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Flameclaws
2016-12-01, 10:52 PM
One of the funniest ways me and my friends has killed a boss/monster is by killing a REALLY REALLY big giant with a beanstalk, basically what ended up happening is we draw the giant outside and we throw a beanstalk seed under him and it turns out to be hostile, he fights this beanstalk almost to the point of death until he finally kills it, then i just swoop in on my dragon and just finish him off (keep in mind the dm really didn't plan for us to use the seeds and we where like level 4 or 5 at the time, and this is after he sent a succubus at us at level 4)

Mutazoia
2016-12-02, 12:34 AM
My 1st lvl thief had a pack mule that kicked an Orc to death before the our Barbarian could even act.

The Bandicoot
2016-12-02, 03:53 AM
The NPC merchant had a mule that in the first battle of the campaign killed two out of the three attacking goblins. Thus began the story of Bob the Killer Mule.

DigoDragon
2016-12-02, 07:06 AM
The NPC merchant had a mule that in the first battle of the campaign killed two out of the three attacking goblins. Thus began the story of Bob the Killer Mule.

Our party must have his cousin, Reggie. A mule wearing an aviator's cap. He was part of some random loot we found in our first victory and has been a butt-kicking member of the team since. :smallbiggrin:


Funniest boss kill I remember was when the PCs dropped a flying castle on my Mind Flayer BBEG. The party's wizard was pretty useless during the fight, but when the castle took on all the flying properties of an iron ingot, her moment shined-- counterspelled every contingency the Mind Flayer had on escaping. So gravity took hold of 'em... :3

Professor Chimp
2016-12-02, 08:38 AM
There was the time I brought down a flying Mature Adult Blue Dragon because my Wizard threw his familiar at it as an improvised throwing weapon.

The Dragon was badly hurt and was going to flee. My Wizard was the only once who still had a turn left. He was out of ranged spells, but under the effect of a Mass Bull's Strenght and Prayer spell. My familiar was the only thing on hand I could throw. It ended up a critical hit. So, 2x(4+1)+1=11. Turned out the Dragon was on 1 hp. It crashed to the ground hard enough to put it at -11.

Que the rest of the table going "the frag just happened?"

Braininthejar2
2016-12-02, 08:48 AM
An old warhammer campaign.

1 Party fights a goblin boss who has been crossdressing, trying to emulate the witch his tribe serves - an elaborate tiara on his head.

Player: "That tiara looks expensive, try not to damage it!"

*party warrior hits, takes the goblin into negatives, critical hits table: 'the target's head gets split in half, roll weapon skill to avoid getting your blade stuck'*

2 Later, the party fights the witch herself.

Player: "Make sure to take the witch alive!"

*shoots crossbow, hits, damage dice explodes twice.*

xroads
2016-12-02, 09:21 AM
I once played a bard that insulted an animated broom to death. :smallbiggrin:

Stormwalker
2016-12-02, 10:21 AM
Years and years ago, in my very first D&D campaign ever, my paladin charged a goblin and rolled a 1 on his attack roll. Via a bizarre sequence of 1's and 20's that followed, he...

- lost his grip on his sword, accidentally throwing it.
- crit his ally, cutting off the ally's arm (had to buy that guy a regeneration potion, not cheap!)
- crit another goblin, cutting off its head (did 2x the goblin's hp in damage, this was just how the DM described it)
- embedded his holy sword hilt-deep in a boulder (getting it out took a while, too. No, he did not end up king of Britain).

NecroDancer
2016-12-05, 12:00 PM
Our monk killed a dog by using another dog as an improvised weapon.

JAL_1138
2016-12-05, 12:37 PM
I've got several from back in the old AD&D days, but I'll go with a recent one I was DM for: Fighter killed a skeleton and did max damage, doubled for bludgeoning damage. I decided he knocked its head clean off, and rolled for distance and direction just for s#%^s and giggles. The dice determined that the skull sailed across the room and rolled down a hallway...which set off the tripwire in it, triggering a rather nasty and well-hidden trap completely harmlessly.

Joe the Rat
2016-12-05, 01:40 PM
Vorpal weapons are hilarious when they aren't swords.

2nd Ed, doing a mid-high level ridiculous one-shot. I was playing a kobold with a vorpal warclub. Leapt onto a blue dragon from a flying chariot, and rolled a nat 20. I think we spent a couple minutes trying to figure out what decapitating a dragon with a magic stick would look like.

Jay R
2016-12-05, 02:06 PM
In a 1976 tournament game of original Dungeons and Dragons, they had included a "critical hit" rule. If a Fighter rolled a natural 20, followed by an 8 on a d8, it was a killing blow.

We were running out of time, and hadn't yet found the quest object, so we were working as quickly as possible. The DM said, "A Balrog appears in front of you in the corridor. [It wasn't as bad as it sounds, though it was pretty bad. The category of "demon" didn't exist yet, and Balrogs were tenth level monsters.]

Don, playing the fighter, said, "We keep running through the two halves of the Balrog," and threw a d20 and a d8 down the table. They stopped in front of the DM.

The DM said, "Yeah, right." He then looked at the dice, blinked twice, and said, in a low voice, "You keep running between the two halves of the Balrog."

braveheart
2016-12-05, 02:27 PM
We found a gellatinous cube in a pit, so the party wizard started summoning horses and had them all walk into the pi to deal fall damage to the cube, we killed it by dropping horses on it.

Squiddish
2016-12-05, 05:44 PM
Our monk killed a dog by using another dog as an improvised weapon.
Untrue, he opted to knock it unconscious.

Other funny kill, or rather lack thereof: We were fighting some shadows and my Paladin used Turn the Unholy. Half of them failed their save and started running. I expected them to be trapped in a corner for us to deal with later, but I had forgotten that shadows are incorporeal. Long story short, they ended up in the middle of the woods very confused a minute later.

Traab
2016-12-05, 11:51 PM
Way WAY back in the days of old school everquest, it wasnt unusual to have large amounts of mobs on different factions. Say goblins and lizard folk, that both hate each other. Another fun factoid in this game is, nothing ever stops chasing you until you reach another zone, die, or someone else hurts it enough to make it chase them instead. The third and final tidbit is, my monk has the ability to pretend to be dead which, if it works, makes everything attacking me think im dead and so go after the next enemy on its list.

