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Lord Torath
2017-04-17, 02:03 PM
This is now the eleventh episode of this illustrious thread series on exactly how best to make your DM cry. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

1: [Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
2: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
3: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
4: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
5: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)
6: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist We Swear! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?335782)
7: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?370856-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-VII-No-Not-Even-Then)
8: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing VIII: Why is the PLOT on fire? (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?414743-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-VIII-Why-is-the-PLOT-on-fire)
9: Things I May No Longer Do while Playing IX: GNO GNOMES! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?440508-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-while-Playing-IX-GNO-GNOMES!)
10: Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?478028-Things-I-May-No-Longer-Do-While-Playing-X-Bard-is-not-a-valid-choice)

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

Asterisks are highly recommended, though.

Suggestions for a better thread title will be considered and possibly implemented.

Belac93
2017-04-17, 02:11 PM
I think the highest voted name was 'a kick in the tiefling.'

*May not say 'first!' for any reason.

*The fungus hive-mind cannot have the personality of an 8 year-old.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-17, 02:19 PM
While 'a kick in the Tiefling' was winning, I actually like the current thread title.

* May not postpone making a new thread because I made the last one for Baator's sake.

* The robot should not be the most emotional, illogical party member.

Rater202
2017-04-17, 02:49 PM
*"An Army of adorable serial killers to love back to sanity" is not a valid super power.
**Especially for a good guy.
***It barely qualifies as a goal.

JAL_1138
2017-04-17, 04:23 PM
*If my bard can effectively replace most of the rest of the party in Storm King's Thunder in Adventurers' League, must bring a lower-level character.
**It hurts the Ranger's feelings to get out-shot by the ditzy half-elf in the ridiculous hat.
***May not abuse the fact that we have an airship and I have a longbow and the Sharpshooter feat to nickel-and-dime giants to death from out of boulder-throwing range without letting the melee PCs engage the enemy.

*Even if I'm playing a Glitterboy pilot and it's pretty much all they do, the Boom Gun (yes, that's really what they're called) is not the solution to every problem.
**Even if it's worked so far.
***Cannot abuse the AoE damage from the muzzle blast to stack extra damage onto boss-level enemies.
****Cannot abuse the fact that it takes so long to stat up a Glitterboy that the GM won't throw one at the party.
*****When forced to do something that doesn't involve just shooting something with the Boom Gun, may not hack enemy communications to blast Richard Hell and the Voidoids' "Blank Generation" at max volume while I set the plot building on fire.

Rater202
2017-04-17, 04:47 PM
****Cannot abuse the fact that it takes so long to stat up a Glitterboy that the GM won't throw one at the party.May not counter this tactic by preemptively making one of each level and just reusing the same statblocks over and over and over again as needed.

Drewzer987
2017-04-17, 05:54 PM
*Fire immunity is not an excuse to burn everything and everyone party members included
**You may not marry a bear, no matter its gender or what the rest of the party says
***In a party of 8, "1 cleric will not save you all"

braveheart
2017-04-18, 11:24 AM
*May not have super senses for magic, minds, and technology, because then the GM can't think of anything to surprise me with
**May not have 2 of the above, being stuck in a campaign with only 1 of those available is less fun
***May use 1 of the above, then commit suicide so i can have the one most pertinent to the campaign

Socratov
2017-04-18, 03:21 PM
*Whenever I find myself utter the words "Aww, you're no fun!" to my DM, the DM has rightly restricted me.

Guizonde
2017-04-18, 03:45 PM
*gratuitous nudity should not be encouraged.
**especially out of character.
***stealing all the clothes in a bathhouse just to start a riot is both mean and useless.
****even if i had a dm that did it once to the party.
*****when we ask for a ransom, we can't ask for 700,000 pairs of pants just to further humiliate the victim's family. it would cause a market crash.
****** dude, you're already allowed electromagnetic implosions in bank vaults. what's with you and destroying pants and the economy, anyway?!

RickAllison
2017-04-18, 06:32 PM
*If the party is stuck in an illusion and I know about it, I should at least attempt to help
**Doubly so if I have the skills, spells, and abilities to get them out.
***Triply so if I am told by my mage friend what is going on
****I should not spend the time they are dying in the illusion to make pancakes and scribe spells
*****When the party members have just experienced being slowly devoured by thousands of weasels, my first words should not be "Pancakes? I've got syrup!"
******When the Druid has been besieged by now millions of weasels for hours, I should not cause him to associate delicious pancakes with death by weasel devouring

Katrina
2017-04-18, 10:38 PM
As the GM:

* No longer allowed to ask a character "Have your read all your class features?" only to use their class features the way they are written "against them" again.
* Giggling at a Will save modifer of +2 on a character makes my players nervous. Especially when they are 10th level.
* Sniping the Frenzied Berserker was hilarious the first time.
* The trapped room that locks the doors behind you and fills the room with Acid Fog was hilarious to me. The party found it less so when the Frenzied Berserker failed his Will Save.
* Just once, the Frenzied Berserker is to be allowed to initiate his own Frenzy.
* The Confusion Spell is banned. My players optimize so heavily that its more dangerous for them to hit each other than half the monsters in the book. :smalleek:

JAL_1138
2017-04-18, 11:09 PM
*There is nowhere in Faerûn that sells enough alchemist's fire to pack the party's airship full of barrels of the stuff in order to kamikaze it into an enemy lair, nor would I have enough money to buy enough if there were.

iceman10058
2017-04-19, 06:32 AM
*There is nowhere in Faerûn that sells enough alchemist's fire to pack the party's airship full of barrels of the stuff in order to kamikaze it into an enemy lair, nor would I have enough money to buy enough if there were.

** This must stop being my default plan when dealing with anything resembling a plot.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-19, 07:06 AM
* The Martian Princess must wear something.
** Weaponry no longer counts as clothing.
*** 'Traditional Barsoomian garments' may no longer be accurate to the books.

JAL_1138
2017-04-19, 07:07 AM
** This must stop being my default plan when dealing with anything resembling a plot.

*** "Plot Derailment" is not on the skill list.
****Even if it were on the skill list, I would not be allowed to take proficiency in it.
*****Expertise is right out.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-19, 07:10 AM
* Whatever my plan is it costs one copper more than what the party has.

* May no longer research the following spells: find plot (game), find plot (scheme), foil plot, derail plot, or serialise.

Guizonde
2017-04-19, 04:16 PM
*** "Plot Derailment" is not on the skill list.
****Even if it were on the skill list, I would not be allowed to take proficiency in it.
*****Expertise is right out.

* no such thing as "knowledge (plot derailment)". that's what "knowledge (4th wall)" is for.
** no weaponizing the plot against npc's.
*** ...or the dm! (this actually happened to our group. twice)

Braininthejar2
2017-04-19, 05:23 PM
Oh, do elaborate

Guizonde
2017-04-19, 05:59 PM
Oh, do elaborate

we accidentally deduced a plot point a couple sessions before the dm planned on setting it up. ok, fair enough. he'd left clues and we were bordering on paranoid by that point. once we actually hit the plot reveal, we proceeded to chain our reasoning into deducing long-term effects for the game-world, while deducing how the hell that revelation came to happen. something the dm had clearly NOT thought of. the ramifications hit him so hard he asked us to take a smoke break (the dm is the only non-smoker). after the smoke break, he'd gotten over getting blindsided by the plot, and we'd had more time to think about all the loose ends that were left over from the last campaign 100 years before and how they'd been tied up or survived into our then current campaign. by that point, we all got hit pretty hard by the plot. we brained the dm while braining the game while the game brained us braining the dm, if you will. as an aside...

*no braining the dm.
** no braining physically the dm.
***ESPECIALLY in the litteral sense!
****if the braining has an area of effect to the players included, you're allowed to feel like an idiot genius.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-19, 06:02 PM
* There is no such thing as an 'anti-plot'.
** Must stop looking for ways to annihilate the plot.

ElFi
2017-04-19, 07:40 PM
* If the DM informs the players that the ruins we're currently in aren't really important, may not spend an hour scaling the local architecture looking for clues.
** Doubly so if one of the PC's falls and is seriously injured, requiring an extra day's stay to patch them up.

* Gnomes do not always wear pointy hats and blue vests, no matter what the players claim.
** Nor are they sacred guardians of lawns everywhere.
*** Do lawns even exist in medieval settings?
**** Should gnomes not exist in a given campaign setting, the explanation cannot be that they were all genocided centuries ago by a celestial lawnmower.
***** For the last time, GNO GNOMES!

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-19, 07:44 PM
* May not blow up the lawn.

JAL_1138
2017-04-19, 08:10 PM
* Gnomes do not always wear pointy hats and blue vests, no matter what the players claim.
** Nor are they sacred guardians of lawns everywhere.
*** Do lawns even exist in medieval settings?
**** Should gnomes not exist in a given campaign setting, the explanation cannot be that they were all genocided centuries ago by a celestial lawnmower.
***** For the last time, GNO GNOMES!


* May not blow up the lawn.

**There is not an ancient clan rivalry between the Guardians of the Lawns and the Protectors of the Gardens.
***I mean it this time, GNO GNOMES!

iceman10058
2017-04-19, 09:30 PM
*may not laugh at the dm when it takes him 3 game sessions to get the party back on task.
**bad form shortly after to immediately derail the plot then turn left.
***not allowed to use diplomacy anymore.
****especially with orcs.

Lord Torath
2017-04-20, 07:37 AM
* If the DM informs the players that the ruins we're currently in aren't really important, may not spend an hour scaling the local architecture looking for clues.
** Doubly so if one of the PC's falls and is seriously injured, requiring an extra day's stay to patch them up. *** May not use the extra day to further explore the ruins.

Rater202
2017-04-20, 09:24 PM
*I may not corrupt the innocent, even if they're only innocent by reason of mental disease of defect.

Socksy
2017-04-21, 08:23 PM
* My character may not speak solely in emojis.

Anti-Eagle
2017-04-22, 12:55 AM
* May not make an artificer based on Red Green.

Divusmors
2017-04-22, 05:28 PM
* May no longer make a lawful pixie no matter how good my back story is. 3.5 monk is not acceptable for any race with high dex and wisdom bonuses and greater invisibility at will. :(

Rater202
2017-04-22, 06:12 PM
* May not make an artificer based on Red Green.

**Nor on Tim Taylor.
***Nor can I combine the two.
****I can't make handymen or engineers in modern low/no magic, Tinkers in Super-Hero, or Mad Scientists in Science Fiction settings or any other crafter based on both or either handyman.

Socksy
2017-04-23, 01:08 PM
* Setting a fire-resistant D&D character on fire is fine. Setting a fire-resistant LARP character on fire is not.

Silus
2017-04-23, 01:09 PM
*I may not play a Street Samurai with a Christian Crusader motif in a Shadowrun game.
**Yelling "DEUS VULT!" and "FOR THE GLORY OF GOD" in character is also frowned upon for stealth missions
***As is dynamic entries via motorcycles set to Sabaton's Winged Hussars.

Flemkopf
2017-04-23, 09:17 PM
*Am never again to refer to Jörmungandr as "Weapons grade Sashimi." That just makes the DM cry.

Drakeburn
2017-04-23, 11:38 PM
* As a Gamemaster, it is a very poor form for me to make the PCs fight boss battles at the very first encounters of the campaigns.

** It is even poorer form to pit a group of PL 10 characters against a PL 14 Powerhouse.

*** It doesn't matter if they managed to survive and beat the PL 14 boss by the end of the first / beginning of the second round.

**** Nor does it matter that the PCs managed to take out the boss (in a different campaign) before the combat encounter could even begin!!!

***** If I'm gonna have bosses with Immunity 80 (Toughness), Limited to Half Effect, I should save them for the end of an adventure.

****** Maybe it would be easier to just ban the Variable power instead. Seriously, what was I thinking? :smallsigh:

JAL_1138
2017-04-24, 12:03 AM
*The Binding of Isaac is inappropriate source material for homebrewed enemies.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-24, 03:49 AM
* May not spend the entire campaign locked in a room with 8 inch thick steel walls, a 10 inch thick steel door, an internet connection,a cyberdeck, and 37 months of food.
** No deckers.

* My Rigger must have strategies other than 'more drones'.
** Under no circumstances can I ship my drones.
*** 'Gnomey McGnomeface' is a bit on the nose as a name.

Guizonde
2017-04-24, 09:01 AM
* My Rigger must have strategies other than 'more drones'.


*just because it works for the us army does not mean it's an acceptable strategy in rpg's.
**if my pc summons a flight of fighter-bombers loaded with napalm, it better be in a setting with airplanes.
***a flight of dragons loaded with greek fire is in poor taste in fantasy settings.
**** you know what? warn the dm before calling in air strikes.
*"flight of the valkyries" is preemptively banned from the rpg playlist.

Belac93
2017-04-24, 09:19 AM
*The Binding of Isaac is inappropriate source material for homebrewed enemies.

**A giant teratoma is not an acceptable boss.
***No, we do not want to see pictures.
****All of the above applies to fistula as well.

Wookieetank
2017-04-24, 10:45 AM
*The Binding of Isaac is inappropriate source material for homebrewed enemies.

**Clive Barker and H.R. Giger are also out
***Just stick with H.P. Lovecraft, it causes less trauma for the players.

DigoDragon
2017-04-25, 06:48 AM
* For the last time, GNO GNOMES!

**I mean it this time, GNO GNOMES!

*** If I've banned gnomes, but created a cat race that tinkers and lives in hilly terrain, then all I've really done is given the campaign a cuter and more flammable gnome.



* My character may not speak solely in emojis.

** I many not disguise emojis as 'Modern Egyptian'.

JAL_1138
2017-04-25, 07:51 AM
*** If I've banned gnomes, but created a cat race that tinkers and lives in hilly terrain, then all I've really done is given the campaign a cuter and more flammable gnome.


****May not wonder how a gnome-like race more flammable than standard tinker gnomes isn't extinct.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-25, 10:49 AM
*** If I've banned gnomes, but created a cat race that tinkers and lives in hilly terrain, then all I've really done is given the campaign a cuter and more flammable gnome.

