View Full Version : Gamer Tales It's not our fault - tales of the guild team that really should have stayed at home

2017-06-28, 03:28 PM
Here's the Journel of our groups continuing adventures. It all started so normally, but a single level 1 spell completely changed the entire campain. I had been posting this on funny stories but every session is something crazy so I made a thread for it.

The players

(all guys just for clarification, but I will refer to them by character genders)
Jaune (me) – human ninja. I originally made him to as backup/base coverer to the rest of the party, having skills in trap finding, stealth, interactions and sneak attacks but I ended up becoming one of the only capable melee fighters

Ocelot – human gunslinger and the only player with any real experience. Decent enough guy, but often way to “fair”, making choices and actions with a refusal to metagame. Doesn’t sound too bad at first but he has at times made deliberate bad actions or attempted to punish us for not remembering certain things. Still my most reliable teammate most of the time

“Sim with an e” – a female human druid with a cheetah companion. Originally just a backup fighter/caster but has become the highest strength party member and our go to girl for melee/utility casting. She also developed an affinity for wrestling after our initial short campaign had a fight she trounced simply by grabbing the brownies and tossing them into various wood-chippers. She is Yurions boyfriend IRL and girlfriend in game

Yurion – a female human lore oracle. The party healer/buffer in combat and has a mastery of every knowledge skill outside of combat. Take a very “hands off” approach to combat, as in she doesn’t do anything when it starts, mostly because she doesn’t want to be in range of anything but most of her buff spells are touch and we have already waded in. That said, she isn’t just doing nothing, she is one hell of a planner and schemer, and often has several plans she made with the DM by passing notes. She is also Sim boyfriend IRL and girlfriend in game

Draspher – human sorcerer focused on summoning and the only good aligned character (everyone else is neutral in some way) which makes what happens all the funnier. He built himself as a controller, without a single offensive spell initially but that ended up backfiring. Has a “mischievous” raccoon familiar we like to threaten/torture called fumbles. This is his first time playing a game like this and so he often makes mistakes or needs advice. Unfortunately thanks to a combination of bad rolls and poor planning he ends up in the worst situations imaginable

Swaggy – a dwarfen paladin of “the force”. He was our melee frontline/tank/healer. The biggest problem was his player. He hadn’t played that much roleplay games before, but he had played a lot of balders gate and similar RPGs. This meant he only ever saw any problem as something to smash through brute force style. He also kept arguing game mechanics, trying to compare them to video game ones when we were trying to explain how things worked to him, constantly dragging down the game into arguments about how things should work. He also wasn’t into any kind of roleplay aspect, let alone as a paladin, so he would spend most of his game time bored until his turn, rolls a dice then goes back to the book he was reading. He started to wind some of us up but in the end, he stopped coming due to other commitments and things picked up for us

the setup is a magic/steam punk world, standard pathfinder world but a lot of emerging steam punk tech and pistols and such.

we work for a guild, the white lotus (It was months before we asked for the name in game) set up in a massive airship. The setup is that it takes in various types, particularly talented orphans, people who lost their home etc. When they are old enough they are assigned to teams and sent off on missions. This would give us a regular wage and the other big advantage of this setup was a rental system. Any tools or equipment they find is sold to the guild and can then be rented out to different teams for a reduced price, or bought outright by individuals, with whatever team that brought them in having first dibs. To accommodate this, we were started off at half gold at level 5, but this system has yet to be used due to circumstances

Our first mission was the carnival of tears. The DM had not thought of anything yet and had just gotten it offline as he thought it would be fun to put us through the ringer as he liked the horror parts. Unfortunately, as we had started off with half gold to match the frequent gold we’d get as wages AND we were still mostly new players wanting just a quick adventure to get used to things. It just ended up a slog fest with the mages unable to do much as they needed to save spells and we were very poorly matched against the cold rider at the end as none of us could get close enough to hurt him and he just kept regenerating. That’s not where this story truly starts though. It starts at the debriefing from that.

Session one, part one, the day off

The guild master had given us the day off, and we decided to spend our gold in town, apparently there is a fair on today and a party that evening. Draspher wanted to get a magic item or two with his share. As we go through town our DM is constantly rolling dice. (he does this partially to keep track of tons of side plots happening all the time but also to make us paranoid)

When we reach the shops Draspher checks his pack for his gold. It turns out that, thanks to an abysmal perception score, has been pick pocketed. The small amount of gold he had brought with him wasn’t so bad, but the big loss was his wand of cure light wounds. So, we set off to find our thieves.

Thanks to Sim’s Cheetah we track down the scent to a dirty block of flats. Deciding against breaking down the door on the place so I knock. A slit in the door opens and I attempt to bluff our way in. Unfortunately, the guy recognises us as guild members and I attempt to negotiate/intimidate our way in, pointing out that no matter how much he took from us, it’s not worth the amount of damage to his home and business we would cause trying to get our stuff back. Again unfortunately, he has already left. We eventually get in by sim turning into a beetle to get under the door and we start exploring.

After much searching we eventually find a lift that leads to an underground MASSIVE room with all these crates and boxes in it. We find the wand and start investigating and find one full of swords. Just then we hear knocking on the door upstairs so we panic and run through a corridor that leads to a sewer, because it always leads back to the sewers eventually.

To avoid completely grouping up, I decide to use my ninja skills to cross the sewer and walk on the other side, I could always just cross again if anything happens to them. Unfortunately, all the giant sewer rats thought was “one of them is alone, rush him!”. I dash back to the others and Yurion shows of her planning skills. As part of the reward from the last mission we got a wand of lightning and we decided she should have it in the hopes of having more to do in combat. Sure enough, she dips the tip in the sewer water and fries all 7 rats about to attack us.

Part two, party time

When we get out we decide to split up. I will go with Draspher to report to the guild master and pick up his gold to buy the items. The rest will party. The guild master is quite worried about these weapons being in the city and tells us he will sort it out, just don’t mention it to anyone unless they say a code phrase. We head back, I’m caring Draspher’s gold for security this time (with only a 10% fee for carrying it). This is an example of Ocelot’s “fair play”. He immediately upon seeing us in a large crowd starts loudly yelling to us about “how crazy it is that all those swords were there in the secret room under the city” (he even admitted he wanted to deliberately punish us for not remembering to tell us in character we weren’t supposed to tell anyone, stupid anti-metagame crap). The only thing worth mentioning is that, thanks to a fancy magic machine brought in as an attraction I failed a will save and was made to do the chicken dance (this and the wood chippers from the carnival has sparked a personal hatred of any kind of machinery, I intend to sabotage the next mechanical device the DM throws at us regardless of function). Eventually we make our way to a pub and start chatting with a girl called “angel” (probably a red herring from the DM as the code phrase mentioned angels to trip us up). As we are sitting we see a man look at us, get up and make to leave. A quick perception roll shows us this is the man who was behind the door before. To stop him, Ocelot throws a glass at his head starting a barfight, I turn invisible to grab him and sim sends her cheetah to attack him. To help stop him, Draspher makes an illusion of the city guards to try and calm everyone down. Unfortunately, this starts a stampede of drunks that crushes the unconscious guy, losing us our best lead.

And that was the note we finished that session on.

2017-06-28, 03:29 PM
We are released by the actual guards who turned up as there is nothing except sims cheetah sitting on the dead guy that pins it to us. We meet up with the guild master who explains what’s going on. He believes that the weapons are part of a coup, and that he has been able to trace the weapons to another town/city. He is sending us in undercover to find out who is responsible. We can’t let this be traced to the guild so we are on our own except for a local contact.

Session two, part one, The Tree

As Swaggy had been feeling board, the DM puts him in charge of this mission. This was a mistake on several levels. First, he starts kicking up a fuss about following a cliché spy mission route and compares it to several games he’s played and had to be persuaded that the DM had his own take on things. Secondly, he didn’t understand he was in charge and could choose what plan we took. We must have spent at least an hour arguing amongst ourselves as various plans get thrown out (including one the DM was very keen on that involved flying us over then parachuting into the city on rented rings of feather fall, swaggy vetoed it just because he didn’t see the point of having the rings on the mission and believed Draspher or the DM would make us loose them and get a massive fine) and in the end, he has us take the slowest route possible short of walking, the guild bus.

Along a cliff route we find a toppled tree. It’s decided to move it with strength checks (no-one listens to me about using magic to help) with me, sim and swaggy by the tree, Ocelot behind us Draspher by the bus and Yurion and the driver refusing to get off the bus.

Sure enough, it was an ambush, Draspher gets jumped by two guys, knocked out, tied up and a bag over his head. I immediately run over to try and stop them, ocelot starts shooting and Yurion doesn't get off the bus. A few turns in she decided to help by levitating Ocelot so he can get his snipe on from a higher vantage point.

Our brave paladin, upon seeing his teammate being kidnapped by two assailants nobly decided he’d rather do nothing than waste two move actions moving as he has ridiculously slow run speed, and only gets involved when a perception check tells him there are three guys the other side of the tree and a small gap he can get through. Sim follows suit and climbs the tree, getting into a swordfight with one on top. This leaves the only person taking on two guys to get our friend back the ninja without anyone to flank with for sneak attacks. I have two weapon feint, but the point still stands.

Something you must understand for the next part, my back-story is that I somehow survive total party wipes a bunch of times and the guild master doesn't trust me, so he sent Draspher, the guild librarian, to document my behaviour to make sure I'm not deliberately doing this. As I kill the one guy, the other tries to run with Draspher over his shoulders. Draspher has been failing every roll given, only just about waking up at this point, so he can’t help. Seeing no other way to stop him, I go to tackle him. Sure enough, I get him to the floor and Draspher fly’s off his shoulders, fails his reflex save and so, tied up and blindfolded, goes over the cliff.

So, to reiterate, the guy in charge of keeping an eye on me gets rolled off a cliff thanks to me. He lives, outcropping tree their but still does not look good for me. Even more luckily, his raccoon fumbles is still with him and gets him loose from his bonds.

We start mopping up the others including a druid who tried to summon a lighting cloud but was killed before he got his first bolt of. Draspher meanwhile has gotten free and is now engaging one of the bandits with a bow lower down on the cliff from afar while he is still in the tree. Fumbles, his raccoon, made his way up the cliff and is gesturing to us to help him up. Although Glitter-dust didn’t help, he decided to summon a giant bat behind the guy. At this same moment Ocelot has an idea.

He picks up fumbles, calms him down with handle animal and attempts to use him as a drop bomb on the last bandit. He rolls a 1.

The last bandit feels a huge set of teeth enter his neck behind him, just as he starts screaming a separate scream is heard as a raccoon falls past him directly down the cliff, all the while Draspher looks on in horror.

Part two, the fight

Fumbles makes his save, but is ticked at Ocelot for this. We loot the bandits and the only item worth anything is the cat boots the druid was wearing. I, as the most athletic, take them.

We get to a fluff town half way and stop for the night. Yurion has a slight bit of trouble when the haunted curse damages a local church she was visiting and she had to offer some (stolen) apples as a penance. We sleep at the inn and Draspher unfortunately decided, in character, to try and let fumbles have his revenge. Ocelot had been getting more and more frustrated with swaggy this entire session, disliking his disruptive, un-invested attitude and poor Draspher was the one who received this rage when he seems him passing notes to the DM trying to mess with him. It was just going to be a harmless prank where he gets a bad haircut but the damage was done. We carried on and they made amends later but it wasn’t pleasant at the time.

Part three, arrival

We finally make it to the town. We go to the bar where we are supposed to meet our contact and book a room for the month for all of us. While we are in the room the contact leaves a note in the plant pot outside the window without any of us noticing him. We christen him Ninja-san.

It lays out that there are three ways to go about this. First, help the town guard out until they involve us with their operations. Second, join the local guild under false names and do the same. Third, involve ourselves with the mob until we find out their big plans. We also find out the name of a rough bar where there are organised fights going on in the rough part of town.

We ended that session there

2017-06-28, 03:31 PM
here is where things go completely crazy

Session three, part one, shopping and thievery

Swaggy (who was put in charge of this mission to get him more involved) decided to go pray to the force (he thinks he's a Jedi paladin) for guidance (ill so couldn't make that session). This was the last we ever saw of him and it did cause some gameplay problems (our melee/tank/healer was gone and we were struggling to fill the void in straight up fights) things went a lot smoother for us overall.

We pick Yurion to go be our leader (she had been a little quiet and withdrawn in all our sessions) and this ultimately really paid off. The following all takes place in one session she is in charge.

group a

Me, Ocelot and Draspher (they had made up and all was forgiven and forgotten) all go shopping/sell the stuff off the bandits. The first place we try is a high-end weapon warehouse. After stopping fumbles from stealing anything, we try to sell the bandit’s armour and I try to get a kusarigama (I wanted a finesse-able weapon with reach and I was proficient in it) and some masterwork thief’s tools (finally had a bit of extra cash and went to the wrong place back home before we were shipped off). The guy refuses us on all accounts. Firstly, the armour was still blood covered and full of holes and although he believed us when we said it came from a teammate, he couldn’t risk doing that kind of business. Secondly, he couldn’t sell us anything until we got a licence from the town guard or the local guild.

We leave, get Draspher to tidy up and fix the armour and find a blacksmith who will accept the armour. We then come up with the idea to make the leather armour into armour for the cheetah and the raccoon. The DM was incredulous, but agrees to make it in a few days, once the guy gets the measurements and consult experts. We then head to the police station, as previously agreed with the others but now we knew we could get licences from there.

group b, aka the library incident

Yurion and sim decide to hit up the library to get as much info as possible. We make sure they look for details about the city sewer layout (this was the one thing we knew about their base locations, it really paid off knowing this), how that elevator worked (to try and identify how to spot it) and any knowledge the local crime groups.

They found that just like us they can't do anything without being registered, especially as an important series of talks and lectures is happening. so first they try to talk their way in. Doesn't work. Just then Yurion’s haunted curse kicks in and throws stuff in the guard’s hut. Masterfully using this distraction, they try to sneak past and fail, horribly. The Guard confronts them and Yurion attempts to convince him of her overwhelming love of knowledge (I pass around a note to the others saying, "books get me wet”) and DM lets them in. Where to begin with the next part.

As they begin looking round the DM start rolling again. Sure enough, his roll for Yurion haunted curse goes off a second time and sends a bookshelf flying. They decided the best way to remain in the library is to hide and leave the cheetah sitting on a bookshelf to take the blame. Cue off-screen Scooby do chase/yakety sax scene.

With the heat on they decide they need to steal a bunch of the books to research later. Sim turns into a rat and hided in Yurion’s robes. Yurion then uses her natural intellectual looks to blend in with the rest of the academics. A young researcher takes notice of the pretty woman who just joined the que starts hitting on her. Sim, not likening someone hitting on her girlfriend, even as a rat, climbs up her sleeve and bites him. We all have a scare until we double check the rules that his strength is reduced as a rat so he’s just bitten instead of instantly dying to Sims enormous strength value.

As they are leaving sim the rat realises that there is a spell on the door that detects stolen books. Quickly alerting Yurion through a combination of bites and the tongues spell, she comes up with a plan. Yurion tears a page out of one book, gives it to sim the rat who sneaks into another guys robe. As he passes through the field Yurion goes at the same time and sim bites him, so he starts screaming about something being in his robes and stripping, giving enough time for Yurion to leave with her books. Sim also escapes when he throws the shirt he was hiding in off with her inside.

Part two, 0.25 Henderson night

We meet up and facepalm over the ocean 11 style heist these two pulled. We decide to split again, with Ocelot taking Yurion and Sim to get her cheetah measured for armour, waiting outside and myself and Draspher, to get licences for us all.

We go in and start talking with the guard. I tell him how I need some replacement tools *hold up thief’s tools* and so we’d like some adventurer licences while we’re in town. He tells us that it could take several weeks for the paperwork to go through. Draspher offers to “grease the wheels” and so he agrees to meet up with us later to get the licences on the sly. We meet up with the others at the hotel, get some rest and head to the police station.

We decided to keep it low key, so only Draspher and I meet with the guard and the rest follow behind. Thanks to their masterful stealth (DM kept rolling 1’s on perception) he leads us to the bad part of town and down an alleyway. Apparently, an obvious thief (I flashed my thief’s tools) and a sorcerer look like an easy pair to rob, so him and two friends down one side of the alleyway, two on one roof and one on the other and three behind us demand we give us their gold and they’ll let us live. I extend the same offer and make a boast about they think we came alone before both Draspher and I turn invisible just as the others begin attacking the three at the back.

I move in to ambush the traitorous guard while Draspher stays exactly where he is. It was months later I find out that he didn’t know that he could move. He had only cast summons up to that point and so had no idea that not every spell is a move action.

One of the guys on the roof clearly dislikes the idea of who knows how many invisible enemy’s running around, and so starts chucking down alchemist fire. As he hadn’t moved, Draspher gets one right on top of him. He dodges most of it and jumps to the other side of the alleyway to get one right in the face. Not liking this course of action, he runs to the others so that Yurion could heal him and, in a fit of spite, throws a grease spell on the guy throwing the alchemist fires.

The guy flubs his roll, falls of the roof and every vial on him goes up. He must have been carrying some serious firepower as he goes up IN A THIRTY FOOT FIREBALL THAT WRECKS THE ALLYWAY AND THE NEARBY BUILDINGS.

I quickly search the guard, find his keys, and run as well.

The others start to hear the city guard marching in numbers to the site of the huge explosion. They plan how to use Yurions levitate spell to get into the sewers and shut it after them when this happens:

Draspher – can I roll wisdom?
DM – Sure?
Draspher – *rolls* (gets something low) oh never mind
DM – what were you rolling for
Draspher – I wanted to see if it was a good idea to stay and explain what happened to the guards, but since I…
DM – NO, you rolled for it, you’re doing it

In any other time, it would have been fine, they would have grabbed him and dragged him with them. The problem is that he is still invisible, they don’t know where he is and think he’s gone already. So, they leave him behind.

The guards turn up and start investigating. Suddenly they hear a voice from no-where. It starts thanking them for getting here so soon, he was just minding his own business when the fight broke out so he turned invisible to hide, then there was an explosion and they ran off down the sewers (everyone pales/facepalms at him giving them away). The guards turn to each other, nod, then ask him to drop the invisibility so they can talk:

Draspher – can I roll to see if their telling the truth
DM – Sure
Draspher – *rolls* (gets something low) oh
DM – *sarcastically* you think it’s a great idea

The second he drops invisibility he gets grabbed, cuffed, gagged and bagged and taken down to the station.

Draspher is convinced he’s gotten himself killed and needs to roll up a new character and most of us are thinking the same at this point.

Part 3, Interrogation expert

Next scene, he gets debagged in an interrogation room. They ask him what happened and he blurts out the truth, only just remembering not to tell the guards he knows who we are. They don't believe him for a second. They think he's a psycho who followed a guard, killed him and bunch of other innocent people in a massive fireball. DM announces his lawyer enters, obviously giving us all a chance to decide who would represent him:

Me – Oh god
DM – what?
Me – None of us can do it
DM – ?
Me – Well I was seen with him talking to the dead guard, we were both seen around town with Ocelot. All three of us visited the blacksmith to get armour for a raccoon and a cheetah. The only cheetah in the city was seen at the trashed library, accompanied by a druid and an Oracle. Don’t you see, we have all been implicated with him at one point or another. The only one who possibly could do it is swaggy, and he’s both not here and really sucks at roll-play
DM – ….

So instead a man in a fancy suit walks in. He clears the room out and starts explaining himself. This is the lieutenant of one of the crime families. They were his men in the alleyway and they were supposed to bring us to him for the deal, but they got greedy. When he heard what happened he decided he would spring us as we might be useful to him. “That was one heck of an explosion, do you think you could do it again, say with a bank vault”.

Draspher doesn’t get the message, he starts denying it was him, and for the thirds time that night we pale/facepalms at him. When the lieutenant starts making assertions that if it wasn’t him then he might as well let him rot he backpedals, and accepts the deal. The Lieutenant smiles to himself, thanks him for his co-operation and goes out to finalise the paperwork.

At this exact moment, the wall to the cell explodes. It’s one of Ninja-san’s men who decided to break him out. He picks him up, gets him loose, tells him to run off the concussion and leads him down a corridor before throwing him out the window into the canal. Draspher swims out and uses the rest of his spells constantly casting invisibility on himself to get back to the hotel.

During this, we are discussing options and panicking, thinking we might have to cut our losses and leave the city. Just as we are in the middle of a complicated plan of packing our stuff and steaking out the room in case he turns up and keeping an eye out in case he was followed in bursts Draspher, shouting about how we won't believe what happened to him. Ocelot panics and shoots him. If he hadn't gotten healed during the fight he would have died. He informs us on what happened as Yurion heals him and the rest of us explain why we fired a gun indoors to the manager.


So, things are not looking up for us as we ended that session

Days in City – 1
Explosions blamed on Draspher – 2

2017-06-28, 03:32 PM
Session 4, part 1 Noises in the night

Last time Draspher made his way back to us after becoming the most wanted criminal in the city. we all start making plans. Ocelot and Sim will start making hand grenades out of "wood shaped" firewood and his barrel of gunpowder, and we're planning on robbing the library again before we go to the fight club to get some street cred. ocelot stay up and makes these grenades while we all sleep.

It's here we find out one of our DM’s nasty habits. He refuses to just let us rest between sessions and will often arrange something bad to happen at the start of every session.

Ocelot hears a noise and checks the corridor, seeing two figures in black looking in different rooms. we all get ready while I set up some caltrops in the room, some by the door some by the window. After a few minutes when they haven’t come to our room ocelot decides to check again. It's at this point I find out that the caltrops I set up get swept aside by the opening door, making those ones pointless. As ocelot looks out, he sees two girls at the end of the corridor arguing. He shouts out "can I help you with anything?". Both turn to him and one shouts out gleefully "see I knew he was on this floor" and charges towards us.

He slams the door and we all prepare for combat. It turns out that we don’t have to worry about the caltrops being brushed aside. Why? Because this girl doesn’t open the door, she smashes it so hard that the caltrops get knocked all over the room and the door smacks me across the face before imbedding in the wall. She then shouts out "Kitty!" before reaching for the cheetah. We go to fight this girl while Draspher summons a stone elemental in the doorway and every round after that we keep hearing a "whack" followed by it being tripped and smashing into the floor.

It's at this point I start panicking. Between sessions I had helped the DM come up with a few characters. They were three girls based on batman villains. There was rose (a green skinned half elf cleric of plant and charm domain who could turn any spell into a charm person or a heal with a monk’s spade as a holy symbol), Isis (a human scout archetype rouge with a whip and sap mastery's so she could hit with the force of an 80 foot drop with 8d6 nonlethal whenever she moved 10’ with a 15’ reach weapon) but the one to worry about was Jess. She was a cross of a barbarian and a martial artist monk (martial artist can be any alignment) and was broken beyond all hell. She could punch hard, tank like crazy and so fast with double fast movement and boots of speed and striding that, combined with her high constitution, could run at around 50mph for way too long. She was so fast she didn’t need a ranged weapon, she’d run up, smash you face in and run back before you reloaded. Combined with scorpion style she could keep kiting us while reducing us to 5’ movement speed and there would be nothing we could do. Any one of these girls would be a challenge for our party, but the DM had set all three of them on us presumably.

I desperately try to come up with an in character reason why we need to run but luckily Jess demonstrates by escaping a three-way flank to the wall by running up the wall, back flipping over us and chucking a portion of sneezing powder down.

We start disengaging and grabbing our stuff when Isis finally gets in by leaping over the Stone Elemental. Yurion gives us cover by casting obscuring mist over the two enemies and the elemental moving to engage them. The Cheetah smashes through the window and a round or two later I follow. I then find out that there are six guys in the alleyway waiting for us, surrounding an unconscious cheetah that had knocked itself out from the fall. With a masterful twirl, I summersault out of the window and land silently without alerting any of the guards. Sim follows, flubs her roll and I somehow dodge out of the way still not noticed by the guards, as she lands face first into the floor where I was standing just a second before. Yurion comes up with a plan to cross the gap to the next roof with Ocelot. She takes a running leap and casts a self-targeted levitation spell, granting just enough to cross the 15’ gap between her and the next roof while ocelot just makes the jump across, catching the edge and getting Yurion to help pull him up.

Draspher comes up with a decent escape plan, turning invisible during this and tries to go out of the front door. He makes it past Jess and Isis. However, when he gets in the corridor his invisibility wears off (probably a purge invisibility spell), sees rose. Calm as anything he tries to walk past her. She just grabs him and rebuffs his assertions they have mistaken him for someone else. She knows he’s the one they were sent for and proceeds to charm person his gullible ass

While I sneak off, Harley leaps across this gap like its nothing, getting father than Yurion and Ocelot had gotten, cutting off their escape. Seeing no way out, Yurion surrenders and instructs us to do the same while I watch from around the corner, trying to come up with a way to save them.

Part two a, the social club

Jess just flips from smashing our faces in to "ok, sure". This huge fat half-orc (He was using a double sized marker for this guy. It’s only later we find out he used enlarge person on himself to intimidate people rather than being 10’ wide) then strolls into our room and from my vantage point at the end of the alleyway I can see a crap ton of grunts guarding the front. This guy introduces himself as the lieutenant Draspher had met before, and tells Yurion he had a deal with Draspher. The others agree to go with him to the club to talk business, with Yurion and Draspher go in a steam punk limo while everyone else gets in a cart. Not wanting to split the party, I jump on the back hitch a lift on the outside (I was not going to surrender myself no matter what) and they begin talks.

The lieutenant explains that he wants our help to break into a vault to secure funds. Yurion nearly blows our cover by going in to hard about wanting to overthrow the system (I face palm so hard at this, I swear I am the only person on the table with IRL face skills to see how dumb that was) but some bluffing from Draspher about how she paid a lot of money for this info and Yurion explaining that she really hates the system and will do anything to help overthrow it.

it is at this point I fail my strength roll, fall of the cart with a cry of "son of a *whack*" but catch up. The DM has me roll a wisdom roll and I realise I could just hold on the roof without constant checks. Not relevant but it was funny.

Finally, we make it to the bar we were told about before. I jump of the roof and hide while everyone else is escorted into the club and told to occupy themselves until called for. Everyone goes into the club and they start splitting into separate things. Draspher starts using predisposition to make cards to stack (he really likes that spell and tries to solve any problem with that one first) while ocelot sits in a chair, orders a drink and starts throwing small stones to knock his tower over. Sim goes with Rose to heal his cheetah and Rose proceeds to try and intimidate her with a mixture of healing and aggressive groping (she "layed her hands" on a very sensitive area on sim while staring at her straight in her eyes the entire time) and the others chat with Jess next to a huge cage for wresting fights. Two thieves are fighting to the death as punishment for stealing from the boss, winner gets to live.

I meanwhile decide to infiltrate the club. I pull out one of my spare outfits and dress as a cleric. When I try to get in I am accosted by the bouncer who demands 10 gold entry fee. Not wanting to start a fight and since I need to get in there despite him fleecing me, I give a sob story about how I need a drink as my girlfriend cheated on me with the head priest. He relates his own girl problems and so he lets me in for 5 (rip-off anyway) and I promise him a drink next time I see him off duty.

While the others are chatting watching the fight with Jess I make my way to the bar, sit a seat or two away from Draspher and order a drink. During their conversation, they start discussing their group dynamic and jess goes "ow, so she's the brainy one (points at Yurion), he's the sploody guy (points at Draspher) and he's the sneaky one (points at me, still disguise buying a drink)". No one in the bar took notice but that girl is sneakier than she looks.

sim joins us again and decides she want a fight in the ring. Jess says we can fight Garry, points at a skinny guy, we see a slab of muscle behind him, but it is the skinny guy. They get taken off and get ready, Gary in Speedos and sim in a leotard as per rules. They are introduced as Jess "angel wings" (an attempt to get in contact with other agents using the key phrase) and Garry "bane"

Then the buffing rounds starts, sim has no buff spells prepared but bane does. So, Draspher greases her and Yurion gives her a blessing and guidance spell. Despite being unprepared she is damn good at grapples and manages to win despite being knocked out once and reduced to 1 HP afterwards, successfully choking out bane and nearly dislocating his arm. Ocelot is thrilled as he had a 10-gold bet on her, with 5/1 odds and promises the bar free drinks until 10am.

Finally, the others are told to rest up there, there is much to talk about in the morning (it's 3am at this point) so they rest up. I let Draspher know to meet me at the blacksmiths tomorrow.

Part 2 b, My night on the town

While the fight was going on I got the sitrep off Draspher. I then proceeded to play the part of a depressed drinker. As I leave a little while later some guys try to follow but I ninja vanish away down a dark alleyway, not wanting to break cover with a fight. I make it back to our starting Inn and find tons of city guards. I check the side alleyway, yup more guards so no getting to the room. Just then I feel a dart hit me and I start getting sleepy.

I wake up tied to a table with a dark figure over me. It's ninja-san, our main contact. He demands to know what's going on, so I inform him about how we've been hired, and how they need cash from the vault for something. He tells us we can't let the heist go off and he can't contact us directly as the main building monitors magic and can shut down magic they don't like, but he can send his apprentice to keep an eye on us and no, he will not itch my nose for me, time for more knock out drugs.

I wake up in a common room and proceed to itch my nose like crazy to the bewildered looks of those around me. IRL Draspher came back into to room from the toilet, and was very confused about my sounds of joy and satisfaction from itching my nose. I make my way to the blacksmith, successfully negotiate a corner to sleep in while I wait and I get him to make me a masterwork kusarigama based on my own.

The others wake up and meet with the lieutenant. He tells them the details of the plan, but they don't like just trying to blast their way in, and suggest espionage to sneak in. He tells them it's impossible, the plans are held in the library, and no-one can possibly break in there. Yurion pulls out the books in her bag she stole, and the lieutenant jaw hits the floor. He tells us that if we can get info great, or else we go ahead without it.

Draspher passes on the message and we all meet up at the blacksmiths and inform each other what has been happening. We then begin to plan our heist of the library.

Part 3, the heist, phase one

We all dress up as scholarly types and infiltrate the library. The talks were still ongoing and as such we succeed in getting in with the rest of the academics coming back from lunch. We try to split off from the group but a guard follows us. We explain we are going to the toilet before talks begin and he helpfully says he’ll wait for us. We all go to the toilet on the first floor, and Draspher distracts him so I can get to the third floor, the restricted section. Before me is a huge door that I guess is probably magically alarmed, so I’ll need the spellcasters help to fully unlock it.

Meanwhile, sim calls out that Yurion has fallen and she needs help. When he goes in Draspher turns invisible and heads up the stairs. The guard reluctantly goes in and sim grapples him while ocelot, and Yurion flail about trying to knock him out. They finally succeed despite ocelot at one point punching sim in the face. They decide to tie him up, lock him in the toilet with sims panties in his mouth and his "manhood" pulled out and covered in lipstick.

They make it to the second floor and I pop my head down, wondering what’s taking them, and tell one of the spellcasters to come up and help me disarm the door. Yurion comes to help me while ocelot and Draspher (went invisible to escape the previous guard) decide now is the time to steal books on engineering and wand making. After much ado, ocelot get the book and meets back up with us, Draspher despite distracting two guards with a summoned dog he is now stuck in the lecture, so he starts coping from his book.

As ocelot and sim go up the stairs, they get spotted by guards previously distracted coming back up. Sim goes down distracting them while ocelot joins us upstairs, saying she needs the toilet and go to the previous toilet with one of them. The other guard previously tied up has woken up and trying to call for help with a pair of panties in his mouth. Sim tricks the guard in there to see if "that woman" needs help, and woodshapes the door locked behind her, finally joining us upstairs.

Part four, phase two

The entire top floor has a minor anti-magic field up. Minor spells and certain types of magic work but any active use spells will trigger something. I get the door open and spot several rune traps. I go with Yurion, using detect magic to mark off all the pressure plates I can see until we get to a giant iron door. We desperate try to come up with a way inside. Plan after plan gets thrown out while the DM keeps rolling dice. Finally, I get desperate. I go up to the door and press the tannoy button:

Guard: Hello, who's this
Me: city secret guard, open up
Guard: what's going on?
me: we believe that some documents have been stolen from here, and we need to investigate without causing a panic
guard: I don't know, there is no record of you on the timetable
me: yes, what part of not causing a panic do you not understand
guard: I don't know, I think I should call this up with my manager
me: do you really want to be the one to call him, breaking the secrecy of this theft and spreading panic across the city
(guard opens the door)
guard: who's the city guard?
me: I am
Guard: you don't look like a guard
me: good eye (flurry of shuriken, three shuriken smashes into him (one missed from four thrown) for 30 damage)

the others jaw hit the floor at this but we get to work opening the door. We find the document but we come a cropper when we discover the room is full of knockout gas, there was a procedure to vent it but we messed it up by killing the guard and opening the door. We shut it but I'm unconscious, ocelot and sim are drunk and Yurion is woozy. Then the tannoy starts, it's the guard’s downstairs, they want to talk to Garry, he's missed his check-ups. Ocelot crawls over:

guard: Garry, where are you, you missed your check-ups
ocelot: riggght heere
guard: are you ok
ocelot: yeah, found a botttle of wissssky in ma draw, stonger thn a tought
guard: do you need help
ocelot: yeaah, could ya seeend up a replacement, I dun feel to goood
guard: well we're having some difficulty, jerry's gotten himself locked in the girl’s bathroom, but we'll send someone soon.

We all try to leave but sim flubs an acrobatics roll to jump over one of the pressure plates and the alarms and the anti-magic field go off.

Part four, phase three, the escape

ocelot starts rigging up a barrel of gunpowder and a few grenades with Yurion to blow thought the wall. I meanwhile fill up my hand haversack with as many old books as possible. They succeed in making a small hole and we sneak through to a small recess under the roof. I guard the hole while sim and ocelot both keep failing to break the roof tiles to get out. The guards arrive, see the hole start arguing about who goes in first so ocelot shoots through the hole making them panic. Sim during this flubs a roll and gets her foot stuck in the wall. Ocelot finally tries lighting his powder horn and throwing it down the hole as a grenade, but messes up his roll. He misses the hole, bouncing off the top and only my reflex save kicks it through but I take some damage and become slowed down due to my injuries. Sim realise she's a druid so she turns into a gorilla and finally smashes a hole through the shingles. We grapple down the building on a rope, me going last. As go I start to lose grip on the rope, but I just let go. Since I still have cat boots I land perfectly on my feet and take nearly no damage. Just then a guy comes up out of the bushes. Sim the gorilla throws a punch just as he starts saying "an angel.." being punted across the courtyard into some bushes.

This guy was one of ninja-san guys trying to help. We decide to take him with us, stone shape the wall and escape. after healing up he has amnesia with no idea who he is or where. So, we leave him with a note to give to the guards warning them about the heist and head back to the club

Supplement Draspher’s day out

Draspher has spent this entire time in the lecture hall happily copying from the book he stole. Then the anti-magic field activates, and the guards come in tells everyone to keep calm. With a bit of coaxing Draspher then starts riling up the crowd, talking about why we need to escape now (helped by the explosions going off) and eventually a riot breaks out, with the wizards charging out of the gates. He avoids getting trampled, gets given a blanket and a cup of soup by the concerned nurses before using an invisibility to escape the afterwards

Days in City – 2
Explosions blamed on Draspher – 3

2017-06-28, 03:35 PM
Session 5, part 1, reunions and updates

So, last time we just robbed a library and made our way back to the mafia bar. On the way, we notice people are panicky and the city seems busy while the bar is virtually empty aside from the local drunks

We go into the bar and see Jess. She tells us about how the boss seems mad about something, and is being yelled at by Mr Quinn, so we’ll have to wait for him. We also finally learn his name is Jose’ (spelt with a j, pronounced with a h). We all find this hilarious and can no-longer take him seriously. Draspher at this point finally makes it back to us, still holding the soup that he got from the medical tent. Ocelot immediately panics and wastes one of his only shots left trying to shoot him. He misses him but this is enough to get Jose’ to come down. Seeing Draspher, he immediately lays into him about what the hell he thinks he’s doing blowing up the library, and is completely nonplussed when he finds out he escaped the police by walking out the front door (apparently it is common that no-one thinks to stop people doing this according to Draspher)

He is pretty ticked with us thought and starts explaining that thanks to this the guard are panicking and are thinking of calling in the city guard to declare martial law. This is until he finds out we succeeded in stealing the plans, and a crud ton of restricted section books.

We then decide to discuss what we have available for the heist now that we can plan it better. He explains that aside from Jess, Rose and Isis we are the most competent guys that work for him. He also explains that thanks to the two massive explosions, all gunpowder in the city HAS NOW BEEN OUTLAWED. All gunpowder has been ceased and it is illegal to make or sell it until further notice. This is especially bad since Ocelot used up all but two shots of his powder to enable us to escape.

He is also terrified by Drasphers insistence he needs white bedsheets (worried that he has hired a second unstable psychopath alongside Jess). We also find out that the guard I bribed to get in the other night has quit and retired, and I comment I should buy him a drink when he explains about his girl just having left him.

We find out that the only places with black powder are the police station (he also does not appreciate my contribution of asking if he wants us to knock over the police station as I have a set of keys (He also wants to know where I got them from later)) the local guild and the warehouses they’ve set up to mass store it.

So, we all decide to get some sleep and try and steal some powder tomorrow.

Part two, the wakeup call

We all go to bed. Draspher stays up for the first part and starts making copies of the plans, I swap with him to keep watch the rest of the night.

Early morning, we wake up to Jess smashing open the door and telling us to hide (as a side not it looks like the doors have been reinforced to prevent them flying off again). She reveals a trapdoor under the rug and we hide in a far too small a space for that many people while Jose’ and four guards come in and start combing the room. It is at this point we realise no-one took their stuff down with them, and there are THREE SETS OF PLANS FOR THE CITY BANK VAULT, AND A HANDY HAVERSACK FULL OF STOLEN BOOKS UP THERE. We have no choice but to rush the guards, knocking three out and the fourth surrenders. Jose’ can’t understand why we did that until we explain as we tidy the room, tie up and gag the guards and hide them along with myself, Draspher and jess and all our gear in the trapdoor. When the rest of the guards turn up, Ocelot somehow convinces them that the guards never came in, and they eventually leave.

We open the trap door and Jess literally starts tossing them out while we discuss what to do with them. Several plans are thrown out (including our offer to dispose of them and the bodies, which causes our GM to facepalm at our mostly good group agreeing to do this) and we decide to just strip them and leave them to the girls to interrogate.

Part three, we split the party (why did we split the party)

Ocelot and I go off to scope out the barn, then come back at night with the others. We can’t see much, but two heavy armed guards patrol once around it, swap with two inside, on constant repeat.

We ultimately decide the best option is just to have me and Ocelot disguise ourselves with the guard uniforms, have Draspher use invisibility on us, sneak in and hide in a corner while sim sneaks in as a rat, then when she steals some barrels in Ocelots bag of holding, change back and we all leave. As the others have no stealth or combat skills, they should hang far away just in case. This will turn out to be a terrible idea.

We send sim, who has turned into a rat, inside and plan to use tongues to get intel from her rat form afterwards. There is a bench where the two other guards sit, a wizard behind him, two more guards patrolling the small walkway that is the second floor along with a second wizard. As she leaves to tell us, the two patrolling guards decide to shoot the large rat, and are surprised at how resilient it is.

Just as Ocelot and I get to the door the DM has us role a reflex. It turns out there is a magic field on the archway. As a ninja, I don’t have trap-finding so I can’t deal with magic traps, and sim has read magic instead of detect magic and NO RANKS IN SPELLCRAFT for some reason.

Everyone else in the group at this point is convinced that it is an instant kill spell that can only be walked through with a crystal the guards keep swapping. Ocelot wants to try and pick pocket it with me, but I decide that rummaging around two heavily armed guards hoping they don't notice me and yell bringing a battalion of armed city guards, especially if I don't know what pocket it is even in is a terrible idea.

We run back and eventually come up with a plan to have Draspher re-apply the invisibility, and have Yurion levitate us to the first story window. We three (Jaune, Ocelot and sim the rat) get in but the DM makes it clear, our Invisibility is running out, we only have a few rounds left. Struck for ideas we decide to take out a guard each and keep the rest occupied while Sim gets to stealing then run. So, Ocelot lines up a shot with a borrowed heavy crossbow on the first wizard, I jump down and prepare to shank the second wizard (both of us deciding we can’t stealth it in such a small area and we might as well take out the tricky yet guys first. Also, I thought that the spell negation stuff the DM has been using will be done by them)

Part 4, Things go bad

Ocelot shoots, but messes up the shot hitting him in the shoulder instead. I successfully kill my wizard in one surprise round, but everyone now is looking at us. One guard shoots me for 11 damage, and since I forgot to ask for healing before, I decide to turn invisible and move to a better position. The second wizard runs from Ocelot and attempts suggestion while jumping a small wall, but fails both while the guard on that side shoots at Ocelot, breaks his crossbow and draws his sword. Sim changes back behind cover (still unnoticed) and decides to use a call lightning spell IN A BARN LINED WITH BARRELS OF GUNPOWDER. The DM rolls a D100 every time she uses the spell, on a 95-100 stray powder on the floor will ignite and kill us all. After one rolls in the 90’s she changes her mind about using the spell. Ocelot drops his crossbow, forgetting when he chose to use it that it takes a full round action to reload, and uses his last shot on the guard WHILE STANDING ON A BARREL OF GUNPOWDER so DM rolls for him. D100 succeeds but he rolls a 1, wasting his last bullet.

The big problem came when one of the guards smashes a crystal on the table, activating the spell negation effect. Although the call lightning still works, my invisibility instantly dissipates and I am left exposed. I realise that I can’t fight in the armour I am using to pretend to be a guard and without shadow clones they will rip me to shreds. The only help I have is the two outside, who decide they don’t want to get involved as they suck in combat anyway, sim on the floor above me, and Ocelot on the floor above me with no ranged weapon and only a dagger pistol to melee with. What’s more the rest of the guards will be coming soon from the farmhouse and I have very little health left after two days of heists without remembering to ask for healing. Draspher does come to try and help, sending an earth elemental to assist, but as the two who were patrolling come in to flank me, I shout out that it’s a bust and run as fast as I can past them and out the door, hoping the others find a way out as there was nothing I could do. Things look bad. Things are so bad, the DM has his head in both hands, thinking we’ve managed to TPW ourselves, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

Part 5, The Turn around

From the very start, Draspher has been having issues. Our first scenario turned into a major length battle and he had to stick to healing with a wand of cure light wounds until the last battle. Even then, his summons has a hard time hitting most things, and he often comes up with questionable plans. Combined with the incredible bad luck and magic ability to get into bad situations has lead him to become the most wanted criminal in the city without a single offensive spell. We even had to dissuade him from a plan involving floating a while bedsheet with mage hand while invisible, then summoning a fire elemental inside the cloth as a distraction in this heist (as bedsheet ghosts do nothing in a setting with real ghosts) and sending a fire elemental inside the building with gunpowder. So, when he announces he has a plan to save us, we all think he’s full of crud.

Draspher casts silent image on the side of the building and through the window next to sim of a huge fire. He then charges into the building screaming “I’ve set the barn on fire, I’m going to blow you all up just like AT THE LIBRARY”. Since it was Ocelot who made that explosion, sim and Ocelot realise the ruse, but the rest of the guard don’t. The guards who were charging to support stop, and tell the one guy who tries to convince them it’s fake that he can go first. Only a single guard and the surviving wizard realise the deception, and the rest all flee as fast as they can. Ocelot goes after the wizard; the earth elemental takes on the last guard and sim steals as many powder kegs as that bag of holding will take. The wizard jumps over the guard rail, lands in a heap and flees to the back of the barn, Ocelot pursuing. He opens a door way with a spell and runs. Just as Ocelot is shouting to sim there is another way out now, he starts preparing a spell.

Part 6, Fireworks

Ocelot realise what’s happening and shouts a warning to sim as he runs for all he’s worth out the front door. After successfully stealing nine barrels of black powder, sim jumps down and runs, shouting at the other guards that their wizard is about to blow the place up, they need to run. They just make it to the edge of the blast radius when the spell completes, and most of the gunpowder from the city goes up. And that last guard, despite being abandoned, despite his sword breaking on the elemental and despite the warnings of his attackers, never abandons his post even as the earth elemental starts throwing barrels at him (like good old DK) and is obliterated instantly. Most of the other guards were just in range and they suffered for it, many losing limbs or taking huge damage. Draspher and Yurion are still running when they hear a ginormous explosion Yurion status spell goes off, and she turns back to help.

As for Ocelot and Sim. Ocelot was further away and with more health so he took less damage, while sim manages to hang on with just 2 health left. Both are knocked senseless until Yurion and Draspher turn up, and they get healed while they run back to base. As for me, I never stopped running from before. Some (particularly Ocelots player) say it was cowardice but there is a reason my back-story involves surviving so many team wipes.

Afterwards our DM told us why he had us rolling wisdom rolls at various points. Firstly, the spell on the door was an alarm spell, and Ocelot and I nearly triggered it and brought down the entirety of the city guard on us. Secondly, while we were being lifted to the second floor, no-one thought to have Yurion cast detect magic.

last time, we made our biggest explosion yet, I'm running off back into the city while the others drag their collective beaten asses back to down

Days in City – 3
Explosions blamed on Draspher – 4

2017-06-28, 03:38 PM
Session 6, part 1a, the journey back, Jaune's tale

I made my way into town. Everyone has been woken up and is milling about. I sneak into an ally to change from the guard’s uniform. One close call I get changed, make my way to an inn for the night. I "explain" how I got kicked out as the place I was staying at was next to the blast, so I need a place to sleep. I get a seat in the common room, wake up early and head back to the bar. On the way, I see wanted posters for me and ocelot in our guard uniforms and Draspher in his genuine appearance. I make my way back with little or no problems.

so, boring for me, but nice and safe. Looks like it pays to run when things go bad.

Part 1b, The journey back, the rest of the crew part one – failings and failures

Since they were still fairly bloodied from the whole exploding barn thing, they decide to head north away from the city before heading in through another entrance. Unfortunately, they run into a whole battalion of guards. It turns out they had been called in and were marching towards the city entrance they were heading too. When they saw the massive explosion, they diverted to help.

They try to hide in a nearby field. Ocelot and Sim successfully hide, while Draspher and Yurion IMMEDIATELY fall over each other and get spotted. They leave two guards behind to take them back to the barracks while the rest march on.

Ocelot and Sim decide to do all they can to save their comrades. Using their years of experience with stealth and espionage, Sim sneaks up and get spotted immediately. Using skills and tactics developed by foxhound, attempts to crawl on his belly behind Sim to sneak closer, gets spotted immediately. The other guard panics at more people being here starts smacking the hell out of Draspher to knock him out. He tries summoning a silent image of a huge troll to scare them off. Neither guard believes it for a second. Yurion decides she’s LITERALLY going to sit down and watch all this happen.

Now the previously mentioned battalion are still close by, any loud noise like a gunshot or the guards shouting could bring all of them back darn quick. So, they need to take these guys out quickly and quietly, so ocelots guns are right out (besides he hasn’t had a chance to get a powder horn ready yet). It also does not help the two best fighters are bloodied near death while the guards are still at full health. Sim decides to fight the guard, but they both end up flailing ineffectually. Draspher tries to bluff the guard by asking “why are you hitting me?”. It does nothing. Yurion is still sitting on the grass watching Draspher get beaten up. Finally, Ocelot decides now is the time for dramatic action, and runs like a small child. Draspher, glad to finally have a plan, casts grease on the guard hitting him and runs as well. Yurion decides now is a decent time to contribute and casts obscuring mist over the guard and the grease before running herself. Sim decides to cast entangle, and is shocked at just how far the radius is, trapping both guards and running freely over the difficult terrain.

Not going to lie, this entire time I was thinking that they had found a way to team wipe on two basic grunts, and that in character I would have to explain to the guild master how I had survived yet another team wipe.

(side note, HAHAHAHA Ocelot kept giving me crap for bailing from six guards with 30 on the way in a barn full of gunpowder, next session he runs from two)

Part 1b, part 2 – trespassing and infiltration

They successfully run and decide between them that they are not making it back to the city tonight. They also turn down Draspher’s suggestions of crossing essentially the river Thames on the back of a six round summoned dolphin, or the same with a raft pulled by said dolphins. So, they all find a barn in a nearby orchard to sleep in after healing up. When they wake up, Draspher has a crossbow shoved in his face (DM rolled randomly for it, he’s just that unlucky) and the old farmer angrily demanding why they’re in his barn. One quick story about coming from afar to town and needing a place to sleep, and a few silver pieces, they have got themselves a nice homemade breakfast. He even offers them a ride into town on the back of his cart, with Sim riding shotgun.

As they approach Sim’s obscene perception score spots the wanted posters and the checkpoint coming up. A quick bit of planning later and Ocelot and Draspher go invisible when they arrive. Sim then starts chatting to the guard as they inspect the wagon, finding only one passenger (Yurion, who does not have a wanted poster yet) and he start relating about how “close they came to catching them, he was THIS close to them last night but they got away from him and…...” he suddenly starts looking at Sim in a scrutinizing way. Turns out this was the guard who was smacking Draspher, so he sorts of recognises her but not enough just yet. They just about manage to fill out paperwork and get into the city, carefully avoiding the farmers questions about weren’t their more of us, what happened to them.

They start making their way down to the bar, keeping to alleyways to avoid being spotted, but find their way blocked by another checkpoint. They decide the only way is down, back in the sewers, but they must wade through “the murky depths” to get out. They then find themselves close to where the first explosion was, with several builders nearby. After several overly-complicated plans are suggested to distract them, OOC I point out that this world should be fairly used to hiring groups of adventurers to deal with any little problem, like say an overpopulation of giant rats, so they just pop out, turn to the builders and say, “giant rats, am I right?”. After all this they finally make their way back to the bar where I have been happily waiting since early morning, I got through town before the checkpoints were installed.

So finally, we were all back together AND we could begin planning the heist.

Part 2, The big Plan

The building consists of four stories, two above ground, two below.

*First Floor – offices and management
*Ground floor – Reception, meeting rooms, elevators/stairs to basement one
*Basement one – Low security, several store rooms with safe deposit boxes inside for basic level security. In the centre of the room there are areas filled with Gems, Gold, Silver and Copper Pieces, but they are all magically marked and traceable. At the back is the elevator to Basement two, which can only be operated by guard stations on both floors simultaneously
*Basement Two – several maximum-security deposit box rooms line the walls and in the centre, is all the gold bullion they keep. There is also a printing press for making coins that also mark them with a magic seal, guaranteeing their authenticity.

Our objective was the Bullion on basement two, with a bonus for getting our hands on enough of the machines to start printing out the cash. Mr Quinn would send his three girls with us, but he could not be implicated in anything illegal. He had some basic supplies, but only a bag of holding version 4 for storing the loot in, no magic items. The girls:

*jess – martial artist/barbarian, immature, crazy but nearly unstoppable in a fight
*Isis – rogue, good at disabling traps and incredibly nasty with a whip
*rose – cleric, great at charm and healing spells

Ocelot finally had a chance to inspect the Crystals he stole from the barn. They could activate an anti-magic field when knocked, but could also change into four colours:

*white – acts as a light spell
*gold – allows the user to activate spells in an anti-magic field
*blue – acts as a passkey for certain alarm spells, but only the ones they are attuned to
*red – the DM forgot, he may remember at some point

Without wasting time FOREVER trying to map everything out over a period of months IRL, we decided on a basic plan. Isis, rose, Yurion and Draspher would pose as a group of wizards. Jaune, Ocelot, Jess and Sim would be their body guards. The “wizards” would want to deposit a large collection of rare and valuable tomes (the books I stole from the library) into the maximum-security vault. Once down there, we would find a way to get some members away from the main group to loot what they could, then leave.

(By this point we had turned down many plans from Draspher including getting his hands on a glitter disco ball rock to mage hand as a distraction, getting his hands on a wizard with corpse shape to make a body look like his then set up an over the top scene to make it look like a guard had died while killing him to help relieve city tension and finally blowing up a nearby building to draw the guards away from the bank for a short time while they dealt with it. I think a large part of his plans involved somehow making everyone think he was dead so his own reputation would be restored)

Part 3, The heist, part 1 – getting in

We all dress the part, wear proper disguises to conceal our identity’s, go through the sewers to avoid the checkpoint (we have a better way this time that does not require going though sewage water) and make our way there. We notice two large statues either side that a quick spellcheck conforms are stone golems, so we really need to get this right without starting a fight. We are quickly greeted and Draspher does well at playing the part. We are sent to a meeting room, complete with a scrying crystal security camera, and jess quickly gets bored. Draspher finds a book to give her to read about myths and legends (why it was in the meeting room I have no idea), she immediately announces that she can’t read, shrugs and starts absentmindedly tearing pages out. We are met by a gnome bank teller, and we begin are tale of coming to deposit rare magical books. We ask for a tour, to see the service we are paying for before buying, and so he takes us to the first security check point. Unfortunately, we know just how heavy the security will come down on us so we hand over all our weapons and equipment.

Part 4, The heist, part two – stupid midgets

The gnome takes us downstairs and after getting thought the first security door maned by a dwarf he takes us to a small room to check what we are depositing. I hint at rose now would be a good time to do her stuff (charm him), but she either didn’t understand or didn’t care.

A bit of background to understand what is about to happen. I stole these books from the forbidden section of the library we had robbed previously. Our DM was very keen to punish me for this and so had lined these books with various traps, explosive runes, so that the first time I tried to read my spoils he’d get me. I never read them, why would I, I’m a ninja not a wizard. Once he had to stop Yurion from reading them off hand when he asked us what we were doing before we went to sleep so he could keep the trap set for me.

The gnome opens the book and the first page is a giant glowing rune. Thanks to a combination of reflex saves and high health, we all survive. The gnome however has now been splattered all over the room and us. I proceeded to start yelling at rose why didn’t she charm him when I said to, a small argument back and forth breaks out between us until I get her to channel energy to heal us after the blast. Draspher starts using magic to clean us and the room.

Ocelot goes to get someone to help/replace our tour guide. He finds the dwarf and tries to explain that our guide hurt himself because he didn’t listen to us, could he go get the manager so we can complain. The dwarf is confused and doesn’t know what to do until he suddenly starts looking dopey, rose has followed and charmed him so he couldn’t mess things up for us. We tell him to go find us a new bank teller to take us to basement two.

While we wait a second gnome comes with a rich woman to use the room. We bluff him, telling him about the accident, the gnome is injured, we have our cleric looking after him and we sent someone for the manager. The dwarf comes back. He got confused and has no idea what he was doing. Rose claims dwarfs are resistant to her spells a little more than others, so we lure the other gnome back and tell him to take us to the second elevator. We get to the lift, but the gnome is pretty out of it. We try bluffing that thanks to his incompetence he got mind scrambled, and that it is lucky we disabled that rune of insanity quickly or he’d be trying to eat people. Still he can’t provide the word of the day but the guard calls the manger. We are all prepared for things to go bad here but then the manager comes UP from the basement two level. He’s another gnome but he doesn’t dress like a bank manager, he dresses like a farmer.

Part 5, The heist, part three – deeper depths

There is something immediately suspicious about this guy. He clearly knows we’re up to something, but he takes us down with him, heck he even sends everyone down their back up, he needs the room for a bit. He then casts a spell we identify as an anti-scrying spell before telling us we can drop the act, he knows why we’re here but he’s surprised that we’re such a mixed sort doing this. Draspher is a good guy (he is ecstatic some has noticed he’s the only good aligned party member), while that one (jess) particularly nasty. I challenge him “if you know so much about why we’re here, why don’t you show us your hand first, why aren’t you just turning us in”. First, he casts a sleep spell, leaving only Draspher (left alone since he detects he’s actually an alright guy), Isis, Yurion and ocelot awake. Then he casts another spell. Ocelot goes in for a punch, not liking this guy’s moves, but he brushes it aside.

DM – “he starts changing, growing scales”
Ocelot – (in head) “oh crud, oh crud, oh crud”
DM – “they are copper coloured”
Ocelot – (in head) “oh thank god”

YEP, THE BANK MANAGER IS A COPPER DRAGON. WE ARE SCREWED IF WE TRY TO FIGHT HIM. Ocelot is crapping himself, Isis is so far out of her depth she can’t comprehend it, Yurion is unphased and Draspher couldn’t care, he’s too enthralled by the thought of a dragon owning a bank/in love with this hunk of fire breathing lizard to care. Luckily as a Copper dragon he’s not evil so he won’t just kill us out of hand. It’s at this point that Yurion and Draspher remember that they can both speak draconic, so they explain we can’t talk in front of the girls. So, he wakes up our group (not the girls) and asks us to get out of the way, he can deal with Isis he just needs a line of sight. Sure enough, he knocks her out and we explain everything. It turns out he’s had experience with our guild (the guild of the white lotus, this is the first time any of us had heard it named) but he knows our guild master. Turns out, he’s also a dragon, what you thought one small guild master would be consulted about a coup like this?

He introduces himself properly as Bartholomew (we call him Barty, he likes it). He tells us he won’t directly help us, but we amuse him so he will help us with our mission. He says that he will hold the girls for now (something about how they are not such bad sorts, he knows them and doesn’t want to just kill them. I say it’s because the DM and I spent too long making their sheets and characters to just kill them) although he refuses to let me take their equipment (the DM knows I know they have about 30K of magic stuff EACH and he refuses to let me exploit this) and he will call some of his boys to makes some new printing plates (we had between us decided to steal this part, as that’s all the mafia needed to start making magically tagged gold pieces for racketing the gold) with a different seal so the gold could easily be tracked rather than impossible to track, and a small portion of the gold. The problem is he needs to make a show of our escape, make it look convincing. “Tell me, how do you feel about explosions?”

That’s where we ended that session. Side note, Draspher rolled about six 20’s that didn’t count for one reason or another (skill checks, joke rolls, rolls he didn’t need to make) but he kept rolling low or 1’s constantly throughout the game.

Days in City – 5
Explosions blamed on Draspher – 4/5 (we blew up the gnome but we haven’t gotten round to blaming Draspher for it yet)

2017-06-28, 03:42 PM
Session 7, part 1, unsubtle stealth tactics

We decide that I (Jaune), Ocelot and Draspher should change out of the guard uniforms. We need to put on a show and since we’re wanted by the city this is our best way of doing so. Since the others are not know to the city yet, we can use them as “hostages” with the possibility of them escaping separate to us if need be. Barty tells us he is willing to do an explosion for us in the anti-magic field for flavour so long as it is in such a way that no-one gets hurt. After much discussion, it is agreed that Draspher will speak in draconic while Barty watches us over the scrying sphere security system telling to explain where he wants it followed by a SHAZAM. As the sneakiest member, I take the bag of holding with the gold and the printing plates inside.

We ride the lift up, with sim and Yurion tied up in rope as our “hostages” and get to the guard operating the lift security doors. Draspher forgot the plan in the two minutes going up the lift, so goes completely against the plan blurts out something about us being the police, we found out that these two were trying to rob the place and we are arresting them. I attempt to assist the bluff by telling the that we as the “secret police”. Unfortunately, due to a low roll on my part, the guard is a bit incredulous about the “secret police” part, and there is talk on both sides about calling the manager. The DM has to point out that Barty said he won’t help us, so I take the problem in hand. I reach through the view hole, grab the gnome by his hair and smash his face into the table. Ocelot jumps through and proceeds to let us out.

We start to sneak out and along the corridor. Ocelot peaks around the corner and sees a gnome, a dwarf and a human walking along chatting (insert bar joke here). As we start panicking the DM realises he forgot to tell us that Barty told us that we had to do this NON LETHALY. Ocelot sees the Gnome go into one of the vaults while the other two starts walking this way. We all dash silently for the guard room, but Ocelot and Sim get spotted. Carefully weighing up his options, Ocelot calmly and thoughtfully fires the entangling shot he had prepared at the two, sticking them to the wall while Sim charges over and slams her hand over their mouths, just succeeding in not getting her own hand trapped to them in the sticky goo. Unfortunately, the Dwarf starts screaming so Ocelot charges over and knees him in the head, again only just succeeding in not sticking himself to the wall as well

The rest of us quickly start moving down the corridor, I shout out a “sorry, my fault I saw a rat” to try and explain the noise. The Gnome from before sticks his head out to see what is going on. Draspher helpfully goes up and asks for some help, there has been an accident. The gnomes face pales as he shouts out “IT’S THE MAD BOMBER!”

Part 2, screw subtlety

To help Draspher player out (this campaign is his first) I pass him a note saying, “silent image some flames”. What I meant was to make a fireball or flames in his hand to scare and intimidate the guy, maybe grab him as an extra hostage. Instead, he makes a wall of flames along the back of the vault while telling him “you might want to run before you burn, heheheheh”. This vault was full of about 8 bank workers, who all panic upon seeing the fire and the mad bomber, and start running out as fast as they can, all screaming at the top of their lungs.

I spot an opportunity and reverse roles with Draspher relative to the library. I run with the crowd, shouting out “run, run for your lives, the mad bomber is here!”, hoping to start a panic to help us get past the guards. The others catch on quickly, running with me while we leave Draspher at the back to create atmosphere. Except for Yurion, she was getting way to into the “hostage” thing and was only running with us because of Stockholm syndrome.

The next part is going to get complicated as we are all taking our turns in order while the events are happening simultaneously. I will label each section 1. For me, 2. For sim, 3. For Ocelot, 4. For Yurion, 5. For Draspher.

The anti-magic field goes up due to the fire alarm, and everyone starts evacuating the building in a calm and orderly manner. We make our way past the guards storming towards Draspher with the crowd while I am trying to get everyone panicking. The rest of the guards are keeping calm everyone calm and orderly despite my efforts and start giving me the evil eye. Unfortunately, as the guards are giving me the evil eye, one of them realises he might recognize me.

5. Draspher really gets into the swing of things, cackling like a madman and using draconic to communicate with barty to set off an explosion in the freshly emptied vault to intimidate the hell out of the guards in his path while trying to piss himself in fear both in and out of character. Say what you will about his performance so far, he has finally come into his own. He may not be a planner, no fighter and his own schemes may be crap, but my unholy gods, does he play psychopath well.

1. Using this moment of distraction, I shout out “I told you, he’ll kill us all now run” and charge up the stairs after everyone else

5. The initial guards have all fled, leaving four guards in the hall and another 4 past the security gate leading people up the stairs. He gets barty to set off another blast behind him and the guards, clearly terrified, start shuffling back

3. I pass Ocelot a note and he gets the message, dropping a smoke bomb right at Draspher to help keep up the illusion of fire magic while he’s running up the stairs

5. Although a little shocked, he realises what’s going on and comes out of the smoke slowly, cackling like a madman

Part 3, Et tu Ocelot

1. As I get to the top of the stairs I realise that the elevator next to me leads downstairs and to the first floor, meaning that I could retrieve Draspher, make our way to the roof/first story window and escape that way (this was the closest we had to an escape plan). Barring that, the room next to me leads straight to the wall with only a much thinner wall connecting blocking the stairs from it directly. I attempt to grab Ocelot and Yurion to help me as they have great knowledge engineering checks to get the lift working, and Ocelot has 8 barrels of gunpowder to blast open the wall. Ocelot, thanks to a combination of having his own plan, receiving information due to having a much higher perception and his own sense of “no meta gaming” runs off regardless, refusing to tell any of us what he has realised due to note passing. Yurion, thanks to her hands-off approach to any kind of combat encounter and the strange obsession she has with being tied up just follows Ocelot, her “captor”. This leaves me with just sim to help me, and Draspher downstairs with a large group of heavily armed guards, both of whom have their spells blocked by the anti-magic field

2. Sim, having heard me attempts to follow me into the room. Unfortunately, there is still one guard keeping everyone going, and he helpfully tells her “that the wrong way miss, exit is that way”. So, she fakes tripping to avoid leaving and he goes to help her up, not wanting her to be trampled to death by the gnomes still running out

5. Conferring with Barty again, Draspher gets the guard room door to slam, finally breaking the will of the guards and sending them running up the stairs. He attempts to negotiate a series of small, firecracker explosions and one to break a wall open, but he hears a magical whispering in his ear. Barty has had enough, no more explosions he was only going to offer one, he’s not wrecking his own bank for him, he’s on his own now. Extremely worried, he makes his way up the stairs

3.4. Ocelot and Yurion have been making their way out, Yurion finally ditching the rope bondage. As they get to the main hall, they see something they refuse to tell the rest of the group, but Ocelot drags his top-hat (he originally thought he had a Stetson, but the figure he bought to represent himself had a top hat so he went with that) to disguise himself further and begin to make their way out (coincidentally, this is more proof of drasphers theory that the best way out of a building when in trouble is the front door)

2.5. Draspher makes his way up the stairs after the last of the people and comes across the guard helping Sim up. The guard nobly, but still terrified, buts himself between the woman and the madman. As thanks, Sim tries to knock him out, but gets knocked by one of the gnomes running away and ends up falling on top of him.

1. I realise the room I’m in is a filing room, and it goes up to the first floor. I examine the room, and after a while chatting with the DM realise that my only useful skill is perception to find a weakness in the wall. I find that although I can’t break out the building from here, I can manoeuvre one of the filing cabinets to smack into the first story wall to make a hole to get out. I climb the ladder and try to move it, but due to being a ninja I have very poor strength and keep failing. I shout down what the hell’s taking them so long, and when sim sees Draspher grab him and get in here

5. Draspher kicks the guard in the head, only just succeeds in not hurting his foot, and tells the guard he should run now. He makes his way into the room I’m in, but can’t do much to help me

3.4. Ocelot and Yurion finally make their way outside, and it is revealed what they know. The army has been called in and a group of them have come inside to storm the place. Meanwhile around thirty of them have lined up outside in firing lines, all aimed at the door. Ocelot, following through his plan from before, goes with the others then runs down a side alleyway, offing an excuse about how “he doesn’t want to die” and the guards decide it’s not worth following him. Yurion spots something and goes the exact opposite way, bluffing her way past by pretending to be, essentially, autistic. Ocelot announces he’s going to go through the side streets until he gets to behind the guards, but that will take a few turns

2. Sim, hearing the march of boots, knocks out the guard (giving him a kiss on the cheek for his bravery and kindness) and charges into the room, slamming it shut before the guards come along. We wait till they have gone downstairs and with sim’s help, I finally get the wall smashed so we can get up to the first floor, which Draspher and I immediately charge through while sim gets her breath back

1.5. I immediately ask are there any roof access points. The DM takes five minutes to reboot (he had not thought of those at all when planning the building) before deciding no, that is too much of a security hazard, no access. The only windows are the ones in the manager’s office overlooking the ground floor reception and the large ones in the meeting rooms facing the courtyard. Draspher and I check the manager’s office and we check for the anti-magic field generator. The field is weaker here so with Draspher detect magic we find the orb that controls the field and disables it. Sim joins us and I have a plan

3. Ocelot has made his way to an alleyway behind the guards and his plan is finally revealed. He’s going to take a fuse, attach it to one of his barrels and use it as a donkey Kong style explosive. Along the way he notices the wizard from the barn, THE ONE WHO TIRED TO BLOW IT UP WITH HIMSELF AND SIM INSIDE. He makes him his immediate target

1.2.5. The first part of our plan is to have sim summon a creature in the courtyard to distract the guards while she turns into a rat and hides in Draspher cloak. Meanwhile Draspher casts invisibility on both himself and me

Part 4, an explosive climax

Here is what happened next.