So what I did once, was I grabbed, must have been three to four camps worth of lizard men, ran for the goblin fortress, ran inside as far as I could with everything chasing me, and waited for someone to fire off an aoe spell so the other side would get tagged. As soon as they did, I feigned death and total war broke out. Now, you may wonder why I did this. The main reason was because there was a named mob inside this fortress that had a rather nice bit of loot I wanted, but there was no way for me to fight my way through everything solo. So what I did was, I got everything between me and that room to fight the bad guys I brought with me, pretended to die, then while they started fighting, I snuck into the named room and beat the guy to death. I got my item, then ran through the ever shrinking group of monsters and made my way outside to safety. Hmph, try to force ME to group up with other people? Not when I have game mechanics I can abuse!

Psikerlord
2016-12-06, 07:14 AM
My BBEG accidentally turned himself into a pot plant via Wild Magic. The party thief then kicked the plant into a void portal. End fight over in 30 secs!

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-06, 08:03 AM
Just had a game where the players were ambushed by a cleric casting summoning spells while the players were crossing a rope bridge.

One of the summons was a fiendish dire rat. It attacked a player who was near the end of the bridge. I rolled a 1.

My rule with natural 1s is this: Critical fail comfirmation. If something or someone rolls a 1, they reroll. If THAT roll is a hit, then it's just a whiff, no hit. If that attack FAILS, then something bad happens (They get disarmed, provoke an AoO, etc.)

The dire rat confirmed it's critical miss. I had it dive at the player on the bridge and miss, going over the cliff. A loud squeaky "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" then a soft, far away SPLAT!

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-06, 08:16 AM
My BBEG accidentally turned himself into a pot plant via Wild Magic. The party thief then kicked the plant into a void portal. End fight over in 30 secs!

Curiously th only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias is "Oh no, not again."

YossarianLives
2016-12-06, 11:45 AM
We found a gellatinous cube in a pit, so the party wizard started summoning horses and had them all walk into the pi to deal fall damage to the cube, we killed it by dropping horses on it.My party once killed a monstrous crab by spamming mount until the poor thing fell off a bridge.

Shinn
2016-12-06, 02:44 PM
Some of my Lawful PCs bet their life with an agressive Beholder.
The bet ? A single win in a Rock, Paper, Scissors game.
Why ? Because "Duh, Beholders can only do Rock with their tentacles, so let's play Paper", as one of my PC said.

... One Silent Image of scissors casted by the Beholder later, two fellows PCs were destroyed.

Rodimal
2016-12-06, 10:14 PM
Playing fetch with a gnome, a worg, and a stick of dynamite. The worg just couldn't stop himself from catching the dynamite in his mouth.....boom

Divusmors
2016-12-06, 10:26 PM
The party's druid got caught in a reverse gravity spell. She pushed off the wall and slowly floated 2 rounds later to the edge of it, just above the boss, and wild shaped into a large polar bear at 120 feet up. After 2 distracting rounds fighting the other 3 of the group, he wasn't in much shape to survive.

Rerem115
2016-12-06, 10:31 PM
We had to deal with this assassin one time. He cast Darkness and was hiding in it, while sniping us with a poisoned crossbow for 40 odd damage per hit. Our druid eventually got fed up with this, and cast Gust of Wind through the darkness, which knocked the assassin into a bear trap our ranger had set earlier, which snapped his leg and caused him to bleed out. This guy had almost killed the whole party several times, but he was defeated by some wind and a bear trap :smalltongue:.

Pauly
2016-12-07, 01:39 AM
Not a D&D game, but a superhero game. My character's abilities were basically that off normal human, but resistant to almost all forms of damage.

Fighting with the Final boss on the top of a skyscraper, the boss grabbed my character and was using me as ablative armor. On my turn I took one step backwards ... The boss did not have flight ... 120 floors later my character stood up and started cleaning all the mess of his clothes.

Concrete
2016-12-08, 11:26 AM
Not exactly a kill, but in my last pathfinder campaign, my lvl 16 players were up against a blue dragon whom I, in an effort to challenge a party of lvl 16 casters, had given some sorcerer disciples, some other general buffs, and a few nasty spells of his own, other than the ones he already had.

And my players being who they are, they are curbstomping the disciples, who are barely making any headway in their noble task of razing the PC's home town and slaughtering everyone the PC's hold dear, while harrassing the dragon with all kinds of quite frankly, unfair status effects. Because some people simply have no class.

So, it is with a delight unbecoming of a game master, I inform a certain little elven wizard that he just failed his fortitude save and got baleful polymorphed into a tiny yellow garter snake. He of course makes his will save, because life is, above all, unfair, but it's something at least.
It becomes his turn, and he, with all the grace of a stage magician, unveils his spell list. There, in his top spell slot, shining with all the unfairness of a thousand cruel suns, there are four words, taunting me:

STILL
SILENT
BALEFUL
POLYMORPH


The dragons almost unfairly increased Spell Resistance?: FAILS
Its Considerable fort save?: FAILS
It's Magnificent will save?: FAILS

And from the skies tumbles a pink little garter snake.
The city of Sandpoint is saved, there is much rejoicing, a statue is erected, wine is drunk, and inside a triple-reinforced terrarium in the Rusty Dragon languishes Ghlorofaex, previously the most powerful dragon of the Kodar Mountains, now, the slightly neglected pet of one Ameiko Kaijitsu.
Because life is, above all, unfair.

Fayd
2016-12-08, 01:16 PM
I killed a really nasty huge sized lightning shooting centipede with "Create Pit."

Ok, technically my Eidolon, the rogue, and the Fullblade fighter got the kill, but the thing was just blasting us with a breath weapon from the ceiling and there wasn't much we could do. I realized that all Create Pit requires is a horizontal surface, which the ceiling was to a nominal enough degree. I cast the spell and the thing couldn't hold on to a surface that was suddenly much higher and it fell into the waiting stabbing and slashing implements of the party. It got blended.

Oh and I killed two ...Iron, I think... golems with Summon Monster 3.
These golems would turn hostile and basically turn us all to paste if we displayed any hostile action. We had a holy gun paladin and the fullblade fighter was a smith. So together they made two very large shaped charges and filled them to the brim with gunpowder. The fighter very calmly walked up, set them at the golems' feet and walked away. Then from a safe distance, I conjured two small fire elementals who ...walked I guess... up to the charges and just touched them. No attack rolls, no hostile action, and a few instants later, no golems....and accidentally no castle gate but hey we needed to get through anyway.

goto124
2016-12-09, 05:26 AM
I pale in comparison to all of you...

