.:Death has been outsourced:.

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

CATS.

CATS ARE NICE. (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19959718/?GT1=10150)

Just a little article I found that makes me hope I don't lose my job anytime soon, got to always be on the lookout for things like this.

Now the next time a cat comes to visit in hospital you won't know if it likes to company or is just checking to see if you are still living.

[Sean92k]

I truly is a sad day when the immortal reaper is upstaged by a feline

[InaVegt]

Death, you don't like the candidate apprentice I trained for you?

*le sad*

[Emperor Ing]

lose, lose, lose, lose, your gonna lose your job to a cat?!
(truth or dare dare :smalltongue: )

[faerwain]

:smallconfused: They all seem convinced it's a sign..not the reason

*off buying a pack of big dogs*

(Can we wait for Death's ad campaign now soon?)

[Dronin]

Animals definitely have a 6th sense that we are not in tune with.
The Egyptians thought that cats were the gatekeepers of death.

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

Death, you don't like the candidate apprentice I trained for you?

*le sad*

Ah, is that what it is? That's good, for a second I was worried...



(Can we wait for Death's ad campaign now soon?)

"Vote Death; because some things are worth dying for."

[Lord Herman]

That cat needs a little robe and scythe.

[Wraithy]

reminds me of this slightly: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/death+kitty+and+the+fat+man/

[Castaras]

She was convinced of Oscar’s talent when he made his 13th correct call.

Unlucky number as well. Poor Death, being pushed out of his job by a cat.

At least it wasn't a dog. :smalltongue:

[Avaris]

Question is do the residents of the nursing home realise this? If so they might try to stay away from the cat...

[SDF]

Hey, just be thankful you don't have to do geriatrics anymore.

[Closet_Skeleton]

Animals definitely have a 6th sense that we are not in tune with.

You don't need to be psychic to be affectede by pheromones or develope behavior patterns.

[Wraithy]

You don't need to be psychic to be affectede by pheromones or develope behavior patterns.

yay! logic arrives!:smallbiggrin:

[Korith]

Ah, is that what it is? That's good, for a second I was worried...




"Vote Death; because some things are worth dying for."

"Vote Death; he's still better than all those other guys!."

[evisiron]

!Death: Put your life in his hands!

[Rawhide]

Death. If you never never try, you'll never never die.

[TruenuffTrey]

If Death is the end, why choose anyone else?

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

Give us Death or give us Liberty! But why choose, have both today!

[Sean92k]

Vote or die: Its win win
I dont understand it either

[purple gelatinous cube o' Doom]

Even though I don't like cats at all (very allergic to them). I do have to admit, that is one amusing story.

[Alarra]

reminds me of this slightly: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/death+kitty+and+the+fat+man/

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw that.

[magicwalker]

Death: If at first you don't succeed; die, die again.

[Korith]

Even though I don't like cats at all (very allergic to them). I do have to admit, that is one amusing story.

Fascinating...what if the deaths are major allergic reactions?

That would mean the cat isn't the reaper, it's a serial killer!

[Azrael]

Dear Humanoids and Demi-Humanoids currently residing in Reality Incorporated's Earth V2.6.11:

There have been recent rumors regarding the possible replacement of long time employee Death, Your Friend The Reaper with cheap labor imported from the burgeoning economy of the Beastlands.

Please rest assured that we here at Reality Inc. would not attempt to turn over important soul collecting duties to any labor source supplying cross Subtype employees. The mistakes of RIE V2.5.3 will not be repeated.

Furthermore, Death has been acting in an exemplary fashion as of late and we foresee no reasonable circumstances that would cause us to search for any other Humanoid labor supplier to handle his duties.

Thank you for choosing Reality Incorporated for all your metaphysical needs,

Azrael
Chief Operating Officer and VP of Reality Auditors
Reality Incorporated

[....]

If the cat really did have some 6th sense he'd always be with the people when they die.

He makes mistakes. If he actually knew when people were gonna die, he never would.

[Jibar]

Man. I think that guy must be a cousin or something.
Go cousin go!

[ziratha]

Good sir, I would like to file a complain.

I am sure quality and accuracy are of the utmost importance in your field, however it none-the-less came to be that a certain regrettable event has transpired.

It so happens that at 219 old lady way, there does reside the elderly Mrs camingway. Mrs camingway has long been on death's door so to speak, and it seems she did come upon her time this last tuesday. I however, do unfortunatly reside at 2219 old lady way, and this last tuesday, it seems the leading '2' was obscured by a poorly placed sleeping kitty. Thus, despite living at the wrong house, and not being old nor a Mrs, My soul was erroneously reaped.

Additonaly, it seems that as pestilence, being the cheap one that he is, has ended his services to old Mrs camingway, who has made what is being called a miraculous recovery. Now, I'd be remisce if I didn't note that Death did check his records after a great deal of pointing out that I was not an old lady. But due to beurocracy and slowdowns, It does seem that my body has been cremated, and is no longer a suitable container for my improperly harvested soul.

