LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[Lentrax]

Someone pretty much told me to commit suicide last night on my stream.

Stay strong, my friends.

I love you all.

You are not alone.

[137beth]

Someone pretty much told me to commit suicide last night on my stream.

Stay strong, my friends.

I love you all.

You are not alone.

Ouch. Did you block them? Please tell me you blocked them.

[Lentrax]

Yeah. But I’m pretty sure there will be more to come.

[JNAProductions]

Yeah. But I’m pretty sure there will be more to come.

*Offers hugs, cookies, and well-wishes.*

That's awful to hear. I mean, people who disagree happen, but for someone to tell you that? That's just awful. I really, really hope they realize that they're being an ass, and change themselves for the better.

Side note-you stream?

[Lentrax]

*Offers hugs, cookies, and well-wishes.*

That's awful to hear. I mean, people who disagree happen, but for someone to tell you that? That's just awful. I really, really hope they realize that they're being an ass, and change themselves for the better.

Side note-you stream?

Hah. I seriously doubt they will. Anyone who prefaces the comment with "I hope what they say about trans suicide rates is true," will likely always be a bigoted idiot. The good thing is, that because he is an idiot who has no idea who I actually am, I can ignore him all the easier. So he can go stuff himself.

And, yeah. I stream. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, with reruns on the off days. If you ever want to see, and you're available, stop by sometime. And you can always follow me on Twitter, where I post a couple hours before, and a few minutes before actually going live. The links are in my sig, if you wanna check it out.

[Sahe]

Stay strong Lentrax.

I'm always baffled.by the pettyness of some people, like don't they have better stuff to do with their time?

[137beth]

Some people get their enjoyment out of harassing others on the internet, I guess. It would be nicer for everyone if they found a less harmful form of entertainment, though.

[Lentrax]

It would be, yeah. But we persevere.

[Sahe]

So today I was found out that a friend of a friend thinks they may be trans and was asked for some advice. Sadly I was at a bit of a loss other than "be supportive, be respectful of names and pronouns, basically be like, like you've been with me". I also wasn't sure what advice, if any, I could give to the trans friend in question.

They live in the UK and apparently in a situation where even cutting their hair would be difficult.

If anything hearing that at least sobered me up a bit about how lucky I have been with my experiences. I came out to my brothers and everything was quite cool. My youngest brother is even quite zealous about correcting others regarding my name and pronouns which was really sweet and cute to see.

[JNAProductions]

So today I was found out that a friend of a friend thinks they may be trans and was asked for some advice. Sadly I was at a bit of a loss other than "be supportive, be respectful of names and pronouns, basically be like, like you've been with me". I also wasn't sure what advice, if any, I could give to the trans friend in question.

They live in the UK and apparently in a situation where even cutting their hair would be difficult.

If anything hearing that at least sobered me up a bit about how lucky I have been with my experiences. I came out to my brothers and everything was quite cool. My youngest brother is even quite zealous about correcting others regarding my name and pronouns which was really sweet and cute to see.

I'll address this in reverse order.

Coming out to your brothers-nice! Glad they're being supportive! It's sad that not everyone has a similar experience to yours, but hey, you got lucky here. Congratulations!

As for your friend... Can you possibly tell us more about their situation? Obviously if you can't, you can't, but without more details, I'm not sure what advice to provide. Best of luck to them, though.

[Sahe]

I'll address this in reverse order.

Coming out to your brothers-nice! Glad they're being supportive! It's sad that not everyone has a similar experience to yours, but hey, you got lucky here. Congratulations!

As for your friend... Can you possibly tell us more about their situation? Obviously if you can't, you can't, but without more details, I'm not sure what advice to provide. Best of luck to them, though.

Well, I actually don't know much more, since it's just a friend of a friend and I'm not in direct contact. I have offered to help and allowed her to give them my number if they wanna talk, but they have to decide to reach out to me.

[JNAProductions]

Well, I actually don't know much more, since it's just a friend of a friend and I'm not in direct contact. I have offered to help and allowed her to give them my number if they wanna talk, but they have to decide to reach out to me.

Well, I think you've done a good job. You've offered support, offered your number, all that. If they don't take you up on your offer in a few days, maybe reach out (they might be nervous, after all) but if they don't want your help? Nothing you can do, really.

[Florian]

I can totally relate to Sahe, based on experience, this is why I have problems with the stuff Juniper writes.

[noparlpf]

Something weird I've been catching my brain doing: Since most media is so heterosexual, I'm so used to being baffled by hetero romance scenes and thinking "what is the deal with straight people" that when there is actually a gay romance scene I still reflexively think "what is the deal with straight people."

[137beth]

It's easier for me. I just get to think "what is the deal with sexual/romantic people?"

[noparlpf]

I mean, I'm ace too. It's more a comment on how the overwhelming prevalence of straight media leads to internalised heteronormativity. Just have to consciously change the thought now there's actually starting to be some gay romance scenes to be baffled by.

[Astrella]

So for an update on me; recovery is going well, aftercare is being a bit easier. Going to see surgeon on Tuesday to schedule a small repair surgery, nothing major or worrisome.

I've noticed that my overall dysphoria has like, dropped a lot. Like, even dysphoria not related to my bits seems to have gone down and it just on a whole occupies my thoughts a lot less. Pre-surgery I was considering breast augmentation too cause I was self-conscious about my chest size but I find myself not really wanting it anymore now.

[noparlpf]

So for an update on me; recovery is going well, aftercare is being a bit easier. Going to see surgeon on Tuesday to schedule a small repair surgery, nothing major or worrisome.

I've noticed that my overall dysphoria has like, dropped a lot. Like, even dysphoria not related to my bits seems to have gone down and it just on a whole occupies my thoughts a lot less. Pre-surgery I was considering breast augmentation too cause I was self-conscious about my chest size but I find myself not really wanting it anymore now.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about things.

[Nemirthel]

Had my second appointment with my therapist today. The good news is that she supports me starting hormones, so I can go ahead and make an appointment with a physician to hopefully get started before too much longer. Unfortunately the only physicians that I know for sure will do it are 45 minutes away, though there are two who are closer who might. So I'll see how long that takes.

The less good news is that she also wants me to talk to them about medication for my anxiety. Treated anxiety is better than untreated anxiety, but I still don't like having that complication and it might make hormones take longer.

The bad news is that my mom still seems to want me to put off transitioning. I'm going to talk to her about it again this week, so hopefully that'll go well.

And I still have to come out to the rest of my family, which means the transphobic part. But at least I'm getting closer to where I want to be and I still have some time before I need to come out to them.

[Icewraith]

Had my second appointment with my therapist today. The good news is that she supports me starting hormones, so I can go ahead and make an appointment with a physician to hopefully get started before too much longer. Unfortunately the only physicians that I know for sure will do it are 45 minutes away, though there are two who are closer who might. So I'll see how long that takes.

The less good news is that she also wants me to talk to them about medication for my anxiety. Treated anxiety is better than untreated anxiety, but I still don't like having that complication and it might make hormones take longer.

The bad news is that my mom still seems to want me to put off transitioning. I'm going to talk to her about it again this week, so hopefully that'll go well.

And I still have to come out to the rest of my family, which means the transphobic part. But at least I'm getting closer to where I want to be and I still have some time before I need to come out to them.

What you can probably expect is a number of (uninformed but) rational-sounding (to someone who isn't dealing with what you're dealing with) objections that are actually backed up by the non-rational/emotional/subconscious hope that this is a phase, and if they can get you to wait long enough you'll get over it. What you'll be like when you're done transitioning is an unknown, which translates into fear.

No matter how persuasive you are, those underlying hopes and fears will by definition still be there as long as you haven't actually started transitioning, so don't agree to delay "to give them time to adjust" or whatever. Delay won't cause those feelings to go away, and so when you reach the appointed time they'll ask you to delay again. You should still attempt to answer any (calmly expressed) objections or questions as thoroughly and honestly as you can.

[Sahe]

My mum did need some time to adjust to the new situation herself. Though she resolved most of it on her own.

Once I actually was on hormones she quickly noticed how much better I was doing, feeling and acting and she recently told me that any last doubts she had about my transition had been erased.

In other news, that maybe trans guy, contacted me. We didn't really have to talk, because we were both a bit busy, but at least I have heard from them.

[Nemirthel]

What you can probably expect is a number of (uninformed but) rational-sounding (to someone who isn't dealing with what you're dealing with) objections that are actually backed up by the non-rational/emotional/subconscious hope that this is a phase, and if they can get you to wait long enough you'll get over it. What you'll be like when you're done transitioning is an unknown, which translates into fear.

No matter how persuasive you are, those underlying hopes and fears will by definition still be there as long as you haven't actually started transitioning, so don't agree to delay "to give them time to adjust" or whatever. Delay won't cause those feelings to go away, and so when you reach the appointed time they'll ask you to delay again. You should still attempt to answer any (calmly expressed) objections or questions as thoroughly and honestly as you can.

I expect that's how it will go. At this point I'm planning to start hormones as soon as I can regardless, so hopefully this:



Once I actually was on hormones she quickly noticed how much better I was doing, feeling and acting and she recently told me that any last doubts she had about my transition had been erased.

will also be my experience.

[Dire Moose]

What you'll be like when you're done transitioning is an unknown, which translates into fear

Wouldn't the end result still just be you? Do they actually think you'll become a different person?

[halfeye]

Wouldn't the end result still just be you? Do they actually think you'll become a different person?

You are always a different person, second to second. Only by a tiny fraction, but still.

[Icewraith]

Wouldn't the end result still just be you? Do they actually think you'll become a different person?

There are three effects here. One is chemical. Your brain is affected by testosterone and estrogen- the easiest example is testosterone's effect on the sex drive. Your brain won't change per se, but the chemicals it's running on are being significantly rebalanced.

The second effect is social. Aside from the obvious changes in appearance, the social pressures that might have pushed you to take an interest in stereotypical activities for your assigned gender are now pushing in the opposite direction. You may no longer wish to participate in things you were keenly interested in previously because they remind you of the bad old days before you transitioned. There's also a time crunch as you learn to pass as your actual gender, you have [your age] years of exactly the wrong social conditioning to unlearn.

The third is that by the end of your transition, the stresses and side effects of being assigned the wrong gender (such as dysphoria, depression, etc.) will hopefully have dissapeared or been massively reduced. What are you like when you're no longer carrying around a 100 lb monkey on your back and trying to hide it? Literally nobody has met you without the monkey, including you.

[Heliomance]

Wouldn't the end result still just be you? Do they actually think you'll become a different person?

I'm absolutely a very different person to before I started transitioning. You do change.

[Dire Moose]

I thought the point of transitioning was to be yourself, not turn into someone else.

And honestly, hormones and presentation don't really affect my personality, just my appearance. I'm still the same person asa guy and as a girl; I'm just expressing part of myself that I'd previously kept hidden.

[JNAProductions]

I thought the point of transitioning was to be yourself, not turn into someone else.

I can see that, but I can also see why someone would be a bit worried. They know, for example, "Dire Moose-man extraordinaire!" and are worried that "Dire Moose-awesome lady!" will be different.

Now, they should be able to say "I'm worried you'll be different, but I know this is how you'll be the most happy, so I support you," but not everyone can.

[Sobol]

Yuri's Night:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuri%27s_Night
I like this holiday.

[Irish Musician]

Now, they should be able to say "I'm worried you'll be different, but I know this is how you'll be the most happy, so I support you," but not everyone can.

Unfortunately this tends to come out of their mouths by making excuses why you shouldn't transition, why you should wait, confusion, and, honestly, fear and denial. They, generally, mean to be supportive, just don't go about it the right way (they go about it the wrong way, in fact).The love is there, again generally, it just tends to get dog-piled on by fear. Irrational fear, of course, but fear none the less.

