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View Full Version : How to tell the DM to stop?



Sajiri
2017-09-05, 08:07 PM
Stop making more games, that is :smalleek:

So I've mentioned on this forum quite a few times that I commonly do one player, one DM games (its just very hard to get a group together around here). It goes pretty well, we can be flexible on the times and days we play, can include a lot of plots and themes we might not otherwise use if we had more people, and can put a bigger emphasis on Roleplay. I'm usually the player, since I honestly just dislike DMing, but I do occasionally run games so my DM can have a turn to be the player.

But the problem is, my DM just keeps coming up with more and more games he wants to run. Currently we're at 7 (8 if you include the one we take turns DMing sessions for), and there's a few others he's tossed out as ideas he wants to run someday. We tend to play them anywhere from a couple days to a few months worth at once before we rotate to a different game for a while. The last several that he's started, I've been resistant to doing, but now he's planning for another game and I just really, really don't want to do it.

I think all of his settings are great, and I have a lot of fun with each game he runs, but it's honestly just starting to stress me out a lot with so many unfinished games. None of them have been abandoned (just on hiatus til we come back to them) but some of them have been quite a long time that they might as well have been abandoned. He pitched this new idea to me, and while it sounds fun, I was clear to him that I'd really rather we finish at least one of the existing ones before we start another. He just insists they'll get finished, but keeps on planning for this new one. I've tried to tell him gently that while I do think it's a fun idea and I'd like to do this new one someday, I am more interested in some of the games we already have going. He doesnt seem to grasp how much it stresses me out and that I dont really want to do it.

Unfortunately, as I've experienced in the past with another game idea he's come up with, if I just straight out tell him I dont want to do something, he takes great offense to it, and I dont want him to think I dislike his idea. If I show even a little bit of interest in it when he talks about it, he seems to think he's convinced me into it, but if I dont show enough interest, he gets offended or disappointed that I dont seem to like it. To make it worse, every time he comes up with a new game I feel obligated to have to come up with something new to DM for him (he's never said that I have to do that, its just how I personally feel, w hich adds to the stress).

It should be as simple as "I dont want to do this game right now, how about later?" but I cant seem to get that through to him without offending, or without him just going ahead and planning for it anyway when I'd rather just do one of the existing 7/8 games we already have. Anyone have any ideas on how to handle this?

Quertus
2017-09-05, 08:13 PM
Focus, not on "I don't want to do X", but, rather, "I want need to finish Y".

Slipperychicken
2017-09-05, 08:15 PM
Focus, not on "I don't want to do X", but, rather, "I want need to finish Y".

Seconded, but emphasize that you want to finish one game *before* you start another.

Have you tried telling the GM how much it stresses you out to have so many games on the back-burner?

Sajiri
2017-09-05, 08:25 PM
Have you tried telling the GM how much it stresses you out to have so many games on the back-burner?

I have, and he doesnt seem to grasp it. I've tried telling him it stresses me out having all these unfinished games (he just tells me we'll finish them though), and that it's stressful to me in general when it comes time to rotate to a new game and I can't decide which one I want to switch to, since they always seem to finish on a cliffhanger of some kind and I know it will potentially be several months before we get back to it (one of them is on 2 years now I've been waiting to find out what happens after that cliffhanger).

I think he's now got it into his head that he'll just DM sessions more often, if he can switch games more often (Im not sure how often, possibly every 1-2 sessions it sounded like), but I also really hate doing that since once I get into one game, I want to keep at it for a while. Im not even sure how to tell him about that one, since I know DMing can be difficult and even I feel like its selfish if I tell him I don't want to play the game he's choosing to DM that day.

Green Elf
2017-09-05, 10:26 PM
Just some thoughts...

1. Maybe ask him to stop straight out without sugar coating it.

2. It sounds like these campaigns are how HE wants to do it. The GM should be thinking about player desires. Maybe someone else should GM.

3. What if you only brought your character sheet (or supposedly did, leaving it behind but still obtainable) for one campaign. Then they would have to play that one. (Keeping the others is a backup for them leaving you out.)

FreddyNoNose
2017-09-06, 01:16 AM
How about: Stop, Hammer Time..........

BWR
2017-09-06, 03:12 AM
Say pretty much exactly what you have told us: that you like his games but find doing so many at once stressful and unenjoyable. Tell him that you want to keep playing with him but want to cut down on the number games running at any one time. Be firm and emphatic. Possibly make it a command or an ultimatum. Stop running so much because you find it stressful and he needs to take your feelings into account for once.
You could also ask why it is so important for him to run all these different things without finishing them that he ignores how it makes you feel about it. Is his drive to GM everything that catches his fancy really so important it should make things so stressful for you and that any critique makes you the baddie?

If he gets upset or offended, tell him sorry but either you will show up only when he decides to run whichever game you're most interested in finishing or that you will take a break from gaming. It might not be fun but if this guy is really so thin-skinned that he can't take criticism and so self-absorbed that he equates 'I guess that sounds fun' with 'I'm with you all the way no matter what', he may need a proper gaming break up to make him rethink his GMing philosophy. If it doesn't work that way, you are probably better off without him.

If the game is causing you unpleasant stress and can't be fixed you should quit it. I know that we put up with a lot of minor irritants with various groups because on the whole things are more fun with them than without, but there is a limit to how much one should be expected to take to make other people happy.

Quertus
2017-09-06, 06:59 AM
The other half of the problem is that he doesn't seem to understand the human psychology bit of how having (so many) things on the backburner can be stressful (to you), simply because it isn't stressful to him (and, in fact, may be something he enjoys and values).

Some people need academic research crammed in their faces, some need to feel such a stress then be told "that's how it feels", and some just need to grow up. Here's hoping he's under 25, and his brain isn't finished developing yet.

Anyway, point is, figure out different techniques to try if you don't know which method of communication he'll actually respond to.

I find shock collars are a good fallback plan.

Asmadar
2017-09-06, 06:04 PM
You should probably have a limit on how many campaigns can be going at any given time or suggest that he use that idea in a current one. But you will need to be firm, I currently run 2 and play in 2 and I cannot see how I could pull off any more with this group it would just be too many too keep track of.

You are going to have to tell him that if you don't finish one you cannot start another and let him know your doubts about if he is going to finish them. I know its no fun when a great adventure gets left off in the middle or right at a major battle.

You should let him know if its not fun any more because you are sure that at a exciting point he will just stop. And if it does not get through to him you might just have to find a new gm and move on.