View Full Version : Describe your Character(s) Poorly

2017-02-25, 12:10 PM
First three are 5e, last three are GURPS.

Social justice barbarian.

"Will it blend?"

The man of someone else’s dreams, literally.

Came to this plane of existence for murder, stayed for the cute boys.

When life gives you shapeshifting powers, invent breakaway pants.

Live tweeting this firefight. #im gonna die lol

2017-02-25, 12:42 PM
A dirty bird hobo that may or may not spontaneously combust, and won't stop melting every metal object she gets her hands on. (Kenku Phoenix Sorcerer)

A relative of Big Bird runs away from home to sample the foods of the world, talks like Columbo, and might start raging if you're rude to her friends. (Kiwi Aarakocra Barbarian)

A quiet dragonlady who prefers to speak with actions, she enjoys the sound dry leaves (and bones) make when you step on them. (Dragonborn Tempest Cleric/Fighter)

Honest Tiefling
2017-02-25, 12:50 PM
Elf princess. (Well, she is, just that she wears pelts instead of finely crafted clothes, worships an evil spirit, and her tribe practices cannibalism, but still, technically correct.)

2017-02-25, 01:31 PM
Poorly? Hmmm...

"Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science."

Lay-follower high priest. Curmudgeon face. Fool-of-a-Took tactician.

"My, what big... brains you have."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, patience - how long will that take? Responsibility? Ugh, who can I pawn that off on?"

Gold-plated hero.

Broken wings.

"An ounce of 'judicious use of force' is worth a pound of 'I told you so'."

Pickled lich.

2017-02-25, 01:38 PM
Ooh, let's see.

The cool gay mom every adventuring party deserves, even if she does ship her companions shamelessly.

A crimesicle.


Marriage isn't a matter of sexual or even romantic attraction. It's a matter of how many economies you'll crash and how many death-lasers you'll throw for your husbando. (And the answer is "a hell of a lot").

2017-02-25, 01:44 PM
The swordmage who is themself a magical weapon. Warforged are deep, man.

The magical girl who was raised by pseudonatural wolves. Lä! Shub-Niggurath!

2017-02-25, 02:03 PM
Crisis of infinite sues meets infinite stu. They get married and join the circus.

2017-02-25, 02:46 PM
There are some here I really want to ask some questions about, but that might destroy some of the fun.

Underaged Robot
Man goes on adventure for retirement.
Woman goes on adventure for non existent people.
Foreigner from here. Friends apologize for not liking her.
Business man with knifes and teeth.

2017-02-25, 03:02 PM
I couldn't figure out a way to describe this one but now I know.

Ducky (like from the land before time). But a kobold druid

The Vanishing Hitchhiker
2017-02-25, 03:39 PM
What is a Dragonborn? A miserable little pile of Final Fantasy, Tagalog, and lightning!
Half-elf needs you all to stop begging for heals, badly.

2017-02-25, 03:41 PM
A serial killer who gains superpowers the more victims he kills. But a nice serial killer, like Dexter Morgan.

2017-02-25, 04:29 PM
"Like Hawkman, but with Evard's Black Tentacles."

"Like if Mxyzptlk forgot he was from the 5th dimension."

"Like a Scottish 'Conan the Librarian'."

2017-02-25, 05:52 PM
"I found this intriguing device that appears to be a stick with tentacles on the end."

Jay R
2017-02-25, 06:47 PM
Remember that bully at school who used to like tripping all the other kids? Like that, but with feats and a magic guisarme.

2017-02-26, 12:30 AM
There's, like, spells. And he's a dude, dude. 'Cause he read, like, a book. And owlbears are, like, old, dude. Check out my sharky kangarooroo thingy thing. Dude, this is good stuff, like, let's snort another line.

A clockwork man with organic bodily functions that cause harm.

The inspiring war leader who happened to be a poo throwing monkey.

A crazed dwarven barber who shaved people by (but not with) throwing axes and converted people to the cult of the close shave.

Red Fel
2017-02-26, 12:39 AM
Oh, this sounds fun.
Okay, like, a tsundere. But, who trains you with swords. Also was maybe sort of a sailor, ish?
I mean, he's not "holier than thou," just pretty decent; it's just that the rest of the party is legitimately horrible.
He really just wants to kill you and then eat yomeow meow meow (dammit).
Who knew that much ugly could mix with that much ugly?
"Why don't you notice me daaaaaaaad?"
He may not have mastered first person pronouns, but he has a cunning plan.
Short, with lasers.
She likes flowers, also murder.
"Take this... My love, anger, and all of my sorrow! (https://youtu.be/eZpa9RF9aj4?t=48s)" But as a Paladin.
Beware the kitty.
Smells bad. Uses spinal columns as flails. Gets paid in fist-sized emeralds.

Prince Zahn
2017-02-26, 01:10 AM
"I'm not lonely! I have all the friends I could ever charm!"

He keeps a tall-eared mafia don in his hat, as well as his fireballs.

Like If the hunchback of Notre dame was bigger, meaner and would kick your butt "because you asked for it".

Little girl in love with another little guy. She can see into the future but did not foresee THIS tragedy.

