PDA

View Full Version : Funniest character deaths



sparkey477
2007-08-10, 03:52 PM
welcome to FCD, here you tell us of a funny charater death in your game, and we rate it (1-10) on hillarity. I'll go first.

after a rather tough dungeon adventure, the entire party was still alive (no thanks to our barbarian's stupidity), they went to the Fried Piper Inn, where a sword juggler was performing. The barbarian was being really obnoxious saying he was unkillable, he ended up getting in a fight with a random ogre adveturer, who ended up tossing him at the sword dancer.

DM; make a reflex save.
Bar; *rolls* natural 20, allright!!
DM; carcks start to appear in the floor beneath you. Make a reflex save.
Bar; *rolls* damn! I got a four. So, how far do I fall, 20 ft.?
DM; Doesent matter, you land in the deep frier.

Everybody burst out laughing.

DaMullet
2007-08-10, 04:00 PM
So the party sorcerer took Explosive Runes last level. We took a week off, and were blowing through everything with piles of them and some Dispel Magic cheese.

So we're fighting a Beguiler. He blinds the sorcerer, Overwhelms the Barbarian, who was carrying the piles of runes, and is attempting to back away from the party to dispel us, when the party beguiler (the sorcerer's cohort) grapples him. He escapes, and somehow manages to misjudge the distance, and dispels the party. The Barbarian vaporizes, taking out the cleric, and the party beguiler happens to have a few runes on him as well, and he goes nuclear, taking out the enemy beguiler and the sorcerer.

The only survivor was the rogue, who had evasion.

TheOOB
2007-08-10, 04:08 PM
My Frenzied Berserker Jumped down about 10 stories onto the BBEG and killed him. Next round he let out a feral victory warcry, then died as his frenzy wore off with -300 some odd hp.

internerdj
2007-08-10, 04:08 PM
While not a death. Back in 2e we played crit failures on a one. As DM I would try to add some flavor to what I said. We had dual scimitar wielding yaunti wizard who was pretty full of himself. The party had just finished killing hundreds of orcs and he wanted to do a flourshing intricate sheathing of his dual scimitars, which he described in detail. I made him roll a dex check with a med DC because it was complex and he wasn't a meleer. He critically failed, stabbed through his legs, and spent the rest of the campaign in a wheelchair.

FireSpark
2007-08-10, 04:14 PM
My friend had a half-orc monk.

We were escorting him to answer for some crimes he had been 'falsely' accused of. On our way to the city, we get side tracked by an ancient treant that asks for our help in dealing some abandoned lab that has blah blah blah. Anyways, we're investigating this place, which happens to be built into the side of a mountain. During our exploration, we find a chamber that has an enourmous basket hanging from a rope that goes up and into the darkness.
Obviously we think that's the way up, but the thing isn't a pulley system, so we spread out to look for the switch to activate it. The half-orc monk, takes it upon himself to start climbing the rope "too see where it goes", but of course he tells no one, and no one sees him go. After ten minutes of searching for a switch with no luck, someone finally says "Hey, where'd what's-his-name go?"

Cut to the climbing half-orc:

DM: Ugh, make another climb check.
HOM: Heh, another 19!
DM: You can see your almost to the top, make one more climb check.
HOM: *roll*roll*CLUNK* 0.o (he rolled a natural 1)
DM: Oooo. Roll a reflex save to try and grab the rope.
HOM: C'mon, c'mon! *roll*roll*CLUNK* Uh, 4?

The poor dumb **** fell 220 feet, put a hole in the basket, and indented the paved floor. Damage sustained? 84. Monks total HP? 9. :smallbiggrin:

sparkey477
2007-08-10, 04:15 PM
While not a death. Back in 2e we played crit failures on a one. As DM I would try to add some flavor to what I said. We had dual scimitar wielding yaunti wizard who was pretty full of himself. The party had just finished killing hundreds of orcs and he wanted to do a flourshing intricate sheathing of his dual scimitars, which he described in detail. I made him roll a dex check with a med DC because it was complex and he wasn't a meleer. He critically failed, stabbed through his legs, and spent the rest of the campaign in a wheelchair.

9.0 :smallbiggrin:

crabpuff
2007-08-10, 04:36 PM
Right I had this guy(retard) that had to be where ever the action was at even if the party was split up. So it goes as followed: The party had split to check two different corridors, they had just missed a arrow trap with out realizing it. The Retard scythe wielding evil dracolich worshiping druid and the wizard off to the right, Cleric and fighter off to the left. Now the Wizard's group ran into a room full of books, devices and chemicals. The fighter's group ran into an Iron golem(ouch). So the two fought as best as they could losing slowly. The DM had them both(wizard,druid) make a listen check and both failed miserably. Some how he decide he had to let the other party members know what they were doing right then. So he charges down the halls sets off the trap and comes up to the other two as the Cleric is bloody and draging the fighter away. Shouting "I'll take care of it" he proceeds to tray and fight the golem with a nonmagical scythe. After almost dying on the first hit, he comes up with this I'll cast transmute rock to mud spell that has a radius of i forget. Half the tower falls down including him and the golem, quickly throwing his dice, he manages to get a Nat 20 and shouts "thats my tumble check to lesson damage!" Dm says "Ok now roll a not get flatten by tons of stone and mud check" This time retard actually rolls and its a one.

Although me and the fighter almost ended up dead.

Fighter: Hey is that a golem?
Cleric: Yeah I think your right.
Fighter: I think we can take it we're level 8 now. (Iron has a CR 10)
Cleric: Ok I'll stand behind you and heal you when you get hit, let me buff you first.
A few rounds pass
Cleric: uh I don't think we are going to beat this thing.... hey are you listening?
Fighter: *Slowly bleeding to death*

Ashtar
2007-08-10, 05:46 PM
A few years back, in 2nd edition...

Our rogue / mage gets separated from the party and runs (in a tower, he chooses to run up... when the other players are on the ground floor) up the stairs to the top of the tower followed by three bugbears. The rest of the party is hurrying up the stairs to save him...

He gets to the top of the tower and realises he is stuck. The bugbears advance towards him... He's low on life, on spells, but the party is not far, he can even hear them shouting as they are running up. So he decides to turn invisible.

The bugbears start swining their axes / clubs / sword in big movements to catch the squichy elf. So to avoid that, he clambers onto the battlements of this old and crumbly tower, and holds onto the edge. Legs dangling in the air. Finally, just as the other players reach the top of the tower, he decides to climb down. Rolls a climb check, fails. DM lets him reroll to "catch himself" and he fails again.

So here's our rogue / mage falling down, the DM describes the fall and says, "you shriek as you plunge towards your death" (Which might of told the other players where to look). The player responds "No no! I don't want to shout!". So here our invisible mage hits the ground, goes to negative hit points, bleeds to death with all the other characters looking for him at the top of the tower. In second edition, invisibility lasts 24h, so the other players didn't find the body before they left the area.

Scratch one character!

Glyphic
2007-08-10, 05:59 PM
My friend was Notorious for not keeping track of how much HP she had, even though it was written (accurately) on her paper. However, she had an amazing amount of luck dodging swords, knives, traps with a thiefy character. Most battles she ended near or at 1 hp.

What finally did her in? Jumping through a window.

Weredwarf
2007-08-10, 06:09 PM
Not to long ago, we helped an army of metallic dragons fight an army of chromanic dragons.

During the fight the a great wrym sat on our ranger for 60 points of damage, he criticly failed his massive damage check.