The wizard realises that the anti-magic field is down and alerts the guards. Suddenly a Giant Centipede appears in the courtyard, and the first line of soldiers open fire, blasting it to bits. The second line get into position as the first line are reloading when an almighty explosion goes off behind them. Although Ocelots aim was a little off and the wizard simply blocks the fire blast with his hands, preventing his own injury, the distraction works. The shockwave is such that all the windows are blown out and Yurion, on a nearby roof, loses balance and starts falling down the side. At the last second, she is saved by none other than NINJA SAN! She had spotted someone on the roof and realised it must be him, hence why she went that way. He turns to her and gives the passphrase “the angels wings are brightest in twilight”. I immediately exclaim, OOC, “ow that’s what it was”. It quickly comes to light none of us had written it down and had completely forgotten what the phrase was. The DM was ticked at this, saying he should have just said anything and we would have believed him.

Getting back on track, ninja san is not too impressed by all this and demands to know what’s going on. While this is happening, Draspher and I recover from the glass shards and I get him on my back. I jump out of the window, trusting my Cat Boots to cushion my fall but unfortunately, I failed to prepare properly for Draspher’s weight on my back, and failing a strength check I drop him half way through my jump, him landing and cracking his knees on the floor. A quick healing from sim the rat and we start running. Ocelot ran as soon as he had thrown the bomb (still seeing the wizard block the spell) and so we had all made it out without a single fatality this time.

(during all of this, I point out that the guards don’t know that ocelot had done this, all they know is the anti-magic field went down, a giant centipede appeared and there was a huge explosion. After today, there is no possible way Draspher will ever redeem his name)

Part 5, searching and explanations

4. Ninja san is understandably ticked at us. We went completely dark, the guy he sent to find us ended up unable to remember anything for three days and now the bank has been raided. Yurion gets him up to speed and he tells us that circumstances have changed, we need to get out now so he’s pulling us out. Jose’ (the lieutenant) has been killed and the guard have seized his businesses. Yurion tells him that’s where we are all probably heading to and ninja san sends his men off to collect us, with Yurion warning him we will probably attack on sight as we are running.

1. Ninja san and Yurion both catch up to me, and aside from some funny looks from the whole group when I say, “ow no, not again, can I please keep my pants on this time” I join them

3. Ocelot is confronted by one of ninja san’s agents. When asked to “halt friend” he attempts to shoot the agent. He misses and the agent is completely unflinching about his. As he goes to reload he finally gets the message and come with him

2.5. At some point while we were running, Draspher and I have both ended up losing each other. Draspher has been burning his invisibility’s and with only one left has made it to the sewer without being spotted by the guards or by ninja san. They make it all the way back to base when they discover that it has been overrun with guards. They luckily find their respective animal companions and decide to try and find somewhere else to wait. After shooting down Draspher suggestion of going to the first building he exploded they go to the first hotel. They find a single city guard and what looks like a guild member standing guard. They eventually decide to hang around on the roof. Draspher comes up with the cunning plan of drawing angel wings on one side of the roof and disguising himself as to be unnoticed. Eventually one of the agents happens to come across Sim sitting next to a poorly disguise sorcerer wearing a cloak wrapped around him with soot smeared across his face, gives them the code phrase and brings them in

We all finally meet up and discuss the situation. After hearing our explanation (during this Draspher is IC and OOC crying in the fetal position in the corner about how badly his reputation has turned, and how he’s really a good guy, none of it was his fault) Ninja San explains what’s going on. Hose’ is dead, he was killed by Mr Quinn as he was getting too noticeable. His operations have been seized but the coup is still ongoing. The fact that we were successful means that we have an in with them. The guild master will cover the gold himself and ninja san will return the gold we took (Draspher for a long time had made his intentions know of giving his share back to barty, undermining the DM’s attempt to get us back on a proper gold level after starting us at half gold, this was literally the only way he would allow himself to keep it) and we would deliver this and the marked printing plates to them in the capital. We couldn’t go immediately, we would have to wait a few weeks and then go in when their getting desperate. Although we couldn’t leave the safe house, we could buy stuff through his contacts. You know what that means….

Days in City – 5
Explosions blamed on Draspher – 7, and the last three had a bunch of witnesses so his reputation is ruined forever

2017-07-31, 03:17 PM
Interview tape 1165234:

1# - ok, let’s begin
2# - you know this is complete bull...
1# - you know why your here because
2# - I keep telling you all that wasn't my fault!
1# - Like the other, what was it now, three times?
2# - six
1# - ok, how is bahamuts sweet ..(breath) ok, let’s just get this started. Beginning Guild member
review with accompanying recording, stat your name for the record
2# - Jaune Dupree, yes like the old house of Dupree and all the stories and legends blar blar bar
1# - yes, I remember many of those stories from when I was growing up as a child, you come from a
'notable' family, let's start with them
2# - well my parents were Alexander and Joana Dupree. My dad was a knight of the realm, noble
hero, champion of the helpless, all around great guy
1# - so what went wrong?
2# - was that a jab at me, thanks for be professional you assho..
1# - NO, No I didn't mean it like that, I mean what happed next, clearly this didn't go well considering
how you came to join the guild in the first place
2# - well just because my dad was a great guy doesn't mean the higher ups were. Our family was
sworn in service to the king, but he was an inbred tool sworn to serve himself. Between the stupid
ideas and the cruel treatment of his people they decided that they had had enough. And the first
one's against the wall were, guess who, the guy who had been crusading in his name
1# - so what happened to you?
2# - well my dad made sure I could get away. I ended up spending a few months on the streets,
constantly running and hiding. In the end, I didn't run fast enough
1# - oh?
2# - Someone found me and they knew who I was. He was an agent for one of the noble houses,
don't know which one but that's how they wanted it. They had this plan for me. They figured
'someone is going to put this kingdom back together at some point, lets exploit it'. They would train
me up, make me the perfect sleeper agent and then send me to some royal kingdom, either that one
or whatever one seemed promising if the reconstruction never came around. I would 'reclaim my
birthright' and be in a perfect position to do whatever they wanted. Assassinate a rogue element,
manipulate trade deals or laws made to their own ends, you name it
1# - so they were responsible for your training?
2# - yeah, and not much else, psycho made the training gruelling to try and break me, you know he
made me live rats? Do you have any idea how hard it is to eat rats from a swarm while they try to
eat you?
1# - moving on, how did you come to join the guild?
2# - Well, after a few years turns out the guys in charge weren't as cunning as they thought. Don't
know exactly how they found out but sure enough the guild raided his facilities. All the guys in
charge were killed or ran and me and the other kids. I guess the boss saw something worthwhile in
me since I hadn't been there as long so I wasn't as brainwashed. And that proves I can't possibly be
a traitor or a team killer, the boss saved me and I will do anything to help him to repay that
1# - That does not actually prove anything, speaking of team killing, let's go over that starting with
your first team
2# - Well we were hired to escort some noble girl to her fiancée as a part of some arranged
marriage. We get their ok, they check her over and I get the horses while the others sort out the
payment. Turns out the girl was real nervous about her wedding night and decided the fighter
would be a much better "first-night" than the mystery groom, and the fighter obliged the night
before we arrived. The second they find out we screwed the deal AND the girl, the guards go nuts, I
only get out since I was in the stables. I go back that night but by then they had been dealt with.
And by dealt with I mean beheaded and the heads stuck on pikes. I couldn't steal the whole heads
since that would have alerted them, so I took the best thing I could cut off that wouldn't be noticed
1# - How did report call it, oh yes "a burlap sack full of ears"
2# - Well I had to improvise something!
1# - yes and you followed that incident by doing the same but with a bag of human jerky
2# - again, not my fault, we were flying back from a mission over a desert when it turns out it had
been sabotaged. It’s hardly my fault I was the only one who kept the mission supplied ring of
sustenance on because I hated the inflight food. Those things take a week to activate so they just
ended up dropping like fly’s while I had to carry the bag of their equipment and remains for reviving.
I had no idea the fact it was an old salt bag and the heat would literally turn their remains into jerky,
I was just thankful it hadn’t started to smell yet
1# - from what I hear your reaction at the time was suitably surprised, although I don’t think anyone
found it appropriate that you were literally rolling on the floor crying with laughter at your
teammates corpse being presented to you
2# - I was taken by surprise, my nerves were shot to hell after a week walking through a desert, I was
1# - the review afterward that has already made it clear and on the record you were, as they say,
‘not in the right frame of mind’
2# - you don’t have to say it that way…
1# - it’s hard not too when two weeks later you come back with another bag of pieces
2# - well maybe if you didn’t keep giving me morons to work with
1# - and its comments like that…
2# - no, they were idiots, we were asked to check out an old castle when they ran head first into
carnivores sleeping moss
1# - bad fortune hardly makes them
2# - then the two elves in the middle of this patch who were the only one’s immune spent so long
arguing about which path to take they ended up getting covered and eaten by said moss
1# - where were you during this
2# - at the back, no-one trusted me after the jerky incident so they wanted me out of the way and as
far away as possible. No matter how much I shouted the two elves wouldn’t listen to me and I had
to go back to town, get some supplies, come back and kill the moss before coming home with a bag
of hedge trimmings. Stupid jerks made it hard to get a team after that
1# - not that it stopped you from coming back with bags constantly
2# - I am getting a lot of personal attacks here I do not appreciate
1# - and I don’t appreciate having to, over the space of a couple of years, explain how one team was
2# - they went after a dragon in the open and no ranged attacks between them aside from the cleric
with a bow. Do you know how long I had to hide in a river breathing through a reed until it got
bored and left?
1# - a bag of ashes
2# - guy got his hands on a single wish spell and wished for the most powerful weapon of all, got
some fancy tech wand that he broke the first time he used it and disintegrated everyone in a 60’
1# - a bag of dried up, wait, am I reading this right?
2# - that team hated me a decided to haze me by not inviting me to the room with the several hot
barmaids they picked up, their own fault they were succubus. After they were finished, those were
the only parts of them left in any good condition, guess they had a sense of humour leaving charred
skeleton with a bon..
1# - and last, but certainly not least, the bag of human marbles
2# - I was acquitted of that one, the guys were chumps trying to use my reputation to blame me for
their wrongdoings. I didn’t tell them to rob a church during a major religious gathering. Can I really
be blamed that many of the head priests were high level clerics with implosion, it was all I could do
to politely ask them for the remains so I could get them ‘punished’ back at the guild without being
killed myself. Look is there a point to this aside from yelling at me again over this
1# - yes, we are here to try and access you suitability for fieldwork again in the
2# - wait, I’m getting a team again? Your finally letting me out!
1# - depending on the results of this review, yes. We are just starting a team and there is a need for
someone of your skillset and experience. We only ask that you actually keep this one alive
2# - I keep telling you it’s
1# + 2# - not my fault
1# - yes, yes, you have made this comment perfectly clear
2# - any info on whose on it?
1# - you’ll learn soon enough
2# - so I passed
1# - more like I got sick of talking to you and just want you away from the guild for a while to save
me from constant headaches
2# - don’t hold back on me, tell me how you really feel
1# - (sigh) end Guild member review
3# - your thoughts old fried
1# - GUILDMASTER, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in
3# - that’s quite all right, I have ways of getting around quietly when I need it. What are your
thoughts on the boy
1# - inconclusive, he doesn’t seem to be lying directly, but his past training could have involved
conditioning for such tests or indoctrination and programming so he doesn’t realise he’s doing it.
The fact remains he has survived so many team wipes he’s either sabotaging them or he really is that
unlucky. I could take him in for more extensive testing if you…
3# - No, that quite enough for now, I have own way of testing, and some immediate plans for him. I
am assigning Drashper as part of his team.
1# - my boy! But he’s just a librarian and he’s already under scrutiny, isn’t that why we’ve kept him
off missions so long?
3# - We’ll never get an answer about if he does hold the same spark of chaos and destruction his
parents had cooped up here. This team will sort out several of my problems at once. If Jaune is lying
Draspher will have his own written account as evidence. If Draspher is too dangerous then we can
act to ‘mitigate’ his threat and it will just be blamed on Jaunes bad track record
1# - I don’t like the fact you’re playing with my boy’s life with this ‘test’
3# - you knew it would someday come to this the day you took him in. We both agreed he would
need to be properly tested should the need arise. Besides, these are only the worst-case scenarios.
I have faith in them both, as should you. Now come, I could do with a drink, and I ‘have faith’ that
you need one too old friend
1# - that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day

2017-07-31, 03:25 PM
Interview tape 3365:

Knock knock
1# - come in.
2# - There is someone downstairs in the waiting room to see you.
1# - Does he have a meeting booked.
2# - No but he has this letter with one of our seals I don’t quite recognise it though.
1# - That’s the dreads seal I haven’t seen this in a while.
2# - dread do we need to get ready for a fight.
1# - no no he was a member of the guild about 30 years ago.
2# - I have never heard of him.
1# - ha I would be surprised if you had Sylvester, that man was discrete unstoppable but discrete. he
was the Inquisitor that single handed took down the purple foxes guild back in the day.
2# - The purple foxes I have herd of them aren’t they a criminal guild.
1# - Not the copy cats that have shown up over the years. At the time they were a real adventures
guild most people knew they were dirty but couldn’t prove it. I actually found out about Sylvester
because I was investigating them and all of a sudden the lowlife in charge suddenly became a
financial expert. ha ha I was panicking but turns out Sylvester was handling the finances as while he
was .. interrogating the purple foxes’ leader. Then he sent all he had gather to the authority’s and
walked away the guild collapsed in less than a week.
2# - How did he join us.
1# - I asked him to and our finances have never been in as good a state as when he was in charge of
2# - Why did he leave?
1# - it was about a baby.
2# - oh he had a kid.
1# - cha him no no, you ever hear the expression planning for a pyromancer.
2# - is this to do with the inferno duo didn’t our guild
1# - yes we killed them but we didn’t expect them to have a new born.
2# - what!
1# - most people there wanted to snub out the baby… oh ****
2# - what?
1# - oh no
2# - what is it sir
1# - the baby Sylvester didn’t want anyone to .. it was against his code to kill a baby even if it was
granted to be an unstoppable demon so he took it and raised it.
2# - then the man downstairs.
1# - that’s our unstoppable demon we may need to get ready for a fight after all. Bring him up I will
set some things up.

2# - Sir how did the meeting go?
1# - I need a drink a strong drink.
2# - is he that bad.
1# - bad ha bad hahahaha ha
2# - sir?
1# - for years I was expecting to see that thing a terrifying unstoppable monster and instead what I
met was a giant man baby.
2# - what?
1# - what I got out of the conversation was that the boy is a descent sorcerer with no real combative
skills he is a good liar despite not being able to think up believable lies and last but not least enjoys
reading and transcribing. (Chuckle)
2# - are you sure he isn’t deceiving us.
1# - its possible but my magic says he is chaotic good.
2# - Sylvester must have been carful in how he raised the boy.
1# - I doubt it from what the letter says.
2# - what does the letter say?
1# - he wants us to look after the boy that the boy will think that dread is dead that this may or may
not be true. That he tried to teach the boy how to be an expert at torture but he didn’t have the
stomach for it. Oh and lest I forget the boy believes that dread took him as collateral for a bill his
parent’s couldn’t pay. I suppose in a manner of speaking that’s true.
2# - I’m sorry but why would he say any of that.
1# - you would know if you met him.
2# - right what should we do with him?
1# - Stick him in the library and have him transcribe all the books.
2# - we don’t have a library.
1# - no but we have a magic cancelling room and a rare collection of books that could fill it.
2# - but sir how would we
1# - when was the last time we used that room or read any of those books.
2# - very well sir I will get on that.
1# - and bring me something strong to drink I think I am going to need it.
3# - two glasses
1# - I knew you weren’t dead im not that lucky
3# - need anyone to look after you finances seems my shop burned down.
1# - yes yes
3# - just keep that kid thinking im dead and if you have any bad apples I will be happy to sort them
1# - I doubt that.
3# - like that kid with the burlap sack full of ears.
1# - ha ha ha ok you can handle him however you want but only after interviewing him.
3# - I’m sure I will get the truth out of him
1# - I doubt that.

2017-08-09, 01:05 PM
Last time we had just escaped the city for now and were hiding out in one of ninja-sans safehouses until we were all set to go to the next city as part of our ongoing mission to prevent a coup. We had spent this time buying new equipment, training new skills aka levelling up stuff.

Session 8, part one, the level up

I (Jaune) gained my next level in ninja and had gotten my hands on various supplies such as various alchemical weapons, a few potions, and plenty of new clothes for disguise purposes. For more magical equipment I finally got my hands on a ring of protection and an amulet of natural armour to bump up my AC, a masterwork kusarigama for twf/reach, a belt of dex and headband of Cha for stats and a sleeve of many garments for more outfit choices. My most important item was the circlet of persuasion, which combined with my level seven feat of deceptive meant that my face skills went through the roof.

Occelot had gotten his hands on an endless bandoleer and a beneficial bandoleer covering most of his gun needs. He also got his hands on a revolver and rifle (home ruled advanced firearms with only one range increment touch AC) meaning he could finally fire multiple times a round without reloading and have some ranged options respectively. Aside from these he got a hand of the mage (in another game this item ended up breaking the game slightly so he really wanted it) a set of boots of leaping a striding (making his jump in the 20’s) and ammunition. As for his level seven feat he chose far shot, meaning he could shoot at ridiculous ranges with his rife and still get pluses on his rolls.

Draspher had initially really wanted to get craft wondrous items, but upon reflection he found that the list of items he could make was really limited as a sorcerer, so he instead went for lifeless gaze, both for the boosts and in character the horrors he had both seen and been blamed for had taken their toll on him. He went for a ioun torch, the travellers any-tool, a ring of spell knowledge (to get unseen servant), bracers of Armor +1, a hat of disguise (to hide the mad bombers face), a ring of sustenance, a headband of Cha and a handy haversack. As for spells, he finally got his hands on some fire spells in fireball and burning hands with summon swarm for more harassing spells. He also still has most of his cash to the DM’s annoyance.

Yurion retroactively got the noble scion feat giving her Cha to initiative. She also got a few pieces of equipment, most notably a ring of revelation, giving her, the brain drain ability for interrogation, and the lore keeper ability from oracle level up giving her Cha to knowledge checks.

Sim got a few items. She followed my lead with a set of boots of the cat, a belt of str and a headband of wis to boost her stats up, a handy haversack for storage and a cloak of elvenkind to help her stealth score. Most of her focus went to her new feat, brew potions. She spent most of her free time making cure potions and any other ones we requested (for the cost of making of course).

Part two, the setup

One morning about a week after we had arrived ninja-san approached us at the breakfast table. He was in the awkward where he had been asked for help but all his own operatives were too busy to do it themselves. The fact that he was approaching us, as I pointed out, despite our track record was a sign of how desperate he was. A short trip from the safehouse was a mountain with a nature preserve protected by a few druid sects. The problem is that the druids had seen the signs of poachers but despite their best efforts they had not been able to locate them, nor how they had been getting in and out. Ninja-san wanted us to go in and try to sort the problem out. We would also not be going in alone

A new Player has entered the game!

Draspher IRL had gotten a new girlfriend. She is a nice girl, a bit anxious but with a perverted sense of humour. Needless to say, we all immediately took a shine to her. Our DM had a few sheets prepared (so that we could just pick one and jump straight back in if he did kill us) so she chose one she liked and got stuck in. Introducing, for your reading pleasure, Vex Shinesword, Half-Orc Paladin/Samurai. The DM made this character initially as the samurai class, but after deciding that its class features sucked so badly he just made him a paladin with samurai armour, and a katana and wakizashi for twf. She is also notable for being the only party member aside from Draspher who likes fumbles the raccoon. IRL I got Draspher a raccoon plush and he has enjoyed taking this with him to the sessions. This time it spent the entire session alternating between sitting on Draspher head and being cuddled/petted by Vex. She also has a perverted sense of humour. Although she is but a Padawan in comparison to my mastery of the perverse side, we played off each other well (to the horror/irritation of the rest of the table).

Part three, steam boat Ocelot

After re-acquainting ourselves with our old guildmate, we get to logistics. We decide that, as we will be mostly dealing with nature and druids, Sim should be in charge for this mission. We find that the best way to the mountain is to take the boat upstream directly to a lake at the base of the mountain. (Truth is I don’t think this lake or river was originally supposed to exist. When the DM drew the mountain Draspher started pointing out that the way he had drawn it there should be a lake there. I think the DM just added it then ad-libbed it into the story). As we are riding along we quickly spot dark shapes in the water. We ask the captain and it turns out there have been sahaguin (water lizard/frog people) attacks recently, but we should be fine. Don’t start killing them unless something happens. Ocelot spends this entire trip staring down the sights of his new rifle. At one point an eye looks out above the water, so he takes a pot shot. Unfortunately, one passenger was on the poopdeck, by which I mean two planks of wood off the edge of the boat with a gab in between and a guard rail enabling them to “relive themselves” directly into the water. This guy was not expecting the gunshot, and falls straight between the gap into the sahaguin infested waters. Sim and Draspher try throwing a rope to him, but flub there rolls. Just then a dark shape comes up under the water, grabs him and they both disappear.

Occelot, immediately upon seeing this holsters’ his rifle, pulls out his dagger pistol and uses his insane jump score to dive in after him, downing a potion of water breathing he got off sim. Vex uses her +1 enchanted +5 compound longbow to fire upon the creatures in the water and hits one. I decide to run over to the captain to let him know what’s happening, (since, as I jokingly put it, what kind of idiot would jump in the water to fight opponents that have such huge advantages over them in such conditions) and he stops the boat and engages the man overboard protocols. Yurion decided it’s not worth bothering over and never looks up from her book the entire time and Sim starts planning.

Upon jumping into the water Ocelot is confronted by two regular sahaguin’s, one with an arrow through his shoulder and one diving down lower with the poor guy heading towards the bottom. The two healthy ones engage Ocelot while the shot one decided to go after the annoying people on the boat, jumping up onto the deck. Draspher successfully summons a dolphin which charges past the first two sahaguin, going after the one with the one with the captive and successfully knocks him out of his grasp. Sim seizing her opportunity, jumps off the boat and transforms mid fall into a giant squid, then uses it jet ability to charge 100’ straight at the poor sap, grabbing him in her tentacles before just managing to stop herself hitting the riverbed. Seeing this, the first two sahaguin break off their planned attack on the one in the water and go after the squid stealing their captive. Luckily Draspher still has spells and uses one to summon a smaller squid to occupy them. Ocelot meanwhile has just had a great idea, and positions himself for next turn.

Meanwhile the first sahaguin is eying up the weak and squishy crew when he hears a voice shouting at him “hey you stupid calamari, why don’t you try picking on someone who can fight back”. Turning to face the ninja running towards him, he fails to notice the large samurai half orc come up behind him before his head is removed from his shoulders in what you could call a single ‘critical’ blow. As his head hits the floor, the last thing it hears is the ninja saying “well I didn’t necessarily say that meant me”.

Thing do not look good for the captive though. It was shocking enough when he was dragged under, being punched out of the sahaguin grip by a dolphin didn’t help and then being grabbed and dragged by a giant squid was the last straw before he lost consciousness and began to drown, so the heroes are going to have to act quickly. Realising Ocelots plan, Sim angles herself before launching full force at him. Thanks to a slight miscalculation though, rather than passing by him, grabbing him and leaping clear of the water, she instead slams into his stomach before launching him and herself out of the water. Ocelot, pulling back his composure, lands gracefully on the floor in a daring pose. Behind him, the unconscious man falls with a thud, followed by a giant squid with a splat. We all gather round and all utterly fail at CPR. Taking matters into her own ‘hands’, sim slithers over and uses her tentacles to perform chest palpebrations and brings him round. Upon one look at his rescuers oversized squid pupil he immediately faints, but he is alive.

The trip back is relatively quiet after that, except for Yurion deciding she wants to dissect the sahaguin for any information she can gather about it (none) and Jaune standing alongside with a bucket, picking out any good-looking parts to cook afterwards. Ocelot realises his powder and ammo is wet, and so Draspher offers to dry him with magic. Vex turns to ask her old friend Draspher a question, but sees him rubbing his hands all over Ocelots body, and decides to ask later. A little while later, Ocelot realises he should check his guns, make sure nothing got water damaged and Draspher offers to magically repair them. Vex goes looking for Draspher, deciding that he must have had enough time to finish whatever he was doing before. She now finds Draspher rubbing his hands up and down Ocelots ‘shaft’, and turns away.

Part four, the wooden bar in the wood

We finally make it to a small town at the base of the mountain next to the lake. We decide the best place to start is the inn. We go in and find the place mostly empty. It has an unusual style, the bar is a tree chopped in halve vertically, and the only person in there is a barmaid with a spring of mistletoe in here hair. I had previously mentioned to sim that we should try to keep on the down low and find out as much as we can about the druids without letting anyone know we were here about the poachers. Ocelot immediately announces we need to meet the druids since we are here to stop the poachers. (OOC he apparently is just enjoying being the one to get us in trouble this time round rather that Draspher, I have decided to go for him in his sleep one day). This actually works out for us, turns out the barmaid is a low-ranking druid in one of the local groups, and she recognises that we must be the guild they requested help from. She doesn’t know all that much, just what we had heard before, but also that some of the druids were setting up to look after nests near the top of the mountain.

She can contact one of the other members to escort us up there though, so we wait around for a few hours. Draspher keeps pestering the barmaid about whether she has any cups or other items to mend (he wants to feel useful, failing to realise that as a druid she can do it herself) until I walk over, take a wooden mug and smash it on the floor, telling him he can repair that. Ocelot get bored and:
Ocelot – I shoot the eagle
DM - ……..
Ocelot – ok, not really
DM – the eagle flies down and lands, shapeshifting into a woman
Jaune – oh, hahaha, you nearly shot the druid
Turns out that it would have been a terrible idea, since the eagle lands and turns into the druid, also the barmaid’s sister. With that crisis barely averted, we set off up the mountain.

Part five, mountain scaling encounters

As we begin the trek Ocelot has an idea. Sim has now gained the ability to turn into large creatures, so she turns into a giant vulture to scout above us. The DM turns down his plan of ferrying us two by two up the mountain as the transformation wouldn’t last that long and splitting the party like that is a bad idea. Instead, he uses rope to tie himself to the back of Sim while he carries his revolver so he can shoot freely from his back. This works for the most part except for one thing. We are all traveling up a mountain so high that the top is constantly covered in snow and blizzards. We haven’t gotten that high yet, but the two of them are traveling much, much higher so Ocelot starts getting dex penalty’s for not having warm enough clothes. Luckily, he had a dex boosting potion that sim gave him, so he chugged that to compensate.

We end up approaching a small cliff in a sparse woodland area, with the only way forward being a small valley that leads to the higher area, only about 20-30’ long. As we come out of the bottle neck, two arrows smack into me and the druid who were at the front of the party. Luckily Sim had spotted six figures in the tree above us and made to attack (Ocelot failed his roll, mostly distracted by how cold he was starting to get), three to the right, two to the left and one right at the back. Combat had begun.

I turned invisible and went to ambush the nearby archers on the right I could see while Vex decided to shoot back after dropping a lay on hands on the wounded druid. The first archer is very satisfied with his shot, up until a giant vulture and drops on him, tearing out a huge chunk of flesh before getting grazed by the bullets of the top hat wearing guy on his back. Just as Sims cheetah moves up to join in Yurian drops an obscuring mist on their position helping stop further arrows from coming in.

By this point, the other two on the right gather their wits and start shooting at the massive bird, so Sim starts to take a beating, but she kept on ripping into the guy while Ocelot just keeps firing at them. Draspher meanwhile has some trouble deciding the right thing to do. After both my own and the DM’s reassurance that starting a wildfire up here is virtually impossible (IRL I start playing psychotic jiminy cricket to him, telling him “this entire game you have been ridiculed and had the crud kicked out of you, its time you started kicking back”) he strides out of the mist, takes careful aim at the bandit at the back and proceeds to blow him to hell with his newly acquired fireball spell. He is both horrified at what he is becoming and astounded at how big a blast he pulled off. I just carry on the jimmy cricket part, “Pinocchio, you want to save your friends and family don’t you? The only way is to burn the whole world down”. He survives but the tree he was in sure didn’t, and getting blown away by a fireball into a 10’ drop certainly makes an impression. As the second bandit on the right turns to see this massive explosion, he gets one of his own in the form of a flask of alchemist fire to the face, curtesy of the already disappearing ninja.

Vex also decides now is the time for action. She charges at one of the trees to the left and in a single, you could say critical, blow she rends the tree and the bandit has to leap to safety from his now falling cover before facing the samurai. It’s at this point the DM realises what he’s done. When the DM made this samurai, he wanted to give him some damage output in combat, so he decided to, against my own advice when we were talking about it, give her a +1 keen katana and a +1 wakizashi for duel wielding. He failed to realise the effect giving someone a 15-20 critical range, especially a strength based fighter, would have on combat prowess and damage output. This is made even clearer when her next blow on the bandit is a non-confirmed critical. Every attack roll she has made so far with this sword has been a crit, and it doesn’t look like it will be ending any time soon.

Part six, you have got to be kidding me

The DM starts asking for perception rolls. Sim and I are the only ones who get high enough, and so he passes us both a note with only one sentence written on it. “You hear a loud rumbling in the distance”. Turns out that he had rolled survival rolls for both Sim and Ocelot but both had failed to realise any loud noise could set off an avalanche, and the combination of gunshots and fireball explosions had been enough to do it. Sure enough, over the last few turns, a few of the bandits start breaking off and just legging it along the mountainside. I shout out “run for it avalanche”, and make to follow them. Only a wisdom roll tells me that I won’t make it, and the bandits won’t either. Our best bet is to get to the bottom of the cliff, let the initial part of the avalanche flow over the top of us thanks to the lip, then try and dig our way out afterwards.

I shout this to the others. Yurian takes the druid down the valley and starts planning. Myself, Draspher and Vex quickly follow. Ocelot cut himself loose of the ropes, and leaps for the very damaged bandit we had been attacking previously. He tells him that if he comes with them he will live, hoping to use him for interrogation purposes. He and his new friend also follow us down the valley to the cliff. Ocelot, Draspher and myself all pull out equipment and latch ourselves to the cliff. Yurian pulls off her own plan, to levitate the druid, sit on top of her then use the extra Hight to get grabbed by Sim and flown over the avalanche.

Days on mountain – 5
Disasters blamed on Draspher – 1, DM gave some lip service about how it was Ocelots rapid gunfire that did it, but we all know who still has blame on his plate
Incidents caused by Ocelot – 3.25, he got a guy dragged overboard, he blurted out our plans immediately to the first person he met (.75, malicious intent but it worked out), nearly shot down our guide (.5, malicious intent but didn’t go through with it) and helped start the avalanche

2017-08-09, 02:18 PM
Interview tape 3399:

1# - welcome back Cyril. The guild has been in quite the flurry over the stories of your latest mission. I haven’t been able to get the full stories yet, just a lot of tall tales about dragons, necromancers andsomething called a “heeby jeeby juju bugs”, I can’t quite make head nor tail of if so as the group’s leader could you walk me though what happened.
2# - of course my most esteemed guild master, this glorious tale started with the mission you requested, ‘THE CASE OF THE DISSAPEARING NOT QUITE DEAD’. we went to the town group that you had advised to investigate this odd illness that left the corpses fresh. What’s more, the bodies tended to go missing shortly after they were reported.
1# - Yes, that’s the one, what was going on exactly?
2# - WELL it turns out the town mayor had come under the power of a group of necromancers, lead by a particularly powerful lich, no match for I, CYRIL MONTIQUE ESQUIRE but certainly far more than the locals could handle by themselves. The bodies were disappearing because they had agents all over town masquerading as official city services, snatching them up to prevent ‘panic or the spread of diseases’ but really for storage before they could be examined and the truth revealed.
1# - So I take it the ‘illness’ was their doing?
2# - WHY YES, it turns out the plague wasn’t an illness but was really a ‘plague’ of magically altered insects.
1# - oh really?
2# - YES, these little pests had been modified to first paralyse the victim before it multiplied in the body. Some would go out to find more victims while the rest SIMUTANIOUSLY killed and preserved the body by filling the veins with a potent poison that seemed based on an unguent of timelessness.
1# - that seems like a lot of trouble for the necromancers to go through just to kill people, I take it there is more to it.
2# - Well the locations the bodies were key points all throughout the country. The venom also acted as a magical focus, allowing a mass resurrection spell of sorts, allowing the bodies to come to life all at once across the kingdom. WHAT’S MORE THEY would become semi intelligent zombies, able to use the victim’s memories to lure or tick others. We saw a few of the tests they ran, some of the city guard with us even tried to stop us hurting them, thinking that they could be cured
1# - that sounds truly horrifying
2# - EXACTLY, turns out an undead army is even more effective when they look and sound like your friends and family rather than regular corpses. I’m just glad between Sir Evans holy authority and dear Gwendoline bardic charms we had enough loyal royal guardsman to keep collateral damage down to a minimum
1# - sounds like you had quite a fight on your hands
2# - personally no, I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ALL SINGLE HANDED FOR I CYRIL MONTIQUE ESQUIRE AM MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY UNDEAD ARMY, but I suppose the others helped speed up the process.
1# - I received billing from the town, something about the local mine being demolished
2# - yes, the mine, the necromancers had resurrected a number of buried miners to dig it out into a temple they were using as headquarters, dedicated to a miss ‘Urgathoa’, whoever that is
1# - this certainly sounds like one of her schemes, what about the dragon though
2# - the lich in charge had made himself a new body. He’d found a black dragon somewhere and converted its body into a hive for the insects, even planting his phylactery as the power source in its forehead. It proved to be his undoing though, for I CYRIL MONTIQUE ESQUIRE, WITH BUT A SINGLE SPELL NEUTRALIZED THE STONE and my loyal assistant FUMBLES THE MAGNIFICENT was able to TAKE THE GEMSTONE OUT, DESTROYING THE ABOMINATION ONCE AND FOR ALL
1# - I received a couple of complaints about your ‘assistant’ but we’ll deal with that later, what happened to the gem?
2# - oh its right here guild master, I have been keeping it safe in my satchel to present to you directly as another trophy of what I, CYRIL MONTIQUE ESQUIRE, have achieved for your guild. Yes, truly another great treasure the guild has thanks to I, CYRIL MONTIQUE ESQUIRE, perhaps it’s time you stepped down dear guild master, and let a worthy successor run things. Why think of all the things that this guild could accomplish if I CYRIL MONTIQUE ES……
3# - we have found the raccoon, where’s the body?
1# - your standing in it, or what’s left of it.
3# - how?
1# - the idiot forgot that the magic nullifying effects of a mages disjunction spell only lasts a certain amount of time. Only reason he survived this long was that he had kept the thing in a bag of holding. It might look like a gemstone but it’s still a phylactery and the lich wasn’t keen on disappointing his goddess like that. Part of me wants to say it was strategy and tactics to strike when he was back in safety and didn’t have his wards up, part of me wants to say he valued Cyril’s death more than his own existence for his potential for good, but if I’m being honest with myself I think he had just gotten sick of listening to him from inside the bag and took the first chance he had at shutting him up forever
3# - then we can’t bring him back?
1# - no he was one of our best, even if he didn’t know when to shut up, and he’s gone I want that rock destroyed and make sure no one touches it with their bare hands. Typical the one thing left of him is that thieving rodent, maybe I could give it to the shops he keeps robbing from to finally settle the endless complaints and paperwork I must fill out whenever it leaves. Where is it.
3# - the library.
1# - oh yeah that little hellion used to live in there
3# - back when it was the magic celling room to give us some peace and quite, but now it’s the library with a specific person in it.
1# - what are you getting at
3# - the raccoon met him and ..
1# - no
3# - yes sir they made a contract
3# - He now Drasphers familiar sir
1# - great, put all my headaches in one basket why don’t yo……
3# - sir?
1# - put both of them under further surveillance maybe the .. fumbles chose the boy for a reason hopefully it’s just because he reminds him of Cyril. Meanwhile, I have some member files I have to look through, this has given me an idea

2017-08-09, 02:59 PM
Interview tape 1166005:

1# - this is a disaster
2# - yes, yes, I know, I understand tha..
1# - they had one job, keep their heads low and scout
2# - I understand, but we..
1# - what do they do, they blow up the town AND rob Bartholomew, I am not going to hear the end of this from him
2# - I understand old friend. Don’t worry though, I have a plan, that’s why I called you here
1# -you mean you’re going to?
2# - no, not yet, I still need more information before I commit to such an act. We have an interview to run, SEND HER IN PLEASE
3# - Hello Guild master, mr, um, I don’t think we’ve met?
2# - Don’t worry, he’s just our accountant, I wanted him here to assist me with some minor details. How was your last mission, you just got back the other day did you not?
3# - Yes, Sir Evans took me for a training in the field with him, he says I’m really coming along in my studies under him
2# - I hope it wasn’t too hard on you
1# - no sir, Sir Evans has been a great teacher sir.
2# - How is he doing these days, I know he always has a hard time near the anniversary of the “accident”
3# - He’s doing ok sir, he might drink a bit more on the day but he tries to take it in stride. We help each other out though, we both miss Mr Montique a lot though
1# - Cyril was the one who first brought you to the guild was he not, and recommended your apprenticeship to Sir Evan, you were very close to him, weren’t you?
3# - Yes sir, I always liked talking to him, hearing stories of his adventures while I played with fumbles
1# - speaking of the little [cough, cough], you looked after him alongside m…the boy Draspher afterwards did you not
3# - yes sir
2# - would you say your close with him, Draspher I mean?
3# - well sir, he never really socialised with anyone outside the library, so I think I was the one closest to him in the guild, aside from maybe yourself sir
2# - good, good, we have a new mission for you involving him
3# - is he in trouble sir? I notice he’s been gone from the library longer than usual
2# - no, no, nothing like that. He has recently been assigned to his first team, but they have had some complications in their mission. I feel they could do with some assistance, and your friendship with Draspher and Fumbles makes you the perfect candidate.
3# - what are the mission details sir?
2# - I’ll have a full briefing ready for you to read as you head out. I just need you to pack your things for first thing tomorrow, but I need to ask a favour from you as well
3# - Sir?
2# - This is Draspher’s first team, and the first time he has spent so long away from his library. I was hoping you could make a report on how he’s doing, just so I can evaluate if he’s doing alright
3# - Of course sir, anything else
2# - No, that’s all, thank you for your time
1# - you sneaky sod
2# - I told you I needed more information, and if that group really has gone off the rails a paladin should spot it easily. Her connection to Draspher will also endear her to them and make her less suspicious. Hopefully having a paladin around will help keep them on the straight and narrow a bit more

2017-08-12, 02:45 PM
Interview tape 1165996:

1# - Right tell me what happened.
2# - yes guild master we left on the carriage but there was a tree in the road.
1# - I assume you mean on the journey to south water city.
2# - yes we got out to move the tree except for the oracle. Then the wizard was grabbed.
1# - wizard? Oh you mean draspher he is a sorcerer
2# - yes the rouge went after him and pushed him off the cliff.
1# - the nin-he what!
2# - I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention to them, wasn't worth my time, I was in the middle of a stirring battle with three of the bandits. I did see the crossbowman threw the badger over the cliff after him
1# - no its whatever please tell me the “badger” is dead
2# - no. I finished the enemy single handed there and pushed the tree off with the floaty magic.
1# - right then you went to south-water.
2# - yes but the archer got in an argument with the badger and walked. We got there and rented a pub room.
1# - he's a gunman, but anyway, so you got to town then what
2# - I went to the temple to meditate and get guidance from the force on what to do
1# - what did this have to do with the explosions.
2# - well after meditating for two days
1# - you were sleeping for two days
2# - meditating!
1# - how did you 'meditate' for two straight days
2# - the temple has an excellent selection of fortified beers
1# - I thought dwarfs had an iron constitution, what the heck were they fortifying it with?
2# - holy water vodka
2# - zombie keggers
1# - WHAT IS THAT, WHY IS TH...no, no, we are getting off topic, what happened after the 'meditation'
2# - I was approached by a member of my order who offered me a job with the guards
1# - right what did the others say?
2# - I don’t know when I went back to tell them the pub had been attack and guards say that the rest of the group were no ware to be seen. They suspected the mad bomber to be responsible
1# - the mad bomber. Right so what did you do after that.
2# - I worked with the guards to help protect the town. My first assignment was the local library. Turns out there had been some incident just after we got to town, something about a spotty tiger and a guy with a huge rat in his pants
1# - [sigh], go on
2# - the guards ask me to check the roof when suddenly the alarm goes off. I hear lots of noise so I go over to check.
1# - what did you see
2# - a foot, going straight through the shingles knocking me off the roof. I fell two stories, got my beard stuck on a gargoyle and had to wait six hours for one of the guards to find me, then another two for them to figure out how to get me down
1# - why did I expect something out of...what happened next then?
2# - after that I was assigned to a farmhouse. Something about preventing forest fires, so they needed me to protect a said barn.
1# - that must of been where they were keeping all the gunpowder seized from the city after all the explosions
2# - Is that why I was there.
1# - [SIGH]
2# - well me and the boys were having a great time raiding the farmers cider cellar, then there was a ruckus in the barn. We get down there and sure enough the mad bomber had arrived and set it on fire. You know if it was full of gunpowder that might explain why no-one went anywhere near him. So I ran over to vanquish him with a single blow, but he must have known I was coming as he caused a huge explosion sending me flying like a hairy flaming cannonball
1# - and you survived, do you need me to call the medics? are you ok?
2# - oh yes we dwarfs are a durable bunch. By sheer luck I get blasted straight back to the farmhouse and I go through the window into the farmers bed to break my fall. Would have been even better if the farmer and his wife weren't in the bed at the time. So after cleaning off my armour from the worst bloodstains, I ran straight back to the crater that used to be the barn luckily one of the wizards in the barn had survived and he had seen one of the bombers friends.
1# - did you recognize the person he described?
2# - no it could have been anyone it even could have been that archer you sent us with
1# - do you mean ocelot?
2# - I didn’t realise he was a cat.
1# - NEVER MIND! what happened next?
2# - I was awarded for my bravery and asked to help with the anti-bomber assault squad. Nothing happened until two days later.
1# - what happened then?
2# - Well we got word something was happening at the bank. We set up outside the bank with a whole battalion of guys at the front door. Bunch of weirdoes came out and we start to prepare our offensive. The wizard from before casts invisibility on me, you know, for a sneak attack so I can outflank them. Just as I'm getting ready to storm the place, I hear something behind me, and there is another blast that knocks me out. I wake up 10 minutes on fire to discover that the bomber and his accomplices had set of the blast and had gotten away in the confusion. After that incident the bank manager spoke to me he told me that you and he were friends and to give you this letter so I returned today.
1# - I see thank you. You have done well despite abandoning your party I think you have earned a vacation for a few days and don’t worry I will take care of this mad bomber one way or the other.
2# - thank you guild master I will feel much at ease knowing you are on the case.
3# - why did you put him in charge
1# - he is a paladin I thought he would take care of our problem if it showed its ugly face I never thought he would abandon them first chance he got.
3# - If you had remembered to read the reports on him you would have realised that despite being a paladin he was a battle crazy nut who kept putting party members in dangerous situations without care or remorse. That's why you assigned him to this team in the first place. Putting a paladin in charge was a good idea you just picked the wrong one maybe we should start interviewing some more responsible candidates.
1# - Fine but this time you are going to sit in on the interview.
3# - Fair enough. I don't suppose you have any of that fortified beer on hand old friend?
1# - I'm not going to like it, but why?
3# - I received a message about what's actually going on from our local contact there. We are going to need more than a few glasses of the stuff.

2017-08-23, 01:47 PM
Session 9, part 1, snow trouble for jaune snow

Last time an avalanche had managed to bury the entire party save for Sim, Yurian and our wounded guide. While they searched for us we all had different reactions to our predicament.

Vex managed a high survival roll, so she had a decent sized air pocket. Using this, she was able to dig herself mostly out, before being helped out by the others.

I initially start suffocating before I use my ninja training to calm myself and make a small air pocket by moving my head around. I gather up all my focus and skill and attempt to swap places with a log on the surface. The only problem with this plan was that this is not a real power I have, I was starting to hallucinate from a lack of air and the blood flowing to my head. Luckily the others figure out where I am from the status spell Yurian had on me and so used levitate to move 700 pounds of snow from above me and Sim the giant vulture pulled me out. I then spot movement in the snow near me. I go to help but get knocked over by the cheetah, falling into the hole it just dug itself out of. On the plus side, I spot some cloth down there and I pull out the captive poacher.

Ocelot managed to make a small air pocket by his head, then started puzzling out how to get out. He finally decides to try using his massive jump score to force his way out of the snow. Unfortunately, he forgot that he was currently at a sideways angle and proceeded to jump his way further into the snow. Delighted at this, he proceeds to keep doing the same each round. Yurian finally tracks him down and levitates the snow off him as well.

Draspher and fumbles find themselves upside down with a decent air pocket around their heads. After a few rounds and some tunnel collapse, fumbles manages to get Drasphers hands free enough to use burning hands to try and melt his way out. Unfortunately, this results in a 15’ cone of freshly melted snow water pouring down the freshly made gap and he begins to suffocate/drown, but we spot this and, after a round or two deciding who cares enough about him to get wet, pull him out.

After we get out we decide it is time to go set up camp. Ocelot builds a snow wall complete with snowmen guards and with my help he sets up a basic alarm system with rope and a few pots.

Part two, midnight blues

Sim and Ocelot decide to keep watch, which was a good thing for us. As Sim is patrolling the wall, two arrows smack into her for 12 damage (it seems as though every time they hit us it’s 12 damage, that number keeps popping up) and she makes out a few shapes in the darkness. The rest of us wake up and spend a round suiting up (DM said vex had slept in her armour so she wasn’t completely drilled due to spending several minutes putting it back on, but we will have to sort out a proper solution to this in the future).

We start combat fairly decently, Vex moves ready to charge, I go in waiting behind her, Sim takes the left flank, Ocelot starts shooting and Yurion comes out of the tent, yells “you kids get off my lawn” and fires her wand of lightning off in a random direction.

Draspher has at this point suddenly realised that summon monster spells can summon more than one monster at a time. Our Sorcerer everyone. He summons two fire elementals to help illuminate the area. There are 5 elves with bows with 4 dogs. He immediately follows this up with attempting to use diplomacy, thinking these might just be elves looking after their land, nothing to do with the elf poacher we have tied up in the tent or the fact we know the mountain is under druid protection. IRL he then leaves to go to the toilet after his turn is over. The elves respond by shooting him with a critical. The look on the DM’s face when he realises that the second Draspher left the room he has taken him to single digits health was priceless.

While he turns invisible to hide and heal the rest of us move in. Vex and I move in on the central elf and start going to town. For the first time in this campaign, I have a flanking buddy so I can fight like a ninja/rogue and not a substitute fighter. Sim summons a call lightning and charges the left with her cheetah and a summoned constrictor snake. This snake was immediately shot on its summoning and taken to single digit health. The two on the right are mostly distracted with shooting at the elementals, but they still take pot-shots at us as well.

Sim starts taking shots from one of the spare archers so Yurion decided to act. She blasts the archer with her wand and we realise a problem. We had gotten the wand from a previous adventure as our reward, but all of us (including DM) had failed to take proper noting of the wand spell level or charges. To improvise we used Yurions current stats and she realises just how powerful a 7D6 line of lightning is. Following the first blast Sim uses a create water spell to douse the archer and his dog before dropping a call lightning bolt on his head. The dog bursts into flames and dies while the elf curses his bad luck, crispy but still alive until a final bolt hits him the following round. Yurion also realises that she could hit three of them at once with the wand if she moved up. She didn’t but the DM’s face when he realised the poor placement was funny.

Meanwhile, on the central side Vex and I had taken care of the first elf, I took care of his dog and vex moved up to finish of the wounded guy to the right who had been Ocelot’s main target. The last guy to the right finished off the last fire elemental so Draspher decided to get back into the action. He (still invisible) moves into position and launces a bat swarm at him. This resulted in two problems.
1. The last dog on the right smelt the huge amount of blood coming off him and follows its instincts and training, and moves to take out the wounded party.
2. The elf decided not to stand still in the swarm and so ran to the snow wall, hoping he could do more damage closer to us, followed by the hungry bat swarm that also smelt blood.
Although we managed to finish off both elf and dog before they could do any damage, the bats still smelt blood and could echolocate so they chased Draspher for a while until they finally dissipated. Draspher honestly feared for his life as he was on single digits and the bat swarm would deal D6 damage, possibly enough to kill him, but Yurion could have cured him if needed to.

Sim also finishes her fight with the last guy, with Yurion getting a Brain Drain off on him to see what she could find out.

Part three, noting of notes

We decide to take inventory of our situation. Ocelot and I loot bodies, vex joining us afterwards and the DM passes us a note with everything they had on them. Aside from masterwork equipment and various alchemical/magic arrows they all had a potion of cold resistance on them. Why is made very clear once Yurion finishes looking through the stolen thoughts.

After reading the note given to her, she gives us the low down. Turns out these elves are part of the group of poachers we had been asked to find. There were around 15-20 total, and their leader is a druid himself. They were here for two things. Firstly, the Roc nest at the summit (the reason we were on this increasingly complex side quest to begin with) and more worryingly, the local WHITE DRAGON.

Turns out that the dragon had set up home near the top of the mountain. The head druid had battled it to a stalemate, and they had a deal set up. The druids would look after the mountain and keep anyone from going into its territory, and the dragon wouldn’t go on a rampage. This druid had gone off on his own adventures a while ago, leaving low-level underlings in charge. This leaves us in major problems either way as either the poachers kill the dragon and make off with a huge profit, or they get killed by the dragon and with the agreement broken it will go on another rampage. What’s more, as all the druids are fairly low levelled, Sim is the highest-level druid on the mountain so it’s up to us to stop the poachers with pretty much no backup. Also, at the start the DM had us roll perception on the boat. Sim and I were the only ones who could see a giant flying shape. He revealed to us it could have been either the Roc’s, or the dragon so we might be too late already.

The other problem was that halve the party became really excited about the thought of killing a dragon. I had to point out:
1. No Vex, dragon blood does not have those kinds of properties in this game
2. Ocelot, the last dragon we met really outclassed us, what makes you think you can take this one
3. Draspher, the first thing the dragon will do is attack the one throwing massive fireballs at it
4. Draspher, you just failed in casting fireball when covered in snow, what makes you think you will succeed when pinned in its teeth or going down his oesophagus
5. Draspher, setting yourself on fire will do nothing to make it not eat you
6. I know the DM has seen the same spoony video that I have, what makes you think the dragons going to stand still and let us attack it with swords. It will just keep flying overhead and strafing us with its dragon breath

No plan on what is happening with the dragon was made yet, but we decided to get some sleep. When we got back to the tent we found that our captive had escaped during the confusion. We decided we would use the stolen memories and his trail to try and find the camp first thing in the morning, as no-one fancied the idea of tracking him in the dark at 2am. We also discovered the druid had been poisoned, so Sim made one of here spells neutralise poison for the next day.

In the morning we set off, following the trail. We eventually get to a fork in the road, losing his trail but having two ways up. A direct, faster path which had no real options for a stealthy approach, or the side paths for better concealment, but which would take longer getting up. A discussion on party order led us to discussing the druid guide. It turns out that she was an incredibly low level druid, used alongside her sister as gofers for the more important druids. Ocelot rued not shooting her at the start when she was an eagle when he realised that it actually would have killed her.

A discussion then broke out over should we keep the druid. I argued for, saying that she could identify local druids, that she could contact them, navigate the area and it was better to have her around and not need her than need her and not have her. Ocelot and Yurion both argued that she was far too weak to be of any help, (after a spell craft check) we could do the sending spell to her and her barmaid sister to pass messages on and they would rather she left and lived than stayed with us and probably die. We differed to sim as current group leader, and she voted to send her off. We finally set of down the faster path, with Sim and her cheetah up front, Ocelot and Yurion behind her, Draspher behind them and Vex and Myself at the back of the party.

Days on mountain – 6
Draspher Suicide attempts – 3, the avalanche, attempting diplomacy on the guys shooting us and summoning the swarm of bats
Incidents caused by Ocelot – 4, he got a guy dragged overboard, he blurted out our plans immediately to the first person he met (.75, malicious intent but it worked out), nearly shot down our guide (.5, malicious intent but didn’t go through with it), helped start the avalanche, decided to dig himself deeper because he wanted to use his jump score (.25) and captured a guy only for him to escape and probably warn his friends about us (.25), and openly lamented not killing the druid in front of the druid (.25)

2017-09-07, 03:27 PM
Session 10, part 1, hole lot of trouble

We were heading down the faster path up the mountain in an attempt to find the bandits. Sim and her cheetah took the lead, Ocelot and Yurion behind her, Draspher behind them and Vex and Myself at the back of the party ready to guard against any ambushes.

We are all doing our checks, no-one spots anything and Draspher tells us he can’t detect any magic. The second he finished this thought, the ground gives way under Sim. Sim, he cheetah and Ocelot all fail their reflex rolls, Yurion (despite having her head in a book) effortlessly jumps back avoiding the same fate. Whoever built this trap really put their effort in, since it was a 50’ drop onto spikes. Sim manages to land gracefully thanks to her cat boots, and her dragon scale half-plate armour makes her bounce off the spikes avoiding damage. Occelot just falls flat onto the spikes, but thanks to a high con just tanks the damage. The cheetah though, has no such defence. It breaks most of its bones from the fall, and is impaled on several spikes. It dies instantly.

Up top things are not that much better. Three elves make themselves known, each taking a point on a triangle to surround us, and begin shooting. Yurion drops an obscuring mist to make things harder on them. Unfortunately, this made problems for us too. Within a few seconds I had a plan in my head. I would get Draspher to summon a bunch of creatures to keep them busy, I would get vex to guard Yurion while she tried to get the others out while I went out to take out our attackers one by one, using the summons as flanking partners. However, I rolled poorly on initative so I ended up going last. Vex went first, stumbled forward in the mist and ends up knocking Draspher into the hole. Draspher falls screaming into the hole, alerting ocelot who fires a tangling shot upwards to try and slow him down. Although he is falling too fast to be stopped so easily, it does slow him down. He crashes onto the spikes and is left with around 5hp left. After pushing one of her oldest friends down a large hole, the paladin shrugs, turns to the left and goes to wonder out of the mist, catching one of the elves off guard and begins to hack into him. With my own plans firmly scuppered, I gave Yurion my rope and positioned myself to stand guard while she tried to pull them up.

At the bottom of the hole Sim prepares to transform into a giant vulture to carry the two out of the hole. At the last second she realises that turning into a 20’ bird with a 30’ wingspan in a 25’ wide hole would not help. So, she and Ocelot down potions of spider climb. While this was going on Yurion had lowered the rope, but was forced to lie prone to get the 50’ rope down to the bottom of the 50’ hole. Seeing the rope, Ocelot ties Drashper to it and begins to scale the wall while carrying him, with Sim slightly above him as she did not need to carry anyone. They get about half way up when they hit a problem. The tangleshot Ocelot shot previously is still lining the walls, and Ocelot has just gotten his hand stuck in it. He quickly decided that the single best idea in this situation is to throw Draspher to Sim. I repeat, the not very strong gunslinger will throw the nearly dead man to the not very dextrous Druid. Aside from both using their weakest scores for this, they also both completely botch their rolls, as Draspher begins falling to the spikes once again, Yurian being unable to hold on to the rope with the sudden force. Luckily, Ocelot was able to redeem himself by grabbing onto the rope before Draspher hit the spikes again. He was not fast enough, however, to prevent Drasphers head from hitting the wall, taking him down to 1hp.

With our only rope gone, I begin to make a new plan. I explain to Yurian that our best hope now is to take out the elves while the others work their way up. I then go on to say our best hope is us tag teaming the one on the right as flanking buddies before moving on to the last one, reassuring her that I will do most of the work and that I will be with her every step of the way. Just as I turn invisible as we get ready to move, we hear a thud behind us, before an explosion sends shrapnel into us, one of them is throwing grenades into the mist.

Back in the hole Ocelot reluctantly decided leaping from one wall to the other, despite his massive jump score, would not accomplish much due to carrying a heavy weight on a rope, so he passes the rope to sim (successfully this time) and with the tangleshot drying out he is able to finally able to get out the hole. Yurian dispels the mist just as he’s getting out, and he shouts out a warning. The guy who was on our right has moved around behind us, and he has a grenade in his hand. Seeing this immediate threat, I moved up and attacked him from behind. Seeing that he was being taken care of, Yurian decided to do something about the last elf. Imitating Drasphers summoning movements, she creates a minor illusion of a couple of wolves, snarling and growling at the third elf. At the same time Vex had finished of the first and charged towards the third. Panicking, the elf wastes his shots on the illusionary wolves before the angry half-orc samurai paladin lays into him.

Sim finally pulls herself out of the hole, and with Yurian’s assistance pulls Draspher up. Ocelot attempts to use his mage hand amulet to pull the pin out of the guys grenade, only to find it’s already been pulled, the guys cooking it for a faster blast. He shoots at the guy, shouting out the one liner “your grenades hot and so are my bullets” to alert me about the grenade. To the surprise of the DM and everyone at the table, I decide to knock it out of his hand. To be fair, I was able to explain that I had three teammates next to the hole pulling the fourth up, I didn’t want to risk him throwing it and them falling in again. Besides which, I was still at nearly full health so I could easily tank the blast, and it would hurt him as well, preventing him from throwing it in a way that he could protect himself.

While being pulled up, Draspher finally got to some level of coherent thought, and summoned a giant spider to help push him up. Once he was out of the pit the spider and sim went to help me deal with the second elf. Just as Vex slices the Third elf in half, the second gets webbed up. Just as we are planning to interrogate him, Ocelot walks up and shoots him in the head.

Part two, post battle complications

Just after the battle, as we are gathering our wits, Ocelot and Draspher realise that they feel terrible. Turns out the spikes were lined with poison. A Con affecting poison. This is particularly bad for Draspher as he already was at deaths door. He drops below 0hp a couple of times, only a lot of healing keeps him in the land of the living. Through many knowledge checks we figure out that the poison is based on local plants and fungus, but we don’t have the skills to make an antidote. None of the bandits have an antidote on them, and none of us have any way of curing them. We eventually remember that we can still contact the druids via the mistletoe sending spell, and beg them for help. We find out that there is a nearby sanctuary, so sim transforms into a giant vulture to carry the two there quickly. Meanwhile myself, Vex and Yurion are all trying to plan what to do next. I outline that we can’t go forward as another ambush like that at lower power could finish us, we can’t turn back to the sanctuary since we don’t know where it is and we can’t stay there just in case the poachers send replacements/check up on the three we just killed. I then realise that neither Vex nor Yurion IRL or in game had been paying me the slightest bit of attention, resulting in my talking to myself for 5 minutes. I then decide to just wait just off the path for Sim to get back, so she can lead us to the druids.

We come across a camp surrounded by trees, so much so there isn’t an entrance, the trees just open and close for guests. We meet the head druid, the highest-level druid on the mountain. She’s level 5. In a straight fight, we could take every druid on this mountain with no problem. She tells us that our friends are undergoing treatment in the medical tent and they should be alright by the morning.

While Sim goes to bury her cheetah (ocelot had taken the body in his handy haversack) I suddenly remember that Yurion still has the memories of the one poacher, and ask if with the druids help we figure out where their camp is. The good news is that we now know exactly where their camp is, and scouts have reported they are still there. What’s more the druids are more than happy to make a full assault the next day, but they do still want our help with it. The downside is that, as previously mentioned, every druid on this mountain is low level, we will still have to do the lion’s share of the work to make this work without suicidal levels of casualty’s. Secondly, the poacher camp is right below the dragons keep, an area the druids are very reluctant to enter due to the existing truce. If we cause too much trouble, the dragons’ going to wake up and go for us.

Part three, no escape in the night

We are told that we are free to say the night. The DM even tells us that with the druids standing guard, we should be able to sleep the full night without problem,
HA, although there is supposed to be heavy snow during the night. Ocelot, Draspher and Yurian are sleeping in the medical tent on the left, Vex and Sim are in the second tent in the middle and I am sleeping in the last tent on the right. As we are sleeping, the DM has us roll perception scores. Ocelot and Fumbles (Draspher kept insisting on rolling for his raccoon for most of these kinds of checks, mostly because the raccoon had better scores than he did) are the only ones to make it.

Ocelot gets woken up in the medical tent by fumbles. He seems panicked and worried. A quick check outside shows that it is around 2am, there is a heavy blizzard, and he can’t see anyone. He goes to wake the others in his tent before deciding what to do. Ocelot decided the best course of action is to tie a rope around his waist and go wake everyone in the other tents up. He then finds out just how cold it is, and quickly dashes to the girl’s tent. After wakening them up, sim decided to go get me and regroup in their tent. She makes her way over and is unpleasantly shocked to discover I have taken to sleeping in my mitral chain shirt, and just that. We make our way back and try and work out what’s going on

Meanwhile Yurian spots the outline of a person while looking outside. She can’t tell anything about them, and she only saw them due to the fire behind them briefly showing a blurred outline, so she decided to check outside to see what she can find. She goes out and investigates the fire, still active during a blizzard. Her research shows it’s a magical fire of some sort, but even with that there is something wrong, she can see logs burning but she can’t feel heat but she’s starting to feel drawn towards it.

As Sim and I are going to the tent, Sim spots her girlfriend staring at the fire in the middle of a blizzard, and decided to go get her. Ocelot also decides to go see what happened to the druids, so he ties the rope around his waist, downs his protection from cold potion and charges out, running a loop around the fire while screaming and shouting to see what he can see. Just at this moment, Yurian decides to experiment with the fire, creating water to extinguish it to see what happens. It goes out, robbing us of our one light source and leaving ocelot stumbling in the dark. At this point Draspher starts trying to metagame like crazy, trying to justify his eccentric nature would mean that he’s cast light on the tent by this point, but the DM clamps down on this.

Ocelot goes to the medical tent to pick up Draspher only to find it completely empty. He meets back with us and we start discussing what’s going on, in particular that Draspher is missing and that Ocelot found that the other druids were missing as well. Ocelot and I have an argument, he’s convinced that it’s the dragon as everything we seem to do relates back to dragons. I say that if it was the dragon, it wouldn’t waste time with this nonsense it would just stamp/eat us to death, and that the fact the fire has no heat might mean it’s some kind of heat-vampire, a creature that feeds on heat from other sources.

We decide to hide in the medical tent while we figure this out and we eventually figure out we must be in some kind of dream realm. Ocelot takes this to mean we are in the ‘upside down’ from stranger things. The only clue that we can find about what happened to Draspher is a pillow he IRL keeps insisting on telling us is still enchanted with a light spell. Yurion then tries using locate object to see if we can find Draspher that way, only to find he’s not in range. We deduce that he can’t possibly have gotten that far away in such a short time, so he must be on another plane. If we are in a dream realm, then he might even have woken up. Yurion then tries nicking herself with her weapon to see if that will work and sure enough, she disappears. Ocelot puts his gun in his mouth to do the same, but is stopped by a wisdom roll at the last second, and he nicks himself to. I try and stab Vex, but fail to get through her armour. I try again and fall flat on my face with a natural 1. I explain to the others I’m sending them through first before I go, and blindside Sim with a surprise stab before trying one last time on Vex. When I still can’t get through her AC, I give up and just nick myself to get out, telling her beforehand to do the same. Just as the last of us are about to leave, it goes quiet outside (DM felt the need to tell us that, it probably must have to do with something but we never found out at the time)

Sure enough, we all wake up in our beds the next morning with a small wound where we nicked ourselves. Draspher franticly checks all over himself to try and figure out how he got injured to escape, but finding nothing we all assume there was another reason. Top ones so far are:
• The not-yet fully attuned ring of sustenance made him only sleep for two hours
• He injured himself somehow
• Fumbles tried to tear his throat out
• He’s possessed (Drasphers theory, we promised to take him to a church and cover him in holy water when we’re finished on the mountain)
But the simple fact is that we have no idea.

As vex wakes up, she turns to her bunkmate to find her pale with sheets covered in blood. Turns out that since I stabbed her rather than nicking a finger, her wound was far more serious than the others and she has bled out 21hp of damage in the night. Whoops.

We head out and ask the druid what the heck happened last night, but she has never heard of anything like this before. We ended there, and next session we will hopefully get to the bandit camp.

Out of the game the DM explained that we had gotten farther than he thought we would have. He was a little under-prepared and hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night. The dream stuff was supposed to happen later (he keeps a timeline of events going on in the background) but a combination of us spending longer in the mountain on a side-quest to get Sim a pet Roc and the lack of other materials meant it was happening now. I have personally sworn to find a way to get a decent night’s sleep by any means necessary.