2017-02-26, 01:59 AM
Dwarf Fighter. This is literally everything I do remember about him.

2017-02-26, 04:46 AM
Handful of people on a leaky boat going to save the world? Heheheheheh. Sorry.

2017-02-26, 04:54 AM
Big green bookworm

2017-02-26, 05:01 AM
The current party:

Cat or Dragon?

Bond, Q Bond.

Blender Djinn

Crystal Dragon Jesus

Laser Dragon

2017-02-26, 05:10 AM
"Once" and "future" Elven High Wizard ... too bad there`s a "current" one....

2017-02-26, 05:49 AM
A mixed-race woman who put an ocean between herself and paradise instead of dealing with the emotional fallout from her absentee father and overbearing mother.

Also she's sort of a Planeteer.

2017-02-26, 09:45 AM
To the Blue Rebellion:
One who cures the dead (but not death) and is having too much fun.
Has the answers to far too many questions.
Born to great joy and a full vocabulary.
A boy was cut apart, a weapon was put back together.
Inherited a great legacy. Takes it and humor seriously.
Creates reality in art class.
Like puzzle pieces, they take up less space when put together.
The most adult person in the room is incapable of growing up.
The second greatest invention of a great inventor.
Some others I forgot:

A gnome bard, with too much responsibility for either.
Had ideas, real name unknown.
Studied books, good at soccer.
Preformed magic with a door knocker.
And I might just be out of characters now...

2017-02-26, 10:06 AM
Good lord.

3 Coins:
- A border collie with an armoury, a love of sailing and poor people skills.
- A walking, carnivorous stormcloud with poor people skills.
- A changeling with serious self-image problems, an unhealthy archery fixation and poor people skills. (Noticing a trend here?)
- A crazy possum with far too many knives and not enough common sense.
- A drunken dwarf with various unhealthy habits, bad dreams and, you guessed it, poor people skills.
- A fun-loving, yet sadistic Inuit shapeshifter.
- A friendly, yet destructive walking barricade of armour, shields, horns and hair.

- Horse-nomad twins, one relatively normal, the other bat**** insane.
- An annoying twelve year old shapeshifter.
- One man, like seven personalities, one sword and an undead pupper...
- A mountain of fur who can't read or write, but enjoys killing things.
- A cursed mess of a carnivorous elven princess.

Great Maw:
- A horribly unlucky Scotsman who can occasionally get spirits to put things to sleep.
- A nice Drow necromancer.
- The Tauren Rogue...
- A remarkably well-adjusted racism victim.
- An avalanche of greatswords and fur.

I'm not very good at this game.

Lord Raziere
2017-02-26, 10:19 AM
-cyborg martial artist cosplayer lesbians lost in the past
-hyperactive reality-warping slime girl, only 12 years old.
-the most arrogant elitist of all time, wants to prove self by beating up golden monkeys
-floppy-eared elf, bitter about knowing more than you.

2017-02-26, 11:15 AM
Hmmm... just going for my current characters:

I could adventure, but I literally make twice as much money selling beer.

*bzzt* you look like you are in need of rescuing, please stand by *bzzt*

2017-02-26, 11:39 AM
Jack of all trades, master of looking like an idiot.

2017-02-26, 12:38 PM
Dumber version of Sherlock Holmes

The Glyphstone
2017-02-26, 01:10 PM
The Heavy from Team Fortress 2.

2017-02-26, 02:21 PM
The berserking illusionist.

2017-02-26, 03:12 PM
Finnish eco-terrorist.

2017-02-26, 03:30 PM
"No, of course I'm not better than you all because I can afford a tailored blue-and-silver silk suit... I'm better than you all because I can create sand, butter, and cobwebs out of nothing... no, shut up, don't mention the demon-nightshade."

Incompetent and vengeful devil-girl who always refuses help.

Giant armor-man with wards who eats hearts.

2017-02-26, 04:55 PM
- Farmboy blackmailed into bringing a greater devil to the plane

- Ex-mafia enforcer turned relic hunter

- Snowflake mage raised by previous snowflake mage character

- Edgelord necromancer just trying to be a nice guy

- Sadomasochistic blacksmith that is hostile to any abbreviation of his name

2017-02-26, 05:14 PM
-The worst Paladin ever. Of all time.

-Stalin, but a southern woman.

-Dying-impaired, English cattle rustler.

-Legolas, but if he were Frodo.

-Sarcastic pet lizard.

-Kobold conman.

Some of my Players' characters (they don't use this forum and it would be a waste not to share them here)

-The angriest bartender

-The phrase "RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS!" Incarnated as a woman in a clown mask.

-Eldritch first-grader.

-He explodes things.

-Chosen of his God. Named after a bucket.

2017-02-26, 08:17 PM
An excellent businessman with unfortunate taste in music and friends.
Bard/Sorceror, retired to become an NPC CEO[recording studio and and the party's de facto patron.

Smite Bear, but with no actual smite ability, and only partly bear.

Half-Celestial, Legendary Werebear, Hobgoblin Soulknife Saint with a Vow of Poverty. It was a crazy high-powered campaign.

