It's

[Serpentine]

A certain friend of mine is distressed at the lack of Monty Pythonism on these boards, but too cowardly to start a thread himself. So, I get to do it for him.
Tell me folks, what's your favourite personality, sketch, movie and/or line, etc?

For me, Graham Chapman's autobiography is certainly interesting, but Michael Palin is just so... nice.
I can't choose a sketch at this stage, but I think Meaning of Life is great fun :smallbiggrin:
Annnnd my favourite line is I think one of the more obsure, or at least unnoticed... "What a silly bunt."

[Khaldan]

The dead parrot sketch. Anyone who hasn't seen it has not lived! And i dont really have a favorite person, just favorite sketchs. Monty python makes some of the best stuff ever.

[Em Blackleaf]

Favorite sketch?
That's a tie between the Lumberjack song and the parrot sketch.
The whole show is the best line in the show.
Personality?
Like character?
The first man to jump the channel.
Nice choice for the title.

[ZombieRockStar]

You're making me pick a favourite sketch?

I dunno...this one? (http://youtube.com/watch?v=HQgF0pRkjMc)
Or this one (http://youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w)...

EDIT: I've got it. This one. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=IqhlQfXUk7w) I even have a wall poster of it.

Chapman I think was easily the funniest actor. Gilliam's animations were brilliant, though.

"What a silly bunt" is only on the record version of that sketch, though. One of my favourite lines too.

[Lucky]

The Argument Clinic is quite brilliant.

One of my favourite lines would have to be:

"This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in."

[FoE]

The dead parrot/lumberjack sketch. Probably because I'm Canadian, and I'm a transvestite. :smalltongue:

"It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to see its maker. This is a late parrot. Deceased. Bereft of life. It rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot."

"I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars"

"AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO BUTCH!"

My favourite sketch from The Meaning of Life is when the father sends all his children away for medical experimentation and sings "Every Sperm is Sacred."

[averagejoe]

Toss up between the Agatha Christie one and the karate lessons one. I found Holy Grail to be funny, if a bit overrated, especially in circles such as these, but I greatly enjoyed the Life of Brian.

"Listen, smarty pants, the 16 ton weight is just one way-just one way-of killing the rasburry killer!"

[ZombieRockStar]

I'm trying to remember...I had a live recording (audio) of the parrot sketch that was so much funnier than the TV/Movie version and I wish I could find it.

[Nerd-o-rama]

"I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars"

"AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE SO BUTCH!"
"I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra!
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like m'dear mama!"

Best sketch ever.

[Serpentine]

"What a silly bunt" is only on the record version of that sketch, though. One of my favourite lines too.
I'm pretty sure I've only seen one version of that sketch that didn't have that line - Live at the Hollywood Bowl, And Now For Something Completely Different, and I'm sure one other version all had it.

[ZombieRockStar]

It isn't in the original version. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ5KAsRBXcY)


How could I forget this one? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L57-vQvo34E)

[Serpentine]

If that's from the series, I do believe it's the "one" I referred to.

[Icewalker]

There was one at the hollywood bowl involving the history of pranks. Amazing. Forget what it was called though.

[Saithis Bladewing]

I tend to favour John Cleese, but choosing a favourite...god, so hard. Life of Brian is probably my favourite of the movies, it's got some awesome parts. But out of the sketches... The argument clinic, the fish dance, the dead parrot...they're all so awesome! :smalleek:

[JabberwockySupafly]

Hmmm... not too hard to choose a favourite Python. I would easily say Cleese. Chapman was a good actor in the troupe, but he was about as useful as a fish with a steamboat in terms of contributions, according to their 'autobiography' (The Pythons by The Pythons).

Sketch? That's a hard one. For me, there are several that make me guffaw endlessly every time I see them. Everyone mentions Dead Parrot, or Lumberjack. What about The North Minehead By-Election, The Upper Class Twit of the Year, The Joke That Won The War? Those three are simply ones I can think of off the top of my head that I find absolutely brilliant, yet not many people talk about as much. I'd have to say The North Minehead By-Election (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlmGknvr_Pg) is my favourite at this moment (always changing, like the sea, my affections).

As for favourite line, now that's a herculean task indeed. I honestly don't think I can claim one single line being a favourite. I could easily fill page after page with quips, quotes, and the wisdoms of the Pythons. So I'll digress on that one...

[Corlindale]

I absolutely love Monty Python's Flying Circus, and recently purchased the complete series.

Its very hard to pick just one favourite sketch, there's so much sheer brilliance in there. A few great ones are Deja vu, Election Night Special, Silly Job Interview(the one with "goooood-night, ding ding ding ding ding"), everything featuring Mr. Luigi Vercotti, The Piranha Brothers, Secret Service Dentists, The Spanish Inquisition... the list could go on forever.

Holy Grail is by far my favourite of the movies, though both Meaning of Life and Life of Brian are great as well. Neither of them can match Flying Circus at its peaks, though.

[Emperor Ing]

Nobody expects the spanish inqusition! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zO68fUMWx3g&mode=related&search=)

[....]

Life of Brian:

Centurion: Romanis eunt domis? Peoples called Romani, they go the house?
Bryan: IT SAYS ROMANS GO HOME!
Centurion: ... No it dosn't.

And then Centurion proceeds to give Brian a grammar lession... at sword point.

Also in Life of Brian, whenever he falls off the building, lands in a spaceship, flies into space, gets shot down, and survives the crash back in the city. When he crawls out and the old guy says, "You lucky bastard."

[SurlySeraph]

Life of Brian:

Centurion: Romanis eunt domis? Peoples called Romani, they go the house?
Bryan: IT SAYS ROMANS GO HOME!
Centurion: ... No it dosn't.

And then Centurion proceeds to give Brian a grammar lession... at sword point.

As a pretty good Latin student, I loved that moment. One of the best moments in the history of history, ever.

Favorite Python? Hard, but I guess John Cleese.

Favorite sketch? God, that's an impossible question... maybe the clock smuggler, but my favorite keeps changing.

Favorite movie? The Holy Grail. Life of Brian was great, but it wasn't quite as creative and memorable. Meaning of Life had good moments, but overall I think they were trying to shock the audience too hard.

Favorite line? "And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks."

[Otto-Sieve]

I think my favorite was cleese.

My favorite sketches boil down to the one where palin's character wants to learn how to fly an airplane form chapman's character, the race of the rich twits, and the cheese shop.

Favorite movie has got to be the Grail.

Favorite line: "Ohhh... an 'oop!!"

[CurlyKitGirl]

This is very hard so I'll do something completely different:

Holy Grail fav (one of) sketch: Everything involving the coconuts and how it carries on; "'ow can a 1lb swallow carry a 4lb nut?"
"Well it could carry it on a piece of string between two of them" and so on
And the Camelot song.

Life of Brian: "I'm not the Messiah!" and the different People's Front of Judea one.

Meaning of Life: The sperm song and the Zulu War sketch.

In general: Upper Class Twit of the Year; The one where Hitler tries to win the Minehead elections; Dead Parrot, Spanish Inquisition; Fish Dance. It goes on and on, Silly Walks and all those running jokes they have.

[sealemon]

Spam, Dead Parrot, Cheese Shop, Argument Sketch...all excellent.

Also kudos for the Ministry Of Silly Walks, How To Hide, and the lupin sketch who's masked rider's name eludes me at the moment. The one where instead of bringing the poor money, he just keeps bringing them lupins.

THe song Sit On My Face still makes me chuckle.

My favorite part of TMOL? "Just one wafer thin mint?"

[Eldpollard]

Has to be the holy grail. My uncle's in it.

[Otto-Sieve]

Who's yer uncle? Gilliam? I see in your description your from the bitter north, and IIRC, he's from MN.

[tannish2]

their all good. all of them... but i do like the fresh fruit one....

[Corlindale]

and the lupin sketch who's masked rider's name eludes me at the moment.

"Dennis Moore, Dennis More...."
That's a great one too.

