Diamond Chef: Cooking Tournament

[Demonjazz]

Cooking show contestants were ushered into a spacious lounge room full of chairs by a stereotypical Hollywood Agent type with black sunglasses, and a phone up to his face at most times. "Right this way, right this way, babies! Don't fall behind, time is money, and we can't spare anythin' lookin' for you! Kay?" Anybody trying to get a word in was silenced by him snapping his fingers, and clicking his teeth as he said "Yeah! You know how it is with these director types! Am I right, or Am I right?" He still didn't wait for anybody to actually respond to anything he said before continuing. "Sorry you can't start the tour of the premises right away! It's a real nice place, real nice! But somebody had to clean up after a Muscle Crab thought he could bench-press one of the tables here! Let me tell ya! Muscle Crab after a exercise accident gives it just that bit of extra flava' to make it dee-lish! But let me tell ya, the clean-up is ridiculous! So the higher ups told me to tell you to sit here while they handle everything! They'll be done in an hour, or two. Why don't you mingle with the competition, eh! Maybe even shout a little! The audience loves that type of stuff. Would probably make our ratings go through the roof. Will definitely make my job a lot easier." He said, laughing to himself. All while he was talking, he was making his way to a big set of iron doors. Quickly ducking out with the last few sentences he said. If anyone was paying attention to the walls, they might notice the cameras zooming in on them a bit on one of them as if waiting expectantly for something to happen.
The contestants were left in the white room. Scattered around the were chairs (Some of them looking to be designed for the odder sized, and shaped among the crews) with a bunch of magazines littered about on end tables almost all of them having to do something with food. In one corner sat a collection of vending machines serving everything from soft drinks to ramen in a cup. Expensive advertisements hung on the walls, one simply stating with white text on a black background "Drink Pepsi. The winning side." Something that likely opened wounds for anybody who remembered the great Pepsi, Coke wars from before peace times that brought an end to Coca-Cola. Other advertisements included an obnoxiously pink, and cutsey poster advertising some sort of facial cream made from fish. Another next to it was a ridiculously buff guy flexing while ripping a steak in half with his bare hands as he bared his teeth at the looker-on... No one was quite sure what it advertised. The only other point of interest was the set of doors the agent leaved, and another set of doors leading to a bathroom.

[Demonjazz]

The Flame of The Salt Desert pulled all of his clothing tighter together, and looked around at everyone before simply stating "... Hey was it just me, or was that guy a huge *******. The one who brought us here. I bet he engineers boy bands when we aren't looking. Like bands named "Handsome Tigers". The **** only teenage girls with too much money listen too. ****ing city people. You're lucky if you can even get a radio signal where I'm from so we don't have to deal with all these ****ing ***** **** bands they have nowadays. Only thing that ever gets popular over there is either sung while drunk, or has 12 electric guitars... That spew fire... And double as mining picks... And are made of rocks. Real manly stuff you play while riding into combat on an eighteen wheeler, or special extreme cook outs on the weekends where you eat ten pounds of bacon. Let me tell you, really let's you appreciate silence. You either deal with silence, drunkards, or deafness. Am I rite, Dyck?" He said nudging the huge chef opposite to him in the knee.
The chef looked down, and tussled the hair of the hunter below like a small child. Sabaku angrily brushing him off, seething in quiet anger. "For a man who enjoys silence, you sure do talk a lot." Dyck added.

Meanwhile the musical crew of Sabaku's band stared at a water fountain next to the bathroom signs. Clarineta pushed the button for water fountain. Causing a small jet of water to spurt out. She looked amazed, and did it again. "... Are you sure it's okay to drink from this Tombono?"
He stared off into the distance. "Yes, they have many like it outside of our lands."
"Like... Like, water! Just for free! You ain't even got to pay for it, or anything."
Drumette spoke up while chewing on a toothpick. "Yeah! That can't be right, Tom! Just... Anybody can have it! It's ain't even salt water! Desalinization is a million dollar business! I know people who are lucky if they can get water with less than 30 milligrams in it! And they're just... Giving this stuff away like it's nothing! What a goddamn waste! So much of it has to got to evaporation like that!"
Tombono crossed his arms as he nodded "I know it is hard to believe. But I can tell you that's it true."
Clarineta looked down at the water fountain "Gosh! Outside the desert sure is weird, Mister Awesomono." she said tentatively taking a drink... She swirled it around in her mouth before swallowing it as if she was tasting a fine wine. "Hey! Hey! Drumette! You've got to try this! This is even better than the bottled water we've got at home! It's got a real nice flavor, a lot less earthy than the stuff we've got home! I would say that it's even got a fruity after taste! This has got to be vintage water or something!'

[Godzillarich]

“Get my music ready Pint-size.” Liberty whispered to his apprentice.

“Rights sir.” Pint-size said as he pulled out a futuristic jukebox. He pushed the play button. Music started playing.

youtube.com/watch?v=atxYe-nOa9w

Liberty jumped on one of the tables in the room. “I am the champion of my people, my fists are the freedom of the universe, My pecks shine with holy righteousness.” He said as he ripped off his shirt. “...I am the slayer of many monsters and evildoers. I have punched planets into submission, I am Liberty, BRINGER OF JUSTICE!” He said as he pulled the most ridiculous pose imaginable as pint-size throw confetti around him.

“Oh my ****ing god.” Ma Po Said as she facepalm. “That was the most egotistical introduction you could have had don..”

“Wonderful!” Ms. Wahidana yelled as she clapped back.

“Great introduction!“ Nukeele said with a smile.

Ma Po Just looked at the two for second “Please don’t encourage him!” She said before turning her tensions back to Liberty. “So I was right, you are as stupid as the rest of the Skies Council."

Liberty jump down in Front of Ma. “ I understand Zuòégèno do not appreciate freedom but My awesome posing, speech and theme song must have impressed you deep down inside Your mechanical heart.”

“First off no it didn’t, second off GOD NO! Thirdly, Your arrogance is almost astounding, and lastly you stole that song from an anime, I hope you get sued.” Ma Po listed off.

“I’m not profiting off it, it’s fair use. I mean it’s all over Spacetube.” Liberty said with a shrug.

[The JoJo]

Lady Carmine pretended to admire herself in her hand mirror, while subtly keeping an eye on the other contestants. Her lips curled into the faintest hint of a smirk as she watched their antics. This is almost too easy, she thought to herself.

"What did you say your name was again, madam?" a waiter asked as he refilled her wine glass.

"Lady Rosewood," Carmine said, smiling sweetly. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

[Demonjazz]

Sabaku leaned against his gun, and lowered the bandanna around his face revealing his partially toothless grin to Liberty. He took a much chewed upon toothpick, and stuck in his mouth; rolling it between his teeth. "Yeah, that's pretty nice, buddy. Not very impressive honestly. The real test of a man is endurance, not strength. Try trekking through the salt desert during the hottest time of the year with only two days worth of water to tide you over." He picked at his teeth to accentuate what he said next. "Nah, I bet you probably wouldn't last a day under the beating sun of the salt desert."

[Godzillarich]

Liberty cracked his knuckles at that proposal. "No problem, when do you want me to start?" he said with a smile. "because it's nothing the great liberty can't do." He then flexed again showing off his packs in front of Sabaku Face.

"That's right the great liberty can do anything!" Pint-size added.

Ma Just ignore the idiocy on display and walked over to the strange human band. The water fountain really grabbed her attention. "Hold off, there's something weird about this water-fountain." She began to scan it with her robotic eye. "This water fountain is busted, Apparently some of the sewage from the bathroom is leaking into it." She then turned to the band members. "You may want to seek out a doctor."

"Hold on You bimbo." A what looks like to be manager said as he walked towards them. "Our engineering is 100% foolproof, So much so we haven't checked in 50 years."

Ma just looked at the idiot for a few seconds before adding. "You do realize machines have to eventually be fixed right?"

"Not when it's perfect." He said before smiling thinking that he was the smartest man in the universe.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

Bartholomew, the gourmet pugilist of Scotland, took great displeasure with this delay. And so he said to his companions Ouiu and Tano,
"I take great displeasure with this delay."

"Why so, uncle?" asked Ouiu. "I'm excited."

"Do not confuse my displeasure with unenthusiasm." Bartholomew was defensive. "On the contrary, my fingers itch for the whisk, and batter to beat with it!
"But lassie, surely you ken why we were not taken to the kitchen posthaste. See you the cameras?" One of the cameras panned away from the shirtless Scot as he pointed to it, bashful. "We are being made into promotional material."

"All the better!" insisted Ouiu, giving the nearest camera a two fingered peace pose, with a dash of >:3
"If your fingers itch, then put them to good use. Play us your fiddle! Let's take this as an opportunity to give the audience good humour as well as good food."

Bartholomew considered this notion, then praised its merits with a commanding snap of the fingers.
"Taro! Bring me my fiddle." he demanded, pointing at the young engineer-come-dishwasher daydreaming behind them. Taro snapped to attention, hurrying over with a small violin case.
Bartholomew took the case, opening it and producing from within the small, delicate instrument, complete with bow. He primed the fiddle against his broad, muscular shoulder, and, with with all the poise of a fine musician, began to play.

Ouiu clapped delightedly. She skipped into the spot in front of her performing uncle and began to dance a jig, beaming at anyone who paid attention in an adorable yet vaguely self-satisfied manner.

[Demonjazz]

Sabaku continued to pick at his teeth "Eh, well if you want. You could start right now. The Salt Desert is about a three day's trip by jeep. I mean... If you go now. It's less competition for me so that's fine. Maybe this little half-pint here could take over." The irony of saying that to someone actually taller than him seeming to escape him.

As the Manager was about to say something back to Ma, a man partially covered in crab guts walked with a jaunty step, and a whistle walked in. He looked to be part of a maintenance staff. The man turned his head to his boss for a second. "Hey boss, How you doing?" He said walking by, and picking up an out of order sign off the ground, and putting it back on the water fountain. The manager seemed to barely register the maintenance staff as he walked by.
"As I was saying! Our machines here are 100% fool proof! They are top of the line. The International Peace Cooking Association only gives us the best!" He went on like this for awhile with Ma.
While that was going on, Clarineta looked up to Tombono for clarification "Say, whaddaya reckon this sewage thing is anyway? Only pipes that leave a bathroom is the sink, and tub. And that don't taste of soap or nothin'"
"I don't know. I am inexperienced with bathrooms. I have done all my business outside since..." He stopped to stare off into the distance "Something happened very long ago."
Clarineta knew better than to ask what happened. If she got an answer it would be an hour long. "Huh... Hey, where do ya reckon Drumette went."

Meanwhile Drumette had started setting up a single snare drum on the floor next to Bartholomew "Yo, we having a jam session! Cause let me tell you. I can jam down pretty damn hard. Course there's usually like... Twelve electric guitars when I do" She said starting to drum along to the song as the rest of the band stopped what they were doing to look at Ouiu's dancing, and all the other music stuff.

[Garjel_blah]

While all these shenanigans were going on elsewhere in the room, a voluptuous humanoid rock woman stood at the vending machines, trying to make her selection from the advertised range of sodas. It was of course an entirely academic sort of conundrum for her, since mineral water was the only way to go for a being of pure gypsum... But that still left several brands of choice... Aqua Titan-Desal, Oort Fresh, Eau de Réacteur, Ol' Faithful Watre, VOOS...

"Hey!" said Gypsum, leaning in close and squinting. "I didn't know you were on the VOOS bottle, Pepper."
Interstellar celebrity chef and model Pepper Schoville looked up over the top of her FSHN magazine, absurdly beautiful face frowning in her best signature Sour™ expression.
"You're not getting one are you? They're a rip off. And it was one of my first picture deals, so we don't even get royalties."
"Bottled water in general is a bit of a rip off." Gypsum agreed. "But from what I heard, sounds like the water fountain is having problems with sewerage, and impurities give me stomach cramps."
"Sewerage?" Pepper repeated disdainfully, peering over at the crowd around the fountain. "I thought this was competition was supposed to be classy."
She made a disgusted sound before obscuring herself once more behind her magazine (which just happened to also have a picture of herself on the cover, so that her Sour™ appeared to be seamlessly replaced with a Smoulder™).

Behind the chair that Pepper had so imperiously occupied, her executive twin aides Wahid and Ithnan stood making some calls, looking as if they were trying to out-callmake the man who had initially led them inside. And then behind those two, the second Schoville sister Wasabi was talking to her best friend Spicy-boy, a flame elemental.
"Look at all these guys, man." the smaller Schoville whispered to the rippling pillar of fire that stood next to her. "They look pretty cool don't you think? Was that one an eagle? I don't think I've ever seen an eagle except on postcards before, and in that one movie about the mouse. I like the beak. Do you think he can eat noodles with that beak?"
Spicy-boy didn't answer, stood with his arms folded, wearing nothing but flames and some sick shades. Wasabi continued,
"I don't know about that one with the mirror though." she said, pointing in an obliviously unsubtle manner at the Lady Rosewood. "She reminds me of Peps, makes me want to pull her hair. Or maybe burn it! Should we do it? Huh, huh!?"
She grinned maniacally, giving the flame elemental a few conspiratorial elbow nudges before almost subconsciously following up with a quick pat-down to put out the flames kindling in her sleeve. Fortunately for Rosewood, at that point the fiddler began his next song.

"Oooh this is a good beat Spicy-boy!" said Wasabi. "Let's go dance."

Ouiu was then joined on the dance floor by a ratty looking punk and a flame elemental. Wasabi Schoville wooped as she launched into a experimental looking form of the Charleston that was all enthusiasm and no skill, while Spicy-boy's style more resembled kick-boxing.

[Godzillarich]

"Whatever you say..." Ma mumbled as she turned away from the manager and headed to the seats in the middle of the room. She sat in the chair next to who seem to be the most normal person, Lady Rosewood. "I need someone normal to talk to keep my sanity intact" Ma mumble to Rosewood. "...So what's your deal?"

Meanwhile Liberty Continued to stroke his ego. "Oh yeah, Just show me where the start and I'll do it."

Pint-size Then tapped Liberty on the shoulder. "We still need to do the tournament." He whispered into his masters ear.

Liberty Just stood there for a second trying to put the pieces together. "ooooooooh that." Liberty mumbled as he slapped himself. "listen I'm going to have to do that that later, I need to do a Tournament first."

[The JoJo]

"Oh, I'm here to show the world the true power of fine dining," Lady Carmine said to Ma, placing her mirror back into her handbag. "I've been cooking for many years, but ever since my husband passed away, I've felt unable to present my food in public. Now though, I think its finally time to move on. I'm here with my, eh, adopted son, Edmund." She nudged Henry, who moaned something unintelligible in response.

[Godzillarich]

Ma looked at the troll with curiosity. "I'm surprised to see a troll here." She said as she came closer to Henry. "It's weird, humans have somehow been scattered across the universe with no connection or contact With each other. That's not the case for most other races like trolls, and I don't remember any mention of trolls being native to this planet." Ma then turned around to face Rosewood. "Where did you adopt him?"

[The JoJo]

"It was through a dear friend of mine," Lady Carmine said quickly. "I must introduce her to you some time, when this competition is finished." Of course, you won't be alive at the end of this competition, she thought privately.

[Godzillarich]

Ma stared at Rosewood "I would really like to meet this person, maybe you can schedule a meeting sooner? " She said before turning her head. "Maybe I spoke to soon, I need to be careful of everyone around here." She thought to herself. "I can only trust my cooking staff."

As that was going on Ms. Wahidana walked up to Henry. "What's wrong? You seem to be kind of nervous."

[igordragonian]

Nyanna is a Koshkin. Those strange people are coming from the ice cream plains of Snegovia. Snegovia is a kingdom ruled by the Tsar Starski, a living meteor bringing unity and prosperity to Snegovia with his powers.
Humans are the commoners, enjoy simply eating the Ice Cream from the ground, and maybe mixing it with potatoes and onion.
But the nobility are the Koshkin- the 'cat-folks." as ignorant strangers call them. They got taste for fish and all the kinds of sea food, especialy combined with black bread- but they hydrophobia deep as their souls.

Hunter's name: Nyana Mewrrovski- The Magical Fisher Princess!
Hunter's physical description: Nyanna is young, short pale skinned and well endowed Koshkin with long blonde hair with white cat ears and tail, blue eyes and usually wearing a military uniform. At her Fisher Princess Form she is wearing strange purple dress which is generic to magical girls.
Personality: Energetic and passionate would be the first words to describe her. She is taking her dreams to the extreme, treating the boundaries of the possible as a challenge- "Can't Do" is something she would never say. Her pride might lead her promising the impossible and shaming herself in the process.
Hunter's Biography:
Nyanna just like any Koshkin had a desire for fish! But they were so rare and expansive, even for a noble like her. Despite her young age, she has decided to go fishing herself, despite her hydrophobia- she had to force every single step with all of her will power, she was about to lose her mind, forcing herself againsf her natural fear, when she caught one little fish.
She passed out, but awakened on the ship again... fearless? She was powerful and dressed in silly colorful dress, which looked like the top fantasy fashion vision of 12 year old girl.
Nyanna has discovered she was chosen by Chibori-The Ex-Sea-King. An ancient being who has sympathy toward anyone who enjoy eating fish. He granted her the power of the Magical Fisher Princess- a hero, chosen to statisfy the Koshkin need for fish. Since then she travel the world looking for the greatest sea food!
Hunter's favorite Catch: When Nyanna has fished a Clutzuthuu. Clutzuthuu is a primal alien being, which until recently slept in slumber sending maddening dreams to mortals. His cult has forseen, that the napper will be awakened- "Hsht'g Clutzuthuu!"
Nyanna's power which gotten above Clutzuthuu has awakened him! He was hungry for her power!
Her mind was almost broken, but her lusr for fish food was stronger! She has used all her arsenal, but Clutzuthuu was on diffrent level than any other hunt- both damaging her in body and mind, her dress was shredded in way, that usually made it useless but Nyanna with sheer power will has summoned the "Fishing Rod Of Judgement" and finally has fished him!
It was enough to feed a neighbor starving country, and still keeping a lot of secret deep one ingrdients, to give her food telepathic seasoning.
------
Hunter's special power: Nyana is a legendary Magical Fisher Princess. She can summon her magical dress alongside with the sacred fishing tools- trident&net for certain hunts, or more likely a fishing rod with changing variety of almost unlimited variety of hooks with diffrent effects and also baits, that each tempting diffrently with variety of smells, tastes and even illusions. In Fisher Princess mod, her physical abilites also getting enhanced to abnormal levels. Also, she is immune to her natural hydrophobia.

Hunter's secret flaw: Nyana's powers based on her Magical Fisher Princess mod. To get into the mod, she must have the ability to chant the spell which summon the dress and the weapon. Also, to hold the mod, spending a lot of energy, and after a 4 hours of normal activity or a big battle, she can't hold the form until she eat a meal worth of 10 normal meals.
And most importantly- if the dress is too torn, it lose it's powers until it fixed with special magical ceremony done by Chibori.
--------------------------

Chef's name: Chibori The Exiled Sea King.
Chef's Specialty: Fish. Seafood. Anything from the sea.
Chef's physical description: He is a floating chibi bear-koala thingy with brown fur and white belly. Illegaly cute button nose and large bug-like eyes. Always wearing a chef hat and a purple apron with a fish bone emblem
Chef's Biography: Chibori was the King Of Sea. An ancient being which enjoyed hunting and eating everything under the sea. Until one day, a ship sunk and he has tasted a steamed fish.
This new creative taste made him leaving his power behind, turning into a small mamal land creature able to learn the art of preparing food. The energy of the Sea King wasn't lost- it was there, prepared to be taken by those proving themselves worthy to be the Fisher Princess! Someone to make the boring old hunting for Chibori while he concetrated on his path as Chef. he act as mentor to Nyanna.
Chef's hobby: Designing dresses.
------
Chef's special skill: Chibori as an Ex-Sea King, has close to ultimate level knowledge of sea life and their tastes, and what effect them.
Chef's equipment: A magical steamer.


Crew's name: Purrola Kogtovich- The Fisher Ghost-Sous Chef
Crew's physical description: Purrola is a motherly looking Koshkin woman dressed in long princess like dress. All of her is transparent silver since she is.. a ghost. She also wear an apron with a fish bone emblem
Age: 400/38
Weight: 0.01 lbs
Height: 5.5ft
Purrola was the previouse Fisher Princess until she choked from a fish bone in the throat. She couldn't move on, held by her material desire for fish. As ghost she able to do kitchen work and more importantly to eat! But beside that she is a true and real ghost to anything that matter.


Crew's name: Purriska Kogtovich- "Sweet Ice Chef" Executive chef
Crew's physical description: First you will smell her fruity scent. She apear as Koshkin girl but Her skin smooth as ice cream, with vanilla color and stripes of every imaginable ice cream taste. She is slim and small, dressed with white short dress and purple apron with fish bone emblem. Her ears and tail are striped orange and black.
Age: 3, looks and act as 14
Weight: 99 lb
Height: 4'5
Purriska is an ice cream golem, created lately by Chibori and Purrola to help with the increasing quanity of sea food material to work with, which Nyanna provided. She is shy, obdient and eager to please others.



Crew's name: Bolsha khvastatski. "Flame-Shark" Chef Saut
Crew's physical description: Bolsha is a Koshkin woman. A frown is her usual expression, fittingly her her hair, ears and tail are red. Under her green eyes her face is freckled, on her neck she wear a collar with a mythril bell. she is a bit wider and softer than she would admit. She is dressed in short black dress and purple apron with a fish bone emblem. Above her dress Bolsha wear a military jacket. She isvcarrying a battle hammer to slam bakas down.
Age: 22
Weight: Shu..shut up you baka! Slam*
Height: 5'1
Bolsha is the best friend of Nyanna, and when Nyanna turned into the Fisher Princess, she gotten inspired and followed her to the sea- she almost lost it, driving to madness because of her hydrophobia. Chibori gifted her a color of magical bravery.
and she is a hot headed tsundere.


Crew's name: Pyoter. "Baka!!" kitchen asisstant/Dessert Line Chef
Crew's physical description: Pyoter is relativly tall and very thin human male. His messy hair brown, his head usually bandaged. His black eyes hidden behind broken glasses.
Age: 16
Weight: 113 lbs
Height: 5'9
Pyoter is a Snegovian commoner- a human. He lack the obsession for fish that, the noble Koshkins possesed. He actually preffered ice cream like all Snegovian commoners, and can use it with a lot of creativity. He started as a chimney cleaner until Bolsha enslaved recruited him, out of mercy.



--------------------------


"HELP!!!!" a terrified quite feminine yell echoed, followed by tall guy, with broken glasses and bleeding bandages on his head.
"GET BACK HERE, PYOTER YOU BAKAAAA!!! NYA!" Echoed after him an enraged voice, followed by a full figured red haires nekogirl, with freckles on her face, with black dress and purple apron waving as she chased him with a bloody too-damn-big-hammer.

"It's not my fault!" Pyoter whined.

"Please calm down, Bulsha-Sama! Nya!" whined a little slim Nekogirl in white dress and purple apron chasing Bulsha. "I am sure didn't meant to make us late!" This one was colorful striped, and left foot prints of ice cream.

A young, short pale skinned and well endowed Koshkin/Nekogirl with long blonde hair with white cat ears and tail, blue eyes and wearing a military uniform, chased after them as her breasts bounced in rhyme. "Heynyyyya! Wait for me!" she mewed angerly.
A transparent nekowoman floated slowly and giggled. "Aren't they lively as usual, Chibori-san?"
A koala-bear chibi thingy floated and grumbled. "They should have dressed the dresses I have designed for the tournament, Purrola."
Purrola chuckled. "What matters, that we will show them how tasty sea food is! Nya!"
The bouncy nekogirl caught the others, while the red haired slammed the head of the poor human again.
"Well, it's just a fashionable late! I Am Nyanna! The Fisher Princess! And all of you will gasp in awe! Nyahahaha!" She presented herself loudly with a bounce in place.

The ice cream golem girl waved akwardly. "We really want you to enjoy the products of our kitchen..." she said shyly.

[The JoJo]

"Perhaps, if she is available," Lady Carmine said with a noncommittal shrug. "She is a very busy woman. Now, I must ask, why did you decide to enter this competition?"

[Demonjazz]

Sabaku continued to pick at his teeth mumbling something before he left, and then saw Pepper Scoville sitting in the distance with that Smoulder™ on her face. Sabaku always thinking himself quite the man sidled up with that dumb grin on his face showing the gaps in his teeth. He took off his hat, and quickly flattened down his hair. He leaned in a way that he thought very nonchalantly, against a chair "Now how did a pretty thing like you end up in a line of work like this, eh? Let me tell ya, you're a real inspiration for me. You work all day, do tons of photo shoots, and you still stay an attractive young vixen. Let me tell ya, if I had half the work ethic you had. I'd probably have a pile of money the size of Scrooge's swimming pool. Know what I mean? Course it's a lot harder to keep your looks in my line of work. Pretty dangerous stuff, yunno? With all the salt going into my pores, and punches to the face, or sand worms, or giant horned lizard tails, or deadly bee swarms. Really a lot of things hit my face is what I'm saying." He said loosening his collar a bit. "But anyway what I really came over to say is... Well you see. My friend over there Dyck Derringer." He said pointing to the tall man at the vending machine "Ya see, He's a real big fan of yours, but he's a little shy. But he really says that he'd like to a cup of coffee or something with you later. Yunno, maybe I could come along with like your sister or something. Cause yunno, I'm not sure my friend there could really handle it by himself." The Flame said trailing off on the last syllable wondering how he even got this far.

Shortly afterwards, Dyck Derringer looked over at the Fisher Princess, and her crew bumbling into through the front door. The tall man looked down, and shrugged his shoulders as the woman did her introduction. "Hmmph. I would have thought that a princess would have a bit more of a regal bearing."

Drumette looked over to Spice-boy's... Strange dancing style, and shouted. "Hey! That's the spirit man! You could get into a real mosh with a style like that! You know how to do it. I'll have to invite you to a concert sometime, man." She said increasing the tempo of her drum-beat slightly.

OOC: A link to the OOC thread that was suggested.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?526214-Diamond-Chef-OOC-thing-where-you-can-do-the-stuff

[Garjel_blah]

Spicy-boy's flaming core swelled, spurring him to keep a kinetic pace with the drum beat and fiddle. His fists rocketed back and forth from his chest, roaring like gusts of wind through a bonfire.
He swivelled and stepped, lifting his leg into a kick high, then low, then high, then low, faster and faster.
"Inferno!" the flame elemental shouted all of a sudden, hopping into the air and arcing his foot in a swift roundhouse kick that passed burning like a meteorite before their eyes.

"Hey now, Spicy-boy!" called out Wasabi, throwing him a pretend lasso and mime-reeling him in. "You're a little too hot son, you're riding far over the hot limits I'm afraid! You're gonna have to cool off there!" She then broke out into the sprinkler.
"Chug, chug, chug, chug, chugchugchugchugchugchugchugchug..."

Spicy-boy looked at her as if she were cramping his style, then went on kick-box-dancing.

Meanwhile, Pepper Schoville was being distracted from her FSHN magazine (in particular one excellent article about the brand's ongoing legal dispute with a similarly named magazine catered to recreational fishermen) by a very short man.

Very... Very... Short...

The man was so short that he was scarcely taller than herself sitting down. In fact Pepper was so amazed by the shortness of the man whom she was talking to, that she forgot to be completely dismissive of his propositions from the outset, which set her at a bit loss as to how she would respond.

"Really?" was what she elected to settle on, gathering her demeanour as she set down the magazine. Eventually she managed to express Gracious Yet Uninviting™, which had been her go-to for dealing with a previous agent of hers whenever he started going on about how adept he was at giving back-rubs.
"Oh yeah? You're a bit of a little guy- ahem, a little bit of a forward guy, aren't you?" she said, tittering. "Sabaku, was it?"

[Godzillarich]

"It's a very good trade partner." Ma replied still being a little bit suspicious. "Food is a great commodity for are partners even if my race can't really eat it. They can also help with feeding people on planets with less or no food in our empire. Participating in this tournament is supposed to be good PR for me and that idiot country to help negotiate this." She said as she pointed to liberty.

[The JoJo]

"Ah, well I wish you the best of luck," Lady Carmine said, smiling sweetly again as she wondered whether Ma would be useful as a potential mule. Only time would tell.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

There shortly came a caesura in the melody, allow Bartholomew to briefly relax his bow arm and acknowledge the drummer woman's recent advent with a respectful incline of his bonnet-bedecked head.
"Well met, lass." he said over the sound of Drumette's swift-falling thuds. "You play a sure rhythm."

He dived back into the tune. During the brief pause preceding this, however, Ouiu saw from the corner of her eye her mechanic, Taro Azuma, gazing in a direction that was irrefutably not her own, as if someone else in the room could possibly have enraptured his inchoate romantic attentions. Disbelieving, Ouiu followed his line of sight, tracing it to the procession of late arrivals standing in the doorway; in particular the cat-earred one calling herself Nyanna; in particular, her gelatinous camouflage-encased bosom.
The cyborg girl's eyes flashed an indignant red.

"Taro!" she squealed, her hand extending across the dance floor on a cybernetic rod to grip poor startled Taro by the scruff of his neck. The rod retracted, reeling the boy in like a stunned mullet (or groper, if he had his way), placing him face to red-eyed face with his boss's niece.
"Um." he quavered, feeling insufficient, but Ouiu cut him off.
"Ask me if I would like to dance!" she demanded.
His widened eyes glistened as if a pane of glass had shattered behind the lenses.
"W... W... W-w..."
"Close enough!"
The pair started to dance, Ouiu utilising her cybernetics to their fullest extent to prevent Taro from treading on her feet, all the while shooting death-stares at Nyanna. Metaphorically, of course.

[igordragonian]

"Nya?! Is this human toy, trying to challenge us?! The noble koshkins of Snegovia?!" Nyanna mewed.

Bolsha stopped hitting poor Pyoter. "You have heard her! Ask Nyaana to dance!" she hissed at him.
"Su..sure." he mambled, barely awake, bleeding his way to Nyanna.
"just please, no need for-"


"Magical Fisher Princess Form!" Nyaana mewed loudly, as Pyoter sighed.
For a moment, a purple light englufed her showing a hint for her naked body, just to cover her with silly purple totoo dress, which were desigined for smaller girls, combined with fisher boots.

She grabbed poor mortal Pyoter into a wild dance, he no chance to keep up with

[Demonjazz]

Sabaku thumped his shotgun against the floor, and gave a confident smirk. "Yeah, well in my line of work, you can't exactly waste time. Yunno, life and death situations every day. Pretty dangerous stuff, you know. Can't spend all day chit-chatting you know. I'm surprised you haven't heard of I'm Sabaku Enburn, Flame of The Salt Desert! The one, and only Gourmet hunter ever coming from the area. It's a harsh environment, but let me tell ya. Any job I'm assigned to is as good as done." He said pulling down his sunglasses, and giving a wink... He didn't exactly know why he did.