Sexy Lawyer can't decide whether to rule the world, save it, or destroy it. Probably going to do it with a secret robot army though, whatever it is.
Beguiler/Technomage[D20 modern], started out as a sexy lawyer; wound up building an army of nigh-unstoppable, self-replicating sentient robots in the party's Demiplane's backroom. I left that campaign because I realized that my first target, no matter which option I chose, was going to be the party's Hellbred Paladin. I didn't need that kind of drama in my life.

2017-02-26, 09:50 PM
Loving this thread!

A few more:

Master of the double entendre with motto "wade through them like they were humans".

A dragon's shadow.

Cyber-phile businessman with a huge paintball gun, whose battle cry is "Not the face, not the face!". Oh, and all his kills are head shots.

Modern scholar whose most powerful moves include cowering, hiding, surrendering, and begging for mercy.

A sword smarter than its bearer.

A can of worms.

The world's largest jousting sprite.

Spider-Man, but as a squirrel.

2017-02-26, 10:21 PM
Overly oratory reptile man from a pampered noble upbringing.
Religious assassin who cannot get over personal tragedies.
Aggressively redeems you.
The Great Old Ones' boytoy on Thule.
The world's sexiest pirate.
Conman who's good at catching things.

2017-02-26, 10:32 PM
Tiefling Dr Frakenstein with social anxiety. Wanted to solve his people's economic crisis using zombie slave labor, and didn't understand why people had a problem with that. Also he's ageless due to Naga blood. He also makes robots with people's souls in them. But he's also a pretty good guy.

2017-02-27, 12:41 AM
@Elf exiled noble who hunts and eats criminals
@Bard dedicated to himself and his dragonling familiar
@Ex-legionnaire turned bartender fighting the Evil Church to get his tavern back
@Medic in a giant army invested with Druid powers. Also a bit crazy from the mindset changes...
@Cleric of unidentifiable gender named after a sibling relationship
@A dwarf fighter who thought he could be a wizard
@"I will avenge everything!"
@Hydrophobic planeswalking droid gunship barbarian-familiar
@Electric mouse math-wizard

Fable Wright
2017-02-27, 03:52 AM
An arthropodic zebra Druid of mad science.

"I shall heal you with the power of SLENDERMAN! Oh, he's unavailable? Meh, let's just use a shoggoth instead."

And some of my party members:

The pinkest reincarnated baker-paladin you'll ever meet!

Old man Henderson, but redneck and with meth instead of marijuana.

A man from Nightvale, if the city were floating in the troposphere.

Professor Chimp
2017-02-27, 06:22 AM
The Heavy from Team Fortress 2.As an avid TF2 player, that actually gives me pretty good idea of what your character is like.

Coincidentally, The Pyro from Team Fortress 2. Less burny and murdery. Cloudcuckoolander dialed up to squirrel. Was created in a supersecret underwater volcano lab in SPACE!

2017-02-27, 06:33 AM
Bow Paladin who can't cast Spells

Stealth Marmot
2017-02-27, 07:04 AM
Stats on a page.

2017-02-27, 08:07 AM
A very British Spartan spy pretending to be a cleric pretending to be a fighter (to throw them off the trail) and who is actually a puppy.

(A Werewolf, from fantasy Sparta who left as a refugee, showing up in fantasy England, with a multi-layered cover story to hide the fact that he was involved in his former nation's deniable operations)

2017-02-27, 08:09 AM
A conservative dilettante who wants to remake the society of her parents' generation and whose well-being is evenly split between "perfectly fine" and "actively bleeding out."

(A wizard/rogue character, a landless noble and the last of her house, in a campaign about overthrowing a conquering empire and restoring the kingdom that preceded it. With a Constitution of 8 and no HD larger than a d6, she is weak enough that most attacks put her into the negatives and almost all healing spells heal her to near-full.)

2017-02-27, 08:44 AM
A half-elf high charisma, low intelligence:

Sometimes revolutionary against "The Man", and "The System" (think Dennis from MPatHG)
Oftentimes drunkard
Fears magic ("Witchcraft")
Wants to be Lenin or Elmer Gantry, actually is more like Captain Haddock

Big long and tragic back-story.

Joe the Rat
2017-02-27, 09:42 AM
My own:

Kobold Hamlet
James T Kirk, Wizard.
The man with no name and all the psionics
"Can we make a deal? I know a guy."
Richard Roundtree in Once Upon A Time in China

My game

She's got "high beams" and a finger
Weird Al's got nothing on me
Roland the Librarian
I may have horrible ideas, but my axe likes me
It may be murder, but I make this look good
Hi there, I'm the protagonist, and I do not smell of fish. (he does.)
Voice of reason, with a pointy stick. Pants optional.

Stealth Marmot
2017-02-27, 09:52 AM
My own:

Kobold Hamlet
James T Kirk, Wizard.
The man with no name and all the psionics
"Can we make a deal? I know a guy."
Richard Roundtree in Once Upon A Time in China

My game

She's got "high beams" and a finger
Weird Al's got nothing on me
Roland the Librarian
I may have horrible ideas, but my axe likes me
It may be murder, but I make this look good
Hi there, I'm the protagonist, and I do not smell of fish. (he does.)
Voice of reason, with a pointy stick. Pants optional.

