Stupidest Question Ever; Item Creation: Codpiece of Boomerang Fish?

[PangolinPie]

So we have a player in our team with a great deal of extra gold but honestly needs nothing so he's been trying to figure out stupid yet humorous ideas for custom magical items just for the sake of the LULZ in game to both amuse and piss off the GM.

.....his idea was for a codpiece that can shoot boomerang fish...inspired by the muppet show character Lou Zealand. HOW DO?!

I was thinking summon natures ally I for the fish but the extra features to shoot them as projectiles and have them return....mind boggling...he has no ranged/thrown proficiencies or feats to speak of as well; this is totally a "will save to comprehend the WTF" type of thing (I could see some kind of added feature where any creature with an intelligence of 5 or higher who witnesses said event for the first time must make a will save or else be stunned for one round due to trying to comprehend the weirdness)

A possible price quote would also be helpful on what this would cost; we're currently in "Quest Buy", a fantasy superstore similar to Costco or Sams Club that has everything you can think of (it's a weird game). I know something like this would most likely be cheap as hell with the limited use but he's pretty into the idea. He'd probably find this in the clearance/bargain bin area of said store.

So yeah pretend you're on hard drugs and help us figure this out XD

PS: how much damage would a boomerang fish do? LOL

[EvulOne]

I don't think it would do any actual damage. It would probably require the -4 to hit (I believe) makeshift weapon penalty and I'd suggest anyone hit make a save vs will or be dazzled (due to embarrassment of just getting slapped in the face with a crotch-fish.)

[frogglesmash]

I don't think it would do any actual damage. It would probably require the -4 to hit (I believe) makeshift weapon penalty and I'd suggest anyone hit make a save vs will or be dazzled (due to embarrassment of just getting slapped in the face with a crotch-fish.)

Whether or not the fish deals damage would depend on what kind of fish are being conjured. A minnow won't do Jack, but a full grown Chum will knock most people over, and a tuna can be straight up lethal to your average citizen.

[flappeercraft]

So we have a player in our team with a great deal of extra gold but honestly needs nothing so he's been trying to figure out stupid yet humorous ideas for custom magical items just for the sake of the LULZ in game to both amuse and piss off the GM.

.....his idea was for a codpiece that can shoot boomerang fish...inspired by the muppet show character Lou Zealand. HOW DO?!

I was thinking summon natures ally I for the fish but the extra features to shoot them as projectiles and have them return....mind boggling...he has no ranged/thrown proficiencies or feats to speak of as well; this is totally a "will save to comprehend the WTF" type of thing (I could see some kind of added feature where any creature with an intelligence of 5 or higher who witnesses said event for the first time must make a will save or else be stunned for one round due to trying to comprehend the weirdness)

A possible price quote would also be helpful on what this would cost; we're currently in "Quest Buy", a fantasy superstore similar to Costco or Sams Club that has everything you can think of (it's a weird game). I know something like this would most likely be cheap as hell with the limited use but he's pretty into the idea. He'd probably find this in the clearance/bargain bin area of said store.

So yeah pretend you're on hard drugs and help us figure this out XD

PS: how much damage would a boomerang fish do? LOL

I would make it deal 1d4+Strength damage. Also make the fish poisoned and replace the fish for an electric eel and have them be like WTF, electrocted and poisoned with boomerang electric eels that have been poisoned. Also try to make it so that it can also shoot quillfish
effgs that grow to fully grown quillfish on contact so you shoot at someones ear or mouth and then it grows into a quillfish inside and blows itself up while poisoning. In addition you might want to make it have some illusion spell so that everytime you hit someone with it a image that says "Splat" or something like that comes up over their heads. To make it more ridiculous also add a grease spell to it so that the fish is covered in fish oil that you can shoot at the floor and affects it like a Grease spell at CL 5 or something like that.

Also, can I use this idea in one of my campaigns? Want to use it just to mess with my players.

[Uncle Pine]

Take a Codpiece of Launch Bolt (SC 130). Have it crafted by someone with Spell Thematics (fish) or by someone who used the rules in the DMG to actually learn a fish version of Launch Bolt. Ta-da!

Alternative route: "codpiece" of YOU ARE A FISH! Take one of the hidden blades from Complete Scoundrel (sadly there are no codblades, but a knee blade is close enough and it's not like there's any mechanical difference). Make it masterwork, +1 and add spellblade (PGtF) to it for a total of ~8,300 gp. Key the spellblade enchantment to the Aquatic Escape spell (CS 95). Then buy a wand of it, which will be pretty cheap because it's a 1st level spell. Put the wand in a wand chamber on a weapon and then use it on yourself as a swift action during combats. The spellblade will absorb the spell in your stead and you'll be able to fire it as other people as a free action during the next round. FREE FISH FOR EVERYONE!

[PangolinPie]

Alternative route: "codpiece" of YOU ARE A FISH! Take one of the hidden blades from Complete Scoundrel (sadly there are no codblades, but a knee blade is close enough and it's not like there's any mechanical difference). Make it masterwork, +1 and add spellblade (PGtF) to it for a total of ~8,300 gp. Key the spellblade enchantment to the Aquatic Escape spell (CS 95). Then buy a wand of it, which will be pretty cheap because it's a 1st level spell. Put the wand in a wand chamber on a weapon and then use it on yourself as a swift action during combats. The spellblade will absorb the spell in your stead and you'll be able to fire it as other people as a free action during the next round. FREE FISH FOR EVERYONE!

That method seems needlessly complicated for what's meant to be a JOKE item XD

[Uncle Pine]

That method seems needlessly complicated for what's meant to be a JOKE item XD

It's an 8,300 gp "joke item" with a 15 gp*/ammunition cost that can turn any enemy into a helpless little fish without a save. I'd say it's not complicated enough.

*This is the bare minimum for an Aquatic Escape wand and it's technically enough for the trick to work. However, it means that your foe will stay a fish for only a single round. A higher CL on the wand can fix this, but makes the trick progressively more expensive (30 gp/charge at CL 2, 45 gp/charge at CL 3 and so on; still not a bad trade, but it's worth mentioning).