Just Alex
2007-08-10, 06:12 PM
This miraculous event happened in a game I was GMing. The party has been tracking down a lich that they know has access to teleportation magic and who has been liberally using every technique at his disposal to prevent scrying. They eventually manage to find enough information to a lab the lich was known to use. After defeating the guards and getting some vague clues where to go next, the party does one last sweep of the lich's lair. They manage to find a trapdoor hidden underneath the lich's desk. Here's what followed:
GM: Ok, you look into the trapdoor and see a tiny hole. It's a few inches in diameter, maybe as wide as your arm. It's completely dark in the hole.
Fighter: I've got darkvision, does that help at all?
GM: Nope, still inky darkness.
Fighter: Is the hole wide enough that I could stick a torch in and have a chance to see anything?
GM: Sure, it' won't be easy, but it's possible
Fighter: OK, I take one of the torches and poke it into the hole
GM: As you put the torch into the hole, there's a sudden whoosh of air and the torch disappears out of your hand.
Fighter: Aha! This is how he moves around so quickly, he's got teleportation points hidden around. I stick my hand in.
GM: Mkay <checks notes> As you stick your hand in, you too disappear.
Cleric 1: Sweet, it worked! I jump in after him
Rogue: Me too.
GM: Right, well, you both disappear too
Wizard to Cleric 2: I don't like this, it doesn't seem right. <dawning moment of realization> Crap! I try and exert mental influence over the hole.
Gm: Gimme an Int check... right, a small black ball of nothing rises out of the hole as you exert your influence over it.


That's right kids. 3 deaths on what was essentially a trap. Even better, the trap was the treasure too.

Dairun Cates
2007-08-10, 06:12 PM
The two humorous ones from my recent campaign:

1. After the party beats up a bear, and heals it back to consciousness, the bear, more violent than before mauls one of the players and outright kills him in one shot. Keep in mind, this is in a system where you usually don't die unless you hit negative your max HP. In this case, it was like 125. We calculated he was at -300 or so. So yeah... he went down like a screaming little girl being mauled by a bear.

2. Anxious to get to an arranged meeting on time where the party had to comply with demands "or else", the party decided to leave early. Because their attacker was waiting in the shadows. They were still attacked even though it wasn't the prearranged time yet. The party survives the encounter and gets back to base. Most of the party goes to the hospital to heal up and back to the previous site to watch the giant purple death cloud they released just 10 minutes ago swallow people up. However, one player decided to stay behind and go back to bed going back to the overlord player's castle. At the original arranged time for the meeting, the castle is blown sky-high (because that's what "or else" means in this business) with the player still asleep in it. Ironically enough, one of the players also gave him an exploding watch as a retirement gift. Oops.

Knight_Of_Twilight
2007-08-10, 07:12 PM
Way back in 2nd Edition, one of our players went rogue and turned into a Lich. A Psionic Lich, to be exact.

Well, my paladin and my other friend's half dragon fighter managed to take him down- but we forgot to look for the Phalactary ( Hey, we were 10. We weren't terribly bright) and he returned in a couple of weeks. We killed him again, but he came back, and it looked really bad-

-Except that we had the tome that the god's used to make the world in our possesion. The Half-Dragon dropped a mountain on him. The Lich's player asked when he would regenerate, to which the dm replied "Two weeks. But it'll be about 10'000 yeares before that mountain goes away.

Grins. Ear to ear.

Rigel Cyrosea
2007-08-10, 07:35 PM
One time, during a dungeon crawl, the party encountered some gargoyles, who tried to pose as statues so they could ambush the party. They didn't have any trouble killing the gargoyles, so they continued on and finished the dungeon.
Then, almost 6 monthes (real time) later, they were stuck in another dungeon. They entered a room, and there was a fountain in the middle of it, with a stone gargoyle in the middle, which had water coming out of it's mouth. (It was part of the fountain.) The party wizard decided that it was another trap. He jumped up onto the fountain and tried to grapple the gargoyle. I told him it was just a statue. He didn't believe me, and insisted on stuffing a bead of fireball into it's mouth. The resulting explosion nearly killed the entire party.
Then, a Trumpet Archon that had been watching the party (without them knowing) appeared. It healed everyone but the wizard, and then killed him, convinced that he was a traitor. The wizard's player still maintains that it's my fault that he died, because I shouldn't have made a celestial attack him. The rest of us just laugh.

DaMullet
2007-08-10, 07:36 PM
-Except that we had the tome that the god's used to make the world in our possesion. The Half-Dragon dropped a mountain on him. The Lich's player asked when he would regenerate, to which the dm replied "Two weeks. But it'll be about 10'000 yeares before that mountain goes away.
.

Are the rules for Lichdom different in 2nd ed, or is it just really odd for a lich to not have Teleport handy?

Arbitrarity
2007-08-10, 07:38 PM
As lichs are most often wizards, steroetypically, they always have teleport prepared, unless they are very stupid.

Mostly.

Orzel
2007-08-10, 07:49 PM
My friend's celestial mount/companion fell on his dying paladin/druid/sorcerer.

A ranger/HW later DDed into a mountain, ejected off a cliff, and landing in and out of a giant shark's square.

Knight_Of_Twilight
2007-08-10, 07:55 PM
Are the rules for Lichdom different in 2nd ed, or is it just really odd for a lich to not have Teleport handy?

Ten years old. We were stupid kids. Our main interest was "ZOMG DAMAGE".

It probably would be different now...

JackMage666
2007-08-10, 07:58 PM
You're kidding, right? When I was 10, Teleport would be my #1 spell. I'd be teleporting everywhere. Have to travel across town? Teleport. Have to go to another city? Teleport. Need a drink of water? Teleport. Enemies around? Teleport into their body, making them explode!

As a 10 year old, I would've definately done that.

Thurbane
2007-08-10, 08:24 PM
Back in 2E, one of my players had a fierce Nordic fighter that has been polymorphed into a chicken by a Yuan-ti. This was a great character - the player rolled really well using only 4d6 for stats (an 18 and two 17s - without cheating!).

Anyway, after the fight the wizard dispels the polymorph, and the fighter makes his "system shock" roll, that he can only fail on a percentile roll of 98-00. What does he roll? Yep, 00! At this stage of the campaign there was no easy way to raise him either, so the best character he had ever rolled up ended in a puff of feathers. :smallbiggrin:

loves_to_laugh
2007-08-10, 09:52 PM
So we were traveling through a dungeon that was booby trapped pretty much everywhere. We get to this room and the walls are icy and the room is ominous blah blah blah. Well my companion sees something on the floor. Let's just say that the last thing he ever said was, "Dude! Spike chain!" It was cursed or something and he instantly died, of course then setting of several other traps for the rest of us...

Kel_Arath
2007-08-10, 10:35 PM
Casting call lightning on the raven spy just above you during a storm... hehehe...

Leicontis
2007-08-10, 10:52 PM
So we're exploring a wizard's tower, and the party ranger is somehow convinced that the best and easiest way to check for traps - even magical ones - is to throw a sling bullet at each door. If nothing blows up, the door must not be trapped! Most of the rest of the party (except for the party wizard, who had to have the concept of traps explained to him) kept telling the ranger to back off and let the rogue (my character) check the doors properly, rather than just throwing his sling bullet (that's right, he had one, for the sole purpose of triggering traps) and barging through, assuming it was safe. When he set off a trap loaded with a Reduce Person spell, we snapped. The fighter and I PvP'd him senseless, him returning to full size somewhere through. The cleric heals him up to 1hp, and we leave him tied up in the bedroom using sheets for rope (none of us had rope or Use Rope skill).

As we continue cautiously exploring, he gets free, and decides to take his lone remaining hit point on a search through the rest of the tower. Our first indication of this is the alarm trap he sets off. Undaunted, he continues on, and the next door he opens reveals a room with a piece of parchment in a prominent place at the opposite end of the room. He walks over, and discovers that it just says "Look behind you" - he turns just as the delayed-action Summon Monster trap produces a pair of celestial dogs. At this point, he decides that he has a better chance of surviving the fall to the ground (this is a third-story room) than a fight against the dogs, and jumps. Thing is, dogs can miss - the ground can't. Kinda hard to survive 2d6 falling damage with 1hp and no medics nearby (we didn't know where he was or that he'd jumped).

We found his corpse as we left, stripped him for his gear, then my rogue notices that even despite the bloody tears, his clothing is in better condition than mine, so I took it. People react in very interesting ways when your clothes are covered with bloody battle tears that don't line up with any wounds or scars on your body...

The worst part is, this was the player's second character death by stupidity...

JackMage666
2007-08-10, 11:29 PM
Not a full death, but bears mentioning...

Friend of mine was playing a Half-Orc Fighter, and was keeping watch at camp while the others hunted for food. The DM has him roll a spot check, which he does, only to notice a single Cockatrice. Not having seen one before, the DM shows him the picture from the MM. He looks at it, thinks it's ugly, and tells the DM...
PC "I turn and look away from it."
DM "Are you going to move?"
PC "No, it's ugly, it'll go away."
DM "OK...." *rolls* "It pecks you, roll a Fortitude save"
PC "Hm, a 2. Plus this. 10."
DM "You are turned to stone."
PC "What?"
We found this hilarious. The Cockatrice left, and myself and the rogue came back to camp, only to find our statue of a friend. I carved stupid onto his cheek, with a rock, and in the morning we started dragging him to the next town. He was later healed.
He was later castrated for pointlessly killing two homosexual elves who were caught in the act.
After that, he was reincarnated as a Goblin, when my character decided to pay an Ogre (a new PC, who had just joined), to punch him to death.
It was both a hilarious death, and a great way to bring in a new PC!

Leon
2007-08-10, 11:46 PM
Couple of months ago in the 2nd Ed game

The party has just killed a number of grells, 2 of the 3 clerics are down and bleeding out. the 3rd cleric is a swarm of rats (failed his Transmutation save on entering the world)

since he cant cast any spells to help he rummages through the bag that was on the Big grell and drags a potion over to the gnome healer and feeds it to her - BOOM, 6d6 of fire damage to a dying PC - Potion of Burning (a fair amount of rats died aswell)

They try again with another potion on my cleric and succeed, Mikael awakes to the sight of our main healer as a charred wreck and comes to terms that he was now main tank and only healer

RobotsITP
2007-08-11, 12:14 AM
Way back in second edition being a psionists could be potentially suicidal
There were drawbacks for at times for rolling too high (usually a natural 20) and there were drawbacks for rolling too low (usually a critical fumble on a 1)

I had a friend who told me a story about a game where a friend of his played a psionists.
They had just gotten through battling some big nasty bad guys and many of the party members were seriously wounded. The cleric then goes around asking everyone if people need healing.
The psionists replied that he could take care of it himself
He then rolls to use his complete heal ability .... botches it ...causing the psionic backlash to blow his brains out.
Funny thing is this was all going straight by the rules.
They made a t-shirt commemorating the event later on.

Yeah 2nd ed psionics were wacky that way.

RobotsITP
Andy

Seatbelt
2007-08-11, 01:06 AM
I'm running Ravenloft, I hit the Wizard with a low save DC "turn on your allies" special attack. The exact wording of the ability is "You use the best tactics and methods available to you to destroy those who were your closest allies."

The Wizard, evocation-happy, used 3 spells to kill the rest of the party. Wall of Fire, an empowered fireball, and a scintilating sphere. The party was not happy with me. But I really didnt expect him to fail a DC 15 will save. And he was the only person I could reasonably expect -to- fail, as the others had high will save progression and wis based casting.

I felt bad, but it was fun not having to do anything but call initiative for a while. :P

CockroachTeaParty
2007-08-11, 01:48 AM
In a recent game I played in, I was a warforged fighter. Things were going... alright. But certain aspects of the game were not my cup of tea, so I quit the game, saying "Kiln never returned from his nightly watch. What became of him is up to you."

A few days later, on a whim, I checked back on the game to see how it was going. The next DM post after I had announced my resignation went something like this:

"As you exit the inn, you see Kiln the warforged lying face first in the mud. As you flip over his body, you see his mechanical eyes gouged out, and a carved hole where his heart used to be."

...

Well, that death wasn't too funny, but I found the DM's immature and retaliatory response to be mildly amusing.

Alleine
2007-08-11, 02:41 AM
you see his mechanical eyes gouged out, and a carved hole where his heart used to be."

I wasn't aware Warforged actually had hearts. I know they're living, but still...


We were going for a TPK on purpose, so we could move on to a new campaign one of the guys had just bought, and we didn't want to just quit, we wanted to die. Chosen method: Colossal Great Wyrm Red. The first 4 deaths were instantaneous and not funny, except to me cuz I'm morbid like that. The only two characters to survive were the monk who won initiative, and the rogue who was invisible off to the side. The monk upon seeing 4 party members die instantly decides dragons aren't fun, and high tials it out through the portal we came through(trying to get back to the material plane from hell). The rogue is invisible, 18th level with probably max ranks in every necessary skill. Unfortunately standing on the dragon's hoard of coins. The dragon already knows the rogue is there from a prior move silent check, and with the next one the dragon pinpoints his location. I believe he ended up splattered onto the wall, and then slid into the lava next to the wall because he wasn't dead yet.

I don't he was very happy with me after that. I was the monk that abandoned him.

Artemician
2007-08-11, 06:58 AM
In a recent game I played in, I was a warforged fighter. Things were going... alright. But certain aspects of the game were not my cup of tea, so I quit the game, saying "Kiln never returned from his nightly watch. What became of him is up to you."

A few days later, on a whim, I checked back on the game to see how it was going. The next DM post after I had announced my resignation went something like this:

"As you exit the inn, you see Kiln the warforged lying face first in the mud. As you flip over his body, you see his mechanical eyes gouged out, and a carved hole where his heart used to be."

...

Well, that death wasn't too funny, but I found the DM's immature and retaliatory response to be mildly amusing.

I would hesitate before labelling the DM's behaviour as immature/retaliatory, because really, it isn't.

You said youself, that what the made of it is up to them, and the DM chose to make it into a plot hook. How is that really bad?

Bosh
2007-08-11, 08:12 AM
Cast:
Me: Halfling barbarian/sorcerer with low int.
Gnome: blaster wizard
DM: Loved enforcing Murphey's Law

Summarized version of events:

Me: So you mean that lycanthropy disease disappears if you kill the werewolf that bit you and the cleric didn't do anything with the money we paid him to heal it?
DM: Yep.
Gnome: Let's just stay at the bar.
Me: OK
Me: *sneaks off*

Later...

DM: OK so you're hitting the cleric in the head with your warhammer for nonlethal damage so you can steal your money back.
Me: Yeah, natural 20!
DM: Confirm.
Me: Hell yeah!
DM: You just broke his head.
Me: Oh well, I go take the party's money back.
DM: You notice a journal that discusses the local orphanage's financial problems and about how the cleric has been desperate to find money to keep the orphans fed.
Me: I'm a barbarian, I have illiteracy remember?
DM: Oh.
Me: I want to buy a pony!

Later at the bar...

NPC: I can't believe that someone murdered the cleric.
Drunk Werebear: He's the one that kept me from going bad like those werewolves.
NPC1: He's done so much for all of us.
Drunk Werebear: We've got to keep an eye out for someone with money to burn.
*I walk into the bar in a silk suit with a shiny new warhammer*
Me: A glass of the house's finest wine!
Gnome to Drunk Werebear: I don't have anything to do with him *point at me* You might want to look at him.

Later...

Me to gnome: You could've at least kept the werebear from eating my head.

Knight_Of_Twilight
2007-08-11, 10:58 AM
You're kidding, right? When I was 10, Teleport would be my #1 spell. I'd be teleporting everywhere. Have to travel across town? Teleport. Have to go to another city? Teleport. Need a drink of water? Teleport. Enemies around? Teleport into their body, making them explode!

As a 10 year old, I would've definately done that.

Well, you were obviously a smarter ten year old then my friend was.

detrevnisisiht
2007-08-11, 11:46 AM
Cast:
Me: Halfling barbarian/sorcerer with low int.
Gnome: blaster wizard
DM: Loved enforcing Murphey's Law

Summarized version of events:

Me: So you mean that lycanthropy disease disappears if you kill the werewolf that bit you and the cleric didn't do anything with the money we paid him to heal it?
DM: Yep.
Gnome: Let's just stay at the bar.
Me: OK
Me: *sneaks off*

Later...

DM: OK so you're hitting the cleric in the head with your warhammer for nonlethal damage so you can steal your money back.
Me: Yeah, natural 20!
DM: Confirm.
Me: Hell yeah!
DM: You just broke his head.
Me: Oh well, I go take the party's money back.
DM: You notice a journal that discusses the local orphanage's financial problems and about how the cleric has been desperate to find money to keep the orphans fed.
Me: I'm a barbarian, I have illiteracy remember?
DM: Oh.
Me: I want to buy a pony!

Later at the bar...

NPC: I can't believe that someone murdered the cleric.
Drunk Werebear: He's the one that kept me from going bad like those werewolves.
NPC1: He's done so much for all of us.
Drunk Werebear: We've got to keep an eye out for someone with money to burn.
*I walk into the bar in a silk suit with a shiny new warhammer*
Me: A glass of the house's finest wine!
Gnome to Drunk Werebear: I don't have anything to do with him *point at me* You might want to look at him.

Later...

Me to gnome: You could've at least kept the werebear from eating my head.


10.3:smallbiggrin:

wadledo
2007-08-11, 11:58 AM
This isn't a true death story, but...
A year or two back the DM decided that he would run a really really deadly campaign, that no character could survive for more than 3 levels or so.
The party consisted of 2 fighters, 1 barbarian, 2 clerics, 1 wizard, and me, the bard.
All the characters died within 2 levels, except me.
My bard ended up being the level 15 grizzled veteran of 17 wars, 8 invasions, 9 lightning strikes, 4 rock slides, 6 assassinations, and the ruler of a kingdom the size of Australia.
His Stats where:
Str.10
Dex.8
Con.7
Int.7
Wis.5
Cha.14
:smallbiggrin:

Bauglir
2007-08-11, 12:36 PM
I'm playing a Duskblade. We're fighting some doppelgangers in a sewer, and they're both Knights. So, I'm running a bit low on HP. I decide I want to 5-foot step back before casting a spell at the one I'm in combat with so that I don't provoke an attack of opportunity. However.

Swashbuckler: Don't 5-foot step, I need to flank.
Wizard: Yeah, you can stay there. You only need to roll a 2 to succeed on the Concentration check.
Me: Very well. *rolls a 1*

The Knight then proceeds to attack me when its initiative comes up. I'm not too worried, even with the previous attack of opportunity damage. It couldn't possibly kill me without a critical.

DM: Natural 20... 18.
Me: Well, I'm dead.
Everyone Else (except the Swashbuckler, to be fair): What? What were you doing in melee at low hit points?

After several minutes of trying to find ways to wheedle out of my death, I just say, "Well, I guess I'm cloven in two and I sink into the water, denying you all my gear."

Alenida
2007-08-11, 01:03 PM
*Blush* I was the swashbuckler. In my defense, the wizard also urged him to flank, but it was rather silly on our parts. However, the party got back at me a little later. We're about level sixteen or seventeen at this point, and we've just killed a marilith, so we're feeling pretty good about ourselves. The DM asks us to make listen and spot checks and we figure out pretty quickly that there's a balor in the neighborhood. My character absolutely does not want to fight a balor and argues with the party over it, but they overrule me, and we go off to fight a balor. We survive primarily because the psion egowhips it down to 2 charisma, at which point it teleports away. So far, so good. We've defeated the balor, and we're getting a ton of XP, even if we aren't getting any money. But the psion has the bit between his teeth. "Hey!" he says. "I've got trace teleport." The DM says. "Um, okay, well, you know where it teleported to."
"Great!" says the psion. "We teleport there!"
"Um, guys, I"m not sure this is the greatest idea," I say, but again, I'm overruled. The DM gets a peculiar expression on his face. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, yeah, we teleport there."
"Um, okay. Make seven fortitude saves from the massive crowd of high-level demons who are waiting for you."
Everyone succeeds on all of them. Except me. I roll a four against implosion and die.
Fortunately, the party had promised to give me a true resurrection if I died as a result of the balor, so the story doesn't have a completely unhappy ending.:smallbiggrin:

Bauglir
2007-08-11, 01:07 PM
I really oughtn't to have urged the following. That was a poor choice.

Curmudgeon
2007-08-11, 07:12 PM
Our party had just made level 2, and after a skirmish on the way were just starting on a dungeon with an entrance directly over a murky pool. I (the Rogue) tied a rope, climbed down, and swung aside to avoid the pool, then scouted out the surrounding area while waiting for my less adroit compatriots to follow.

The Wizard had a cat familiar that was too heavy for her to carry while climbing down so she put it in a net bag, tied it to the rope, and lowered it down. With no Use Rope skill she dropped it into the water, where some tentacled beastie promptly ate the cat. The death of her familiar dropped the Wizard down 1 level, and the loss of 1 level of HP made her unconsious and she, too, fell into the mucky water.

The rest of the party spent 4-5 rounds arguing about what to do, as none of them had any skill with Climb, Use Rope, or Swim. The Fighter wanted to start shooting arrows into the pool, and the other 2 grappled him to prevent that. When they started shouting for my character to come back I was far enough away that I missed my first Listen check (not great WIS for that Rogue) and by the time I got back the Wizard had drowned. The DM had decided the monster was full after eating the cat, but that largesse wasn't enough to save the Wizard from a catastrophic outburst of player stupidity.

Volug
2007-08-11, 08:30 PM
i had a Half-Orc with an inteligence score of 4...... and i had a mean DM or GM. i choked on a fork....

Donovan
2007-08-11, 10:06 PM
The best character death I had ever seen was actually not in d20 but in In Nomine (an angel and demon RPG). Our characters were locked in a dreamscape based off of mythological Greece. Near the end of the trip, we entered a ruined temple with many lifelike statues around. This is the conversation:

Player 1: "Oh crap, it's a Gorgon."
DM: "You hear a slithering on the ceiling."
Player 1: "I close my eyes!"
Player 2: "I look down!"
Player 3: "I put a blindfold on!"
Player 4: "I look in my mirror shield!"
Player 5: "I look up."
DM & Players 1-4: "Wait, WHAT?"
Player 5: "Yeah... I wanna see whats up there."
DM: "Oooookey. You see an ugly half-woman half-serpent and then turn to stone."
Player 5: "What! What do you meen I turn to stone?!?"
Player 1: "Um... You looked at a Gorgon, you turned to stone."
Player 5" "Thats not a Gorgon, thats a Medusa!"
Player 2: "Um... Medusa was a Gorgon."
Player 5: "How was I supposed to know that!"
Player 1: "The big clue should have been when we all looked away."
Player 5: "I wasn't really listening..."

At that point everybody was either laughing or shaking their heads. This wasn't his first death in the 2 month campaign... it was his seventh if memory serves.

Rnett
2007-08-11, 10:10 PM
Me: -rolls search check for door- ****... Uh, it's all clear, you guys go on ahead...

Our Druid/secondary tank/healer: Okay! -hits magical trap, falls asleep, proceeds to be eaten by rat swarms as we fend off dire rats-

He isn't the smartest... I get him everytime.

PsyBlade
2007-08-11, 10:38 PM
This isn't a true death story, but...
A year or two back the DM decided that he would run a really really deadly campaign, that no character could survive for more than 3 levels or so.
The party consisted of 2 fighters, 1 barbarian, 2 clerics, 1 wizard, and me, the bard.
All the characters died within 2 levels, except me.
My bard ended up being the level 15 grizzled veteran of 17 wars, 8 invasions, 9 lightning strikes, 4 rock slides, 6 assassinations, and the ruler of a kingdom the size of Australia.
His Stats where:
Str.10
Dex.8
Con.7
Int.7
Wis.5
Cha.14
:smallbiggrin:

I want this Bard to show up in OotS. NOW!

[Yes, I know, it won't be happening.]

slexlollar89
2007-08-11, 10:39 PM
i was something, (i dont remember character, about level 4 but it doesnt matter). we were traveling, and come across an evil monument in the wilderness, but none of us knew what it was. we all hear somthing and hide well, and see a death giant (way above aur CR) stop and pray at the statue. i tell the DM that i hide/move silently so as to not be seen, but still get around the giant to see it better. the DM misunder stood me and the giant caught me. he says that he'll let me live, if i cut off our party cleric's arm (the cleric had come out of the bushes to try to save me, but got stunned by the giant) or give me ultimate powers if i become an evil NPC. so i take the cleric's mace (all there is) and bludgeon his arm off! later, the cleric becomes dragon born (gets a cool new dragon arm). he then holds me down and cuts off my arm in revenge (i was a two weapon fighter). we come to a lava pit, with the book we wanted floating in the center, so the party assasin has the cleric lower him down with rope. it had been like weeks after losing MY arm, and i was supper chaotic/depressed. i decide to get the cleric to fall in the lava by grabbing the dangling assasin, therby suddenly putting too much weight on the cleric, who would fallk to his death and die... i wasnt trying to be a jeasrk, but my character was:smallsmile: . i jump and grapple the hanging assasin, but he is to witty for me:

Me: i jump and grab you! take that f****ers!
him: well, i show no surprise, since i had been reading your thoughts for a few days...
Me: what!! oh man you suck!
him: well, i had prepared for this eventuality, and i forgot to mention im into weird stuff... i am slicked in ky jelly, baby oil, and sexual jellies.
Me: aww crap, i fall huh?
him: yep, and the cleric owes me one! im glad i have the necklace of mind reading and that im chaotic evil.
Me; yeah me too a** h**e!

Svethnika
2007-08-12, 12:36 AM
My Frenzied Berserker Jumped down about 10 stories onto the BBEG and killed him. Next round he let out a feral victory warcry, then died as his frenzy wore off with -300 some odd hp.

Thats actually more glorious in that 300ish sense than really funny :P

Svethnika
2007-08-12, 12:59 AM
I want this Bard to show up in OotS. NOW!

[Yes, I know, it won't be happening.]

I concur, that Bard is awesome, he should have higher wis :P

illyrus
2007-08-12, 01:32 AM
This was a 2nd edition game. We were doing random height and weight, and one of the players made his bard character. He turned out to be a short fat man that only had 2 hitpoints (1 for both level 1 and level 2 hp).

DM: A bird leaps skyward from the trees, everyone give me a ____ check(forget what he asked for) to see if you can control your horses.
Bard: I rolled a 1.
DM: You fall off your horse and take 3 damage.
Bard: I'm...uh...dead.
DM: The bird levels up.

More of pathetic than funny, but at the time it got a good laugh from us.

tannish2
2007-08-12, 01:48 AM
i posted this in the last thread, but it is the greatest one ive ever seen, was my first campaign, i was 8ish, the other players were 10ish, it was 2nd edition, we had all fighters and a druid/wizard we were low level, we got in a fight with i think some wherewolves... someones character died... we ran into an old woman in the woods, she had green skin a big pointy nose with warts... O! and she was 7 feet tall... we paid her to take care of him until we finished hunting down the last w/e we were fighting (again, i think it was werewolves) we came back a few days later to find him in a stew... it turned out she was a troll... we took a doggy bag to raise dead onece we got back to town...... then there was another one in that campaign, not exactly a death but: we were testing potions manually because 2nd edition identify was expensive... first player tested, it, started attacking other players(potion of insanity) we managed to subdue him so, naturally, someone elses character tried it out afterwards.... all campaigns are funner when someone either plays a superchaotic character who doesnt care about the party's survival or everyone is a total noob to the game....

O! got another one... i dont remember if anyone died but 2 party members had revivify, this one was pretty recent, my unseen seer was checking the door for traps, i missed the search check by 1 (natural one) and the idiot playing the big heavy fighter made a spot check (+5... IM +28 TO SPOT! HOW COME I DIDNT MAKE IT!) and sees some weird writing on the door, now, we traced teleport of a 15th level enchanting specialist wizard who in the DMs words "its (symbol of insanity) his favorite spell, what do you expect?" the fighter READS IT.... the psionicist, and mystic theurge...... i think you can guess how it went from there

The_Werebear
2007-08-12, 01:51 AM
This should have been a death, but the DM was merciful and ruled that we lived..

The party consisted of a Human Warblade (myself), a Halfling Barbarian, a Elven Ranger (ranged Spec), and a pair of Bards who heavily favored Wands of Magic Missile/CLW.

We are in a cave system searching for a lost child, or something like that. While wandering around, we hear clicking and scuttling. We take no heed and move ahead, despite the frontliners only haveing half HP from a previous battle. Suddenly centipedes start swarming out of the cave walls. The Ranger, Barbarian, and Myself charge into battle, certain we can stomp a few bugs. However, due to very unlucky rolls, none of us hit the first round. The bards hang back, but didn't start singing because they though it would be easy. The DM then pulls out a big handful of dice and starts rolling damage, in addition to making us in the swarm roll fortitude to save against poison 6 times.

It was bad. The ranger went down first, but I managed to pour a potion down his throat just before I went down. Then, he and the barbarian both took just enough damage to go down too. We were all at -8-10, and the bards couldn't stop laughing, especially since my character was a braggart prone to talking about what a mighty warrior he was. The DM called off the swarms, saying a large thumping could be heard, and the bugs were running from it. The bards took the cue, healed me and the ranger, and had me carry the halfling out as we took off.

It should have been a 1/2 TPK, but instead I get crap all the time about how the "invincible warrior" was nearly killed by a bunch of bugs.

Krursk
2007-08-12, 03:03 AM
A while back the party I'm in IRL sees a bunch of Orcs standing around on a path that leads up a cliff face to the BBEG's lair. The Paladin, who was somewhat sadistic for a Paladin, decides to Bull Rush one of the orcs. He misses and falls off the cliff, but other than that the orcs are a pushover. It turns out a little later that the lair on the top of the hill was an illusion and that the real castle was on the buttom of said hill. So we all hike down the hill and find out that the dead corpse of the Paladin has set off every magical trap on the door, as well as knocking a whole in said door with impact hits.

Extra_Crispy
2007-08-12, 05:07 AM
Running Dragon Mountain in AD&D there were 3 deaths that were very funny. Dragon mountain was full of Kolbolds and a nasty dragon at the end.

1. After the party thief searched a door and disarmed traps the fighter would open the door. One refused to open doors because the other fighter had "more hit points" and could take a trap. Well finally they convinced him that it was only fair for him to open a door instead of the other fighter always taking the chance. It just so happens that on the other side of the door was a kolbold with a arrow of slaying in his crossbow. Prepared to shoot whoever opened the door. Needs a natural 20 to hit the fighter. I announce to the party that the arrow is there and the kobold needs a critical hit to even hit, move my GM screen and roll the dice infront of everyone. The fighter died.

2: The get to the dragon at the end and there is a huge pile of gold. Everyone approaches the gold looking all around for the dragon to jump out. When it does not for a while they start thinking that maybe the dragon is out and the dwarf starts to play in the huge pile of gold coins around him. Most of the party spotted the dragon as it came flying in but the dwarf missed his roll. Everyone got a save to avoid the flame but the dwarf because he was suprised. The fire hit the gold and the dwarf, this was not enough damage to kill him but more than enough fire to melt the gold which the dwarf was standing errr now sinking into. One golden dwarf statue comming right up.

3: During the battle with the dragon the toughest fighter got fly cast on him so that he could fly up and battle the dragon that was doing straffing runs on the party. Having to fight it with only some magical back up was going to hurt though. Luckly he was an extremely good fighter. Well after hurting the dragon very badly the dragon finally killed the fighter and he goes crashing into the ground. Just then the other fighter yells out "wait I forgot I have a potion of fly on me" He procedes to drink it and flys up to attack the dragon thinking that the dragon will be easy to kill now. If he would have joined the first fighter the dragon probably not have killed anyone. He misses with most of his attacks and the dragon lives. The dragon decides to do what we have since dubed the "Dragon Death Blossom" probably not legal but since everyone else was pissed that the fighter had "forgot" about his potion they all supported my attack. The DDB was 4claws (it is air born so could rake will all 4), bite, 2wing slaps, and a tell slap. Of the 8 attacks, if I remember right, I rolled 6 criticals. The fighter dies in a shower of gore. The mage casts Magic Missle and rolls very well on damage and the dragon dies crashing down onto the what was left of the fighters body.

The cleric raises the two fighters. After all they need two strong people to carry the gold dwarf statue back. :smallbiggrin:

Lavidor
2007-08-12, 02:53 PM
This is proably not exactly to truth, but here it is:

We were a big group, level 3-4 or so. Everybody was playing an elf or half-elf (just think: some enemy with an elfbane weapon could have killed us all). We were a mix of classes (but no rogue for some reason), I was a sorceror. So we are teleported into a lair, complete with gold dragon.
Dragon: "Greetings, noble warrriors, I have been expecting yo-
Bard: "Surprise round. I stab it."
DM: ":smalleek: ...Ookay, attack roll?"
Bard: "Woohoo, natural 20! Deal X damage!"
DM: "...Huh. How 'bout the rest of you?"
Me: ":smallsigh: I go to the edge of the lair, away from him."
Bard 2 (first bard had been annoying him): ":smallamused: I inspire competence in the dragon."
Cleric: "I ready an action to heal the next bard injured, but not killed."
Cleric 2: "Me too"
I don't remember other reactions.
DM: "His initiative is higher than any of yours could be."
Foomp! goes the bard.
Dragon: "Now that that unpleasant affair is over..."

Green Bean
2007-08-12, 03:42 PM
This one is about a CN sorcerer with pyromania. Basically, we were negotiating with the general of a Generic Evil Army (tm), and he gets bored. Keep in mind this was a high-level game, so the sorcerer has a lot of power to throw around, and the character was portrayed as incredibly whimsical. Anyways, let's just say that it ended with him force-feeding the general a Delayed Blast Fireball while Time Stopped, and bringing approximately half a million enemy troops down on us, not to mention the general's two epic level wizards.

Yes, we were all butchered by the soldiers, and that wasn't that funny, but dude, he made a guy eat a fireball!

leo_neil316
2007-08-12, 04:33 PM
Don't have any funny Dnd death stories. But we had an inquisitor campaign a while back that was hilarious, we were a bunch of incompetant criminals who just sucked at any and everything, but were jammy as all hell. And it was filled with things like cars blowing up and escaping prisoners failing to kill drunk sleeping guards three on one and car chases that would have been really long if in the second round one of our guys hadn't lent out a window, killed the driver of the first following car with a one in a million shot that sent it careening into a wall and blowing up the whole pursuit and so on.

But it did have two incredibaly funny character deaths (well one death and one entire party death).

The first we got ambushed while on our way to investigate a farm.

Tech guy: Right I'm going to run towards the compound.
DM: Okay.
Tech guy: Okay and thats me allmost at the door.
DM: Make a sagasity check then an initiative check.
Tech guy: Failed. And failed.... critically...
DM: Right you just stood on a super krak mine, you take *rolls* about two hundred damage to your *rolls* groin.
Tech guy: Does this mean I get bionic *censored*?

And the second we were infitrating this casino absolutly packed with folks when.

DM: Right roll a D6.
Magicy guy: We get a 1.
DM: Right, the sprinkler system activates and everyone mutates and turns into zombie mutants like the ones from 28 days later, except these two guys who turn into huge demons.
Me: Are these like the zombies from before? The ones that you have to hit in the head to kill?
DM: Yes.

Somehow, despite our parties inability to hit, hit things anywhere -except- the left leg, damage, ever do enough damage to kill anything, not drop grenades on our on feet, open doors, and change magazines on guns the last thing standing was the magicy guy, having killed both big demons and about 50 zombie mutants.

Abstruse
2007-08-12, 06:55 PM
So there we were, four brave adventurers at the entrance to the Whispering Cairn, looking to make our fortunes and get the hell out of Diamond Lake. A samurai, a cleric (well, an acolyte, given the level adjustment for aasimar), a druid, and a warlock.

We crept quietly down the corridor, then halted when we heard the growls of beasts coming from the darkness ahead. Wolves' eyes reflected back our torchlight, and as we formed a defensive line the hungry predators charged.

And kicked. Our. Asses.

"OK, I swing my mace and... miss. Damn."
"Banzai! I charge the lead wolf with my katana held high, sweeping it across in an arc which will... apparently whiff right past its head."
"I slash at the wolf with my scimitar and... aww, crap. Well, that's a miss too. Chopper! Sic'em! Sic'e... stupid wolf!"
"I channel my eldritch power into a death-bolt that... goes whizzing off into the darkness."
"OK, the wolves are up. ... you take six damage, you take five damage and he trips you, you take three damage..."

Seriously, between the trip attacks, fantastic GM rolling, and the worst godawful player dice luck any of us had ever seen, two of the party were dead and another was bleeding out on the floor by the time the warlock, spider-clinging to the 15' high ceiling, FINALLY managed to zot the last wolf with his eldritch blast. The GM seemed crushed, having already devoted more than a bit of time into working up character backgrounds and tie-ins, and here we died on the very first combat encounter of the campaign! The rest of us just couldn't stop giggling at the hilarious improbability of it all.

Our second party, with the warlock still there, the druid revived, a full-time front-line spiked-chain fighter, and a dedicated non-level adjusted cleric, got through the remainder of the module without a single casualty. (A couple of close calls, but those hardly count.)

Black Hand
2007-08-12, 09:57 PM
Back in Second Ed, I had 3 players all level 1 foolishly decide to go into the undermountain...I did mention they were foolish eh?

The Cast:
Trose: Cleric/Mage
Blankor: Barbarian
Slick 50: Wild Mage

They had gone down the well, and had discovered the 'secret' door leading into the encounter room with the two orcs. Combat ensued and one orc lay slain while the other ran away. Happy with themselves they hole up there, but soon the Orc came back with ten more orcy friends. They barricaded themselves well with the crates and set a farily decent grease/caltrop trap and stood their ground. As the Orcs Burst through and the result was a very chaotic Melee, Slick 50 didn't even lift a finger...he saw the numbers against them and buggerd off from behind, through the secret door and back up the well.

Through Sheer luck Trose and Blankor lived and were trapped down there for two days. They limp their way back to the well and get hauled up. Slick 50 was there to witness their ascent and confronted them as if nothing happened. The Barbarian being mad accused and threatened him of cowardice...and the player for Slick 50 decided to cast Magic Missle at the guy.

Well that did it then. Blankor rushes the wildmage picks him up and throws him down the 200' well. While falling Slick 50 only had one spell left: Nahals Reckless Dweomer. He cast it trying to duplicate Spider climb and succeeded to the point where it gained double effect. He slapped his hands on the wall (this is while falling at max speed) and his super spider climb hands stuck to the wall instantly without budging. The rest of him however kept falling after his hands were ripped off and he slid along the wall for the rest of the plummet creating an effect similar to running a block of cheese down a grator.

Diggorian
2007-08-12, 10:43 PM
3.0 group taking turns DMing. One new fella to the game was taking his first turn running some module from Dungeon. He was sort of NPCing is own PC in the story. We were getting nailed by lots of AoE hazards and his gnome cleric was just healbotting and somehow avoiding all the pain.

We encounter these clockwork large size wasps with razor mandibles and 2d6 Con damage poison in a syringe like stinger. Everyone fought defensively still our ranger got nailed pretty bad with a bite.

The DM's gnome scurried over to heal him and -- we pointed out -- provoked an AoO from a wasp, which proceeded to crit the lil fella with a stinger. After failing the Fort save, he rolled 12 Con damage!

DM killed his own PC :smalltongue: He tried to recant the action but we played the veteran DM cards and wouldnt let him.

sagelobu
2008-03-16, 02:44 AM
Atavisim. Let me explain, this is apparently a ninth level draconic feat that allows the possibility of a deceased character to come back as a dragon, at least this is what our rogue told us when the character was designed. IN fact, this thing apparently gives a lvl adjustment of about 2.

Now, we are playing Ravenloft and anyone taking any sort of level adjustment is really, really screwed.
We are traversing the inside of a skeleton cavern when our tank kicks down a door and sets off the trap, which is magic and admits a disintegration ray. Our tank succeeds the fort save and since the DM rolls low, he only takes 4 damage.

Apparently, our rogue has an unhealthy obsession with disabling traps. He winds up failing twice to find the damn thing, (because for some reason, our rogue does not put ranks for some reason) it goes off twice more, not really doing much damage to the other two party members, (who are hit by burning hands spell and a cone of cold).
So he finally finds the damn thing and tries to disable it....
Boom, fails the disable device check,
DM rolls, 1 so the spell is Disintegration ray and this guy has no fort.
So our rogue explodes into ash and dies. However, because of his feat, he begins to revive and reform as a dragon. It freaks out the party during the transformation and we do not know how to proceed.
He finishes forming into a large size silver dragon...
But he took too long and the trap goes off again,
actually fails fort save this time
no more dragon.