I wish it didn't happen like that, but breaking out of that hetero-normal thinking (as noparlpf said) sometimes takes a lot of concentration, and time. That crap is smashed into our hears from the day we are born, and breaking out of it isn't always easy. Hell, when I first started reading these threads I thought I had a pretty open mind about everything. What did I know, right?! :smallbiggrin: Y'all showed me so much and eventually I grew even more open minded, and observant, of life and people around me. Not to mention having some close college friends who transitioned helped as well, seeing their journey and how happy they are now. (And, truly, thank you for that). And others can get there too, just the journey might take longer, and be harder, for some than for others.

Love and understanding......what we need more of around in this world. I hope your transition starts up well, Nemirthel, and I hope you get the support you deserve.

[Dire Moose]

My wife and I were in the Phoenix Pride Parade last Sunday:

Picture of us (https://imgur.com/a/hPMyQ)

I'm in the blue dress; my wife is in red.

[137beth]

My wife and I were in the Phoenix Pride Parade last Sunday:

Picture of us (https://imgur.com/a/hPMyQ)

I'm in the blue dress; my wife is in red.
Nice.

What does that shirt of the person on the right say? Some of the words are blocked in the picture.

[Jormengand]

Nice.

What does that shirt of the person on the right say? Some of the words are blocked in the picture.

Such T-shirts usually say "I'm the scary trans person the media warned you about."

[137beth]

Such T-shirts usually say "I'm the scary trans person the media warned you about."

Wonderful, I hadn't seen those before:smallbiggrin:

[Icewraith]

I thought the point of transitioning was to be yourself, not turn into someone else.

And honestly, hormones and presentation don't really affect my personality, just my appearance. I'm still the same person asa guy and as a girl; I'm just expressing part of myself that I'd previously kept hidden.

To an external observer, this is indistinguishable from you changing.

[Lycunadari]

I just stumbled across the full report of the US Transgender Survey 2015, (https://www.transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/usts/USTS%20Full%20Report%20-%20FINAL%201.6.17.pdf). It's really long, so I'm only skimming it, but here are some key points:



About a third of respondents identified as nonbinary (31%) or genderqueer (29%), one third as trans women (32%) and one third as trans men (31%). 27% identified as gender non-conforming or gender variant.
When asked to only pick one of four categories (women, men, nb/gq, crossdresser), 33% picked women, 29% men, 35% nb/gq and 3% crossdresser. (This was asked to make analysis easier.) I didn't expect there to be so many nonbinary people!
Genderfluid is the most common nonbinary identity (20%).
80% of NB people are afab.
60% started to feel different from their assigned gender at 10 years or younger.
The ages varied widely (18-87), with most nonbinary people being younger.
62% of all trans people live full time/have transitioned.
29% use singular they pronouns. 2% use ze/hir.
39% have one or more disabilities (compared to 15% of the general population); especially common are difficulties with concentration, remembering and making decisions, and with doing errants alone.
Most common orientation was queer (21%), followed by pansexual (18%), gay/lesbian/same-gender-loving (16%), straight (15%), bisexual
(14%), and asexual (10%). Most people IDing as ace, or queer were NB. Trans women were the group most likely to ID as gay/lesbian. Crossdressers were the group most likely to ID as bi or straight.





60% had supportive families, 18% unsupportive and 22&. 10% suffered violence from an immediate family member for being trans. 15% were kicked out or ran away from home.
18% were parents themselves, and 21% of those who were out to their children had a child who stopped speaking with them after they came out.
27% had had a partner who broke up wit them at least partially because they were trans, and 10% solely because they were trans.
50% had experienced at least one form of rejection from the immediate family they grew up with, their spouse or partner and/or their children because they were transgender.
People with unsupportive families had all around worse lives (suicide attempts, homelessness, unemployment, doing sex work etc).
32% of those that ran away from home were younger than 15.

Only 11% had their preferred name and gender on all ID documents. 49% didn't have their preferred name on any ID and 69% didn't have their preferred gender on any ID.
34% of those who had a legal name change had to pay over 250$, and 11% over 500$. (Hahaha. *Sob* Here you have to pay closer to 2000€.)

While more than three-quarters (78%) of respondents wanted hormone therapy related to gender transition, only 49% had ever received it.
While trans men and women (81%) were only slightly more likely to have ever wanted gender-related counseling than non-binary respondents (70%), transmen and women were more than twice as likely to have actually had counseling (73%) as compared to non-binary respondents (31%).
[*Most trans men and women (95%)
want HRT, compared to 49% of NB people. Trans men and women were about five times more likely to actually get HRT (71%) than NBs (13%).
39% of respondents were currently experiencing serious psychological distress, nearly eight times the rate in the U.S. population (5%).
40% have attempted suicide, compared to 4,6% of the US population. 82% had serious suicidal thoughts. Of those who had attempted suicide, 34% had done so for the first time at 13yo or younger. (This is heartbreaking)
1,4% are HIV positive (compared to 0,3% of the US population). 19% of black trans women are HIV positive.

12% were out as trans in school, and 28% believed classmates/teachers perceived them as trans even though they were not out.
54% of trans people who were out (or perceived as trans) at school (k-12) were verbally harassed and 24% were physically assaulted. 17% left school because the mistreatment was so bad.
24% who were out/perceived as trans in college or trade school were verbally, physically or sexually harassed.

19% of trans people have done sex work for money, food or shelter.
30% have been homeless at one point in their lives. 70% of those who stayed at a homeless shelter in the last years experienced mistreatment there (like harassment or assault), or were thrown out because they were trans.
48% of all respondents in the sample reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed, and/or physically attacked in the past year because of being transgender. Trans women of colour were more likely to be harassed by strangers because of their gender identity or expression, especially multiracial (51%) and American Indian (47%) women.
47% of trans people have been sexually assaulted at least once in their life (10% in the last year). Sex workers, homeless people and disabled people had higher rates. (Also most people of colour).
This is what surprised me the most: Afab NBs (58%) and trans men (51%) were more likely to have been sexually assaulted than amab NBs (41%) and trans women (37%). I thought it was generally agreed that trans women were more at risk for all kinds of violence, but apparently this isn't the case after all? Though I could imagine, if you ask about just the time after transition that the numbers would change.
Almost half of all assaults were committed by friends or acquaintances (47%), followed by partners or ex partners (34%), strangers (30%) and relatives (25%).
The numbers for intimate partner violence are very similar to the ones about sexual assault.

43% of trans people who went through airport security in the past year experienced a problem related to being transgender, such as being patted down or searched because of a gender-related item, having the name or gender on their ID questioned, or being detained.



I'd be really interested in some statistics from other places, but while this is obviously very US-centric, I think general trends aren't all that different in most other places.


Not totally related, but apparently one of the trans "specialists" around here still uses IQ tests and ****ing Rorschach tests during the evaluation to determine if you're trans enough to be allowed to change your name/gender marker.
Also, too bad if you're not 100% neurotypical, apparently living in a family where a lot of communication happens nonverbal means you have some sort of developmental disorder and can't be trans. And having anxiety means you can't transition, according to another "specialist". (Yes, this actually happened to a friend. The specialist literally wrote "Ms. (Name) feels male, Ms. (Name) desires to live as a man, Ms (Name)'s feelings of belonging to the male gender can't be guaranteed to stay; there are hints that other causes might be responsible for her desire of a gender change. Also, her anxiety and personality make it doubtful that she'll be able to go the difficult way of transition, especially the desired OPs." Said friend is already on T and lives fulltime as a man. But sure, he can't do it. He paid 800€ for this evaluation.) I feel like my only hopes of getting a legal name change are 1)all the current specialists retire and get replaced by people who aren't mentally stuck in the 80s or 2)the whole ****ing "Transsexuellengesetz" gets abolished and replaced by something more like the Argentinian model, because if even the most binary of binary trans people have such difficulties, there's no way a genderfluid person like me has any chance to convince the "specialists" that yes, I really am trans.
(I never want to hear "it's 2018, what do you have to worry about?" ever again.)

[noparlpf]

More like "it's 2018, can things please finally stop being so horrible?"

[halfeye]

More like "it's 2018, can things please finally stop being so horrible?"

The year has nothing to do with it.

I don't actually remember anybody saying "It's the 1960s, that old stuff is over.", but almost certainly someone said something in that vein. It sort of sounds cool at the time, but ten years later you'll be saying "what were they thinking saying that?"

As for things stopping being horrible, apparently now around the world it's presidents for life agogo, they are pretty much god kings, and they are typically fairly horrid, but there are fanatical alternatives which might be worse.

[Blithesome]

Hi! I’m Blithesome (in the sense of it being my name, not in the sense that such is my current emotional state), and I’ve only recently started doing anything but lurking!

I’m gay, and came out several years ago, but quite a few of my relatives are still in the ‘let’s politely ignore this topic and never, ever bring it up’ mindset, and I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about my gender identity- I’m probably cis, if only by default, but it’s rather hard to tell.

I find wearing very traditionally masculine garb uncomfortable, and tend to default to wearing fairly bright colors, and also have a pretty feminine presentation, such that people pretty frequently mistake me for female? And when they do so, I mostly just get a sort of satisfied feeling about presenting as sufficiently androgynous? But then I don’t dislike being referred to as male? It’s complicated.

I hope that this thread and this community can serve as a place to work things out, and help other people with their own issues.

[Zhentarim]

Does transformation fetish count? Its like, the only thing I can get off to.

I like imagining myself transforming into an animal, werewolf style.

I’d like to father children one day, but I have no idea how to get around this kink.

I’m not super into other people as a rule...I can only think of 1, maybe 2 times in my life I’ve felt geniune attraction outside of this kink.

[Astrella]

*snip*

I've seen sexual assault ratios like that in at least one other study before I think, not sure about the name (forge or something like that?) or if they provided a reasoning though. I think with trans people in general there's a bunch of complex gendered factors at play.

=====

I'm not familiar what the legal situation in Germany is, but does it have to be a "trans specialist" or can any psych's letter work? Cause in that case it might be easier to find a good general psych that would be willing to help that doesn't have a whole bunch of "we know best" biases yet. (Honestly my anxiety therapist was better about gender stuff than the original psych I got my hrt letter from cause she like, you know, accepted that I knew my own experiences best and wanted to listen and learn rather than just push a bunch of stereotypes...)

Alternatively, and this is not easy I know, looking at other countries might be worthwhile? Not sure if they'd accept foreign letters or if moving is an option at some point. :?

I'm sorry stuff's so sucky, Juniper.

[JusticeZero]

I thought the point of transitioning was to be yourself, not turn into someone else.Think of it like this: You're still yourself, but you feel much different when you're not loaded to the gills with dysphoric malware and emulators.
Also? Transitioning is a MAJOR LIFE EVENT. It's pretty massively life changing. Don't think you can just change everything and not be a bit transformed. The guy just out of high school is one person. The same kid after some extreme adventure or misadventure is going to be the same kid - but they have a lot of new experiences, and they aren't going to seem the same.
I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about my gender identity..
I find wearing very traditionally masculine garb uncomfortable.. and also have a pretty feminine presentation, such that people pretty frequently mistake me for female? And when they do so, I mostly just get a sort of satisfied feeling about presenting as sufficiently androgynous? But then I don’t dislike being referred to as male? It’s complicated. How far and for how long have you tried slamming your presentation/image/etc completely out of the park into unfamiliar territory for? Because I found that to be pretty important for figuring things out. One data point is difficult. Triangulate.

Also find stories from other people. We get a lot of narratives passively that are complete garbage. I assumed I was cis for YEARS because the typical narratives involved "cross-dressing" and being attracted to the same assigned sex. I'm still not big on dresses and I mostly wear skirts because no pants fit right. Also, asexual, for which there was no term at the time. Turns out those aren't necessary.

[Lycunadari]

Hi! I’m Blithesome (in the sense of it being my name, not in the sense that such is my current emotional state), and I’ve only recently started doing anything but lurking!

*snip*
I hope that this thread and this community can serve as a place to work things out, and help other people with their own issues.
Welcome! :smallsmile:


Does transformation fetish count? Its like, the only thing I can get off to.

I like imagining myself transforming into an animal, werewolf style.

I’d like to father children one day, but I have no idea how to get around this kink.

I’m not super into other people as a rule...I can only think of 1, maybe 2 times in my life I’ve felt geniune attraction outside of this kink.
The question if being kinky makes you inherently queer/LGBTQIA+ is a controversial one, and probably not something we can really discuss here. That said, I usually tend towards including anyone who wants to be included- if you say that you're queer, than that's enough for me and I'm not going to question you if you have an "approved" identity.

Have you looked into (grey) asexuality? 'Cause only experiencing attraction very rarely, or only in specific circumstances (like a specific kink) is a form of asexuality.


I've seen sexual assault ratios like that in at least one other study before I think, not sure about the name (forge or something like that?) or if they provided a reasoning though. I think with trans people in general there's a bunch of complex gendered factors at play.

=====

I'm not familiar what the legal situation in Germany is, but does it have to be a "trans specialist" or can any psych's letter work? Cause in that case it might be easier to find a good general psych that would be willing to help that doesn't have a whole bunch of "we know best" biases yet. (Honestly my anxiety therapist was better about gender stuff than the original psych I got my hrt letter from cause she like, you know, accepted that I knew my own experiences best and wanted to listen and learn rather than just push a bunch of stereotypes...)

Alternatively, and this is not easy I know, looking at other countries might be worthwhile? Not sure if they'd accept foreign letters or if moving is an option at some point. :?

I'm sorry stuff's so sucky, Juniper.
For the legal name/gender change they do have to be specialists*, and you can't even chose them yourself – you can suggest two when you apply for the name/gender change, but it's not guaranteed that you get them (and IIRC it *can't* be your own therapist (because they might be ~biased~ or something)). So you just get assigned two specialists, pay them several hundred €, have one to three meetings with each of them where you have to convince them that you're trans enough and then they write a report that hopefully says that you are indeed trans. I don't think moving to another country would help (if I'm not also changing citizenship)- it would just change which specialists I'd have to talk to (I just look it up, apparently one of the local courts in Berlin is responsible for people living abroad). Though I guess the specialists in Berlin might be less bad than the ones here? (From what I heard, the local court in Nürnberg is particularly bad and there are people who have changed their residence to some other place just so they didn't fall under Nürnberg's jurisdiction; that might actually be an option for me, if I move back in with my parents (at least on paper), I'd have to apply for my name change in Munich which might be better.)

*it can't even be any specialist, it has to be one of the court approved ... expert witness is the word, I think? So just knowing a lot about trans stuff isn't even enough. AFAIK there are currently about five in Nürnberg.

(Getting HRT is easier, there you just need any therapist to write you a letter of indication after six months of therapy, so if you can get your non-specialist therapist to do that, that works.)

Honestly, I think waiting for the law to change is actually my best option- parts of the current law have already been decided to be unconstitutional in 2011 (the parts requiring having had surgeries), and last year there was a proposal to completely scrap it and replace it with a new one that allows self-determination, a statement of the Bundesrat supporting the right to self determination as well as the decision of the constitutional court that we need to get a neutral gender marker, so hopefully it's only a matter of time.

[Sahe]

@Juniper: I'm also in Germany, also in the South. I have a Therapist in Ulm I'm pretty happy with even though I have to drive there with a train every other month for my sessions, but that's okay. I'm also waiting for the Law to change to officially change Name/Gender, I hope that it does before I'm about to finish University so I can graduate with my name.

Also: One more month and I can finally get start to get rid of that beard.

[Lycunadari]

@Juniper: I'm also in Germany, also in the South. I have a Therapist in Ulm I'm pretty happy with even though I have to drive there with a train every other month for my sessions, but that's okay. I'm also waiting for the Law to change to officially change Name/Gender, I hope that it does before I'm about to finish University so I can graduate with my name.

Also: One more month and I can finally get start to get rid of that beard.

Do you have an Ergänzungsausweis (https://www.dgti.org/ergaenzungsausweis)? Your university might be willing to change your name even if you haven't legally changed it yet if you show that to them.

[137beth]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

[noparlpf]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

This seems to be true for many universities in the northeast US. Some even have explicit policies for transgender students' names and preferred pronouns.
Edit: Or faculty, come to think of it. Admin sent out a department-wide email a few months ago announcing that one of the ECC doctors was officially going by male pronouns from now on. I think he also helped organise a lunch talk about respecting transgender colleagues in the workplace.

[Delta]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

I don't think that's quite as easy in Germany since we have a much more centralized ID system here, you have to get a federal ID card at 16 (and gotta renew it regularly after that) and the information on that is pretty much "canon" that all official institutions use. I only know what I heard from transgender friends, but getting that official information changed is a lot of trouble and until then, a lot of official instutions will refuse to use any other information that what it says on your ID.

[Sahe]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

[Eldest]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

Good luck with that! I tried to figure out a good feminine "B" name that I liked when I was figuring out the trans stuff originally, to keep the same initials. Two years later, finally gave up and went with something else. :smalltongue:

[ve4grm]

I mean, I still got another year or so at least before I graduate, so it's not that pressing. Deadname interactions with institutions are rare enough that it doesn't bother me that much, especially since all my friends and (relevant) family use my name. Plus I want to keep my SHE initials and still haven't decided on a S replacement. :D

Sophia! Sarah! Skeletor!


Good luck with that! I tried to figure out a good feminine "B" name that I liked when I was figuring out the trans stuff originally, to keep the same initials. Two years later, finally gave up and went with something else. :smalltongue:

Brunhilde!

...am I helping? :smallbiggrin:

[YossarianLives]

...Skeletor!
This is obviously the only real answer. :smalltongue:

[Orcus The Vile]

Can someone recommend me a gay movie that is not about young, handsome, happy, rich and out of the closet youths?

The main guy being a weirdo, cis and male can help, religious family is also a plus.

[Florian]

I don’t know anything about how it works in Germany. In the U.S., though, the university I work at lets students change their names even without getting it changed legally.

We work with a centralized ID system and really anything is connected to the central ID register, starting with your birth certificate, going over to your inland and foreign identity cards and driving license. On the pro side, this makes a lot of things easy. For example, I don't have to apply for a visa when I want to visit the US or Canada, I can take the next flight over the atlantic and enter the country because the necessary steps have already been taken on my central ID. On the con side, changing anything on the central ID is a major PITA because of all the steps and changes involved. For example, if I were to change from "m" to "f", that's no small thing because of the wide spread connected to it, like how the system handles your free prostata and breast cancer preventive treatments and such.

Overall, Germany has marked socialist stance on how public health care works and how the burden of the individual should be shared by the public in general. This is kind of a problem when dealing with edge cases like "Juniper" or "Sahe" here, because while we see it as natural to share the burden, we must actually deal with the question wether that is a burden that we deem to be share-able. Don't get this wrong, fly to Chile and have a m2f done out of your own pockets, no biggie, but doing the same within the healthcare system is more of a task because the costs involved are shared by the public.

[Astrella]

Eh, like, helping trans people has been showed to be beneficial ages ago already; and plenty of other socialist countries are way less rigid with regards to it without any issues.

[Sahe]

It's not so much a problem from the medical side and more a problem from the administrative side.

My therapy sessions are fully covered, I pay 25 bucks for 3 months worth of HRT, SRS is covered and next month I can start getting rid of that stupid stuff in my face, which is also covered. It's not all ideal and there are some hurdles and stupid regulations and such. There are certainly countries where transitioning is easier and cheaper, but there are also certainly those where it's harder and costly.

The whole administrative thing can be a pain, but I guess that's just Germany for you. If I'm not mistaken there are jokes about German bureaucracy even outside of Germany :D

[Astrella]

Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.

[JNAProductions]

Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.

*Offers hugs and... Um... Leg massages? Leg stimulants? Cookies? Something else.*

Glad it went well!

[137beth]

It's not so much a problem from the medical side and more a problem from the administrative side.

My therapy sessions are fully covered, I pay 25 bucks for 3 months worth of HRT, SRS is covered and next month I can start getting rid of that stupid stuff in my face, which is also covered. It's not all ideal and there are some hurdles and stupid regulations and such. There are certainly countries where transitioning is easier and cheaper, but there are also certainly those where it's harder and costly.

The whole administrative thing can be a pain, but I guess that's just Germany for you. If I'm not mistaken there are jokes about German bureaucracy even outside of Germany :D
Yea, that's a lot better than anything we have over here in the U.S.:smallamused:


Hi everyone,

just got back from a small repair surgery, everything went well, my legs are super tired though for some reason.
Yay!

[Astrella]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

[JNAProductions]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

I'm sorry to hear that. Hope nothing too major occurs, and good luck!

[Lissou]

That sucks, Astrella. Best wishes!

[noparlpf]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/

That sucks, hopefully nothing major and clears up soon.

[Ophidian]

Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.

[Lycunadari]

Thank you both, sadly I'm having a small / painful complication though. Went to emergency room, they said it shouldn't be super threatening but best to clean well and get check up earlier. Got more time of work too. It not very fun. :/
Oh no, I hope it gets better soon! *offers hugs*


Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.
Welcome! :smallsmile:

-----

So, I tried binding with kinesio tape again, and this time it works really well! I needed less tape than last time and it looks better, too. And it doesn't hurt or is uncomfortable at all; I actually hardly notice it when I'm not actively paying attention to it. Much better than wearing a binder. It's kinda amazing. The only thing I don't like is that I can't easily take it off so I always have to decide if I actually want to bind for the next couple of days without a break, including at night (sleeping with it does feel a bit weird, but that's probably mostly because I'm not used to it).

[JNAProductions]

Hello everyone! I thought it was best to introduce myself here.

I joined Giant in the Playground awhile ago, when I was in a very different place in my life. And now I find myself coming back again. Other pastures have been...unkind. I thought it prudent to introduce myself here. I'm-well, my user name here is The Necromancer, but these days I prefer Ophidian. Ophie for short. I'm a gay male from the northern United States, with a love of writing, reading and roleplaying.

Admittedly, I don't have much time for these things anymore.

Part of why I'm here. Heh.

I'm glad to see the community here still seems pretty strong. And it's nice to..well, see a space here, for our folk.

Hello, and welcome!

[noparlpf]

https://imgur.com/bVKkZh2.png
https://imgur.com/hK02Mi8.png

[137beth]

You might want to put those pictures on imgur instead, since they aren't showing up.

[noparlpf]

My bad, I forgot photobucket was doing that.

[137beth]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!

[Shadowscale]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!

Oh my, it all makes so much sense now.

[AuthorGirl]

That anon is COMPLETELY WRONG! It’s pansexuals who grow up from the floor, and bisexuals who grow down from the ceiling. Everybody knows that!

I'm okay with either prefix; what direction did I grow from? :smalltongue:

[Jormengand]

One of my lovers just left me because they couldn't handle a polyamourous relationship.

Which sucks.

I don't even know how to handle my emotional response to it or what that response should even be.

I'm a mess right now.

[Xihirli]

You're a fantastic person and I'm sure you'll make it through this.

[Thufir]

I'm okay with either prefix; what direction did I grow from? :smalltongue:

Clearly this means you are bidirectional. Or, wait, should that be pandirectional? Hmm...

[AuthorGirl]

Clearly this means you are bidirectional. Or, wait, should that be pandirectional? Hmm...

Bahaha that was perfect :smallbiggrin:

@Jormengand: That sounds awful. *sends you Internet hugs*

[Heliomance]

Exciting news! My electrolysis technician told me yesterday I'm nearly finished with it, so surgery arrangements can start to move forward again at last! It's been so long!

Of course at this point in thinking I might put it off until October anyway, because of when I can afford to have an extended recovery period

[Astrella]

@Jor: Aww, that sucks. :(

@Helio: Oh, that's great news!

=====

Recovery is going well; don't really have much trouble yet and discomfort is actually becoming less than before the repair surgery which is good. :)

[Domino Quartz]

I don't know what my sexuality is. I always thought I was heterosexual (for me, since I'm a man, only attracted to women), but since the age of 23 I've noticed myself being somewhat attracted to men. Unfortunately, because of how I was raised (in a conservative religious family), that caused a bit of self-hatred up until the second quarter of the next year (when I gave up my beliefs). I've since come to terms a bit more with my same-sex attraction, but the idea of sex with men does not appeal to me. Can someone help me?

[ve4grm]

I don't know what my sexuality is. I always thought I was heterosexual (for me, since I'm a man, only attracted to women), but since the age of 23 I've noticed myself being somewhat attracted to men. Unfortunately, because of how I was raised (in a conservative religious family), that caused a bit of self-hatred up until the second quarter of the next year (when I gave up my beliefs). I've since come to terms a bit more with my same-sex attraction, but the idea of sex with men does not appeal to me. Can someone help me?

Sexuality and attraction are not quite 100% lined up for everyone. It sounds to me like you're heterosexual, but (at least a bit) biromantic. You can see the appeal of a romantic relationship with at least some men, but aren't interested sexually.

This is fine.

There are people that are bisexual/heteroromantic, homosexual/aromantic (they don't want romantic relationships, but enjoy sex), asexual/biromantic (no interest in sex at all, but want a romantic relationship).

For many (most?) the two line up. But clearly not for all. It could be that you fit into this category.

(It could also be that since this is a process you're going through, you will develop the sexual interest later as you get more comfortable with yourself, but that's not a given.)

[Domino Quartz]

Sexuality and attraction are not quite 100% lined up for everyone. It sounds to me like you're heterosexual, but (at least a bit) biromantic. You can see the appeal of a romantic relationship with at least some men, but aren't interested sexually.

This is fine.

There are people that are bisexual/heteroromantic, homosexual/aromantic (they don't want romantic relationships, but enjoy sex), asexual/biromantic (no interest in sex at all, but want a romantic relationship).

For many (most?) the two line up. But clearly not for all. It could be that you fit into this category.

(It could also be that since this is a process you're going through, you will develop the sexual interest later as you get more comfortable with yourself, but that's not a given.)

This helps. Thanks.

EDIT: Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.

[Sobol]

Just read it on Twitter:


The time traveller appeared at important parts of his life with help and advice. She was so cool and beautiful, and he wished he could be more like her. One day she unlocked his phone, via the fingerprint scanner. He realised who she was, and suddenly the future looked so bright.

[Serpentine]

This helps. Thanks.

EDIT: Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.
As mentioned, there are distinct categories of romantic, sexual and even aesthetic attraction, which could be worth exploring.
For your edit, maybe it could be worth going out of your way a bit to read/watch some "queer literature" and media that happens to include non-straight characters and relationships. Ease your way into seeing it as something normal (which it is), not Other.

[super dark33]

Upon reflection, it's not that the idea of engaging in sexual activity with a man repels me, it's that whenever my mind wanders to a guy-on-guy sexual fantasy, another part of my mind says "No! Such fantasies are bad and you should feel bad for having them!" I don't know how long it's going to take for that to stop happening.


I guess the way i dealt with the very same thing was forcing myself to think about the stuff, consuming gradually lewd media until i became comfortable with how the sex i want to have looks like.

Though in my case ot was less "this thing is wrong" and more "this thing is feminine and you are msacu bro dude man" an act im grateful i managed to break out of albiet slowly.

[Dr. Cliché]

{Scrubbed}

[JNAProductions]

-Snipped for rudeness-

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that's just a joke. Because if it is... It's in poor taste. And if it's not, kindly go very far away from a support thread designed to help people with their lives.

[Domino Quartz]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.

[EternalMelon]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.
I'm glad to hear it. One more thing to keep in mind is that of course you don't need to label yourself, and if you do want a label (or description, whatever makes you most comfortable) it doesn't have to be right away, or even 100% accurate. You can call yourself bisexual if your only interested in men romantically for instance. Labels and identities are meant to help people, not cause strife with themselves.

but it sounds like you are already becoming comfortable with yourself, so don't worry about it. :smallsmile:

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for your replies, everybody. For now, I'm dealing with it by allowing those same-sex fantasies to come and go in my mind instead of trying to stop them.
EDIT: I think I've had a small breakthrough. I'm already more comfortable with myself than I was before.

Huzzah! We're here to help should you need it, but glad you're making progress.

I'll echo what Melon said-don't worry about what exact words describe you. Just be yourself, and be happy.

[sneakykitten]

My name is Sabrina. And I am a transgender girl. My life has been filled with sadness from homelessness to abusive partners. And I am forced to pick myself up off the ground and survive every time. I'm getting tired of merely surviving though. I wanna have love and healthy relationships. Mostly only older men wanna date me and it's getting tiresome. I want a relationship with a twenty-something woman like me.

When I was homeless I had to play the dating game to survive. One of my partners even sued me twice when I had a home. There's so much loneliness and hatred around me every day. I've been assaulted and permanently scarred by family members and then they told me to get the f bomb out.

Cops are variously nice and violent to me. One of them even said, 'When I look at you I see a female but the wrong pronouns keep slipping out.'

Therapists have me committed and lecture me about God's loving forgiveness and grace when... there is no grace for me, no forgiveness, just coldness and distance. I dearly wish my mother loved me.

So I drown myself in inspirational songs that ultimately don't inspire me. I fake being bubbly and happy to please others. Please make the pain stop someone anyone... yet I won't do away with myself. It's too scary being a street girl.

[Anymage]

First, how aware are you of the resources available? There are services to help with both homelessness and LGBT+ness, but they can be hard to find when you're in the thick of things. It'd help to know what you already know about so people can help direct you.

Second;

Therapists have me committed and lecture me about God's loving forgiveness and grace when... there is no grace for me, no forgiveness, just coldness and distance. I dearly wish my mother loved me.

I don't know your personal stance on faith, so ignore the following if you're not a believer. But since you sound like you are one deep down, I've known plenty of people in your shoes who have found their place with both God and a good faith-based community. Giving chapter and verse would fall afoul of board rules. But you aren't irredeemably broken just because of who you are.


So I drown myself in inspirational songs that ultimately don't inspire me. I fake being bubbly and happy to please others. Please make the pain stop someone anyone... yet I won't do away with myself. It's too scary being a street girl.

I'm going to level with you here. What you've been through is rough, and it's going to take a lot of time to work through. And in the immediate term, while you're trying to just establish a healthy community and a stable living situation, romance is going to be an extra complication that you may not have the proper mental bandwidth for. But the first step is getting yourself into a safe, supportive place. Let us know what you're aware of, I'm sure people here can help point you at more services if you need them.

[sneakykitten]

There are support group meetings yet no one will take me. There's therapy and my therapist is already talking to me about being in a group... which could have inappropriate people that wanna bother me and more. I have a case manager, a caregiver, yet the caregiver doesn't know her ways around here. I can't focus on all the crises in my life without some assistance from someone. And I think romance could help I mean someone else in my life as a companion and friend who might help me sort things out... but I dunno. Anyways I live at an assisted living home right now but they've already threatened me with the cops before and when they backed down I didn't feel any better I might as well be living on borrowed time.

[Zhentarim]

There are support group meetings yet no one will take me. There's therapy and my therapist is already talking to me about being in a group... which could have inappropriate people that wanna bother me and more. I have a case manager, a caregiver, yet the caregiver doesn't know her ways around here. I can't focus on all the crises in my life without some assistance from someone. And I think romance could help I mean someone else in my life as a companion and friend who might help me sort things out... but I dunno. Anyways I live at an assisted living home right now but they've already threatened me with the cops before and when they backed down I didn't feel any better I might as well be living on borrowed time.

assisted living...are you older?

[Florian]

assisted living...are you older?

Sabrina mentioned looking for a twenty-something ... "like her", so I guess: no.

I know "assisted living" as some kind of support program for more or less stable mental healthcare patients, or recovering drug addicts, so late teens/young adults sharing a flat/house, while having regular oversight.

@sneakykitten:

Sorry to sound a bit pessimistic in what is basically a support thread, but it´s simply foolish to try and externalize your hope for support and/or salvation. Neither a genuine lover nor a sugar daddy will help you deal with the larger situation at hand, at least not in the long run.

Been at your point and pain and despair is everything there is, still you don't give in or give up. I'm not saying that life is agony is a valid choice, that's something you temporarily accept and try to get out of it, but it also can grant strength.

[sneakykitten]

I'm 28.

And okay. I guess I just got to shut all this away then because people are telling me to deal with it. I got help from a therapist and caregivers so I must not need anymore. Sorry for bothering everyone.

[137beth]

Wait, are you saying the people who work for this so-called "assisted" living program threatened to call the police on you? That sounds horrible. Are you looking for a way out of this "assisted-" living program?

[Florian]

@sneakykitten:

I'm just being honest with you. Your wants and needs are basic human, your situation is pretty dire and you want to get out of it, all of that is absolutely understandable and everyone without a heart of stone will share your pain.

But you've gotta be a bit more concrete with your situation. What is your educational status, why have you been sued and how comes that you have to deal with the police so often?

[sneakykitten]

Someone sent me a private message and it looks all messed up I can't even read it. Not because of them because of my computer screen I guess.

And yeah the home threatened me with the cops because a guy yelled at me and then I yelled back at him. Everyone thinks I'm emotional and yelling even when I'm not.

My education status is no high school diploma. And mostly I deal with the police when I am homeless or in trouble for making threats I didn't mean or touching the wrong person. And by "touching" I don't mean sexually just like trying to form a human connection by touching someone's face when they're about to beat me up. I didn't really wanna say all this because as soon as I say, "I technically committed a crime," people tune out and tell me I deserve to be where I'm at.

[AuthorGirl]

And yeah the home threatened me with the cops because a guy yelled at me and then I yelled back at him. Everyone thinks I'm emotional and yelling even when I'm not.

Why did he yell at you?

As for the rest, it's hard to judge your tone of voice in this setting, obviously :smalltongue:. Not to say that you're in the wrong, but maybe you could try an experiment: keep your voice just a tiny bit quieter for a few days and observe people's reactions.


My education status is no high school diploma.

I'm really sorry. Is there any way for you to get a high school diploma now? Would your caregiver know of any resources for you?


I didn't really wanna say all this because as soon as I say, "I technically committed a crime," people tune out and tell me I deserve to be where I'm at.

Oh no :smallfrown: that sounds awful. You absolutely do not deserve these troubles in your life, and you do deserve to be listened to. I apologize in advance for if I (or anyone else here) seem dismissive of you - I don't want to be cruel to you in any way, and I don't think our fellow Playgrounders do either.

[AMFV]

I'm really sorry. Is there any way for you to get a high school diploma now? Would your caregiver know of any resources for you?

The best answer for that is probably to get a GED, and usually there a low to no cost resources available for that. What I personally would recommend to somebody in that situation is get a GED then take community college classes so that you can have education that looks better than just the GED alone.

[sneakykitten]

The guy yelled at me because I was actually emotional and raising my voice that time. I was just wondering where my handbag with like all my cards and money in it was. And I thought people would notice me more if I raised my voice so they could hear me. I was definitely not attempting to terrorize or intimidate anyone. And the guy yells at me, "HAVE A GREAT DAY SIR." Misgendering me and hurting my feelings.

And I have been experimenting with being quieter. Now I just make a joke out of when people are hostile to me. I never mean to hurt people by yelling I just... have a naturally loud voice even when I am talking to my friends and stuffs, I laugh loud too.

GED is my option for high school level education. I'm just trying to sort out having no access to my bank account first. I make social security for my mental illnesses I'm not sure which ones they consider social security worthy though. I think mostly it's the obsessive need for perfection and strange rituals from OCD.

[AuthorGirl]

I never mean to hurt people by yelling I just... have a naturally loud voice even when I am talking to my friends and stuffs, I laugh loud too.

:smallfrown:

That's a bit heartbreaking, actually - that your "default" mode of expression causes you trouble. I do know the feeling to some extent.

Anyway, it's great to hear that you can work on a GED!

[Sermil]

I don't know your personal stance on faith, so ignore the following if you're not a believer. But since you sound like you are one deep down, I've known plenty of people in your shoes who have found their place with both God and a good faith-based community. Giving chapter and verse would fall afoul of board rules. But you aren't irredeemably broken just because of who you are.


Ya, I promise you there are plenty of trans-positive faith communities out there if faith is something important to you. Look for one that vocally supports its LGBTAI+ members; they are out there and waiting to welcome you. Don't accept one that doesn't accept you.

Good luck!

[AuthorGirl]

Ya, I promise you there are plenty of trans-positive faith communities out there if faith is something important to you. Look for one that vocally supports its LGBTAI+ members; they are out there and waiting to welcome you. Don't accept one that doesn't accept you.

Good luck!

Just gonna quickly and passionately second (third?) this. There IS a faith community, a family, that will accept, affirm, and enhance the person you truly are; do not settle for less.

[sneakykitten]

I dunno I don't think my Christian brothers and sisters are very fond of me. And it's not like I'm devout and Need It in my life or whatever. It's mostly only when I need comfort that I look to God because... I tried praying to Him over and over to help me become a girl and I never even got guidance just silence. :(

[AuthorGirl]

I dunno I don't think my Christian brothers and sisters are very fond of me. And it's not like I'm devout and Need It in my life or whatever. It's mostly only when I need comfort that I look to God because... I tried praying to Him over and over to help me become a girl and I never even got guidance just silence. :(

Not fond of you on a personal level, or not fond of you "because trans"?

As for your personal relationship with God, I'm pretty sure that crosses the line we were flirting with (and . . . idk, may have crossed already): no discussion of real-world religion on these forums (it's in the Forum Rules). I will say these two things: you're already a girl, and my PM box is open <3

[sneakykitten]

Oh sorry. Well, I dunno, I guess I got nothing more to say if I can't discuss that stuff. And PMs are all cut up on my screen I can't read them. Sorry everyone.

[Domino Quartz]

I think I've made some more progress with my sexual identity. For now at least, I identify as bisexual. Again, thanks to everyone who has helped me with this.

[noparlpf]

How do you tell whether you actually want to do something irreversible (for example a tattoo or an orchiectomy) or if it's just anxiety asking you but what if you change your mind in ten years?

[Jormengand]

How do you tell whether you actually want to do something irreversible (for example a tattoo or an orchiectomy) or if it's just anxiety asking you but what if you change your mind in ten years?

The conventional wisdom about tattoos is "Wait a year, then if you still want to, go for it." But I have no clue if that's accurate.

[Florian]

The conventional wisdom about tattoos is "Wait a year, then if you still want to, go for it." But I have no clue if that's accurate.

Jupp, pretty much accurate.

[AuthorGirl]

I think I've made some more progress with my sexual identity. For now at least, I identify as bisexual. Again, thanks to everyone who has helped me with this.

*showers you in rainbow sparkles*

[Comrade]

How do you tell whether you actually want to do something irreversible (for example a tattoo or an orchiectomy) or if it's just anxiety asking you but what if you change your mind in ten years?

There's not really any way to tell for sure. You could wait twenty years to make sure before doing it and still wake up the next morning and regret it. You have to just kind of intuitively know if it's the right decision for you. Waiting a while like others have suggested is still a good idea, but it's still not going to guarantee you won't regret it later.

[Domino Quartz]

*showers you in rainbow sparkles*

Thank you! :smallbiggrin:

[AuthorGirl]

Thank you! :smallbiggrin:

Wait a sec, did you actually add the sparkles to your avatar?

:biggrin:

That's awesome.

[Asmodean_]

Exams are over, and my school has an LGBT society now! It's part support, part education, part awareness. My school is really academic, and there are societies for every subject (Maths Society, Chemistry Society, etc), to the point that, apart from chess, LGBTsoc is actually the first extra-curricular society at the school!

[Jormengand]

Exams are over, and my school has an LGBT society now! It's part support, part education, part awareness. My school is really academic, and there are societies for every subject (Maths Society, Chemistry Society, etc), to the point that, apart from chess, LGBTsoc is actually the first extra-curricular society at the school!

Woo!

Also, you're back on the forums! Huzzah! Now you can remove one from the number of things you need to do but haven't got around to.

(You can't remove one from the list of things you shouldn't have critted, though. That stays forever.)

[Dire Moose]

Just a recent picture of me.

https://imgur.com/a/PhP5CTP

[Asmodean_]

Woo!

Also, you're back on the forums! Huzzah! Now you can remove one from the number of things you need to do but haven't got around to.

(You can't remove one from the list of things you shouldn't have critted, though. That stays forever.)

It's the number of things I said I was going to do and then subsequently forgot to do

Just because I'm back on the forums doesn't mean I didn't procrastinate it for over a week

[super dark33]

Hi hi


Im having some feels about being Non Binary, but its kinda hard to wrap my head around it due to being raised into a language with no gender neutrality at all and im not sure if im actually non binary or somthing else.

[Anymage]

Hi hi


Im having some feels about being Non Binary, but its kinda hard to wrap my head around it due to being raised into a language with no gender neutrality at all and im not sure if im actually non binary or somthing else.

This isn't Harry Potter, where once you're sorted into house enbee you're in there for life. You're allowed to feel like a word might not be the most perfect fit, but that it's the best one you've seen so far. And that if you find something that fits better, you'll move on to that.

I mean, I'd look at you oddly if you decided to have a big coming out party and have NB tattooed on your forehead if you weren't really sure. But trying different things and seeing how they suit you is how you figure out who you actually are.

[Heliomance]

Happy birthday me! Life is pretty good, I have an amazing girlfriend (did I tell y'all about that?) who sent me some beautiful opal earrings for my birthday

I have a surgical pre-assessment booked

I'm in love

Life is great

[Comrade]

Happy birthday! Glad to hear things are going well.

[JNAProductions]

Happy birthday me! Life is pretty good, I have an amazing girlfriend (did I tell y'all about that?) who sent me some beautiful opal earrings for my birthday

I have a surgical pre-assessment booked

I'm in love

Life is great

*Offers hugs and birthday cookies.*

Awesome, Helio! Hope it stays going great.

[AuthorGirl]

Happy birthday me! Life is pretty good, I have an amazing girlfriend (did I tell y'all about that?) who sent me some beautiful opal earrings for my birthday

I have a surgical pre-assessment booked

I'm in love

Life is great

squeee

*hugs Heliomance*

How old are you now?

Also, do we get to see a picture of you looking beautiful with the earrings on?

[noparlpf]

Hey, happy birthday! Glad to hear things are going well.

[Xihirli]

Happy birthday me! Life is pretty good, I have an amazing girlfriend (did I tell y'all about that?) who sent me some beautiful opal earrings for my birthday

I have a surgical pre-assessment booked

I'm in love

Life is great

Ooh! What kind of opal?

[Dire Moose]

Little bit of a correction for ArlEammon if you're still here: The gay bars I mentioned were between Indian School and Camelback, not Camelback and Bethany Home.

[AuthorGirl]

Is it common for friends to try to set you up with people once you come out?

Because my friend has started trying to set me up with another friend of his (a total stranger to me).

As much as I want a girlfriend, I'm not particularly keen on the idea of being pushed into an intimate situation with a stranger just because I "should" be curious/horny/whatever the heck.

I should add that Friendo did back off a bit once I said "no, I don't want to kiss your friend, thanks." But it's still sort of a weird and uncomfortable thing, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced it.

[Recherché]

Is it common for friends to try to set you up with people once you come out?

Because my friend has started trying to set me up with another friend of his (a total stranger to me).

As much as I want a girlfriend, I'm not particularly keen on the idea of being pushed into an intimate situation with a stranger just because I "should" be curious/horny/whatever the heck.

I should add that Friendo did back off a bit once I said "no, I don't want to kiss your friend, thanks." But it's still sort of a weird and uncomfortable thing, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced it.

Yes, it's pretty common in my experience. I think part of it is that people want their friends to be happy and setting up two people with a shared hobby or who otherwise seem compatible might make them happy. And surely being whatever flavor of queer qualifies as a shared hobby, right? It doesn't really bother me at this point, it's honestly people trying to be nice and kind. If I get a decent date out of it then Yay! If not then they meant well and it's not something os harmful that I would hold it against them for not turning out well. Unless the person they're trying to set me up with is a stalker or the like of course.

[Delta]

Is it common for friends to try to set you up with people once you come out?

The very second a gay kid in high school came out to some friends, a couple of girls made it their personal mission to set him up with a boyfriend, so yeah, it definitely does happen. I mean, at least it was a sign they were accepting, that's a lot better than what you could expect from many people at that age I guess...

[Domino Quartz]

I made this image:
https://i.imgur.com/l6BeIXt.png

It's the sparkly rainbow from my avatar. It's called "RGBT rainbow sparkle." This is a sort of pun on two things. First, RGB - this is what I call an RGB rainbow, because it goes through the RGB spectrum (that is: red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, magenta and the colours in between) rather than the colours of a real rainbow. Second, LGBT - I was just going to call it "RGB rainbow sparkle," but I noticed the pun potential and couldn't resist. I'm posting this in case anyone else wants to use it as part of their avatar or something.

[Sahe]

I made this image:
https://i.imgur.com/l6BeIXt.png

It's the sparkly rainbow from my avatar. It's called "RGBT rainbow sparkle." This is a sort of pun on two things. First, RGB - this is what I call an RGB rainbow, because it goes through the RGB spectrum (that is: red, yellow, green, cyan, blue, magenta and the colours in between) rather than the colours of a real rainbow. Second, LGBT - I was just going to call it "RGB rainbow sparkle," but I noticed the pun potential and couldn't resist. I'm posting this in case anyone else wants to use it as part of their avatar or something.

Omg, I love this :D

[Xihirli]

I will send this to everyone I know.

[AuthorGirl]

The very second a gay kid in high school came out to some friends, a couple of girls made it their personal mission to set him up with a boyfriend, so yeah, it definitely does happen. I mean, at least it was a sign they were accepting, that's a lot better than what you could expect from many people at that age I guess...

Heh, that must've been quite awkward for the kid . . .

[ZamielVanWeber]

Heh, that must've been quite awkward for the kid . . .

