Need ideas for Redundant/Nonsense Magic Items

[John Coake]

Basically I'm running a dungeon in a more humor-based campaign, where the players need to recover a magical artifact from an ancient item vault from a now-dead civilization. Said vault was designed specifically to house the artifact, and to deter theft is full of magical items with redundant enchantments. I have a few, but I was wondering if you good folks here could help me come up with some more.

The ones I have are:
The Sword of Disintegration - You pick it up and it disintegrates
The Immovable Platemail - Does not budge under even the mightiest of attacks, but is so heavy it can't be moved by mortals
The Homefront Compass - Shows you the direction to a location the user designates as 'home', but only while they are standing in that home
The Cup of Instant Water - Magically fills itself with water, but only when you submerge it in water
The Mystical Multitool - A device that houses multiple tools, such as a knife, pliers, screwdriver, etc. but always gives you a tool you don't need

Any and all ideas are greatly appreciated.

[Venger]

helm of invisibility: only makes you invisible to yourself.

[Inevitability]

The Cutlery of Fasting. A creature touching it is incapable of eating.

[Segev]

An hourglass that stops time while the top chamber has sand in it. The only thing that isn't stopped is the hourglass itself, so all any observers see is the sand apparently vanish from the top and a few grains finish falling to the bottom.

Bag of Illusory Dust - just what it says: the bag creates a silent image of dust filling itself.

Feather Feather Token - hurl it to the ground and say the command word as a standard action, and the feather is consumed while a new feather (with exactly the same enchantment) is created.

Deck of Anything - When a card is drawn from this deck, it is truly random. It could be any sort of card at all, from any game, or even not a game card. Perhaps a birthday card or a business card. There are still only 100 cards in the deck; putting one back does not guarantee that the card put back will be the same next time it is drawn, however.

Undying Ring of Water Breathing - allows the wearer to breathe underwater, but only works for the undead.

Annoying Accordion - Grants a +2 competence bonus to Perform checks, but is magically able to make any song - no matter how perfectly played - so annoying as to give a -2 circumstance penalty to the same check.

Doubly-Cursed Spiked Chain of Proficiency - anybody who picks up this weapon is automatically proficient with it, but suffers a -4 penalty to hit while wielding it. It does not share the normal cursed weapon's propensity to force its owner to draw it.

Imperfect Skeleton Key - Can open any lock, but only for an owner who succeeds on a lockpicking check for that lock. (Mildly beneficial in that it essentially substitutes for non-masterwork lockpicking tools.)

Blessed Blindfold - cures blindness for anybody who wears it...but only for eyes it is covering and only as long as it is covering them.

[exelsisxax]

Cavernous Storage Trunk

A 2' by 4' chest containing a night-infinite extradimentional space that never increases in weight. Cannot be moved unless empty.

[Inevitability]

Undying Ring of Water Breathing - allows the wearer to breathe underwater, but only works for the undead.

Well, if an undead for some reason has a Persistent Spark of Life on it, I guess this might be useful?

[Segev]

Well, if an undead for some reason has a Persistent Spark of Life on it, I guess this might be useful?

Oh, sure. Under the right circumstances, nearly any of these COULD be useful. Heck, the cup that magically fills with water when immersed in water could be used to create an unending water supply just by having enough water to immerse its entire volume, and pushing it in upside-down. The air it brought in would be replaced by water, increasing the overall volume of the water in the larger container.

[Venger]

Well, if an undead for some reason has a Persistent Spark of Life on it, I guess this might be useful?
spark of life isn't a valid target for persisting


Oh, sure. Under the right circumstances, nearly any of these COULD be useful. Heck, the cup that magically fills with water when immersed in water could be used to create an unending water supply just by having enough water to immerse its entire volume, and pushing it in upside-down. The air it brought in would be replaced by water, increasing the overall volume of the water in the larger container.

you could also have a really big cup and supply a town with water

[WarKitty]

Ring of extra ring finger - upon putting this ring on, the wearer grows an extra ring finger. This finger can wear a magic ring which will function as normal. This allows the wearer to have up to three magic rings active. Of course, the ring of extra ring finger counts to the total.

[Venger]

Ring of extra ring finger - upon putting this ring on, the wearer grows an extra ring finger. This finger can wear a magic ring which will function as normal. This allows the wearer to have up to three magic rings active. Of course, the ring of extra ring finger counts to the total.