Days on mountain – 6, starting day 7 next session

Draspher brushes with death – 7, the avalanche, attempting diplomacy on the guys shooting us, summoning the swarm of bats, falling down the hole, getting dropped, twice below 0hp due to con damage, and he disappeared from the dream when we weren’t watching

Incidents caused by Ocelot – 5.6, he got a guy dragged overboard, he blurted out our plans immediately to the first person he met (.75, malicious intent but it worked out), nearly shot down our guide (.5, malicious intent but didn’t go through with it), helped start the avalanche, decided to dig himself deeper because he wanted to use his jump score (.25) and captured a guy only for him to escape and probably warn his friends about us (.25), helped trigger the hole (.25), dropped draspher, shot our interrogation prisoner (.1), tried to blow his own brains out to escape the dream (.5)

Mutiny’s by Jaune – 2, I took field command during the hole incident and I did technicaly stab Sim and nearly cause her to bleed out

2017-09-07, 03:30 PM
interview tape 33291:

1# - let us begin, yes. Beginning member review, sate your name for the record yes
2# - Sim with an e
1# - so, sime yes, you have been a member since you were a child, a recruit from one of the city orphanage runs yes?
2# - it's sim,
1# - with an e, sime yes
2# - [sigh] yes I came from up north.
1# - yes, from your psychological profiles I understand you had difficulty connecting to your peers yes
2# - so the guild made a profile on me, little cree...wait profiles, as in plural?
1# - yes, it is customary to make additional profiles for difficult cases or after exceptional circumstances yes. You should see the draw we have for the one ninja, but I digress on private guild information, you had difficulty with your peers, yes
2# - yeah....I always felt a little out of place, like I didn't belong there
1# - do not worry, yes, this is perfectly normal for child in your situation, as well as the years of wanton sexual activity with many partners both in and out of the guild yes
2# - HEY!
1# - again, yes, do not worry, such activities are perfectly natural and within acceptable guidelines yes. You have done nothing that you should feel ashamed of, or that your peers will look down on you for, yes
2# - I am starting to really dislike you
1# - anger towards figures of authority, again perfectly normal yes
2# - now I definitely dislike you
1# - I will make a note in your next profile, yes
1# - yes, so poor little orphan years aside, we are here to discuss your last mission, in particular,who you brought back, yes
2# - if you start talking crap about my angel I swear I'll...
1# - nonono, yes, I wouldn't do something like that yes, I don't have a profile on her yet, that's why we're having this meeting, yes. As guildmaster likes to say, let's start at the beginning....
2# - ......
1# - yes
2# -well the team had been asked to sort out a land dispute between two towns. The problem was that hostilities had gotten so bad that we couldn't get from one towns to another. We really need to though, so we start brainstorming ideas...we started getting desperate
1# - is that why we received so many creative complaints, yes, tell me, who came up with plan to charge boarder by riding prize pig yes?
2# - ......
1# - it's ok, yes, stupid ideas are common amongst unwanted orphan baby recruits as well, yes
2# - I really hate you
1# - yes, noted, yes
2# -so, this hadn’t worked and the rest of the team were all having a laugh at me for trying it. They even decided to wait until morning to heal me “just so that I learn my lesson properly”, jerks. So, we get back to the bar and I collapse at the first seat I can find. [sigh], little did I know that was the greatest decision of my life. As I lay there, my angel, in her infinite kindness, used her blessed touch to restore me. I will never forget looking up and seeing her heavenly face in a look of divine concentration
1# - according to her report, yes, she took pity on the bleeding idiot flopped next to her and decided to heal her so she would stop making a mess near her books, yes. She didn’t even look away from the book she was reading, yes
2# - from the first moment, I knew she was my forever girl, and I swore myself there and then to always be by her side
1# - Her report did note her stress and duress and first being proposed to, yes, then being dragged behind for several days by previously mentioned ‘bleeding idiot, yes. In fact, according to the reports you violated guild policy by taking said civilian into combat AND showing her private and confidential documentation, yes.
2# - When she asked to have a look, why I knew that her divine wisdom and intellect would surely see us through the eldritch scribblings and see the truth hidden beneath. And it payed off too, for only her wisdom and beauty could have gotten both sides to ease their aggressions and come to a peaceful conclusion
1# - Yes, she was the only one amongst your entire braindead party who cared enough to read the documentation being argued over, yes. In fact, if you had not dragged the unqualified, uncertified, unregistered, underequipped, uncaring civilian along, then none of your weak minded, addle brained assassinates or your own hormonally shanked pitiful excuse of a cerebellum would have realised neither village owned the land in question, that as per the original documentation all the land in the area belongs to the king and as such is merely ‘rented out’ so all talks of land rights are null and void.
2# - why with her divine foresight and brilliant mind
1# - she filled out proper paperwork, yes?
2# - we quickly resolved the issue in its entirety without further bloodshed. I knew the signs when I saw them, and asked my angel to join the guild immediately
1# - and she accepted, yes. I guess your pathetic bleeding puppy routine must have really worked, yes
2# - you know, you’re really starting to…
1# - yes, I am sorry, let me rephrase yes. Little bleeding puppy orphan is far more accurate, is it not yes?
2# - seriously, I am going to…
1# - anger, stemming from feelings of inadequacy, yes. Tell me, it is shown being proven wrong affects the same part of the brain as being punched, how well do you operate with feeling like being punched constantly due to pitiful poor brain ability’s, yes?
2# - I don’t know, how about I help you see how well you work WHILE BEING PUNCHED CONSTANTLY!
1# - quick to violence as well yes, as expected from unwanted orphan puppy with loose standards yes.
2# -Guildmaster, I’m sorry I..
3# - could you give me a minute with Sim?
1# - yes guildmaster, yes
3# - privately
1# - do not worry, yes, I will not say a word speak as you will, yes
3# - I guess I had forgotten who I was talking to, leave the room for two minutes. That is an express order
1# - very well, yes
2# - I’m sorry guildmaster, I just..
3# - it’s ok, I completely understand. He may be very good at getting all the facts and details, but people are not his strong point
2# -so you don’t mind that I got mad at him
3# - let me put it this way. During one mission, he was interrogated and placed under a truth field. Before they even had a chance to ask a question, he ‘truthfully’ deconstructed everything about everyone there, complete with evidence and references. He went on for 3 hours, systematically explaining that everyone at the station was a degenerate failure, and proved that the captain’s wife had or was sleeping with nearly every officer there. The truly shocking things is that they had deactivated the truth field 5 minutes into his rant in the hope of shutting him up. Now run off little one, I believe someone is waiting for you in the canteen
2# - MY ANGEL, don’t worry my love, I will be with you soon!
3# - you can stop hiding now
1# - I was not hiding, yes
3# - then why did you use an invisibility potion the second you left so you could listen in
1# - it is my duty, yes, to properly examine, interrogate, profile, assess, analyse, categorise, catalogue, classify, inspect, inspect,observe and study all members of the guild, as you requested yes
3# -although that is true, I do wish that you would show more tact about it. Maybe I need someone else in charge of the actual interviewing process.
1# - regardless, time for my recommendations, yes
3# - that was barely an interview, how do you expect to…
1# - you think my investigation only started just yes, no I have spent much time studying the two in question already, I just needed to talk in person to confirm what I already knew, yes. I think those two should be put under immediate long-term investigation
3# -really, but there doesn’t seem to be any problem with either of them
1# - to untrained eye yes. Consider though what happened on the mission yes, Sim immediately attached herself to a complete stranger who only showed her the most minimal care or attention, yes, and then disregarded all guild protocol by bringing her on their mission and letting her have full access to private city records yes. This suggests an emotional vulnerability that could easily be exploited by outside forces in the future, a risk we cannot allow to go unchecked, yes. Yurian as well is worrying, yes. She is intelligent, yes, able to sort out information and think of plans rather than relying on brute force so she would be useful to the guild yes. In turn, though she seems to have very little, if any yes, interest in combat itself, even when the situation calls for it she seems reluctant to contribute unless unavoidable yes. Also, she has joined the guild on a whim, based on a random act of kindness from another whim yes. Without proper reasons to remain loyal, who is to say what she would do on a future ‘whim’ yes? Alone these are worrying, yes, but now they are together they pose an easy target for future anti-guild espionage, yes, such a weakness must be addressed before it can be exploited with no doubt, yes
3# - you know you have the most astounding habit of whenever I start to question why I brought you in you immediately show just how capable you truly are
1# - who said this was coincidence, yes
3# -that doesn’t surprise me. Write this all up and send it to my office. The amount of problem cases I have seems to be building up, I need to figure out some way of keeping an eye on all of them without them realising
1# - there is fresh bottle, yes, in third draw down from right, my compliments yes
3# - you know me so, so well

2017-09-25, 05:07 PM
session 11, part 1 poor preparations

last time we had just woken from one heck of a bad dream and of course by dream I meant being mentally kidnapped by an unknown force. We got out by cutting ourselves, we most of us did. I stabbed sim and she nearly bled out in the night. We woke up annoyed and ready to kill something. Luckily there is a whole poachers camp waiting for a good old-fashioned hero beat down.

Before I went to sleep (between sessions but whose counting) I came up with a battle plan. First, Myself, Sim and Yurion would sneak into the camp. Our goal would be to take out a few guards and set up smokescreens/distractions. Then Vex would lead the druids into a charge. Draspher and Ocelot would provide interference from the outside while Sim, Yurion and I would take down threats from the inside. The druids would use interference spells, in particular Sim and the other level 5 druid would both use warp wood to ruin their bows and use heat/chill metal to make them drop their swords. The big danger was the druid in charge, so the second he appeared Yurion would drop a silence spell on Vex and she would keep him busy while the rest of us finished off the rest of the archers.

It was a great plan but as kryton from red dwarf would put it, there are three problems with that. Firstly, we don't have an army, we have 4 level 2 druid redshirts, two, the druids can't prepare new spells so no warp wood or heat metals and finally three, Yurion didn't have silence spells. The rest of the plan was workable though. Sim, Yurion and I would sneak in at one side of the camp under invisibility and begin sabotage. The rest would sneak around to the other side of the camp and wait. When the alarm had been set off, they would assault the other side of camp. Little did I realise how naive I was being about what our DM had planned, or my teammates ability to make any situation much, much worse.

Part 2, the poachers really strong-hold

we go down to the location we have identified as their base, and their protection methods are actually pretty good. They have some kind of combination of an illusion and a perception filter over their camp, making it both hidden and hard to even look at. Draspher turned Yurion invisible, Sim turns into a rat and we head over to the entrance while the others go around the back. I turn invisible as we cross the threshold, and I am so glad I did. What we were expecting was a bunch of tents for the 10-15 archers left. What we find is a fully organised base, with way more than a few archers and a druid. Heck, the DM ran out of regular counters to use, he had cardboard cut-out numbers just placed down since he ran out of bases. To my memory, there were:
• 1 elf commander in charge of
• 9 archers in formation going down the path
• 4 guys represented with a goblin counter
• 2 gunslingers with weird looking guns that glow blue
• 2 spellcasters
• a cleric
• 3 something in cages to one side
• 2/3 guys in the bunks
• 1 caster off board (I'll explain soon)
• and one guy in a hut keeping an eye on the barrier
said guy immediately looks up at the barrier telling him that someone has entered the camp, only seeing a rat. He immediately twigs the rat is a druid considering that they have been worried about the local druids. Seeing the rat scurry off, he calls out 'hey guys, I think the druids have found us' and the elf commander tells all his elves to spread out and find them. I go off to the right to hide around the tents while sim and Yurion go to the left.

while this is going on the others have gotten to the other side of the camp, gotten through the barrier but found a problem. The whole thing is built into a boxed off trench. There is only one entrance, a 30' wall of rock and ice surrounds the place. The only entrance was the one at the front, the one we had entered from, meaning that when the others tried to get in via the back they found a 30’ cliff. While this suited Ocelot just fine, the others couldn’t get down the cliff to engage in melee.

Making the most of the situation, Ocelot scans the area while attaching a silencer to his rifle. As he does so, he notices a couple of guys dressed in robes and deduces they must be wizards of some sort. He signals with hand-gestures to Draspher about the wizards being there. Draspher immediately shoots of a fireball, only to see it bounce of something and the fireball crashes into a nearby tent. Everyone at the table falls silent and stares at him in abject shock, and every poacher in the canyon turns to the figures at the top of the cliff all lined up like ducks at a shooting range. Ocelot has never regretted not killing someone so much in all his life until that moment.

Part 3, it all goes to hell

From here things immediately go crazy. Every eye in the camp turns to them and starts going for them. Fortunately, Ocelot had gone prone to snipe and had a spare spider climb potion for Vex to use to get down the cliff and begin fighting back while the druids knew to keep their head down. Unfortunately, the idiot who just fired a fireball was still standing in plain view, so immediately became their main target.

Whilst Draspher is being made into a pincushion, Yurion decides to get investigate and brain drain the elf commander. Unfortunately, he makes the save, and worse he doesn’t like being psychically assaulted, and moves to track his attacker down. Sim meanwhile has scurried behind the tent and gotten a call thunder spell going. The conversation goes something a little like this:
Beware, for invisibility will not help you against a superior opponent such ashurkdudududuudud. Ok, but such things arehurkdududududud. AH! SUCH MOVES WILL NOT SAHURKDUDUDUDUDUDUD. OK YOU KNOW WHAT, SOD THIS, I’M OUT
The Elf commander in the space of two turns gotten two blasts of Yurions lighting wand and a call lightning bolt, and decided just to bail. I found out later he had been taken down to 8hp, so the DM just had him run rather than loose a recurring NPC so easily. Each of said lighting wands blasts also ended up hitting multiple other enemy’s, frying a couple of dogs and poachers. The funny thing is that it was supposed to be a wand of call lightning initially, but the DM wanted to get Yurion more involved in combat, so changed it to lightning. He has come to rue that decision.

During this, I went to the tents. While investigating a poacher comes out and nearly knocks into me. I grab him, drag him back into the tent and kill him, leading to many jokes about what I was doing to the body while the fight was going on. This is pretty much my only contribution to the fight, a combination of long turns due to the sheer number of creatures on the board and the destructive power unleashed meant it only lasted a few rounds.

The wizards at the back of camp all start preparing various spells. Seeing this Draspher successfully figures out what spells they are casting. He then shouts out warnings about the spells to Ocelot as loud as he can, all while preparing more fireballs that keep getting deflected. This has two results:
1. the fireballs are being counter-spelled by an unseen spellcaster. Apparently, the best way of counter-spelling a fireball is to fire another fireball at it and have them bounce off each other, so there are expositions everywhere
2. every poacher in camp can see and hear the nutjob screaming “he’s casting x” while throwing fireballs everywhere. They know who to take out first
sure enough, draspher continues his disturbing new trend of shouting and getting shot. He tries complaining to the DM but he just points out what an ass he’s making of himself and that’s why he’s the best target. The truly sad thing is it’s actually helping since they are just beating him up rather than ganging up on the ones in their midst.

Vex has made her way down the cliff, slices her way into one of the tents and begins chopping into the wizard relaxing inside. The fight leads out of the tent and the first wizard turns invisible and runs, leaving her with the cleric, the second wizard and the two gunslingers. She looks like she’s in trouble at first since the gunslingers damage straight through her armour, but she quickly puts one down, Ocelot engages the other in a long range firefight and both the wizard leaves via invisibility.

Part 4, AOE for everybody

Sim decides now is the time to do something about the large group of archer elves surrounding the fire pit. Still as a rat, she charges up and fires a modified create water spell, using it as a super soaker to covers a couple at once before dropping a lightning bolt on them. One of the nearby elves spots her and tries to impale her but thanks to her small size he just catches the whiskers only.

Draspher meanwhile tired moving to a new spot to fire from, but got an ice storm dropped on his head curtesy of the cleric, so he retreats to heal up. As he’s moving to cover, he sees the druids accompanying us trying to scale down the cliff, and a fireball heading straight to them. He successfully bounces it off his own fireball, the two flying off in random directions. One smashed into the wall sending two of the druids falling off, and the other one falling at the edge of the group of poacher’s sim just hit, killing two of them. Draspher turns his gaze and thanks God for letting him feel useful. God turns back to him and asks "how are you still alive?". Seeing this, Ocelot realises that there must be another caster on the left-hand cliff of the camp, and tries to spot them but finds nothing.

Inspired by this spell, Sim decides to follow suit, moving away from the attacking elf and losing a few more whiskers in the process, she drops an ice storm right on the group surrounding the fire. They don’t last for long. There is a single elf near the front who just missed the first blast and just missed the second, and is now terrified to move anywhere from the safe spot he found. After firing this off, Sim hears something in a tent and so transforms back into human and goes inside, not even stopping or looking as she drops a lightning bolt on the guy who had been attacking her.

At this point the cleric decides to cut her losses and drops an obscuring mist. Draspher almost attempts to fireball her out of the mist, but at the last second realises that it would just be counter-spelled and two fireballs would hit the cliff he’s standing on, so he summons a giant bat to look for the last spellcaster. Ocelot decides he really wants the gun that first gunman dropped, so he just jumps off the cliff tanking the damage and wonders over. At that exact moment Vex accidently knocks the tent over onto herself and the gunslinger. Deciding to try and help, Ocelot takes a pot-shot at one of the lumps, shooting vex in the back. It’s at this point that the poachers decide enough is enough. One by one they surrender.

(Oddly enough, despite all that was happening one of the elves doesn’t get up from the bench and, thanks to the way the drawing looked, we decided he was playing the piano the entire time, and the group nicknamed him ‘elfen john’)

Part 5, cleanup

We all make our way to the centre of the camp and gather up prisoners. There is no sign of the spellcasters who turned invisible, but we commence with stripping the camp and its former inhabitants down for goodies.

The tent Sim entered seems to be where they are keeping all their ill-gotten loot, including tons of fur pelts and at the back a very large egg. This egg is hatching and as sim approaches it, a chick the size of a person breaks out and looks at sim with derpy eyes. Yes, we had finally succeeded in getting Sim her Roc, introducing to the party Dwain “the roc” Johnson.

We will have to wait until next session to find out what we got, so we try to decide what to do about the camp itself. As we are discussing, with Ocelot really wanting to leave quickly for some reason, Draspher realises his dear fumbles is missing. Turning, he finds him being held by his tail by Dwain, who is swinging his new toy around with great enjoyment. You really have to pity poor fumbles at this point. He spends all his time hanging around Draspher, getting involved in all his messes, his best friend (the cheetah) dies and now his replacement thinks he’s a chew toy, the universe seems to hate that raccoon.

Just as we are preparing to leave, we hear a loud chuckle behind us. We all turn and see the white dragon on the cliff, looking down at us.

Part 6, synchronised soiling

This thing is huge, powerful and laughing at us. Whether he finds this all funny or he wants to enjoy killing us we don’t know. Needless to say, about 90% of everyone there has been frozen in abject terror.

Occelot predicted that he might see us when the barrier went down earlier in the fight (he of course neglected to tell anyone this) and so goes into a carefully prepared speech about how we had been hired to deal with the poachers on the druid’s behalf. What comes out of his mouth is mumbled ramblings, sobbing and desperate pleas for him not to be eaten (rolled a one on diplomacy and had failed the fear roll before). Yurion decides to try and negotiate in draconic, but has little success.

Luckily, it turned out he didn’t care about us at all, and dismissed us with a cursory “get off my lawn”. We ran back to the druid camp with our prisoners as fast as our rapidly freezing urine covered trousers would let us. Once we dropped them off, we decide to just leave this place and go home. We got to the base of the mountain and even to the bar we found at the first day here. We all hit the sack and Yurion is drawn into a familiar place.

(I am thankful that the rest of us weren’t considering thanks to some good rolls with the barmaid according to the DM she let me “do butt stuff”. If I had been taken there this time I would be taken with what I was wearing (nothing) and possible whom I was wearing)

Part 7, when one mystery is revealed another presents itself

Yurion meets a figure with black hair dressed in a business suit. There is something off about him though. He can’t tell us his name, or even show us his face, he’s dressed in a modern business suit and made a casual reference to an airport (starting an in-character quest/joke to discover what an airport is). He explains that he was the one who brought us there before, but he’s not trying to hurt us. He can’t interfere or communicate with anyone normally, but everyone in the party has some connection to death, and combined with the magic of the full moon he can draw our minds to this place to discuss things. He wouldn’t bother with us normally, but we are the only ones with this connection directly involved with events that could influence things. He tired talking to us before, but we all woke ourselves up too soon so he decided to single out Yurion, figuring a divine spellcaster is more likely to listen to him, heck the ghost haunting her is “one of his guys”.

Apparently, something is coming, he can’t say what, but it’s bad. The conspiracy, the coup we are trying to stop isn’t what it seems.

He says that normally any kind of contact is impossible, it’s only the unique circumstances that let him communicate. Apparently, everyone in the party has some connection to death, and combined with the magic of the full moon he can draw our minds to this place to discuss things. What’s more,.

He also agrees to answer some questions:
• no, he is not a dragon
• do you really want a list of dragons? I mean the only one’s you’ve met are the guildmaster, the prankster banker and the mountain hobo, they really aren’t that important
• no, he is still not a dragon
• draspher is not possessed
• no, he is still, still not a dragon
• the raccoon’s celestial nature is what dragged him here with draspher the first time
• why do you keep asking that, I’m not going to spontaneously turn into a dragon
• the reason draspher was kicked out early? He managed to tick of the raccoon and it attacked him
• ok, seriously stop asking that
• he can try contacting us again next full moon, but he doesn’t know of any way to make contact aside from this

When Yurion woke earlier than usual, she was greeted by a pair of derpy eyes and an oversized beak holding fumbles by the tail about three inches from her face. The rest of us wake up later, with vex distraught to find her favoured bed-mate fumbles was kidnapped in the night. We all set off back to ninja-sans hideout and on the way, we see the guild fast-travel airship parked outside covered in a tarp (there were no hubcaps so we didn’t have to worry about them being stolen). Seems as though a guild representative is present. And that’s where we ended that session.

Days on mountain – 7
Draspher brushes with death – 10, the avalanche, attempting diplomacy on the guys shooting us, summoning the swarm of bats, falling down the hole, getting dropped, twice below 0hp due to con damage, and he disappeared from the dream when we weren’t watching, starting the fight when no-one was expecting, constantly shouting out every spell he could see making him a human pincushion (2)

Incidents caused by Ocelot – 7, he got a guy dragged overboard, he blurted out our plans immediately to the first person he met (.75, malicious intent but it worked out), nearly shot down our guide (.5, malicious intent but didn’t go through with it), helped start the avalanche, decided to dig himself deeper because he wanted to use his jump score (.25) and captured a guy only for him to escape and probably warn his friends about us (.25), helped trigger the hole (.25), dropped draspher, shot our interrogation prisoner (.1), tried to blow his own brains out to escape the dream (.5), accidently gave draspher the signal to fireball (.4), shot Vex in the back

Mutiny’s by Jaune – 3, I took field command during the hole incident, I did technically stab Sim and nearly cause her to bleed out and I tried to direct a battle plan that went no-where without her say so

2017-10-11, 04:18 PM
interview tape 33295:

1# - guild master you called for me, yes?
2# - there you are, perfect. I need you to help me go over the reports from the team near southwater
1# - ah, yes, the suicide squad, yes
2# - wait, what, since when were we calling them that
1# - for quite a while yes, I thought you knew? Yes
2# - NO! why would we ever call them that, I don’t want them to die. If I did I would just do it myself, who called them that anyway, was it you?
3# - actually, old friend, it was me
2# - when did you get here?
3# - I have been in hear for the last three hours, fact is I was in here before you were
2# - what, how…never mind that, why would you go along with calling them that? Might I remind you that the man you raise since he was a child is part of that group you so casually condemn
3# - who did you think named them called them that in the first place?
1# - yes, you forget guild master that between the two of us, yes, we have interviewed every member of that group. It is our professional option, yes, that entire group are maladjusted nincompoops unsuitable for any task, yes
3# - I’d argue against that old friend, but the one did shoot me
2# - back to the matter at hand, the reports
1# - you are mistaken, yes
2# - what?
1# - yes, this less of a report and more a bill of damages
3# - he’s right
2# - how would you know, you haven’t even read it yet
3# - I’ve been in here for three hours, I have been going through the small mountain of paperwork that’s been building up, I’ve read every report on your table twice, and filled out the appropriate paperwork three times
2# - so what have they been doing then? It can’t be that bad
3# - you underestimate my boy old friend
1# - yes, judging by the amount of fire damage, yes, so did our agents
2# - fire damage! I thought he was a summoner?
3# - according to the report, at “the ninja’s insistence” draspher has been experimenting with them, with mixed success
1# - he is still summoning, yes. A number of the complaints were his attempts, yes, at mastering some kind of trick involving invisibility, a bedsheet, several fire elementals and a large swarm of bats, yes
3# - certainly sounds like something he’d do. At least he’s not stopping anyone from doing their jobs, unlike Yurion
2# - why, what has she been doing that’s so bad, most of the time she has her head in a book
3# - apparently, she’s been experimenting with a new power that lets her literally rip the thoughts out of someone’s head. About six different missions have all been put in jeopardy as she keeps testing it on returning agents who forget the vital messages they were supposed to be delivering
1# - better than, yes, the man named after a man, named after a cat yes. He has been shooting them for doing their job, yes.
2# - explain
1# - multiple reports, yes, of agents being shot at yes. Sometime when leaving or returning, other times when they are performing mundane tasks, yes.
3# - he goes into great-detail in explain how one agent nearly died from his wounds from three different bullets.
1# - yes, apparently, he was shot bringing the requisitioned supplies, once upon delivering Ocelots new guns, with the newly acquired revolver might I add, yes, and finally once when he was far away from the compound. I theorise that cat man was testing the freshly delivered rife on a faraway target, yes. Then there are the poison victims, yes
2# - Jaune I take it
3# - only on the last victim, the rest were Simms work. Apparently, she has taken to potion brewing, and needed test subjects
1# - yes, apparently, yes, multiple cases of unwanted orphan baby failed first batch potions left the base in a terrible state.yes
3# - what baby?
2# - never mind, and Jaune’s victim
3# - when the agents clamped down on the testing Jaune offered to help her in their place. What he failed to mention is that he had no intention of drinking the potions, and helped drug most of the agent’s drinks
1# - luckily, they were mostly healing potions, yes. The captain just got unlucky with semi-working water breathing potion
2# - semi working?
3# - the potion did let him breath underwater, it just failed to let him breath out of it
2# - that just leaves Jaune himself. What chaos has he been spreading?
3# - surprisingly nothing
2# - really?
1# - Not true, yes, the team killing ninja has been stalking commander yes,
2# - please don’t call him that
1# - no, yes, the team killing ninja has been asking, “teach me ninja-san”, yes
2# - what did I just say
1# - Unusual, yes, though I find it odd that you would dislike that word, very well I shall not call him that. The Team killing backstabber has mostly been well behaved. He shut up when the commander threw a book of “deception for dummies” at him and apparently, he thought that was the first lesson yes. Yes, they shouldn’t have much problem with new mission yes
2# - THAT NOT THE WORD I MEANT AND YOU KNO…wait new mission, what new mission?
1# - yes the contact has sent them on mission yes to assist half leaf druid sect’s nature preserve yes
2# - please tell me you are making this up
1# - yes not making this up no other people available close to
2# - when was this decided
1# - you sent confirmation an hour ago, yes
2# - but I never authorised this
3# - actually that was me
2# - WHAT,
3# - what did you think I meant by filling out the appropriate response paperwork three times
2# - when did you start authorising these things without consulting me
3# - since you started dumbing paperwork on me old friend. You said to fill it out and take appropriate action based on my own judgement and I have done exactly that. Besides, it not like you weren’t going to send them anyway
2# - if that is the case, why didn’t you tell me about all this?
3# - I have, this is the first time I’ve seen you since I authorised the mission
2# -on that matter, how do you know about this before me
1# -is it not my job, yes, to know everything about everything happening everywhere, yes?
2# - have you been going through my mail?
1# - don’t be foolish yes, I go through everyone’s mail
2# - you know what, I need to discuss this in private, if you don’t mind
1# - certainly yes
2# - I meant in private
1# - I understand, yes, I will not say a word
2# - please leave
1# - but this would interfere in my knowing everything happening, yes
2# - now
1# - yes, this is an unwise course of action, yes
2# - NOW
1# - very well guild master, yes
2# - ok, so….I meant actually leave, not stand in the doorway
1# - of course, yes
2# - I meant actually, actually leave, not hide behind furniture
1# - yes, yes
2# - ….
3# - ….
2# - stop hanging round the corridor trying to listen in, I know your still there
1# - you can’t prove that yes
2# - [sigh]
3# - I don't know why your letting that get to you, he's always been like that
2# - I know, it's just all this coup business has been stressful recently, especially the mess that team left behind, the last thing I need is him adding to my headaches proving that I still have security flaws within my own airship. Maybe I should give them another review and update...
3# - you know it won’t do any good old friend. He will just find new ways of breaking them
2# - that’s true and….taking an invisibility potion and sneaking in still counts
1# - yes
3# - you know things aren't as bad as they seem. Even with that mess we have more leads to follow up, and they proved that they can work together.
2# - true, although I don't appreciate your sending them off without asking me first, especially since they are crucial to our next leads
3# - like I said old friend, I only did what you were going to do. They were causing problems being cooped up, so I gave them a harmless mission that needed doing anyway. A few days in the mountains, following tracks, finding a camp then reporting back so we can send a more experienced team
2# - I just worry about what they'll find. Running into Barty and then going to the home of another dragon, I wonder how much of my list they'll encounter. Not to mention Barty was always a wild card, who know what secret he leaked to them simply because he thought it was funny
3# - ....
2# - he’s still here, isn’t he
1# - no, yes

2017-10-18, 01:02 PM
Session 12, part 1 the trip back

We start off the session with a quick explanation what happened on the journey back. We investigated the equipment we had gotten off the poachers and found:
• a large quantity of various pelts and firs
• many sets of snowshoes and warm winter clothing
• several vials, including a vial of sparkly dust and a vial of black sludge
• 20 sets of elven rations
• A double sided cloak
• 2 “laser” pistols
We investigated the best we could and found that the vial of sparkly dust was diamond dust, while the guns had some kind of crystal on the end that allows them to cast a scorching ray like attack. Ocelot hands me one of the guns for me to figure out how it works (and even lets me keep it afterwards) and I proceed to teach him what the activation while we both aim at the cover Draspher is hiding behind, and much fun is had by all.

We also do all our levelling up on the journey:
I (Jaune) use my ninja trick to learn improved two weapon fighting, and as we had hit level 8 I place the point to boost my intelligence to 14, spending the extra skill points in intimidate and sense motive to make myself an even better party face

Occelot boosted his dex to 19 and spent the combat feat he got as a gunslinger to get twf. He now had a gun in each hand, using his belt to reload the single shot pistol in his left hand while relying on the extra revolver cartridges in his right to keep up the rate of fire

Draspher got a level 1 and a level 4 spell. He decided to go with Adhesive Spittle and summon monster IV

Yurion got a silence spell as her new learned spell

Vex took another level in paladin and upon receiving her new sheet was surprised to realise the range of feats and abilities she had, and the fact she was a spellcaster

Sim got another level in druid and here ability to wildshape has now improved. I fully intend to milk her for all the poison I can get at the first downtime opportunity. She has also decided to follow her true life calling by taking ranks in profession courtesan.

After the last session the DM considered how he had been running things and had realised a huge flaw in what he had been doing. For our HP he had just given us all the maximum roll for our hit dice every level. This meant that that every party member had a HUGE number of hit points and it was ridiculously hard to take us down (see last entry with Draspher the pincushion as evidence of this). To remedy this, he decided to have everyone roll new HP values, leaving everyone at about half their previous values (funnily enough, I now have 1 more HP than the paladin and the same AC).

Part 2, call to action

As we get back to the hideout we see a flurry of activity. By the looks of it there packing up shop ready to move out fast, with ninja-san arguing with someone outside the building. We go over and ask ninja-san what’s going on.

It turns out that thanks to reports of the “mad bomber” being seen in the area (whole group glares at Draspher who claims innocence on account of his hat of disguise making him look nothing like himself) he’s having to close up shop and move to a new safe house. Unfortunately, despite my questioning on whether Draspher was spotted, or if it was a copycat Ninja-san doesn’t have time to investigate. That also means he doesn’t have anyone who could help the fellow he’s talking to. As a group we decide to volunteer our services, so long as it didn’t interfere with the other mission. Ninja-san thinks about it and reluctantly acknowledge that although it’s not ideal, we are the only free agents and having us away from the safe house was actually useful when the authorities came around. He agrees to send us out and introduces us to Sayid.

Sayid is a merchant from . He had been making his way home from a long trip when he felt a terrible presence approaching the place. He came to the guild for help, but found that ninja-san had no free agents until we arrived. Ninja san warns us to take supplies and water with us. We take the rations captured from the poachers, give Sim the vials and leave ninja san with most of the rest. Ocelot also takes the captured snowshoes, thinking that they could be useful in crossing the desert sands.

We head off in the guild glider (a small faster airship that the guild uses mostly as a taxi service) and soon arrive on the outskirts of the desert. We will walk along one of the main roads and arrive into town by the afternoon.

As we are walking we notice a number of corpses lining the roads. We examine them and Draspher becomes increasingly paranoid zombies throughout this, insisting on casting detect magic constantly to try and spot them early while throwing out various theories about everything he hears. All we can tell about the bodies is that there not magic, they were running from town, and they seem incredibly malnourished. We see more bodies in fresher conditions the closer we get to town, and we hear noises just ahead.

Part 3, under the same sun

As we approach, we start to plan as we roll initiative. Yurian decides she wants to cast silence on Ocelots guns so he can snipe quietly, and I attempt to outline a plan where he flanks one side away from us (so our casters can still cast), Draspher casts a fireball in the middle of them and Sim immediately after summons something big to distract them before we move in. Unfortunately, a combination of no-one caring and the silence spell going up makes this pointless. This single silence spell messes up a lot of our actions in this coming battle.

Our targets are three Giant Scorpions feasting on a body. Ocelot does go to one side and opens fire with his new laser gun (which he and I insist on calling them despite the DM frequently saying that there not) and it’s pretty effective. I go out on the other side and prepare my shadow clones for defence, hoping to move into flanking afterwards. One of the scorpions immediately goes for the guy who shot it with lasers, just falling short of hitting him until the DM shows us that the claws have reach, slashing Ocelot quite painfully. Seeing this, Vex charged in for a bull rush, getting in between Ocelot and the Scorpion.

Following this a second Scorpion goes to the first one’s side and both engage Vex, while the third decides the 4 or 5 guys who look a lot alike are good enough targets. Draspher desides to test out his new spell, and summons a salt mephit behind the scorpions, and Yurion moves up to cast a bless spell while Sim summons a constrictor behind the first scorpion giving Vex flanking. Unfortunatly, Vex had completely forgotten that Ocelot’s pistols still had a silence spell cast on them, completely negating her own spell as she moved behind him. At the DM’s suggestion, Vex decides to try out her twf and tw cleave feats by drawing her wakazahi alongside her keen katana and, alongside a volley of fire from Ocelot, devastates the first scorpion in a single round.

I re-manoeuvre myself, one of my shadow clones taking a scorpion stinger to the face, to get behind the second scorpion in flanking. This messes up Drasphers plan, so re re-positions his salt mephit so it is in range of the second and third scorpion and tries to use its special ability. The DM asks him to roll wisdom.

He gets a 0.

The group collapses in laughter.

So, he uses the mephit’s ability to draw all the moisture from other creatures around itself against the scorpions. Unfortunately, either (as the DM had tried to say) such abilities are ineffective against creatures who live in the desert, or he just rolled terribly, as it has virtually no effect. For his turn he tries out ghost sounds to make the sound of a dragon focused on the mephit in an attempt to intimidate them. Luckily most of the party was inside a silence spell, so only Sim and myself were affected.

Yurion happens to look across the giant scorpion to see me turning pale, and start shouting and gesturing wildly, unable to hear a word about “the damn desert dragons are here”

The next few rounds were very disappointing for me personally. Just as I am about to try out my new twf feat on the scorpion vex and ocelot have an encore, finishing it in a single round. Just as I position myself next turn behind the last scorpion, Ocelot has his first Critical roll in the entire campaign, and devastated it with a x4 critical pistol shot.

We clean up after the battle, the scorpions feasting on a body with no major traits separating it from the previous bodies. Despite my best efforts I was unable to get even a drop of poison out of the scorpions stingers. The only thing of note was that even the scorpions seemed malnourished like every other body here. We re-convene with Sayid and head to town.

Part 4, bust up at the mediocre camp- corral

As we are headed into town, we pass by a couple of camps that line the city and we hear a commotion. We see one guy being held back by two others while a third is trying to talk him down. As we approach, we hear the three begging there “captain” to please pull himself back together and stop this, before he throws off the two holding his arms and jumps on top of the third, raining blows down while yelling frenziedly.

Immediately we dash over. I try shoulder bashing him off, but he barely notices I’m there. Draspher uses his adhesive spittle to bind the guy, but he breaks out of it in a moment and attacks again. Ocelot pulls of a fairly acrobatic leap over everyone to get behind the guy so we can start flanking him, but one of the others gets between him and the captain. My own attempts to knock him out prove pointless. Yurian ideally ponders the point she could stop this whole encounter with a single command spell, then goes back to reading her book. The conflict finally ends when Vex comes over and in a single motion grabs and restrains him. We drag him over to a tree and tie him up. While we talk with the other men, vex decides to heal the fallen guy.

It’s at this point OOC that vex decides she wants to play a lesbian. The DM gives her a look, then continues, explaining that the guy vex saved is actually a girl, and she looks up at her with an awestruck expression. (nothing to do with anything really, but it was a funny/odd moment I felt worth documenting)

While this was going on, the rest of us start trying to get answers about what’s going on in town. The guys are mercenaries and have only been in town a few weeks. It turns out that the whole town is built around an oasis run by the “white-water” group. The town used to be doing really well, up until the point where the group started raising the price of water. Slowly but surely the town started to decline as people and companies couldn’t keep up and had to move elsewhere to live. The farmers couldn’t produce crops properly due to costs and everywhere started feeling the effects of the famine.

Then A couple of weeks ago people started getting this new sickness. They are hungry all the time but they just can’t eat, and soon they just snap losing all coherent thought and attacking anything and anyone around them just like with their captain. The white-water group locked themselves in their main base, and now the entire town must get water from the public troughs. This illness is spreading and no-one know how or why and the town guard is doing all they can to prevent a panic. The only person who claimed that they could cure it was the minister of the local church, but he went missing about two weeks ago.

We suddenly hear a noise from the tree we tied the captain to. He’s regained some rationality, and now he’s begging us to kill him. Things have certainly taken a dark turn indeed.

Part 5, town sights

We decide to head to the church on the other side of town, but upon looking at the map we decide to drop by the white-water compound and see what’s there first. Along the way we see the town crazy person. She’s and old woman who is ranting about how we have all angered the “scarab king” and this illness is his punishment on us. We start trying to ask her more about it, but Ocelot tells her “I was also sent by the scarab king, and he told me to tell you that if you don’t knock it off then I’ll kill you” so we didn’t get much out of her.

As we approach the massive walls of the white-water group, two guards accost us with crossbows. They tell us if we get any closer they will shoot, so I try and tell them “we’re the new hired help”, “of course you haven’t seen us before, your running out of guys in the town to hire” but there suspicious and one goes in to check while the other just keeps us covered. A passer-by comes up to us and flat out tells us “it’s no use, they’ve locked themselves in there for weeks, no-one comes in and out. Last person anyone saw go in was that priest, and that was two weeks ago”. Seeing this as a dead end, we decide to head up to Sayid’s shop. Just as we’re going down one of the streets, we see tons of city guards piling body bags into a ditch. Next to them are several very large barrels of oil. Some of the bodies are still moving. We approach the captain in charge of this to ask what’s going on. The moment she realises we’re new in town, she has every guard surround us, and utilising all the military power she can bring to bear, she tells us to strip.

As a group we all a little reluctant to start stripping in public surrounded by heavily armed guards. Draspher biggest worry is that they will force him to remove the freshly attuned ring of sustenance making him wait another week for it to work. The captain tells us that there is an area we can strip in private, and that the sorcerer can keep the ring on. As we are stripping she explains that she’s in charge of trying to keep the infection contained, so she needs to check us for bite marks (she doesn’t know that that’s what’s spreading the illness, but it’s all she’s got to go on for the moment). The body’s outside are the dead/infected that she has no choice but destroy in a hope of preventing the continued spread of the illness. Fortunately, none of us have bite wounds, unfortunately Ocelot did get wounded by the scorpions, so he needs more examining. As we wait outside, we here voices from the pit, and amongst them are a cry for help

Part six, dispose with caution

We immediately try and figure out who said that, but calling out to the person results in six bodies starting to wriggle. So I shout down that if the person is still sane stop wriggling, and two oblige. An argument breaks out in the group over what to do. I tell Yurion to just levitate the two still ones and we’ll examine them, unable to bear the thought of leaving someone to burn to death, but she and Draspher are both reluctant to do anything, figuring that they might be infected and not wanting to risk any contact with them. Ocelot and the captain come out of the tent, and the men start pouring the oil onto the bodies. As we are arguing more and more intensely as time runs out, Ocelot takes things into his own hands, and jumps into the pit, Sim quickly throwing a rope down to help him out.

(as the DM noted at the time, the lawful Neutral character is arguing for saving people’s lives, and the chaotic good/rest of the party is arguing to just stand back and let them burn, even if there mistaken)

We pull them out (draspher summoning a giant bat to grab one that Ocelot dropped) and Yurian goes over to examine them. One of them, probably the one we heard, says “please help me, I’m so hungry” so she slices his throat and drops the body back in. The second one though just seems manic, and a charm person spell from draspher just makes him quiet. It’s pretty clear he’s not infected, just ill with something along the line of Alzheimer’s. We all decide to take him to the church previously mentioned, as the captain mentioned that this would be the best place to take him.

When we arrive, we find the whole main area filled with bodies tied to stretchers, all writhing and a tired looking nun with arms covered in bite marks taking one look at us before complaining about us bringing another one.

Part seven, nun trouble, nun worries

We drop of our recued homeless guy and start trying to get some info out of her. She’s a bit annoyed at the interruption at first, a quick examination showing the bites on her arms are starting to go septic and she apparently has barely slept since this whole thing began. Luckily Vex has the fatigue curing mercy, so a quick lay on hands from her and our promises that we are here to help leave her in in much better spirits.

Our interrogation reveals a few interesting points. The first incident of note was a traveller coming into town. He had several STD’s, and became extremely irate when told he would have to wait for treatment, then left town with Sayid’s son on some kind of expedition. Shortly after that the first person with the illness was a girl from the brothels. Aside from that there seems to be no rhyme or reasoning behind who gets infected (we deduce from the wounds old enough to become infected on her arms, yet lack of the illness that it can’t be the bites). The priest who said he could cure people was summoned by the white-water group, he went in and never came out leaving the nun and the other sisters to run the increasingly manic situation by themselves. After a bit more prodding, she leaves and comes back with a box. Yurion, Sim and I go with her into a small private room, while the others examine the other patients. The only thing they find is that they seem to be completely immune to Drasphers charm person spell.

In the room the nun shows us what’s in the box. It’s a human bone, covered in glowing carved runes. Yurian notices that the runes are a language close to abyssal but not quite. Apparently, there have been more than a few people who have been infected carrying bones just like this one. They have been storing them because they are obviously evil but they don’t know what they are, what they are for or how they are used. She’s willing to let us have this one to study in the hopes of learning what they are and if they are connected to the illness, but she denies Yurians request to have all the bones to compare differences in the symbols between bones.

As we leave the room one of the patients has a particularly violent struggle against her bonds, and breaks loose although breaking an arm in the process. As she makes a break for the door Ocelot and I run in pursuit of her. Ocelot attempts to pull out his dragon pistol to slow her with an entangling shot, but the sprint makes him fumble and drop the pistol. Draspher picks up the gun and makes to pursue as well, with vex following after (slowed down by her weighted armour) as we all chase the girl running with breath-taking speed down the street.

Part eight, beating for everyone

We pursue, but she is fast. Luckily, I can tap into my ki, allowing me to move far faster than my normal speed. Although this isn’t quite fast enough to grab her, 10’ away is still close enough to hit her with a tanglefoot bag. It works, tripping her up and letting the two of us catch up, but she manages to break out a moment later. Ocelot then attempts a stunning trick shot by throwing one of his tanglefoot cartridges at her, then shooting that cartridge with a bullet to spread the gunk over her. However, running at that kind of speed tends to mess up your aim something awful, and he ends up killing a civilian, sending everyone watching the scene running and screaming.

I attempt to knock her out, but feints don’t work too well against crazy people and I don’t hit all that hard. But it does get her attention solely on me, and she jumps on top of me, sitting on my chest as she rains down blows taking a fifth of my health in one round. Ocelot decides his priority is covering up his tracks, so leaves me at the mercy of the crazy woman:

Occelot – I’ll be right back
Jaune – Ocelot you ####er, where are you going?
Draspher – Don’t worry, I’m coming to help

And Draspher lives up to his hard-earned reputation. He tries to stop the mad-woman by firing off an adhesive spittle. Say what you will about his intent, the results fully justify my actions. We both get covered in the stuff, unable to move. Then she breaks out of her bonds. I am trapped under the crazy woman, now literally glued to my chest, who took out a fifth of my health in one turn, unable to move and completely helpless against her.

Just as death seems inevitable, Vex charges in and successfully knocks her off me. Ocelot finally finishes PLANTING A DAGGER ON THE CIVILIAN HE KILLED, and seeing the commotion sends a double tap into the woman’s back, killing her instantly and covering myself and vex in blood (draspher having be shielded by my body).

Draspher attempts to defend his actions, saying “at least I didn’t abandon you, would you rather I did nothing and leave you to die?”. I show him EXACTLY how much I appreciate his help. I punch him, and I don’t stop till I’ve knocked his foolish ass out (in a single round too, thanks sneak attack dice and improved twf). The DM thinks this is both appropriate, and the funniest thing he’s seen, so he allows it.

And that’s where we ended that session. No hard feelings between me and Draspher, although this may come back to bite me in the ass later.

Days in city – 1
Lives saved – 2.5, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt and the nun we healed (.5)
Lives killed – 3, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife) and the broken armed escapee that got shot
Vex’s Harem – 2, the Girl being mauled by her commander and the nun
Times Drilled over by Draspher – 2, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert and got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death

2017-10-19, 04:29 PM
This is fantastic! Can’t wait for the next update.

2017-11-08, 05:15 PM
part 13, checking in and checking out

Draspher wakes up groggily after having had the snot beaten out of him. He looks around at me fuming while pacing around the dead crazy woman's body, Vex keeping a general watch out for trouble and Ocelot finishing off planting a knife one the civilian woman he shot. It's at this point the town guard run up. Draspher goes to meet them and explains how "he got roughed up by this crazy woman while we were chasing one of the escaped infected, don't know why she went for us with a knife but luckily Ocelot managed to shoot her". As one everyone around the table goes silent and stairs at him, and then I start clapping. That is the single first actually convincing bluff he has ever come up with. It's so good the DM just gives it him without rolling for it. The guards take pity on us and give potions of cure moderate wounds to the wounded.

Back at the temple, Sim decides to make chase. She calls her new mount for their first ride. Sure enough, we see a derpy looking bird carrying Sim and Yurion on his back, and a very disgruntled raccoon by its tail in his beak.

As we start to leave, draspher calls me over. He explains about how he’s sorry about what happened, and that he won’t interfere with me in future fights unless I directly ask him to. But now that that is past us, he feels we can both agree that mistakes were made on both sides, that we both have had moments of unreasonable actions but forgive and forget and let's move on, what do you say?

Jaune(me): ………. You glued a psychopath to my chest…………

The DM just breaks down at my complete deadpan tone, and despite some bickering (mostly on my part about how does he equate my knocking him out as equal to the constant getting us in trouble, which I'm usually the one trying to save him, and the fact he glued a psychopath to my chest as "we're even now")

We make our way to sayid library. The DM has us roll initiative, and I finally get a high roll, typically not in a combat scenario. I go over to the woman at the desk and ask where sayid is. Apparently, he hasn’t made it back yet, so I ask where the smut section is while we wait. Of course, this immediately razes alarm bells, we came to town with him and he went straight here, so somethings going on here. OOC Vex expresses and interest in hitting on her. Then immediately afterwards, Sim then come up and starts hitting on her, and she reciprocates (to vex's outrage and ire). The librarian reciprocates the advances really, reciprocates, unusually quickly and sim was initially only bluffing, but now she's really getting into it. A quick spellcraft roll from draspher reveals she’s casting some kind of spell on her. Ocelot waits by the door, Yurion starts reading books (fuming about her girlfriend hitting on a stranger) and vex goes, specifically to push sim out of the way so she can flirt, but something is really setting off her paladin senses, and eventually she gets the idea and a quick detect evil confirms it, she is evil as all heck. The librarian turns, recognising a holy servant she realises the jig is up, and screeches in an inhuman wail, her hair withering, and her skin and face turns corpse like

Part two, counter strategies

She immediately lunges towards Vex and Sim, claws out, but Vex wasn't completely taken by surprise while Sims armour saves her. The two girls and myself are the ones closest to the counter, so we all take pot shots at her but the counter provides her cover that blocks us. Yurion looks up from her book and using her vast knowledge skills, she recognises her as a greater ghoul, and as such is vulnerable to healing spells. She immediately comes up with a plan to use the link spell to pass a healing charge through the gold bangle someone else is wearing to hit the ghoul. Unfortunately, no-one is close enough to pull this off but the DM approves of her strategic thinking, so instead she moves in and decides to 'cook' a healing spell. Not cast a healing spell when she attacks you understand, but cast one now and have to keep making concentration checks to hold onto it without losing the charge. Ocelot immediately latches onto this idea, trying to take off his own bangle and use mage hand to levitate it over. The DM immediately put a stop to that nonsense, so instead he just shoots and hits the counter.

On Drasphers turn summons a Compsognathus to pen her in while completely preventing Yurian from getting to her. Seeing her exit blocked, the Ghoul drops further behind the counter top and casts glitterdust on her location. This immediately blinds myself, vex and the dinosaur.

I spend my next turn blind, helpless and yelling out like a three stooges sketch. Vex spends hers kicking out to try and find anything (she only manages to find me for 7 points none-lethal damage) and sim tries to punch through the counter but has no luck. I stumble back from the kick, now panicked about something trying to attack me. Draspher asks the DM "Would a grease spell clear off the glitterdust" to the groups horror, and we as one shout out "NOOO".

At this point three of us are surrounding the counter, I've stepped off in a blind stumble so I'm near some bookcases, Ocelot is still in the doorframe and Draspher has finally realised his mortality and is hiding far away between two bookshelves. Unfortunately, an unseen force decides now is the time to act, and slams him into a bookshelf for nearly 20 damage (most of his health). Realising something invisible is attacking him, he immediately casts glitterdust. The question then comes up (to my horror), since he's casting it between two narrow bookcases, does that mean that Jaune (myself) is in the range of it? Luckily for me (and drashers freshly fixed face) the DM decides that it doesn't and the form of a large air elemental becomes clear. Not that any of us go to help him.

Ocelot decides that guns aren't any good at all, so he decides to holster the gun, yell out a warning to Sim to duck, and proceeds to use his boots of springing and jump of Sims sholders to tackle the ghoul to the ground. He succeeds but has a very nasty surprise. Previously he mentioned to sim that she wants to be careful about touching the undead when she's casting a healing spell on it. The ghoul reaches us and with one touch paralyses Ocelot, before pushing him off and getting up.

Yurian takes this opportunity to push the blind and useless dinosaur aside to smash a healing spell in the ghoul's face (to the theme of shining finger from G gundam, curtesy of myself on the ipad). Enraged by this, she calls out for her allies, and the door next to Yurion opens up to reveal three more zombies coming through. Yurian manages to get a second healing spell off, reducing the ghoul to dust but not before she gets one last touch attack on her in retaliation, dropping her next to Ocelot while the zombies shamble towards them.

Luckily for Yurian her girlfriend Sim was there to save the day. With a single flame pillar spell, she reduces all three zombies to ash. She also sets the back of the BOOK SHOP on fire. Draspher, upon seeing this immediately despairs. He's so worried about burring the books he cares nothing for the giant air elemental that slammed him for almost all of his health. He immediately comes out with "I use burning hands to put out the flames".

After clarifying that burning hands only extinguishes the flames IT CREATES he instead summons three water elementals to put out the fire. With that out of the way the party finally decides to deal with the air elemental. As I go in to flank the DM has to assure me that this thing is part of the adventure module, he didn't design this to counter me but it's immune to flanking, sneak attacks and critical hits

Ocelot: .......DM

DM: Yes?

Ocelot: ......we've been rolling for Vex's criticals against that thing

DM: [head hits the table]

We quickly kill the thing. Afterwards, Yurian and Draspher go to check the bookshelves for anything to do with the scarab king, Ocelot and Sim check the backrooms to the left and to the DM's surprising panic, vex and I go to check the back room on the right

Part three, only himself to blame

inside there are two gigantic figures. The DM tells us they look like demonic bears (half the party insists on calling them bears after this) and they just happened to be in the middle of killing two of drasphers water elementals. I fight my natural instincts (the paladin's aura of bravery helped) and we position ourselves at the door hoping to make a chokepoint. Hearing our screams, the others race in, and Yurion rolls a 20 on the identify roll. The DM describes the massive amount of resistances and damage reduction the two demons have, although in character she only has enough time to shout out "demons" and that’s enough for me. I stand up, I face those demons, and I said "NOPE! NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE" and I make for the door, attempting to drag the paladin with me. IRL I even enact this scene, leaving the room, then re-entering to quickly "NINJA VANISH" before leaving again. Unfortunately, said paladin is now fully stoked to go slaughter some demons, and charges towards the first demon.

During this the DM is shaking his head, these things are way too strong for the party, he was expecting us to heal after the last fight or just run. Not only have we as a group gone after them, we bunched up. He's expecting a total party wipe at this point. While he was panicking I remembered something, and after checking vex's sheet I point out one of her class features she hadn't used yet. As his head lies in his hands, Vex charges up takes out half the first demons health in a single swing. For all their resistances, their DR is beaten by good aligned weapons, and I remembered that she had two smite evil's left today, as well as the divine bond weapon with just enough enchantment to give it holy. It sliced through it like butter.

Sim follows this initial shot with a volcanic storm, just managing to hit both of them without hitting vex, and rolls a perfect 18 on the bludgeoning damage (6, 6, 6 against demons) and even gets 11 on the 2d6 fire damage (just gets over their resistance for 1 extra damage). As I'm running out of the door I pass Yurion and Ocelot coming the other way. It's around this point that it comes out that both of them are suicidal. Both of them are tired of their characters (ocelot didn't use his skills or equipment properly so he kept using the revolver for around 4 damage a shot instead of his dragon pistol or his feats, Yurion was built for Knowledge skills but we had gotten fairly battle heavy and she felt left out) and want to re-roll, and they both came to the conclusion the best way of doing this is to throw themselves in front of danger until they die. This means they are the only one's happy about this situation.

In the next round vex slays the first beast, and draspher has been spamming summoning spells to the point there are around 7 giant spiders in the room. Every round he has them fire webs at this demon, never seeming to get the idea that they won't work at all, just like the tanglefoot bags. (Every round looks like something out of one of his hentai's, a massive demon covered in sticky white fluid). The second demons finally gets his go, and he makes it a nasty one. He releases his breath weapon, which hits everyone (aside from me, I was one square out) for 6D6 damage. The DM rolls surprisingly low, a few 1 and 2's in there, but it's enough to drop draspher into negatives and give everyone a chunk of damage. (funnily enough, most of drasphers spiders survived when he didn't)

Vex heals herself and charges in while Yurion heals Draspher back to full. The demon responds with a great cleave with his 10' reach claws and almost the entire party within range. He slices through two spiders and vex, but flubs it when he tries to hit Ocelot, who was disappointed in failing to achieve his own death again. While this was going on, I had run out of the door, noted some sparkly stuff in the ghoul ash, summersaulted over the counter and went out to the street. My flight was not solely based on saving my own skin, I was looking for re-enforcements. Unfortunately, a curfew did not mean the city was being regularly patrolled, so I had to keep running looking for help. I eventually meet the captain and a few officers at the camp we had been at before, and I quickly get there help.

Just as we were setting off back to the store, vex had started slicing into the demon. He evidently decides a re-position was in order and uses dimensional door to jump to the other side of the room. Ocelot then comes up with an idea. Pulling out his spare powder horn and the laser gun (The DM describes it as a wand of scorching ray that also happens to be a gun, but we all know what it is) and tosses the powder horn under the demon's feet. As he goes to look down at what that is, Ocelot shoots it and the explosion opens a hole in his stomach his organs fall out of. You do have to remember though he has to spend a few minutes working out the flaws with his other plans with the DM so it wasn't quite the flash of brilliance. His other plans failed because:

a. you don't have a fuse on you to light it,
b. you don't have anything to light a fuse
c. lighting a powder horn with a dragon pistol will leave you with one hand
d. you can't shoot gunpowder to explode with a regular bullet

The DM is simply gobsmacked about how easily Vex has torn through those guys, and I point out "remember, you made her sheet, I warned you giving her a +1 Keen Katana was too much to just start off with, you only have yourself to blame"

Part four, cleanup

Once the demon's dead, the others all start looting the place in the age-old adventurer tradition. Yurion and draspher both get to looking through the books, Sim and Ocelot check the back rooms we didn't go into and find a trap door underneath a water barrel and Vex finds some masterwork artisans tools for the printing press she decides to pick up as a gift for draspher. They find some notes about research regarding the plague, in particular questioning whether or not it could be the feast of dust, but disregarding it as the "sword" is still in place.

At this point OOC I realise something. The demons were summons and there remains are going back to their own realm, the air elemental has no remains, the three zombies got burned up by fire and lightning and the ghoul is a pile of ash. There is no evidence about any of this and I am bringing the captain of the guard and two guards straight to them. We end the session as I am walking into the door.

Later on, the DM let me know that the demons pretty much failed there initiative rolls and missed a turn. Had they rolled better, Vex's charge would have been met with two attacks of opportunities, they would both have used greater cleave/breath weapons to smack the entire party as we had bunched up and could dimension door to cut off our retreat/pin us in. It's only sheer luck that vex got in and killed one before it could do anything which left the other wide open. I can think of so many scenarios that that encounter could have gone differently that would have killed all of us. Also, fun fact elementals can't be flanked or critted, and both the ghoul and the demons could see invisibility, it's like this adventure path hates me.

Days in city – 1
Lives saved – 2.5, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt and the nun we healed (.5)
Lives killed – 3.5, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife), the broken armed escapee that got shot and the libarian, who was a ghoul but I'm not sure how the city guard will take it
Vex’s Harem – 2.25, the Girl being mauled by her commander, the nun and a librarian who was really a ghoul
Times Drilled over by Draspher – 2, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert and got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death
Times Drapher got drilled over (both his own and others fault) - 20, his adhesive spittle keep breaking (2), I knocked him out (his own fault), he got assaulted by an air elemental and no-one cared, nearly killed by demon breath, his spider webs did nothing (15)
Jaunes brave advances towards future victory - 3, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons

2017-11-12, 06:08 AM
Just caught up. Good read!

2017-11-18, 11:32 AM
Session 14, part 1, split objectives

I arrive with the guards while the others are searching the shop. Yurion (quickly hiding the book she was reading inside another) and Draspher come up to me and quickly we fill in the town guards. Three of the guards seem incredulous but the captain seems to believe us, so we set about looking for clues.

Meanwhile Ocelot and Sim had found a trapdoor under a water barrel, and decide to investigate. Ocelot goes down first and finds nothing. Sim follows after, actully thinking to light a torch so they can see. Vex soon joins them, having finished looting artisan tools from the other room, and they investigate the pitch-black hole. Ocelot opens the door and they find a room carved out of sandstone (it's always sandstone in these deserts, would it kill them to import some marble, have a bit of class people) and there's a door down there that seems to lead into some sort of training room, with one side lined with training dummies and weapons all over the walls and which is also in pitch black darkness. Sim has a lit torch, and goes in first. She has to pass Occelot who first check out the room in the doorway and promptly asks the DM if he can roll to get a grope on Sim as she passes. Upstairs the connection through the bangle tells Yurion that she needs to kill someone.

Almost as soon as Sim enters, she steps on a pressure plate and is struck by two darts, taking two strength damage. Then a figure drops down from the ceiling. Vex immediately charges in there, and finds a trap door that drops her 30' down, and Ocelot tries to shoot at her, but finds that the darkness is messing up his aim and misses completely. ocelot then contemplates exiting the door and sealing it with an entangling shot. (At this I helpfully suggest burning the ladder and sealing the trapdoor as well.)

While this was going on I jokingly make comments to the guards about how we need to check out the library completely before we go anywhere else, we don't want to rush off into anything, but the sound of screaming and gunfire finally get our attention and we rush to join them. We all find the trap door and go down, but struggle to get into the room with ocelot standing in the doorway, on account of his refusing to move due to the traps. One of the guards finally squeezes through, goes to one side and immediately gets killed by another trap. The captain sadly comments that poor ibriham had two days left until retirement. Vex manages to get half way up the sandstone (ugh) walls, but gets stuck when she can't open the doors. The other two guards manage to get in at that point, and they move up just in front of the trap door, so the Creature moves up to engage them. Yurion gets in and finally identifies that it is a wind ghoul, and sim moves in to attempt to grapple it. Ocelot finally enters the room properly and opens fire with his revolver, doing a fair amount of damage. It seems he had completely forgotten he had spent the last few weeks re-training himself to use a revolver instead of a dragon pistol (DM gave him a re-speck to deal with the fact he had been doing no damage at all in every fight due to insiting on using the revolver and not the dragon pistol). Seeing an opportunity, Draspher decides to be helpful.

Vex has to brace herself as suddenly the trap doors open and a celestial dog falls through, just missing her and snaps its neck as it hits the bottom of the pit, killing it instantly. Fortunately, she was able to hold the doors open this time, meaning she should hopefully be able to climb out soon. Seeing that the doors are open I leap across the gap and flank the ghoul just in time to kill steal sim.

I then immediately order everyone (aside from sim who is still holding the torch) to leave while I disable the vast number of traps I've spotted in the room.

Ocelot – why don't you just trigger the trap with a stick or something?

Jaune (me) - because I don't know what it triggers, I don't want to send a dart flying at me or someone else or set off an explosion or anything like that

Ocelot – how about we dumb the body on them then, set them off like that?

Jaune – because I don't want to desecrate the guards body in front of his comrades and his captain, in fact, [turns to the captain] HEY, DO YOU MIND IF WE USE YOUR OFFICERS BODY TO SET OF TRAPS

Captain – I'd rather you didn't

Jaune – [turns to ocelot] well, there you go then

Ocelot – yeah, but she can't stop us

Jaune – [stare of disapproval]

Ocleot – yeah, see he's thinking about it

Just at this point Vex pulls herself out of the hole. She declares she's ticked off at this point and wants to go kill something, so decides to walk around the pit next to the training dummies to go find something to kill. Unfortunately, these dummies are made to be very life-like. This includes springing forwards at anyone who goes near them to simulate an opponent better. After being knocked down a 30' hole and climbing out, she then gets sucker punched by a training dummy and sent flying across the room, sprawling out on the floor. The thing is that if she had moved diagonally instead of straight down, she would have been knocked straight back down the hole.

Part 2, the set up

I finally finish checking the room and removing traps, and so we decide to move forwards. After positioning ourselves properly (almost everyone in the back rooms, I was hiding behind Vex) Ocelot opens the door. He sees a dark narrow corridor going left and right, and there seems to be light coming from the right. As he gets to the end, he gets to a large underground private library. And inside are three of the same type of ghoul we just encountered, and this giant man like creature with the head of a jackal looking right at the passage he just came through.

Jaune – OH CRUD, IT'S SET!

Ocelot - that’s Anubis you idiot

So, ocelot takes a leaf out of my own book, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE but unfortunately as he's turning to leave, he sees sayid tied and gagged at the table. After a moment deliberating if he could just get away with picking him up and running, he decides "nuts to it, time to fight" and pulls out his gun.

I run up to help him, and fight down my own instincts to run to join him in helping sayid when anubis addresses us "do you have any idea what you've stumbled into?". His words must have been some kind of spell, as we both feel overwhelming fear wash over us. This time around I didn't have a paladin to inspire me with courage, but at least I'd have an excuse as to why I ran away. Fortunately, Yurian ran up and used her bangle to deliver an aid spell to give me courage and some temp HP before I abandoned them a second time.

The rest of us pile into the room, Sim and Yurion to the left, Vex and the in the middle by the exit, the two other guards, myself and ocelot take the right and draspher hiding way in the back of the corridor.

Part three, underground library knife fight

The fight begins in earnest, one of the ghouls going for me, vex and sim respectively. Draspher opens up with summoning 4 small earth elementals on the one attacking sim. Ever round following this they fail to make any sort of headway, failing to hit the thing once. OOC draspher just cannot understand why a level 1 summon which might be able to hit on a 18-20 just can't get attacks on these very powerful monsters. They don't even do a very good job as meat shield as it quickly becomes apparent all these creatures have great cleave, so they each start taking a fair few hits.

I move into flanking on the one attacking me and the table has a moment of panic when it looks like I put myself into flanking, until we establish that I just got uncanny dodge so I can't be flanked by them. The demon, which Yurian identifies as a herald of famine, starts casting darkness to blind us, so draspher has to "waste" turns casting dispel magic Sim then decides the best offensive is a big offence, so transforms into a rhino to charge through the ghoul and go for the herald. She pulls this off but the big guy's DR means she's having a hard time getting hits in. What's more he's surround by a aura of famine, and so she quickly becomes fatigued due to it.

More rounds go by and we start to make headway. Between myself, Ocelot and the guards we drop the first ghoul and help vex finish off the second. Yurion runs off to give Sim healing, leaving the captain to face off against one of them, but it's too much for her. She falls and quickly starts bleeding out while we are fighting. I move in to try and distract him, and Ocelot finally sees why I don't do much most combats. While I may have a lot of sneak attack dice, I don't do much damage without them, and a blow from the ghoul deals a fair chunk of my health.

Jaune – oh my god

Everyone – what?

Jaune – I am such an idiot

DM - …...?

Jaune – why have I been fighting these guys regularly, I have shadow clones. All this time I could have been protecting myself with kage bunshin jutsu and I completely forgot

Seeing as our new friend was about to bleed out, draspher decides to risk moving from the safety of the corridor to move up and heal her with his wand of cure light wounds. Seeing this I enquire about getting healing myself (having taken a few nasty blows during this) and he refuses. Turns out he's keeping to his word and not directly interfering with me in combat from now on, even to heal me. He has now gone from troublesome but sometimes useful to troublesome and indifferent to me. I will have to plan out preparations and/or his murder to accommodate this in the future. Luckily for me the DM pointed out to Vex that she should channel energy to heal everyone, so we all got a bit of extra healing.

(Just before this Vex had been complaining that she wanted healing too, and didn't want to waste a turn on the captain, our paladin everyone (side note still the best paladin I have ever played with))

Seeing the exit clear and figuring that the big guy is too strong for us, he grabs sayid and runs for it. Just as he gets to the training room sayid gets his gag of and yells out "NO, we can't let them get the dagger". With a sigh Ocelot drops sayid off, yells at draspher to look after him and runs back into the room to look for it. Yurion then remembers he default tactic when she wants to contribute, and so pulls out her wand of lightning. The DM then asks for the spell range.

It turns out this is sayids personal library, containing many rare and valuable books. Books he has placed special magical protections on in order. So, when a lightning bolt spell hits the books, it bounces off at an angle, bounces off two more walls, hit Anubis and Sim before bouncing off another two walls and shorting out just before it hit the entire party gathered around the exit. (If it had of been longer ranged it probably would have hit Ocelot, Vex, the captain and kept bouncing down the corridor to hit draspher)

As a whole the party decides now is the time for action. Vex charges against Anubis, but without her holy blade or her smite evils she just can't break through the demon's resistances. Draspher finally realises small earth elementals do nothing, so summons a medium one right behind him. With his first roll he gets a 20, but fails to confirm, still finally, a hit! He rolls for damage and discovers that the creatures DR has reduced his damage to nothing. I'm left fighting the last ghoul by myself and Ocelot tries to move to a spot on the wall which looks like it might have the sword behind it, but gets caught in the aura of famine and starts puking.

That’s where we ended it, we will hopefully finish up that fight next time. The DM later told me each of those ghouls had 100hp each, and there was no instruction on where the monsters were supposed to be. He was originally going to have 2 in the room and one in the other side of the corridor to block off our escape. If he had done that, draspher would have been stuck at the back with no-one to help him, again.

