Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread [Archive] - Page 4

Rater202

2017-10-01, 11:24 PM

*In a Marvel Roleplay, may not ask why various people and organizations are so hung up on recreating the Super Soldier Serum when it's been long established that you can make mutates that are much stronger than Captain America with genetic engineering.
**I can only use examples that I know about in-character.
***Can not use me or other PCs as examples.
****May not point out that the planet is lousy with super-powered mutants, mutates, and aliens and that multiple people have stolen DNA from multible individuals without the donors noticing.
*****Again, may not use myself or other PCs as examples.
******May not ask a government official why, if they had access to a version of the Connors formula that doesn't drive you insane, why the army didn't just train a battaleon of super-strong regenerating lizard men instead of creating American Kaiju.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-02, 02:21 AM

*In a Marvel Roleplay, may not ask why various people and organizations are so hung up on recreating the Super Soldier Serum when it's been long established that you can make mutates that are much stronger than Captain America with genetic engineering.

** Cannot suggest it's because they didn't want to wait approximately two decades to find out if their army had come out correctly or not.

Lord Raziere

2017-10-02, 03:31 AM

** Cannot suggest it's because they didn't want to wait approximately two decades to find out if their army had come out correctly or not.

*** Cannot point out that this a superhero setting and that someone could probably find time technology to speed that up to something like a few hours, just lying around from some mad supervillains science experiment or abandoned lab. Like seriously, wacky inventions in superhero settings like a dime a dozen, how aren't there labs dedicated to examining and replicating this stuff?

Rater202

2017-10-02, 06:26 AM

** Cannot suggest it's because they didn't want to wait approximately two decades to find out if their army had come out correctly or not.

***May not counter by pointing to half of Spider-Man's rogue's gallery who were all humans given superpowers partially or fully becuase of genetic engineering.
****Like the Scorpion, who was spliced with Radioactive Scorpion genes. Or the Lizard, who injected himself with a mutagenic serum derived from lizard DNA.
*****May not point out that the Us Military has a perfected version of that serum that doesn't result in super-villains and that they could have just used it to give volunteering soldiers the abillty to change into lizard-men instead of using it to try and make a second Captain America.

There's Also Itsy-Bitsy, who went from a heroin addict to one of the most powerful regenerators and dangerous killers on the planet with just an infusion of DNA from Spider-Man and Deadpool.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-02, 06:58 AM

I mean, it's not like it's not theoretically possible to perform GM on fully grown living organisms, but yeah I forgot how insane comics are.

And I though science fiction could be stupid, at least their future technology is actually in the future (normally, unless somebody's invented time travel).

JAL_1138

2017-10-02, 04:35 PM

******May not ask a government official why, if they had access to a version of the Connors formula that doesn't drive you insane, why the army didn't just train a battaleon of super-strong regenerating lizard men instead of creating American Kaiju.

*******May not hypothesize that while the aforesaid serum might not make someone literally insane, it might have other deleterious effects that could result in something like the following exchange:

Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis lizard DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis lizard men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

Rater202

2017-10-02, 06:11 PM

*******May not hypothesize that while the aforesaid serum might not make someone literally insane, it might have other deleterious effects that could result in something like the following exchange:

********May not counter that American Kaiju is literally a Gaint Radioactive version of the Lizard, so if they were willing to make that it would probably have been safer, cheaper, and easier to contain the test subject for the Lizard Super Soldiers than it would be to contain what they actually tried if it went bad.
*********May not then say that, okay, maybe they weren't expecting Todd Ziller to turn into a Kaiju, but then question what the heck else they expected to happen when they used Gamma Radiation, Pym Particles, Mutant Growth Hormones, and The Connor's formula to fill in the gaps in the Super Soldier Serum?

I mean, doyalist, Marvel wanted to have a Godzilla knock off for when the Avengers came into conflict with Shield, but in-universe the idea was stupid... especially in hindsight, and well, it mada sense to make a comment about that.

JAL_1138

2017-10-02, 06:25 PM

I'm not up to date with comics, and read pretty sporadically back in the day, so I'm unfamiliar with that storyline and character. I wasn't so much making a serious reply as taking an excuse to quote Cave Johnson. :smalltongue:

Rater202

2017-10-03, 11:12 PM

*We may not interrogate a prisoner by tying them to a chair with our constitutant matter and then sing "It's A Small World" overand over again until they break.
**We may not argue that this makes us "good cop."
***Even if "Bad Cop" wanted us to threaten to eat the prisoner's brains.
****We may not state out loud that brains taste nasty in a context and with a tone that implies that we know this from experience

Socratov

2017-10-03, 11:26 PM

Potato_Priest

2017-10-03, 11:33 PM

*May not attempt to solve every magical puzzle by peeing on them.
** May not take a long, hearty drink from my canteen.
***May not learn the create and destroy water spell.
****The bottom halves of centaurs are not an acceptable food material.

Although I've tried this for many magical puzzles it never seems to work.

Guizonde

2017-10-04, 10:03 AM

****The bottom halves of centaurs are not an acceptable food material.

y tho?

i mean, sure, horse meat tastes a bit foul, but compared to say... long pig? i don't know which one i'd try first. a centaur offers both options!

*cannibalism is not a commonly accepted tradition in all the settings i play in.
** unless i am a monstrous race, i'm not allowed to consider the bard emergency rations, despite multiple precedents.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-04, 10:08 AM

* May not argue with the Thri-Kreen over which party members are emergency rations.

Rater202

2017-10-04, 12:32 PM

* May not argue with the Thri-Kreen over which party members are emergency rations.

**May not declare the Thri-Kreen emergency rations.

PhoenixPhyre

2017-10-04, 01:05 PM

**May not declare the Thri-Kreen emergency rations.

*** Even if you have a surplus of drawn butter and garlic.

Lord Torath

2017-10-04, 01:24 PM

* May not play a Thri-Kreen in a party of elves.
** Even if I have no designs on actually eating any of the elves.

Rater202

2017-10-04, 11:56 PM

*"What Would Spider-Man Do?" cannot be my motto in any setting where Spider-Man doesn't exist, either as an individual or as a franchise.

oxybe

2017-10-05, 04:07 AM

JAL_1138

2017-10-05, 06:53 AM

*May not play a non-humanoid and decide that societal/political rank is determined by solely by hat size and splendour, and proceed to violently attempt to usurp the throne/papacy based on the notion that "I has besterest hat, is boss now".
**No matter how adorable I find my Tri-Kreen, Warforged or Eldrich horror looks in it's ludicrously oversized and gaudy sunbonnet.

***Hy may alzo not play ein Jägermonster, even iff hats iz aktually ein big part ov their social kustomz.
****Hy especially may not play a Jägermonster in anytink but der Girl Genius settink.
*****Even iff der komik does it, hy schould not try to write der Jäger aksent fonetikally.

noob

2017-10-05, 02:16 PM

*I may not play a mindbender who have banned enchantment.
**Wish does not allows you to cast charm person even through it is a level 1 spell.

GiantFlyingHog

2017-10-05, 06:04 PM

***Hy may alzo not play ein Jägermonster, even iff hats iz aktually ein big part ov their social kustomz.
****Hy especially may not play a Jägermonster in anytink but der Girl Genius settink.
*****Even iff der komik does it, hy schould not try to write der Jäger aksent fonetikally.

* Not allowed to show this to a fellow player and Girl Genius fan, as it might give him ideas
** Must warn the GM that when said player wants to play a character "that's good a making items," he might be in for a bunch of references that he won't get, and also pain and misery

Rater202

2017-10-05, 09:46 PM

*I am no longer allowed to argue that I can ritualistically eat a living infant of a sapient race in order to devour its soul for the express and explicit purpose of vastly increasing my power while still remaining chaotic good.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-06, 02:24 AM

* No matter what monster we just killed, I cannot cut open it's eye and take the beauty.

Potato_Priest

2017-10-06, 02:25 AM

*Actions in combat should be spent on attacking the kraken, not harvesting its severed tentacles as rations.

JAL_1138

2017-10-06, 08:28 AM

* No matter what monster we just killed, I cannot cut open it's eye and take the beauty.

**When DMing, may not decide that the lenses of Beholder eyes are actually crystalline and the little-known true source of rare gemstones known as "beauties," meaning the idiom really did start out being literal.

Guizonde

2017-10-06, 08:35 AM

*when my class description is "counselling the team to augment their efficiency", that's not a manual for my teammates to obey as gospel.
**plan a is no longer "ask guizonde what he thinks".
***no longer allowed to answer truthfully to the above.
***a: "i'm too sober for this sh!t" may be true, it's not what the players want to hear.
***b: same goes for "i'm too old for this sh!t", unless playing an old character.
***c: "napalm" is not the solution to everything in dnd.
*calling the monk "an idiot sandwich" is not nice, but preferable to a dope-slap. encouraging the paladin to "eat the idiot sandwich" will get me odd looks from the paladin.
**no turning the monk into an actual sandwich. even if the last time he died he looked like ground meat.
*although hilarious, i'd better have good reasons to end up in the streets proclaiming a church edict wearing only a curtain and a beret. for the third time.

JAL_1138

2017-10-06, 08:42 AM

**no turning the monk into an actual sandwich. even if the last time he died he looked like ground meat.

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

Guizonde

2017-10-06, 09:12 AM

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

tut, tut, tut... there are other uses to a bag of flour besides a poor man's "detect invisibility". baked bread is delicious!

(but no, seriously, even if it's just for humiliation purposes, i'm not allowed to turn the monk into a sandwich. i swear, between my team and my sense of humor...)

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-06, 12:06 PM

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.

Rater202

2017-10-06, 12:11 PM

*While minor manipulation of the emotions of the other players and the GM are permissible as that is basically what all social interaction is, playing the version of "Your the Inspiration" from Elite Beat Agents and then fudging die rolls while the others are crying is so far over the line that it retroactively makes my character chaotic evil.

noob

2017-10-06, 02:27 PM

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.
******May not say that we already used the dwarf bread to kill the elf because it is even more solid than dwarf steel.

JAL_1138

2017-10-06, 03:05 PM

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.

******May not counter that dwarf bread is more for keeping you going than for making sandwiches with. Granted, you'll never go hungry when you have some dwarf bread to avoid. You only have to look at it for a moment, and instantly you can think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. Your boots, for example. Raw sheep. Mountains. Your own foot.

******May not say that we already used the dwarf bread to kill the elf because it is even more solid than dwarf steel.

*******To make a meal of dwarf bread, soak it in a bucket of water for a month. Then eat the bucket. (The dwarf bread, of course, will still be as inedible as the day it was forged).

Guizonde

2017-10-06, 03:11 PM

(The dwarf bread, of course, will still be as inedible as the day it was forged).

in an american kitchen, you find a 55-gallon drum of oil over a fire pit.

in an indian kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of peppers. all serve a purpose.

in a french kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of gizzards. all serve a purpose.

in a dwarven kitchen, you find 55 different anvils. all. serve. a. purpose.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-06, 04:38 PM

in an american kitchen, you find a 55-gallon drum of oil over a fire pit.

in an indian kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of peppers. all serve a purpose.

in a french kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of gizzards. all serve a purpose.

in a dwarven kitchen, you find 55 different anvils. all. serve. a. purpose.

You see, in an English kitchen we just have mint sauce.

And apple sauce, but some foreigners are and to understand that.

Guizonde

2017-10-06, 07:06 PM

You see, in an English kitchen we just have mint sauce.

And apple sauce, but some foreigners are and to understand that.

yes, but with that single ingredient, you have 55 different pie recipes! (based on a traditional english cuisine cookbook i own)

Potato_Priest

2017-10-08, 03:38 PM

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

PhoenixPhyre

2017-10-08, 03:46 PM

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

Especially not if my paladin's race is minotaur.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-08, 03:51 PM

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

*** May not make my Paladins Chinese to justify the name.
**** Especially if I can convince other players to make twin Chinese necromancers.

Rater202

2017-10-13, 12:04 PM

*My Spirit Animal is not an Indominus Rex.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-13, 02:51 PM

* Dwarves do not burn all their hair off as a representation of entering adulthood.

JAL_1138

2017-10-13, 03:35 PM

* Dwarves do not burn all their hair off as a representation of entering adulthood.

**Getting all of one's hair burned off in a catastrophic explosion for the first time is not a sign that a gnome is becoming an adult.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-13, 04:23 PM

**Getting all of one's hair burned off in a catastrophic explosion for the first time is not a sign that a gnome is becoming an adult.