A player's masochist PC froze an NPC, then shot her in the head with a crossbow.

Player: I aim for the left eye.
GM (me): *rolls* It goes through the right eye instead.

Either way, the NPC died, and the corpse was left alone.

Later on, the same player plays another PC - this time a pacifist - and walks through the same place. Poor pacifist had to deal with the sight (and smell) of a corpse with a crossbow bolt through the right eye.

Also, due to the weird way the setting worked, there was also a living version of the NPC staring at her own corpse and wondering what she did to get so brutally murdered.

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-09, 07:12 AM
A player's masochist PC froze an NPC, then shot her in the head with a crossbow.

The word you are looking for is "sadist" not "masochist".

The sadist enjoys causing suffering or pain, the masochist enjoys FEELING suffering or pain.

IcarusWulfe
2016-12-09, 01:09 PM
In the first campaign I ever DM'd, the BBEG was a necromancer with a mind controlled black dragon. The dragon's life force was being used to power a sheild that protected the necromancer from all physical harm. Turn 1: Paladin charges, crits, max damage. dragon fails Fort save vs. massive damage. Dragon Shaman charges necromancer and punches with his barbed wire wrapped draconic fist, crit, necromancer dies.

Draconi Redfir
2016-12-09, 03:15 PM
a giant portal to hell had opened up in the sky and one of many demons invading had managed to use a very high bluff check to persuade some humans to build him a ladder back up to the portal, claiming he just wanted to go home but intending to kidnap the humans.

absolutely none of our party members could pass his bluff checks, so we continued on, only realizing what happened when we were miles away and out of the city. Normally this would have made my paladin fall and loose all his powers, because he let the demon get away with those civillians. but it JUST SO HAPPENS* that a Dracon came by, scooped up my paladin and started interrogating him about the dissapearance of his son (who the party had fought some time ago.) The Paladin knew nothing, so the Dragon dropped him out of the air, coincidently right ontop of the demon manipulating the pesents.

Demon guts went everywhere, and the Paladin earned the nickname "Death from Above"

* I.e. The DM almost certainly did this to prevent the paladin from falling before we went into a cave filled to the brim with demons.

gr8artist
2016-12-10, 10:12 PM
Funniest?
My cousin (we'll call him Serj) was playing a Monk for the first time, which was odd because he almost always ops for heavily armored tanks. In the previous games and campaigns we'd played, any time he played something OTHER than "invulnerable bruiser" he ended up rerolling partway through. Suffice it to say, I wasn't bothering to write up any long, intricate plot lines for this monk.
We made it through the first game without any problems. Game two was a short delve into a wolves' den, and a skirmish against an Orc druid who commanded them. After eating one two many bites to the face, my cousin was rapidly growing tired of his monk character. His brother (we'll call him Fuzzy) never took ANY game seriously, and was playing what he lovingly referred to as a "lubrimancer." Yes, that's a Wizard with Grease in at least half of his spell slots. Second level spells? Metamagic Grease.
During the final battle, Fuzzy made himself useful by Greasing the floor under the Orc's feet, knocking it prone. Serj then got the idea to run up and curb-stomp it, which would have been a smart move if it weren't for all the Grease. Serj made his check, and I informed him that his monk had slipped and fallen as well.
Serj nodded, as if this were what he had intended all along, and said, "Yeah, I bet I fell down the stairs and broke my neck."
"No, you don't take any damage."
"Sure I do."
"No, you're just knocked prone."
Serj rose and leaned across the table, "Yes. I. Do. The monk is dead, I guess you'll just have to hire someone else to fill his shoes when you get back to town."
I finally caught on. "Sure, they'll carry the corpse back to town and give him a proper burial."
"Nah, just leave him. None of you (a wizard, a goblin, and a halfling) are strong enough to carry his body."
We resolved the fight with a chuckle, and finished off the Orc with a ranged attack.

And that's the story of how our mage killed our monk with a Grease spell.

Other shenanigans included:
Ending all late-game encounters by throwing the BBEG's to the moon. (Scion)
My brother accidentally killing a BBEG with a table-flip that (without a crit) not only killed the boss but sent him and the table flying through the back wall of the bar. (Scion)
My friend killing a bandit 15 feet away by throwing his greatsword as his last iterative attack. (Pathfinder)
My girlfriend (as a Goblin Rogue) killing every BBEG with a full-attack action before we realized that invisibility wore off after the FIRST attack. (Pathfinder)
My friend (as a Halfling Rogue / Master-Thrower) killing everything with a full-attack action before we realized that he couldn't sneak-attack twice when throwing two shuriken as one attack. (Pahtfinder)

AlmaPenzare
2016-12-13, 01:43 AM
Assassin suspected a corpse wasn't going to stay dead after the witch she killed sacrificed it. Left a feather with a contingency on there.

Witch ressurected herself through the corpse. Contingency triggered

Anchor on face.

Knaight
2016-12-13, 02:38 AM
Are we restricting this to D&D? If we lift that restriction my material gets better (there's a surprising amount of shenanigans that can be pulled with cargo bay doors).

King539
2016-12-13, 07:15 PM
This is in Storm King's Thunder. We had annoyed a couple of Stone Giants, and the fight... wasn't going well. The bard was out. The giants were still at decent HP. The Cleric has been saving his highest level spell slot (level 4) for something special. That turned out to be a 4th level Inflict Wounds. That would normally be 6d10 damage, with an attack roll. He was taking a risk here. What did he get?

20. Natural 20.

12d10 necrotic damage.

He made an Acrobatics check to climb up the giant to Inflict Wounds them to the face.

Natural 1.

He tripped, fell, and accidentally hit the giant's ankle with his spell, killing it.

RazorChain
2016-12-13, 11:34 PM
Not in DnD but Gurps.



While defending a church filled with villagers from an undead horde, Roberto got jumped by a zombie child from the rafters.

Roberto failed his fright check and was mentally stunned for one round. The player mimicked how he was screaming in fright. I as a GM declared that the zombie child, who was hanging onto his shoulders, would use the opportunity to stuff her putrid hand into his gaping mouth and she succeeds.