**** This has not made the world safer, even if they die after less experiments.

Fable Wright
2017-04-25, 12:17 PM
* The party therapist is no longer allowed to be the one best able to inflict sanity damage.
** The party healer is no longer allowed to be the best assassin when we have a hitman and redneck Henderson in the party
*** Said therapist and healer cannot be the same character
**** If the party is attempting to assassinate someone, the healer is no longer allowed to hang out with the party crafter and munch on popcorn instead of helping
***** Bets on how things are going to mess up are poor form
****** Even if I get phenomenal cosmic power if I'm right

* The healer is no longer allowed to try insane suicidal stunts
** Must take a session between derailments so the plot can actually move forward

* The party luck mage is no longer allowed to snap his neck skateboarding due to a bad roll

ElFi
2017-04-25, 07:03 PM
* May not pass the ranger's tiger companion off as a circus animal to explain why it's following the party around.
** Definitely not allowed to use said tiger as a street performer.
*** From now on, the ranger's only allowed to teach his tiger combat tricks.

* "Frogs" is not the plural noun for Grippli.
** It's not the plural noun for a froghemoth, either.

JAL_1138
2017-04-25, 09:38 PM
** It's not the plural noun for a froghemoth, either.

***While it's completely in-character, the plural of froghemoth is not screaming followed by a string of expletives.
**** "Nope" is not a noun for anything dangerous and/or disturbing, nor is it a verb for avoiding same.

Khaiel
2017-04-28, 04:13 AM
*If the game features a trial, I am not allowed to have the plot be based on Legally Blonde.
**If we choose to sing There! Right There! while playing at the local gameshop, we should at least wait until the couple of gay customers exit the shop.
***That they sang along even through our slightly changed lyrics does not excuse us from the second point.

Lvl 2 Expert
2017-04-28, 04:20 AM
*If the game features a trial, I am not allowed to have the plot be based on Legally Blonde.
** But I will run it on JAG rules.
*** Objection, badgering the witness!

JAL_1138
2017-04-28, 08:10 AM
*** Objection, badgering the witness!

****Ironically, polymorphing the witness into a badger probably counts as assault (and/or battery, depending on how the jurisdiction defines the terms), rather than "badgering the witness."

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-28, 08:18 AM
* If I have more production capacity than the entire nation, I am banned from either magic (in a fantasy game) or owning a corporation (in a fantasy game).
** I cannot have more power than I can carry in a backpack.

JAL_1138
2017-04-28, 08:47 AM
** I cannot have more power than I can carry in a backpack.
***Heward's Handy Haversack is right out.
****Cannot create a demiplane with the entrance portal in a backpack.
*****Cannot build Pun-Pun and have my also-omnipotent viper familiar ride around in a backpack.

Guizonde
2017-04-28, 12:37 PM
***While it's completely in-character, the plural of froghemoth is not screaming followed by a string of expletives.
**** "Nope" is not a noun for anything dangerous and/or disturbing, nor is it a verb for avoiding same.

*strings of expletives must be used after a plan has backfired, not as the plan itself (again)
**if player action provokes a string of expletives, run. don't stand around pointing fingers (again)
***if the dm provokes strings of expletives from the players, run. don't stand around flipping off the fourth wall (again)
* "nope" (and all variants) is not a valid description.
** "screw that thing" is not a valid description.
*** "future victim", while distateful and possibly pretentious, is authorized for omnicidal characters trying to find a valid description.

a couple more from my campaign:

*the following are not ashtrays: npc's, passing children, corpses, rats, rat-human hybrids, rat-spider hybrids, flammable substances, future victims, pc's (and their possessions), berets (despite proof to the contrary).
*the proper response to seeing a teammate getting traumatically amputated is "aw crud, you ok?", not "AGAIN?! you clumsy idiot!"
*rampaging with an oversized monkey wrench while wearing only a beret? never again.
*while sniper rifles can be used to such extent, they don't automatically confer a bonus on intimidation checks.
**neither do shotguns.
*** there is no such thing as "flamethrower diplomacy".

DigoDragon
2017-04-28, 02:16 PM
* I cannot complain about senpai not noticing me while in stealth mode.



* there is no such thing as "flamethrower diplomacy".

Would you like to make a bet? :smallbiggrin:

Lord Torath
2017-04-28, 03:49 PM
**** there is no such thing as "flamethrower diplomacy".
Would you like to make a bet? :smallbiggrin:Challenge accepted! (http://www.youmotorcycle.com/wp-content/uploads/How-I-Met-Your-Mother-Challenge-Accepted.jpg)

* I may not mine the magical blue diamond veins we discovered.
** Those were just to look cool, not to be turned into treasure!
*** Even if it would really help out the outpost we're establishing.
**** No, I do not get XP equal to the value of the diamonds!
***** Giving one magic blue diamond to the pseudodragon that adopted me is acceptable.

Guizonde
2017-04-28, 03:51 PM
Would you like to make a bet? :smallbiggrin:

i'd love to, but i'm banned flamethrowers... i'll get the beatstick of the band on it, though ^^

... or the techie, they come equipped with a one-shot flamethrower/ welding torch as standard class accoutrements. when i proposed the idea to (iirc) "toast the ingrate and be done with it", the dm said that phrase pretty verbatim (ultimately, we robbed him blind and he thanked us for it...)

did i mention we're the "good guys" of that universe?

*as much as it feels appropriate, no quoting unreal tournament phrases. especially after the non-com of the band frags 9 people in a row bare-handed.
** it's not a "killing spree", it's the dice gods wreaking havoc on the dm's plans.
*** "monster kill" is only to be said when we scrag a monster. not after slaughtering an orphanage (for the 8th time)

JAL_1138
2017-04-28, 05:07 PM
*** there is no such thing as "flamethrower diplomacy".

****May not name my +1d6 fire damage hand crossbow "Diplomacy."
*****A crossbow that does an extra 1d6 fire damage is not a flamethrower.
******It isn't a "Wand of Fire Bolt" either. Even if it fires bolts that are on fire.

GrayGriffin
2017-04-29, 03:43 AM
* Not allowed to bring the serial killer home.
** No matter how tragic his backstory is.
*** Not even if he probably fits in better in your world than his.
**** Also not allowed to "sibling adopt" the serial killer.

Catalessi
2017-04-29, 06:05 AM
*The Binding of Isaac is inappropriate source material for homebrewed enemies.
**The Binding Of Isaac is also inappropriate source material for player characters

Guizonde
2017-04-29, 07:36 AM
****May not name my +1d6 fire damage hand crossbow "Diplomacy."
.

***** weapons cannot be named the following: contract, introspection, terms and agreements, parlay, discussion, peace pipe (even if it's a length of pipe), pacificator
****** "low-tech mind control" is not an ancient barbarian custom.
*percussive maintenance works on objects, not people, despite evidence to the contrary.

JAL_1138
2017-04-29, 08:19 AM
*percussive maintenance works on objects, not people, despite evidence to the contrary.

**Even if the character is a cleric of the OD&D version of St. Cuthbert, who was a strong proponent of (to quote Gary Gygax) "pounding sense into someone's head by dint of blows from a club."

Guizonde
2017-04-29, 08:55 AM
**Even if the character is a cleric of the OD&D version of St. Cuthbert, who was a strong proponent of (to quote Gary Gygax) "pounding sense into someone's head by dint of blows from a club."

i knew i should've praised st. cuthbert instead of pelor... that was typical behavior for my cleric/rsop, along with verbal lambasting. can retroactively explain why he was considered heretical, though....

*if playing during a belle-epoque steampunk/alternative history, not allowed to use my knowledge of the franco-prussian war of 1870-1871 to boot the krauts out of metz.
**if my officer's name contains more letters than twice the alphabet, it's banned (even if that was typical naming convention)
***no naming my officer after erotic illustrators from the period.
****no naming my officer after firearms manufacturers to get a discount. (lieutenant paul-avril-henri-auguste-ernestin lefaucheux-delvigne is right out)
*****... EVEN IF IT'S UNDER THE CHARACTER COUNT SPECIFIED ABOVE!

Rater202
2017-04-29, 10:00 AM
* Not allowed to bring the serial killer home.
** No matter how tragic his backstory is.
*** Not even if he probably fits in better in your world than his.
**** Also not allowed to "sibling adopt" the serial killer.

*****the same applies if the serial killer is a little girl.
******Especially if the serial killer is Jack the Ripper or Bonesaw.
******* I can not roleplay in the Fate/ or Worm setting anymore.

I know they're monsters, but they're just so cute and tragic. I just want to hug them and wrap them and blankets and spoon feed them warm soup.

*when roleplaying in JoJo, I can't be the one guy who insists on having Ripple instead of a Stand.
**My Stand can not give me Ripple.
***I can not name my Stand after one of the themes of the anime.

JAL_1138
2017-04-29, 10:04 AM
*My character cannot claim to be a "professional troubleshooter," as in "when there's trouble, I shoot it. *loads crossbow*"

Guizonde
2017-04-29, 11:19 AM
*My character cannot claim to be a "professional troubleshooter," as in "when there's trouble, I shoot it. *loads crossbow*"

(that one is awesome!)

**neither can my character be an expeditor, as in he expedites problems. usually out of a window.
*problem-solving CAN be non-violent.
** accidental placing of anti-tank mines counts as violent, too.
*** there is no "stun" setting on anti-tank mines.
**** anti-tank mines on civilians? overkill.
***** just because it's expeditive, not allowed to replace the boss' doormat with a couple spare kilos of anti-tank mines and wait at the local bar until i hear a boom. that would collapse a city-block (again...)
*despite alcohol being a solution, it usually involves drinking it. not dousing a giant monster in it and throwing a lit cigar.
**completely unrelated to the above, i'm preemptively banned from taking proffession "brewer" or "distiller".
*** spiritseers are not drunk enough to see the plot.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-29, 12:55 PM
*My character cannot claim to be a "professional troubleshooter," as in "when there's trouble, I shoot it. *loads crossbow*"

Man, I've made that joke so many times. I even plan to use it as the campaign brief for my eventual Eclipse Phase game, just to get across that the players are going to be allowed to go a tad overboard in the collateral damage.

* I may not pet the TITAN kill droid.
** 'Finds murderbots cute' is no longer a valid quirk.
*** My last eight characters are the reason.

DigoDragon
2017-04-29, 05:52 PM
* The king of Fantasy Scandinavia is not a timelord.
** No you do not hear drums coming from the king 's tomb.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-29, 05:55 PM
*** May not offer the king a jelly baby, even if I'm certain he's rather fond of them.
**** May not reference oldWho at all.
***** May certainly not get my Time Lords in a twist (confused, shipped, or anything other meaning I can bastardise into the word).

JAL_1138
2017-04-29, 08:01 PM
(that one is awesome!)


Man, I've made that joke so many times. I even plan to use it as the campaign brief for my eventual Eclipse Phase game, just to get across that the players are going to be allowed to go a tad overboard in the collateral damage.

I was trying to set it up as my character's sort of introduction-catchphrase, my equivalent to Madmartigan's "Greatest swordsman in the world," that The Spoony One stole homaged for his absurdly-lucky bard, Tandem the Spoony. It apparently wore pretty thin on the DM eventually, after I introduced myself that way to too many NPCs. Said DM may also be a little aggravated with my bard in general, because I've over-optimized him a bit.

ElFi
2017-04-29, 08:23 PM
* "Take over Norway" is not the solution for every apocalypse-survival plan.
** No, it still doesn't apply if Norway has previously fallen to hostile military coup.
*** Orchestrating the coup ourselves and then faking our deaths before setting up a free and fair democracy with our alternate identities in charge is just a hack.
**** I'm not allowed to brainstorm ways to take over countries anymore.

* If my PC is, functionally, a more introverted and socially-awkward version of myself, they're banned.

Guizonde
2017-04-29, 08:45 PM
**** I'm not allowed to brainstorm ways to take over countries anymore.


**** poland is the exception to this rule.
***** if by some miracle you do manage to take over poland, the dm must slow-clap you (and revise his power level)
****** no, the soundtrack to invade poland to is not made up exclusively of rammstein and wagner. there's some kmfdm in there as well...

(seriously, that country has been invaded at least 29 times in 1000 years by my count. taking it over is a real challenge even for epic-level characters. don't screw with the poles)

*no wreaking havoc on the magnetic field of the earth.
** especially to make a pun due to invading a certain country!!

JAL_1138
2017-04-29, 08:54 PM
*If I have Expertise in Persuasion and Deception, may not attempt to solve every problem with a +2 hand crossbow.
**If I have Expertise in Persuasion and Deception, I may not keep rolling high enough on them that I never use my +2 hand crossbow.
***May not complain about the inconsistency.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-29, 09:27 PM
*If I have Expertise in Persuasion and Deception, may not attempt to solve every problem with a +2 hand crossbow.
**If I have Expertise in Persuasion and Deception, I may not keep rolling high enough on them that I never use my +2 hand crossbow.
***May not complain about the inconsistency.

**** May not suggest you solve this problem by naming your +2 hand crossbow 'Persuasion and Deception'.

What? That name wasn't banned in the previous list(s).

* There is never a valid reason to carry more than a gram of grey goo, active or inactive.
** My contingency plans should leave the biosphere alone.
*** The fact that I can carry it in a backpack is no excuse.

* There is such a thing as overkill.

* May not be a better campaign villain than the actual one.
** I do lawful evil too well.

Guizonde
2017-04-29, 09:43 PM
* There is such a thing as overkill.


** we just have to find it next time.
*** regarding dakka... nope, nope nope. guizonde is not to be allowed in a 100 meter radius of any full-auto capable weapon. ever again.

(i swear, you do one chain of 17 critical hits in a row with a gatling gun and everyone calls you out for being thorough and emptying the team's ammo allocation in one attack...)

Draconi Redfir
2017-04-29, 09:44 PM
I may not say the point of having minions is to deal with problems we may have so the PC's don't have too...

... Apparently :/

Bucky
2017-04-30, 12:37 AM
*May not combine an emotion control aura with a skill theft aura.
**Regardless of literary precedent, "Everyone likes her because she's better than them at everything" is not a reasonable character archetype.
***Especially if she's only better because her aura debuffs them!

Barhandar
2017-04-30, 02:36 AM
** I cannot have more power than I can carry in a backpack.
*** Not allowed to put sunshine in a bag, whether by using compact fusion or by miniaturizing a literal star.
**** Carrying around Princess Celestia in a backpack is acceptable. If you manage to make her get in the bag and lift it, anyway.

* May not cause the setting to be overtaken by ponies, memes, drawn musical bands, or all of the above.

JAL_1138
2017-04-30, 08:08 AM
*If my henchman is named Ensign Redshirt, I should not go to absurd lengths to ensure he never takes so much as a single hit point of damage (while my actual character gets absolutely mauled).

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-30, 08:37 AM
*If my henchman is named Ensign Redshirt, I should not go to absurd lengths to ensure he never takes so much as a single hit point of damage (while my actual character gets absolutely mauled).

I just wish this PC was called 'Captain Commandgold', or something similar.

* The difference between an energy source and a grenade is not whether or not I'm holding it.

* The solution to 'nudity creeps other people out' is to put some clothes on, not manipulate my genetics so the naughty bits disappear.
** My next time traveller must leave either the lack of a nudity taboo or the supertech at home.

* I cannot flirt with the GM.
** Certainly not until I've successfully learnt to flirt.

Anonymouswizard
2017-04-30, 10:42 AM
*** this goes double when we're in character and s/he's roleplaying an NPC of the opposite gender.

Of course it's in character, the only GM I've had that I'd be willing to flirt with is married so he's off the table. Not that he or his wife would have a problem with us doing it IC, no matter the gender of the PCs or NPCs (the group is at least 50% bi/pan, with at least one gender identity of '**** your categories').

* If at any point I can best be described as a lovecraftian entity I should stop.
** 'Become the universe's first sufficiently advance alien' is no longer a valid motivation.

* Must stop insisting that hive minds are people too.

noob
2017-04-30, 10:56 AM
*Salanta delicate disk should never be cast through shadow conjuration.
**Even if it is 100% legal in the rules.

Katrina
2017-05-01, 05:26 AM
* No longer allowed to sheninagan "Lesser Planar Ally" as a 3rd level spell castable at 8th level.
* Even if it's technically true (Pathfinder Psychic with the Rebirth Discipline) declaring "I was a necromancer in a past life! I can fix him!" is probably not the best way to handle the near death of the barbarian.
* Just because the spell "Explode Head" does not have the Evil tag does not mean it doesn't cause the entire battle to stop when you psychically detonate a guy's head and slice up his friends with the bone fragments.
* There is no such thing as "developing an allergy to detect evil" and I cannot ask that it not be cast on me without getting funny looks. Especially after blowing up someone's head. :smallbiggrin:
* If I defend my head exploding ways with "well, it was that or force him to fight his literal worst nightmare until it killed him.", I should probably expect detect Evil.
* Should not stick my tongue out because Phantasmal Killer still doesn't have the Evil tag.

Socratov
2017-05-02, 02:59 PM
*I may not start gloating while DMing an adventure involving fey riddles
*If any of my locations conform to the Tardis Rule, they are now henceforth banned.
*If moving inside of the location involves random locations, the location is banned
*Hags, are banned
**Doubly so if they resemble Switzerland and nag the party on their effectiveness.
***No, giving technically sound advice does not invalidate the point above if the advice is barely usable.
*No more Fey.
*And don't even think about Gnomes...

JAL_1138
2017-05-05, 06:47 PM
*May not let the thread go so long without a post it ends up off the front page.

*My bard does not, in fact, have to dress like a pompous rich fop for his spells to work.
**It is not in the PHB.
***It is not in the errata either.
****Nor is in in Sage Advice.
*****Mike Mearls didn't tweet it.

Katrina
2017-05-06, 12:08 AM
* Not allowed to take a flaw to represent the delusion that my bard must dress as a pompous rich fop for his magic to work.
* Not allowed to play a human Alchemist raised by Gnomes. Especially if Pathfinder allows it.
* Not allowed to play a druid raised by ocelots. Despite precedent.

Guizonde
2017-05-06, 03:27 AM
*the beatstick can no longer tame wild animals by supplexing them and saying "stop! bad critter!".
** despite the dice saying so.
*** if he tamed the velociraptor pack's alpha, we can't name it "beta".
**** we can't get more attached to "beta" than to most npc's.
***** this goes for all animal companions we pick up along the way. (including underpaid security guards, rogue electricians, random children, foxes...)

*just because i said i'd name my character in an npc's honor after a heroic sacrifice, i can't do it again.
** "frankalice" is already a long name. no need to add to its length by adding names and titles.
*** what's with you and doctors with oddball names and too many titles? we'll only end up calling them "doc".

Lord Raziere
2017-05-06, 03:27 AM
* My female druid may not be raised by Hyenas
** Or by giant Whiptail Lizards
*** my aquatic female druid cannot be raised by anglerfish.
**** Or seahorses.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-06, 04:29 AM
*My bard does not, in fact, have to dress like a pompous rich fop for his spells to work.
**It is not in the PHB.
***It is not in the errata either.
****Nor is in in Sage Advice.
*****Mike Mearls didn't tweet it.

* It is certainly not a requirement for my cleric.
** Despite any 'real world precedence' I can come up with.

* Even if it's rules legal in 3.5, cannot play a cleric who devoutly worships agnosticism.
** Transhumanism is definitely banned.
*** As are determinism, deceit, communism, and the big bang.

* Even if all evidence points towards it being the winning team, cannot begin worshipping the Elder Gods.
** Especially cannot begin the game worshipping the Elder Gods. With the Cleric class and Accolyte background.
*** Warlocks are not wimps for only dealing with Great Old Ones. Which in my experience is just the most popular pact, while I like the Infernal Pact for it being classic everyone seems to go for Cthulhu.

* Cannot sterilise the bard.

JAL_1138
2017-05-06, 06:14 AM
* It is certainly not a requirement for my cleric.
** Despite any 'real world precedence' I can come up with.

* Even if it's rules legal in 3.5, cannot play a cleric who devoutly worships agnosticism.
** Transhumanism is definitely banned.
*** As are determinism, deceit, communism, and the big bang.


I'd have thought Deceit would be allowed for a Trickery-domain cleric...

*Nietzschean clerics of the Will to Power and/or the Übermensch are right out.



* Cannot sterilise the bard.
**The reason the bard can't be sterilized may not be that worldwide population growth would decline too steeply as a result, leading to economic catastrophe.
***Nor may the reason be that doing so would constitute a form of genocide against the world's population of half-humans.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-06, 06:24 AM
**The reason the bard can't be sterilized may not be that worldwide population growth would decline too steeply as a result, leading to economic catastrophe.
***Nor may the reason be that doing so would constitute a form of genocide against the world's population of half-humans.

*** It is certainly not that sterilising bards would lead to the royal family becoming even more inbred.

Socksy
2017-05-06, 04:24 PM
*** It is certainly not that sterilising bards would lead to the royal family becoming even more inbred.

**** Changing the bard's sex will either have a similar effect or make things A LOT WORSE.

Socratov
2017-05-07, 04:29 AM
*I may not join an Evil game witha LE noble bard who actually supports the King
**If the plot is to overthrow the King I may not give the suggestion that I am on with the team
***I may not then proceed to every effectively split the party by taking the wide-eyed drow girl with me to the noble's pavillion for the parade
****I may not document my uncle the Duke's betrayal while in a bubble of silence while we discuss in writing our plans to betray the king
*****I may not then follow it up by hastening the plan and delivering the evidence to the King.
******I may not build a bard who has ALL of the mind control spells, fully countering the party, trying to fight an ancient Brass dragon.
*******I may no longer play bards.

Lord Raziere
2017-05-07, 07:31 PM
* May not use my super speed powers just to speed run all the video games I like
** May not use my super strength powers just to play sports with boulders
*** May not use my super smart powers just to solve all puzzles, puzzle games and riddles in the world then make a bunch of new ones fit for my intellect to solve then wipe my own memory of ever making them myself.
**** May not use my super charisma powers to convince all the people I don't like that they are actually chickens

DigoDragon
2017-05-07, 08:09 PM
* If the introduction of the ship's pilot starts with the captain stupidly drunk in his apartment, the battle accountant and comm officer messing with the front door lock, the telekinetic listing which appliances do enough damage to kill a man, and all the milk in the fridge stolen, we have completely gone off the rails.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-07, 08:12 PM
* Cannot ask why the ship was even on rails.

* No dismantling the rails and selling them for profit.
** Before or after following them.

Katrina
2017-05-08, 12:42 AM
An nWod one...

* No longer allowed to use Fate to make anyone looking for my room stumble into the Adamant Arrow's room instead. Especially if I flirted with the Moros while I was tipsy at dinner.
* No, it is not the Adamant Arrow's fault for "not warding his room."
* If the strange mexican tequila the Moros drank gives him a tattoo of a death's head moth that radiates fate magic, I should warn him. Not tell the Thyrsus to drink one too so that I have a wider test base.
* When the coven decides to sneak into the warehouse the tequila is shipped from to find out information about where it came from, I should point out to my fellow mages to cover their freakin' faces. Not simply cover my own and watch the fireworks.
* When the two Mysterium mages are told to leave by the two Adamant Arrows because of the werewolf howls in the distance, they should leave. They should not try to run over the Gauru with a van, that will only piss it off and total their van.
* The proper response to a Gauru charging into melee with me is not spraying a can of mace in its face, even if it was very effective.
* I am no longer to giggle evilly when the Gm realizes that the Evil Eye Hex, penalty from the Mace, Penalty from my Fate Armor, and Penalty from my Defense reduces the werewolf to a chance die. I have been informed by the Adamant arrow that the proper response is a nod and an evil smile. The giggling just made the werewolf feel bad.
* If my character is predominantly responsible for the mexican police finding five dead naked mexicans (the Gm ruled none of them had done the Rite of Dedication on their clothes), most with gunshot wounds, one with gunshot wounds and mace in said wounds, one mauled by a bear, and one hit with a van and then shot, I am to assume that I will not be allowed into the Guardians of the Veil. The Adamant Arrows were very impressed with my versatility, however.

JAL_1138
2017-05-08, 04:49 AM
*While it would be a pretty decent plan, it doesn't really make for engaging gameplay to simply get a white-collar job with the megacorp under an assumed identity, work my way up to general manager of the facility I'm targeting over the course of a couple of years, suddenly steal everything that isn't nailed down one night, and get extensive plastic surgery and cyberware to alter my appearance.
**My character may not work better as a Johnson than a runner.

Socksy
2017-05-08, 07:11 AM
* May not use my super speed powers just to speed run all the video games I like
** May not use my super strength powers just to play sports with boulders
*** May not use my super smart powers just to solve all puzzles, puzzle games and riddles in the world then make a bunch of new ones fit for my intellect to solve then wipe my own memory of ever making them myself.
**** May not use my super charisma powers to convince all the people I don't like that they are actually chickens

***** Lord Raziere is no longer allowed to play Mutants and Masterminds.
****** Or any system which has access to Bards.

braveheart
2017-05-08, 09:03 AM
*I may no longer use command words to magical items before they have been identified
**i may not tell the murder spectre to kill the monster in the lake
***i may not tell the murder Spector to kill the hag in the windmill
****if I don't have a name for the spectre it will disappear
*****i may not waste powerful magical items with curiosity


*I cannot pass a check to cast a spell of a higher level than I currently am
**the kid trying to cast the spell is clearly not a wizard
***I may not spend the campaign teaching him the basics of magic to acquire a level 1 wizard apprentice
****bevause he is obstinate and incompetent
*****i may not tell him to try the spell while I am holding his spellbool and hiding at a safe distance
******he failed, the spell backfired and exploded, there is now a giant hole in the house
*******fine you teleport outside, walk back in and no one is suspicious of your involvement in the explosion.
********I may not tell the rest of the party about my exploits until they get back to the town

Alias Unknown
2017-05-14, 11:32 PM
*May not play an awakened house cat wizard with a house cat familiar
**May not convince the party to play an awakened house cat druid with a house cat animal companion, an awakened house cat ranger with a house cat animal companion and an awakened house cat cavalier with a house cat mount
***We may not call ourselves the "Meowster Hunters"
****I may not spend the entire session speaking like a palico
*****Not allowed to play Monster Hunter before a session.

*The BBEG is not allowed to be the party's animal companion
**Even if they were awakened
***Especially not if they were awakened halfway through the campaign
****Cannot wait until the start of the next campaign to make it the BBEG in an attempt to bypass the above rule.

Anti-Eagle
2017-05-15, 12:06 AM
* Cannot set out to create an original setting only to end up having written Muv Luv.
** Cannot set out to create an original system only to end up making a frankensteined mash of Cthulhutech, Bliss Stage, Highschool Harem Comedy, and a number of mech games.
*** Cannot set out to write an original plot for a campaign set in the above setting and system only to once again end up with something out of Muv Luv.
**** Cannot retcon these accidents into it being intentional so I can rewrite it as Muv Luv.
***** Cannot rewrite it so it actually is Muv Luv.
****** Cannot pitch this.

JAL_1138
2017-05-15, 05:58 AM
*The decker does not suffer from delirium tremens just because his favorite forum goes down for a week.

(Glad things are back up and running here!)

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-15, 07:14 AM
* May not run a game within a week of exams.
** May not reuse the archdevil Impossiblequestion.

JAL_1138
2017-05-16, 06:21 AM
*May never trust that the DM is actually getting annoyed with how careful (and time-consuming) we're being about checking for traps, and start being careless just to move things along.
**I'm expected to be at least a bit upset at losing a character, not burst out laughing and say "Praise Gygax, I've come home!"

Guizonde
2017-05-16, 07:54 AM
*as much fun as it was, i'm not to instruct my players to describe their characters in 5 sentences anymore as a one-shot backstory...
** if it is done via text message, i'm not to be surprised that interpol bursts through my door.

