emblem

182. Monkeys. Lots and lots and LOTS of monkeys. (Alive or dead- 50% chance of either)

183. An exact replica of Lady Gaga's meat dress, vacuum sealed for freshness

184. One dozen brand new, never activated R2 units (assorted colors!)

185. An entire dumpster's worth of raggedy, stained, smelly Converse hi-tops (left foot only) (assorted colors!)

186. 40 lb bags of splorgak manure, labeled as fertilizer (no one has any idea what a splorgak is); the manure is emerald green and smells like pine needles and dead skunks

187. Buckets of wood pulp for making paper

188. Boxes of hundreds of Bob Stachowiak*™ of the 10th Dimension!® action figures; no one has any idea who Bob Stachowiak* is supposed to be, or why there's an asterisk on the end of his name.

189. Glittery costume mermaid tails (assorted colors!)

190. 5 tons of loose capacitors, resistors, inductors, rheostats, 555 timers, Pentiums, and other assorted electronic components. ALL of it has been crushed and broken up, as though having been in a blender on liquefy

191. Boxes of playing cards labeled "The Deck of Many Things"

192. Binders, folders, boxes, etc full of loose sheets of paper, all written on. If the characters look long enough, they will find character sheets of themselves, statted for d20 Modern

193. A robotic dolphin (missing its BIOS chip and with no operating system installed)

194. As above, but with OS (Windows 15 [3rd Millenium Edition, service packs 1,3,4, and 7]) and programmed to be afraid of water

195. Buckets of steam

196. Retail packaged Left Handed Spatulas®

197. A lasagna-pasta stretching machine

198. Shakespeare's bones (or are they...?)

199. $2M worth of Applied Phlebotinum

200. Coordinates to the final resting place of the Hypnotoad

201. A workable method for dividing by zero

202. the last known copy of the Lazer Collection #8

203. a way to settle the age-old "less filling/ tastes great" argument

204. A video file detailing where the beef is

205. enough Lego bricks to build a two man lean-to shelter

206. burned props from the set of the Twilight movies

207. hundreds of bottles of balsamic vinegar

208. Waldo

209. Dr. Octogonapus (BLAAAAAAA)

210. All the people who've ever been abducted by Candlejack, stored in WERTJUKgtuk

Berenger
2016-11-01, 11:48 AM
172. A drown-healing 1st aid kit

https://abload.de/img/bactabrs14.jpg

Vizzerdrix
2016-11-01, 03:08 PM
173. All season/episodes of Jerry Springer on Blu-Ray



You miss read the title. OP wanted FUN things. :smalltongue:

Batou1976
2016-11-01, 03:37 PM
https://abload.de/img/bactabrs14.jpg

I was actually picturing a bucket of water with that.... but hey, that works, too. :thog:



You miss read the title. OP wanted FUN things.

Surely you can think of ways that might be fun, even if watching the show itself is not. :smallwink:

iceman10058
2016-11-01, 05:20 PM
A left handed smoke sifter, no instructions.

Max_Killjoy
2016-11-01, 11:00 PM
211. A left hand.
212. An eye.

Batou1976
2016-11-02, 12:12 AM
211. A left hand.
212. An eye.

Possibly formerly belonging to Vecna...? :smalleek:

Max_Killjoy
2016-11-02, 12:14 AM
Possibly formerly belonging to Vecna...? :smalleek:

We'll find out in the sequel.

Zaydos
2016-11-02, 02:37 AM
213. A sufficiently advanced alien.
214. A genetic recoder
215. Your own clone who has your memories up to the 3rd week of the voyage.

Darth Tom
2016-11-02, 03:13 AM
216: water chips
217: Garden of Eden Creation Kit (starter pack - a handful of corn kernels)
218: packing note from Vault-Tek stating that as the above are out of stock, they have been substituted with packing peanuts
219: 4,681 irradiated haggis
220: an item the party desperately need, in a box labelled "Alpha Complex R&D"

khadgar567
2016-11-02, 05:09 AM
221: exotic alien slave girl conditioned to serve who opened the create for her life time

JAL_1138
2016-11-02, 09:45 AM
You miss read the title. OP wanted FUN things. :smalltongue:

According to Dwarf Fortress, "losing is fun."

