Help me craft the ultimate forum conspiracy theory!

[Procyonpi]

It all started when Right-Eye's daughter took shelter on modern Earth, the world inside the snarl...

[Gift Jeraff]

when the Oracle learned that Belkar will avoid death AND become a god

[Murk]

after which he and Banjo will vote in the Godsmoot, stopping the world from being destroyed.
Then, Vampire Durkon gets stopped by Hilgya, and together they resurrect Miko to go on an unlikely quest for redemption.
The Order of the Stick fights and defeats Xykon at Kraagors Gate, after which Xykon flees to his hideaway on the astral plane, where the MitD reveals himself to be the Son of the Snarl, teleporting everyone to our earth to fight his father.

[Jaxzan Proditor]

to fight his father.

Who turns out to have been Trigak the whole time...

[Peelee]

Who turns out to have been Trigak the whole time...

After having been vampirized.

[hroþila]

And only Haley's celestial powers can defeat them.

[Gift Jeraff]

But then suddenly Belkar's replacements (O-Chul, Lien, Thog, Bandana, etc.)

[Morquard]

... swoop in and neutralize them (Haley's powers), because...

[Gift Jeraff]

all of them were actually illusions created by Girard (aka Haley and Elan's child from the future) and he hates the OOTS because

[Samzat]

all of them were actually illusions created by Girard (aka Haley and Elan's child from the future) and he hates the OOTS because

Roy will become the most logical entity in the multivers and deem illusions nonsensical stupid, causing them to forever fail

[Morquard]

So he built a golem to go back in time, but something went wrong.

[Lord Torath]

It all started when Right-Eye's daughter took shelter on modern Earth, the world inside the snarl...Wait, don't we have the Word of Rich that the world inside the Rift is not Earth, modern or otherwise? Or is that only in the DStP Commentary?

[Jasdoif]

Wait, don't we have the Word of Rich that the world inside the Rift is not Earth, modern or otherwise?Yes...but would it be the ultimate forum conspiracy theory, if the theory didn't require an ultimate conspirator and a forum conspiracy?

[theasl]

And Roy didn't actually have Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity, it was Elan's illusions all along.

amidoinitrite

[8BitNinja]

And the entire Azure City arc was an inside job.

[Procyonpi]

...done by the MitD, who was a Tarrasque as well as being Snarl Jr...

[Yendor]

But the IFCC distracted him with fruit pies.

[Mandor]

But the IFCC distracted him with fruit pies.Sorceror's Fruit Pies, naturally. But it turned out he had a severe intolerance for apples... which naturally Sabine knew about all along, but had the IFCC use them as part of her revenge for Nale...

[137beth]

Don't forget about Laurin's true identity!

In 909 (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0909.html), Spikey is standing next to HPoH. In the very next strip (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0910.html), Spikey has mysteriously vanished...just in time for Laurin to appear!

You get another clear view of HPoH, Roy, and Belkar in the crater (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0912.html) a few pages later, and you can clearly see that Spikey is not in the crater with them--because Laurin is up outside the crater with Tarquin!

Spikey does not reappear until strip 916 (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0916.html), just after the camera moves away from where Laurin was standing a moment earlier. Obviously, Laurin/Spikey psychoported down between panels. You can tell because while Spikey is still next to HPoH on the next page (917), but Laurin is no longer by Tarquin's side.

Laurin's human form finally reappears in 921 (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0921.html), where Spikey is conveniently absent. And on the next page (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0922.html), Spikey is no longer with the Order. Spikey's devil form does not follow the Order onto Bloodfeast's back, even though the duration of HPoH's Calling spell would be more than sufficient to keep "him" around. Because, of course, Laurin is still back with Tarquin. "Spikey" doesn't appear in the subsequent fight between the Vector Legion and the Order, because the spiked devil has to be in human form, as Laurin.

Wake up and smell the conspiracy! Even though Laurin and the spiked devil apparently share a long action sequence, they [i]never appear in the same panel[/url], and one always conveniently vanishes when the other is present. Laurin is Spikey, and anyone who doesn't see it is part of the conspiracy to cover it up.

[Yendor]

Wake up and spell the conspiracy!

You can't spell "conspiracy" without "piracy"!

Andi is secretly the High Priestess of Giggles (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0561.html), as evidenced by her hitting people over the head.

[Peelee]

You can't spell "conspiracy" without "piracy"!

Andi is secretly the High Priestess of Giggles (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0561.html), as evidenced by her hitting people over the head.

Giggles clearly stole his schtick from El Kabong (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=010aaw1Ajo0).

[Quild]

Not really a conspiracy, but Dorukan's true role in all this hasn't been revelead yet.

He accidentely created the rifts because of his researches. He worked on the largest one while keeping a survey on the smaller ones.
That's how he witnessed Mijung's "death" and conveniently contacted Lirian and Soon Kim to suggest to seal the rifts with some spells of his own.
He was lucky enough to seduce Lirian's whose divine magic was required for the gate-related spells.

Once all rifts were secured, he continued his researches on the one he got control of. He researched a spell allowing to move the gates with Lirian's help, but had no immediate use for it. It's unclear how The Dark One managed to get this spell himself but anyway, TDO started "The Plan".

When Xykon soul-binded Lirian, Dorukan saw it as double-trouble. First, he lost his love and lust partner, second he lost access to the Divine Magic he needed for all the rifts related spells.
The following 27 years were kinda lost for him because he mostly searched for Lirian. Thinking day after day that he would find her this day and could start his researches again the following one. The fact that he already had created the "Cloister" spell himself lured him in the wrong direction to search for her.