I understand this is a difficult problem, and I am willing to work with you, but I, and I cannot emphasize this enough, do not want to "Shut up and accept it" as death has suggested. Note, that this is my second letter, I do point out that I have no stomache and can therefore not make use of the "Free buffet" coupons that you sent in response to my last letter. I must also point out that My case is not an isolated incident when, not too long ago, a lemur was reaped incorrectly and then placed into the substitute body of the president, george w. bush.

If proper restitutions are not made, I may have to take my business elsewhere. I am of the understanding that a certain kitty has begun a start-up business in your field, and perhaps it would be willing to help me.

ps. I do not want to cause waves, but It did appear that our friend, death, was intoxicated at the time of the aforementioned incident, and I suspect had been at the ambrosia.

Yours truly,
pissed in purgatory.

[InaVegt]

Additonaly, it seems that as pestilence, being the cheap one that he is, has ended his services to old Mrs camingway, who has made what is being called a miraculous recovery.

I'd like to object here, the briefing clearly states when the diseased should no longer be diseased, after the term of disease was over I, pestilence, can get into deep trouble with my lord Azrael if I do not terminate my actions. As such it is not my fault when someone who was supposed to die of illness is instead granted instant recovery after the time the death should come into effect.

Yours,

Pestilence.

[Vampiric]

Death: At least you know he exists:smallwink:

Maybe the cat's really death in disguise, and when no-one's looking, he inflicts a mortal wound. :smallbiggrin:

[Scorpina]

All the more reason why cats are our masters and must be respected.

...that or further proof that Death can actually take any form he damn well pleases.

[Trog]

Death: Hey! At least he's not Taxes.

[StickMan]

Yep I saw that one too. At least the people don't realize that the cat being nice to them means they are going to die. Could you imagine
"NO NO NO GET AWAY FROM ME"
"Bill he just wants your tuna"
"Oh thank god" Hands over tuna and makes are run for it.

[RAGE KING!]

Even though I don't like cats at all (very allergic to them). I do have to admit, that is one amusing story.

yes! thats why they all die! 'cuz they all have allergic reactions to him.

[Azrael]

I am sure quality and accuracy are of the utmost importance in your field, however it none-the-less came to be that a certain regrettable event has transpired.

[snip]

Yours truly,
pissed in purgatory.

Dear Now-Genderless Soul Who I Shall Here to Forward Refer to as a Sir,

I have now thrice explained to you that since our records correctly show that you were, as you acknowledge, Reaped then there is no error. Where you taken under the name of another, or another under your name, we would correct the situation immediately.

I will at this juncture openly laugh (Ha!) at your continued insistence that you have accurate information about, or judgment pertaining to, who should die and when. I thought the buffet coupons would have been a sufficiently mollifying response to quiet any further baseless accusations.

Regarding Pestilence, the pertinent Departmental Supervisor has clearly addressed your concerns.

As this is your third strike, please consider this official notice that we are terminating your account and revoking your right to exist.

Have a pleasant and eternal nothingness.

Azrael.

[Syka]

I don't think it's a case of "By seeing the cat the person believes they will die, and therefore do", because it says that most of the patients are believed to be unaware of the cat. I think because he was raised in a hospital setting he learned the signs (smells, etc) of someone who will be dying.

It also says they thought a patient would die, but when they tried placing the cat with her, he wouldn't stay. 8 hours later, 2 hours before the lady died, the cat went and curled up with her. He only does it within 4 hours of the death, no more. He also generally doesn't hang around with people, other than those instances.

I find these stories interesting though. :)

Cheers,
Syka

[Korith]

Death: The end of all your earthly troubles.

[Ceres]

Hmm. Reminds me of an old YTMND-fad:
http://whatyouseewhenyoudie.ytmnd.com/
(note name of link)

[ziratha]

Death: Ask about our two for one deal!

[Kitya]

Maybe the cat is just there to see you Death... since it's not actually killing the people, just showing up when it's near their time.

[Azrael]

It's really because I had the Janitor sew some catnip into Death's new robes before I issued them to him.

[Lianae]

That was quick. (http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/07/26/iz-sykik/)

[Amotis]

That was quick. (http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/07/26/iz-sykik/)

It's not like the method to creating those is very complex. :smalltongue:

[Syka]

It took me a good two minutes of sitting here to figure out what "sykik" meant. :smalleek:

Cheers,
Syka

[Krade]

Hmm. Reminds me of an old YTMND-fad:
http://whatyouseewhenyoudie.ytmnd.com/
(note name of link)

I can totally have that song playing on my computer constantly while I'm on it. Its just plain awesome.

[Cyrano]

What? Death? My god, you're moving to India? Where the hell are we - oh. Cats.
That's not very interesting.

Oh my god.
That's VERY interesting.
*looks towards anti-cat reppelant.*
*Fails after he gets brutally stricken with malaria, after petting his cat.*
I'm missing the point, aren't I?