These made me chuckle.

2017-02-27, 10:06 AM
The protagonist of this children's anime, with enthusiasm and friendship

Me in context

Dr house as a wizard

Sonic the fishwoman

Amazonian murder warrior

2017-02-27, 10:58 AM
My own:

Kobold Hamlet

My game

Voice of reason, with a pointy stick. Pants optional.

Jack of all trades, master of looking like an idiot.

These are my favorites so far.

2017-02-27, 01:32 PM
Dudley Do-Right, but (mostly) competent! Who is going to get the girl AT ANY COST.

2017-02-27, 02:03 PM
Murdered Mary Sue and made a suit out of her skin.

2017-02-27, 02:13 PM
I've got a halfling thief that's a mix of Tim from Critical Failures and inspiration from Megadeth's "Dread and the Fugitive Mind."

If you're not familiar with either, Tim is a halfling thief who cusses a lot and doesn't give a rats about anyone but his friends. The song is about a thief who questions whether morals exist.

I have a half-orc barbarian that's inspired from Queen's "I Want it All."

This song is about a young street urchin who has to fight for everything he wants, and he wants it all. And you better get out of his way, because he will get it.

2017-02-27, 02:30 PM
River Tam meets Chun Li meets a fish.

2017-02-27, 02:56 PM
Spells? Why bother when Alchemy can melt away all lifes little problems. But in a good way.

Old Yeller, if he was a genetically engineered super dog that got infected with vamprism, and the boy was the scientist that created him. (This one made the gm and another player cry a little)

John Henry was a steel driving man. And a bear power armor driving man. And a mass driving man. And a graduate of the Kiff school of being the bosses lackey.

Plant that gets along very, very well with machines.

Cant think of anything good to write? Be the gorram crews secret patron and sell tales of their antics!

Demonic harbormaster will either turn into a croc and eat your crew, or posses your ship and eat you crew if you are late on dock rent.

2017-02-27, 05:46 PM
It's been way too long since I've played and I can only remember a few. So to pad out the post, some of these are my current players!

Every boat werewolf will die.

People are animals too!

Reluctantly the most noble of his group.

The spellcaster that can't consistently spell their own name.

When a mercenary gets old enough, they know every stupid mistake in the book. And several that are off the record.

For a Gothic Lolita girl with a scary teddy bear, she sure is good at keeping people alive.

Sir Sleeps-alot. Knighthood involuntary.

2017-02-27, 05:57 PM
The cool gay mom every adventuring party deserves, even if she does ship her companions shamelessly.

I'm pretty sure I'm friends with your character IRL.

- Disgraced politician helps lead an army of nonexistent robots except she doesn't really have anything to do with them.
- Bandit with the powers of a minor deity messes with universe for 1000 years; doesn't really change much.
- Knight with the powers of a dragon and very little to do with dragons decides to help some dragons decide whether or not they want anything to do with him.

And some old ones:

- On a mission to destroy a bomb, chooses to do so by blowing it up. Entirely specced out to do nothing but blow it up.
- Binder who may possibly be channelling you, personally, into everything he does.
- Assassin who kills people with crossbows. And magic. Mostly magic. But crossbows.
- Representative of a society that only exists in her imagination. And the imaginations of tens of thousands of other people.

Sariel Vailo
2017-02-27, 08:35 PM
pretty princess drow
spazzy highelf sherlock holmes
skill whore erotic half orc dancer
and tumeme she dont care

2017-02-28, 10:08 AM
I'm gonna do characters from Critical Role:

Birdman McDaddyissues

Went to the danger zone.

Phenomenal cosmic power, itty bitty magic mace.

*Kill Bill sirens*


Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?

Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day

2017-02-28, 01:37 PM
Slade Wilson, Edge Witch.

Mentally broken astronomer. "The eyes...."

Yar. *Thunderwaves*

6 Juggernaut Star Scours the Universe. Kobold.

Cecil Gershwin Palmer, Field Operative.

It's so conspicuous, they're probably bluffing. Right, Friend Computer?

2017-02-28, 03:48 PM
Actually gets along quite well with the spirit of the long-dead Barovian archwizard currently possessing him.

2017-02-28, 05:19 PM
Parkour scrap metal engineer giant robot babysitter sniper.

2017-02-28, 05:48 PM
Skrillex playing a one-man band.

"Whaddya mean, me decanter of en'less whisky's empty? Whazzat, that looks like me flask! Chaaaaarge!"

The Joy-Buzzer Sorcerer.

Emperor Cuzco the Eldritch Knight.

The Asbestos Elf.

Reverend Who.

2017-02-28, 06:19 PM
A Deck of Many Things, in human(oid)(ish) form.

A Merilith's pet.

Enough phenomenal cosmic power to emulate Jubei Kibagami... as a torch bearer.

The Last Son of Magnus.

The guy who wants to put bandaids on you, just so he can slowly, s.l.o.w.l.y rip them off.