Put an additional ring of extra fingers on it. Gain infinite fingers. #HACKED!

[Inevitability]

spark of life isn't a valid target for persisting

Continuous item, then.

[WarKitty]

Cloak of color changing - cloak changes color on command.

Amulet of mild discomfort - this amulet is fancy and very nice, but feels very uncomfortable to wear

Teapot of heating - heats any liquid placed within in it to a hot but not scalding temperature

[Mutazoia]

A ring of spell turning. When activated, a loud, clear voice says "Turning: Tee You ARE En Eye En Gee. Turning."

Helm of Invisibility. This helm is completely invisible, even when worn (the wearer is unaffected).

Boots of walking: Allows the wearer to walk at normal speed for his size/race over unobstructed terrain. While worn, the wearer cannot move faster or slower than, their normal walking speed.

Ion stone: The size of an actual ion. When activated, it orbits the users head and makes him feel generally positive about himself.

Shield of reflection. Held, the user begins to reflect on his past deed/misdeeds.

Robe of useless things. Once per turn, the wearer can reach into a pocket and pull out a random piece of crap that is no help in any situation (such as a still moist, used kleenex, a wadded piece of parchment with the punchline to a joke, but not the joke itself. Instructions for making mud, etc)

Flute of Insertion. This one time, at bard camp.....

Hat of head protection. When worn, protects the wearer's head from sun/wind/rain.

Glasses of obscured vision. This are definitely NOT your prescription.

Coin of flipping. When flipped, lands on either heads (50% chance) or Tails (50% chance). Unlimited uses per day.

Whip of cream. One flick will cover any surface with cool whip.

Lying Carpet. It is impossible for anyone standing on it to tell the truth.

Folding Goat. A successful DC 30 strength check allows you to fold this goat in half. Can only be used once.

Gem of Seething. Just holding this thing REALLY pisses you off.

Bow of Surprise. Fires small, brightly colored bows that adhere to the target, giving it a more festive appearance. Great for birthday parties and Christmas.

Sovereign Glue. Can only be used to glue Sovereigns (Kings and Queens) to each other.

Rod of One Million, Six-hundred and Eighty-two thousand, Nine-hundred and Eleven parts. Each part by itself is useless. When fully assembled, the rod immediately breaks down into its component parts, which scatter themselves across the planet. Good for wasting time.

Gauntlets of Ogre Stench. Upon donning these gauntlets, one immediately begins to smell like an overweight ogre that was forced to climb a very large flight of stairs, in the hot sun. Effect permanent, persisting even if the gauntlets are removed.

Feather of falling. When held aloft and released, this magical item will float gently to the ground, taking no damage. Does not work when in contact with any living (or dead, or undead) creature or construct.

Slug Thrower: A hand crossbow that launches an ordinary, every day, garden variety slug at the target. Does no damage, but eww gross dude!

Bulls-eye arrow: When fired, automatically his any nearby bull right in the eye (automatic critical hit). Will miss any other target automatically (it wouldn't hit the ground if you dropped it).

Cat-o-nine-tales: This large cat statue speaks non-stop, telling the same (extremely boring) nine stories over, and over, and over, and over and over....

Mirror of Scurrying. This very ornate hand mirror is always just out of reach. Functions as a hand mirror when activated.

[Telok]

There were some nice ones in the old Murphy’s Rules book.

From my own:
Large +1 Throwing, +1 Gnome Bane gnome hooked hammer
+1 Vicious, +1 Orc Bane dire flail
+2 Sword of Beserking
Tiny +1 Aquatic, Charge Breaking, Vermin Bane scourge
Small +2 Bloodfeeding, Mighty Cleaving, Throwing whip
+1 Deadly Precision, Last Resort, Elf Bane ranseur

[Vogie]

I would say that the Sword of Disintegration should instead disintegrate whatever you try to store it in... so, scabbards, setting it on tables, rucksacks, the floor it's set on... The disintegration acts too slowly to be used as a weapon, but will consistently just fall through wherever the player sets it down on.

Alert Stone - Perfectly spherical brown stone that turns red when the bearer is too late for something. There is no indication for what that something is.

Loathing leash - magically fits any beast, horse or other animal. When worn, that animal begins to loathe the wielder, and attack him or her at the first opportunity.

Alchemist's Bane - a glove that turns gold into lead.