MrStabby
2016-11-02, 10:01 AM
222: A guide to personal hygiene in zero gravity

CharonsHelper
2016-11-02, 10:02 AM
223. A long list of cool things which could have been in the crate in place of the list.

Bohandas
2016-11-02, 12:23 PM
https://abload.de/img/bactabrs14.jpg

224.) Legos

Batou1976
2016-11-05, 04:23 AM
225. A Futurama-style preserved head of Yakov Smirnoff

Bohandas
2016-11-05, 01:21 PM
226.) Instant monster pills (like in a Marvin the Martian cartoon)
227.) tasers
228.) halloween costumes of space aliens
229.) Halloween costumes for space aliens
230.) The Mugwump typewriter from Naked Lunch

EDIT:
231.) Old-fashioned musicboxes. Hipsters swear they have better sound quality than digital.

EDIT:
232.) A dodo bird or some other animal made un-extinct by widespread cloning

EDIT:
233.) The Zeppo Tube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXHcSBhfkx8) (aka the "Zeppelin Tube" "Tube From Heaven" or "Useless tool")
234.) Sonic screwdrivers, swiss army knives, and golden hammers (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_hammer)

JAL_1138
2016-11-05, 08:38 PM
235: A box labeled "Universal Repair Kit" containing a Leatherman pocket multitool, a can of WD-40, and a roll of duct tape.

Cluedrew
2016-11-05, 09:12 PM
To JAL_1138: What's the multitool for?
Ask Yourself:
Does it move?
-Yes:
--Should It?
---Yes: No problem
---No: Apply Duct Tap
-No
--Should It?
---Yes: Apply WD-40
---No: No problem

... Consider this 236.

JAL_1138
2016-11-05, 09:36 PM
To JAL_1138: What's the multitool for?
Ask Yourself:
Does it move?
-Yes:
--Should It?
---Yes: No problem
---No: Apply Duct Tap
-No
--Should It?
---Yes: Apply WD-40
---No: No problem

... Consider this 236.

I love that flowchart. As for the Leatherman, sometimes you need pliers or screwdrivers to move the thing that's supposed to move when it's working optimally; the WD-40 lets it move so you can do so. And sometimes you need a knife to cut or trim the duct tape.

Bohandas
2016-11-05, 10:06 PM
237.) Those element stones from The Fifth Element
238.) Gemini Croquettes. Start your day the healthy way. The perfect meal for a perfect world.

Batou1976
2016-11-05, 10:37 PM
239. Recycled food- "it's good for the environment, and okay for you!"

240. Evaporated mail-order bride/ husband (just add water)

Bohandas
2016-11-06, 01:06 AM
241.) A sentient toaster
242.) bouncy rubber balls that spill out everywhere if the crate is opened from the side
243.) hoverboard brand scooters
244.) actual hoverboards
245.) shoes for aliens with strangely shaped feet
246.) Alien pornography
247.) Binsky's Nuclear Beer
248.) A graven image of deceased golfing legend Arnold Palmer
249.) A pinwheel-like device and a thick instruction manual explaining its purpose as a weapon along with convoluted instructions for it's use
250.) old-fashioned tobacco pipes
251.) A shining black and red irregular trapezohedron
252.) DVDs of "My Little Pony"
253.) Micro-SD cards
254.) Synthetic bear bile (this is a real thing (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ursodeoxycholic_acid) BTW)
255.) Shirts for creatures with more than two arms
256.) dilithium crystals
257.) The Holy Grail
258.) The Ark of the Covenant
259.) Containers of pure monosodium glutamate (MSG)

Batou1976
2016-11-06, 01:49 AM
260. cartons of vintage SPAM (i.e. was originally canned during WWII)

Max_Killjoy
2016-11-06, 09:59 AM
261... has anyone suggested an ornate puzzle box?

Bohandas
2016-11-06, 11:48 AM
262.) Comicbooks
263.) Camera drones

DuctTapeKatar
2016-11-06, 04:56 PM
264. A skull (To be, or not to be!)

