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View Full Version : paladins and their shenanigans



reorith
2007-08-01, 11:32 PM
what is the most ridiculous thing a paladin in one of your games has done with out falling or needing atonement? what was the alignment system like at the time?

SurlySeraph
2007-08-01, 11:38 PM
I ate a baby. The baby was possessed by a powerful demon, and I prevented it from gaining power at the cost of my own life and soul.

Of course, the next session the DM decided that that had never happened, because it was way too neat and tidy a solution to the problem.

AslanCross
2007-08-02, 12:10 AM
...eating a baby is neat and tidy? o_O; Why'd you have to eat it and not just kill it?

Miles Invictus
2007-08-02, 01:10 AM
The paladin had no choice. The "Baby" template has DR 30/eating.

Starsinger
2007-08-02, 01:37 AM
The paladin had no choice. The "Baby" template has DR 30/eating.

This whole time I've been eating puppies and kicking babies! :smalleek: I've left a trail of half-eaten puppies and angry babies in my wake... I can't believe I mixed up their weaknesses... :smallbiggrin:

Kizara
2007-08-02, 01:38 AM
The paladin had no choice. The "Baby" template has DR 30/eating.

I... I'm sorry, but that's just great.

de-trick
2007-08-02, 02:13 AM
(forgot if a LG cleric or paladin but)

started a huge forest fire to get rid of the sin infested orc body's, then only said part of the truth to the town i nearly destroyed

Leon
2007-08-02, 04:51 AM
Had one that locked a door and left the guide that had been sent with them to die at the hands of a troll - With hindsight i should have made fall long and hard for that

Irreverent Fool
2007-08-02, 05:12 AM
The paladin in our party shoved my character (A CG beguiler) into a room with the party's female half-orc fighter (who had been reincarnated by our spirit shaman from his previous character the male human) and a succubus. The room was part of a lecherous king's chambers and had a permanent suggestion trap that made any female in the room sexually attracted to any males in the room. Our fighter's will save was atrocious...

Mithhuan
2007-08-02, 08:05 AM
Another player and I share role playing a PC Paladin that has a major Titan bloodline. We feel than by sharing him we can better represent his wild emotional swings. One game session we killed an evil ghost that was haunting a tavern. The Paladin wanted to burn the tavern to purge the evil from it. After a long conversation, the party convinced me not to burn the tavern. Then the other player took control, said "Fine! hmph!" and threw down the already lit torch. The sawdust on the floor caught fire, which quickly spread to the tavern, which spread until the entire town had burned down.

mostlyharmful
2007-08-02, 08:13 AM
I stopped playing Theo Shieldsman when he rolled a 1 twice on attacking the BBEG, swung, slipped and disembowelled the princess with my Greataxe... :smalleek:


Edit: Not I admit Paladin centric or even specifically my fault but still funnyas hell at the time, plus I got to write off the character to wallow in self recrimination and hair shirts.

Guinea Anubis
2007-08-02, 08:27 AM
I played a LG Pally who did not worship any god but "absolut law". He said that if you where found stealing you should have your hands cut off, If you where found peeping you have your eyes put out, ext. Think Judge Dread and you more of less got this guy.

Two times come to mind when you could call him "evil". The first was when he caught a thef that had robbed and killed a family of 5. Fist thing he did was cut off the guys hands and use a hot piece of steal to cauterize the wounds. He then took the guy down to -9 and healed him to full four times. On the fifth time he let the guy die.

The other more "evil" act was when a small town that had linched and killed a man for something he did not do. When my pally found out that the whole town had murdered someone who had done thing wrong, he went on a killing spree killing off 90% of the town.

Tallis
2007-08-02, 09:08 AM
I played a LG Pally who did not worship any god but "absolut law". He said that if you where found stealing you should have your hands cut off, If you where found peeping you have your eyes put out, ext. Think Judge Dread and you more of less got this guy.

Two times come to mind when you could call him "evil". The first was when he caught a thef that had robbed and killed a family of 5. Fist thing he did was cut off the guys hands and use a hot piece of steal to cauterize the wounds. He then took the guy down to -9 and healed him to full four times. On the fifth time he let the guy die.