Poor Roberto gagging fails to recover from his stun and I declare that the zombie child is going to stuff her hand as far down his throat as she can. Poor Roberto fails his Health roll miserably and starts to puke.

Johannes another PC pulls the zombie child off Roberto. Roberto is really pissed so he grabs the child by the legs and repeatedly dashes it's head against a wall until it stops moving.

Feeling very heroic he runs at the main bad guy who is a demonic revenant and swings the zombie child at it and rolls a critical hit for 3x normal damage. Feeling even more lucky Roberto's player rolls max damage and kills the revenant.

AshfireMage
2016-12-14, 12:43 AM
My current dm has the houserule that whoever kills a major foe (ie, not Rat #52) gets to describe their kill, making it as over the top or badass as they'd like within vague bounds of reason. This has led to some epic results, including one time when my tiny half-elf rogue decimated a miniboss (several crits were rolled) by somersaulting onto the shoulders of the goliath barbarian, firing several shots to the eye socket, and vaulting off.

Another time my players in a game I was DMing ended up killing a Dire Boar by means the sorcerer stabbing it repeatedly with a dagger while the druid hid in a tree and the ranger lay on the ground unconscious.

On the PvP side, there was the time where two of the players decided to feed a third (who had been polymorphed into a pidgin at the time) to a gargoyle because they didn't feel like fighting the thing and it agreed to let them pass if they gave it a snack. They could have used the dead kittens the rogue had in her backpack, but no...

RazorChain
2016-12-14, 12:49 AM
My current dm has the houserule that whoever kills a major foe (ie, not Rat #52) gets to describe their kill, making it as over the top or badass as they'd like within vague bounds of reason. This has led to some epic results, including one time when my tiny half-elf rogue decimated a miniboss (several crits were rolled) by somersaulting onto the shoulders of the goliath barbarian, firing several shots to the eye socket, and vaulting off.

Another time my players in a game I was DMing ended up killing a Dire Boar by means the sorcerer stabbing it repeatedly with a dagger while the druid hid in a tree and the ranger lay on the ground unconscious.

On the PvP side, there was the time where two of the players decided to feed a third (who had been polymorphed into a pidgin at the time) because they didn't feel like fighting the thing and it agreed to let them pass if they gave it a snack. They could have used the dead kittens the rogue had in her backpack, but no...

Now why would the rogue keep dead kittens in her backpack??? A wannabe cat lady?

Inevitability
2016-12-14, 01:41 AM
Assassin suspected a corpse wasn't going to stay dead after the witch she killed sacrificed it. Left a feather with a contingency on there.

Witch ressurected herself through the corpse. Contingency triggered

Anchor on face.

The only way this could've been better was if the involved feather token was Tree.

AshfireMage
2016-12-14, 04:12 AM
Now why would the rogue keep dead kittens in her backpack??? A wannabe cat lady?

Because earlier in the game the party had been trying to infiltrate a demonic cult. They demanded we prove we were evil by killing a kitten each (the DM had long since given up trying to run a serious game at this point). The (CE) rogue decided she wanted to keep hers, along with the one she'd killed for my druid, who didn't want to do it, while the cultists had been distracted.

And no, I have no idea what she thought she was going to do with them. Possibly just annoy the druid, or maybe to do little dead kitten puppet shows latter on. I wouldn't put it past that character.

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-14, 07:23 AM
The only way this could've been better was if the involved feather token was Tree.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/8f/1c/d4/8f1cd41dc9c5429c9017a5ded71560b1.jpg

mgspecter
2016-12-14, 07:46 PM
Not a D&D story but I think you'll find it funny. One night we started a new quest We all had mid-level characters, I played a really high damage archer. One of the first encounters was the main antagonist of the current quest a rather large wyvern. The dm decided it would be fun to rile us up, damage us a bit, kill off two npc's and then leave us to go on our quest. The whole encounter was so frustrating that as the wyvern flew into the darkness I decided to release my frustration by firing an arrow into the sky. My dm being the dork he is made me declare a target and roll. Knowing I'd never hit it I picked the wyvern's right eye. I rolled and caught a critical pass hitting my target dead on. Now starts the funny part. I rolled my damage, got a crit again, rolled a second time crit, third time crit, after all was said and done I ended up doing almost twice the wyvern's hit points in damage. It was the shortest quest I was ever on. The entire table was pissed at me that night.

Sariel Vailo
2016-12-14, 10:27 PM
a goliath fart killed four drow. yeahp via the pull my finger method

Templarkommando
2016-12-15, 02:46 AM
Me and my brother both died during the boss fight for a campaign's first dungeon... so instead of going with the typical campaign plot we are now the undead minions of an evil necromancer.

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-15, 07:06 AM
a goliath fart killed four drow. yeahp via the pull my finger method

Little known fact, the Somatic and Verbal components of Cloudkill are "Pull my finger."

Joe the Rat
2016-12-15, 03:27 PM
Little known fact, the Somatic and Verbal components of Cloudkill are "Pull my finger."
Stinking Cloud as well. Our official version has "Doc's cooking" as the material component.

IntelectPaladin
2016-12-16, 12:26 PM
Me and my brother both died during the boss fight for a campaign's first dungeon... so instead of going with the typical campaign plot we are now the undead minions of an evil necromancer.

Try having to BE the necro-lord! I was turned into a dang modified graveknight! For saving people!
Thankfully, still in full control. But still.
(And just so you know what that is:http://paizo.com/pathfinderRPG/prd/bestiary3/graveknight.html )
Actually, it wasn't that bad. It was ME making the decisions, not some evil monster
In fact, I can contribute to this forum from a time in that game.

The party had received a letter asking for help from some unknown threat.
From the village, (Which was terrified of me, per the norm,) we learned that the whatever-it-was
had been attacking out of a forest. We headed in there, and what do we find?
Some undead sorcerer minor dragon (A tiny one) Had been preparing to create an army of the undead to conquer with.
We all just laughed. I took control of all 8 of them.
First, I had each of it's followers slap it in the face.
Then, I had it write an informal, self-insulting apology to the townsfolk. And lastly,
I made the dragon ram itself into various trees. Repeatedly.
At that point, our D.M. just turned on the Benny Hill theme.
Honestly I think the D.m. just rolled that one up for kicks.

Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-16, 01:49 PM
Just finished a session in my game last night where a monk killed a downed Bugbear by kicking it in the *Rhymes with kick*

danzibr
2016-12-16, 01:56 PM
Our monk killed a dog by using another dog as an improvised weapon.
This made me lol.

