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AnBe
2017-08-15, 03:28 PM
So I was playing the Reign of Winter adventure path with my friends the other day. I have never liked this campaign, but I stuck with it anyway because friends are friends and it really wasn't that bad up until this point.
Basically a friend of mine, we'll call him Heido, had left the campaign for a long while and we finally convinced him to come back to it with a new character. He made a full-orc barbarian with 5 in all his mental ability scores. And this character was female.
Heido said that his character was looking for a mate, and he based her preferences off of a male's Strength score. The higher, the better. My character was a mercenary guy from Cheliax, with 22 Strength, so I was the target of her affections.
I did not like this. I don't appreciate being forced on by a horny female orc barbarian who is stronger than me. All the while Heido is laughing and laughing and laughing, telling everyone how he's going to rape my character. I felt so humiliated, isolated, and really really mad. Of course no one else at the table gave a crap that this was happening.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back for this campaign. I did not really care for the campaign before, but now I outright HATE IT, after all that has happened with this rapist orc.
I'm considering leaving the campaign because this is just terrible. I didn't sign up to get raped by an orc.
And yet, these people are my long-time friends. Sure they can be jerks at times, but never to this extreme. I don't know if I should tough this one out and just keep playing with them anyway, or if I should turn my back on them.
What do you guys think? Ever had your character be forcibly chosen as a mate and violated in a game before? What should I do?

Airk
2017-08-15, 03:32 PM
This is... not quite classic terrible game experience material, but pretty damn close.

You should, in no particular order:

A) Quit this game
B) Tell these people that this sort of behavior is absolutely inappropriate, creeps you the hell out, and ruins games for you.
C) Gauge whether you should ever game with any of these people again by how they respond to B.

Lord Torath
2017-08-15, 03:51 PM
"No" means "No", even in roleplaying games. What happened in your gaming session is not okay, and your group needs to know that. :smallmad:

You should certainly tell your group how Heido's character's advances and Heido's OOC statements made you feel. This is supposed to be a game, a fun way of spending an afternoon/evening. Tell them that you felt threatened and isolated and humiliated, and that's not something friends should do to each other (or to anyone else, for that matter).

You can play Segev's favorite game with them, and swap the genders of the participants in the story. If your character was female, would they be okay with a male orc forcing himself upon your character? Let them know that you will not be RPGing with them if this is the sort of thing that will go on during the sessions.

shadowkat678
2017-08-15, 04:14 PM
Yeah. That is 100% not okay.

Yuki Akuma
2017-08-15, 04:16 PM
I know it's a GitP forum cliché, but...

Sever. This person sounds like an awful person you don't need in your life. :smallannoyed:

Drakevarg
2017-08-15, 04:20 PM
Yeah, no. Abort. That's the kind of white-hot warning light that leads to one day learning secondhand that the person in question was a pedophile or something equally messed up (speaking from personal experience).

That kind of behavior is so far from being okay that okay isn't even on the horizon anymore.

ngilop
2017-08-15, 05:05 PM
So I was playing the Reign of Winter adventure path with my friends the other day. I have never liked this campaign, but I stuck with it anyway because friends are friends and it really wasn't that bad up until this point.
Basically a friend of mine, we'll call him Heido, had left the campaign for a long while and we finally convinced him to come back to it with a new character. He made a full-orc barbarian with 5 in all his mental ability scores. And this character was female.
Heido said that his character was looking for a mate, and he based her preferences off of a male's Strength score. The higher, the better. My character was a mercenary guy from Cheliax, with 22 Strength, so I was the target of her affections.
I did not like this. I don't appreciate being forced on by a horny female orc barbarian who is stronger than me. All the while Heido is laughing and laughing and laughing, telling everyone how he's going to rape my character. I felt so humiliated, isolated, and really really mad. Of course no one else at the table gave a crap that this was happening.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back for this campaign. I did not really care for the campaign before, but now I outright HATE IT, after all that has happened with this rapist orc.
I'm considering leaving the campaign because this is just terrible. I didn't sign up to get raped by an orc.
And yet, these people are my long-time friends. Sure they can be jerks at times, but never to this extreme. I don't know if I should tough this one out and just keep playing with them anyway, or if I should turn my back on them.
What do you guys think? Ever had your character be forcibly chosen as a mate and violated in a game before? What should I do?

Yes, actually I have had more than 1 character sexually raped in a game before.

Once was a character who was raped by a bunch of amazons.

But in the end it is what YOU the player are comfortable with doing. And if being forcibly chosen as a mate is not cool for your character to experience THEN stop putting yourself in a place where your character will experience it, or in simple terms: Stop playing the game with those guys with those characters and that adventure path.

