What would be on the Menu of a fast food chain in 5e standard setting

[DMJack]

I'm curious because I want to introduce the possibility of it as a perhaps a starting Quest line or perhaps later foil for my players. Because I'm pressed for time atm (On break for a few minutes) I'll temporarily call it McElminster's.

What would you put on the menu fellow forumites?

I'd start with a premium item of Owl bear nuggets.

[Lord Il Palazzo]

Realistically, about the same thing that's on real fast food menus; the cheapest ingredients they can get away with cooked and served in the easiest way possible. I imagine your standard tavern "whatever's on hand" stew is pretty close. More exotic/dangerous-to-get meats and such would probably demand a premium and be less cost effective than beef/chicken/mutton/etc.

If you're looking for something a bit more fantastic, I imagine a place like this might pay passing adventurers for any edible bits of their kills and thus would need a cookbook about the size of a monster manual to work from. (What's the best way to serve owl bear? How do you tenderize gorgon meat? Do you need to use non-metal cooking equipment to prepare rust monster?) I'd definitely expect each location to have someone who knows Prestidigitation on hand to magically flavor the blander dishes (after all, wouldn't you be disappointed if you found out cockatrice just tastes like chicken?) and reheat anything that didn't sell fast enough. (Heck, Prestidigitation can clean objects too. I can totally see some wizard's apprentice taking a part time job magically doing dishes.)

[Unoriginal]

What would you put on the menu fellow forumites?

Well, the food would have to be made the cheapest and quickest way.

Considering that you'd need to prepare a lot of food with only one fireplace, it seems to me that a big frying pan would be the method used to cook, with fat used for the frying.

The food would be sausages made with the cheap bits of the local animals and bread dough (made with low-quality flour because mills are expensive) fried at the same time, before putting the sausage in the bun. Maybe with some cheese or sauce if they want to be fancy.

The drinks, assuming they'd sell them, would be the local beer or wine, probably not a month old.




I'd start with a premium item of Owl bear nuggets.

Not a chance. Owl bear would cost way too much and be way too rare to ever be in a fast food. At best it could be a fancy name.

[willdaBEAST]

If you want to go the realistic route, I'd mirror street foods from various cultures. Meat skewered on sticks, things that can easily be eaten with one hand, etc.

If you want to embrace the fast food idea in a fantastical setting, either go all the way with "dragon" meat burgers (which turn out to be something more mundane), or have it be mystery meat all along and give the party a chance to discover what gross source of protein they've been eating.

[Leewei]

If Green Slime could be rendered edible by deep-frying, that'd work just fine.

[DMJack]

That gives me an idea. The pc's could be venturing forth for the chain sort of putting together an Adventurer's Cookbook. Owl Bear nuggets would probably be just the name. Probably see what could and couldn't work for it.

[KorvinStarmast]

The Owl bear Nuggets would be priced like Kobi Beef: freakin' expensive due to the rarity/difficulty in getting the ingredients. This isn't fast food, this is Epicure food. Think French Laundry (https://tfl.tocktix.com/)in San Francisco Bay area, in terms of price per meal.

fast food ... the cheapest ingredients they can get away with cooked and served in the easiest way possible. I imagine your standard tavern "whatever's on hand" stew is pretty close.

More exotic/dangerous-to-get meats and such would probably demand a premium and be less cost effective than beef/chicken/mutton/etc.

If you're looking for something a bit more fantastic, I imagine a place like this might pay passing adventurers for any edible bits of their kills and thus would need a cookbook about the size of a monster manual to work from. (What's the best way to serve owl bear? How do you tenderize gorgon meat? Do you need to use non-metal cooking equipment to prepare rust monster?) I'd definitely expect each location to have someone who knows Prestidigitation on hand to magically flavor the blander dishes (after all, wouldn't you be disappointed if you found out cockatrice just tastes like chicken?) and reheat anything that didn't sell fast enough. (Heck, Prestidigitation can clean objects too. I can totally see some wizard's apprentice taking a part time job magically doing dishes.)This is a fine answer.