Like Loki, but 2" tall, and without Odin's protection.

Functionally identical to a psionic lich trapped in carbonite. Arguably better looking.

Lord Il Palazzo
2017-02-28, 06:45 PM
A wizard who occasionally forgets he has spells in favor of hitting things with an axe.

Some rich kid who dropped out of college, got drunk and woke up a year later with superpowers.

A human raised by elves.

A rotting corpse wearing a nice hat and too much cologne.

2017-02-28, 06:57 PM
...spazzy highelf sherlock holmes...

Please let me see the build!

2017-02-28, 11:21 PM
His alignment averages out to True Neutral.

Cleric who wanted to be a fighter, but never got the CoDzilla memo.

Oscar the Grouch crossed in Kender form as a paramedic.

He sets fire elementals on fire for fun.

And this seems appropriate:

"Not everything is on fire"

2017-03-01, 12:55 AM
Army in a man can.(Summoner Oracle, mythic. This was the character that spammed 36 monsters over 6 rounds to do battle with a demon horde that was CR in the 30s at lvl 14/7M)
Nuclear launch detected. (Fire wizard.)
Damage = very yes. (Sorcerer Specialized in disintigrate. Mythic pathfinder... delivered nearly 5k damage in a single shot.)
Tiax grapples all he does. (Grappling monk with the personality of Tiax from BG)
ALL THE MINIONS!(PF psion/thrallherd)
No weapon for you!(Fighter specializing in ranged disarm)
I'm hunting wabbit(Gunslinger)
I wanna go everywhere(Swanmay psychoportative psionicist from 2nd edition.)
I cast the spell "beat face"(anti mage barbarian.)

2017-03-01, 02:47 AM
The characters I'm currently playing:

--The lovechild of She-Hulk and Aquaman. Team Mom.

--Nearly-emotionless paleontologist doctor angsting about how she isn't 'special'; a member of a group selected by a god for a special mission. It hasn't hit her yet.

--Painfully shy theatre pony convinced he's playing a video game. He's not.

And the characters from the game I'm running:

--Professor Oak, but if he decided to become a Trainer at 60 and was obsessed with Snorlax.

--Attention-deficit Ash Ketchum.

--The token evil teammate/only sane woman. Magikarp is life.

2017-03-01, 04:58 AM
- Parkinglot Twentysomething. (A cookie for anyone who gets the reference)
- Mentally Ill founder of the space IRA
- Murderwookie
- Jim from Darths and Droids
- Vietnam Vet Prepper Werewolf (triggered by PTSD)

Not mine, but funny:
- The living embodiment of /b/ (also Troll-poseur Elf, aka the smallest Troll you've ever seen).
- That Damn Wookie (the inspiration for my Murderwookie)
- Pillory Clonton
- A literal Cat burglar
- 1/12th of every base class. Which was currently dominant was determined by the DM using a d12.

2017-03-01, 08:14 AM
I got one more, although my memories of this one are fuzzy:
A sailor who sailed to the bottom of the sea without sinking.

2017-03-01, 09:59 AM
- 1/12th of every base class. Which was currently dominant was determined by the DM using a d12.

... I thought there were 13 base classes, even not counting Psion(icist).

2017-03-01, 10:20 AM
Metalbending John Snow minus the angst.

2017-03-01, 04:15 PM
Let's see, some of my recent characters:

I will return humanity to its true form: Übermensch!
How do I aasimar? Do I really want to aasimar? Will everyone hate me if I can't aasimar?
Goblin Uncle Ruckus, on a mission to tell all 'em savages about how much better humans are.
My professor taught me to do drugs, and now I'm a STRONK WARRIOR that awakened my inner talent of voodoo curses.
Uncle wizardman says God is punishing us and people hate us because we're half-breed angels, so we're gonna use his ritual to turn ourselves into full angels so God will love us again. Hey sis, where did I put the minotaur's eye and the 3 vials of mulched illithid tentacles?
My mom's angry ghost is inside me! It's telling me to kill all the demons! Take this, my love, my anger, and all my sorrow! Deus vult!
Don't worry, Mr. Paladin, I know exactly what you should do. You see, from all the stories I've listened in on and applies to this situation, taking option A has an approximately 36.8% better chance of not falling compared to option B, with a margin of error of maybe 13.2%. So, I think you should take option A, as long as you don't also have white hair or come from the country of Brevoy...

2017-03-01, 04:18 PM
A power hungry mage with wanderlust (teleportation school)

2017-03-01, 05:00 PM
Not sure how poorly I'm doing this, but maybe a touch of humor?

CG rogue of Pelor who wishes Pelor wasn't so up tight (5e)
recently-sired vampire who only wants to protect his family. Genocide acceptable. (homebrew based off nWoD)
noble monk protects people, but constantly unsure if party altered his memory for latest illegal/evil plan (oWoD Mage)
Hacker who considers most folk expendable NPCs. Collects 'loot' like a serial killer collects trophies. (oWoD Mage)

2017-03-01, 06:01 PM
A walking dispel magic target.

Actually holier than thou wanderer.

Raven with a laser gun.

Angst incarnate.