Of course not, Gnomes would all start becoming adults after getting their first baking set.

JAL_1138

2017-10-13, 05:15 PM

Of course not, Gnomes would all start becoming adults after getting their first baking set.

*Gnomish children's baking sets do not include plastic explosives along with a picture of Jamie Hyneman with the caption "When in doubt, C-4."

EDIT:
** "When in doubt, C-4" is not my Rigger's motto.
***Jamie Hyneman is not my Rigger's patron saint.
****My Rigger may not name his drone "Buster" or "Blendo."
*****My Rigger may not start a cult around the Mythbusters.
******May not name my Rigger "Jamie."
*******If I name my Rigger "Jamie," may not utter the phrase "Jamie want big boom."
********STILL may not play a Rigger.

Rater202

2017-10-13, 08:35 PM

*I can't explain my backstory with sock-puppets.
**Especially not IRL.

PhoenixPhyre

2017-10-15, 01:12 PM

* I may not decide that all goblins from one particular culture have given names taken from one-syllable English onomatopoeia.

Goblins are not necessarily evil--they make up 1/3 of one of the more LG-ish nations as well as existing in migratory kin-groups.

Individually (while not with their kin-group), goblins are only slightly smarter than a smart house-cat, and just as prone to getting into things. As more cluster together (capping at about 100-ish), they get more intelligent because they share an over-conscious. Not quite a hive mind, but more shared memory and processing power. It's entirely an unconscious thing--most don't even know it exists. They just know things even though they didn't experience them directly.

John Campbell

2017-10-15, 01:39 PM

* Horror-game monsters do not have to make Fear checks when they see us, no matter how hard we've owned them in the past.

noob

2017-10-15, 03:58 PM

*At the end of a coc adventure you do not meet a dnd adventuring team as an eltritch horror who came to undo the world as we know it for unknown motivations(gaining more px but you can not possibly know if you are in coc because there is not such thing as px)

Drakeburn

2017-10-23, 11:50 PM

* I will not decline any freebies the GM gives me.
** "Because I couldn't afford to buy the item during character creation" is a stupid argument.
*** Especially when said item is a medical kit.
**** Especially when one of the other PCs has been wounded.
***** ESPECIALLY when my character is supposed to be the medic for the party!

Boy, I was such a noob back then, wasn't I? :smallsigh:

Katrina

2017-10-24, 01:29 AM

* The verbal component for Black Tentacles when cast by a witch is not "Notice me Patron-Sempai!"
* the material component is not a thong, even if it is easier to explain than the canon squid tentacle.
* My "anime schoolgirl" voice is no longer allowed at the gaming table for the same reason as my "heavy breathing and groaning" that I did when my character feel down the ladder and broke her arm.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-24, 04:49 AM

* There is no reason for me to carry more than twenty iron spikes.
** I'm supposed to take something like fire, cold, or lightning for my elemental weapon. Not acid.
*** There is no reason for playing a lawful evil barbarian when the rest of the party is good.

* When told to take any two magic items, cannot pick one that'll give me a backup Cone of Cold when required.
** Especially when I already have a Staff of Frost.

Katrina

2017-10-24, 08:28 AM

* While in character for the witch, I have been advised against cackling madly upon seeing the GM's face when I announce that I am casting Shatter on the alchemist. I keep forgetting that he is new and we are not trying to scare him off. It is also in bad form to question how many flasks of alchemist's fire he was carrying.

He appreciated my advice that the alchemist extracts and bombs not be vulnerable to such tactics though.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-24, 08:33 AM

* May not be more evil than the campaign villain.

danielxcutter

2017-10-24, 07:13 PM

Katrina

2017-10-24, 11:36 PM

The groaning incident occurred back when I had first joined the group I play with now, who are more of a "kick in the door" with light rp on the side. My background was mostly world of darkness larp, so I was very high rp/in character acting. We were playing a post apocalyptic game and I was running around fixing stuff in an old ruin and ran afoul of a rusted ladder. After the dice were done, I roleplayed out the dialogue of her climbing the ladder, it breaking, her screaming and the pained response when she managed to halt her descent by getting her arm caught in the ladder in such a way that it snapped. My version of a pained response while she also tried to catch her breath from the sheer terror was met with "and now all the guys are confused and turned on." Apparently, it sounded more like a porn movie to them, which I am still not sure if that means I am a bad actor or they are a bunch of perverts...

Apparently, my anime schoolgirl voice also reminds them of hentai. This has lead me to wonder if I perhaps should go into voice acting....

JAL_1138

2017-10-25, 10:49 AM

*Must stop giving the DM ideas on how to kill and/or maim the party, or ideas for making villains worse.

*If the low-level party is largely made of squishies, the proper response to encountering an owlbear that hasn't noticed us yet is to run away, or at least back up and shoot from a distance.
**It will not be friends with us and there is no point to trying.
***Getting into melee with it is a very bad idea.
****Especially when the DM's dice are on FIRE and our dice are rolling colder than January in Siberia.
*****Our tactics should not result in a real possibility of getting TPK'd on a minor sidequest to track down a farmer's lost goat just outside the starting town.

Personification

2017-10-25, 09:42 PM

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

oxybe

2017-10-26, 12:11 AM

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

**may not, after reflecting, realize a cheaper substitute material exists and offer to sell good intentions at a lower premium.

DigoDragon

2017-10-26, 07:39 AM

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

Well now that my character has a reliable way to reach the Outlands, I'm curious to try this.

malachi

2017-10-26, 07:44 AM

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

** May not pave all roads leading out of the BBEG's base in good intentions to ensure that the BBEG's forces can only go to hell.

NRSASD

2017-10-26, 11:27 AM

From the free alpha of the video game Barotrauma, where you explore the oceans of Europa and battle sea monsters, pressure, treachery, and your own incompetence.

*May not act surprised that no one trusts me when I try to check the O2 levels of their diving suits
**Especially not I after replaced a diving suit's O2 tank with the very similar appearing welding fuel tank
***Especially if that suit belonged to our only engineer
****May not lament the cruel irony of drowning because I didn't have any welding fuel to fix the breaches

*May not test the medical cabinet's contents on the crew without their consent
**Especially if by "test" I mean "pursue down the hallways waving hypodermic needles in both hands"

*May not accuse the other crew members of being treacherous without proof
**The engineer being in engineering is not evidence of treachery
***Especially if the engineer is in engineering because you chased him there with a harpoon gun

*Loading the railgun with a nuclear shell is considered quite rude
**Even if the gun crew requested a nuke
***When they requested a nuke, they expected the shell to be properly labeled

*May not inject myself with enough anti-drowning meds that my blood spontaneously generates O2
**May not be surprised that engineering is now chasing me with harpoon guns screaming "Ve vant your blud!"
***May not protest that refilling O2 tanks with my blood is a. impossible in the game and b. an OSHA violation

*Accusing the captain of treachery as I leave the airlock is not a good decision
**May not be surprised that the captain refuses to let me onboard afterwards
***Mashing me into the cliff with the sub was a bit overkill though
****Even if the captain was the traitor

*Wrestling benthic horrors with nothing but a diving suit and a syringe full of neurotoxin is not our most successful strategy
**Even if said benthic horror ate the security team
***Even if the security team are now benthic horrors themselves

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-26, 12:29 PM

* May not refuse to get on the boat.

It was a pirate game and we owned the boat. The rest of the party OoC forced me to be on it so we could sail into town.

Guizonde

2017-10-26, 01:05 PM

*if the team calls out x, the dm calls out x, and i call out y and i'm right, it's a fluke.
**if this happens 3 times in a session, it doesn't mean i've unlocked "knowledge (4th wall)", or even "bardic knowledge".
***not allowed to convince the younger party members that i'm actually precognitive in real life as well as in-game.

Samwich

2017-10-26, 01:51 PM

* The paladin cannot refuse a mission to destroy a demon terrorizing a village because he wants to find weed

** If he accepts the mission, he may not use Guantanamo Bay as a model for information gathering

*** Especially not on the previous victims of the demon attacks

**** It still breaks the paladin code if the rogue does all the interrogation under direct orders from the paladin

JAL_1138

2017-10-26, 03:43 PM

* May not refuse to get on the boat.

It was a pirate game and we owned the boat. The rest of the party OoC forced me to be on it so we could sail into town.

How long until the DM broke out the horrible aquatic monsters? 5 minutes? 10?

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-26, 03:51 PM

How long until the DM broke out the horrible aquatic monsters? 5 minutes? 10?

None appeared on the way to the island, must have been saving them for the way back.

I mean, I do want to ruin a naval campaign myself at some point, but that's because I'm getting lots of aquatic monster ideas.

JAL_1138

2017-10-26, 05:19 PM

None appeared on the way to the island, must have been saving them for the way back.

I mean, I do want to ruin a naval campaign myself at some point, but that's because I'm getting lots of aquatic monster ideas.

*May not contend that the only reasons for water (aside from drinking-water) to appear in-game are: a) the DM found a neat aquatic monster they want to throw at the party; b) the DM wants to mess with the party using the aquatic combat or movement rules; c) the DM has an interest in boating, ships, or naval combat and wants to throw some at the party; d) somebody built Aquaman and the DM is throwing them a bone so the character can feel useful; or e) any combination of the foregoing.

Personification

2017-10-26, 10:41 PM

There are legends of an albino drow assassin. Using his magical +5 10 Foot Pole of Vaulting and a heavily enchanted bow, he takes the high ground and strikes down enemies from afar. He is only known by his reputation and his title: the Vaulter White. He is the one who nocks.

(this was from my post on the "Fantasy puns" thread)

*I am not allowed to make my character the Vaulter White
** ESPECIALLY if my character has a 20 (18+2 for elf) dex
***Not even if I homebrew a balanced (pun completely intended) +5 10 ft. pole
**** Still not even if I replace all starting equipment with the +5 10 Foot Pole of Vaulting and heavily enchanted bow
***** Don't even think about replacing the word "drow" with "rock gnome"

I have done none of these things in game, but I REALLY want to now...

EDIT: YAY, like 5 people quoted my second ever post:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sma llbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallsmile::smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: I really shouldn't be this proud, but meh...

TeChameleon

2017-10-27, 12:22 AM

*May not contend that the only reasons for water (aside from drinking-water) to appear in-game are: a) the DM found a neat aquatic monster they want to throw at the party; b) the DM wants to mess with the party using the aquatic combat or movement rules; c) the DM has an interest in boating, ships, or naval combat and wants to throw some at the party; d) [b]somebody built Aquaman and the DM is throwing them a bone so the character can feel useful[b]; or e) any combination of the foregoing.

... if someone managed to build Aquaman in D&D with all powers and abilities intact, the BBEG might as well bend over and spread 'em, because they're so screwed... I don't think even JAL would be afraid of water if they a) couldn't drown and b) everything in the big blue, no matter how nasty, answered to them.

JAL_1138

2017-10-27, 01:46 AM

... if someone managed to build Aquaman in D&D with all powers and abilities intact, the BBEG might as well bend over and spread 'em, because they're so screwed... I don't think even JAL would be afraid of water if they a) couldn't drown and b) everything in the big blue, no matter how nasty, answered to them.

Referencing more the popular perception, rather than the full list of powers he's had in comics (which has varied significantly depending on the writer and era). Think "Super Friends" Aquaman instead of "Guy who calls taking down blatant Cthulhu expys his day job" Aquaman.

TeChameleon

2017-10-27, 05:08 AM

Superfriends Aquaman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pky_jB9c9VU)? You mean the one that accidentally set the Atlantic Ocean on fire, then drowned everyone within a hundred miles of the coast? Any Atlantic coast? Sounds like a botched roll to me... and not noticeably less powerful than 'I eat Cthulhu for breakfast' Aquaman, albeit rather less competent >.>

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-27, 05:14 AM

set the Atlantic Ocean on fire

* This cannot be my character goal.

TheTeaMustFlow

2017-10-27, 07:59 AM

*I am not to make my character's name a Downfall reference, even by accident.
**Telling authority figures what my character did will not automatically send them into fits of rage.
***Das war nicht ein Befehl.
****"Fegelein" is not a curse word.