Your first step was of a mistake in all of this was playing Reign of Winter... Sorry.. that's my bias showing there...I apologize.

Sajiri
2017-08-15, 05:26 PM
We had a situation very much like this once. A (half) orc female barbarian was very interested in strong male characters and was constantly coming onto them. It was hilarious and that character has been immortalised as an NPC now in a future game. The difference though, was that the person playing this character kept the behaviour strictly towards NPCs rather than players, and certainly never joked about raping anyone. It was a funny situation, so I can see where the humor for them comes from, but that should never come at the expense of someone else's comfort or feelings.

If you havent yet, talk to the player in question and the others at the group and tell them how much it makes you uncomfortable. If the orc barbarian lady really wants or needs a mate, then let one of the other players do it or introduce an npc/s for it. If they still just laugh and continue, well, that is not the sort of people I would want to play with, and you honestly probably would be better off just leaving if they continue to show that disrespect.

Also I've had my characters be violated before, but again, it wasnt so much at my expense, since the DM and I talk about anything that could be iffy whether it be sexual or not and I tell him what I am or am not comfortable having happen to my characters. If someone's uncomfortable and upset by something happening, it shouldnt be like that. You're playing a game for fun. If the player wanted to take it so far that he would really have his try to rape your character, he should talk to you about it first and make sure you are okay with it.

AnBe
2017-08-15, 05:51 PM
Thanks guys. These comments are really helping me.

JNAProductions
2017-08-15, 07:19 PM
Yeah, that is NOT COOL. Not at all.

Having a character attracted to yours? That's fine.

Having that character come on to yours? Okay, that's not a big deal if you're cool with it.

Laughing about raping your character? That's just awful.

Abandon ship, definitely. No gaming is better than bad gaming, and that's about gaming that's not FUN. When it actively makes you feel bad... Get the hell out of there.

Vitruviansquid
2017-08-15, 08:07 PM
RPG groups need to be receptive to people stopping the game and saying "no wait, hold on a moment. This is just distasteful, we need to do something else"

Honest Tiefling
2017-08-15, 10:06 PM
This is... not quite classic terrible game experience material, but pretty damn close.

I really want to know what happens in bad games for you, because I've sadly seen and heard of this a little too often.

As for the OP, quit. You are not having fun, even if another player wasn't being a creepy neckbeard, why stick around? Just bow out politely. A real friend will understand that its not for everyone and continue to be your friend if you are polite. A jerk will end the friendship and save you a lot of work.

Nifft
2017-08-16, 03:00 AM
Do try talking to them -- maybe first the DM alone -- before cutting ties.

It's possible that you could fix the situation just by making the perpetrator(s) aware of it.

It's also possible that doing so won't fix the situation -- in which case you may need to jump ship -- but if you enjoy the game, then you should at least try to salvage it.

Cazero
2017-08-16, 04:28 AM
Is PvP allowed at your table? If the answer is no, you have ground for the offending player to get kicked.

If the answer is yes, this is how you deal with a party member who doesn't respect your boundaries. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0830.html) For smaller discrepancies in power, I recommend throat slitting in their sleep.

And if you're Good aligned, you can still get the half-orc arrested for sexual harassment or at least kicked out of the party. There is no reason for your character to put up with that kind of ****, and there is no reason for your character's so-called "friends" in the party to not stand by him.

Pugwampy
2017-08-16, 05:24 AM
I think you need an out of game chat with orc girl and DM. Problem with groups is people dont talk enough if they are upset or unsatisfied or not having fun and that can hurt the game

You could consider making a new hero that Orc girl is not interested in ?

Koo Rehtorb
2017-08-16, 09:55 AM
Say "Hey, cut that out right now. I don't like it and it's creepy." in as confrontational a tone as you feel comfortable with. Chances are they're not aware they're being creepy and will cut it out when asked.

If they don't cut it out after that, find other friends.

Garimeth
2017-08-16, 09:59 AM
I think you need an out of game chat with orc girl and DM. Problem with groups is people dont talk enough if they are upset or unsatisfied or not having fun and that can hurt the game

You could consider making a new hero that Orc girl is not interested in ?

This. If they couldn't tell you were upset or something then they may just legitimately think they are being funny.

Also, how old are you all? I have to be honest, there's a big difference between a teen or somebody in college acting like this and someone in their 30s or older. Not everybody matures at the same rate, and you'd be doing society a favor by making sure they know its inappropriate if they are on the younger side. If they are older still talk to them, but I would be a lot less tolerant.

My 2 cp.

GungHo
2017-08-16, 10:29 AM
I'm not very conflict adverse so I am not good at giving advice for these. Since these are your long term friends, I think it's "safe" to simply say "I'm really not comfortable with this and I would like you to stop." If it goes beyond that, you can go with the "what the hell is wrong with you?" approach, which would be my initial reaction.