Curie's Torch - a non-magical Ioun stone that casts a faint light... because it's radioactive, and will slowly kill you.

Pup Tent scarf - a scarf that can transform into a shelter, like tiny hut, but only for animals the size of small dogs.

Backwards cart - will automatically roll uphill instead of downhill

Mirror of 'Telephone' - a network of mirrors that allows the wielders to see and communicate with each other, except all messages, spoken or written, are made incomprehensible.

Folding Moat - A folding moat looks like a small wooden box about 12 inches long, 6 inches wide, and 6 inches deep when it is inactive. In this mode, it can be used to store items just like any other box. Yet when placed on the ground and the proper command word is given, the box burrows into the ground and unfolds itself rapidly in the space of a single round to form a moat 10 feet long, 4 feet wide, and 2 feet in depth.

Carpet of Lying - This rug is able to move across the ground as if affected by an earth glide spell of unlimited duration. Beautifully and intricately made, each carpet has its own command word to activate it—but only if it is clean. The carpet is then controlled by the opposite of any spoken directions.

Deck of Seclusions - This set of parchment cards is usually found in an camelhide, leather, or wooden box. A full deck consists of 50 cards. When a card is drawn at random and thrown to the ground, the wielder sits down and begins playing solitaire, oblivious to what is going on around them. The effect ends when the game is finished and the cards returned to the box

Elixer of Dove - it's soap.

Gate Rings - These always come in pairs—two iron rings, each the size of a ring. The rings must be on the same plane of existence and within 100 miles of each other to function. When each is placed on a finger of different people, those fingers swap. Control of the fingers do not change.

Less-than-Efficient Quiver - Much like an efficient quiver, however, once the owner has filled it, the quiver can produce any item at random that is within the quiver, as if from a poorly-organized quiver. Will occasionally produce broken spears, screaming arrows, and javelins of poor quality, even if none are inserted originally.

Figurine of Wonderous Power : Bored Domestic Cat.

[Malimar]

Scroll of Remove Blindness: Removes blindness when read
Invincible Ring: The ring is invincible. Does not bestow this property on the wearer.
Amulet of anti-gravity: As soon as you put it on it (and only it) immediately falls upward off your neck.
Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas
Ring of Friendship: If you wear one, you know there's another in the world. If you wear both, you know where both of them are.
A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.
Bag of Molding: Anything placed within becomes moldy.
Blindfold of Sight: allows you to see like you normally would.
Pimp Hat of Disguise: Ostentatiously floppy purple hat which acts as a Hat of Disguise except it doesn't affect itself.
Wonderfully attractive many-colored trousers that turn invisible out of shame if anyone with a CHA of 14 or lower wears them.
A splendiferous robe of gorgeous many-colored silk, visible only to people with INT or WIS scores higher than 16.
Mayonnaise Machine: Insert egg, recieve mayonnaise.

[Inevitability]

Ring of Time Hop. The moment something threatens to move the ring, it jumps forward in time to a point where it is no longer in danger of being moved.

[Deadline]

Put an additional ring of extra fingers on it. Gain infinite fingers. #HACKED!

Mix liberally with Lahm's Finger Darts for fun and profit!

[hector212121]

The Cube of Rubik:Just a ordinary rubik's cube. When solved, opens to reveal a single copper piece. It was decided it'd be even more frustrating to have it solved and give you something nearly worthless than to do nothing.
(Yes, that is a reference to night at the museum.)
Potion Of Fireball:When drunk, this liquid converts into a fireball. No, you can't spit it out or anything. It's just a fireball. In your stomach.
Everburning Faery Torch:Just a stick with a permanent Faery Fire effect on it. If animated, has a -20 to stealth.
Armor of Mild Irritation:Wearing this armor is both mildly irritating, and makes others mildly irritated towards you.
Bag of Nibbling:This backpack nips affectionately at your hand when you reach in. When something's stored inside, it'll often be retrieved with light tooth marks.
Bag of Molding:Any food stored in this bag will decay 10 times faster.