(of the three characters, one was a militant neo-nazi with survivalist overtones, one was inspired by a famous pedophile, and the last was an over the hill prostitute with lots of blackmail over the mayor... hilariously improvised with no communications between players. it was a surreal one-shot)

here's the method for those interested:

1: name and age.
2: appearance
3: job
4: capabilities, hobbies, strengths
5: weaknesses, flaws, dislikes.

instant mad-libs style backstory ready to play. just make sure to use it around people whose sense of humor is not singing the blues or hanging by a noose.

GrayGriffin
2017-05-18, 12:42 AM
* Not allowed to try and fight everyone when I am the youngest and practically the physically weakest of the group.
** Not allowed to have the serial killing maniac somehow become 85% of my character's impulse control.

Guizonde
2017-05-18, 05:17 AM
* Not allowed to try and fight everyone when I am the youngest and practically the physically weakest of the group.
** Not allowed to have the serial killing maniac somehow become 85% of my character's impulse control.

welp, there goes the tradition at my game-table of having the youngest character be the rashest and killiest one of the band!

... ok that's not true. for us, the "serial killing maniac" bit is closer to 90%... it's that kind of world.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-18, 08:04 AM
* May not use the FTL drive as a weapon.
** May no longer use the reaction drive as a weapon.
*** May no longer insist on including a reaction drive just so I have an emergency weapon.
**** May no longer use the weapons as a reaction drive.
***** May no longer take the fantasy game into space.
****** May not propel the Spaceship by playing golf, even if I'm immortal and the ship has nanostatis pods.

Lord Torath
2017-05-18, 10:12 AM
* May not use the FTL drive as a weapon.
** May no longer use the reaction drive as a weapon.
*** May no longer insist on including a reaction drive just so I have an emergency weapon.
**** May no longer use the weapons as a reaction drive.
***** May no longer take the fantasy game into space.
****** May not propel the Spaceship by playing golf, even if I'm immortal and the ship has nanostatis pods.******* May not suggest switching to Spelljammer, where the drive systems can't be weaponized so easily1.
******** Seriously, don't! He won't take it well!

1: Unless you're using a furnace or artifurnace, in which case, pass the fuel out to the crew and go wild!

Guizonde
2017-05-18, 04:53 PM
*i'm not allowed access to stills or the knowledge to distill strong booze.
** even if it's to create "something medicinal".
*** especially for that reason!!

JAL_1138
2017-05-18, 05:46 PM
*May not spend all my starting gold on trade goods, wagons, horses, and hirelings, then immediately retire the character to start a caravan company, just to get a reroll.
**Seriously, just play a utility wizard. The stats weren't THAT bad for one.

2D8HP
2017-05-19, 07:21 PM
*May not have all Drow speak with Australian accents

**No double wielding boomerangs

***There are no "War didgeridoo's

****What do you mean, "What about bagpipes"?

*****You may not name your Drow Ranger d'Bruce

******Nor may you name your Drow Cleric d'Sheila Priestess of Lolth's Abyssal Blue Panties (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=21414730#post21414730)

********I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT WAS
THE "greatest thread derailment of all time" (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=21703520#post21703520)!

*********** Up'yrs'chubbo IS NOT AN ELVISH NAME MEANING "Summer flower bloom"

************* I CAN SEE YOUR GESTURES!

Zarquon Illius
2017-05-20, 12:00 AM
If a party can ever be described as "Los Alamos but more destructive", they are banned.In addition, no one can ever play those classes or races ever again, and their pages in the rulebook will be torn out. For crying out loud, Gno Gnoddamned Gnomes!!!!!!

Lord Raziere
2017-05-20, 01:26 AM
***** Lord Raziere is no longer allowed to play Mutants and Masterminds.
****** Or any system which has access to Bards.

* May not send memes about how the evil galactic overlord is a cow over the internet to said overlord
** May not follow it up with a meme about how the galactic overlord has an affair with a cow.
*** May not make a cowfolk princess send a love letter to said evil galactic overlord in response to his announcement that he is taking over the world

Rater202
2017-05-21, 07:28 PM
*In a hypothetical Kingdom Hearts Roleplay, I am not allowed to depict King Micky as though he were Good! Dio Brando.

JAL_1138
2017-05-21, 10:27 PM
*Plan A is not "blow up the building and take the prototype from the rubble."
**It's not Plan B either.
***Nor is it Plan C.
****It doesn't matter how far in the alphabet I go, it will never be one of the plans.

*No plan is to begin with the phrase "After the fuel-air bomb goes off..."

*May not put points into Demolitions or Chemistry.

Guizonde
2017-05-22, 04:25 AM
*Plan A is not "blow up the building and take the prototype from the rubble."
**It's not Plan B either.
***Nor is it Plan C.
****It doesn't matter how far in the alphabet I go, it will never be one of the plans.

*No plan is to begin with the phrase "After the fuel-air bomb goes off..."

*May not put points into Demolitions or Chemistry.

*at no point no matter the universe, i may not have a brother-in-law in construction.
**sister too.
*** "allergy to masonry" does not exist. "hatred of evil edifices" has no applicable bonus.
**** no hard-bypassing the dungeon.
(seriously, nobody ever let me do it in 10 years)

JAL_1138
2017-05-22, 06:20 AM
*at no point no matter the universe, i may not have a brother-in-law in construction.
**sister too.
*** "allergy to masonry" does not exist. "hatred of evil edifices" has no applicable bonus.
**** no hard-bypassing the dungeon.
(seriously, nobody ever let me do it in 10 years)

*May not play a monster race with a "burrowing" speed.

Lord Raziere
2017-05-22, 08:07 AM
* May not invent a "Sexual Pleasuring" Genjutsu to make money without killing people as a ninja
** May not use this Jutsu to create Genjutsu Theatre to cast this Genjutsu on an entire theater full of people who willingly paid for this.
*** May not make more money by doing so than most clans do through killing.
**** May not make prostitution obsolete with a single Genjutsu
***** May not do this all just as a side project to fund my real science projects on Chakra to change the world in far crazier ways.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-22, 11:54 AM
*Plan A is not "blow up the building and take the prototype from the rubble."
**It's not Plan B either.
***Nor is it Plan C.
****It doesn't matter how far in the alphabet I go, it will never be one of the plans.

*No plan is to begin with the phrase "After the fuel-air bomb goes off..."

*May not put points into Demolitions or Chemistry.

* May not brute force explosions with mass and velocity.

* While it is rules legal, using a tractor beam against Cthulhu is bad form.
** The solution to Cthulhu resurrecting it's not to seal him in an airtight box and let him suffocate for eternity.
*** May no longer attempt to hurl suns at Great Old Ones.
**** May not disassemble Cthulhu.
* Must stop referring to humanity as 'the apes that build.
** Cannot give humanity a mythos title.
* If at any point more than half my body is made out of dark matter I am not a legal PC.

I picked up Eldritch Skies today, which seems to have successfully blended Lovecraft with Space Opera (take that CthulhuTech). Although it did spend over two pages justifying why it's in the spirit of Lovecraft's works (bolted down to 'we decided to focus on a different element of his stories').

Samzat
2017-05-22, 05:40 PM
*I may not attempt to throw the dungeon my party are currently exploring at an enemy
**nor can I throw my fellow party members
***possession of a vorpal throwing GREATAXE is right out

Guizonde
2017-05-22, 06:29 PM
*I may not attempt to throw the dungeon my party are currently exploring at an enemy
**nor can I throw my fellow party members
***possession of a vorpal throwing GREATAXE is right out

i like this guy without knowing anything else about them.

*favored enemy "subtlety" doesn't exist.
**neither does "boredom", "idiots", "tropes", "michael bay", "creatures", or "plot".

Rater202
2017-05-23, 09:56 AM
*I can not drink beer out of the holy grail or any of its equivalents.
**Or wine.
***Or Rum
****Or vodka.
*****Or absinthe.
******Or any kind of whiskey.
*******No drinking booze out of any sacred cups.

DigoDragon
2017-05-23, 11:04 AM
*I can not drink beer out of the holy grail or any of its equivalents.
**Or wine.

Not wine? That's... awkward.


* First contact with hostile aliens shall not include communications in Tamarian, emojis, or armpit farts.
** Evacuated colonists are not to be armed and sent back down just to pad my defense numbers.
*** I am not to dismiss a 104% survival rate of rescued colonists as an act of Starfleet efficiency.
**** If the aliens demand payment for the invaders I captured, I'm not to melt the prisoners down into currency.

Sharur
2017-05-24, 02:50 PM
Not wine? That's... awkward.

Well, Rater202 didn't say that you couldn't put wine in, just that you couldn't drink it out.

Which depending on where you stand on Transubstantiation may be quite appropriate:smallbiggrin:

Twizzly513
2017-05-25, 10:52 AM
*May no longer replace hands with steel fists
**The wizard is no longer allowed to enchant said fists
***Magic +3 steel fists that launch like a light crossbow and can move and manifest with fire was a bad idea
****No longer allowed to take the sharpshooter feat with launching fists
*****No longer allowed to weld more pieces of metal to body for AC
******Rocket feet was also a bad idea
*******So was being allowed to become 20 feet tall at will
********No longer allowed to become 8 levels above rest of party
*********No longer allowed to play fighter

*No rolling to seduce the plot
**No not even if you're a bard
***Especially because you're a bard
****You cannot multiclass to cleric and worship a god of plot
*****You cannot become the god of plot again

Morphic tide
2017-05-25, 12:02 PM
*May no longer get Metamagic Song as a gestalt Sorcerer/Bard
** May no longer get Lyric Spell as a gestalt Sorcerer/Bard
***May no longer play a Sorcerer/Bard, gestalt or not, with Lyric Spell or Metamagic Song
**** May no longer play any build that has both Bard and another spontaneous Arcane spellcasting class with Lyric Spell or Metamagic Song

Not OP, but silly and prone to messing up plans in a lot of ways. Bards get one use of Bardic Music per level. Metamagic Song lets you replace the spell level adjustment of metamagic on spontaneously cast Arcane spells with uses of Bardic Music. Lyric Spell lets you cast Spontaneous Arcane Spells by expending one Bardic Music use plus the spell level. Naturally, this makes Sorcerer/Bard gestalt get silly because you are replacing a bunch of Sorcerer spell slots with Bardic Music because the feats don't mention class restrictions. And it breaks for the Divine Bard AFC/variant class because it only works for Arcane spells.

But here's the biggest catch: You can use metamagic on your highest level spell with Metamagic Song and get extra uses per day of your highest level spell slot. You can break the Sorcerer's normal restrictions in nasty ways to let loose novas far above your normal level. It can make the DM feel safe when your level 3 Sorcerer/level 3 Bard gestalt has cast their full daily allotment of 2nd level spells, then they use their untouched Bardic Music uses to cast just one more 2nd level spell.

JAL_1138
2017-05-25, 02:04 PM
*Explosives do not come in "vorpal."

Socratov
2017-05-25, 02:23 PM
*Explosives do not come in "vorpal."

**Not even frag grenades

DigoDragon
2017-05-25, 03:01 PM
**Not even frag grenades

*** Wrapping Detcord around someone's neck is technically cheating.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-25, 03:40 PM
*No rolling to seduce the plot
**No not even if you're a bard

Then what's the point of playing a bard?

* I cannot estimate the number of bards in a city by taking the square root of the number of unplanned pregnancies.
** Bards do not compete with each other to have the most illegitimate children.

JAL_1138
2017-05-26, 08:07 AM
*Wiping out a tinker gnome settlement by turning a kender loose and then running away will be considered a chaotic evil act.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-26, 10:44 AM
* Yes, I may refluff my powers as needed to fit my character concept.
** Magic Missile cannot be refluffed to 'two weeks ago I mind controlled an assassin and now I'm telling him to shoot where I want'.
* Cannot buy every single mind control and Divination spell in the game and nothing else.
** Especially because it's significantly more powerful than actually buying combat magic.

JAL_1138
2017-05-26, 12:11 PM
* Cannot buy every single mind control and Divination spell in the game and nothing else.
** Especially because it's significantly more powerful than actually buying combat magic.

You say that until someone throws out a lead-plated golem with Protection from Scrying and Nystul's Magic Aura on it.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-26, 02:05 PM
You say that until someone throws out a lead-plated golem with Protection from Scrying and Nystul's Magic Aura on it.

Two things:
-This is very unlikely to come up with the games I play in, and would only come up in a game I'd run specifically as a counter to mind magic.
-I consider power here to be the ability to solve problems, and while combat magic can be used creatively (I sometimes like to take basic fire spells for utility) stuff like mind control and illusions solves more problems I tend to encounter in-game.

So yeah, if the GM or other player throws a construct defended against scrying at me, well done. It's the sort of shutting down that I'm totally fine with but few people are actually willing to do (which is weird, especially as I've been known to abuse enchantment magic like it's going out of fashion). Prove to me that investing in combat magic rather than avoid combat like the plague is worthwhile and I'll do it. But I've never had a GM make mind control useless yet.

Fable Wright
2017-05-26, 02:07 PM
You say that until someone throws out a lead-plated golem with Protection from Scrying and Nystul's Magic Aura on it.

Then you scry and mind control the guy who can solve the problem for you.

Dr_Dinosaur
2017-05-26, 08:20 PM
*May not build Imp
**or Skitter
***May not play as ANY character from Worm

*If the first step of my plan for avoiding detection is "Get found," it's a bad plan.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-26, 08:27 PM
* Not every weapon has a blast radius.
** The minimum safe distance from my character must be less than the average county.

JAL_1138
2017-05-26, 09:59 PM
* Not every weapon has a blast radius.
** The minimum safe distance from my character must be less than the average county.

***The weapon's range must exceed the minimum safe distance.
****May not have an M-29 Davy Crockett.
*****May not purchase, engineer, invent, or otherwise acquire any functionally-equivalent weapon system.
******May not research any magic that can produce equivalent results either.
******Any character who can do more damage, by any means, whether in terms of immediate impact or long-term damage, than an M-388 miniature nuclear warhead is vetoed.