Untrue, he opted to knock it unconscious.

Aww...

Way WAY back in the days of old school everquest, it wasnt unusual to have large amounts of mobs on different factions. Say goblins and lizard folk, that both hate each other. Another fun factoid in this game is, nothing ever stops chasing you until you reach another zone, die, or someone else hurts it enough to make it chase them instead. The third and final tidbit is, my monk has the ability to pretend to be dead which, if it works, makes everything attacking me think im dead and so go after the next enemy on its list.

So what I did once, was I grabbed, must have been three to four camps worth of lizard men, ran for the goblin fortress, ran inside as far as I could with everything chasing me, and waited for someone to fire off an aoe spell so the other side would get tagged. As soon as they did, I feigned death and total war broke out. Now, you may wonder why I did this. The main reason was because there was a named mob inside this fortress that had a rather nice bit of loot I wanted, but there was no way for me to fight my way through everything solo. So what I did was, I got everything between me and that room to fight the bad guys I brought with me, pretended to die, then while they started fighting, I snuck into the named room and beat the guy to death. I got my item, then ran through the ever shrinking group of monsters and made my way outside to safety. Hmph, try to force ME to group up with other people? Not when I have game mechanics I can abuse!
Brilliant!

Noje
2016-12-16, 04:15 PM
This thread reminded me of the very first game that I DM'ed in first edition.

We had a group of five players, all of which fairly reasonable characters, except for the illusionist. Now, I know you have to be a little off to be an illusionist, but this player was WAY off. It was his first time playing the game, and he really wanted to wield a broad sword for some reason. I warned him that with his proficiency penalty, he'd have a -5 on his rolls to hit any character, but he just looked me dead in the eye said "never tell me the odds" and spent half of his starting money on a broad sword. Now of course the rest of the party roasted him for that decision and always complained how useless he was in combat (only having 2 HP and only ever preparing the spell change self), and things went on this way for next three sessions.

But things were about to change for our little (I say little, but his randomly generated height and weight was 5' tall and 175 pounds) illusionist friend.

The party had split up to search a particularly large (and seemingly peaceful) room. Our Illusionist was searching some barrels with a fighter while everyone else was searching other various crates scattered across the room. Suddenly, a giant spider creeped out of his hiding place and pounced on the fighter (randomly selected, of course). With only a 15 in strength, the fighter was doomed to die from it's poisonous bit the next round.

But not if Mr. broadsword had anything to say about it.

With his broadsword at the ready, the party was already mourning the fighter's death as the illusionist rolled his dice, and then the illusionist did the impossible. He hit something. Not only did he hit it, but he did enough damage to kill the thing. The party was in shock, and the grin on the illusionist's face was priceless. and from that moment on, while he was still trashed for making the most poorly optimized character possible, they trusted their illusionist to pull through when really counted. Broadsword in hand.

Cernor
2016-12-16, 07:38 PM
A while back in my D&D 5e game, we were traversing a swamp. It was wet, it was spooky, and there were lizards and frogs and all sorts of critters roaming around. After befriending some Lizardfolk (bypassing most of the nastiness of trudging through a swamp, since we got to use their lizard mounts!), we were ambushed by a swarm of giant frogs: big enough to eat a Halfling, but still no major threat.

In the first round, my Druid got charged and grappled: a frog tried to eat me alive, but only made it to about my waist. I curled up to get completely inside its mouth (being a fairly small elf)... Then Wild Shaped myself into a polar bear. The poor frog blew up like a balloon before finally bursting, showering everyone in frog salad.

falcon1
2016-12-17, 01:42 PM
The players had encountered a former GOO cultist. The monk( who normally role-plays as churchy robin hood) pumped them for information, then smacked them across the face with a mug. Critical hit.

digiman619
2016-12-17, 04:24 PM
Our party must have his cousin, Reggie. A mule wearing an aviator's cap. He was part of some random loot we found in our first victory and has been a butt-kicking member of the team since. :smallbiggrin:

Digo, you play in a Fallout: Equestria game. A mule in an aviator's cap should be passe for you.

Braininthejar2
2016-12-22, 01:18 PM
Party trapped in a nightmare. The party faces a nightmare jester who keeps dodging around the room, telling lame jokes that threaten to make them literally burst laughing.

Rather than chase him around, the player tells a lame joke of his own.

Potatomade
2016-12-22, 01:53 PM
I have two stories, both for 5E.

In the first, my character had access to a Bag of Tricks (rust, I think) and one of those magical jugs that can make 8 gallons of water each day. I was the only survivor of my party, and trapped in a vampire lair, as a level 4 sorcerer. I was hidden in an unused side passage where I wouldn't be discovered, but escape was not an option. So I started pulling from the bag. Predators ate herbivores, and I supplied water for them all. I managed to keep them all from eating each other (DM was being lenient I think, though I passed a few animal handling/nature checks). By the time I was ready, I walked up to the vampire and unleashed my army of 30 or so brown bears on him. He tried to run, but literally did not have the space to flee to (we were using a grid). Probably the second easiest boss fight I ever had.

The second story and easiest boss kill involved a lich. I was a level 5 Path of the Berserker barbarian with Great Weapon Mastery and a +1 maul. I had secured the loyalty of a group of low level mages, each with the ability to counterspell. I was trying to help them kill the lich who'd run them off their land, and had fought my way through an army of undead to get to him. I passed an Intimidate check to convince them to come with me to fight him (something along the lines of "if you don't come with me a lich will be the least of your worries"), with specific instructions to counterspell. So we arrived in the lich's lair, and when he tried to make this big monologue speech, I immediately attacked him, taking out something like 50 hp in one round. He used Power Word Kill on me, but that got counterspelled, and I wound up killing the lich by round 2. With that I secured the loyalty of the mages, and carved out a kingdom from what was left of the lich's domain. We found the lich's phylactery, took it back to my fortress, and farmed him for XP every time he reappeared. And thus, Erikur the Lich Slayer was born.

Not as funny as other folks, but it's what I got :smallfrown:.

Inevitability
2016-12-22, 02:52 PM
I have two stories, both for 5E.