[WarKitty]

Horn of hunger - this horn produces an endless supply of bland, tasteless food that provides no nutritional value and does not satisfy hunger

Slimming mirror - this mirror displays the user as a slimmer, more attractive version of themselves

Shoulder imp - when placed on someone's shoulder, this small doll comes to life and whispers evil advice into the person's ear. No compulsion to follow the advice is present

[DataNinja]

It's from the 5e subforum, but there's the List of Mostly Useless Magic Items (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?399328-List-of-Mostly-Useless-Magic-Items) thread. 34 pages of all the magic items you didn't know you (didn't) need. (My signature links to a compilation list of the first 4 pages, put into their appropriate categories.)

[Inevitability]

Mix liberally with Lahm's Finger Darts for fun and profit!

It's somewhat scary how the playground turned a classic joke item into a source of infinite dex-damaging projectiles within the span of a few hours.

[hector212121]

It's somewhat scary how the playground turned a classic joke item into a source of infinite dex-damaging projectiles within the span of a few hours.

Well, i mean, it kills your strength score, so, well, not infinite.

[John Coake]

Well, i mean, it kills your strength score, so, well, not infinite.
Now this is 3.5e we're talking about, there's plenty of ways to avoid that Str damage, so it could be infinite.

On another note: I really appreciate everyone's suggestions! I'm now more excited than ever for the next session of this campaign. But please, keep them coming, or even keep discussing the ones already created. I'm enjoying reading all this.

[Venger]

It's somewhat scary how the playground turned a classic joke item into a source of infinite dex-damaging projectiles within the span of a few hours.

My fault for forgetting about Lahm's finger darts.

[Deadline]

My fault for forgetting about Lahm's finger darts.

For lower OP games, give the Ring of extra ring finger to an Ogre. He then becomes chieftan of his Ogre tribe because he can count to 11.

Alternatively:


It's somewhat scary how the playground turned a classic joke item into a source of infinite dex-damaging projectiles within the span of a few hours.

When life gives you fingers, give life the finger(s)!

*ahem* Is this thing on? *crickets*

:smallwink:

[WarKitty]

Ring of dungeon master. Gives you complete control over the game, but can only be worn if you're the dungeon master.

[Inevitability]

Spikes of the Unheard Compulsion. Provide immunity to all language-based effects, but must be 'worn' by inserting them in the primary auditory cortex.

[Mutazoia]

Bohzoe's Brass Horn: When sounded, summons 1D4 clowns

Earring of ringing: When worn, emits a faint, high-pitch ringing noise in the wearers ears.

Bowl of controlling Milk Elementals: Nobodys managed to find the elemental plane of milk yet, but when they do, your ready.

Flaming Sword: Functions as a +1 sword, and looks FABULOUS!

Armor of Displacement: When worn, has a 50% chance to teleport itself (and only itself) 5' in a random direction to avoid the blow.

Armor of Misplacement: This ornate suit of armor...wait...where is it...I was sure I had it here a second ago....

Quiver of quivering: Constantly vibrates. Not violently, but just enough to be annoying.

Chimes of opening: Rings loudly, any time any door with in a 10' radius is opened.

Slippers of Spider climbing: +10 to all DC checks when attempting to climb a spider.

Glove of Love: Mearly having this single, gaudy, white sequin glove in your possesion will prevent any and all romatic interludes, unless it is actively worn. (Will not increase chances of romantic encounters when worn). Cursed, may not be discarded, sold or given away. No glove, no love!

[ekarney]

Here's one that won't work if you have rules lawyers but if you don't.

Treasure of Useless Recurrence: This coinpurse, overflowing with various foreign currency that won't be accepted by the locals, however it has magical effect that when detect magic is used it tells of a vague magical effect. Nothing else can be discerned of it by any means.

[Karl Aegis]

A magic item that gives a class already immune to disease an immunity to disease. Made largely redundant for the classes' already good fortitude save and the low possibility of diseases becoming a major problem in the first place. It's a redundancy within a redundancy within a redundancy. Redundancinception.

[Jarmen4u]

I feel like I'm a bit late here, and I'm away from my desk, so I don't have my full list. But one item I've found that my players loved (and subsequently derailed my campaign with) was a Glass-Shattering Stone. It immediately shatters any glass it touches, no matter what.

[hector212121]

Ring of Cold Resistance:+1 to Fortitude saves against the common cold.

[Segev]

Ring of Cold Resistance:+1 to Fortitude saves against the common cold.

Ring of Fire Resistance: +5 to any Diplomacy or Bluff check to convince an employer that they can't remove you from their employ.

[Telok]

Ring of Fire Resistance: +5 to any Diplomacy or Bluff check to convince an employer that they can't remove you from their employ.

