Krindork the uncharismatic Half-Orc Bard

[Spore]

This is part a joke thread, so please consider before putting in effort and see this character likely not being made. It is a though experiment to prove a point. So my DM INSISTS that a bard has to make music of some sort. I disagree as I know many forms of entertainment that dont rely on melody or rhythm. Thus Krindork was born.

The initial idea was to dump Charisma and not take proficiency in an instrument for a net roll of "Instrument Violin: -1". This I would pair up with a (poorly tuned) violing picked up from a flea market to further drive my point home. I would claim loudly: "BE INSPIRED! KRINDORK IS AT YOUR SIDE." and then mistreating the poor instrument to the best of my ability. 5e however....made this difficult by giving you three instruments for a pure classed bard or forcing you to pick one instrument and have Cha 13 if you wanted to multiclass into it.

The entire point was to make a character that is terrible at music but is Bard by virtue of his popularity in the gladiator arena. Fame and glory which his tiny brain misinterprets as being good at music. Any help to dump Charisma or the use of instruments further? Does playing a broken instrument incur penalty? Are there items or curses that drop Charisma? Any kits that exchange proficiency with instruments?

[Essar]

Take buff spells that don't require a focus. I'm not gonna look them up you do that **** it's your character :P

Along those lines, though, you don't have to dump Cha, just use it for something other than performing, like intimidation... "KRINDORK SMASH YOU IF YOU DON' SMASH DEM!" for a verbal component, for example.

"KRINDORK BURNZ YOOZ ALL IN FIAH!" for Fireball because you're going for Lore bard because he knows things, right? :P

[some guy]

My dm was kind enough to exchange my musical instrument proficiencies for woodcarving and gem- and stoncarving to make a rune-based bard, but that requires dm-cooperation.
In your case I'd suggest picking proficiency in 3 instruments you will never encounter, maybe instruments from a far away culture or a different time period, or instruments that are to big to take with you on adventuring. Then just use the violin as a focus.
"Krindork, why are you so bad at the violin?"
"KRINDORK ONLY TRAINED IN PLAYING THE ALPENHORN, CHURCH-ORGAN AND THE SINGING TESLA COIL. INSTURCTOR WAS SHOT BEFORE HE COULD TEACH ME THE PUNY INSTRUMENTS"

[Joe the Rat]

Using a component pouch is right there in the rules. You don't need to even need to own an instrument.
Hell, you don't even need Performance proficiency.

But if you can't fluff out the instruments:
Recommended instruments (official options): Drum, Hand Drum, Wargong. EAT DRUMS! (Beat. Beat drums) BEAT DRUMS! Carry a set of bongos - and I mean YOU carry a set of bongos. If your DM insists your bard has to play music to cast something, go full beatnik. Dig it.

Recommended instruments (full power defiance): o-daiko, carillon, harpsichord. Nothing you can practically transport or use in combat. Carry a set of bongos.

Recommended instruments (fun style): shield, helmet, skull. Bang your weapon on your shield to tap out a threat. Use the heads of your defeated enemies to bongo out the Ewok Celebratory Song of Rest.


...and now I'm sorely tempted to make a Valor Bard percussionist.

[JellyPooga]

So my DM INSISTS that a bard has to make music of some sort.

I'd have gone a different way...and become a composer that can't play an instrument, nor sing, nor dance. He writes his music and throws sheafs, no reams of paper at his foes when he casts spells. Paper is heavy, so I'd insist that I get a bludgeoning damage bonus to all my spellcasting.

[MeeposFire]

Pick 3 instruments that are really annoying. Even better have him CREATE 3 instruments unique to him that are really annoying. He thinks they are great everybody else wants to just shut him up but can't because they are scared of his gladiatorial skill.

[MBControl]

I agree totally, that the bard does not need to be musical, but I think that CHA does have to be your main stat.

The bard's purpose is to manipulate people in one way or another without using physical traits. If you want to just scare people into doing what you want, a barbarian build could accomplish that.

I have a bard that is a story teller. I find a bunch of quotes that relates to my spells, and recite them as my verbal component. I tell stories to large crowds in every tavern I go into. I actually like to take stories that players like yourselves, share online, and use them as lore in my stories.

I also had a build that instead of playing musical instruments, he made them. Much like the rune caster bard mentioned early, I would craft bardic magic infused instruments. The instruments themselves would hold the means to charm and frighten my foes.

The bottom line is that your DM has to be flexible enough to design a character with you. If not, you better learn to sing I guess.

[sir_argo]

kazoo
triangle
bagpipes

I actually really like the notion of just a triangle. No matter what bardic effect I'm after... "ding!"

[2D8HP]

Bongo's

A "beat cat" that lays down "free" poetry.

"Purple Eisenhower mimeographs going through the stucco of my mind"

*snaps fingers*

"Espresso"

Oh wait D&D.

"Purple Elminster scrolls going through the wattle and daub of my mind"

*snaps fingers*

"Mead"

[Herobizkit]

Aside: Your DM's wrong, but "his table, his rules".

Aside 2: Here's the examples of Perform from a previous edition of D&D...