[Hrugner]

Most of your processed meats would likely be troll. You just keep a few of the poor bastards strung up in the back, leave a windmill running next to them cranking out their intestines as fast as the guy can regrow them. Nice and cheap. At least till PETT comes to shut you down.

[KorvinStarmast]

Most of your processed meats would likely be troll. You just keep a few of the poor bastards strung up in the back, leave a windmill running next to them cranking out their intestines as fast as the guy can regrow them. Nice and cheap. At least till PETT comes to shut you down. That provides the casings for the sausage. You still need the herbs and spices and various meats/fats to make the sausage.

(Having once made a whole bunch of venison sausage, getting the spices and other details right makes quite the difference in how well the sausage turns out. )

[BigKaiju]

Breadbowls.

[DMJack]

Most of your processed meats would likely be troll. You just keep a few of the poor bastards strung up in the back, leave a windmill running next to them cranking out their intestines as fast as the guy can regrow them. Nice and cheap. At least till PETT comes to shut you down.

Troll Rights. Kind of Oxymoronic out of context. Hmm that would be something else to consider, but that brings an ethical evaluation to it. Harvesting monster/s for cheap, fast food would it matter if they displayed sentience/sapience or not?

[denthor]

In an evil monster game we accidentally started an economy. My hobgoblin cleric got the taste for kolbolds. This sent groups out to capture live kolbolds to curry favor with her.

Our group had a special menu

Kolbold kidney pie

Roast kolbold

We were paying 8 gp per meal and we were really the one that ate such things the kolbold in the party said better them than me.

[scalyfreak]

What kind of fast food are you trying to emulate? Because neither Taco Bell or McDonalds would have any interest at all in exotic or unusual meat for their menu items. Those things cost way too much money, and would completely torpedo their business model of selling lots of cheap food to lots of people.

My suggestion: Decide what the fast food owner's goal is and make your decisions about the menu based on that. Research what kinds of street foods have been available for centuries in various cultures or, if you prefer, check out what types of food are for sale at a Renaissance Fair.

But trolls and dragons are more likely to be on the menu of an expensive and exclusive restaurant that can afford to pay both someone to hunt these creatures and someone to cook them to the point they taste good.

It just occurred to me that a dragon seeking revenge on the restaurant owner for the murder and subsequent cooking of a loved one might be a great adventure hook. Especially if the party is hired by the restaurant manager, who claims to have no idea why this big murderous beast is trying to kill him and burn his establishment down.

[Unoriginal]

Harvesting monster/s for cheap, fast food would it matter if they displayed sentience/sapience or not?

Good or neutral beings won't kill or mutilate unwilling people to eat them unless extreme circumstances. And evil beings might still have taboos on the question.

If the people agree to be eaten, on their own free will, well, it's a different question.

[KorvinStarmast]

Troll Rights. Kind of Oxymoronic out of context. Hmm that would be something else to consider, but that brings an ethical evaluation to it. Harvesting monster/s for cheap, fast food would it matter if they displayed sentience/sapience or not? It's like milking a cow or getting eggs from chickens, or wool from sheep. You are mixing genres: the "sentient being" trope is an SF trope. (Granted, over time, those two have begun to bleed into one another ...)

[Floopay]

Blood sausage is highly probable. It's a great way to utilize scrap, essentially by combining high amounts of grains and binders.

A fast food restaurant would have to run on scrap foods in a medieval setting due to a lack of refrigeration in common households. So more than likely, it would run by purchasing foods that are questionably spoiled, or near spoiling. Mostly meats, and vegetables.

After that, the meats would have to be smoked, cured, or pickled, Same with the vegetables. This would essentially make them as safe to eat as possible, and allow them to be stored for extended periods of times. Much of which could be done by not only storing them on storage shelves; but also allowing them to preserve certain items by literally burying them underneath the restaurant floorboards.

Also, they would likely serve a lot of soup. Soup is something that can utilize the leftover moisture from pickle jars, and by cooking bones (something that is scrap). It is a cheap way to utilize scrap, and produce large quantities of food.

Just some suggestions.