Personification

2017-10-28, 09:36 PM

*If my first level character could ever be easily mistaken for one of the combatants at Ragnarock, he or she is banned
**Especially if they person that they are mistaken for is even tangentially related to Loki

*may not convince the PC that the high CR dire-shark is actually a porpoise (because it is not a por-pose)

*No recursion! https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/tabletop_roleplaying.png

*May not one-hit-kill a clay golem by "punching it in the א"
**I may not make jokes that can only be understood by people who have a rudimentary knowledge of Jewish folklore relating to Kabbalah and ancient Prague
***Even if it is the main inspiration for at least three different D&D monsters and countless other stories

DigoDragon

2017-10-29, 07:35 AM

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

Guizonde

2017-10-29, 07:43 AM

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

i really wish i'd thought of that sooner for my current character!

*no more cursing in spanish to avoid teaching the cleric new bad words.
**only allowed to curse in a language the dm can understand.
***may not ask the paladin's player to teach me the rudiments of his occitan (béarnais) and in exchange i'll teach him my gascon so we can both annoy the dm.

Personification

2017-10-29, 09:51 AM

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

**Likewise, Wizard drow do not come from the Underdork
***Druid drow are not from the Underbark
****Favored enemy: drow is not called Underdar

DigoDragon

2017-10-29, 10:09 AM

*no more cursing in spanish to avoid teaching the cleric new bad words.

Personal experience here--Spanish is one of those languages that's easy to learn curse words from. :smallbiggrin:

JAL_1138

2017-10-29, 11:05 AM

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-29, 12:28 PM

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

Speaking of games I've played recently. I should have gone for a Rogue, I will if we restart that game as a proper campaign (despite being a pirate I still refuse to get on the boat!).

* Drow in space are still not word elves.

Personification

2017-10-29, 01:31 PM

*If I am a GOO Bladelock, my pact weapon may not be named Mind Screwdriver
** Especially if it is a screwdriver
***It may not be a screwdriver
****Rock Gnomes' tinker tool proficiency does not make them automatically proficient in mind screwdrivers
*****I am no longer allowed to play D&D

Guizonde

2017-10-29, 01:59 PM

Personal experience here--Spanish is one of those languages that's easy to learn curse words from. :smallbiggrin:

i know! unfortunately for her, she grew up on the ivory coast, so she doesn't have the local knack for speaking either the local dialectals of occitan, catalan or spanish. much to my dm's chagrin, about half of the group does have this knack.

*"va t'en cagar a la vinha et porta me la clau" does not translate to "have a nice day" in dwarven, despite sharing the sentiment.
**last time i'm allowed to play a character with 4 languages.

Potato_Priest

2017-10-29, 02:12 PM

Personification

2017-10-29, 02:31 PM

Fortunately, pact of the blade does make you proficient in mind screwdrivers as long as they're your pact weapon.

Well yeah, but not if I can't make it a pact weapon:smallfrown:

*My character concept for a D&D character cannot be "What if Vin were also a Knight Radiant with infinite stormlight?"
**Especially if my class is monk
***May not name my refluffed Bladelock "Szeth-son-son-Valano"
****The Cosmere is not an approved D&D sourcebook

2D8HP

2017-10-29, 03:08 PM

* Drow in space are still not word elves.

*ahem*

Did someone say "Drow in Space"?

The 1981 science-fiction novel "Forerunner" by Andre Norton, who also wrote "Quag Keep" which was the first D&D novel (she had played at Gygax's table), featured a character that has a Drow appearance

http://georgekelley.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/forerunner_1.jpg

Anyway here's a link on

Forerunner (https://www.tor.com/2012/02/15/andre-nortons-forerunner-rediscovering-the-past/)

* 2D8HP is no longer allowed to speak sentences that begin with "That reminds me..." at the gaming table.

DeTess

2017-10-29, 04:47 PM

*My character concept for a D&D character cannot be "What if Vin were also a Knight Radiant with infinite stormlight?"
**Especially if my class is monk
***May not name my refluffed Bladelock "Szeth-son-son-Valano"
****The Cosmere is not an approved D&D sourcebook

*****May not point out to the DM that using the Cosmere as a source-book instead of the standard D&D magic system results in a far more balanced system.

Speaking of which:
*A character can't have his own gravity-field.
**Not even if he's an Iron-ferring.
***No, even an iron compounder can't manage that.

*I should not have a minor mental breakdown when a player burns trough a year's worth of stored Connection while on top of a Perpendicularity.
**If I'm not willing to have to (come up with and) deal with the consequences of that, I should not set up a situation in which it is the most logical thing for said player to do.

Anonymouswizard

2017-10-29, 06:03 PM

*ahem*

Did someone say "Drow in Space"?

The 1981 science-fiction novel "Forerunner" by Andre Norton, who also wrote "Quag Keep" which was the first D&D novel (she had played at Gygax's table), featured a character that has a Drow appearance

http://georgekelley.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/forerunner_1.jpg

Anyway here's a link on

Forerunner (https://www.tor.com/2012/02/15/andre-nortons-forerunner-rediscovering-the-past/)

At least it's not CthulhuTech.

* May not mention CthulhuTech.

*****May not point out to the DM that using the Cosmere as a source-book instead of the standard D&D magic system results in a far more balanced system.

Speaking of which:
*A character can't have his own gravity-field.
**Not even if he's an Iron-ferring.
***No, even an iron compounder can't manage that.

*I should not have a minor mental breakdown when a player burns trough a year's worth of stored Connection while on top of a Perpendicularity.
**If I'm not willing to have to (come up with and) deal with the consequences of that, I should not set up a situation in which it is the most logical thing for said player to do.

I'm now trying to remember how connection works in the Mistborn RPG. But a year's worth, assuming a starting Ferring that would be (365.25*24*4=)35064 Charges of connection. That's over three hundred and fifty standard metalminds of charges (there's a reason the book suggests not running Feruchemy at maximum capacity).

And while Allomancy gets a lot of love, Feruchemy is really the more balanced (against itself, if given storing time it dominates everything) and interesting system, especially when split into Ferrings. Allomancy is actually intentionally unbalanced and not even the variable burn times truly finish (as you can start and stop effectively at will). Tin burns for hours compared to minutes for pewter, but you don't have to burn pewter constantly outside of combat.

Personification

2017-10-29, 06:51 PM

*****May not point out to the DM that using the Cosmere as a source-book instead of the standard D&D magic system results in a far more balanced system.
******When the DM inevitably argues that KR are OP, I may not point out that Vasher and Nightblood are probably the scariest people on Roshar, that there is a relatively easy Aon that basically replicates the spell flame strike at a high level, or that Vin literally jumped in the air holding a sword larger than she is tall and then bisected someone with the sword half a mile from her starting point when she landed
*******Also, Bands of Mourning
********May not use replying to people as an excuse to talk about literary awesomeness
*********Not even when that awesomeness is a magnetically-powered leap of bisection

*A character can't have his own gravity-field.
**Not even if he's an Iron-ferring.
***No, even an iron compounder can't manage that.
****May not bring up reverse lashings

*May not derail thread by referencing an amazing book-universe thing

*May not be Hoid

Lord Raziere

2017-10-30, 02:08 AM

* When being judged to go to heaven or hell, I may not greet the judge with a "whazzzzzaaaaaaaaap?"
** Upon the judge asking "what do you have to say for the things you've done in your life?" My response may not be "The Aristocrats!" no matter how good or bad I've been.
*** May not insist the judge send to me to hell so that I can fight evil people and take their stuff forever because I'm adventurer and thus would be my form of heaven.

Socratov

2017-10-30, 04:21 AM

i really wish i'd thought of that sooner for my current character!

*no more cursing in spanish to avoid teaching the cleric new bad words.
**only allowed to curse in a language the dm can understand.
***may not ask the paladin's player to teach me the rudiments of his occitan (béarnais) and in exchange i'll teach him my gascon so we can both annoy the dm.
I'd like to point out that learning to curse in multiple languages is actually a good thing and promotes innovative self-expression of anger...

As for Spanish, as far as I have been taught it's not much more then "Io a mierda á [list of things you would take a dump on]"

GrayGriffin

2017-10-30, 06:15 AM

* Not allowed to glomp the serial killer because I thought he was my adoptive older brother.
** ...who is also a serial killer.
*** He works as an adventurer now technically.
**** Glomping random people due to mild resemblances is still a bad idea.

PhoenixPhyre

2017-10-30, 06:32 AM

*** May not insist the judge send to me to hell so that I can fight evil people and take their stuff forever because I'm adventurer and thus would be my form of heaven.

I actually have a faction (of paladins, even) in one of my settings who are based around a mild variation of this--they have all committed unforgivable sins and know they're damned. So they do all the dirty work here so no one else has to get tainted and train so when they go to the Hells they can kick the doors down from the inside and slaughter some fiends in their home lands where it will last.

Rater202

2017-10-30, 08:56 AM

DigoDragon

2017-10-30, 09:03 AM

I'd like to point out that learning to curse in multiple languages is actually a good thing and promotes innovative self-expression of anger...

And gets past the censors. :smallbiggrin:

* Banned from casting Pumpkin Spice flavored magic missiles.
** It is Boccob the Uncaring, not Boccob the dude that doesn't give a flying flip.

Personification

2017-10-31, 05:03 PM

*May not cause an Elder Brain to have an existential crisis by convincing him that he might NOT be a brain in a jar

Guizonde

2017-10-31, 05:38 PM

*if my idea causes an alignment change in the dm, it's veto'd.
**if my plan c is everyone else's "godzilla threshold", i'm to tone down the overkill.

Personification

2017-10-31, 05:46 PM

*if my idea causes an alignment change in the dm, it's veto'd.
**if my plan c is everyone else's "godzilla threshold", i'm to tone down the overkill.
***May not name my animal companion, familiar, steed, etc. Godzilla Threshold

Guizonde

2017-10-31, 05:58 PM

***May not name my animal companion, familiar, steed, etc. Godzilla Threshold

****naming your rock band "godzilla threshold" is right out.
(no, seriously, it's considered copyright infringement)

Personification

2017-10-31, 06:34 PM

****naming your rock band "godzilla threshold" is right out.
(no, seriously, it's considered copyright infringement)
*****May not get around copyright by interpreting "Rock Band" to mean "band of Rock Gnomes"

Lord Raziere

2017-10-31, 10:02 PM

* May not dress up for "Reverse-O-Ween" while on Halloween
** May not wait at my house with an empty bowl to take candy from children to fill up my own while proclaiming "Treat or Trick!" while on "Reverse-O-Ween."

Personification

2017-10-31, 10:31 PM

*May not use the pseudodragon to make a pseudo- template that turns high CR monsters into cute 1/4 challenge rating versions of themselves
**This is not a pseudoCthulu (Thanks JAL_138 for posting this image earlier in the thread)
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d9/1d/69/d91d69bce20208a818aa686d2718d6b0.jpg
***It is also not what happens when someone puts an Illithid tadpole in a pseudodragon's ear

Mith

2017-10-31, 11:24 PM

*****In general, maybe don't hug serial killers.
******No matter how cute or cuddly looking they are.

*******Unless it is your cat. Always hug your cat.
********Unless they don't want to be hugged. Since they are cute, cuddly serial killers.

(Perhaps if I am in a whimsical mood next time I play a one shot, I'll do a CE Tabaxi Frenzy Barbarian named Fluffy Destroyer of Worlds)

*As a level 20 adventuring party, may not take a group of orphans along to the epic final showdown to give them a rapid multi-level boost.

**May not make the traumatized, now significantly more powerful orphans the next campaign's PCs.

Fable Wright

2017-11-01, 03:24 PM

******When the DM inevitably argues that KR are OP, I may not point out that Vasher and Nightblood are probably the scariest people on Roshar, that there is a relatively easy Aon that basically replicates the spell flame strike at a high level, or that Vin literally jumped in the air holding a sword larger than she is tall and then bisected someone with the sword half a mile from her starting point when she landed

*******May not wonder why you're playing D&D instead of Exalted.

* May no longer give cybernetic characters accents by rapidly typing up what they're going to say on my phone and just read out the autocorrected garble.

DigoDragon

2017-11-01, 04:46 PM

* May no longer give cybernetic characters accents by rapidly typing up what they're going to say on my phone and just read out the autocorrected garble.

** This is once verbosely more resume it'd die alien raves that don't soak English.

Personification

2017-11-01, 05:53 PM

(Perhaps if I am in a whimsical mood next time I play a one shot, I'll do a CE Tabaxi Frenzy Barbarian named Fluffy Destroyer of Worlds)
*May not do this and have Fluffy the Destroyer team up with the LE Storm Sorcerer Stormaggedon, Dark Lord of All
**One cannot receive class levels before their first birthday

*******May not wonder why you're playing D&D instead of Exalted.
I only play D&D 5E, and I'm not well versed in gaming in general other than this, so I don't know what that is. Those were all book references.