Meanwhile, Dyck Derringer was just... Watching as the person in front of him shouted magical words, disappeared her clothes, before replacing them with a child's outfit and fishing boots... So that she could challenge another girl to a dance contest for... Something. He blinked a couple of times, and then promptly walked over to Sabaku, easily picking him up off the ground and brought him to his eye level. "Listen, Sabaku! There has never been a more important question that I have ever asked in my life... Did that catgirl just turning into a magical girl fishing princess for a dance contest?"
Sabaku looked confused. Looked over to the dance contest. "... Yeah, that's what it looks like."
The huge man set Sabaku down. "Good. Now who is this attractive woman you are talking to, who I have never met before, Sabaku?"
Sabaku obviously stepped on the toes of the tall man next to him.
"Ow!... I mean... Oh, now... I recognize this woman. This is..."
"Pepper Scoville, a famous model, and cook." The small punk finished for him.
"Oh, yes. It's very nice meeting you, mad-" Sabaku stepped on the man's toes again.
"-And of who, you have a crippling shyness towards."
"O-Ooooh! Yes!... Uh... Uh... P-P-P-Please sign my gun... S-S-S-Senpai!" He said doing a startlingly good impression of a Japanese school girl.

Meanwhile, Meanwhile. Drumette continued to play while her, and the other band members continued to watch the chaos unfolding. Clarineta was the first to speak.
"Why... Shouldn't we do something about this?"
"Yeah, we should." Drumette agreed. "Hell hath no fury like two women competing for a man... Plus, they're like seriously cramping my style, but boy... Would you just look at that flame elementa; go." She said biting her lower lip.
"Yeah, his dancing kinda... Gets. ya... A little hot, and bothered. If you can pardon my language." She said tugging at her collar, suddenly entranced in Spicy-boys dancing.
"He does possess within him a warrior's spirit." Tombono said to the others.
A couple minutes pass.
"Weren't we supposed to do something?" Said one of the band members
"Yeah, we were." The other replied.
"Can you remember?"
"No."
"... Good, probably wasn't important."

[Ravian]

The smell of brimstone entered into the room when the delegation of the rancid hells entered into the waiting room, the majority of the cooking crew were minor demons and lost souls, but all cowered in admiration and fear of the ones that led their delegation.

Marshaling the kitchen staff of the damned was an inconspicuous figure, a seemingly human chef with tanned and weathered skin and the haunted eyes of one who has been subjected to all the punishments that Purgatory can muster. By all rights the man should have been broken, and yet standing once more in the mortal world, the walls lined with the reminders of his old culinary passions, Chef Dan Tay stood tall, ready once more to cook for the sake of his eternal reward. The conviction surrounding him prompted respect even from the most unrepentant of the damned crew.

If Chef Tay was the carrot driving the cooking legion, the succubus flitting among their ranks was the stick. Modest as she was dressed, in the chef uniform she continually picked at like a hermit's hair shirt, Lashma was a constant temptation whispering propositions and jeers to inflame the demons' lusts. In any other environment, they all would have fallen upon her in adoration, their wills like jelly against her, however here she was merely a test, a constant challenge to steel themselves against for the favor of their true leader.

Chef Tay may have inspired with his resolve and Lashma with her guile, but there was but one figure who could lead such a force out of the hells. Unassuming though the scarlet-haired youth at the front of their delegation might have appeared, it only took a glance at his face to learn the truth. Though his countenance displayed a youthful passion and beauty while the maw of forked tongue and pointed teeth spoke of his monstrous true nature, all parts of it were but a facade put together for his whims. No, it was within the eyes, burning with madness behind the spectacles upon his face, that spoke of the figure's true nature. Beautiful though he once was and monster be he now, both these aspects were but labels before the mad genius that burned within the creature's mind. Mealzebub, lord of flies, master of decay, demonic chef of the rancid hells, stepped forward into the room. With a dramatic gesture he drew his minions of the kitchen close, all crowding to catch their masters' words. Lashma floated close about Mealzebub, serving as her chef's personal taster, muse and fury. Only Chef Tay refused to fully bow to the fallen angel's aura, though even his conviction was not immune to the demon's charisma.

"My most faithful servants." Mealzebub intoned to the crowd before him. "Long have we served at the tables of the lords of the abyss, and with it we have proved our dishes to easily match any that the halls of the heavens can muster. We have transformed that which was to be punishment into the greatest reward for the damned."
all the demons cheered for the praise their master showered.
"And yet, even in our success in these circumstances, we were denied our rightful glory, the complexity of our dishes purposefully ignored to preserve the egos of Philistines."
A roar of anger rang out.
"Now though, our moment of retribution is at hand. The heavens have come to us begging for our vision. Of course, they disguise their desperation in a call to test us once more. But know this, this mortal tournament is but the first stepping stone in our triumph. Once the Diamond Chef title is dust beneath our feet, we will tear down the gates of the heavens, and they will dine on their own words! Hear me when I say they will rue the day when they dared to spit upon the genius of Mealzeb-!"

The words of Mealzebub, Lord of the Flies, Master of Decay, Demon Chef of the Rancid Hells were suddenly cut short when he fell face first upon the floor, his legs literally pulled out from under him by a sharp tug of the silver chain around his ankle, the other end of which was held in the gauntlets of the tall armored figure who had entered the room behind the demonic procession. All the fiends hissed and glared daggers upon her for daring to disrespect their beloved leader, and yet they still shrank away when she turned her gaze upon them.

"Mon dieu. Do you ever stop talking, devil?" Julia de Maxim asked with a sigh, her Gourmontaigne accent echoing slightly from within the confines of her helmet.

Mealzebub was quick to pick himself off, calmly dusting himself as if the tripping was but a simple accident. "Forgive me, oh noble crusader," the demon apologized with the smile of a cat, at the moment content to bide its time while waiting for the birdcage to be left unattended. "It has been so long since I have been out of the hells, the lack of omnipresent rotten odors must have gotten me caught up in the moment."

Julia did not respond, steeling herself to prepare for what she was sure would be an ever-mounting series of frustrations that would come from working with this demon. Though she had met with him before in preparation of the tournament, this would still be the first time she had spent this much time with Mealzebub, and his arrogance was already grating on her. She decided to occupy her time by surveying the competition. One thing was for sure, Gourmontaigne needed her if they could hope to be freed from the malaise of the grail, and she wasn't going to let an unruly demon distract her now when she had come so far.

Mealzebub, realizing that Julia was not rising to his bait, turned to his Sous chef. "Tay, you see those food devices in the corner?"

"What?", the middle-aged New Yorker asked "The Vending Machines?"

"Yes whatever, you know how they work. Go bring me something from them, doesn't matter what. It's been so long since I've been on Earth, but I need to remember what I'm dealing with in terms of palette. I'm prepared to be disappointed given how tame mortal tastes were last I checked, but I'd prefer to make an impression without poisoning anyone, at least at the start, and I need to refresh my memories of what are the usual limits of the human taste." he threw Chef Tay a small coin purse "Human money, Courtesy of the Bank of Mammon, should be enough for some last minute food research."

The Purgatory inmate looked at the Demon for a few moments in disbelief that he had been reduced to fetching junk food before going off to the machines with a sigh, followed by a great deal of grumbling.

[Godzillarich]

"You think you can break us?!" liberty yelled as he pointed at Mealzebub, Music started the play from the Radio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChCp9knOnII

"Even if you could take down the heavens do you honestly think we would bow to you?" The bird person said with a smirk. "You underestimate the universe, you underestimate the lifeforms in it, and you underestimate the hope that every single one of them has..." He then punched the vending machine with such force it exploded, snacks and drinks rain all across the room. "Then you have made a grave mistake..." He then slammed his foot down causing the room to shake. "You don't stand a chance to rule even an inch of this universe. Because warriors like me and everyone in this room will never stop fighting, no matter what happens, and even if we fail, we will just pick ourselves up and continue fighting for those we love, something you will never understand Demon." Liberty then did a "come at me" jester with his hand. "But if you not convinced I can prove just how outmatched you are."

Meanwhile Ms. Wahidana, Nukeele and Pint-size Looked on. "So how often does he do these speeches?" Nukeele asked Pint-size who looked at his master with pure joy.

"All the time and it's glorious." Pint-size said without any self-awareness.

"That's cool..." Ms. Wahidana replied as she grabbed one of the falling pretzel bags.

Meanwhile Ma just casually read a magazine trying to ignore the idiocy behind her.

[Garjel_blah]

Now there was an incredibly tall man standing right next to the incredibly short one. Great.
At least, Pepper reflected, it wasn't so strange in comparison to some of the late arrivals coming in through the door.

"Sorry, but I don't have an, er, engraver on me at the moment, so..."
She stood up, smoothing her neo-chic chef's attire. Wahid and Ithnan moved to stand behind her, one at each shoulder, silently and identically reprimanding the two desert-dwellers as if they were physical demonstrations of precisely how tall people were supposed to be in their boss's presence.
"Next time, perhaps? I think I'll be able to squeeze in a coffee at some point between tournament things. I can bring Bibi too, I guess." Pepper's eyes flicked sourly toward her dancing sister, who seemed to be trying to twerk against her kung-fu flame elemental friend to disastrous results. "But she isn't allowed caffeine. Psychiatrist's orders."

Pepper picked up her magazine, blowing Sabaku and Dyck a kiss before she moved to a spot somewhere else in the room. It was well timed, because shortly after that the vending machine exploded, sending Gypsum fleeing after her boss with an armful of water bottles.

[Ravian]

"You think you can break us?!" ...

"Hmm?" Mealzebub turned as he listened to the birdlike creature make its declaration of challenge. He wasn't entirely sure what it was going on about but he waited patiently for it to finish.

After the room was showered in vending machine food, he picked up a can of Pepsi that had rolled over to his feet.

Wordlessly he opened the tab, allowing it a moment to fizz and release the pressure of traveling explosively through the air, before taking a sip. The Demon chef swished the liquid throughout his mouth like a wine connoisseur, thoughtfully considering the tastes surrounding the beverage. Finally, after taking a small swallow, he spit out the remaining liquid into a mason jar one of his demons faithfully appeared with.

"Mmm hmm," Mealzebub pondered as he examined the tastes "carbonated water with corn syrup, the flavor is clearly attempting to mimic that of Kola nuts, but there's no depth to it. The only note of complexity I can detect is the use of citrus, this adds some degree of sourness to balance the pervasive sweetness but unfortunately it simply does not go far enough. A shame that they failed so much with the Kola nuts, as it would have added a note of bitterness and depth of flavor to accomplish something of passable interest. As is however..."

he tossed the can into the nearby trash bin.

"Please understand, my fine feathered friend," he spoke, finally addressing Liberty "I mean no harm to you mortals. I come as your salvation. You have been led into the embrace of the uncomplicated in your food, like the lotus-eaters before you. You remain afraid of the unique flavors of the world, preferring artificial imitations, like the shadows of true food cast upon the cave wall before you. I have come to set you free, there are such wonders I may show you."

Julia could see that a problem could be brewing between these two egos, and she took a step forward to intervene "Forgive my associate, sir, he has more passion than sense at times. Do not let him trouble you."

[Godzillarich]

"...preferring artificial imitations, like the shadows of true food cast upon the cave wall before you. I have come to set you free, there are such wonders I may show you."

"oh no" Ms. Wahidana and Nukeele said in unison.

"This demon punk doesn't seem that tough? Pint-size Said to the other two. "You shouldn't be worried."

"Not that..." Ms. Wahidana shivered. "...Never insult her cooking skills."

Pint-size looked at them with confusion. "wait wha..."

"YOU MOTHER****ER!" Ma Yelled as she jumped out of her chair and ran towards Mealzebub with blazing fast speed, so fast that only the well-trained fighters in the room could even follow her. To Mealzebub it almost seemed like she teleported in front of him "You dare insult my cooking, My people calling us artificial!" She yelled inches from his face. "I was cooking before you even knew what that was. I maybe a Mechanical life form but my food is more fresh and beautiful than anything your point ass tail can even hope to achieve! While don't you go back to Missouri and lose in another violin contest you Red skinned mothe****er!"

The manager looked in puzzlement. "What is going on?" he asked.

"She doesn't like it when people imply her cooking is soulless, A lot of Zuòégèno see comparing themselves to anything like a soulless machine or artificial as incredibly offensive. In fact robot is seen as an offensive term to them." Ms. Wahidana told the terrified Manager.

"Look Ma..." Liberty interjected. "I know what he said was kind of wrong but racism does not solve racism."

[Ravian]

Though surprised at the sudden appearance of the mechanical being before him, Mealzebub was not the type to back down so easily "My oh my, an automaton chef? What will they think of next?" he smirked "Though I'd advise against trying to pull seniority on me, my mechanical friend, I provided catering for the creation of the firmament itself."

He was prepared to continue baiting the Zuòégèno, eager for a fellow chef to get a rise out of. However Julia, like always, felt the need to defuse the conflict and ruin his fun.

Raising her shield between the two chefs, the armored hunter forcefully interjected herself. "Apologies madam, he can be a thoughtless lout, but this is a rare situation where he truly meant no offense. We are all, it appears, clearly of like mind in our wish to prove the quality of our cooking against the baser forms of culinary expression in the world. Perhaps then, it would be a better use of all our energy to prove ourselves through our dishes, rather than our petty squabbling?" She cast a withering gaze upon Mealzebub, who met it with a sarcastic eye roll.

[Demonjazz]

After Pepper Scoville was out of ear shot (And snacks stopped raining down onto the two). Sabaku, and Dyck both exchanged glances with each other. Sabaku reached up for a high-five from Dyck. In a triumphant tone he said
"... I can't believe that worked!"
"Well yeah... But why the hell am I the shy one?"
"Well cause I was the one who went up to her!"
"I mean, you could have asked me to go over there! Who would believe I was the shy one! I'm four times your size, have a giant gun, eat lots of meat, and just look at you! You're practically a mini moe!"
"Yeah, but I've got a reputation to keep up as Flame of The Salt Desert. Plus, don't you know big guys have secret insecurities. Tombono said so, and that guy is the size of an ox."
"He cries over everything! Dude got his brain fried in some sort of feud between clans. Either way shy doesn't look good on tall guys. Listen haven't you heard of the terms..." Dyck Derringer looked around conspiratorially, and brought Sabaku up so that he could more easily whisper into his ear. Sabaku occasionally repeated said to him. "Uke... Uh-huh... Seme. Yaoi, yes. I see where this is goin-WAIT! You're taking advice from gay porn comics!"
"Shh! Quiet down! Listen, they're for straight women though. I know what I'm doing so here's the plan. We'll need to buy something with strawberries and-" *Whisper* *Whisper* *Whisper*

As the vending machine was destroyed. A group of mechanics came into to quickly replace the ones destroyed. If one was too listen close they could hear a muffled conversation behind a set of iron doors. Catching key phrases like "How did the thing even explode!", and "I don't care about ratings! We can't just let them" quickly followed by "Wait... How much did are you offering!"

[Demonjazz]

OOC: Sorry for the wait. This long diddy took way longer than I expected.
The Hollywood Agent finally came back through the double doors. “Hey, babies. Didn't take as long as I think, eh. You're gonna be real impressed, real impressed by our premises! Gonna be a nice tour! This is the International Peace Cooking Association after all. Best of the best for our champions... Now step right in.” The Agent opened the set of iron doors.
The sounds and smells of a bustling kitchen wafted into the room. The hustle, and bustle of the kitchen being magnified as the contestants went in, The kitchen seeming to go on forever in each direction. If anybody looked up they would notice that various catwalks hung above them, various people walking across them including several cameramen. It also seemed that cameramen infected the ranks of the cooks as it seemed some of the people there had fairly obvious cameras in their big hats most of them vaguely pretending to work. Like standing there, and occasionally stirring a pot... Of nothing but boiling water.
“As you can see, baby. These kitchens are top of the line. We have people working tirelessly to perfect any new flavors, try new combinations, and spicing up old favorites day in, and day out. To your right that man over there is trying to neutralize the poison in the incredibly poisonous Spiked Dolphin.” A man was in front of the dead body of a grey porpoise with huge, foot long purple spikes sticking out of it at various angles. He wore a protective suit as he made cuts into the meat. “How's it going with that Mark!” The Agent shouted over to the chef.
“WHY WOULD GOD MAKE SOMETHING THIS POISNOUS!” He shouted violently chopping off another section of the beast.
“... Thaaaaanks, Mark. You're a great help.” The agent coughed before he hurried the others on. “You probably don't want to meet that guy anyway. He's just some small fry. What we really came here is for you guys to get to meet the judges. They're the best of the best, all of them are double coordinators in the IPCA. We're talking guys who've cooked everything from Jeweled Meat to Cake Kollosus.. Big names, big names. An endorsement from them is practically as good as being handed a billion bucks.” He said leading the group of contestants towards the center of the room where four raised platforms stood in a square “Hey look, here comes one of them now.”
Following where he pointed, the contestants eyes went up, and saw a man tying a cord to his waist at the catwalk. Suddenly he jumped off the catwalk with a swan dive. Taking out a spoon mid-jump. His descent stopped right above a pot where he took a spoonful of soup that he quickly drank. He suddenly bungeed back up shouting “Needs more salt!” He bungeed back down, and threw the spoon into the sink. “Also clean that!” Once he bungeed back up to the platform he untied everything quickly, and then did a flip over to the next catwalk. He yet again tied himself up, and bungeed down again towards someone else this time with a large ladle. He smacked a bottle out of the cook's hand with a laddle. “NO SOY SAUCE!” Bounce “YOU USE SOYSAUCE, AND I WILL END YOU!” Bounce “AND YOUR FAMILY!” He landed back on the platform, and leaped a couple more over to the contestants. He bungee corded down to the others. Doing a bow on his way down (And upside down nonetheless) “Hello, it is nice to... Meet you. My name is... Mr. M. Nudo. I am head of... The Stirfry, and Noodle Departments.” After he eventually stopped bouncing he cut himself down as he landed with a flourish. “I see that I am the first one here. Please forgive the others for their insolence. I see that I am the only one who truly takes their job seriously. Unlike that good for nothing Pisces Or-” He said stepping up onto the first platform in the circle.
Just then a blonde woman with her hair done up in a ponytail, and wearing in a tie-die dress clopped into the center. The sound of her sandals somehow being heard above the bustle of the kitchen. “Heeey! You talking about me again Mr. M!” She said folding up her pink heart shaped glasses into her pocket. “You gotta thing for blondes or something Mr M! Cause every time I see you, you seem to be talking about me!”
M. Nudo scowled at the airhead next to him. “No! I'm always talking about you because of how ungodly unprofessional you are! I told you to dress me as Mr M. Nudo! How could you even wear such a thing to a kitchen! It's not even a proper chef uniform! That should be a symbol of pride for any good chef!”
The blonde took a seat at the platform across from the angry chef, and let her legs swing back, and forth. “Well you know what they say Mr M. Any attention is good attention. So you must really like me if you admit that you're always thinking about me! Why that's real cute, and nice of you. You know that? Want a piece of gum?” She said starting to chew a piece of gum before almost immediately blowing a bubble, and popping it.
Mr M Nudo waited for about a half minute listening to her pop bubbles. “Aren't you going to introduce yourself to our guests!”
“Oh, thanks Mr M! I knew that I was forgetting to do something! Well my name is Pisces Organa, I am a Pisces, and I'm in charge of the fish, and organics department.. And that's about it.”
'You have the tact, and eloquence of a dead fish, Ms. Pisces! Now did you hear anything about the other two?”
“Oh, Hanson, and-”
A shout came from behind the two arguing judges. “Huh! Did somebody call me Handsome!” A man with a half open shirt showing off his muscular chest, a mane of Fabio hair extending down to his shoulders. If one was to feel poetic they would describe his body, and hair as glistening, and sparkling... That was of course if it didn't literally do that. It emanated the soft bishie sparkles that any Shoujo reader would be familiar with. Whether this was actually attractive in real life was up to the individual. The large man waved over to the other judges. “Ahahaha! That old joke never gets old.”
“It does, very quickly..” M. Nudo quickly corrected.
“I see old spoil sport is the same. But enough of that how's my favorite zodiac sign doing!” He said grabbing Organa in a big bear hug.
“It's nice to see you too, Hanson. But hurry Hanson, introduce yourself to the others before Mister M says anything!”
Hanson put down his friend before he turned his attention to the contestants. “Well you guys probably know me from being voted Sexist Man alive, but I'm Hanson Bacon. Head of the Skin Care, and Pork Departments here. And I'm very handsome. Also I'm a Taurus.”
“What is with you people, and zodiac signs.”
“Two out of three people use Zodiac signs in their introductions Mr M.”
“You sure that isn't three out of four people?” Hanson butted in.
“Speaking of which where is our fourth person” As if on cue the clack of high heels came from behind. The others. A woman wearing a black slit dress, and ass length hair walked into the room
“Are you talking about me perchance? I am hurt Pisces. After all those drinks, and karaoke bars I am but a fourth person to you. Oh, you are truly breaking my heart, mon chérie.” The woman said with mock apprehension.
Organa giggled, and gave a hug to her friend. “Oh, you're always such a kidder. You know those were just girls nights.”
The woman gave a stilted laugh. “hahaha. Yes. That's what they were.” Her eyes darted around frantically before giving a nervous cough. Gaining her regular calm, and cool demeanor. “But I'm sure that no one here really wants to hear about... Mon petit ami.” She said turning her attention toward the contestants “I am Madame Fruit D'eau. Coordinator of Le fruit, and Smoothie departments. I also do part-time modeling, and I'm a Leo.”
“Ha! Told you that it was three out of four people!”

[Demonjazz]

The agent cleared his throat, and spoke up. “Haha! Yes, I'm sure your comedy routine will go viral within the weeks guys, but you do remember that you actually did come here for a reason, guys? The Challenge?”
“Uuuuh... Yeah. We remember that. How about you announce that instead... Agent man. Since you are so good at that.”
The Agent sighed. “Gotta do all the work around here.” He took a deep breath, and took on the voice of a sports announcer. “Okay contestants! We've gotten a little warm-up for all of you today! Due to managerial error your breakfast is, and will not be made by our accomplished cooking staff! Instead we will have all of you make items for your very own special breakfast banquet! Starting now you will have to search these premises to cook an item within, and be brought back within the next three hours! With all the HIGH IMPACT ACTION that will be happening tomorrow, you'll need a big breakfast! So don't disappoint your hunters chefs! Cause the last thing you want while hunting is an empty stomach! The timer has just begun so you better get going!”
OOC: Challenges begin now. Show me your culinary expertise, and chef individuality by making a delectable breakfast suited for your characters.

[Godzillarich]

Chef Ma Po was still slightly peeved at the demons early remarks but as soon as the the kitchen was open she walked near one of the counters ignoring the judges. “Cooking will take my mind off that *******.” She thought as she Prepared the counter. Ma turned her head towards her assistant Ms. Wahidana. “Let’s impress them, let’s cook this dolphin.” Gasps could be heard from the other workers.

The chef was working on the dolphin sighed! “It’s going to take a couple of hours Before it’s even feasible to eat this dolphin.”

“I’ll make it 10 Minutes tops.” She responded as she looked back at her assistant. “Do your thing.” She said back to Ms. Wahidana. Right on cue Wahidana walked up to the spiked dolphin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoAYfYTsuOw

“Okay let’s see here…” The frog woman mumbled as she touched The dead mammal. She slowly moved her hands around the animal for a few seconds before getting out of a Marker. She She started to draw Shapes on the body. “There isn’t much that’s edible on the body, But we can make do.”

Chef Ma Po Got her cooking arm knife out as she walked towards the animal. “How many strips of bacon can we make?”

“I would say 20” Ms. Wahidana Responded as she backed away.

She got her knife ready and yelled “Perfect!” Before cutting She started cutting the corpse. The speed she was going was absolutely ludicrous speed, Cutting and dicing between the lines that Ms. Wahidana Drew. After around 10 seconds she stopped. All the other parts of the dolphin were put to the side of the table as the strips of bacon laid in the center. “Now the cooking.” She said as her knife hand turned into a frying pan hand. She grabbed the strips of bacon and put it onto the frying pan. After about five minutes the bacon was done. ”Took me about 9 minutes.”

Everyone looked at her with uneasiness. Ma knew that they doubted her cooking. “Okay you want proof of my cooking skills?” she mumbled before turning her head at Liberty. “Liberty? Are you man enough to eat this bac...”

Before she could even finish a sentence liberty grabbed one of the strips from the table. “The answer is yes!” the said before throwing the bacon into his beak and began to chew before swallowing it.

Suddenly liberty started to shake, It looks like he was starting to have a seizure but then…”Absolutely Deliciouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!!” he yelled Before ripping off his shirt and flexing his amazing packs again.

“Well that was easy.” He said as she retracted her frying pan hand. “I can’t wait for the actual challenge to begin.” She said before throwing the bacon in her storage compartment.

[Ravian]

"Utterly unprofessional," Mealzebub scoffed, and yet he was silently more thankful for the situation, here was the chance to distinguish himself. He had already begun eyeing that dolphin when he had come in when the hapless assistant had made his incredulous declaration of the dolphin's sheer toxicity.

He had such plans for it that he was close to livid when he saw the automaton chef reach the dolphin first with her impressive speed. There were plenty of other potential options to take his dish, but he was not about to be upstaged when his specialty was staring him in the face.

He rushed towards the carving table, Julia only having a moment to secure his chain before she would be dragged along with him. Quickly he examined the remains. The damned device had already secured all the non-toxic cuts from the marine mammal, but therein lay his opportunity. The richest cuts of the Spiked dolphin, was the fluke, thanks to the thick meat without the interference of hard bone. However the fluke was also where the dolphin contained its primary poison sacs, and thus was wisely ignored by all chefs wishing to avoid lawsuits and manslaughter charges.

He scooped up the flukes that lay abandoned at the side of the table and carried them over, not even bothering to cut them as the precise strikes of Ma Po's knives had largely left them perfectly whole, the Zuòégèno clearly able to avoid even wasting time having to reclean the blade from an errant strike that would otherwise coat it in poison.

All color drained from Mark, the original worker upon the dolphin as he watched the demon chef perform the act that had been drilled into him for over a month before he was even allowed to see a Spiked Dolphin. 'Don't go anywhere near the Fluke.' his master's words echoed through his mind.

"Sir please, I have to protest, I might have to call the authorities if you let that stuff near a plate."

Mealzebub's laugh was cutting, the mania evident through it. "Bring them all, I'll be sure to make an extra portion for them as well. Tay!"

"Sir?" the somewhat concerned sous-chef answered.

"What is our time on the clock?"

Dan nervously glanced up at the timer "Just a little under three hours, sir"

"Excellent." the pointed-tooth smile upon Mealzebub's face looked as sharp as the Dolphin's spikes "We haven't a second to lose, you!" he pointed towards Pisces "I assume that any kitchen with an organics department would have its own gardens on the premises, yes?"

"You betcha! All our produce is specially grown for proper freshness, you're free to select whatever you wish..."

"Yes, yes, yes," he brushed her away "Lashma! fly over and search their soil stock" it's likely to be mostly loam, but they're bond to have other varieties, I need gravels and sand. Also a large flat stone. Make haste temptress!" The succubus was unsure why she was being used to fetch dirt, but she complied, flying forth towards the gardens.

Dan Tay approached him "Chef, we're supposed to be making breakfast," he scowled "not burying a lethal weapon, what are you doing?"
Mealzebub angrily bit at his forked tongue at the interruption "Chef Tay, please there is but one rule in my kitchen that you'll have to get used to, and that is not to question my methods. Now if you'd like something more up to your speed, I need you and your workers to assemble the sides for all of this, eggs and rice, we'll need something mild to complement a "very" strong flavor. Start now and bring me several variants, I'll need to sample them before we proceed.
Tay gritted his teeth, "Yes chef..." before turning to his minions "You heard the fiend, hop to it! You lot, I need eggs, scrambled, poached, sunny-side up, fried, chicken and duck. Go, go, go! And you, get me the best white rice you can find and strain it good, grain by grain if you have to."

Mealzebub went to work plucking the spikes out of the dolphin fluke he had recovered, squeezing a drop of the venom from each of them into a small glass dish. Quickly he ducked down to the kitchen's alcohol selection, turning towards their more exotic varieties before selecting a papaya liqueur. He took a wiff of it, very sweet, a perfect counterbalance for what he was invoking with this venom. Mixing the liqueur in with the venom, he mixed the two together, the bright pink-orange of the liqueur mixing with the black of the venom into a vile purplish hue.

Lashma returned, two bags of soil, one rocky, one beach sand, under her arms, along with a pizza stone. "I owe the gardener a favor, sir, but I have your minerals."

"Marvelous my dear" The Demon left the alcohol-venom mixture upon his counter. "Do be a dear and avoid that, it's likely fatal."

Lashma began to feel nervous when suddenly, after less than ten minutes, Liberty had already finished Ma-Po's Dolphin bacon with such gusto. "Sir, forgive me for prying, but what are we doing here messing with dirt, when we're already playing catch-up with the competition."

"Speed isn't everything my lovely, you of all beings surely realize that." Mealzebub teased as he began mixing the two bags of soil within a pot in the sink, adding precise amounts of the two components along with a degree of both water, as well as some rock salt he had recovered from the pantry.
"We have plenty of time, and time is exactly how you address a dish like Spiked Dolphin Fluke."

Even Lashma was somewhat turned off when Mealzebub began to taste the soil with his forked tongue "Yeah, but are you sure about this Fluke thing? I know I'm adventurous, but even I can be poisoned, especially by something like that." she pointed at the fluke on the table.

Mealzebub smiled as he reached down for something below the table. "Lashma, are you aware of a dish known as Hákarl?" the succubus shook her head "It's Icelandic, made from a shark well-known for its poisonous properties, not as extreme as the Spiked dolphin of course, but the principles are the same. There is but one way that this dish can be served to avoid the toxic effects."

He brought up the black cast, the wood seemingly malevolently feasting upon the light around it. "And that is with fermentation."

"Now in normal circumstances," Mealzebub continued as he began to scoop the soil mixture into the cask, lining the edges with it, Hákarl requires months of fermentation, first buried in the beach sands of Iceland, which I have recreated to the best of our current circumstances to ensure authenticity, followed by several more months of drying. Wholly unsuited for the competitive environment. However, thanks to the black cask, we can make all that go by in less than an hour." he placed the fluke within the now soil lined confines of the cask, setting the pizza stone upon it, before sealing it all tight. He fiddled with some of the dials to ensure the proper rate of putrefying.