In the first, my character had access to a Bag of Tricks (rust, I think) and one of those magical jugs that can make 8 gallons of water each day. I was the only survivor of my party, and trapped in a vampire lair, as a level 4 sorcerer. I was hidden in an unused side passage where I wouldn't be discovered, but escape was not an option. So I started pulling from the bag. Predators ate herbivores, and I supplied water for them all. I managed to keep them all from eating each other (DM was being lenient I think, though I passed a few animal handling/nature checks). By the time I was ready, I walked up to the vampire and unleashed my army of 30 or so brown bears on him. He tried to run, but literally did not have the space to flee to (we were using a grid). Probably the second easiest boss fight I ever had.

The second story and easiest boss kill involved a lich. I was a level 5 Path of the Berserker barbarian with Great Weapon Mastery and a +1 maul. I had secured the loyalty of a group of low level mages, each with the ability to counterspell. I was trying to help them kill the lich who'd run them off their land, and had fought my way through an army of undead to get to him. I passed an Intimidate check to convince them to come with me to fight him (something along the lines of "if you don't come with me a lich will be the least of your worries"), with specific instructions to counterspell. So we arrived in the lich's lair, and when he tried to make this big monologue speech, I immediately attacked him, taking out something like 50 hp in one round. He used Power Word Kill on me, but that got counterspelled, and I wound up killing the lich by round 2. With that I secured the loyalty of the mages, and carved out a kingdom from what was left of the lich's domain. We found the lich's phylactery, took it back to my fortress, and farmed him for XP every time he reappeared. And thus, Erikur the Lich Slayer was born.

Not as funny as other folks, but it's what I got :smallfrown:.

The second I don't get: shouldn't Counterspelling Power Word Kill require the Counterspell to be cast from a 9th-level slot?

Potatomade
2016-12-22, 02:58 PM
For guaranteed counterspelling, yes. But you can cast it as a 3rd level spell and roll. You'd have to hit a DC 19, adding only your spellcasting ability modifier. I had 4 mages with me, and they were all counterspelling. I only needed one to succeed. Unless that was changed in some 5E errata.

Inevitability
2016-12-22, 04:21 PM
For guaranteed counterspelling, yes. But you can cast it as a 3rd level spell and roll. You'd have to hit a DC 19, adding only your spellcasting ability modifier. I had 4 mages with me, and they were all counterspelling. I only needed one to succeed. Unless that was changed in some 5E errata.

Huh, could've sworn the spell worked differently. Nicely done, then!

Cluedrew
2016-12-22, 06:54 PM
The DM said, "Yeah, right." He then looked at the dice, blinked twice, and said, in a low voice, "You keep running between the two halves of the Balrog."I remember a story that went something like that. A group (and a new player) were traveling around when two dragons came out of the sky. The party fled but the new player turned to the DM and asked "So we can do whatever we want?" "Yeah, or at least roll for it." "OK, I throw my sword at the dragon." Rolls a 20, then another 20 to confirm and a third 20 for an auto-kill. Walks over to the dead dragon and pulls his sword out. Turns to the living dragon, "Do you want to fight me?" The dragon fled.


Hmph, try to force ME to group up with other people? Not when I have game mechanics I can abuse!Agreed. I also have a friend who would solo WoW quests meant for parties of characters 3-4 levels above him. MMOs seem to assume a rather low level of system mastery for a lot of quests.


Also, due to the weird way the setting worked, there was also a living version of the NPC staring at her own corpse and wondering what she did to get so brutally murdered.... I hate it when that happens. And then I have to start wondering if the I that is also alive did that thing. (Nice punch line to that story.)


Not as funny as other folks, but it's what I got :smallfrown:.But clever. I'm definitely more impressed than if you had merely had some high rolls.

As for my own stories. We were fighting off monsters coming out of the water when one slipped by us and charged one of the non-combatants. Now by the rules he (a character with no weapons and few combat skills) couldn't actually of killed it... but the rules didn't account for stuffing a flaming lifejacket and a bunch of flares down into a monster's mouth.

We just ended play for the session after that.

Sariel Vailo
2016-12-24, 11:50 AM
i had a strange one ill tryto keep it light some one polmorphed into huge and well. bowchicca bow bow. the poor guy just couldnt satisfy her. he died from exhasutian

Inevitability
2016-12-24, 12:57 PM
i had a strange one ill tryto keep it light some one polmorphed into huge and well. bowchicca bow bow. the poor guy just couldnt satisfy her. he died from exhasutian

Dear diary,

I have been struggling to decipher these ancient writings for a fortnight now, yet still find meaning nor purpose in the incoherent words. I fear that within scant days my mind may succumb to the horrors presented by the text.

Yes, I see it now! What madness lies here, and why dread I not its presence? What pallid hand brought forth all this, and why see I it beckoning me even now? Oh, to cling to truth, to succumb to madness!

Ever closer comes now the faithful calling of lunacy! What is truth? What is madness? As I descend into the abyss of sizzling human fat and screaming piglets, I let go of the cord of sanity! Ia! Ia!

Adderbane
2016-12-24, 02:54 PM
My party fought an owlbear on a high bridge over a river with no railings. Previously our Goliath paladin had bought a wagon wheel and a length of chain, using the chain to tether the wheel to his spare spear. He attempts to stick the spear securely in the owlbear, and rolls well enough to do so. Our wizard then lifts the wheel and jumps off the bridge with it (in spite of my cleric's protest that it's a terrible idea). The DM decides the chain will become taunt on the wizard's next turn, so the paladin decides to shove the owlbear prone, succeeding with a nat20. The owlbear makes a strength save to not be dragged off the bridge by the weight of the wheel+wizard, also rolls a 20...but has disadvantage due to being knocked prone and winds up with a 3 instead. As the owlbear plummets to its death in the river, the wizard Misty Steps back to the bridge and we continue on our way.

Samshiir
2016-12-25, 02:28 AM
In a recent 5E game, my rogue was being attacked directly by a giant. Not a good situation. I decided to use my Bag of Tricks to (hopefully) summon a big, beefy creature in front of me.

Unfortunately, the dice picked an owl.

So the DM decides that the giant is going to hit the owl anyway, and rolls like 37 damage. My reply? "Well, there goes the owl's single hit point."

Poor little bugger didn't even last a round. 3 seconds into life and then he is just a magnificent poof of feathers.