*In Deadlands, my Agent (Union spy/paranormal investigator/MiB) in Deadlands must be more subtle than summarily executing any NPC who owns slaves, works for the CSA, or witnesses something they shouldn't.
**I am banned from purchasing dynamite unless I can use it responsibly.
***"Responsibly" means not only minimizing civilian casualties and property damage, but also refraining from detonating the entire plot.
****My first reaction to hearing about a haunted mine may not be to spend all my dinero on dynamite.
*****"Spending all my starting money on dynamite" is not a valid character concept.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-26, 10:26 PM
***The weapon's range must exceed the minimum safe distance.

**** Any suggestion that this isn't true for standard thermonuclear hand grenades will result in immediate allocation to the nearest maximum fun chamber.
***** I can put an explosive enchantment on my arrows. I may not put an explosive enchantment on my sword.
****** Explosive enchantments no do stack.

* No matter what the rules say my monk cannot offensively sit on people multiple times a round.
** May not double my weight every time my martial arts damage die increases.

Rater202
2017-05-26, 11:00 PM
*May not build Imp
**or Skitter
***May not play as ANY character from Worm

****Especially not Riley.
*****My character is not a good girl.

Belac93
2017-05-26, 11:56 PM
***** I can put an explosive enchantment on my arrows. I may not put an explosive enchantment on my sword.

I had a player who got a 'chaos sword,' which had a 1-in-4 chance of triggering a wand of wonder affect every time it was used. He killed his teammates once or twice with accidental fireballs, and then couldn't save them because his previous strike summoned a swarm of butterflies.

*Not allowed to abuse the morality rules in world of darkness.
**Changelings who can murder any amount of people they like, but lose sanity from seeing bread, should not exist.

Guizonde
2017-05-27, 02:33 AM
*Explosives do not come in "vorpal."

**unfortunately.
***not allowed to change that. we went over that five times, edward!!


******Any character who can do more damage, by any means, whether in terms of immediate impact or long-term damage, than an M-388 miniature nuclear warhead is vetoed
**I am banned from purchasing dynamite unless I can use it responsibly.
***"Responsibly" means not only minimizing civilian casualties and property damage, but also refraining from detonating the entire plot

you too, huh? we'd get along like a house on fire! (the dm on the other hand would weep tears of rage which one of us would proceed to weaponize.

*no weaponizing the dm's bodily fluids!



* No matter what the rules say my monk cannot offensively sit on people multiple times a round.
**teabagging is an offense reserved for multiplayer fps. not pen and paper...

preemptively throwing one out (to be confirmed tonight):

*dark heresy and pathfinder have a class in common: the inquisitor. don't mix up the two.
** pathfinder inquisitors will not *BLAM!!* anyone, unless they've got inquisition of black powder.
*** nope, no giving guizonde guns in pathfinder.
**** especially a scatter-gun to abuse crit rules.
***** or to "expedite" any problem by administration of high-velocity lead to a problematic face or twelve.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-27, 03:03 AM
* If I'm going to burn the heretics I must first establish what religion I follow.

Guizonde
2017-05-27, 03:36 AM
* If I'm going to burn the heretics I must first establish what religion I follow.

**despite evidence to the contrary, "violence" is not a religion.
*** neither is "genocide".
*** "fire" on the other hand...

(well, in animist religions it is...)

Dr_Dinosaur
2017-05-27, 05:27 PM
****Especially not Riley.
*****My character is not a good girl.

*Cannot play a Vivisectionist Alchemist interested in studying how the brains of psionic characters/sorcerers vary from other people
**Cannot perform surgery to make people psionic or sorcerers.
***Conversely, cannot remove/alter someone's innate casting abilities via lobotomy

Guizonde
2017-05-27, 06:00 PM
*guizonde is no longer allowed to play the skill monkey.
** no becoming the face of the group with an 11 in cha.
*** just because i bypassed a mad playstyle by swapping wis and cha does not mean i've got "common sense".
**** despite evidence to the contrary, "common sense" is not a superpower.
***** becoming batman through multiclassing just to throw out a pun will get me books thrown at me.

JAL_1138
2017-05-27, 08:25 PM
*May not use Dimension Door to flee combat by saying "I holler "Run for your lives!" and cast "NOPE" to do a leave 500 feet thataway."
**Especially not in the first round of combat.
***Especially not if I'm three levels ahead of more than half the party.

Zarquon Illius
2017-05-28, 09:03 AM
My bardlock cannot summon his patron by singing 'hello darkness my old friend....'
Nor is that the verbal component for the "Silence" spell.

I cannot take expertise in "Pinball Machine" and incessantly play "Pinball Wizard".

The spell is called "Plane Shift", not "Stairway to Heaven"

I am banned from any musical instruments or systems during play.

JAL_1138
2017-05-28, 12:48 PM
My bardlock cannot summon his patron by singing 'hello darkness my old friend....'
Nor is that the verbal component for the "Silence" spell.

I cannot take expertise in "Pinball Machine" and incessantly play "Pinball Wizard".

The spell is called "Plane Shift", not "Stairway to Heaven"

I am banned from any musical instruments or systems during play.

*Not required to play Stairway to Heaven if we take the Infinite Staircase to get to Elysium.
**Not allowed to not make a reference, however.

*If the last time I met my Enemy (from the Flaw) I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with the pea-shooter of a shoddy revolver I had, buying my Shooting skill up two die sizes, getting a Gatling pistol, and taking the Quickdraw edge before the next time we meet up is bad form.
**Not allowed to play the "*whistle* Wah Wah Wah" sound effect from A Fistful of Dollars every time we draw initiative.
***Under no circumstances can I ever make a Deadlands character who can be described completely accurately as "Slim Pickens with a Gatling gun." Again.

sengmeng
2017-05-28, 08:06 PM
*"A wizard did it!" is not a good explanation for why everything in my campaign has terrible names.
**No, working said wizard into the plot doesn't make it better.
*Including extra rules for turning and rebuking creatures other than undead is fine. Revealing those rules to the party by having their warforged get commanded by an enemy cleric is not so fine.
**Especially when he tackles the wizard and beats him unconscious in two rounds.
***Even moreso when he hadn't been effective in melee when he fought FOR the party.

Fable Wright
2017-05-28, 10:07 PM
*May not use Dimension Door to flee combat by saying "I holler "Run for your lives!" and cast "NOPE" to do a leave 500 feet thataway."
**Especially not in the first round of combat.
***Especially not if I'm three levels ahead of more than half the party.

****Stuff like this is not why I'm three levels ahead of the party.

*Not allowed to abuse raise dead and human sacrifice powers together.
**May not do so in the cabal filled with people obsessed with dying and coming back to life.
***One major charge is worth one zombie army; any plan that involves assembling over a hundred of them is right out.
****No longer allowed to play a cleric.

iceman10058
2017-05-29, 05:49 PM
*cannot engant the frag grenade with seeking anymore.
** giving it returning will not give you infinite grenades and the idea may blow up in my face.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-29, 05:54 PM
* There is a difference between stealth and nobody being able to describe me. I should learn the difference.
** I should not be the number one criminal in the land while still being lawful neutral.
*** May no longer religiously follow contracts.

JAL_1138
2017-05-29, 06:08 PM
*Bringing enough dynamite and nitroglycerin to level the town to a showdown at high noon is bad form.
**I am now banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in six different RPGs (and multiple editions therein, for some of them).
***I am preemptively banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in any other RPG, too.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-29, 06:17 PM
*Bringing enough dynamite and nitroglycerin to level the town to a showdown at high noon is bad form.
**I am now banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in six different RPGs (and multiple editions therein, for some of them).
***I am preemptively banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in any other RPG, too.

Sounds like someone follows the Tao of Vaarsuvius (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0696.html) a bit too well.

JAL_1138
2017-05-29, 07:28 PM
Sounds like someone follows the Tao of Vaarsuvius (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0696.html) a bit too well.

I don't understand V's comment in the very last panel. Why would a factually-accurate statement be "wrong"...? :smalltongue:

Guizonde
2017-05-29, 08:04 PM
*Bringing enough dynamite and nitroglycerin to level the town to a showdown at high noon is bad form.
**I am now banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in six different RPGs (and multiple editions therein, for some of them).
***I am preemptively banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in any other RPG, too.

*not allowed to complain that the dm is "beating me with the boring-stick".
**there is no such thing as a "boring stick".
*** "EEEEEEEDWAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!" is not a yardstick for "plot derailment efficiency", despite precedent.

Katrina
2017-05-30, 09:33 PM
* [D&D 3.5] When told to build a 15th level character who is supposed to be a legendary hero put in stasis who killed dragons to save the world, I should not build "the wielder of the ugly stick." The Ugly stick in this case was a Wand of Maximized Ego Whip (8 Charisma Damage in a Ray. Good luck mister Touch AC 8 Dragon. )
* [D&D 3.5] Neither should it be the wielder of the "Clumsy stick". (Same, but with Dexterity damage.)
* [D&D 3.5] "Will Save DC 32 or take 270 Untyped Telepathic Damage." Is not a line the GM ever expects to hear from a player, despite his level.
* [D&D 3.5] No longer allowed to be Psionic.

Alias Unknown
2017-05-30, 11:41 PM
*Bringing enough dynamite and nitroglycerin to level the town to a showdown at high noon is bad form.
**I am now banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in six different RPGs (and multiple editions therein, for some of them).
***I am preemptively banned from purchasing, inventing, making, or otherwise acquiring explosives in any other RPG, too.

*If one of my players does this I am not allowed to make them roll to not set off the nitroglycerin
**Not allowed to make the DC 23 when they have 16 Dex

That was good TPK, well other than the rogue surviving, but otherwise a good TPK.

Rater202
2017-05-31, 12:04 AM
*In a space-western, my response to the saloon hold up that starts the game should not be to stand up from the table, hold out a huge bottle of nitroglycerine, and tell the criminals that if they don't put their guns down I'll blow the **** out of the entire bar.
**Especially not if I'm the town doctor.
***The players are not all allowed to turn on each other withing minutes of the game starting.
****The town sheriff and the town doctor are not to conspire with each other to drive the alien who owns the bar out of town into the wilderness to die by convincing him that assassins are after him, then plan to take the bar and sell it for profit.
*****They can not quickly switch to an insurance scheme when that falls through, using the doctor's nitroglycerine.
******The Sherrif can't up and kill people--especially the guy who drank the nitroglycerine thinking it was a shot of whiskey.
*******I can't forget what scheme the town lawyers were planning against us.
********We can not turn the space-western into a space mafia story.

From a game like... My last year of high school, so like at least six years ago. We only did ever do the one session.

Zarquon Illius
2017-05-31, 07:50 AM
My wizard may not raise Faerun to the technological level of Eberron overnight.

I may not thwart the BBEG's carefully crafted manipulations with a nat. 20 on my insight check.

Maxwells Silver Hammer is not a magic item. Even if it was, I cannot sneak attack with it. Especially not while singing the song.Especially not while singing it in real life.

My ban on music systems is now extended to one week before a session. Especially if I am playing a bard.

Bards and Wizards are banned for me. Sorcerers and Warlocks are discouraged.

Anonymouswizard
2017-05-31, 09:36 AM
* Despite mythological precedence my dwarf cannot be the most powerful wizard in the group.

* Even if they're out of earshot, may not call them 'The Amoral Folk'.
** I shall not insult the Fair Folk, because they are quick to anger and need a new rug.
*** May no longer base a scheme on insulting the Fair Folk.
**** May most certainly not come out of that plan successful with all my body parts and mental capabilities.

Zarquon Illius
2017-05-31, 10:51 AM
* Even if they're out of earshot, may not call them 'The Amoral Folk'.
** I shall not insult the Fair Folk, because they are quick to anger and need a new rug.
*** May no longer base a scheme on insulting the Fair Folk.
**** May most certainly not come out of that plan successful with all my body parts and mental capabilities.

May not create a plan in the same vein that involves using subtle spell, vicious mockery, and awakened mind to telepathically genocide the Elves completely untraceably.
As a DM, may not have the BBEG do the same for Gnomes, even if the players deserve it.

Katrina
2017-05-31, 11:20 PM
* Despite mythological precedence my dwarf cannot be the most powerful wizard in the group.

* Even if they're out of earshot, may not call them 'The Amoral Folk'.
** I shall not insult the Fair Folk, because they are quick to anger and need a new rug.
*** May no longer base a scheme on insulting the Fair Folk.
**** May most certainly not come out of that plan successful with all my body parts and mental capabilities.

* This strategy is especially frowned upon in Changeling: The Lost.
* Surviving it is even more frowned upon. But just as impressive.
* If I roll 14 successes on a Stealth check again, the GM is justified in declaring that I have won the Hunt (My Keeper was the Hunter and I was his declared prey) and am now a True Fae. o.o'

JAL_1138
2017-05-31, 11:45 PM
*May not TPK the party with three Kobolds. Again.
**Especially after adjusting the encounter difficulty to below their Average Party Level and using average damage (without increases for the half-dozen crits I rolled in the encounter) because I TPK'd a party there before.
***May not claim it's not my fault my dice hate player characters with a fierce and fiery passion.
****It is my fault, somehow, even with open rolls and using a dice cup.
*****It is also my fault if the players' dice hate them.


This was an encounter most parties can take just fine, unless they get an improbably-bad set of dice rolls. They got an improbably-bad set of dice rolls. Twice.

Spookykid
2017-06-01, 11:43 AM
may not convince the party to attack rocks while some giant evil entity is about to enter our plane of existence and kill everyone just so that I have time to get back my precious weapon

PhoenixPhyre
2017-06-01, 04:58 PM
*May not TPK the party with three Kobolds. Again.
**Especially after adjusting the encounter difficulty to below their Average Party Level and using average damage (without increases for the half-dozen crits I rolled in the encounter) because I TPK'd a party there before.
***May not claim it's not my fault my dice hate player characters with a fierce and fiery passion.
****It is my fault, somehow, even with open rolls and using a dice cup.
*****It is also my fault if the players' dice hate them.


This was an encounter most parties can take just fine, unless they get an improbably-bad set of dice rolls. They got an improbably-bad set of dice rolls. Twice.