Lives saved – 4.5, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt and the nun we healed (.5), the captain and sayid

Lives killed – 4, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife), the broken armed escapee that got shot and the city guard (he only had 2 days left till retirement)

Vex’s Harem – 2.25, the Girl being mauled by her commander, the nun and a librarian who was really a ghoul

Times Drilled over by Draspher – 3, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert, got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death and now refuses to heal me

Times Drapher got drilled over (both his own and others fault) - 25, his adhesive spittle keep breaking (2), I knocked him out (his own fault), he got assaulted by an air elemental and no-one cared, nearly killed by demon breath, his spider webs did nothing (15), the dog that fell to its death, the earth elementals that did nothing (3) and the medium earth elemental critical that did nothing

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory - 4, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons and the fear from anubis (I started this one as a joke, oh god it's come true)

2017-11-20, 02:36 PM
interview tape 33300:

1# - Got another pile for you captain
2# - seriously rookie, I haven’t gotten past halve-way of the last pile yet
1# - you did say you wanted all the mad bomber sightings brought straight to you
2# - that was before I found out just how many of them I’d be receiving
1# - well surely more information on him is good news?
2# - it would be if any of this were useful. Leave the papers on the desk and listen to some of these, they have to be heard to be believed
1# - I thought you were working?
2# - I need a break, and with this sheer number of reports 5 minutes won’t kill me. Besides, going over this from the start will help me clear my head
1# - very well. What did you mean that all this information is useless? There must be something?
2# - True there are bits and pieces. Locally, the hysteria hasn’t helped. Everything from murder, petty theft, vandalism and a few cases of adultery are all suddenly being blamed on the mad bomber.
1# - so do we know anything about him.
2# - Well I’ve been able to get a reasonably accurate timeline so far. His first sighting was when he was caught red-handed at that alleyway. Probably would have been the end of it if he hadn’t escaped the holding cell.
1# - I thought there were anti-magic fields in effect over the precinct?
2# - In the cells sure, but only the negating manacles are used everywhere else. My current theory is the lawyer who visited him must have had something to help negate his cuffs so when he left he was free to make his move. I would have more, but I haven’t been able to find the lawyer since then. I checked his credentials and found they were very similar to one’s we seen involved in mob cases, so it’s likely our bomber has links to the mob families, if not directly working for one. A few guard reports suggest he was around the library when it was robbed, but his confession at the warehouse proves that he was the one behind it.
1# - what happened to him after that?
2# - Best I was able to find was that after the warehouse exploded he must have made his way into town the next morning. There’s a couple of conflicting reports but one about a farmer who found a group in his barn seems noteworthy. He claims he drove to town with some in the back, but when he got to a check point half of them had disappeared. The descriptions he and his wife gave match those of the guards at the warehouse, and those of a group fleeing from that direction that ran into the reinforcements from the capital.
1# - they didn’t stop them?
2# - they had no idea who they were at the time, but their reports helped us with getting the profiles down. Then there was the bank incident, which proves our bomber must be something else. The bank’s anti-magic fields are even stronger than ours, so the fact he was so easily able to cause those explosions means he’s either got incredible magic power to overcome it, some magic artefact that can enable him to bypass it or he’s got connections good enough to let him have authorised access in said field. No matter what way you look at it, he’s trouble. After that, the trail gets messed up by all these reports
1# - you think he’s giving us false leads, covering his tracks
2# - I would if any of them were half way intelligent. I’ve seen it before, whenever something big like this happens. Part of it is hysteria, people making connections that don’t exist or getting jumpy and acting panicked. I have a report here that the third town over saw a figure with a flame in its hand looking sinisterly over the town late at night, so they gathered a mob to capture him. Too bad it turns out it was the local crazy cat lady who lived near there. One of her pets was missing so she’d gone out with a lantern in hand to look for it and ended up getting jumped
1# - well that must have been embarrassing when they realised, right?
2# - When did I ever say they realised? They tied her to a tree, stoned her then brought the body here, hoping to cash in the reward
2# - yeah, and that’s a legitimate one. The second town over had a guy claim his shop was burned down by the mad bomber as part of an insurance scam. Would have worked if he’d worn any kind of disguise when he’d bought all the alchemist fire the shops had the day before.
1# - so I guess there’s lots of people who claim they saw him for different reasons
2# - yeah, and there’s just as many trying to claim they are him
1# - WHAT, there is no way anyone has pretended to be the mad bomber. Why would someone pretend to be a known criminal?
2# - Why don’t you ask Jake Filbar. He’s a fresh out of mage collage graduate who got drunk and started going around trying to pick up women claiming he was the super badass criminal everyone was talking about. Too bad for him the woman he offered to “set off his biggest explosion in her beef portal” happened to be an off-duty officer.
1# - wait, I heard about that from the others, I thought it was messier than that
2# - it was. Turns out the barkeeper had a moonflower distribution ring going on. When Jake started resisting arrest, he threw around a bunch of weak fire spells and managed to set fire to a hidden stash worth around 6000GP. We had to cordon off a whole section of the city to deal with the simultaneous fires and the mass rioting cause by the hallucinogenic smoke spewing out of the place. At least we busted a drug ring out of all that though.
1# - ok, so drunken idiots might pretend to be him, but no sober and sane person would
2# - Kasandra Millientop did. Used it to try and apply for a magical university
1# - could you repeat yourself, I seem to have misheard you, I thought you said someone applied to a university as a known mad criminal.
2# - from what I gathered she was trying to get her foot in the door. A lot of these schools tend to be extremely presides and hard for the common people to access. She hoped by using the name it would get her noticed long enough to show she had the power and skill needed to enter
1# - how did it turn out?
2# - well the old dean decided to be cruel and give her a chance to fail in front of everyone. So, he positioned himself and the grading panel behind an anti-magic field of his own casting and told her to give him his best shot after all, and I quote “the mad bombers skills are well known to all here. A field like this should be no problem for you who use his name”.
1# - permission to speak freely
2# - permission granted
1# - the man sounds like a complete ass
2# - yes, he was. There were some complications, turns out she had been trying to boost the effect of her magic to replicate the mad bomber by mixing gunpowder and alchemist fire, and her first attempt nearly killed herself
1# - poor girl, I can’t imagine the dean would have let her in after that
2# - yes, the old dean wouldn’t have. Fortunately for her she did succeed the challenge of hitting him through the barrier.
1# - Really, I assumed the deans magic would have been far more powerful than anything she could have cast
2# - Indeed, that barrier would have blocked even the greatest of magical feats the world has ever known. Fortunately, the spell was made solely to block magical power, and so failed to simple logic and force
1# - you mean she?
2# - Beaned him with a rock, yes. Coroner’s report says he was dead before he hit the floor. For a mage that girl has one hell of an arm
1# - wait, she killed him! Shouldn’t she have been arrested for that?
2# - no one pressed charges, and the new dean apparently approved of her ingenuity. They enrolled her in their alchemist course and she became the most popular girl at the school from what I hear
1# - so the new dean approved his predecessor’s murders ingenuity
2# - while he was prising the official hat of leadership off his predecessors freshy caved in skull, yes
1# - so all this paperwork and there are no leads, just random stories?
2# - it’s not that cut and dry. I’m sure at least one of these reports is the real one, but I’m going to have to go over the crazy ones just to find it. There not all this bad, like for example I just finished going through. A bunch of poachers were brought in by some druids. Although it doesn’t initially look like much, there descriptions of some of the adventurers that took them down sounds a lot like the mad bombers gang. What’s more apparently their wizard got in a commotion with the adventurers spellcaster and they started bouncing fireballs off each other
1# - I’m no wizard, but I don’t think counter spelling works like that. Surely there must be more to it than that
2# - your right. At one point the wizard starts yelling out about what spells their group are casting, causing everyone to start shooting at him. That sure sounds like our mad bombers MO, getting a lot of attention pulled straight towards him while the rest get on with other things. A couple of leads like that one and we might just pin enough down to find him, or at least get a scrying spell on him
3# - Well, I’m glad to hear the investigation is going well
1# - sir, you’re not supposed to…
2# - stand down rookie, its fine. Might I introduce you to the guild-master of the order of the white lotus, the adventuring guild we called in to help us with the investigation.
3# - you know captain, when you said you had some leads to investigate I wasn’t quite expecting this much
2# - well that’s the city guard for you, we don’t do anything in half measures
3# - you know dear, you really don’t look to well, have you gotten any food or rest recently
2# - I had a donut with my extra strong coffee at 3AM if that counts
3# - Well this won’t do. Tell you what, how about you let me have a go with those leads, it is my guild who is supposed to be tracking him down after all. Why don’t you take the rookie to the canteen and finish your stories there?
2# - thank you! But I couldn’t possibly leave all this to you to finish by yourself, it’s far too….
3# - you don’t get to my position in life without learning a few tricks to deal with paperwork, no go get some rest and unwind, leave finding this bomber to me
1# - thank you sir, that’s very generous
3# - come on rookie, I’ll tell you the one about the bomber and the teacup
3# - yes, you don’t get to this position without learning to deal with paperwork
3# - there, all ‘finished’. It’s my job to ‘track’ you down, and when I do I’m going to wring your neck for all the trouble you’ve caused me. And to think I left him to keep a track of the others, what was I thinking

2017-12-03, 12:04 PM
session 15, part 1, disco electric boogaloo

Last time we had to end a fight part way through. After nearly an hour setting up, we resumed, with sim the rhino, vex, a large earth elemental tackling Anubis/set. Yurian was backing up her girl, two guards moved in and one became useless due to the famine aura. Ocelot had gone to investigate a secret door while a small earth elemental tires to stop the last ghoul from killing the captain unconscious on the floor while draspher looked on.

Yurian decides to use her scheming wits and the rooms reflective properties to super-blast Anubis with a bouncing shot. The dm asks her for a into roll. She gets a 1.

What was supposed to happen was that the bolt would bounce off the ceiling and floor blasting him around 16 time, who knows maybe even kill her in the process. Instead she hits the magical epicentre of the reflective spells. The room lights up like a rave, hitting everyone in the room for 21 damage. At least the ghoul died, but the captain is dying again and we’re all looking worse for wear.

Drashpher starts dragging the captain out and ocelot starts waving me over. Just as draspher finishes dragging her, vex channels a healing surge, fixing most of the damage but missing the captain. He gets to healing her with his wand while I dash over to ocelot and the door. While I run open and start to get the door open he decides to distract Anubis with a smoke bomb. The main group are all covered by the cloud. just as I get the door open, Anubis turns to us. He problems that this smoke does nothing to a creature like him, and I get a blow, reducing me to low hp. Yurian has her turn. due to the cover, she can’t see me, she decides to go with her initial plan, blast him with a lightning bolt. I am at very low hp at this point. I can’t convince her not to shoot out of character, and I fail my reflex save this time. I am the only one around the table who doesn’t have/seem to have a death wish, and I’m about to die.
DM – roll for your shadow clone
This saves me. Just as I open the door a lightning bolt smashes into my last shadow clone. The good news is I don’t need the toilet, either kind, anymore. Ocelot pushes my babbling screaming form aside, and pulls open the door. He sees a rune circle, and in the middle a sword in sheath, bound in chains and covered in seals. He goes to grab and run, but his hand goes straight through it. The bound sword that’s supposed to stop the feast of dust is gone.

Part two, explanations and exposition

Anubis sees this and screams in rage, vanishing in a cloud of dust. Sayid comes in (having been freed by draspher and takes one look at ocelot still trying to grab the illusion and he just drops to his knees a broken man. I make my way over to yurian, and angrily demand to be healed, especially after the damage she did. I get promptly ignored as she goes past me to investigate what's going on with the sword. She identifies the runes as a permanent image, but the sword is one of the oblivion keys.
Jaune – how can a sword be a key. What kind of an idiot uses a giant key as a weapon
Ocelot – what about a keyblade
Jaune – that’s a dumb idea
Draspher – what if it’s just a sword that sometimes works like a key
Jaune – maybe it’s always a key, and when you stick it in someone you unlock their death

These keys supposedly were set up to seal away several very powerful demons.

As vex comes over her paladin aura helps sayid pull himself back together. We finally start asking him what's going on. Sayid explains that his family have been guarding the blade for generations, each one keeping one of the four demons of something sealed away. He doesn’t know when the sword was taken, the only other person who knew about was his son, whome he had been training to take his place some day. The disease is this demons signature curse, he must have gotten free when all this started. Also of note is that the son had been falling in with a distrust-worthy foreign trader. The same trader who slept around the brothel, the one reported to have been one of the first locations of the disease the symptoms fist and the girls from the brothel had the symptoms first.

We slept the night there. Which is to say sim and yurian slept in sims collection of firs, draspher spent two hours in the morning in a sleep roll thanks to the ring of sustenance, the captain spent the night in sayids son’s bed, I spent the night in sayids bed and sayid spent the night restlessly, both with the burden of failing his duty and unable to relax while I spooned him in his own bed.

The dm has us roll fortitude rolls, and we all fail our saves. The next day we wake up and go down for breakfast. We are all properly parinoid after the failed fort roll. Sim decided that sayid is probably distrustworthy, or at least something might have happened to the food since he was gone and the ghoul was staying here. she decideds to stealthily cast a purify food and water spell to nutrilize the poison. she rolls a 1.

sayid - what are you doing
sim - ....cleansing the food......
sayid - oh good idea, carry on

after draspher starts getting parinoid, wanting to roll to make us eat first incase it is poisioned. After much depate we can't decide whether or not ro roll initative or to syncronise eathing.

Ocleot - I love that our party goes 3, 2 ,1 eat

We all go to eat but find it revolting. We’ve ended up with the same curse that is affecting the town. What's more, this takes place every time we eat or drink, giving us the fatigued condition. One of the party is wearing something that provides constant nutriment. Draspher will have the condition constantly re-applied, and once again the dm has to swear he did not make this campaign, he just found a path and ran with it. Once we finish we discuss the situation. The only cure we have is the white spring water, but it’s not permanent. We’d have to find the demon and finish him, but the water will do for now while we figure things out. Problem is the guards have still got the compound in lockdown. Our best hope is the letter from sayid that ocelot had found before, and the unconscious captain. We make a makeshift stretcher for her, and sim and sayid take each side. We set off to the compound, to see what we can negotiate.

Part three, it’s a jackal

We head off, vex and I in front, sim and sayid carrying the captain behind us, Dwain carrying fumbles to the side of them, ocelot and yurian behind them and draspher right at the back. The dm initially questioned that we left the sorcerer right at the back again after what happened last time. At this point we’ve decided to stop fighting the inevitable and let fate have him. As we head through town we notice a commotion by some of the tents set around town. We make our way over, and we find six jackals surrounding a half collapse tent. Inside is a woman's body being defended by a child with a stick. We roll imitative and draspher charges ahead from the back of the group to the front. he decides the best course of action is an immediate fireball
Dm – roll wisdom
Draspher – I thought you weren't doing that anymore?
Dm - I'm not, just roll
[gets a 0, again]
Dm - …....
Draspher – I don't know how that happened
What the dm was trying to warn him about was that there are several other tents all dotted around the first tent, a fireball would easily set fire to them
Draspher – ok, I cast burning hands then
Jaune – your 20' away
Draspher – yeah, I should be in range
Jaune – it's a 15' cone
Draspher – yeah, I'm in range
Jaune – your 20' away
Draspher – yeah, I should be able to catch them with the edge of it
Jaune – it's a 15' cone
This went on for a while until we finally pulled out my copy of the rulebook and showed him exactly what squares it covers. for some reason he could not understand what a 15' cone actually was. So as a last action he just uses ghost sounds to make it sound like a dragon roared next to them. That might have worked against normal jackals, but there was something off about these ones. All the roar did was draw their attention to us. I then get a stern gaze of disapproval from vex when I suggest we both back off and leave draspher to it.

The fight begins in earnest. Yurian got a bless spell off and Vex charged up and started taking on the three to the right, killing one instantly and drawing the other two to her while I moved to flank with her. Dwain decides to jump right in and start clawing up one on the left while draspher decides to start with the big guns and summons a bison to flan the one Dwain went after. The rest hang back, with ocelot contributing by helping shoot two on the right and one on the left. It around this point vex notices one of the jackals she's fighting doesn't seem quite right. I think it's mostly to do with the smoke/dust coming from its nostrils. It then opens up with a sand blast breath attack that's aimed for vex and myself. I luckily dodge, but vex isn't so luck and takes the hit, getting disorientated and unable to see next turn. I move in (the first jackal died) to flank this sand and draspher starts giggling to himself about the plan he has
Draspher - I summon a squid!
[Table is silent]
Jaune – you can't do that
Draspher – yes I can
Jaune – no, you can't summon a water creature on land
Draspher – oh
[DM breaks down laughing and nearly falls off his chair]
So as a group we have to explain that a. water creatures won't summon out on land, b. this game rule is regardless of any real-life occurrences and c. you just tried to summon a water breathing sea creature to the middle of a desert. He then changes it to a frog (say what you will about appropriate environment, at least it can move and breath) and it goes to attack the other dust breathing dog.

With the paladin distracted the dog decides to go for the guy who just stabbed it in the back. In one bite it rips through half my health, knocks my con down 2 points and my cha by 1 point. I do what I think any brave adventurer would do in this situation. I turn tail and run to yurian for healing. I promptly get a clip around the ear, she's ticked I'd forgotten she can heal me at a distance. She quickly regretted that action when she actually examined me. It turns out these dust jackal things can inflict instant bubonic plague upon with their bites. That’s right, I'd managed to lose half my health and get the black death. She, and everyone else in the party, now no longer wish to touch me.

Vex gets pretty annoyed at this, and decides to take her frustration out on the dust jackal. it does not survive this, and the second decides this really isn't worth it. It's pretty fast, and gets virtually out of sight within a round. Doesn't stop ocelot from pulling out his rifle and sticking a bullet straight into its ass as it ran. I think the DM only allowed this a. because he rolled high for it, and b. he was just happy he used his rifle for once.

we make our way over to the kid. during the fight draspher at one point tired to save the kid, and when he didn't come he uses a charm person spell to get him to come along (both a creative and good way to use a spell, so thumbs up from me draspher) and I guess he left an impression on the kid. he goes to his moms body and removes the amulet, offering it to draspher. he then immediately tries to offer the kid the +1 chainmail he got from the first ghoul (he had looted the body without telling us). as a group, we are of all disgusted at this. I think nearly everyone at that table had a plan to steal the shirt back, and in a couple of cases steal the pendent off him. the kid doesn't take it/draspher changes his mind and gets to examine his new pendent.

A bit of backdoor. when we first made our characters draspher had (and still has) a bit of a thing about unusual magic items, particularly in unique (not necessary effective) ways. he initially wanted to spend almost all his gold on a pendent of adaptability, but the dm didn't want him to a. spend so much on one item and b. waste the gold that's supposed to be used to round him out on one gimmicky item. needless to say when he identifies the amulet as said pendent of adaptability he needs a new set of trousers. we decide to take the kid with us and see what happens.

We finished the session there. draspher left me a cure disease potion on the floor and backed off so I'm good on that front. now the only thing we have to worry about is what happens when we finally get to the white water base.

Our dm also told us about his plans for the game. after this we're going to have a side session so to speak. we've been playing this group over a year, so he's going to give us a chance to play something else. He's going to give us sheets initially, then mix we can mix things up, that way we can get a party role before we customise and try to fill that role, rather than just everyone coming along with a mash-match sheets that don't blend well. it's still related to the overarching plot, and later we can mix up who we play as based on the mission, e.g. one mission might need a rogue, another a cleric, another a really good fighter etc. This will also give some of us a chance to retire characters on a better note. Yurian really has been getting sick of doing nothing every combat, but she's ended up with a couple of important plot hooks stuck in her.

Lives saved – 5.5, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt, the nun we healed (.5), the captain, sayid and the kid
Lives killed – 6, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife), the broken armed escapee that got shot, the city guard (he only had 2 days left till retirement) and the other two guards
Vexes Harem – 2.25, the Girl being mauled by her commander, the nun and a librarian who was really a ghoul
Times Drilled over by Draspher – 3, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert, got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death and now refuses to heal me
Times Draper got drilled over (both his own and others fault) - 30, his adhesive spittle keep breaking (2), I knocked him out (his own fault), he got assaulted by an air elemental and no-one cared, nearly killed by demon breath, his spider webs did nothing (15), the dog that fell to its death, the earth elementals that did nothing (3), the medium earth elemental critical that did nothing, the fireball, the 15' cone that can't go 20', the dragon roar (got the jackals attention) and the squid
Jaunes brave advances towards future victory - 5, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal

2017-12-23, 04:39 PM
A slight change in the regularly scheduled update. Yurian couldn't make it to this game, so we decided to do a one-shot. Ocelots player is a big fan of the game "shadow of the demon lord" and runs another session that myself and the GM play in. He decided to run a quick session to introduce the others to it.

Normally I wouldn't put this up, but the session was so completely insane the story just had to be shared. I curse you draspher, you couldn't just have a nice normal quiet session, you had to mess this up in such an entertaining way I had to do a write up didn't you. I didn't take my laptop for notetaking since I thought these events weren't important but I guess we all know how that turns out, don't we audience.

We are playing a group of outcast kids, a gang who stick together. Our players tonight are:

Jaune(me) will be playing Fagan valjean, a human fighter who happened to be the head of this little group. I was also annoyed that I had gotten almost the exact same type of character I play on the other game. Some oddities include: I was a student of law, medicine and a murderer, I was a student of said topics but could not read, my personality was someone looking out for themselves yet I was the one in charge of the group, I randomly had a brain in a jar as an item.

Sim will be playing Grub, an orc wizard and pick pocket. He was the one who found the map when he pick-pocketed a guy in robes.

Our GM will be playing Snotrag, a goblin rogue and also very similar to what he plays on the other game

Draspher will be playing Cumberland, a dwarf fighter with a two-handed Warhammer and skills as a forage/gatherer

Vex will be playing Victoria Waterfield, a changeling rogue who looks like a child

Occelot will be playing as the sessions DM

Part 1, x marks the spot

We start off with Grub presenting me with a map he lifted off some wierdo in robes.

Fagan – alright guys you know what we have to do, the only responsible thing and hand this in to the proper authoirpsh hahahahahahah I'm sorry I couldn't finish that with a straight face, let's go treasure hunting

We set of and find the doorway indicated. We send Cumberland off to open the door. He gingerly takes his Warhammer and carefully pushes it. After a few minutes of trying he finally finds out it’s a pull door. We make our way inside and the door seals behind us, showing a thin and dark corridor. We set of, Victoria up front checking for traps, Cumberland with his better sight beside her, Snotrag pushing Cumberland ahead of him and grub and I at the back.

Just as they get to the end of the corridor Victoria botches her perception roll and steps right on a pressure plate and darts shoot out of ether side, hitting both herself and Cumberland and knocking them out. Grub tries to use his masterful medical skills by kicking Cumberland awake, but it doesn’t work so we have to wait a few minutes for them to get up.

When the other wake up we send Cumberland to open the door. He tires pushing on it with his Warhammer and it turns out it's another pull door. We make our way in and find a set of stairs leading down and a set of three pillars at either side of the room. Cumberland decides to use his Warhammer to check how stable they are. The good news is that they are pretty stable, so stable in fact no-one can see the cultist hiding behind them as they guard the stairs. One comes out and goes to stab him while another the other side of the room shoots at him with a crossbow and two make themselves known at the back of the room.

Cumberland strikes the one next to him but he's still standing. Victoria throws her dagger at the one with the bow but she botches it so badly he just catches it, leaving her disarmed. That does not stop her rushing in to try and get her dagger back though. Snotrag charges to the other side of the room and manages to stab one in the eye killing him outright before charging the second one. I mock Cumberland about how Snotrag is doing properly, and I demonstrate by killing the one with Victoria's dagger in a single blow. I then move to help Snotrag, only to fall down a trapdoor into a pit. I use the rest of my turn to struggle out of the pit, only to get out directly on top of another dart trap, and I fall unconscious. Victoria picks up her previously lost knife and jumps over the pit to get at the last guy and between the two of them he falls quickly. When I wake up I ask Grub for a health potion. Cumberland decides now is the perfect opportunity to use his once a day heal ability to top himself back to max, against the rest of the groups better judgement.

Part two, I'm not fat

We make our way past down the stairs from before in the previous formation. A strange rivalry starts up between Snotrag and Cumberland. Snotrag keeps licking things to claim them as his, and after he lost a beard-comb to him cumberland starts nicking things back by licking them as well. It is at this point Snotrag has decided to call Cumberland fatty. He delines the invitation to call him jew to make the referance complete so he calls him ginger.

At the bottom of the stairs is a room filled with barrels and boxes. As we leave the stairs they retreat back into the ceiling, trapping us down there. We quickly check the room and decide that since most of the boxes and barrels seem to be empty its best if we just move onto the next room. Cumberland then tries the door with his same trick, and the DM has him roll a D6. Turns out this is the third time in two minutes he has tried to push open a pull door, and so he just gained some insanity points for that. As we leave Grub decides to magically lock the door. We then hear scratching on the door as we make our way down the corridor. Turns out there was a giant spider in the room, and Grubs locking the door prevented it from coming after us. Doesn't stop us from charging down the corridor to get away from it though.

At the end of the corridor is a room as large as the whiteboard we were using, and it is completely pitch black. we make our way in, with Cumberland at the front since he has the best eyesight, and the rest of us take each other's shoulders so we don't get lost. Or at least most of us do. Snotrag immediately runs to the wall by himself to be stealthy without us. We can faintly see a figure standing at a lit alter right at the back but we soon realise we are not alone in the room. There are around a dozen zombies wondering about in the dark. We decide to stealth our way to the lit alter at the back where we should be able to see, and Snotrag gets annoyed that we immediately go to the wall where he ran, forgetting that was our plan in the first place. We all make our stealth rolls but unfortunately, as a human my night vision is pretty terrible, so I immediately roll a 1 and alert the entire room to where we are.

Part three, thriller in the dark

As the horde move in, Snotrag immediately does a runner along the wall, in his players own words "looking for a place to cry". I attempt to follow him, but am less successful in being graceful, first running face first into the wall, then tripping on stuff as I run along the wall. The first zombie gets to us and starts attacking Victoria. Cumberland moves in and between them they take it out. However, Cumberland decides to "double tap" it by smashing the dead body just to make sure, and gets both of them covered in goo. Grub drops a speed boost spell on both himself and Cumberland before using an invisibility spell on himself and running off into the darkness to get to the alter. I small tear goes down my eye as I look on, turning invisible and running away, he's learnt so much from Jaune.

As the horde approach the main group Snotrag masterfully sneaks past. Fagen attempts to do the same, but trips over a body and creates a huge cacophony of noise before picking himself up and finally getting a good stealth roll. This means that Cumberland and Victoria now have the entire horde coming towards them, with around 9 zombies total. Cumberland, prepares his nerves, hardens his resolve, and runs like crazy, using the speed boost to make it to the other side of the room. This leaves the rogue Victoria to deal with 9 zombies. She tries to run, but they keep managing to catch up to her, and every time she tries to run she just sets off more attack of opportunity's. Luckily three manage to trip up over the gore/body of the first zombie, so they just crawl after her, but they still prove a difficult challenge. Especially when one gets a critical, which in demon lord means they infect her, killing her in three turns and turning her into a new zombie. Or at least it would have if she wasn't a changeling and immune to diseases.

Meanwhile on the other side of the room Fagan keeps running along the wall, hoping to get round the back of the figure on the alter. What he fails to notice was Snotrag curled on the floor crying in the fetal position. Unfortunately tripping over him alerts the guy on the alter to their location, and he summons 5 more zombies to attack us. I get up and try to rouse Snotrag with a motivational speech, but the impact is lessened why the alter guy casts self-canalise on me, and I start eating my own arms. Realising his importance, Grub moves in under the cover of the invisibility spell. Unfortunately, although he is invisible his shadow is still visible, and as he gets closer the torches reveal his shadow, so the alter guy uses a bone-shatter spell on him.

Seeing that he was in need to get physical the alter guy pulls out a green knife and goes for Grub. On a side note, at the time I had to comment about how I liked this guy. He may be a mage but he's not afraid to get stuck in when the time calls for it. My comment was made before I saw his proficiency, or more rather lack of, in using said knife. The guy missed. Infact he missed so badly that he slips on the step and the green knife that literally glows with a desire to draw blood rams itself straight into his chest. Seeing this Cumberland charges up and smacks him round the head with his Warhammer.

Meanwhile things do not look good for the rest of the party. Victoria is still being chased and is on virtually no HP and surrounded by 5 of them. Snotrag and Fagan both charge the group of zombies heading towards them, but Fagan takes a critical in the first round and unlike Victoria has no immunity to disease so he's dead in three rounds. The round following this Snotrag takes several blows at once and gets killed. Victoria meanwhile finally figures out a way to lose them. She uses her changeling abilities to look like a zombie, and since they are so stupid 4 of them believe her. She manages to put enough distance between her to escape the last one, so she's safe for now. Back at the alter Grub comes up with a plan. Just as the guy is pulling himself off his own knife, Grub hits him in the back with a wind blast forcing him back onto his own dagger again, this time killing him. He then charges over to help me finish of the group attacking me.

Part four, turns out I'm turning

Cumberland examines the alter and finds a bowl full of liquid. He decides to smash it but somehow nearly misses (if I hadn't of reminded him to add his Strength to the attack roll, he would have missed the inanimate bowl on the table). The zombies all immediately die, leaving me with only about a minute before death. Cumberland searches the alter guys body and fails to find anything by rolling a 1. I spend my last few moments alive (to the tune of my immortal on violin curtsey of my iPad) giving Grub my health potion and trying to make him my replacement. The DM has Grub roll and intellect roll, but he gets a 1 as well. Turns out that just as I shove a healing potion is his hands and take him by the shoulder to look him in the eye, I turn and now he is in no position whatsoever to defend himself as I sink my teeth into his neck.

He desperately tries to throw me off, but he never was a strong sort and I end up forcing him to the ground. Cumberland charges over and attempts to prise me off Grub, but thanks to a roll of one somehow gets himself judo thrown by the mindless abomination, so he falls over both of us prone on the floor while I reduce Grub to 1HP. By this point I've found the situation so hilarious I ask the DM to roll my own attack rolls. I roll for damage on Grub, 1D6 and I get a 1, leaving him unconscious instead of dead. I then turn my attention to Cumberland who has just gotten up beind me.

The DM laments to us at this point that yes, the guy did have a flask of potion that could cure the bite, problem was Cumberland had rolled so low he overlooked it. He also questions how he's so successful at killing the player in this game, when he hadn't even been trying that hard, yet his other game with us we've only had 1 death.

I fight against Cumberland (I'm not trying to fudge my rolls, I think this scenario is far to hilarious that I end up wiping the party once I'm turned, I'm disappointed when I fail to roll a critical to infect him) but a mindless zombie against an actual fighter with a weapon can't hold its own and I ultimately fall. Cumberland decides to neck his health potion and confirms what he suspected earlier on. Early on, around the time he was knocked unconscious, Grub hands the DM a note, then hands it to me. He planned to steal Cumberlands health potion with his pickpocket skills. I approved it and the DM allowed him but he'd take a corruption point for doing so. Cumberland suspected something, but in his fashion he manage to roll a 1 again as he was patting himself down. When I asked for a health potion earlier I was asking for the one he'd stolen of Cumberland, and combined with the fact my own was broken when I gave it to Grub and attacked him meant there was no spare one for him to take.

The problem remains that Grub needs a potion. A quick check of Snotrags body provides the potion and Cumberland gets to admisterng it. Grub suddenly wakes to a pair of lips on his, and his mouth being filled with a combination of potion, tongue and beardhair. This is such a shock to him he immediatly takes 5 points of insanity damage, and spends the next 5 minutes choking up dwarfen hairballs. Cumberland has also looted Snotrag's body for his precious beard-comb.

Everyone regroups and takes stock of the room. They find two prisoners tied up behind the alter.

Part five, new sheets

Fagan will be replaced by Patrick Fitzgerald, a crossbow wielding mercenary who tried to retire as a miner before being captured and held here for six years. He's a good guy, always trying to do good because it’s the right thing to do, and he has two pet mice (mini and mighty) who unbeknownst to him keep whispering into his ears at night.

Snotrag will be replaced by Slipknott, an orc who duel wields axes and has unusually shining eyes.

These to lead to an interesting change in power dynamic. While the original group were all kids, these two are way older, so they pretty much take command. We examine the room and find a trough on a wall surrounding the room filled with oil, it seems to be a lighting system. The only reason none of us saw it was that only the short (Snotrag) or the blind (Fagan) went near the walls and couldn't make it out. The problem is that none of us have any form of torch or match to light it. I (Patrick) as Grub to borrow his shortsword (stolen off Fagans body) but he refuses. I go over to one of the bodys, rip of a section of cloth and go back over, telling him that I intend to make a torch by rapping the cloth around the blade, lighting it off the brazier at the alter then lighting the room up. When he refuses a second time I smack him around the head and take it.

With better light we examine everything. The zombies had nothing on them and the green dagger the alter guy had has fused itself into a tattoo on his skin. Without the command word we can't retrieve it. Cumberland also takes an insanity point for wanting to "steal the cultists bloody robes to use as pyjamas". We can't find an exit but what we find is a mess of bodies. There are piles of cultists all surrounding the body of an orc, an orc holding a green sword. KLEAVE, NOOOOOO!

Some background on to why this is a shocking image. In the other game I rolled up an orc fighter named KLEAVE to balance out the lack of frontline fighters in that group. The first personality trait I rolled was "KILL!" And everything after that just seems to blend with that. I was a sarcastic former solider kicked out of the army after I fell in love with a human woman, and also a raving nutter. My accomplishments include:

• Terrifying two would-be church robbers so badly they tripped on their own urine
• Accidently killing one of them when I punched him for insubordination
• Attempting to hide the body and the still living robber in the church broom closet and breaking the doorknob
• Getting the last hit on a demon, then rolling as character motivation "you came in contact with a demon at some point in your life, and are now possessed" when I went berserker
• The demon in question is far more refined and cultured than I am, yet I am unable to differentiate its voice from my own
• I talk in haiku poetry dedicated to murder/death/war whenever I berserk
• My single greatest accomplishment was when the whole group got captured by beast-men. I was put out in the centre ring for their gladiator entertainment. I killed the first two in one round with one stroke each, then soloed a minotaur that was several times our groups ideal encounter level and held my own. In the last round I stepped back to try and heal, he killed another party member in a single massive blow and I finished him off by throwing my axe into his head, before taking his massive two-handed battle-axe as a memento of my worthy foe.
• Winning multiple arguments with the group salamander (a replacement for the guy who died to the minitour) then rubbing it in his face that he lost to someone with such low intelligence and wisdom scores.

Considering this, seeing him dead surrounded by the army of cultists it took to accomplish this was a nice/horrifying nod to our other game. Grub immediately picks up the green sword, while Slipknott respectfully closes Kleaves eyes before moving him to the side to reveal the exit. This act endears Slipknott to Grub, and he immediately starts hero worshiping him and following him everywhere.

We go through to find a well-lit room made out of polished marble and granite. The is a door straight on and a door to the left, with a large tapestry on the wall. Slipknott and Grub go to check the front door, Victoria and Patrick check the tapestry and Cumberland just kind of hangs around the middle of the room. As we get closer I realise it's not a tapestry, its faces, hundreds of cut off faces sewn together, and then it falls down on top of us. Victoria manages to get out of the way, but I am not so lucky, and get flattened. I manage to jump out from under it and join the others, but it follows us and lands on the three in the centre. DM then rolls 26 damage and our faces turn white. To give us a fighting chance (and save some of his spare sheets) he decides to roll individual damage. Cumberland gets the 26 and dies instantly, Victoria got around 16 but her health was so low she dies instantly, while I manage to get only 10 damage, which considering he was rolling 5/6 D6 is pretty lucky. Slipknott and Grub quickly move in and immediately kill it, but Grub immediately goes insane from the sword, and rolls for the effect. He is now convinced there are bugs under his skin, and must claw and cut at his own flesh unless someone stops him. To repeat, he must cut himself with the sword of major damage that causes you to go insane every turn.

At this point the others are looking over their new sheets, and Cumberland gets an idea he starts giggling to himself about. The DM approves it and in marches a clockwork and a dwarf. The dwarf immediately introduces himself as "captain Cumberland, here to deal with the cultists. By the way has anyone seen his grandson". The entire room collapses in laughter

Part six, the peanut buttercup incident

The DM decides to give us a one-time boon considering the Cumberland family connection. The Clockwork happens to be a cleric, and as a one-time thing the DM will allow her to attempt a resurrection spell. This will take an hour; any interruption will destroy Cumberland Jr's soul and it only has a 1 in 6 chance of success. She somehow pulls it off and grandfather and grandson are reunited. During this Slipknott quickly realised what Grub was about to do and with my help we take the sword off him and tie him down before he can do anything. He quickly gets over it, and we get introductions out of the way

Cumberland Sr will be played by the former Cumberland Jr, while Cumberland Jr will be under the DM's control. He's a Dwarfen fighter sent in to deal with the cultists.

Victoria will be playing N0-N4-M3 (she literally couldn't come up with a name so she went "no name" so I 1337'd up to make it more clockwork) a clockwork cleric. She used to be a cleric in the temple before it was overcome by the cultists years ago. Her soul found it's way inside of the clockwork and she wandered to compound for years until she wound down, unable to find an exit. She happened to be in the room with the empty barrels and boxes, and the two would have made it to us sooner if they hadn't come across a giant spider and the doorway out hadn't been magiclly locked.

She tells us the way forward is the correct route, but we find a room identical to the first room. We start second guessing ourselves, me in particular pointing out maybe we should try the new door she doesn't recognize if she has been locked here for years. The Cumberland duo lead the backtrack to the room and check it for traps in the Cumberland family way (pushing the hammer against it). They also seem to finally realise they should check if it's a pull or a push door. Inside is an entire room filled with soft fluffy white beds. The two immediately rush in, keen for a bit of comfort down here when there is a flash. Where there were two dwarfs there is now one, with two arms that don't quite match, four legs that don't seem to quite match and two heads, one of an old man and one of a young boy. The two have been forcibly joined together through powerful and corrupt forbidden magic into a horrific abomination against nature. We are all naturally horrified at what has happened to them.

Cumberland Sr – I'm a super Dwarf!

Yes, Cumberland just can't seem to understand how anyone would NOT want to be forcibly fused to a member of their family. We carry on down the stairs and find a huge corridor as wide as the whiteboard and a couple of times longer. Slipknott goes up front to check for traps, I walk alongside him to talk, Grub follows Slipknott, N0-N4-M3 after us and far in the back the Cumberlands waddle along with none of us wanting to go anywhere near it. It's at this point Cumberland Jr gets the name "Peanut", named for what he looked like as a baby, and Sr gets named "Buttercup", making this thing "Peanut-buttercup".

Part seven, a fitting end

I am walking with Slipknott primarily to discuss the idea we need to put the Peanut-buttercup out of its misery, let it die a noble death instead of this mangled existence, when Slipknotts trap-spotting method of "smack the floor with a stick" proves how useful it truly is. We both die instantly from a huge burst of flame from either side. As Slipknott burns the truth is briefly revealed. He was never an orc, just a changeling pretending to be one, but it matters not at this point.

The DM gives us our new and last character sheets. And I do mean last, we have managed to get through the entire pile he prepared for this session. I get Cumberland Jr's sheet. I am now controlling half of the monstrosity that is peanut-buttercup. I play to type:

Cumberland Sr –We be a super Dwarf!

Cumberland Jr – I want to DIEEEE, [sniff, sniff]

My performance as peanut greatly displeased buttercup, mainly he couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't be in this situation and thought I was just being a jerk trying to get his totally awesome new character killed. I mean I was trying to die, but that was more for peanuts sake than spite.

We head down the corridor, this time peanut-buttercup leading and checking for traps. We had one brief moment where I attempt to throw us on a spike trap to end it all but I couldn't overcome buttercups resistance roll. We eventually start hearing the sounds of combat. Slipknotts new character is fighting 5 zombies by himself. We immediately charge over, but the fact he's taking out multiple enemys on his every turn proves he doesn't need us.

Slipknott will be replaced by what the DM can coined, "the anti-Kleave". This is a level 7 orc with a completely opposite backstory and motivation to Kleave. Instead of a mad barbarian he's a super awesome, super nice paladin. The DM was originally going to leave this character till far later, but we were nearing the end of the night anyway and we had successfully used up every other sheet by that point. I was more than a little annoyed that I didn't get the guy (they had hinted at an anti-Kleave sheet earlier in the night) considering I am the regular Kleave.

Just as we get close he kills the last zombie, turns to face us and sees the monstrosity that is Peanut-buttercup and does the only logical action of charging it. the others of course have to make attacks of opportunities to try and protect their fri....comra....teamma...horrific meat shield. The next turn buttercup tries to talk him down and explain what's going on, but I seize my chance:

Buttercup – no, ya don't understand, I got fused with my

Peanut – DIE FOUL PALADIN! [swings at anti-kleave]

We had to end it there but the only way it could have gone is anti-Kleave killing all of us and moving on.

This was the single most nutty game session I think I have ever been on. And I blame it entirely on Draspher, now hear me out, I have it mapped down to the steps:

1. Draspher failed to roll high enough to find the cure, so I turned into a zombie
2. He also abandoned vex so she had virtually no HP left
3. Aside from nearly eating the party I had to swap from a self-serving to a goody two shoes character
4. Because I was a goodie two shoes, I helped look at the tapestry instead of standing back
5. Therefore, I was directly under the trap instead of standing back where I could have helped kill it before it ate half the party
6. This meant we went through character sheets rapidly and got the cleric to resurrect Cumberland, which lead to the peanut-buttercup
7. This also meant we had no rogue to check for traps down the corridor
8. Since I was playing the goody two shoes I was at the front discussing morals and ethics so I got killed by the trap
9. This meant I ended up as peanut and I played to character as suicidal
10. This meant I picked a fight with the anti-Kleave to die, which turned him against the party getting us all killed

Last session of the year unfortunately, we will try to meet up again for the next session after the new year. Hopefully we will finish the desert stuff and then try out the side session.

Character killed – 9, 6 seen deaths (snotrag, fagan, cumberland jr, victoria, patrick, slipknott) and 3 probable (cumberland, N0-N4-M3, Grub)
Draspher getting drilled over – 10, the front door, the first trap, the second door, the third door, insanity for the third door, getting robbed, judo flipped by the undead, the tapestry, dead grandson (.5), fusing with grandson, attempted suicide by half of his body (.5), half his body invoking a paladins rage
Longest lived character – grub, the only survivor of the initial gang right till the very end
Shortest lived – N0-N4-M3, didn't even get a scene or a fight

Romaru Darkeyes
2017-12-25, 06:35 PM
Hi guys - I should briefly identify myself. I'm actually RebelPyroFlames GM for the other game.

Yes, I have to guide this group of misfits through the world usually and while RPF character assassination of me is probably justified, making it out that the 'D' stands for 'derp', he's easily the best game chronicler I've ever had the pleasure to play with.

In the particular game that he's referencing here, I'm also the player for Snotrag (poor Snotrag...). I thought that while I had the chance I would elaborate on one or two points that RPF has slightly shortchanged which I personally thought were hilarious.

Cumberland is played, I'll remind you, by the same character as Draspher; our friendly chaotic good sorcerer in the other game. This should clue you in to where this is about to go.

So when Grub the mage is lying unconscious after mauling by RPF's Fagan zombie heel turn - instead of taking the heal potion and pouring it down his throat, he specifically tells the DM that he wants to drink the potion (cue all of us jokingly saying 'oh wow - that's harsh. You are going to drink it over his unconscious body') but then he explains.
'No I want to hold it in my mouth, then open his and pass it into his mouth'
....... *the table is silent*
Me(Dead Snotrag): 'Why??????'
Cumberland: 'Because that's what you do with injured people'
Me: 'If I pass out from laughing too hard - don't let him anywhere near me'

Oh wow... That was amusing. I'd helped the DM (also my brother IRL) to roll up the character sheets for this oneshot - so when I had it handed to me I knew straight away he was not an actual Orc, but the background called for a nice guy so I started playing as this noble Orc warrior type. Watching Grub's player immediately take a shine to me was funny and terrible at the same time. To be fair Grub's player played it perfectly too - staying in character. Considering what he was RPing; essentially a child's game of exploring go horribly wrong and kill ALL of his friends, I was impressed that he maintained character.
When the poor guy started trying to cut himself with a sword that could kill him with a fumble, I had to jump on him to stop him (being the only one who could) and that only endeared him even more to me. Which only made it even worse when I set off the trap.

"The two have been forcibly joined together through powerful and corrupt forbidden magic into a horrific abomination against nature. We are all naturally horrified at what has happened to them."

"Cumberland Sr – I'm a super Dwarf!"

I lost my ****ing ****... I could not breathe I was laughing so hard. I was hacking for breath with my head between my knees laughing my arse off. And in some part of my mind my brain was saying to me;

'For god's sake don't pass out. You know what'll happen if you pass out. He'll try to 'heal' you'

Draspher's player (as you might have read) has been responsible for some brilliant cockups and hilarious plays while we have been gaming so this was another crowning moment in that ring of glory that is his player's gaming life.

...... And then he called him Peanut... That started me off again. And what's worse is I had to show him the advert for Reeses PBC. He genuinely had never seen the advert which made it so much funnier.

"when Slipknotts trap-spotting method of "smack the floor with a stick" proves how useful it truly is."

All our actual rogues were dead...

"As Slipknott burns the truth is briefly revealed. He was never an orc, just a changeling pretending to be one, but it matters not at this point."

It mattered to Grub... At that point the poor kid literally became a mute, and never spoke again. And again props to Grubs player (Sim with an E from the other game), as he actually RP'd it. The poor kid must have thought - 'Another orc! And he's cool! And worldly! I totally want to be like him! He seems totally invincible! He'll protect me!'


'Huh...... Wasn't invincible.... or an orc..... Thaaat's interesting... You know what... I don't care anymore....'

So when we prepared for this game, me and the DM rolled up a whole mess of characters, but he did want 'an ace in the hole' so to speak. But we kind of thought that by the time we got to him in the roster that we'd be further along. I think according to the DM's map we weren't even a third of the way along.

So after passing me the character, aptly named 'God' though it was supposed to be a play on the character from Fallout New Vegas - the super mutant with the split personality, one side being feral, and the other being more reasonable, he then gave the other half of the dwarfen shoggoth to RPF.

Honestly I thought he played him completely appropriately.
After RPF took over Peanut I was introduced already in combat - but this character was level 7 and had a ton of buffs and combat feats (or Shadow of the Demon Lord's equivalents).
Five undead monsters; I just started murdering my way through.

There's a wrinkle with playing the conjoined character in Demon lord in that both parts get to act independently. One player takes a fast turn (think a single move or standard action in the pathfinder equivalent) and one takes a slow turn (which is both the move action and standard action)

So in this instance I believe RPF took the fast turn and immediately made for the monsters/me fight. At this point I think he was trying to throw himself on another trap and end his suffering - a private note through the DM said as much to me - but Cumberland senior was all too happy to continue this movement.

So essentially they managed to get 2 movement rounds, where the other characters only had one. And as they had taken a slow turn they had to wait for all the other fast turns to go before they took their turns.

So in the middle of combat, I'm murdering undead monsters left and right, and the first thing to lumber up to me is a mutant conjoined mutant looking creature...

Me: '.... oh no.....'
Cumberlands player OOC: 'What? I don't get it...'
Me: 'What am I supposed to think dude... I'm literally fighting undead monsters here and you look like something that should not be. If you had let someone else come first I would have had at least pause to consider things, but you've lumbered straight at me looking like you want to murder me'
Cumberlands player OOC: '..... Well can't you make a perception roll or an intellect roll to see my intentions?'
I look at the DM to see...
DM: 'Make a roll. Try and convince him Cumberland'

"Cumberland Sr: – 'no, ya don't understand, I got fused with my....'
RPF as Peanut: – 'DIE FOUL PALADIN!' [swings at anti-kleave] "

I fell off my chair.... Again.....

After this, the other party members waded in to try and strike me down. But at this point as RPF mentioned I would have murdered them outright.

My own personal head canon is that he murdered every one of them except for Grub, who at the last moment he realised that this was a child and knocked him out rather than strike a killing blow. Then he took the young child from the tomb and saved him, but tragically though he would recover he would never speak again.

Poor child must have witnessed such horrors at the hands of those cultists. Good job I saved him from them

2018-01-15, 11:41 AM
interview tape 42318:

1# - Guild master we have just received a priority alert.
2# - I see what did it say.
1# - Apparently there has been a jail break from the obsidian-portal penitentiary.
2# - Great another prison problem.
1# - Sir?
2# - Never mind who escaped?
1# - There were five escapees.
2# - Who were they?
1# - Two bards a Freddy Mercenary and an Elfin John.
2# - Oh they were arrested for poaching rocs in a druid wildlife reserve.
1# - Yes sir they were how did you know about..
2# - Who else broke out.
1# - Oh um a thief named isis apparently, she attempted to steal from the south water bank the day after the mad bomber.
2# - What! Who else?
1# - A necromancer name Felix and a witch named Lunara.
2# - Ok. I see. Thank you please inform our agents in the relevant areas to keep an eye out for them.
1# - Yes Sir.

2# - Argh this is going to give us extra work we only have half the group we finalised.
3# - Its already been three weeks and the mission’s expenses for tomorrow have already been paid we need to get replacements.
2# - I know but we have lost our master thief we need someone who can open locks. I suppose that witch with a pseudo will have to do.
3# - She does have the proper training. I would also suggest the monk he has worked well in the past.
2# - ok that won’t be hard to arrange.
3# - I didn’t like that necromancer but he was good at being in charge so we will need someone capable to handle them?
2# - Are you offering that’s funny last time you did one of these missions you killed them all and ran off with a potential hazard.
3# - I appreciate your confidence in me guild master however I would suggest Khayren. I know you and Khayren have had issues in the past however they are good at this kind of work.
2# - Fine make contact and get them to the meeting point. We will drop them off at dawn.

2018-01-20, 10:54 AM
Just as a quick aside, something funny happened before we even began. I ended up giving the DM, his wife, Draspher and Vex a lift to the DM's place. as I was getting stuff out of the car, Draspher asked if he could take anything for me. I told him to take himself, so sure enough he grabs himself by the lapels and starts walking backwards up the drive. He then promptly slips up and falls flat on his back. I now have physical proof Draspher can't carry his own weight.

For this session the GM decided to implement a plan he had in the works for a while. This is the longest game he's ever run, and he was worried we were getting character fatigue. To alleviate this, he came up with the idea of giving us a second character. That way we could play someone completely different then swap out characters depending on the mission. It would also give the secondary character plenty of down time to do their own thing. To try and make a cohesive group, he decided to make characters for everyone, play the initial scenario then let players tweak them afterwards to suit their own playstyle. This way, we wouldn't have, say, a party full of support with no fighters, or four different frontline fighters leaving players feeling redundant. This idea was partially derailed when Sim and Yurian both gave him new sheets they wanted to play as, but I'll get into that in a minute.

session 16, Part 1, the setup

The scenario – spurred on by the idea of putting his bad eggs in one basket, the Guild master decided to expand the idea. Instead of just problem members, what if he used criminals? No one would miss them and they were easier to come by, all he needed to do was put a restraint seal on them and he would be all set. Yes, that’s right, we're the suicide squad.

Jaune (me) – Lloyd One-shot, slayer, expert marksman and professional hit-man (deadshot)

Vex – Cereza Hepburn a rogue/witch with a protodragon familiar, magic hair, a gun and time domain ability's (bayonetta, I'll explain)

Sim – Isaac Whitefire, monk (no-one, I'll explain)

Occelot – pamala 'rose' lee, a half elf cleric (poison ivy)

Yurian – Khayren, a magus and the Guild masters plant in the team as secret minder (rick flag/katana)

Draspher – Jess, a Broken as hell monk/barbarian. Here is how the conversation went when he first got his sheet:
Lloyd– you know how you normally play draspher?
Jess – yes?
Lloyd – dial it up to 13
Jess – but it's already at 17...
Lloyd – then keep turning the dial until you break it, and don't stop until I tell you to

If you're wondering why the group doesn't seem quite right, there is a reason. Originally the three criminals we had worked alongside before (Jess, Rose and Isis) would make up half the group (Draspher as Jess, Ocelot as Rose, Sim as Isis), with the GM making a Felix Foust style necromancer sorcerer for Vex, either a martial master fighter or magus for Yurian to represent rick flag/katana. Before the session though, Yurian started asking for a magus to play as, then provided a sheet. Spurred on by this, Sim provided a sheet for a monk she wanted to play as, leaving the group without a rogue type for trapfinding. Then Draspher sent him a message that vex wanted a protodragon familiar, so, he made a witch with two levels of rogue, then realised that this was essentially bayonetta, so he we went all out and gave her the guns.

Now you may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Well I happen to be really good friend with the GM, and I've become a partial confidant of his, sometimes helping him with ideas or builds. We had actually made the builds for Isis, Rose and Jess one afternoon ages ago. He had let me in on this and I had been helping him with character ideas for a while. I have also been painting miniatures of the characters, so I decided to go ahead and prepare a group of miniatures to properly represent everyone. Unfortunately, I didn't hear that there had been changes to the line-up, meaning that I both lacked a miniature for these new characters that was appropriate, and the time I had spent looking for miniatures to represent them was now squandered.

That aside, time for the session to really begin.

Part to, tied up

We all woke up, tied to chairs in a dark room. Despite our best efforts, all we can do is jostle the chains. The only thing we can tell is that the room is slightly moving, like we're on a ship or something. Jess looks over and immediately shouts in joy at seeing her "flower friend". Said flower friend tries to convince the rest of us she has no idea who she is, but a roll of 2 on her bluff fails to convince any of us. We all also look in confusion when jess keeps suggesting that "the lizard hobo" had something to do with this situation. Kharyen makes perseption checks and sees what we are all still armed and packing.

Lloyd - "hey, eyes up here a*****e". Then suddenly we hear a voice in our heads, saying "right, they should be awake, prepare for drop".

The good news is the chains came undone. The bad news is that the floor opened up. The worst news is that apparently, we were in an airship, and now we are plummeting without parachutes. And the only thing below us is a huge forest, very, very far below us.

(side note, on the trip over the GM and I were chatting and I successfully guessed first try he was planning the airship drop. We had been chatting for years and he had mentioned he liked the idea of a stealth drop using rings of feather fall as parachutes, and he had tried to implement this right at the start of this campain, but swaggy had refused and draspher kept complaining he couldn't afford to pay back the ring if he lost it)

Now one of the problems of this scenario comes into play here. As we all had new sheets, none of us knew what ability's we had or what items we had. This resulted in a lot of panicked page turning. Turns out the only party member with a feather fall ability and a featherfall spell was Cereza. She immediately activates it. On herself. The rest of continue to drop, aside from me and Jess. We both had the same idea of grabbing on to her, but unfortunately Jess was the only one strong enough to keep hold. Khayren has cat boots on, so he'll be just fine while Rose takes one look at her HP a decides to just tank the damage. Recovering after losing grip, but too far away to try again I decide to try it again on the only other party member close enough and with an ability to save me. I swoop over to Issac and latch onto his back, hoping against hope that his monk slow fall can save us both. I promise him that if he saves me here I'll make it worth his while, but he rolls a 21 on sense motive. I manage to match it with a roll of 20. I jokingly roll it again, treating it like a critical and I get a second, but the third roll gives me an 8, so not quite an instant kill but still close. Meanwhile, with a new human backpack Issac decides to try and use a spare outfit to slow himself down, and then I roll another 20 on my strength check to stay attached. I somehow rolled 3 20's in 4 rolls.

Times up for us though, time to see how well we survive. Khayren lands softly only taking 20 damage, nearby rose lands so hard she makes a mushroom cloud for 63 damage, and is now stuck half way in the floor at the bottom of a crater. Issac crashes against a tree and takes 29 damage, but slides to the floor safely. Meanwhile the impact knocks off, then the fall through several tree branches and finally hitting the floor from 50' deals 25 damage total. Some distance away Cereza finally knocks jess off, and she hits the floor for 25 damage, while she lands without any damage, but she now has no idea where any of us actually are. Fortunately, a quick survival roll shows an extremely large mushroom cloud nearby, so we all meet up with rose healing us mostly with her channel energy ability.

We start asking around as a group if anyone has any idea what we are doing there. We eventually figure out that Khayren and issac are the only ones who have done these missions before. During the conversation Jess also mentioned she misses "the sploady man". I immediately latch onto this realising she might mean "the mad bomber", and propose teaming up to collect the bounty on his head. Khayren also remembers (dm explained through him) that the mission is that there is a compound around this part that has gone silent for a few weeks, so we were dispatched to investigate as we are entirely expendable. Khayren also gets details on what's happening with the group. We all have control tattoos branded on us, but he has an additional one that gives him control over ours. At any point he could activate them to cause us pain, or hit us with a full charge blast to kill us if we get too out of line. The tattoos have a secondary defence, in that if anything happens to him we have a week or two to get back to base to report or we die. Finally, none of us actually know he's the one running us, we all think he's in the same boat so it's up to him to either keep it secret or to reveal himself.

Just as we start off towards the target, Cereza suddenly seases up in fear, what happened to her protodragon? it was chained up in her lap and A quick roll shows it would have taken 65 points of damage if it just fell. Luckily the GM just rules that the chains came off at the same time, but it was still a "oh crud" moment.

Part three, the lockup

We eventually get to a huge compound. all the trees within 40' have been cut down, and the walls are covered in some kind of grease. The only way we can see in is a huge set of doors with an equally large lock.

A quick check shows our best way in is through the front door, so Cereza starts to pick it. It will take about 10 minutes to take 20 on it, so the rest of us explore our options. Jess immediately starts trying to climb the wall, but the grease prevents her from making headway. Isaac realises he has a grappling hook in his equipment, and quickly secures it at the top before climbing up and using a second rope to get to ground level, Jess quickly following. As soon as they get to the other side Jess tries opening the door, but is just as quickly distracted by the chickens running around, and soon chases after them. Noticing Roses irritation at her "friend" I offer to "take a job for her" and she seriously considers it. While she decides I go looking round the edge while we wait for Cereza, but find nothing except more wall. When Jess fails to grapple a chicken, she gets bored enough to use her 60' movement speed to charge to the door on the other side of the compound and Khayren uses gaseous form to slip through to the other side. He teams up with Issac to investigate one of the buildings. Seeing as neither of them are rogues, it's understandable they fail to spot the stinking cloud trap until they open the door springing it, surrounding them both in yellow smoke that leaves Khayren throwing up his guts. Issac drags him out of the cloud just as, after much waiting Cereza gets the door open, and the others head inside, while I run back after having wondered off.

Jess makes it to the other door, knocks on it, then idly comments "huh, no-one's there", then turns back, deciding to check on a well she saw before. Now done with the door, Cereza scales a guard tower, finding only 2 heavy crossbows and 58 bolts she pockets, and a dried blood stain. Rose meanwhile quickly identifies what kind of trap the two had sprung and sets about healing Khayren. I then get back and rose bent over Khayren's yellow and puke stained form, with Issac standing sheepishly beside them in a similar shade of puke and yellow.

Lloyd – I leave you guys for 10 minutes and this is what happens huh

I decide to follow my natural instincts as a sniper and check the other tower, finding similar crossbows and bolts but no blood. I then pull out my rifle and get to scoping out the area. It's at this moment rose and jess hear the sounds of screams coming from a nearby L shaped building.

Part four, the punch up

Jess charges over and sees a woman holding a door shut as something tries to break through. With a shout of "oh yeah!" She smashes through the window, Issac quickly following through the freshly made jess shaped hole. The woman is terrified at this point, and dives under a table as the doors break, and a large four-armed gorilla enters the room. For a chirstmas present, the GM had bought jess a tray for rolling her and Cereza's dice in as they had a bad habbit of drapping them off the table. Jess's first attack roll she manages to miss the tray and send on onto the floor. Jess can't carry her own weight and can't roll for crud it seems.

Issac immediately runs into the fight as Cereza gets there, having quickly scaled down from the tower. She decides to go full rita repulsa on us, and makes her monk (issac) grow. Against any other foe the gorilla might have had a chance, but and enlarged issac proceeds to flurry of blows, ORA him so hard his head explodes. (side note, he rolled two 2's and still hit this thing).

The woman immediately turns to them

Woman – who are you

Jess – we don't know

Seeing the woman is injured, jess decides to try a heal check, and rolls a 1. Rose then enters the room to discover jess has pulled this woman's trousers down and is attempting to jam her thumb up her prostate. She quickly takes over the healing, but something seems really wrong with her.

Woman – [turns to group] who are you? [turns to the gorilla] AAAA, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT

It seems like she can't retain memories of what happens to her. Rose quickly identifies she's been poisoned and she's taken a nasty wound to the head which is surrounded by strange markings, but she can't identify what the poison is. Regardless she uses a remove poison spell and the woman's ability to remember starts coming back.

While this was going on, Jess has started skinning this monkey with her bare hands, and keeps making rolls. The GM starts getting annoyed so I run this plan I've had for a while. I pass him a note saying (giggle and say nothing, when jess rolls I do nothing to her) and then show everyone but jess this note.

The woman explains she's one of the prison cooks, but she can't understand where everyone is, it's the middle of the day the whole compound should be jumping. When quizzed about the lack of communication, she can't understand they send messages every day, why would they not have heard from them for three weeks? The rising horror and sorrow this scene of a woman slowly coming to grips with the fact she's lost weeks of her life and has no idea what's happened to all her friends is promptly derailed when jess joyfully asks the GM what she found while ripping apart a gorilla with her bare hands. She then gleefully writes down on her sheet the 10 pounds of monkey meat and the gorilla pelt she managed to remove from the battered body.

A quick check shows us that we are in the kitchen, and the mess hall is connected in the next room, but all we find in there is blood and chicken feathers. we then decide to check the building the woman identifies as the warden's office, jess brining the poor cook with us solely because she wants help cooking the meat she just got.

Part five, the stich up

We go over to the office, but as we approach Cereza spots a circle on the floor. The cook explains that since the whole place is a prison, certain areas are of limits and are booby trapped to prevent escaped prisoners from activating it. I quickly saunter over, explaining I've seen these kinds of traps before. With a quick wave of my hands and a few magic words, I deactivate it before turning to jess and telling her to open the door. She doesn't believe me for a second and decides to grab a chicken to throw at the door instead. While she fails grapple rolls against poultry, Rose decides she rather likes my idea, so she uses a command spell to make jess walk open and open the door. Sure enough, the four hidden crossbows take aim and fire, two impacting her in the chest and one is a critical hit and gets her between the eyes. In retaliation Jess smashes the crossbows and makes her way inside.

She quickly identifies this as the house of Elgan Ashford, and looking around she finds a letter describing the day to day mundane activity's that mysteriously stops part of the way through, several medals lining the walls and some gold in the desk. She then takes is all, partially due to greed but also payback for us getting her shot. She then helps herself to all the clothes in his cupboard as well.

She makes her way back and rose reluctantly heals 15 of jess's 35 damage, but she decides to leave the bolt in, if she takes them out jess won't learn her lesson. We ask the woman more about the site, but the second she mentions a vault we have found our next destination.

Part six, the hold up

We quickly make our way over to the vault. It's a large granite box of a building with no visible entrances. Surrounding it on all sides are red warning signs in just about every language imaginable. Jess checks all sides and finds nothing, before jumping on top and attempting to punch her way in. While she's banging on the stone Rose uses a truesight spell to check the box herself. The only thing she can find is an outline of a possible door, but it's the barest hint of one even with her spell. What's more, there seems to be some kind of forcefield that is preventing jess's punches from actually making contact with the stone. Jess comes up with the idea of rubbing the medals she stole from the office on the rock to see if that disables it. It doesn't work, and both the GM and Jess are worried about the rest of us spotting her stolen goods. I point out that the crazy girl is still covered in monkey blood and guts and carrying around the remains of a mashed gorilla skull, we've stopped trying to question what she's up too.

While this is going on the cook gets a dazed expression on her face and makes her way to another building. We all follow, Rose and jess deciding to give up for now to join us, as she makes her way towards a nice small house surrounded by various plants. The woman just sits at a stool, completely devastated as the full reality of the situation occurs to her. It finally occurs to us to ask her name, which we find out is Delbena, as we go snooping around looking for clues/goods to steal. The building appears to be staff quarters, and is probably where Delbena was living before all this started. Rose looks around and finds a cupboard full of homeopathic medicines and Cerezra opens a cabinet and finds 10 healing potions and a healer's kit that she splits 50/50 with rose. I look for clues to what's going on and find a gold coin collection worth 80gp and a platinum broach I pocket while Delbena is still shell-shocked. She is quickly broken out of her stupors by the sound of jess moving her bookcases, trying to see if there is anything hidden behind them. This is the final straw, and she just collapses in tears at the sorry state her life has become.

We then realise that the miners' office was the first building Khayren and Issac tried. We make our way over to see if we have better luck this time, Jess dragging a weaping Delbena since she stills wants fresh cooked monkey.

Part seven – the screw up

We head to the offices and try to decide what to do. Rose trys the door and the stinking gas trap activates again. While Rose quickly leaves the area, Jess decides to jump on the roof (which is covered in the gas) and steals the flag off the flagpole. I then suggest to her that she should try breaking in through the roof. She agrees and immediately jumps up to do so. While she does break a hole in the roof and dive in she comes across a problem. The gas trap is pouring fumes inside the house as well as out, and now she has no way out. She manages to hold out one round, but she quickly succumbs the next round. Rose pipes up when she hears the sound of jess collapsing into unconsciousness. She starts taking some major damage so Issac charges in, breaks down the door and pulls her out with only 18hp left. Then she continues to keep taking damage from the gas in her lungs. When she's down to 11hp rose casts remove sickness to save her. She then returns the favour from the demonlord game, mouths a healing potion to spit down her throat. She uses her entire stock to get her back to 45hp

We ended it on that point. Since our GM was going on holiday soon, we decided to have another session the next week, so I've had to type this session up pretty quick.

Jess's new friends – 5, us four (rose was already her friend),Delbena

Times Jess needed healing – 3, the initial fall, taking the crossbow bolts, the gas trap

Lloyds future contracts – 3, the guy who dropped us out without a parachute, the mad bomber and jess

Blatant thefts – 5.5, 2 guard towers, wardens office, staff office medical supplies, staff office personal effects, the vault (.5 we tried but couldn't get in YET)

2018-01-20, 12:02 PM
This is hilarious. Keep it up you wonderful people.

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-01-22, 01:03 PM
Glad you guys are enjoying it. :smallbiggrin:

We have played since and I know RPF is having some issues writing up so I suspect update is incoming soon.

Well I happen to be really good friend with the GM, and I've become a partial confidant of his, sometimes helping him with ideas or builds.

Don't think that will save your life :smalltongue:

Turns out the only party member with a feather fall ability and a featherfall spell was Cereza. She immediately activates it. On herself.

I believe the sentiment was, "Sucks to be you guys. BYE!"

Though you did miss the part that when Jess latched on I had Cereza roll sense motive to see if she could tell that the crazy looking woman she'd 'literally just met' was not looking to cause her harm. She flubbed.

Jess had no issues with the grapple though - she is stupid strong compared to Cereza who had a 7 in STR.

Khayren lands softly only taking 20 damage...

According to sources terminal velocity is 20d6 and those cat boots are annoying when you are trying to throw your players out of planes apparently...

...nearby Rose lands so hard she makes a mushroom cloud for 63 damage, and is now stuck half way in the floor at the bottom of a crater.

Rose is at the time wearing full plate equivalent so I likened it to that point in Halo 3 with the Chief tanking falling from orbit. Very cool.

Just as we start off towards the target, Cereza suddenly seases up in fear, what happened to her protodragon? it was chained up in her lap and A quick roll shows it would have taken 65 points of damage if it just fell. Luckily the GM just rules that the chains came off at the same time, but it was still a "oh crud" moment.

That.... was a fudge.... I had said that it was essentially tied up with leather cord in her lap on the plane, but it would have totally crippled her for the upcoming mission and she's still a newer player.

And if she's reading - You get one.....

When Jess fails to grapple a chicken

Oh yeah... Chickens have stat blocks... I looked them up....

she gets bored enough to use her 60' movement speed to charge to the door on the other side of the compound

This compound is pretty big - about 400 by 400 feet according to the maps. So at this point she's about 13 rounds away to anyone not using Monk movement and Boots of striding and springing... Okay that's assuming one move per round but well out of earshot at least...

Jess makes it to the other door, knocks on it, then idly comments "huh, no-one's there"

The other outer gate...

Issac quickly following through the freshly made jess shaped hole. The woman is terrified at this point, and dives under a table as the doors break, and a large four-armed gorilla enters the room.

Actually that was Issac making a diplomacy roll to ask her to move. As far as character motivation she was trying desperately to hold this door closed and Issac had to convince her that he could help.

...enlarged issac...


...proceeds to flurry of blows...


"omae wa mou shindeiru"

Seriously the thing went down in a single round of combat...

Seeing the woman is injured, jess decides to try a heal check...

With no ranks, and a heal skill of 2...

...and rolls a 1.


Rose then enters the room to discover jess has pulled this woman's trousers down and is attempting to jam her thumb up her prostate.

See that was you covering... I was going to have her poke the poor woman's eyes out checking for concussion...

Woman – [turns to group] who are you? [turns to the gorilla] AAAA, WHAT THE HECK IS THAT

It was more like:

Who are you people?
Turns, sees monkey. "The hell is that thing?"
Turns, "Did I leave the stove on?"
Turns, "Argh, where did you come from?"
Turns, "Argh a monkey!!"
Turns, "Where did I put that spoon???"
Turns, "Argh, you scared me! Where did you come from?"

Can't maintain short term memory at all. Can't create new memories so everything disappears as soon as she changes thread.

I quickly saunter over, explaining I've seen these kinds of traps before. With a quick wave of my hands and a few magic words, I deactivate it before turning to jess and telling her to open the door.

Having no such skill and instead relying entirely on your bluff roll - which I'm happy to say is no where near as broken as Jaune's...

She doesn't believe me for a second and decides to grab a chicken to throw at the door instead.

Urm... Okay...

While she fails grapple rolls against poultry...

Again. Chickens.. Have stat blocks...

Rose decides she rather likes my idea, so she uses a command spell to make jess walk open and open the door.

I gave him a will roll. I don't really subscribe to players eating each other but there were roleplay reasons to allow it and Jess's player went with it so...

Sure enough, the four hidden crossbows take aim and fire, two impacting her in the chest and one is a critical hit and gets her between the eyes.

Jess's response... "Ow..."

At this point she's more than capable of tanking these hits, and the poison on the bolts can't touch her Fort save.

While this is going on the cook gets a dazed expression on her face and makes her way to another building.

In real time they spent about 10 minutes with Jess's player rolling to punch a building and not taking the hint that it was doing nothing...

she makes her way towards a nice small house surrounded by various plants. The woman just sits at a stool, completely devastated as the full reality of the situation occurs to her.

She is quickly broken out of her stupors by the sound of jess moving her bookcases, trying to see if there is anything hidden behind them.

At least everyone else was trying to be subtle about it...
"Duh... Because I'm looking for secret passages"
"They always put the secret passages behind the bookcases"

This is the final straw, and she just collapses in tears at the sorry state her life has become.

The point at which an NPC has fulfilled their purpose, has exposited everything useful and can now bow out of the spotlight. So she sits in the broken remains of her house weeping...

...Jess dragging a weeping Delbena since she stills wants fresh cooked monkey....

Me as a GM: "WHY!!!!!!"

While Rose quickly leaves the area, Jess decides to jump on the roof

Jess has a Acrobatics (Jump) score of 28...

I then suggest to her that she should try breaking in through the roof. She agrees and immediately jumps up to do so.

When your toolbox only has a hammer in it - every problem is a nail...

The gas trap is pouring fumes inside the house as well as out, and now she has no way out.

Nope, what happened was that she essentially broke the trap into a permanent on position and the door shut. It wasn't locked... Essentially she hotboxed herself in a stinking cloud trap. With supposedly no way out - she didn't think to jump back out through the roof - I made her roll fortitude rolls.

Her first failed roll made her Nauseated. Still standing in the cloud...

According to the rule - Nauseated creatures are unable to attack, cast spells, concentrate on spells, or do anything else requiring attention. The only action such a character can take is a single move action per turn.

Doesn't move... I hint to leave the building. Wants to search the building. I say no, you can't do that while you are nauseated. Good 30 seconds of real time go by.

"Roll fortitude"

Her second failed roll - "you are throwing up bodily on everything"

.... Still stands in the smoke... Another 15 or so seconds.

"Roll fortitude"

Third roll failed - I said "you've just collapsed and you are now choking on vomit and gas"

I then start rolling 1d6 off every 10 seconds and telling him "x damage".

She starts taking some major damage so Issac charges in, breaks down the door and pulls her out with only 18hp left.

She started from 80... That's how long it took for someone to step up and rescue the poor dope...

2018-01-31, 05:11 PM
Last time the suicide squad showed off their excellent investigation skills by accomplishing nothing except many cases of petty theft. When we left our "heroes" they were completely foiled by a stinking gas trap, considering their options while jess slowly picks herself off the floor after nearly choking to death on the trap.

Session 17, Part 1, choke on it

We all try to consider the best way of disabling the stinking gas trap preventing us from getting into the miner's office. Rose then comes up with the idea of using dispel magic on it, and sure enough the gas starts to dissipate. I casually mention to Jess that she should open the door now, it's safe don't worry. She gets up groggily from her near brush with death and goes over to the building. Unfortunately for her while the gas outside the building is gone there was still some trapped inside, and a wave of familiar green gas washes over her sending her into a new fit of choking coughs.

The GM has everyone roll survival rolls, and we all realise we are standing downwind of her, so we immediately run to try and find a safer spot. I say we, Cerezra activates one of her witch hexes to fly over the gas cloud. We then independently decide to explore different parts of the compound, and the GM has us roll Initiative, where upon rose succeeds in rolling a second 1 in a row.

Part 2a, a stable relationship.

Issac makes his way over to a nearby building. He is greeted by a swarm of Flies and the stench of rotting flesh. Once upon a time this was the compound stables, but all of its inhabitants have been slaughtered. Khayren slowly make his way over, while Rose comes over and enters the barn. While she is checking for any kind of poison she notices something else. There's something off about the shadows, there not moving right, it's almost as if there alive. The shadows then start pooling together, and a large shape forms. It's a horse, but one made entirely out of darkness, and it does not look friendly.

Rose quickly identifies it as a greater shadow and takes a step back, bracing her spear at her side in readiness for a charge. Isaac then charges forward, but to his horror finds that his attacks just go streight through it. Khayren, hearing the commotion, charges forward so fast he smacks into the door. As he rights himself, he immediately realises the horrible mistake Isaac has made. Shadows have the ability to summon allies to themselves, and they deal large amounts of ability damage with every attack. Just as he tries to warn Isaac, the shadow horse makes its move, draining 8 points of Str from him.

Just to inform everyone of what is going on Rose decided to re-work her character between sessions. She decided to re-work the original plant domain healer into a plant domain necromancer, complete with channel negative energy and inflict spells. To compensate for lacking spontaneous healing spells she has taken to having a wand of cure moderate wounds in a wrist sheath. This means that she does not have access to regular cure spells or a channel energy that would hurt this creature, just the wand.

Seeing the opponent's strength against him Isaac goes to run, Rose fires off a charge from the wand and Khayren uses the disrupt undead spell he had prepared to join in on the damage. It's not much all things considered, but it is enough to give Issac covering fire as he runs to safety. Unfortunately, the shadow has other ideas. Despite rose bracing herself for precisely this, the shadow charges straight through her and goes after Khayren and Isaac. Seizing the opportunity rose turns around and uses another wand charge on the shadow as Khayren gets an attack of opportunity as the shadow tries to move past him. This gives Isaac just the chance he needs and, despite being fairly heavily weakened he manages to lay a major smackdown on the shadow, finishing it off.

Part 2b, a matter of delegation

The rest of us had split off even further. Cereza had uses the rest of here minutes flight to go to a building marked with a pickaxe. she gives the padlock a quick try, but quickly realises that the lock is way too high a quality one, she's going to have to find another means of opening the door.

While this was going on, I decide to go investigate the nearby garden. I the whole thing is overgrown with weeds, and I don't find much but I happen to come across what appears to be a recently filled in hole. Figuring this might be important, I look around for a shovel but can't find any, but I do recall seeing a building with a pickaxe on it so I go to investigate it to see if I can find anything to dig with.

Jess at this point has stopped coughing, but is now sickened for 5 rounds. Unable to figure out a way of curing herself she goes to check on her "floaty friend" Cereza. Upon finding out about the locked door situation, she decides to use her go-to method for any problem, and starts punching the door. I wonder over and see this, and decide, "yeah, these two have it covered" and just wait for them to get the door open.

The thing is that this situation is that our door shenanigans and the horse shadow battle are both taking place at the same time. So, while one group bravely faces a powerful foe on one turn, the next turn is us watching a blood and puke covered nut-job repeatedly punch a door and fail to break it. Cereza is looking through her prepared spells for the day, but can't find any that would be useful in opening the door, or at least without destroying the building at the same time.

This continues for several rounds, and Cereza gets more and more annoyed at me since I'm not doing anything.

Cereza – why aren't you doing anything?

Lloyd – I am, I'm supervising

Cereza – No your not!

Jess – I thought floatly lady was doing that

Lloyd – ok then [turns to jess] you should try harder, to win

Jess – are you going to give me anything to help

Lloyd – yes, my support [claps sarcasticly]

Jess – YAY! [resumes punching]

Lloyd – [turns back to Cereza] see, I'm helping

Just as Isaac punches the horse apart Cereza has finally, had enough. She uses the one spell on her list that might succeed, burning hands. The GM lets her have a spellcraft roll to try and focus the spell solely on the door to burn her way in. Unfortunately, all her years of training didn't include trying to maintain concentration on a tricky spell when a very strong psychopath proudly smacks you on the back and screams in your ear "NICE JOB FLOATY FRIEND". what was a well-focused magic field designed to combust only the wood in the door devolves down to a 15' cone of fire that immediately burns through the doors and sets the building on fire.

Lloyd – [steps back] well you sure showed be [starts clapping sarcasictly] well done

Jess immediately goes to punch the door again, this time succeeding on the burning wood. She manager to avoid getting caught by the flames, but it's clear that many of the supplies inside are now on fire

Lloyd – all I wanted was a darn shovel, nice job

Cereza – I swear I'm not the mad bomber

[Gm breaks down in laughter at that perfectly comedically timed line and delivery]

Part three – theft and discovery's

With the horse shadow taken care of Isaac wonders out of the barn, coming across us outside a burning building and asks us what the hell is that

Lloyd – I left them alone for 5 minutes...

Meanwhile Rose decides to break open the door at the end of the barn. Khayren walks up to her and asks how she was able to cast cure spells at range back there. After a quick paranoid sense motive from rose (she's parinoid about people finding out she's a necromancer, and she was worried Khayren supects something. Khayren just wanted to know for his own magical studies), she shows Khayren the wrist mounted wand. Khayren points out that isn't it still a touch spell, regardless of it being a wand? Sure enough there is a sudden shifting detectable only by there magical abilities, like a creased over page in the universe is being straightened out, and rose instinctively knows that her wand won't work like it used to any more.

The two then get to work on a plan to open the locked barn doors. Several plans are made and thrown out including doing a jess and going at it with rose's spear, and raising some skeletal horses to rip it open, so Khayren decides to use an acid dart spell on vital points to try and weaken the door, rose quickly joining in with a pitchfork she found in the barn (not wanting to risk her +3 spear with the acid).

Back at the burning tool-shed Cereza dashes inside desperately using her magic to cancel the flames. The Gm actually makes her roll concentration vs Jess. Although some stuff is burned, most of it seems usable, so I wonder in grab a shovel then tell jess "hey crazy girl, I have a hole I need you to fill". Many jokes were made at my expense, but I went on regardless to the garden. Jess quickly pops inside, and uses the fancy lock and 50' of rope to make a weapon. We have yet to see how useful this will be, but with her "lock-flail" she runs after me to the garden. Cereza runs into the shed, quickly establishing this must be where they kept tools and equipment, in particular a set of blacksmithing tools and lots of mining gear. she proceeds to take one of everything, including a pickaxe, sledgehammer, hand hammer, chisels, 50’ rope, climbing spikes and a few knifes.

While Cereza was committing petty theft, Isaac Decides to do some investigating of his own. He quickly goes to check a wagon yard, but quickly gives up when he realises there is nothing there worth much. He then suddenly remembers the miner's office, and quickly heads over there. By now the smoke has cleared up, so he has free rein to investigate. Sure enough, it is the head miners office, and lining the walls are maps of the various dig sites with notes attached. Each one of the mines seems be named after a layer of hell. Dig sites Avernus, Dis and Erebus apparently haven't been mined in some time. Another site Phlegethon started having problems with large, aggressive apes lead by a white furred mutant ape with four arms which lead to the sites closure and subsequent filling. Two other sites, Malebolge and Cocytus, have both had pockets of poisonous vermin appear which have been causing problems. The main thing to note is that the furthest two sites, Stygia and Caina were the last sites being dug at before everyone went missing. We now have a location to travel too.

Pleased with this information, Isaac goes off to see what else he can find. He runs into Cereza as she's leaving the tool-shed, so they go down to the next building together, and are greeted by an entire wall covered in pictures of naked women. Turns out it's the blacksmiths, the tools Cereza has shoved into her bag probably were used here. A quick search provides a few ingots of iron, but to Cereza's irritation there are no blacksmiths amongst the party so she can't turn them into a new sword. It doesn't stop her pocketing them though. The two then split ways, Issac going back to the barn while Cereza goes to raid the rest of the compound.

Part four, hole lot of trouble

I take jess over to where I found the filled in hole. I turn to her and tell her "now's the time to start digging" and attempt to pass her the shovel. She stonewalls me with cluelessness. It takes a few minutes to actually convince her that her digging is a lot better than me digging as she's stronger than me, so will finish faster, and I'm better at keeping a lookout.

She finally gets in in character, and out of character decides just to go along with it. A hole is quickly dug, and the one thing Lloyd was not expecting to find is down there, another hole. To be more precise, it is an underground tunnel. I send jess down the tunnel to investigate the entrance while I go get the others to help investigate this.

Back at the barn rose, with much effort, finally succeeds as breaking the pitchfork off in the door. it turns out a couple of weeks sitting in filth is pretty good at rotting wooden handles. This is the last straw, and so she and Khayren go at the weakened door and FINALLY break it down. and to their delight it's not for nothing. Inside, along with several sets of riding gear, is a very fancy saddle with gold and silver filigree and an ivory riding horn. They quickly pocket this when Lloyd comes through the door, telling them he's found something they should have a look at.

While I was going to look for the others, Jess gets to investigating the tunnel. Despite being to small to walk through, she still manages to crawl 30' into the tunnel. She quickly realises the tunnel is only 40' long. She also notices moss on the stones, whatever this tunnel was is doesn't seem to have been used in a long time. She crawls back out (thanks to her ridiculous movement speed, she accomplishes this in one turn). When she finally gets out of the hole a sick horror comes over her. While she was distracted, her cook friend disappeared!

As I explain to the others while we walk about finding a hole in a hole we see jess franticly searching the courtyard for clues as to where her personal chef went. We quickly check the garden and the yard but find no trace of her. We decide to go check the maps Issac had grabbed from the office. We find that there are 10 locations on the map for us to explore. The whole area is made surrounding a huge lake simply called blue lake, with the seven mines mentioned before surrounding it. At it's northern edge there is "skito swamp", at it's northwest coast is the "fruit forest". At the furthest part north is Skulltop hill which is about 30 miles from our current location, and just adjacent to these are the mines the crew were working on. Past skulltop are the darklands which are about 20 miles from the hill. We decide to make our way up to mines we had previously identified as the last dig site. Chances are something happened there then it is also linked to the mountain.

While we are planning the trip, jess has some investigating of her own to do. She quickly deduces that she can't have gone back to her living quarters as we would have spotted her, so logically that means the only place she could have gone is back to the kitchen!

So far this has been the worst day of Delbena's life. Last thing she remembered, everything was fine, she was working with her friends at a mining compound that treated her well and paid the bills. Then she finds she's lost weeks, has no idea if her friends are alive or dead, everything she knew and loved is ruined and she's been dragged along by a nutjob covered in gorilla blood and her own vomit. therefore, her reaction upon seeing said nutjob entering the kitchen again is perfectly understandable. She flips a table over, hides behind it and starts pelting her with plates and anything else she can find. The rest of us hear screaming and smashing sounds, and I elect to go over and see what is happening.

Jess is, of course, completely unperturbed by this. She marches over and "non-lethally" smashes her in the face so hard she's probably in a coma. Just for some clarification, this woman is an NPC with 1HP, she'd die if the wind changed direction, and jess punches with the force of a bowing 747 engine so she's taken at least a dozen times her HP in "non-lethal" damage. jess then slings the cook's unconscious body over her shoulder and goes back out of the window as I approach.

Part five, deception on multiple fronts

Khayren has had enough of Jess's antics by now. A slight scratch on his right arm activates the tattoo's failsafe, and with a brief tingling sensation jess suddenly feels light headed, and drops to the floor. A quick prompt from the GM reminds me of my natural reaction, and I dive for cover screaming "SNIPER, GET DOWN". (My other natural reaction is to go over and put a bullet right between both of their eyes, get rid of them now before they become a danger to me). Rose goes over to "check” them both. Rather than cast a cure spell, she decides to cast a inflict minor wounds spell to finish off the cook. She then looks up at us and tries to claim she died when she hit the floor, but a combination of Khayren’s spellcraft knowledge and the fact she says this with a HUGE smirk on her face (rolled a 1 on bluff) and none of us believe her.

We were content to leave it at that, until Isaac points out he must tell jess about this. He had decided to take a vow of truth, and part of it means that he can’t conceal things from others unless that information would result in lives being endangered. Rose immediately starts arguing that he has no idea what he saw as he’s not a spellcaster, so he can’t possibly tell jess that he cast an inflict spell while Isaac starts arguing he doesn’t need to be a spellcaster to know what he saw. This goes on for a while:

Lloyd – how much of this is in character, because you just told him “you don’t know that I killed her, you’re not a spellcaster”

Rose then starts trying to work the mercy angle, telling Issac “she was sparing her, she’s the only survivor of this horrible event, she was slowly going deranged, and then she was stuck with jess. I know her, the second she refused to cook the monkey meat she’d of snapped her neck”. I then join in on another angle, telling him “plus she’s unstable, the second she realises what happened she’s snap, try to kill us all, we’d have to put her out of her misery, its only kindness to keep this from her”. The sad thing is all three of us know that we’re spouting crap, yet it is both in character and totally true when you realise it’s jess we’re talking about.

Part five b, Cereza’s kleptomania

While the rest of us were vitally busy with this part, Cereza went off on her own. First she found the prisoner cells. She has a quick look around and finds some unusual crystal shards in a couple of the cells hidden in the beds. Whatever these shards are, they are ever so slightly affecting her magic, but at this size they really don’t have much potency behind them. However they are valuable, with the few shards she’s found being worth approximately 500Gp in total. She then looted the other two guard towers and took another set of crossbows and bolts from each.

Once she’s done there she makes her way towards another building that turns out to be the guard quarters. Inside she finds 4 spears, 8 longswords, 4 light crossbows and pockets all of them. She then finds a table with a set of cards out. It looks like whoever was here was in the middle of a game before whatever happened, happened. Filing this information away, set gets to work on the guards footlockers. While she can’t open them with a set of keys nearby, she can open them with her thieves tools and she quickly finds between them 850gp in coins, a pair of platinum earrings she immediately wears, a jewelled letter opener, a necklace made of dragon teeth she also wears and a black leather book with gold and silver filigree on the cover.

Finally, having looted the entire complex, she makes her way over to the sound of commotion. She walks into the scene of jess unconscious, the cook looking more dead than she remembered, Rose and Isaac in the middle of a heated argument which the terms “no I didn’t”, “yes you did” is thrown around a lot and Lloyd also shouting at the pair from a nearby tomato bush.

It’s at this point jess finally wakes up, turns to the cook to find her dead. She just shrugs, goes “oh well” and dumbs her body in the hole she dug earlier. About 5-10 minutes of heated debate and that is the reaction we were so afraid of.

As the body hits the floor, we hear a click and two darts jabs into the corpse. Turns out there was a dart trap down there, the GM had rolled for it twice and jess had passed it effortlessly.

We finally decide to use the guardhouse bunks to rest up before heading out the next day to see if we could make it to the dig sites where everyone went missing. Before we sleep rose realises that she can prepare a bunch of restore spells despite being a necromancer. She uses her slots to restore Isaac to full health. Jess also reminds us that it’s still the same player who plays draspher by steals the bedsheets.

Part six, REALLY!

Just before we left, the GM had a good look at the map. A bunch of us had started labelling things incredibly inappropriately.
https://s26.postimg.org/et82eaj6t/DSC_0008.jpg (https://postimg.org/image/et82eaj6t/)

We set of in our standard formation. Rogue up fron (Cereza), support in middle (Rose, Isaac and Kharyen) and beaters/ranged at back in case of ambush (Lloyd and jess). Unable to find any other form of transport, and Rose being unwilling to tip her hand regarding the necromancy just yet, we walk down the road to get to the dig sites.

We come across what is clearly some kind of ambush. There are dozens of animal corpses in the road, looks like an entire herd died right there. We roll initiative, and one by one we prepare our weapons:

Lloyd(me) – Can I say something quickly as a swift action?

GM – huh, sure

Lloyd(me) – [turns to jess] jess, would you kindly go punch those thing for us please

Jess – sure!

(I had been talking with jess and discovered the only reason she hadn’t dug the hole willingly was because I hadn’t said “Please”)

Sure enough, Jess charges forwards and punches one of the bodies. What we were expecting were zombies or some other equivalent. What we got were maggots. Thousands of maggots. Thousands of maggots working as one, yes jess had managed to tick off around 4 maggot swarms, and three of them immediately grabbed hold and started eating.

Cereza immediately opens with a volcanic plume, hitting all but one of the targets. Unfortunately, these types of swarms are immune to bludgeoning damage, and so she does more damage to jess than to the swarms. We then find out another ability these swarms possess. When they attack they don’t to HP damage, they do Str and Con damage. Two of them immediately attack, dealing 4 damage to both stats total. Isaac runs towards one of the swarms, but quickly realises the second ability swarms have, immunity to weapon damage. Jess then attempts to escape the swarms, but as she runs towards the others she finds out the final special feature these swarms have. Once they attach to someone, they latch on and don’t let go until the target is dead. Panicking jess samples to cereza in the hopes she can help. Desperately, she tries to tell Cereza to burn them off, unfortunately, she rolls a 1 on the will save to make herself heard.

Cereza, having created a massive plume of fire and ash sees a figure stumble out of her attack. It’s a figure covered in blood, rotting guts, ash and thousands of writhing maggots. As it shambles towards her, it cries out a horrific wailing sound. Jess takes another 3 stat damage, things are not looking good for her. Jess suddenly cries out OOC “I throw the monkey meat”. Sure enough, the maggots much prefer the fresh bloody meat rather than the struggling still living nutjob, and all three fail there will saves and jump on it.

Lloyd – have you been remembering to take of your HP damage?

Jess – what?

Lloyd – From the Con damage, every time you go down a score multiplier you lose a bunch of health remember.

The GM quickly helps him figure out what her new stats are. She initially panics when she gets -6, but fixes her math so she’s at 4 HP left. Jess has gone from current/max of 80/80 to 4/40 in these two rounds. The insanely broken psychopath I had been fearing as I knew what she could do and how tanky she was, taken out by a few maggots.

Kharyen then steps up and uses a fireball spell, killing all but two of the swarms, one of which is sill right next to jess. Cereza tries to kill it with a point blank burning hands but it’s not quite enough, and now the two (currently) squishiest party members are right next to it. Rose shouts out a quick warning about how they are immune to weapon damage, and then realises she has no spells prepared that could help. In the end she uses another charge on her wand of cure moderate wounds to give Jess 15 more health to try and keep her alive, but things don’t look good overall.

We had to call it there. Our GM is on holiday for a week, so the next update might take a little longer.

In the meanwhile check out my new blog https://asylum-miniatures.tumblr.com/. I have uploaded all the parts so far and I will be constantly updating it with other stuff. I am still working on it, but I will be including a full index, timeline, posts chronologially, player profiles, character sheets, miniatures we are using and other miniatures I have painted.

Jess's new friends – 5, us four (rose was already her friend),Delbena

Jess’s dead friends – 1, Delbena

Times Jess needed healing – 4.5, the initial fall, taking the crossbow bolts, the gas trap, getting knocked out (.5), the maggots

Times Jess got drilled over (by herself and others) – 15, left to fall at the start, dropped 50’, failed to grapple chickens (.5), lied to about trap fixing, compelled into a trap, fell into poison gas room, tricked into opening poison gas room, made to punch down a door, almost punched fire (.5), told to dig a hole, told to go down a tunnel (I was hoping she’d trigger traps or monsters so we would be safe so it counts), knocked out, lost her cook, told to punch a corpse trap, hit by her ally’s volcanic blast, reminded about HP damage

Lloyds future contracts – 3, the guy who dropped us out without a parachute, the mad bomber and jess

Times Lloyds attempted to/wanted to/ actually screwed the party – 9, grabbing onto Isaac during the fall and he took more damager (.5), left them to face the gorilla by themselves (.5), told jess I had disabled the trap, told jess to punch in the roof, did nothing to help open the door (.5), blamed burning building on the others (.5) told jess to go down the hole, would have shot the cook, wanted to shoot jess and the cook while they were unconscious, told jess to punch the corpse, ran from the battle “to gain distance”

(I was initially trying to play deadshot, but I’ve somehow turned into captain boomerang)

Blatant thefts – 12.5, 4 guard towers, wardens office, staff office medical supplies, staff office personal effects, the vault (.5 we tried but couldn't get in YET), the toolshed, the blacksmiths, the prison cells, the guard quarters, the guards bedsheets.

(I started this one as a joke, dam it Cereza)

Times Khayren has intervened – 2, jess and the cook, the maggot swarms with a fireball

2018-01-31, 09:39 PM
(I was initially trying to play deadshot, but I’ve somehow turned into captain boomerang)
Somehow, I find this the funniest part of the post. :smalltongue:

2018-02-06, 06:04 PM
interview tape 33315:

[knock knock]

1# - come in. Ah Phil, back already I see, take a seat
2# - Thank you guildmaster. I’m here to present the report on the latest investigation
1# - I’m glad to hear that, how goes the mission any good news this time?
2# - well we found the guy behind the arsons at Mogwater, however as far as we can tell he was just another copycat
1# - Well done he may not have been the real mad bomber but he was a big threat I have full confidence that you will match my expectations
2# - I appreciate the trust you have put in us sir but I’m not questioning your decisions but….
1# - something on your mind, you can speak freely to me
2# - very well. Why do we have to bring HIM along? He has been nothing but a detriment
1# - He has more experience with the mad bomber than the rest of you combined. He may be rough around the edges, but he is exactly what you need to keep on track
2# - keep US on track, the man is a psychopath, I don’t know what the Jedi code is but it as sure as the abyss hasn’t got anything to do with subtlety, focus or restraint
1# - yes, that sounds about right, but how many of the six fake mad bombers has he been responsible for killing.
2# - to be fair sir
1# - how many?
2# - all six sir but he didn’t do it with any intent
1# - really? then tell me
2# - it was all in the reports sir
1# - and despite what is in those reports I have left him on your team but let’s pretend I haven’t read the reports tell me everything that has happened and I will explain
2# - As you know sir we were first told to go after the mad bomber of the crater he had been attacking a number of convoys he left no survivors, so we didn’t know who or what we were looking for.
1# - The crater I hate that place the whole town stinks and crime runs rampant it no wonder that Sylvester hid their it’s like a candy shop for him.
2# - what? Not.. not the town he was just called the mad bomber of the crater because he kept making craters. Was there another mad bomber sighting at that town?
1# - oh no no no Sylvester is the guilds accountant he used to live there it’s not important you just brought it to mind
2# - wasn’t that where the librarian used to live thinking about it. I don’t think I’ve seen him in a…
1# - continue with the report Phil
2# - yes sir we got to east-witch and we immediately split up to investigate. And by investigate, I mean HE went to solicit prostitutes
1# - that is rather slanderous to say, you don't know that he was actually
2# - I overheard him tell one woman "once you go small then you've got it all", said same woman said that if I lined her palm with gold then she'd do whatever I wanted with the other
1# - ok, so he was picking up hookers does that have any bearing on the mission
2# - it does when he drags us off to find some gnome. Turns out he'd given one of the girls he had been talking to the clap, and she offered to give him an "over under" if he went out and killed him for her. We get to where his lab was only to find it empty. We begin investigating to discover that the gnome was actually Sivil Blaragarst, a well know black market alchemist notable for suppling most of the local gangs. When Sivil made his way in from a back room to find us he tried to run. I'll give HIM credit, throwing a nearby tanglefoot bag at him to prevent his escape was quick thinking, too bad it was a tangleBURN bag, and the suspect is now on fire
1# - you can hardly blame him for that can you
2# - no, but I can blame him when, after I loudly berated him that we needed him alive for questioning, he decided to put him out by throwing a bookshelf at him. A bookshelf filled with alchemical materials. I should count ourselves lucky that the explosion threw us clear from the building before it collapsed
1# - yet you still marked that mission as a success
2# - Upon further investigating in town with the aid of the local authorities it was discovered that rather than there being one mad bomber, Sivil had been selling "mad bomber kits". These were masks and various fire themed items so people could just pretend to be the mad bomber, commit whatever crime they liked then return to their regular lives safe in the knowledge that the police would just pin it on the bomber and never look for them. That’s why the lab was filled with so much explosives in the first place. They even managed to dig up the body, but were rather annoyed when shortly after the head went missing
1# - I don't see what that has to do with
2# - you will soon
1# - I see so he sorted the situation.
2# - sir weren’t you listing he was disastrous.
1# - sounds to me like he took the lead of the investigation when you had no Leeds, found the target and dealt with him properly, even destroying his lab so that his resources couldn't be used by anyone else, a job well done it seems
2# - I suppose that’s true sir, from a certain point of view
1# - what was the next incident?
2# - well there were reports of multiple robberies of various small establishments by a fire wizard. A little investigating told us it was a wizard named Xander and he had been seen traveling along the coast. We split up in one town to try and find him, but when we met back up we realised HE hadn't come back
1# - "chasing leads" again?
2# - worse. We eventually tracked him down to a strip club bar, where he had successfully managed to get everyone in the establishment into a free for all drinking contest. While we were trying to retrieve him, we realised the guy he was hugging was Xander. He woke up at that moment, panicked at threw a fireball at us point blank. Unfortunately, the fine aged dwarfen brandy they were using for the contest was both extremely flammable and generously spread over every surface.
1# - ah
2# - the whole bar went up, we only just got out in time. There were a lot of casualty's and even more sever burn victims
1# - so swaggy single handily tracked down the culprit and manipulated him into a position where he couldn't use his powers without hurting himself
2# - you are making an awful lot of excuses for his actions
1# - just playing devil's advocate. The next mission had a similar outcome if I remember correctly, right?
2# - Yes sir, we had been sent to hunt down the Sorcerer Herbert Mello. He had recently been noted as barricading himself in his private labs and throwing fireballs at anyone who tried to enter. It was felt that his actions should be investigated considering that he had several notable crimes on his criminal record. It was decided that we should scope out the house and ask for local knowledge on his recent activities before confronting him. I say we decided but as soon as I turn around to inform the others HE had already run off. By the time we found him he had barricaded the only entrance and set the building on fire, claimed it was something his old group did with ice midgets and a Ferris wheel he stopped with one hand or some other such nonsense.
1# - According to your report wasn't he found guilty of growing "hazards and high illegal crops" afterwards. How did you convince everyone he had a pot plantation in the ashes?
2# - The crops weren't marijuana sir, they were a strain of Audrey-2. As you surely know they are extremely vicious carnivorous plants and require large amounts of human flesh and blood to grow. When I confronted HIM about needing evidence before he killed someone, he turned around, broke down his own barricade then charged into the fire. He came out a few minutes later with Mello's severed head in one hand and a bunch of vines in the other, claiming that that was all the evidence we needed. He's just luck that the wizard the town guard sent immediately recognised the vines and connected it to local disappearances
1# - So once again he immediately identified a solution to the problem, took action to eliminate the target and destroyed his resources so they could not be used for evil ends
2# - once again, technically true. After that was "the lady of the flames" incident.
1# - I thought these missions were to track down possible mad bombers?
2# - that was part of the problem. Apparently, she had been planning her grand crusade for some time, getting henchmen, choosing a target, planning her witty one-liners and so on. So, when she finally reveals herself being told "thank the gods, it's not the mad bomber" she understandably did not take it well. She set building on fire, stormed off then tried it again at the next village, only to get the same response
1# - hard to believe it happened twice in a row
2# - harder to believe it happened a dozen times in a row, but that’s apparently, what happened. Fortunately, that meant we had plenty of information about her movements to work off. Looking at the evidence it was pretty clear she had made a base up in the mountains, and there happened to be an old abandoned quarry up there that seemed like a likely location for her base. Sure-enough we EVENTUALLY found her there when we arrived
1# - Eventually, did you have any problems finding it?
2# - no sir, the quarry was accessible by a main road that was still in good condition. The problem was that HE destroyed the carriage and released the horses I rented to take us up. He claimed he didn't want to have to pay for them if we lost them, which we surely would as WE were the untrustworthy ones. What should have taken an hour at most took us three days to climb up the mountain. What's more, HE spent every moment complaining about his short legs and the fact his shoes kept giving him blisters despite the warnings we gave him to take hiking boots
1# - Ok, I understand that it was frustrating, but you shouldn't let yourself get so worked up about a mistake like that
2# - How about when his complaining woke up a Yrthak that was hibernating up there which promptly attacked us. When we moved to engage it, HE refused to help us as it was, and I quote, "Too far away to bother with, you have it covered". After the fight when we asked for assistance in healing the party we discovered that HE had used all of his healing abilities on his blisters while we were fighting. Am I ALLOWED to be frustrated about that?
1# - I understand your angry, so I'll overlook that tone you took with your guildmaster
2# - your right, I apologise sir, just....
1# - you don't have to justify yourself, now tell me what happened when you got to the quarry
2# - Right sir, well when we got there we were fortunate enough to find her in one of the quarry pits addressing her troops. It seemed as if, from what we could hear, that she was trying to motivate her troops after another botched reveal. Once again, we start planning what to do, and HE starts butting in with ideas about charging her head on.
1# - I think I can see where this is going
2# - Well this time none of us were having it. We were tired and irritable from the trip and being forced to deal with his constant antics. This time we flat out challenged him on how he planned to charge someone 200' below him. He proceeded to demonstrate by throwing himself off the ledge face first.
1# - and he survived it?
2# - credit where credit is due, he may be a blood simple psychopath, but at least he can aim right. I think her body helped cushion his fall.
1# - what about her army?
2# - like I said they were demoralised after so many failed attempts at getting recognition. Seeing their leader get turned into a bloodstain, only for a heavenly armoured dwarf to pull himself out of the crater, brush himself off then demand "right, where is that mad bomber, I've got some killing to do" broke what little spirit they had left, and they surrendered immediately
1# - hold I, I thought there were no survivors?
2# - I said they surrendered, I never said HE accepted it.
1# - So despite some poor decisions initially, he came up with a plan to single handily take out the leader and leave her minions in a vulnerable state
2# - yes, seeing your beloved god reduced to paste in a moment would have that effect on you
1# - what happened on the next mission?
2# - We travelled further west investigating rumours that the mad bomber was strong-arming a group of villages there. We found that the "mad bomber" in question was working for a local barbarian warlord called "Grog, leaver of corpses". It took a while but we were able to establish that he came personally to collect protection money once a month to each of the villages. So, find out where his next appearance will be and we spend a week setting up traps for the perfect ambush.
1# - I'm guessing it was anything but
2# - as soon as grog turned up and started his intimidation game HE charges straight at him. Right into a cluster of traps that He himself had helped build and set up. We lost both the element of surprise and a week's work. As for HIM, he ended up impaled on poisoned spikes, covered in tar at the bottom of a 30' hole that was filled with toxic gas while also being simultaneously frozen and on fire
1# - if nothing else you really have to credit his endurance for surviving it
2# - seeing he had been betrayed, grog ordered the village burned to the ground. We had a rough fight on our hands not helped by the fact we needed to defend the villagers. Things came to a head when grog took the mayors family hostage and demanded our surrender for their lives. While we couldn't surrender as he would just kill us and the rest of the village, if we acted to rashly it would certainly cost them their lives
1# - truly a difficult situation for any team to face. What happened?
2# - HE happened sir. Ellias decided to try hitting them both with a blast of water magic to knock them over and disorientate them, hopefully giving us enough time to move in and disable him. Just at that moment he fired the spell, HE managed to get out of the hole, charge forward and punch the mayor's wife in the face.
1# - wait, why did he...
2# - I asked HIM about that later. He said something along the lines of her looking the squishiest, and he wanted to finish off something in one round. This had two effects, firstly the mayor's wife flew 20' so she was out of the spells range, and secondly Ellias lost focus on the spell and ended up firing a far more powerful blast than he had initially intended. The two of them were blasted into a second cluster of traps, and we lost sight of them down a 20' hole filled with rat swarms.
1# - how many traps did you set?
2# - we had a week and nothing better to do, besides isn't it usually better to be overprepared than under? We wrapped up the rest of his minions and later met up with HIM, who was now carrying grogs half eaten headless body around the town, asking if anyone wanted "the most kickass wall-mount this hick town's ever seen"
1# - what about his "mad bomber", you never mentioned what happened about that
2# - turns out grog didn't have one. He'd gotten his hands on a large number of explosives, he was just planning on blowing up villages for intimidation before he got word about what happened in Southwater, and decided to use the incident to his advantage
1# - well it sounds to me like
2# - wait, let me guess [cough] "despite initial setbacks, he acted decisively to foil a tense hostage situation, and singlehandedly fought and defeated a local tyrant and a menace", does that sound about right sir?
1# - actually I was going to say he made a pig's ear of himself but at least he came through, but I think I like your phrasing better.
2# - oh, I see
1# - what about this latest one, I haven't had a chance to read it yet
2# - well sir it was one of our most dangerous missions to date. We had been tasked with tracking down Albas Booster, a known underworld wizard with powerful connections and even more powerful magical knowledge. He had gained fame early in his carrier for escaping custody and slaughtering his way through an independent guild who had apprehended him, despite the heavy use of magic nullifying equipment they were known for.
1# - Sounds familiar
2# - exactly sir, the royal guard believed that he might be the key to figuring out our bombers identity. Either he was the bomber himself, he trained the current bomber, he would prove invaluable in solving how the bomber got past the anti-magic enchantments. He is known to be a complete sadist, torching enemy and ally alike with a variety of horrific methods spell and even curses. There were many stories of him purposely leaving enemy's alive or only knocking them out so he could take them back to his lair and torture them at his leisure. It would be a hard task to take him down, let alone take him alive. We found a source saying he was stockpiling "dragon teeth rubies" down south.
1# - Dragon teeth huh, had he turned his hand to necromancy?
2# - That's what we thought sir. As you well know the rubies got their name from the old legend, the one about planting dragon teeth in the ground would sprout an unstoppable army. The natural magic in the rubies mean that if you use them as the active catalyst in most necromancy spells, the creatures produced are far stronger than usual. When we finally tracked him down and confronted him however, he had found a different use for those natural magics. He had successfully developed a ritual dedicate to Dahak to create what could only be described as "hellfire elementals", a cross of a daemon, a dragon and a fire elemental that were increadably powerful and resliant even in their smallest forms. Turns out he had been using the rubies as fuel to create them, and was beginning to amass an army
1# - well you have to give booster credit, he is both creative and ambitious, only a shame he's using it to such foul ends. What happened this time?
2# - seeing the pattern sir? We manage to get into his lair without his noticing us, and once he leaves we start trying to figure out how to safely disable the ritual site. HE comes up with the idea of "getting rid of those damn rubies, wam-bam problem solved" and proceeds to shove the several minecarts filled with the rubies into the central firepit. The firepit which activated the ritual. Instead of the army of small elementals Albas had been trying to create with them, swaggy had given the materials for a hellfire elemental the size of a mountain, which of course was far, far too powerful for the control runes in the ritual circle to effect
1# - sweet bahamut, how did you survive that?
2# - We didn't, the rest of my team are awaiting resurrection by the clerics as we speak. Albus was killed and we didn't find enough left to attempt a resurrection or a séance. HE and I are the only survivors, and most of the region was burned to a crisp. The only upside is that it couldn't find enough fuel to maintain itself, so it burned out.
1# - Well...
2# - don't you even try it sir.
1# - Well despite all the setbacks you have to admit, he did contribute in a significant way to the ending of these various threats
2# - well yet, but..
1# - I know he is unorthodox, and more than a little unusual in his approaches, but I assure you he is the individual in this guild with the most experience in dealing with the mad bomber. I did not place him on your team lightly, nor am I overlooking his "transgressions". Just trust me when I say I know what I am doing. Take heart Phil, you are surpassing ever expectation of success I had for your team when I assigned him to you.
2# - really, thank you sir
1# - now you take some rest, you've more than earned it. Your teammates should be back up and running by the morning.
2# - Thank you sir


3# - you never had any expectation for their success, yes?
1# - SWEET HOLY, [breath] how long have you been there?
3# - I never left, yes, but answer the question
1# - Well what I said was true, he was the only person in the guild, aside from the team, who could identify him even if he never realised that the rest of the team were the ones responsible for everything. I had to do something to keep him out of the way for the time being, but I never expected anything like this
3# - a masterful plan, yes, show the guilds commitment to finding the mad bomber Draspher, yes, while never actually going near the boy. The sheer size and audacity of the incidents even helps keep that team out of people's thoughts, yes.
1# - yes, but they were only supposed to be small, simple missions. Even if I have been able to spin it in my favour I still never dreamed they'd get into situations like this
3# - it would help, yes, if you ever read any of the reports coming in, yes
1# - What, no, no, I read reports certainly
3# - Horse racing results don't count, yes. Perhaps if you did yes, you would call your premier assassin, master of the serpent blade style, Balthazar Brightshadow, by his correct name, yes?
1# - I knew him when he first came to this guild as an orphan named Phil White, I don't care what he calls himself now he'll always be my little Phil.
3# - yes, well I wouldn't count on 'Phil' being so agreeable, yes, when he figures out what has really happened to all those 'mad bombers' heads
1# - wait what?
4# - Sir, we have an incident!
1# - yes what is it?
4# - One of the members who just returned is attempting to make a chair out of several skulls. he won't stop and several members are finding it highly distressing.


1# - I'll be right there. Ok, how did you know he was trying to do that
3# - I read the reports, yes
1# - between you, draspher and "HIM", I don't know which of you is going to kill me first
3# - you love of triple chocolate double cream éclairs will beat all of us to that, yes
1# - …..I expect to to be out of my office when I get back
3# - yes, like you mean you expect Balthazar's team to capture the real mad bomber, yes
1# - one of these days I might just lose my temper with you and just finish you off. There's not a soul alive who would blame or convict me
3# - yes, but then you would have to do your own paperwork, yes?

1# - ….....
3# - ….....


2018-02-27, 11:31 AM
interview tape 42461:

1# - How many got injured last night.
2# - I don't know the attack was quick last night they were right at the walls without any warning we didn't have any direction.
1# - Where is the captain have we still not heard from her yet?
2# - No about an hour before it started some ninja showed up and dragged her off.
2# - Oh no sorry sir she was just needed for an emergency of some kind but no one has seen her since.
1# - Do you think shes?
2# - No i .. ma.. maybe this is all getting worse.
1# - How many of our guys are infected?
2# - The last count had over a quarter but more people could have been infected last night.
1# - Are any of the family's infected?
2# - I don't think so they are all in the inner areas so they should be safe.
1# - I think its getting worse we are getting reports of them getting smarter.
2# - What do you mean?
1# - Their was a group of adventures who got attacked by some yesterday.
2# - That's not surprising..
1# - With a knife.
2# - What but only use there hands and teeth they are mindless animals that has to be a lie.
1# - I was on the scene of the incident if you heard that wizard you would believe it.
2# - I didn't want to believe it sir but they snuck up on the walls yesterday. I just hope that madam whitewater does something before its to late.
2# - I'm sorry sir.
1# - Look as long as they are out there and we say in here we will be fine.
2# - They are already inside because we are already...
1# - Shush. Look we can talk about this later just go inside and drink some of the water if we keep doing that we will be fine.
2# - ok.
1# - I said OK.
2# - OK sir.
1# - Now get going. tut it looks like the idiots from yesterday are back lets see what they want this time.

2018-03-03, 11:00 AM
In a change of pace, we decided to go back to our original group and finish off the whitewater compound. We all thought this was going to be a quick, boring session. How naïve we were.

Session 18, Part 1 entrance to paradise

As we head over we get a bit more backstory about the town. Turns out it used to be a fairly nice place. The spring was open to everyone and was a frequent drop off point for caravans. That is until the whitewater clan arrived. They sealed off the spring in the centre of their compound and charged for the water it provided. Over the years the town has been falling into rack and ruin thanks to this. No-one has been able to do anything about it because the whitewater's also have strong connections to the local branch of the royal family. When this disease started spreading the clan sealed themselves in and refused to sell water to the town anymore.

Draspher quickly double checks that he's not going to get in trouble for being the mad bomber here and the GM confirms that the main reason we were sent here is the fact it's so far away that no-one has herd of his exploits. I then point out that now the mad bomber came to this town and there has been demon summoning seen, thus adding to his reputation.

We approach the guards and sayid quickly pulls out the letter and we are given entrance. We make our way through a grass filled courtyard, and between two trees we are brought into the main visitor lobby. Inside is a wide selection of local delicacies, and six large glass pillars filled with water with a small tap attached. Yurian quickly checks them out, asking the guard we've been left with about them. Apparently, we are free to eat and drink here, and the water is the water straight from the spring that we require. We all go over and help ourselves, some like Yurian attempt to only have a small portion to maintain their manners whiles others like myself just stuff our faces. The water does it's trick, partially curing us and relieving us of our symptoms, for now at least. Ocelot even goes as far as to start filling his water-skin with it in stealthily in front of the guards.

Part two, tense negotiations

Soon a man wonders up behind Yurian and enquires about how the scorpion is. Turns out he's the Son of the leader of the Whitewater clan, Kardag. Sayid immediately jumps up, rushing over to him and desperately imploring him to listen about the curse, but Karday ignores him, only commenting that "there are guest here, save that talk for later".

Yurian interjects, trying to get him to see reason by explaining about our encounter with the demons, and what is going on with the feast of dust. I helpfully wonder over, complement him on the food before pointing out that even if he doesn't believe in the curse, other do are willing to act upon it. Despite the whole group chipping in it just seems like he doesn't care about the people outside and doesn't believe anything will happen to him inside the walls. He only starts to take notice when Ocelot points out that people were CLAWING there way inside. Something must be wrong as ordinary people would not attempt to do this, there is something else at work here.

After much effort we finally convince him that maybe, just maybe, we should be heard out, so he takes us to see the clan head, his mother. We make our way in and come to a beautiful courtyard, with a large pool of water in the middle surrounded by palm trees. We see an elderly lady in priest type robes. She barely gets up from, what can only be described as a sun lounger, to address us with distain.

Yurian and Sayid quickly begin their explanations of what's going on and why they need her help, but the problem is, she just doesn't care. So, what if this disease is ruining the town, she's safe in her compound, she can quite easily wait it out until all the filth outside is dead, then she can get a far better class of people to move back in to replace them. Although she likes Yurians "honest face" and she's making a little headway, it's an uphill struggle. draspher tries to help with this bit "regardless of this curse exists or not your enemies. They have sent some drunken sailor who seduces sayids son into taking the thing supposedly keeping this curse away and leaving an impressive fake. These actions will only trick those who think this curse is real into taking action against you. Turning the lower class into mindless puppets to throw at you so that, when this chaos has weakened you, your true enemies can strike and take what they can from you". The GM actually gives Yurian a +2 on her rolls for that.

Jaune however immediately recognises the problem, everyone else in the party is treating her like she's a normal, decent human being. I then interject with a different angle, starting a retune with her about how we are both opportunists, and there is the possibility of business here. It's still an uphill struggle, she has a sense motive that’s crazy high, but I eventually get through to her:

Lady whitewater – why should I care what happens to that filth?

Jaune – My lady, there are two kinds of people. You give one a bag of seeds, they will eat there fill and then become hungry. The other will plant those seeds, and with a little work, water, time and patience will grow a crop that will feed themselves, their family and start to build their empire. My lady, that "filth" outside are your seeds.

[GM actually stops, pausing the stroke his chin at this thought]

…..[later on]….

Lady whitewater – why don't I just wait for them to die off and replace them with a far better class of people.

Jaune – even with a better class of people, someone will need to clean up the filth. If you follow my advice, not only will you get the people outside to do it, they will THANK YOU for it

While I am appealing to the purest of all virtues, human greed, Yurian comes up with another idea. She offers to show the lady the demon that we fought and uses a silent image spell to perfectly replicate (choosing not to embellish it as she didn't trust her bluff score). The image of the Anubis demon actually makes her pail, and she comments "this can't be, it's just like in that book". She sends us back to the reception while she and her son discuss this.

While this was going on, Sim decides to do some investigating of her own. She approaches one of the guards and starts asking about the condition of the staff. Turns out about half of the staff have all come down with the disease. Our conversation with the lady turns to the matter of people outside the walls and Sim points out that there no chance she cares about the guard's families at all. Both in and out of character I start cursing sim for ruining my business opportunity by starting a revolution.

Part three, thoughts on theft

As we get taken back to the reception, the guard accomping us starts asking Sim if she really meant what she said about the whitewater's not caring. I continue to curse Sim's name. He ask if we're infected as well, then explains that the water won't actually cure anyone, but one glass a day "resets" the curses effects to the first day. When you stop drinking the water, it just comes back. Yurian then asks if we can fill our water-skins at the pillars, and the guard explains that while he's not exactly allowed to let us, he really doesn't care.

The GM starts rolling dice, then suddenly facepalms. When questioned he only states that anyone can pull a draspher. We soon see why.

The GM has us roll perception, and when we all fail the guard asks "wasn't there someone else with you". We realise that Sayid is missing. The guards asks us to stay there while he goes looking for him. Sim then hints that one of us should find him and bring him back before the guard catches him:

Sim – shouldn’t we find send a person to find him?
Jaune – your trying to get me in trouble and ruin my business opportunity again you b####
Sim – won’t sayid running around also ruin the future business opitunty
Jaune – well time to go off and find our beloved comrad

What followed left the GM and I completely speechless, as Ocelot starts attempting to figure out how much water he can steal. First, he plans out what containers he has, then he figures out how much storage there is in a bag of holding. Then, after cursing he's the only party member who thought to get one, he realises he has more storage than all the pillars in the room. Then he starts justifying what items in the bag are waterproof or not important if they get wet. He decides to steal two cubic feet from each pillar so they won't notice, but then draspher joins in and points out he could turn the bag invisible so the guard won't notice. He then tops this by saying he could turn Ocelot invisible and send him off to steal from the spring directly. At this point I pipe up with a question of how fast he thinks these taps are, considering there used as over the top water fountains, how he plans to steal 6 15-gallon pillars worth of water while the guard watches before the others arrive. So, he suggests just breaking a hole in the side, with both draspher and Yurian saying they can just use a mending spell on it afterwards. I curse them all for attempting to mess up my business opportunity

In the end he decides to just stick with water-skins. I question if diluting the water over time would give us a longer duration but draspher goes on a whole other tangent. He starts questioning if BREATHING the water would have a different effect to drinking it. He then starts making various plans involving swimming in the tanks, using his new necklace of adaptation to breath the water, then just living in a tank of the stuff. I whole heartily support the idea of putting him in a giant hamster ball filled with the stuff, that way he's cured and the rest of us never have to put up with his nonsense/antics ever again.

While this mensa meeting is going on the guard comes back. Along with a bunch of other guards. Along with Kardag, and his mother Lady whitewater. The guards are also carrying an unconscious Sayid, and the lady angry demands to know what he was doing sneaking round her private chambers. I immediately realise what must have happened. Ever since the sword went missing, Sayid has been desperate to redeem himself. When he heard she had a book with the Anubis demon in it, he must have decided to go find it himself, and got caught.

(Gm later explained that he had gone through sayid's thought process, figured "he has class levels in monk, he can sneak" then proceeded to "roll a draspher" with a critical fail of 1)

Draspher – how dare you accuse lord Dupee of this!
Jaune – It's Dupre you ass

This relates to a question he had for me earlier. He remembered that part of my backstory was that I was of noble blood before the revolution came, and he wondered if it would be a good idea to bring it up at some point to use to our favour. I agreed, but he completely misread when the correct time to use this information was. Now the lady was both ticked and confused, and her massive sense motive refused to listen when I tried to explain.

Part four, negotiations break down

We all immediately pipe up with ideas/actions. Some of us want to fight, some want to discuss things out, it's a mess, so the GM has us roll initiative. The good news is that I rolled fairly high, so I might be able to sort this out. The bad news is that Sim had a prepared action and cast obscuring mist over the troops. This completely scuppers my plan, as I realise that any hope of negotiating with them won't work if it looks like we took offensive action against them. So, I go with Jaune's all-purpose plan A. I immediately dive to the double doors at one end of the room and try to get them open. To be fair it wasn't quite running away completely. I knew that if we left out of the doors we came in from we'd be outside the compound unable to do anything. My hope was that we could escape the guards for now then try and find out what we could about the priest who went missing/that book she mentioned/raid her vault. The doors are locked though.

The others take various actions in accordance with their own plans. draspher fires a grease spell into the smoke in the hopes of tripping the attackers up in the mist. Yurian still attempts a diplomatic solution, backs away and drops her sickle to the floor while vex moves to the back door and guards it against any incoming threat, and Ocelot decides to shoot out one of the pillars, coating the slick marble floor with water:

Ocelot – that’s how you cast grease
Jaune – hey draspher, do you need a potion of cure light wounds for that burn
Draspher – what burn?
Jaune – [turn to Ocelot] no good, someone’s already cast blank mind on him

Out of the smoke Kardag charges out of mist, taking a swing at sim. He misses, but counters sims attempt at a bull rush. Unable to escape this way, I can read the signs and resign myself to my fate, cast kage bunshin no jutsu and join the others ready for combat. It's at this point that lady whitewater wanders out of the fog as well, completely soaked and thoroughly enraged. She might be old and greedy, but this in no way makes her a pushover, and she demonstrates this by capturing all of the party except Ocelot inside a black tentacles spell, and the initial round of grapple damage puts me at half health and draspher at very low numbers. Yurian then demands that we lay down our arms and surrender, she promices lady Whitewater that this is all a misunderstanding, that we'll go peacefully and we can resolve this. draspher fumbles about and tires to escape his bonds enough to cast a spell, but fails so he stops struggling to show his compliance. Sim backs off from Kardag and in turn Kardag lowers his scimitar. Even Ocelot lowers his gun to show his compliance.

Just at that moment two things happen. The first is that I manage to break the tentacles DC of 28 with a 29 in escape artist. Upon dropping to the floor I go with the patented Joestar family secret technique, Juane variant. I turn invisible and use light steps to run straight past the guards still in the fog bank. Admittedly it could have gone better, I rolled a 3 (still getting a stealth roll of 40 thanks to my invisibility) and so some of the guards realise I am escaping due to the movement of the fog cloud, and the thud as I run straight into a wall, but I still manage to make it down the corridor. The other was vex simply breaking the tentacles hold on her. She then strides over to lady Whitewater, and either she didn't hear or didn't care about what Sim said, as she smashes her in the face with the hilt of her katana. Draspher then successfully argues that the surrendering characters should get a turn as a delayed action. While he fails to do anything again, Ocelot immediately panics and follows his twitchy nature, and unloads into the lady's face for a Crit and a hit for 46 total damage. The combined assault is enough to knock her on her ass unconscious.

Yurian is beside herself in silent rage, refusing to act for the rest of combat and already writing her resignation letter to the guildmaster in her head. The only person more enraged than her is Kardag who does what she can't and swings at the half orc who smacked his mother in the face. It's clear from the get-go that this guys going to be tough to fight considering he rolls a 3 yet manages to get a hit on 24 ac, taking vex down 19 health leaving her on 18 HP left. Ocelot returns the favour, unloading the rest of his clip into him for 25 damage. Another note in our favor is apparently sim is better at the revolution thing than she thought. Two of the guards decide now is the time to turn, charging at Kardag. One of them stumbles into the tenticle field immediately, but the other still makes a swing at his boss, confusing and enraging him even more.

During this draspher is getting depressed. He has virtually no health left, no way he can break out of the tentacles and the damage will probably take him to 0 next round. Vex has a quick think/consultation with someone who knows her sheet better than she does (me) and decides that a channel energy is a pretty poor idea considering that it would heal everyone in the room including the mother we just knocked out, so she uses her swift and standard actions to heal both herself and draspher for 16 and 14 respectively. And it's a very good thing she did heal herself, as Kardag takes another swing at her and crit's, taking her down to exactly 0 disabling her.

Maybe it was the fact lady whitewater was unconscious, maybe it was vex's healing, maybe it was the shock of seeing her take a blow like that, but fate finally decides to throw draspher a bone and he finally gets the dispel magic spell off, successfully dispelling the tentacles. Kardag has been in the game long enough to know when he's beat. He barely wanted to fight in the first place, it's only when they attacked his mother he really got into it. Now she's unconscious and helpless, his guards are turning on him and the enemy have gotten free and are ready to make a counter attack. He surrenders. Draspher returns the favor by healing vex up 8 points, while she heals herself to 25. They all start discussing the best way of securing their new prisoners.

During this, Juane ran off down the corridor. Deciding against going through the doors directly ahead of him sneaks down the corridor. This takes him to the water processing factory, a whole separate encounter that is the final blow for the GM's preparations. He has no idea how to handle any of this story wise, so he calls it there.

Just when I get worried we were getting boring we manage to mess things up again. Now it's a case of the others have kinda-sota overthrown the compound, I'm pretty sure Sayid drowned when Ocelot broke the pillar and he was the only one who knew anything about the Anubis guy. The GM and I are going to figure out how the side story of my running off works before next time.

Lives saved – 5.5, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt, the nun we healed (.5), the captain, sayid and the kid

Lives killed – 7, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife), the broken armed escapee that got shot, the city guard (he only had 2 days left till retirement) and the other two guards, sayid drowning in the desert

Vexes Harem – 2.25, the Girl being mauled by her commander, the nun and a librarian who was really a ghoul

Times Drilled over by Draspher – 4, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert, got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death and now refuses to heal me, vex healed him instead of attacking which meant the guy got a critical that nearly killed her

Times Draper got drilled over (both his own and others fault) - 32, his adhesive spittle keep breaking (2), I knocked him out (his own fault), he got assaulted by an air elemental and no-one cared, nearly killed by demon breath, his spider webs did nothing (15), the dog that fell to its death, the earth elementals that did nothing (3), the medium earth elemental critical that did nothing, the fireball, the 15' cone that can't go 20', the dragon roar (got the jackals attention) and the squid, Ocelot ruining his grease spell, getting tentacled before he could do anything

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory - 7, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2)

Jaunes buisness ventures screwed – 6, sim starting a revolution, Ocelot and draspher trying to steal water, draspher wanting to swim in it, sim trying to get me to sneak off to find sayid, sayid getting us in trouble, sim ruining any attempt at diplomacy with the fog spell

Organisations overthrown – 2, southwater crime gang and now the whitewater, do we just really hate water?

2018-03-30, 12:49 PM
To start off, I will relate what happened in the solo campaign.

Part –1, Jaune makes a friend

I dash down the corridor but stop myself as I get to the corner. I also use my sleeve of many garments to don a guards uniform, ready to bluff/deceive through anything that I need to. I look around the corner to see what's there before committing myself to running that way. My roll of 2 on perception show me that there are two guards chatting with an unknown third person. They are talking heatedly, asking "her" to stand down, they really don't want to take them down the dungeon by force.

Intrigued, I sneak closer. I see two of the guards accosting a well-dressed woman. She replies to them that she doesn't care about her mother being overthrown. Personally, she's been waiting for her to screw up and step out of line for a while. She's the one that’s been running this place for all this time, and now maybe she can get some actual work done once she's in charge. If they stand with her then they will be rewarded, but should they stand against her she will make them regret it. I sneak closer with a stealth roll of 56 the guards none of them have any idea I'm there.

She also points out that she's the one with the power here, it her that been running and repairing the water pump, they can't get rid of her or else everyone goes thirsty. I decide this is the moment take advantage of the situation. I sneak back to the corridor, drop the invisibility and casually walk behind the guards. They suddenly turn to me, confused what's going on, but they carry on accosting the lady. I turn to look at her, and ask "my lady, what's going on?". She calmly explains that the guards want to take her, her mother and her brother to the prisons. I ask if she needs assistance, and when the guards turn incredulous at me, wondering who's side I'm even on, I thrown the palmed shuriken at both of them before turning invisible and sidestepping. While the first guard takes both for 11 and 18 damage, the second was more suspicious of me and managed to block the incoming projectiles.

The lady it seems can handle herself just fine, pulling out a rapier, jumping on a water tank and gives the first guard a stab in the back to match the shuriken in his face. The second guards get angry at this, throwing down a thunderstone that deafened me and the first guard, who glares angrily at him. He then turns back to the lady and manages to get a hit on her legs. The woman then jumps up to the highest point on the system and begins making the hand motions of casting a spell. Moving off I draw my weapon and down a potion for 4hp (I really need to invest in stronger potions) while I plan my next move. I then notice two unusual figures at one end of the hall. I recognise them as golems, but they seem different to the usual golems you normally see.

My thoughts are cut off when I spot an opening. The first guard has moved to the bottom of the device and is now attempting to slash at the lady's legs again. So, I move behind the guy and finish him off with a single stroke, then (still fearing the fact the other guard could take me out in one hit probably) I turn invisible again. Sure enough, the remaining guard runs up to have a swing at me but fails to hit me. He soon has other problems to worry about though, as the two golems start moving towards us. The lady jumps behind them as they approach, clearly using them as cover/bodyguards.

The guard goes to attack the first golem, and I can finally get a good look at them. They look more mechanical than regular golems, and the presence of exposed gears and such suggest there more homebrew than they usually are. The guard makes a good hit on it, but it almost looks like nothing happened to it with as little effect it has on it. Meanwhile the other one makes its way around the machine, somehow still tracking my movements even though I'm invisible. I decide to try and show my alliance to the lady by taking out the guard, so I position myself in such a way to use the 10' reach end of my weapon to hit him. Unfortunately, the second clockwork does not care, hitting me for 15 damages, leaving me 9hp left. I think that was the first the GM realised just how low my health actually was, and just how frail I am in comparison to the rest of the party.

The guard, ticked off he took a metal chain to the head but unable to do anything about it, gives his golem another swing and this time the blow looks like it does damage. In return, the golem first breaks his sword, then when he tries to stab it with the broken blade, cuts him in half. I go with my usual plan, run from the golem and try and get the lady to call them off. Unfortunately, I can't hear her response, I'm deaf from that thunderstone. However, the golems do stop advancing, so I think I was successful. So, we wait a little while until my hearing comes back.

We get to talking. I explain how I'm part of a team sent by the guild that Sayid contacted for help regarding the disease. We had come to the compound to negotiate for help regarding what we had found when all this started, now my friends have been captured and I snuck off to find help/break them out later. I find out she's Ezrisha Whitewater, daughter of the other Lady Whitewater and the brains behind this operation. She's the one who keeps the business running, and the only person who knows how to fix/maintain the pump. While she knows that her mother and brother have probably been captured by the guards, frankly she doesn't care, now she can just get on with fixing the problems going on without her mother getting in the way of things.

I also find out some other problems. Mainly that when the guard threw the thunderstone he was signalling for help:
Jaune – oh, so that’s why he threw that, I thought he was just being a d### because he couldn't see me
Ezrisha – well that was probably a part of it as well
Jaune – so he was just being a d###?
Ezrisha – no it was probably both
Jaune – being a d###, gotcha
Turns out that spell she cast earlier was a force wall to keep anyone else from getting in. The bad news is that now we can't get out, and she's not going to drop the wall until it expires as she doesn't have another one prepared. What's more, she's unwilling to abandon her home there are no allies we can call upon to help us even if we could get out. The town guards are just general militia that work for them because they're paid, not from any real loyalties, while the compound guards are tougher mercenaries that were brought in to protect the compound, so getting the town guard probably wouldn't do much regardless.

Personally, she doesn't even think there is much need to leave. This is the pump room, the only place they can get water in large quantities. Sooner or later they will have to negotiate with her to get access to it, not to mention she's the only one who can keep it running. My enquiries also tell that, although yes, the pump and the spring outside have the same source, there is no way for me to crawl through it and come out there. Injured, I ask if she has any kind of potion on her, when the wall comes down I'd rather be at full health if I could help it. She doesn't have anything that could help unfortunately, so I strike upon the idea of searching the guards, that Throws the GM off, but he lets me search and I get a note later about what I had found. The lady looks over at me as I search:
Jaune – hey, I'm an adventure, it's what I do
Ezrisha – they tried to kill me, go right ahead I don't care
Jaune - oh, in that case [start kicking a guards body]
Ezrisha – ?
Jaune – wanna go? It's fun
Ezrisha – you know what, you’re a weird one. I like you

After this Ezrisha finally comes up with a plan. She pull out of her cleavage a jewelled scarab beetle:
Jaune – I'm guessing that’s more than a fancy bit of jewellery
She explains that she makes clockworks, the two golems are hers and so is this. I express genuine admiration for her talents at making something so small and precise. She can have the beetle record a message, fly through a hole in the roof thatching and contact one of my party members for help. I tell her to send the following message to Yurian, the blonde oracle:
Have mode contact with reasonable with reasonable Whitewater. We are both trapped in water pump room. Guards seem to have had an uprising. Sim, did you **** this up for me? Chance this can still be resolved peacefully. Yurian I am trusting you on this

We sent the beetle off and left it there.