Dorukan still was Neutral Good, his plan wasn't to control the world or something like that thanks to the rifts. His researches were mostly driven by curiosity, magical interest, and because he wanted MOAR POWER.

[littlebum2002]

I'm really surprised no one has introduced That Guy With A Halberd to this discussion yet.

[Shining Wrath]

All is confusing because the Order of the Scribble never actually existed. The alleged account of their deeds was planted by the Snarl, which was weak and built the Gates for its own defense. Now the Snarl is strong and is willing to allow the Gates to be removed. MitD is actually the Snarl's agent in this world, helping to keep the campaign to control the Gates on the Snarl's schedule. O-Chul is also an agent of the Snarl, transmitting instructions from his Master to MitD.

Its fortunate for everyone that the Snarl is Neutral Good and intends to transport everyone to the paradisaical world it has finally finished constructing, leaving Hel to rule over a world without form, and void.

[Procyonpi]

I'm really surprised no one has introduced That Guy With A Halberd to this discussion yet.

That's because TGWAH is secretly an agent with the the Saphire Gaurd's interplannar affairs department. On a mission to the Demiplane known as "modern earth," he encounters a young Goblin woman whose family had been betrayed by Xykon and Redcloak. Vowing revenge, she agrees to a undercover mission where she is polymorphed into a human and embedded in the Azurite army. Following the fall of Azure City, she takes up her father's rogue class, becoming the Niu hero of this story!

[Gift Jeraff]

I'm really surprised no one has introduced That Guy With A Halberd to this discussion yet.

That's because TGWTH is not genuine GITP board culture and was actually the first government attempt at forced meme psyops.

[SilverCacaobean]

That's because TGWAH is secretly an agent with the the Saphire Gaurd's interplannar affairs department. On a mission to the Demiplane known as "modern earth," he encounters a young Goblin woman whose family had been betrayed by Xykon and Redcloak. Vowing revenge, she agrees to a undercover mission where she is polymorphed into a human and embedded in the Azurite army. Following the fall of Azure City, she takes up her father's rogue class, becoming the Niu hero of this story!

She also has a spy near Xykon and redcloak. That's right. The MitD. Who is not only a Tarrasque as well as Snarl Jr... It's also the creator of the Snarl... You see... It's Rich Burlew!

[RatElemental]

These are all well and good, but I can't believe everyone missed the fact that Eugene is trying to get all of the gods killed by the snarl.

See, the times he died before he died of old age, he found out that some silly little phase he had when he was younger would deny him his eternal rest. He then spent the rest of his life planning to send his son on a quest to kill Xykon, secretly arranging for the party he amassed to be of... questionable competency/loyalty. This ensured that the fall of each gate would be inevitable as someone would screw things up at the last minute every time they drove the villains off or what have you (turning Miko against Shojo and getting her to go bonkers was a masterpiece).

The ultimate goal of all this is that all the gates fall, the snarl breaks free, and the entire celestial bureaucracy that screwed him over gets wiped out. The only problem is he hasn't thought much farther than that, I think.

[Hackman]

You see... It's Rich Burlew!

Who is Stephen King, cleverly disguised with a fake beard!

[8BitNinja]

Who is actually a lizardman!

(They're still called that, right? Because that's what it says in this AD&D manual)

[Gift Jeraff]

They're lizardmyn now.

[137beth]

Remember when Gift Jeraff's signature used to have a massive series of nested spoilers with a Thog smilie in the middle? Where'd all those spoilers go?

They, along with Thog himself, are actually on the semi-elemental plane of ranch dressing along with Redcloak's niece!

[Peelee]

Remember when Gift Jeraff's signature used to have a massive series of nested spoilers with a Thog smilie in the middle? Where'd all those spoilers go?

Sat out for too long and went bad. Grew moldy. Soured. Curdled. Or some other word I can't think of....

[Procyonpi]

She also has a spy near Xykon and redcloak. That's right. The MitD. Who is not only a Tarrasque as well as Snarl Jr... It's also the creator of the Snarl... You see... It's Rich Burlew!

And of course Fyron's Son. You can't forget that one!

[martianmister]

Kish, Lacuna Caster, Luna, Jasdoif and Mightymosy are Rich Burlew's puppet accounts. He's weird.

[Darth V]

But... but all these things are only filler and sidequests with no real impact on the main plot!!! :smallsigh:

[Elkins]

Well, now you've all gone and done it. All this was obviously what was being foreshadowed, but since you posted outside of spoilers, Rich is now going to change the entire plot.

There goes any hope of a coherent storyline, I guess. I hope you guys are happy. :smallfurious:

[goodpeople25]

How could they, I didn't see any mention of Girard's gate actually being between Girard's buttcheeks at all and that alone proves this couldn't of gotten it anywhere near close.

[Procyonpi]

How could they, I didn't see any mention of Girard's gate actually being between Girard's buttcheeks at all and that alone proves this couldn't of gotten it anywhere near close.

Dude, the "5 gates" and "Xykon" things are totally just red herrings. The REAL confrontation will take place between Redcloak's niece and Xykon's boss Trigak at the Sixth gate (Fyron's Crown) after the Order wakes up from Girard's phantasm (which they are still in) and die in the battle in which they destroy Xykon.

[goodpeople25]

Dude, the "5 gates" and "Xykon" things are totally just red herrings. The REAL confrontation will take place between Redcloak's niece and Xykon's boss Trigak at the Sixth gate (Fyron's Crown) after the Order wakes up from Girard's phantasm (which they are still in) and die in the battle in which they destroy Xykon.
Oh sure but that it wasn't there is crucial. I read the old discussion threads and I was just at the point where "the Gate is definitely between Girard's buttcheeks somehow" was a thing