265. .A black hole

266. A white hole

267. Pornography for robots and AI

268. AI used for pornography

269. A Spartan

270. An ancient Greek Spartan warrior, in suspended animation.

271. A rotting body in ancient Greek Spartan armor.

276. Puppies!

277. Kittens!

278. A person looking into a box containing a person looking into a box containing a person looking into a box...

JAL_1138
2016-11-06, 05:08 PM
279: A box containing a parallel universe.

280: A box containing the setting's universe.

281: A box of assorted Futurama jokes.

TeChameleon
2016-11-06, 08:41 PM
282. The PCs never find out; any attempts to open the box are countered almost immediately by a force greater than anything the PCs can do to counteract, and the lid is slammed shut again. Also, the box is completely opaque to any sensors they can bring to bear on it.

283. The DeLorean from the Back to the Future movies, but with a handwritten note reading 'I.O.U. 1 Flux Capacitor' where the Flux Capacitor should be. It is otherwise functional, including the flight circuits and the Mr. Fusion reactor.

Bohandas
2016-11-06, 09:04 PM
284.) Dirt from Dracula's grave

285.) A selection of the mutagenic beers and liquors from the game Wasted

theasl
2016-11-06, 11:41 PM
286: A print-out of a centuries-old forum thread called "101 fun things to find in a Sci Fi cargo crate"...

Bohandas
2016-11-07, 01:49 AM
287.) fireworks
288.) crowbars
289.) the Cargo Shipping Crate home game
290.) glass klein bottles
291.) settl penrose tribars

EDIT:
292.) a wizard staff made out of lasers and plasma like a lightsaber

Batou1976
2016-11-07, 04:22 AM
293. 1,000 Gandalf action figures (from the Peter Jackson films); all of them are missing the pointy hat, despite the toys being NIB and the packaging shows no signs at all of tampering.

294. a diverse and sundry assortment of car parts; knowledgeable individuals might discern a functioning 1967 Chevrolet Impala can be assembled from the parts in the crate... IF a factory assembly manual can be found (very difficult)

295. two coffins; the cargo manifest will show they are for a D. Winchester and S. Winchester. If opened, the coffins are each found to contain a human skeleton which has obviously been burned, as well as trace amounts of a white, granular substance which lab tests will show to be sodium chloride crystals.

JAL_1138
2016-11-07, 05:53 AM
296: A recording that shows that the interplanetary government conducted covert tests of an aggression-reducing chemical on the general public of a small colony world; the chemical caused most of the colonists to lay down and die as if they hadd OD'd on a narcotic, but turned a small population of survivors into hyperaggressive cannibals instead.

Hunter Noventa
2016-11-07, 12:43 PM
297: Plastic Gundam Models, unassembled, in sealed boxes.

JAL_1138
2016-11-07, 01:02 PM
298: 24 cases of Crystal Pepsi, perfectly preserved as though they were bottled yesterday.

Bohandas
2016-11-07, 01:36 PM
299.) VR headsets
300.) a bunch of old "Virtual Boy" 3d game consoles
301.) A freezer filled with pickled jerky

Beleriphon
2016-11-07, 02:02 PM
302. Bananas. Nothing but bananas.
303. Grapefruit juice, not in a container, its just full of liquid grapefruit juice.
304. Half of the data that shows the location of a missing hero.
305. A series of suspiciously inauthentic looking brand name portable computers.
306. Heavy weapons. Like full artillery man, that stuff can't be legal.
307. Immigrants of some kind, legal, illegal, refugees, something else? Who knows, but the container is full of people leaving where ever they came from.

Bohandas
2016-11-07, 02:29 PM
308.) String
309.) Underwear
310.) Alien toilets
311.) Tree-shaped car air fresheners in the shape of some kind of weird alien tree
312.) A cat whose status of dead or alive is not determined until the crate is opened.
313.) some kind of spherical hyper-pizza

braveheart
2016-11-07, 04:15 PM
A CL4P-TP unit
An ancient alien destroyer
An ancient alien Warrior
When the box is opened the opener spontainiasly learns all the secrets of the universe
A midget carrying a comically sized bag of money

Grand Arbiter
2016-11-07, 06:02 PM
319) A Callahan Full-bore Auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge, thorough gauge.