[Nomrom]

I heard about this on the radio today. It's a pretty interesting. On the radio, they said that the cat lived in a dementia ward, so the patients don't realize he's there and don't make the connection.

[Korith]

Death means never having to say you're sorry.

[Jibar]

For some reason this cat was just on the BBC Lunch News.
Apparantly this is actually rather impressive.

[Eldpollard]

My theory is that the cat isn't predicting the deaths but causing them. Cats are of course the big evil of the world.

[Archonic Energy]

That was quick. (http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/07/26/iz-sykik/)

i prefered

"u had a soul, but i eated it"
as a caption...

[Supagoof]

Death: If you gotta go, then do so with STYLE!

Perhaps the cat is suicidal. Think of it, if the animal has nine* lives, it may just be hanging around hoping that Death will take one or more of them when he comes to visit the patients. Who wants to live forever right?

*Supposedly, it's never been proven the true amount is nine. They could have more. Further testing will need to be done.

[TruenuffTrey]

Death: better than Disney World!

[Marek]

http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Death,white,black.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)

Who needs to spend all that money on ad campaigns when you can have this for free?

My personal favorite: You don't want Death as your enemy!

[Cyrano]

Seriously, he'd spend all day making bad puns, and you KNOW he'd just make one involving "enema" that would make everyone uncomfortable for weeks.

[Scorpina]

I think we should all just be grateful that he uses those puns for good, instead of evil.

[GuesssWho]

http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Death,white,black.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)

Who needs to spend all that money on ad campaigns when you can have this for free?

My personal favorite: You don't want Death as your enemy!
I like 'Be Alive with Death'. Such a great oxymoron . . .

But anyway . . .
They do say that cats can steal your breath while you sleep . . .

[Cyrano]

Yes, but they also say certain people can take your breath away, and outside of Sniper Wolf, they do not. That is because the "They" who say this is in fact ONE unlucky philosopher named Charles They, whose name has never been pronounced correctly and wrote thousandes of tiny sayings, attributing some to his pen name, "Jack Everyone". Charles They also had an IQ in the negatives. He was the Bloody Stupid Johnson of philosophy.
DON'T trust the sayings. The sayings are bad. They are the marks of a twisted world on our establishment, plus bladeby blah, some poetic propogandist remark, followed by request for donations, blaaah, end infomercial.

[Belteshazzar]

Death for life

Death, because reincarnation is overrated.

Death, Paperwork or Cthuhlu. The choice is final.

[Castaras]

http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Death,white,black.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)


"Death inside you" is what I can see at the moment. :smalltongue:

Although maybe it could be a fresh start Death. Why not take a holiday while the cat takes over the job for a few years. You could do with a holiday, you're looking a little white and peaky...

[DarkLightDragon]

Vote for Death-It's inevitable!

I'm not sure if that one's been mentioned already, but it got into my head last night and I wanted to post it.

Anyway, that cat article is interesting. Right now I'm bored and looking at the other articles on there.

[Extra_Crispy]

Death: You may have cheated him but he allways wins in the end

And by the way Death sorry for cheating you almost 14 years ago

ok ok sorry for cheating you twice

But we can be friends right, I swear not to live the next time you come for me if you swear to make the next time MUCH less painfull.

Ok?

[Death, your friend the Reaper]

And by the way Death sorry for cheating you almost 14 years ago


I...I trusted you!

I can't believe you would have told me that Prawns could attack forward as well as diagonal!

V....yes, I did wonder how the seafood played a part...

[Marek]

Since when have prawns been part of the game of chess, Death? The plot thickens!

Also, my favorite SLoganizer quote at the moment: Death kicks @ss

[MrEdwardNigma]

Supposedly, it's never been proven the true amount is nine. They could have more. Further testing will need to be done.

I'm working on that right now.
*Grins broadly*

Also, Death, this might indeed prove a fine opportunity for a vacation. Perhaps you could go help out on a farm or something? :smallbiggrin:

(Oh, and a Death Slogan, as that seems to be costumary: Death: It's better than the alternative, or, perhaps Death: better than the competition. I know they sound pretty much the same, but there's a difference, think about it).

[Nibleswick]

Long Live Death!

[RationalGoblin]

Long Live Death!

....
That hurt almost as Death's own puns. I approve.

Also, I concur. Long Live Death, and may he reap the souls of arsehats!

[Arameus]

The way I see it, Death, is that if some pipsqueak starts trying to move in on your territory, you have every right to reap the little bugger, or at least give him a near-you experience to scare him straight. You've held this job down for eons, surely you've dealt with this before!

Edit: My research shows that cats usually do have several lives, the exact number of which only averages to nine and is usually indeterminate. However, if a cat is dispatched in a profoundly powerful manner (think 'Feline Cannonballs'), it may exhaust multiple lives at a stretch and can often completely deplete it's stock in one go.

[Vonriel]

Death: Parties so great, people are just dying to get invited!

There, my addition to the long list of slogans for my friend the reaper.

[Blood]

Don't worry, Death. I talked to Oskar about it. :smallsmile: