Chugger
2017-08-16, 04:43 PM
Having just make a "joke that failed" on another thread here, I realized it might help people to be aware of and think about the psychological and "special ed" issues that may be affecting play at your table.
I've worked with special ed kids and still volunteer all the time to do so, so I have a pretty good understanding of the problems and issues. The first one is for people who consider themselves "normal" (or "neuro-typical") to even understand that there are all sorts of "mental differences" in the people around us. These can be autism, being on the autism spectrum (or mild autism), dyslexia, anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD and so on. And they can be mild versions of the above that still impact people in certain ways - or other things - some of which might not have even been labeled by psychiatrists.
A lot of people hide or try to hide the fact that they have "learning disorders" (many prefer to call this learning differences - the system still labels them disorders). A lot of people have undiagnosed issues and struggle along with them. This is a substantial percentage of the population. Not just a tiny minority.
So, how can having an LD or special ed or "difference" issue affect the table? In so many ways I can't even begin to list them. A player with dyslexia might not be able to read the rule books much or at all. They might "pester" the table with rule questions and slow down play, but they're struggling to understand how it works and can't benefit from reading the rulebooks. A player with autism or a mild form of it might have a wonderful and vibrant imagination - and really want to play - but might struggle with understanding and processing what the DM says. With autism the intuition is weak to barely there, and autistic people sometimes are hyper-literal in situationally very inappropriate ways - they think they're right - but to neuro-typicals their interpretation is "bonkers".
This can lead to table conflict with a player seeming to think ("insanely" to others) that situation X is happening, when the DM "said" that "clearly" something very different is happening. So, am I saying that neuro-typicals at a table can hear four DM sentences and conclude one thing - and the autism-spectrum person can hear those same sentences but conclude a very different thing? _Yes_. The person with autism thinks they've concluded reasonably, too - they think they're sane and the rest of the table is "messed up" for thinking the way they do. This can lead to tragic confrontations.
Well, this is a _huge_ topic and I can't even begin to do it justice in this forum. I'd have to write a book to explain it fully, and I don't have time - and you probably don't, either. Let me try to sketch out a "short form" of what some of the issues or problems are and give starter suggestions for how to deal with them. And we can discuss these things in more detail if people want to.
Autism. Characterized by hyper-literalism, difficulty understanding figures of speech, difficulty using the intuition or just "getting" things, hyper-focus on the parts and not the whole, difficulty seeing the big picture (because they're too focused on details). There's no one pattern - it's different person to person.
If you know a player has autism or is on-spectrum, there are many things you can do to help them and make play go smoothly (and make a _huge_ difference in the autistic person's life - they don't always run into kindness and tolerance). When they clearly misunderstand something, as a DM don't hold them to the obvious error they've made - take a moment to clarify - and don't blame them. Try to remove blame from the discussion entirely - "hey we're different, it's okay - I'm still trying to figure out the best ways to explain this - and it's hard - but I'm willing to work to learn to do better." If you give them "it's my fault" it frees them up of the guilt and confusion they get hit with all the time - even if it isn't your fault - and there are ways of defusing the negative emotions other than this. With some autistic people you need to say "it's no one's fault - we're just different but we can get along" - because they are fixated on accuracy. And the truth is that it is really no one's fault.
Usually you're only going to run into "mild" autism. But people with mild autism can have a few somewhat severe issues but otherwise are mild. And dnd might bring out these severe issues.
Obviously not everyone is equipped to deal with this. But we can all try, because at least 1% of the population has autism. Maybe 15% has dyslexia. There's no telling how many have ADD/ADHD. You are very likely to run into "learning difference people" or people who think differently (or who are challenged by what most of us consider "normal") at your table. Being aware of this and knowing that it can be smoothed out and made workable is important - it will bring joy and acceptance and good times to the life of a person who is often an outcast, who is often very lonely - who is often picked on and bullied and can feel very down.
Other issues - dyslexia - there can be word dyslexia and number dyslexia. Included in this family are processing disorders, meaning some of us might not really grasp rules or blocks of words very well - and kind of blank out. Or not be able to add damage numbers off three d6. Or never remember all the plusses to hit even if they're written on the player sheet right in front of them. And they'll be slow. So just help them nicely and without an edge to your voice, please, if you can (this is something I have to work on myself all the time - reminding myself that but for the Grace of God there go I - and that it is not their fault - that they need me to be kind and respectful towards them).
Emotional issues are harder to deal with. Some people lurch out of control and have real trouble seeing what is an appropriate remark and what isn't. These are very challenging (and disruptive), and people with this issue (a strong version of it) may need to play dnd through their social services - with people prepared to deal with them. This is true of severe instances of many of these issues - sometimes they are just too much for ordinary people to deal with. And I get that. But so many of us struggle along with mild to not-mild-but-not-crippling issues - and these people need our help, our love, our kindness - tolerance and understanding. So often we're cruel not even knowing we are. And we don't have to be that way.
Let me end this here, even though I've just barely touched on this topic. I'm frustrated in that I've only just begun to share this and try to explain this and offer solutions. But it's really complex. The dnd community is bright - and I'm sure most of us can investigate on our own if we realize this is a problem at our table but a problem that can be fixed. And please ask here for clarification or more help if you want. I'll try to keep an eye on this thread and will help you if I can. Thanks for reading this, and I wish you all the best in trying to grasp these issues and trying to help those around you who need a little kindness and extra understanding. Until you enter this world, you probably have no idea how much hope and inspiration and goodness you can give a person who is silently struggling and suffering from being "different" - with just a little bit of kindness and tolerance.