The other more "evil" act was when a small town that had linched and killed a man for something he did not do. When my pally found out that the whole town had murdered someone who had done thing wrong, he went on a killing spree killing off 90% of the town.

....and you call that Lawful Good?
Worshipping absolute law sounds like the definition of lawful neutral to me.

Tweekinator
2007-08-02, 11:36 AM
When playing a Shadowbane Inquisitor, my party stopped at a tavern for the night. However, some punk thought it was a good idea to attempt to pick the pocket of the large man with the large sword in shining full plate armor. I caught him, dragged him outside, cut off his hand for theft and lay on hands'd him to cauterize the wound. Then I went back inside to finish my meal.

Later on, the punk had found someone to be his friend and they both decided to ambush me the next time I walked outside the tavern. Our centaur archer was outside as well and assisted me in killing both the miscreants.

reorith
2007-08-02, 12:56 PM
while skulking about in the underdark, my party met an aboleth(le). rather then risking becoming a skum slave, i abused diplomacy (i got a 30 something) and my paladin and the aboleth became friends. after a discussion, i felt bad about killing the aboleth's skum thralls, so my pally paid the druid in the party (ng) to cast reincarnate on some drow heads i took from the last encounter. five days later and 7500 gold pieces later we left the chamber with a powerful subterranean ally. i'm pretty sure bringing something back to life after murdering it and is evil. reincarnating something so it can serve a lawful evil being is probably evil as well.


the dm was trying for a tpk.

SurlySeraph
2007-08-02, 11:31 PM
...eating a baby is neat and tidy? o_O; Why'd you have to eat it and not just kill it?

I asked the DM. He said that if I killed the baby, the demon's soul could fly out and posess another random person, whom we might never be able to find, unless we cast Dimensional Anchor or Greater Planar Binding on the baby. Solution: put the demon's soul into a body we can easily find, namely that of a party member. I came up with that idea, so I was the one to implement it.

Miles Invictus
2007-08-03, 02:38 AM
...wait a minute. That means your paladin not only ate a baby alive, he ate a baby alive. Literally. Alive. Like, that child's first words are going to be burps, belches, and intenstinal rumblings, and when he grows large enough to be removed, he's going to be astonished to discover solid food and liquid that doesn't slowly dissolve his flesh.

Tell me -- how do your evil characters solve problems?

DruchiiConversion
2007-08-03, 05:50 AM
I've never done anything particularly bad running paladins as a player, but as a DM there was a whole order of powerful paladins who had goals such as "kill everyone who is evil or -neutral- in the multiverse".

As evil actions go, genocide pretty much trumps everything... luckily for them, they were led by a celestial with Atonement as a spell-like ability...

Yeril
2007-08-03, 06:05 AM
Smite-evil-stunning-fist-punched a drunk person because "he was standing too close and the smell offended me."

Stephen_E
2007-08-03, 11:58 AM
Best I can come up with his from back in 1st Ed days.

The party Ranger (Rangers had to be "Good" in those days) threatened to kill my Monk if he didn't go on point. In case you don't know 1st Ed Monks, they were weaker relative to other PCs than the 3.5 Monk. As far as I could tell he was forcing me to go point because Monks had some of the scoutlike Thief abilities, and he considered the party losing the Monk no big loss.

I found out later that it was the final straw for the DM and he'd yanked the Rangers special abilities, but without telling him. He just failed whenever he tried to use them.

Stephen

reorith
2007-08-03, 12:16 PM
...
I found out later that it was the final straw for the DM and he'd yanked the Rangers special abilities, but without telling him. He just failed whenever he tried to use them.

Stephen

oh wow. did he ever figure it out?

SurlySeraph
2007-08-03, 06:12 PM
...wait a minute. That means your paladin not only ate a baby alive, he ate a baby alive. Literally. Alive. Like, that child's first words are going to be burps, belches, and intenstinal rumblings, and when he grows large enough to be removed, he's going to be astonished to discover solid food and liquid that doesn't slowly dissolve his flesh.

Tell me -- how do your evil characters solve problems?