"Now then, my dear. We must attend to Chef Tay's work."

...

Lashma was a pain in the rice and egg selection process, not quite understanding why a mild bed would work best for this and desiring something wilder. Only after Mealzebub explained how the bed was necessary to absorb the flavors of the Dolphin Hákarl did she begin to understand. Eventually what was selected was a simple but expertly scrambled chicken egg and garlic rice bed, which Mealzebub paired with an addition of atsara, a pickled papaya side, as well as a chili dip that Dan Tay was proud of. Luckily they had finished the process by the time that the cask was ready.

The smell was absolutely horrifying, full of a putrid fishy rotten odor, causing the entirety of the staff, with the exception of Mealzebub, to don face masks while the other competitors kept their distance from their station. Mealzebub thoroughly cleared out the soil lining the cask, washing it down, before cutting the rotten Fluke into thin strips and hanging it upon a hook from the roof of the cask and placing it within the oven on a very low heat to simulate sun-drying with a few more adjustments to the settings.

It took a little less than another half hour as they spent their time carefully adjusting the side for the Hákarl. Mealzebub had deliberately modeled the overall dish after Danggit, a traditional Filipino breakfast of dried fish over rice accompanied by eggs and papaya atsara. Once the dolphin Hákarl was finished drying, it needed no further cooking, and was quickly laid atop the rice. It still smelled absolutely foul, similar to that of cleaning products, which Mealzebub assured was merely due to the high Ammonia content of the dish that it accrued from the fermentation process, though that did little to reassure most.

The final step was when Mealzebub once again cleared out the black cask, this time placing the liqueur and venom mixture into it, with the addition of a few herbs. This time the cask was set to steep.
"What most don't realize," the Demon chef explained "about the Spiked dolphin is that while it is certainly poisonous, this is notably different from it being venomous. The dolphin produces two forms of toxic. One, the poisonous substance that suffuses its flesh, and two the venom that it produces from the spines itself. Notably, the latter can be safely prepared for human consumption through the denaturing process of alcohol. It was a trick I picked up from studying Laotian snake wine."

The steeping process was shorter than the previous steps, and within a few moments, a venomous vinegar was introduced to the dish, drizzled sparingly upon the rice.

Within two hours, Mealzebub and his staff had produced a dish that normally over half a year to prepare.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdDsulGyH54&index=20&list=PLtYTKcRzsHhfQcGrQG6VXW8S2gH7pXLUR

The smell was overpowering to Julia as she was confronted with the fruits of her associate's labors. Which consisted of several strips of dried marine mammal flesh upon a bed of scrambled eggs, garlic rice, with a drizzle of venomous vinegar and atsara and chili dip to the side. While the dish would not appear out of place on any Filipino's breakfast table, the odor of ammonia distinctly set it apart.

Watching them create it had been foreboding enough, but when placed in front of her, Julia felt the need to gag. Lashma took her place beside the crusader, actually eager to approach this new creation despite her previous reservations at the process.

"For those unfamiliar with Hákarl," Mealzebub stated in what he felt was a helpful manner. "it is generally recommended to close your nose before the first bite. You will adjust quickly, especially as the taste will soon make you forget about the smell."

Julia gulped and took his advice, though Lashma did not do the same. They both cautiously took their first bite of the substance. Tears entering both their eyes as they were confronted with the taste. However, after the initial shock, Lashma quickly continued into her dish, quickly accelerating her pace until she was wolfing down the rest, licking at the plate for just a hint more of the strong flavors. Julia was more cautious, finishing her dish slowly though surely, as she began to take her hand from her nose as she adjusted to the flavors. Once she finished she calmly placed her silverware upon the clean plate to give her review.

"It was delicious, monsieur, excellent work." Mealzebub raise an expectant eyebrow as she dabbed at her mouth with her napkin.
"You were right, the initial shock of ammonia, almost like urine, can be massively off-putting for many. However despite that, the flavors beneath that compelled me to continue. Unexpectedly the general flavor was nutty and somewhat sweet, somewhat like a very, very strong blue cheese, it combined very nicely with the flavors of the bed, and contrasted well with the bitter kick of the vinegar. Certainly not something that I would wish to eat every day for breakfast, but it certainly does the job of forcing you awake. A valiant work."

"You flatter me my dear." He could not help but glance towards Ma-Po "It is simply a matter of recognizing how to embrace the oddities of a dish, rather than cutting them away in favor of that which are marred by their 'perfection'. He also spared a look at Mark the original worker "God, may have made a creature like this so poisonous because it was meant to be a trial to reach the perfect parts. However, now you may see that one does not need to go through the process of excising these impurities, when one can instead turn them into something beautiful in their own right."

He gave a small bow as a conclusion to his creative process.

[Godzillarich]

Ma look at Mealzebub As she rolled her electronic eye. "I have to apologize Liberty, you don't seem to be the most self absorbent one here."

"Thank you." He said as he patted Ma on the back "And I might add your cooking is fantastic."

Meanwhile the chef who was originally preparing the dolphin was crying on the floor. "I have trained 20 years on top of a cold Mountain, with 10 times of normal gravity with just my tidy whitey's and I was just outshined by two kids." He cried for his lost pride.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

From the moment the breakfast challenge was first revealed, Bartholomew had his plans conceived, and so no sooner had the contestants dispersed to go about their separate duties than the Scotsman rushed to meet the tasks before him.

"You!" he bellowed, pointing an irrefragable finger at a nearby kitchen wench, who screamed and dropped her ladel into a pot of soup. "Bring me two score and four eggs, fresh from the chook no less. For on the morrow when my competition feasts, these eggs shall be scrambled."

The wench hurried to meet these demands, returning with fourty-four eggs, one large bowl stainless steel, one frying pan, and a whisk. Bartholomew's eyes sharpened like a sprinkle of indignant lemon zest as they beheld the lattermost implement.
"What is this?" he asked, taking the whisk. "Did I ask for this gruesome, tear-drop shaped cage apparatus-thing?"
"You said you wanted the eggs scrambled, I thought." the woman stammered, uncomprehending. As if in answer, Bartholomew crushed the intricate metal whisk in one massive fist, handing back to her a warped residue of handle and wire. Accompanying this admonishment, he assured the assistant chef,
"I need no tool but a bowl to mix and a hot stove to cook. You ken, woman?"
The woman, being not one to let unjust blame go unchallenged even when it was presented to her in a lump of frighteningly deformed kitchenware, responded,
"But... Didn't you say yourself back in the waiting room that your fingers itch for the whisk?"
Bartholomew spared the woman one last over-the-shoulder glare as he cracked his first egg.
"I was speaking metaphorically."

Once all fourty-four had spilled their golden bounty into the bowl, Bartholomew checked the clock.
One hundred and sixty minutes remaining. It would be a near outcome...
With a flex of his mighty arm the gourmet pugilist positioned the bowl of eggs in the crook of his left arm, and his right hand resting first two fingers a-splayed in readiness at the rim. Breathing deep to consolidate his fervour, Bartholomew plunged his hand into the mixture, and with a reverberating battlecry began to beat his eggs.

His shouting and beating did not abate over the next few minutes as the other chefs worked, and continued on even after that, on and on...
AAAA-*slosh*-AAAA-*slosh*-AAAA-*slosh*-AAAA-*slosh*-AAAA...

Two hours and more of furious egg beating when by; while toxic dolphins were dissected, and creatures of myth stampeded in the stockrooms, and crystal women inhaled spices as if they were cocaine, Bartholomew beat his eggs.
One would expect that eventually eggs need to be cooked go be eaten, and one would be correct. But Bartholomew had no need for a stove to surmount this concern. For he beat his eggs so hard and so long, that the friction of his finger whisking galvanised the mixture as it formed. When time was called, Bartholomew merely removed his steaming hand to reveal eggs already mixed and cooked to perfection.

[Ravian]

Ma look at Mealzebub As she rolled her electronic eye. "I have to apologize Liberty, you don't seem to be the most self absorbent one here."

"Thank you." He said as he patted Ma on the back "And I might add your cooking is fantastic."

Meanwhile the chef who was originally preparing the dolphin was crying on the floor. "I have trained 20 years on top of a cold Mountain, with 10 times of normal gravity with just my tidy whitey's and I was just outshined by two kids." He cried for his lost pride.

Julia couldn't help but fidget in her seat. She really wasn't planning to come here to make enemies, but Mealzebub seemed to relish the opportunity for conflict. She resolved to endeavor to make up for her partner's less than chivalrous nature once the competition started in earnest.

Mealzebub meanwhile seemed more concerned with Mark the chef.
"I was on the advisory board for determining the flavors of the birds and beasts while they were being named." he snarled "You will recognize your elders and betters 'Mark' or that mountaintop will seem heavenly compared to what will happen to you."

[The JoJo]

Lady Carmine rose graciously to her feet as the others darted around the dolphin, gesturing for Henry to follow her. She knew if her entry was to stand out, then she would need something that set her apart from the crowd. They made their way down the corridor until they came across a door marked as Special ingredients – danger, do not enter!

‘Be a dear and open the door, Henry,’ she instructed. The troll moaned something inaudible but did as she asked. He lumbered in and she followed behind him, using his bulk as a shield.

The room was dark and musty. As Carmine’s eyes adjusted to the gloom, she came to realise that the ground beneath her feet was soft. She reached down to brush her fingertips against the straw, tutting to herself. Beneath the hay, there was a layer of pebbles.

‘It’s not mammalian, whatever it is,’ she said in a low voice. Henry muttered something and stepped aside, Carmine's eyes widening when she saw what his figure had been concealing.

It was an emerald green snake-like creature, except for a row of crimson feathers and fleshy tufts on its head. It was coiled in what could only be described as a nest, a flash of white almost entirely concealed within its tangled folds. A smirk slowly spread across Carmine’s face.

‘A cockatrice!’ she breathed. ‘I haven’t seen one of these in years.’ The real prize was not the snake itself, of course, but the giant egg it nurtured. In the world where Carmine had come from, cockatrice eggs were worth more than an average house, for the taste alone. ‘Now Henry we just have to...’ she started to say, before pausing when the realisation hit her. Henry had already starting stumbling towards the nest, his arms outstretched.

‘No, stop Henry!’ she cried as the cockatrice raised its head, slowly turning towards him. ‘Whatever you do, do not make eye contact!’

The troll let out a bellow but nonetheless screwed up his eyes tightly as the cockatrice turned on him, leaping forwards with its jaws wide open. It bounced off his thick hide, rolling around on the floor for a moment before taking anther shot at him. Carmine saw she was going to have to intervene, if she was to keep her hunter.

‘Hey you!’ she called, picking up a small handful of pebbles at the creature. As she did, she reached with her other hand into her handbag.. ‘Over here!’ she added in a louder voice, tossing a larger rock This time the cockatrice took notice of her and slowly turned in her direction, rising up with its fangs bared.

She screwed up her eyes and held up her mirror, expecting to feel the jaws of the creature at any moment. When she didn’t, she cautiously opened her eyes again, to see a stone statue of the cockatrice standing in front of her, forever prised to attack. She smiled, stepping forward to claim the giant egg as her own.

‘Now Henry,’ she said, prodding him to uncover his eyes. ‘Lets go cook an omelette.’


~

Back in the kitchen, the preparation of the omelette was going swimmingly. Carmine danced around the stove, her hands seeming to blur as she tossed ingredients from pan to pan. Henry stood beside her, obediently beating the cockatrice’s egg in a mixing bowl.

Once it was ready, Carmine took the bowl and poured it into the largest frying pan. The creamy mixture of the cockatrice’s egg was then mixed with finely grated West Country farmhouse cheddar cheese, Danish bacon, and freshly picked mushrooms, before being brought back up to full heat. A pinch of herbs later, and it was ready.

‘Enjoy,’ she said as she curtseyed before the judges, placing down the dish for their consideration.

[Demonjazz]

The color drained from Dyck's face. “Breakfast... Ah! Of course it would have to be breakfast!... Guys... I suck at breakfast!”
Everybody gasped in surprise. Sabaku was the first to talk. “What! How can you be bad at breakfast! You know how to cook everything from Irish Potato stirfry to Rocksalt Bullworms!”
“... Sabaku. You have known me for many years. Can you name something that I have cooked for breakfast that wasn't leftovers?”
“Well... There was that omlet... No that was leftovers. Uh... You make coffee! Great coffee!”
“Exactly! I'm not a morning person Sabaku! I always make large dinners just to have leftovers to make in the morning. I barely know what people even cook for breakfast!”
“Well... Hey! Uh... You can learn it from us! So... Item 1 is coffee!”
Dyck took a deep breath before continuing. “... Okay. We can make this work. So we'll have coffee... Sabaku what do you eat for breakfast?”
“Uh... Well my mom used to make some really good biscuits.”
“Good, Coffee, biscuits. Clarineta what do you eat for breakfast?”
“Well my pa sure did know how to cook a good sausage.”
“Okay, this is starting to add up to something good. I'm great at sausage. Now Tom, it's your turn.”
“Ah. My master was very fond of eggs... I hated eggs. I think he was trying to test me.”
“Yeah, we can keep this going. Drumette, you can provide the last crucial ingredient for this.”
The punkette looked increasingly nervous under the gaze of the tall man staring down at her. “Uh... Cigarettes. Cause I'm tough.”
“Drum, honey. I need something. You have to be honest with me.”
“Uh... Whiskey.” She blurted out, not noticing that she backed herself up in a corner.
“We already have a drink, Drum. You have to tell me! I swear I won't tell anybody else”
Drum looked for any means of escape which she didn't find. “... Uh... Uh... I'VE EATEN ICECREAM EVERY MORNING SINCE I WAS 18!” She finally shouted at the top of her lungs. “I make it at like 4am when you guys aren't looking! It's the real reason that I go to bed so early! It's also where all our rock salt goes when you guys aren't looking! I try to replace it, but sometimes I forget to, and it's missing and I feel really bad when we need it! Especially since there's an argument every time it happens on who used it last, and I always lie about it!” Drumette let out a sigh of relief. “I doubt that will help though.”
“No. No. I think that might just be the one thing to save us.”
“Really?”
“Not really, but I also like ice cream more than I should. Now hurry up! I'm going to need a gallon of beer,and hot Italian sausages!”

Dyck had changed into a Kiss the Cook apron, and was ordering those around the kitchen. “Come on! Hurry up, hurry up. We don't have all day. Tom do you have my Phoenix egg? I needed that five minutes ago!”
Tom handed over the egg. “Yes. I had to defeat three men to get this. Please be careful with it.”
Tom immediately tossed it through the air over to Sabaku shouting “Hey! Catch buddy!”The little guy scrambling to catch it. Diving, and getting it the second before it dropped to the ground.
“Are you insane, Dyck! If that thing burst open this entire place could go up in flames in a matter of minutes! It'd be like letting Rambo loose in the Soviet Union! Utter devastation!”
“Well if you're going to fight the thing than you better have the reaction time to catch an egg.”
“Fig... Fight the thing! Have you gone mad, Dyck! Phoenix's are nurtured by the living flame of their previous life! If you crack this open then that flame is immediately going to make an attempt on your life, and anyone around it! And you just want me to crack that thing open, and have it scrambled! Is this even ethical? This thing probably had a full life ahead of it.”
“They aren't an endangered species. I'm sure the Phoenixes will be fine. I'll be in the next kitchen over making the biscuits.”
“What are those made of, Sea Dragon eggs? The things I do for you.” Sabaku shouldered his gun, and started to insert a couple of shells into it. “Well it's best that I start with the set up.”

Sabaku prowled the catwalk as he hooked up the last few bits and bobs. Finally he dropped the egg onto a frying pan below. Sudden spires of flame igniting the air, burning several catwalks as it coalesced into the form of a bird. Wings shimmering a rainbow of colors, beak flaring as a white flame as an earth-shattering caw was heard. “Who dare awakes a phoenix from his slumber!”
“Salt!”
“Salt who?”
“I'm A-salt-ing you!” Sabaku lamely quipped, laughing far too much at his own joke. Shooting at the beast. His shot hitting causing a section of the beast to suddenly freeze before it melted in seconds against the body of the phoenix. The beast cawed in anger, breathing fire in the direction of the punk. The “Pfft” sound of compressed air being released heard as Sabaku zipped across the ceiling with his grapnel launcher; taking another shot as he did so. “Neeeh! I would have thought an immortal being like yourself would have a better shot.”
Another shot of flame missed, as the phoenix took flight.“A mortal dares to mock me!” He said swooping down to be met face to face with an explosion of frost. A large fan coming on, and sending the phoenix hurtling into another exploding canister, quickly being followed up by another shell from Sabaku's gun.
A mischievous grin spread across Sabaku's face. “Listen here! This mortal has got a bag of tricks longer than your lifespan! So I think it's best you shut your mouth!” He grabbed a small cherry-bomb sized device. “This bomb right here has enough destructive power to freeze an entire football field on the molecular level. Or in other words cold enough to freeze a Phoenix's heart.” Sabaku pressed the button on the bomb causing it to send sparks trailing across the surface ... It short circuited. Sabaku gave a nervous laugh “Ehehehe...” He turned around and started running like a mad man “********************************!”
A white blur of movement catapulted over kitchen appliance after kitchen appliance. A phoenix melting everything in it's wake. Scared shouts, and cries of things like“Oh no! My cake!”, or “Oh no! My fish! It's ruined!”, and “Oh no! My entire fridge!” or even “ACH! MEIN LIEBEN!”
The Flame of The Salt Desert was digging through his bags “Come on Sabaku! You've got to have something in here that will help you!” He pulled out a group of shuriken. Immediately throwing them behind him. The sound of somebody being hit with one of them being heard in the distance. He then pulled out a blowdryer, a rubber chicken, three paper clips, and a straw. He looked at them for a bit before shaking his head “No. I'd need a squirrel, and a coconut for that plan.” He pulled out a banana peel “... No slapstick isn't going to win him over either.” Finally he pulled out a large Rambo knife while spying a freezer in the distance. “... Yeah! You can make this work!” He catapulted over another set of tables as the phoenix followed him, pushing people out of the way. Sliding, weaving, and jumping towards his destination. Until his luck finally ran out as he tripped mere feet away from a huge wall freezer getting his foot caught on the way. The phoenix closed in on him.
“Any last words you foolish mortal man!”
“Uh... Yeah... I really hope this works!” Sabaku threw his knife. Slicing in twain a coolant pipe spewing the industrial grade cooling towards the phoenix that recoiled in shock. Sabaku got up, and ran towards his knife stuck to the back of a wall. Quickly removing it, and going to slice another freezer, and another, and another, and another. Until finally the phoenix shriveled up, and left only another egg. He shoved into one of the still operational freezers as he surveyed the damage he caused.
“... I'm not going to pay for any of these damages!” He yelled, picking up a wine bottle off the table as he guzzled down a quarter of it before throwing it at the head of a random chef “I'm also not paying any of your medical bills! Especially that guy's **** all of you!!”Sabaku left flipping everybody off on the way.

After a lengthy debate between Dyck, and Mr M Nado on the nature of insurance, bills, fault, and measures they could have easily put in to prevent any of this. Occasionally Sabaku cutting in to insult one of them. Dyck finally finished his breakfast.
He started passing out the plates to his friends. “The first course is beer marinated hot Italian sausage a favorite of Caravan barbecues that I learned from my time as a guard. With a side of biscuits to counterbalance the spiciness of the meat. The biscuits taking a more down to earth, homely taste reminiscent of Southern Cooking. And a fine iced coffee to makes sure that gets you to wake up in the morning.” Dyck paused. “So... How do you guys like it?”
Clarineta looked up from her already emptied “Huh, you say something Dyck?”
“Yeah, I think he was talking 'bout the chemistry of his meal or something.” Sabaku added giving a loud burp. “Compliments to the chef, buddy. It's delicious in case you were wondering” He said giving a thumbs up.
Dyck handed out of the next course. “Next we have a phoenix egg omelet, our main course. A carefully filled omelet that uses the phoenix's natural flame li-”
“... This omelet is on fire.” Tom pointed out blankly.
“Yes. I've used it to actually cook the fillings while you eat it so that you can hav-”
“Oh... Was that on purpose. I put the flame out.”
“Tom... How did you even do that!?”
“Simple... I punched the flame.”
“Anyway what do you think everybody?”
Tears of joy were running down Sabaku's face “Oh god! Knowing I kicked ass to get this makes it taste so much better. It's like an angel descended into my mouth!”
“Better than anything you cooked before, I reckon.” Added Clarineta.
“Eating flaming food is metal as ****, man!”
Tom was the only one with a sour look on his face. “I hate eggs.”
Dyck quickly put out the dessert. “And to help you cool off from all that fire is the dessert. Chilled to perfection is a selection of fine vanilla ice cream coated in shredded coconut. What does our local ice-cream expert think?”
“It was great... But I already ate all of it... But it was so good!” Drumette's wiped tears out of her eyes. “And now it's all gone.”

Sabaku kicked Dyck in the shin. Dyck lowering his head down to meet his. “Should we tell her that we made like 20 more than we needed?”
“Nah. I think it's better this way.” Dyck smirked as he saw Drumette stare longingly at the empty plate.

[Garjel_blah]

At the signal, Pepper dived into her go-to choice for an exotic breakfast... Stuffed and barbecued chilies.

"Now let's see if any of this kitchen stock has enough kick to it." she said to her crew, dropping a crate of assorted chilies, pepper, and common Aztec mandrake (appropriately gagged for OH&S reasons). Her sister Wasabi reached tentatively for one of the fiery pods of chemically induced stomach-cramps, earning herself a whack on the hand with a glowing yellow spoon.
"Aaaoooooow!" Wasabi moaned, nursing errant digits as Pepper deactivated her all-purpose piece of hardlight kitchenware, the MealWand Pro™.
"You know our procedure, Bibi." Pepper chastised her sister. "We can't allow for structure within the plant tissues to introduce textural bias; the samples must be powdered before tasting." Her hardlight multitool formed itself into a taut riding crop, which she struck against the kitchen counter to bring her group to attention.
Everyone knew that things got serious when Pepper brought out the Riding Crop™

"Listen up team! We have two hours and fifty seven minutes to make Bibi a stuffed barbecue chili breakfast, and we all know that only the spiciest stuffed and barbecued chilis will satisfy her."
"Inferno!" said Spicy-boy, executing a series of violent fist-pumps in rapid succession.
"Cool it, hotsauce!" Pepper demanded, fractionally raising her hardlight crop at the fire elemental like a penal omen. "Now, the stuffing and barbecuing will be easy; myself, and in time Spicy-boy will deal with that no problem. But choosing the right chili for my insane sibling, without access to my own stock; that's a whole other matter. We're going to need to have Wahid and Ithnan working to sort and grind up each variety of chili, and Gypsum assess their capsaicin purities. This will be the limiting factor for our time limit, so I need you operating fast, and with purpose. Today you are not chefs, you are analysts, and I need results. Get moving."

As one, the team sprang to work. The twin aides Wahid and Ithnan dropped pants and donned industrial gas masks and gloves as they set to work sorting through the jumbled collection of chilis, while Pepper Scoville herself began prepping her space for a more conventional task. Wasabi Scoville watched from the sideline, stomach growling in anticipation...
And from the catwalks above, one judge in particular looked on with great interest...

---

An hour and a half later, Pepper's plan was at the height of full swing. Gyspum snuffled blearily as she scribbled a down quick note on the back of a chili-dust encrusted envelope.
"Not a serious contender that one *sniff*, you can ignore the rest of that mandrake variety." she announced. Across the table from her Ithnan nodded his gas mask, sweeping aside a stack of homunculus-shaped vegetables in varying states of maceration, and sliding a fresh plate her way. On the plate was a single line of pungent chili powder.
Steeling herself, Gypsum dutifully leaned her crystal head over the counter, one finger blocking a single delicate nostril. Her body seized as she snorted along the line of fine powder.
"Wooooah that's tight!" she sniveled enthusiastically, blowing powder all over her face and the table top as she quickly righted herself. The mineral alien hastened to scrawl and update, as the other twin Wahid set about grinding down a new sample.

Meanwhile, Pepper was wrapping up things on her end as she whisked her chili stuffing with the aid of her self-driven rotating MealWand. So intent was she on applying the finishing touches, that she almost didn't notice a spectator arrive at her side.
"Looks ravishing, mon belle amie." said Madame Fruit d'Eau. "Oh, and the food seems good too."
Pepper shot the judge a dash of the old Sour™. "It's a cheesy guacamole stuffing with bacon and pine nuts." she informed her.
"I can see that." said Fruit. "But that sounds a little mild for my Peppér does it not?"
"The stuffing is." Pepper admitted. "But where it's going certainly won't be." She nodded toward the production line of chili powder, where Gypsum was currently snorting another line of what could've passed as brimstone flavoured cocaine.
"Ah..." said Fruit, satisfied. "Normality is restored."
"What is it you want, Fruit?" Pepper asked the other model/chef brusquely. "As you know I have a deadline to meet."
"You mean making breakfast for your hunter, that animal sister of yours?" Her contempt was mirthful. "You may as well just scoop kibble into a bowl, save yourself some grey hairs."
"Fruit..."
"Excusez moi, I should be more professional, no? I just wanted to say 'salut' to an old industry contemporary. Oh, and suggest a little something zesty for your filler..."
Madame d'Eau produced half a vibrant citrus-looking fruit, squeezing a couple of drops into the stuffing mixture. She smiled sweetly.
"Bon appétit!"

Pepper watched the judge go with a kind of awed indignation. That woman could be so annoyingly stylish at times...

---

With less than ten minutes left on the clock, Gypsum had at last found the purest of all chilies in stock, and all hands that were not literally on fire were hard at work slicing them into halves and loading them with great dollops of cheesy guac.
"You checked the time, sis?" Wasabi called out.
"I am aware, that we are slightly behind schedule!" Pepper called back, making a great effort to keep her voice level. "I think I have a plan though. Spicy-boy, you're going to need to make this an emergency landing barbecue."
Spicy-boy stood impassive behind his shades, arms folded and leaning at a jaunty angle. He had an air about him that didn't warrant asking questions twice.
"Ok, get ready then."

Shortly, the stuffed chilies were ready for the grill, and people took up their positions. At one end of the aisle stood Wasabi, poised like a catcher. At the other, Spicy-boy stood squared off against her, Pepper off to the side with a bowl full of half a dozen uncooked stuffed chilies.
"Last minute!" Wasabi warned.
"I know!" said Pepper, taking out one of the chilies. "Ok, on your mark... Get set... Go!"
Pepper tossed up the stuffed chili, arcing in through the air towards Spicy-boy. The flame elemental watched it fall, hopping dynamically from foot to foot, and quick as a flicker lashed out at it mid flight.
"Inferno!" he yelled, kicking the chili. It flash-grilled in a burst of alluring aromas and smoke, flying down the aisle toward Wasabi. Right on its heels, Pepper threw another chili, then another. Spicy-boy struck them down as they came, one at a time.
"Inferno."
"Inferno!"
"Inferno..."
"Inferno!"
"Inferno!!!"
And at the end of the aisle, Wasabi caught and swallowed every single spicy BBQ projectile that came her way.

The time expired, and for a moment the hunter stood bent double, digesting. Then she rocked back on her heals and let loose a belch of cheesy guac fire.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" she screamed. "THAT WAS AMAZING! CAN WE DO IT AGAIN?"
"We can do it with your medication, Bibi." suggested Pepper wearily.
Bibi pulled a face.
"Ew..."

[Demonjazz]

The contestants after their slaving in the kitchen were sent to their luxury suites complete with advanced facilities everything from a fully stocked exercise, and training room, and then there was the luxurious spa with some of the most skilled masseuse on hand, not to mention the to die for mud bath, and sauna. Of course there was standard pool, and luxury hot tubs, and the like but that was the least one could comment on. There was the courtyard, there was the standard paths, and benches, and trees and the little birds flitting about in between the trees singing a melodic tone, and the bees buzzing between the flowers. But there was also much more exotic locale. Somehow bending the laws of nature, and physics occasionally behind a fence, and gate it would change to a completely different environment with neat little signs stating what biome it was. Of course for those not outdoor inclined there was a major selection of things to do in doors too. There was 6 different movie theaters playing, a fully stocked arcade, a shooting range, a greenhouse housing all sorts of exotic plants, meditation rooms, zen gardens, skate parks, restaurants, cafes, and of course laundry. It seemed that their all expenses paid rooms for the challenges had everything for the contestants... That is everything except room service. Either way contestants were finally able to relax as they finally sank into the satin sheets of their beds Getting a well-earned night's rest as they wandered what tomorrow had in-store for them.

