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GAAD
2017-08-22, 02:08 AM
So, uh, my party keeps butchering my boss fights in new, exciting, and noodle-implementish ways.

There have been five thus far. In order, they were defeated by:

A religious reformation, my own trap, and a whistle that can only be heard by gnomes.

A reverse-engineered Explosive Runes ritual turned binding circle, rocks covered in bug guts and poop, and a lawyer.

A giant hunk of cheese, a balcony, and a brainwashed militia bent on a vague revolution.

A ream of psychic paper, a dozen sticks of dynamite, and a Tenser's Floating Disc dressed up as a UFO.

A full kilometer of tripwire, an enchanted dress, and an impromptu ceramics lesson.

... at this point, I'm considering making a thread to chronicle their shenanigans.


Please do make that thread. I want to know what they did!


Seriously. WTF?

I shall now deliver! Although it will probably take some time. :smalltongue:
I will also update this on r/dndgreentext.

PART I: The Illuminoodles

Our story begins in Fantasy!1896, in the Dwarven kingdom of Froburn. This kingdom is split into four parts: the capital district of Froburn, the ancestral mountains of Khana, the fertile lands of Leles, and the savage and untamed Murklands. The Dwarven King, Urist III, sits on the throne of Froburn, and his three children have been parceled out the other sections of the kingdom a la my vague recollection of King Lear. The three children (Urist IV Duke of the Murklands, Umor Duke of Leles, and Liras Duchess of Khana) each want the whole pot when their dear old pops finally kicks the bucket, and have a vast web of political intrigue going on. Liras has negotiated a false flag attack with a tribe of sheep-worshiping goblins living within Khana, Umor has initiated an alliance with a doppelganger assassin, Urist IV has made a pact with Vivian the Winter Queen of Fae, and the King's last royal decree was, in its entirety, "Happy happy boom boom swamp swamp swamp." All in all, a very stable country.

And that was BEFORE the PCs arrived.

Enter King Urist's fifth cousin thrice removed, Sam [dwarf bard]. And also Drek, a faerie of the Summer Court [eladrin sorcerer]. They are together in an adventuring party, because REASONS (tm). Their goal is twofold: To bring this fractured nation under their shadowy control Illuminati-style, and to defeat my encounters with the most bizarre and eclectic noodle implements they can.

They are: The Illuminoodles.

Fresh off the train, the Illuminoodles immediately ask around about the political situation and the availability of QUESTS. After being ripped off a couple times, they are referred to Spymaster Rukso, who is based inside a trapped warehouse (anyone dumb enough to fall for the traps is too dumb to be of use to him.) He lets them know what he's uncovered of the Duchess' plan to launch a false flag attack by the goblin tribe on her own farms, then blame it on her brothers so they lose all the inheritance. They agree to stop it in exchange for cash money dollars and the ability to remain in contact.

They then come across a sheep. Not just any sheep: a WARSHEEP. Which are a thing, by the way. Time for a combat encounter!
Drek: "I roll a nature check to pacify the sheep. 22."
... waste of good combat stats that was.
Well alright, the sheep is pacified and they find the shepherd! He is a gnome, hiding up a tree, scared of his uppity warsheep's temper tantrum. He thanks the Illuminoodles for their help and offers to bring them to his migratory clan of gnomes.

Gnomads, if you will.

TO BE CONTINUED

GravityEmblem
2017-08-27, 06:13 PM
BEHOLD THE MIGHTY WARSHEEP!

I can't wait to see how the religious reformation comes in! Will you be posting "out of context" boss fight debriefs when they beat them?

GravityEmblem
2017-08-29, 12:02 PM
Ok, my theory is that the whistle was given to them by the Gnome-ads, but I really don't know for the religious reformation.

GAAD
2017-08-30, 02:27 AM
PART II: The Gnome Whistle

Drek and Sam follow the gnome to his tribe.

GNOMAD: Eylads! Iffound some goodn shoothers. Mayb theycn helpus wit ththeevs.

This is, of course, much more elegant in Gnomish, but considering Drek and Sam aren't exactly fluent, they have weird accents because I thought it was funny.

GNOMAD CHIEF: Hallo lads! Listn, ifya wanta help, somgobbos been takin our sheep. Theres money innit forya.

SAM: And... where are they?

GNOMAD CHIEF: Ovr by thshrine, tathe westovere.

SAM: Okay then. Can I borrow some of your warsheep?

GNOMAD CHIEF: Why?

SAM: Three reasons. One, we're going to help you, because we were already headed to kill those goblins anyway and I like the idea of getting paid twice. Two, your sheep... aren't that tame from what I can tell, and we can help you break them in. And three, I rolled a nat 20 on diplomacy.

ME: ... huh. So you did. Alright he lets you through, on the condition that you bring them back in one piece.

SAM (OOC): But they're nomads. How will we know where they are once we're ready for payment.

ME: ... Good point. He gives you... a whistle!

DREK (OOC): A whistle.

ME: It's a gnome whistle. They'll hear it and come running.

DREK (OOC): Fair enough.

Why. Why did I give them that. Why did I say that.

What did I do.