Not really an elven lieutenant.

Stone Age monster hunter.

A human robot.

Sariel Vailo
2017-03-01, 07:52 PM
Please let me see the build!

well the high elf wizard who obcess about every detail has to find everything about any single thing.creature monster.situation,it only gets better you should have a spell prepared for most situation high int and wis dom build
skills in arcana,religion,just any real knowledge based skills every single spell you transcribe in your spellbooks must be in a exotic langauage. must have backups stowed away.but for sure you must investigate everything.but remember to find your favored enemy youre moriarty innstead letting the party kill him insist on taking him in alive. talk to your dm about making your moriarty always take as many long shiftss if not just being your parties guard the whole night make youre paladin your watson and well done. but bring in some personal spazz like say you make a beter version of theives cant for only you and your watson i think a feat allows you to do so

2017-03-01, 09:51 PM
A girl literally made of light (Aasimar Risen martyr)

2 beasts, 1 caveman (Neanderthal Druid, white dragon cohort, smilodon animal companion)

BONUS: my BBEG from my own setting.

Hypochondriac dragon older then dirt (Great wyrm black archdragon dracolich elder evil, cancer mage)

2017-03-02, 01:51 AM
90's Angst Bird (PF, Harpy Stalker (Path of War) with Veiled Moon, Black Seraph, and Scarlet Throne)

Von Zinzer
2017-03-02, 03:14 AM
Bat-Man, only not Bat-Man, more like Bird-Man, only not Michael Keaton either.

Half-fire giant half-satyr half-orc half-Coatl all barbarian.

Sredni Vashtar
2017-03-02, 09:51 AM
The quiet big brother figure who is currently dead.

The Glyphstone
2017-03-02, 10:35 AM
Conan the Emo Barbarian.

Dr. Jekyll without his Hyde.

The Not-so-Jolly, No-So-Green Giant.

2017-03-04, 09:50 PM
"Walk into room and whistle. Expect to get hurt"

2017-03-04, 10:03 PM
Casts Hypnotic Pattern and gives pep-talks.
...That's not actually a poor description, really. That's exactly what I've done in pretty much every encounter so far.

2017-03-05, 05:31 AM
A serial killer who gains superpowers the more victims he kills. But a nice serial killer, like Dexter Morgan.

That sounds like most PCs, honestly.

2017-03-05, 08:47 AM
The DM must be crazy


Bull on parade now that the land legs have sprouted
Jack Nicholson and his servants the twins from the shining and a floating axe.
The immovable rod isn't rigid enough paladin (until someone from the group is in trouble and then it is mama bear to the rescue)
Laws of equivalence made me the warlock I am today

Featuring a small army of followers who we just keep accruing in our quest to get back a recipe book from the village next door, despite being knee deep in the abyss trying to close a tear in reality.

2017-03-05, 09:19 AM
The Super High Intensity Team (aka the Strahddust crusaders for this first adventure):

A drow light cleric that forgets his abilities but remembers create water
Tiefling warlock college dropout and curse sponge
Stealy halfling with minimal personality
A bird, but dead and with a human soul
Dwarf paladin who never leaves his horse (Me)
Kazimer, the only person I can trust (NPC)
Emil, buffest of the werewolves (Also NPC)

Jay R
2017-03-05, 11:17 AM
That little kid who hangs around and makes up lies all the time.
Well, a gnome, not a little kid. And he calls them "illusions", not "lies".

2017-03-05, 01:51 PM
Okay, I have a couple. Explanations are in white text next to each description, for anyone that's curious.


A warrior, a preacher, and a furry. All in one. Dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut who tried to convert everyone he met to Bahamut's religion.

"Well now, it's a pile of ash." Young, pyromaniac dragon who said these words whenever the party encountered a wooden door.

A rather batty, yet oddly charming, old lady. Anthropomorphic Bat Cleric//Vampire gestalt. Geddit?


I probably have more, but I can't quite recall them at the moment.

2017-03-05, 02:16 PM
A foxy prince whose mouthing off at people actually gives buffs. PF Kitsune Arcane Duelist Bard

The fastest dwarf you've ever seen. PF Dwarven Monk who took things to increase movement speed

Cliche DMPC. PF Elven Oracle, powered by a killed god who controls the plot.

Mad alchemist with a monkey. PF Alchemist with monkey tumour familiar

Alcohol fueled Russian murderbot. PF Drunken Barbarian with a Russian accent

Think the dog from UP, but as a cat and with a short bow. PF Catfolk rogue

2017-03-05, 03:57 PM

Phenominal cosmic power, severe anxiety and depression

Defined entirely based on what he cannot do

Priest whos god shares his worldview with Goku

So pragmatic she'll sell you for a cigarette

Uncle Pine
2017-03-06, 01:17 PM
A 50-ft. 5th level kobold and his symbiotic CR 211 hellephant.

Seto Kaiba, but he's a dwarf in full plate and plays a far more realistic children's card game.

A huge dwarf playing dodgeballdiretigercorpsewithrazorspikedbarding.

A Lawful Nerd Wizard.

All 3.5e.