Come to think of it, I also quite like the whole "Michael Ellis" episode, especially the "Buying an Ant"-part.

[Eldpollard]

Who's yer uncle? Gilliam? I see in your description your from the bitter north, and IIRC, he's from MN.

No, he was one of the guys shouting get on with it. It was filmed near where he lived in Scotland.

[Pensive Pine]

It's been a while since I've seen the series, but the sketches I remember liking the most include the one where Hamlet goes to a psychiatrist, and the Self Defense from Fruit Class.
Of the movies, I've only actually seen Holy Grail :smallredface:

[Setra]

>_> <_<

Spam spam spam spam, eggs sausage, and spam.

[Evil_Pacifist]

Hmm, this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BitlXcKAyBw&mode=related&search=), or maybe this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=0Ie3Myg0c6U&mode=related&search=).

I'd say Palin's my favorite one, but I like Gilliam's other films.

I so totally was Gumby for Halloween last year.

[Pyro]

I can't pick a favorite sketch, so I'll go with Life of Brian. That movie is pretty hilarious. MY favorite part is when the prisoner says hes free to go and the guard agrees. Then the prisoner says,"Nahh, I'm joshing you. I'm getting crucified.

[SmartAlec]

I'm very fond of International Philosophy - the football match between two lineups of Greek and German philosophers.

"Socrates has scored and the Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside -"

Also, the short sketch with Cleese and Palin as two French aeronautical engineers pitching the idea of an aerial passenger sheep just cracks me up every time.

[Arameus]

The episode of Flying Circus done entirely in German. At the time, my knowledge of German was much fresher and I was able to understand a good bit of it without the subtitles. The continuous Albrecht Drurer appearances were hilarious.

[Conrad Poohs]

There was one at the hollywood bowl involving the history of pranks. Amazing. Forget what it was called though.

That was the history of jape sketch I believe, which Python borrowed from one of its predecessors, 'At Last the 1948 Show' I think. Python also borrowed at least 2 other sketches from 'At Last the 1948 Show' - the 'Four Yorkshiremen' and I believe the 'Bookshop Sketch' as well. I don't have a problem with them doing so though, for Cleese and Chapman were in that group (along with Marty Feldman and Tim Brooke-Taylor), plus a lot of '...1948Show' footage was destroyed in the process of the BBC taping over it to save money (although I know 'The 4 Yorkshiremen Sketch' still exists - check it out). This practicy of the BBC was company policy for some time. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore actually offered to buy more tape for the BBC so that the wouldn't record over footage from their program 'Not Only, But Also', but the BBC pressed-on regardless, seeing as they didn't have a policy to deal with such a situation :smallconfused: :smallfurious:

If you haven't guessed from my name, I am the aforementioned python fan who is only now rearing his cowardly head. Thanks Serpy :smallredface: .

[Conrad Poohs]

Hmmm... not too hard to choose a favourite Python. I would easily say Cleese. Chapman was a good actor in the troupe, but he was about as useful as a fish with a steamboat in terms of contributions, according to their 'autobiography' (The Pythons by The Pythons).

Sketch? That's a hard one. For me, there are several that make me guffaw endlessly every time I see them. Everyone mentions Dead Parrot, or Lumberjack. What about The North Minehead By-Election, The Upper Class Twit of the Year, The Joke That Won The War? Those three are simply ones I can think of off the top of my head that I find absolutely brilliant, yet not many people talk about as much. I'd have to say The North Minehead By-Election (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlmGknvr_Pg) is my favourite at this moment (always changing, like the sea, my affections).

As for favourite line, now that's a herculean task indeed. I honestly don't think I can claim one single line being a favourite. I could easily fill page after page with quips, quotes, and the wisdoms of the Pythons. So I'll digress on that one...


From what research I have done, I have got the impression that while it is true that Chapman did not contribute a lot in quantity (especially during his alcoholic years), his additions were often of a random, absurd brilliance that was very important in making Monty Python the offbeat fantastabulous masterpiece that it is and will forever be. Interestingly I have to disagree with you again about Chapman. While he certainly did do some good acting, I think that in that regard the group would have got on fine without him. I particularly think he struggles with playing happy people - see the 'How To Do It' sketch for a good example, plus note how little footage and photos there are of him appearing genuinly happy, relative to the other Pythons. I tend to agree with you about sketches however. Is the 'North Minhead By-election' the one with Kevin Phillips Bong, Jethro Q Walrustitty, etc?

[Lucky]

That was the history of jape sketch I believe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSgRkBWNlBo

[Conrad Poohs]

I think my favorite was cleese.

My favorite sketches boil down to the one where palin's character wants to learn how to fly an airplane form chapman's character...

Wasn't it Terry Jones who was trying to get flying lessons? Or have I only seen a different version. Admittedly, it does seem like a Palin-typed character.


Spam, Dead Parrot, Cheese Shop, Argument Sketch...all excellent.

Also kudos for the Ministry Of Silly Walks, How To Hide, and the lupin sketch who's masked rider's name eludes me at the moment. The one where instead of bringing the poor money, he just keeps bringing them lupins.

THe song Sit On My Face still makes me chuckle.

My favorite part of TMOL? "Just one wafer thin mint?"

I believe this is the masked botanist to whom you refer -
"Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, riding through the sward.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore and his horse Concord". Incidentally, I was given a pantomime horse on my 21st birthday, and I dubbed it Concord. Going to another friend's 21st, I actually rode it across Armidale (town/city of 22,000 people) for about 20 minutes or so. Apparently my beloved nation of Australia is the biggest producer of lupins in the world!


"Dennis Moore, Dennis More...."
That's a great one too.

Come to think of it, I also quite like the whole "Michael Ellis" episode, especially the "Buying an Ant"-part.

:smalleek: Bugger. That's what I get for not reading all the posts first :smallannoyed:


Hmm, this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BitlXcKAyBw&mode=related&search=), or maybe this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=0Ie3Myg0c6U&mode=related&search=).

I'd say Palin's my favorite one, but I like Gilliam's other films.

I so totally was Gumby for Halloween last year.

How about that! About 2 years ago I went to a birthday/halloween party, dressed as a gumby! :smallsmile: I went to the expense of buying gumboots specifically for it, and nobody guessed what I was :smallfrown: :smallmad:


I'm pretty sure I've only seen one version of that sketch that didn't have that line - Live at the Hollywood Bowl, And Now For Something Completely Different, and I'm sure one other version all had it.

I am pretty sure that "What a silly bunt" was in 'Live at the Hollywood Bowl' and that that sketch wasn't in 'And Now For Something Completely Different' at all. I have a feeling that the line may have been absent from the TV series version though.

[Serpentine]

Conrad, I think it's generally forgiven to double-post when you're quoting two different sources but if you're doing any more than that, in the absence of the legendary "multiquote" option, it's probably best to go Quote, copy, back, quote, paste, copy, back, etc. I don't think I've ever seen a quintupular-post before :smalleek:

Hee, Fligender Zircus (sp?) was pretty special...

[geek_2049]

Holy Grail is classic, but I am going with Life of Brain.

Favorite sketch/scene= black knight.

[SmartAlec]

Is the 'North Minhead By-election' the one with Kevin Phillips Bong, Jethro Q Walrustitty, etc?

It's the one with the leaders of the Third Reich undercover - Mr. Hilter, Ron Vibbentrop, Heinrich Bimmler - staying at an English bed-and-breakfast hotel while they plot a rise to power, the first stage of which is running as the National Bocialist candidate for North Minehead...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=P_D7WtOHZd0&mode=related&search=

"I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, he's a bit on edge - he hasn't slept since 1945..."

Also one of my favourites.

