looking for good ways to annoy my dm

[boristheboar]

just seeing if anyone has any good ideas to annoy a dm.

things I've done so far: play with a poorly balanced d20 (chessex) it tends to land on 1 and 5 more than anything else (1 out of 5 rolls land as a 1), play as a kobold rogue netting me sunlight sensitivity for disadv. to improve my crit. fail chance, and I printed off a sheet for crit. fails that we use. http://www.n3rddimension.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/critical-botch-table.png using this my kobold has gone through 4 shortbows, 2 daggers, and a shortsword in a single session, and forced the group paladin to make death saves twice in that same session (he died the second time, but was successively rezzed).

can anyone give me some good ideas to continue?

[Tanarii]

Those sound more like ways to annoy your fellow players.

Ways to annoy your DM in-game, because they clearly deserve it if you need to do these in the first place:
Defeat her recurring BBEG that was supposed to escape
Make up silly nicknames for NPC names you'll never remember otherwise
Crack jokes while they're making long-winded flowery descriptions of blah blah zzzz... eh, what? I attack!
Announce attacks on friendly NPCs that are rambling on and on, and roll the d20 as you do it*.
Go off the rails!

Ways to annoy your DM (unless it's that kind of game):
Ignore the game completely
Be actively disruptive
Be very early or very late
Forget to bribe her with snacks

*this one can get you killed if the DM gets mad enough and the NPC suddenly gains god-like powers.

[Beastrolami]

I think it goes without saying that the kobold needs to be super charismatic and beloved by the party.

Most of my suggestions are rp based... try to leap in front of the paladin to save his life. Convince the party that you are the party face, and then fail every single cha check because of bad rolls. (don't think sunlight sensitivity affects skill checks, but if you get lovably drunk at every tavern you might get disadvantage from that) Take up every red herring, and turn it into an epic quest. The quest for why the ale is sour. The quest for the missing cheese wheel, The quest for the lost doll, etc.

The only other mechanic I can think of adding that would make life more difficult for the party (not sure if the dm will hate it or not) is to use permanent injury tables whenever you drop to 0 or get crit.

[Arcangel4774]

Make up silly nicknames for NPC names you'll never remember otherwise

There's been some Kuo toa named something like glugloglug or something equally ridiculous which I've started calling 4G or Forge lol

[boristheboar]

There's been some Kuo toa named something like glugloglug or something equally ridiculous which I've started calling 4G or Forge lol

Ironically enough, my secondary character (sister to the rogue, and a wild mage) killed a kua toa with scorching rays in a random encounter, failed her wild magic surge check and rolled an 08 on the chart (casting a 3rd lvl fireball on both of them, she failed her save with -15 health out of 16, and he succeeded with 2 out of 17 health)

also our group sometimes say things that are so situational/funny/random that the dm makes them canonical, for example in a previous campaign the dragonborn paladin (different character/different player from this paladin) failed a constitution save in the tavern when everyone one else succeeded, problem was the dm forgot his character was drinking a glass of milk. He called it out, so I chimed in that just like spiders who get drunk off caffeine, dragons get drunk off of milk, this was meant as a joke, but the dm rolled with it and so from then on milk was a great weapon in his campaigns for circumventing dragon encounters.

[Octomac]

just seeing if anyone has any good ideas to annoy a dm.

I'm... not sure why you'd want to do this. I mean, your DM is presumably spending an awful lot of time preparing material for your game and running it for you and the other players. I don't see the point in deliberately trying to annoy the person responsible for running your game.

Honestly, if I had a player in my game who was going out of their way to be irritating or annoying, I'd just take that person aside and tell them they were no longer welcome. I've wasted too many hours of my life putting up with players who want to do things like play gnomes with fifteen names that insist on stealing things or acting like toddlers with every NPC I write, or people who think that deliberately bringing an "unoptimized" character to the table and constantly failing to meaningfully contribute to the group's goals are a good time.

I'll tell you, it's extremely annoying to me as a DM when players...