Session 19, Part 1, a bird in need

With the Whitewaters' being dragged off the others start to take check of their situation. Sayid is dead, he was unconscious, tied up and when ocelot broke the pillar he drowned unable to save himself. while this is both a horrific tragedy and the loss of the one person who knew what was going on, his death is mostly just glossed over by us. There was a brief talk about trying to reincarnate him, and whether that would work but we have more pressing matters to deal with.

A couple of the others hear some cries in the distance. Cries that sound like they belong to a very large bird. Sim immediately panics and runs to save it, Yurian following behind (less to save the bird and more to storm out, still enraged at our actions) with the others following after them. They get out to the oasis courtyard to find Dwain getting attacked by two guards, fumbles desperately hanging on his back and all three combatants looking bloodied and ragged. Ocelot immediately goes over while Yuiran glares daggers in his back even as she heals herself 25 damage. He quickly tries to explain, "no he's with us" but this argument for peace is immediately followed up by Dwain ripping one of the guards guts out. Seeing that peace negotiations have broken down, he pulls out his revolver and drops the second guard with two caps in the head.

The others unwind at this point. Vex decides to take a refreshing drink from the freshly bloodied oasis, Yuiran, still seething in rage, decides to examine the water, try and research its properties. Sim and draspher start healing up Dwain and realise he's pretty close to death, that fight must have been going on for a while. During this Sim finds something in his mouth, and a quick examination gives her the impression it's for Yurian. She quickly takes it over, and they discuss it in secret. The group then splits up again. Which is to say Yurian and Sim mount Dwain and fly off over the oasis without a word. The others, unsure if there ever coming back due to Yurians' anger decide to check in with the guards.

Part 2a, check-up
Ocelot, Vex and draspher head back into the pillar room, and find two guard standing over 5 other guards. It seems that there's been some internal fighting in the guards, but which side won, and are they friendly?

Vex is the one to realise the standing guards are the ones we talked too previously. With that tension resolved, they went over to talk. Ocelot quickly starts asking about locating me (Jaune) and the lady Whitewaters' quarters, he needs to find information hidden amongst her personal belongings. The guards wonder why need needs to look through an old woman's privates, but they don't have time to ponder that. They explain that there was a minor civil war in the guards, between those who served the Whitewaters' loyally and those whom had had enough of their callous attitudes. Although the revolutionists have won, there still their friends/comrades and they really don't want people dying over this. The five on the ground are not in the best of shape, and they really could do with a hand before they lose them. Ocelot is the only one there with ranks in heal, so he goes around doing his best to fix up the guards. It's touch and go with a few of them, but they are stabilised for the time being.

Part 2b, breakdown

As they fly over the oasis, the topic comes up what's happened to fumbles, who draspher never retrieved from Dwain. draspher points out he could use his connection to fumbles to track him down, so I point out they might just ditch him in the lake, then Ocelot points out they might just kidnap him and draspher will never see him again.

Contrary to popular belief, Sim and Yurian weren't simply abandoning the party (yet, Yurian was going to hand in her resignation letter, then tell the party what they can do where and with what). No, Yurian had another mission in mind. The thing in Dwain's mouth was the clockwork beetle Ezrisha had sent with my message, and the two were flying over to the water pumps to help me out. As they approach the building they sense something off about it. A quick check as they fly makes Yurian realise it's being covered by some kind of force field, but the field only extends up so high, and it doesn't seem to cover the roof. So, she directs Sim to make Dwain fly onto the roof.

Meanwhile, I was waiting patiently for help to arrive when suddenly part of the ceiling falls down on top of me. I just manage to get out of the way, and both lady Ezrisha look up to see a large beak:
Ezrisha – is that your friends
Jaune – yes, I'm hoping that’s Sim's pet Roc
Ezrisha - that’s not a rock that’s a bird.
Jaune – I never said it was a smart bird.
Yurian quickly asks me if this is the Whitewater I meant. After confirming that, she berates me for disappearing. What followed was a 5 minute argument as we each blame the other for things going wrong. Ezrisha looks on at this, slightly bemused.

Yurian decides to address the lady directly. A quick interrogation reveals that, yes she is the daughter of the Lady Whitewater currently being dragged down to the cells, but she really doesn't care about that, she just wants to get back to business. With her gone she can finally start providing help to the town (not that she's altruistic, it's just better business keeping them alive), but can Yurian guarantee her safety if she drops the force wall? Yurian is scarily serious when she tells her that yes, she would kill her party members to guarantee her safety (rolled a 35 for it too).

Part 3, rushing to the defence

Just as Ezrisha drops the barrier, two guards storm in from the corridor. Yurian pulls out her lightning wand and blasts the doorway indiscriminately, hitting the first for 22 damage. I ready myself, drawing my weapons and using my kage bunshin no jutsu for three clones. Meanwhile Ocelot hears the familiar thunderclap and charges off down the corridor to help. Vex runs after him, slowed down by her armour while draspher "lackadaisically" follows.

(on a side note, I thought he was making that word up, just more of his usual noises so you can imagine my shock that word had a correct spelling for it)

Unfortunately, the hole Dwain made isn't large enough to fit through, so instead Sim sends him down to where the spot by the doorway and have him start smashing his way through the plaster (side note he still hasn't combat trained the bird, so he needs to roll handle animal checks for everything. He managed to roll a natural 20, getting 31 on that roll). Meanwhile Sim herself jumps down, knocking her head of the side, but manages to land safely on her feet with only 1 damage thanks to her cat boots. Yurian immediately follows after, slips and falls flat on her back in comparison, although she somehow only took 1 damage as well from it. While Yurian picks herself up, Sim casts flame blade on her scimitar and stares the two guards down.

The two guards are none-pulsed about what's going on, not expecting to be blasted by lighting from people falling from the ceiling blasting lighting at them. That’s probably why they hadn’t moved from the doorway, though I am guessing they wish they had. A moment later Dwain finally breaks through the plaster wall, and part of the ceiling falls on their heads. One of the guards, (the one who had been hit by lightning) crawls out of the wreckage. Dwain quickly hops over and starts viciously pecking at him.

It’s at this point Sim finally gets a good look at him and pales. It’s the first guard she was talking with before at the oasis, the one who started the revolution in our favour. A Dwain is about to peck his face off. She screams out a horrified order to stop. Fortunately at this very moment, Ocelot rounds the corner before the two guards following him. Seeing what Sim is shouting at and recognising the guard he wonders over to placate Dwain. Unfortunately, he has no idea anyone else was under the rubble, so he does this while standing on the second guards head. Sim quickly dashes up and tells Dwain to hide while they sort this out, and the birds quickly hops off. Initially, he hides behind a palm tree until Sim yells at him to find a better spot.
Jaune – See, I told you it would all work out in the end
Ezrisha – you have no idea what’s going on, do you?
Jaune – with these guys its best not to ask
Ezrisha – [turn to the destroyed wall] I’m billing you for that
Jaune – I understand, I will include it in the report and all appropriate parties [glares at Sim and Dwain] will be billed for it

Yurian heals the first guards while Ocelot clears the rubble off and picks up the second guard. The first guard groggily turns to Yurian and asks “Who’s side are you on?”. Seeing he’s healed enough, she leaves to discuss matters with Ezrisha, but before they can get past a proper introduction and “why have my guards turned on me”, two more guards come into the room, quickly followed by Vex and draspher. To my infinite surprise, draspher actually diffuses the situation with the guards, talking them down and reassuring them everything is in hand. Yurian convinces the first guard that things can be halted without further bloodshed by listening to Lady Ezrisha, who calls a meeting at the oasis, and we all leave via the new “door” Dwain made.

As we leave, we notice a shape in the water. It’s Fumbles, evidently enjoying himself having a swim. I’m not sure how a raccoon simultaneously does a backstroke and flips off draspher as he tries to call him over, but it is impressive. We also notice a series of bubbles in the water next to him, and Dwain sticks his head up out of his “hiding spot” upon seeing Sim.

Part 4, resolutions to the revolution

Sure enough, there’s soon a meeting between lady Ezrisha and the guards. She tells them that, now her mother and brother are out of the picture, she is free to make the changes needed to save the town, those who stand by her will be rewarded. The guards begrudgingly accept her help, considering she was the one Whitewater that was helping them this entire time.

Ezrisha – [turns to us] Well that went better than I expected.

The talk then turns to what will happen next. Yurian, well and truly sick of us after that display is quick to work out deal where she stays behind here and researches the disease. We (I) then work on a bargain, where I will broach a deal with the guild where they supply material and resources needed to rebuild the town. A section of the bargain would also include sending us regular shipments of the water to hold the disease off until we can cure it as part of her end of the deal.

We each find something to occupy us while we wait for the transport to arrive:
• I spend the days in Lady Ezrisha’s company, helping to establish the beginnings of the Whitewater empire. By the end of the 5 days, we are firm friends.
• Yurian decided to take over Sayids store, going over his records to discover more about the disease. She discovers that Sayid was one of the “Sentinels of Meraz”, a group dedicated to guarding certain artefacts called “The Oblivion Keys” which are linked the “Jackal Prince” we encountered. The sword was one of these, alongside three others although she hasn’t found their locations yet. She also writes up a letter for the guild member she wants as her replacement, her deaf bother, warning him about us.
• While Yurian studies, Sim decides she’s going to renovate the shop. She spends her time mapping out the store and planning what to do with it. She and Yurian decide to turn the place into “the best book and brothel”
• Draspher starts coming up with bad ideas, until I give him the broken sword I picked up before. He sets about using mending over and over, keeping him occupied just as I planned
• The others spend their time helping the town, mostly by helping the Whitewater guards distribute water to the townsfolk.
After 5 days of this, we see a shape on the horizon. As it gets closer, we recognize it as the guild flyer (a Microlight used to transport members across the country quickly). We part with Yurian, who leaves Ocelot the note to pass on to her brother. Although she was mad at us for not listening, she was still part of the team, and we’ll all miss her as she misses us. Hopefully we will see her again, especially as she intends to follow up the clues to find out the cure to the disease.

We get back to the guild, and the Guild-master wants to talk right away:
Jaune – Now I know what you're going to say, but let me point out this wasn’t my fault
He doesn’t believe me, probably has something to do with the constant updates we’ve been getting on our mission. He has some choice comments for all of us:
• He’s is particularly displeased at how I constantly run when things turn bad (though he does admit I have a point when I ask if he rather I just stayed behind to die as I couldn’t help, but the anger is still there)
• Ocelot is way too twitchy
• draspher is now wanted in three counties, so his reasons go without saying
• Vex didn’t stand down when ordered by her team leader, and that nearly caused a disaster
• He also refuses to listen to my and Ocelots shared confessions that it was all drasphers fault
After his fit of angry/disappointed/absolutely livid ranting, he tells us to hand over our found equipment, he has something in mind for us. It’s at this point draspher discovers he’s expected to hand over that necklace of adaptation as per guild policy (any found weapons/items of worth are given to the guild and the finders paid in recompense. Then that person/party has first dibs on renting/buying the item afterwards)

Lives saved – 13.5 and a town, the Girl being mauled by his commander, the crazy homeless person that almost burnt, the nun we healed (.5), the captain, sayid, the kid, the 5 guards, lady Ezrisha, the 2 guards in the doorway (kind-of), the town (for now)
Lives killed – 11, the one guy we pulled up to stab, the civilian that got shot (she went at him with a knife), the broken armed escapee that got shot, the city guard (he only had 2 days left till retirement) and the other two guards, sayid drowning in the desert, the two guards outside, the two guards attacking lady Ezrisha
Vexes Harem – 2.25, the Girl being mauled by her commander, the nun and a librarian who was really a ghoul
Times Drilled over by Draspher – 4, he convinced me there was a dragon in the desert, got me glued to the ground with a crazy infected woman ready to beat me to death and now refuses to heal me, vex healed him instead of attacking which meant the guy got a critical that nearly killed her
Times Draper got drilled over (both his own and others fault) - 32, his adhesive spittle keep breaking (2), I knocked him out (his own fault), he got assaulted by an air elemental and no-one cared, nearly killed by demon breath, his spider webs did nothing (15), the dog that fell to its death, the earth elementals that did nothing (3), the medium earth elemental critical that did nothing, the fireball, the 15' cone that can't go 20', the dragon roar (got the jackals attention) and the squid, Ocelot ruining his grease spell, getting tentacled before he could do anything, losing the necklace
Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 8, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha
Jaunes business ventures screwed – 6, Sim starting a revolution, Ocelot and draspher trying to steal water, draspher wanting to swim in it, Sim trying to get me to sneak off to find sayid, sayid getting us in trouble, Sim ruining any attempt at diplomacy with the fog spell
Organisations overthrown – 3, southwater crime gang, Whitewater family, then the Whitewater guards revolution

Our session didn’t end there however. The guild master decided now was the time to nip this problem in the bud as it were. While it was fine to send us off to cause problems at first, the mission is getting more delicate, and our usual antics just won’t cut it. First things first, time we met our new team-mates. Introducing:
Telon (formerly Yurian) – Yurians deaf brother (the second this fact came up, ocelot interrupted and gave him Yurians letter), a Metal Oracle. While Yurian chose to go the bookish knowledge-based route, her brother is all combat based, going into battle with plate armour, inflict instead of cure spells and a large nodachi
Yolan (Formerly Sim) – an inquisitor and travelling adventurer. Upon look at the sheet in comparison to his old one, he claims the inquisitor is “so broken”.

Telon is immediately unimpressed, asking if the guild master seriously wants us work with these “amateurs”. The guild master responds by knocking of drasphers hat of disguise, showing he’s the mad bomber. Yolan immediately vanishes from sight, and draspher hears an extremely intimidating “don’t mess this up” whispered into his ear.

The GM explains that this time the level up is going to be treated differently. We will have about 14 days to retrain skills (using the appropriate rules) and learn new ones, all role-played out. The first step, in order that we should get to know our new teammates better, we’re starting off with a basic “kill house scenario”.

Part 5, breaking and entering

The scenario is simple. We are walked up to a large house, and told to take down the men inside. GM draws the outside, tells us to place our miniatures outside and everything from this moment is in character. We start planning, I’ll be upfront checking the door for traps, Yolan and Telon behind me ready to storm the door, Vex follows after and draspher and Ocelot at back. However, the GM decided to be a jerk about it. While I was checking for traps, he had failed to mention A. that the scenario started immediately, not when we entered, B. that the space he had told us to set up was a tiny edge between the building and off the board, and C. since we were all talking “in character” that meant everyone inside could hear us. Sure enough, about a dozen bullets peal through the door while I’m checking for traps.

While I dodge for half damage, Yolan and Telon end up taking the full force of 78, nearly killing them outright. I only took half and I still took 39 damage, leaving me at a scant 9hp while Telon had 1hp left and Yolan is 4 from absolute death. drasphers first instinct is to bomb the house, recognising there must be around three guys at least behind the door. He decides against the fireball for now, if only for the fact he’d kill his own party at that range, so decides to summon, only to realise he has no line of sight inside the building. He finally decides to check if he can help Yolan and Telon, but his roll of 2 convinces him there dead.

Just then the shutters on the first floor open up, and two more guys start shooting at us, hitting Ocelot for 28 and Vex for 13 respectively. Ocelot runs for the wall, shouting at us to join him as getting flat against it would ruin the gunners line of sight. While drawing my weapon, I try to get the party organised, yelling at vex to heal us, draspher to summon a rhino to charge through the door and SOMEONE to give us cover. Sure enough, vex drops a channel energy on us getting Yolan back to 1hp and Yolan heals himself back to 23hp and activates his healing judgement to get his health back.

Ocelot then starts trying the shutters, as carefully as possible. Finding he can open them and that there’s no-one on the other side, he takes aim and starts shooting the floor where one of the upstairs gunmen must be. He has no idea if it hits him or not, but I like his thought process. Vex meanwhile decides to enter the house through the shutters on the other side. Problem is thanks to her heavy armour, she has an abysmal climb score, so she utterly fails to get through the open window. draspher meanwhile comes up with one of his plans. He runs up to building while using ghost sounds to create the sound of a fireball hitting the side of the building and screaming “desert dragon”. I say again, his plan is not to cast fireball, but instead “trick” the guys currently shooting at us into thinking that a DESERT DRAGON is attacking the building from a completely different angle. Naturally it does nothing, but I think the next plan matches it in terms of success, if not worse.

Ocelot comes up with a plan. First, he convinces Telon to cast silence on him, then passes him one of his spare spider climb potions downing one himself. He then proceeds to scale the wall to where the gunman he shot was. The main reason I call this plan terrible isn’t that he’s splitting the party, isn’t running off without telling us, oh no. I call it terrible as he was dead in the middle of the party when the silence spell activates, meaning that I was rendered mute and completely unable to communicate with any of the party members, thereby preventing any hope the party had of working together coherently.

While this was going on Yolan uses a special ability to dimensional door inside the building. He hears the other gunman on the first floor moving into the building while the rest of us see two of the gunmen downstairs moving back through the wrecked door. It doesn’t do them that much good though, as at that moment draspher finishes his spell and sends a several ton white rhino stampeding through the remains of the door and the surrounding wall, missing one gunman by the skin of his teeth while trampling and burying one in rubble, before it smashes through the next wall. In the distraction I flurry the stand guard for two hits at 18 damage each before turning invisible, letting Vex and Telon move in to attack him. Telon tries asking for healing from vex, but thanks to the silence spell he can’t be heard. The critical he rolls can be felt though, and the downed gunman takes 24 damage from him.

The fallen gunman gets up while the first manages to dodge Vex and Telon’s attacks and his vex for 12 damage. Meanwhile in the next room the other two gunmen both unload everything they have on the rhino, reducing it to bloody Swiss cheese. As Yolan scopes out the room, seeing one by a staircase before crossing to the other side of the destroyed inner doorframe for a better look at the room, draspher steps out from cover, enraged at the loss of his rhino. He launches a fireball into the centre of the house. The blast is devastating, reducing many of the walls to splinters and even destroying the floor where one of the gunmen was waiting in ambush for Ocelot, dropping him into the crater left behind. Then the guard at the middle of this blast gets up, brushing off the dirt left after the 27 damage and takes aim at draspher.

Although unable to hear the explosion, Ocelot still felt it, and noticed the massive hole in the house when he exits the room with the window. He then decides to make the best use of his potion, first walking on the wall then on the ceiling to get an ideal and unexpected angle on the hole/next room. I take similar action (without the Spiderman reference) and sneak into the next room to see what’s going on. It’s at times like these the GM curses me for being able to roll 52 stealth when I need/want to.

Back in the first room Vex flubs a turn with two misses, while Telon hits the gunman for 9. In retaliation, and despite taking a blow from vex for 12, he unloads the rest of his guns into Telon. Despite a misfire damaging one pistol, he manages to gun him stone cold dead for 32 damage. This entire time he was one hit from death but his choice of negative spells and the silence field stopped him getting healing.

It’s now draspher realises the critical mistake he made. By moving into the open he left himself exposed, by blasting the fireball and not killing his target in one blow he made himself a target. He is absolutely riddled with bullets, taking 107 damage, insta-killing him from full.
(side note, just before this point, thanks to poor handling of his figure by the others the head had come off. Looks like that was an omen)

Yolan attempts to cast a spell, but finds his efforts thwarted by the silence field, so is forced to simply draw his sword and end his turn. While it comes in useful when one of the gunmen moves to attack vex, the 13 damage isn’t enough to prevent him plugging Vex for 12, finally dropping her. Still invisible, I sneak into the room to survey the situation. In the GM’s own words, “the situation is F.U.B.A.R”, so I resort to Jaunes all purpose backup plan, and I make for one of the windows. Just as I am getting out of the window, A hand reaches out and grabs me by the scruff of my neck and drags me back in. It’s Ninja-San, who just shakes his head and angrily/disappointedly states “you fail” before activating fireworks signalling the end of the exercise. This doesn’t stop ocelot from continuing to fire, still enveloped in the silence spell. So unable to hear them go off. It took 5 guild members to wrestle him to the floor and rip the gun out of his hand while the guild master himself talked him down before he stopped firing.

Ninja-san gets us together, and asks us where we think it went wrong. I explain how the attack through the doorway threw us off while we were planning. Then any attempt at regrouping and coming up with a plan was shot when Telon used the silence spell. Agreeing with this statement, he still had a few thing to say to us:
• draspher, you can’t keep doing this much collateral damage on every mission. We’re sending you to a city soon and you can’t just keep destroying everything around you left right and centre
• Ocelot, you ran off without telling anyone where you were going, and you did so in such a way that made communication impossible. You very easily could have gotten hit by the fireball simply because no-one knew you were in the blast range
• Telon, you spent the entire fight on one hit till death, you never communicated you needed help or healing considering you were right next to the paladin
• Jaune you ran off again [what were you expecting me to do, stand and fight when I just watched the dedicated fighters get gunned down in a single round?] you could have played support. If you picked up a wand of healing you could have cured the others while you waited. Perhaps you should consider putting some points into use magical device? [I have max ranks in that, I’ve just never had the gold or time to buy a bunch of wands]
His main concern was a complete lack of communication between us. As part of the training, he’s going to teach us sign language so we can communicate with Telon and in a field of silence. We should also consider finding a way to communicate regularly.

After our dressing down, we started planning what we were going to do for our level up/training. draspher decides to get some training in with fumbles. Then he realises fumbles isn’t with him. In fact he hasn’t seen him in a while. OH CRUD, WE FORGOT FUMBLES! Meanwhile, far away in the desert a raccoon is being shaken back and forth by an oversized bird, and he swears revenge. (OOC he wanted a new familiar as blowing two feats on a celestial raccoon he kept consistently not using/using wrongly. He/we decided that that was a far funnier solution, and gives fumbles a chance at a reappearance down the line)

we left it there, while we planned out our level up/retraining/rebuilding.

Timed "died" in training – 4, Yolan at the start before getting healed, draspher, Telon, vex

Times yelled at – 2, at the guild, ninja-san

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 9, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission

Times drilled over – 4, GM at the start of the training mission, ocelots silence spell, Telon not following ocelot, getting told the situation was FUBAR yet still getting told off for running

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-03-31, 07:41 AM
I love my group - I genuinely do. It's the greatest feeling watching them overcome a difficult situation, but as you've probably noticed it's how they choose to do so which is usually the most fun things to watch.

This is admittedly one of the longest running campaigns that I have had the pleasure to DM so certain things I am starting to learn and implement as I go down the line. I have the fortune of having started somewhat of a gaming renaissance in my group of family and friends thanks to starting this game - as it has lead to at least 4 concurrent games being run within this particular group.

We have (to date)

This game

Everybody is Johnny Depp - a Skulls and shackles Pathfinder game DM'd by Rebelpyroflame (could also be referred to as "What do you mean the Bard has no ranks in swim???")

"Excuse me. Could I talk to you about the Old Faith?" - A Shadow of the Demon Lord game DM'd by the player of Ocelot. (So far every character we have rolled up with the religion 'Old Faith' has died a horrible death)

and finally

"The barbarian just punched out a mountain..." - A somewhat Monty Haul type affair run by my other younger brother who is getting his feet wet in DM'ing his first game.

Now in each of these games I've seen DM elements that I think are admirable and should be replicated in my own games. That and reading some of these forums. So as times gone on I've tried to include these within my play. So occasionally I'll start dropping in little points to try and tweak the game to take this into account.

That said - now lets add my comments as DM to RPF's

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-03-31, 09:50 AM
Yurian and Sayid quickly begin their explanations of what's going on and why they need her help, but the problem is, she just doesn't care. So, what if this disease is ruining the town, she's safe in her compound, she can quite easily wait it out until all the filth outside is dead, then she can get a far better class of people to move back in to replace them.

I think this is the first character (or couple of characters; being mother and son) I've thrown at them that actively don't care about the lower classes. Think proper 1% type thinking.

It was weird yet strangely amusing watching the players just not making head way at all with this woman and getting somewhat frustrated with her attitude.

While I am appealing to the purest of all virtues, human greed,

Good strategy :)

Yurian comes up with another idea. She offers to show the lady the demon that we fought and uses a silent image spell to perfectly replicate (choosing not to embellish it as she didn't trust her bluff score). The image of the Anubis demon actually makes her pail, and she comments "this can't be, it's just like in that book".

Also fairly inspired :)

Yurian has always been somewhat the party face and has had knowledge and charisma skills out the yin-yang. The player for her is a pretty good strategist so as such they kind of got the role of team leader and strategist.

Remember this - it'll be important later...

"this can't be, it's just like in that book"

So will this..

So part of my play style as a DM is to do my best to make every NPC into a truly living entity. 90% of the time it is never even seen or even explored but that is fine - it's not supposed to. No one is going to care that the blacksmith has 2 children and is overdue on his rent unless it becomes their business.

So with this I considered - how do the guards feel about this situation?

While this was going on, Sim decides to do some investigating of her own. She approaches one of the guards and starts asking about the condition of the staff. Turns out about half of the staff have all come down with the disease. Our conversation with the lady turns to the matter of people outside the walls and Sim points out that there no chance she cares about the guard's families at all. Both in and out of character I start cursing sim for ruining my business opportunity by starting a revolution.

And as it turns out Sim's player actually thought to ask one. Nice playing and opportunity for role play.

Now consider Sayid - the NPC who was responsible for the safeguarding of the key. He believes that he alone has the most information regarding the creature they have faced. He's also desperately trying to fix his mistake.

So when he hears "this can't be, it's just like in that book" his first reaction as an NPC is "What book?"

The GM starts rolling dice, then suddenly facepalms. When questioned he only states that anyone can pull a draspher. We soon see why.

All PC's got to take 10 on a passive perception. Sayid has class levels in both rogue and monk and makes his stealth rolls quite handily to sneak away from the group.

Unfortunately he crit botches when he's sneaking around in the Lady Whitewaters chambers looking for 'the book'. Needless to say she wasn't pleased.

What followed left the GM and I completely speechless, as Ocelot starts attempting to figure out how much water he can steal. First, he plans out what containers he has, then he figures out how much storage there is in a bag of holding. Then, after cursing he's the only party member who thought to get one, he realises he has more storage than all the pillars in the room. Then he starts justifying what items in the bag are waterproof or not important if they get wet. He decides to steal two cubic feet from each pillar so they won't notice, but then draspher joins in and points out he could turn the bag invisible so the guard won't notice. He then tops this by saying he could turn Ocelot invisible and send him off to steal from the spring directly. At this point I pipe up with a question of how fast he thinks these taps are, considering there used as over the top water fountains, how he plans to steal 6 15-gallon pillars worth of water while the guard watches before the others arrive. So, he suggests just breaking a hole in the side, with both draspher and Yurian saying they can just use a mending spell on it afterwards. I curse them all for attempting to mess up my business opportunity

Again it's just fun as a DM to sit back and watch the situation unfold before you. Watching the players back and forth about how best to steal enough water so they won't be noticed. It's also the point where I was doing the mental calculations about Sayid and what he was doing.

However it's also this point that I thought - hmmm, they are discussing this plan in full view and earshot of a guard as characters. I'm not going to drop the hammer this time but I need to start making them think about this...

I question if diluting the water over time would give us a longer duration...

I know what he was saying but the idea just made me chuckle.

"So to make it go farther... You want to add water... to the water..."

"Yeah. So will it work?"

"I think you need to stop sitting next to Draspher dude..."

And then to prove that 'nuh uh! I can be dafter than that!'

He starts questioning if BREATHING the water would have a different effect to drinking it.

Me - "You want to wha?"

Draspher - "Well I figure drinking it is good, but filling my lungs with it has got to be even better!"

Me - "And to paraphrase Raiden - how do you avoid drowning?"

Draspher - "My necklace of adaptation! I can survive in the vacuum of space with this thing"

Yurian - "... Hey Mr DM. What's the upward range on a teleport spell? Would it reach orbit? Asking for a friend..."

I whole heartily support the idea of putting him in a giant hamster ball filled with the stuff, that way he's cured and the rest of us never have to put up with his nonsense/antics ever again

You both jest but I know the table would get awfully boring without him :P

So the Lady believes that this has been an elaborate trick to steal from her and as you might expect confronts the team.

"What is the meaning of this! Now you try to steal from me???"

Draspher – "how dare you accuse lord Dupee of this!"
Jaune – "It's Dupre you ass"

Bear in mind that at no point during the game or even before this has RPF explained his character backstory at the table. Also during conversations with the Lady Whitewater he never introduced himself as Lord Dupre. So this came not only out of left field but Draspers player is desperately trying to justify why it should make a difference.

Drasper - "But he's got royal blood"

Me - "One; how do you know that in character? Two; Why would she care about a dead bloodline that has no political connection to her? Three; If he'd opened with calling himself Lord Dupre then I might allow it but now she is confused and thinking Sayid is Lord Dupre..."

Draspher - "Oh..."

We all immediately pipe up with ideas/actions. Some of us want to fight, some want to discuss things out, it's a mess, so the GM has us roll initiative.

GM - "Roll Initiative. I want to use this for action order. I'm not letting you guys just discuss tactics like some sort of pause button anymore. You've been caught on the hop - so no more planning. What do you do?"

The good news is that I rolled fairly high, so I might be able to sort this out. .


The bad news is that Sim had a prepared action and cast obscuring mist over the troops.

I don't think it was a prepared action - I think he literally JUST pipped you in initiative.

Now - to be fair - this genuinely wasn't their fault this time. I put them in a fairly crap situation and was hoping that they would try for diplomacy. I found out later that Ocelots plan would have been to put a bullet in Sayid to show that he acted alone and that he deserved his fate - though I would have had to shift his alignment for that one.

So, I go with Jaune's all-purpose plan A.

Leg it...

It's at this point that lady whitewater wanders out of the fog as well, completely soaked and thoroughly enraged. She might be old and greedy, but this in no way makes her a pushover, and she demonstrates this by capturing all of the party except Ocelot inside a black tentacles spell

Ocelot shifted position very early where as the rest bunched up. This lady is pretty strong - she's like a 12th level mage. But for 6 player characters of level 8 she's difficult but beatable, at least according to my encounter calculator.

Yurian then demands that we lay down our arms and surrender, she promices lady Whitewater that this is all a misunderstanding, that we'll go peacefully and we can resolve this.

Literally says that she's willing to put her life on the line. That if they do anything that they can kill her. And she's totally being genuine about it.

draspher fumbles about and tires to escape his bonds enough to cast a spell, but fails so he stops struggling to show his compliance. Sim backs off from Kardag and in turn Kardag lowers his scimitar. Even Ocelot lowers his gun to show his compliance...

Me thinking "Hmm, I can still use this."

The first is that I manage to break the tentacles using escape artist...
...I turn invisible and use light steps to run straight past the guards still in the fog bank....
...but I still manage to make it down the corridor.


The other was vex simply breaking the tentacles hold on her. She then strides over to lady Whitewater, and either she didn't hear or didn't care about what Sim said, as she smashes her in the face with the hilt of her katana.


...Draspher then successfully argues that the surrendering characters should get a turn as a delayed action. Ocelot immediately panics and follows his twitchy nature, and unloads into the lady's face for a Crit...


The combined assault is enough to knock her on her ass unconscious.


Yurian is beside herself in silent rage, refusing to act for the rest of combat and already writing her resignation letter to the guildmaster in her head

Honestly I can see why. In character they basically killed her. She'd sworn on her life and half the party ignored her. Had it not gone the way that it had they would have had every right to execute her and they would have. And it would have been public and grisly :p

During this, Juane ran off down the corridor. Deciding against going through the doors directly ahead of him sneaks down the corridor.

Splitting the party... Always a good idea... Especially as you keep telling me - you are a squishy rogue and shouldn't be left alone in combat...

So the next section required a solo campaign that I had to arrange specifically for RPF to play to find out what happened to his character...

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-03-31, 11:06 AM
So as RPF said, by the end of the session previously we have had a change up in the lineup.

Yurians player felt that as a character there would be no going back from what happened and that she (the character) would not be able to work with that team anymore. It's also worth noting that in game she and Sim are lovers (they are out of game too but it's not invasive on the story) so Sim would also not be able to stay with the party.

OOC I think that Yurians player was also feeling that they may have made a mistake being the face character and that as far as combat was concerned she was not exactly ideal. She had started with no real combat feats or powers, and while this would have been okay, the last session kind of showed that the party was very combat heavy and she didn't really fit. Especially if they weren't even going to listen when she was doing her talking.

So I wrote them out of the story and introduced their new characters when it was convenient.

Secondly - I had noticed that the players - even after months of gaming together - are still a little bit independent, rather than working as a team. So I had a mean idea - to run the aforementioned kill house scenario.

GM draws the outside, tells us to place our miniatures outside and everything from this moment is in character.

Hey at least I said it out loud and you obviously heard it :smallbiggrin:

We start planning, I’ll be upfront checking the door for traps, Yolan and Telon behind me ready to storm the door, Vex follows after and draspher and Ocelot at back.

However, the GM decided to be a jerk about it.

You were literally stood by the door, talking in your normal voices about where to stand. At this point I had already had you roll initiative and I was rolling dice while you were discussing - as it happens, perception rolls for the guys inside to hear you. You very helpfully told me exactly where you were standing and in what order :smallbiggrin:

While I dodge for half damage, Yolan and Telon end up taking the full force of 78, nearly killing them outright. I only took half and I still took 39 damage, leaving me at a scant 9hp while Telon had 1hp left and Yolan is 4 from absolute death.

That woke you up didn't it :smalltongue:

drasphers first instinct is to bomb the house, recognising there must be around three guys at least behind the door.

Good perception check...

He finally decides to check if he can help Yolan and Telon, but his roll of 2 convinces him there dead.

Terrible heal check...

Ocelot then starts trying the shutters, as carefully as possible. Finding he can open them and that there’s no-one on the other side, he takes aim and starts shooting the floor where one of the upstairs gunmen must be. He has no idea if it hits him or not, but I like his thought process.


draspher meanwhile comes up with one of his plans.

This should be good...

He runs up to building while using ghost sounds to create the sound of a fireball hitting the side of the building and screaming “desert dragon”.

As with Ocelots plan - good in theory but essentially blind firing without knowing effect.

From a DM point of view - the first wave of attacks was designed to cause panic and confusion in the team. By the time they had taken these actions the 'enemy' NPC's had already faded back into the building to another ambush point. I was banking on the idea that they would immediately regroup and abandon stealth and charge the building.

Straight into another setup ambush.

As it was it didn't happen quite that way but:

draspher finishes his spell and sends a several ton white rhino stampeding through the remains of the door and the surrounding wall, missing one gunman by the skin of his teeth while trampling and burying one in rubble, before it smashes through the next wall.

Effective - but very heavy on the collateral damage. Still can't deny the effects and...

Meanwhile in the next room the other two gunmen both unload everything they have on the rhino, reducing it to bloody Swiss cheese

Two of the guys had made it to the fallback position and shot the thing to pieces. But it meant that at least it triggered the ambush. Unfortunately they couldn't capitalise on it before they were able to reload their weapons. The NPC's in the house (at least those two) took a full round action to reload

And then:

...draspher steps out from cover,...

To be fair I think he was expecting to OHKO the guy with the fireball. It's been and remains his go to spell for doing damage. What he didn't expect it that the guy made the reflex save so instead of 27 damage he only took half. And the guy very calmly took his pistol and full round attacked back at the mage who even at level 8 still has an AC of 15...

And critted... twice...

In the GM’s own words, “the situation is F.U.B.A.R”, so I resort to Jaunes all purpose backup plan, and I make for one of the windows.


A hand reaches out and grabs me by the scruff of my neck and drags me back in. It’s Ninja-San, who just shakes his head and angrily/disappointedly states “you fail” before activating fireworks signalling the end of the exercise.

Now I had planned that if 3 out of 6 went 'down' that they would fail the exercise. As it was Jaune trying to 'escape' I just took as leaving the area of battle and going AWOL so I treated it as being downed.

I've got to be honest - yes I was being mean - but at no point did I fudge in my favour and I didn't railroad anything. Other than stopping Jaune from making a break for it.

The point was to teach my players a lesson about teamwork, and I hope the lesson sank in a little bit. I read a couple of other source books from other games about SWAT team tactics in order to coordinate them and it worked really well - perhaps too well...

2018-04-15, 11:55 AM
This session we continued with our remedial training. We had each spent a few days going through various training:

• Ocelot had teamed up with his old friend, the guild alchemist and Quartermaster Ollom Hammersong the dwarf. With his help, he took a level of alchemist and retrained a previous level to become a second level alchemist. He even figured out how to grow an extra arm to help him with various tasks. He and Ollom have also decided to start working on various types of special bullets, such as a healing syringe, alchemist bomb launcher, knock out bullets etc
• I meet up with ninja-san for training. When asked what exactly I’m hiding behind my back, I present him with (both in game and irl) my home made riceballs and ask “sempai” to notice me. After a clip around the ear (not irl) he starts teaching me some skills so I am more useful in direct combat (and hopefully less inclined to run). With his help I gain the scout archetype and retrain the deceptive feat to gain the confounding blade rogue talent. I also use the cash from the last mission to purchase (on Ninja-san’s advice) two +1 spring mounted wrist blades so I can throw shuriken without dropping my main weapons, and a large selection of wands
• Yolan, disturbed how easily he was taken down, meditates on his build. It’s almost like he was a completely different person, with different ability point distributions and equipment (he realised a large number of mistakes he had made in making his sheet, such as buying headband and wastebands of perfection, leaving no gold for more immediately useful items, so he re-started them to be more appropriate). He also invested in a bullet ward spell to counter his heavy armours weakness to them, and made sure he had a better healing spell selection.
• Telon went back to the monsetry to re-attune himself on his focus, to be Gods tool of war. This translated as gaining a level of barbarian, with an aim of becoming a rage prophet. (He had a similar rebuild to Yolan, as there dating they conferred with each other and made similar mistakes)
• After spending most of her gold giving her off hand wakizashi keen, Vex decided she needed some more punch, so she consulted fellow big fighter Telon for help. With his teaching, she was able to tap into her latent connection to the gods in a stronger form. The training is hard though, mostly because the teacher is deaf and not very good at teaching others. The breakthrough comes when vex gets annoyed at him enough to start yelling at Telon, only to realise she’s not speaking common but Abyssal. With this success, she gains a level of battle oracle, but her curse is tongues. To put it into context, Vex is a brave, Nobel Paladin who has modelled herself after the honourable samurai. Now whenever she get in battle, she starts screaming in Demonic Tongues. The plus side is now she has more spells to cast as buffs, an alternate source of healing to her lay on hands, and the surprising charge ability helps improve her manoeuvrability in combat
• draspher had been assigned one of the guild mages to assist him. Rayvn Nox is a short, firely woman who introduced herself by walking over to draspher and smacking him around the head repeatedly, loudly berating him and asking what the hell he thinks he’s doing. This is the closest thing to genuine human affection he has ever received in his life, so naturally he implants on her as his motherly figure. Despite her amusement at this, it won’t save him from the beatings. With her tutelage he learned some support spells in the form of resist energy, enlarge person and haste, and his bloodline gave him dimensional door. He even learned to cast spells in silence since he was working with a deaf person and silence spells could be useful now we all knew sign language. He also remembered, from his experience with the Whitewaters, the effectiveness of black tentacles, and managed to recreate the spell. He also bought a second spell ring and has given them mage armour and shields respectively, with the idea of making scrolls of both in his downtime. While examining his finances Rayvn saw just how much he had saved, then proceeded to smack him round the back of the head so hard his head became imbedded into the floor. She then dragged him over to the quartermasters to actually buy some armour. He managed to buy some Darkleaf armour that won’t affect his spellcasting while giving him an AC worth something. (Note the team pyromaniac is now wearing magic leaves)
• Fumbles, having chosen a life as Dwain’s chew toy over more time with draspher, has left an empty spot on drasphers shoulder. Luckily (?) Rayvn happened to be looking after an egg for the guildmaster, which when she left draspher in charge for a few minutes hatched and implanted on him. Turns out it was a Faerie dragon egg, which has named itself “Mee” and insists on talking in the third person. At least having Mee helped draspher learn how to cast dragonbreath.
(His player actually bought a dragon hand puppet to represent Mee, and I don’t think a single person on the table was pleased to see it. Vex lives next to him and had been putting up with the puppet/accent/draspher talking to it/it talking back for a week. Ocelot knew from the moment he saw the puppet, heard its annoying accent and the way it spoke it would annoy him. The GM and I had a more personal reason for being worreied. We both practice Aikido alongside draspher (it’s how most of us first met, everyone on the table practiced at one point or another) and even before he bought the puppet, draspher had been having animated conversations with it. While we would walk back home, we’d turn around and find him falling behind in arguments with “Mee”. He gives us enough to worry about as it is, but do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to watch a man lose a fight for his sanity with his own right hand? It’s like the cat finger from Steven Universe, except instead of a shapeshifted finger it’s his own imagination. At multiple points during the night we keep joking/planning ways of taking out the dragon so we don’t have to deal with it.)

(Also, later on when he takes it off his hand and puts it on his shoulder, we realise that thanks to the realistic eyelids on the puppet it looks suicidally depressed, and we all laugh that even this new born know how its situation is, and how demented the picture we took of it depressed and draspher grinning like a maniac is.)

Alongside this we had all also learned Drow sign language. While this wasn’t enough for massive conversations, we had learned enough for quick battlefield instructions and basic communication (GM basically saying he won’t let us spend hours planning each turn, just quick messages to each other in combat)

With that training done, we were called up for our next training exercise

Session 20, Part 1, scenario and setup

Instead of a combat scenario, this time we were doing an escort one. We would be bodyguarding an important VIP while he had a public tour of the city. While he would be walking down the street, there would be a barricade between him and the public. Our mission is to escort him, not rush him to his objective or hide him away as he’s a public figure. Also for the purpose of this exercise he is “immune” to spells that would remove him as a target like invisible, dimension door etc, but we can cast other spells such as buffs, cures etc.

After a bit of planning we have our battle plan. Ocelot will play overwatch on the buildings to the right and move down with us, while Mee will fly over the buildings on the left for a simlar. I will disguise myself and infiltrate the crowd along the right hand side as well to cover Ocelot’s blind spot, using my new wand of message to pass on observations. Vex will take the right flank, Telon will take the left and keep eye contact with Ocelot, passing messages on VIA long-ranged sign language. draspher and the VIP will secure in the center while Yolan take the rear. The one problem I have with this arrangement is that of the people in front I can see to message, one is deaf, one talks crazy when a fight breaks out and the last is [shudders] draspher.

We each prepare in our own ways. Telon raps his scarf around the VIP, ready to turn it to metal as an impromptu shield if needed, then casts shield of faith on himself and lead blade on his nodatchi and keen on Ocelots gun. draspher boost the defence higher with mage armour, then casts invisibility on his dragon. Yolan cast Guidance on Telon, Magic Weapon on Ocelots rifle, and see invisibility and bullet ward on himself, and Ocelot after getting buffed by the others uses an oil of silence on his gun and a potion of spider climb to scale the wall.

Part 2, meet and greet

The mission starts and we start surveying the crowd. It quickly becomes apparent that the GM has partially miss-planned this. The main problem is that each turn goes buy incredibly slowly, as our only option is to slowly go up the street and check the crowds. Since this is a regular town, and most of the people are being played by guild members/random extras many of them happened to be armed. This means we can’t make perception checks to spot targets, we have to make sense motive on every individual member. The GM also admitted he ran out of counters to fill the streets with, so as you can expect the first few turns were a little tedious, but a good learning experience for what to fix later on.

The first thing to happen is a woman jumping the barrier. She doesn’t get far though before Ocelot puts a bullet through her leg, dealing 10 damage to the unarmed civilian. From afar I quickly check her out. She’s still alive, bleeding and in a great deal of pain but alive. I quickly use my wand to tell draspher “targets down but alive, proceed with caution”, then get back to checking the crowd. Vex quickly moves up to her and realises she’s bleeding out so she administers first aid to stabilise her.

The others are suitably spooked and decide to carry on there duties except with the prepared action of bull rushing the VIP in needed. As they start to move up Ocelot feels something overtake him, and a voice in his mind tells him to shoot the VIP. He manages to shake it off and realises that someone tried to use an enchantment spell on him. Shaking it off he manages to warn Telon about the mage being nearby when he spots a shape on the opposite line of roofs. Realising he needs a way to alert the rest of us to his presence he come up with an idea.

While the figure carefully lines up his shot with his musket, he suddenly hit in the side by a ray of searing heat. It takes him but a moment to realise that the tarp he was using as camouflage has also caught fire. Ocelot had decided the best way of both dealing with him and alerting us was to use the scorching ray wand/gun he originally was planning on using as a flare as a direct weapon, which also happened to set him on fire, a nice big target we can all see.

Part 2, the burning man

I spot the target and immediately leap into action. I quickly tell draspher to summon something on the roof next to the burning man before running through the crowd, drawing my bow. My recent training as a scout kicks in, letting me get a sneak attack for 15 damage on the gunner before I turn invisible. My thought was that since draspher would summon something to attack the guy to distract him, the others would be able to finish him of quickly, meanwhile I could sneak back into the crowd afterwards to continue my surveillance.

Vex looks up at the sounds of screaming and is confused why there’s a burning man on the roof. She immediately turns back and asks draspher “what did you do?”. She then turns back to see one member of the crowds staring in fear and confusion at the space I was just vanished from. Meanwhile Mee flies over to the building to attack the guy on fire. He casts a grease spell on him, but it has no effect. Seeing a blurry invisible shape spewing grease at him, the burning man decides to take a shot at it, and hits Mee for 11 damage. And there was much rejoicing. draspher, enraged at his familiar being attacked like this, summons all his magical might to unleash the greatest horrors he can imagine on him. Yes, that’s right, he summons from the depths of hell for his vengeance 4 tiny vipers on the roof.

A quick explanation for this choice. The GM, sick of his constant summoning decided to put a limit on it, not for it’s game breaking but for his constant spamming of obscure monsters he kept needing to look up (which draspher never kept sheets off, and even when he did kept losing the monster entry in the pile). Frequently turns would get bogged down as the GM would have to keep track of the HP of a dozen spiders, who spend every turn trying to web a monster who is clearly too strong for it. To make it more manageable He had told him that from now on he was only allowed 1 type of monster at each spell level (with exceptions in certain circumstances) and one casting of the spell at any given time, i.e. summon a creature the first time, the second casting would dismiss the first creature. It turns out that draspher had chosen for his level 1 choice vipers, simply because he wanted to cover people in them to scare them.

Said four vipers to attack, quickly surrounding him, but fail to hit him. During this Yolan and Telon are keeping an eye on the crowd near them and the VIP. Yolan notices that one of the guys in particular doesn’t look entirely there, like he has blinkers on. Telon gets the message from Ocelot, and warns the VIP about possible hostiles, using sign language to message Yolan about the possible mage hanging around. At that very moment, the confused guy lunges for the VIP. It’s so sudden that Yolan and Telon had no idea what was happening, even as they both instinctively punched him square in the face, knocking him out cold before he could hit the floor.

Meanwhile I had problems of my own, as I felt a voice in my head telling me to stab the VIP. Luckily, I fought of the influence and looked to see who had cast this spell on me. Turns out, it was the guy standing right next to me. I had managed to run straight through the crowd, sand right next to one of our attackers, shoot his comrade then turn invisible right in front of him. My next turn is going to be fun.

Ocelot has leapt from one building to the other and takes a shot at snake covered burning-man for 7 more damage and then it’s my turn. I drop the bow, spring out my hidden blades and attack. Somehow, I manage to flub it so only one attack out of four hit him, but I still dealt him 19 damage. Vex still can’t tell what’s going on, so seeing me openly battle someone, she decides just to go with her instincts and join me in the attack. Unfortunately, the sight of a huge lumbering orc drawing two swords and stalking towards the barrier sets of one of the civilians, and he tips the barrier over as he runs away, making her miss her attack. He’s not alone though, as the crowds panic at the violence breaking out, and the VIP is uncertain as what to do as he sees the fights breaking out. The bullet filed, snake covered burning man has no such problems, as he aims a shot at the VIP. However, he forgot about the snake covered bit, and two of them get bites in at vital spots as he’s aiming, finishing him off.

(side note, at this point draspher had left the room, so we decied to roll the dice for him. We each took a dice and Yolan and mine rolled hits. He then entered the room just as the guy died, and pointed out the most useful his summons have ever been is when he has nothing to do with them whatsoever)

Part 3, its hammer time

draspher decides now’s the time to get supportive, and casts haste on me, vex, the VIP, Yolan and Telon, and has his vipers line up on the roof. Mee flies down the street, and spots a suspicious looking man going the opposite way to most of the fleeing crowd, and flies back to draspher to warn him.

Telon, realising that the time for a meet and greet has passed, convinces the VIP its time to go, and they both run 80’ down the street. Unfortunately, the suspicious man saw them approach and ran to meet them, drawing out a Warhammer to smack Telon for 6 damage as thanks for bringing his target to him. Meanwhile the wizard that Vex and I are fighting starts whipping his hands for a spell. Despite hitting him for 13 and 5 damage respectively, he gets it off and turns invisible, fleeing combat. Luckily we hear the sounds of his feet as he runs, so we at least know he’s not there anymore. Ocelot meanwhile decides to help Telon buy pumping Mr Warhammer with lead for 8 damage.

On my turn I remember that Yolan had cast see invisibility on himself, so I turn to him and message him:
Jaune – enemy turned invisible, can you pursue
Yolan – yes
Jaune – proceed, I will scout out ahead
I then turn invisible and run down the street. I actually ended up running straight past him before I turn to check the crowd for more possible threats. Vex, annoyed that her primary punching bag has disappeared, turns around and is pleased that a second one has made it self know by attacking Telon. She casually walks over and crit’s the guy for 17 damage. draspher then decides to be useful, and tries to cast glitterdust on Mr Warhammer, much to our mutual horror. Luckily, he was able to aim it in such a way as to not completely blind the party, in particular the deaf member who relies of sight exclusively, but we still get annoyed at him for nearly blinding us all. He even gets the snakes to come down and join in, biting the guy for 1 damage. In retaliation he swings wildly, actually getting a critical, but the GM doesn’t roll confirmation because he’s been blinded, so Telon only has to take 6 damage from it.

The invisible mage meanwhile is crapping himself about what just happened, and the sensation of someone invisible running straight by him. He’s trying to figure out his next move as he sees his comrade getting whaled on. Luckily, he’s invisible so that gives him some chance to plan out his next move. Yes, no chance any of them could find him. He so distracted he never notices the figure moving behind him until it’s too late, as it brings a Morningstar right on his head. Yolan looks satisfied as the pulped remains of what was once his skull hits the floor, while I leap back in surprise at the body that appears from no-where falling dead next to me.

Part 4, goodness gracious, great balls of fire

Draspher has Mee hold his turn while Telon gets to work on Mr Warhammer, hitting three times for 51 damage, he hasn’t got much left in him after that. It looks like we’re almost in the clear. Just a shame the ringleader suddenly burst out of the crowd, then flies straight upwards 60’. She pulls something from a necklace and makes to throw it at the group. draspher immediately pipes up that Mee should be able to do something to counter, since he had delayed his turn. The GM gives him once chance to stop her. First he tries to say Mee counterspells it, where we all point out A. he’s not a spellcaster and B. that you’d need the same spell, a spell of the same school at least one level higher or a dispel magic to counter and his spell like ability grease would never count. Finally he argues he makes an illusion of a wall in he path of the projectile, but if fails to stop her throwing it.

Turns out it’s a bead from a necklace of fireballs, and she manages to catch draspher, Mee, Yolan, Telon, Vex and the VIP in the blast, alongside a good deal of civilians either side of the street. It hits for 32 damage, but luckily everyone in our group made there saving throws so they only took 16 damage. Even more fortunately, it managed to take out Mr Warhammer, so much for team spirit.

Ocelot then takes her by surprise with a critical and a hit. Looks like that keen spell paid off in a big way, since now he rolls 5 times for a total of 34 damage. I then consider my options. I was thinking about pulling out the bow to open fire on her, then I remembered I dropped it and never picked it up. I dropped it back on the pavement, right at the section that got fireballed. Truly the loss of innocents has been great this day. So I decide the next best thing is to get up high. I run over to a side street, and make use of my acrobatic skills to leap wall to wall. The GM rules that so long as I can make 4 rolls without a 1 or a 2 I should be able to make it. As I rolled they kept getting lower, my last one being a 3, so I just made it up.

Back in the blast zone the others pick themselves up. Vex uses a channel positive energy to heal the group and some of the civilians for 13 hp. draspher meanwhile is enfuriate that this woman would dare hurt Mee! Oh and the rest of the group. And I suppose the VIP. He decides to give her a taste of her own medicine, and launches a fireball back on her. Despite making her save, she still takes 12 damage, which is enough to knock her out. To our great regret, the necklace made it’s save, so didn’t expload. We were THIS close to another mad bomber story for the guild master.

We spend the rest of our sessions moving up cautiously to the end of the street, Telon quickly casting bears endurance on the VIP for a bit of extra health, but we encounter nothing. (Originally the GM was going to make us run twice the length of the street with twice the amount of enemies, but the ones we did encounter and the length the session he decided to just call it there, we had gotten the point across.)

Part 5, Feedback and Scoring

We end the session there and get some feedback based on our performance. Overall we didn’t do to badly, GM’s calling it a win, it could have gone much worse. He targeted both Ocelot and myself with those spells as he knew our wills were bad, Ocelot was in the perfect position to snipe the guy and there was nothing we could have done to stop him, while my ninja skills could have walked straight up to him and assassinated him with an invisible sneak attack.

As for specific notes, the woman at the start was a flasher, her intention was to run up to the VIP and get her boobs out, while the guy Yolan and Talon knocked out was just under a suggestion spell. I did cause a panic when I shot the guy on the roof, but it was the natural thing to do in that situation so I won’t get marked down. Also, extra points for Vex healing the civilians after the fireball. Overall we got a B, much improved from the previous task.

Timed "died" in training – 4, Yolan at the start before getting healed, draspher, Telon, vex
Times yelled at – 2, at the guild, ninja-san
Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 9, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission
Times drilled over – 4.5, GM at the start of the training mission, ocelots silence spell, Telon not following ocelot, getting told the situation was FUBAR yet still getting told off for running, losing my bow in the fireball (guildmaster said I’d get a replacement, .5)

2018-05-02, 02:54 PM
Session 21

We continued our mandatory training. This time, we were going to try our hand at social situations.

The scenario was a fancy dinner party. Naturally we wouldn’t be “allowed” to have weapons or equipment on us, so if we wanted to take stuff in we would have to smuggle it in. We had the group aim of finding out as much about every guest as we could, in particular their names and occupations, but we would all also have a hidden mission to complete. We couldn’t directly tell the others what our mission was, but we could use them to help us as needed.

Part 1, classy entrances

We roll initiative and approach the door:

First, Yolan in his guild issued dress shirt, approaches the door. He hands over his sword but not the dagger he has concealed on himself. He gets himself announced as “Sir Yolan”.

Then I (Jaune) follow after him, dressed in a suitably fastionable outfit I had pre-prepared for parties like this. The guard accept my Kurisama, but is completely unable to find the two wrist-mounted spring blades, the two masterwork daggers, the 20 shuriken or the wands of cure light wounds, break, obscuring mist and message I have hidden on myself. I then enter the room as “Lord Dupre” and set off to mingle.

Telon decides the only extras he needs are a scarf and gloves to use his oracle abilities on, and tells the doorman just to introduce him as Telon.

draspher follows after, choosing to go in a outfit generated by his hat (currently in the form of a hairclip) of disguise. He tells the doorman to introduce him as “marques john Vernon the second”. The guard just gives him a stern glare and tells him to introduce himself properly, so he goes for john Vernon.

Ocelot comes in a tuxedo, and decides to take his revolver with him. Unfortunatly the massive bulge in his trousers gives him away. Just as the doorman takes it and puts it to one side, he comes up with a plan. He takes one of the spare bullets and flics it behind him. The doorman goes to investigate while immediately grabs the gun, shoves it back in his pocket then quickly goes into the room, introducing himself by shouting at the top of his lungs “WHATS UP B####ES!

Vex has had to abandon her usual armour, and so has chosen to wear the Chinese silk dress given to her buy the guild. Unwilling to part with her weapons, immediately realises the opportunity Ocelot has given her and charges into the room as fast as her high heels will let her. She then immediately barrels to the closest table and dives underneath the tablecloth to hide her weapons, surprising the hell out of the guest and waiter situated at that table.

We all look around the room. In one corner is the table vex dived under with one guy in military uniform and a waitor. At the other corner is a table where two women are sitting, one in military uniform. To the far side is a buffet table where a goblin is piling a plate high with food. Around the centre of the room, there are a few groups, one man with a woman, two men together and another group of two men but one is in a military outfit.

Part 2, mingling

We all split off and do our own thing:

Telon immediately goes to talk to the two women. They are hanging off each other, and the one in military uniforms seems to be hen-pecked by the other. Telon introduces himself, talking and signing at the same time to explain he’d deaf. The non-military woman gets excited at this, explaining that she knows some sign language, and despite Telons reassurances that it’s not necessary she insists on signing out a quick greeting of “How are You?” in only mostly correct signs. After reassurance that, as a training exercise, he didn’t need to ask about the event starts to get to know them. He finds out that there General Paula Star and Linda.

Meanwhile, draspher makes his way over to a table and asks what’s going on. The two stare incredulously at him, and ask him what on earth the orc is doing diving under there table. He cheerful responds he has no idea (at this, the GM gets incredibly frustrated he missed an opportunity to fix things with his massive bluff skill). He then starts asking the one in military uniform about his career, making up a story that his farther sent him to the party to learn some things from the people there. At drasphers request, the man mention that Silvester must have sent him, which draspher immediately asks “who do you mean by Silvester”

GM – [angry/irritated] I don’t know, you tell me

(To clarify, Silvester is drasphers adopted father, who faked his death and is one of the people who frequently pops up in the side stories alongside the guild master. This was a part of the epic backstory draspher had written up, but he had neglected to tell anyone it aside from me. So, the GM dropping a bombshell that his dad might still be alive would be fine, if he had any idea what he was talking about in the slightest.)

While he’s asking this, he spots the waiter starting to lift up the tablecloth to look at vex, so he jumps to look himself and says he sees nothing, and manages to roll a draspher on bluff. Although he failed to convince them that they didn’t see a half orc in a dress dive under there table, they are convinced that the man standing in front of them is a compete moron.

Vex finally comes out from under the table (having hid her weapons), turns to the waiter looking incredulously at her and pipes up that she’s looking for her master. (side note, this was a BRILLIANT bluff and took everyone at the table completely by surprise. This was a welcome breath of fresh air considering we had been forced to listen to drasphers horrible attempts up until this point). The waiter then points her towards the man and woman, saying “Steven” is her guy. She quickly signs at draspher to look after her stuff under the table, then saunters over to the pair. draspher continues chatting with the military man:

Guy – you’re a caster aren’t you
draspher – how did you know?
Guy – your all the same, all intellect no common sense.

Vex, meanwhile, makes it to the two she was pointed too. Our jaws all hit the floors as Vex starts seducing the man, making her self out to be a high-class prostitute. Our reactions are mixed, some laughing, some ridiculing her for it, me personally I was crying on the inside that our group had turned the lawful good, brave, noble paladin into a whore, and that we were collectively horrible people. It was like watching superman illicit himself for sex with Lex Luthor. It’s made even worse when it becomes clear that “Krystal” is his slave, hence why Vex was sent his way when asking about her “master”, when he sends her to get some drinks while he talks prices with the captivating half-orc in silk.

While Vex was whoring herself out, Ocelot was attempting a similar course of action. He makes his way to where Telon and the two ladies are talking, playing up the “rich playboy” angle he’s been working and tries to get the group to have a drink with him. No-one seem to be impressed by him, General Star even less so when he puts an arm around her as he offers to be her drinking buddy. It takes every bit of willpower she has not to break ocelots arm. She slowly, but with a great deal of power behind it, removes it and inform him that neither her nor her fiancé wish to be “drinking buddies” with him, so would he kindly leave. He leaves in a huff, saying he’ll find someone else to drink with. Despite appearances though, he did exactly as intend to, and as general stars settles down after that interruption, she never noticed that the holster at her side is no longer empty, nor that the bulge that Ocelot entered the room with is now gone.

Yolan meanwhile starts to make a few friends himself. He goes over to a waiter and a guest and starts to make small talk. They get to talking and he discovers that he’s an arms dealer, so he makes up a story about how he’s an underwear salesman, looking for contacts. He obliges, pointing out Steven talking to Vex, and calling over another man “Drax” over to chat. Drax comes over, a warm smile on his face and ready to chat about his trade as a traveling salesman, with several warehouses. Unfortunately, his target happens to be Yolan, an inquisitor who can detect lies. She wastes now time on calling out Drax to be a liar and a poor business man, and the guy “Flounces” off before he could insulted even more without being able to make a case for himself. Not quite sure how to take that, the arms dealer introduces himself as Conrad.

Yolans treatment of Drax plays right into my hands, as I go over and ask him what happened. When I hear what happened, he declares that Yolan had insulted him by calling him a liar, so I comfort the man with a natural 20. He appreciates my words and we get to talking. We are both delighted to find the other is someone who “appreciates” the art of gaining “contacts”, inviting me for a private chat at a later point. While this was going on, the third member of our group is shaking his head in exasperation as our increasingly transparent talk of black market dealings. It turns out Drax is an underground merchant, and a “Fixer”, while the other is his lawyer, and is not amused at his clients once again getting mixed up in this kind of stuff. This perks my interest, and I mention I could use his services later. This actually unnerves the guy, and he leans in to whisper:

Drax – you do remember this is a test?
Jaune – do you?

Seeing this cue, I turn the conversation to the topic of our other guests, finding out that three people are military types (the general, the arm dealer and the poor guy talking to draspher) and the goblin is actually lord Forethought.

Part 3, advancing goals

Yolan talks with the general and starts asking about military contacts. He explains that he and his sister are part of an order that specialises in training recruits for combat, and he came to this party with the hope of securing a contract for purchasing new equipment for it. The good general points him to the arms dealer and he excuses himself to talk with him.

draspher continues chatting with the military figure, who is getting increasingly annoyed as he writes notes on a sheet of paper. He suggests that draspher goes find someone else to talk to:

draspher – but I like talking to you
guy – Your really as dumb as HE says you are, aren’t you
draspher – no, I’m not dumb, I’m…
guy – go away draspher

he leaves dejectedly, and I happen to look over and realise that he’s been talking to ninja-san this entire time:

Jaune – hey Vex
Vex – Yeah?
Jaune – you realise that this means that you came into the room, charged and dived under the desk where ninja-san, aka the examiner marking us, hid your weapons right in front of him before you got out and immediately went to go solicit yourself for sex

He makes his way over to where Yolan and Conrad are chatting (Yolan spotting him and warning Conrad not to trust him) and gets to chatting with the arms dealer. Draspher shows remarkable interest in what goods he has for sale. Just then, Ocelot shouts out across the room, asking for a drinking buddy, and I seize my chance to grab him for help with the next part of my plan.

Before I get a chance to go over, Ocelot overhears the doorman asking where “he” went. He quickly goes over and explains that since he ran off, he took the liberty of introducing himself. Waving of the reproaches about why he can’t do that, he asks if his gun was put away safely, he’ll want it back later. Of course, he is “horrified” to discover that it has gone missing, and insists the guests are searched before they leave. He saunters back into the room, quite please with himself before I grab him and start taking him to the other side of the room. I point out the goblin with the plate of food and tell him I need him to get close with him. As in physical close, handsy but not to actually grope him.

Steven lets Vex know that they can go get it on, he just needs to collect “his girl” so she doesn’t try to run off while there busy. Vex quickly sticks her head into Yolan and drasphers group, and quickly signs to them that her weapons are under the table before going back to wait. Just as she’s leaving, Yolan spots something by the buffet table, and quickly moves to it. What Yolan had seen was someone messing with the food on the table. He immediately confronts him, demanding to know what he was doing. When faced with nothing but lies, he decides to show how serious he is, drawing his hidden dagger. The other man panics, pushing Yolan into the goblin Lord Forethought, and dashes to the other side of the table, but Yolan uses an Unbreakable Gaze spell to stop him going too far. The poor goblin is helped back onto his feet and cleaned up by two guests who just so happened to come up at that moments. They try their best to clean him up and ask him what happened, and upon seeing his forlorn look at what remains of his plate of food over the floor, one even helping make a new plate of food. He never notices as I hide the necklace I stole of him into a sleeve while I get another shrimp puff for the plate. Ocelot meanwhile is happy he’s now found a drinking partner and happily downs a drink with him.

Telon meanwhile makes his way to the Arms dealer. They quickly hit it off, Telons interest in weapons for the monastery is just the kind of deal the arms-dealer was hoping to get tonight. With a promise of talking in the future about details of the deal, he leaves briefly to try and get something from the buffet table. draspher follows but a sense motive check makes him realise that Conrad has noticed that draspher doesn’t really care about his trade and is politely tuning him out so he can focus on the person who does, so he wanders off disappointed.

drasphers player admits he has no idea on how to accomplish his mission, in particular he has no idea how to find the person in character. Luckily, he runs into Jaune as he’s leaving Ocelot and Forethought at the buffet table. draspher asks me if I’ve seen anyone “suspicious” at the party. I ask him to confirm what kind of suspicious he’s on about, and he elaborates a con-artist and I point him towards Drax.

Meanwhile Steven has made his way back to Vex, and the two sneak out the back past the buffet table. Vex then sneaks back into the room, or at least attempts to but rolls a 4, fortunately with everything that was going on no-one notices or cares. She quickly finds Krystal, telling her “her master needs her” and brings her round back:

Vex – I have done this for you

She then shows her Stephens unconscious body, and gives her a chance to run for freedom. She leaves, but not before thanking her in a tearful hug. It turns out this was Vex’s mission, and despite all the crap we gave her about her approach, she pulled it off masterfully.

Back with the disaster in progress Yolan shouts out a warning about the food being poisoned. Ocelot feels a wave of nausea overcome him from the drugged champagne he’s been chugging and ends up throwing up all over poor Lord Forethought. He realises that Telon won’t be able to hear his cries for help, so he instead uses dimensional door to jump across the room to him, grab him the jump back.

The commotion has attracted the rest of the room to try and see what’s going on. I, like any good citizen, I run to get the guards bumping into a particular military figure as I try to get through the crowd. Ocelot starts fuming, saying that if I stole his gun back and drilled him over he won’t be happy. draspher meanwhile has finally started chatting with Drax, and has started masterfully interrogating him about his access to poisons, or at least he is in his mind. What actually happens is that he gives a performance so surpisous it’s essentially like looking at an undercover rookie cop ask someone if they know where “them hip and cool drugs be at yo yo my man”. It’s also a bit unnerving this idiot starts asking him about poisons the exact time someone cries out the food has been poisoned, even worse when he responds with regret that he didn’t have anything to do with that.

draspher starts this long winded talk about how he wants poison to kill his dad for power, and anyone who helps him now would be rewarded later, *wink* *wink* ;o. (It’s at this point I suddenly realise that draspher and Talon have an increadably similar way of talking but they take it in opposite directions. They both have this habit of making long rambling sentences, but where talon rambles to a definitive point and its sort of endearing, draspher will go off on odd tangents until the original point is either confused or lost entirely). Drax offers to take him round to his cart to show him some of his wares, but something about a known conman asking if you want to come see inside his van really doesn’t sit well with draspher, so he turns him down (insulting Drax in the process) and offers him his card, produced with prestidigitation. Drax hands it back, asking why he handed him a card with “Fumbles” written on it.