Ring of Acid Resistance: +1 on saves vs. LSD.

[Segev]

Ring of Acid Resistance: +1 on saves vs. LSD.

Ring of Lightening Resistance: Makes you a few pounds heavier.

[John Coake]

Ring of Lightening Resistance: Makes you a few pounds heavier.

Ring of Sonic Resistance: +1 to AC against attacks made by speedy blue hedgehogs.

[Vogie]

Ring of Fire Resistance: +5 to any Diplomacy or Bluff check to convince an employer that they can't remove you from their employ.

Ring of Earth Resistance: +5 to any rolls to counter Charisma attacks by hippies and vegetarians.

Ring of Frost Resistance: +3 to Diplomacy checks if your surname is Nixon.

Greater Lava Rod: This irregularly shaped obsidian rod has several sharp edges. It can be wielded as a +2 club. On a critical hit, the rod will revert back to a flow of lava, burning both the wielder and the target, dealing 13d6 points of fire damage to both.

Lesser Staff of Size Alteration: This staff of darkwood is lighter than it looks. Any number of times a day, it can shrink down to the size of a wand, or expand to normal size, as "shrink item"

Dank Staff of Acid: This staff is made of a rust-colored metal that has been corroded by acid. It increases any acid damage by 1d4, and reduces your saves against mind-altering substances by 5

[hector212121]

Ring of Urf (http://leagueoflegends.wikia.com/wiki/Urf) Resistance:+5 AC vs Manatees.

[John Longarrow]

Bunny ears of Might. When worn you might, or you might not.

Polish polish. Magically polish Polish items.

Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo. Gives +2 to intimidate checks against bison from Buffalo.

The comfy chair. When used (sat in) summons 3 members of the Spanish Inquisition. Person seated is automatically surprised because NO BODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Helm of opposite alignment. When placed on a wheeled vehicle it reverse the alignment of all wheels.

[Luccan]

Ring of Poorly Concealed Alignment: If someone detects your alignment, they can only detect if you are Lawful, Neutral, Or Chaotic (so any neutral characters have their full alignment detected regardless). They are also immediately aware you are attempting to conceal your alignment.

[Cirtona Pox]

A +5 Vorpal Glaive of Impalement and Shield Sundering that can only be used by a character who started play with Weapon Focus of Glaive.

Ring of the finger - Both powers activate on their own: Once per day while in a town the wearer will be instantly accused of a local wrongdoing. Once per week it offends the nearest dignitary (no limit on range) and the target knows who is offending them.

Simulation of the Sigil - An exact replica of a Sigil of Death so real that the person looking at it believes they have suffered the effects. Basically they just walk around thinking that they are a ghost.

The Stay Puffed Marshmallow Voodoo Doll - Cures the Simulation of the Sigil effect.

Bottle of Whine - Gets the drinkers intoxicated after a single sip but also forces them to complain relentlessly about how hard adventuring is and about how they could have retired by now instead of spending the money on armor/spell/weapons upgrades.

The Pole - Not inherently magic. Just a pole with runes all over it that radiates magic. The party will spend hours trying to figure it out.

Greater Rod of Wait Removal - Simply hold this staff to be the first in line anywhere. Sadly there are not many lines for things in the D&D world.

Necklace of the Soliloquy - If a character is slain while wearing this necklace the entire confrontation stops while the character gives a lengthy speech on the perils of whatever situation led to their demise. Nothing can be done for them. They just get their "15 minutes". All creatures weep for 2 rounds then continue as if nothing happened.

Jar of Jelly - Open the jar and an ochre jelly spills out... WHAT FUN!


and, my personal favorite.

Pitchfork of Anticipation - You'll get it in a sec...

[John Longarrow]

Happy Fun Ball. No one can taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Pillow of great dreams. Detects as Illusion. Gives user good dreams while they sleep.

restless pillow. This 800lbs lead block has steel spikes protruding form it and has several undead giant hamsters secreted inside so it continues to move at random. It is hidden under the illusion of a giant pillow.

Fabulous Sentient mirror. Animates the reflection of the viewer and critiques their fashion sense (or lack there of) audibly, verbosely, and loudly.


Forgot one...
Arrow of returning. When shot from a bow this arrow immediately returns to its quiver. As in IMMEDIATELY, never hitting its target.