Katrina

2017-11-02, 09:12 AM

Because in Exalted, that's Tuesday. In D&D, it makes your GM reexamine his life. ;p

Also, everytime I vote for Exalted in my group I end up playing my second favorite game.

* [Mutants and Masterminds] no longer allowed to play an Alien with the "doesn't understand humanity" complication.
* That goes double for human super geniuses.
* Despite how in theme it is, my session in the "pass the hat" gming should not involve my tech genius's a.I. sidekick 's evil dimension clone showing up and demanding a husband all "Frankenstein's bride" style.
* Especially if the genius's only protest is that "gender is only a social construct for machines!"

Fable Wright

2017-11-02, 02:35 PM

I only play D&D 5E, and I'm not well versed in gaming in general other than this, so I don't know what that is. Those were all book references.

I am well aware of the Brandon Sanderson references. Exalted 3e is a game where the PCs basically start as full Mistborn. The Bands of Mourning are a very easy conversion, Flamestrike is a spell most starting characters can cast if they want to, and bisecting someone from half a mile away is pretty much a standard stunt.

Lord Torath

2017-11-04, 08:40 AM

* I may not have my ally spirit Manifest under the desk of the security guard and Stunbolt him or her into unconsciousness.
** I may not not teach my ally the Computer skill to allow it to deactivate the security cameras and door locks.
*** I may not have a higher Computer skill than the decker.
**** I may not teach my ally spirit the Car skill to allow it to hijack the truck with the McGuffin in it (after Stunbolting the driver).
***** I may not summon an ally spirit with the intention of having it sit back in my workshop making Orichalcum all day.
****** I may not summon an ally spirit. Period!
******* I may not use the Fashion spell to make our Millitary-Grade Heavy Armor look like thermal underwear and the helmets like ski caps.
******** I may not use Turn Target to Goo to steal the cyberware from our opponents to sell on the Black Market.
********* I'm no longer allowed to play a mage in Shadowrun!

DeTess

2017-11-04, 08:51 AM

* I may not have my ally spirit Manifest under the desk of the security guard and Stunbolt him or her into unconsciousness.
** I may not not teach my ally the Computer skill to allow it to deactivate the security cameras and door locks.
*** I may not have a higher Computer skill than the decker.
**** I may not teach my ally spirit the Car skill to allow it to hijack the truck with the McGuffin in it (after Stunbolting the driver).
***** I may not summon an ally spirit with the intention of having it sit back in my workshop making Orichalcum all day.
****** I may not summon an ally spirit. Period!

*******Basing a character on Angel Summoner is a bad idea in a world that assumes everyone is a BMX bandit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFuMpYTyRjw

DigoDragon

2017-11-04, 09:13 AM

********* I'm no longer allowed to play a mage in Shadowrun!

Did you teach a water spirit to drive a car? Cause you're missing out if you haven't ;)

Yeah, i'm not allowed to do that anymore. It didn't end well. XD

Guizonde

2017-11-04, 09:33 AM

*if my storm-trooper tempestus scion is more violent than the ork in the party, there's a problem.
**i i'm the one to teach the concept of "moar dakka" to the tau instead of the ork in the party, there's a problem.
***if the ork says i should've been born green, that's a problem.
****no more out-orking the ork.
*my concept of demonic infestation should not be "identify weak spot, kick weak spot until demon is banished to the warp".
**not allowed to interpret the "armor of contempt" talent as "steel-capped boots to a groinal area".
***not allowed to convert an ork to the imperial doctrine using my interpretation of "the armor of contempt".
****even if it's effective.

*despite it being common imperial doctrine, no sticking a bayonet on the following: rogue traders, lascannons, hellguns, shotguns, kroots, battleships, cathedrals, bayonets, multilasers, bolt pistols, any xeno weapon, imperial or xeno relics, and grenades.

sengmeng

2017-11-04, 04:20 PM

*must not over roleplay my insanity flaw.
**must not voluntarily take extra san loss.

Socratov

2017-11-04, 04:41 PM

Did you teach a water spirit to drive a car? Cause you're missing out if you haven't ;)

Yeah, i'm not allowed to do that anymore. It didn't end well. XD

storytime?

Katrina

2017-11-04, 05:34 PM

* no longer allowed to use Turn to goo on anything with a cyber skull or torso.
* if my build can summon a rank 8 spirit, it is likely banned.
* a rank 8 machine sprite is no longer allowed within a city block of an Aries City master.

DigoDragon

2017-11-05, 02:50 PM

storytime?

Our team was hired to guard a truck shipment that needed to get through a rough part of town where a gang war erupted (the shipping company already was days behind and over budget).
As we get through the 'badlands' gangers on motorbikes attacked. We were doing pretty well to keep them away. My mage was riding in a trailing van behind the third truck. Bad luck hit us when the gangers got some really lucky shots. The driver in the van I was in got killed (headshot). I kicked the body out of the van and tried to drive, but the only other person in the van was the team face who got shot pretty bad.

I summoned a water spirit and told it to drive so I can heal the party Face. The spirit had no idea what it was doing, so I kept instructing it on what to do as I'm trying to stabilize the teammate. It went only slighter better than expected. "Driving via braille method" was what the team's street sam called it. The spirit kept dinging the van into the trucks we're supposed to be protecting, as well as curbs, trash cans, poles, etc. I ran out of services (it was combat, I had to give it different orders here and there). So the spirit was done and vanished and without a driver the van hit a curb, flipped on it's side and plowed into several gangers. We survived the crash (the only two who did versus three instantly killed gangers) and the gang broke off the attack. Another van, driven by the team rigger, picked us up and I was told never to let a spirit drive again. :smallbiggrin:

* The altruistic monk is no longer allowed to negotiate our pay with employers.
** I will no longer assume the bard will spin a great tale of our heroic efforts.
*** I am banned from relying on the party wizard for any magical support in a battle.

Lord Torath

2017-11-05, 04:51 PM

Our team was hired to guard a truck shipment that needed to get through a rough part of town where a gang war erupted (the shipping company already was days behind and over budget).
As we get through the 'badlands' gangers on motorbikes attacked. We were doing pretty well to keep them away. My mage was riding in a trailing van behind the third truck. Bad luck hit us when the gangers got some really lucky shots. The driver in the van I was in got killed (headshot). I kicked the body out of the van and tried to drive, but the only other person in the van was the team face who got shot pretty bad.

I summoned a water spirit and told it to drive so I can heal the party Face. The spirit had no idea what it was doing, so I kept instructing it on what to do as I'm trying to stabilize the teammate. It went only slighter better than expected. "Driving via braille method" was what the team's street sam called it. The spirit kept dinging the van into the trucks we're supposed to be protecting, as well as curbs, trash cans, poles, etc. I ran out of services (it was combat, I had to give it different orders here and there). So the spirit was done and vanished and without a driver the van hit a curb, flipped on it's side and plowed into several gangers. We survived the crash (the only two who did versus three instantly killed gangers) and the gang broke off the attack. Another van, driven by the team rigger, picked us up and I was told never to let a spirit drive again. :smallbiggrin: Mine was much less exciting.We were running the NAN border, and had an official Patrol One full of Border Patrol Native Americans after us. My familiar manifested in adorable-but-most-importantly-SMALL kitten form at the driver's feet, and Stunbolted the driver into unconsciousness. Then assumed human form and brought the vehicle safely to a stop, hid the keys, then escaped to Astral Space while the rest of us made our get-away. So very little "hilarity" ensued.

Our team tries very hard to avoid unnecessary casualties - really makes the authorities take it personally. No casualties means they can justify spending less resources coming after us. Also, my familiar already had the Car skill, as I was contemplating stealing a MobMasterTM for the Rating 5 AutoPilot I wanted to reinstall into our own van/mobile command center. Plus I needed some cash to afford the Rating 3 Soroyama-designed VCR that only required 2.5 points of Essence. A 3.6 million-nuyen vehicle sells for a pretty penny on the Black Market.

PhoenixPhyre

2017-11-05, 08:47 PM

* As a DM, I may never include drugs in a scenario. Turns out my players are junkies in the making.
** Drugs that produce cosmetic alterations (including things like growing non-functional wings, horns, fangs, fur) are especially right out.
*** Especially if there's a tentacle-loving (no, not that way) Great Old One Warlock in the party.
*** Or a rogue who is intent on becoming an international drug kingpin. Especially if he's high enough level to make pickpocketing from passers-by effectively trivial.
**** Or especially both.
***** Good thing this piece of the campaign is formally non-canon for the setting (alternate timeline style).

Rater202

2017-11-05, 09:18 PM

*Just because I can gain powers and traits by eating something alive and have no upper limit to how many I can have, that doesn't mean I should break into the Zoo in the middle of the night.
**Or the Prison's super-villain wing.
***Or the hospital.
****Especially not if I'm supposed to be one of the good guys.

Drakeburn

2017-11-06, 10:47 PM

* As a Gamemaster for a superhero game, it is okay for the robbers to wear clown masks.
** However, it is not okay to have a clown for a super villain for some reason.
*** It is not okay to give the clown elastic superpowers.
**** Clown villains with enhanced strength and stamina are not allowed either.
***** No teleporting clowns
****** Or shapeshifting clowns.
******* I'm not allowed to have clowns in any game.

Socratov

2017-11-07, 02:41 AM

*I may tempt the DM to do a oneshot in between sessions
**Once tempted I may conspire with my fellow players to coördinate character creation efforts
***Once coördinating efforts I may, naturally, help people create a character great at making disguises and perform
****I may not, however, conspire to create a party of Drag Queens
*****Doubly so if I want to turn the oneshot from whatever the DM had prepared and turn it into RuPaul's Drag Race.
******I may under no circumstances create a class 5 hurricane
*******Doubly so if I give her Vicious Mockery and call her Bianca.

I actually mentioned this as a "Wouldn't it be cool if...", and one fellow player yelled "COME THROUGH!" at the top of her lungs. My DM subsequently looked very worried and the other players looked at me with equal parts of fear and delight.

It was glorious.

PhantasyPen

2017-11-07, 07:44 PM

I am no longer allowed to own/use/go-anywhere-within-20-feet-of a wagon of any kind
If I build an unarmed warrior who one-shots the DM's main villain one more time I am permanently banned from ever taking the Improved Unarmed Strike feat ever again
I am no longer allowed to conspire with Joe to create explosives of any kind
If my wizard has more BAB or HP than the Barbarian he gets nuked at character creation, even if I only built him to highlight a serious flaw in the DM's character creation rules
For the same reason as above, I am not allowed to make a tenth-level character with 1,028 HP
I may not build a caster who is capable of casting spells with no Verbal, Somatic, or Material components for free, and then give him Invisible Spell so that he makes things go boom just by staring at something
If for some reason I do make the above, I can't then make half his spell list touch spells so that any roll above "10" is an automatic hit on a flat-footed opponent
I am not allowed to kill my enemies by touching them, then teleporting them 12 miles straight up. Even if it does burn up two turns to do so.

Personification

2017-11-07, 07:52 PM

I am not allowed to kill my enemies by touching them, then teleporting them 12 miles straight up. Even if it does burn up two turns to do so.

I actually plan on eventually doing something like this with my 5E UA Mystic Nomad character. One of my abilities will (when I get to like level 5) let me use Psi points to create a cube in front of me, and another anywhere within a mile of me that I have seen, so my plan is:
-get into shoving range of opponent
-look up
-create portal to one mile above me that is right behind opponent
-shove action
-maniacal laugh :smallbiggrin:

Mith

2017-11-08, 12:00 AM

I actually plan on eventually doing something like this with my 5E UA Mystic Nomad character. One of my abilities will (when I get to like level 5) let me use Psi points to create a cube in front of me, and another anywhere within a mile of me that I have seen, so my plan is:
-get into shoving range of opponent
-look up
-create portal to one mile above me that is right behind opponent
-shove action
-maniacal laugh :smallbiggrin:

A note on your planning: unless you are using other rules, the damage from fall caps out at 20d6 at 200 ft of falling unless part of the plan is to have the turn delay of falling a mile. Also is the portal a cubic portal?

Fable Wright

2017-11-08, 03:10 PM

A note on your planning: unless you are using other rules, the damage from fall caps out at 20d6 at 200 ft of falling unless part of the plan is to have the turn delay of falling a mile. Also is the portal a cubic portal?