[TheRiov]

My favorite is actually pre-monty python:

The Bookshop
http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/bookshop.asp

[Ranis]

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/Ranis__/Poster814.jpg

[zeratul]

I think my favourite two sketches are the one with the guy who wants to take flying lessons ( this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ie3Myg0c6U)), and the Science fiction sketch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1sYgknWGSA)

[Calamity]

Favourite Sketches: Dead Parrot, Cheese shop, Silly Olympics, Argument Clinic, Upper-Class Twit of the Year, Spanish Inquistion, Spam, The one at the customs office and Flying Lessons.

Favourite Running Joke: "The Larch" (Yeah it was for one episode, but I'm sure it had a cameo in another!)

Favourite Songs: Lumberjack, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life and Camelot

[Conrad Poohs]

Conrad, I think it's generally forgiven to double-post when you're quoting two different sources but if you're doing any more than that, in the absence of the legendary "multiquote" option, it's probably best to go Quote, copy, back, quote, paste, copy, back, etc. I don't think I've ever seen a quintupular-post before :smalleek:

:smallsigh: Oh calm yourself down. I don't know what all the fuss is about; it seemed pretty tame to begin with :smallwink: . Neither do I understand what it is that you are recommending I do :smallfrown:

[Conrad Poohs]

Holy Grail is classic, but I am going with Life of Brain.

Favorite sketch/scene= black knight.

Trivia question: Who knows who it was that played the Green Knight in that scene?

[Serpentine]

It wasn't Terry Gilliam, was it? It seems like his sort of role, but he was the "horse" all through the movie so... Dunno.

Con, even double-posting is pretty frowned-upon 'round these parts. If you want to quote multiple people, you click "quote", select and copy the text, go back, click "quote" on the next one, paste the first text, then copy the whole lot, and keep going 'til you have all the quotes you needed. I know, it's a pain. I'm told there used to be some sort of "multiquote" function.

[Conrad Poohs]

Terry Gilliam is correct. I guess it is the kind of role he'd play, although it didn't involve any "strange sounds", as John Cleese describes the usual requirement for Gilliam roles. Terry Gilliam suffered the most deaths in the The Holy Grail - as the Green Knight, the Bridgekeeper and as Terry Gilliam (animator).

Alright, seeing as Serpentine spoiled my fun by answering the question within two minutes, I shall have to try another one, lest my ego diminish to that of a regular person. Who won the cup final in 1959? Hint: They beat Leister, 3-1.

[Tirian]

My two favorite sketches are the smuggler sketch (http://youtube.com/watch?v=BitlXcKAyBw&mode=related&search=), Crunchy Frog (http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xw-MqM85AwU&mode=related&search=), and the Spanish Inquisition (http://youtube.com/watch?v=jJSVwTEft7A). Ummm, amongst my favorite sketches are such diverse elements as ....

[Conrad Poohs]

Thanks Lucky and SmartAlec, I hadn't seen that version of the jape sketch before, and I hadn't seen the North-minehead bi-election at all. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't seen much of the TV series at all :smalleek: :smallfrown: Good stuff. I have to say that I prefer the Hollywood Bowl version of the sketch (where was the rare U-tube one from?), as it's got a bit more in it (unless it was passed where I watched up to - I need to get back to work), though it was good to see Bill Oddie come out with the pies. He was in the original version of the sketch - thus it can't have been 'At Last the 1948 Show' as I first thought. I can't think of the name of the show in which it originated :smallannoyed: , I know that Oddie, Cleese and Chapman were in 'I'm Sorry I'll Read that Again', but I thought that was just a radio show. Help, somebody :smalleek:

[Lucky]

Good stuff. I have to say that I prefer the Hollywood Bowl version of the sketchhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Op2HmlBNk&mode=related&search=

[Conrad Poohs]

That's the stuff. However, I think that on the whole 'Live at the Hollywood Bowl' wasn't all that great. Partly this was due to what I consider to be a slightly inadequate selection of material, and partly because there was some substandard acting, particularly by Graham Chapman. I think that his performance as the Colonel (or major, or whatever) and the abuse man at the argument clinic, were too rushed and unrealistic on this occassion. Though I guess that with the amount of times he has performed those roles they become a bit like just going through the motions.

Now I guess I should list my favourites...