...don't pay attention to what I'm saying and make me repeat myself multiple times.
...interrupt other players and attempt to keep the attention on themselves as often as possible.
...antagonize or irritate the other members of the party, especially if they claim to be "just joking!" after the other person gets upset.
...act unbelievably rude or ill-mannered to everyone in-game or immediately attempt to intimidate or murder every person they meet, from the lowly stable-boy to the god-emperor of the land.
...deliberately play in a manner that runs counter to the agreed-upon tone of the game.
...roll up a character that is particularly poor at certain things, and then insist on doing those things and only those things all the time.


But again, if I find myself with a player that does that, I don't sigh and cry into my notes as they laugh it off, I just tell that person to take a hike, because that's a crummy way to play a social game like Dungeons and Dragons. What's your end goal here, exactly, besides no longer playing D&D with this DM?

[boristheboar]

I'm... not sure why you'd want to do this. I mean, your DM is presumably spending an awful lot of time preparing material for your game and running it for you and the other players.

The truth is he is my best friend and I tend to be the only player to make it to every session. He also likes to wing it, use a town map we already have and throw some hooks out that have nothing to do with each other just to see which hook we bite on, then reel us into a short quest line that ends with a moderately difficult boss or problem that we need to solve. also I would like to mention that our group lost some members recently and we've been unable to complete the big campaign we worked on for the better half of last year because of those players. so I'm just trying to vent as is the dm.

[Hrugner]

I'm not sure why I'm helping with this.


Donate every scrap of wealth to some charity.
Never search for clues or loot bodies.
Ignore plot hooks that don't offer your character some emotional gain like the smiles of children or the affection of the town's folk.
Take a level of wild magic sorcerer.
Spend lots of time doing one on one down time stuff that could be handled out of game.
Lie to, and keep things from, the rest of the party.
Turn yourself into the cops from time to time.
Flee encounters you could easily handle.
Refuse to make rolls on things when the DM calls for rolls and explain that your character concept doesn't include succeeding on those rolls.

[CaptainSarathai]

Play an extremely optimized Monk.
- make him a pacifist.

Sentinel + Battle Master (Parry, Riposte) + Armor of Agathys
= if he hits you, misses you, move away, or attacks your friend, you hit him

Steal a boat, sail away from their campaign to find new lands

And I second making a quest out of everything. We had a guy run a Samurai once, who insisted on doing everything in the name of "Ha-nuh" - stated very sternly and seriously and in character.

[Kane0]

https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/en.futurama/images/0/0c/Gary_Gygax.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090628112216

[Battlebooze]

Play a conjurer and only fight by summoned monsters.

Play a land druid who only summons allies

Play a necromancer and insist on asking the GM if every corpse you find is suitable for a zombie or skeleton.

Play a bard and insist on humming tunelessly as you perform. If anyone complains, cry and say you're just trying to roleplay.

[Dappershire]

...act unbelievably rude or ill-mannered to everyone in-game or immediately attempt to intimidate or murder every person they meet, from the lowly stable-boy to the god-emperor of the land.
...deliberately play in a manner that runs counter to the agreed-upon tone of the game.
...roll up a character that is particularly poor at certain things, and then insist on doing those things and only those things all the time.


But again, if I find myself with a player that does that, I don't sigh and cry into my notes as they laugh it off, I just tell that person to take a hike, because that's a crummy way to play a social game like Dungeons and Dragons. What's your end goal here, exactly, besides no longer playing D&D with this DM?

Some people live lives where they have to be unbearably sweet, and nice; to horrible, horrible people, every day. As D&D is an escape from reality; pissing NPCs off, then murdering their faces, is a fairly legit role playing method...
Do groups actually agree on "tone" before games? Like, sure, the DM might show us a world that is darker in tone and plot. But that just gives me the opportunity to pull out the dead baby jokes. I've never heard of pre-game agreements on tone. I've always seen it find neutral buoyancy between what the DM has made, and what the players want. Which will be found eventually through the playing there-of.
Really? You've never rolled up a Don Quijote? I mean, yes, if the only things you do in game, are the things you're unoptimized for, that's bad role playing. But I've never encountered that, because no game has so few options to do. There are always things to have happen, that the entire party needs to face together. If I'm Quasimodo in the sheets, but Hercules in the streets, then yes, I'm going to be entertained by my helplessly unsuccessful charm attempts. But I'm also not going to pick my nose when there are fights to be had.