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

[AuthorGirl]

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

I mean, people do that with straight (or straight-seeming) people too. Turns out humans just ship everything way too much :smalltongue:

[Delta]

It inevitably is. It is annoying because people seem to think gay guy + gay guy = couple. Personalities people. Personalities.

Sad fact of life: A gay teenager in the late 90s didn't exactly have a huge dating pool available (I guess it's not that much better today, but I'll leave others here to answer that), so it kind of came down to "Let's try to hook him up with the only other gay guy our age we know!" but yeah, it was awkward and I don't think anything really worked out.

[ZamielVanWeber]

Sad fact of life: A gay teenager in the late 90s didn't exactly have a huge dating pool available (I guess it's not that much better today, but I'll leave others here to answer that), so it kind of came down to "Let's try to hook him up with the only other gay guy our age we know!" but yeah, it was awkward and I don't think anything really worked out.

Still happens a lot although I blame lopsided media exposure for that.

[Xihirli]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

[Derjuin]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

I'm glad someone is able to find pride in the trans- prefix; I'm actually one of those people that don't like appending it to myself or using the trans symbol (though I am glad it exists) but I don't necessarily find that it disparages myself or others. It's more because my trans status caused me about 24 years of mental and social torture and depression than the veracity of my womanhood, to be honest. I am happy you can find pride in it!

[AmberVael]

Let's talk about labels.

I know some persons that do not identify under the trans label, while at the same time disagreeing with their assigned gender.

The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am a woman. The end. I don't need to add "trans" onto it because that's irrelevant. My womanhood is just as valid as that of any other lady's."

And I full-heartedly agree and respect any who do not identify under the trans label while pursuing their identity.

Personally, I do accept the trans label because I do not feel that I am held back by it and I do not accept the perception that it somehow makes me less of a woman to add a prefix.

Beyond that I do not deny the fact that I have been raised as though I were male, with the perceptions, biases, and of course privileges that implies.

Being raised male is an important part of how I became the way I was and while these last few years have been dedicated to eradicating everything I've just described, they still happened. Wishing I hadn't been raised as though I were male doesn't really make it go away.

I am trans and MtF and I don't disparage the label. I feel that it accurately applies to me.

This is an issue that has always worried me, and hearing a real life example that validates those worries is... not fun.

My worry is that our language, definitions, and a lot of people, confuse what 'trans' is. That it is a gender, or part of your gender. And when people see it that way then... yeah. Why would I want to identify as trans when it invalidates the very identity I'm pursuing? Because I am a woman, and if trans is a gender, then I am not trans.

Which is why I try hard to make a careful distinction: I am a woman. I am trans. I identify as both, and the two are related topics, but trans is not my gender. Which is why I'm really not fond of the alternate gender icons on this website, by the way. Being a trans woman is not a separate option from being a woman. I'll openly identify as trans but I am not going to conflate that with my gender (hence the trans flag in my sig).

[137beth]

So, I went to visit my family for a few days. I told them that I'm not sure what my gender is, and that I'm still trying to figure it out.

My mom was supportive, even more so than I expected. My sibling was even more supportive, but that's not surprise. I got some unexpected resistance from my dad, but not as bad as things could be compared to what some other people have gotten from their families.

[Lentrax]

Happy Pride Month, Everyone!

[Domino Quartz]

Yaaay!! Rainbow sparkles for everyone!! :smallbiggrin:
https://i.imgur.com/f7wO9pt.png

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

The other day someone said to me "For the longest time I thought you were transgender"

How do you respond to a statement like that?

[AuthorGirl]

Happy Pride Month, Everyone!

To you as well!


Yaaay!! Rainbow sparkles for everyone!! :smallbiggrin:
https://i.imgur.com/f7wO9pt.png

*basks in the sparkly glory*

[137beth]

The other day someone said to me "For the longest time I thought you were transgender"

How do you respond to a statement like that?

I'm...not sure. I feel like there's some context I'm missing. Do you have any idea why they might have thought (or still think) you're trans?
If someone said that to me without context I might say something like "stereotypes don't aren't always true," but I really don't think I'd know what I "should" say.


Of course, if you are trans, then it would depend on whether you want to tell this particular person. If you already wanted to tell them you were trans, and they already suspect you are, then telling them may be a little bit easier. Otherwise, I don't know what the best means of avoidance would be.

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

I'm...not sure. I feel like there's some context I'm missing. Do you have any idea why they might have thought (or still think) you're trans?

Now, the woman who said this to me was intoxicated at the time. But her inebriation merely explains her lapse in tact and not the underlying sentiment. I honestly can't say for sure what motivated this but I can speculate.

I have been studying LGBT theory and LGBT history recently, but in an informal sense. I've been doing some reading on the subject with no ulterior motive other than to better myself as a person and to be more aware and more knowledgable and perhaps a bit more empathetic. Obviously, that includes transgender politics and history. It's right there in the acronym after all. She's seen me reading this literature.


If someone said that to me without context I might say something like "stereotypes don't aren't always true," but I really don't think I'd know what I "should" say.

I am a heterosexual, cisgendered "man" who is of the opinion that archetypes like "feminine" and "masculine" are societal constructs and what we perceive to be one or the other should not be strictly applied to any one gender identity completely. Obviously, if you identify as a man and you naturally express yourself in a "masculine" way or enjoy "masculine" pursuits then that's fine.

But even if that were a majority of people you cannot say that it's true for everyone. For example, there likely exists someone (many people) who identifies as male but who exclusively enjoys pursuits typically singled out as "feminine". I identify as a man and I enjoy many things that society has deemed "feminine" and it could very well be that this friend of mine conflated that with me expressing something about my gender identity. She's very much a traditionalist in this regard.


Of course, if you are trans, then it would depend on whether you want to tell this particular person.

I am not

[Delta]

To be honest, I have no idea what you "should" say in a situation like this, but for my money, this


I identify as a man and I enjoy many things that society has deemed "feminine" and it could very well be that this friend of mine conflated that with me expressing something about my gender identity.

already gives you a pretty good answer doesn't it? If you're up to have that discussion, explaining that just because you like some things that she might consider feminine doesn't mean you're trans or anything can be an eye-opener for many people who have no experience at all with that topic beyond the common stereotypes and cliches.

[Mokèlé-mbèmbé]

To be honest, I have no idea what you "should" say in a situation like this, but for my money, this already gives you a pretty good answer doesn't it? If you're up to have that discussion, explaining that just because you like some things that she might consider feminine doesn't mean you're trans or anything can be an eye-opener for many people who have no experience at all with that topic beyond the common stereotypes and cliches.

That's just one of those answers that's so obvious you need someone on the outside to point it out to you. When you know a person you get so tangled up in expectations about people's personalities that the best solutions can become obscured to you. Thank you. I will do this.

[Nemirthel]

So I finally had an appointment with a physician about hormones and my anxiety. I have a referral to an endocrinologist now, which means it'll take longer than I'd hoped to start but at least I'm closer. I just hope that it doesn't take another two months before I can actually get in to see the endocrinologist.

On the other hand, I did get a prescription for an anxiolytic, so hopefully that will improve soon. But it's still disappointing that I need to wait for another appointment before I can possibly start hormones.

Not really related but weird: I also found out that I have scoliosis. It's too slight to actually be a problem, but it does mean that my left shoulder is slightly higher than my right. This explains why my dad used to always think my glasses were crooked.

[Lentrax]

It was Pride in town today.

I was stuck at work.

[AuthorGirl]

It was Pride in town today.

I was stuck at work.

That sucks! I completely failed to notice that the local Pride was really early in the month; as a consequence, I missed it. Gotta be more vigilant next year :smallbiggrin:

[Dire Moose]

We do our Pride in early April, so it's old news here.

Why, you ask? Well, try standing around in the hot Arizona sun in June and you tell me. :P

[Sophi789]

I just wanted to subscribe, so here I am!

[Shadowscale]

How's everyone been lately? I've been up to the usual.

[sneakykitten]

Talking about sexuality TWs everywhere.

Hi hi everyone I'm returning. Anyway, I like dislike the name my father gave me so, so much and there's nothing I can do right now. People compare me to their male roommates. Some dude was all, "Well He didn't pick out a girls' name so HE is a He." Goodness gracious. What am I going to like do with dude-bros? And then ppls to me are all being like, "Goodness little girl but you're too moody and crying you need to chill the f bomb out right now!" I... am not hypnotized ladies and gentle peoples I can't relax just like that and follow your orders perfectly?

That's another thing. In my relationships (I'm bi and poly) I am expected to follow their orders to the letter. Sometimes I do and sometimes I... don't? And get angry voices all day and night long, maybe an argument about if I really loved them I would've just done what they asked. Does anyone ever get tired of being expected to do something no human girl no matter how hypnotized out of their minds could do?

[Delta]

Hope it's okay to take that part out of the spoiler?


In my relationships I am expected to follow their orders to the letter.

That's really not how any relationships are supposed to work, straight, bi, poly or otherwise. (well I guess except for 24/7 D/S relationships but... yeah, that's another topic for another time)

[sneakykitten]

Yes, I suppose it's messed up. I feel like it's pretty normal 'cause of the ppls I hang out with. They tend to be pushy with words and physical actions so it's 'easier' to comply. Unfortunately sometimes ppls wanna have you guess what they wanna out of you and... owwie brain hurts. Thank you for the advice.

[Delta]

Seriously, people who push and try to manipulate you like that are not people you want to be in a relationship with.

[sneakykitten]

I know you're being serious. I'll take that advice into heavy consideration. Thank you. That being said, I know you're only looking out for my well being, and that's lovely. I don't exactly have ppls throwing themselves at me so I go with what--Oh wait sometimes they do only they're usually not my type of partner. What is? Not the pushy kind I guess, I don't like too shy ones 'cause I'm shy too... mmm. Dunno who's left to date.

So I dunno I was trying to vent. Do you really think like, um... what do I do if I don't wanna relationship yet say they live in the same building and I have to see them everyday? You can ignore that if you wanna. I'm expressing girly feelings.

[Sahe]

How's everyone been lately? I've been up to the usual.

I'm doing ok. I came out to my aunt (who I view a bit as my big sister, because we're only like 6 years apart) who was super supportive and directly responded using my name and everything. Unlike my father who I don't have much of a relationship with who basically said "oh wow, I have to think" and then I didn't hear from him for a couple of days. I think he's trying to be supportive, but it's just kinda awkward, but that's just how interactions with him go I guess.

Other than that. I have a friend in England. She came out to me as trans a few weeks back and I've been doing my best helping her out. She's incredibly scared of her parents, because they didn't even understood what being bi meant when she came out about that part of her to them. Fortunately we share a circle of friends so she has a lot of support there.

[Delta]

I know you're being serious. I'll take that advice into heavy consideration. Thank you. That being said, I know you're only looking out for my well being, and that's lovely. I don't exactly have ppls throwing themselves at me so I go with what--Oh wait sometimes they do only they're usually not my type of partner. What is? Not the pushy kind I guess, I don't like too shy ones 'cause I'm shy too... mmm. Dunno who's left to date.

So I dunno I was trying to vent. Do you really think like, um... what do I do if I don't wanna relationship yet say they live in the same building and I have to see them everyday? You can ignore that if you wanna. I'm expressing girly feelings.

Not sure I'm the best to comment on all of that since I've never been in a similar position, but let's put it like that: I think most people here live in the same building as people they aren't in a relationship with, it might be awkward for a while, but not breaking up with someone just because you see them regularly isn't really helping anyone in the long run. I feel like the only good reason to be in a relationship with a person is because both people want to be in a relationship with each other. Being with someone just because you feel you should be in a relationship usually doesn't work out so great in the long run, in my experience.