Actor:
Michael Palin.

Writer:
Terry Jones (perhaps, it's normally very hard to tell who wrote what)

Overall:
Terry Jones

Film:
Holy Grail or Life of Brian (can't decide)

Quote:
"I'm not the Messiah!" "I say you are, Lord, and I should know, I've followed a few".
"Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!".
"A friend will loose his friend's hammer, and there will be a lot of confusion about where things really are, particularly where lieth those little things, with a sort of grafiarwork base, that their father put there just the night before, at about eight o'clock".
"It[the tiger] might come back" "For more, you mean? You're right we'd better get this[mosquito net] stiched".
(That one by the commentator in the Philosopher's Football, after the goal was scored).
etc.

Song:
Medical Love Song.

Sketch: (brace yourselves) TV: Hungarian Phrasebook, Upperclass Twit of the Year, Philosopher's Football, Pantomime Horse, Argument Sketch (extended version), Mrs Niggerbaiter, etc. Film: Stoning, "Come and see the violence inherent in the system", Arrest of King Arthur, "Judean People's Front?! We're the People's Front of Judea", Find the Fish, End of the Film, Zulu War, "Eunt? What is Eunt?", Judean prophets, Swallow lesson... :smallfrown: I give up

[blackout]

"In this picture, there are 47 people. None of them can be seen. "

I love that one. :smallbiggrin:

[Klerik]

I always laugh whenever I see Joke Warfare. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7oTJsdlsJg)

Now with Spanish subtitles!:smallsmile:

[MostlyHarmless]

Wow, I'm amazed. Nobody has mentioned the Exploding Penguin Sketch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7GTjxeddEs)

My friend and I quoted it continuously in high school. There are countless times when you can work "...they stamp them when they're small" into a conversation. Or, how about "...there, I've run rings around you logically."

Close seconds are the Spanish Inquisition, Dead Parrots, and I'm quite fond of Dinsdale (pt. 2 especially).

Favorite Python: John Cleese I suppose

Favorite movie: Holy Grail

EDIT: I just stumbled upon this on youtube and HAD to share it with you. If you're a fan at all of Python and/or Star Trek, you'll die laughing.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2QSaM5gQ9vo&NR=1

[Conrad Poohs]

Good news to those who had some interest in the history of sketches crap I was rambling about earlier, and bad news to those who weren't. I did some research in one of my two research books, 'From Fringe to Flying Circus: British Comedy from the 1960s to the 1980s' (the other being 'And Now for Something Completely Digital'), and found the picture of the 'History of Jape' sketch that I was remembering. It was actually from 'Cambridge Circus', which I gather was a Cambridge Footlights Club production. Cambridge Circus also did the silly courtroom sketch with Mr. Sidney Bottle, a dwarf played by Tim Brooke-Taylor, and John Cleese playing the prosecutor who says to the judge "In future I would like to refer to the council of the defence not as 'my learned friend', but as 'my ignorant enemy'".

[Nevermind]

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Chapman: Trouble at mill.
Cleveland: Oh no - what kind of trouble?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: Pardon?
Chapman: One on't cross beams gone owt askew on treadle.
Cleveland: I don't understand what you're saying.
Chapman: [slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent] One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle.
Cleveland: Well what on earth does that mean?
Chapman: *I* don't know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all - I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain [Palin] enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles [Jones] has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang [Gilliam] is just Cardinal Fang]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!
[To Cardinal Biggles] I can't say it - you'll have to say it.
Biggles: What?
Ximinez: You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'
Biggles: [rather horrified]: I couldn't do that...

[Ximinez bundles the cardinals outside again]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[JARRING CHORD]

[The cardinals enter]

Biggles: Er.... Nobody...um....
Ximinez: Expects...
Biggles: Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...
Ximinez: Inquisition.
Biggles: I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -
Ximinez: Our chief weapons are...
Biggles: Our chief weapons are...um...er...
Ximinez: Surprise...
Biggles: Surprise and --
Ximinez: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ... our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. 'My old man said follow the--'
Biggles: That's enough.
[To Cleveland] Now, how do you plead?
Clevelnd: We're innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

[DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER]

Biggles: We'll soon change your mind about that!