Thanks for reading,
Floopay

[KorvinStarmast]

It just occurred to me that a dragon seeking revenge on the restaurant owner for the murder and subsequent cooking of a loved one might be a great adventure hook. Especially if the party is hired by the restaurant manager, who claims to have no idea why this big murderous beast is trying to kill him and burn his establishment down. Even a young red dragon will have no trouble setting fire to a restaurant. There is no try here, only do. Adult red dragon? The place is burnt as soon as the dragon knows where it is.

Good or neutral beings won't kill or mutilate unwilling people to eat them unless extreme circumstances. And evil beings might still have taboos on the question. If the people agree to be eaten, on their own free will, well, it's a different question. Arbitrary alignment assertion is arbitrary.

Blood sausage is highly probable. It's a great way to utilize scrap, essentially by combining high amounts of grains and binders. A fast food restaurant would have to run on scrap foods in a medieval setting due to a lack of refrigeration in common households. So more than likely, it would run by purchasing foods that are questionably spoiled, or near spoiling. Mostly meats, and vegetables.

After that, the meats would have to be smoked, cured, or pickled, Same with the vegetables. This would essentially make them as safe to eat as possible, and allow them to be stored for extended periods of times. Much of which could be done by not only storing them on storage shelves; but also allowing them to preserve certain items by literally burying them underneath the restaurant floorboards.

Also, they would likely serve a lot of soup. Soup is something that can utilize the leftover moisture from pickle jars, and by cooking bones (something that is scrap). It is a cheap way to utilize scrap, and produce large quantities of food.
1. Meet the business partners: salt and smokehouses. (Take a look at how salt cod and dried cod were nearly currency in the medieval/early renaissance world. Cod kept the Vikings afloat). Also, see basements. That's where they keep the wine and the cheese.

2. Your point on soup is Spot On!!

3. The fast food places will have soup, and as noted above, bread bowls. I guess you'll be selling franchise rights soon? Floopay's Fast Food: I like the sound of that. :smallbiggrin: Can I get a small override for coming up with the name? :smallcool:

[scalyfreak]

Even a young red dragon will have no trouble setting fire to a restaurant. There is no try here, only do. Adult red dragon? The place is burnt as soon as the dragon knows where it is.

Obviously the restaurant would need to be located somewhere that prevents that from happening in the first place. Perhaps the dragon has difficulties locating the restaurant.... like all ideas, it needs lots of work before it's functional for playing. I'm not a DM, so I'm letting others deal with that.

[KorvinStarmast]

Hee Hee, there is an old saying whose origin I forget

"Meddle not in the affair of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup (http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/do_not_meddle_in_the_affairs_of_dragons/)."

(A spoof on Tolkien's "don't meddle in the affairs of wizards ...")

[Floopay]

I'm curious because I want to introduce the possibility of it as a perhaps a starting Quest line or perhaps later foil for my players. Because I'm pressed for time atm (On break for a few minutes) I'll temporarily call it McElminster's.

What would you put on the menu fellow forumites?

I'd start with a premium item of Owl bear nuggets.

Going exotic doesn't necessarily have to be the core of the concept. Above I posted some basic ideas for restaurant ideas. I mean essentially, they'd have to build a menu around whatever is abundant in the area, and they'd have to find ways to preserve or maintain it.

A good concept for this quest could have to do with harvesting and creating recipes from creatures in the region, as you stated above. However, this could really open up your campaign to a load of ideas.

If your "Fast Food" restaurant were located outside of town. For example, if it were a "Restaurant/Rest Stop," it could function as welcomed outpost in an area with exceptionally high foot-traffic.

From there, who knows what could happen. Maybe the players hunt owlbears, rabbits, and other wildlife for meat. By doing so, they could anger local orc, ogre, goblin, or other nasty monster tribes. Then the players have to deal with that.

Maybe a group of friendly patrons come in, pay their bill, and act nicely. That group decides that they'll stay the night. Later that night, they get assaulted by a group of rough looking individuals and the party intervenes. Turns out, the nice guys were actually a group of criminals, and the rough guys were a group of bounty hunters. The party then has to sort out that whole situation.

As the campaign continues, maybe they become relatively successful. The party could be in charge of throwing huge banquets, and simultaneously provide guard for patrons. They could oversee certain negotiations on neutral territory.