Blackhawk748
2016-11-07, 06:04 PM
319) A Callahan Full-bore Auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge, thorough gauge.

Named Vera

JAL_1138
2016-11-07, 09:19 PM
320: A really terrible knitted hat.

Batou1976
2016-11-08, 12:29 AM
320: A really terrible knitted hat.

With Jayne wearing it :smallbiggrin:

braveheart
2016-11-08, 02:03 AM
Apples, with bombs in them

High quality tech spray cans designed to spray a specific template onto any surface (can only have one instance of the template per can, it disappears if you use the can again)

A rifle that shoots medicine or poison depending on who it is pointed at

A blaster pistol with a bunny keychain attached to the bottom of the grip

Bohandas
2016-11-08, 02:06 AM
321.) dolls
322.) paper dolls
323.) Kindles with pictures of paper dolls
324.) A grail-shaped beacon
325.) Space alien nudie playing cards
326.) cybernetic eyes
327.) cybernetic buttholes
328.) muppets
329.) left shoes. only the left
330.) scientology e-meters
331.) offbrand cola
332.) Faygo
333.) barber hair
334.) moon rocks
335.) drops of jupiter
336.) A bulk consignment of tortillas containing the face of jesus
337.) A bulk consignment of tortillas containing the face of L. Ron Hubbard
338.) Swordbro
339.) cthulhu bobbleheads
340.) Jimmy Hoffa's body
341.) Toenail clippings

goto124
2016-11-09, 12:05 PM
Apples, with bombs in them

342.) Lemons, with bombs in them.

Beleriphon
2016-11-09, 12:53 PM
343. A combustible lemon that burns a house down.

Bohandas
2016-11-16, 02:01 AM
344.) cocktail umbrellas
345.) personal forcefield projectors
346.) holophoners
347.) haptic gloves

Bohandas
2016-11-24, 02:05 PM
348.) Exhumed "ET" game cartridges
349.) Transforming liquid metal robot dog
350.) newspapers from next week
351.) xenomorph eggs
352.) Yadjuta armor
353.) An electric harp
354.) flux capacitors

JAL_1138
2016-11-24, 03:05 PM
355: The favorite coffee-mug of the God-Emperor of Mankind.
356: A traveler's trunk made of sapient pearwood with hundreds of tiny feet on the bottom. It is extremely angry.
357: A whelk that miraculously survived a supernova.

Beleriphon
2016-11-24, 03:25 PM
358. A pointy hat with the word WIZZARD embroidered on the front.

JAL_1138
2016-11-24, 04:04 PM
359: An extremely advanced VR helmet, connected by wires to a largish computer, which is itself connected to a variety of scanning instruments aimed a small piece of fairy-cake.

Bohandas
2016-11-24, 10:31 PM
360.) Genetically engineered self-nuggetizing chickens

FreddyNoNose
2016-11-25, 12:16 AM
362) A box containing 202 fun things.

Bohandas
2016-11-25, 01:51 AM
362.) Bottled farts
363.) Light-absorbing diodes
364.) Charger cables
365.) alien happy-face stickers
366.) Bags of liposuctioned fat
367.) Alien lingerie
368.) Happy Fun BallTM
369.) An old fax machine

JAL_1138
2016-11-25, 06:52 AM
370: A dozen live sugar-gliders.
371: Twenty coffee plants, just barely sprouted out of the potting soil. Fifteen coffea arabica plants and five coffea canephora (robusta) plants.

Bohandas
2016-11-30, 08:59 PM
372.) The kind of chimes that are played in the beginning of the Futurama theme
373.) Bottles of Pepto-Bismol
374.) The Energizer Bunny
375.) finger splints

Max_Killjoy
2016-11-30, 09:58 PM
368.) Happy Fun BallTM


Warning -- do not taunt.