WE could not stop laughing for five minutes and the guy who had it all down was pissed.

Demons_eye
2008-03-16, 02:50 AM
OK we had this book of fishes that on a random roll would make shrip/cod/whales and they fell from the sky. Well as it would happen I ran out of healing spells and this flesh golem was killing us. So I pulled the book out my friends ran and I GOT THE WAHLES! 36ish 2ton whales falling from the sky on the spot. Killing me and the golem.....


Later the dm told us the golem had 5 hp left......

drengnikrafe
2008-03-16, 05:11 PM
Okay, I have one, but it's not the death as much as what came about because of it.
My DM decided it would be funny to pit our 7th level characters against about 180 Kua-Toa, and Lizardmen, and other creatures like that, plus a few with character levels. I was a Elf Wizard with a really bad strength, and I died when the fireball I had to cast to save a couple of the members of my team happened to hit me. So, I had our Druid rush over to me so that he could Resurect me (I don't remember what spell, but it's the one where he creates a body for my soul to go into), and he used a house-ruled-in "action point" (not a story for now) to revive me. I came back as a halfling, picked up my spellbook, and using more of these action points, I blew everything up.
The problem came after that. Being a halfling, I lost strength AND my max encumberance went to 3/4ths. I had to drop half my potions and my quarterstaff, because they made me too encumbered to be useful.

Glyde
2008-03-16, 07:31 PM
My little brother is a constant source of funny deaths. Here's a couple

2nd edition:
His first character, a halfling turned hobgoblin rogue, is exploring the rooms of a tower with utmost care. He checks ever door, every piece of the floor, every piece of furniture.

He comes to a chest. He does his usual routine of being extremely careful. No traps. He opens it. So far so good. There's a cloak inside.

"Sweet! Magic cape! I put it on!"

It was a cloaker.



3.5e, my custom campaign setting:
There's a docile, baby yellow dragon nesting in it's mother's skeleton atop a mountain. The locales call it their guardian and such so the party wants to avoid killing it.

It seems to have a collection of shiny things, so the party leaves a silver piece on the ground and lies in wait to lure it in (Why they did this, I have no idea.) It comes in, starts playing with the coin, then goes to sleep.

Enter my brother (Another rogue): She walks up and from across the table I hear "I poke it in the face with a gold coin."

UNNRKT.

So he took a heavy hit to his strength score, followed by his poor first level rogue's face being eaten off.


Same campaign, same character - not a death though:
Earlier in the campaign the heroes found a necromancy orb of some sort that was raising dead and the like. Later, they find a faction of renegade Psychomancers (Psionics in my campaign that use TK to throw things as well as a collection of blades orbiting a staff for attacking. Pretty neat) that happen to have undead on their side. The party kills off their leader and out rolls an evil looking dark orb.

Earlier when looking for the first one, they were advised to pick it up with a blanket or something as the consequences would be dire. Or something.

"I pick it up to get a closer look."

All heads at the table turned to him. "What?"

"The flesh on your arm bubbles and melts away. The now-skeletal arm goes limp and drops the orb to the ground. Anyone got a blanket?"

Craig1f
2008-03-17, 12:44 PM
This miraculous event happened in a game I was GMing. The party has been tracking down a lich that they know has access to teleportation magic and who has been liberally using every technique at his disposal to prevent scrying. They eventually manage to find enough information to a lab the lich was known to use. After defeating the guards and getting some vague clues where to go next, the party does one last sweep of the lich's lair. They manage to find a trapdoor hidden underneath the lich's desk. Here's what followed:
GM: Ok, you look into the trapdoor and see a tiny hole. It's a few inches in diameter, maybe as wide as your arm. It's completely dark in the hole.
Fighter: I've got darkvision, does that help at all?
GM: Nope, still inky darkness.
Fighter: Is the hole wide enough that I could stick a torch in and have a chance to see anything?
GM: Sure, it' won't be easy, but it's possible
Fighter: OK, I take one of the torches and poke it into the hole
GM: As you put the torch into the hole, there's a sudden whoosh of air and the torch disappears out of your hand.
Fighter: Aha! This is how he moves around so quickly, he's got teleportation points hidden around. I stick my hand in.
GM: Mkay <checks notes> As you stick your hand in, you too disappear.
Cleric 1: Sweet, it worked! I jump in after him
Rogue: Me too.
GM: Right, well, you both disappear too
Wizard to Cleric 2: I don't like this, it doesn't seem right. <dawning moment of realization> Crap! I try and exert mental influence over the hole.
Gm: Gimme an Int check... right, a small black ball of nothing rises out of the hole as you exert your influence over it.


That's right kids. 3 deaths on what was essentially a trap. Even better, the trap was the treasure too.

Oh man, Sphere of Annihilation. The BBEG killed me with that in my last game. I'm soooo bitter!

ChazFox
2008-03-17, 01:52 PM
I take part in a group's regular chat-based DnD sessions (as in this remote part of Scotland it seems DnD is practically unheard of :P), and this happened in the session before I came in. No names are mentioned to protect the innocent, but one member of the boards here might recognise me, so he'll know who was involved :P

Anyway, the group were going through a forest when they came across a somewhat sickly looking velociraptor. (Custom campaign setting, don't ask XD) It noticed that the group had weapons and was beginning to to shy away, when the elven druid (of all people) shouted "CHAAAAAARGE!"

Technically he should've been killed, but as it was the first session of the campaign, and we didn't want anyone dying too quickly, the DM disallowed it and instead put him at -9 and stable. So remember, war cries are not always the best idea.

Shraik
2008-03-17, 05:22 PM
Our group was a very strange group. We had a shifter. I mean, like heavy magic, polymorph at will. And with a special DM Item, he gained the qualities of the creature(such as immune to cold). One character, because he was not there, had to clean out a cavern filled with Feces and find a way to get rid of it. So, the shifter laughed, and the DM made him do it too. He turned into a gulguthydra(Otyugh+Hydra) and precided to eat the feces. So, when he was encountered by something, he turned into a human Lich. Now, he went from a Gulguthydra, with a Mini-van sized stomach, to a lich, with a Pineapple sized stomach. The stomach was full. The minute he transformed he popped.

This same character turned into a Golem and Purposely walked into an Antimagic field. That made him dead. They cut him up and sold him as adamantine.

ChazFox
2008-03-17, 06:06 PM
Tech guy: Right I'm going to run towards the compound.
DM: Okay.
Tech guy: Okay and thats me allmost at the door.
DM: Make a sagasity check then an initiative check.
Tech guy: Failed. And failed.... critically...
DM: Right you just stood on a super krak mine, you take *rolls* about two hundred damage to your *rolls* groin.
Tech guy: Does this mean I get bionic *censored*?

10.5/10 for this one; I could not stop laughing when I read this!

Pie Guy
2008-03-17, 08:12 PM
Once a friend ( whom I'll call N. (to protect his privacy (triple parenthesis lol))) decided that the way to play was annoy me and my other friends (one of whom is J.) The event happened like this.

N. "I trip A.(me), and J.
DM "Roll reflex save."
Me "24"
J. "um... 6."
DM "J. falls to his... left into the um... magma."
J. "I hate volcanoes"

And the moral is that first time players have irish twins with the exact same stats as their brother or sister, who magically appear when they die due to stupid circumstances.

Werewindlefr
2008-03-17, 08:28 PM
It's a second-hand story, sadly. My PCD are usually not as funny (although I did like it when my players set plastic charges on a great dragon in shadowrun, thinking it was a wall.)



A game of Paranoia. I don't know how familiar you are with that hilarious dark-humour dystopian setting, but you need to know it a bit to understand this FCD:
Research and Design had most likely found a tape of a Superman movie (dating from before the Alpha Complex) and as always completely misunderstood the point of the movie. Therefore, they designed a Superman cape, a potent device which should grant the one that wears it the ability to fly (since they've missed the point, it's just a mundane cape, of course).

The thing is, the PC in charge of field-testing the cape had the "flight" mutant power. So he could fly - but not thanks to the cape - and other PCs didn't know it: to them, it's just that this "device" is working. He can now use his power in the open without the others suspecting him of being a mutant-traitor-commie thing.