2017-03-07, 02:07 AM
Emotionally damaged teenage Twi'lek force user. She was kidnapped by the Inquisitorius at the age of 7, resulting in her mother's death and was trained for 10 years to become a hunting dog for the Inquisition. Her father died breaking her out and now she struggles with letting go of her hate and rage for the Inquisition that tore her family apart and deprived her of a normal life.

2017-03-07, 07:46 AM
A metal barrel with legs brandishing an axe. (fully armored paladin dwarf in 3.5)
That little sh*t. (gnome wizard(illusionist) charlatan in 5e)

2017-03-07, 09:58 AM
A robin hood rip off who has stockholm syndrome for a nymph who "resuced" him for half a year.

2017-03-07, 11:42 PM
I forgot some rather important weirdos...
@dinosaur given superhuman intelligence possessed by not-greed
@devil-king in love with a magical nihilist
@sorcerer-queen intent on destroying Reality apart from her skinny apprentice/boy-toy

2017-03-08, 07:26 AM
A Tiefling who's blood is trying to kill him...

2017-03-08, 11:44 AM
A demon turned Barbarian turned Monk turned Barbarian.

2017-03-08, 11:58 AM
A dude disguised as another dude.

2017-03-08, 12:55 PM
Current Party:

Rich kid with Daddy issues (Sorc)

Poor kid without a hand (me (Rogue))

Guy who hits things really hard (Fighter)

Guy who hits things...... FOR LATHANDER (Pally)

Short coward who can't get hit (Wiz / Fighter)

Short idiot who likes getting hit (Barb)

Dirty young man who plays music really well (Bard)

2017-03-08, 01:43 PM
My current character (cleric of lathander): "HE SUN THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN T-"
A cookie for everyone that gets that reference.

2017-03-08, 11:09 PM
God tier stubble, **** tier subtle.

2017-03-09, 12:29 AM
God tier stubble, **** tier subtle.

That tells me everything I would want to know in order to adventure with that character.

dramatic flare
2017-03-09, 02:21 AM
One endless, blistering drum solo who spawned mosh pits,

One dive bomb greeting card,

And the spurned line in the sand (who is rather unhappy with that fact).

2017-03-09, 02:36 AM
The accidental cross-dressing necromancer.

The lich with no name.

Toreador in love with sunrises.

2017-03-09, 05:44 AM
Sociopathic nymphomaniac wizard.
Bacon mage.
Borat, the dart-slinging engineer.

2017-03-09, 07:19 AM
With bit of multiclassing, a lot of feats, and careful spell-selection and stat distribution, I've managed to turn a good caster class into a sub-par fighter.

2017-03-09, 03:39 PM
A boy and his dog both sell their souls for adventure (Warlock)

The Flash as a magical girl (Paladin)

Scrooge McGnome punches people with magic (Wizard)

The Physical Manifestation of My Own Subconscious Can't Possibly Be This Cute (Summoner)

A PoliSci major trapped on a hostile alien world (Magus)

Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior TALOS, FURY OF THE STORM? (Cleric)

The Scarlet RoboPimpernel (Swashbuckler)

2017-03-09, 07:16 PM
Here are the PC's in my current 3.5 game:

-a railgun in centaur form
-the bastard son of Mat Cauthon and Darth Vaarsuvius
-the world's cuddliest necromancer
-The Nature Boy, Harambe Flair
-that one elf we all forgot about

Some of the NPC's they've met along the way:

-William Wallace the wild elf
-the corpse of Daniel Jackson with spoooooooky warlock powers
-Keiji Maeda from the Samurai Warriors games, but (not so) secretly a dragon
-undead Macho Man Randy Savage
-disembodied spirit of Black Dynamite the wizard
-Alicia Silverstone from Clueless, if she was a drow with a crossbow
-Robin Hood, literally
-a walking Napoleon complex with knives
-David Bowie's Goblin King, if he was 6 months old but fully grown
-"I accidentally caused tens of thousands of people to starve and wrecked a nation's economy, then forgot about it"
-tsundere who's too tired from lugging around a baby for 8 years to bother with the tsun- part anymore
-her big brother the orc, who will totally break your nose, then heal it and apologize

2017-03-09, 09:47 PM
From back in the AD&D days:

Accidentally* founded a wealthy and powerful city-state, sparked a war of secession, and rearranged the geopolitical climate of the region.
*Yes, really. Accidentally.

(Different character) Got himself granted land and noble title for being a good con artist. This did not involve any deception of the king who granted the land and title.

(And another one) A paper-skinned hemophiliac with brittlebone disease, a serious heart condition, and a fatal allergy to squirrels. First level wizard, back in the days when you died instantly when you hit 0HP. Rolled low on my 1d4 HP, and got killed by squirrels. Ordinary, albeit aggressive, squirrels.

2017-03-09, 10:02 PM
Bird. James Bird.

The ghost of character past, in the body of character future.

The man in the mirror.

A pigment of your imagination.