JAL_1138
2016-11-30, 10:09 PM
376: The entirety of the galactic government's tax code, code of regulations, and statutes. On paper. In print that would be extremely small for microfiche, so it can fit in one crate instead of in six very large libraries.

Bohandas
2016-12-01, 12:34 PM
377.) VHS copies of the Jetsons movie

braveheart
2016-12-01, 12:59 PM
378: Hydroflasks
379: expensive alien booze that is dihydrogenoxide based as apposed to alcohol
380: "nothing that you can perceive" (actually nothing and paranoia)
381: Puppies =)
382: dead puppies =(

JAL_1138
2016-12-01, 02:23 PM
383: A small, terrier-sized dog with a curled tail...wearing a Soviet spacesuit. (Bonus points if Earth doesn't exist in the setting.)

Bohandas
2016-12-02, 11:57 PM
384.) Tiny toy shipping crates for use in dollhouses
385.) Colt 45 malt liquor
386.) Billy Dee Williams
387.) Slurmb

anotherthumb
2016-12-03, 12:46 PM
388. Swearing in Mandarin for Dummies

Bohandas
2017-03-04, 09:30 PM
389.) Liquid Schwartz
390.) A Gadgetron Omniwrench

Bohandas
2017-06-26, 02:23 AM
391) "Cinna Bars" A flavored granola product containing 100% of the daily mercury intake recommended by traditional eastern healing practitioners.

Lvl 2 Expert
2017-06-26, 05:47 AM
392. Elves.
393. The inside of the crate is painted. The paint is still wet, and there isn't a brush in sight.
394. A fully stocked bar, music playing and everything. The crate is sound proof and much bigger on the inside.
395. Candy bars.
396. Data disks topped up with millions upon millions of microscopy pictures of cells.
397. Money for nothing, and chicks for free.
398. This time it's really nothing. Honest.
399. A nail.
400. A nail, the kind that is creepy alone in a crate because it supposedly used to grow on a finger.
401. A toolkit with several screwdrivers and a whole lot of screws. And one little note saying "Screw you!"
402. Rabbits.
403. Rabbits, with a strange cough.
404. Large power cells, top of the line.
405. Three hoverboards (the real, futuristic kind) and a recharging station.
406. An inventory list of the last crate you opened.
407. A singing ghost.
408. The complete adventures of the all guardsmen party.
409. A light military trike.
410. A beach buggy.
411. A beached bug. And it's rotting.
412. Crates all the way down.

Deliverance
2017-06-26, 07:15 AM
413. Two crates of the same size as the containing crate and a pamphlet on the practical uses of the Axiom of Choice
414. An aleph-zero infinite set of drawers containing nothing but socks and containing at least one sock in each drawer
415. A complete solution to Hilbert's 23-points program
416. The skull of Kurt Gödel - no matter from which angle you look at it, it always looks incomplete, but in different ways depending on angle
417. 101 Dalmatians

Lvl 2 Expert
2017-06-26, 07:49 AM
418. A small village of space-gnomes. Or spaced-mogwai, or tribbles.

Spore
2017-06-26, 10:58 AM
419. Quantum-compressed tribbles food. Enough to sustain approx. 2^16 units.

Bohandas
2017-06-27, 01:52 AM
420.) Bales and bales of hemp
421.) DVDs of a direct to video movie starring Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson and directed by Roman Polanski
422.) lightsaber letter openers

goto124
2017-06-27, 04:29 AM
423) Lightsaber shavers (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/comics/darths0524.jpg).

DavidSh
2017-06-27, 07:35 PM
424) Spools of nichrome wire.

425) A dozen plush alligators, labelled "Uinslo".

426) A gross of Fruity Oaty Bars.

427) Bags of loose-leaf green tea.

John Campbell
2017-06-27, 08:57 PM
428) A cargo manifest lying in the bottom of an otherwise-empty crate. On close examination, it lists several other crates with extremely valuable contents. On closer examination, it turns out to be for the previous ship the crate was on.

429) A one-ton cube of vat-grown undifferentiated chicken meat. Possibly including the vat.

430) Elvis, JFK, or other famous presumed-dead 20th-century Terran, in cryogenic stasis, looking some years younger than their last public appearance.