I don't know your situation, your age, I don't know you, so take any advice from me with a grain of salt, obviously. But in general, not being in a relationship is preferable to being in a bad one, so I'd recommend waiting and looking for the right person(s) for you.

[sneakykitten]

Not sure I'm the best to comment on all of that since I've never been in a similar position, but let's put it like that: I think most people here live in the same building as people they aren't in a relationship with, it might be awkward for a while, but not breaking up with someone just because you see them regularly isn't really helping anyone in the long run. I feel like the only good reason to be in a relationship with a person is because both people want to be in a relationship with each other. Being with someone just because you feel you should be in a relationship usually doesn't work out so great in the long run, in my experience.

I don't know your situation, your age, I don't know you, so take any advice from me with a grain of salt, obviously. But in general, not being in a relationship is preferable to being in a bad one, so I'd recommend waiting and looking for the right person(s) for you.
Thank you for the nuanced and thoughtful advice. I do kinda push myself to be with someone as my defining trait sometimes. And my current 'ship? We barely see each other it's really only 'cause he wanna... anyways here I am chattering about my life I'll return if I have another thingy to say.

[Delta]

Don't worry. I'm mostly a lurker here myself (as a bi male in a committed relationship with a female for over a decade I kind of feel like I don't really register enough on the spectrum to comment on lots of the issues at times) but as far as I can see, chatting on about the things going on in your life and talking to like-minded people about it is kind of the point of this thread.

[Xihirli]

No relationship is better than a bad relationship.

[sneakykitten]

Care to explain why? Like I have some feels about bad 'ships they're usually not entirely scandalous tragedies. Or whatevs.

[Xihirli]

Allowing manipulative people to control an aspect of your emotional state will hurt you a lot worse than going without a significant other.

[sneakykitten]

You're right. Some people don't need a significant other to feel good or whatevs in their life. I don't feel like I can express my emotions to anyone better than a significant other so... I dunno thank you for speaking up.

[Recherché]

Because your partner in a bad relationship can hurt you far far worse than any stranger can. In a good relationship both partners will help each be better people and feel better but that same intentional vulnerability makes a bad relationship hurt so much worse. I'd much rather have no romantic connections and and rely on non-romantic relationships for my companionship needs than sit by while my significant other harms me in any way.

[Heliomance]

ahhhhhh i am on my way to my surgical pre assessment everything is screaming aaaaahhhh

[137beth]

ahhhhhh i am on my way to my surgical pre assessment everything is screaming aaaaahhhh

Congratulations!

[AliceLost]

Care to explain why? Like I have some feels about bad 'ships they're usually not entirely scandalous tragedies. Or whatevs.

Some traits of bad relationships hurt you now, but some of the worst effects are the way they retrain you to see yourself over the long term. You clearly know that something is off about your situation because you're capable of posting about it here, but it doesn't sound like you're used to having relationships with people (romantic or otherwise) in which you are valued and respected, and so you don't put much emphasis on being pushed around, and feel the need to define yourself by the partner you have.

Learning how to share your emotions and support yourself can be hard, but good relationships only work when they contain two (or more) mature people capable of taking care of themselves. That's the framework that a strong relationship can be built upon.
If people are disrespecting you, pushing you around, and not insisting on treating you like a full %50 of the relationship, there's no framework there, and they're only going to be able to take advantage of you. The real problem, as I think you're experiencing, is that if you get pushed around and taken advantage of enough, it starts to seem normal.

It's not, and you deserve to be respected. If you can work on developing that by yourself, you'll have a much stronger metric for reasonable standards to hold the other people in your life to.


ahhhhhh i am on my way to my surgical pre assessment everything is screaming aaaaahhhh

Everything will be okay! You've got this!!! Deep breaths!!!!!!!
*Squeezes your hand*

[sneakykitten]

Some traits of bad relationships hurt you now, but some of the worst effects are the way they retrain you to see yourself over the long term. You clearly know that something is off about your situation because you're capable of posting about it here, but it doesn't sound like you're used to having relationships with people (romantic or otherwise) in which you are valued and respected, and so you don't put much emphasis on being pushed around, and feel the need to define yourself by the partner you have.

Learning how to share your emotions and support yourself can be hard, but good relationships only work when they contain two (or more) mature people capable of taking care of themselves. That's the framework that a strong relationship can be built upon.
If people are disrespecting you, pushing you around, and not insisting on treating you like a full %50 of the relationship, there's no framework there, and they're only going to be able to take advantage of you. The real problem, as I think you're experiencing, is that if you get pushed around and taken advantage of enough, it starts to seem normal.

It's not, and you deserve to be respected. If you can work on developing that by yourself, you'll have a much stronger metric for reasonable standards to hold the other people in your life to.
No, I don't really wanna support myself I am sorry. I didn't just magically start being attractive enough for dates I had to work at it very much. Except when I was a teen apparently. It doesn't really matter to me if I get pushed around I kinda like it and anyways it provides direction in my life from my friend or lover.

Your advice is making me wanna cry. Not in a bad way just... anyways, I ask myself questions all day and night long about how to be happy with just being alone or whatevs. I never get satisfying answers. Myself is not gonna save myself.

I don't believe that to love another you need to love yourself first. I don't know what I wanna out of myself. It's easier if other peoples tell me what I want. Anyway, I don't wanna be ungrateful yet I've been talking to myself for ages, trying to take care of my body the best I can, I feel like having a partner whether they're mean or not is the natural result of that and I wanna... have intimacy with someone. I was always alone in school, pretty much alone in my parents' house. And this home is kinda creepy I'm by myself again. I'm tired of being by myself does anyone get that feeling like whatsoever?? :P

[Xihirli]

Of course we do. Wanting to be loved is normal.
But you don’t need them.
You can be good without them.

[Delta]

Of course we do. Wanting to be loved is normal.
But you don’t need them.
You can be good without them.

I can't think of anything particularly smart to say, so I'll just second this very much.

[CWater]

No, I don't really wanna support myself I am sorry. I didn't just magically start being attractive enough for dates I had to work at it very much. Except when I was a teen apparently. It doesn't really matter to me if I get pushed around I kinda like it and anyways it provides direction in my life from my friend or lover.

Your advice is making me wanna cry. Not in a bad way just... anyways, I ask myself questions all day and night long about how to be happy with just being alone or whatevs. I never get satisfying answers. Myself is not gonna save myself.

I don't believe that to love another you need to love yourself first. I don't know what I wanna out of myself. It's easier if other peoples tell me what I want. Anyway, I don't wanna be ungrateful yet I've been talking to myself for ages, trying to take care of my body the best I can, I feel like having a partner whether they're mean or not is the natural result of that and I wanna... have intimacy with someone. I was always alone in school, pretty much alone in my parents' house. And this home is kinda creepy I'm by myself again. I'm tired of being by myself does anyone get that feeling like whatsoever?? :P

If ending the relationship is not an option you want to take, then how about at least creating some boundaries for yourself? Some things you will not do, some things you won't agree to, etc. You can even start with small things, that you don't think will cause a big argument, but it is still a way to build your confidence.

[sneakykitten]

That is very good advice. And thank you to the others who responded. I almost like cry when I read some of this. Anyway I'll start thinking about boundaries I wanna set. Thank you again everyone you are lovely peoples. <3

[Heliomance]

So the result from my pre-assessment is that I'm not quite ready for surgery, and by the time I am, the surgeon will be on maternity leave, which kinda sucks. They're going to try to get me into her very first slot back in January.

[Dire Moose]

That sucks, Heliomance. What made them say you weren't ready?

[Domino Quartz]

Sorry if this distracts from other important issues, but I felt like I had to get this off my chest:

The thing (or things, I guess) that made me sympathetic to LGBTQ+ issues were stories about how LGBTQ people are treated sometimes, or about their own personal stories about how they feel about being as they are in modern society. It makes me really sad and angry sometimes. I read these stories, and I just feel like reaching through space and time to hug these people and tell them that they matter as human beings, that they are loved, etc. What makes people think it's okay to be so hateful towards other human beings? Bloody hell.

What made me want to write this was a story by a transgender/non-binary person about how they tried to drink themself to death once (it was thankfully unsuccessful). I wish I was capable of doing something to improve the situation in the world for LGBTQ people, but I feel pretty powerless. I want to hit someone, hug someone, and cry all at the same time.

[sneakykitten]

Thank you for your support. I often feel out of place in this world. Like a mistake of nature or whoever if there's a creator. There's a lot of complicated emotions inside me. So knowing that someone is so concerned and sympathetic is helpful. Are you LGBTQ+ yourself by any chance? Don't have to answer that one if you don't wanna. Anyway thx again it helps to know there are nice allies out there.

[Heliomance]

That sucks, Heliomance. What made them say you weren't ready?

Hair removal not sufficiently finished. There's still some downy hairs in the area that they want gone.

[Domino Quartz]

Thank you for your support. I often feel out of place in this world. Like a mistake of nature or whoever if there's a creator. There's a lot of complicated emotions inside me. So knowing that someone is so concerned and sympathetic is helpful. Are you LGBTQ+ yourself by any chance? Don't have to answer that one if you don't wanna. Anyway thx again it helps to know there are nice allies out there.

First, no worries. Second, yes, I recently realised that I'm bisexual.

[sneakykitten]

Congratulations on your discovery Domino Quartz.

I am wondering if I am just a plain lesbian? I can feel loving feels for men yet really all I do with them is end up going to bed. With women I have actual relationships like love letters and support and chatting about our lives. I haven't had a guy partner yet that I didn't just kinda lust after. Maybe I'm just a lesbian who likes being dominated.

[War_lord]

Congratulations on your discovery Domino Quartz.

I am wondering if I am just a plain lesbian? I can feel loving feels for men yet really all I do with them is end up going to bed. With women I have actual relationships like love letters and support and chatting about our lives. I haven't had a guy partner yet that I didn't just kinda lust after. Maybe I'm just a lesbian who likes being dominated.

Well, by definition if you legitimately lust after men you aren't a lesbian. It seems to me like you've just got some emotional issues, particularly when it comes to men, since you've admitting to cultivating relationships that have obviously abusive patterns and then emotionally pushed back whenever other posters pointed out what a bad tendency it is.

I mean, if you're jumping into something with the first guy who offers you something, because you feel pressured and want a relationship, and then go along with their every whim. Well, chances are you're only going to meet selfish, abusive guys who'll use you and then discard you when it's convenient. And the behaviors you pick up from that kind of relationship is actually a hindrance to having a fruitful relationship if you do meet a guy who isn't trying to exploit you. You need to develop your confidence and emotional autonomy. I'm saying that from not inconsiderable experience of a similar situation. I'm a guy who's patient enough that in my case I was willing to help them move past their bad experience and the learned behaviors picked up in it. A lot of guys aren't willing to step up to that even if they are interested in a long term relationship.

The reason you don't encounter that as much with women is that most women (not all) are more socialized towards long term emotional connections, compared to sex obsessed masculine expectations.

[CWater]

It's also possible that your sexual and romantic orientations don't exactly match, being bisexual homoromantic in your case, sneakykitten.

However, like War_lord mentioned, it's not impossible that your impression comes from the experience of running into more women than men that want an emotional relationship.

[sneakykitten]

It is true that I emotionally pushed back. My motivation was that I didn't know it was bad. I thought I was just being normal. And I had... to break up with him. Someone told me to and we had a crisis intervention. They told me some things and I was almost crying. So I'm sorry to my bf yet I had to... because someone told me to. They told me to love life and not you know think about blah blah anymore. I shall do that too.

Thank you for saying the words of what orientation I am, CWater. War_lord is right unfortunately I could not be the girl that helped him I feel so so so so sad.