Back at the incident, Ocelot has managed to control his bowls to the point he’s not puking anymore, although Lord Forethought will never look at pea soup the same way again. Vex runs across the room to where she hid her swords. She doesn’t get to them before the guards come in, seeing what all the noise is about. I tell them that someone has poisoned the food and they demand everyone in the room freeze. The poisoner immediately surrenders, things completely out of his control and his original plan, while Ocelot demands everyone is searched for his stolen gun. Everyone is searched and once again, they completely fail to find a single piece of equipment hidden on my person, but a certain revolver and Lord Forethoughts bejewelled amulet of natural armour is found on a certain General Star and she is taken away to the prison.

Part 4, post mission synopsis

We take the time to reflect on the mission and our jobs:

Ocelot and I both had the same mission of planting evidence of a theft on the general, although Ocelot had to let the guards know about it as well. I stole an amulet off Lord Forethought and planted it on her when I “accidentally” bumped into her when I was getting the guards, while Ocelot put his pistol in her holster during the first part of the party. What’s more, while I kept a low profile to make my mission more likely to work, Ocelot had gone full Tony Stark/Bruce Wayne to act as a cover and distraction for the rest of the team. We had both accomplished our missions successfully

Vex had to free a slave from the slave owner. Despite a rocky start with diving under the table, she actually did really well and impressed Ninja-San (along with everyone at the table)

Telon had to find the arms dealer and positively influence him, and the story of buying weapons for the monastery worked very well

Yolan had to stop the assassination attempt quietly, but his rash actions in confronting him with force led the mission to spiral out of control. Still, it was mostly the assassins fault that happened, and he still prevented anyone from dying so he got a low passing grade

draspher didn’t do too well. His mission was to con the conman. Firstly, he took to long wasting time before finding his target. Secondly, he decided to go with “the Spanish prisoner” trick (AKA the Nigerian prince scam, give me something now and I’ll make you rich later) to try and trick him out of a bottle of poison. While it might have worked, the problem was he ran out of time when the guards came in to run it fully. He had been given that mission to use his amazingly high bluff skill, but his lack of IRL ability to bluff or lie held him back. He had failed his mission.

We had managed to find out almost everyone’s names in the process of the mission. The only ones we were missing were the lawyer, ninja-san AKA the spymaster (but that would have been a really hard one to get) and the assassin.

This exercise had a couple of aims to it though. The main aim of this was a trust exercise. We had our own agendas, but we could use the others to help us, as best demonstrated when I got Ocelot to help me pick-pocket the noble. This approach would mean that we’d be more willing to help each other without constantly questioning the other motives.

The other aim was to see how we’d do in a social situation, and we actually did quite well. So much so the Guild master thinks we’re ready for the next mission.

Timed "died" in training – 4, Yolan at the start before getting healed, draspher, Telon, vex

Times yelled at – 3, at the guild, ninja-san, ninja-san to draspher during the party

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 10, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner

Times drilled over – 5.5, GM at the start of the training mission, ocelots silence spell, Telon not following ocelot, getting told the situation was FUBAR yet still getting told off for running, losing my bow in the fireball (guildmaster said I’d get a replacement, .5), draspher getting arguably the hardest/most obscure mission

MVP – Vex, that play was unexpected and ridiculed but she stuck to her guns and pulled it off beautifully

2018-05-05, 02:39 AM
In regards to the Sylvester,

Junes and i write the side story's together and we have had fun putting Sylvester in the background of the story working in the guild advising the Guild Master in secret.
At the point in the story i handed the note to the GM there had already been two actors braking character to the PC's Drax to Junes and Linda to Telon.
I had no intention to use this point as story component i just thought that it would be good for world building connecting to the side story's to the game there was one problem with this idea the GM apparently hasn't been reading the side story's.

2018-05-05, 02:07 PM
In regards to the Sylvester,

Junes and i

IT'S JAUNE YOU ASS, THIS IS JUNES https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddGMpxVkzBU

2018-05-05, 04:40 PM
It states "Junes brave advances towards future victory" above or is that someone else?

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-05-05, 08:09 PM
It states "Junes brave advances towards future victory" above or is that someone else?

He's got you there dude... At least until you edit the post :p

2018-05-06, 03:51 PM
He's got you there dude... At least until you edit the post :p


2018-06-09, 01:34 PM
Session 22, Part 1, Done with training, now for the train-ing

We all get called into the guildmasters office. After our training he’s ready to sends off to our next mission. We are being sent to investigate the possible coup in the capital. How we go about this is entirely our own initiative, the important thing is that we track down the coup and stop it before it succeeds. We will be going down with ninja-san, though we won’t be able to rely on his help for everything (the GM grumpily points out he has a name, we've just never asked). He’s acting as our liaison with the royal family. My eyes light up at this news:

Jaune – [turns to draspher] don’t f### this up for me
(Yolan OOC does not belive that he will not succeed in this task)

The good news on that front is that, thanks to a lot of hard work by the guild, draspher has had his reputation cleaned up, so he won’t be arrested for being the mad bomber on sight anymore. That said this is a one-time thing, if he manages to screw up again then even he won’t be able to help him. I helpfully volunteer to help him go the heisenbug route and shave him, but draspher then hands around the picture of what he’s going to look like with his hat of disguise. He had no idea he was handing round a picture of Rasputin, but considering his reputation and habits it makes sense when you think about it.

(For clarification, my backstory involves being the son of a noble and good family who served a king too stupid to realise he was causing his people to revolt against him, so I have long been looking for a chance to regain my family name/honour. I have know the GM wanted to get us involved with the royal family at some point so I have been biding my time and refusing to let anything happen to Jaune until this happens).

We start discussing details how we are going to approach this. The guild master explains that we could do this a couple of ways. We could try infiltrating the mafia again, we could go as adventurers and stay in an inn, or we could go as officals and get set up in the royal barracs. This last one particually appeals to us (especially after the last time we tried to infiltrate the mafia) and we ask for info on the royal family. This is where my previous plans hit a speed bump.

Turns out that the current royals took over from the tyrant who ruled previously after a successful rebellion, and now are beloved for bringing peace and ruling with kindness and a good grasp on politics, and it comes to light that my family, the Dupree’s, were a part of the old regime. This means that rather than proudly announce my heritage and use that as an in to royal favour, I will possibly have to work hard just to convince them not to kill me on the spot, and most probably have to work even harder to gain their recognition and trust. Infact, there is a slight chance that some of my surviving family members could be either involved or actively running the coup. The GM pre-emptively clamps down on any ideas I might have on joining up with them to help overthrow the kingdom.

The royal family consists of the king and Queen, and their two children prince Mark and Princess Sarah. I immediately tag the princess as an alternate means to royal power, the others tag them both as potential instigators trying to overthrow their parents to the throne, and the guild-master immediately tags all of us as idiots who better have some darn good evidence before we try to accuse members of the royal family of treason. The other person to watch out for is the royal spymaster. He is aware of the coup, but he is only aware of part of the information we've collected. It was agreed by both parties that no-one aside from the should know everything, we can't trust who might be a traitor including the spymaster, and the spymaster is afraid of what would happen if he became compromised, hence the decision to compartmentalise everything.

The only ones who know anything are the guild, the spymaster and the king (he's keeping it a secret from his wife as he doesn't want to worry her), and we are not allowed to tell anyone except those ninja-san authorises. Like professionals we start coming up with codewords or phrases to indicate when we can talk about it:

Jaune – I've got it!
Ocelot – What?
Jaune – the prefect code phrase, something we would never naturally say in our lives
Ocelot – go on
Jaune – any variation on the phrase "draspher, you’re a genius"

We eventually settle on just using the word "angel" to indicate when we should start using sign language instead/alongside false talking. The conversation also turns to the topic of divination spells. We find out that on the whole such magic is going out of fashion. While it is still a useful tool, the fact is that spells have always existed to block such magic and now many devices and inventions have been created to block the spells as well. draspher becomes obsessed with the idea of coming up with an anti diviation flash bang spell, that blinds anyone who attempts to scry the area it's cast. After telling him "No, it doesn't work that way" I assign him and Ocelot to research ways of securing a room so we can chat freely without risk of being overheard or invaded, but preferably more subtly than lining the room with claymores.

It's quickly agreed upon that I (Jaune) will be team leader this time, and Ocelot my second in command in case anything happens (Yolan OOC immediately calls me out on this happening when I've run away) and we set off to take the train there. Telon immediately uses his deafness to score us 1st class tickets, and we settle into our private cars. Telon is at the front, as close to the food carriage as possible, Yolan takes the next one, then Ocelot, Ninja-san and I discuss mission details in the next, Then Vex and finally draspher at the very back.

Part 2 – suffering a short delay

A few hours into the journey the train suddenly comes to a halt, and loud banging can be heard. Ninja-san immediately runs off to the front of the train to investigate. We roll initiative and investigate.

Yolan leaves his carriage and moves up the train cautiously. As he does so, a loud roar can be heard outside the train. He moves up to the end of the carrage and shouts out a warning to everyone that "there is something out here" as he steps off. Telon, who had previously stuffing his face in the food carrage, fails to hear anything (on account of being deaf) but noticed Yolan stepping off the train. He also feels the vibrations as something moves with thudding steps, full on jurrasic park style. He decides to go down and check the other side to where Yolan went. He did this by taking the most logical action, punching a hole in the side of the train blocked by a barrier, then checking through said hole. He just manages to catch a large, lizard like tail moving outside before it goes out of view.

draspher looks out of his window, just in time to see a large scaled form walk past his window. He quickly runs to next door and bangs on my door. We chat quickly and I get him to clarify that the lizard is the size of a bus, so I get him to tell vex what's going on, I'll do the same for the others. I knock on Ocleots door, find Yolans open and I spot Telon at the end of the hallway. I walk over to him to sign/ask him if he's seen anything. As I walk, I notice that the train is rocking side to side despite being stationary, whatever is out there must be really big. I ask Telon and he says he saw one out of the side, then looks up just in time to see the large claw slash into my back for 9 damage.

Ocelot followed me down the corridor and saw the giant claw, but decides he'd rather fight the creature outside the train than stuck inside and he quickly rolls past the creature, catching the edge of his claws for 5 damage, and gets out of the train. Yolan turns around at this point, spotting the creature and realising it's a wyvern. Vex leaves her room and runs into draspher, who informs her of the lizard situation. Seeing Occelot and I going one way, she decides to go the other way out of the train. Just before she makes it to the end, she spots a third wyvern making its way along that side.

Yolan follows Ocelot off the train entirely, shouting out a warning that these types of Wyverns are poisonous, then casts payer hitting all of us for a boost. Meanwhile Telon slaps a shield of faith on me, and tells me to "pick a target and fight" before charging straight through the wall/barrier on the other side, and straight into the first one he spotted. While he can't fight, he draws his nodachi and readies himself. Unfortunately, he spots a fourth one making its way down that side.

Just then draspher sees it and panics. Fortunately, he manages to stop himself from casting fireball, realising that the glass would bounce the spell back at him. He also realises that a summon spell wouldn't work either. So, he comes up with one of his signature "cunning" plans. He runs up and casts the sound of a dragon, hoping to scare them off. Too bad he forgot that A. they wouldn't necessary recognise it as a dragon attacking them, and might think it's just one of them, but more importantly B. the glass BLOCKS HIS SPELLS. It's just as well we're used to him, as the sound of a massive dragon roaring inside the train doesn't make us run into the woods. I nimbly dodge the claw and roll back in the carriage. I yell at him for messing around and let him know that Telon's probably fighting two by himself, so he'd best summon something big to help him out, while I go get Vex and help out as well as I can. I dash down the corridor to Vex, I check out of the windows for numbers and spot the fourth Wyvern approaching Telon.

Part 3 – that'll do pig, that'll do

By a stroke of good luck, the second Wyvern had managed to get his claw stuck in the doorway when he tried to attack me. Ocelot decides to go after that one personally. He finally realises his boots massive boost to jumping doesn't mean much jumping vertically, so he uses Yolan as a stepping stone to jump up to the roof of the carriage and draw his gun. Seeing one alone, the third one moves up to attack Yolan. Not one to be intimidated, Yolan decides to be the intimidating one, and casts Blistering Incentive, hitting the Third, Second and Fourth Wyverns for 9 damage, and sets them all on fire. He then draws out his Morningstar while activating his protection inquisition.

Telon meanwhile activates his rage and goes for the second wyvern, hitting it for 18. draspher then comes up with a plan. Rather than summoning something (as I had suggested) he decides to make use of the training he had received, he instead uses his new spell, enlarge person, on Telon. Suddenly it doesn't look like such an uneven fight on his side. Meanwhile, I gracefully roll past Vex, draw my bow and fire an arrow into the back of the third Wyvern for 16 damage. Telon gets rather envious how many dice I roll with a single attack (1d6 bow, 5d6 sneak attack).

The second Wyvern gets his claws unstuck and goes for Ocelot. Being on fire his aim is more than slightly affected, and not only does it miss him, but he trips. Yolan just has time to look up at the dark patch before being completely crushed under the creature and takes 14 damage from the impact. At least he didn't catch fire.

The fourth Wyvern manages to put of his fire and goes for Telon. Too bad for it, Telon can now match him in weight category, and the attack bounces of his armour. Seeing the one who had tried to attack him fall of, Ocelot decides just to swing with it and unloads three bullets into the second Wyvern, dealing 30 damage to it. The first one then moves in to attack, but somehow manages to miss the prone figure half pinned under a Wyvern with 4 attacks. Yolan might have to take this lying down, but he won't take it lightly. He activates his bane and smacks the Wyvern sitting on him for 19 damage.

Back on the other side Telon goes at the fourth Wyvern, and finally gets to show just how different he is from Yurian. He gets two hits, one of them is a crit that confirmed on a roll of 2 thanks to the various boosts he's gotten, and he ends up rolling 6d8+32 for 63 damage, killing it instantly. On the other end of the competency spectrum draspher summons a bison next to him, that fails to do anything. But for once the big screw up wasn't on his shoulders.

Vex moves up and engages the third one, and I prepare a second shot. I then roll a 1:

GM – just as you fire Vex walks into the line of the shot
Jaune – [worried] does she count as flat footed?
GM – [Glares at me] well I suppose she didn't see it coming
(in all honesty part of me just wanted to roll all the dice I had prepared)

I manage to roll a respectible 25 damage, I just wish I had hit the Wyvern rather than my own. teammate:

Jaune – I use a swift action to turn invisible and end my turn
Table – [breaks down in laughter]

The Wyvern was also able to take advantage of this distraction to stab Vex with its stinger for 7 damage. The Second Wyvern, after having taken a large amount of damage last round, finally sucums to the fire damage and collapses. Right on top of Yolan. Now not only is he immobile, he is being suffocated. Not seeing this, Ocelot opens fire on the first Wyvern who is fighting Telon, getting two hits and a Crit as well, getting the highest dice so far with 6d8+36 for 67 damage, killing it. Vex loses it, and goes at the third Wyvern with everything she's got, but she only manages one hit for 7 damage. Yolans luck isn't any better as he fails to get out from under the Wyvern. draspher tries to recapture the Zeitgeist of his previous spell, but quickly realises that enlarging Yolan won't work as there is no part of Yolan visible under the Wyvern. Instead he tries out another new spell, and uses dragonbreath to blast out a 20' cone of acid, dealing 23 damage to the Third Wyvern, and melting a fair few trees due to the angle of missing the train but hitting the creatures. His Bison still did nothing to help except look on a Telon desperately tries to climb over the train to get to Yolan, shouting at the rest of us that one of them is on top of him.

In an attempt to redeem myself, I move around the Third Wyvern and try to attack in flank with Vex, but I fail to hit. I do succeed in ticking it off though, and it lunges at me, just catching me with it's teeth for 7 damage, but I manage to avoid getting caught in a grapple with its mouth. Just then Karma kicks in. Vex's next flurry of attacks results in a fumble and she loses grip on her katana, and it flys in my direction. I just manage to dodge it, and vex goes at it with just her Wakazashi, getting the killing blow.

Part 4, Not over yet

We pick ourselves up after the fight. Yolan starts casting light on the corpse, so it starts blinking, in an attempt to let us know she's under there. Telon finally climbs over the train, leaving a couple of oversided dents as he clambers over, and drags the Wyvern off Yolan. Finally free, Yolan quickly heals himself while Telon asks him to check up on Vex, worried she might have been poisoned by the stinger wound. draspher meanwhile ends the enlarge person spell and goes back on the train, while I try and find Vex's Katana in the hopes I can use it to talk her down from being mad at me.

While the rest of us are messing around, Ocelot realises that there is still a commotion at the front of the train. He shouts a warning to us and goes running down the top of the train, jumping from carriage to carriage. Telon spots him running and dashes after him. Vex and I quickly make up (her only stipulation is I help pull the arrow out) and she runs after them. Yolan heals me for 14, leaving me only 2HP of damage, then shouts at draspher to cast haste on us before going after the others. I go to the train carrage, grab draspher by his collar and drag him with me, as he casts haste catching everyone except for Ocelot, who's too far down to be in range.

We make it down the length of the train to discover what caused the hold up in the first place. Ninja-san and two others are engaging a large blue dragon. Ocelot moves into range, hitting it with an initial shot for 8 damage, while Vex charges it for 13 damage. Yolan passes his judgement onto Telon before moving up as well. As he gets closer, he realises that the dragon is being held to the ground by a harpoon. Filing that away for later, he fires of a Searing Light spell at it for 19 damage. Telon yells at draspher "get ready to make me big" as he charges the dragon as well, dealing 15 damage. Just then, the dragons skin light up, and arc's of electricity go out and deal 2 and 6 damage to Vex and Telon respectively. draspher runs up and prepares his spells while I approach the dragon, preparing to move in just as Ocelot unloads, dealing 25 damage total.

Part 5, derailed

Ninja-san calls out for the dragon to just surrender, it's already badly hurt and if it carries on it will likely be killed. After more electricity arcs out, dropping the other two men, it seems to agree with him and takes off. We all give cursory attacks to try and stop him, but it seems clear he's going to escape to fight another day, no doubt becoming a recurring antagonist to the party.

Or at least that seemed to be the GM's plan. What he failed to account for was that said dragon was well within range of one party member. It was also by itself in mid-air, so said party member was free to go all out without any danger of collateral damage. so, DRASPHER FIREBALLS THE SCALY BEAST, knocking him out of the air all together. If the blast hadn't of killed him, the fall certainly did. In typical fashion for us, all thoughts of continuing forward have been completely forgotten as we collectively try to decide what to do with the body, ninja-san looking on disapprovingly as we plan out these crazy ideas. They include:

How will we take it with us? We have bags of holding
It won't fit. Ok just cut it up
Yolans a merchant, can he prepare it for us? No, he knows what's valuable not how to skin it (ninja-san eventually uses a scroll of shrink object to help us fit it in)
It'll go bad in the bags. ok, we're passing some villages, maybe someone there can cast preserve body? Nope, no one is high enough level
How about the blood? Get Ocelot to put it in vials. He doesn't have the right stuff, ok we'll use the Wyvern venom as an anti-coagulant (no-one at the table has any idea how to even start rolling for milking the venom from these things)
I seem to remember a certain spell that turns bodies into treasure maps [GM glares at me] NO!
Ninja-san points out that that was a juvenile dragon, and his mother will probably want revenge. That’s ok, we'll make draspher an all dragon scale outfit and pin it all on him (despite knowing this is our intention, he still likes this plan)
How about we find a necromancer in town and get him to raise the body as a bone golem under our control?
If Ocelot drains the blood from the mini-dragon, is it still small?

This chain of thought went on so long we had to call it there. This was supposed to be just a quick encounter setting up a future villain, a brash overconfident juvenile blue dragon who bullied a wyvern pack to being his stooges. Now, thanks to ninja-san for doing most of the work, we killed it, claimed its bounty for ourselves and probably have incurred the wrath of an adult blue dragon.

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 10, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner
Times draspher did good – 2, The enlarge person spell and taking out a dragon
Times draspher did bad – 1, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick
Team members drilled over – 2, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him
GM plots/plans de-railed – 13 (probably WAAAAAYYY higher), southwater 3(inital incident, robbing the gunpowder, the entire bank heist), the mountain 5(tracking the guys, the landslide, blowing up the camp, falling down the hole and getting speed with an e killed, the dream), the whitewaters 3(started a revolution, drilled yurian over by not surrendering (.5 as it was one of our plans the GM was going with), I ran off (1.5 destroyed his train of thought there and we needed a solo session to resolve that)), the training 2(threw a rhino through the wall, took way to long to go down the street (.5 it was more misplanning than active derailment), sim charged posioner (.5 less derailment entirely, but not expected way for stealth infiltration mission))

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-06-10, 06:26 AM
GM plots/plans de-railed – 13 (probably WAAAAAYYY higher)......


We start discussing details how we are going to approach this. The guild master explains that we could do this a couple of ways. We could try infiltrating the mafia again, we could go as adventurers and stay in an inn, or we could go as officals and get set up in the royal barracs. This last one particually appeals to us (especially after the last time we tried to infiltrate the mafia) and we ask for info on the royal family. This is where my previous plans hit a speed bump.

If at all possible I like to try and implement free form gaming so that you guys can go all out with the plans and craziness. It's one of the best tenets of playing something tabletop - that you don't have to follow rigidly to the rules. Admittedly it does kind of fall apart when you guys spend upwards of 20 minutes discussing how you want to proceed, but it gives me some downtime to consider things - which is a god send if there's is a sudden direction shift in party antics.

The conversation also turns to the topic of divination spells. We find out that on the whole such magic is going out of fashion. While it is still a useful tool, the fact is that spells have always existed to block such magic and now many devices and inventions have been created to block the spells as well..

With writing the tech level this way I had to consider aspects of the world that would almost certainly come up with the use of magics. For instance to reference to a previous adventure (read debacle); the idea of counterfeiting coinage in a setting where magic, and by extension alchemy, exists with a controlled economy - anyone with that capability would ruin the value of coinage within weeks. So coinage is minted with magical traces.
What's to stop an enterprising mage from wandering into a bank vault under invisibility and simply filling up a bag of holding with coinage. So you introduce magical, or in this case technical countermeasures to prevent this. And in this changing world filled with technology and steampunk, why would dragons stay in the dark ages (some do but they choose to)? Bartholomew (the ancient copper from the same adventure) is now a bank manager. His hoard is effectively the contents of the bank vault, acting both as ideal deterrent and having the ancient knowledge to be able to effectively manage a financial institution.

draspher becomes obsessed with the idea of coming up with an anti diviation flash bang spell, that blinds anyone who attempts to scry the area it's cast. After telling him "No, it doesn't work that way" I assign him and Ocelot to research ways of securing a room so we can chat freely without risk of being overheard or invaded, but preferably more subtly than lining the room with claymores.

I think it's because he had that feat that gave people headaches when they tried to read Drasphers mind, and was trying to replicate something similar for scrying.

If you aren't sure it's a direct reference to the song Selphie sings in FF8 when they ride the train.

It's quickly agreed upon that I (Jaune) will be team leader this time

Interesting choice...

...and Ocelot my second in command in case anything happens (Yolan OOC immediately calls me out on this happening when I've run away)

Well someone had to point it out when you are pulling a Dave Lister who has just met his bride to be...

Telon immediately uses his deafness to score us 1st class tickets, and we settle into our private cars.

Telon's player: "So I'm deaf, so I should qualify as disabled, right?"
Me: "Where are you going with this???"
Telon: "I should be able to score first class accommodation on account of being disabled"


Just then draspher sees it and panics. Fortunately, he manages to stop himself from casting fireball, realising that the glass would bounce the spell back at him.

Reasoning that the spell needs a direct line to cast. Against my better judgement I gave him a Wisdom roll (I had said I was going to stop giving them rolls to try and make them think about their actions) and he passed so the whole thing didn't turn into that rather poor taste Volkswagen advert with the suicide bomber in the VW Polo...

He also realises that a summon spell wouldn't work either.

Again I'm assuming that this needs line of sight to where you intend to cast it... Otherwise I'd personally be teleporting hill giants into unsuspecting peoples bedrooms from a football pitch away.

So, he comes up with one of his signature "cunning" plans. He runs up and casts the sound of a dragon, hoping to scare them off.


Too bad he forgot that A. they wouldn't necessary recognise it as a dragon attacking them

In this instance the party didn't know about the 'boss' dragon who ran this group so it would have made zero difference to them.

more importantly B. the glass BLOCKS HIS SPELLS. It's just as well we're used to him, as the sound of a massive dragon roaring inside the train doesn't make us run into the woods.

Be glad I didn't make everyone inside that car (except Telon obviously) roll for deafness.

By a stroke of good luck, the second Wyvern had managed to get his claw stuck in the doorway when he tried to attack me.
Wyvern rolls a 1...

The second Wyvern gets his claws unstuck and goes for Ocelot. Being on fire his aim is more than slightly affected, and not only does it miss him, but he trips.
Rolled another 1....

Yolan just has time to look up at the dark patch before being completely crushed under the creature and takes 14 damage from the impact. At least he didn't catch fire.
Now to be fair, I said it fell off the train roof, but it was Yolan's character himself that said "oh it's just fallen on me..." I did offer to roll odd's/evens to see which side he fell off but I was shouted down. I think:
1. Because if it had fell off the other side Telon would have been fighting 3 on his own.
2. Because this way the map was drawn, the wyvern was too far on one side to explain it falling off the train on the other side.

Also he got a reflex save, but he's a tank so didn't make it...

Back on the other side Telon goes at the fourth Wyvern, and finally gets to show just how different he is from Yurian. He gets two hits, one of them is a crit that confirmed on a roll of 2 thanks to the various boosts he's gotten, and he ends up rolling 6d8+32 for 63 damage, killing it instantly.

And the party look on in astonishment that they have someone else who can damage deal (aside from Vex). Although when I checked the numbers later it actually should have been 2d8+12 for his damage per hit, so it would have been 6d8 + 36.

And also it's worth noting that this wasn't actually his max output - he's also got the spell lead blades which pushes his weapon size up to the next size category again. Coupled with his critical it would have meant 8d8 + 32 damage...

On the other end of the competency spectrum draspher summons a bison next to him, that fails to do anything.

It failed to hit, it did at least do a job of drawing agro as well.

But for once the big screw up wasn't on his shoulders.

Oh I was waiting to see how you'd write this :smallbiggrin:

Vex moves up and engages the third one, and I prepare a second shot. I then roll a 1:


GM – just as you fire Vex walks into the line of the shot
Jaune – [worried] does she count as flat footed?
GM – [Glares at me] well I suppose she didn't see it coming

I can't believe that you didn't even try to get out of that...

GM: "You shoot your friend and party member in the back!"
You: "Did I at least roll max damage?"

Jaune – I use a swift action to turn invisible and end my turn
Table – [breaks down in laughter]

And across the table, Drapher is considering whether to help Vex by using adhesive spittle :smalltongue:

Vex's next flurry of attacks results in a fumble and she loses grip on her katana, and it flies in my direction

That would have been karma for that to have hit you square in the teeth


So the poor guy has had a wyvern the size of the aforementioned VW Polo fall on him and trap him underneath. His legs are sticking out and the creature is actually on fire. He rolls fine on reflex to avoid catching fire, but then:

The Second Wyvern, after having taken a large amount of damage last round, finally succumbs to the fire damage and collapses. Right on top of Yolan. Now not only is he immobile, he is being suffocated.

The fire damage was the last straw and essentially the creatures sprit leaves the body as it's trying to roll itself off Yolan. As such a lot of dead weight and animal meat come down on the poor guy, and he's essentially being smothered. I have him make a strength roll - no good. Not a single person notices...

draspher tries to recapture the Zeitgeist of his previous spell, but quickly realises that enlarging Yolan won't work as there is no part of Yolan visible under the Wyvern. Instead he tries out another new spell, and uses dragonbreath to blast out a 20' cone of acid, dealing 23 damage to the Third Wyvern, and melting a fair few trees due to the angle of missing the train but hitting the creatures

I'll give him this - I said that he couldn't see Yolan visible so he used my own argument to explain why he wouldn't get his with the acid spray. AND he aimed so as not to cause damage to the train - collateral damage being a significant part of Draphers training recently.

We pick ourselves up after the fight. Yolan starts casting light on the corpse, so it starts blinking, in an attempt to let us know she's under there.

4 rounds and wyvern corpse rave party later and STILL, nobody has made a move to try and remove this corpse from the poor guy...

Telon finally climbs over the train, leaving a couple of oversided dents as he clambers over, and drags the Wyvern off Yolan.

I considered rolling for whether the carriage would tip over but it wouldn't have fitted with the tech, and the fact that the other wyverns were bounding about on it as well.

While the rest of us are messing around, Ocelot realises that there is still a commotion at the front of the train. He shouts a warning to us and goes running down the top of the train, jumping from carriage to carriage.

And once he finishes his turn I pass him a note to say what is there. He promptly turns white and is intending on his next turn to follow in the grand traditions of his team leader and do a runner..

...then shouts at draspher to cast haste on us before going after the others. I go to the train carrage, grab draspher by his collar and drag him with me, as he casts haste catching everyone except for Ocelot, who's too far down to be in range.

Forgetting to mention that at this point - even though I'm maintaining initiative order - that Draspher has abandoned the party and gone back inside the carriage for a nap..

Ninja-san and two others are engaging a large blue dragon.

It does a DM proud when the party collectively rises an inch off their chairs from bricking it :smallbiggrin:

Telon yells at draspher "get ready to make me big"

Yeah I laughed. I have a crude sense of humour.

draspher runs up and prepares his spells while I approach the dragon, preparing to move in just as Ocelot unloads, dealing 25 damage total.

I could have sworn it was more than that. Cause he rolled a crit and on his weapons it's a x4 multipler. Needless to say he blows a good chunk of it's health off and leaves it with about 10hp.

Ninja-san calls out for the dragon to just surrender, it's already badly hurt and if it carries on it will likely be killed.

Even chromatic dragons aren't unreasonable and they'll surrender when hopelessly outgunned. I was just going to have it run off as it's 'gang' is all dead and it's on the verge of death. It also had a harpoon sticking out of it's flank but the guys holding the rope had just dropped so it took off straight into the sky to flee...

It was also by itself in mid-air, so said party member was free to go all out without any danger of collateral damage. so, DRASPHER FIREBALLS THE SCALY BEAST, knocking him out of the air all together.

It was like he'd been waiting for that one clear shot and as soon as it happened 'BANG'. I'd say he's related to Megumin but she's actually more competent.


In typical fashion for us, all thoughts of continuing forward have been completely forgotten as we collectively try to decide what to do with the body,

Almost half an hour... Of real time...


i.e. Me...

looking on disapprovingly as we plan out these crazy ideas.

HALF... AN.... HOUR....

• How will we take it with us? We have bags of holding
• It won't fit. Ok just cut it up
• Yolans a merchant, can he prepare it for us? No, he knows what's valuable not how to skin it (ninja-san eventually uses a scroll of shrink object to help us fit it in)

I was trying to move things along.

• It'll go bad in the bags. ok, we're passing some villages, maybe someone there can cast preserve body? Nope, no one is high enough level

You made me roll to see if there was a cleric who could cast gentle repose.

• How about the blood? Get Ocelot to put it in vials. He doesn't have the right stuff, ok we'll use the Wyvern venom as an anti-coagulant (no-one at the table has any idea how to even start rolling for milking the venom from these things)

Yeah, that was the biggest issue... I had one of you arguing that "it's a venom so of course it's an anticoagulant!"

• I seem to remember a certain spell that turns bodies into treasure maps [GM glares at me] NO!

… and the donkey upon which you rode in...

• Ninja-san points out that that was a juvenile dragon, and his mother will probably want revenge. That’s ok, we'll make draspher an all dragon scale outfit and pin it all on him (despite knowing this is our intention, he still likes this plan)
• How about we find a necromancer in town and get him to raise the body as a bone golem under our control?
• If Ocelot drains the blood from the mini-dragon, is it still small?

And how about the plan one of you came up with of using it as an improvised mace so that when you are on a downswing, you dispel the shrink item and the target gets hit with the full size corpse of a young blue dragon......

2018-06-10, 07:17 AM
Did i kill steal or was it the ground?


Romaru Darkeyes
2018-06-10, 08:43 AM
Did i kill steal or was it the ground?

What do you think Megumin...

2018-06-10, 10:32 AM
What do you think Megumin...

oh thank god, that means I can just atribut it to the ground killing it, and I don't have to try and imagine a universe that drasphers compitent. taking away one "did good" point ;p

2018-06-10, 10:51 AM
oh thank god, that means I can just atribut it to the ground killing it, and I don't have to try and imagine a universe that drasphers compitent. taking away one "did good" point ;p

you say that but...

draspher runs up and prepares his spells while I approach the dragon, preparing to move in just as Ocelot unloads, dealing 25 damage total.

I could have sworn it was more than that. Cause he rolled a crit and on his weapons it's a x4 multipler. Needless to say he blows a good chunk of it's health off and leaves it with about 10hp.

and i hit it for 30ish.

P.S. Megumin is the best.

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-06-10, 06:43 PM
P.S. Megumin is the best.

She is without a doubt the original powergamer :smalltongue:

"So if I take this drawback and this drawback, and boost my magic stats like this - I can cast the highest level fire magic at level 1" :smallsmile:
GM: "You do realise that you essentially become useless after one cast per day?"
"But then the rest of the team can protect me. It's totally worth it."

2018-06-23, 12:19 PM
We start the session off discussing sheets. we find out the gm has been running Telons number. Lead blades and enlarge person on him turns him from 1d10+8 to a whopping 3d8+13 per swing, with a 15-20 crit range. Vex's position as primary damage dealer may just have been deposed.

Session 23, Part 1, monorail, monorail, monorail

We quickly investigate the tracks after packing up the dragon. a quick investigation shows that the tracks were slightly damaged in the attack. it also shows ocelot that it's not a regular train, but a monorail. Fortunately, draspher was able to use mending to repair the tracks, and we head on our way to the capital. The next day we hear murmers and a commotion as we aproach the city, and we look up to see everyone looking out the window. We look out ourselves and quickly realise why. The City is glorious, all gold gilded white marble and decorative crystal formations as far as the eye can see. Alongside this are clear signs of the city's industrialisation as huge smokestacks belch smoke out forming giant clouds that cover the skyline. This change has not just been limited to the city though, looking out we can see various farms worked by golems, and produce being pulled by steampunk tractors, and massive siege engines line the city walls.

Telon recalls the city's history he had read previously. The whole place has been peaceful for the last 30 years, ever since the new monarchy overthrew the previous regime. The old regime had been incredibly conservative, refusing to accept any kind of change in tech compared to the magic they used, which ultimately lead to their downfall. After the revolution, they city has been through massive changes, with much of the cities industrialisation being led by an influx of gnome tinkerers.

The train arrives at the station and we depart. There are many jokes cracked at the magical stations expense, mostly around platform 9 and ¾. Ninja-san recommends we got announce ourselves to the palace before anything else. During this, the GM gets annoyed that none of us actually refer to him by his name, as none of us have ever actually asked him what it is. We finally pester him for it, but he initially clamps up, claiming we're not important enough to know it yet. He finally caves, and admits his name is "Bernard". Of course, we as a group start making fun of "Burney" to his irritation. After a good ribbing at the GM's expense, the group head outside and we are surprised at just how many "horseless carriages"/"automobiles"/"varrickmobiles" there are everywhere. Ninja-san flags down a cab, then turns to us. He holds out a scroll, our entrance into the palace, and asks who's going to take it. I, as team leader, immediately go to take it (despite reservations about trusting us by ourselves in the city) but Yolan has reservations about trusting me with it (mainly he doesn't trust me to not run way/use if for nefarious purposes). Ninja-san then helpfully offers to give it to the idiot who can't go 5 minutes without blowing up the city. I officially take it of him, and he takes his leave of us, he has other things in the city to do.

Part 2, where the wild things are

We get in the cab and set off. Our first point of action is to change outfits. I use my sleeve of many garments to dress in a fancy Nobel outfit, draspher uses his hat to disguise himself as well. Telon too wants to change into a noble's outfit, and he has to get the others to help him out of his armour. Ocleot just helps Telon, and Vex is disappointed she doesn't ahve anything to change into, until I point out she's a paladin in armour, she looks shiny and majestic as is. She still gets draspher to clean her armour and casts a light spell on her to make her seem more "paladin-y". To her disappointment, he was not able to magic the Armor in such a way to give her cleavage. Yolan meanwhile goes to talk to the driver, and we come up with what kind of offensive Indian accent to give the cab driver (I went with Dopinder from deadpool). We look out of the window, and see various sights, he gives us a verbal tour of the shopping area, the living quarters section and the slums (although even these are more upscale than most cities luxury districts). We discover that there are three magical schools housed in the city, and at this time of year they host a special magical tournament between the three of them. Of course, we all immediately compare it to Hogwarts and the tri-wizard tournament.

As we go though, I reminisce back to my own childhood. I remember how the city used to be much worse, how the new royalty captured hearts and minds of the people and they decided to take it. The city turned on the nobles, and I recall the sound as they started smashing the gate to my home. While I'm getting lost in roleplay memories, the others get distracted about discussing house prices, and the possibility of getting a place here.

We pass through another wall and Ocelot and Vex notice that while the outside is marble, the rest of the wall seems to be granite or some other type of harder rock, with multiple 6' passages running through it. On the other side we see much clearer signs of military activity everywhere, such as unusual metal vehicles that seem to be troop transports of some sort (tanks without turrets). We eventually approach a military Barracs, and the Cabbie pull over and asks for his 2gp payment. Like the responsible leader I am, I throw draspher under the bus for payment. To his complaints I respond with the fact that I don't have a single GP to my name, I spent it all on equipment. Just as he's handing it over, Yolan pipes up, outraged at this rip off price. He exclaims that we are on a royal misssion, and this is how he treats us, the NERVE! So, the cabbie drops it to 1gp, and draspher hands over two. Yolan takes one coin back and berates him for wasting his bargaining, while draspher argues back that he was trying to tip him. The cabbie gets annoyed at this point and kicks us out.

As we get out we take a quick look at the Barracks. There is a large building with an obvious entrance, to one side some smaller buildings that seem to be troop sleeping quarters, and a large training ground to the other. There are many running drill there, some with rifles, some of which stop and stare at the odd group who just came out of the cab, until the drill sergeants yell at them. Vex notices that she's getting a lot more stares than the others for some reason. The longer we stand round, the bigger the crowd gathers staring at us, so I lead us inside to the reception. I quickly introduce ourselves and present the scroll to the receptionist. He immediately pales and runs off and I worry something has gone wrong already.

While we wait, draspher notices something off about the room. To put it simply, he almost feels magically deaf, like he can't feel the flow of magic properly around him. To experiment he decides to create a small rainbow in his hands with prestidigitation. The rainbow immediately fizzles out, and he feels all his clothes shrink on him. He croaks out that something is affecting his magic, even as his voice gets higher and higher in pitch. Yolan meanwhile has become paranoid and jumps over the table to check the hallway. Unable to open the door, he finds its connected to a switch. He has both myself and Ocelot check it for traps and function before pressing it and checking the hallway. Just as he does so we hear footsteps coming down the hallway, and we get back into place. Yolan decides to be extra cautious, draws his mace out and hide behind the doorway, and as an afterthought casts invisibility on himself. Instead of shaping light in such a way as to render himself unseen, instead his spell makes a 110kg black bear appear from nowhere, looking very confused, right in the reception.

Part 3, the bear necessities of a good introduction

Everyone (including the bear) stand there dumbstruck for a few moments while they process what just happened. Telon quickly moves up to keep the bear calm (it just as confused how it got here as we are) with Vex quickly joining in. draspher stuides it and realises two things. Firstly, there seems to be an anti-magic barrier in place, but it's not strong enough to disable magic but just disrupt it, almost like wild magic. The second thing he realises is that that’s not a summon, that just a bear, meaning that we now have to figure out how to deal with a live bear.

This is the scene the receptionist walks back to this sight. Ocelot quickly assures him we had a slight magical accident, and we'll handle the bear. He comments he just thought it was one of our animal companions, then pails and confused asks why there is a bear. For all my efforts to convince him we should leave them to it and discuss matters in another room, he's fixated on why there's a bear now. I eventually convince him to leave it to Telon, Vex and draspher to handle taking the bear to the stables, while Myself, Ocelot and Yolan come with him to settle the matter. As we go to leave I turn back and tell Vex and Telon to just "deal with it".

draspher starts coming up with ideas on how to deal with the bear. His first thought is to use Mee to put it to sleep, until he remembers the weird magic field, so he thinks Mee's telepathy might work, until he realises that a Pseudodragon probably doesn't speak bear. Finally, he decides to help by going outside and assuring everyone that there's nothing to fear, they've had a little incident with a bear, so if they'd just keep back while they lead him out (despite me warning him that’s a terrible idea). Vex by this point has grown very fond of this bear and is determined to both tame and ride it. Telon starts leading the bear with jerky from his rations. Between him and Vex they get the bear safely outside.

Outside, all drasphers warning have succeeded in doing is gathering a crowd, made up of recruits trying to see what happening and their instructors yelling at them to get back to training. The crowd fall silent in complete bewilderment as two of the strangers bring out a huge black bear out. At this point all the exercises have stopped as even the drill instructors are staring at this odd sight. Telon turns around and yells at the crowd "what? You've never seen someone lead a bear out of a place before?", "only in the gay district" someone shouts back, "what that, I can't hear you, I'm deaf" Telon replies, before getting back to work. They finally lead the bear to the stables, where the Irish stablemaster starts freaking out about the fact that they randomly brought a bear for him to deal with. The guys accent is so thick, Telon immediately passes the conversation over to Vex, unable to even lip-read the guy accurately. She manages to get reassurances that yes, he can look after the bear for now, but one of them is going to have to claim responsibility for it. Telon immedatly pipes us and takes said responsibility:

Stablemaster – wat are ya, Daft?
Telon – no, deaf
Stablemaster – daft?
Telon – deaf!
That goes on for a while.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group follows the receptionist upstairs and down several corridors until they get to an office. He knocks and we hear a voice calling us in. We walk in and see a man in uniform behind a desk. I quickly recognise the markings on the jacket to indicate he's a major as he stands up, goes to shake my hand, then changes his mind and takes his hand away before I can reach out and take it:

Major – greetings, my name is Major Scott. Just to be clear, I run a tight ship and I won't accept any funny business
All of us (both in and out of character) – [break down in laughter]
Major Scott – I don't see whats so funny
Jaune – [still laughing] you have no idea, you poor sod [sobering up] I am so, so sorry, you poor b#####
Major Scott – [frouning] hmmmm
Jaune – if it helps, I found that while they might not be efficient, but they get the job done

I seem to convince him for the time being at least, although he's still ticked off when he finds out from the receptionist what happened with the bear downstairs. He explains that the royal family will be gone on various duties for the next week. Until then, we are quite welcome to stay in the guild bunkhouse onsite. Like he said before, he runs a tight ship and everyone else is busy training recruits so while we have some liberties we are not allowed to disrupt training. He also warns against using magic while on the compound, the guy in charge is super paranoid about that stuff, so he had anti-magic crystals installed in the walls. While they are not strong enough to cancel out magic, they are strong enough to disrupt any magic or spells cast on site in a chaotic fashion, hence the bear. He sends us of the receptionist, Jenkins, and tells us that if we need anything, just ask Jenkins and he'll get it for us.

As we leave, Yolan starts signing to me that the week would be a good opportunity to sell the dragon. I sign back that the week would be a good opportunity to start investigating the entire city and find out everything we can before the actual meeting. Jenkins looks over curious at our signing, and I quickly explain that we have a deaf teammate, and to help communicate we practice our sign language whenever we can. Jenkins actually seems interested in this, and we meet up with the others outside. We get taken to a separate barracks similar to the other, but smaller and with the guild symbol above the door. We step inside and the place is filthy, everything inside being caked in dust. draspher immediately perks up, declaring he's going to use his spells to clean the place up, until all of us shout out warnings, remembering what happened with the bear. The place consists of a large kitchen, a larger room with a planning table, and four bedrooms for sleep. We start to analyse the magic field problems, and realise a big problem. The field will also mess with our magic equipment, including the handy haversacks/bag of storing we use to keep most of our things. While it probably won't permanently ruin them, the bags only seem to work properly 70% of the time, while our other equipment will be dulled, preventing it from giving us magical assistance while in the field.

I quickly plan out what everyone is going to do tomorrow:

draspher, you go to the magical academies in town. See if you can find a way around the anti-magic field, and also find out what's going on with them at the moment
Telon, you go to the magic academies and try and make a connection for your monastery (when he asks why, that was only a small detail from backstory I brought up for the training mission I point out 1. yes, I know, but its relevant here and more importantly 2. I don't trust draspher going to the city by himself without the guy who can cast silence on him to keep him in check)
Yolan, go to town and sell the dragon. While you're doing that, try to make some connections in the business sector
Ocelot will "clean" the rooms, and by clean, I mean make an appearance of cleaning while setting up a bunch of traps to protect the place. I don't want any obvious to see traps, nor super lethal ones to bystanders, the last thing we need is to kill a bunch of trainees going by and getting killed with claymore mines
Vex will stay here and start taming the bear. While she's doing that, I want her to scope out the place, try and find out whatever she can and whom we can trust
I will go investigate the bounty, as well as find out all I can about the royal family to help with meeting them in a weeks' time

Part 4, the wait day 1, part 1, identity crisis

We wake up and set out on our missions. Yolan points out that handing in the bounty might be troublesome without having proof, so we team up to hand in the bounty. We ask Jenkins who informs us the best place for any kind of bounty work is the mercenary guild meeting hall in town. We both head to town, but thoroughly mess up the instructions he had given us and we find ourselves in the factory district. We quickly ask for directions that take us to the town centre, then follow the signs to the correct place.

We get to a large hall, with Six guild badges above the door, 5 arranged in a row with our own guilds larger on top. We head inside and see several groups around different tables, with even a few familiar ones from the guild there as well. We head over to reception and ask about handing in a bounty. She goes through proceedings, asking for proof of the kill (and more than a little surprised to be presented a mini dragon corpse), checking for authenticity etc. She then asks what name we are handing it in under, but she won't accept Jaune Dupre she wants our guild name. That’s kind of an issue for us, as our GM hasn't come up with one yet, and refuses to let us just call it "the guild of the white lotus" as a reference to avatar as we had been doing previously. After a few minutes back and forth he allows us to just say the name without acting it out. She then asks for our papers, which has both of us panicking until the GM irritably point out that yes, we would have our guild identification on us, despite never telling us or having it written on our sheets. We discover that the bounty was 10000gp, which we choose to keep in a shared guild account for the time being.

(side note, Yolan really doesn't trust me, and we end up having a theoretical match over whether my bluff could beat his detect lies. Turns out inquisitors have it really high)

After that, we split up. Yolan goes around the merchant's section of the city, and quickly identifies what is sold where and who is the best to go visit for various services. I meanwhile try to find out more info about the royal family, but I can't find out any details aside from there well liked. Hitting a dead end there, I do some research on the Dupre name, and try to find out what the city feels about them after the revolution. All I discover is that they have just been kind of forgotten. Some of the older generation might remember them, but they were a smaller part of the things that happened over 30 years ago, at most people might be a little sympathetic that they were on the wrong side.

Part 2, talking magic shop

Telon and draspher start of their day talking to Jenkins, asking about both the location of the magic academies in town, and the anti-magic defences in the barracks. They don't get that much out of him, in fact the more they talk about magic, the more uncomfortable he gets. He just points them to town, telling them there the large buildings, they can't miss them, and he has no idea about any of the magic stuff, he just works there.

They go out and quickly find signs leading them to the closest academy right in the heart of the industrial sector. As they get closer, they notice a good deal of people in robes, carrying all sorts of specialised tools. draspher immediately latches on the idea that their magical craftsmen. They go inside and meet a friendly receptionist and explain their situation with the barracs and the anti-magic field. She immediately takes pity on the two of them and Telon suspects she's being condescending as she expresses her sympathies for the poor situation there in, she knows the army types really don't like magic around here, but a quick sense motive reveals that she's just a maternal sort.

draspher does his best to try and find any way of countering the field, but unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a way around it. The guild has tried in the past, having sent multiple research groups in but they never have any luck as they can't get permission to stay long enough to make any real progress. The simple matter is the high number of anti-magic crystals in the walls is just too hard to overcome in any simple manner. draspher tries to follow up on wanting to talk to a researcher himself, but unfortunately everyone is busy with the preparations for the games. Instead draspher asks for more detail why they have something like that in place, they seem to be stabbing themselves in the foot equipment wise with this decision. He discovers that the commander is super paranoid about magic and tried to have it blocked entirely on site, but the installation of the crystals went wrong hence the "wild magic" field. That’s also why they can't research it properly as well as he kicks them off before they can "crack" his security.

Telon follows up asking about what's going on with the guilds right now, any unusual activity or developments? While she's only a receptionist she does hear some things, and she comments that there have been a lot of new faces coming in for the "not tri-wizard tourniment" (side note, we all kept making the comparison every time it came up). We also get some more concreate details about the three collages:

The first collage is the one there currently in, the collage of IO, which specialises in the creation of magic items
The second is the collage of Sylvain, specialising in the studies of life and negative energy, with a heavy focus on Clerical and Druidic magics. The Collage takes in a good deal of Druids, Rangers, a few wizards and even a Witch coven. They are also more likely to bring in darker mages, having some necromancers but they are not allowed to practice within city limits
Finally, there is the Collage of Ryanna, specialising in evocation magic. Apparently, they've had a group come in from a city from the coast, Southwater if she recalls correctly.

At the sounds of Southwater draspher shudders, then offhandedly mentions he "knew some guys who caused trouble over there recently" making the group panic that he's giving away too much. I get annoyed as I sent Telon with only one job, to keep an eye on him and stop him doing anything stupid like say confessing he's the mad bomber opening that old chestnut again.

draspher fortunately quickly changes the topic, hoping that the deans or the collage library's will help him with his magic problem, but is informed that the tournament means the deans will be far too busy, while the libraries are restricted to collage members only. Upon asking about a public library instead Vex points out that he of all people should steer clear of library's after what happened last time. His protests that wasn't his fault are for naught anyway, the only libraries in the city are attached to the collages, with no real access for the rank and file. They leave it there and head back

Part 3, chores

Ocelot spends his day cleaning and preparing traps. He gets out all the pots and pans and with some rope sets up noise traps that make them clatter if anyone tries to get in through a window or open certain doors. He also spots two large partially frosted windows (to prevent people looking in from outside), but their clear at the top and he can see some edges where a sniper could operate from. With his primary task accomplished, he starts his research into new ammo types, using 15 shots worth of gunpowder from his barrel to experiment.

Vex meanwhile has fun training her bear. She does well in the morning, making a breakthrough just before she makes a big fumble, and he's a little irritable by the end of the day. As shes leaving, a stable hand asks her where it came from:

Vex – a Wizard did it
Table – [breaks down laughing, realising the irony that that is actually true]

The stable hand comments that "ya don't want any wizards around here, there not liked". Vex inquiries into that and he explains that the guy in charge really doesn't like magic, that’s why everyone is taught purely martial means of combat while the wizards stick to the collages. Who is he? Why the general of course.

After that we meet back at the barracks for the night. We discuss what we found and make plans for the next day. I will go with Telon and draspher to the Sylvain collage, so I can keep the two on track for what we want out of the collages. Ocelot will join Yolan shopping, while Vex will keep taming the bear and try to ingratiate herself to the cadets. We called it there for the time being.

Days without incident – 1, I am not expecting this to last, I know us
Embarrassments to the guild – 1, the bear
Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 10, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner
Times draspher did good – 3, The enlarge person spell, taking out a dragon, mending train tracks
Times draspher did bad – 2, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick, nearly giving away the groups connection to southwater to a complete stranger
Team members drilled over – 4, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him, draspher and Yolans spells backfiring
Terms confused – 3.5, the guild name, the fact we had papers (.5), the collages, the tournament name

2018-06-26, 05:50 PM
For those of you who wonder what fumbles is up to don't worry he is happier than ever without draspher.

If it doesn't load just refresh the page.


Romaru Darkeyes
2018-06-29, 06:23 AM
I genuinely have no words on this. Yolan pulled a Draspher 2 seconds after Draspher pulled a Draspher.

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-06-29, 06:25 AM
Also I'm fully expecting the outcome to be this in coming weeks...


2018-06-29, 04:13 PM
Also I'm fully expecting the outcome to be this in coming weeks...

That's a coincidence this is what im expecting:

2018-07-07, 05:56 PM
We start the session off with the GM explaining what's going on in the session. The idea is that the next few days are just downtime before the royalty arrive. So rather than go through it day by day instead he'll talk through what we're doing during the week person to person

Session 24, Day 2-7, part one, you mean like these?

Ocelot spends his week researching new kinds of bullets. Due to the nature of his advanced bullets he can't just go to the store and buy magic bullets. He could craft masterwork bullets, then go find a wizard to enchant them, but that’s going to take extra effort to track down, hence why he wants to invest in inventing special bullets for his gun.

(Quick aside, the GM has a system in place where we can research anything. He comes up with a number and we have to keep making craft rolls. We add the total of our craft rolls up until we reach the number he set for us, then we've figured out that item. However, if we roll a one then we end up losing part of our progress in the ensuing damage)

For his first project, he goes down to the various blacksmiths in the city. From them he was able to get his hands on some special metal shavings. He spends the next few days carefully smelting the bullets made out of this metal, experimenting with different densities and shapes until, at the end of the week he proudly presents his creation. Five adamantium bullets, each capable of piercing event the thickest and toughest of armours like they were made of hot butter. Yolan takes one look at this masterful creation, then remembers he has some of those already. He needed them for a spell to protect him from gunfire, so he pulls out the 25 adamantium bullets he had on his person, even offering to share 10 with him so there on an even playing field.

Vex meanwhile has spent her week training her bear. She looked up the handle animal rules and decides to teach it "stay first" if only to sit on draspher. Unfortunately, the first part of training an animal is making it friendly, and while she may have ranks in handle animal, she is by no means an animal training master. She flubs most of her rolls and makes no real progress in training the bear. Fortunately, Yolan was looking over her spell sheet and noticed that she had a couple of paladin spells for such an occasion. These help her out a bit with training the bear, and she will be able to give him one or two tricks with another spell so it's not all bad news for her

Part 2, it’s a hard knock life

OOG draspher has been fretting constantly about the wild-magic field messing him and his ring of sustenance up. He has been coming up with plan after plan to counter the field. These include:

Using his necklace of adaptation – no it just creates a bubble of air, it doesn't block the wild magic field
Spending a 4th level spell slot to recharge it – no, it isn't draining the ring, its disrupting it

While this might not seem like much, he has been CONSTANTLY SENDING MESSAGES AND TALKING ABOUT IT EVERY TIME HE SEES ME OR THE GM AND WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN, OVER AND OVER, WHY THAT WON'T WORK. I have chosen to take this as he's constantly bothering everyone all night with plans and ideas about it.

(the sad thing is that it's all based on mishearing the GM. He said that magic items like the ring or the bags of holding have a 70% chance of working, but two failure days in a row for the ring would mean he has to restart attuning the ring)

Upon waking up, I drag draspher over to the Sylvain school. On the way I explain that I'm going to negotiate with the school and have it so he can stay over there. He immediately charges towards the school at that news, burst through the doors and with a roll of 2 loudly cries out "can I stay here, also are your rooms fireproof?". I follow after and start negotiation with the headmaster, and explain "look, he's a problem. We're staying at the barracks and he's going nuts worrying about the anti-magic field up there. Could you take him off our hands for a few days, We'll owe you a favor. Just give him crapwork – he will do the worst jobs, clean cauldrons toilets etc, and thank you for it so long as he can use prestidigitation to do it (draspher started to object, then realised that was true)". I rolled a 1, and still got a 20 total. The headmaster, though a little annoyed at all this is eventually convinces him, the promise of a favour in particular turning him to our side. He does add that if he causes any trouble he's out and not coming back. I leave him there and spend the next few days getting as much underworld connections as I can. By the end of the week I am fully prepared to get any kind of illegal service for us.

draspher meanwhile starts experimenting with the anti-magic crystals with a sample he was able to get from the school. On his first morning there he royally botches it up, and a large bang can be heard throughout the school. A few minutes later, curious students find draspher failing to exit the room as smoke billows out, on account of the large set of antlers sprouting from his head. He spends most of the rest of the day getting said antlers stuck in doorways, knocking off peoples hats and accidently stealing several familiars as he walks past students carrying them on their shoulders. This earned him the nickname "draspher the horned" from many of said students, whom luckily didn't recognise him as the mad bomber despite his hat of disguise not fitting anymore.

Of course, draspher wasn't so irresponsible as to abandon the rest of the group for a week (no matter how much some of us might have wanted him to) so he decides to visit once every three days to catch up. On his third day, after his antlers have fallen off, he walks back through the city not noticing he's gone off the main roads, or that the street he's on is unusually quiet. Suddenly draspher feels something bounce of the back of his head. At the same time someone charges in front of him and smacks him, only for it to bounce off his armour.

Panicking now, he runs out of there reach to the side of the alleyway and tries to dimensional door to his escape, only to find its not working, so he sends Mee to get help. Two more of them run down to block him off, as a third comes after him from behind, only to find his head immune to his blows. One much bigger than the others tries to push past, only to get knocked on his ass. draspher runs to escape, shrugging off blows from the four, but a fifth one trips him up, then clocks him over the head for 5 non-lethal damage as he tries to stand up. He's quickly surrounded by them and they start attacking. As one goes to attack he's shocked that it has flanking on him, and complains that he should have gotten it before:

Jaune – draspher, you can't flank with yourself! If you could, I'd be the most broken character here

One of them goes to grapple him, another joining in but failing to grab due to his flailing arms. he manages to shake him off and he finally gets a good look on his attackers. There all kids, 16 at the oldest, and the one on the floor seems to be wearing an amulet made of the anti-magic crystals. It seems similar to the anti-magic fields we had previously encountered in southwater.

As a couple more move up to cheer, the one who had fallen over (who seems to be the ringleader) gets up, and yells at him to just give them the money and they'll leave him alone, but draspher insists that he doesn't have any, he spent it all. They either don't belive him (who would have thought the guys robbing him wouldn't belive the guy when he says he has no money *gasp* it's unheard off) or they just don't care, and they continue to swing at him. draspher tries to break through there line but fails to get past them.

draspher gets slightly annoyed at being stuck in this situation where he's useless without magic and the GM quickly explains he had this scenario planned alongside a couple of others as a possible event we could have triggered. These guys make a living by waiting for mages to come out of the school and wonder alone before jumping them as they know their easier targets in a fist fight. It could have triggered in a number of ways and the rest of the party would have been fine, but draspher wondered the city alone and managed to trigger it. draspher then gets annoyed and an argument/discussion breaks out amongst everyone about how he does/doesn't look like a mage and what he actually looks like. In the end It's agreed that the fact he's made himself look like a Rasputin like old man in a large cape coming out of the mage school with a dragon on his shoulder looks enough like a mage to count for an attempted mugging.

Yolan and Ocelot come up with an idea to just rip the necklace off that’s blocking his magic. Too bad draspher is trapped against the wall and surrounded on all sides. The ringleader then angrily repeats his line about giving them the money, which draspher still doesn't have. Finally, he comes up with a plan. He grabs a potion of spider climb, ignoring the rain of blows from the kids giving another 10 damage, and then scales the wall behind him, laughing as they try to stop him. This plan is so out of no-where and so impressive the GM forgot that potions weren't supposed to work in the anti-magic field, but he let him have it.

The kids keep throwing stuff at him, and one or two pieces hit him for another 4 damage but theres no way he's coming down now. He runs up to the roof and starts making for the main street. As he's going, he notices some of the kids following him through the side alleys, and he waves to them. As he approaches the main street, he spots Mee leading a group of guards in his direction. One guard irritably asks him if the dragon is his, mainly because Mee's method of getting help was simply to fly over shout out something about someone needing help, biting him and running away. Things are quickly cleared up and the guard explains they've had multiple cases of this, where the kids follow mages out of the schools and get them when there alone. They ask for a description but draspher fumbles his roll something awful and can't remember a thing. Someone points out he has silent image and he tries to help with that, but thanks to the poor previous roll all he produces is a very crude looking stickman covered in stink lines holding ether a sap or a lollypop.

We then find out from the GM that those kids were 9 level 1 commoners. draspher lost half his health to just about the weakest mooks in the game. Heck we also find out that if he had done just about anything (draw his dagger, fight back etc) then they would have run off. He had been expecting at any point for draspher to stand up for himself and they would have run away.

After clearing that up he manages to make his way back to the barracks and tells us what happened. after we stop laughing we simply suggest keeping to the main streets from now on. He goes back to the School the next day and spends the rest of the week without incident. He does manage to discover that scrolls and wands still function under the wild magic field, but when they use their effects they still generate a random occurrence as well as the regular spell. This also confirms my suspicions that thanks to my obscenely high use magic device skill, I am a better caster than draspher. At the weeks end draspher compiles his findings in a journal, makes a few copies and gives one to the school, earning a bit of respect from them.

Part 3, training the days away

The last members spend their days a bit more productively than the rest of us. Yolan successfully finds a guy who'll prepare and sell the dragon for us, while leaving a little aside for us. He gives us the option of having 1 piece of the dragon each. Vex wants a dragon tooth necklace, draspher wants a dagger made out of either a dragon fang or claw (whatever's better), Yolan wants a sowrd made out of dragon bone while I want a full set of fancy nobleman's cloths made out of dragon scale. Telon also comes up with the idea of using the dragonscales as a basis for a magical communication device of some kind, like a message spell attached to bangles or something similar. The GM approves and a sample is kept to send to Yurian to experiment with. He manages to get 2200GP for the boy in total, which he adds to the reward and keeps as the team kitty. He has also taken to guarding it himself as he does not trust me to look after it one bit.

Speaking of Yurian, Telon receives a delivery from her. It's several barrels, along with a letter and three vials of black liquid addressed to me (Jaune) personally. While he ponders over them he gets on with his chosen activity, training with the guards on the barracks. He does this by helping with the training exercises and quickly makes friends with a good number of the trainees and even some of the veterans take a shine to him as the week goes on. Training with them he discovers many things about them. None of the soldier use magical gear of any kind, the general in charge believing that such things are crutches that should never be used to replace skill, discipline and tactics. Every soldier is trained in tactics to support each other and trained to fight without magic. While there are some members who can and do use magic, everyone has the skills and training to do without.

There are also various groups trained with different tactics in mind. Some use tower shields and longswords, others use basic muskets (not as advanced as ocelots rifle), and many carry multiple swords for different targets (Witcher style). He saw many training with lighter mithril swords, monster killing silver swords and even some with adamantine swords. It seems that they train to prepare for any opponent. It's this rigorous discipline that made us stand out, as we were all in different armours, no conformity or discipline in our appearance or actions. Now of course, they know who we are, and our connection to the guild so there a bit more respect there.

He also hears hints about the barracks secondary purpose. The previous regime focused heavily on spellcasters and magical power, and there has always been the fear that they may try to attack the city. That why the general attempted to install anti-magic crystals in the walls, and though they didn't work as intended, the wild magic field is still invaluable to him in the art of magic disruption. This means the barracks can work as a secondary base and fall-back position should the city come under attack.

Part 4, A royal welcome

We all meet up at the safehouse and read over the letter from Yurian. The barrels are more of the spring water to keep us going, and the vials are poison Simm milked from herself while wild-shaped. On our behalf she has also been investigating several topics. So far:

She has found nothing new on the royals, but she did hear a few rumours that part of their army that attacked the city were made up of undead
She's making headway on the magical com devises, buts she'll need some magic materials (we'll send the dragon bits to her)
She also keeps seeing the dark figure in her dreams (the one from the mountain) but has had no luck in finding out anything about him
She's still trying to get all the info about the feast of dust from the Whitewaters
She's also started developing new magic bullets for Ocelots revolver

It's also the end of the week, so time to get ready for the royal family. Jenkins comes by and explains that we are to be part of the royal welcoming committee. The family will return to the city at noon and then make their tour of the city before returning to the palace. After all other immediate business is done we will meet with the royals directly to discuss things. Throughout this WE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED WEAPONS AND ARMOUR OF ANY KIND. With that he leaves us to plan.

Ocelot and I both decide that, with this mission's importance and the high level of security, my massive sleight of hand skills will not be used to take in weapons, nether will anyone else take armour or weapons. It has also been decided that said sleight of hand skill will now be referred to as "my prison wallet".

We go there the next day, all dressed in our finest, either provided by ourselves or the guards. It's quite the procession, and the security is top notch. Looking out Ocelot can see a variety of counter snipers out keeping an eye on every angle, and Yolan can see all the guards hidden in plain sight thanks to his see invisibility spell. We are all directed to a point just outside the castle and told to bow when the carriage arrives (The GM is worried that at least one of us will Dab).

After much waiting (it was a big tour of the city) we finally hear the cheering of the crowds signalling the approach of the royal carriage. Telon can tell that their reactions aren't forced, they really love these royals, while Yolan can see dozens of guards surrounding the carriage under the cover of invisibility spells and decides to wave at them. The carriage comes through the gates and they slam shut behind them. One of the invisible guys comes over to where we are (probably has to do with Yolan waving condescendingly at them) and we get warned to bow when everyone else does. Problem is Vex is a very heavily combat focused character and has had nothing to sink her teeth/sword into for two sessions. Heck the only combat anyone has seen was draspher, DRASPHER! So, upon getting the order to respectfully bow, she responds "I bow to no-one!". Fortunately for us none of the royals take offence, although the guards seem standoffish but the princess is the one to take notice of her.

Yolan thinks about casting detect good, then realises that everyone around is keeping an eye out for spellcasters and the somatic component will set them off. The royals enter the building, and Yolan laments that it would be so easy for him to jump over there with a dimension door and assassinate them if they were low levelled. Our heroes everyone! He happens to mention this out loud and one guard starts really examining him closely.

After the royals enter, the rest of the guards back off from the crowd and continue their regular duties. One of them goes over to us and takes us to a side entrance. We enter an antechamber and are immediately searched for weapons with some kind of wand/device that draspher realises detects them. It's a really good thing that I, family member of part of the old regime, was not fond with weapons and armour while attempting to meet the royal family, or it could have ended really badly.

Ocelot quickly signs to the rest of the group to not mention the coup. One guy starts panicking, but luckily it wasn’t that he could read the sign language, he just thought he was a wizard casting a spell. We then get taken to a room with food and drink and told to wait. We're kept for 2-3 hours in there. Ocelot sets up a cup and starts playing dunk shot with grapes from across the room. Yolan bothers the guards every 5 minutes asking "are they here yet?" And draspher gets frustrated they keep us waiting like this. The rest of us explain that we must not be there immediate concern, and there must be other things they have to deal with first. Yolan casts see invisibility again, and he sees invisible guards all over the place.