431) Thousands of rounds of ammunition, that doesn't fit any weapon the PCs have access to.

432) Thousands of 1cm steel ball bearings.

433) Hundreds of bat'leths. On close examination, they're made out of chrome-painted plastic, and even more useless in combat than a metal bat'leth.

434) A hundred used copies of the AD&D Deities and Demigods. On close examination, they're all the original edition, with the Cthulhu and Melnibonéan pantheons.

Mutazoia
2017-06-28, 03:49 AM
435)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB7mHxdHlRY

John Campbell
2017-06-28, 09:51 AM
436) A dozen steel tanks, filled with (1d6):
1 - Helium.
2 - Half of a binary epoxy. The other half might be in a different crate?
3 - Half of a binary explosive. Ditto.
4 - Oxygen. The tanks are heavily marked with warning labels in the script of an alien race to whom it's highly toxic.
5 - Chlorine trifluoride (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlorine_trifluoride#Hazards).
6 - Roll again, rerolling any further 6es. The tanks are marked appropriate to the result, but they're empties.

Max_Killjoy
2017-06-28, 12:56 PM
436)
5 - Chlorine trifluoride (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chlorine_trifluoride#Hazards).


Freaking nightmare fuel, that stuff is.

John Campbell
2017-06-28, 04:30 PM
Freaking nightmare fuel, that stuff is.

Nah, it's nightmare oxidizer. The nightmare fuel is pretty much anything else it comes in contact with.


437) Bubble wrap. Oh, there's probably something else in there, too, but the bubble wrap is the fun part.

438) Styrofoam packing peanuts. Nothing else, but the crate is big enough and there are so many packing peanuts that it's difficult to be certain that there isn't something small lost in all the peanuts.

439) Actual peanuts.

ijon
2017-06-28, 09:02 PM
440. a grapple gun that also doubles as a tape measure
441. 1000 socks covered with dryer lint, none of which match
442. a soulsphere (https://doomwiki.org/w/index.php?title=Supercharge)
443. 50 chainsaws, with delivery notes on the side indicating it was supposed to be sent to a completely different planet
444. a tiny microphone+transmitter, still recording
445. as much salted fish as one can cram into the box
446. a set of jetpacks that require an exotic fuel source (may or may not be included in the crate)
447. a shipment of 12 foot metal poles
448. a goo-spraying gun, which solidifies and becomes as hard as concrete within seconds
449. a solvent for the concrete goo

Mutazoia
2017-06-29, 12:35 AM
450) 5,683 pregnant tribbles, all about to give birth.
451) A postcard size sheet of material, with strange alien writing. Takes 6 months to translate. Reads: How do you keep a moron busy for 6 months?

Excession
2017-06-29, 01:18 AM
452. Guns. Lots of guns.
453. Gun. Just the one, but it fills the entire crate.

goto124
2017-06-29, 01:22 AM
453a) A crate-shaped gun.

453b) The crate IS the gun.

John Campbell
2017-06-29, 01:22 AM
454) Magnetic monopoles.

455) One end of an ansible.

456) Hundreds of data chips, each containing a petabyte of encryption-grade random numbers. One of them, by pure happenstance, contains the complete works of William Shakespeare, encoded in EBCDIC, starting about four terabytes in.

Mutazoia
2017-06-29, 02:33 AM
457) A cat.

Bohandas
2017-06-29, 07:10 AM
458.) disassembled protocol droids
459.) old reel to reel film projectors. being delivered to hipsters who insist the picture quality is superior
460.) Anti-Weebles that always wobble and topple over no matter how carefully or in what position they are put down
461.) a mummy
462.) Parts of endangered animals for use in quackery
463.) original recipe coca-cola. Not coke classic. The original recipe with about a third of a line of cocaine in each bottle
464.) Magic rocks like in the latest Star Wars movie