Related (but opposite):
* I may not plan encounters taking into account my unusually empathetic dice and then use someone else's dice.
**No really, my dice like my players way too much.
***As in, rolling for enemies (saves or attacks) I either roll crap to hit/save or roll crap for damage.
**My dice also have a comedian's sense of timing and a nasty sense of humor.
***Case in point: Fighter goes down, fails one death save. Cleric (metagaming that he has another round to do anything about the fighter) spends a round berating the wizard for being trigger happy. Fighter (before rolling his next death save) says: Hope I don't crit fail. Dice: Natural 1. Dead. First combat of the first session of the campaign.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-01, 06:09 PM
* Despite what the rules say I cannot pop off to Andromeda with the basic teleportation spell.
** Cannot point out that, as long as I can get a Spaceship less than three meters in diameter, I don't care if the portal can appear 500 yards from my chosen destination.
*** Cannot wonder why people in this setting even use FTL drives, when portals are faster and take little power.
**** Insanity is not a decent trade for getting to another planet, no matter what I say.

Eldritch Skies is weird, there's no reason for the FTL drive other than 'science fiction settings have FTL drives', the setting would work just as well if ships used an enhanced version of the Gateway spell.

Fable Wright
2017-06-02, 06:59 AM
* Despite what the rules say I cannot pop off to Andromeda with the basic teleportation spell.
** Cannot point out that, as long as I can get a Spaceship less than three meters in diameter, I don't care if the portal can appear 500 yards from my chosen destination.
*** Cannot wonder why people in this setting even use FTL drives, when portals are faster and take little power.
**** Insanity is not a decent trade for getting to another planet, no matter what I say.

Eldritch Skies is weird, there's no reason for the FTL drive other than 'science fiction settings have FTL drives', the setting would work just as well if ships used an enhanced version of the Gateway spell.

Freight transport, transport for people who don't trust eldritch portals beyond comprehension, shipping things that make portals unstable, doesn't require much in the way of insane wizard pilots...

I mean, why do we ever ship things by boat nowadays, when we can ship things by plane?

DigoDragon
2017-06-02, 07:13 AM
I mean, why do we ever ship things by boat nowadays, when we can ship things by plane?

Even though planes are faster, the ship will have still transported more cargo from A to B across an ocean in one pass than a plane traveling the same route back and forth several times. If I'm reading that post correctly, seems to be a similar case where the FTL drive is gonna still be used because one huge ship with a FTL drive is still more reliable than a portal through the heck dimension. :smallbiggrin:


* I am no longer allowed in the kitchen.
** Despite rumors to the contrary, pepperoni is still technically a meat.
*** Banned from creating a Caesar salad that is 1330 calories per serving.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-02, 08:01 AM
Freight transport, transport for people who don't trust eldritch portals beyond comprehension, shipping things that make portals unstable, doesn't require much in the way of insane wizard pilots...

I mean, why do we ever ship things by boat nowadays, when we can ship things by plane?

Eh, it's not like you get much less hyperspace exposure from FTL, it's a level one event compared to a level two. Freight transport makes little sense actually, once you factor in surface to orbit and orbit to surface you can probably ferry anything smaller than three yards across through a gateway faster than with a ship (even taking into account the 500 yard inaccuracy at your end point). Most of the annoying limitations can be got around by using paired gateways, but those have their own problems.

For the insane wizard pilots, that makes sense, although the Dragonfly Drive causes manes anyway. I'm not sure there's anything that destabilises a gateway, although I don't have all the resources for the song.

(For the record, I was talking from a setting design perspective, the only drawback given to gateways is a lack of size [fixed three yards or one to five yards in my version, which is the Savage Worlds conversion], why have the FTL drive when ships could produce scaled up technosorcerous gateways? Maybe I'm just too focused on the fact that the game has relatively easy teleportation magic with no range limit)

Fable Wright
2017-06-02, 09:20 AM
(For the record, I was talking from a setting design perspective, the only drawback given to gateways is a lack of size [fixed three yards or one to five yards in my version, which is the Savage Worlds conversion], why have the FTL drive when ships could produce scaled up technosorcerous gateways? Maybe I'm just too focused on the fact that the game has relatively easy teleportation magic with no range limit)

Maybe they can't produce technosorcerous gateways. Yog-Sothoth does not allow it, or whatever.

You have FTL because, as Digo and I said, throughput is good. Heck, look at Google. When they need to transfer huge amounts of data over distance, they don't use the internet for near-instantaneous delivery, they hire a trucker to get the data where it needs to go. It just takes so much less time and resources that way. People don't use portals for everything the same reason why we still have mail trucks, rather than Amazon drones delivering all of our mail and packages to everyone.

JAL_1138
2017-06-02, 11:05 AM
*May never open a portal to the core of a neutron star to demonstrate why easy dimensional gateways should be banned.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-02, 02:46 PM
Maybe they can't produce technosorcerous gateways. Yog-Sothoth does not allow it, or whatever.

You have FTL because, as Digo and I said, throughput is good. Heck, look at Google. When they need to transfer huge amounts of data over distance, they don't use the internet for near-instantaneous delivery, they hire a trucker to get the data where it needs to go. It just takes so much less time and resources that way. People don't use portals for everything the same reason why we still have mail trucks, rather than Amazon drones delivering all of our mail and packages to everyone.

Part of my problem is that technosorcerous gateways are a thing anyway. Relatively reliable although you can't ​make an accurate Stargate network.

As it is, I'm just going to hostile that the dragonfly drive us a variant of gateways instead, and let people run their versions how they want.

As I've said to me it's different, but I understand why people might not agree. Maybe I've just got the Commonwealth Saga on my mind


*May never open a portal to the core of a neutron star to demonstrate why easy dimensional gateways should be banned.

Useful as a disposal system, unfortunately the game doesn't specify if gravity reaches through, only solids get through though (or things in solid containers)

sengmeng
2017-06-02, 08:11 PM
*must not assume my wife is OK fighting giant spiders under any circumstances. Descriptions alone can cause her anxiety.

noob
2017-06-02, 08:17 PM
**May no longer assume the above poster was speaking of fighting giant spiders in real life.

JAL_1138
2017-06-02, 09:46 PM
Part of my problem is that technosorcerous gateways are a thing anyway. Relatively reliable although you can't ​make an accurate Stargate network.

As it is, I'm just going to hostile that the dragonfly drive us a variant of gateways instead, and let people run their versions how they want.

As I've said to me it's different, but I understand why people might not agree. Maybe I've just got the Commonwealth Saga on my mind



Useful as a disposal system, unfortunately the game doesn't specify if gravity reaches through, only solids get through though (or things in solid containers)

If you suddenly opened part of a neutron star's core to an area of massively-lower pressure along a single plane and from only one side, would gravity continue to hold it firmly on its own side of the portal, or would it fountain through like water would if you'd opened one end of the portal at the bottom of the ocean?

2D8HP
2017-06-02, 10:37 PM
...it fountain through like water would if you'd opened one end of the portal at the bottom of the ocean?


Again with the ocean fear JAL!

:amused:

JAL_1138
2017-06-02, 10:56 PM
Again with the ocean fear JAL!

:amused:

Well yes. Water is always bad. The only safe(ish) water is water that's been created by a Cleric via Create Or Destroy Water or Create Food And Water, then subsequently purified magically with Purify Food And Drink—and then boiled, to be on the safe side. You might also want to try to target it with a cantrip that can only target a creature, just to be absolutely sure it's not an elemental or water weird or crystal ooze or something.

EDIT: My goodness, I almost forgot. Prod it with a 10ft pole and observe the effects thereof to make sure it isn't secretly acid or something, then purify it again (in case you might've inadvertently introduced some contaminant or other via the 10ft pole).

Even then, you can still drown from it if it goes down the wrong pipe, so it's not really "safe"...

Alias Unknown
2017-06-03, 05:59 AM
*May not use JAL's posts for trap ideas

EDIT:
*No matter how clever we think we are, we are not allowed to make a system that allows the characters inside D&D to play D&D.
**We are not allowed to further this by allowing D&D characters to play D&D characters playing D&D characters.
***We are not allowed to take this to its logical extreme by having every player DMing at once.

sengmeng
2017-06-03, 08:39 AM
**May no longer assume the above poster was speaking of fighting giant spiders in real life.

Well, "under any circumstances" covers real life AND purely hypothetical fights, so you weren't exactly wrong.

DigoDragon
2017-06-03, 08:45 AM
Well, "under any circumstances" covers real life AND purely hypothetical fights, so you weren't exactly wrong.

* This is not evidence that the giant spider combat took place in Florida.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-03, 09:41 AM
If you suddenly opened part of a neutron star's core to an area of massively-lower pressure along a single plane and from only one side, would gravity continue to hold it firmly on its own side of the portal, or would it fountain through like water would if you'd opened one end of the portal at the bottom of the ocean?

answer inconclusive (I tend to rule no when using portals and wormholes, even if it's unrealistic, just so I don't have to spend 2 hours calculating how doomed my setting is).

JAL_1138
2017-06-03, 09:49 AM
* This is not evidence that the giant spider combat took place in Florida.

**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.


http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/23/article-1079895-02371FDB000005DC-877_468x310.jpg
http://6336-presscdn-26-82.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/spider-snake-main.jpg

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-03, 10:18 AM
**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.


http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/23/article-1079895-02371FDB000005DC-877_468x310.jpg
http://6336-presscdn-26-82.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/spider-snake-main.jpg

*** My god-slaying hero cannot be scared of Australia.

Belac93
2017-06-03, 11:55 AM
*** My god-slaying hero cannot be scared of Australia.

****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

Twizzly513
2017-06-03, 02:44 PM
****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

*****My wizard cannot have a familiar from Australia

Lord Raziere
2017-06-03, 02:57 PM
****** My superhero cannot be "Captain Australia." and make Captain America look weak and pitiful by comparison.

Fable Wright
2017-06-03, 05:05 PM
****** My superhero cannot be "Captain Australia." and make Captain America look weak and pitiful by comparison.

******* Captain Australia is not a reskinned Steve Irwin.
******** Captain <Country> is allowed to have a first name other than Steve.

* Must have combat tactics other than "run away" and "make everyone else as unable to fight as I am".
** The fact that the latter tactic has yet to fail in instantly incapacitating a foe is irrelevant.
*** If I nearly got two members of the party killed in attempting to acquire a bodyguard, said bodyguard should be used for something other than scouting.
**** Especially considering that the last time she scouted, she nearly broke the mind of our most powerful allies on accident.

Guizonde
2017-06-03, 09:15 PM
*if my dm forgets my initial class and starts calling it the "josé", i might have gone undercover a bit too far.
**i'm banned from making "josé" sound like a dignified name for an inquisitor. (for anglophones, that's the equivalent of "burt" or "lawrence". old school name)
***same goes for jean-pierre.
****the team cannot have "plan a" be "let josé figure it out".
***** when at level 2, it's routine for josé to roll 31+ on intimidation checks, not allowed to bypass encounters by saying "i cast josé's evil glare". it doesn't sound intimidating.
****** the above cannot be "plan b".
*no encouraging the team to goomba-stomp into combat. they don't have my bonuses in acrobatics.
** goomba-stomping an enemy can be considered a "dynamic entry". not a battle-cry.
***goomba-stomping an enemy and stabbing it in the face with a rapier may be effective, but it's humiliating enough to warrant an alignment change.
(one of these days, i'll have a character with a normal name...)

inquisitor josiah (josé) rosépine, half-elf sworn to cayden caellean, whose cover is a mercenary swashbuckler in riddle-port. i kind of forgot to read the lore on pathfinder inquisitors and went ahead with a warhammer 40k fluff idea. so far, it's working pretty good, despite a lot of mood whiplash: drinking hard, play-acting the swashbuckler, uncovering sanity-loss inducing horror, drinking to forget, saving children, stabbing zombies in the face...

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-03, 09:38 PM
* Setting the ocean on fire is not the only way to be sure.

DCraw
2017-06-03, 10:06 PM
****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

****a The verbal component of Summon Nature's Ally is not "Crikey"
****a(2) Especially not in an ocker accent

Catalessi
2017-06-06, 05:47 AM
*may not oneshot most human enemies bare handed
**may not oneshot powerful mutants using only brass knuckles
***may not oneshot tanks using only a normal sword
****i am now banned from creating melee-based characters

JAL_1138
2017-06-06, 07:14 AM
* Setting the ocean on fire is not the only way to be sure.

Considering nuking the ocean just resulted in Godzilla instead of making it less dangerous...

DigoDragon
2017-06-06, 07:34 AM
* I am no longer allowed to announce my entrance with a pyrotechnic display of magic.
** I am banned from unleashing magical fireworks inside any flammable building.
*** I am banned from using fireworks Period.
**** I do not have legal enforcement powers to make an arrest.
***** There is no such thing as Self-Declared Super Enforcement Powers.
****** I am not bullet-proof just because I believe I am really really awesome.
******* Ego is not an acceptable form of powered Damage Resistance.
******** If I survive a crit from One Punch Man, I'm not allowed to say a word about being right.

Yep, The Great & Powerful Trixie had made another appearance on Earth.

Much to Nick Fury's disappointment with how she handled the mission. XD

JAL_1138
2017-06-06, 04:59 PM
...Shouldn't a crit from Saitama have leveled the campaign setting?

DigoDragon
2017-06-07, 05:54 AM
...Shouldn't a crit from Saitama have leveled the campaign setting?

* We're not allowed to question the GM's artistic interpretations (although two buildings were technically written off as 'leveled' in the battle). :smalltongue:

Zarquon Illius
2017-06-08, 11:51 AM
I may play an Aasimar Warforged if I have the specs.
They could also be called celestial warforged.
I may not call them Starwarforged.
If I have one, I may give him the linguist feat.
No, I may not make C3PO.
Even Especially if he has better combat skills than the fighter.

JAL_1138
2017-06-08, 09:01 PM
I may play an Aasimar Warforged if I have the specs.
They could also be called celestial warforged.
I may not call them Starwarforged.
If I have one, I may give him the linguist feat.
No, I may not make C3PO.
Even Especially if he has better combat skills than the fighter.

Reminds me of trying to build an assassin droid in Star Wars and give him the external casing of a protocol droid, plus a linguistics package, so he'd have a solid cover identity. Assassinate people by posing as a servant droid and poisoning their blue milk, generally, and only start shooting when the poodoo hits the turbine.