Astofel
2016-12-25, 03:52 AM
Probably the time a Paladin I was DMing got a crit on an Imp, then decided to smite. He then proceeded to roll stupidly well, doing about 40 damage if memory serves. The Imp had 10 hit points, max. I then proceeded to describe how the Paladin's mighty warhammer turned the Imp into a fine, hellish, mist, and now whenever someone gets an overkill somebody always says "It's like that one time with the Imp." Now I'm thinking of reintroducing the Imp as a recurring villain, slowly working its way up the devilish hierarchy until one day it can get its revenge on the Paladin that humiliated it.

Elvenoutrider
2016-12-25, 04:38 PM
Had an artificer character a few years ago. I ended up exploring an uncharted island that turned out to be inhabited by a cr20 master of the hunt. I don't remember my level but I was vastly outclassed. My character was overconfident and delusional (I was also trying to annoy the fun for various reasons) so I went off on my own. I found a castle and inside found a long table full of food that I proceeded to eat. The room was also a trophy room with the stuffed corpses of various monsters lining the walls and ceiling) As I'm eating the master of the hunt appears at the end of the table and marks me as a target for his dogs. The gm describes the barking of approaching hounds. I go over my list of equipment (2 pages long) and grin. I say to my gm:

"so what kind of monsters line the walls?"
Him: "oh there is the head of a small dragon, a medusa, a stuffed nessian warhound, but the centerpiece is a massive stuffed roc suspended over the table"

Me: "oh so is this like a normal roc or like one of the biggest I've seen, like a real trophy"

Him: "oh this is the biggest you've seen, pushing even larger than colossal size. It would have been majestic to see alive"

Me: pulling scroll out of my magic scrollcase "I cast create greater undead on it, turning it into a colossal sized devourer with the natural attacks of a roc."

Him: "but... you can't control that"

Me: "who said anything about controlling it" at this point I casted the spell and turned my decanter of endless water to geyser, letting it fly around to destroy his castle. I then teleported home to return the next day.

Castle destoyed, island was no longer claimed by the fey, and the devoured was destroyed by sunlight. Unfortunately most of the party died in the course of the night

Madbox
2016-12-25, 06:23 PM
Funniest kill I've ever had was in a 5e Curse of Strahd game. My wizard had a werewolf all up in his face. Fun thing: lycanthropy is a curse, and Remove Curse doesn't require an attack roll and doesn't have a save. So in six seconds we go from having a werewolf about to maul a gnome to some confused commoner standing next to me. And then the group's paladin kills the commoner.

Foxtrot1138
2016-12-25, 09:20 PM
Pathfinder. We were demo'ing a hard short adventure at Gencon in which we were warned we might not all survive. We were fighting a mini boss, some kind of bad a$$ with minions. He was especially hard because there was a magical fog he was basically hiding in and striking from. We were not gonna last long and couldn't hit him with his guerrilla tactics. So.... 😉 We give our thief spider climb and our recently acquired large bag of holding. He starts climbing the wall as the sorcerer blows glitter in the bosses face. He is effectively blind and we can now see him. Our thief is above him on the ceiling with his bag of holding open wide... Thief drops from the ceiling pulling the bag head to toe over the enemy. The enemy is blind, so his reaction is of course to slash with his sword... Funny thing about bags of holding is the enchantment is broken if it's pierced from within... And POOF... the big bad mini boss pops himself out of existence.

It was especially awesome seeing the GMs dumbfounded face as we ask dumb questions followed by amazing rolls and the most epic finish to that encounter he'd ever seen.

Inevitability
2016-12-26, 02:14 AM
Had an artificer character a few years ago. I ended up exploring an uncharted island that turned out to be inhabited by a cr20 master of the hunt. I don't remember my level but I was vastly outclassed. My character was overconfident and delusional (I was also trying to annoy the fun for various reasons) so I went off on my own. I found a castle and inside found a long table full of food that I proceeded to eat. The room was also a trophy room with the stuffed corpses of various monsters lining the walls and ceiling) As I'm eating the master of the hunt appears at the end of the table and marks me as a target for his dogs. The gm describes the barking of approaching hounds. I go over my list of equipment (2 pages long) and grin. I say to my gm:

"so what kind of monsters line the walls?"
Him: "oh there is the head of a small dragon, a medusa, a stuffed nessian warhound, but the centerpiece is a massive stuffed roc suspended over the table"

Me: "oh so is this like a normal roc or like one of the biggest I've seen, like a real trophy"

Him: "oh this is the biggest you've seen, pushing even larger than colossal size. It would have been majestic to see alive"

Me: pulling scroll out of my magic scrollcase "I cast create greater undead on it, turning it into a colossal sized devourer with the natural attacks of a roc."

Him: "but... you can't control that"

Me: "who said anything about controlling it" at this point I casted the spell and turned my decanter of endless water to geyser, letting it fly around to destroy his castle. I then teleported home to return the next day.

Castle destoyed, island was no longer claimed by the fey, and the devoured was destroyed by sunlight. Unfortunately most of the party died in the course of the night

I wonder how that must've been from the other characters' perspective.

"Hm, artificer guy has been gone for quite a while now. I wonder if he OH GOD WHAT IS THAT THING, IT'S HUGE! WHY IS IT ATTACKING US? WHO IS THAT VERY ANGRY FEY OVER THERE? OH GOD, WHY IS HE ATTACKING US TOO?"

Feddlefew
2016-12-26, 05:55 PM
I once killed a forest drake in pathfinder with nothing but low ceiling clearance, a grease spell, and a very, very long flight of stairs.

Unfortunately, half of the party (specifically, the half with terrible reflex saves) was climbing up the stairs to help me when the drake finally slipped...

Freed
2016-12-29, 12:45 AM
Once, I killed a guy by gluing glass to my forehead and spearing him.

Stealth Marmot
2016-12-29, 07:37 AM
The enemy is blind, so his reaction is of course to slash with his sword... Funny thing about bags of holding is the enchantment is broken if it's pierced from within... And POOF... the big bad mini boss pops himself out of existence.

Technically he didn't die, just got sent to another plane. Still, unless the guy had a plane shift in his pocket or a LOT of ranks of survival, he was probably going to die of starvation anyway.

Inevitability
2016-12-29, 08:45 AM
It'd depend on the edition.

In 3.5, destroying a bag causes its contents to be 'lost forever' (my personal reading is that it allows you to become a vestige, but hey). Astral plane shifting is only possible if a portable hole is involved.