Lvl 2 Expert
2017-06-29, 07:48 AM
458.) disassembled protocol droids

459. Droid disassembly protocols

Bohandas
2017-06-29, 07:57 AM
460.) old reel to reel film projectors. being delivered to hipsters who insist the picture quality is superior
461.) Anti-Weebles that always wobble and topple over no matter how carefully or in what position they are put down
462.) a mummy
463.) Parts of endangered animals for use in quackery
464.) original recipe coca-cola. Not coke classic. The original recipe with about a third of a line of cocaine in each bottle
465.) Magic rocks like in the latest Star Wars movie

TeChameleon
2017-06-29, 03:13 PM
466) Nothing that is tangible to the players, but once it is opened, the lid won't close again, as if it's jamming against something. If enough force is applied, the lid deforms around something that the players still can't touch. If anything else is put in the box, the lid will close normally, even if whatever you put in there should prevent it from closing... and whatever's put in there won't quite touch the bottom of the box, no matter how much pressure is put on it.
467) Duct tape, baling twine, and Bondo (or some equivalent thereof). Also an invoice that reads 'complete starship/space station/spacesuit/whatever repair kit'.
468) A large rock. A few minutes after the players open the crate, an odd man with weird clothes and a funny accent comes rushing up with a confused-looking person in more normal clothes and a similar accent in tow, kicks the rock until it blinks out like a bad special effect and is replaced by a blue police box. He promptly jumps in, dragging his companion along while muttering imprecations about 'chameleon circuits'. The police box makes a weird noise and vanishes.

Kantaki
2017-06-29, 03:27 PM
457) A cat.

469) A dead physicist. A autopsy reveals that he was mauled to death by cats.



468) A large rock. A few minutes after the players open the crate, an odd man with weird clothes and a funny accent comes rushing up with a confused-looking person in more normal clothes and a similar accent in tow, kicks the rock until it blinks out like a bad special effect and is replaced by a blue police box. He promptly jumps in, dragging his companion along while muttering imprecations about 'chameleon circuits'. The police box makes a weird noise the most wonderful sound in the universe and vanishes.

Fixed for you.:smalltongue:

Lvl 2 Expert
2017-06-29, 03:30 PM
469) A dead physicist. Mauled to death by cats.

But also a little alive, until you open the crate.

Kantaki
2017-06-30, 02:28 PM
470) A undead cat.

Drakeburn
2017-06-30, 07:24 PM
471) A psychic cat

Grand Arbiter
2017-06-30, 09:42 PM
472) A transcription of one of the best thread derailments in gitp history (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?93068-First-time-DMing-and-already-killed-a-character).

Bohandas
2017-07-01, 09:26 AM
473.) copies of Xenu's autobiography
474.) Space aliens frozen in a mixture of alcohol and glycol

Kantaki
2017-07-01, 11:55 AM
475)The recipe for the Pangalactic Gargle Blaster

John Campbell
2017-07-02, 06:12 PM
476) Spacesuits, in assorted children's sizes.

477) Spacesuits, in assorted dubious colors and patterns.

478) Spacesuits, in need of minor repairs.

479) Spacesuits, for non-humanoid methane-breathers.

480) Spacesuits. No catch.

Kantaki
2017-07-02, 06:18 PM
480) Spacesuits. No catch.

:smalleek:Space them. Space them now.:smalleek:

481) Spacesuits. For cats.

Bohandas
2017-07-02, 09:52 PM
482.) Packages of the ultimate processed diet snack, which is primarily a mixture of Splenda, Olestra, and Mrs.Dash

John Campbell
2017-07-02, 10:14 PM
483) A corpse with two bullet holes center-mass and one in the back of the head, with powder residue indicating that the shot was at close range, wrapped in a plastic sheet. The corpse's wallet contains ID under six different names, but no money.

Samzat
2017-07-02, 10:24 PM
484) 300,000 screaming cacti
485) a shipment of togas that was canceled after they went out of style
486) 26 moose, which everybody thought was extinct.
487) spice weasels
488) a large and tattered ussr flag to be sent to a histoty buff
489) 24 "fisto" model sexbots
490) a cryogenically frozen clone of Leonard Nemoy
491) a joke so bad it started 36 planetary civil wars

Mutazoia
2017-07-03, 12:10 AM
492)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-me2inj1nNw