[DIABOLICAL ACTING]

Ximinez: Fear, surprise, and a most ruthless-- [controls himself with a supreme effort] Ooooh! Now, Cardinal -- the rack!

[Biggles produces a plastic-coated dish-drying rack. Ximinez looks at it and clenches his teeth in an effort not to lose control. He hums heavily to cover his anger]

Ximinez: You....Right! Tie her down.

[Fang and Biggles make a pathetic attempt to tie her on to the drying rack]

Ximinez:Right! How do you plead?
Clevelnd: Innocent.
Ximinez: Ha! Right! Cardinal, give the rack [oh dear] give the rack a turn.

[Biggles stands their awkwardly and shrugs his shoulders]

Biggles: I....
Ximinez: [gritting his teeth] I *know*, I know you can't. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to try and ignore your crass mistake.
Biggles: I...
Ximinez: It makes it all seem so stupid.
Biggles: Shall I...?
Ximinez: No, just pretend for God's sake. Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Biggles turns an imaginary handle on the side of the dish-rack]

[Cut to them torturing a dear old lady, Marjorie Wilde]

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

[Conrad Poohs]

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Cool. I haven't experienced that particular one before. The start of it reminds me of a sketch, for which the subject is EVENTUALLY made clear, where british fighter pilots have trouble understanding each other's banter.


Now, is anyone going to be sporting and answer the trivia question that I asked previously? :smallfrown:

[Serpentine]

o.O Wha'?! You... you proclaim yourself as a Python fan... and you've never experienced the Spanish Inquisition?! Dammit man, get your arse over here immediately for some edumacation!

And sorry Connie, it sounds familiar but I can't think of it.

[Setra]

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=zO68fUMWx3g)


Except everyone.

[Conrad Poohs]

o.O Wha'?! You... you proclaim yourself as a Python fan... and you've never experienced the Spanish Inquisition?! Dammit man, get your arse over here immediately for some edumacation!

And sorry Connie, it sounds familiar but I can't think of it.

:smallmad: Now now now now now now then! Let me clarify. I didn't think I had seen THAT version of the Spanish Inquisition. In fact I had, but not for some time. By the way, does it seem a little strange to you that "arse" is not censored but "d*ck" is (and I'm not talking about "duck")?

I shall provide you with a clue for the quiz question: This question was actually a quiz question on 'World Forum' (aka Communist Quiz).

Now, stop insulting me and get back to your speciation essay.

P.S. It's "Mr. Poohs" to you!

[Serpentine]

:smallmad: Now now now now now now then! Let me clarify. I didn't think I had seen THAT version of the Spanish Inquisition. In fact I had, but not for some time. By the way, does it seem a little strange to you that "arse" is not censored but "d*ck" is (and I'm not talking about "duck")?

I shall provide you with a clue for the quiz question: This question was actually a quiz question on 'World Forum' (aka Communist Quiz).

Now, stop insulting me and get back to your speciation essay.

P.S. It's "Mr. Poohs" to you!
Well... alright. But it was the TV series version! You should still come over for edumacation! In fact, I think you might be getting a call later from Goff...
Arse isn't, but I think ass might be. Damn silly (other) colonials.
Dammit, I know the sketch, too...

[Conrad Poohs]

Well... alright. But it was the TV series version! You should still come over for edumacation! In fact, I think you might be getting a call later from Goff...
Arse isn't, but I think ass might be. Damn silly (other) colonials.
Dammit, I know the sketch, too...

Why should I know the TV series version :smallannoyed: ? Not everyone has a boyfriend who owns the complete series! ...I might if you were to dump him, but I don't expect such luck :smallfrown: .

I'll give people another day or two to guess the answer to the question, unless someone else was really wanting to ask one...

[Conrad Poohs]

Right then. I'll answer the question: Leister.

Next question: Which toothpaste has the miracle ingredient 'frodgulin'?