Maybe I'm misreading, and you have players that do all of those things you listed at the same time. But a lot of your bullets don't seem like they should be banhammer worthy. Unless you are reading the same annoyance off the faces of the other players, I'd see it as a chance to learn some adlib skills.
That's what I've always seen challenging the DM (through annoyance) to be. Good training.

[Beelzebubba]

Never chip in for pizza or snacks, eat all of them within the DM's reach during the game, pretend not to hear the first few times when you're asked to pass something their way

[boristheboar]

Never chip in for pizza or snacks, eat all of them within the DM's reach during the game, pretend not to hear the first few times when you're asked to pass something their way

unfortunately, I tend to be the one who pays for the entire pizza/supplies necessary for our sessions, and the point of this is for me to find new ways to aggravate him. Before these characters I played a quarter-orc barbarian who rolled soooo high on health and had sentinel and polearm mastery, wielded a poisoned dragon fang glaive +1 with a 40% chance to poison the enemy for con. save vs. 17, fail 3d4 poison damage and half speed till they succeed save on their turn.

[Decstarr]

Entirely unsure why I'm helping with this:

- Be extremely interested in every small detail. I.e. design, materials, read all the books you can find anywhere.
- Be extremely communicative with every single NPC and ask the most random questions ever that don't allow for a binary answer
- Question every single decision with a specific quote from RAW, SA, Twitter, Reddit, giantitp or any other "reliable" source!
- Actively try to split up the party on every occasion
- Check your cell-phone every minute or so, laughing out loudly each time and showing random memes to fellow players - EXCLUDING the DM!
- Try to cheat on every single level-up
- Decide that your character has no gone crazy and can hear the voice of a god in his head and have him answer directly to everything the DM says.

[JNAProductions]

Don't. Just don't.

If you're having issues with the DM, talk to them. If you're not having fun, explain that and stop playing.

But don't be a richard.

[CursedRhubarb]

Things I did on a GOO Lock with the Bag of Holding that drove my DM batty but we're well received:
-Stuff a ghoul into the BoH, figuring we could find a way to cure him later, and until then he'll keep the loot safe since he doesn't need to breathe or eat.
-Stuff an injured bard npc into the BoH to sneak him out of enemy camp.
-cast darkness on myself then stuff evil good larva that looks like a child into the BoH, used scorched the ground with acid splash, gave the party barbarian a bloody nose, and screamed "the lil bastard can teleport" (aced the deception roll) then layed down as I let darkness go away.
-disabled a trap by stuffing a naga skeleton into the BoH before activating the pressure plate, removing the biggest threat and making the encounter trivial. Also added a new guardian to our treasure as the ghoul had been restored previously.
-use familiar as a bat to scout a room filled with smoke, found a bottle pouring smoke. Bat picked it up and flew it into the BoH to clear the smokescreen letting us see the trapped room.

[Dr. Cliché]

Read DM of the Rings and act like the players in that. :smallbiggrin:

[Sir cryosin]

Well I played a shadow Monk kobold. I got dropped into a beholder lair at lv3 and I pass with out trace the sneaked my way out he want to happy about that lol I sneaked right by the beholder. The party wasn't happy to see him as well. Come up with these weird plans that make no scents but work out. Question everything. Believe you know everything but you don't. Act like Deadpool. Instead of doing damage disarm and take enemy's weapons. Hold your action tell when the enemy does something then trip them.

[Kane0]

Read DM of the Rings and act like the players in that. :smallbiggrin:

Or Darths & Droids.

[ATHATH]

Don't. Just don't.

If you're having issues with the DM, talk to them. If you're not having fun, explain that and stop playing.

But don't be a richard.
This. So much this.

[KorvinStarmast]

Don't. Just don't.

If you're having issues with the DM, talk to them. If you're not having fun, explain that and stop playing.

But don't be a richard. Either this, or perhaps play a different game.

[Pex]

If playing at his house show up 30 minutes early.