Plus, if they are popular enough, how long until a rival business opens up? Then the party has to find new, innovative ways to make their restaurant better than their rivals. Or...if they are morally questionable, they could poison their rivals foods, and wreck their business.

Thanks for reading,
Floopay

[Kane0]

If you can get a hold of unintelligent regenerating monsters that happen to be edible then you should be able to make fine business. Oozes and plant creatures spring to mind, though perhaps dire/giant versions of small, fast breeding animals could fit as well.

Then all you have to do is come up with a cheap and reliable means of transporting and preparing it to eat.

Example foodstuffs:
Awakened Fruit
Grub Grub 20 pack
Ooze Sauce
Dire Weasel Burgers
Gaint Crab Cakes

[Naanomi]

Boiled and/or pickled eggs a big part of 'on the go' pseudo medieval diets... the type of egg likely depends on the local fauna

[DMJack]

Going exotic doesn't necessarily have to be the core of the concept. Above I posted some basic ideas for restaurant ideas. I mean essentially, they'd have to build a menu around whatever is abundant in the area, and they'd have to find ways to preserve or maintain it.

A good concept for this quest could have to do with harvesting and creating recipes from creatures in the region, as you stated above. However, this could really open up your campaign to a load of ideas.

If your "Fast Food" restaurant were located outside of town. For example, if it were a "Restaurant/Rest Stop," it could function as welcomed outpost in an area with exceptionally high foot-traffic.

From there, who knows what could happen. Maybe the players hunt owlbears, rabbits, and other wildlife for meat. By doing so, they could anger local orc, ogre, goblin, or other nasty monster tribes. Then the players have to deal with that.

Maybe a group of friendly patrons come in, pay their bill, and act nicely. That group decides that they'll stay the night. Later that night, they get assaulted by a group of rough looking individuals and the party intervenes. Turns out, the nice guys were actually a group of criminals, and the rough guys were a group of bounty hunters. The party then has to sort out that whole situation.

As the campaign continues, maybe they become relatively successful. The party could be in charge of throwing huge banquets, and simultaneously provide guard for patrons. They could oversee certain negotiations on neutral territory.

Plus, if they are popular enough, how long until a rival business opens up? Then the party has to find new, innovative ways to make their restaurant better than their rivals. Or...if they are morally questionable, they could poison their rivals foods, and wreck their business.

Thanks for reading,
Floopay

I really like this.

[Crgaston]

I can't believe no one has mentioned myconids yet.

[Tetrasodium]

It depends on what level of magic & such you have. for example, many settings could trivially take advantage of the troll sausage grist mills they have in Droaam (eberron nation). if spells like create food and/or goodberry were common, those too would make supplying nourishing food trivial because everyone who could be taught one or the other would learn it pretty quickly before/after adulthood sets in or there would be enough people in each village to supply its residents with food in the event of bad harvest(s).

Barring that.. soups, stews, kebabs, stuff tossed on (flat) bread, & dried or salted meats were common in almost every culture due to their sheer simplicity & often the ability to be kept warm/hot & safe to eat the next morning

[Bohandas]

garbage, offal, leaf litter, and carrion treated - with some kind of permanent Purify Food And Drink based device and shaped into a patty

[DMJack]

Sounds like there would be steady employment for apprentice casters. Hmm interesting that would make the casters rather sought out for cleaning and flavor. I wonder if it would start to make people with the talent for cooking more rare?

[Temperjoke]

Pigeon Pie, rabbit pie, soup, mutton, beef, venison, pork...

And while in medieval times refrigeration wasn't available outside of winter or near water (submerged casks could keep cold for a while), D&D has options available. Brown Mold, for example, sucks all the heat out of a place, so if it was in a sealed adjacent room, it could be used for refrigeration purposes. Magic also presents lots of options. Maybe part of the franchise license also includes a company wizard that sets up spells and maintains them?

[Unoriginal]

It's like milking a cow or getting eggs from chickens, or wool from sheep. You are mixing genres: the "sentient being" trope is an SF trope. (Granted, over time, those two have begun to bleed into one another ...)

No it's not? Fantasy writers separate sapient beings from non-sapient beings since the first instances.