Katrina
2017-06-08, 09:50 PM
**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.


http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/23/article-1079895-02371FDB000005DC-877_468x310.jpg
http://6336-presscdn-26-82.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/spider-snake-main.jpg

* Offensive teleporting of my enemies to Austraila will result in my alignment shifting toward evil.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-08, 09:59 PM
Reminds me of trying to build an assassin droid in Star Wars and give him the external casing of a protocol droid, plus a linguistics package, so he'd have a solid cover identity. Assassinate people by posing as a servant droid and poisoning their blue milk, generally, and only start shooting when the poodoo hits the turbine.

* My assassins may no longer be competent.
** My assassins may no longer use poison.
*** My assassins may no longer scout.
**** My assassins may no longer use disguises.
***** If my assassin wouldn't fit in Assassin's Creed they're banned.
****** My assassins no longer have access to fanfiction.

goto124
2017-06-08, 11:07 PM
***** If my assassin wouldn't fit in Assassin's Creed they're banned.

****** If your assassin's method of stealth isn't this (https://68.media.tumblr.com/95b31f234d0392118b5ff3be979dfbc8/tumblr_ojx3emhUSl1w196aeo1_1280.jpg), you're doing it wrong.

JAL_1138
2017-06-09, 05:59 AM
****** If your assassin's method of stealth isn't this (https://68.media.tumblr.com/95b31f234d0392118b5ff3be979dfbc8/tumblr_ojx3emhUSl1w196aeo1_1280.jpg), you're doing it wrong.

*Thermonuclear weaponry does not count as "assassination."
**I may not counter the argument with "Well, he's dead, ain't he?"

Zarquon Illius
2017-06-09, 07:21 AM
{In a Harry Potter style game, using the (tweaked) D&D system}
You said you were playing a No-Maj, not a Gnome Mage!
Just because they sound similar does not give you a right to disintegrate Voldemort and detect magic+dispel his horcruxes in the equivalent of the first book.

Guizonde
2017-06-10, 08:21 AM
*not allowed to get my vengeance on the dm banning "the inquisition of black powder" by ordering a canonade.
**especially if it killed a boss in a single volley.
*** not allowed to mount a canon on the paladin's back and ride him like a krootox.
**** the dc to hide my stupid grin is dc 25 in bluff (i failed by 3 points). this just proves to the dm it was a good call to not give me a shepherd gun.
* i got a promotion. this makes me sargeant josé, not "captain josé sparrow" (despite acting like him).
** i must find a name that sounds more credible and less giggle-inducing when even the dm giggles when calling my name.
*** when going into thuvia and wearing local clothing riding a camel, it does not make me "josé of arabia". books will be thrown at me.
**** the bard can't encourage me in being silly-efficient.
***** the bard is now prohibited from aiding me in casting "josé's evil glare" (the intimidation check hit 45, he boosted it to 49)

* clerics can heal and mend. the cleric mending a war galleon by hitting a dc 47 for a cantrip does not make her the best healer on the ship, but the best shipwright.
** if the reason the cleric is packing "mend" as a cantrip is that there's a hidden pool for how many times i'm gonna get my sunglasses punched off my face, i'm probably being obnoxious to the npc's.
*** no, the npc's do not deserve it.
**** yes, my sunglasses do deserve it, apparently.
*cockiness is not encouraged by cayden caellean.
*no more signing contracts with a devout of asmodeus to win a bet. (even if i won fair and square).
*no loudly saying "next!" after fragging a critter that terrorized veteran sailors.
*when the bard yells "i'm free!!" not allowed to say "hi there free, i'm josé, have a drink on me".
** not allowed to convince the paladin the bard's name is really "free".
*i'd better have a real good reason to summon champagne. combined with the pointy ears, it makes the monk question my sexuality too often.
** "half-drow" does not make me bisexual. according to the dm, it does make me "half-bdsm". much to the hilarity of the monk.
*** cannot refuse the advances of the very attractive cat-girl captain on the grounds of "it isn't professional conduct" while giving orders to her crew without wearing pants.
*despite popular dwarf theory, orks don't float.
* not allowed to bemoan the fact that "handle rope" is gone from the skill list in pathfinder every session. the dm is sad about it too.

JAL_1138
2017-06-10, 10:17 PM
*My cowardly, paranoid, overcautious character should remain cowardly, paranoid, and overcautious instead of suddenly growing a spine whenever facing ludicrous odds.

The character has a bit of mental trauma from his time in the Demiplane of Dread. He's extremely cautious of danger and kind of shell-shocked, always expecting something horrible to happen...but once it does, it's kind of like "Ah. Everything's trying to kill me and I have little to no chance of survival. This is normal and expected." Although he thinks otherwise, it's really not the danger that bothers him, it's the anticipation. When everything's going ok, all he can think of is the billion different horrifying ways it can go wrong. When the sh#% actually does hit the fan, the dreadful anticipation is gone and all those terrifying possibilities give way to an immediate, known, and comprehensible situation—so he's pretty much fine. Walking through the undercroft of the ruins of an abandoned temple? Terrifying. He'll tap every step of the way with a 10ft pole, put up Detect Magic, and do everything in his power to avoid danger, being as cautious and stealthy as possible. Facing down two dozen angry giants, though? He'll load his crossbow, tune up his lute, and say "Come on, we can take 'em." If you know why he thinks and acts that way, it makes sense, but it can be really incongruous when the guy who's been hyper-paranoid about the slightest hint of danger is suddenly calm to the point of overconfidence about the prospect of being torn to shreds by an oncoming horde of zombies.

Lord Raziere
2017-06-12, 02:18 AM
* Never give any Shonen Hero a Green Lantern Ring. EVER.
** This goes double for Simon or Kamina
*** Despite them both being colored green, Green Lantern energy and Spiral Power are not the same energy source.
**** Conversely, giving Shinji Ikari a Yellow Lantern Ring to power off his own infinite amount of fear is also not allowed.
***** Giving The Hulk, Broly, Kale, Asura, Guts, Khornate Berserkers, Kratos, Harry Dresden or Yang Xiaolong a Red Lantern Ring will not end well for anyone.

ErebusVonMori
2017-06-12, 10:50 AM
*My cowardly, paranoid, overcautious character should remain cowardly, paranoid, and overcautious instead of suddenly growing a spine whenever facing ludicrous odds.

The character has a bit of mental trauma from his time in the Demiplane of Dread. He's extremely cautious of danger and kind of shell-shocked, always expecting something horrible to happen...but once it does, it's kind of like "Ah. Everything's trying to kill me and I have little to no chance of survival. This is normal and expected." Although he thinks otherwise, it's really not the danger that bothers him, it's the anticipation. When everything's going ok, all he can think of is the billion different horrifying ways it can go wrong. When the sh#% actually does hit the fan, the dreadful anticipation is gone and all those terrifying possibilities give way to an immediate, known, and comprehensible situation—so he's pretty much fine. Walking through the undercroft of the ruins of an abandoned temple? Terrifying. He'll tap every step of the way with a 10ft pole, put up Detect Magic, and do everything in his power to avoid danger, being as cautious and stealthy as possible. Facing down two dozen angry giants, though? He'll load his crossbow, tune up his lute, and say "Come on, we can take 'em." If you know why he thinks and acts that way, it makes sense, but it can be really incongruous when the guy who's been hyper-paranoid about the slightest hint of danger is suddenly calm to the point of overconfidence about the prospect of being torn to shreds by an oncoming horde of zombies.

So you've basically made Rincewind.

JAL_1138
2017-06-12, 12:39 PM
So you've basically made Rincewind.

Rincewind is much, much less violent. There's definitely a fair bit of similarity and influence in terms of paranoia and certainty that things will go horribly wrong eventually, and it's true Rincewind has a streak of bravery in him and will take action if cornered or it's strictly necessary (see, e.g., the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, or the halfbrick-inna-sock, or a few other moments), but Rincewind doesn't have an itchy trigger finger on a +2 crossbow he knows how to use, either.

Saying "come on, we can take 'em" regarding a horde of angry giants (and trying to talk the party into staying and fighting) has happened more than once. He actually believes it each time, too. :smalltongue:

Fable Wright
2017-06-12, 11:32 PM
***** Giving The Hulk, Broly, Kale, Asura, Guts, Khornate Berserkers, Kratos, Harry Dresden or Yang Xiaolong a Red Lantern Ring will not end well for anyone.
****** May not be surprised when Harry Dresden returns the ring unused.


Saying "come on, we can take 'em" regarding a horde of angry giants (and trying to talk the party into staying and fighting) has happened more than once. He actually believes it each time, too. :smalltongue:

* May not assume that anything can frighten something that survived the Demiplane of Dread.
** Nor am I allowed to bring recruits into the plane for the sole purpose of granting them survival instincts and the Immunity to Fear quality.
*** Trying is just begging The Powers to be turn me into a Darklord.
**** And they've learned from Vecna's shenanigans, thankyouverymuch.

TheTeaMustFlow
2017-06-13, 07:39 AM
*I can't stop Inevitables from attacking by telling them they need to get authorisation from the UN Security Council.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-13, 07:59 PM
* I can run a campaign about fighting Nazis with ray guns on Mars.
** Not before I establish if the Nazis or the PCs get the ray guns.

dspeyer
2017-06-15, 10:50 PM
* May not homebrew a race called the Kaydee'ee
** Nor Trnscriptome or Pr'teome
*** Gankerage, Gjuneua and Gfairbanks are right out

Katrina
2017-06-16, 01:45 AM
* [Tenra Bansho Zero] No longer allowed to replicate the Wing Zero (Gundam Wing) so well that the GM suggests everyone else rebuild their Yoroi Armours...
* Even if someone took my original concept, which was more reasonable in the offense department but had 30 Vitality. On just the Yoroi Armour.
* If my Tenra character's dice pool rivals that of an Exalt, I am to assume I should play something else. :smalleek:

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-16, 02:04 AM
* Being a large ham is not compulsory for members of the Order of the Sacred Hamaxe.
** My telepathic war priest cannot have a higher technology rating than the group's engineer.
*** May no longer use the fact war priests can be any Martian Caste.
* May not hoard Story Points just in case we come across an abandoned Europan saucer to reverse engineer.
** May not one up the Europans by building a better ship with their technology.

* There is a difference between stealth and a carpet bombing.

Lord Raziere
2017-06-17, 12:59 AM
* When I GM, I may not make a religion worshiping "The Statless Entity"
** The priests of it are not called "Math Priests" and they do not worship and fear it for being beyond all numbers.
*** They cannot say in response to "If it has stats we can kill it!" with "What is statless can never die."
**** Nor can they be afraid of the Mathless Plane, a place where no numbers or measurements exist, where Mathless Monsters dwell, and warn all adventurers against going into it for their own safety.

* Yes the Multiform is a horrible DBZ technique.
** Yes it halves your power with each duplicate.
*** Yes it has never won anyone a single fight.
**** Still not allowed to come to the conclusion that it was invented just to pleasure one's lover with multiple versions of themselves, or to pleasure narcissists with themselves in bed.
***** Cannot attempt to solve harem anime problems with multi form technique. Even if it would probably be successful.

Katrina
2017-06-18, 09:39 PM
* [Pathfinder] Not allowed to giggle when the GM announces he wants to use the new "critical fumble app" he got.
* Especially if I am playing a Witch with Misfortune Hex (curse that forces foes to roll twice, take the worse result).
* Ability score damage has no place on fumble tables.

GrayGriffin
2017-06-19, 09:21 PM
* Not allowed to suggest we decide who will be team leader through a "dominance fight."

JAL_1138
2017-06-19, 09:40 PM
* Not allowed to suggest we decide who will be team leader through a "dominance fight."

**If challenged to such a contest by the Fighter, may not cast Dominate Person on him and make him perform "I'm a Little Teapot" for the spell's duration.

Bucky
2017-06-20, 12:58 AM
* If I ask for less railroading, I may not then attempt all the quests in the setting at once.
** Not even if I can pull it off.
*** Also, I may no longer use any form of long-duration minion summoning.

noob
2017-06-20, 04:24 AM
**If challenged to such a contest by the Fighter, may not cast Dominate Person on him and make him perform "I'm a Little Teapot" for the spell's duration.
***If then the whole team thinks the fighter is awesome and should be the leader due to his performance of "I am a little teapot" then you should probably retreat because he is a bard.

goto124
2017-06-20, 05:02 AM
**If challenged to such a contest by the Fighter, may not cast Dominate Person on him and make him perform "I'm a Little Teapot" for the spell's duration.

*** At no point should anyone say "Wizards are overpowered, DM do something please".

Guizonde
2017-06-20, 07:30 AM
* There is a difference between stealth and a carpet bombing.

... crud! *snaps fingers dejectedly*

*not allowed to call on vaarsuvius' law to solve a diplomacy check.
** the requisition of large amounts of black powder, alchemist's fire, acid, explosives, incidiaries, and other harmful substances will net me at best an alignment change, at worst, books thrown violently from a great height.

Lord Raziere
2017-06-20, 07:48 AM
*** At no point should anyone say "Wizards are overpowered, DM do something please".

**** As GM, May not respond with: "Very well, I am an Old Testament Deity however, and shall not be merciful. The world shall be flooded for 40 days and 40 nights to wipe away all wizards. you want any non-overpowered wizards to survive, build an arc and put them on it."
***** Nor may I say I'm a Greek God DM and say that the wizards efforts are tragically in vain, for no man can escape their fate no matter how great they are and that they die for their hubris for thinking they can even come close to godhood in a cursed way like being turned into a tree or an animal.
****** Nor may I go Norse on them and laugh as the inevitable Ragnarok comes to bring an apocalypse upon all things and the Wizard dies as foretold in the prophecies no matter what he does then new wizards get introduced as the world is reborn
******** May not be an Aztec God DM and demand a sacrifice every time you prepare your spells at dawn.
********* May not be a Cthulhu Mythos God and say that the more spells you acquire, the more your sanity lowers as you learn forbidden knowledge not meant for mere mortals.
********** May not be a Buddhist God DM who causes karmic events to happen for all their shenanigans while demanding that they can only be so magically powerful if they take levels in monk, then makes them ascend to Nirvana and thus lose their individual identity if they get to epic levels.
*********** Or a Shintoist God DM who demands that all wizards have to take levels in samurai for their magical power, and even then you have to negotiate with fickle uncaring alien spirits for your spells to work/to acquire them
************ Finally may not be a Roman God DM who does basically the same thing as the Greek God DM, but you have to be loyal to and worship the Emperor of Rome as a requirement of being a wizard.