I believe the goal is not to splat the opponent with the ground. If you keep accelerating as you fall from one gate to another in a horrifying loop, terminal velocity starts to live up to the name.

Lord Torath

2017-11-08, 03:16 PM

I believe the goal is not to splat the opponent with the ground. If you keep accelerating as you fall from one gate to another in a horrifying loop, terminal velocity starts to live up to the name.This assumes you have no control over your movement as you fall. Even without any special equipment, a skilled skydiver—once they get up to full speed—can glide at almost a 45-degree angle1 (https://what-if.xkcd.com/51/). And a mile up is plenty of time to get up to full speed. So you (or your victim) will easily be able to avoid the lower cube if desired.

malachi

2017-11-08, 04:46 PM

I believe the goal is not to splat the opponent with the ground. If you keep accelerating as you fall from one gate to another in a horrifying loop, terminal velocity starts to live up to the name.

If there's an atmosphere, you won't keep accelerating, because the air resistance will eventually cause enough friction to cause you to reach a constant velocity (aka terminal velocity). In the rules of the game, hitting the ground while falling at terminal velocity deals 20d6 damage.

If you don't have air resistance (and you're continually falling straight from the top portal into the bottom portal), then yes you can keep on accelerating, but there will be nothing about falling at a fast speed that would cause damage before you hit something.

If you want any method of gaining ridiculously large amounts of speed in a vacuum, you wouldn't be able to because either (A) portals do not preserve momentum, so your falling speed / effective falling distance would be reset to 0 each time to appeared at the top portal or (B) the horizontal momentum you had when you were first pushed into the portal would cause you to be WELL outside of the portal by the time you landed. The horizontal distance you would need between the two portals would need to get smaller each time you cycled through the portals, so there isn't a way to make a pair of stationary portals that would allow infinite loops if you have to start the loop with horizontal movement.

Of note is this TVTropes link (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NotTheFallThatKillsYou) / common phrase.

Mith

2017-11-08, 06:31 PM

I wonder if it would work for fall damage to say that after 200 feet the dice maximize per every additional 10 feet, and then size does a multipier to the damage. So each size above medium doubles dice, each size below halves the dice. Impact with an object deals the falling damage to the impacted object and the falling object. This still does 12 points of damage for an ant at terminal velocity though, so it isn't perfect.

LordCdrMilitant

2017-11-08, 11:23 PM

If there's an atmosphere, you won't keep accelerating, because the air resistance will eventually cause enough friction to cause you to reach a constant velocity (aka terminal velocity). In the rules of the game, hitting the ground while falling at terminal velocity deals 20d6 damage.

If you don't have air resistance (and you're continually falling straight from the top portal into the bottom portal), then yes you can keep on accelerating, but there will be nothing about falling at a fast speed that would cause damage before you hit something.

If you want any method of gaining ridiculously large amounts of speed in a vacuum, you wouldn't be able to because either (A) portals do not preserve momentum, so your falling speed / effective falling distance would be reset to 0 each time to appeared at the top portal or (B) the horizontal momentum you had when you were first pushed into the portal would cause you to be WELL outside of the portal by the time you landed. The horizontal distance you would need between the two portals would need to get smaller each time you cycled through the portals, so there isn't a way to make a pair of stationary portals that would allow infinite loops if you have to start the loop with horizontal movement.

Of note is this TVTropes link (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NotTheFallThatKillsYou) / common phrase.

I believe a Greater Demiplane works. You can have the edges loop over to each other and make it in vacuum. You can also manipulate gravity within it, to the extent of at the very minimum being able to superimpose a constant gravitational field over it, and impose "subjective gravity", which I'm sure you can do something creative with to damp out the "horizontal" momentum of the projectile.

Personification

2017-11-08, 11:46 PM

A note on your planning: unless you are using other rules, the damage from fall caps out at 20d6 at 200 ft of falling unless part of the plan is to have the turn delay of falling a mile. Also is the portal a cubic portal?
The portal is a cube, and most likely my DM would have them fall to the ground a few rounds later with an insta-kill (we haven't actually played yet, so I don't know the DM-ing style, but this is what I would do). Also, 20d6 damage plus prone is nothing to sneeze at, and if you don't die, your HP is probably low enough that my tiny psychic dragon could kill you with her poison sting (traded a level 1 ability to have a telepathic bond with a pseudodragon).

*May not be a psychic gnome with a tiny sapient psychic dragon sidekick (actually I may, I love D&D:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallb iggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:: smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:)

Loxagn

2017-11-10, 12:51 PM

If a minor plot thread surrounding a ghost-type harassing musical performers is just an elaborate setup for me to be allowed to utter the phrase 'Phantump of the Opera' out loud, it means I am a terrible DM.

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-10, 01:27 PM

* May not overreact to the thread title, there's still twenty pages to go.

I suggest Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: GM's Asylum for the next thread.

TeChameleon

2017-11-10, 06:01 PM

Hrm. The other option for the kill-with-double-portal trick would just be to cast something nasty between the two portals (although you'd need a focus that allowed sustaining two spells for this to work properly), so that the target fell through it on each past- something like wall of fire, or, if you want to correct for horizontal drift, one of the spells that does damage and draws the target towards their center (I think druids get a water-based one that does this in 5e, but I can't recall the name of it offhand). It'd be kind of elaborate, but I suspect rather satisfying :smallamused:

Guizonde

2017-11-11, 10:20 AM

re: alignment:

*even if it's the best descriptive available, "chaotic josé" is not a valid alignment.
** pinging "demonic josé" is never "a potential fringe advantage".
*** no more tomfoolery with alignment camouflage to give the paladin an existential crisis.

*no matter how much i protest i won't do it, the team will always believe i'm looking at the ersatz-necronomicon that's eating my soul behind their backs.
**the dm encouraging them to believe that is just to troll me.

*weapon proficiency "sack of potatoes" does not exist.
**it's not a simple or even martial weapon. on the best of days, it's an improvised weapon.
*** can't take it as an exotic weapon proficiency either.
**** no encouraging the paladin to copy my "tater-tote beatdown", despite its proven effectiveness.

*only allowed one wedgie per session.
**including to save teammates.

*no more having such crazy luck with skill checks that i put the dm's railroad into question.
**no more acrobatics checks that could legitimately call for a "fly" check.
*** "suspension of disbelief" no longer applies to my inquisitor: don't ask how, he pulls it off.

*just because my teammate bends the laws of space and time does not give me a valid reason to break physics too.
** jealousy and envy are not valid reasons either.

*there's not enough gold on golarion to commission "boots of crotch-kicking" that are impervious to damage.
**no more encouraging the paladin to go for low blows too.

*flipping off duergar is never valid.
**even if they started it.
***especially if they started it!

*there's no "anti-racism organization" to call to protest i'm being persecuted for my drow ancestry.
**especially if it's to sue duergars.

out of 12 in a row acrobatics checks, at level 4 the lowest i rolled was a 43. the dm had to fudge a lot of dice to make the chase not end by a goomba stomp after 2 rounds. my dice were on fire last night! so was my character repeatedly, incidentally.

Rater202

2017-11-15, 05:54 AM

*"Interrogate the prisoner" does not mean "tie them to a chair and force them to listen while I sing the entire sore of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark."

JAL_1138

2017-11-15, 08:05 AM

*The 8 Str bard should not somehow be the most athletic person in the party.

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-15, 08:33 AM

*The 8 Str bard should not somehow be the most athletic person in the party.

If this is the game I think it is, nobody in that party has more than eight strength.

noob

2017-11-15, 09:01 AM

** The fact 8 strength allows to carry the whole team means that you should stop using the rod of wonders.
*** if you have 22 touch ac you should remind the gm to roll for his rays.

Guizonde

2017-11-18, 06:09 AM

Socratov

2017-11-18, 06:17 AM

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-18, 06:28 AM

*shovels are not the "munitorum tried and tested way" to kill orks.
**surrounded by newbies to the 40k universe, i should stop referring to shovels as "field implement n°970".
***commissars never call upon "field implement n°970" for battlefield executions.
**** even for orks.
***** if i ever need to use a field implement n°970 to dig a hole, i should just shoot a few hellrounds into the ground and drop a grenade.

... incidentally, i like how this dm thinks.

Reminds me of the one time I did buy a shovel for a PC. That was one of the ones that went overboard on iron spikes, and I never got to use either of the things. It's a shame, if you're wilderness adventuring they're a really useful tool.

* May not ask if my necromancer has Weapon Proficiency (Shovel).
** I may not give a good reason as to why shovels, not scythes, should be the iconic weapon of necromancers.
*** My backstory can no longer include me getting caught grave robbing. That's what we'll be spending the entire campaign doing.

Guizonde

2017-11-18, 06:41 AM

With such a DM, who needs PC's?

it's a rogue trader game where i'm playing a storm-trooper who was on cadia when the planet broke. my motivation is revenge. the dm's response:

"so, you're shooting the enemies of the imperium until your hellgun goes click? well, that's why you need to work as a merc! ammo costs money, and you won't be shooting the enemies of the imperium with an empty gun, so you need to kill to buy ammo to kill more!"

i like this dm!

TeChameleon

2017-11-19, 02:13 AM

***** if i ever need to use a field implement n°970 to dig a hole, i should just shoot a few hellrounds into the ground and drop a grenade.

... incidentally, i like how this dm thinks.

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44 (http://schlockmercenary.wikia.com/wiki/The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenar ies): If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe :smallamused:

Guizonde

2017-11-19, 07:16 AM

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44 (http://schlockmercenary.wikia.com/wiki/The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenar ies): If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe :smallamused:

38th mirepoix heavy drop infantry, actually. i'm going to check it out right now. about time i quit dodging doing it! thanks!

Sgt. Cookie

2017-11-19, 08:42 AM

And that sounds oddly like Maxim 44 (http://schlockmercenary.wikia.com/wiki/The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenar ies): If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

If your newly-minted Cadian merc hasn't encountered the Maxims yet, it might be worth your while to familiarize yourself with them- they are surprisingly applicable to life in the 40k universe :smallamused:

Now all we need is a complete list of all 285 rules of acquisition and then we'll have the ultimate mercenary guidebook.

LordCdrMilitant

2017-11-20, 02:49 AM

it's a rogue trader game where i'm playing a storm-trooper who was on cadia when the planet broke. my motivation is revenge. the dm's response:

"so, you're shooting the enemies of the imperium until your hellgun goes click? well, that's why you need to work as a merc! ammo costs money, and you won't be shooting the enemies of the imperium with an empty gun, so you need to kill to buy ammo to kill more!"

i like this dm!

Or, you know, leave your power clips/hot-shot power pack out in the sun/plug them in.

More relevantly, a drop trooper doesn't have a voidship.

Guizonde

2017-11-20, 10:41 AM

Or, you know, leave your power clips/hot-shot power pack out in the sun/plug them in.

More relevantly, a drop trooper doesn't have a voidship.

you're right. unfortunately, according to rogue trader, hellpacks degrade a lot faster than even hotshot packs. i've currently got 80 shots, and not one more. seeing the price of a back-mounted hellpack, i'll be working as a merc for a bit longer. which segues into:

i don't own a voidship, i'm "hired muscle" for the voidmaster who's ever so slightly jinxed by luck. (off the record, i'm sent by the ordo xenos to keep watch on a couple of sworn xeno mercs that are rumored to be in the sector. part grunt, part axe-man, if you will).

it seems to me to be a shared universe between 3-4 dms, some playing dark heresy, some playing rogue trader with the official tau supplement. they needed a guy who could shoot and be knowledgeable about the imperial guard and the fall of cadia. i've been playing guard since 1998, so i guess i fit the bill.

Ezeze

2017-11-20, 02:38 PM

* "The misunderstood poetry of my soul!" is not a valid reason to do something.
** In fact, if a certain course of action appeals to the poetry of my soul, the opposite course of action is likely the appropriate one.
*** I may not, when the GM makes a rules call not in my favor, yell "you're not my real dad!" This is doubly true if doing so would appeal to the misunderstood poetry of my soul.

sengmeng

2017-11-22, 12:48 AM

*may not drink and DM.

FabulousFizban

2017-11-22, 09:38 AM

JAL_1138

2017-11-24, 09:56 AM

*At no point in the game should anyone have any reason to quote any part of the WKRP Thanksgiving episode.