At 6 AM sharp each contestant woke up to individual buckets of water being dropped onto them regardless of if they were awake or not. This was quickly followed by 6 different identical men in blue polyester shirts going into their rooms banging pots, and pans together shouting “Up, and At'Em! We just scared off the moon, old men just woke up, and you've got a contest to get to!” The big bouncer looking men then directed all of the contestants out of the room. Forming a wall of muscle behind all of the contestants as they led them down a hall. It opened up into a very industrial looking cafeteria room. The type that you would imagine being in a car factory. The breakfasts they made yesterday laid out in a semi-organized style. A good hour, or possibly two passed until a monitor dropped out of the ceiling it was The Agent yet again; this time far too close to the camera as he used it to check if there was anything in his teeth. “Hey, you're on in half an hour, babies! You better finish up quick cause you don't want any cramps. We're going swimming today!”
The wall of blue-shirted men continued to push the contestants along as they entered a long hall way being lead to a set of doors. As they were opened the contestants were bombarded with a cacophony of cheers. They opened into a coliseum seeming to hold hundreds of thousands perhaps even millions of fans shouting down at their favorite cooks, and hunters. Some holding up signs declaring their love, others dressing up as their idols, some groups together spelling out messages with their painted chests, a couple people looking incredibly shy, and waiting for senpai to notice them, yet more shouting their heads off in an attempt to somehow be louder than everyone else, a couple of groups getting together, and chanting something, only to be drowned out by another group chanting something different, fights even breaking out between the groups before large bouncerish men broke it up at random intervals, still others staring pointedly at each other just waiting for a fight to break out between them. People of all shapes, and colors coming from all walks of life, Desert Dwellers, Scotsman, Gourmatigines, flame elementals, cat girls, cyborgs, shape shifters, elves, fairies, a dragon, amd even a couple of demons seemed to somehow infect the ranks of the audience.
A familiar face, and voice appeared on a huge telescreen quieting everyone down. It was the Agent from earlier. “Hello, and welcome citizens of Tennder Firma, and beyond! My name is Agent Smith, although the ladies call me Smith-san” He winked, a couple of women fainting in the audience. “I am your announcer for this decade's DIAMOND CHEF TOURNAMENT! The one cooking, and fighting tournament that the entire world looks forward too each year! Even the ICPA president himself has ventured from the depths of space to come here!” The announcer gestured upwards to a sky box with frosted glass. A vague shadow being cast on it of a tall, muscular man with broad shoulders. “Of course we aren't here for that. We're here for the fights, and I'm here to announce today's theme is...” An honest to god, drum roll was done “SEAFOOD! We're talking underwater excursions into pirate ships people. Let's cut to the main battleground builder to get the details now.”
The screens changed to a scientist in a lab coat on a rocky beach trying to talk over the sounds of the winds, and the waves crashing into the beach. “That's right Smith! This battlefield was made based around investigating the ruins of a sunken pirate ship filled with monsters! We're talking giant moray eels, Electric Nautli, Ox Oysters, Poisonous Slug Monkeys, Box Jellyfish which hide themselves as boxes, Seacandy Kelp, even some of the musical Rockstarfish have been imported into the environment Our primary target today is that of The Battle Crab”
http://i.imgur.com/5mjhn24.jpg
“Scientific Name: Spartacus Crustaceus. As you can see here this crab still has the basic crushing and tearing appendages that some varieties of crab have, but has developed them to be even more deadly with having them be a giant meat tenderizer, and a giant knife respectively for the crushing and tearing. Of course this is probably the least of the worries from this beast. It's hyper advanced carapace will be incredibly hard to damage and look... It has spikes on it. But that is even if you can get to it as you will have to make it's way past both it's laser eyes, and it's rocket chest barrage. And even if you can get past his ranged attacks there is the Gatling guns that pop out on his underside. Scientists including me have often wondered how this creature developed such ingenious defenses that humanity had to reverse engineer years later, myself included... This is a very good question which we unfortunately do not have the time to answer.”
The screen cut back to Agent Smith. “Enough of that. We all know what we're here for! The fights! Contestants please enter the hallways with your names on it. Today the fights are...”

SABAKU vs THE SCOVILLE SISTERS
LIBERTY vs BARTHOLOMEW
MEALZEBUB vs LADY ROSEWOOD

OOC: Voting starts today. Please vote for the top three people you believe should win. You can vote for anybody you want regardless of if they are fighting each other or not. This can also be a time for you to post anything in flashbacks before the matches begin, or just talk it out with the other contestants before the match begins.

[Godzillarich]

Before the first round, Last night

Ms. Wahidana walked down the hall with a stuffed animals in hand. “The Pint-size guys pretty cool, got all these wonderful atuffed animals at the arcade, truly a master at the Claw machines.”

Suddenly a sound got her attention “Woff” A little dog made as it walked into the hallway.

Wahidana slightly blushed as she put down her stuffed animals. “Aw such a cute little animal, and what’s your name Little guy?”

The dog looked up at the frog woman. “I’m your new pet.” It mumbled as its eyes glowed.

Wahidana eyes started to glow too as her smile Turned into a blank expression. “Oh hello Mr. Puggy It’s so good to have you.” She then picked the pug up along with the other stuffed animals. “Let’s get back to our room Puggy.” She said as she walked off pug in hand.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aas1Qrksls
____________________________

Ma Po worked near the kitchen counter in her room, the sense of quiet was relieving to her. Between the dumb bird who didn’t have an inside voice, The suspicious human cook with the troll that’s not supposed to be on this planet, The small egotist with a shotgun and a loudmouth, The crazy guy who like to make food out of his enemies, The carwash sisters and especially that Holier than thou demon, it was nice to actually do her job. she started making a salad out of some plants she found along the hotel, It was incredible how plants you could find on the sidewalk on this planet were on par with professionally grown exotic foods on other planets. She needed to study this stuff more closely if she wanted to win. Luckily the silence made it much more easier for her to do it then if that annoying bird was here.

“WE’RE BACK!” Liberty yelled As he kicked open the door, carrying about 20 stuffed animals.

“Chef Ma Po you would not believe how good this human is at claw machines.” Nukeele said as she carried about 20 more stuffed animals on a back.

“The Flame of the Salt Desert guy got close to beating my stuffed animal count but I’m still undefeated.” Pint-size yelled as he threw some of the stuffed animals onto the bed.

Ma turn to look at them, if she could make an expression it would be of extreme annoyance. “I understand you have a brain the size of a walnut but you can you please stop being a dumbass.”

Liberty put down A bunch of his stuffed animals onto the bed. “Look can you come down for like five seconds, were supposed to be having fun be for the game.”

“We are supposed to be securing a crucial food supply system for are neighboring empires, A lot of people are depending on this. And unlike you I’m not willing to fail my country and my government.”

Liberties eyes slightly widened. “I will never fail my country, I will never fail m…”

“Okay stop before going into another speech” Ma interrupted. “Your country is filled with a bunch of hypocritical control freaks. My country understand the best future and will push everyone along towards it.”

“You mean a future without freedom!” Liberty interjected. “Because I want to want to live in a universe where I won’t have a choice.”

“You don’t have a choice.” Ma yelled back. “You just a pawn that your government will throw out the second they deem you useless.”

Liberty try to interject “We are freed…”

“You are not freedom, your government doesn’t give a **** about you they only care if you do the job. Now do your goddamn job and stop whining!”

Liberty just looked at her as silence filled the room he then turning around and started heading towards the door. “I’m not dealing with this all night…” He said as he opened the door. “I’ll be sleeping somewhere else in the hotel.” He said before slamming the door down.

After liberty left Ma turned back around to work on the salad again. “Those words are wrong…” Pint-size mumbled

“You want to talk about how great Skies Council is too?” Ma said as she turned back around.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyWCpFFovw0

“No how you view yourself.” Pint size interjected. “That last line someone told you. Someone drilled that Line into your head, to accept your role.” Pint-size Headed towards the door. “I Got that drilled into my head so much, Because I was a human, I was worthless and probably should’ve accepted it but then I met a friend maybe that’s all you need.” He then opened the door. “I’m going to talk to liberty, I’ll be back in a little bit.” He then closed the door behind him.

Nukeele kept quiet as all this was going on as soon as Pint-size left she spoke “Are you okay sir?” Nukeele ask that she Walked towards her a stuffed animal in her jaw, she then put down the stuffed rabbit Next to her. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Ma Patted her on the head. “I’m not angry at you, not even that bird. I’m just frustrated that’s all, it’s been a long day.”

Just then Wahidana came into the room with a pug. “I got a new pet guys, his name is Puggy.”

Ma mumbled “that’s good, Maybe you should get some sleep.”

[Godzillarich]

“Where’s the bird at, he was supposed to be here 5 minutes ago.” Ma mumbled as she tapped her foot on the beach.

“Maybe he just overslept.” Nukeele Replied as she was loading stuff onto the boat. “Five minutes is no big deal.”

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/45/bb/ee/45bbee261afb107a9a1973bf30562049.jpg

“I don’t want to blow this trading deal Just because he wanted to sleep in.” Ma grumbled as she looked towards the hotel.

Just then Liberty came walking onto the beach along with Pint-size. “Is everyone here ready to go hunting?” Liberty yelled as he stretched his arms.

Ma Looked at him with annoyance. “Where were you last night’s and why did you take so long?”

Liberty rubbed his eyes. “It took me a while to find a
bed, luckily I was able to find the perfect place to sleep, It was a small green cabin with two doors on the top and some nice black pillows.

Ma Looked at him silently for a second. “I’m pretty sure that was a dumpster.”

“Still better than sleeping with you.” Liberty replied as he continued to stretch.

“Did you just use snark on me or are you really that unself-aware?” Ma look to confusion.

“Come on let’s get this crab!” Liberty suddenly yelled as he completely ignored Ma question.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB1BwD7xmM0

A gelid wind tousled the ocean surface, and Taro Azuma shivered.

"Are you cold, Taro?" Ouiu asked the boy as he operated on the intricate tubing and circuit tissues in her throat. The screwdriver he had lodged in her trachea with quivering hands did not seem to disconcert the cyborg adolescent in the slightest as she added the finishing touches to her sandcastle, though it did give a reverberating aspect to her words.

"N-n-ny-no miss." he lied. "But it does look dreadfully cold in the water. And knowing that thing resides within..."
Taro left the thought unfinished, extracting his tools from Ouiu's throat and closed shut the access hatch.
"You'll not drown at least, miss. I've seen to it that your gill filters are in order, which should in combination with your anaerobic respirators provide enough metabolic energy for you to function underwater."
"Sweet."
Ouiu stood up, stepping careful steps around her sandcastle.
"Thank you Taro."
Taro bared his chattering teeth in a grin.

Then Ouiu turned away from him, and regarded Liberty with a >:3
"So does this make you a seagull, then?" she queried innocently.

Liberty turn towards Ouiu, the smell of trash covering every part of his body. “Hey it’s those two from the arcade last night.” Liberty said with a smile, “I see her here for the hunt…” He then started to look around so where’s your boat or your hunting partner for that matter?”

"Boat?" asked Ouiu with a **** of the eyebrow. "I have a cook, he's taking a leak over the dune yonder. Did we need a boat?"

“It’s pretty far out into the sea, it’s best to just take transportation instead of tiring ourselves out by swimming there.” Ma interjected as she put the last of the supplies onto the boat. “Besides how exactly are you, your cook and the third guy going to make it there or transport the animal back without a boat.”

"They're not coming." explained Ouiu, as Taro breathed a sigh of relief. "And as for the crab, I had intentions of... Floating it back, mayhaps?"

She clapped her hands.
"So we going to do this or not?!"

“You know what? you got to come with us. It seems hardly fair that you would be the only team without a boat.” Liberty suggested as he continued to flex his body. “And your two partners can come with you as well.”

“Wait a second.” Ma interrupted as he pulled Liberty to the side. “Why are you trying to help the enemy? Do you want us to lose?” Ma whispered into his ear.

“I like a fair challenge.” Liberty whispered back. “It wouldn’t be fun if we had the boat as a advantage. Besides it doesn’t matter if we win at all, We are trying to put on a good show and one of the things that would just look awful to the people this planet is us playing unfairly.”

Ma Contemplated this for a second. “Fine they can come along.”

"Auspicious." said Bartholomew as he returned from urinating. "You have my thanks."
"Yeah!" Ouiu agreed, adopting a pose that implied magical friendship and unity, and had peace fingers. "All aboard the dream team! Woo! Make haste!"

She dashed onto the boat, dragging a distressed Taro behind her.

_______________

The middle of the ocean

“Okay we're here.” Ma yelled from the balcony. “The ship should be just below us.” Liberty was wearing a blue swimsuit, goggles, an oxygen tank and a tiny camera on his chest. “Make sure the camera stays on, It’s the only way we can keep track of you two.” She said as she turned on the TV screen sitting on the middle of the boat. “Are you two ready to go?”

“You bet!” liberty yelled as he flexed again.

"Ready!" Ouiu exclaimed. She wasn't wearing any scuba gear, in fact the cyborg hadn't even changed out of her school uniform.
Regardless, she climbed up onto the railing of the ship and pirouetted into the ocean.

“Dive of justice!” Liberty Proclaimed to the highest heaven before diving beneath the waves.
________________

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72J5FPCXSL4

The site beneath the waves was alien to Liberty. The water was crisp and clear, not an inch of pollution. Brightly colored Fishes the size of buses swam in schools, almost looking like cars on an water highway. The coral was massive, almost looking like buildings. A massive squid crossed with the pasta swam by them, so massive in fact Liberty and Ouiu looked like insects by comparison. Hermit crabs the size of Submarines scurried around the ocean floor. In the middle the reef laid an absolutely Gigantic wooden ship.

“The universe never ceases to amaze me…” He then turned to Ouiu who was swimming beside him. “... Have you ever been below the sea like this O?” Liberty asked Ouiu, giving her the nickname O because he was too lazy to pronounce the full name

Ouiu gave a node in her inner ear a dainty twist, tuning her internal receiver to Liberty's communicator frequency so that she could speak through the water.
"Never, Mr Liberty!" she transmitted.

They swam beside the ship, it was rotten and decayed. Most of the holes had eel like Taffy Monsters that were the size of subway trains hiding in them.

“Okay here’s what you need to do…” Ma voice came on the Communicators. “... Try to find a clear opening without one of those eels in them. maybe there’s some clear holes on top of the ship, eels prefer crevices with a side opening...”

“Hey eel can you allow us to use your hole?” Liberty asked one of the giant taffy eel of death.

“Liberty what is wrong with you!” Ma yelled in frustration. “Those things can crush Metal cars with ease what do you think…? As she was finishing that sentence a giant eel flew out of the water and into the air. Ma looked at the eel as it started to come down“...You know I probably should expected that from a hunter…” She then deployed an umbrella from one of her hands. “...Nevermind. carry on Liberty.” She responded before a huge wave of water splashed on everyone on the boat.

Ouiu duck dived into the dark interior of the ship, her retina sparking as their low-light implants elucidated the new space.
"Looks like this hole used to be a gun port!" she transmitted to Liberty. She gasped, which translated as a rather obvious stream of bubbles under the water. "There's even a cannon!"
Ouiu planted her feet on the rotten wooden flooring and heaved the cannon out of its wheeled frame, holding it underslung like an action hero with a minigun.
"Arrrrrr!" she said with a scurvy >:3

Suddenly the two heard the floorboards crackling beneath them. Liberty looked down at the floorboards as they started to shake slightly. “I think we made too much nois…” Suddenly two giant claw ripped through the floor and grabbed Liberty and Ouiu with its knife claws. It then pulled them both below the ship. The room they were pulled into was pitch black. The only source of light came from the crabs glowing red eye. It looked at the two as it started to crash them with its sharp claws. “I can’t move my arms!” Liberty screamed as he tried to move his arms which were currently being crushed by the monsters claws.

Back on the boat

“This went bad really fast!” Wahidana yelled as she looked at the situation on the monitor. She then turned behind her “What are we gonna do M...Ma?” She paused as she noticed Ma was no longer on the boat.

Ouiu was luckier; holding aloft the cannon had meant that her arms were raised out from her body. Though she had dropped the ancient gun when the crab snatched her below deck, her arms were free.
With a swift punch to the malformed claw's hinge, she broke free of the beast.
"Surrender the eagle man, foul crustacean!" Ouiu demanded of the slightly bewildered cyborg crab, and when it did not immediately comply she grabbed it by the claw that had once held her and threw it as if in slow motion through the retardant ocean dankness.

As the crab was thrown it let go of Liberty. Even though Liberty was free he wasn’t in the best shape. He was bleeding immensely from a massive gash on on the front and back of his stomach and arms. “Thank you, O” mumbled as he clenched his Stomach wound. “We can deal with this one crab pretty…” Liberty then noticed something swimming towards them. “WATCH OUT!” He yelled before punching what’s look like to be a giant SUV-sized hammerhead shark that came up behind Ouiu. The force of the punch flung the shark back into the darkness. “So O…” Liberty asked as he noticed a bunch of yellow eyes looking at them from the darkness “... how much credit is there to the “a shark can smell a drop of blood” Saying?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAaAeI-2x_8

"The same is true for urine, they say." Ouiu said, already beginning to backpedal away from that blank deadness that rests in the eye of every 400 million year old apex predator. "Quickly, we must go back up through the hole, we'll be safe there!"
Instead of swimming, which would surely be too slow, Ouiu held Liberty by the oxygen tank in one hand, which extending her other cybernetic hand up on a telescopic wrist to grip the rim of the hole. In this manner she was able to rapidly pull herself and her competitor to safety.

Liberty and Ouiu climbed out of the hole, they then started swimming towards the exit “we’ll have a better position if we take the fight outsi…” Liberty exclaimed before stopping himself. They saw the exit to the ship was being blocked by a bunch of those eels form before. “New plan time.” Liberty told Ouiu before Preparing himself “I’ll take care the eels, you go take care the sharks.” He exclaimed before jumping straight at the eels. “FREEDOM MULTI-PUNCH!” He screamed as he fired a wave of punches at the eels.

Meanwhile at the floor breach separating them from a multitude of circling sharks, Ouiu established herself with a crate of rusty old cannon balls. Every time one of the sleek finned biters passed with teeth bared within her enhanced sight, she pegged a cannon ball at it like a baseball pitcher, sending them away with a few less of those teeth they like to show off so.

"This is bad, Liberty!" Ouiu transmitted. "We don't know where the crab has gone."

Suddenly a giant explosion went off beneath the ship “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Liberty screamed as he, Ouiu and the predatory animals were flung out of the ship and into the open ocean. Liberty try to get his bearings. Most of his of his Gear was gone, Even his breathing apparatus and goggles. He tried to focus his eyes. He saw a blurry thing coming right towards him. He tried his best to prepare himself but he still hadn’t completely got his bearings back. It look like it was over for justice…

(Slash)

“I thought you could handle yourself better…” A voice mumbled to liberty as he Focused his eyes at the person he could barely hear. “... than again I probably should’ve known Fighting under water would have restricted your skills.” Ma said as she swam in front of liberty, the corpse of a sliced eel behind her.

“Let’s find that little girl and get you back to the surfac…” Suddenly the crab busted out of ship. It looked at Liberty and Ma and pointed its weaponry at them. “Oh ****…” Ma mumbled Right before the crab fired a ****ton of missiles at them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsYdLeeHiu0

"Get behind me!" a voice transmitted to Ma, and then Ouiu was on the scene, floating between injured Liberty and the missile barrage. A hatch in her left shoulder slid open, a tartan sack bursting out like a shoe-box sized parachute. Pipes extended like spines from the sack, and in the span of a second Ouiu had them arranged into a full set of bag-pipes, her secret weapon.

The missiles were bare metres away when Ouiu took a deep breath of filtered air, and began to play.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l99S8o2IfXE

The initial sonic explosion sent out a pulse that sundered the section of ocean immediately in front of Ouiu like a parting in the Red Sea, creating a gulf of empty space from the coral-encrusted ocean floor to its wave-strewn surface. The empty space generated by the cyber-Scot rushed ever-outward from its point of origin, intercepting with the missiles before they could hone in on their intended target. Since they were designed (or evolved, as the announcers had dubiously insisted) to function underwater (which I suppose makes them torpedoes rather than missiles), their sudden suspension in sub-optimally dense thin air left them completely bereft of motion.

Arrested by the sonic barrier, the barrage of explosives halted in mid air and fell to the ocean floor like bombs, detonating one by one and making sashimi of any bottom-dwellers unfortunate enough to be caught in the crossfire. With the threat averted, Ouiu ceased playing, bringing the ocean slapping back together in a wild maelstrom of coral detritus and fish chunks.


“Let’s get back to the surface. We can deal with the crab later!” Ma yelled to Ouiu as She started swimming to the surface as fast as she could with the crab giving chase.

Back at the surface

Ma and Liberty emerged from the deep. Liberty was in pretty rough shape, being covered in scars and burn marks from the explosion. “Thank you…” Liberty simply said as he finally got his bearings back. He then started looking around frantically. “Wait, where’s O?” As soon as Liberty finish that sentence the giant crab came out of the ocean holding Ouiu between It’s pincers, it then threw her, slamming her into the boat. The crab then look down at Liberty and Ma.

“Hopefully she’s fine now…” Ma replied before deploying her knife hand. “Are you still able to fight?”

Liberty started cracking his knuckles “Now that the giant crustacean can’t pull anymore cheap shots, It should be a cakewalk.”

Meanwhile back on the boat Pint-size was helping Ouiu get back on her feet. “Are you okay?” Pint-size asked.

"Are YOU ok?!" Ouiu snarked, dusting off her sodden school uniform.

“When you work with Liberty long enough you get used to dodging stuff.” Pint-size replied Before turning his attention back to the crab.

“DOUBLE INNER FREEDOM!” Liberty yelled as his muscles expanded to twice their normal size. “SUPER FREEDOM PUNCH!” He yelled as he punched the crab straight in the stomach knocking the beast back a bit and cracking its shell. The crab then tried to slash at Liberty with its claws but was parried by Ma knife hand. “Let’s see how you like being cut up.” She yelled before slashing at the beast's arm partially cutting through its thick exoskeleton.

Pint-size then looked back at everyone on the boat. “We can’t just sit here, We got to do something.”

The crab zig-zagged backwards on its extended crab legs, moving out of the range of further punches. With a whirring clamour, a minigun dropped down from underneath the chitinous body, the triplex barrels spinning up.
"Who's driving?!" Ouiu squawked with some panic as a veritable hailstorm of munitions tore towards the boat. There was scarcely any time to respond before the party found themselves diving for cover, the deck around them spraying up shrapnel and sparks as the bullets struck.
"Oh poop!" Ouiu cursed as a bullet ricocheted off of her metal skull mere milliseconds before she found shelter. She felt the graze, which burned an angry red-hot to her touch, and in that moment felt deeply displeased with the situation...

Liberty jumped out the water. “Justice uppercut!” He yelled before punching the mini gun. The force of the punch caused the barrels of the gun to go flying off The monstrous crab body. “Taste the power freedom Mother****er! TRIPLE INNER FREEDOM PILEDRIVER!” He screamed before laying down his magnificent piledriver directly into the crab’s face. The force of the piledriver caused the beast to go to plunge down beneath the waves like a speeding bullet. Bits and pieces of its armor including one of its claws flew up into the air. “That’s wasn’t so ba…” Liberty mumbled before he started falling.

“I got you birdbrain.” Ma said as she catch him as he fell to the water. ma then turned her attention to the massive claw. “...It would’ve be nice to get the whole body but this will do.” She said as she grabbed the massive call with the other hand. “Okay let’s get you on the boat.” Ma said as she climbed onto the boat with liberty and the prize. Liberty looked exhausted and all his muscles seem to be gone making him look extremely skinny . “I hope this is big enough for both of…”

Right before she finish that sentence the Crab emerged from the sea. It was missing it’s arm and had cracks all over its body. Stared straight at the boat pulling out the Weapons it had in its body, from lasers, to rocket launchers, to machine guns and cannons. “Well ****!” Ma yelled as she got her knife hand out.

It wouldn't do any good though; for the crab had moved well and truly out of striking range by this point, planning to destroy its prey from a distance.
"Would someone please drive this thing! I don't have a boat-driving licence!" Ouiu complained as three ballistic missiles rocketed into the air above them. Once again there was little time to act, so the cyborg took it upon herself.

Sprinting to the back of the boat, Ouiu kicked off from the stern with such force that it propelled the boat out of the targeted zone of water, whilst sending her leaping over the ocean surface with equal and opposite momentum. The ballistics screamed as they plunged into the water one at a time, bear metres from their intended foe.

But where was Ouiu?

The crab looked at the boat, then to the space right next to it where he would have expected her to enter the water. Ripples radiated not from a point, but a line, extending further off from the boat, almost as if she'd skipped like a flat stone on the water...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX6OpKcnyKI

Following the ripples with its stalked red eyes, the crab glowered in displeasure as it found the cyborg still sprinting full-pelt across the ocean, fast enough to overcome its surface tension.

"Always wondered if this would work!" Ouiu chirped to herself, before noticing that the crab had tracked her movements, and its minigun was spinning back into motion.
It was time to put on the game-face...

>:3

Ouiu ducked and swerved as bullets pelted the water around her. With a spray of water large enough to belie a breaching whale's presence, she made a near 180 degree change of direction, changing course from circling around the crab to hurtling right its way.

The crab barely had time to adjust its aim before- BAM!
Its ungainly shell tilted alarmingly as Ouiu slammed her passing fist through one of its six spindly cyborg legs, causing the leg to crumple under the creature's weight.
It adjusted quickly, redistributing its legs to remain upright out of the water, stalked eyes still tracking their target as she resumed her circling - this time in the other direction.

The minigun slowed to a halt, deemed ineffective, and in its place the red glow of the crab's eyes pulsed with renewed power.
"Uh oh." said Ouiu, just in time for dual laser beams to be unleashed from the glowing stalks. They both struck at a point just in front of her, vapourising her intended path almost right out from under her feet. Ouiu leaped through the plume of steam, stumbling as she made a blind landing on the water just beyond.

The Crabs laser eye then started to gow a bright. “Lock on Systems initiating.” A robotic voice mumbled.

“Oh ****…” Pint-size mumbled before running towards the wheel of the Boat.

“What are you doing!?” Ma asked pint as he started working the controls.

“Not being useless…” Pint said to Ma “...That crab Is going to roast her unless we do something.” He then pointed to the side of the boat. “You’re the only one on the boat who can still harm the crab, I’ll bring the boat close you do the rest.”

Normally Ma wouldn’t listen to a child but at this point would she have to lose. “Okay!” she responded before getting position.

“All right then, everyone hang on.” Pint yelled before hitting the gas and having the boat rocket towards the crabs other main leg.

As they got closer Ma held out her knife hand. “Okay Ma, you’re pretty good at cutting food cutting a monster shouldn’t be that hard...”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJpT_wHZeF8

She thought to herself before closing her eye. “... Just concentrate.”

(slash!)

The Crab Wiggled in pain as it’s other leg was cut off by Ma knife. The pain throw the crabs aim off just barely missing Ouiu.

Ouiu ran around the off-target eye beams, pelting straight towards the heavily leaning crab. With a single bound she traversed the vertical gap between the water and the lowest edge of the crab's flat body.
She was on top of the crab as it hobbled away from the boat on its four remaining legs.
"Sup >:3" said Ouiu to the crab.

Its eyes snapped around, completely reversing themselves to look at the girl on its back. With an angry jitter and a thermionic tone, the crab prepared to annihilate Ouiu at point blank with its twin lasers.
"Really Mister Crab, trying to vapourise a little girl?" Ouiu admonished, stepping towards the brightening red eyes. "I think you should take a good long look at yourself!"

With that Ouiu grabbed hold of the two eye stalks, and turned them to face each other. They fired only a second later, the two lasers blasting through each other in a single beam of red. The crab stiffened, its singled claw and four legs quivering as its eye beams fed into each other, ever growing in intensity as Ouiu held them steady. Even she could feel the heat building steadily as the power coursing between her hands amplified again, and again, and again...

Sparks and smoke began to billow out from other cybernetic components, and in good time they began to generate heat themselves. The crab was cooking itself with its own cyborg parts.

And then the two eyes burst, setting off a chain reaction of metal components exploding out from the organic chitin to leave only a steaming shell afloat on the ocean's surface.

"Woo!" Ouiu shouted out, jumping for joy on top of the giant floating crab remains. "We did it! I call dibs on this bit." She tapped her foot on her crab raft.

The girl didn't seem to have realised that her forearms had been melted into blasted stumps from holding onto the overloaded eye stalks for too long.

Liberty started To regain his consciousness along with his muscle mass “Did I miss anything?” Liberty mumbled as he rubbed his head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwdAvuUDaeU

“We did it sir! We got the crab!” Pint-size said as he helped liberty up.

“...That’s good.” Liberty said as he straightened himself out. He then started to walk up to Ma. “...I’m sorry I kinda sucked on my job there.”

“No it was poor planning on my part.” Ma Replied. “... I should’ve known Fighting beneath the waves would have been trouble for you, but whatever at least we’re alive.”

Liberty then started to stretch out his body. “I didn’t know you were that good at combat, you saved my ass twice there.”

“It’s usually smart to know a little self-defense on the side especially when you’re working with an enemy.” Ma told him as she started to get some cables out. “Let’s get this thing hooked up and back to shore.”

“On it!” Liberty yelled as he grabbed one of the cables.

[The JoJo]

Lady Carmine and Henry the Troll vs Mealzebub and Julia

There was little discussion between the contestants as the boat sailed out towards the location of the wreck, bobbing along gently on the calm water. Henry moaned something unintelligible as Lady Carmine fitted the scuba gear around his thick torso, strapping a pair of aqualungs to his back.

"Yes, I know it'll be dangerous," she said briskly as she gave him his harpoon. "You know what to do. We trained for this, remember?"

Henry sighed, and then opened his mouth to receive the regulator. He could see this was one argument he wasn't going to win. He glanced sideways to where their competitors were preparing themselves.

Their competitor, Julia, stood to one side, receiving instructions from Mealzebub. She glared at him as they took their places side-by-side on the edge of the boat, adjusting her plate armour that seemed oddly out of place in a dive. The announcer stood at the end of the boat, holding his nose high in the air.

"Are you ready?" he asked the contestants. There were nods all around. "Ready, set, dive!"

Henry launched himself from the edge of the boat, the cool water chilling him in an instant. He ignored the cold and swam downwards, peering into the murky depths. His ears were beginning to throb from the pressure when he saw the bow of a ship rising up out of the gloom. Its wooden frame was crumbling in places, and there were several large holes in the deck. He swam towards the closest one, his feet touching the weed that lined the rotting planks.

Then, he saw a crab. It wasn’t just any crab, though, but a six-foot monster with claws the size of saucepans and a shell to match it. The crab turned to face him, its eyes glowing as it prepared to shoot its lasers. Henry dived out of the way and reached for the harpoon on his belt, but before he had the chance to even lay a hand on the weapon, he was knocked to one side, hitting his head hard against the wooden deck.

"Ugh!" he moaned, almost spiting out the regulator as he tasted blood. His head spun for a moment, before he got a grip on reality again. Julia was floating above him, her skewing sabre clutched in one hand. He lunged for her, the bullets of the crab's Gatling gun ricocheting off the spot he had been only moments before.

Henry snarled as he dived forward, striking Julia in the chest. She tried to reach for her sabre but he grasped her right wrist, pulling it down while trying to rip off her diving mask with his other hand. She kicked him, though, and he fell away with a groan, clutching at his crotch.

Henry turned his head and saw the crab scuttling towards the pair, its Gatling gun readying itself for a second burst. Somewhere in the depths of his thick skull, he had an idea. Julia dived towards him, and he rolled over, grasping her from behind. She struggled desperately as she realised what he planned to do.

"No!" she screamed, bubbles exploding from her mouth as the crab turned its gun onto her. There was a series of faint clanging sounds, muffled by the water around them, and she fell still.

Henry threw Julia's limp body to one side and charged at the crab, all caution forgotten. A stray bullet grazed his shoulder but he ignored the pain, leaping forward and grasping each side of the crab's shell with his fingers. The crustacean writhed as he pulled it apart, its claws moving wildly until finally, it fell still. He lugged the crab onto his broad back and then his blood ran cold as he felt the salty taste of seawater in his mouth. In the chaos of the fight, his tube had been pierced!

Without a moment to lose, he shrugged off the now useless pair of aqualungs and began to swim upwards, the crab’s carcass slung over one shoulder. With every stroke his energy seemed to dwindle, his lungs bursting for air. His vision began to turn black, and then suddenly… he was free!