JAL_1138
2017-06-20, 08:04 AM
***If then the whole team thinks the fighter is awesome and should be the leader due to his performance of "I am a little teapot" then you should probably retreat because he is a bard.

****May not then challenge them to a fiddle contest to see who's the better bard.
*****If ever involved in a fiddle contest, may not play "Fire on the mountain."
******Unless the fiddle contest is against a devil (especially if said devil is looking for a soul to steal), in which case I'm absolutely required to.


*** At no point should anyone say "Wizards are overpowered, DM do something please".

****If prevented from simply winning with mind-controlling spells, may not challenge the Fighter to an arm-wrestling contest, cast Enhance Ability on myself, and finally get a bit of use out of having taken Expertise in the Athletics skill.

Lord Torath
2017-06-20, 08:11 AM
* Not allowed to suggest we decide who will be team leader through a "dominance fight."
** May not play a Thri-Kreen.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-20, 11:03 AM
****If prevented from simply winning with mind-controlling spells, may not challenge the Fighter to an arm-wrestling contest, cast Enhance Ability on myself, and finally get a bit of use out of having taken Expertise in the Athletics skill.

***** My wizard cannot complain that bards are overpowered.

* Even if it is rules legal I can't start running in abject terror because my hair was singed or my mum was insulted.

JAL_1138
2017-06-20, 02:07 PM
***** My wizard cannot complain that bards are overpowered.


******May not use Mass Suggestion to make the wizard believe bards aren't overpowered, or at least not complain about it.
*******May not use Modify Memory to make the wizard believe the bard just got lucky, but that it's still a valid win, rather than it being due to bards being overpowered.

danielxcutter
2017-06-21, 02:26 AM
OMG, these are all hilarious. Thanks guys, I needed something like this.

Here are some D&D 3.5 ones, as that's the only TRPG I have experience with.

*My Chameleon may not duplicate summon giants from the Disciple of Thrym list, even though it's a 4th-level spell.
**Or abuse the wording of Shape Soulmeld to get a meld in every slot.
***Or introduce himself as a new character every day, even though you can pull it off with those Incarnate and Binder levels.
****Or use Illumian to get 7th-level spells.

The first three are entirely possible for a well-build Chameleon character.

summon giants is normally an 8th-level Cleric spell, but is also a 4th-level Disciple of Thrym spell.

Soulmelds last a week after they're shaped, so technically you can use the floating bonus feat to shape lots of melds.

Incarnates and Binders can literally swap their entire skillset on a daily basis, which is also the main purpose of Chameleon. One guy said he played a character like that, and it was really fun.

The Illumian sigil thing is a bit iffy even by RAW, but some people do things like that in TO.

Edit: These never happened, but they'd probably get me a metaphorical book in the head. Is that allowed?

JAL_1138
2017-06-21, 03:08 AM
Edit: These never happened, but they'd probably get me a metaphorical book in the head. Is that allowed?

If hypotheticals weren't allowed (particularly in responses, but in main entries as well), we wouldn't be on the 11th iteration of the thread. We'd likely be on, like, thread number four or something. Maybe. :smallsmile:

danielxcutter
2017-06-21, 03:11 AM
If hypotheticals weren't allowed (particularly in responses, but in main entries as well), we wouldn't be on the 11th iteration of the thread. We'd likely be on, like, thread number four or something. Maybe. :smallsmile:

Good, I'll be able to participate more in the future then.

Anonymouswizard
2017-06-21, 06:52 AM
* May not insist that if we were limited to stuff that happened we'd still be on thread one.
** Or that we'd be on thread 29 due to them timing out.

* If, under some circumstance, I'm allowed to play a gnome, I'm not allowed to stick all my skill points in knowledge (engineering), knowledge (architecture), craft (alchemy), craft (metalworking), craft (woodworking), and craft (machinery).
** May not pick the name 'Know Man's.
*** Or Gnome Ann.
**** My home cannot give from the Gnome family. Their first name is not Gno.
** My Fortress of Doom cannot be better than the BBEG's.
*** May not make my Fortress of Doom fly.
**** May not arm it with cannons and bombs.
***** If my reasoning for stopping the big bad is 'I can't take over the world of its destroyed' my gnome is not Lawful good.

danielxcutter
2017-06-21, 06:59 AM
*May not take Leadership.
**Or Thrallherd.
***Or any of the Cohort feats. Ooookaaaay, maaaybe Wild Cohort.

*May not take Planar Shepherd.

*May not make ass puns if one of the players is an Aasimar.
**Or intentionally misspell the word.

*May not use my Smite on everything that pings on Detect Evil.

Belac93
2017-06-21, 09:13 AM
*Not allowed to have 4 dots in Crafts
**Especially not Crafts (Duct Tape).
***May not take Advanced Specialty: Duct Tape.
****All of this goes double if I have invisibility.
*****Or super speed.

2D8HP
2017-06-21, 10:47 AM
*May not commit acts of verse about Flumphs


yo

**Especially if inspired by Sir-Mix-a-lots "Baby got back"

***Never have "yo" and "Fiend Folio" in a rhyme ever again!



*** At no point should anyone say "Wizards are overpowered, DM do something please".


Welcome back goto124!

Good to see you!

goto124
2017-06-21, 11:24 AM
*May not use my Smite on everything that pings on Detect Evil.

** May not skip the detection stage and go straight to the smiting bit.
*** And not because it's a waste of spell slots.


Welcome back goto124!

Good to see you!

Same! Plenty of old friends still around.

Guizonde
2017-06-21, 02:19 PM
If hypotheticals weren't allowed (particularly in responses, but in main entries as well), we wouldn't be on the 11th iteration of the thread. We'd likely be on, like, thread number four or something. Maybe. :smallsmile:

either i'm a blabbermouth, or some people seriously need to reign in their "no fun" settings. i've only invented 3 out of my too many entries in these threads. i've translated all of them from french, though, so some have been modified beyond belief to create a working pun or joke.

also helps i'm the token alcoholic/ basket-case/ loony-bin escapee in most of my groups. whaddaya know, i'll invent my 4th ever:

*if my ideas come from watching looney tunes or batman the animated series as a late twenty-something-old, either it's got to have crazy good backstory, or it's banned.
**unless (gods forbid), the team summons edward.
*** the team needs to give 3 sessions notice to the dm to summon edward ever again.

Lord Raziere
2017-06-21, 02:37 PM
either i'm a blabbermouth, or some people seriously need to reign in their "no fun" settings. i've only invented 3 out of my too many entries in these threads. i've translated all of them from french, though, so some have been modified beyond belief to create a working pun or joke.


Its less restraining myself and more not having the opportunity really. some of these simply never come up.

* May not troll a past version Princess Celestia twice in one conversation
** Especially not while reviewing all the canonical threats to Equestria in order that occur in her future
*** Especially if the second time is by accident because I forgot that another persons PC was an alicorn.
**** May not troll her if the first time if its revealing to past Celestia that future Celestia brought Discord to be redeemed by Fluttershy in the first place when Past Celestia thinks I'm making it up and that she would never allow that
***** Especially if the first trolling is in revenge for Celestia trolling me by not reacting to my Trollgrape Surprise Soda.
****** The surprise can't be that it tastes horrible.
******* may not rant about starlight Glimmer being worst pony in front of Past Celestia.

All of that however is completely true.

DigoDragon
2017-06-21, 03:08 PM
**Especially not Crafts (Duct Tape).
***May not take Advanced Specialty: Duct Tape.

Haha, and one of my characters has about 5 rolls of the stuff for his inventions. XD


* I'm no longer allowed to find suitable medical applications of duct tape.

danielxcutter
2017-06-21, 03:35 PM
*I may no longer send monsters with the Pseudonatural template(ELH) at the party while I'm DMing unless we're already at epic levels.
**Even then, no Pseudotarrasques, Pseudosolars, or Pseudoforce Dragons.
***Pseudonatural creatures do not get bonuses to attacking female characters.
****Or male characters for that matter.

Guizonde
2017-06-21, 06:02 PM
Haha, and one of my characters has about 5 rolls of the stuff for his inventions. XD


* I'm no longer allowed to find suitable medical applications of duct tape.

why though? it's a legit treatment in battlefield first aid, and a couple of surgical applications!

*unless there's a damn good reason, the following should not be standard in a medikit: crowbars, 95° homebrewed alcohol (aka "something medicinal"), rude gestures, spare testicles, spare organs "saved for just such an occasion", napalm, peruvian death peppers, mace (the weapon, not the body spray), ketamine, and adderall.

(yup, i have legit pulled all those out of my medikit or my teammates'... the less you know, the better)

**not allowed to use my mnemonic techniques to pull random drugs out of my medikit if the dm doesn't know at the least the effects of said drug...
*** no more rohypnol for open-brain surgery. (even if it was invented for that).
**** don't even mention a syringe full of viagra in case of a heart attack... (best case scenario, dude gets happy. worst case, it's a warrior's peace)

Samzat
2017-06-21, 06:15 PM
*I may no longer use mage hand's lack of speed limit to propel a rock at 99.99% of lightspeed
**I may not use any cantrip to make a railgun
***I may not use any other spell to make a railgun
****using mage hand to rip somebody's heart out is right out!

Braininthejar2
2017-06-21, 06:36 PM
*I may no longer send monsters with the Pseudonatural template(ELH) at the party while I'm DMing unless we're already at epic levels.

Pardon my ignorance... what's so epic about the pseudonatural template?

danielxcutter
2017-06-21, 06:42 PM
Pardon my ignorance... what's so epic about the pseudonatural template?

Ah, I believe I know where your confusion lies. The Pseudonatural template in Complete Arcane is far from epic; it's only somewhere around Celestial or Fiendish in terms of power IIRC.

The Pseudonatural template from the Epic Level Handbook however... it's on the SRD (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/pseudonaturalCreature.htm) as well. Among other things, it grants SR equal to HD x 5.

goto124
2017-06-22, 02:40 AM
95° homebrewed alcohol... rude gestures,

* The alcohol is not for drinking.
** My medic PC is not allowed to use rude gestures as the somatic components of healing spells.
*** My medic must not be this (https://40.media.tumblr.com/f31d09c32b946d632d211c71f047f746/tumblr_nvouy7SWcd1th9wxho2_1280.jpg).


* I'm no longer allowed to find suitable medical applications of duct tape.

** Your combat medic is not allowed to NOT have at least 5 medical applications of duct tape.

Katrina
2017-06-22, 02:56 AM
* [Changeling: The Lost] My GM frowns on any character who can "Scooby doo" the Huntsman and survive. ( "Hey, what's that behind you?" "What?" "Yoink!")
* Discouraged from ruining the GM's punny fun by guessing the pun twist before he reveals it. (Charging Clock faced monsters that explode and leave no trace of the person they exploded on...)

* If I use the phrase "I think I'll be funny and start with the Fame Merit on [character name], my freshly escaped changeling", the previous GM for that character should at least hide his smile from the new GM.

[D&D 3.5] As the Gm, I should avoid ever putting a 15 year old girl who is a Wizard 5 / Alienist 7 again. The Knight did not enjoy being Retributive Polymorphed into a pink fluffy bunny.





Time Bombs. They explode and activate the "Leaping Toward Nightfall" Clause, sending you forward in time.

danielxcutter
2017-06-22, 03:07 AM
*I may no longer apply metamagic to Shivering Touch.
**Nor may I use Triadspell in combination with it.
***Nor may I combine it with any version of Spell Matrix.
****Nor may I use it with Spectral Hand or any similar effect.
*****If my Warforged can cast Shivering Touch, I may not take the Wand Bond feat.

Shivering Touch is one of the most broken spells in D&D 3.5: it deals 3d6 Dexterity damage, no save. All the following methods are either ways of making the spell more powerful, or ways of getting more uses of it.

*I may no longer play a Warlock/Binder multiclass character, at least not if I'm a Hellfire Warlock.

Hellfire Warlock is a very powerful Warlock PrC; it adds plenty of hellfire damage(which bypasses fire resistance) to your Eldritch Blast, but you take a point of Con damage. However, even low-level Binders can bind Naberius, who heals a point of ability damage per round.

This isn't actually that broken, especially not compared to T1 classes, but it's powerful for a low-op game.

*I may no longer take the Invisible Spell metamagic feat.

Invisible Spell makes the spell, well, invisible, and also has no spell level adjustment. Even the basic uses of it are fairly powerful, but it's completely broken when applied to the right spells. For example, Invisible Solid Fog can only be seen by creatures that can see invisible things. So it has the effect of shutting off most effects that can see invisible creatures - but other people are just fine. Invisible Summon Monster [insert number] is even worse, for obvious reasons. Don't even get me started on Invisible Raise Dead.

goto124
2017-06-22, 03:18 AM
Invisible Raise Dead.

* This does not replace Unseen Servant.

Thank you for the explanations, by the way. I've been rusty on DnD stuff for quite a while, and they helped a lot.

danielxcutter
2017-06-22, 03:22 AM
Thank you for the explanations, by the way. I've been rusty on DnD stuff for quite a while, and they helped a lot.

Good to see that they did what they were meant to do!

*No, Invisible Invisibility is redundant, not cumulative.

I've heard of that combo used to hide from even True Seeing, but I have no idea if it actually works like that.

DigoDragon
2017-06-22, 07:23 AM
why though? it's a legit treatment in battlefield first aid, and a couple of surgical applications!

There's a limit to what constitutes 'legit application' before it crosses the line into absurd. :smallbiggrin:



** Your combat medic is not allowed to NOT have at least 5 medical applications of duct tape.

Well guess those rolls are going right back in the black bag. :smalltongue:


* Alligators are not improvised two-handed weapons.