Guizonde

2017-11-24, 10:40 AM

*not allowed to abuse my inquisitorial status to get everyone drunk.
**there is no spell called "summon mass wine".
***even if there was, it would only be one dose of consecrated good stuff.
****willfully misinterpreting wording for the sake of humor is only tolerated up to a point.

*sanctifying potatoes to make holy vodka is not covered by either the dmg or the phb.
**neither is sanctifying potatoes to give them a bonus on hitting evil things.
***the plot is not "chaotic evil" aligned. stop asking.
**** i've now lost my "sanctify X" privileges.

JAL_1138

2017-11-24, 04:10 PM

Guizonde

2017-11-24, 08:45 PM

*May not cite precedent (http://youtu.be/j60OOtpnyTI) for the above sanctification.

believe it or not, i hadn't seen that scene for nigh on 15 years. "mel brooks" may become my go-to excuse for my inquisitor's rather... eccentric behavior. thank you.

Katrina

2017-11-28, 10:24 PM

* "The misunderstood poetry of my soul!" is not a valid reason to do something.

May I sig this?

* if my character's dice pools rival an Exalt in a game other than Exalted, I have forfeited all rights to complain about how many people shoot at me. Especially if they continue to miss.
** I am discouraged from cackling madly every time the GM's face falls when I announce my action for the round. Especially if it is Summon giant fiendish spider who immediately webs the fleeing baddie.
*** Despite a precedent, I am not to remark, "what weird way will he die?" When I meet a werewolf. It frightens the new players and GM and forces the older players to laugh uncontrollably.

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-29, 04:26 AM

*May not cite precedent (http://youtu.be/j60OOtpnyTI) for the above sanctification.

Ah man, I love that movie even though I know it's not one of his best.

* There is no reason to start singing Mel Brook's Spanish Inquisition song during any game of Dark Heresy.

Personification

2017-11-29, 11:11 PM

Well I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!

Reltzik

2017-11-30, 03:55 AM

* The gish may not neutralize two thirds of the Big-bad's offensive capability with a buff that lets us heal off of negative energy.
** No longer allowed to eyeball the results of the Big-Bad's homebrew magical debuff aura and signature effect that the DM things is very cool, think about it for one round, and then use it in conjunction with a single, defensive, non-violent spell that was never meant to be used this way to sever the Big-Bad's soul from his body. (No save.)
Pathfinder: This guy was one of five secondary bosses in a campaign that's been running for 4 years now and probably has 2 more years left in it, so all of the secondary bosses are big bads. They're all devotees of the four Horsemen, with this one being the Deacon of Charon (death). They all can go uber with signature special powers. In this case (and this is the first we discovered it), he can create an aura around the entire battlefield that makes time outside pass much faster than time inside (essentially slowing us all down while his allies got a free day), blocked teleportation and communication, and also had a very weird effect of making everyone's spirits trail behind their bodies, with their bodies invisible and their spirits invulnerable. We had to guess (or hear, or something) where his body was to know which square to attack. The spirits following around were just echoing the movements and actions of the body from last round, letting us know where he had been but not where he was now. It's all very much a time-themed effect, and spellcraft / knowledge checks have let us know that the souls are less separated in physical space and more lagging behind in time.

Me: "Okay, I cast Resilient Sphere."
DM: "Okay. You're now protected by a -"
Me: "No, not on me. On his spirit."
DM: "..... uh...."
Player 1: "Wait, what does that do?"
Me: "Encases his spirit in a hermetically sealed bubble, preventing it from following his body around."
DM: "... huh."
Player 2: "Won't the spirit just fly through it?"
Me: "No, it's a force effect, and those stop ghosts from flying through, so..."
DM: "..."
Player 1: "Okay, so the spirit CAN'T echo his move action from last round?"
Me: "Nope!"
DM: "...."
Player 2: "He gets a reflex save to keep from being trapped, though."
Me: "Nope! His body didn't make a reflex save last round, so his spirit doesn't get to do any fancy dodging ducking and weaving either."
DM: "....."
Player 2: "So this created a time paradox. His past can't do what his present already did, and can't get out of it by doing something his present already didn't."
Me: "Yup!"
DM: "......"
Player 1: ".... so, wait, what does that do?"
Me: "I have no idea what it's going to do to him, but it's going to do SOMETHING."
DM: "...... you cheeky bastard."*** Following the Big Bad gaining a massive houseruled debuff from this (from activating a previously-prepared one-round-reset power) and losing over half his hit points (all in one go), may not override the DM's control over the Big Bad so as to demand he make a wisdom check "for common sense" to realize that I can cast that same spell 7 more times today if the Big Bad moves from his present spot.

* I may not just keep casting Web spell to neutralize the colossal vault guardian with a lousy reflex save by forcing it to keep spending every action breaking free of the web spell.
** Because we're fighting in a gravity-free void with only a single anchor point in the portal we used to get here and the web spell needs to be strung between two solid objects.
*** May not use a wall of force just so I have something else to anchor a web spell to.

* A tree sprouted in the middle of this void by a feather token (tree) will not actually stop a charge by this colossal monster.
** No, I CANNOT cast Telekinesis on the tree that's hurtling around the empty void like a loose cannon. That spell has a limit of 25 pounds and the tree masses more than that.
*** Why, yes, this is a zero-gravity void. The DM has already been very clear on this?
**** Rules as Written does, in fact, say that this is a WEIGHT limit rather than a MASS limit. But the DM thinks that the spirit of the rule is more in keeping with...
***** You know what? I AM allowed to do this. The DM wants to see it blow up in my face.

Rater202

2017-12-05, 07:55 PM

*I cannot play a character that is best described as "basically Doctor Stegron" unless it's an evil campaign.

danielxcutter

2017-12-06, 01:35 AM

*Perform(memes) is not allowed.
**No, not even for a Bard.

Lord Raziere

2017-12-06, 02:19 AM

*Perform(memes) is not allowed.
**No, not even for a Bard.

*** My Bard may not invent an entire martial arts style based on references or cosplay
**** Nor can they invent a martial arts style based on memes.
***** May not refuse fusing to become stronger fighting said BBEG because "I don't want my first time to be rushed and I should at least buy you dinner first."
****** May not defeat the BBEG with some eight year old goat kid's rainbow mary sue godsona
******* May not derail the campaign using nothing but undertale references

Socksy

2017-12-07, 10:23 AM

Potato_Priest

2017-12-07, 11:50 AM

* The elf druid's name is not L'or'ax, and he does not speak for the trees.
-----

* Doesn't matter what my Willpower is, my Astropath Transcendant should not respond to an attempt to possess her by possessing the demon instead.

*May not, after possessing a demon, possess yourself with the spirit of the possessed demon and create an infinite loop.

In4Dimensions

2017-12-07, 01:29 PM

Guizonde

2017-12-07, 01:38 PM

*May not, as an Immortal Mystic with rolled stats, outclass the Barbarian in hit points and the paladin in AC.
**May not walk into traps with said character so that the other members know exactly what it is, and how to disable it.

*May not, after hearing from the DM that “the walls are listening”, tell the walls to **** off.
**May not continue to make rude comments directed at the walls for over an hour.

the good ol' "toss a teammate into the trap to figure it out" trick is usually frowned upon by dm's who spend a lot of time thinking up new traps... unfortunately, it usually is the most expeditive solution when one is lacking either goats, corpses or explosives.

also,

*** may not hurl abuse at walls, ceilings, or gravity, despite unwittingly being the only guy that defies the laws of physics accidentally. (5 different characters, 10 years, i'm the only one who accidentally wall-jumps due to damage or explosions).
**** "aw come on! looney tunes did it!" is not a good justification for a stunt.

Potato_Priest

2017-12-07, 03:09 PM

the good ol' "toss a teammate into the trap to figure it out" trick is usually frowned upon by dm's who spend a lot of time thinking up new traps... unfortunately, it usually is the most expeditive solution when one is lacking either goats, corpses or explosives.

At one of my tables we have a suit of discarded chainmail rolled into a ball that we throw ahead of us to test for traps.

JAL_1138

2017-12-07, 05:29 PM

*May not miss the game because I'm the only other person in the family with a pickup truck with a sufficient towing package to pull a farm-tractor when a relative's truck breaks down.
**May not post to this thread while stopped for gas on the highway.

Anonymouswizard

2017-12-07, 05:53 PM

Guizonde

2017-12-07, 07:06 PM

* Cannot spend my evening helping my girlfriend make a D&D character for a game she might join.

I feel sorrow for the French roleplaying scene, which is about to get a Dragonborn Sorcerer with a great arse (she was insistent on that detail) played by a crazy girl dropped into one group. In return I told her the kind of character I'll play in my next campaign, Ovelon Nigel Hornsby Wiers (the W is pronounced as a V), the gnomish priest who's main class is barbarian and wields a spear.

oh lord, i don't know if i want to witness this or run away. any chance you're in the south west? i've actually stumbled on to a gaming club that has at least 30 members, meaning that my city is pretty active in the pen and paper scene.

Anonymouswizard

2017-12-07, 07:27 PM

oh lord, i don't know if i want to witness this or run away. any chance you're in the south west? i've actually stumbled on to a gaming club that has at least 30 members, meaning that my city is pretty active in the pen and paper scene.

I'm in the south east of England, London specifically, there might be a roleplaying scene near here but I haven't found a club yet, and my girlfriend (gotta stop calling her that if I want to live) lives in Paris (although I've got no idea as to where yet, not visiting her for another month and a bit) and potentially has a friend with a group. It's actually been a bit of a chore to convince her that I don't have to be there for her to try roleplaying again (she wants to, but might be more socially awkward than me).

* May not have a telescopic spear.
** There is something wrong if my gnome's inventions work.
*** Especially because I've written 'burnt off' under hair.

danielxcutter

2017-12-07, 08:00 PM

* May not have a telescopic spear.
** There is something wrong if my gnome's inventions work.
*** Especially because I've written 'burnt off' under hair.

In 3.5, there's at least one spear that can shift from shortspear to spear to longspear. I think it's in Races of the Dragon. I'd say that counts!

Reltzik

2017-12-07, 08:30 PM

DM: "The alchemist hurls a bomb at you."
Me: "Does that count as a magic attack?"
DM: "Um... supernatural ability."
Me: "I mean, does it get past my DR 5/magic."
DM: "Oh, yes, definitely."

*later*

DM: "The two rogues flank you and start attacking."
Me: "Are these magic attacks? I've got DR 5/ma-"
DM: "Yes they're high level rogues so of course they've got magic weapons."

*later*

DM: "The arcane archer shoots at you with a full-round attack. You take..."
Me: "Wait. Wait. Before you add all those individual attacks up, I need to know.... these arrows being shot by an arcane archer.... .... are they magic attacks?"
DM: *facedesk*

*next round*

DM: "The arcane archer shoots you with an arrow imbued with an antimagic spell."
Me: "Is this a magic attack?"
DM: "YES! YES! IT'S AN ARCANE ARCHER SHOOTING AN ARROW SO OF COURSE IT'S.... .... waitaminute....."

* No longer allowed to disguise complicated, game-stopping rules questions as running gags.

Anonymouswizard

2017-12-07, 08:32 PM

In 3.5, there's at least one spear that can shift from shortspear to spear to longspear. I think it's in Races of the Dragon. I'd say that counts!

He's a gnome who fights with a six foot spear (because in 5e there's no rule against it, I spent time checking). It telescopes down because of the months he spent carrying a proper six foot spear around, easier to carry and can be stored on the belt (he has a belt chock full of machine tools, of course). I'm planning to get away with it on the fact that that there's no longspear versus shortspear in 5e, just a spear that can be used one or two handed and a pike (which I originally wanted, I was going to make it ten feet long, but I'd have disadvantage on attack rolls). Considering that is is already an intentionally suboptimal build (a Barbarian who begins with 14 Strength and 13 Dexterity) I think I can get away with the fact it's technically better than a normal spear.

This build essentially exists because I wanted a religious character, and I thought that taking what seems like a joke (a gnomish barbarian) and turning it into a character that made sense would be a fun exercise. So we have a priest with a short temper, when he was an acolyte used to fly into a rage when the priests of the more popular gods picked on him (because, despite a joke I made to my gf earlier, he was raised in a racially diverse city, he'd be the only one left standing when fighting two humans and a half-orc). He was originally a standard character from a barbarian tribe (and a halfing) before I had the idea of making him an actual ordained priest.