Act (comedy, drama, pantomime)
Comedy (buffoonery, limericks, joke-telling)
Dance (ballet, waltz, jig)
Keyboard instruments (harpsichord, piano, pipe organ)
Oratory (epic, ode, storytelling)
Percussion instruments (bells, chimes, drums, gong)
String instruments (fiddle, harp, lute, mandolin)
Wind instruments (flute, pan pipes, recorder, trumpet)
Sing (ballad, chant, melody)

What you need is a a pair of spoons, a helmet, and your feet. ^_^

[MeeposFire]

You could also make your bard prof with instruments that he will almost never get to play (except maybe in a funny moment at some point after showing off how otherwise how terrible at playing you are) by picking large, bulky, non-portable, exotic instruments. While on normal adventures you can play more typical instruments but of course you will not be prof with them and since they are not ones you really know you only have poor quality toy instruments which probably would give you disadvantage on the check.

[Finback]

Pick 3 instruments that are really annoying. Even better have him CREATE 3 instruments unique to him that are really annoying. He thinks they are great everybody else wants to just shut him up but can't because they are scared of his gladiatorial skill.

The orcish tuba, which is made from the skull of of a big destrachan. (Think that scene in Jurassic Park 3, where Alan Grant blows through the replica of the sinuses of a raptor and makes weird shrill howls)

The orcish bagpipes, which is made from the limb bones of an elf and the the lungs/liver of a dwarf (guaranteed to break the ice at parties!)

The orcish bullroarer, which is made by taking a gnome, tying a rope to it, and swinging it around really quickly in a circular motion.

Alternates:

The orcish glass armonica, made from the skulls of various sized enemies

The orcish theremin, made of out of a pixie which has tiny spells of lightning bolt cast through it

The orcish triangle, which is four foot on each side, razorsharp and counts as a shield

[NNescio]

Mandatory song. (http://imgur.com/a/FBK13)

(Credit goes to Vorengard and MrNotSoBright for the lyrics, and BlargBlargson for the image. Also Alan Menken for the original composition and Tim Rice for the original lyrics.)


You could also make your bard prof with instruments that he will almost never get to play (except maybe in a funny moment at some point after showing off how otherwise how terrible at playing you are) by picking large, bulky, non-portable, exotic instruments. While on normal adventures you can play more typical instruments but of course you will not be prof with them and since they are not ones you really know you only have poor quality toy instruments which probably would give you disadvantage on the check.

Orcish pipe organ is a-go!

[Spore]

I will reply shortly but I love your creativity so far.

[N810]

Hmm... for reasons...

Grand Piano

Tuba

Gong

or bring real instruments like you said.

cymbals

Large dinner triangle

cowbell

or I suppose you could go the other way with:

rain stick

wind chimes

kazoo

[LVOD]

Pick 3 instruments that are all exactly the same. Violin, viola, fiddle, halfling-cello, etc.

[Squibsallotl]

Some great ideas in this thread. I love Joe the Rat's Half-Orc "percussionist", sir_argo's triangle player. You could bring an IRL triangle with you to the games and chime it whenever you cast a spell :)

[Ngagn]

All you need is more COWBELL!

[Arkhios]

The Bard of Bards, Bard of Avon was a poet and dramatist, which doesn't imply to being a musician, at least not primarily.

While in general dump charisma bard sounds hilarious, you wouldn't only limit your selection of useful spells, but also Bardic Inspiration class feature, which depends on your charisma. Being usable only once per long rest/short rest doesn't exactly sound like fun.

[Spore]

Picking up on your suggestions I will use intimidating orcish war drums, a ukulele for the song of rest feature, and for everything else, a small kazoo - to ruin epic moments.

He could support his drumming with poems about how hard it is being a half-breed hipster.
I would use Tiny Tim as stand-ins for song of rest.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c71RCAyLS1M

[danpit2991]

buy a slide whistle, a kazoo and drumsticks and actually play them at the table during the game lol

[BillyBobShorton]

As imagined music is less applicable in a "theater of the mind" scenario than, say, acting like an idiot, do some flamboyant move in combat, decribing or interacting with a setting, etc., I kinda always felt w/o playing an instrument, a musical bard is no more "vivid" (and actually LESS, IMO) than any other type of entertainer. Telling a story, or reciting poetry, or saying "I'm juggling" or doing cartwheels or performing street magic.

Therefore, I prefer, and greatly enjoy, playing a "comedian/insult Bard" for the practicality and RP aspect of it. I do play music IRL, but whipping out my 12 string electric acoustic every time there's an in game combat or NPC encounter while sitting at crammed table with dice and chairs and books and ppl & sh*t everywhere to give inspiration or reduce damage is not really practical. Slinging insults and telling jokes goes over a lot better.

An intimidation Bard as a Half Orc is funny and would be great as a"guest PC" maybe to die hilariously for a night or even an hour or two, but dumping the stat that gives you all your Bardy goodness would not work mechanically. You'd have no inspiration dice, for one, and weak ass spells, and be pretty much a fighter without the fighter.

In other words, you'd play a commoner who sucks at open-mic.