He gasped in several lungfuls of air, almost dropping the crab back into the depths as what strength was left in him rapidly drained out. He felt strong arms lifting him and then he was dumped unceremoniously back onto the boat, Lady Carmine looking down at him with a small smile.

"You've done very well today," she said curtly. Henry moaned happily, out of the corner of his eye he could see the limp body of Julia being hauled up onto the other side of the ship, a group of paramedics rushing around her as they struggled to revive her. Whether she lived or died, Henry didn’t really care. The important thing was that he had done his duty to the mistress.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

Jojo,

Excellent!

Regards and admiration,
CrunchGoesMyNut

[Garjel_blah]

Sabaku vs Wasabi

Sabaku, and his crew sat near the edge of the water. Clarineta, and Drum standing superstiously farther away than the others.
"I didn't know there could be so much water in the same place, Drum"
"Yeah... It's a little disturbing. It just goes on like... Forever. And it just doesn't seem to stop."
"Certainly there's gotta be an end though."
"I heard it takes years to get to the other side of an ocean. They're pretty scary."
"And did you see that crab... Never seen something like that in my life, Drum."

Sabaku was busy trying to put on a wet-suit, and scuba gear for the journey underneath. He looked up at his gun, dug through his bag a bit took a bunch of stuff out... Before throwing a rock off the beach with all his might into the ocean. "This ****ing sucks! Half of my weaponry doesn't work underwater!" He kept throwing rocks. "Goddamit! I hate water! Water sucks! I don't even like most seafood! Why would anybody do this!"

Further along the shore, Wasabi Scoville was similarly unhappy with her situation. She sat cross-legged at the edge of the ocean, water lapping around the legs of her own wetsuit, and struck a match against the aluminium casing of her air cylinder. Wasabi lowered the burning match beneath the water as it rose to meet her once more, giving a despondent grimace as it reappeared as a quenched black stain in her fingers.

"Oh my God Bibi! Stop wasting your supplies!" scolded a bikini clad Pepper as she lay sunbathing on a towel further up the beach. "Is a dozen matches not enough to prove to yourself that water puts out fire?"

Wasabi ignored her, flicking the match off into the water and looking sadly over to Sabaku.
"This is no fair!" she wailed at the short desert man.

Tombono looked down at Pepper with folded arms, conspiciously blocking her sun as his master, and Bibi talked about how much this was unfair. "Your attire is very unprofessional. A true warrior should be prepared for a fight at all times. And your fight is in the kitchen. And you are not dressed for such an environment. This leads me to speculate that you must be doing this as a way to distract your opponents. And I will say that it will not work. Both of my masters have strong enough wills that they will not fall for such obvious trickery."
"Like have you ever tried to make an explosive that works under water! It takes a lot of work they should have given me at least a we-" Sabaku stopped midsentence to Bibi as he glanced over to the other sister before snapping back to attention "Sorry about that. Your sister's really hot, you know that? It's really distracting."
Bibi rolled her eyes, but surreptitiously leaned closer towards Sabaku and whispered, "I'll steal you a pair of her panties for 50 bucks, see me after for negotiations."
She winked mischievously, in a way that suggested this wasn't the first time such a deal had been struck.

Meanwhile Pepper lowered her sunglasses at Tombono in a standard Scathing Appraisal™ w/ Gucci™.
"Listen, trombone man. I'm a model. This is what models do. Why don't you go do what other trombone players do, and distract us with your tromboning? Preferably not right in front of my sun, thank you."
It was hard to tell Sabaku's reaction under his bandana. He seemed unaffected for a second by Bibi's offer. He reached through his bag, and brought out a harpoon gun, and started to clean it before he started talking. "I know your type. Can't trust people like you as far as you could throw 'em. A damn wild-card that's liable to black mail you for something that she made you do. And you'll do it just for fun too!" He paused before he lowered his bandana. Revealing his toothy grin. "Lucky for you though! I'm the same way! I'll give you an extra 20 to if you don't tell anybody about this!" He tied the bandana tightly around his head before putting on a pair of goggles. "We'll talk about this later. Tom, Drum, Clara! Play me out will you!"
Tom was about to make a comeback before he was yelled at by his boss. "... I will not fight you on this. But know that I will be watching you if you try anything funny." He got back in line with everybody else as they started up a song.

youtube.com/watch?v=8ZgTIXYAWHo

"Alright!" Wasabi cheered, her mood brightened by commerce and sibling rivalry. "Hey Peps, I'm going in! Give me a hand with my kit?"
Pepper stood and sauntered over, heaving the dual oxygen cylinders and buoyancy vest onto her sister's back. Wasabi fidgeted in the straps.
"Feels weird." she complained. "I miss my jetpack already..."
Pepper shrugged. The temptation to bemoan her greasy sister for her over-attachment to combustible hardware was there, but so was the need to be supportive of a teammate out of their element.
"From a certain point of view, it basically is a jetpack once you're in the water." she suggested.
Bibi considered this.
"Because it still sprays out fuel, but into your mouth instead of straight down?"
"Something like that yeah..." Peps said uncertainly. "I more meant the whole floating and buoyancy thing. You've used SCUBA gear before right?"
"Nope! But Gypsum walked me through it."
"You realise that she doesn't even know how to breathe, don't you?"
"Doesn't need to eat either, but she's still a chef! The world can be strange sometimes... Like you're not even pretty, but you're still a model!"
"Ha ha." Pepper resisted the urge to slap her sister right in her stupid grin. "Just remember to ascend slowly."
Wasabi nodded with mock gravity.
"Yeah, I'll keep it in mind when I'm not too busy dodging missiles and eye-beams and meat-claw-tenderisers from a giant cyborg crab. Don't want to hurt myself going too fast."
Pepper sighed.
"Good luck, Bibi."
Wasabi stuck her regulator into her mouth, and gave her sister a cheery 'OK' signal before waddling off into the waves to begin the hunt.

Sabaku

As Sabaku swam towards the wreck, a voice came from the electronic communicator built into Sabaku's scuba gear.
"Hello, this is Rooster Pistol coming in from Macedonia. Can you hear me in Atlantis, Salt Lamp? Over."
"Loud, and clear, Rooster. How's your end? Over."
"You're a little garbled from your equipment, but I can hear you, Salt Lamp. Remind me why you made me talk in code like this is some sort of spy thriller?" There was silence for about half a minute before a beleagured sigh. "... Over."
"The enemy's listening in from Macedonia, Rooster. Don't want them hearing the word of god. Over."
"They can see the battle on the big screen! How will overhearing one half of a conversation help them! Over."
"Shut up! It sounds cool! Also I spent hours making up the code! ********. Over."
"Anyway. You remember the prophecy. Do not chase the chicken. Let the pea take the bait, and get the fries. Over."
There was silence on the other end. "...Yeeeeeeaaaah. You know I might have went overboard on the code. Mind telling me what all the means again? I kind of forgot... Over."
Dyck gave a single, and the band increased the volume of their music as Dyck looked conspiratorily over at the other people on the beach before whispering into his reciever "The plan we talked about last night, idiot. Don't go after the main course. Let the other one wear it down, and go after some of the other ingredients as she does. Got that?"
There was silence on the other end. "You didn't say Over. Over."
"Oh shut the hell up. Over, and Out, Jackass."
With that Sabaku swam down towards the pirate ship, staying close to the ocean floor as he did. On his way he saw a school of red shrimp that looked very similiar to chili peppers floating in an ocean breeze. Sabaku clicked a button on his belt that sent out a net. Catching the shrimp in the net he sent his new collection up to the surface of the water. Entering through a hole in the bottom of the ship he passed on his way a very large oyster occasionally opening up at intervals to reveal the front half of a cow giving out a very flat "moo."
"Rooster. Should we need to make room on the dinner? Over."
"Negatory, Salt Lamp. But you should check for some filling up ahead in the boxes. Over." Sabaku swam over to a large treasure chest in the lower decks. He broke it open with the butt of his harpoon gun. A couple of old looking bottles floating to the ceiling. Sabaku quickly grabbed them up, and looked at the label. It was in some sort of old language that Sabaku didn't really understand and was hard to read anyway. But he got the gist of it. A mischevious grin spread across his face under his mask as he asked "Rooster. Do you have any idea if we can sell any of this stuff afterwards? Over."
"No idea. Why do you ask? Over."
"Well... You ever had Chardonnay from 1588?"

Wasabi

Meanwhile Wasabi descended following the slope of a sprawling reef, sticking to the gutters and ravines between eldritch growths like the sulci of a massive subaquatic brain. Schools of fish and small sharks passed by her within the coral avenues, some darting in close formation with highlights luminous streaks of frozen lightning, others bristling with lurid venomous spines that gave them the confidence to loiter. Below her on the sandy floor, crayfish twitched their feelers and gnarled octopus lay in hiding among stones. At one point an eel peeked from the sides of the trough, its exposed fin-wreathed face belying a great length of body that twisted throughout the coral interior. It watched the unfamiliar new creature that was Wasabi, likely to ponder whether or not she was worth eating. And all the while, silhouettes of turtles and manta rays drifted overhead, some blocking out the sun as they went like cumulonimbus sailing the heavens.

The Scoville hunter remained carefully vigilant, not just for any predators that might happen to be large enough to take a bite at her, but also for any more ingredients she could forage for Pepper. Already she's tugged away several strands of sea weed just in case, and had even stumbled upon a rock bristling with jagged oysters. She used her knife to crank open one of them, popping it straight into her mouth behind the regulator and savouring the taste. She then broke off a half dozen more, tucking them away in a pocket on her vest.

Eventually, Wasabi found her entrance to the ship a good third of the way up the hull, forcing her to leave the safety of the reef. Luckily the water was clear for a great distance, so she could tell that there was nothing within fifty metres that could've posed a threat. At least she thought so until an echoing tone, almost a whistle, reverberated through the water. Bibi twisted sharply to scan the open ocean around her. She was at the half way point between the gutter she'd been following and her intended entrance point of the ship, making her very much a sitting duck. All tensions faded, however, when the massive bulk of a whale drifted into sight from around the slightly raised bow of the ship, singing the song of its people as it went.

youtube.com/watch?v=savCAd6RyPI

Bibi watch the creature for a minute, thoughts drifting between admiration of its majesty and ruminations about its potential as an ingredient for Pepper. It might be difficult to kill the big guy outright using only a knife and her good looks, but a little nick of the fin might be...
Another large shape, smaller than the first, rounded the side of the ship. A calf. Mummy whale and baby whale together, it seemed! This gave Bibi an idea.

Sabaku

"Rooster. You seeing this? Over."
"Yeah I see it Salt Lamp, over."
"Any idea... What it is? I don't remember anyone from the 16th century having access to LEDs, over."
"It's got to be the crab. Maybe it's been here longer than Macedonia thought, started building some sort of... Bio-mechanical nest. Over."
"That's gross and creepy, Rooster. Over."

Sabaku carefully swam past the cybernetic mass of blinking lights and tubing, growing like synthetic coral on the rotten wood interior of the shipwreck.

"Salt Lamp, I think this means the quarry is close, over."
"Copy that Rooster. Over and out."

Wasabi

It wasn't long before Bibi was also inside the ship, where she too noticed the telltale signs of cyborg crab occupation. Barnacles and ancient relics gave way to machines almost tumourous in design, growing so thick in places that they replaced the wooden panelling outright. She moved cautiously, navigating by the light of a torch until the LED spangled growths were dense enough to provide adequate illumination.
Like Dyck, Wasabi operated under the disquieting assumption that the cybergrowths were signs of a nest, and the crab would be found where they were thickest. By only going in the direction of the greatest growth density, which happened to be up towards the raised bow of the ship, she was confident that she would find what she was competing for.

What she didn't expect to find was air. All of a sudden, in the middle of a tilted cabin room, the ocean water ended with a still, dark surface that one might find in a subterranean lake. When Bibi cautiously breached this surface, it was to find air that was musty and warm, higher pressure than at the ocean surface.
Wasabi spat out her regulator, taking a deep breath.
"Ahhh... Cozy!"
There was no way that such an old ship could still have air pockets this big, she thought. It had to be a part of the augmentation.

Sabaku

"It's got to be part of the augmentation, Salt Lamp. Over."
Sabaku stood in a foot of water at another part of the air pocket, the surrounding machines humming steadily. He put his hands on his hips.
"Now I feel stupid for leaving my other guns behind..."
"The Scoville girl left her flamethrower behind too though! With the harpoon gun you're still better armed. Also you forgot to say over. Over."
"Not while I'm self pitying, Rooster! Over."

Sabaku pressed on, keeping a low profile. He knew how big the crab was - there was no way it could sneak up on him.

Wasabi

Having always had an interest in machines (mainly with how they blow up), Wasabi was paying particular attention to the mechanical growths now that she was out of the water, and was starting to notice some consistencies in their layout. The tubing seemed to be radiating throughout the ship from a central point, and she had suspicions as to why. Eventually she found the source in a ballast chamber at the bottom of the ship; a particularly large cybergrowth with a series of glass or plastic tanks embedded in the metal face, and tubes billowing out from the sides to run outward along the walls.

"Hmmm." she murmured to herself. "Air extractor? I don't think so, wouldn't be able to get this much... Synthesiser? Hmmmmmm..."
Bibi took off her SCUBA kit and leaned around the air-machine (she was quite certain that was what it was), feeling for some other connection. It took a few minutes, but eventually her hand found a different kind of tube. Heavier, squishier. It was pumping in water from outside the ship and feeding it into the machine.
Bibi looked back down at the two aluminium cylinders of her SCUBA kit.

From a certain point of view, it basically is a jetpack once you're in the water.

"Pepper, you clueless genius!" Wasabi whispered to herself, disconnection the first tank to check its gas composition. She had an idea.

Sabaku

Sabaku moved like a very short feline clad in rubber through the augmented sections of the ship. His plan was to locate the crab before waiting out of sight for Wasabi to engage it. It had to be a big room to fit the crab, and so far he hadn't come across any that could qualify. Until now.
He'd found himself in a spacious room at what he guessed would be the very front tip of the ship. Much of the walls, floor, and ceiling was coated with electronics, but what little wood and furniture remained was ornate. Captain's quarters?

"No sign of the crab. Over." Sabaku told Dyck over his communicator.
"Copy that Salt Lamp. Does the cyber-**** look different here to you? Over."
"Yeah, maybe a little more intricate than before, over."
"What about that one right in front of you? Over."
Sabaku approached, found himself looking down into a glass covered trough, like the freezers you find ice cream in at a store but with more LEDs.
"Looks like a well or something. Storage. Oven maybe? You'd know better Rooster, over."
"What's in it? I can't see, over."
"It's a bit misty, but... A kind of red sludge? Kind of grainy."
"Grainy red sludge?"
"Yeah, maybe a bit like caviar, over."
"Caviar..."
There was a few seconds of silence.
"Hey Rooster, you forgot to say over. And you interrupted me before I'd said over as well. This is becoming a bit silly so let's try to put in more effort ok? Over."
"Sabaku you need to get out of there."
"Rooster! My code name!"
"Damn it Sabaku that's an incubator you're looking at! Cyborg crab babies! You're threatening the nest!"

Several things made themselves obvious to Sabaku at this point. Firstly, Dyck was right. He was standing right at the heart of the cyber-nest. Secondly, if the crab found him here, it (in fact 'she') would react with extreme aggression.
And thirdly, he could here clicking sounds right behind him.

Wasabi

Salt water pumped from the tube like blood from an artery as Bibi severed it with her knife. She chuckled as she tossed the spurting length of hose aside, lodging the port of her secondary air cylinder into the end of the tube leading into the gas machine and sealing the end with duct tape. She turned on the gas.

In theory, the machine would now begin filtering and replicating the enriched oxygen air in her cylinder to distribute throughout the air pocket atmosphere. The machine was supposed to take trace quantities of disolved oxygen from the water and amplify it to make breathable air... So how much oxygen would it make from the supply her cylinder provided?

If Bibi was right... A hazardous amount. She hoisted her SCUBA kit back on and put her mouth to the regulator, just in case. Then she went up an awkwardly angled set of wooden stairs, searching for the bow.

Sabaku

"**** the ocean Dyck! I hate it! I WILL NEVER EAT SEAFOOD AGAIN!"
Sabaku stumbled as he ran, the floor of the narrow corridor shaking as the crab dented wooden walls and electronics alike to pursue the creature that had threatened her brood. Her underslung machine gun span up, firing a barrage of bullets in Sabaku's direction just as he rounded a corner. He rolled as a bullet punctured one of the tanks on his back, but somehow managed to keep up momentum as pressurised air hissed behind him.
"My god Sabaku, are you hurt?" Dyck said over comms.
"No!" Sabaku insisted. He kept running.

At the next corner, he dropped to one knee and readied his harpoon gun.
"What are you doing?!" Dyck demanded.
"I'm going to shoot it when it comes round the corner. Right in the face, kill it before it kills me!"
Sabaku raised the gun, listening the the clicks and scrapes as the crab forced her way through the corridors. Then she turned the corner, and Sabaku shouted the first crab related catch phrase that came to mind.
"Ho ho, it's Santa claws!"
He pulled the trigger.

The harpoon gun burst into flames in his hands.

"What the hell!" he cursed, dropping the gun and sprinting off before the crab could return fire. "How did that happen? It's supposed to be the one gun that I can use underwater, and it broke!"
"I think it was the joke Sabaku. It was a very bad joke."
"**** you!"

Wasabi

"Jackpot!"
Bibi slammed the pommel of her knife against the glass incubator case, sending mist blooming out over the rim and around her ankles, and revealing as it cleared a pulsating mass of tiny red eggs.
Cyborg crab caviar. Do crabs even make caviar? This one apparently does! Wasabi scooped out a handful and put it in a pocket of her kit.

Then, footsteps behind her. Sabaku charged through a doorway, skidding to a halt on the floorboards.
"Hiya Sab!" she said. "You found the crab yet?"
"It's coming right this way!" Sabaku warned. "You need to help me kill it, it's the only way we'll make it out alive!"
He paused.
"Are you stealing it's eggs?"
"Yup!" said Wasabi, tapping a match out of a waterproof bag. She struck it on her one remaining air cylinder, and the match flared with unexpected intensity.
"Sorry dude, but I don't want to lose the edge we get with this resource." she told Sabaku as she dropped the match into the incubator. The brood within went up like a bonfire, far faster than wet organic matter had any right to burn.
"...What did you do?" Sabaku demanded, watching the last of the caviar burn suspiciously. Already, after only a few seconds, the surrounding wooden walls were beginning to smolder and smoke.
"Found the atmosphere generator that made this air pocket." Wasabi explained, sounding almost wistful as she too watched the flames spread. "Spiked it with the oxygen enriched air from our SCUBA tanks. This whole place is one big dry tinder box at the bottom of the ocean now, heh." she giggled. "Hehehe!"
"My harpoon gun..." Sabaku realised. "You crazy bitch! We're all going to burn to death in here!"
"Just steer clear of sparks, heat, any kind of friction. Oh and put your regulator back on. If the smoke doesn't get you then the oxygen toxicity will!"

A spark flew down from the wall towards Wasabi, and she had to jump back to avoid it. Another fire burst to life on the floor where it landed. Sabaku was retreating back from the blaze as well when he realised belatedly that the crab was still coming up behind him. He ran across the room as she burst in through the doorway, shattering the mechanical frame in her haste. Seeing the burning incubator, with all her unborn children being turned to ashes inside it, the crab gave a bio-mechanical shriek and armed every weapon at her disposal. Glowing red eyes, missile launchers, minigun, weaponised claws; the frenzied cyborg broodmother bristled with death, all aimed at Wasabi and Sabaku.

Firing these weapons, as she soon did, yielded much the same results that Sabaku had observed firing his harpoon gun... But the cyber-crab couldn't throw her weapons away so easily. In an instant all of the crab's weapon systems were on fire, and a mere second later they began to detonate in their barrels, one by one, spreading the fire further as their munitions backfired, and in the seconds following that, as the crab scuttled from side to side in panic, the flames spread from her to the floor she trod and the walls she touched.
All in all, it took about ten seconds from the time the crab fired its weapons, to the time where it lay dead in a blazing inferno that covered half the room. And at the edge of the blaze stood Wasabi, cackling like a maniac in the light of the fire.

Then the wooden sections of the ceiling caved in, and in a torrent of water the fire was extinguished.

At the surface

Wasabi breached the surface with gasp. She'd run out of air shortly after leaving the shipwreck, a consequence of abandoning her backup air supply, but it was no matter. She had gotten what she needed.

A boat pulled up next to her, Wahid at the helm while Ithnan and Pepper (now dressed for the kitchen) watched from the side.
"Did you get the crab?" the chef demanded as Ithnan helped her sister onto the boat.
"Yeah I'm fine, thanks for asking and being concerned." Wasabi answered sarcastically, before letting out an involuntary giggle.
"Get a hold of yourself, Bibi." Pepper scolded. "I need to know where we stand. So tell me; do you have the crab?"
Bibi smiled.
"Better!" she said, holding up the bag of crab caviar. Pepper took it, raising an eyebrow.
"Interesting... I might have to adapt a few of my original plans, but I think I can make this work. Good work." She put the bag in a cooler. "Anything else?"

Wasabi dug through her pockets, withdrawing the seaweed, oysters, and...

"What... Is this?" asked Pepper, holding up a bag of thick white liquid to the light.
"Whale milk." explained Wasabi. "Figured it might make a good cream or something." Pepper frowned.
"You milked a whale?" she clarified.
"Yah!" Wasabi insisted, nodding vigorously.
"I'm not... I didn't realise it was possible to milk a whale."
"They're mammals, Peps."
"I know that they're mammals, Bibi, but where do you find... Bibi, are you sure it was a female whale you tried to milk?"
Now it was Wasabi's turn to frown. "It was with a baby, Pepper..."
"Is that so..." Pepper gingerly placed the bag into the cooler. "I'll have Gypsum test for zinc, just in case."

Meanwhile, Sabaku was hauling the charred remains of the crab onto his boat.
"Seriously though..." Drum said to him. "'Ho ho, it's Santa claws'?"
"Get back on your damn drum, woman."

[Godzillarich]

As the last people headed towards the center of the stage in two with their catches in tow. The contestants were hurried to their individual stainless steel, and chrome kitchens. The announcer coming on again “Well here's where it all counts, everybody! We've got our four judges here waiting for your dishes! Let's cut down to the judges, and see what they have to say about what they're hoping for in a dish.”
“I believe they would like you to go first Mr M”
M Nudo eyed the reporter suspiciously “... I'll pay you double whatever it is they are paying you to shorten my name!” The reporter was about to object, but was already handed a wad of bills. “Anyway. I prize not only a well-tasting meal, but one well presented with a clear theme, and with a well-thought out composition.”
“That's certainly an interesting answer. How about you Ms. Organa?”
The judge noisily popped her bubblegum before speaking “Well. Yunno. I got into cooking as a child because of how fun it was. I kind of want something that captures that fun. Like something with a lot of heart in it. Something that gives off like some good vibes.”
“Sounds like something we'd expect out of our happy go-lucky Ms. Now Hanson, Si-”
“Huh? Did you just call me handsome? Thanks for the compliment, but I'm taken.” Pisces gave a chortle, but not even the audience gave more than a pained chuckle.
“Ha. Yes, very funny. But what are you hoping for in a dish?”
“Well I've lived a long-life son. I've had lots of food. I'm looking for something creative, something I haven't had before. You ever had squid beer? I did just the other day.”
“Fascinating. Now how about you Madame?”
As she put on her lipstick, she simply replied with one word. “Style.”
“... Would you, uh, care to elaborate on that?”
“If I have to explain style, garcon. You'll never truly get it.”
“Well... Uh. There you have it folks. These contestants sure will have their jobs cut out for them if they want to satisfy all these qualities. But I'm sure we'll be seeing something delicious nonetheless from these contestants. Maybe save some leftovers for me, haha.” The interview ending with the type of stilted laugh that only a reporter can give at his own joke.

Then suddenly inappropriate 80's music started playing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKjNVVmLCGQ

"You may begin!"

OOC: You can write your cooking posts now.

OOC 2: Voting for the cooking round. You will be giving out awards this round to the characters based on Presentation, Fun, Creativity, and Style. They are all worth two votes each, and multiple awards can be given to the same character. I wish you luck in the coming rounds.

[The JoJo]

While Henry recovered from his ordeal on a stretcher, Lady Carmine wasted no time in getting the crab on the boil. She knew that even the finest crab would spoil quickly, once it was dead. Once the crab's carcass had been thoroughly boiled, she poured away the steaming liquid and placed the late crustacean on her workspace. She quickly removed the claws and legs with a few swipes of her carving knife, before carefully cutting open the crab's shell open, finishing the job that Henry had started.

Carmine tutted as she took out the Gatling gun and the other modifications the crab had received: she couldn't see much edible there. She then scooped out the gloopy innards, before selecting only the tenderest strips, which she placed on a plate. Finally a squeeze of lemon juice, and then her crab dish was ready.

[Godzillarich]

“Alright let’s do this.” Ma told her assistance. On the table as pieces of crab meat laid on the table. Nukeele pushed a bowl About the size of a dump truck in front of the table. “Okay Put the cream cheese in Wahidana.” Ma told her as she was opening the cream cheese bag.

“I’ve got you sir.” Wahidana Responded before she pull out her magic staff. She use the power of the staff to levitate the cream cheese up into the air and then in the to the Bowl.

“Okay now the crab meat.” She said, continuing to director on the ingredients to put into the bowl, from Green Onions, Finely crushed garlic, A gallon of Soy sauce, fish sauce, Worcestershire sauce, Toasted sesame oil, freshly ground black pepper, cayenne and some salt.

“Good work…” Ma said as she Padded Wahidana On the back. “...Now let's get to mixing this.” She pushed a stepladder to the side of the ball. “... Come on Nukeele, You did make sure the wash yourself right?”

“Yes Ms. Ma Po.” Nukeele responded. She ran up the steps before Jumping into the bowl. She pounded, spinned, and mixed the ingredients with her feet, back plates and tail, “All done!” She yelled as she came out of the bowl. The ingredients were properly mixed and put into a mushy mass in the center of the bowl.

“Okay fair warning to everyone here, This next part is a little bit dangerous so stay back.” Ma told everyone as she put her hands together. They seem to combined and form a can of some kind. “Dòngjié jiāsù!” She yelled before firing a wave of cold energy straight at the bowl, Severely dropping its temperature. Ma then looked at one of the cameras “If you people at home are wondering, I’m super cooling the crab meat So we can skip the hour-long wait for to cool.”

Nukeele push a giant plate of wonton wrappers about the size of a bed sheet next to the table. Ma pulled one of wonton wrapper onto the table, Ma then started to spray a little water onto the sheet. “Wahidana, Bring A small bit crabmeat down here.” Ma said as she pointed towards wonton wrapper in front of her. Wahidana then Levitated a small chunk of the meat onto the center of the wonton wrapper. She Then folded it up into the proper position. She then moved the Crab Rangoon to the side, It was about the size of a pig. “Let’s do this a few more times.” After a bout 20 were made they moved on to A humongous fryer. “Almost done…” She told the cameras. Wahidana then levitated the 20 or so Crab Rangoon into the fryer.

3 minutes later

“Alright Pull them out.” Ma commanded before Wahidana levitated them out and onto a giant plate. Lastly Nukeele pushed the Crab Rangoon plate to the judges counter. “I hope you enjoy.” Ma said before taking a bow.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

As the man-wench Taro replaced the cauterised stumps that had formerly been Ouiu's robotic arms, Bartholomew hefted his nieces quarry of the sea onto a kitchen bench. The crab's shell was seared bright red from its untimely self-destruction, weakened enough that it took but one strike of the chef's practiced fist to produce a crack. The moment the shell was sundered, a cloud of steam fulminated from within, inciting Bartholomew to dodge swiftly.
"What in tarnished-crustacean?!" he cursed, slapping one of the crab's dangling half-blasted eye-stalks resentfully. "I wager that this crab has already been boiled through to the core by its cybernetic overload.
"Is that bad, uncle Bart?" asked Ouiu from the adjacent bench, where she sat armless waiting for Taro to fetch his wrench.
"Not necessarily." said Bartholomew. "Do not fret, lass. You have done well to bring me this beast."

Bartholomew pulled the shell apart at the top, creating a hole through which steam billowed from a mass of pink meat and the occasionally charred section around an electronic component. First he removed these parts, pulling out cables and synthetic grafts until there was just one object remaining, burried deep within the body but still attached to several large cables. With one mighty tug, Bartholomew ripped the object free, revealing it to be a large battery of some kind.
"Taro." he said, inturrupting the boy as he crept back into the kitchen with his wrench. "Abandom my niece's ministrations for a moment, and run some analysis on this."
He tossed the battery his way, and returned his attention to the unsullied meat before him. The gourmet pugilist had some idea of what to do with this.

After cleaning the crab meat, he replaced the shell lid he had created prior and departed for a sojourn in the stockroom, returning with an armful of potatoes, onions, garlic, and several varieties of herb and spice. He crushed all of these things in a hand, and dropped the pulp into a saucepan to simmer. Next came the crab meat, which Bartholomew pounded into a loose paste and scraped into the mix. A tablespoon of chicken stock later, and his crab chowder was underway.

Bartholomew was mixing the thick stew with his hands when Taro returned with a report on the battery.
"Sir," he said "this crab operated off of a yeast-based power supply."
"Yeast?" Bartholomew asked rhetorical.
"Yes sir. A special strain of yeast with supercharged metabolism. The ethanol it generated was probably recycled into propellant for the crabs ammunition."
"And what, pray tell, is the state of this yeast and its ethanol?"
"The battery is destroyed, and the yeast is slowly dying. But the ethanol concentration is extremely high, possibly due to the overload forcing a peak in production."
"You have done well Taro. Give me the battery; I wager it can be put to good use."

The yeast-battery's ethanol was distilled in a complicated aparatus, that involved Bartholomew's fist squeazing the cell like a lemon until fluid leaked out into a bucket. He took a swig, and felt cherished memories dissolving away like grot in a bleach solution. It was as he had expected - moonshine.

By now the chowder was at a zenith of culinary quality. Bartholomew disemboweled three large bread rolls with his fist, and filled them to the brim with thick crab chowder. He carried these bread bowls and a tankard each to the waiting judges.

"Crab chowder with cyber-moonshine." he said simply. "Remember to eat the bowls too, it is the best part if you ask me."

The judges looked at each other... And began to eat. Bartholomew awaited their verdict.