GiantFlyingHog

2017-12-07, 10:31 PM

* I am not allowed to have the party face anyone who can mind-control them
** Especially not if the person being controlled is holding a boltgun
***ESPECIALLY not if that person is standing directly behind another party member

Sivarias

2017-12-07, 10:48 PM

*May no longer take apart homebrew systems to maximize the acrobatics skill at level 4
**Especially as that basically means I hover over everything and can leap tall stories in a single bound
*** I may not use my hovering monk's KI powers to nova a boss fight
****Especially when I drop it to 3 hp before anyone else even enters the room
*****It doesn't matter that the DM forgot to calculate falling damage

*I may no longer take the fleshraker as an animal companion
**Even if my druid is insane and thinks its a hedgehog
***Bull's Strength and Enlarge Animal are right out
****You can't have an animal companion do more damage in one turn than the fighter and the ranger combined
*****I may no longer play druid ever.

JAL_1138

2017-12-13, 08:58 AM

*Must actually test whether Discord can connect over the hotel's VPN before game time if I'm out of town during our usual Roll20 session.

TheTeaMustFlow

2017-12-14, 07:24 AM

* I am not to disable the GM's big boss fight with a single spell two sessions in a row.
** Despite any indications to the contrary, that all the enemies we've fought for a while seem to be custom-made to job to magic users is not the GMs fault. It is mine, and I should feel bad.

* Despite the fact that it is the most efficient and probably most ethical way to create magic items, I am to cease turning chickens into chimeras then sacrificing their souls for power.
** If I continue, it's an alignment check. The fact that Anima doesn't have alignments is irrelevant.

* The faux-German Herr Doktor name-is-accidentally-a-Downfall-reference should not be the member of the party who least resembles the local fantastic Nazi equivalents.

Spookykid

2017-12-14, 02:23 PM

* roll the max of 1 million gold for a starting pan tang sorcerer, buy 1000 slaves to sacrifice for power, become more powerfull then Elric

** get all high and mighty about being more powerfull than Elric, get one-shot by Elric when he shows up

*** ask for a do-over

John Campbell

2017-12-14, 03:14 PM

* I am not to tell canon Mary Sues with half again my ECL that I could kick their butts with my most powerful class feature tied behind my back.
** Especially if I then proceed to do it.
*** Especially if I have no in-character conflict with them, and it's just because I hate having canon characters show up, especially when they're enormous Mary Sues.
**** Especially if they were there to help us as a DM plot device.

Katrina

2017-12-14, 11:24 PM

Suggestion for next thread title while it fresh in my mind: "Mary Sue had it coming..."

* No longer allowed to take the wind out of the GM's lycanthropic sails by pointing out "you're scared of what I'm doing at True Neutral, wait til you see Chaotic Evil."
** being bitten by a werewolf should not make me start looking up spells with the Evil descriptor.
*** Trying to convince the cleric to cure me after I have infiltrated and cursed the werewolf pack is not acceptable.

Guizonde

2017-12-15, 10:43 AM

i second Katrina's suggestion of "Mary Sue had it coming..."

*i'm not allowed access to the dm's maintenance area if it's for anything illegal anymore.
** i'm not allowed to demonstrate the seven principles of pain using a monkey wrench.
*** especially not the dm's monkey wrench.
**** i'm no longer allowed to covet monkey wrenches that are above 3ft in length, or beg the dm to let me have them in and out of game.

.... the problems of having a versatile mechanic as a dm.

*also, just because i can short-circuit a fuse box using a potato doesn't mean my characters have such bad luck with electricity.
**not allowed to prove i'm so awful with electricity... again. my word is enough.

vasilidor

2017-12-16, 08:44 PM

have villains sing children's songs.

Anonymouswizard

2017-12-16, 08:49 PM

* If Mount Everest is considered a precision target I am to start building smaller ships.
** Even if we're stationed above geosynchronous orbit.

Socksy

2017-12-22, 07:46 PM

*I may no longer take the fleshraker as an animal companion
...
****You can't have an animal companion do more damage in one turn than the fighter and the ranger combined

"What does Venomfire do?"

-------

* Any character nicknamed "Shadowdark the Effervescent, Toucher of Things" should not be played in a second game after the first game ends.

Geigan

2017-12-23, 11:11 PM

I can't personally claim all of these, but they're all worth sharing.

*Interrupting sexy times between a cleric of Azathoth and a vampiress is not usually a good idea.
**Joining in after miraculously surviving an unrelated assassination attempt is also probably not wise.
***Seducing the paladin to join for a foursome will only lead to shame down the road.
****Especially if you leave the child you're responsible for downstairs under supervision of the alcoholic, with an assassin who just tried to kill you sneaking about.

*Studying the Necronomicon is a bad idea.
**Making notes for future use by yourself and others is an even worse idea.
***Turning it into an intelligent item via item familiar is the worst idea yet.
****I will not use the Necronomicon as a sex paddle. It does not appreciate it.

*Stealing someone's soul is only sometimes the right thing to do.

Hellpyre

2017-12-25, 12:42 PM

*I may no longer tackle and tie up friendly NPCs who have invited me into their homes.
**Especially if I'm just trying to save on paying for a room at the inn.
***Proceeding to search for valuables afterwards makes me a burgler, even if I can avoid a breaking and entering charge.
****Using the house as an interrogation chamber will cause an alignment shift.

Guizonde

2017-12-25, 06:29 PM

*even if the paladin did it without my knowing or intervention, his fall is my fault.
**especially because he accused me of being a bad example.
***no weaseling my way out of that one, no matter how hard i try (or how unjust it is)

*the profanation of tombs should be done on the tombs of enemies, not dwarven kings.
**i can't blame it on language barriers when i speak and read dwarven.
***"communications breakdown" is barely tolerable too.
**** just because it was "a great vantage point and a place to have a smoke" is not a good enough justification.

GiantFlyingHog

2017-12-26, 02:25 AM

* I may no longer make characters that could potentially lift small buildings
** I may not have a colossal sized weapon at level nine
*** Or at any level
**** I should stick to non-monster races
***** I may not use any character powerful enough to make the GM think it warrants a CR 18 enemy at level nine
****** I may not proceed to kill said enemy in one round
******* I must stop surpassing the GM's expectations
******** Being overpowered can be more than just doing damage, but that doesn't mean dealing more damage in one strike than the rest of the group did in the entire session is acceptable
********* I must resist the temptation to build a Dragonwrought Kobold Ultimate Magus just to show my GM the true meaning of overpowered

JAL_1138

2017-12-26, 10:35 PM

*The Emperor of Rome may not insist that getting drinking-water from lead-lined aqueducts is "perfectly safe; why, I've been drinking it all my life and I haven't glockenspiel rutabaga boing-boing widdershins. RELEASE THE LIONS!"

Rater202

2018-01-05, 02:20 AM

Marvel Roleplay.

*As it turns out, injecting three or four differant Super-Serums into the same random homeless man tends to make me the bad guy of someone else's Superhero origin.

DigoDragon

2018-01-05, 11:04 AM

* I may no longer make characters that could potentially lift small buildings

** Does not matter if I have canon sources (http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/027/941/345.gif) for my build.

Anonymouswizard

2018-01-14, 05:17 PM

* My character should not be best described as 'drunken, singing, Chinese Friar Tuck practicing kung fu'.
** Especially if I'm not taking the Drunken Master subclass (I need to double check it, but I think Open Hand is much more suitable for the character I'm planning).
*** The obese elf should not be the most acrobatic of the party.

Guizonde

2018-01-14, 07:40 PM

*duct tape is not an appropriate part of my pen and paper gear.
** i can't justify carrying duct tape to the table "for fixing plot holes".
*** no more bringing duct tape to the table.

*ogryns are not my go-to shelter in a firefight.
**can't teach the tech-priest to jump behind ogryns.
*** i can't afford an ogryn bodyguard.
**** i can't own an ogryn bodyguard to outsource my bodyguard job.

*apparently, it's against protocol to bring a hellgun to a barfight.

*brofisting cyber-skulls is frowned upon. (no matter how cool it is)
** no opening beer bottles with cyber-skulls.
*** i'm to restrict interacting with cyber-skulls to the bare minimum.

DigoDragon

2018-01-14, 10:11 PM

* I'm no longer allowed to order soup. It's pronounced "NYOK-ee", not "Gnome".

Anonymouswizard

2018-01-15, 09:28 AM

* Thri-keen do not wear berets.
** Even when shopping for elf tartare ingredients.
*** Considering my girlfriend's French, should I really be making these jokes?

Guizonde

2018-01-15, 09:43 AM

* Thri-keen do not wear berets.
** Even when shopping for elf tartare ingredients.
*** Considering my girlfriend's French, should I really be making these jokes?

as half-french, i can say that you must find a beret, grow a pencil mustache, wear both to your table and keep cracking these jokes. also, as a beret enthusiast, i've had characters wear berets in four or five separate universes (dwarf in 3.5, half-drow in pf, chameleon skink in whfrp v2, and humans rogue trader and a post-apocalyptic homebrew). your thri-kreen can wear whatever it won't eat.

... as an aside, it's crazy hard to find a good quality beret that won't break the bank where i live.

Anonymouswizard

2018-01-15, 11:06 AM

as half-french, i can say that you must find a beret, grow a pencil mustache, wear both to your table and keep cracking these jokes. also, as a beret enthusiast, i've had characters wear berets in four or five separate universes (dwarf in 3.5, half-drow in pf, chameleon skink in whfrp v2, and humans rogue trader and a post-apocalyptic homebrew). your thri-kreen can wear whatever it won't eat.

... as an aside, it's crazy hard to find a good quality beret that won't break the bank where i live.

Oh, I've managed to pick up a half decent tourist beret while I'm in Paris, not the best one you'll find but it'll survive more than a couple of months of wearing, I'll ask my girlfriend about pencil mustaches, I don't think she really likes facial hair. If I could still visit this group in person I'd bring a baguette with me.

I'm also seriously considering changing my monk from a fat elf Friar to a thri-keen in a beret, just because it's slightly less stereotypical. The only problem is I'm not sure where to find a decent 5e Thri-Kreen, I'll be checking DM's Guild later on (read: I just got on the Eurostar).

Rater202

2018-01-15, 09:01 PM

* I can not introduce myself to the supervillains by saying "My name is *name* and I love hugs. You're all under arrest."
**"It worked in Lilo and Stitch" is not an excuse for why I thought singing to the army of clones would make them self-destruct.

TheTeaMustFlow

2018-01-16, 05:29 PM

* I will stop measuring time in 'Anglo-Zanzibar Wars'.

Hellpyre

2018-01-16, 10:49 PM

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

Personification

2018-01-17, 12:02 AM

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.
***Especially if I'm the one who got shot

Rater202

2018-01-17, 02:37 AM

*I really need to stop trying to make soul eating characters the good guy.
**Tiamat and her fellows will probably notice that someone is slaughtering chromatic dragons, worshipers thereof, and evil dragonkin in vast numbers across multible material worlds long before I've consumed enough such souls to stand a chance of facing her in her own realm and quote "out dragon" her.

*As we apparently didn't learn our lesson last time, it is a horrible idea to leave Pokemon on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Guizonde

2018-01-17, 07:13 AM

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

*** "the emperor expects" is a bad thing to say to force the rest of the team to charge blindly into firefights.

LordCdrMilitant

2018-01-18, 10:01 AM

*If my only tactical advice is "The Emperor protects." I may not plan the party's assault.
**I also may not imply that being shot is proof thar other party members are heretics.

https://regimental-standard.com/2016/05/25/the-emperor-protects/

JAL_1138

2018-01-18, 09:07 PM

*For the last time, D&D paladins are not the Twelve Peers of France.

Guizonde

2018-01-19, 08:17 AM

*For the last time, D&D paladins are not the Twelve Peers of France.

**unfortunately for players and fortunately for dm's who hate pallies....

Hellpyre

2018-01-20, 07:27 PM

*Micheal Bay is not considered a conservative old guard director by Orks.
*No Ork coming-of-age movie ends with the line "Don't you see, the dakka was in you all along." and a 45 minute gunfight.

Lord Raziere

2018-01-20, 08:45 PM

*Micheal Bay is not considered a conservative old guard director by Orks.
*No Ork coming-of-age movie ends with the line "Don't you see, the dakka was in you all along." and a 45 minute gunfight.

