Funny stories

[Meepwizard]

I want to hear what your funniest stories are; stories from any game will work.

Mine happened tonight when I had a bottle of root beer next to my list of spells, and another player spilled the root beer on my spells; so I did my best to role play the situation, and i had that my wizard was busy researching spells under the light of day on the boat we were sailing on, and the player's character was walking over and spills all of my notes into the ocean and some of my fine elven wine(root beer; my elven wizard is considered a functioning alcoholic and we said that the other player's character spilled half of the bottle; we may be in trouble... it's my wizard last bottle)

I lost 17 spells because I couldn't read them from my root beer drenched spell list

[Xrposiedon]

READ THE BOLD parts for TLDR Version


I was playing my Speedster 17th level Tabaxi Monk


I had something like 660 feet movement....and he was also a grappler.

The first time my party hasted me, with dash actions and boots of speed....

I had crazy speed after that....we stacked everything just to see how fast it would be....never really tried to calc something like this, but it was 2200ish...with items and effects

I attempted to Luchador Grapple a guys head off........with my specialty move scissor kick slam...Not only did I want to do this at the speed I was going, but I wanted to wall run it....I argued my point to the DM because he loves the show "The Flash"

So the DM allows all of this, I roll.....1...
So Let me describe where this was...Underdark, open cavern, like 200 foot tall and wide dome, with tunnel entrances to this underground citadel.

What happened to my character you may ask?

I MISSED....SO horribly, that I ran into the wall....
NOTE: 2200 / 6 sec, is about 350 miles per hour or 563 Kmh

So then....we said...okay what does that translate into as far as height damage...So we went online, found a chart of how fast you would be falling at time intervals / feet fallen. It told us it was about 170 miles per hour, falling 1400 feet....

In other words....my character was way past dead....
We ruled it SUICIDE...and he was pitied in remembrance by the party forever

[Hellstick]

Hot Damn I'll be following this thread for sure!

It's probably not the most fun story I've had, but I remember once in a first level game one of my party members seriously annoyed my character. So much so that my character punched him. I didn't really expect much to happen, but for some reason I rolled a crit and did max dmg. He went down. I, being the party healer, had to heal him back up on the spot. It was great and totally worth the use of a slot!

[Quoxis]

Elvish life cleric/feylock (fey deity, so shuddup), played rather pacifistically, using mostly defensive magic and buffs.

Trap dungeon. After being slightly beaten up by traps and the likes, we stumble into a chamber with rust monsters in it. The heavy hitters didn't get to kill them in their respective first rounds of combat, and i, the helper (who was out of spell slots due to frequent healing), wanted to impose disadvantage on the monster's attacks with some vicious mockery. Long story short, they apparently were left with just enough hp after the attacks of our fighter and barbarian that a 1d4 damage was enough to end them. I killed three of four rust monsters by mocking them to death (hats off to the GM who roleplayed them to commit suicide in the traps out of shame).

We wanted to take a short rest afterwards, but decided to go to the next room. We salvaged a treasure chest out of some traps, which turned out to be a mimic - long story short, it bit off its own tongue in response to my mockery as it was reduced to 0hp by it.

The life cleric that talks monsters into suicide, ladies and mentlegen.