Arbitrary alignment assertion is arbitrary.

... Good guys assault elves to eat their organs, in your setting?

[Sir cryosin]

Frozen honey pop's, ooz jelly rolls, baked bread with any kind of scrape foods, any kind of roasted or grilled meat, cheese, roasted potatoes, it's fast food so it for the lower class so it's simple foods that is pretty quick to make.

[N810]

Clearly, Hydra Burgers.
https://68.media.tumblr.com/6ccf6f85fa1cbfc8013d173ce44ffea3/tumblr_inline_navbn9rzd51r4dple.png
Super low overhead, maximum profit.

or BBQ Hut.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/images/oots0326.gif

[KorvinStarmast]

... Good guys assault elves to eat their organs, in your setting? Your words, not mine.

Might want to get one of them hydra burgers, though, that line's half a league long. :smallcool:

[Kane0]

Reminds me of that gameworld that made a full economy out of a strapped down terrasque.

[JackPhoenix]

The cheapest, easiest to get stuff you can find.

Then you hire apprentice mages who thought a degree in Ethereal plane-Weave interaction theory will be of any use in real life to spam Prestidigitation all day long to change its taste to something palatable.

It's called fast food, because you have one hour (or until the casting mage handle 3 more orders) until you'll find out how it originally tasted like.

You don't want to know how it originally tasted like, trust me.

Also, food poisoning ahoy!

[Beechgnome]

Clearly, Hydra Burgers.
https://68.media.tumblr.com/6ccf6f85fa1cbfc8013d173ce44ffea3/tumblr_inline_navbn9rzd51r4dple.png
Super low overhead, maximum profit.

or BBQ Hut.
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/images/oots0326.gif

This, trolls, black pudding and ochre jelly are all great: endless supply, super weird.

All-you-can-eat hydra buffet! Once you start, it's hard to stop!

For more mundane: consider how many Giant versions of common animals there are: crab, octopus, goat, frog, boar, elk, etc. The giant versions might not be as flavourful but they can serve larger crowds.

I can see giant octopus, crab and sea horse as part of a seaside Red Lobster chain.

[DMJack]

For more mundane: consider how many Giant versions of common animals there are: crab, octopus, goat, frog, boar, elk, etc. The giant versions might not be as flavourful but they can serve larger crowds.

I can see giant octopus, crab and sea horse as part of a seaside Red Lobster chain.

Hmm that poses a good idea, I know someone else mentioned a rival chain. That gives reason for both to corner the market on a particular venue of such creatures

[UnwiseAlistair]

Realistically, about the same thing that's on real fast food menus; the cheapest ingredients they can get away with cooked and served in the easiest way possible. I imagine your standard tavern "whatever's on hand" stew is pretty close. More exotic/dangerous-to-get meats and such would probably demand a premium and be less cost effective than beef/chicken/mutton/etc.

If you're looking for something a bit more fantastic, I imagine a place like this might pay passing adventurers for any edible bits of their kills and thus would need a cookbook about the size of a monster manual to work from. (What's the best way to serve owl bear? How do you tenderize gorgon meat? Do you need to use non-metal cooking equipment to prepare rust monster?) I'd definitely expect each location to have someone who knows Prestidigitation on hand to magically flavor the blander dishes (after all, wouldn't you be disappointed if you found out cockatrice just tastes like chicken?) and reheat anything that didn't sell fast enough. (Heck, Prestidigitation can clean objects too. I can totally see some wizard's apprentice taking a part time job magically doing dishes.)

I recently had a wizard character do exactly that, spent the evening instantly cleaning dishes at a busy tavern, earned about 15 GP due to being able to get a dish clean every 6 seconds. 😁

[Gastronomie]

If memory serves me correct, the chicken served at McDonald's is a special brand that's genetically altered to grow fast and big.

Should Capitalism appear in a fantasy universe, the first thing the executives would do will be using magical experiments to create new breeds of livestock. Perhaps an experiment may go terribly wrong, and result in a monster, much like how the Owlbear was created. Perhaps you could use that as a campaign hook. Call it Mega Ultra Chicken or something.