JeenLeen
2017-08-16, 10:31 AM
And yet, these people are my long-time friends. Sure they can be jerks at times, but never to this extreme. I don't know if I should tough this one out and just keep playing with them anyway, or if I should turn my back on them.

Mainly based on what I'm quoting, I recommend going the less extreme route and asking to chat out-of-character, and tell your friends that this made you uncomfortable and that you don't want this happening to your character in-game and you don't like them joking about rape out-of-game, even if towards a fictional character. Hope they understand and respect your boundaries.
As a sign of respect for the DM, talk to him/her first. You might also want to bring up some of the other reasons you aren't enjoying the game, but potentially better not to at this juncture lest the conversation get side-tracked.

Also, they may have sincerely thought you wouldn't be offended since it was your character. I'm not justifying that view, but just want to note that, from their point of view, it might have just been a funny scenario not hurting any real person. Talking about it lets them know it did hurt you and made you feel ostracized.

I never had an IC problem, but OOC the guys I gamed with made a lot of sexual jokes and engaged in 'gay chicken' a lot (and I'm pretty sure none of it was them just exploring their sexuality; just for laughs). I got tired of it and uncomfortable, so I talked to the DM first and then to the group. They toned it down and we were all good.

I'm currently a bit uncomfortable with the level of lewd joking and cussing in a new group I joined, mainly since my daughter is nearby when we game and I don't want her overhearing that language. (She's usually in a nearby room playing with the other gamers' kids, but she or any of them could easily walk up at a bad time. Don't want my toddler asking me what the f-word means.)

Haldir
2017-08-17, 12:57 PM
Tell the player that your character is thinking about ways to kill the orc in self defense. Talk it out with the player, and come to an understanding. If the rape threats persist, coup de grace next campsite.

kyoryu
2017-08-17, 01:56 PM
"Hey, I'm not going to play in a game like that. I'm not saying I'm not your friends, but that's not what I want in an RPG. If you ever decide to have a game where PCs raping each other isn't a thing, or really, where rape is a thing? Gimme a call. Other than that, let's catch a movie some time."

Calthropstu
2017-08-22, 06:05 AM
I had a group like that.
It sucked. I was playing a swanmay 2e psychportative psionicist.
My character was drugged and raped by one of the pcs - an alaghi (sp?) Som sort of abominable snowman type thing. Dm ruled I got pregnant.
It led to some serious stupid, and I was not ok with it at all.
It endeded several sessions later with a physical assault.
So... yeah. Walk away.

prufock
2017-08-22, 06:57 AM
Everyone has a line. If someone steps over that line, don't be afraid to stand up from the table and say "No." You aren't obligated to continue to play in an environment that makes you that uncomfortable, and you have every right to say so.

Bastian Weaver
2017-08-22, 07:01 AM
If you dislike it and told your friends that you dislike it and they didn't stop, then quit, obviously.

Jay R
2017-08-22, 10:49 AM
The best response to the first time he said it is to say, "No, you're not.That's creepy and insulting and no fun. Stop it."

The best response to the second time he said it is to say, "No, you're not. I quit." Don't debate it. Walk away.

The rest of the party will probably call you later to apologize, invite you back, and tell you that he isn't invited back. And if they don't, you don't want to go back.

Lord Torath
2017-10-03, 08:57 PM
AnBe, if it's not too much to ask, how did things turn out?

The only thing we here at the playground love more than giving advice is hearing if our advice was helpful.

(Here's hoping it was.)

Mr Beer
2017-10-03, 09:04 PM
Say "Hey, cut that out right now. I don't like it and it's creepy." in as confrontational a tone as you feel comfortable with. Chances are they're not aware they're being creepy and will cut it out when asked.

If they don't cut it out after that, find other friends.

Pretty much exactly what I would do if I was being grossed out.

I will say that if you're really upset and they know you are really upset, then they are terrible people. If they are being inappropriate and should know that that you are really upset but don't, it's not quite the same thing.

Most adults know better than to say 'LOL I'm going to rape you hahahahaha' and have that get a rousing cheers from the rest of the group.

Pex
2017-10-03, 09:13 PM
Upon second read I think Heido did this on purpose. He was "finally convinced" to come back to the game. He left for whatever reason, didn't want to come back, and was begged (my word) to return. He came back in spite to ruin the game in creating an atrocious character to behave badly.

Lesson learned. Never make a player play a game he doesn't want to play.

Psikerlord
2017-10-05, 11:06 PM
The GM should definitely have intervened and straight up said - no raping in my games, dont be a ********, what else do you want to do connected with the actual adventure. It's like playing evil PCs. Banhammer, boom, done.