2017-03-10, 08:35 PM
Some characters I've played in the past:

D&D 3.X:
-drunk brawler with magical pockets half-Vistani drunken master with a Handy Haversack in the form of a bathrobe
-poisonous sorceress (sounds like a great band name) Emordenung (a Ravenloft template that infuses your body with poison
-wizard who whips people with his belt Abjurant Champion with a spiked chain he wore as a belt
-incompetent but nigh-invincible werekitty weretiger Fighter with an awful build and an artifact ring that gave him awesome regeneration
-Russell Crowe from Gladiator, the demigod edition Warblade slave turned general turned demigod
-six classes, two swords, one boat, and no morals Swashbuckler/Rogue/Dread Pirate/Scarlet Corsair/Fighter, or something like that. He ended up becoming the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Star Wars:
-the Emperor if he was a business tycoon (and secretly a samurai) human noble/Sith lord based loosely on Date Masamune
-sex, drugs, laser guns, and poor impulse control Zeltron gunslinger
-"Good evening, sirs and madams. May I take your order? Tonight's special is a walking artillery battery disguised as your server." waiter droid packed full of heavy weapons and an extremely powerful shield generator
-Jawa Fett scoundrel/tech specialist/soldier with a jetpack and more random weapons than he could carry
-All-seeing bug man Gand Jedi master whose Force-powered foresight would leave Palpatine green with envy
-Michael Bay the Mandalorian just a soldier/elite trooper who's really obsessed with explosions

2017-03-11, 06:33 AM
*Don Quixote, but a tiefling lady

* Merlin's got nothing on me! He doesn't know Grease, and his owl isn't a paramedic!

* Rey Mysterio, but 8ft tall

*Nyeah, who da ya want roughed up today, boss? Or did ya just need my piano skills? Or a game of chess?

2017-03-11, 08:38 AM
My players:


The walking, talking, 12-foot liability Barbarian with a Will Save of -1
Weapon Focus: Race Card Half-elf...With emphasis on the "half"
3-foot vomit fountain Turns out the halfling doesn't handle gore well
Open the Door, Apply Fire, and Wait (TM) All problems can be solved with fire, right?
The Monk-ey Vanaran monk

This was a weird campaign
*Rolls 4 natural 20s in a row on Charisma check*
Half elf, half orc, half dragon, all lonely.
"All I want to do now is open a bar so I can drink away all my memories."
Why did I let him have that cheese? WHY?

2017-03-11, 09:18 AM
Giant beetle with a spaceship and pet hamster

2017-03-11, 11:57 AM
Here are some from Actual Plays I like:

The Seventh Seal (https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?775548-Werewolf-the-Forsaken-The-Seventh-Seal)
The White Witch - Puff, puff, pass over into the shadow realm
Pangur - Moonlighting as a... Actually, just moonlighting.
Agnes - Take a ****ing snip, babes.
Iffa - Has eight legs, poisonous fangs and just loves what you've done with your hair.

Detroit Rock City (https://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?446663-Werewolf-The-Forsaken-quot-Detroit-Rock-City-quot)
Kit - *Kill Bill sirens*
Sebastian - Hey guys! Hit that like button if you think being haunted is kinda hot. (https://vine.co/v/eptdPYULYDr/embed/simple)
Jericho - Miss Madhouse McGuffin
Frosty Yin - The human personification of duct tape.
Jumpin' Jack Flash - Your favorite sibling.

2017-03-11, 01:27 PM
These are some of the more humorous characters I've had the pleasure of playing alongside.

Homicidal Gnome academic writing a dissertation on kobold anatomy.

A naive, pre-teen, fairytale heroine in the body of a Kobold Paladin.

A Yuan-Ti sex witch.

Mr. T.P.K.

2017-03-12, 05:11 PM
I'll throw in some characters from friends I've gamed with/DMed for.

-Disappearing half-elf ranger with an evil streak
-Pyromaniac blacksmith barbarian alcoholic
-Cyborg pixie wizard
-The pixie's sister, this time with psionic powers
-The master of tragic backstories
-Paladin who doesn't realize he's serving evil
-Wormkiller, not Wyrmkiller
-Charlatan sorceress on the run
-The world's purest, most innocent ice-cream maker
-The ice-cream maker's mother
-Reformed succubus
-Monk who doesn't understand society

2017-03-12, 05:43 PM
Another group I'm playing in that started recently:

Sam Gamgee, if he had a pact with Cthulhu and was slowly losing his grip on reality
Sailor who just wants to get his retirement fund back so he can stay home and drink tea all day
Thief (or possibly tax collector) who seems to be looking for another thief but can't explain why or how
Dwarf bard that seems reluctant to do any barding
Tiefling sorcerer who's just sort of along for the ride at this point, with no idea how he got mixed up in any of this

2017-03-12, 06:16 PM
Full-time rat enthusiast, and part-time just rat.

Scathing wit among motley monsters.

The littlest hedonist.

Pious party-bro.

"'Family' and 'Honor' almost killed me the other day."

How to build your dragon.

Deified Data
2017-03-13, 04:28 PM
Calder Cold-Iron

Dad-bod barbarian
He's like if The Dude and Rollo Lothbrok had a baby
Deadlier with a broken ale bottle than a bastard sword but passable with both