Regardless of where playing show up exactly when the game is to start.

[Arkhios]

Why would anyone want to annoy their DM? Or anyone else for that matter? I've never seen the point, nor will I ever understand it. That's immature behaviour.

[Arenabait]

Y'all don't seem to understand, he said he was screwing with his best friend, not trying to actually upset anybody. Emphasis on him trying to annoy, not actually piss off.

[boristheboar]

Y'all don't seem to understand, he said he was screwing with his best friend, not trying to actually upset anybody. Emphasis on him trying to annoy, not actually piss off.

Yes, this guy gets it. I am just messing with my friends, not trying to break the group, if anything I'm trying to push the other players into the limelight. They have relied on me to be the guy to take the brunt of the combat focus in previous games, so I'm falling back so as to force them to excel in their chosen roles.

[Demonslayer666]

Play a Kender.

Profusely misuse the words literally, virtually, and surreal. Or just overuse one.

Make fun of every single name you hear, even if it's a reach.

Roll and immediately pick it up, or repeatedly roll it off the table and swear at the die like it's the die's fault.

Fight tooth and nail over every piece of treasure.

Always say you got one higher than the last person that said their initiative.

Offer to NPC anyone's character that is absent and give the worst rolls to them (oh...so and so rolled like crap. I got an 18.)

Make detailed, thought-out plans and ruin them by rushing in.

Purposely misquote Monty Python. (only use in extreme cases since this is blasphemous)

Improvise all of your actions.

Shake your head and say, "that's not how it works" on DM rulings.

"why are we in this dungeon again?" <- my favorite pet peeve.


Edit: dang it, I forgot one. Always split the party!

[lunaticfringe]

Split the party into 2 teams that do their own thing whenever humanly possible. I really hate that.

Write the longest, tedious, boring backstory imaginable and constantly refer to it and act hurt when it's obvious they didn't read it all.

[BoxANT]

Halfing Wizard (Divination) with Lucky Feat.

[boristheboar]

Write the longest, tedious, boring backstory imaginable and constantly refer to it and act hurt when it's obvious they didn't read it all.

Out of the players in our group I'm the only one that actually wrote out a backstory for his character.
I know better ones out there, but I feel pretty good about mine.

I was born in the sewers beneath Neverwinter to Rhirgud and Geazi of the Sewer-Fisher clan.
My early life was simple, just running through the dank and fetid sewers looking for fish and rats to eat during the day, and lurking in dark alleys near the worst parts of the city, waiting and watching for easy marks to rob (usually drunks). I was forced to leave that all behind when Viscount Morgardt came into power using my clan as a stepping stone, he garnered favor from the 'Winter Watchers' a well known mercenary force that tended to viciously eradicate their targets (mangled was their favorite way to leave the bodies), Morgardt paid these thugs to stage 'kobold attacks' on the townsfolk in order to make our small clan appear much larger and a real threat to the safety of the city itself. After the attacks, he came to the court to other his services to the city as a kobold exterminator, in return he wanted power, the court accepted his deal and issued order #211 - kobold control. Within three weeks the sewers were wiped clean of all but a few kobolds, our clan which had numbered near 90 was reduced to 14, those that survived feared for their lives and fled the city for hope of a new home. I was the only one left alive in those noxious sewers, the only reason I remained is because I saw that rat-face bastard of a Viscount giving the original orders to his men to attack and kill dozens of innocent humans and having them plant evidence of kobolds in the areas. I knew what was coming, I tried to warn the others, but they wouldn't here it "we've lived under this city for over 200 years, they would have done something about us long ago if they were going to do anything" the eldest of our clan spoke, but still I wasn't going to sit there and wait to die, I hid in an old tower by the temple on the south side of the city, and thats were I remained watching, and waiting for that piece of orc **** Morgardt to make a mistake and kill him. I have received letters from my clan telling of their new home along the river that runs through the center of the city, I told them that I would return to them someday after I dealt with Morgardt. I will kill you, Morgardt, this I swear with the blood of my clansmen and by my dragon ancestors.

[N810]

Two words:

Kazoo Bard