Most stupid magic weapon name?

[RogueGuy]

Mine is a shortsword named "Fluffy Bunny", because what enemy can live down the shame of being slain by the "Fluffy Bunny"?

[Zanthy1]

"Granny's Knitting Needle" was a +1 dagger that was able to mend torn cloth at will and when touched to a cup (empty or full), would turn the contents (or lack thereof) into hot tea, of the caster's choice.

[Theodoxus]

"Mighty Crossbow of Dragon Slaying" an intelligent +1 dagger. Some dragon a long time ago spent most of his hoard tracking down a wizard that could transmogrify the crossbow into a dagger. The dagger was quite miffed and insisted every owner use it's full proper name when attacking with it.

[Vorpalchicken]

A Frostbrand named Excalibrrrrr

[djreynolds]

Twinkle?

Can I get in trouble for that?

[Naanomi]

The fail flail, a +3 acidic flail that crits its wielder on a 1

[Trum4n1208]

Twinkle?

Can I get in trouble for that?

Not in my mind. Twinkle is a goofy name.

I had a Monk who had "Savage's Handwraps," an item that basically turned my monk's fists into +2 magical weapons, but compelled him to act like The Macho Man Randy Savage. I think it also gave him a Charisma boost. In retrospect, it was my favorite magical item I've ever gotten.

[ZeltArruin]

Not necessarily stupid but in my current game we have:
a short sword named "Mercy"
a longbow named "Diplomacy"
a javelin named "Interrogation"
and a dragonbone warhammer named "Reckoning"

Mercy has an interesting ish backstory that it was used in ritual sacrifices for cutting out hearts or something before we found it. As my character is a hired killer assassin, he had been given a mark and when the deed came to a head, the mark begged him for mercy, and so the blade was named.

Diplomacy was named when we were dealing with a hostage situation, some orcs were holding a human and a half elf captive. To save the prisoners, the party cleric suggested diplomacy, I (still a racist elven assassin), agreed heartily and volunteered to try Diplomacy. It worked wonders splattering orc across the ground.

[Joe the Rat]

Not in my mind. Twinkle is a goofy name.

I had a Monk who had "Savage's Handwraps," an item that basically turned my monk's fists into +2 magical weapons, but compelled him to act like The Macho Man Randy Savage. I think it also gave him a Charisma boost. In retrospect, it was my favorite magical item I've ever gotten.
Oooh Yeah!

I really need to up my dumb game.

The worst I have:
The Dry Glass (Artifact): An hourglass of ancient origins. Reading the inscription allows you to access it's power. As it turns out, it's full of salt. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?322649-quot-My-God-it-s-Full-of-Salt-quot-Thoughts-on-a-Magic-Item)
Heat Seeker: A Flametongue Longsword of dwarven make. Runes along the blade give you the distance and bearing to an Fire-based artifact.
Ekans, a Staff of the python.
Lightbreaker, a Prismatic Warhammer. 'cause it breaks light into a spectrum.
and one from my players
Wareru no Kaze, A Greatsword with an unfortunate sound effect for fumbles, but a promise of strong power once mastered. I take minimal responsibility for the Blind Idiot Translation.

[MBControl]

I like using the Wu Tang name generator for my magical items. It's silly, and famous for giving Donald Glover his rapper name, Childish Gambino.

We have the Brilliant Wizard, Visible Killah, Leatha Hands, and the Violent Beggar to name a few.

[HolyDraconus]

A great axe named Cleavage.... wielded by a female barbarian

[Laserlight]

Back in high school or early college, the DM handed out a elf knife that had the throw-and-return property. He didn't realize how the name Wind Cutter would be interpreted by a group of teenage guys.

[pwykersotz]

I designed a shortsword that allowed its bearer to find secret faerie paths when concentrating. My player promptly nicknamed it "Shortcut".

[JAL_1138]

A magical lute named Reason, and a magical glaive named Force.
"If they won't listen to Reason, I'll have to use Force."
...actually, considering how powerful spellcasting is, it should probably be the other way around.

A magical rapier named Wit.

A flametongue pike named Shish Kebab.

The Bohemian Earspoon. A category of polearm rather than a single magic weapon name, but it's always amusing. (It's named the same way as the Arkansas Toothpick, btw.)

A bec-de-corbin or flanged mace named the +1 Can Opener.

A scimitar of speed named Kwis-en-Arte (Cuisinart).

The infamous Wand of Frog (old thread on here inspired by the art for the wand of polymorph).

A magical greataxe named the Master Key after the third or fourth locked door the Barbarian hacked through.

Two shortswords named "Adam Savage" and "Jamie Hyneman" (Mythbusters) after double crits on a mythological creature.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

One of my friends reportedly had a Bec de Corbin named Jeremy that was extra effective against aristocrats (and, I assume, Irish outlaws).

[tieren]

Mysterious club of unknown origin called the "Left Handed Football Bat"

[Joe the Rat]

A Greatclub named Sodie.

[Madbox]

Magic ring that is only equipable by monks. It lets you change the damage type of unarmed strikes if you say the magic words. For radiant, the words are "This hand of mine glows with an awesome power!" For fire, you must say "This hand of mine is burning red!"

The ring is called, of course, the Shining Finger.

[Cespenar]

More punny than stupid, but BG II had a weapon called "Dwarf Thrower", an elven made weapon who makes fun of the dwarves and the throwing weapons they so like.

[eastmabl]

Mine is a shortsword named "Fluffy Bunny", because what enemy can live down the shame of being slain by the "Fluffy Bunny"?

To answer this question, one must answer how one first "lives down" being slain. By the nature of your death, you no longer live in any direction.

You are therefore limited to a narrow cohort of foes with (1) pride and (2) the ability to afford a resurrection spell (or who have some other means to cheat death - a lich's phylactery).

[Gastronomie]

The Magnet of Magnet Attraction

[Occasional Sage]

Mine is a shortsword named "Fluffy Bunny", because what enemy can live down the shame of being slain by the "Fluffy Bunny"?

So, the only people who can appreciate the name are dead?

EDIT: Oh, I see I'm not the first person bothered by this.

[MrStabby]

In my games i have seen:

A Broadsword Called "Keith"
A whip called "Mr Whippy" (New Statesman Reference)
A Rapier called "arse-scratcher" as in the first session it only ever rolled a 1 or a 2 for damage.

[N810]

a +1 MAUL
named...

Natural Causes. :amused:

[TheTeaMustFlow]

a +1 MAUL
named...

Natural Causes. :amused:

This really made me chuckle.

[Baptor]

One of my player's named his magic sword "Caution" so that whenever they got into trouble he'd say, "I'd better use caution here." Also, "use caution" became code for stab that guy.

[JAL_1138]

a +1 MAUL
named...

Natural Causes. :amused:

/Thread. I love it. :smallbiggrin:

[Pikkle]

My dwarBen barman had a hammer named "Last Orders" and if that failed a 2 handed axe named "Closing time".

[Âmesang]

Not really a "stupid name," per se, but I once received a magic greatsword forged of an unknown metal (game didn't last long enough to find out). The idea was that it was semi-Intelligent, growing in power with my ranger's (future) spellcasting ability… however… it was designed to resemble a spoon.

To this day I have no idea how it was supposed to look (since I'm the only one among my friends with any kind of artistic ability). Now, I can see a spoon as a bludgeoning weapon, fork as piercing, and a knife as slashing……

Also this seems relevant to the thread:

https://www.schadenfreudestudios.com/dnd/1e%20backscratcher.png