He shows the power of this device, by jumping over a pit:
"Hey, look, I'm flying, IT'S WORKIIIIING! WHOOHOO!"

Then, another player asks: "may I try?"
Of course, the PC with the flight mutant-power gives him the cape. The other player puts the cape on, runs, jumps over the pit saying:

"I'm flying, I'm Flyyaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggggghhh"

... and falls to his death.

Brauron
2008-03-17, 09:05 PM
I'm not sure entirely how funny this is, but I laugh at it.

So, I'm playing a Samurai, and the rest of the group is a Ninja, Ranger/Apelord (non-spellcasting CW variant ranger), Rogue, and Knight. It's a non-magic campaign. We're all level 10 at this point.

We're being chased through a narrow canyon by five Purple Worms. Our Knight's horse gets shot out from under him by the demon possessing the Apelord's arm. There's no time to pull the Knight on to my horse, or throw the Ninja with his obscene speed (both Dash and Run feats) off his to let the Knight take his, so my Samurai does the only honorable thing -- dismounts and stands by the Knight's side.

Suddenly, a flock of Sphinxes pick us up. Just the Knight and the Samurai, while the rest of the party rode to the open plains and comparative safety. We're dropped off in an eyrie about two miles off the ground, atop a needle-like spire of rock.

The head Sphinx asks us the most convoluted, irritating riddle I've ever heard in my life. We can't answer it, and so the Sphinxes attack us. All eleven of them. Two adults, eight mastiff-sized babies, and the venerable one who asked the question. I kill the head sphinx before dying, while the Knight cleaves the babies all to bits. With his dying action he throws a bottle of alchemist's fire full into the face of one of the adults, which was apparently grooming itself with kerosene the way it ignited.

Afterwards the DM exclaimed, "WHY DID YOU DIE? YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DIE!!"

Sstoopidtallkid
2008-03-18, 12:22 AM
Level 10 samurai?

*slowclap*

evisiron
2008-03-18, 12:40 AM
These occured while I was GM-ing (in same campaign):

1.Party sees an orc ambush ahead without being spotted. Most follow their little dragon guide around a cliff face to avoid them. Once they go, dwarf bard decides to 'ride the cart and donkey' into the centre of the orcs and attack them. Of course, he doesnt spot the trap (falling stone block), which crushes him while the orcs stab him repeatedly. This was shortly followed with "Hey, wheres the Bard?"
2. BBEG of undead castle is a lich, with 2 undead ogre bodyguards, with orders to attack the closest enemy. Party casts Disruption on the Dervish (Roy style) and he runs to the lich...only to 1 his will save against fear. Lich uses paralyzing touch, ogres coup de grace him to death.
3. The final BBEG of the entire campaign (Col red dragon that later became undead) is low hp. The level 20 ranger is down to 17hp, so runs and hides. However, the dragon looks like its about to die (again) so he jumps out to shoot it, and brings it down to 10hp. Its turn, it decides to use its last Disintegrate spell, and I random it. Comes up to ranger, who fails his fortitude save, and is blasted for 40d6 damage. Ouch.

While playing in a friends:
1. I was playing a rogue, so was checking doors for traps etc. We went into a room, and fought some living items there. The fiend player (same as dwarven bard) gets bored and opens another door with another trouble player following. Giant spider drops on him, gets crits in surprise round, wins initiative, more crits in its turn. Dead fiend. And then the Paladin of Lolth tries to hit that spider... :smallbiggrin:

Gazareth
2008-03-18, 01:08 PM
Me and my pal decided we'd open the MM and pick monsters, then fight to the death in an arena. As you do.

I decided to be a Djinni, and he was a Minotaur. Battle starts, and I notice I can summon wine and bread... naturally I do just this and begin to blag to the Minotaur that he can have as much as he wants.

Whilst he's eating I decide that my Djinni is homosexual, and take the opportunity to take advantage of the bent over Minotaur. One critical 20 later and I've ripped through his jeans and stunned him. After several more similar 'attacks', as well as beating him about the head, he ended up dead.

Gets talked about to this day, and he's never brought a Minotaur in to a campaign since.

Brauron
2008-03-18, 01:18 PM
OK, this one's from the CofC campaign I ran for months.

A player had lost a hand down the throat of a Byakhee (a flying monster, combining features of birds, bats, insects, moles and human beings). He made due for a while with a meathook tied to his stump, but eventually got an actual prosthetic hand, and we'd decided it was a solid piece of polished wood, shaped like a G.I. Joe's hand.

They're climbing up the inside of an extinct volcano, and I'm calling for Climb checks.

This player fails his. I had him roll a Luck check to grab hold of the stone. He fails. He declares, "I'm going to spend a benny to reroll that." (I'd instituted Bennies after reading through the Savage Worlds book). He rerolls, and gets a 100 -- the worst possible result on a d100 roll in CofC.

We look at each other across the table, and he says, "Well, I guess the dice gods have it out for me."

We then decided that he'd grabbed the ledge with his prosthetic hand -- which then detached from his arm. So the hand was dangling there, clamped to the rock, while he plummeted 80 or 100 feet to his death.

Lazy Zomb
2008-03-18, 01:58 PM
We have a party of level 5 or so characters, a level or two below the campaign difficulty at this point, but we have a couple extra people. Lineup is - rogue/swordsage halfling of DOOM, fighter/barbarian human, AoE based sorc human (moi), DM dwarf cleric, and two wild elf rangers (with wolves... at least they specialized differently).

We have no trouble absolutely slaughtering the creatures in this necromancer spike, the swordsage and fighter take on the big stuff, and swarms get destroyed by yours truly. Barely and healing used the whole time. So, we're heading down this spiral staircase, still sporting a few missing HPs.

The stair collapses and kills/puts us in negative hitpoints. And that is how we were finally defeated - those darn rusty spiral staircases.

Paul H
2008-03-18, 03:20 PM
Hi

Playing in a recent campaign. Party had to defend riverline & only bridge against overwhwelming odds, including manticores and wyverns. Wave after wave, each one getting harder. Just long enough for the villagers to escape.

Cleric decided to use several barrels of oil as bombs against attackers.

Short answer cleric sent a wave of oil barrels rolling towards enemy, leaving oil trail behind them. Lit oil trail, then melded with stone floor. Oil went bang, doing about 30D6 fire damage to very wide area. (60' radius). Party wildshaped Druid just flown down to collect wounded (already dead) party member. Blast killed Druid, Paladin, etc. Only survivors Cleric & Rogue (Evasion), who ran when next wave of Dragons attacked.

We were only on a 'Delay' mission, no need to stay & fight.
Cleric had to explain to local Lord what happened to rest of us.

Cheers
Paul H

Appolo
2008-03-18, 05:49 PM
The last day of school, the school's Gamer's Union had their annual party, where the gaming group would face off against famous media characters. (we fought mewtoo, magneto and link.) I played a lvl 14 barbarian/frost rager who had extremely tricked out melee punching skills. i won't bore you with the details. in the fight against mewtoo, the pokemon sat in one place for his turn. my barbarian raged and charged in to make his insane attack rolls and was stopped by a readied action. mewtoo had readied an action to use his guillotine ability (finger of death) on whoever came closest. luckilly my barby got a fort save, but i rolled a 1. my incredible tank was felled in the second turn of combat by a readied action before any real actions were taken.

Quirinus_Obsidian
2008-03-18, 07:09 PM
Halfling Ninja has to make a DC15 jump check to get across a short chasm.

Fails, miserably. See, the halfing NINJAdecided not to put a single rank into Jump, and has an 8 STR.

He hits his head on the cliff wall, the wall has to make an attack roll; just to see what would happen.

Well, the wall critted. Nat 20 on the dice. twice. the rest of the party is splattered in brains, and the player rolls a new character.

Ivius
2008-03-19, 04:08 PM
DM: A bird leaps skyward from the trees, everyone give me a ____ check(forget what he asked for) to see if you can control your horses.
Bard: I rolled a 1.
DM: You fall off your horse and take 3 damage.
Bard: I'm...uh...dead.
DM: The bird levels up.


Infinity/10