In 4e, there's no given consequence for destroying a BoH, presumably it just expels its contents upon losing its magic.

In 5e, the contents are spilled on the astral plane. I don't believe that edition explicitly mentions it, but traditionally things don't need food or water on the astral, and there's many portals to other worlds from there. It's more than possible for a creature to avoid death by starvation.

Sariel Vailo
2017-01-21, 05:55 AM
New funny kill death trolling.a hard vicious mocked a dark elf to death just trolled to death his death position fetal position with tears on its corpse

lylsyly
2017-01-21, 10:50 AM
My buddy, the Half Orc throwing my Halfling character from one roof to another. He didn't throw hard enough and it was a loooong way down. ;(

Alias Unknown
2017-01-29, 10:08 AM
I've got two stories about PC deaths.

First one, we were clear a tower filled with enemies and we came across a room with fifteen imp like creatures, don't remember what they were called, the sorcerer decided to chain lightning all of them, the DMPC fighter/rogue rushed in killing one of them and I, rogue/alchemist, put myself between them and the sorcerer readying an action to attack if they came near, the thing we didn't realize was they each had a breathe attack. Thirteen reflex saves later, the sorcerer was ash, DMPC and I were unharmed. The DMPC resurrected the sorcerer and we entered the next room encountering an Onii, the sorcerer angered the Onii which teleported and in three attacks killed the sorcerer again.

Second story, same DM same setting different campaign DMPC was a wizard, we had just entered a tower, for some reason I cast 'Know North' which turned out to be up this caused the fighter to quote spiderman across the floor and kick the door down unquote this didn't go to plan as the kick failed to damage the door. After facepalming I decided that whatever was behind the door already knew we were here and stupidly opened the door to be met with a five head hydra whom unleashed all his flame breathe on me at once, that was fun.

richardj
2017-01-29, 02:14 PM
When our party discovered a quasit spy sent after us by the Demon BBEG, all 3 of us immediately attacked it. The warlock threw eldritch bolts at it, my warhammer-toting bard used a golf-style swing to sent it arcing through the air, and the fighter put an arrow through it mid-flight. There was barely any quasit left when it hit the ground and its body poofed back to the Abyss... afterwards the DM told us, "those eldritch bolts killed it straight away, I just thought it was funny!":smallbiggrin:

Kane0
2017-01-30, 01:18 AM
We party of four are going through a waterway dungeon under the castle in order to rescue a goliath princess from being sacrificed by some fiend.
After some smaller fights and puzzles we enter a large chamber where the bossfight awaits, a chain demon holding the princess hostage in preparation for a ritual sacrifice.

The chamber is surrounded by water inlets that are open and beginning to flood the room, and all the walls are lined with chains the demon can use to its advantage.

The two bruisers of the party win initiative and rush forward in a bid to grab the princess and/or engage the demon hefore it can cause harm, but a lair action increases the water level so they cannot close the distance fast enough and on the demons turn he catches them both with chains and drags them under the water.

The ranger goes second last and uses an entangling strike (i think, i remember lots of thorn damage) on the demon, rolling a critical hit and truly impressive damage. The demon is bloodied but not quite beaten.

The mage goes last, having rolled a whopping 4 for initiative. Also being out of higher level spells he has few options. He casts sleep on the chain demon, and rolls very well on HP affected.

The DM pauses, and looks at his screen. He frowns, consults the rulesmaster (the polite term we use for our resident rules lawyer who happens to be quite helpful at times) and sighs heavily.
The demon was affected, and falls asleep. Concentration lost on the chains means the bruisers can now secure the princess before she drowns, but they curiously leave the demon alone, as does the ranger and mage.

When the demons turn rolls around he has taken no damage, and is now underwater. The DM consults again, and his face falls further. The demon begins to roll death saving throws for drowning.

The PCs collaborate to free the princess and drag her to safety against the powerful flow of the water and get to a safe height while the demon sinks to the bottom and drowns unceremoniously. Upon its death it fades away to whence it came, and we are able to stop the water unhindered via valves scattered around the room, then collect what loot sat on the floor of the now drained chamber with barely any damage taken or resources spent on the clearly well planned boss fight.

An incrediby amusing series of events for us, understandably aggravating for the DM.

JBPuffin
2017-01-30, 01:30 AM
We party of four are going through a waterway dungeon under the castle in order to rescue a goliath princess from being sacrificed by some fiend.
After some smaller fights and puzzles we enter a large chamber where the bossfight awaits, a chain demon holding the princess hostage in preparation for a ritual sacrifice.

The chamber is surrounded by water inlets that are open and beginning to flood the room, and all the walls are lined with chains the demon can use to its advantage.

The two bruisers of the party win initiative and rush forward in a bid to grab the princess and/or engage the demon hefore it can cause harm, but a lair action increases the water level so they cannot close the distance fast enough and on the demons turn he catches them both with chains and drags them under the water.

The ranger goes second last and uses an entangling strike (i think, i remember lots of thorn damage) on the demon, rolling a critical hit and truly impressive damage. The demon is bloodied but not quite beaten.

The mage goes last, having rolled a whopping 4 for initiative. Also being out of higher level spells he has few options. He casts sleep on the chain demon, and rolls very well on HP affected.

The DM pauses, and looks at his screen. He frowns, consults the rulesmaster (the polite term we use for our resident rules lawyer who happens to be quite helpful at times) and sighs heavily.
The demon was affected, and falls asleep. Concentration lost on the chains means the bruisers can now secure the princess before she drowns, but they curiously leave the demon alone, as does the ranger and mage.

When the demons turn rolls around he has taken no damage, and is now underwater. The DM consults again, and his face falls further. The demon begins to roll death saving throws for drowning.

The PCs collaborate to free the princess and drag her to safety against the powerful flow of the water and get to a safe height while the demon sinks to the bottom and drowns unceremoniously. Upon its death it fades away to whence it came, and we are able to stop the water unhindered via valves scattered around the room, then collect what loot sat on the floor of the now drained chamber with barely any damage taken or resources spent on the clearly well planned boss fight.

An incrediby amusing series of events for us, understandably aggravating for the DM.

Just incredible...

I remember he might our fighter kills a minotaur only to have it survive by DM Fiat...He didn't have to tell Mac he'd dealt lethal since the thing lived anyway...Still, a great moment for him of, I killed it!