[The JoJo]

"What... succulent dishes," Lady Carmine said as she placed her crab plate alongside the other contestant's offerings. The strips of crab meat had been arranged in the approximate shape of a living specimen, with slices of lemon and fresh leaves making up its removed innards. Sweet potato fries, dressed with ground cinnamon, had been placed around the outer edge of the plate, to give the impression of sea weed. "May the finest dish win," she added with a small smile.

While no-one was looking, she reached gracefully into her handbag and pulled out a tiny vial of dark blue liquid. With an artful flourish, she then sprinkled the smallest droplets of poison into her competitor's dishes. Not enough to kill a man, but enough that he wouldn't be going anywhere in a hurry. She slipped the vial back into her handbag, grinning to herself.

[Garjel_blah]

Pepper Scoville was next up to the judges' table, carrying a sleek stone slab with a woven basket lid covering its surface. She set the slab down between all four judges, and with a flourish removed the covering.

"Voilà!" she said. "Crab meat and caviar sushi rolls with alternating wasabi and Japanese-style mayonnaise made from whale milk, served alongside fresh oysters and lemon."

Pepper swept her open palm over each piece of the dish as she explained it, first to the four seaweed-wrapped tubes of rice and caviar with a core of crab meat, arranged into a crescent moon shape around what could be best described as a cairn of open oyster shells, each displaying a succulent morsel that glistened with a lightly applied lemon juice coating. The wasabi was meticulously dotted along each roll, just enough to add some kick, while the mayonnaise was drizzled in wide arcs across the whole sushi section of the plate, completing the crescent image quite artfully.
On top of all this, excess caviar had been sprinkled in a way that made it seem to overflow around each of the rolls, as though they were sitting on a bed of red sand.

All in all, at least in Pepper's imagination, the arrangement gave a very coastal sort of vibe, as if the oysters were a rocky headland protruding into a reef that was just falling beneath the rising tide and sea foam.

"I suggest starting with the oysters to clear the pallet for the more flavour-rich experience." Pepper concluded, bowing slightly as she retreated back to stand with the others, and await her criticism.

[Demonjazz]

The Notorious D.I.C. Approached Pepper. Tombono was hovering around Dyck., arms crossed over his chest and eyeing the two sisters suspicously especially Pepper. Dyck offered his hand for a shake "Unlike my friend." He jerked his thumb over at Sabaku who was grumbling to himself in the corner gloomily "I believe in sportsmanship. We didn't kill the crab. So I feel that it's best that you take this in humble thanks. Drum, Clara! Hurry up!"
The two band members hefted one of the large legs of the battle crab onto one of the tables in The Sisters kitchen. 'Accidentally' knocking over piles of cutlery, and dishes onto the floor. Clarineta apologizing profusely as Drum swore profusely.As this was going on Dyck's grip tightened slightly before he let go of the handshake. Adding smugly "You're welcome" Quickly turning tail as he left Tom to deal with his struggling band mates.
Pepper followed Dyck's retreating back with an icy glare, arms folded over her slim-fitting apron, one finger tapping against the hilt of her MealWand as if it could siphon away her frustrations."So 'distraction' is a dirty tactic, but you're okay with sabotage?" she asked Tombono as he marshaled his team mates.
Tombono looked genuinely shocked for a single second as he stopped in his tracks. The other two behind him running into as they desperately looked for a way around him. Tom looked down at Pepper, arms crossed, and with a scorn on his face. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I would never stoop so low to sabotage. That would be dishonorable and wrong. I am simply following the orders of my masters. Who pay me money to play the Trombone, and help them."
"Did you hear that, Peps?!" Wasabi asked as if profoundly shocked, from where she sat on the kitchen bench with her wetsuit half removed from the waist up. "He even accepted a bribe in order to 'help them'."
"No. I was merely pointing out how my arrangment between my masters work. I would not dare to accept a bribe to do something illegal. I have long given up on the buisness of being an assassin, and other forms of espionage."
"You're not making your case better, buddy." Drum added from behind.
"I have taken down all those in the way of my previous master with this one fingertip. They used to call me 'The Silent Slaughterer' because I could drop down, and slaughter hundreds before a single scream was heard. Using only a fraction of my speed I could hit all of your vital points in one second. A single punch from me has sent even the stron-" Tombono seemed lost in his boasting, not noticing what's happening around as he went on, The two behind him trying to push him out of the kitchen
"Care to give us a hand, huns? He gets this way sometime. And he's a lot harder to move than he looks!" Clara said to everyone in the room. Wasabi hopped down from the bench to assist, pushing on his side in tandem with the two other band members."Daaaayum!" she said breathlessly as she pushed. "You got some solid lats Mr Silent Slaughterer. How quickly can you kill someone only using your lats?"
Pepper didn't hear the response, as they'd already left the room. She sighed, prodding the gifted crab leg with her MealWand.
"Do you want me to check it for poison?" asked Gypsum, who was cleaning up the last of the shattered plates.
"No." said Pepper after a moment's thought. "They may be insolent barbarians, but I can't see them as schemers. They're simple folk after all." The MealWand morphed into a set of graviton-enhanced tongs, which she used to help heave the leg into a pot of boiling water."Besides," she contined. "I'm half convinced that this is part of their quaint desert-folk approach to courtship."
"Courtship?"
"Yes. They did invite us out for coffee after all."

Shortly afterward, Sabaku was noisly slurping on a soda on a kitchen counter, with a chair on top of it. A special chair lawn chair that could have the legs of the chair jacked up and down so that it was always the highest in the room. He was staring off into the enemy's kitchen idly tossing his large knife up and down.
Dyck was mincing up the crab as he looked over to his friend "What's on your mind, bud."
"I was just thinking... 'Bout all the ways I could kill Wasabi from this distance." He said punctuated by throwing up the knife a couple of times. "I mean like... Obviously I can't do it right now, but I bet that I could arrange something later... Maybe pin it on that Rosewood lady. She seems like the type who'd kill somebody."
Clara piped up from her mixing bowl "Boss is in one of them moods again."
"The last one lasted three months." Added Tom.
"Yeah. That was one hell of a time! Burned down an entire mansion last time. It was a rocking time!" Added Drum cracking shrimp shells.
Dyck sighed as he put a pot onto boil. "We aren't going to kill anyone."
"Well... I mean... I guess there's other ways to get back at someone. But they don't really have the finality that a knife does"
"None of us, including you aren't going to be killing anyone." Dyck said scooping out crab into a bowl
"Yeah... But like look at her... Existing. Milking whales, and killing crabs! She didn't even take the actual crab meat! We had to give that to her! We can't just let her go on... Doing stuff like that! Acting all smug with look at me, I've got a flamethrower, and I can sell things to advertizers and I ain't broke cause my hot sister and my face doesn't look like it was broke five times! Can't I at le-"
"It's because of the gun." Said Dyck with a smirk as he put something into the oven
"It's 100% 'cause she broke his gun." Added Clara setting a timer. "He always gets this when someone goes and breaks something of his."
"She broke my gun! She didn't even say sorry! Acted like it was nothing! What a smug little son of a bi-"
"What use do you have a harpoon gun anyway! That was probably the first time you even used it." Said Dyck tasting the sauce
"Well yeah. But-"
"Your weapons do have a tendency of breaking too." Tom added stirring a pot
"Yeah, but I broke those! I made them with my own two hands, and broke them! Like the great god of tinkering intended! People can't go around just breaking other people's weapons for them. It's indecent is what it is."
"We'll talk about any revenge later if it makes you happy. Right now I've got a dish to make. Pass the laddle."
After putting on the finishing touches, and a pinch of salt. He presented the dish to the judges. "A traditional recipe I learned from a strange speaking man on my travels. The main dish is a Pepper Shrimp Gumbo. A bit of Southern twang with some spiciness added. Traditionally served with rice as a great counterbalance to the strong taste of the dish. Not to mention of course that beautiful fragrance. That comes from what the man refered to as the holy trinity of vegetables. Celery, onions, and green peppers that emit such a wonderful fragrance. Served alongside this are crab cakes with a delightful crunch. Our Clara does that you know, and she does it wonderfully. Of course you can't have a crab cake without something to dip it in. Which is why I made a great blend of remoulade sauce which I believe is an originally Gourmatagine sauce that beecame quite popular in other parts of the world, and go wonderfully with crab cakes. And served with-" Dyck poured all of them a glass. "Champagne, vintage 1588,"

[Ravian]

Darkness, Julia felt like she had drowned as she finally urged herself to wakefulness. The Crab had surprised her, but it had been the troll that had truly taken her aback with his ferocity. She clearly hadn't had enough training competing against such hostile competition. This was not just a quest wherein sharing the bounty between comrades was possible, she needed to win this for Gourmontaigne, and as such that necessitated that the others would have to lose.

Looking about at the concerned paramedics she roughly urged them off "I'm not done yet currs!" not while Gourmontaigne's flag still flies high!" She grasped at her air tube, knocked loose by the skirmish, swiftly tied a tourniquet that a paramedic had brought for her and cast back into the depths.

The troll had already gotten the prize, Unfortunate, as she had already sacrificed valuable time and energy, but she realized that it was probably for the best, no crab was going to be coming out the way she needed it if she had to directly compete with that monster.

Spying her skewer-blade and shield lodged in the nearby reef, she grabbed them up and continued on deeper into the pirate ship's ruin. The twists and turns made this an ideal ambush point for any predator, not just the crabs, but she encountered some luck, whether good nor bad none could truly tell, when a hail of bullets pierced through the water as she rounded the corner. It was fortunate that the water still could slow the projectiles enough for her to bring her shield to bare, but even so the sheer force of the barrage knocked her back against the ship's hull. The Battle Crab was clearly disturbed, and was beginning to close in with its mighty claw. Even she wouldn't be able to match that thing in close combat, but while the creature was both impossibly strong and nearly invulnerable, its manueverability and coordination left something to be desired. As it closed towards her, Julia spied one of its many legs nudge against a broken sea-rotted beam, holding aloft the majority of the ceiling around them. Even with all its strength the Crab's movements didn't disturb the beam, but Julia thought that she had something that might.

As the crab's gun spun up for another barrage, Julia pushed off from the wall behind her, lunging skewer blade first at the beam at the crab's leg. The first bullets were already tracking her when her blade made contact, lodging itself deep into the softest part of the beam she could find. As it struck, the skewer-blade's enchantment began to do its work imparting the object of its attack with its peak of "freshness". While such a technique was most commonly employed against actual subjects of the cullinary arts, wood was an organic material like any other, and as such the restoring magic raced through the beam, granting it new vitality as it expanded outward almost indistinguishable from the day it had first come out of the lumbermill. With a lurch, the beam's new volume was enough to unbalance the rest of the ship's deck held above the crab, and both it and Julia could only watch as the debris of a long-sunken ship toppled in slow motion atop the crab.

While buried, Julia could tell from its continued movements that the crab was still alive, exactly as she needed it. She had nearly struck the demon for his outrageous request that she had to take a creature as dangerous as a battle crab alive but the job was nearly done for her now. Quickly she went to work, taking out a supply of zip-ties Mealzebub had provided for her
"They're made from the same material that they use to bind the damned for torture. You could take Cerberus for walkies on a leash made from these things."

It was some effort binding each of the legs together as well as peacebinding the claws and gattling gun, a task that was made no less easier with the crab's persistent movements, but she managed as best that she could. The task of actually getting the ship's crane down to bring up the crab was another task, especially given the shock and surprise the sailors expressed when they learned they would be transporting a live battle crab with the crane. But eventually all on her part was accomplished and the crab was returned for the kitchen platform.

[Ravian]

Mealzebub was not happy with Julia, he had of course expected difficulties with his admittedly hefty order for a live battle crab, but the girl had sworn an oath on it so he had assumed he would be able to have more time on this. "Next time she needs to swear an oath of punctuality" he grumbled as he and his minions continued to tinker with their set-up.

He was fortunate that so much of his work did not actually require the use of the crab itself. Ganjang Gejang was mostly about the marinade, and he had been hard at work putting that together. Custom-brewed soy sauce, and a medley of vegetables had served as the base, but the core of the marinade was in the sea weed, and here it was that Mealzebub sought to make his mark.

It was not easy to procure the black Hijiki kelp, unlike prior to the demon's chef's imprisonment, many nations had now already banned the sale of Hijiki due to the potentially dangerous levels of arsenic contained within it. Personally though, Mealzebub could not help but scoff at such drastic conclusions as banning it. Sure the stuff was likely carcinogenic, to some degree, but one couldn't argue with the flavor itself, and if mortals limited themselves from all things that could potentially kill them later down the road, they truly were wasting their brief time on Earth.

It was fortunate therefore that Chef Dan Tay had been able to call upon some of his old mob contacts before the competition. There had been the usual formalities that take place whenever a damned revenant returns from their torture to stalk down their old associates partially responsible for their untimely death, but things cooled down enough when Chef Tay informed old Joey the Rat that he wouldn't exact his vengeance upon his wretched sould if he could just get him some smuggled seaweed.

The Marinade scarcely took any time to cook in the grander scheme of things, which was fortunate as the black cask was currently needed for the final step of the Ganjang Gejang, the crab itself. This was the most delicate part of the operation, and required a degree of tinkering with his black cask that he remained uncomfortable with, but all sacrifices were necessary for this competition. He held back his relief when the boat carrying both Julia and the bound crab finally appeared.

"You're late" he hissed as a snap sent his hellish minions about to transport the crab to the massive cauldron that the kitchen centered around.
Julia took a deep breath as she nursed her wound "The troll nearly killed me before the crab did. You're welcome by the way, I figured that time was less important given your time manipulation device."

"The black cask doesn't manipulate time, it empowers decay, we can't simply ferment something in an instant, the variables would render it wholly inedible."

Julia rolled her eyes as she watched the demonic servants begin to lift the crab up into the massive cauldron "Save it demon, where is your cask anyway, we have less than a half hour before the event's conclusion."

"You're looking at it. The cask was simply too small to efficiently cook something as large as the battle crab, but ultimately the cask is merely a portal to the rancid hells, with a little time and modification, I simply brought the rancid hells into the kitchen itself, contained within that cauldron."

"You're telling me that you brought hell itself into this kitchen?"

"My dear, hell himself already was in this kitchen, I merely expanded upon it."

"I swear fiend, if you unleash evil upon the world through your arrogance I will cut the skin from your flesh and..."

"Yes yes glaze it in oil, I've heard it before. I assure you though it is all perfectly safe."

With those words a skeletal figure, strips of its rotten flesh clinging to its green fungal encrusted bone emerged screaming from the cauldron grabbing at the edges to pull itself free.

"As long as certain contingencies are followed upon. Minions! push that thing back through. Dan give the cauldron another spritz with that holy water, it's unsanitary otherwise."

Luckily the struggle only took off few moments before the cauldron was again ready. The crab, still living, was rudely dumped within the cauldron.

"Lashma give it a little song, a Leviathan lullaby should do nicely" Mealzebub called out. "It ought to be asleep." The succubus flew up to the massive crustacean and began to give it a watery melody that caused its eyestalks to begin closing.

Julia raised an eyebrow "I'm surprised you granted it such a mercy."

"Don't think too highly of me, we need this thing fresh, but if it's conscious while we prepare it it will be too tough. Dump the marinade!"

The unconscious battle crab did not stir as the soy sauce, vegetable and black Hijiki marinade was dumped upon it. The cauldron was sealed tight and set for about 24 hours worth of cooking.

"Normally you freeze them before you do this but doing that on such short notice would only leave a freezer after taste" Mealzebub explained "It will naturally suffocate in there before it regains consciousness, which will leave us with some lovely Black Battle Ganjang Gejang."

He called to the demonic servants. "Remember that thing needs to disassembled the instant it comes out of the pot, no shell, and certainly none of that gattling gun. The rest of you, we need a bed of rice, green onions, silgochu and sesame seeds. Let's move damned ones move!"

It took quite a bit of effort, but within the last few moments the Black Battle Ganjang Gejang was plated and served to the judges, with a final drizzle of the Hijiki Marinade on top to accentuate the flavors along with a garnish of sliced cucumber for some coolness to balance out the dishes hot and spicy crab flavors.

[Demonjazz]

Goddamit Double Post.

[Demonjazz]

Dyck stood there with an expectant smile as the judges ate his food after his little spiel. "Well... How was it?"
"Well it was certainly a filling meal." Hanson said as he picked something out of his teeth.
"And it was certainly a very... Uh... Traditional and homegrown meal." Pisces added with a very trying smile
"I have certainly not had remoulade like that before. And from a foreigner too." Ms. Fruit added.
M. Nudo looked at Dyck with his arms crossed, and a sour face. "It sucked! And all of you know it!"
"Come on Mr. M! You don't have to say it like that."
"Don't you hide it! You all know that it wasn't very good. Hanson, you're th-"
"Huh? Did you just call handsome? Nah, I know what you're saying, bud. It tastes like-"
"Camp food, Commoner food, Comfort food, Monsieur. You limit your cooking by staying in this silly bubble of family cooking. You have as much style as one of those hodunk mercenaries that you served in the salt desert!The only good thing was the remoulade sauce."
"... Uh, yeah. Something like she said. There's a million places that serve the same stuff as you. It's not really unique. Although personally I prefered the pepper shrimps."
Pisces twiddled her fingers, and looked down. "I mean... As head of the seafood department. I've got to say that there's a lot better out there. But you know... I mean... It wasn't terrible though. Please don't feel sad."
"Don't listen to her! You're a disgrace! Now get out!" Mr. M Nudo chucked a laddle at Dyck as he walked with a restrained fury before getting back to the rest of his crew.

When he got back he immideately pulled out his gun, and fired it at the sky. "****ing classist *******s! Piece of **** judges disrespecting my ****ing birthplace!" Dyck quickly reloaded his gun and fired it again. "I need a ****ing liter of beer, and someone to punch!"
Sabaku tossed Dyck a flask that he downed in one go. "Punch Tom. He won't even feel it." Dyck punched Tom in the face whose face didn't even move let alone flinch. Dyck then toppled a chrome table in front of him. "**** this, ****ing tournament. I'm going to find the neariest bar and start a fight in it."

[Godzillarich]

The total score of the first round

Round 1 totals
THE SCOVILLE SISTERS: 4+12=16
BARTHOLOMEW: 3+12=15
MEALZEBUB: 5+10=15
SABAKU: 2+8=10
LIBERTY: 2+4=6
LADY ROSEWOOD: 2+4=6


Thank you to the winners and especially the losses will see you next week.

[Godzillarich]

Second Hunting Round
The contestants were once again brought towards the arena going over the same shtick. The big screen turning on once again for everyone to see the smug face of Agent Smith. “I know what all of the audience is thinking! After that amazing set piece of a pirate ship where the contestants were first thing out of the gate challenged to adapt to an underwater environment how could we possibly top that? Well I'll have you know that we can! We took a set of environment designers, and forced them to listen to Slayer for 24 each day hours with no sleep, and only lemonade coffee to drink for three days. Please do not sue us OSHA! It was a social experiment, bro. They most likely read the fine print on their contracts. Now let's cut down to our resident set designer on set.”
A man in a pine forest with rocker hair, and a pair of headphones on and well... Looking like he had nothing but lemonade coffee, and no sleep for three days. “HELLO! I THINK I'VE SUFFERED PERMENEANT HEARING LOSS AND I'M AT THE FOOT OF THIS MOUNTAIN! THE THEME IS MOUNTAINS BY THE WAY!” The cameraman came into the shot, and removed the environmental designer's headphones. “OH THA-nk God! I was starting to think the wind was playing Slayer for some reason. Speaking of which this environment is far too metal for this peaceful mountainscape! Not only did we put FAAAAAAAR! Too many bee hives in this environment with several different flavors of honey that we inserted in there by the way. None of the honey was actually made by the bees! But we found out that our bearmen found out how to harvest fire! And we are not talking about the type of bearmen that you find at bars! We're talking literal bearmen. Imagine the Berenstain bears, but very angry, and Russian, and Grizzly Bears and also we put them in studded leather jackets cause it sounded really funny at the time! And now these angry, Russian, grizzly bear, leather jacket wearing bearmen are now punching beehives with their flaming paws! But wait! That's not all!” The man stopped to down a thermos of unknown liquid. “Billy Mays says there's more! While all that is going on we have somehow caused a minor infractionary war between a species of ice caribou. A species of cairbou that hold their delicious meat with frost armour, and a species of timber wolves that harvest the natural magic of the forest to use druidic powers to better fight. Also did I mention that we put Hawkwaxe, a hawk bird that developed a bone breaking axe beak because it sucks the marrow out of bones as it's only means of sustenance. And that's not even the main course. No, we saved something amazing for that! On high! Ruling over all is the one... The only... ROCK GOAT!”
[insert image here]
“Badass Name: RockGodius Goaticus! Know by metal heads everywhere as the most badass animal to grace this planet! Several religions have been founded around this thing! We are talking THE ROCK GOD! How Metal is it? It speaks exclusively in guitar solos instead of that pansy mouth sounds! Of course all of it's

LADY ROSEWOOD vs BARTHOLOMEW
MEALZEBUB vs THE SCOVILLE SISTERS
LIBERTY vs SABAKU

[Demonjazz]

OOC: Ahem. Sorry for that. I sent an incomplete copy of the round. Now I will get the real post up.
The contestants were once again brought towards the arena going over the same shtick. The big screen turning on once again for everyone to see the smug face of Agent Smith. “I know what all of the audience is thinking! After that amazing set piece of a pirate ship where the contestants were first thing out of the gate challenged to adapt to an underwater environment how could we possibly top that? Well I'll have you know that we can! We took a set of environment designers, and forced them to listen to Slayer for 24 each day hours with no sleep, and only lemonade coffee to drink for three days. Please do not sue us OSHA! It was a social experiment, bro. They most likely read the fine print on their contracts. Now let's cut down to our resident set designer on set.”
A man in a pine forest with rocker hair, and a pair of headphones on and well... Looking like he had nothing but lemonade coffee, and no sleep for three days. “HELLO! I THINK I'VE SUFFERED PERMENEANT HEARING LOSS AND GAINED TITINNITUS ALSO I'M AT THE FOOT OF THIS MOUNTAIN! THE THEME IS MOUNTAINS BY THE WAY!” The cameraman came into the shot, and removed the environmental designer's headphones. “OH THA-nk God! I was starting to think the wind was playing Slayer for some reason. Speaking of which this environment is far too metal for this peaceful mountainscape! Not only did we put FAAAAAAAR! Too many bee hives in this environment with several different flavors of honey that we inserted in there by the way. None of the honey was actually made by the bees! But we found out that our bearmen found out how to harvest fire! And we are not talking about the type of bearmen that you find at bars! We're talking literal bearmen. Imagine the Berenstain bears, but very angry, and Russian, and Grizzly Bears and also we put them in studded leather jackets cause it sounded really funny at the time! And now these angry, Russian, grizzly bear, leather jacket wearing bearmen are now punching beehives with their flaming paws! But wait! That's not all!” The man stopped to down a thermos of unknown liquid. “Billy Mays says there's more! While all that is going on we have somehow caused a minor infractionary war between a species of ice caribou. A species of cairbou that hold their delicious meat with frost armour, and a species of timber wolves that harvest the natural magic of the forest to use druidic powers to better fight. Also did I mention that we put Hawkwaxe, a hawk bird that developed a bone breaking axe beak because it sucks the marrow out of bones as it's only means of sustenance. And that's not even the main course. No, we saved something amazing for that! On high! Ruling over all is the one... The only... ROCK GOAT!”
http://imgur.com/a/DL7dn
“Badass Name: RockGodius Goaticus! Know by metal heads everywhere as the most badass animal to grace this planet! Several religions have been founded around this thing! We are talking THE ROCK GOD! How Metal is it? It speaks exclusively in guitar solos instead of that pansy mouth sounds! Of course that's not all. Cause he's a god, and he's all meedly meedly wow! His main attack is that he can breath electricity! But not just any electricity! Electricity in the shape of an electric guitar! And of course it headbangs cause it's a goddamn ROCK GOD! But it headbangs so hard that it sends out a sound wave that can knock you back! It also sounds like a killer drum solo while doing so! And then just when you thought you were safe it makes stone amps out of the ground that... You guessed it. Amps up all of his abilities! This animal is so great that I made a ballad about it! It starts out all MEEDLY MEEDLY! But than it goes all WOW WOW WOW! And than it goes all Du-du-du!”
The camera finally cut quickly back to Agent Smith. “He, he, he. Very funny.” He said sounding very unenthused adding under his breath far too loud “Even the scientists are trying to upstage me now.” He coughed “Anyway! Here's the line up for today's matches!”

LADY ROSEWOOD vs BARTHOLOMEW
MEALZEBUB vs THE SCOVILLE SISTERS
LIBERTY vs SABAKU

[Godzillarich]

Sabaku took a deep breath as he hiked to the starting point on the mountain. "Aaah. Don't you just love the smell of that mountain air?"
"What I'd really love is to be back in our nice heated hotel rooms! How can you even stand being in somewhere this cold." Dyck said as he breathed into his hands.
Clarinetta followed behind them. "Yeah, it's gotta be 20 below here! And there ain't a wood stove in sight."
"Come on guys! It's atmospheric. It's the great American pine forests. A symbol of freedom. First Blood, Red Dawn, Evil Dead, Jurassic Park..." He stopped to think. "Predator."
"Those last two happened in warm jungles, and one was in a Spruce Forest" Tombono corrected.
"... Whatever. They were good movies. Either way what are you complaining about. It gets just this cold in The Salt Desert at night. I'm sure you all remember the mighty trek that we did for two straight weeks tracking the Mighty Kyberdragon."
"I do. I told you to give up after the third day. You wasted more trying to get the thing than we got back. You nearly blew us up three different times."
"It was the principle of the thing! The Great Flame of The Salt Desert never gives up! I've got a reputa-"
Drum bursted onto the scene followed by three more people carrying a bunch of equipment. "Oh my god guys! I can't believe we are meeting a Rock Goat! They say that these inspired everybody from Metallica to Crystal King! Like all the greats. So I got in touch with my old band to totally jam out during the fight! Cause like this is just one of those once in a lifetime chances! I hope you don't mind. I don't know if you've heard of us. We're called "Hey Death!". It consists of me, Guiletar, Barabass, and Singarah." Two other punk woman, and a blonde man waved to the group.
"Pretty sweet gig. Our album is totally going to sell a ton after this." One of them said.

As the conversation was going on a faint sound could be heard from the sky that got louder and louder, It almost seems like screaming. “Quiet…” Richard interrupted as he listen to the sound. “...What is tha..?

(BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!”)

An incredible force landed in front of them. The knockback was so powerful it created a wave of snow that covered everyone in the area making them look like snowman.

“I told you we didn’t need to landed that silly plane.” Liberty proclaimed as he set Ma down beside him.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!” Ma yelled at her brain-damaged partner. “WE COULD HAVE DIED!”

Liberty simply brushed himself off. “I didn’t wanted to risk the plane crashing with are friends on it. The pilot said it was impossible to land near the mountain with that storm going on.”
“We could’ve landed the plane back at the hotel and just walked but you decided to be an idiot and nearly got us killed.” Ma hollered as she checked her system to see if there was no damage.

“I didn’t want to waste time, besides that’s not even the first time I jumped out of a plane, in fact most of the time I do that from outer space.” he continued on before noticing the snowman in front of them. “It looks like some of the other groups made some snowman.”

The members of The Salt Crew shook off the snow. Sabaku was the first to speak. "Well I mean you could have died, but you didn't. Jeez for a Gourmet Crew you sure do bicker a lot. You seem to be what we in the biz call 'one coursers'. Because your gourmet menu probably only has one course on it." He chuckled to himself before he started picking his teeth in though. "You guys do have that practice where you're from right."

Ma Simply ignored the little guys dribbling nonsense as she turned towards the top of the Mountain. “Before we continue making asses of ourselves, we need to find that goat? Any idea where could be on this godforsaken mountain?"

"Yo, dude. You don't come to the Goat man. The Goat comes to you." One of the band memebers said sagely.
"Yeah. Once every year, the Rock God desecnds from the mountain to those who prove themselves worthy by being TOTALLY ****ING METAL!" Drum said playing a quick tune with her drums. "So I think we got you beat in that aspect. Cause we're the most ****ing metal thing there is! So hold onto your steel chariot cause Tonight We Ride!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOvZKJlrtk8
Sabaku talked over the band playing in the background. "I think what she was trying to say was 'May the best man win'! How 'bout we shake on it buddy." Sabaku said offering his hand to Liberty.

“I miss Ouiu.” she mumbled to herself as she looked around for any clues.

“Best of luck little kid.” Liberty said, shaking his hand. Unfortunately the force of his handshake caused Sabaku to be launched into the air and out of sight. “...ops” Liberty mumbled. he held out his hands ready to catch him.

Ma looked back at the others “If you people are done playing your **** music maybe you could be useful and help us find.”

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)

The Top of the mountain exploded in a furious Fireball. “WHO DARE’S INSULT THE METTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!”

“...Of couse.” Ma Mumble to herself.

Sabaku was thrown into the air via handshake. About three seconds of screaming happened before a hang-glider appeared from his pack. "Thanks for the lift, you ****er!" He yelled down to Liberty as he balanced his gun on the glider. He mumbled an apology to the rock goat before he fired. Halfway through his shell exploded, and rained down napalm onto the landscape around the goat setting blaze to the forest around him
"****IN' METAL!" yelled one of the band memebers.

The goat god simply stared at the napalm clouds before sticking out his tongue and tasting it “NOT METAL ENOUGH!” The goat God screamed before he ran towards the others on the ground at supersonic speeds, Being completely unfazed by the napalm because he was just that METAL!

“Run!” Liberty explained to the others. “I can take care of this.” Liberty looked at The goat as he came towards him like a meteorite. “I don’t know why you like to call yourself an element but I won’t judge you Mr. Goat. FREEDOM TIMES 2” He Screamed before his muscles expanded, With his lightning fast reflexes he grabbed onto the spiked horns on the Goat and tried to stop him his momentum. The snow started to melt around them.

“I WILL SHOW YOU TRUE METAL YOU COUNTRY LOVING BIRD!” It yell as It continue to run pushing Liberty back ever so slightly. It started the charge of its laser beam.

Sabaku flew over the area as he loaded another shell into his gun. "Well fire doesn't work, but... Rock beats shock right? Pokemon rules." He fired a shot that arced with a hiss in the sky, it flew past the goat, and landed with a boom above as it took out a chunk of the mountain above. Sending boulders, and rocks tumbling below into the Rock Goat.

Sabaku let out a chuckle as he saw a smaller boulder slam into the Rock Goat's leg setting the creature off balance. This laugh was quickly turned into screams as he caught an updraft from the flaming forest below careening him directly into Liberty.