After ages of waiting we finally see a guard come up to us and take us to the meeting room. Yolan stealthily warns us that there are invisible guards everywhere. We finally get told to wait in an office. From a door we see ninja-san and the King himself enter. We are introduced to the king and he idly mentions that I look familiar. I deflect for the time being just mentioning my family has history with the city.

draspher immediately pipes up to get things started and gets shot down. This is enough to get the king to remember his face from all those posters, he's that mad bomber person, right? Ocelot takes over and explains what happened in our investigation, which is just going around the city making connections. The kings not impressed, asking "is that it?". draspher proudly adds that he got attacked by nine kids! The king confused asks if he thinks there involved.

Yolan then realises that there are still a bunch of invisible guards in the room and asks if they are allowed to hear all this. Both the king and ninja-san are shocked at this news. They are quickly sent to another room and told they'll be updated and drafted to the cause.

The king then tries to get down to business and asks us about Southwater. He shoots down drasphers attempts to talk about what happened, he's more interested in what we found out. The GM finds out that no-one remembers anything we found. Telon (who in character wasn't there) is the closest to remembering:

Telon – I remember there was that one guy in charge, he had a name like a bird. I remember because it was a cool one

Jaune – I think it was Penguin

Telon – No, it was cooler

[about 5-10 minutes later]

Jaune – QUINN! It was Mr Quinn!

[GM/The king looks at all of us with disappointment/irritation we once again forgot the important details]

The king isn't too happy to hear this. Mr Quinn happens to be the biggest and most profitable businessman in the city. either A. He's involved, or B. someons is setting him up. Either way doesn't look good for the situation. draspher also then pops up with the idea the kids are involved, and volunteers to go after them personally. I come up with a plan:

Telon and draspher will go after the kids. They probably have connections to the city underworld, they might know something, and could be of use as agents later on
Telon and Vex are new to the group, so they will approach Mr Quinn from the legal side, finding out as much about his business as possible
Ocelot and I will approach this from the Underworld angle, find out about the criminals in the city and try to see what we can find out

Ocelot is curious about one thing though. Why is our guild so prominent in the city. We find out the king used to be an adventurer, and our guildmaster was one of his companions. That’s why the Arkenstone guild (the GM finally came up with a name for it, which is to say I came up with the name and he liked it) is so prominent. Also, yes, he is aware he is a dragon, something that Ninja-san has a double take at. I swear since we found out his names is Bernard he's become so much less badass, Yolan spotted the invisible guards and we found out his bosses' secret before him.

With that out of the way, the King says that we'll be assigned to the security detail, so we will be allowed armour and weapons in the palace. With that happy news, we end it there

Days without incident – 7, I am not counting draspher getting muged, but the fact he and Telon (who is becoming increasingly chaotic since we betrayed Yolan) I am expecting this to come to an end soon

Embarrassments to the guild – 5, the bear, draspher getting mugged, draspher growing antlers in a magic school, meeting the king (2)

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 10, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner

Times draspher did good – 3, The enlarge person spell, taking out a dragon, mending train tracks

Times draspher did bad – 6, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick, nearly giving away the groups connection to southwater to a complete stranger, the antlers, getting mugged, announcing he was mugged by kids, announcing he was going after kids to beat the crap out of them

Team members drilled over – 6, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him, draspher and Yolans spells backfiring, draspher getting mugged

Terms confused/forgotten – 4.5, the guild name, the fact we had papers (.5), the collages, the tournament name, mr Quinn link

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-07-09, 09:59 AM
(Quick aside, the GM has a system in place where we can research anything. He comes up with a number and we have to keep making craft rolls. We add the total of our craft rolls up until we reach the number he set for us, then we've figured out that item. However, if we roll a one then we end up losing part of our progress in the ensuing damage)

I like the idea of characters being able to generate their own stuff within reason. I read once about a rogue who with their GM's help created that boot knife that featured in James Bond, and then later in Kingsman.

(as an aside, Kingsman is a premise that is in desperate need of a sourcebook)

So during downtime the players can make craft rolls to consecutively build up over time. So if I determine an item is 1,000 research points then the players can roll for their 8 hours work each day of downtime and their rolls are then added together. Once they then hit 1000 points they've successfully researched the item and can craft it normally.

Yolan takes one look at this masterful creation, then remembers he has some of those already. He needed them for a spell to protect him from gunfire, so he pulls out the 25 adamantium bullets he had on his person, even offering to share 10 with him so there on an even playing field.

This is admittedly my mess up... There was a point at which Yolan/Sim was swapping over to their new sheet and they were trying to resolve some points on their character. I didn't keep a close eye on it and that happened.

We resolved it by saying that the ones that Ocelot researched are unique to his weapons, and that the ones currently available are only for simple firearms. He had to adapt them to work for his rifles which are currently one of a kind.

Vex meanwhile has spent her week training her bear
I hope she keeps going with it. I love the look she had on her face when this bear popped into existence. The idea that everyone else in the room went pale, and the stoic half orc paladin broke down in girlish squee's squeaking 'OOOOHH CUTE!!!! I MUST HAVE IT'

Okay... Serious post here...

OOG draspher has been fretting constantly about the wild-magic field messing him and his ring of sustenance up.

I know you visit here Draspher's player, so I'm going to level with you.

I am baffled by the way that you get whenever anyone jokes about that ring of sustenance. I understand that it would be an annoyance to reattune it for seven days if it's removed but the way you react it's like you are Gollum with the one ring...

The most inconvenience you will have is that you will have to eat and sleep for a week like the rest of your party.

And if you are suggesting that you are preventing me from attacking the party during the night because you are able to stand guard, consider this.

You have, the worst perception score of the entire party. I could walk a character like Jaune past you in the night, slit everyone's throat, and walk out again and odds are you wouldn't notice.

You are also the party mage... Even if you raise the alarm they are still going to take at least 1 round to rouse themselves and YOU are going to have to hold off the attackers yourself.

To say nothing of people having to take time to don their armour.

I'm not saying that it's not a noble act that you do for the rest of your party, but frankly you are the worst character to be tasked with the job, and the rest of the party should perhaps consider a proper guard detail, or maybe even some alarm spells? Heck Yolan's character has a wand of alarm...

Okay, serious post over :p

On his third day, after his antlers have fallen off, he walks back through the city not noticing he's gone off the main roads, or that the street he's on is unusually quiet. Suddenly draspher feels something bounce of the back of his head. At the same time someone charges in front of him and smacks him, only for it to bounce off his armour.

This is frankly a failure of the whole party but once again it happens to poor Draspher...
Should explain.

They've been in this city for a matter of days now. The only one with in character knowledge in Jaune, and even he doesn't recognise the entire city nowadays.

Draspher has no ranks in Knowledge (local) and is wandering the streets alone. He's at least able to navigate between the college and the barracks as he's done it a couple of times, but he doesn't know any of the places to avoid in a city like this. This is also a character who so frequently botches his wisdom rolls that it's almost become a class feature, he wanders down a bad alley.

Now I have setup encounters to trigger in certain circumstances. This particular one is a group of ragamuffin types who are too weak to take on anything other than magic user types, thanks to them being basically kids. Anyone with martial skills would kick the tar out of them.

The head kid in this group is fairly wily. He knows that they have the best chance of beating up magic users. He also knows that magic users means good magic gear, as well as good coin (usually). There are 3 colleges within this city so it's not like they only have to stake out one area, meaning that the city guard can't just protect one spot.

He also knows that the city guard have means to stop magic thanks to the anti magic items that they carry. So he's been able to acquire one by a lucky break of pickpocketing. This is his symbol of power within this gang; it's what enables them to do what they do.

In the end It's agreed that the fact he's made himself look like a Rasputin like old man in a large cape coming out of the mage school with a dragon on his shoulder looks enough like a mage to count for an attempted mugging

Two magic rings
Headband of alluring charisma
Amulet of natural armour
Cloak of resistance
Darkleaf armour
Handy Haversack
Heavy Crossbow
Aforementioned faerie dragon perched on shoulder

He looked like a walking payday to a bunch of thieves.

Now a level 1 mage would probably have had their proverbial lunch money stolen, but Draspher is a level 9 character.

We then find out from the GM that those kids were 9 level 1 commoners.

To be fair, 1 actually had a class level in rogue but he's the one with the amulet, and why would he do any of the work himself?

draspher gets slightly annoyed at being stuck in this situation where he's useless without magic and the GM quickly explains he had this scenario planned alongside a couple of others as a possible event we could have triggered.

Don't blame me... Blame the fact that you were walking round on your own without any support from your party.

If you had been able to get the pendant off the guy and throw it as far as possible you would have got your magic back. And literally the only way these guys were hitting you was with 19's or 20's and they never managed to confirm, AND it's was all non lethal damage. They might be thieves but they aren't willing to do a stretch for a murder. And if you'd have got one of them on the ropes the rest would have legged it...

He grabs a potion of spider climb, ignoring the rain of blows from the kids giving another 10 damage, and then scales the wall behind him, laughing as they try to stop him. This plan is so out of no-where and so impressive the GM forgot that potions weren't supposed to work in the anti-magic field, but he let him have it.

Not out of nowhere but it was a good use of what he had available. I was expecting him to sic his familiar on them.

The kids keep throwing stuff at him, and one or two pieces hit him for another 4 damage but theres no way he's coming down now.

You forgot when he got onto the roof, turned back to them and then said, "hmmm. wonder if a fireball would be excessive force..."

One guard irritably asks him if the dragon is his, mainly because Mee's method of getting help was simply to fly over shout out something about someone needing help, biting him and running away.

What's that Lassie?
Timmy's in the well?
Show me!

They ask for a description but draspher fumbles his roll something awful and can't remember a thing.

Seriously pants perception score...

After clearing that up he manages to make his way back to the barracks and tells us what happened. after we stop laughing we simply suggest keeping to the main streets from now on.

This was entirely the party's fault for abandoning the party mage in a town on his own...

draspher immediately pipes up to get things started and gets shot down. This is enough to get the king to remember his face from all those posters, he's that mad bomber person, right?

I don't think I got this across properly but the King is utterly bemused by 'the mad bomber'. They found out later that he used to adventure with the guild master and to give them OOC knowledge, he's probably remembering his own past experiences quite fondly.

The king then tries to get down to business and asks us about Southwater. He shoots down drasphers attempts to talk about what happened, he's more interested in what we found out.

What actually happened.....


Also, yes, he is aware he is a dragon, something that Ninja-san has a double take at. I swear since we found out his names is Bernard he's become so much less badass

Now he has a character sheet as opposed to just the DM's NPC...

I come up with a plan:

(In the voice of Baymax) Oh no....

• Telon and draspher will go after the kids.

Our heroes ladies and gents....

• Yolan and Vex are new to the group, so they will approach Mr Quinn from the legal side, finding out as much about his business as possible

I approve. Yolan has skill points in merchant and Vex is a paladin. A good party legal approach team

• Ocelot and I will approach this from the Underworld angle, find out about the criminals in the city and try to see what we can find out

I also approve. Jaune has the connections and Ocelot has a gun...

So we have team lightside, team darkside, and team child murder...

Pity that the next session I spoilt all their plans. Will wait for RPF update.

2018-07-11, 05:40 PM
So during downtime the players can make craft rolls to consecutively build up over time. So if I determine an item is 1,000 research points then the players can roll for their 8 hours work each day of downtime and their rolls are then added together. Once they then hit 1000 points they've successfully researched the item and can craft it normally..

Come on Anti-Anti-MetaMagic

I know you visit here Draspher's player, so I'm going to level with you.

I am baffled by the way that you get whenever anyone jokes about that ring of sustenance. I understand that it would be an annoyance to reattune it for seven days if it's removed but the way you react it's like you are Gollum with the one ring....

Filthy Hobbitses.

I may have miss heard that after one fail roll the magic items stop working then on a second the magic is gone from the item.

I'm not saying that it's not a noble act that you do for the rest of your party, but frankly you are the worst character to be tasked with the job, and the rest of the party should perhaps consider a proper guard detail, or maybe even some alarm spells? Heck Yolan's character has a wand of alarm....

Fireball is an amazing alarm.

On his third day, after his antlers have fallen off

I miss the antlers they let me gain more pets and use gore on my enemy's... not that i did that.

We then find out from the GM that those kids were 9 level 1 commoners.

I got no description of these guy because i flubbed the perception and thought they had flubbed their rolls as far as i knew they were the mob again or mercenary's trying to claim a bounty on the mad bomber... not that i know anything about that person.

Don't blame me... Blame the fact that you were walking round on your own without any support from your party.

Ok i will blame the party and myself.

If you had been able to get the pendant off the guy and throw it as far as possible you would have got your magic back.

Draspher is winding up the pitch he throws and it lands 2 ft in-front of him as the crowd go wild stabbing him to death.

He grabs a potion of spider climb, ignoring the rain of blows from the kids giving another 10 damage, and then scales the wall behind him, laughing as they try to stop him. This plan is so out of no-where and so impressive the GM forgot that potions weren't supposed to work in the anti-magic field, but he let him have it.

He said i was just out of the anti-magic field at the time.

You forgot when he got onto the roof, turned back to them and then said, "hmmm. wonder if a fireball would be excessive force..."

Crossbow not fireball.

draspher immediately pipes up to get things started and gets shot down. This is enough to get the king to remember his face from all those posters, he's that mad bomber person, right?

What i don't know what your talking about.. hides face behind newspaper with mad bombers wanted photo on the cover.

Also, yes, he is aware he is a dragon, something that Ninja-san has a double take at. I swear since we found out his names is Bernard he's become so much less badass

Sorry you found out this way Bernard but i think most people who seem like bad-asses become less so the more time you spend with them. Keep in mind John mcclane has a terrible home life.

• Telon and draspher will go after the kids.

Our heroes ladies and gents....

They have Anti magic equipment better than a military base they must have got it from somewhere or someone that we should look into and an Anti-magic amulet to study would be a nice cherry.

Note to self get lead lined box.

Pity that the next session I spoilt all their plans. Will wait for RPF update.

don't fireball the roof.. don't fireball the roof.. don't fireball the roof..

Romaru Darkeyes
2018-07-12, 11:55 AM
Come on Anti-Anti-MetaMagic

Nope. Next question

I may have miss heard that after one fail roll the magic items stop working then on a second the magic is gone from the item.

No. It disrupts the items connection to the magical plane but it's not a permanent disruption. The only one that causes long term issue is your ring because of the 7 day attunement. It doesn't stop it from working but it does interfere with the atunement on the ring.

Fireball is an amazing alarm.
Inside a closed space like a dungeon or cavern. No. No it is not.

Crossbow not fireball.
I stand corrected. Tell me. What would you have done when your familiar returned with the city guard to find you standing over a dead child with a crossbow in your hands...

They have Anti magic equipment better than a military base they must have got it from somewhere or someone that we should look into and an Anti-magic amulet to study would be a nice cherry.

What? This is literally the same device that the party had in Southwater but the kid put it on a chain round his neck... If you want OOC knowledge he literally stole it from a guard.

2018-07-18, 03:17 PM
It occurs to me. We have three teams:

one consisting of a smarter technical one (Yolan), and a battle nut (Vex)
one consisting of one with a dark backstory (me, Jaune) and a gun nut (Ocelot)
and one with a wrong detective (draspher), a comptent one (Telon) and an annoying flying one (Mee)

don't you see. We're team Sonic, Shadow and Chaotix, WE'RE SONIC HEROES!

2018-07-18, 03:20 PM
Ok i will blame the party and myself.

At this point, I no longer care what happens to the nut who GLUED A CRAZY WOMAN TO MY CHEST. I realised that draspher is going to do something stupid to get in the line of danger. Why fight it, I might get lucky and it actually finshes him off ;p

2018-07-22, 06:22 AM
It occurs to me. We have three teams:

one consisting of a smarter technical one (Yolan), and a battle nut (Vex)
one consisting of one with a dark backstory (me, Jaune) and a gun nut (Ocelot)
and one with a wrong detective (draspher), a comptent one (Telon) and an annoying flying one (Mee)

don't you see. We're team Sonic, Shadow and Chaotix, WE'RE SONIC HEROES!

2018-07-22, 05:13 PM
This week Vex couldn’t unfortunately make it, so this session we are playing without her and vex is just following as an observer. I guess the adventures of Vex and Ozzy Ozbear (she named the bear Ozzy Ozbear) will have to be put on hold for now.

Session 25 Part 1, a possible lead

Since last week we had all been getting exited about our plans. The GM decides to throw a spanner in the works. We get approached by Ninja-san and a new guy. He’s quickly introduced as the royal spymaster Lennard. At this point, I’m actually missing “Noun Verb-Noun” naming convention. He explains that he’s had reports of something happening in the ruins outside of town. He’s already sent some of his own people to investigate, but they haven’t returned so something is really wrong there. We all start asking questions about the mission, but I feel my questions about “how important are these ruins” – AKA just have draspher blow them up – were the most pertinent. He explains that he thinks they might have something to do with the coup, so he wants us to go and investigate, hopefully finding more leads for us to go on.

We head back to the barracks to gear up and roll initiative. We decide the best plan is to get close then recharge using telons swift sleep speel. We head out of the city towards the location marked and review what we know. Four different people went in independently: a fighter named Talgen, the Wizard Aharwyn, a paladin called Sir Bradford and a ranger called Karakas. Over the last four days they were all sent to investigate, and none of them have been heard from since. We head east out of the city and eventually start finding large pillars by the roadside just as it goes by a large Ravine. Its pretty big, several miles long, 30’ wide and so deep we can’t see the bottom in the darkness. Its along here that the map points us, or to be more accurate its down IN the Ravine. We initially send Mee down to investigate and he rolls a natural 20. We quickly ask draspher if he needs a light spell, he asures us that he has dancing lights, he’ll be fine. We then argue about how exactly dancing lights works and how far it can go, but it’s all rendered mute when he gets down there and draspher points out he has darkvision:

Jaune – then why did he need dancing lights?

Mee spots a knotted rope going down to a sandy platform 80’. While the rest of us argue how to get down (draspher volunteers to go down first, Ocelot suggests the people with cat boots jump down and I still say we bomb the canyon and bury them) Yolan notices the pillars have lots of graffiti. A quick check he realises that there dwarfen runes, all giving general warnings to stay away.

Part 2, down into the dark

We finally decide to go down the rope, first Telon, then me, then draspher, then Ocelot and finally Yolan (he stayed behind to keep casting guidance on everyone to help with climb rolls). Luckily, we all make it down safely. Looking around we notice the bones of small animals dotted around the place. We quickly spot a set of stairs going down in the dark. Ocelot picks up a rock and, after getting someone to cast a light spell on it, he tosses it down. It makes a few bounces before going down a crack but its enough to see several staircases going back and fourth down the side of the ravine. Before our arguments about the best course of action gets too far Telon spots footprints going down the stairs in the sand and goes down himself. We go down in the order of Telon first, then Myself, draspher, Ocelot then Yolan at the back.

As we go down, we start hearing a squeaking/hissing sound coming from somewhere around us. Suddenly a shape leaps out at Telon at front, one comes out of the wall by me and draspher and a third from behind attacking Yolan. Yolan immediately identifies it as a dire rat. Not that it really matters, one activation of a destruction judgement and a swing of 11 damage leaves it a smear on the floor. draspher follows up by firing an adhesive spittle and rolling a one. I somehow manage to dodge out of the way on a narrow staircase. Fortunately, Ocelot blows the rat away before draspher can try to kill me by “helping” more. Telon up front shows off why he’s the group muscle by smacking a rat with a vital strike for 17 damage. So much for that encounter.

With that done, I get to the most vital job. Slapping draspher for nearly hitting me with his spells AGAIN. He responds with a joke about being thankful he didn’t throw out a burning hands or fireball. I tell him that if he pulls that crap again, I’ll throw him over the edge, and for good measure take the scroll of feather fall he’s been boasting about first. We go down the stairs, and Yolan ends up slipping up on the loose sand and stumbles onto the guard rail. Unfortunately, an ageing guard rail can’t hold up a figure wearing plate mail and it snaps like matchsticks. Ocelot makes a risky jump down to grab on him, but he just can’t hold his weight and Yolan drops. This means he has a first row seat to seeing Yolan tumble down to the bottom, taking 16 points of damage:

Ocelot – are you ok?

Telon – I’ve had worse, but this is not my proudest moment

Looking out, Ocelot catches sight of a steeple off in the darkness, and the vague shape of some kind of fortress dug into the rock. Seeing this, he scrambles down the rest of the stairs to catch up with Yolan. Telon jumps straight down with his boots of the cat, while I combine my own set with a graceful leap to only take 1 damage from the fall, and draspher decides against taking the tricky climb to instead dimensional door straight to the bottom.

Now we are all down the bottom, which is to say Ocelot is actually on the staircase while the rest of us have landed behind it, we take a look around. We are in a small courtyard just outside of some kind of Battlement. Judging by the look of it, it must have been above ground on the surface before sinking to the bottom of the ravine. Telon decides to try and bypass our usual arguing and goes straight for the door. He is rewarded for his forward thinking attitude with a trap door at his feet, falling 20’ into a pit for a grand total of 2 damage. Pulling himself up, he checked out his new surroundings. At least he’s not alone down there, he’s got a couple of skelitons and a dead goblin with him to keep him company. I quickly go help him out with a rope, and Yolan comes to actually pull him out, on account of my abysmal strength. Of all people, its draspher who checks for and realises that theirs’s something moving down there (aside from Telon). Telon turns just in time to see a dwarf skeleton moving slightly. Suddenly something springs at him from his eye socketed, ANOTHER RAT! Too bad for it, Telon is still in metal armour, and his sneak attack does nothing. Luckily Ocelot runs over and opens fire. Unluckily his gun immediately jams on the first shot. It was all for nothing anyway as Telon literally just smushes it with 15 damage against a wall. I disable the trapdoor, keeping it open while the others keep watch. Ocelot hears something in the rubble surrounding them. Looking closer, he can see that there are multiple rats moving throught the rubble, we might want to leave this area at some point soon. Yolan finally finish pulling Ocelot up, and a quick examination of the trapdoor hole shows a small ledge we can use to get into the door. While Ocleot fixes his gun, I disable the door and back off, as drasher uses mage hand to open the door.

Part three, the investigation begins

We move in to see the scene of a fight long past. Three goblin bodies lining the walls, one of them pinned to the wall with a spear. Telon leaps the pit and takes a closer look. The room has two doors leading further in, and a fourth body that was previously out of sight. He takes a quick look at the spear impaled one and realises the spear was thrown with incredible strength. I jump over the pit as well (not one to be shown up) and I quickly realise, with what the GM calls my “ninja-senses” I realise there is a hidden door in the wall, which I immediately investigate. Yolan goes across the pit on the safe part as “he’s happy with the size of HIS penis”, and goes to the right door, finding a blank corridor.

draspher announces “Mee and I have a plan”. This immediately upsets Telon – not the fact he has a plan, he’s upset that that sentence is grammatically correct, and it really shouldn’t be. He then comes out from under the stairs, shocking the GM that he never moved out from under there and laments he hadn’t realised as he would have had him be eaten by rats. He immediately tries to pull the spear out of the wall with mage hand, but even with Mee helping he fails to move it. Ocelot goes in and prepares to shoot anything coming into the room from the outside. He then reluctantly adds a stipulation that he won’t shoot draspher (I think a part of all of us was disappointed he added that). Telon goes to the other door and checks it out. He sees a corridor with another door down with a stone dragon statue next to it, and the corridor is blocked off by collapsed with rubble.

I check the secret door, and realise the thing has a needle trap hooked up to the keyhole. I disable the trap and I realise that the poison on said needle has long evaporated. I open the door, and see the skeletons of three archers. Three skeletons that don’t stay still, but instead jump up and attack me. The first lashes at me but doesn’t stand a chance of hitting me. The second tries to grab me, but I dive back just in time. Ocelot immediately see me dive back and puts a bullet in the new head that appears, hitting for 13 damage and dropping it as his head turns mostly to dust. Yolan moves up to the gap I left, and smashes one with his Morning star for 15 damage, leaving him without a head and dropping him instantly. draspher, like any good party member should, ignores the fight and starts casting identify to figure out what the spear is. Ocelot decides to secure the prerminter and closes the door behind draspher, just in time as he hears screeching and scuttling approaching the door.

Telon goes down the corridor he found (he’s deaf, so he can’t hear us. That’s his reason/excuse for not coming) and examines the door and statue. He finds a keyhole in its mouth, figuring that must be the mechanism that opens the door. He’s so intent on examining it, he doesn’t notice the creature attacking him from behind. His first realisation is the feeling of teeth breaking on his iron boots. He turns to see the rat nursing its jaw. He just gives it a boot, smearing its guts over his boot and the wall.

Meanwhile I, like any good leader, immediately retreat from the attacking skeletons, and go behind my personal meat shield aka draspher. This is so that I am not between the spellcaster and the things that need to die (or at least that’s my excuse on the official report, truth is I don’t want to get hit, and by this point I honestly don’t care what happens to him). Yolan moves further into the room and quickly identifies that it as a skeleton, and tires to kill it with a bane strike. Unfortunately, with a roll of 1 he misses and gets his Morningstar stuck in the wall. Unfortunately, said meat shield decides to just go and help Telon with the door, figuring we’ve got the skeletons covered. Ocelot moves in for an angle on the skeleton that’s attacking Yolan, and he gets to a point where he has a 50/50 chance to hit. He manages to hit it for 7 damage killing it. He then follows on his highest priority, and yells to Yolan “any decent loot?”. Yolan checks, and with a natural 20 he finds 16 silver pieces, 9 gold pieces and each skeleton had a +1 crossbow bolt each. He gathers it up and then goes to put an alarm on the door, just in case something tries to get in.

Part 4, advancing to future failure

As there finishing off, I decide to check out the other corridor. Since it’s a big table, I make the mistake of letting Yolan move my mini. This is the last time I make this mistake. I go down, lighting a torch to light the way. I get about half way down the corridor before I walk into something that smothers my torch. It then eats my torch. It then eats my arm. It then eats me.

Luckily, while Yolan retrieves his mace, he notices the light in my corridor disappear, and goes to investigate. He notices a shape making its way down the entire hallway, and a blurry shape in the middle. With a chill down his back, he realises what it is, and shouts out “A cube just ate Jaune”. Yup, I walked into a transparent gelatinous cube. At the same time, draspher hears a noise from that direction, and comments to Telon:

draspher – I hear something, should we investigate?

Telon – you can, I have a key to find

So draspher runs out of the corridor, through the room and next to Yolan. As we point out, he’s managed to move into range to be eaten next turn. Ocelot contributes by moving into range and tossing a grenade into the slime. Ocelot moves up, throws grenade in, uses precise blast to exclude me from getting hit. He deals 9 damage to it, but it’s not enough to free me. Meanwhile I fail my fortitude save and take 10 damage. I am also paralysed for the next 7 rounds.

The slime notices more people come into to corridor and decides to eat them too. It surges down the corridor, pushing Yolan and draspher out of the room by it’s sheer mass. It then starts forcing it’s way through the doorframe to try and slam draspher. Telon feels the bomb detonation and the slime impacting the doorway, so comes out the corridor to yell at the three stooge’s

Telon – what are you idiots doing?

Ocelot – [signs at telon] something is eating jaune

This is enough to motivate him to help, so he goes over to pull draspher out of the way of the slime. Draspher rolls a natural 20 to realise what he’s doing, disappointed as he was planning on burning me out with burning hands. Once again, I am so thankful that Telon is here. I can’t do anything except for check for traps in the slime. The only thing I can to is argue what’s getting damaged by the acid I’m stuck in. In the end we decide the only thing that’s really going to be damaged are my clothes.

Yolan yells out “Jaune, close your eyes. I hear him, but am still completely paralysed, so I can’t even close them. Yolan blasts the slime with a searing light spell for 18 damage. Its now damaged to the point its no longer a cube. Draspher follows up with a burning hands spell, burning it for 16 damage, and Ocelot tries to let loose, but it misfires, then has a near misfire which would have caused it explode. Fortunately, its enough damage to cause it to fall apart. The good news is that I’m free, the bad news is now I’m face down in a puddle of slime.

Part 5, water way to go

Now that’s the dangers over, Telon’s going back to figuring out the door. He tells Yolan to deal with the healing while he looks for the key, with no luck. I still can’t move, and takes another 10 damage from the acid I’m covered in. Yolan pulls me out of the puddle, then gets to casting restoration which manages to remove my paralysis, while draspher cleans me up and Ocelot scoops up some of the slime to experiment with. Once I’m up Telon yells at me to unlock the door for him and I go far more cautious about the dangers of this place, so I drag Yolan with as a bodyguard. I’m still shaken from the slime, so I end up rolling a natural 1. I decide it’s safer to just take my time and take 20.

While I struggle with the lock Ocelot fixes his gun. I also take a second to realise my “ninja-blade” is showing so I use my sleeves of many garments to get a change of clothes. After much trying I find it’s no good, I can’t break the arcane lock, we’re going to need the key. Ocelot gets bored of this nonsense with the door and goes down the slime-freed corridor and finds the first door on the left, choosing to just kick it down. Yolan leave me (Traitor, your supposed to be my bodyguard) to help Ocelot, checking the door on the right to find just an empty room.

After failing to kick it down, Ocelot takes note of the door. Like the previous door, it has a stone relief but this one is shaped like some kind of dragon/fish creature. He calls me over, and I try my luck with this door, finding it easy to crack. Howerver, after my experience with the slime I back off and tell Yolan to open the door as I’m not risking it. He does and finds a large metal keg, with pipes going up into the ceiling from it. Ocelot takes a look as well and believes it must be the old castle water reserve. Checking it over he taps it and finds its still full of water, and the top is blocked by some kind of metal bung that’s so rusted over he might be able to break it open. He asks Yolan for help, but he just passes the buck onto Telon.

With a single swing, Telon smacks the bung apart with the butt of his weapon, and water spills everywhere. Telon quickly checks the water flowing everywhere, but its not poisioned. In face its in pretty good quality considering how long it must have been in there. The pipe starts making an awful rattling as the water pours out, way too loud to just be water pouring out, even as the force increases. Soon the entire corridor is filled with water and we have difficulty moving through it. Then a creature makes its way out of the pipe.

With an angry scream it fires a cone of acid, hitting everyone (except for me hiding well out of the way in the corridor), Ocelot dodging out of the way for half damage taking 4 while everyone else takes 9. I take a look and decide the corridor is too crowded for me to go down, so I leave it to the others for now. Yolan realises it’s a water Mephit and shouts out a warning that only magic can affect it. draspher casts haste on us to speed us up, and Yolan uses another searing light, hitting it for 17 damage. Telon then gets his turn, and slashes it twice beheading the creature with 25 damage and is quickly disintegrates into water, seeing it leave behind 5 small sapphire he grabs. This also causes the water to stop flowing like crazy. Yolan heals up telon while Ocleot checks out the empty room finding nothing. He does realise it would be a perfect place to set up a camp for the night. We decide to leave it there before taking the stairs up to the next level.

Embarrassments to the guild – 5, the bear, draspher getting mugged, draspher growing antlers in a magic school, meeting the king (2), falling down a pit,

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 11, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner, from the skeletons

Times draspher did good – 3, The enlarge person spell, taking out a dragon, mending train tracks

Times draspher did bad – 7, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick, nearly giving away the groups connection to southwater to a complete stranger, the antlers, getting mugged, announcing he was mugged by kids, announcing he was going after kids to beat the crap out of them, nearly hitting me with adhesive spittle AGAIN

Team members drilled over – 10, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him, draspher and Yolans spells backfiring, draspher getting mugged, Telon down a hole, I find a secret door filled with skeletons, getting eaten by a slime, ocelot misfires (2)

Terms confused/forgotten – 4.5, the guild name, the fact we had papers (.5), the collages, the tournament name, mr Quinn link

2018-08-23, 07:34 AM
Session 26, It always come back to DRAGONS

Part one, I’ve had it with these monster killing teamsplitters in this monster filled cave!

We get started and I decide enough is enough. We’ve had training, time to use it and start working as a team. Its time we started going in formation. I go in front to check for traps with Yolan at my side to assist as he’s the most perceptive front-line fighter. Ocelot will take the back, he’s a ranged fighter so anything in front will be in his ideal range. He’s also perceptive enough to spot anything attacking from behind, while having enough health to deal with an ambush attack. Alongside him is Telon, he’s got enough armour to deal with attacks, a good fighter as well and fast enough to rush anywhere there a fight. In the middle is draspher, he’s protected and more importantly, he’s kept in sight and out of trouble. Ocelot really likes this position, as his figure is now pointing his gun at drasphers head.

We go upstairs and find a door. It’s not trapped so Yolan starts trying to force the door. He finds it barricaded and difficult to push aside. draspher ‘helpfully’ pipes up asking if he wants to “get big” to do it better. He gets shot down as the rest of us point out aside from everything else Yolan would crush me and Yolan in the small corridor. Telon eventually rugby tackels the door open half a foot and we get a better look in the room. The room is faintly lit by embers in a fire pit, but nothing else can be seen in the dark. Yolan finally gets the door open (Ocelot noting now the whole group has lined up, he could take out the entire party with one bullet) and we get in.

We get in and I start looking around for traps. As I start looking I hear whimpering from the far side of the room. Yolan walks over and checks for evil, he doesn’t find any evil but he does find a form in a corner. We both go over and find a form hunched over on a filthy bedroll whimpering and crying. I start slowly making my way over reassuring it while the others check the room.

The rooms are covered in signs in various languages and against one wall is a metal cage. A metal cage with a large hole in the bars, and a table in front of the cage. On said table seems to be a collection of knickknacks, a paintbrush and green paint (evidently what was used to paint the signs), a few “offerings” of various kinds and a couple of small dragon figures made of jade. Ocelot wonders if these figures are the key to the dragon room we had seen earlier and shows them to Telon. Yolan checks the cage, and with a sinking feelings identifies them as White dragon droppings, just as draspher identifies the signs as being written in draconic all saying “here be dragons”. The bedsheet starts falling away and draspher shouts out “he’s a dragon”, and everyone panics when a snout appears. Luckily for us, it wasn’t a dragon, but a kobold. I start trying to cautiously talk him reassuringly as I approach him slowly. It quickly becomes clear that he’s in a bad way. He’s covered in various cuts and bruises alongside the filth he’s covered in.

I manage to get close and start talking with him:

Jaune – it’s ok, we’re not going to hurt you, we’re just traveling adventurers
draspher – (in dragonic) are you a dragon?
Jaune – Ocelot, the next time he talks shoot him
Ocelot – got it
Jaune – by him I of course mean draspher
Ocelot – yeah, I understood the first time

The guy introduces himself as “Meepo”. Turns out that he was the local Kobold in charge of looking after their “God”, a White dragon they had captured. They had been keeping it in the cage, and the table is there altar with offerings to said God (I sign at Ocelot to leave it for now, steal it later). However, at some point the local goblins managed to steal the dragon from them. Meepo got the blame for this, and was banished from the group and has been the subject of ridicule and abuse ever since, mostly getting stuff thrown at him.

Seeing an opportunity, I offer him a chance for redemption. What if he brings us adventures to his leader, we can talk with him and go get the dragon back. He’ll be a HERO for finding and bringing us to him, he’ll be welcomed back with open arms:

Meepo – your smart
Ocelot – thank god he’s not talking to draspher

While this was going on Ocelot looks around, and checking the bonfire realises that there’s something at the bottom. He starts asking for someone to help him pull it out, before I ask him why doesn’t he use mage hand. After arguing he doesn’t have it I point out he does, he insisted on getting the mage hand amulet ages ago. Sure enough, he pulls out another jade figurine and presents it on the alter, greatly pleasing Meepo and further reassuring him to our good intentions.

(I only mention the mage hand because later I had to go to the toilet and asked Ocelot to write notes while I was gone. He decided the best course of action was to put a note saying he used mage hand to do unsanitary things to Meepo. Quote “he uses mage hand to give Meepo a happy ending and Meepo is happy so takes us towards a door that will take us to the leader”)

We set off, Meepo leading the way, cad in a glowing bedsheet (draspher decided to take a spare bedsheet and cast light on it before wrapping it around him, I question if he’s trying to turn him in kobold Jesus or something?) and he takes us to a series of corridors. Filling them is a large gathering of kobolds in various ages going about their daily business (fires, children playing, tanning racks). At the end is a large throne, artfully thrown together from various bits of rubble. This, Meepo tells us, is “the dragon throne”, and the guy in the throne is there leader, flanked by six guards. I immediately try to go up to him and work my charms, but he doesn’t seem happy to see us and I get stonewalled with “who are you?”. It turns out that that that’s the only common he knows. That means that the only one who can negotiate with him is someone who speaks dragonic. The only person who know it is draspher. Our hopes of resolving this peacefully lies with draspher. No sentence has ever filled me with MORE RAGE THAN THAT ONE!

Though draspher as ‘interpreter’ I manage to get the deal negotiated. It seems the Kolbods have lived here for generations, but a few years ago the goblins moved in to another section of the fortress. They have been at war ever since, and recently thanks to someone (dras…I mean Meepo) they took their sacred dragon. He wants us to get there dragon back from the goblins and I agree to but with two stipulations. Firstly, safe passage through his territory to the goblin territory, Secondly information on the four missing adventurers. Naturally none of us can remember there names or races, but we manage to cobble together they were the short hairy one (dwarf), the tall pointy ears one (elf), a tall curvy eared one (human) and one in hunting gear (ranger). Seems they had all gone off to fight the goblins at some point or another and not come back. He also tells us to take Meepo with us as a guide.

Part two, damnit draspher

We set off through the camp and get to a door leading down a corridor guarded by another kobold. He gives us a look over then lets us through. We start going down the corridor in formation again, except Meepo is in the middle with draspher. As we walk down I roll a natural 20 and dive backwards, Telon following after and we both avoid the trapdoor at our feet. A quick check shows that it was built for the weight of multiple goblins, not enough to drop a scout but enough to drop an attack force. If we cross one by one we should be fine so long as we’re not wearing heavy armour (too bad for Yolan). I cross first, and Yolan dimension doors over behind me. We start checking the rest of the corridor while the others carefully cross, and find a large old door. We check it for traps as the others catch up and we find nothing.

I get the door unlocked, but just as we are preparing to charge we hear a shout of “NOW” from inside, and the door opens. From inside a flask is flung at us and Yolan and I only just manage to avoid it but now the floors on fire. Seems like they heard us coming. I resort to the first half of the Dupre family technique. I turn invisible but instead of running away I dive into the room to scout out the threat. I see a large number of goblins taking cover behind upturned tables. They’ve set up an ambush for us.

draspher immediately starts giggling, he has a plan. This fills me with dread. He charges through the fire and lets off a black tentacles spell, hitting every goblin in the room and wrapping them up in a hentai lovers dream. Just as I’m about to congratulate him on ACTUALLY doing a good job on being a spellcaster, I look over and suddenly realises there’s four figures I hadn’t spotted before. Four figures chained to the wall. One of them being a Dwarf. Before I can shout out a warning the tentacles smash the occupants of the room into pulp. He dismisses the spell and we look at the damage. Three captured Kobold and the Dwarf we were looking for have been caught up and killed along with the goblins. As a group we are all in agreement we don’t tell Meepo we got kobolds killed….oh and the royals about us killing the dwarf. As team leader I decree that drasphers share of the gold will be spent on resurrecting the dwarf. Ocelot helpfully suggests we just split his share among the rest of the party.

Telon teleports in (doors aren’t good enough for him it seems) while Ocelot keeps Meepo back. Telon and I get to looting, and I manage to grab six bottles of alchemist fire while we “look for clues”. Once the room is clear Ocelot starts going in with Meepo. As he goes in he checks out the room, then suddenly tenses. He calls out a warning to us that the ceiling is unstable. Like the professionals we are, the three of us immediately panic and dive into the next room for fear of a cave in. We dive into an old archery range, with targets to the right of us and the range to the left. draspher immediately dives to the floor. Unfortunately, this isn’t an automated arrow trap, this is a shooting gallery filled with crossbow wielding goblins. Luckily, I never actually dropped my invisibility so they don’t even realise I’m there. One gets a lucky scrape on Telon, but the prone squishy wizard is far easier, and he takes two arrows in the back for 7 damage total. Telon (not hearing anything about the celling, stupid deaf curse) walks in just in time to see draspher get shot and starts laughing at him while trying to figure out what’s going on. Yolan simply turns to his attackers and gives them what they deserve: Two Middle fingers and a call of “F### YOU!” so angry and offensive they catch fire. That’s right, with a single blistering invective spell every one of them on fire, so much for their ‘ambush’.

Hearing the sounds of laughter and goblin screaming Ocelot cautiously moves under the unsafe roof and checks what’s going on only to find draspher on the floor with two crossbow bolts in his back and Telon laughing his head off (makes sense, draspher getting hurt is the single greatest form of comedy after all). Yolan notices that the goblins are really burning well and they smell really funny. He can’t figure out what it is until draspher pipes up with the fact the smell is burning liquor. Once they finish burning we get back in formation and start exploring. After doing the checks Yolan opens the next door, finding a dark room with a fire pit. One of the doors out of the room has been replaced with a half wall. While we start investigating draspher decides to wonder off through another exit in the archery room. He employs his own door checking skills (getting Mee to use magic to open the door from afar), razing questions from the gm about why the rest of us keep trap-checking when that was an option. Yolan starts going after him and I am forced to decide that it’s best to stick together and go after the team splitting morons.

Yolan decides to check the other corridor rather than the one draspher went down, but suddenly stops. He signs a message to draspher and Telon who passes it to the rest of us “I think the dragon’s here”. I immediately get the others to group up, while Yolan starts checking out a side passage. He finds a corridor with multiple doors, one of which he’s certain he can hear the dragon coming from, but decides against going further down after smelling something really weird in the air. So he turns back, but not before putting an alarm spell on the door just in case.

Part three, the best day EVER!

We start going down. While the rest of us are catching up to regroup draspher, naturally, goes off down the corridor himself. The then starts using ghost sounds to start making it sound like their people there. This potentially alerts whoever is down there to our presence AND I fail my will roll to disbelieve it so once again DRASPHERS HIT ME WITH ONE OF HIS SPELLS. At this point I am pretty sure he’s hit ME with his spells more than he has actual enemies.

Ocelot follows carefully with Meepo. He’s really taken a shine to the little guy, and it’s really disconcerting for me as a player. I’ve played games with him before where he’s been a sadistic f###. One game he was a paladin that ended up taking a goblin king as a slave. The fact he’s actually taken to the squeaky voiced guy is just disturbing for me. Anyway, he starts following after draspher with Meepo (tucked behind so he can push him out of the way of any breath attacks) hoping he has insight on the dragon. He peeks around the corridor and sees a door. He then hears something and panics, rushing back to the rest of us. As we’re trying to help Telon over the half-wall in the archery room (which is to say watching and laughing as he falls flat on his face trying to cross it) he dashes in and informs us he hears the dragon behind that door.

We get back in formation. Slowly. We have to do it in initiative order. So, while Yolan alarms more doors and Telon stumbles over to join us, Ocelot gets sick of waiting and goes to investigate the door. He then proves that the formation works by demonstrating what happens to those of us who go off on there own by setting off a spear trap for 11 damage (he made the save) and nearly being impaled. The rest of us move up and I get them to cover me while I figure out how to disable the wall of spears blocking us getting through the door:

Jaune – ok, you guys protect me from goblins and crud while I get the door open
draspher – AND DRASPHER!
Jaune – yes and draspher

None of us protested this addition.

Draspher moves up (I yell out you were supposed to protect me from him) and yells out in draconic “we’re here to help”, once again ruining the element of surprise. The others panic at this, Ocelot considering sending Mee in first while Yolan signs to Telon what happened then moves to positions next to me in case it blows the door down. Luckily nothing happens and I get the spears down and quickly check, no more traps.

We carefully plan out our next move. I realise Ocelots joking suggestion is actually a pretty good one. Mee is small, agile and can fly so he’s hard to be hit, he can see in the dark, can talk to the dragon in both dragonic and telepathicly and if he dies (almost) no-one will miss him! IT’S THE PERFECT PLAN! So, we grab him and punt him into the room before slamming the door. Ocelot positions himself to push Meepo out of the way just in case and we wait with bated breath for either A. Mee’s death by dragon, B. Our deaths by dragon or C. no wait there is no C. Mee looks around the room. The room has multiple heads mounted on the walls. There not really impressive though, mostly cow heads and other minor animals, although there are a few Kobold heads mixed in with them. In the centre of the room is a large pole with a broken chain attached, and several patches of ice around the room. With an all clear we cautiously start entering the room.

Yolan goes in first cautiously and looks around. Mee casts dancing lights to light up the room and he can’t find the dragon anywhere. Meepo sneaks in and looks around and looks around, asking us to help him look. I go in and check one side of the room draspher comes moves in and starts looking around with detect magic near the pole. He fails to notice a form move from underneath a table. He hears a hiss, turns and a shape charges for the Sorcerer and he is completely powerless to stop it. It dives straight up his trouser leg, and he flails about as the cat sized baby white dragon we were looking for scurries around under his armour. Mee tries to talk him down:

draspher – Ok, I get Mee to talk to it in dragonic to it
GM – it won’t work, it’s a baby
draspher – ok, then I get it to use telepathy
GM – it’s a baby
draspher – it’s telepathy, so it can talk to anyone in any language
GM – it’s a baby, it can’t understand any language
draspher – no, no, telepathy works, it says it can communicate with any language
GM – IT’S A BABY! Its just not developed enough to understand anything

It starts biting him under his armour and he desperately tries to rip his ropes apart to pull it off him, but fails. Ocelot then walks up, turns to me saying “this is for you”, then hits him point blank with a tanglefoot shot.


Its hard to believe, but it gets better. Yolan comes over and tries to punch the dragon:

GM – OK, so roll your attack, if you roll too low then you’ll hit draspher. You’ll only get stuck if you roll a one
[Yolan rolls}
Jaune – [looks over] HAHAHAHAHAHAH
GM – what?
Yolan – guess what I rolled


Well outside Telon (completely in character) gets board, goes back through the other corridor and starts trying the other door. This triggered both of Yolan’s alarm spells and he starts panicking, screaming about the goblins coming as Telon starts trying to open the other door. I do as any good friend should in a situation like this. I go over to the mess, still laughing my ass off, and tell draspher “karma’s a b#### ain’t it, not so funny now is it”. The dragon takes this as a challenge, bursting out of drasphers shirt ridly scott style and fires a cold blast at me that skims me for 3 cold damage icing the tips of my hair.

draspher starts getting desperate, unable to cast spells glued to the floor with a guy in heavy armour glued on top of him. So, he yells out (over the sound of my laughter) for Mee to hit him with a grease spell. The two of them get covered in grease and the entire area becomes difficult terrain. Seeing the dragon sticking its head out, Ocelot decides to stun it with a flare round


Telon manages his disable device roll (never knew he had that skill) and comes in to see draspher with a dragon head sticking out of his chest firing ice blasts around the room, Yolan on top kicking and screaming and both covered in a combination of what appears to be tar and grease lit up like a Christmas tree while I am bent over double laughing next to them saying over and over “I was wrong, it gets better”. Yolan manages to Dimension door free with a nat 20 concentration check, and starts panicking about the alarms but only finds a disinterested Telon and a bent over laughing Jaune, so he goes off to look for the “invading goblins”. Telon has OOC come up with a plan that should deal with the dragon. He grabs his scarf and tries to wrap it around the dragon. To bad he slips up and gets stuck on draspher, but at least he wrapped the dragon up. This is too much for me, I can’t move, paralyzed still laughing unable to stop laughing whishing I could record this.

The dragon is pretty annoyed at this treatment, and tries to dominate Mee to help him, only to find nothing in his mind worth dominating, so resorts to flailing more, getting even more stuck and receives a smack in the face from Ocelot for his troubles, so he starts firing of ice breaths everwhere (failing to hit anything).

Telon is finally in a good position to enact his plan. He manages to get a good grip, rips himself and the dragon partially off off drasphers chest, wraps the scarf around the dragon and then he uses his ability to make his scarf from cloth to metal, trapping it in a steel shell. The dragon is furious at this indignity and does everything it can to avenge its honour, blasting out frost breath and direction it can until Telon gets a good hold of its head. Ocelot turns to Meepo:

Ocelot – is this the dragon we’re looking for?
Meepo – yes
Ocelot – any way to calm it down?
Meepo – feed it rats

Part four, DRAGON GUN!

Yolan has gone back to the archery room looking for the “goblin invaders” from his alarm spells. He doesn’t find them, but he does find the six goblin patrol examining the burnt bodies of there friends. They charge him, which is to say one of them runs up to him and his little sword bounces off his armour and another tries to jump over the wall and falls on his face. Yolan decides to show them what happened to the last set of goblins to satisfy their curiosity, and with another middle finger casts another blistering invective, burning them all to death before they even get close.

Telon manages to rip himself and the dragon off drasphers and he secures the dragon properly, with his mouth pointed away (to the walls away from anyone so he can’t ice up the floor or damage the roof of the cave/fortress). He gets quite attached to carrying this thing around as a “dragon gun” firing cold breaths at anything that comes our way. draspher just about manages to stand up once the glue has dried and starts looking around for loot. Like a good friend I spot him looking and look myself, beating him to it. I find the little dragons’ little horde, which is mostly trash. There’re a few coins, but the big thing is another jade dragon statue similar to the others. Ocelot hears the screaming coming from where Yolan went, and dashes of just in time to shoot one before it burns to death while the rest of us follow. draspher (once again) gets distracted by several barrels he passes. He starts investigating them, reading a sign on the side of one of them titled “pudding”.

While draspher ‘investigated’ the barrels we struggle to get Telon over the half wall in the archery room. Ocelot and Yolan both try to help him over, and while Ocelot falls on his face Yolan manages to act as a support/stepping stone for him. draspher finally figures out these barrels are a desert called ‘elven pudding’, obviously stolen by the goblins at some point. We start making our way back through the rooms, careful to aim the dragon away from the weak ceiling. Ocelot wonders if we should collabs it but I tell him to save if for later. With the dragon in hand we can take a commission from the Kobolds to eliminate the goblins WHILE continuing our investigation (side note Ocelot, grab some of the dwarf for resurrection later) and collapse the tunnel as part of the security measure.

We end it there, having already screwed up part of the mission but possibly performing our first genuine altruistic act to a tribe of savage cave dwellers by murdering another group of savage cave dwellers.

Embarrassments to the guild – 6, the bear, draspher getting mugged, draspher growing antlers in a magic school, meeting the king (2), falling down a pit, killing one of the guys we were supposed to find

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 11, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner, from the skeletons

Times draspher did good – 4, The enlarge person spell, taking out a dragon, mending train tracks, taking out a room of goblins with a single spell

Times draspher did bad – 14, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick, nearly giving away the groups connection to southwater to a complete stranger, the antlers, getting mugged, announcing he was mugged by kids, announcing he was going after kids to beat the crap out of them, nearly hitting me with adhesive spittle AGAIN, killing the guy we were supposed to find, wondering off (2), getting me with ghost sounds for no reason, costing us the element of surprise when faced with a dragon, getting a dragon in his trousers, greasing himself

Team members drilled over – 20, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him, draspher and Yolans spells backfiring, draspher getting mugged, Telon down a hole, I find a secret door filled with skeletons, getting eaten by a slime, ocelot misfires (2), ocelots warning sending us into a shooting range, draspher dropping to the ground to get shot, Ocelot and the spear trap, dragon in trousers, dragon glued to chest, dragon and Yolan glued to chest, dragon and Yolan glued to chest and greased, Telon triggering Yolans alarm spells, dragon and Telon glued to chest, Yolan wondering into a room full of enemies by himself

Terms confused/forgotten – 4.5, the guild name, the fact we had papers (.5), the collages, the tournament name, mr Quinn link

Friends made – 1, Meepo (who has already proved himself more likeable, trustworthy and helpful than draspher ever will)

2018-09-16, 10:09 AM
Session 27,


As we walk back, reality suddenly ripples and Vex was suddenly with us the entire time. We finally make it back to the Kobold camp, the little guys looking in awe at Telon’s “dragon cannon”. He’s walking, swagger in his step, smirk on his face. I big up our profession, announcing to all that could see and hear “behold, we have brought back your god”, all in an effort to further ingratiate ourselves to the locals. I am forced though, to get *shudder* draspher to translate for me (I had hoped the GM had forgotten that little detail).

The chief is overjoyed at this news. He announces that for his good deed in finding and helping us, Meepo has officially redeemed himself in his people’s eyes, and is welcome to re-join the tribe. Telon then makes careful phrasing as he “passes the chief the dragon, just like he asked me too”. Of course, the second he does this he’s not holding onto the scarf anymore and it turns back into cloth and the dragon is free. Funny that, who could have seen that coming………..

The dragon starts hovering and hissing, getting ready for round two. draspher responds immediately. Which is to say he has a reasonable idea in hitting it with an adhesive spittle spell, and messing it up with a natural 1. Needless to say, the chief doesn’t take GETTING GLUED TO THE FLOOR VERY WELL. He tries bluffing, telling him “don’t worry, that armour should protect you” but he doesn’t buy it, pissed as hell at getting glued to the floor by the “heroes” he was just congratulating. Ocelot is torn, OOC, between his desire to shoot the dragon to stop it or shoot draspher for what he did to appease the Kobolds. As his team leader, I approve both of those options.

Meanwhile the rest of us get to work dealing with the dragon. Yolan uses his lock gaze ability to force the dragons focus to him, while I turn invisible and get in place, grabbing something from my bag to deal with it. draspher finally gets his act together and uses haste to speed us up, just in time for Vex to charge it and grab the dragon before it can try to fly away. Ocelot runs in and grabs his head, aiming it away from anyone in case it starts trying to use its ice breath again, ‘coincidently’ aiming it in drasphers direction.

It might not have been too bad if it had gone off though. The royal guards have gone after the double-crossing sorcerer that attacked their leader. They both leap him, one of them getting a good grip, making the poor spellcaster flail in panic at the fact a dragon midget is wrapped around his head. Seeing this I have a moral crisis like I’ve never had before. On the one hand, I could throw the tanglefoot bag at the dragon while Vex is holding it keeping it in place. On the other hand, draspher is right there, with another dragon on him. This is my big chance to pay him back for the time he glued a psycho to my chest.

Yolan starts trying to defuse the situation. He carefully makes his way to the chief and gestures that he wants to help. He manages to cross the language barrier, and convince him he’s on the up and up. He then uses his great strength to peel the chief off the floor. Meanwhile the dragon has started blasting the floor with its icy breath, prompting me to pick stopping it before things get worse. I reappear, dash over to vex and tell her to hold it still. I then slather the dragon in the condense of the tanglefoot bag to stop it moving and keep its mouth closed. I also coved its mouth and nostril, its starting to suffocate. His lungs should have enough air to keep from dropping dead immediately, but we’re going to want to get him caged soon before the glue wears off.

Ocelot grabs the dragon from Vex and charges out of the room, yelling at draspher to hurry up and fix the cage. Draspher suddenly remember he has a dragon himself, and gets Mee to cast sleep on his hanger on, then dashes after Ocelot to use mending yelling apologies to the chief as he runs. Vex quickly follows after, tripping over the two Kobolds on the floor, leaving me Yolan and Telon behind. Telon starts gesturing to me to steal the key since I’m team rogue/ninja. I, being the SMART ROGUE, sign back my reluctance to ruin things entirely with the only group we’ve ever met and genuinely helped, and tell him to wait until there’s no option of us getting it legitimately getting the key off them before stealing it as we leave rather than in front of a huge crowd keeping an eye on us. He might have the rest of them fooled, BUT I KNOW WHAT HE WAS UP TOO. DRASPHER MIGHT BE DUMB ENOUGH TO DO THIS, BUT TELON IS SNEAKY, HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. HE PLANNED ALL THIS, PROBABLY TO STEAL THAT KEY!

During this the leader starts yelling at Yolan, using Mee’s telepathy as a translator. I quickly go over, apologising for our idiot, not wait I mean….no wait idiot works fine. The one Kobold guard starts getting up, clearly showing signs of a broken arm. Yolan suddenly realises the other one isn’t moving at all, and realises Vex accidently killed him when she stepped on him. With everyone’s focus on me he silently moves over and casts invisibility on the body so no-one will notice.

While I negotiate with the chief/keep an eye on Telon to stop him stealing the key. This is what I’ve been reduced to, the rogue keeping the others on the straight and narrow. YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME TELON! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME! Despite this he still goes to the key, but a quick check shows that he’s still being watched. I explain to the chief my predicament, that “I am intelligent man stuck babysitting fools, but I swear that just as we brought your god back, we will do right by you”.

Anyway, as I’m doing this the others deal with the dragon. Ocelot manages to stick the dragon to the cage floor and use a dagger to cut the dragons nostrils free so it can breathe. He then dives out of the cage before it can free itself and yells at draspher to fix it quick. Vex charges into the cage to hold the dragon still, but trips over the bars and ends up falling into it, getting stuck to it. Meepo runs in after her, desperate to do anything to help in his duty to guard the dragon. This heroic charge leads head first into the pile, getting literally “stuck in”.

Part two, moving forward

10 minutes pass and the others manage to fix up the cage while I fix up our relations with the tribe. For the record, draspher has managed to become the enemy of an entire culture with a single low level spell. How is this THE SECOND TIME THIS HAS HAPPENED. I swear at this point hes turning out to be the final boss of this campaign.

I negociate a future aligance with the Kobolds. At some point we will need there help with something, and they will help us out. We will also help them out in turn, and part of this is us dealing with the goblin problem for them once and for all. In truth, it’s not that hard for us to deal with the goblins, and we needed to go further into there territory to find the other adventurers anyway, its win win. First step to this is get draspher to collaps the unstable tunnel with a fireball. We then get Vex to heal us up and the chief gives us a place to stay for a few hours to recharge.

Once we are fully rested we set off on the long way around. We find a door, untrapped, but unable to be opened. draspher manages to find runes on the door, reading “channel good to go through”. This sparks one of our signature massive argument on whether a cure wounds spell would do it, or would it only work with a channel energy. We finally get Yolan to try a cure light wounds spell, but it only has a mild effect, so we have to get vex to channel for us. We decide to get her to keep two lay on hands in reserve to open the door on the way back, then start heading in.

Inside we find 5 sarcophagi, each with a noble, almost elf like human inscribed. draspher is convinced its vampires, so he draws his crossbow. He then immediately realises he’s terrible, so he puts it away immediately after. Ocelot want to jury rig a torch with a light spell, a rock and a tube but I point out I have a bulleye lantern and give him that instead. He now holds it up with his third arm to light up the room.

We go in order, first I go in checking for traps as I go. Yolan follows after, then Vex. She checks the door and realises that it’s slowly closing on us. We have about 10 minutes before it closes fully, but it’s closing. Annoyed at how slow Vex is in getting out of the way, he uses his boots to literally jump over her in the small gap in the doorframe. She gets the hint and goes in the room, Telon and draspher head in the room. Yolan gets straight to checking the door:

Yolan – looks clear
Jaune – give it a try
Yolan – do you want to come closer?
Jaune – no, we’re good here

He gives it a try, and a blade slices down, dealing 19 damage to him. See, this is why none of us got close Yolan. Just then the door slams shut, knocking draspher aside for 2 damage.

Part three, difficulty spike

Ocleot checks out the room. He finds a couple of items on a small table (a flask and a glass wistle) and goes to grab it. The sarcophagi then burst open, Vex and I just manging to avoid the slabs flying across the room. One goes to attack me and draspher summons three giant spiders in the holes. Yolan gives a bless to the party, and Ocleot checks the vial but can’t figure it out, so he just opens fire at the one attacking me for 13 damage.

The skeletons then crawl out, cutting down the spiders in a single blow, not even slowed down by their presence. The Gm points out that they didn’t even have to roll, there base attack bonus is such they could hit and kill them easily with there damage dice. I use kage bonshin no jutsu, but I only manage to create a single copy. A single clone that is immediately a critical hit by the skeleton attacking me, and gets two more hits on me for 18 damage, nearly half my health in a single round.

This gets the group moving. Telon tries to bulrush the one attacking me but fails to move him an inch, while Vex moves to hold off two before they can get out of there holes. Yolan gets his destruction judgement and swings for 23 damage on the fifth one. draspher finally gets to doing something useful and gets haste on everyone and Ocelot uses this speed to unload on the fourth one rolling 3d8+48, getting 68 damage. The thing is that after that it’s still standing not looking that worse for wear. This has us all worried. What’s even worse is when the second one gets into flanking to attack me.

I step out of that flank to start one of my own. I get into position with Yolan and get a full attack, two hits for 26 damage. That is also the first time I’ve ever actually been in a flank to full attack in all the time I’ve been playing with these guys. They all either die too fast or my teammates never set me up, so this is the first time I’ve been able to play to my strengths, *sniff* sorry I’m getting emotional.

The skeletons start their counterattack. Yolan takes a graze for 5 damage. draspher gets the idea to cast grease on the floor so it would trip one up, and the skeleton comes out on top of the patch, only to not be affected in the least. Turns out the dc to beat is 14, but these guys have a reflex save of 12. The GM is pulling out the big guns to give us a challenge. That one moves to hit me but the GM finds out just how good my new Confounding blade ability giving me a temporary +10 to my AC until the next round.

Telon moves, taking hits from the first and second skeleton for 8 damage, and goes to attack the fifth zombie, getting a crit for 28 damage. Vex activate her weapon charge to get holy on her sword, hitting one for 17 damage. draspher checks the glass whistle, thinking that it might be the key to getting rid of them. It has nothing to do with anything as far as he can tell. So instead he just casts enlarge person on Yolan. My good position ends as Yolan ABANDONS ME to go attack the fifth skeleton for 30 damage. Fortunately, Ocelot intercedes saving me from the fourth skeleton with one bullet reducing it to ash with 18 damage as he aims the other two shots at the first, hitting for 22 and 19. One takes a swing at Vex while the first attacks Ocelot for 10 damage.

Seeing a chance, I move off and draw my bow, getting a shot at the fifth one for 20 damage. Yolan gets raked by him with 2 claws for 18 damage, as Telon dodges an attack from the Third one. Vex starts laying into the second one, getting two hits for 40 damage total, while draspher does the only thing he can do to help and enlarges Telon. At the same time Mee tries opening the door, but without a channelled energy he can’t open it. Telon tries to attack but misses, oddly managing to roll three 6’s.

We start making headway, Yolan lays into the fifth one and hits three times, with 73 damage reducing them it into dust. Ocelot steps back to reload, leaving draspher vulnerable. The first skeleton moves to attack him, taking a couple of attacks for 20 damage from us as it moves to him. I get a shot off on him for 27 damage, joining in the *shudder* rescue attempt.

Despite their amazing stats, there is no accomidating for sheer bad luck. Or in our case, the GM’s frankly terrible rolls. Despite constant attacks, its only now one of them managed to get a hit on Vex for 8 damage, while the third one misses Yolan. draspher retreats, taking a hit for 9 damage but the rest of us finally get this sorted. Telon gets two hits on the second skeleton for 32 damage, killing it, while Ocleot does the same with the one attacking draspher with 67 damage. Vex gets three hits and a crit for 61 damage or to be more accurate 2d8+12+3d6+12+4d6 damage. Needless to say she kills it.

Part four, wrap up

With the skeleton’s dead, we finally have a chance to assess the situation. draspher finally has a chance to examine the whistle, and figures it must be some kind of summoning whistle, but he can’t tell what kind. I check around and while the bodies have nothing on them, the sarcophagi are filled with gems and platinum, which ocelot and I just pile into our respective bags of storage. draspher looks around and realises that the candle on the wall is an ever burning one. He suggests putting it in a candelabra until we point out Ocelot has a bull’s eye lantern and he replaces the light spell rock with it. Ocelot also figures out the flask this all started with was just a potion of fire resistance. We also leave the Kobold in the hall, and I find well aged “elf jerky” in the sarcophagi as well.

Now we’ve finished looting, we start trying to work out how to leave. As I start trying to disable the trap Ocelot starts feeling drowsy, noting something wrong with the air. We realise the oxygen is running out in this air tight tomb. I borrow drasphers amulet of adaptation so I can’t lose consciousness before getting the door open. After ages I get the door untapped and unlocked, but it still won’t open. The vacuum effect is keeping it closed. All together we push and push, and it’s only after 10 minutes and Telon remembering his rage that we get the door open.

We finish there. The gm admits he nerfed the zombies from there original, taking way their damage and magic resistances. If we had done it right, then the reduction/good, and reduction/piercing would have meant only Vex and Telon could have hurt them, possible a celestial summon as well.

Embarrassments to the guild – 6, the bear, draspher getting mugged, draspher growing antlers in a magic school, meeting the king (2), falling down a pit, killing one of the guys we were supposed to find

Jaunes brave advances towards future victory – 11, when jess attacked in the night, the barn, the demons, the fear from Anubis and running from the dust jackal, the fight in the Whitewater compound both at the start and at the end (2), escaping the killer clockwork to talk down lady Ezrisha, at the end of the first training mission, going to get the guards rather than help with the poisoner, from the skeletons

Times draspher did good – 4, The enlarge person spell, taking out a dragon, mending train tracks, taking out a room of goblins with a single spell

Times draspher did bad – 15, ghost sounds through the glass window he had previously been told was too thick, nearly giving away the groups connection to southwater to a complete stranger, the antlers, getting mugged, announcing he was mugged by kids, announcing he was going after kids to beat the crap out of them, nearly hitting me with adhesive spittle AGAIN, killing the guy we were supposed to find, wondering off (2), getting me with ghost sounds for no reason, costing us the element of surprise when faced with a dragon, getting a dragon in his trousers, greasing himself, sticking the kobold chief to the floor

Team members drilled over – 21, Vex getting shot in the back, Yolan getting a dragon dropped on him, draspher and Yolans spells backfiring, draspher getting mugged, Telon down a hole, I find a secret door filled with skeletons, getting eaten by a slime, ocelot misfires (2), ocelots warning sending us into a shooting range, draspher dropping to the ground to get shot, Ocelot and the spear trap, dragon in trousers, dragon glued to chest, dragon and Yolan glued to chest, dragon and Yolan glued to chest and greased, Telon triggering Yolans alarm spells, dragon and Telon glued to chest, Yolan wondering into a room full of enemies by himself, draspher getting the blame for the dragon incident

Terms confused/forgotten – 4.5, the guild name, the fact we had papers (.5), the collages, the tournament name, mr Quinn link

Friends made – 1, Meepo (who has already proved himself more likeable, trustworthy and helpful than draspher ever will)

2018-11-18, 04:20 PM
Hi everyone i know we haven't posted in a while but we haven't had a session in a while so a couple of us put together a group that has 2 hour sessions once a week.
Im DM joined by Vex and juan as well as some other friends.
We start off playing a couple one shots then start the main game with the stolen century for character creation followed by ROTRL.
Have a look if you want and hopefully we will get back to should have stayed home soon.