I've worked with special ed kids and still volunteer all the time to do so, so I have a pretty good understanding of the problems and issues. The first one is for people who consider themselves "normal" (or "neuro-typical") to even understand that there are all sorts of "mental differences" in the people around us. These can be autism, being on the autism spectrum (or mild autism), dyslexia, anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD and so on. And they can be mild versions of the above that still impact people in certain ways - or other things - some of which might not have even been labeled by psychiatrists.
A lot of people hide or try to hide the fact that they have "learning disorders" (many prefer to call this learning differences - the system still labels them disorders). A lot of people have undiagnosed issues and struggle along with them. This is a substantial percentage of the population. Not just a tiny minority.
So, how can having an LD or special ed or "difference" issue affect the table? In so many ways I can't even begin to list them. A player with dyslexia might not be able to read the rule books much or at all. They might "pester" the table with rule questions and slow down play, but they're struggling to understand how it works and can't benefit from reading the rulebooks. A player with autism or a mild form of it might have a wonderful and vibrant imagination - and really want to play - but might struggle with understanding and processing what the DM says. With autism the intuition is weak to barely there, and autistic people sometimes are hyper-literal in situationally very inappropriate ways - they think they're right - but to neuro-typicals their interpretation is "bonkers".
This can lead to table conflict with a player seeming to think ("insanely" to others) that situation X is happening, when the DM "said" that "clearly" something very different is happening. So, am I saying that neuro-typicals at a table can hear four DM sentences and conclude one thing - and the autism-spectrum person can hear those same sentences but conclude a very different thing? _Yes_. The person with autism thinks they've concluded reasonably, too - they think they're sane and the rest of the table is "messed up" for thinking the way they do. This can lead to tragic confrontations.
Well, this is a _huge_ topic and I can't even begin to do it justice in this forum. I'd have to write a book to explain it fully, and I don't have time - and you probably don't, either. Let me try to sketch out a "short form" of what some of the issues or problems are and give starter suggestions for how to deal with them. And we can discuss these things in more detail if people want to.
Autism. Characterized by hyper-literalism, difficulty understanding figures of speech, difficulty using the intuition or just "getting" things, hyper-focus on the parts and not the whole, difficulty seeing the big picture (because they're too focused on details). There's no one pattern - it's different person to person.
If you know a player has autism or is on-spectrum, there are many things you can do to help them and make play go smoothly (and make a _huge_ difference in the autistic person's life - they don't always run into kindness and tolerance). When they clearly misunderstand something, as a DM don't hold them to the obvious error they've made - take a moment to clarify - and don't blame them. Try to remove blame from the discussion entirely - "hey we're different, it's okay - I'm still trying to figure out the best ways to explain this - and it's hard - but I'm willing to work to learn to do better." If you give them "it's my fault" it frees them up of the guilt and confusion they get hit with all the time - even if it isn't your fault - and there are ways of defusing the negative emotions other than this. With some autistic people you need to say "it's no one's fault - we're just different but we can get along" - because they are fixated on accuracy. And the truth is that it is really no one's fault.
Usually you're only going to run into "mild" autism. But people with mild autism can have a few somewhat severe issues but otherwise are mild. And dnd might bring out these severe issues.
Obviously not everyone is equipped to deal with this. But we can all try, because at least 1% of the population has autism. Maybe 15% has dyslexia. There's no telling how many have ADD/ADHD. You are very likely to run into "learning difference people" or people who think differently (or who are challenged by what most of us consider "normal") at your table. Being aware of this and knowing that it can be smoothed out and made workable is important - it will bring joy and acceptance and good times to the life of a person who is often an outcast, who is often very lonely - who is often picked on and bullied and can feel very down.
Other issues - dyslexia - there can be word dyslexia and number dyslexia. Included in this family are processing disorders, meaning some of us might not really grasp rules or blocks of words very well - and kind of blank out. Or not be able to add damage numbers off three d6. Or never remember all the plusses to hit even if they're written on the player sheet right in front of them. And they'll be slow. So just help them nicely and without an edge to your voice, please, if you can (this is something I have to work on myself all the time - reminding myself that but for the Grace of God there go I - and that it is not their fault - that they need me to be kind and respectful towards them).
Emotional issues are harder to deal with. Some people lurch out of control and have real trouble seeing what is an appropriate remark and what isn't. These are very challenging (and disruptive), and people with this issue (a strong version of it) may need to play dnd through their social services - with people prepared to deal with them. This is true of severe instances of many of these issues - sometimes they are just too much for ordinary people to deal with. And I get that. But so many of us struggle along with mild to not-mild-but-not-crippling issues - and these people need our help, our love, our kindness - tolerance and understanding. So often we're cruel not even knowing we are. And we don't have to be that way.
Let me end this here, even though I've just barely touched on this topic. I'm frustrated in that I've only just begun to share this and try to explain this and offer solutions. But it's really complex. The dnd community is bright - and I'm sure most of us can investigate on our own if we realize this is a problem at our table but a problem that can be fixed. And please ask here for clarification or more help if you want. I'll try to keep an eye on this thread and will help you if I can. Thanks for reading this, and I wish you all the best in trying to grasp these issues and trying to help those around you who need a little kindness and extra understanding. Until you enter this world, you probably have no idea how much hope and inspiration and goodness you can give a person who is silently struggling and suffering from being "different" - with just a little bit of kindness and tolerance.