Family trouble.

[Jackalias]

So a few nights ago my twin brother and mom got into an argument, and long story short it ended up my brother punching out a window in frustration and the police being called. He just got back from the hospital, and he's staying at my dad's right now, but the whole situation's stressful and I'm not really sure what to do. Has anyone ever gone through something similar and if so do you have any advice? Thanks.

[Rynjin]

That's always a tricky business. Being outside an argument like that is a no-win situation. If you take one or the others' side the opposite feels alienated; if you try to play both, both might give you **** for it. Ignoring it just makes feelings fester; talking more about it sometimes makes things worse.

I know that doesn't sound super helpful, but it might be some comfort to know that whether this situation resolves itself or not, there's not really anything you could have done to fix it. There's no need to beat yourself up or run through scenarios in your mind of "What if I did X, or said Y", ultimately this is something between your brother and your mom, and while you can suggest things like family counseling or get them to sit down and talk things over in a civilized manner, either way this thing is going to come down to the two people in conflict to work their own problems out, not something you did or said.

I will say definitively: Never be the go between. If they try some sad sitcom-esque shenanigans of "go tell your brother X" or "give mom Y for me", tell them to do it themselves. At that point you're basically enabling them being petty or afraid of resolving their own issues. It's not good for anyone involved, particularly you.

[Razade]

So a few nights ago my twin brother and mom got into an argument, and long story short it ended up my brother punching out a window in frustration and the police being called. He just got back from the hospital, and he's staying at my dad's right now, but the whole situation's stressful and I'm not really sure what to do. Has anyone ever gone through something similar and if so do you have any advice? Thanks.

Don't get involved. On either side. You weren't involved in the first place, no reason for you to step in unless you're asked and even then decline. It's not about you, it's not involving you, keep it that way. If you think it's stressful now you're in for a world of hurt if you get in the mess.

[Jackalias]

That's always a tricky business. Being outside an argument like that is a no-win situation. If you take one or the others' side the opposite feels alienated; if you try to play both, both might give you **** for it. Ignoring it just makes feelings fester; talking more about it sometimes makes things worse.

I know that doesn't sound super helpful, but it might be some comfort to know that whether this situation resolves itself or not, there's not really anything you could have done to fix it. There's no need to beat yourself up or run through scenarios in your mind of "What if I did X, or said Y", ultimately this is something between your brother and your mom, and while you can suggest things like family counseling or get them to sit down and talk things over in a civilized manner, either way this thing is going to come down to the two people in conflict to work their own problems out, not something you did or said.

I will say definitively: Never be the go between. If they try some sad sitcom-esque shenanigans of "go tell your brother X" or "give mom Y for me", tell them to do it themselves. At that point you're basically enabling them being petty or afraid of resolving their own issues. It's not good for anyone involved, particularly you.

That job seems to have been delegated to my little brother, my twin keeps asking him to tell mom to bring him stuff.

[Rynjin]

Might be a good idea to subtly put the kibosh on that, particularly coming from your brother (it's harder for little bro to disobey mom, but it shouldn't be an issue from her end if she's a mature woman).

On the bright side, the fact that your twin is still asking mom for stuff makes me suspect that this is a much lighter family dispute than I was expecting. If there was real resentment (and not just teen angst) that wouldn't be happening.

[Jackalias]

Might be a good idea to subtly put the kibosh on that, particularly coming from your brother (it's harder for little bro to disobey mom, but it shouldn't be an issue from her end if she's a mature woman).

On the bright side, the fact that your twin is still asking mom for stuff makes me suspect that this is a much lighter family dispute than I was expecting. If there was real resentment (and not just teen angst) that wouldn't be happening.

It's because he left some of his possessions at home, he's pretty much planning on living with my dad until college, and he's only asking because our car's in the shop.

[Sajiri]

I've had family issues, mostly revolving around my older sister being an idiot, but it's hard to give advice when all there is to go on is a couple sentences. What the argument was over, who started it, how often does this sort of thing happen, is one instigating it, is one being unreasonable, etc, all changes what's going on.

Unless there are very pressing matters for you to get involved, like believing someone in your family might be at risk, it probably is just better to stay out of it. Just let your twin have time to cool off, and if you're with your mom and any other family, just help them to relax and not dwell on it. Its not really best to just forget and ignore these things happened, but dwelling on and hurting over family arguments is never good either.

I hope things improve for your family and there are no more hospital visits involved.

[Elanasaurus]

I'm like 16 so I really am in no position to give advice, but I just have a little suggestion. It may be obvious or shallow to you, but I just wanted to put it out there.

Although everyone in the thread says you should be uninvolved (I agree,) sometimes your brother or mom might ask you for thoughts on the matter. I think it'll be good if you think of helpful stuff to say to them beforehand. Maybe they don't understand some things about the other person or the issue. If you point those out (as nicely as possible obviously) that might help.