“BAAAAAA…” Liberty screamed as the kids slammed into him. The force caused liberty to go flying off a un-conveniently placed Cliff to the side of them. Luckily the monthly bird was able to grab the side of the ledge. “You’re okay kid?” he asked Sabaku, Holding him to his side as they dangled off the cliff.

Just then the rock goat came to the side of the cliff and looked down at them. “Now pay for your insolence against metal! You dumb, Over muscled, egotistical, disrespectful, smelly birdbrain.” he said as he charged his lightning attack. “Now go to country he…”

(slash)

A sound ranged out as A knife cut through the goat's Left horn Cutting it off. The goat swung back around Forcing the person responsible to jump back. “I’m the only one who’s allowed to insult the bird...” Ma Shouted as she pointed one of the kitchen knives straight at the goat. “...He’s my punching bag.”

Meanwhile Liberty and Sabaku were still hanging off the side of the cliff. “You got an idea kid? I can't pull us up without my other arm but then I would have to let go of you.”

Sabaku looked up with digust at Ma! "What?... You cheated! You... Big fat cheating cheater! Only the hunter is supposed to be able to make attacks unless your own life is in danger!" He shouted at the dumb bird.

“I told her that last round but she seems a little too stubborn.” Liberty told the small man as he tried to pull himself up. “oh well I'm not complaining.”

He ignored Liberty rocking to the side as he jammed a piton into the cliff face. After a couple seconds, and some pitons he got himself up the cliff face. As he got himself up the cliff he immediately started doing a hustle towards a boulder for cover nearby as he started throwing around small objects into the environment. He took out his trusted rambo knife, and flung it towards the goat catching it in the leg. He started bolting down the mountain as it banged it's head, and sent out a shockwave sending up all the objects on the ground that took aim, and shot multiple lasers from different angles at the Rock Goat that played a guitar solo of agony. It also sent the boulder that Sabaku previously used as cover rolling down the mountain after him.

Liberty climbed up the Cliffside. “That kid can climb fast…” He thought to himself, dusting himself off. He then saw Sabaku Whiz past Behind him. He turned his head towards him. “Oh hey kid so how’s the goatAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” he screamed as he suddenly noticed the giant boulder heading towards them. “I got this FREEDOM TIMES THREE!” He screamed as his muscle expanded. “FREEDOM PUNCH!” He yelled slamming his fist into the Boulder and shattering into thousands of tiny pebbles. He then turned his head towards the goat.

“Three might be trouble even if they don’t know the true meaning of METAL!” He then turned his head towards Richard and the other band Members. “FACE TRUE METAL YOU PASSY ASS BAND!” It’s then find electric guitar pulse at them.

“WATCHOUT!” Ma Screamed as she jumped in the way of the blast trying to block it.

(KABOOM!)

She explosion into pieces her parts rained down on the snow-covered floor “MAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Liberty screamed in pure horror as he ran Towards the wreckage of his partner.

“That’s what she gets for not being METAL Enough!” The goat then turned its head towards Sabaku. “The birds crying like a baby, the robots in wreckage and your pathetic grunge band is too pathetic to do anything, now it’s just you and me Shorty.”

"Hey we aren't pathetic!" Drumette called out with a weak voice.
"We aren't even a grunge band!" One of the other band memembers said pitifully.
Clarainetta raised her voice above the others "Yeah! That Goat is just one big bully! Take him out for us!"

Tombono was giving a thumbs up while Dyck crossed his arms and gave a nod.

"Well... I was going to just beat you up to make some sasuage you ****ty goat. But now you've insulted my friends, my cook, and my hype band! But most of all... NO ONE CALLS ME SHORTY!" Sabaku got out his grappling hook, and grappeled his way through a couple of burning trees wrapping himself tightly in his outfit. With a final grapple the hook wrapped itself on the goat's horns as he was pulled closer to his target Sabaku flailed wildly through the air. A collection of caltrops being scattered throughout the arena. The goat flailingly wildly as it tried to shake Sabaku off nailing multiple caltrops to his legs, and hooves.

“GET OFF ME!” The goat screams Before using its mighty had to fling Sabaku like a rocket into a nearby Cliffside. “DIE YOU JAZZ LOVING HIPPIE!” It yell before firing electronic guitar Blast at him

(BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!)

“SABAKU!” Drumette Yelled out as the cliff collapsed on his friend.

“Well that takes care of that.” The goat said with a smirk before turning his attention to the band. “Is the grunge brand ready to die?” It said as It’s prepared the charge them.

“You Bastard!” Liberty yelled as he lifted himself up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZLjp5Rei4s

“Aw it’s the stupid bird, What’s the matter, sad I destroyed your sex toy?” It said as it turned its head towards Liberty.

Liberty was uncharacteristically quiet, he no longer had a smile but a look of determination on his face. “The sense of justice is stronger than any metal!”

“HA NOTHING IS AS EXTREME AS METAL!” The goat screamed before charging straight at Liberty.

The ground around Liberty started to shake. “JUSTICE…” And then it seemed like the whole mountain was shaking as a burning passion boiled in Liberty’s heart. “...TIME…” He readied his fist for one final punch, He could hear nothing but the goat’s footsteps in the beating of his own heart. He waited for the right moment.

“I’M HAVING ROASTED CHICKEN TONIGHT!” The goat yelled out in glee a meter away.

“TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!” He yelled his arm grow 10 times its normal size.

“WHAT THE FU...!” Was all it could yell out before the fist hit his head.

“JUSTICE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!” He screamed as a massive shock wave eruptioned. Knocking back, Snow, rocks, trees, and even the people nearby. The stock which travel throughout the mountains and could be felt all over the mountain and the surrounding areas.

“SO ****ING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AL!” Was all the goat could say before exploding into tiny bits. Pieces of its corpse rain down all over the area almost looking like bloodied rain.

All that was left standing was Liberty who more looked like a skeleton of a bird than an actual bird. “I told you justice is stronger meta….” He managed to get out before collapsing on the snow.

Sabaku appeared next to Drum holding out a bag to collect some of the raining meat in the environment. "Wow that sure was a close one."

"I thought you were dead!" all members of the The Salt Flame's group said in unison.
"Oh... That was my balloon double. I threw it out when I got thrown off. The real me grappled out of there as the damn bird ruined my plan. I was hoping to use the magnetic qualities of the caltrops to throw the goat off balance, and then disrupt his electromagnetic flow with an EMP, and throw an explosive down it's gullet. Anyway... Their hunter blew his load on the first thing he saw so that means we have free reign of the rest of the ingredients they put here!" Sabaku grinned as he grappled off into the distance.

Just then screaming could be heard, Sabaku looked at the others “Okay what the hell is it no...CHASH” Suddenly a helicopter landed directly Next to Sabaku.

“Is everyone alright?” Pint said as he walked out the helicopter.

“I’m okay.” Ms. Wahidana replied, Climbing out of the broken wreckage. “Good thing Nukeele Stayed back at the hotel.”

“I knew flying near Liberty was a bad idea, He always somehow takes out planes from ground level. I don’t even know how” Pint-size Said as he dusted himself off. He then noticed the people standing near him. “Hello, Um do you guys know were Liberty and Ma Are?”

"Yeah. They're over next to the burning piles of blood. Both of them are out of commision though." Sabaku said nonchantalty before grappling off into the distance again.

Pint came up to Liberty. “Come on let’s get up, We have a long way to walk back.”

“Hi Pint…” Liberty mumbled Barely keeping himself conscious. “Did I make the plane crash again. Sorry about that.”

“MA!” Wahidana Screamed as she ran towards her mentors destroyed body, at this point she was only a torso and ahead. “We need to get her Back to the hotel.”

“Okay, let’s grab all the meat we can and get out of here.” Pint ordered as he threw Liberty over his shoulder. “Hopefully that weightlifting train will come in handy.” He then noticed the others Off to the side. “Would it be too much trouble to help us bring these guys back to the hotel?”

"Tom, take them back to the hotel. I know you won't have any trouble carrying them."
Tombono effortlessly picked both of the knocked out people up, and started to steadily jog towards his location as the rest of the team went to investigate the area.

[Garjel_blah]

"Utterly unprofessional," Mealzebub scoffed...

Hi Rav! Your inbox is full so I couldn't reply to your message, just FYI.

(NaNoWriMo looks siiiick btw can't believe I hadn't heard of it)

[Demonjazz]

(OOC: I finally am going to move onto the cooking round. You will be able to post your battles later if you wish but cooking dishes, and votes will start again. The categories are fun, style, presentation, and creativity. All worth two points each. You can give a maximum of 3 awards to one person. Who won in each category will be announced later along with final scores)
"And with that we will announce the end of the fighting rounds! What an exciting group of fights. My favorite time had to be when the fire bears punched an ice caribou and it melted! Great times! But first now we'll have a word from our sponsors!... Wait can you hear that... It sounds like someone is coming to give us a delicious, and refreshing cold drink... It's... It's..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z54MpfR3XE4
An android passed through the audience throwing bottles of refreshing Pepsi-Cola with a delicious hint of citrus in each bottle before running into the announcer booth. "PEPSIMAN! The android line that single handedly took down the coke droids during the war! Wow, what do we have the honor of your presence, Pepsiman!"
Pepsiman looked like he was trying to talk, but that he couldn't.
"What's that Pepsiman!? You want Pepsi to sponsor this match, and in return have all the contestants use Pepsi products in some way in their cooking! Wow! I think that's a great idea, I heard that pepsi makes a delicious frozen treat, and can be used as a better substitute to Coca Cola in most recipes!"
Pepsiman gave the announcer a thumbs up, and handed him a pepsi. They both turned to the camera and drank the cola giving a small refreshing sigh.

[Demonjazz]

Sabaku was chewing on some sunflower seeds he approached the judges. He leaned on the desk where they did their judging. Noticing that some of the people sitting in chairs still were taller than him standing he took a box, and stood on it. "So." He said spitting out a sunflower seed on the floor. "You know that like... The Chef cheated by fighting in that... Like in a brazen display of breaking the rules. Chef Ma completely changed the outcome of the fight. Not to brag, but I could have probably won that fight if it wasn't for that chef fighting."
"I agree with you, mah boi and it would be no question as to if they'd be disqualified." Hanson paused. "But these are very important emissaries from a foreign planet. And well... We put it up to a vote."
"Oui, Twas only an over reaction. They were in a very high stress situtation and it is perfectly understandable, mon ami." Added Madame D'eau
"Very dishonorable to disrespect such an important guest." Added M. Nudo.
"Yeah, we got to make peace, not war with the aliens. What they think of us if we just let some silly mistake in a competition ruin our attitudes towards each other. Just mellow out, and let it slide." Pisces said sagely.
Sabaku pounded his first on the table. "LET IT SLIDE! MELLOW OUT! Do you know why they call me the Flame of the Salt Desert? Like the flaming towers that were used to help miners, and caravans find their way during sandstorms! I am a beacon to my area! I am the only official Gourmet Hunter to come out of my area in a century! Living proof that the Salt Desert is still worth something! And you are going to let some cheating cheater go because they're ambassadors! I'm the only ambassador that the Salt Desert has got and I say that those guys cheated! And I know you wouldn't let us get away with that ****! Because cheaters don't just get off scott free!"
"Woah now, there's no reason to get worked up. There's just some different priorities with a new people." Pisces said.
"Oui, while I J'adore your enthusaism and passion your statements lack respect, and dignity."
Sabaku puffed his cheeks, and spit the remains of the sun flower seeds at the feet of Madame D'eau. "Well I ain't so certain that I know how to act respectful. Mama always said that you only give respect when you get it." He said doing an exaggerated accent
"I told you taking in this charity case was a bad idea, Pisces. I'll put it simply so that you can understand! I know most people were home raised where you are from. Salt isn't a very important resource."
Sabaku suddenly lunged at Mr. M Nudo. Being caught mid air by Tombono who suddenly apperaed on the scene. He clawed fruitlessly at the air as he was dragged away. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK! SALT IS NEEDED TO SEASON ANYTHING! MEAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE WITHOUT IT! IT PRESERVES MEAT TOO! YOU'D DIE WITHOUT ANY OF IT YOU ELITIST PRICKS! THIS IS CLEAR FAVORTISM, AND CLASSISM! I HOPE YOU DIE FROM SODIUM DEPRIVATION! I'M NOT A CHARITY CASE!" and so on until he was dragged back into the kitchen out of earshot of the judges

[Godzillarich]

"Um Excuse me Mr. judges..." Wahidana mumbled as she walked up to the judges. "Can we hold off a little bit, Ma is still in critical condition since the last hunt."

"Oui, I'm sorry but That can't happen, we already reserved all the slots for TV and all the stuff is done live." Madame D'eau

"And we already let you slide on some things, anymore and it could seem like cheating to the other contestants." Hanson Added

"However..." Added M. Nudo "If you have any cooking staff they are eligible to take the chef place."

Wahidana Looked in surprise. "...Oh no I'm only an assistant I can't..."

"She'll do it in flying colors!" Pint interjected as he jumped on the judges table. "...She and Nukeele had the makings of a great chef, I seed in their eyes, a passion driving them unable to stop."

He was then pulled off the table by Wahidana. "But I can't." She whispered into Pint's ears "...Can't do anything by myself, I've always needed others to lay back on. I'll fail I may even ruin Ma reputation."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2s9l8Ka5_g&t=204s

Pint then grabbed her. "Listen here Wahidana, Days like this will come, days where you can't rely on her to lead you, days when you have to help her like right now. You may not think of yourself anything But a feeble assistant but like everyone else there's a fire burning in you." Pint then let go of her As he looked down at the floor "But this fire is squelched by your own fear," He then looked back at Wahidana with a fury in his eyes "...But not now, You go over to your fears and tell him to go **** themselves!"

Someone then rubbed up against Wahidana's arm "I believe in you chef Wahidana." Nukeele mumbled as she tried to comfort her.

Wahidana pulled her head up fear still in her eyes. "I'll do it..."

"Say it again." Pint exclaimed.

"I'll do it..." Wahidana said in a normal voice.

"Say it again this time with the fire fully burning in your heart!" Yelled Pint

"I'LL DO IT! I'll make the best dish I could possibly can! A dish that would even amaze Chef Ma!"

“That’s it, now make Ma proud!” Pint yelled.

Wahidana than bowed Slightly to Pint. “Thank you Pint.” And with that she ran to their cooking table.

“You’re very good motivational speaker.” M. Nudo Told Pint.

“Oui, You’re a natural at this Motivational speak.” Madame D'eau Added.

“Thanks, I learned from the best.” Pint reply before sitting down On the nearest empty chair.

[Garjel_blah]

(OOC: I'm just going to post what Rav and I have so far for the Rock Goat hunt. It at least establishes the main ingredients we collected for the cooking round. We may try to post more later but no promises)

With a hiss of pressure equalisation, Wasabi Scoville locked a large cylindrical fuel cell into her hunting flamethrower, and flicked on the ignition. A quick test-squeeze of the trigger, and a nearby treestump at the base of the mountain was engulfed in roaring yellow flame from the nozzle.
"Ahh..." Bibi sighed, breathing deep. "I love the smell of condensed vegetable oil in the morning. Smells like... McDonald's."
She cut off the short blue ignition flame, setting down the weapon to heave on her jetpack.

"At least it's not the the ocean again eh Julie?" she said to the knight-hunter. "That sucked balls man."

Julia took a moment to answer back, somewhat distracted. "Oui, though a gourmet hunter must be prepared for anything, it was unfortunate that both of us had to deal with our first rounds with such a disadvantage, armor is hardly a fitting accompaniment for water."

Julia had little against the Scoville sisters. This one was a tad vulgar for her tastes, and her sister but she would gladly take her over that malicious brute of a troll any day.

Nevertheless her mind was somewhat preoccupied, once again Mealzebub had provided her with an additional requirement alongside the difficulties inherent with facing a beast as dangerous as a Rock Goat. The fool wanted her to milk the damned thing. He had of course ignored her claims that this was impossible, that a nursing Rock Goat was no less dangerous than it's male counterparts, still possessing the same horns and other implements of destruction. What was worse was that they were typically accompanied by the goat's young, usually two or three, which were nearly as dangerous as their parents even at a young age. How she was going to deal with an entire family had not been answered by the frustratingly obstinate demon.

A thought however occurred to Julia, though the competitive nature of the match was somewhat at odds with diplomatic solutions, the current affair could actually have a mutually advantageous solution.

"Miss... Wasabi? Forgive me if I am being forward but would you be at all adverse to a temporary alliance for the round? An opportunity has suggested itself to me that we could both reap, if you were so inclined."

"Hmmm..." Wasabi rubbed her chin thoughtfully, her grin shrinking into a knowing half smile. "I might just be inclined so, Lancelot! What's the pitch?"

"We both have," Julia began "what some might call perfectionist partners. Mine for example is looking for a particular ingredient, Rock goat milk. This certainly presents a numerous set of potential problems, but not least of which is the fact that a nursing rock goat will almost certainly have her kids present as well. However there is where our joint opportunity presents itself. Those young goats are going to be the most tender cuts of meat available for almost any chef in this round. I would be pursuing them myself if not for my partner's requested ingredients. So rather than either of us having to tangle with an angry mother Rock goat and her brood by ourselves, we deal with the threat together and take what part of the prize that we desire."

"Would this be amenable to you, Mademoiselle?"

"You had me at the low-key passive-aggressive snark about our bitchy cook-counterparts, mon amie!" Wasabi agreed cheerfully. "It'll be like a proper quest, doing the hunt with you. Except usually I reckon you save the kids instead of, well, killing them."

She kicked her jetpack into gear, the thrusters sputtering to life as they lurched her into the air a foot. This put her almost at the height of the armoured knight.
"Want me to take point?" she suggested, nodding in the direction of the wooded base of the mountain.

Julia shook her head.
"Hold back, I will present myself to the mother, it will challenge me first, while her kids will likely hold back a few moments before they decide I may present their mother with enough of a challenge to warrant their attention. It is in these moments when you must strike. Wait until you can cut off the kids from their mother with your fire, and from there we deal with our quarries separately, divide and conquer as it were."

"Ok, I'll meet you up there!"

Wasabi rocketed upward, looping around and flying along the treeline.

[Godzillarich]

“Okay…” Wahidana mumbled As she looked at Ma recipe dish for this cooking session “She was planning to make it goat chili. That can’t be too hard can it?” she then turned her head towards the different ingredients that were laid out on the table. She then look to the side to see the empty Pot that was about the size of an SUV. “Let’s get to cooking.” She said as she rubbed her hands together, trying desperately not to show how worried she was. “Nukeele get to chopping those onions.”

“You got it!” Nukeele yelled before turning her horned tail towards the onions. She then swung her tail furiously cutting the onions at an alarming speed and after less than five seconds all that was left was onion confetti.

“Very good.” Wahidana nervously said as he using her magic to pick up the onions and throw them into the pot. At this point Ma would’ve started the fire but unfortunately she wasn’t here. “Let’s see if I can do fire magic well enough here” She thought to himself Before firing a spell straight at the metal pot. The spell seemed to have done the trick as the pot heated up. After about five minutes she threw in some Chilli Powder, Cumin, Oregano and Cinnamon into the pot. “Okay time for the goat meat, it’s grounded up right?” Wahidana asked nervously

“Have I ever let you guys down before?” Nukeele Exclaimed as she pointed at the grounded up goat meat.

“Thank you.” Wahidana told Nukeele before using her magic to throw the meat into the pot. She then used her magic to levitate a giant spoon. She put in the pot and started to mix it together. After mixing for a minute she then threw in Tin Chopped Tomatoes, Tomato Puree, Beef Stock Cube and some special seasoning before continuing to Mix the pot. After mixing for little bit more she added some water and then continued mixing it. She then used her magic to put the lid back on the pot. “Hopefully the time isn't.” Wahidana thought to herself after waiting about 20 minutes for to be cooked. “All we need now is the beans.” She said before throwing the gigantic kidney beans into the pot. She then started mixing it again.

"Wahidana We forgot about the Pepsi!" Nukeele Told Wahidana "I don't think the dish will work well if we put it in now."

Wahidana Looks nervously as she notice A barrel full of Pepsi that they were given to complete the dish. "Hopefully they won't mind it." She told her partner before picking up the Pepsi with her magic and pouring it into the dish.

After 10 minutes Wahidana Came back to the pot. “All we need now is just to mix it a little bit more.” She thought to herself still not sure of her own skills. She then turned off the magical fire from the pot and put on the lid. “And that’s that for better or for worse.” She told Nukeele.

“Don’t worry…” Nukeele Interjected as she tried to comfort Wahidana “No matter how well you do I’m sure chef Ma would be proud of you.”

“Thank you!” Wahidana Said with a nervous smile as she used her magic to lift the pot over to the Judges table. “I hope you like it.” She told the judges before walking off.

[Demonjazz]

As Sabaku sulked in the corner still mumbling to himself about cheaters the others were quick in the kitchen.
Clarineta and Drum were hauling in a large sack of ingredients as it landed on a counter with a thud Dyck Derringer started to take stock of the ingredients he found. "Pfft. Everyone's always more concerned with the main ingredients. The fools didn't even try to get other ingredients. We had a lucky find with this container of pancake batter we found in that cabin."
"Hun, I don't think that was supposed to be for us. I'm pretty sure, the boss just robbed one of the producers of their breakfast." Clarineta said to him.
"... Well, it's ours now. Turn up the heat, and get out a vanilla Pepsi. I've got a pla-" Just then a spiky-haired with blonde tips had somehow made his way down from the stands made his way to the Salt Desert crew he was waving his hands frantically as a couple of guards chased him.
"Hey! Hey! My name is Kier Fiori, and I'm from the Salt Desert! I'm your biggest fan! Your food is amazing!" this Kier man was about to get tackled by the guards when Sabaku put his arm around his... Waist. Dyck stood next to him too. Sabaku put his hand up in a stopping gesture. "Hey now. We can't go denying our fans a bit of time with us, eh. He's our biggest fan, after all." The guards reluctantly backed off as Sabaku guided the man toward the kitchen to sit him down. Kier looked ecstatic as they did so.
Dyck had a look of reservation on his face before he turned to the rest of the crew. "Come on! Double time it! We're making another serving for our biggest fan here!"
Kier looked around with an expectant smile. "So... Uh. Like I said! I love all your cooking! Let me tell ya, some of your recipes made my wife the talk of every party in town! I never knew Andiluvian Sandworm could taste so good! You guys sure are keeping some of that Salt Desert spirit alive!"
Sabaku looked over Kier. "Heeey! I never forget hair like that. We did a job for you didn't we?"
Kier nodded. "Ya sure did! You saved my livestock right good. If it weren't for you killing that giant whiteback rattler my farm would be dead for sure!"
Sabaku gave a smirk. "Yeah, I know. Hard work for a farmhand, but easy for a rewound gourmet hunter like myself."
"Mhmm! I know everybody treats ya like dirt here, but that's just cause them city folk are jealous of some real competition coming their way! They wouldn't last a week in the Salt Desert! No way, no how!"
Sabaku's smirk intensified. "Yeah, they probably never even had climate training! Or had to track a Himalayan Pink Scorpion during a salt storm!"
Tombono looked over at the man. "You, you were the one that we played at your barn party after our job."
"Boy howdy, You sure was! Ain't never had a hootin-nanny like that before! That's how ya got your record deal! Sent Billy after ya to cut your album!"
"Billy's a rocker man! Were you the one that convinced him to take our more traditional stuff in?" Kier nodded to Drum. "Righteous! He was the one to get 'Hey Death!' on the radio too!"
Clara blushed. "Oh, Billy. That hun was a real sweetheart. He knew how to treat a lady."
"He was a man of honor, and you were continually making physical contact with him," Tombono added stoically. Sending up a giggle from Drum and a laugh from Sabaku causing Clara's face to grow an even brighter shade of red.
Dyck cleared his throat loudly before slamming a spoon on the table having everyone even the normally stoic Tombono to look up in surprise. "We're in a tournament, not a church get together! So get working!" All of the crew quickly got their stations as Dyck started stirring a bowl. After the chaos of everyone getting to their stations was over Kier spoke up as he looked... Around Dyck's shoulder. "So, what are you cooking anyway?"
"As you know, I am excellent at making a themed meal. The theme was mountains so we're taking some of the classic dishes of the Rocky Road mountains, and adding a bit of exotic flavor to them." Dyck poured a bit of vanilla Pepsi into the bowl he was stirring.
"And... That means?" Kier looked confused by what he was saying.
"Well first off we're making what they call a Paul Bunyan Special. Using the authentic 1840s pancake mix... Or at least that's what it said on the package. We're going to try to balance the heartiness of the meal out with the sweetness of the pancakes. The maple syrup having a bit of bite by adding just a touch of willow bark, and a bit of sweetness with a teaspoon of vanilla coke to give it not only some aroma, but a rich sweetness."
"Pancakes. Gotta love those, but you can't have a sweets with no meats! That's what my mama used to always say!"
"Exactly! I see you too can appreciate the brilliance of the mountain men too. For that we are sorting through the goat debris to make a mountain sausage. What the settlers used to call a sausage made of goat. The robust, and powerful flavor of the Rock Goat can be overwhelming so it's important that we only make a small amount of them so as not to overwhelm the taster. Which is why you have to have the pancakes to balance it out. You must eat the sausage with a bit of syrup, and a bite of pancake, r you'll be blown away by the extreme tastes of it. And you can't have mountain sausage without a bit of bear bacon. Sabaku's skinning that right now with his knife, and while ordinarly it would take days at least to smoke that... Well I have an ancient secret of marination passed down from dad. Before you ask, It's in my will. I'll only release it on death."
"Well that's one way to keep a company secret!"
"Anyway, With such extreme, exotic, and gamey tastes it's important to have a palette cleanser, and the pancakes won't do by themselves. Which is why the drink is a large glass of the melted ice shell of an ice caribou. They say it's some of the purest water there is."
"Wow! As a desert dweller I'm certainly looking forward to that. Can barely get water without a .5% salt level in it from the city! Everybody's got to put in water filters."

Dyck, and the crew slaved over their work even Sabaku putting aside his usual lazy tendencies to help the others. Everybody seemed to be real cheered up by their new fan in the kitchen. He was the first one to get a meal which he discussed as he chewed. He started off with the pancakes.
"Well... The batter certainly gives it some real authenticity. It's very different from more modern batter, a little less sweet, a little less fluffy, but it's... Different in a good way. Kinda like an old-timey sasparilla. Speaking of which that maple syrup... Dee-lish. Gives it a real soda pop saloon kick in the arse! Ain't no man gonna get mocked from going to bar for a Vanilla Pepsi now!"
He moved onto the mountain sausage that he paired as told with the syrup, and pancake. "Oh... Oooh! It's... Just... ooooh! It's like every meat flavor in your mouth at once, but wrapped in a sweet bun!" He cut into the bear bacon. "... It's... Gamey, and a bit salty." He dipped some into the syrup, and took a bite. "Goes much better with some of this. It's a good counterbalance to the rest of the meal... But I wouldn't exactly call it good by itself." He finally got onto the drink. He took a small sip, and then... Fell to the floor out of his chair. "I... I didn't know that water could taste that good!" He quickly took a longer gulp from the cup he luckily didn't spill. "You'd make a bloody fortune if you sold this in the desert! You could sell it for a million dollars, and people would buy it!" He drank more, and after a bit of conversation was eventually escorted back into the stands where his friends were shouting praises, and jibes at him.

Dyck looked over to the rest of the plates that were going to be handed out to the judges. "... Well... You heard the man. Quarter less bacon, and put a bit of syrup on them." As his crew fixed the plates he wheeled the trolley of dishes to the judges. If they didn't like Desert tastes, well it was just too damn bad this time.

[The JoJo]

Henry the Troll vs Ouiu

"So in summation," Ouiu said to her uncle, stretching her replacement arm carefully. "I'm to do mighty and glorious battle with a giant goat that breaths lightning and causes catastrophic shock waves with its extravagant head bobbing?"

"The honey-farming Slavic fire bears, ice caribou, wolf druids, and axe hawks notwithstanding of course." Bartholomew reminded her without fluster. "Yet have no fear, lass. These mountains... They bear a Highland scent beneath the stench of punk-rock debauchery. You were born to fight in these mountains."

The cyborg girl quickly embraced Bartholomew, emboldened by his ineffable sentiment.

"I won't let you down, uncle." she said.

"I know, lass. Now get ready."

Meanwhile, Lady Carmine straightened Henry's harness, before handing him his harpoon.

"You must be careful this time, I know you did well with the crab but it very nearly could have gone wrong," she said sternly. Henry moaned something inaudible in response.

"No, save your appetite for later," Carmine added, shooting Ouiu a dirty look. "I fear she might give you indigestion."

"I would never be so cruel!" Ouiu lambasted with obfuscate indignation. Carmine was about to shoot back a reply, before remembering her disguise. She instead smiled sweetly as the announcer took his position above the proceedings.

"Take your positions!" he called. Henry grunted and stepped up to his spot, picking at his leather harness. Ouiu stepped up next to him, flashing the camera a >:3 of determination.

"On your mark... Set!"

A horn blared.

Henry launched himself with a snarl at Ouiu, his fists raised. Ouiu jumped, deftly leapfrogging over the charging troll.
"Ah, so it is to be one of those hunts, you quarrelous cur you!" she decreed, shaking her small fist. "Well I would rather be fleet up the mountain than brawny at its base. I bid you adieu, noble fiend!"

And with that, Ouiu made a break for the edge of the forest, trying to lose her competition in a field of dense bracken. Henry let out a roar of anger and stomped after Ouiu, sending bracken left and right as he tore through the undergrowth. The girl might be faster than him, but he was strong, and determined not to fail the mistress.

The chase spanned deep into the forest, Ouiu navigating the terrain with speed and finesse while Henry forged his own path. The flora was dense and oppressive, even for Ouiu's heightened cyborg senses, and so she was surprised when after a few minutes of pursuit she emerged without warning into a clearing. Though devoid of large trees, the clearing was by no means empty.

In fact, a battle raged there.

Ice caribou and wolf druids were locked in vicious combat, icicles and stones launched by slings flying between the two factions as front line warriors skirmished in between. Ouiu, shocked by this visage of war, momentarily forgot her flight from the troll and merely watched from the edge of the battleground.


~

Meanwhile, Henry slowed to a halt as he realised his quarry had escaped. He let out a roar of anger, before sniffing the air with his wide nostrils. There were a number of scents surrounding him, so many that they threatened to overwhelm his small brain. He concentrated on one in particular: rock goat. Yes, that was what he was meant to be hunting.


~

"Woodland creatures of the mountain!" Ouiu cried out to the warring factions of caribou and wolf. None paid her heed, continuing to rain missiles and exchange blows on the battlefield. Ouiu fumed silently for a moment, then puffed out her bagpipes implant from her left shoulder.