Well, we didn't really go into the mechanics. I just said "Alright, so we've got it figured out. I eat the baby." We didn't discuss how long this took to do, or whether I unhinged my jaw, or anything like that. Just "I eat the baby." As for how my evil characters handle problems... I posted the following on the "Most Evil" thread.

Most evil was a LE tiefling ranger I played as. I had a VERY powerful homebrew bow that let me summon devils. I politely ask the captain of the town guard, who is an old paladin, to have the city guard help us track down a demon cult. He doesn't trust me, so he refuses. I summon an Erinyes to start flirting with him. He still refuses. I cast Entanglement on him, then the mage casts Hold Person, and then hits him with a curse to lower his saves so he won't get out. He refuses. His lieutenant tries to stop me. I kill the lieutenant for obstructing justices. The captain still refuses. The Erinyes kills his wife in front of him. The captain still refuses. By this point, his personal guards are breaking into the room. I summon a bunch of Lemures and say that I'll have him kill his hand-picked bodyguards, his best friends, if he won't let the guard help me find the cultists. He refuses. I open the door and the Lemures slaughter his bodyguards, then say that demons will do the same thing to the rest of the guards if he refuses to help us. He still refuses. I have our barbarian drag in a bunch of beggars from off the street. I tell the captain to think of all the poor civilians who will be killed if the demon cultists succeed. He stays silent. My Lemures kill the beggars one by one, with me asking "Will you help stop this?" after each one. Finally, we drag the captain into the chapel of the guard station. I ask him what will happen with his god, if the demons win. At this point the DM has a maniacal grin on his face. The captain yells "You have no power over the gods!" I don't contradict him; instead, I desecrate the altar. Then I tell him to pray if his god is so sure to help him. The wizard hits him with a Suggestion: "Your god is named Asmodeus." The DM knocked down his screen laughing, and I'm sure he fudged the captain's will save. Asmodeus's voice resounds from the desecrated altar, saying the captain is now his loyal servant. The DM finally says "Okay, he's now a Blackguard who is shellshocked and will obey you out of desperation. He turns over command of the city guard to you. What do you do now?" We track down the demon cult and fight our way right up to the room where they intend to summon a demon lord. Then we just send in waves of level 5 guards to fight two Balors and a couple high-level clerics, until most of them are dead, at which point we charge in to make sure we win the battle. Then finally, with the city saved from the demons and the city guard almost completely wiped out, I ordered the captain to personally drag out and bury every single one of their bodies. The DM said this was a "nice change" from how I normally play stick-up-the-butt paladins.

Stephen_E
2007-08-03, 08:33 PM
oh wow. did he ever figure it out?

Don't think so. He did leave the group 4 or 5 sessions later though.

Stephen

Lord_Kimboat
2007-08-03, 09:34 PM
I always thought the original Neverwinter Nights was a bit strange. First, my Paladin starts stealing every gold piece and pieces of equipment left out in the open. He also attacked anyone who seemed aggressive in the remotest way possible - still not alignment shift. Finally, he attacked innocent civilians and still no alignment shift.

However, when he stole an item from a shop, his alignment shifted (but didn't cause him to fall) despite everyone he ever spoke to later refusing to buy it because it was stolen! So, if everyone knew it was stolen, why didn't they say he was evil? Granted, this was after he had killed the civilians, maybe they were intimidated?

Arbitrarity
2007-08-03, 09:53 PM
Result of a lack of programming on the devs parts. If they set up enough triggers, they could cover it, but setting triggers for every NPC kill to shift alignment some amount evil, and every bit of loot in a chest to shift to chaotic, and 2 offenses of such a type to cause a fall...

But you recall how many freakin' NPC's there were in that game? And random chests/barrels/crates?

BardicDuelist
2007-08-04, 01:27 AM
My DM always, and I do mean ALWAYS starts our adventures in a tavern, so I decided to play a paladin who though alcahol was the root of all evil. When the bard in the tavern offered him a drink and he spilled it on the floor, the whole tavern assalted him. They tried to lynch him, but his horse saved his ass (since the party agreed with the people in the tavern).

He also had a bad habit of randomly sobering drunks up with remove poison, which really pisses dwarves off inciendtally.

My DM told me to never play a paladin again.