* Orkish anime does not involve the phrase "Waaaaaagh in the me that waaaaaghs in you!"
* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."
* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny

Guizonde

2018-01-20, 09:38 PM

* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."

sez you, ya grot! ya jus' watch 'ow it's dun by a propa ork!

* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny

sadly, that list includes too many of my regular sources of inspiration, although i'm only officially banned "the joker meets bugs bunny" as an official character description.

*there's no such things as "frontal assaults to the rear end of the enemy".
** even if bayonets, substantial fractions of light speed, or steel-toed boots are involved.
*** especially if bayonets, substantial fractions of light speed, or steel-toed boots are involved.
**** especially especially if it's totally deserved. that's called "comeuppance".

*not allowed to put a "no smoking" sign inside my hat because of a certain teammate's time-travelling junkie pet.
**a beret has a fixed amount of space within. keeping a hookah, a spare pair of shades, and a certain teammate's time-travelling junkie pet in there is bending the definition of hyperspace, let alone space.
*** a beret is not a credible second identity, unless the team says it is.
**** not allowed to go against the team vote. it's too funny for them.

*licking owl-bears? bad idea.
** no matter my bluff skills, i can't convince anyone that elves spit out hairballs on a regular basis.

*no matter if i'm right or not, there's no conning my way out of being called a heretic by my god in person to my face.
**my dm is too sober to handle advanced imaginary theological debates ever.
***making my god grant me acf's as "the chosen heretic, the necessary evil" is not a sign of divine agreement. it's a sign that the dm gives up.
****if the paladin ever hears that i've a god-given mandate to be his exact opposite, i will get eaten. with or without capers and eggs.

Rater202

2018-01-20, 09:43 PM

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

DigoDragon

2018-01-21, 02:09 PM

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.

Guilty, your honor. :smallbiggrin:

* I'm no longer allowed to build kobold-powered death traps.

Personification

2018-01-21, 03:16 PM

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.
**This still applies if the armor is only operated by 1-23 squirrels

PhoenixPhyre

2018-01-21, 08:06 PM

* I may not talk an ancient, soul-eating dragon into self-destructing due to an existential crisis.
** And if I do, I can't feel sorry for him, even if he was only trying to do what he thought was right.

* No more California-beach bum demigods modeled after Kronk (from Emperor's New Groove).
** Fist-bumps with such demigods are usually hazardous to the mortal's health.

PhoenixPhyre

2018-01-21, 08:32 PM

Based on this video
https://youtu.be/FQC29joihwU

*No, nunchuck lightsabers aren't a real thing. Not even in a Star Wars game.

Rater202

2018-01-23, 10:14 AM

Under no circumstances may I say, in character or out, the phrase "punch him in the groin, that's his weakness" in complete seriousness.

Anonymouswizard

2018-01-23, 10:58 AM

* No, it doesn't matter if I am bitter, I cannot base a villain on my ex.

John Campbell

2018-01-23, 08:33 PM

My character cannot be dozens of trained squirrels operating a suit of powered armor.
What about hamsters (http://narbonic.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/060923.jpg)?

Guizonde

2018-01-23, 09:56 PM

Under no circumstances may I say, in character or out, the phrase "punch him in the groin, that's his weakness" in complete seriousness.

even if it's true?

Rater202

2018-01-24, 02:17 AM

What about hamsters (http://narbonic.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/060923.jpg)?
Actually, I was inspired by this (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/kIqRDC56msh63kIKLfBsPRR8AB88Z0x4_h20lVkQmsQs32nVDl xaVy2X8CLQsSbczenLbMNRc9JfEGglKw5rwrxvvyeIb2xYjbui pbR4sFOrxsXbhRQsEB_mqC8MQKvJkr3T6g=s1600).

The squirrels later panicked and jumpedout the window. nobody noticed anything at all strange about it.

even if it's true?

It's always true and everyone knows it. There's no point in announcing it.

Socratov

2018-01-26, 02:50 PM

* Orkish anime does not involve the phrase "Waaaaaagh in the me that waaaaaghs in you!"
* The Orks cannot "Dakka the Undakkable" "stomp the unstompabble" or "waaaagh the unwaaaghable."
* My Ork PC may not take inspiration from any of the following characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Kamina, Any of the Oogakari clan, any character that can be referred to as a "mad scientist", Vegeta, Majin Buu, any character with the name of "Wayne", any character that can be described as a "bard", the Joker, Deadpool, or Bugs Bunny
I see you left out any references to the Jostar family.

sadly, that list includes too many of my regular sources of inspiration, although i'm only officially banned "the joker meets bugs bunny" as an official character description.
*snipperino*

Now that is just cruel. A combination of The Joker AND Bugs? I am about 99% sure it's been mentioned in the Geneva convention somewhere...

Lord Raziere

2018-01-26, 04:36 PM

I see you left out any references to the Jostar family.

I've only watched the first two episodes of Jojo's, so I'm still working on that one. got to get around that anime someday.

* My ork cannot disguise himself a human noble on the deduction that humans clearly base power on whose frilliest and fanciest instead of biggest and strongest
** Cannot proceed to announce that "OI IZ A HUMMIEZ AN' I'M GONNA BE THE FRILLIEST AN' FANCIEST OF YOU LOT!"
*** Cannot successfully become king and become the trendsetter, thus making all the nobles speak like orks while the commoners shake their heads and speak normally thinking they're the fancy ones now
**** cannot successfully fool entire nobility into thinking I'm just a very big human with a strange skin color and a speech impediment while an Ork
***** Cannot disguise my Ork for anything, ever.

Anonymouswizard

2018-01-26, 05:48 PM

* When I'm given the option to use point buy I should not immediately go for the '15 15 15 8 8 8' option.
** May certainly not stick the 15s in my mental stats and the 8s in my physicals, or vise-versa.

* If my half orc is wearing a tailored suit, has a 15 Intelligence, 15 Charisma, the wizard class, and the noble background, I am expected to speak words of more than one syllable.
** 'Grog not speak man tongue well' is not a valid excuse.

Hellpyre

2018-01-26, 07:10 PM

*'Beat them around the head and neck until they suffer brain injury' is not a sufficent step down from cold-blooded murder to make the paladin approve.

*I may no longer play characters who change shape if my intent in doing so is to dodge paying alimony.

Rater202

2018-01-27, 04:10 AM

*'Beat them around the head and neck until they suffer brain injury' is not a sufficent step down from cold-blooded murder to make the paladin approve.

**May not cite Batman as precedent.

*Jams a man's head into a live electrical panel, shocking the crap out of him* "NO KILLING!"

joke courtesy of TFS Plays Batman: Arkham Knight

Guizonde

2018-01-27, 09:50 AM

Now that is just cruel. A combination of The Joker AND Bugs? I am about 99% sure it's been mentioned in the Geneva convention somewhere...

i know... it's my fault they threw that clause in there in the first place...

Reltzik

2018-01-27, 03:38 PM

* No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink with the explicit intent of getting him to allow Sacred Geometry.
** You know what? No longer allowed to drive the GM to drink for ANY kind of in-game advantage, because that incentive structure invites abuse.
*** Also, no longer allowed to drive the GM to drink.

Thrair

2018-01-27, 03:40 PM

Reltzik

2018-01-27, 04:00 PM

* Switching out the BBEG's coffee for decaf will cause the Paladin to fall.

noob

2018-01-27, 04:36 PM

**May not suggest that decaf is made of the souls of innocents.

DigoDragon

2018-01-27, 10:59 PM

* The paladin may not use kobolds as bowling balls.
** The paladin is banned from kobold hentai art.
*** Tiamat is not the goddess of Hand Turkeys.

JAL_1138

2018-01-28, 07:42 AM

*Blood magic is not to be referred to as "sphygmomanomancy."

danielxcutter

2018-01-28, 08:24 AM

* The paladin may not use kobolds as bowling balls.
** The paladin is banned from kobold hentai art.
*** Tiamat is not the goddess of Hand Turkeys.

****Yes, this includes Sorcadins. Bahamut doesn't hate Tiamat that much.

Belac93

2018-01-28, 02:00 PM

*Even if allowed to design my own school of magic, 'fingernails' will never be allowed.
**Toenails are worse.

Socratov

2018-01-30, 03:04 PM

*Even if allowed to design my own school of magic, 'fingernails' will never be allowed.
**Toenails are worse.

Just show 'em when you finally get to sail on the Nagelfar

PhantasyPen

2018-01-30, 09:02 PM

*Just because I put the effort into learning how to learning how magic actually works and bothered to learn how to efficiently build my Wizard so that he actually could perform his assigned role (anti-mage, self-defense, and minor AoE through thermokinetics) does not mean my DM has any idea how any of these systems work.
**Even though every single time he plays, he insists on playing a spellcaster of some description, and is 9 times out of 10 a bloody minionmancer.

Reltzik

2018-02-03, 05:19 PM

* The correct counter to the DM deploying an antimagic field in combat against us is not "let's make this entire session about questioning and arguing about what bonuses we keep, what bonuses we lose, and what the errata says every single round so that the DM never does this to us again."
** Planning this ALOUD so that the DM can hear it is extra-incorrect.
*** .... it also works, dammit.

Anonymouswizard

2018-02-03, 05:45 PM

* Cannot postpone the first session because the GM is unsure if magitech rail rifles break the 'no post-medieval tech' rule.
** No longer allowed to play characters who specialise in technology.
*** Even if the class was originally released by the creators.
**** Especially if I can provide a scientific-sounding explanation for every spell-replicating device my character builds.
***** This goes double if I spend time converting that explanation into magi-babble.

For the record, the explanations so far boil down to 'generates a magnetic field with copper rails', 'collects moisture then rapidly disperses it', and 'randomly shifts light wavelengths when it hits it', for my Thunder Cannon, Fog Cloud Orb, and Blur Cloak. I was considering what an engineer in a D&D world might be like, seeing as my GM okayed the Artificer class (then said I might be restricted to Alchemist, still no reply), and as we have a literal pixie in the group fighting back with stupid explanations for 'I use my device to cast a spell' seems appropriate.

Guizonde

2018-02-03, 06:38 PM

*no, hellguns with slings are not "man-sized fishing rods".
**heavy bolters and magnetic extenders are not "post-human-sized fishing rods".
***... what's the deal with this party and mcgyvering with their gun slings, anyway?

*no more blaming the dice to justify gross incompetence.
**even if it's to open the way for the party face to rock.
***especially then!

*wedgies are not considered "advanced interrogation techniques".
**wedgies are not considered "advanced medical assistance".
***wedgies cannot replace cpr!
****no more justifying giving wedgies to mooks.
*****or teammates.
******or personnel.

*if the laws of physics are taking me to court for assault and battery, i can't defend myself by saying "the dice made me do it!"
**even if it's true.
***no preemptively bribing judges just in case.

Rater202

2018-02-14, 12:41 PM

*I must stop referring to Valentine's Day exclusively as "Try to Give Your Lover Diabetes Day"

John Campbell

2018-02-14, 05:32 PM

* If my half orc is wearing a tailored suit, has a 15 Intelligence, 15 Charisma, the wizard class, and the noble background, I am expected to speak words of more than one syllable.
** 'Grog not speak man tongue well' is not a valid excuse.
Actual quote from a half-orc ranger I played for years:

"Chondathan my third language. How good your Orcish?"

I was constantly amazed by how often even the other members of the party forgot that I wasn't dumb (12 Int, 14 Wis) just because I spoke the party's common language badly. Especially when none of them spoke my native language at all.

Anonymouswizard

2018-02-14, 07:41 PM

Actual quote from a half-orc ranger I played for years:

"Chondathan my third language. How good your Orcish?"

I was constantly amazed by how often even the other members of the party forgot that I wasn't dumb (12 Int, 14 Wis) just because I spoke the party's common language badly. Especially when none of them spoke my native language at all.

The reason I like the monosyllabic trait it's that out takes a LOT of effort to pull of and can require a quite good grasp of English.

Interestingly my character is also likely going to be speaking his third language during the game, although class and race might change due to party composition. I do plan to flub words and say the wrong thing occasionally, as well as using an atrocious accent (I'm thinking going west country, just for the giggles). When speaking in my character's native tongue (which is going to be the world's equivalent of Arabic, as my character is middle eastern) I'll use my native accent.

* Even if I have the prestidigitation and mending cantrips I am expected to wear something that isn't expensive silks.

* My motivation for studying transmutation magic/devoting myself to a deity was not to try to find a permanent sex change spell.
** I cannot make the GM wonder why she let me make a transgender character.