A single toot of the pipes knocked the closest few combatants off their paws and hooves, and made the rest cower in shock. In the distance a flock of bird fled in alarm from the treetops, and a nearby squirrel fell down from its tree branch having died of an aneurism. There was silence.

"Ahem," Ouiu said, putting away her pipes to continue her speach. "Woodland creatures of the mountain. My name is Ouiu, and I know of your war. Tell me why do you fight among yourselves, when the real threat lurks at your home's summit? I implore you-"

Ouiu was interrupted as a battle-crazed wolf druid broke ranks, charging at the cyborg girl with a muffled howl as it brandished a club in its jaws. With a swift pirouette Ouiu dodged the swing, and immediately decked the ambitious wolf in the face.

"As I was saying..." she continued as some of the now-semi-conscious wolf's brothers dragged him away. "I implore you to set aside your differences, and join me on my quest to kill the Rock Goat! The bears have already agreed, once they are allowed access to their cavalry. I want you noble ice caribou to allow them this, then join forces with the bears and the wise druid wolves under my neutral banner to free the mountain of its true oppressor!"

"You want us to disband the blockade?!" asked an incredulous and highly decorative ice caribou, who Ouiu presumed was their leader. His antlers ended in spikes resembling the fractal patterns of a snowflake. "I, Baron Faulkner von Frostfur, will never allow those damned cowardly commies anywhere near their cavalry! They are traitors to our sacred alliance, and will be the next to fall after we crush these mangy hippie mutts!"

"Your 'sacred alliance'?" sneered an alpha-female wolf who was wearing a traditional chieftain headdress of feathers and beads. "I, Elder Moon Moon of the druid council, kick dirt on the verbal excrement that you just spoke! Your notion of sacred is but a feeble utterance compared to the eternal bond we share with Mother Nature, who you so callously besmirch."

"Damn hippie!" Baron Faulkner bleated at Elder Moon Moon. "You dare-"

"Stop!" shouted Ouiu, silencing the two rulers. "Let's just... Calm. See, I had a little parley with the bears about your conflict. Want to know what I think, o Baron and Elder? I think you've both betrayed your principles in the pursuit of a so-called righteous war. You."

Ouiu pointed at Baron Falkner of the ice caribou.

"I heard that you destroyed Yuri's village. You cantered in, and trampled his igloo underhoof. You attacked an ally, and why? Because his people refused to indulge your bloody, and quite obviously personal crusade against the druid wolves. What sort of an ally does that make you? And you."

Ouiu pointed at Moon Moon, Elder of the druid wolves.

"I saw what you did to the forest where Sasha kept her beehives. You destroyed- no, desecrated those trees. Tore them to pieces without scruple or ceremony, then left the soil frost over and become barren. What sort of a friend to nature does that make you?"

"That did feel a bit hypocritical, Elder Moon Moon." mentioned on of the other wolves, eliciting a resentful snarl from her.

"You shame us, Ouiu." admitted Baron Falkner.

"It is you who shame yourselves." accused Ouiu. "But are you to blame for straying from your honourable ways? No. For it was the Rock Goat and his evil influence that brought you to this!"

A murmur ran through the two sides, and Ouiu saw her chance to drive home her argument.

"Woodland creatures! I come from the Scottish Highlands, a land very similar to your mountain. Where the people live and die by their sacred ways, just as you do. Like you we can sometimes go to far... But when the Man-eating Haggis of Aberdeen devoured most of my clan, did we abandon our ways? No! Did we fight amongst ourselves for the scraps of what we once were? NO! We took the fight to that monstrous Haggis, and to this day we hunt it from the lochs to the Shetland Islands...

"So tell me, woodland creatures. Will you abandon your ways?"

There was a resound chorus of 'no!' among the assembled wolves and caribou.

"Of course not! Will you fight among yourselves for the scraps of what you once were?"

This time the chorus was less resounding, and Ouiu had to make a particularly stern >:3 to prompt them.

"NO!" she yelled. "Will you take the fight to this Rock Goat, and destroy it once and for all, for the good of all mountain dwellers?!"

A cheer (or, to be more precise, a mixture of mooing and howling) erupted from the assembled armies. Moon Moon padded forward, with Baron Falkner close behind.

"Ouiu, my tribe has spoken." said Moon Moon. "We will fight for you against the evil of the Rock Goat."
"As will mine." grumbled the Baron with some reluctance. "And we will lift the blockade on the bear cavalry. Though I don't think you quite understand what you're unleashing there..."

"As long as it's unleashed against the Rock Goat, I'm not complaining." Ouiu said. "Shall we march now?"

"You lead the way." said the Baron.


~

Henry slowed as his eyes caught sight of a pair of long horns. He had been following the scent of the Rock Goat for some time, but only now he was a mere fifty feet away did he catch sight of it. He drew his crossbow from his back and took another couple of steps forward.

crack!

He flinched as the twig broke beneath his feet. The goat turned its head, fixing him with a curious stare. Then, it bolted into the forest.

Henry threw the crossbow aside and thundered after his quarry. As a troll, he could run fast but not for very long. He knocked branches left and right as he struggled to keep pace with the Rock Goat. When he was only a few feet behind it, he took a risk and threw himself onto the goat's back. One of its horns missed his left eye by a fraction of an inch. He grasped hold of its neck and twisting with all his might. For a terrible moment, he thought the beast might actually be stronger than him, but then it buckled under him and came crashing to the ground. That was when he saw them.

Three MiG-29 fighter jets, flying in tight formation towards the mountain summit. Mere seconds after their accelerated arrival the scream of their engines began to catch up with them, a deafening whine and whistle that echoed around the mountain as the aircraft bore down on them. There were shapes balanced on each wing of the three jets, not guns nor missiles, but... Bears?

Yes, bears on the wings wearing flying goggles and leather jackets and Adidas tracksuit pants. When the jets flew into range, the bears began doing the prisyadka, and each perfectly synchronised Russian kick elicited from their shaggy hind bear paws a raging ball of fire, that hurtled towards the tussling Rock Goat and Henry in a blaze of rippling heat and smoke.

The troll barely had time to blink at the strange scene that greeted him, before he was struck by a metric ton of Russian bear. He and his quarry were thrown into a nearby tree, almost snapping the trunk in two and leaving Henry feeling like his tiny brain had just been smashed out by a large chunk of frozen vodka.

Meanwhile in the lead aircraft, Ivan roared triumphantly into his radio headset.

"Dat is signal!" Viktor said to Ouiu, Baron Falkner, and Elder Moon Moon as they skulked in wait with their armies. "Attack now!"

The Rock Goat staggered to its feet, dazed and enraged at what it was fairly sure was no more than a petty assault from those gopnik bear people. But when it heard the rumble, and saw come over the hill a mighty charge of bears, ice caribou, druid wolves, and then at the tip of the spear, the brunt of the vanguard, the zenith of violent and righteous struggle - the magnificent android uniter OUIU!

"ROCK GOAT!" she challenged. "The people come for your blood, o foul tyrant!"

The Goat bleated back its fury, sparks crackling between its horns.

Henry struggled to his feet, clutching his ringing head in his hands. He looked up at Ouiu and fixed her with a glare of pure loathing.

"Ugghhhh!" he roared at her, which in troll roughly translated as: "It's mine!"

"Woodland creatures!" Ouiu rallied, pointing at Henry. "That squat homunculoid over yonder is in vile cahoots with the Rock Goat. Do not let the accomplice to oppression stand in our way!"

A detachment of bears, headed by Viktor the large Slavic polar bear, placed themselves between Henry and the Rock Goat.
"You make big mistake, cuvak." Viktor threatened, his paws bursting into flame. "The last man to oppress bears end up as melting bones in flaming acid!"

Meanwhile, Ouiu and her army advanced on the Rock Goat itself. Shredding out a grim minor chord the Goat blasted aside the front line of ice caribou with its lightning, then rammed any wolf berserkers that charged in after them. Ouiu attempted a flank, diving in from behind with her fists primed for a telescopic punch, but was caught in mid air by a vicious kick of its rear hooves and sent sprawling in the dirt.

"Air support!" she called out. With a roar and a scream the bear-piloted jet aircraft swung about for a second run, raining balls of flaming bear fire down upon the Goat like a damnation from God himself. But this time, the beat was prepared.

Locking its hooves into a wide stance, the Goat faced up at the incoming jets and began to headbang. With a break-neck tempo the beast bobbed its chinnie-chin-chin, sending a shockwave right through the formation. The aircraft scattered, one even stalling as the passing shockwaves buffeted it to and fro.

"Blyat!" the pilot Ivan cursed from the falling plane, followed by Yuri's shouts of, "Mayday, mayday, Bear One is going down!"

"No!" Ouiu protested, and inflated her bagpipes. With a focused blast of counter-phase soundwaves in the falling aircraft's direction, Ivan regained just the control he needed to break out of the stall, a mere hundred or so metres from the treetops.

"Yes Ouiu!" Yuri cheered. "You are hero of bears this day, truly."

Yet even as he said this, the Goat had affixed one burning eye on the girl's cybernetically implanted instrument. It wasn't just animal instinct Ouiu saw in its glare, no - the beast was affronted.

Henry let out another roar; this time one that made the very hills around them shake. He fixed his eyes on Viktor, and then without any further hesitation, charged full pelt at the polar bear.

A group of zealous bears attempted to dog-pile the Rock Goat as it was distracted, much as Henry had done, but they had not the troll's might or his first-strike advantage. The Goat tossed them aside with a few taut bucks, and, fleet as a lightning bolt and twice as glowy, sprang directly towards Ouiu.

"Oof!" the cyborg coughed as she caught the beast by its horns before they could strike home, digging her heels into the ground as it forced her almost up to the vertiginous cliff face of the mountain. "Do you scorn my music so much that you would challenge me with such singular ferocity, beast of rock and metal?"

The Rock Goat snorted, and with a great heave flicked back its horned head, launching Ouiu back onto the battleground.

Her allies rushed to aid her as Ouiu climbed to her feet, but with a stamp of the Rock Goat's hoof a myriad of stone blocks burst like tombstones from the ground around her to obstruct their way. They grew thick and they grew tall, until the huntress was ensnared in a stone arena with her formidable prey.

Ouiu's eyes roamed over every inch of the cage, searching for some escape route, but she new already in her piezoelectric heart that she would duel the Rock Goat here. Not with combat, but with song!

"So be it..." she said, inflating her bagpipes. The Goat brayed its challenged, and with a thunderous lurch began to headbang once more, just as Ouiu matched with her pipes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqp6z6vfHX8

The shockwaves of each instrument pounded against each other, warping the space where they intersected and cascading over the stone barriers of the arena. Pulses of unfathomable intensity rippled through the ranks of bear, caribou, and wolf.
"By the mountain!" Moon Moon cursed. "Gods and machines do battle, and powers beyond what is natural manifest in this arena. Brothers and sisters, prepare wards of thyme and mistletoe and sanctify this place!"

"I rather like it, myself." the caribou Baron commented, bobbing his ice-antlered head in time to the beat.

Meanwhile, Ouiu's sweat faucets twisted open in her brow, sending beads of exertion down her distended rosy cheeks, a product of the immense strain of her performance against the beast of Pure Raw Metaaaaallll. Opposite the girl, the Rock Goat pounded out an unrelenting shred of electric tablature, the very dust around its hooves swirling into symbols of crackling arcane horror. Satan himself seemed to be channelling dark forces through the remorseless motion of this goat's head, every shake a damnation, every roll of it feral eyes an appeal to the Powers that Lurk to crush, maim, and rend the pathetic screechy musician that so wantonly indulged in boring old people music. Clouds gathered in the distance, vortexing about the arena as though their conflict was a drain through which the feeble sensibilities of modern society, their futile sanity and senescent formalities, were evacuated like so much vascular fluid from the Body of Christ. The Rock Goat headbanged, and for a brief moment it was as if the universe was the one headbanging, and the Goat was actually in a place of absolute stillness as the cosmos shuddered to the rhythm of its whips. A glimpse of tranquility in the eye of the storm.

Ouiu fell to one knee, huffing and puffing at her reed as the wind whipped at her hair and skirt, and lightning illuminated the sky with pentagrams and cocaine-sculpted bass reliefs of Ozzy Osbourne. Her pupils narrowed to pinpricks of singular focus as she attempted to channel the metal like voltage through a groundwire. Her world constricted into a dark sphere of sensation, and the only thing in existence was her, and her prey, her nemesis, her muse, her teacher, her lover - the Rock Goat, God of Metal.

And then, into this realm of contention-absolute, an MiG-29 fighter jet landed nose first in an eruption of flame. A Templar stepped out - no, a bear. Ivan, the bear cavalry pilot with a cigarette in his muzzle and a chip on his shoulder. And then behind him, through the fracture created by the falling aircraft, Yuri with his head full of ideas and ushankas, and Sasha bearing vodka along with the hopes and dreams of her people.

"We help you, devotchka!" Yuri called over the cacophony of cataclysm, as he and his bear comrades took their place besides Ouiu. With a swig each of the honey vodka, the bears dropped to squat, and began to do the prisyadka.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMDXl36gypw

Soon others enters Ouiu's little conflict, knocking down the stones of the arena as if claiming vengeance for the Bearlin Wall, and fell into low-hopping step with the resistance. And not just bears - soon the wolves arrived with their thyme and mistletoe, and ice caribou with their slightly awkward but sincere appreciation for the art of music.

Against such a force, even the mighty Rock Goat showed pause. Between the bangs of its head, perceptive sorts such as Ouiu noticed frustration in the beast's eyes. How could this be? thought the Goat. That there is a force more metal than I?

The Goat's disbelief was strong... But slowly, irrefutably, the epicentre of the converging shockwaves shifted away from Ouiu and her woodland friends, and across the arena. Back towards the Rock Goat.

The Goat screamed its fury, picking up the pace of its headbangs until it was but a blur of horns and chin hair. But even so its metal was pushed back. Until, with a sudden and eerie silence as all sound in the area was reduced to a state of zero-point energy, the Goat's shockwave wave forced back into its own skull.

There was a moment's stillness following the onset of absolute quiet, in which Ouiu and the Goat teetered opposite each other. Then the Goat staggered back, unsteady on its four legs.

"It's over for you, Rock Goat." Ouiu announced between ragged breaths. She took a step forward, and felt something damp tap against her face, which a quick tactile inspection revealed to be one of her eyeballs, popped out and dangling by wire and sinew. She ignored it.

"You may call yourself a God of Metal." Ouiu said as she stood over the weakened Rock Goat. "But you can't fight the Highland Spirit with a few loud chords and some edgy lyrics! I, Ouiu the Gourmet Hunter, hereby free these people from your tyranny, and claim your meat as my prize."

The Goat snarled, sparks frothing between its teeth, and reared up for a roar of whining electric guitar. Without further preamble Ouiu took hold of one of the beast's horns, wrangling it into her control, and then with a shrill scream of savagery tore the magnificent curling horn away from its head and clubbed it across the face. The Goat fell, its final riff of defiance fading away in its now lifeless throat.

Above the battleground unholy clouds began to part, and at long last the Mountain was free.

The woodland creatures cheered, and Ouiu hefted the large one-horned Rock Goat carcass onto her shoulder.

"Thank you, thank you, it was an honour." Ouiu said, sweet but with some exhaustion. "But now I shall be-"

At that moment, she saw Henry standing in the distance. His harness had been ripped to shreds, and his face was cut and bruised, but in his arms he held a struggling Viktor. Henry drew one finger across the bear's throat.

Ouiu blanched.

"Ah, blyat." Viktor swore. "I tried, but he is too stronk..."

"Wait Henry!" Ouiu begged. "Please, do not hurt my bear comrade!"

Ouiu met the eyes of her woodland friends, all hushed by the sight before them. Yuri bear in particular watched with palpable apprehension as his friend was held hostage.

The huntress may have been naive, but she recognised the a bargain when she saw one, and new the price. Slowly, she deposited the Goat carcass on the ground, and with one telescopic foot carefully nudged it towards the troll.

"Take this. It is yours, as long as you let go of Viktor."

Henry gave the goat carcass a glance, and then with the universal expression of acknowledgement, nodded his head. He threw the bear forward and grabbed his prize, giving a final roar to discourage anyone who might try to take it again. He was already looking forward to the treat which Lady Carmine had promised him.

Collab between me and Crunch

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

(OOC: just a modest portion of the scene that dear JoJo might have missed when editing our words together. It's not so important, but I must confess it is one of my favourite parts of the hunt so I could not resist putting it out there!
It occurs after Ouiu witnesses the battle between caribou and wolves, whenceforth she flees into the woods again to find answers. I hope you fine players enjoy)

---

It took Ouiu all of her quick wits and vastly superior cyborg abilities to navigate the battle unscathed, but she could at least be sure that she had evaded Henry the troll. She found herself now in a region of blasted forest landscape, where the trees were but splintered stumps and the undergrowth frosted over into brittle dirt.

"Truly this land has been ravaged by the war between the ice caribou and the wolf druids!" Ouiu said to herself, hers being the only ears to which she might voice her profound despair. "I would postulate that the wolves, being druids that sympathise with the forest, were not the aggressors in this fight that broke the trees and made the grass as ice beneath the foot... But what do I spy in the distance?"
The cyborg girl focused her enhanced eyes on a glow, barely perceptible between in the lingering haze of battle.

Cautious, but determined, Ouiu approached the blaze. She found it in the centre of a dilapidated igloo village. Each snowy structure had been caved in and trampled into the ground, leaving it deserted. The only souls in sight were a group of four bears, all wearing leather jackets and Adidas tracksuit pants, squatting in the snow around a barrel of burning coals in the middle of the ruins - the source of the mysterious glow Ouiu had seen.

"Ah, devotchka!" said one of the bears, a large black grizzly with an ushanka on its head. "Come squat by our fire with us."

"Okay!" Ouiu responded appreciatively, skipping over to the fire barrel and squatting down to bask in its warmth. "Thank you for the hospitality, o bears. My name is Ouiu, and I'm a cyborg."

"Well met, Ouiu." said ushanka bear. "My name is Yuri, and I am bear. These my bear comrades Ivan, Sasha, and Viktor."
Yuri pointed to each bear in turn; Ivan, a brown bear with a cigarette held in its muzzle; Sasha, a female brown bear wearing a scarf; and Viktor, a massive white polar bear.

"It is my pleasure, fine bears." Ouiu said courteously, for Yuri and his comrades had let her share their fire. "But I am afraid I cannot stay long. I am on a quest to hunt the Rock Goat."

There was a murmur of wonder among the bears.
"Is difficult hunt you choose." said Viktor the polar bear. "Bear comrades and ice caribou and wolf druids all try very hard to kill Rock Goat, for it has evil influence on mountain... No success."

"I met the caribou and the wolves before." said Ouiu. "They were fighting! Why do they fight each other when they should really be fighting the Goat?"

"It is Goat who make them fight." explained Yuri. "Evil influence! Bears try to stay neutral, but then ice caribou destroy our homes, and druid wolves take our honey! Now we live in ruins, with no homes and no business."
"Da, and now we almost run out of honey-distilled bear vodka!" the she-bear called Sasha lamented, cradling a glass flask of golden liquid in her arms.

"That's terrible!" said Ouiu, her heard breaking for these humble bears who had been so kind to her. "We have to do something... You should help me hunt the Rock Goat! Together we might surely triumph over its insidious ways!"

"Nyet..." said Viktor. "Rock Goat is too strong for bears without formidable bear cavalry." Ivan growled in agreement, puffing smoke through its snout.
"Your cavalry?" asked Ouiu. "What happened to it?"
"Cut off by caribou blockade." Yuri explained. "We cannot reach them until war is over."

"Hmmm..." Ouiu rose. "So you will help me kill the Rock Goat if I can make the caribou and wolves stop fighting and allow passage of your cavalry?"
There was a consensus of nodding and 'da's. Ouiu made a >:3

"Then I shall go and stop this war, once and for all!" she announced, turning and skipping back toward the battlefield.

[The JoJo]

‘I knew you could do it!’ Lady Carmine beamed as she saw Henry lugging the carcass of the rock goat out of the forest. He let out a roar of pleasure.

‘Not now,’ she added. ‘First, we have cooking to do.’


~

Once Carmine had returned to the kitchen, she got straight to work, stripping the rock goat of its multitudes of skin. She then hacked the meat of its bones with a sharp cleaver, selecting only the tenderest pieces.

‘Goat can be so tough,’ she noted conversationally to the nearest camera, battering her eyelashes for extra effect. ‘But with the right technique, a perfect dish can be made.’

Carmine took the cuts of meat and laid them out on a rotating plate, which she then placed under the grill. She lovingly sprinkled herbs and spices over the dish, allowing them to marinate in their own juices. Finally she brought out the dish and with a final flourish, presented it to the judges.

‘Ta da!’ she exclaimed. Few if anyone noticed the mirror she slid back into her bag, nor the strange vial of orange dust which she had so artfully concealed behind it.

[CrunchGoesMyNut]

"What, in the name of William Wallace, is all this?"

Ouiu wilted beneath Bartholomew's mien of barely maintained stoicism, fiddling with the drawstring of the sack she had dragged back in from the woods.

"Just wait one second, uncle!" she said defensively. "I may not have brought in the Rock Goat..."

"Aye, I saw the troll walk in with it half an hour ago."

"But it was not he who slew it! I, with the help of the native Russian bears and ice caribou and druid wolves, bested the odious beast in a contest of song. Look at what it did to me in the course of battle!"
Ouiu slapped the back of her head, causing her hastily replaced eyeball to pop back out of its socket.
"Do you see, uncle? Because I cannot!"

"I see it, lass." said Bartholomew. "Taro will fix it while I cook. I can believe that you hunted the Rock Goat, but how did Henry then return with its carcass?"

"He took hostage my good friend Viktor." Ouiu said with great sorrow. "He was a chuvak and good gopnik bear to all. I could not let him die for my cause! It would not have been an honourable way to repay the mountain creatures' loyalty."

"You sacrificed our victory for such ephemeral allies?" Bartholomew asked. Ouiu nodded, her defiance renewed.

"Yes." she said. "It is the highland way."

"I agree." said Bartholomew. "Don't look so surprised Ouiu. You did well, you followed your heart, and you were honest. I could ask no more of you. Now let's get to the kitchen so you can show me what you did get, we'll see what we can do."

Ouiu beamed, and together the team adjourned to to the kitchens.

---

Having made sure that Ouiu was being well tended to by the awkward Taro, Bartholomew stepped up to his cooking bench and upended the sack of ingredients.

"So, what do we have here?" he asked his niece.

"Well," she said. "I was given all of these ingredients by the bears, King Falkner, and Elder Moon Moon after I helped them defeat the Rock Goat and save Viktor. Except for that horn, I tore that from the beast's head and beat him to death with it."
Bartholomew hefted the imposing jag of Rock Goat horn, large even in his massive pugilist fists. It must have been responsible for much of the occupied space within the sack; a fact that Bartholomew privately lamented.

"We may find a use for this." Bartholomew said, setting it aside. "What else?"

"King Falkner of the ice caribou donated some frost lichen and slushrooms. This describes almost the entire diet of an ice caribou so I didn't press them for much else. Elder Moon Moon got in contact with the council's haruspex, who luckily had a spare dead axe hawk on hand for his divination. Apparently he knew we would need it. But, best of all, Sasha gave me the rest of her honey vodka!"
Ouiu pulled the bottle from some hidden cyborg compartment within her uniform, holding it out blindly for Taro to pass to Bartholomew.
"I kept it on me so the horn didn't crack it in the sack!"

"Hmmm..." Bartholomew rumbled, unstoppering the vodka and taking a swig. "Ahh... I know what I must do, Ouiu. Thank you."

With his nimble fiddle fingers, Bartholomew plucked the axe hawk, and then with a mighty punch disembowelled it through the rear. From whence he then pounded the lichen and fungi into a grainy paste - the perfect stuffing for a roast hawk. It was almost too easy, the large man thought, but there was more yet to come.
Bartholomew took from the android sponsor his allotted portion of Pepsi. He was not usually one for soft drink, but Taro drank little else so he was familiar with the element. He took it, the vodka, and the horn up to the judges along with his stuffed roast axe hawk.

"Judges," he began. "Your meal is served. But also," he gripped the horn in his pectorals, then with the Pepsi bottle in one hand and vodka in the other tore of both lids simultaneously with his teeth, and upended their contents into the hollowed indent of the Rock Goat horn. "Some refreshment."

He handed the horn of Pepsi and vodka over the table to M. Nado, then backed away with a nod of his great bonneted head.

[Garjel_blah]

(OOC: here's the second half of my hunt with Rav. We both got a bit pressed for time and the GITP messaging system had a couple of glitches which meant we didn't receive each other's messages occasionally, so it's still not quite finished. However, I'm pretty keen to get on with the cook, so we'll leave it here probably. Sorry for taking so long!)

The trek through the mountains was no walk in the park, and part of Julia envied that Wasabi was making it by her jetpack. "Nevertheless" she assured herself "One cannot take shortcuts to good results." She had endured worse treks in her quests before this one, and while Wasabi could cover more ground in the air, she missed the signs and details to find the quarry effectively. A hoofprint in the scree, some spare droppings, and of course the background noise of metal music in the background.
She winced. As much as she disliked this genre of music, it was the primary way towards identifying the goat. She strained her ear trying to pinpoint the details. The female rock goat typically preferred Death metal, as opposed to the male's more classical heavy metal. However while it was nursing the goat typically switched its preferences to Doom Metal, supposedly because it helped lull the kids to sleep. The difficulty was in trying to properly identify these particular varieties, especially for someone like her that would really prefer some Vivaldi offer all of this screaming.
Fortunately, there was one noise that she did hear wafting through the peaks that even she could identify, much as she would prefer not to.

The unmistakable whine of Nü Metal.

It was hardly ideal, Nü Metal was reserved when the mother was attempting to get the kids to stop nursing and leave her alone, as even the inherent laziness of the teenage rock goat eventually lost out to their disdain for the riffs of Nü metal. Neither the milk nor the kids would be at their ideal state and the kids would be even larger and more dangerous, but as Julia checked the clock she realized it might be their only option. Not only was time short, but if more time went by she risked boring her temporary ally, who might very well take the opportunity to abscond with a more readily available specimen should she happen to spot one. She would attempt to make up for it to her, provided of course the two of them survived this...

As Julia crested the cliff, she made sure that the flare of the Scoville sister's rocket was still visible before beginning her approach. As expected, the mother goat appeared tired, headbanging at less than top efficiency to the Nü Metal riffs, however a glance at the creature's teats assured Julia that the nanny was not yet dried out. Better yet, the kids were not currently present. If they could catch the goat by surprise, they could deal with her before turning their attention to the kids, quick and easy. She drew her skewer-blade and strode out, challenging the beast as it turned its attention to her. Proper posturing was required in engagements with the rock goat, as while the goat was concerned with making a show, it was paying less attention to the hunter's stratagems. The goat head-banged some more, the music intensifying in volume as it switched back to the preferred death metal. Julia matched it by clashing her sword against her shield, ensuring the beast that a battle was commencing.

That was when she heard the dirges.

Julia had but a moment to redirect her defense and ward off the charge of one of the Funeral Doom playing kids. Fortunately the kid was younger than expected, its chords not yet adapted for more intense types of music and thus sticking to the slower depressing tempos of the Funeral Doom dirge. That was when she had realized her error. The mother wasn't playing Nü Metal because her kids were too old, she was playing it because there were too many of them and needed to cut the chaff. Julia found herself facing no less than four young rock goat kids, all bleating her funeral dirge as electricity crackled in their stubby horns.

Julia spared a single glance at the sky hoping that she wouldn't be forced to pay for the error of getting caught between a large brood of rock goats and their very angry mother.


"Fear not, my heavily armoured princess!" Wasabi called out in a mock-masculine tone from a point in the sky a hundred or so metres away. "I'll save you!"

The Scoville hunter somersaulted into a dive, kicking the thrusters on her jet pack into high burn. She rocketed over the conflict, her flamethrower aimed at the ground, laying a stream of fire down between the young goats and the squared off Julie and mother goat. Wasabi then made a hard turn, looping around the four kids to encircle them with a ring of oily fire.

"Got 'em." she told Julie as she passed by for a second run. "I'll keep them off ya back. Have fun!"

[Garjel_blah]

Pepper drummed her fingers on the kitchen bench, surveying her little empire of ingredients like a monarch.

And like so many monarchs before her, she was left wanting.

"The meat is... Sufficient." she admitted, waving a hand at the scorched Rock Goat kid corpse, its face still contorted in a death metal growl. "Once the scorched exterior has been removed I think it will make a very tender asset."

"See usually," said Wasabi, "we of the non-psychopathic persuasion refer to the 'exterior' of our assets as 'skin'."

"This spice honey is a nice addition too." Pepper continued, unfazed. "Might be able to make some kind of glaze out of it, or use it raw as a sauce. Combined with everything else here, I might have suggested a shish-kebab roast, expedited by our resident barbeque man." - "Inferno!" said Spicy-boy - "But, for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to use this!"

Pepper held up the supplied bottle of Pepsi, sneering at it as though it were a carbonated urine sample.

"You've never worked with soft drinks?" asked Gypsum. "I like to use them as shampoo. Precipitates out the limestone impurities."

"Only to replace them with 10g per 100mL of pure sugar." Pepper said sourly. "Using it for shampoo is one thing, but I don't know why anyone would ever drink this. It is basically poison."

"Just because you're on a sado-masochistic diet, doesn't mean the judges have to be." Wasabi chided. Pepper set down the bottle and scowled at her sister.
"That is not what this is about, Bibi. You just never need that much sugar. It's just so unbelievably pedestrian, and I have dignity damn it! I wouldn't expect you to understand..."
"Well you have to use it somehow, or we'll lose the tournament! Can't you just pour it over the meat before you cook it?"
"Just po- Do you have any idea how much what you just said makes me want to throttle you?"
"Well what else could you possibly use it for! Guess you could soak the meat in Pepsi... Broil in Pepsi, maybe? Batter with Pepsi? Smoke with Pepsi?"
"Can you, just... Wait."

Pepper brought together her perfect narrow eyebrows in a frown.

"What was that last one? Smoke with Pepsi?"
"Uh, yeah. That was more of a joke. I mean it fizzes but I'm pretty sure that isn't smoke which comes out of it."
"No..." Pepper looked at Spicy-boy. "Not when we drink it at least, but added to your fire elemental... The caffeine, the heinous amounts of sugar, the pressure of released carbon dioxide...

"We can use it to supercharge Spicy-boy!"

(OOC: more to come! This is going to be a blast)