[Xihirli]

It is true that I emotionally pushed back. My motivation was that I didn't know it was bad. I thought I was just being normal. And I had... to break up with him. Someone told me to and we had a crisis intervention. They told me some things and I was almost crying. So I'm sorry to my bf yet I had to... because someone told me to. They told me to love life and not you know think about blah blah anymore. I shall do that too.

Thank you for saying the words of what orientation I am, CWater. War_lord is right unfortunately I could not be the girl that helped him I feel so so so so sad.

Sneakykitten. Please. Get help. Talk to a therapist about the way you feel pressured to obey everyone who talks to you.

[sneakykitten]

Sneakykitten. Please. Get help. Talk to a therapist about the way you feel pressured to obey everyone who talks to you.
I am getting help. I had a therapist. Have sorry. Anyways thank you everyone for your responses and concerns now it seems like I am creepying ppls out see ya everyone. :) And thank you Xihirli for telling it how it is. Anyway bye bye thread I won't be creeping around here for a while.

[Heliomance]

12 days until I get to see my girlfriend in person again I can't wait

[Sahe]

12 days until I get to see my girlfriend in person again I can't wait

yay you!

A good friend of mine from Canada is currently in England visiting her girlfriends. Now she's so close, yet so far (I live in Germany), but I can't see her there since I have neither the money nor the time sadly.

In other news, my other friend who lives in England comes back to Germany tomorrow and will move in with a friend (not her parents thankfully). I'm really happy about that.

[Dire Moose]

12 days until I get to see my girlfriend in person again I can't wait

Awesome! Long distance relationships can be hard, but they can pay off. I was in one for a while, but we eventually got married and moved in together. Best of luck to you two!

[Lentrax]

Fun tweet in my feed this morning.

https://s8.postimg.cc/78oe5r3ph/4_ADC85_D7-_C57_B-480_B-_A06_F-_BE70406_EAA52.png

[Delta]

Considering the number of trans people you regularly see at A/SGDQ, that sounds like a dangerous joke to make lest someone actually makes it an event category somehow next year ;)

[Lentrax]

Yeah, well I thoroughly enjoy the novelty of the thing.

I even replied that I am currently softlocked in my run.

[Heliomance]

Fun tweet in my feed this morning.

https://s8.postimg.cc/78oe5r3ph/4_ADC85_D7-_C57_B-480_B-_A06_F-_BE70406_EAA52.png

Can't see the image

[Jormengand]

Can't see the image

image description: Tweet by @TransSalamander reading:

"New term for transitioning for those of you who love speed runs:

girl%"

[Iruka]

image description: Tweet by @TransSalamander reading:

"New term for transitioning for those of you who love speed runs:

girl%"

I'm afraid I still do't get it. Is that some kind of gaming terminology?

[Delta]

I'm afraid I still do't get it. Is that some kind of gaming terminology?

It's speedrun specific terminology, the biggest categories in speedruns are commonly called "any%" (which means "Just finish the game however, if you can skip bosses, levels, quests, do it") and "100%" (meaning "Do everything you can do in the game as quickly as possible")

[Lord Joeltion]

Never watch TV, except when others do when I'm around. The other day I saw a commercial about a perfume/fragrance called "Hombre" (Man); and the slogan was something like "Doesn't matter whether straight, gay or trans; this is a fragrance for all men".

Given what has recently happened in local TV and certain stupid TV campaigns*, and also certain political debates regarding gender and women issues; that was a nice reminder that society marches on, even if by baby steps. Or at least some part of us do, I dunno. Just wanted to share :smallsmile:

*Long story short, a local Sports Channel made a campaign about the World Cup (soccer) with certain... questionable references to being attracted to the same gender (whatever the actual intention, it was still in poor taste, so it was quickly removed from media).

[AliceLost]

image description: Tweet by @TransSalamander reading:

"New term for transitioning for those of you who love speed runs:

girl%"

That's cute, although sadly everyone still seems to struggle to remember that trans men exist too.

[Jormengand]

That's cute, although sadly everyone still seems to struggle to remember that trans men exist too.

So do nonbinary and genderfluid people, of course. Damned reality, making things too complicated to fit into Twitter posts.



Of course, very few points are simple enough that they fit, in their full nuance, into 140 characters. This, ironically, is among them.

[Dire Moose]

Nonbinary and genderfluid here!

[Jormengand]

Ugh. TERFs took over London pride and were generally awful and TERFy and no-one stopped them. Ugh.

[Heliomance]

Ugh. TERFs took over London pride and were generally awful and TERFy and no-one stopped them. Ugh.

They were stopped, actually. Where I was, around Trafalgar Square, I got to see the police escorting them out of the parade route. Wasn't close enough to hear them talking, but it looked like they were being politely told to piss off.

Also I would hardly call walking down the parade route half an hour in front of the parade "taking over".

[Jormengand]

They were stopped, actually. Where I was, around Trafalgar Square, I got to see the police escorting them out of the parade route. Wasn't close enough to hear them talking, but it looked like they were being politely told to piss off.

Also I would hardly call walking down the parade route half an hour in front of the parade "taking over".

Huh. Better than I thought, then. Still, ugh, TERFs.

[Lentrax]

I officially give up. It’s been years, I still have to live like a boy, I have zero support from my family.

I’m just going to throw all my **** out, and try and manage my dysphoria and depression the best I can.

[sneakykitten]

I am sorry that you feel you have to give up. Best of luck to you. I hope you can find your way back to the way you wanna live eventually.

[SpoonR]

So we finally have decent insurance, and FtM spouse is starting to set up the last couple surgeries.But he has to find a new surgeon, he was going to use one in Austin Tx doc but decided not because of too many malpractice or ethics lawsuits. Yay I guess?

[137beth]

So...is laser hair removal always so expensive? I live near the center of a fairly large city, but
1)The closest place that does laser hair removal is a 20 minute bus ride away, and all other such places are at least 40 minutes away by bus
2)Everywhere I can get to that does laser hair removal would charge at least $2500 total to get rid of my facial hair (including sideburns), before even factoring in if I want to get it for other body parts.
3)I have fairly good health insurance (or what passes for good health insurance in the United States), but none of the laser hair removal places I have looked at accept any sort of health care plans.

Maybe if I get on hormones, that will slow my facial hair growth enough that I won't need laser hair removal?

[Astrella]

Depends on where you live I presume? I paid about 125 euros for a session at the dermatology department of the hospital. I know lots of people use groupons though.

Hormones will like, reduce and slow down hair growth but won't get rid of stuff that's already there. You won't get new hairs developing but what's there will stick around.

[noparlpf]

Somebody I know found a good deal for around $2k for the face and most of the body. In NY (maybe Westchester county?) But they also said other places they looked into went up to like $10k. Good luck.

[sneakykitten]

Being bi has kinda messed up my life. I get attracted to almost everyone. It's kinda sick. Not like stalker... just feel like they are pretty and I would date them if they asked. Yet I feel sick because it's unrequited.

[AuthorGirl]

Being bi has kinda messed up my life. I get attracted to almost everyone. It's kinda sick. Not like stalker... just feel like they are pretty and I would date them if they asked. Yet I feel sick because it's unrequited.

*relates quite a lot*

It gets easier, or so I'm told, haha.

[Eldest]

Being bi has kinda messed up my life. I get attracted to almost everyone. It's kinda sick. Not like stalker... just feel like they are pretty and I would date them if they asked. Yet I feel sick because it's unrequited.

I mean, if I was straight, the majority of guys I would find attractive aren't going to want to date me. The majority of women that I do find attractive still aren't going to date me. No matter who you are, not everyone that you look at and go "wow pretty" is going to want to date you, bi stuff doesn't enter into it.

[Honest Tiefling]

Being bi has kinda messed up my life. I get attracted to almost everyone. It's kinda sick. Not like stalker... just feel like they are pretty and I would date them if they asked. Yet I feel sick because it's unrequited.

Why would an unrequited attraction make you feel sick? If you act with maturity and respect, you are doing fine.


I mean, if I was straight, the majority of guys I would find attractive aren't going to want to date me. The majority of women that I do find attractive still aren't going to date me. No matter who you are, not everyone that you look at and go "wow pretty" is going to want to date you, bi stuff doesn't enter into it.

Straight, bi, pan or gay, it's going to happen. Learn to deal with it so that you are happy with your actions.

[sneakykitten]

It makes me feel sick because other people tell me I get obsessed, think I know people more than I do... only reasons. And being bi is a component. I don't expect everyone I meet to date me. I was trying to say that it's lonely being a bi trans girl and I wish I could find a partner or partners.

[Sahe]

It makes me feel sick because other people tell me I get obsessed, think I know people more than I do... only reasons. And being bi is a component. I don't expect everyone I meet to date me. I was trying to say that it's lonely being a bi trans girl and I wish I could find a partner or partners.

Well, I'm trans lesbian and I don't fall for everyone I meet and I'm also a bit lonely. Doesn't really make things easier.

Back in September last year I told a girl I was into her, while she was telling me she was head over heels for someone else...so great timing by me! We're good friends and she's been there for me, basically since day 1. So we stayed friends, no problem and I worked through the rejection (she was worried she was hurting me) and then in January or so I told her I'm over it. Fast forward like 3 or 4 Months, I'm having a really ****ty day and drag myself to Uni because we're working on a project together and I didn't wanna let her down, even though I really felt like just lying in bed being miserable all day. I'm there before her, I feel bad, the moment the door opens and she grins at me I have to grin back and I'm instantly better and that got me thinking again how I really feel about her...and well I am thinking a lot about her, still not really sure where I stand...or she for that matter. The relationship with the girl she was into back when ended in a bad breakup.

Of course there is also the complicating matter of a trans girl I know and we're sorta into each other, but also both decided a relationship (especially since it'd be longish distance) would be too much for us both to handle right now and we're bot scared to **** it up and tank our friendship aaaaand she isn't even all that sure she likes girls.

So there...relationships are complicated and I'm not even in one...ugh feelings.

[sneakykitten]

So there...relationships are complicated and I'm not even in one...ugh feelings.
Nooo~ Feelings are good! Thx for telling me about your experiences it helps. :)

[Dire Moose]

https://i.imgur.com/dUhypX9.jpg

New photo of my girl-self from last month.

Hoping soon I can finally lose that wig an use my own hair. It's starting to get long enough now, but I need to find a place to get it styled correctly. That's something I'll be asking about at the nonbinary support group I'm attending today.

[137beth]

I can't see anything in the spoiler box.

[Jormengand]

I can't see anything in the spoiler box.

The solution (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=23172421&postcount=6).

[AuthorGirl]

https://i.imgur.com/dUhypX9.jpg

New photo of my girl-self from last month.

Hoping soon I can finally lose that wig an use my own hair. It's starting to get long enough now, but I need to find a place to get it styled correctly. That's something I'll be asking about at the nonbinary support group I'm attending today.

You have gained the power of invisibility!

(Kidding, I did see Jor's solution link, I just wanted to make a really low-quality joke.)

[Dire Moose]

Edited to make it a link instead.

[137beth]

The link is giving me an "access denied" error.

[AuthorGirl]

The link is giving me an "access denied" error.

Same. Dire truly has gained invisibility!

[Domino Quartz]

Same. Dire truly has gained invisibility!

It should work if you reload the page. It did for me, at least.

[halfeye]

It should work if you reload the page. It did for me, at least.
Nope (for me).

I get a picture (you can't copy/(paste) the writing) of "the image xzy cannot be displayed because it contains errors".

[137beth]

It should work if you reload the page. It did for me, at least.

Works for me when the page is refreshed.

[Dire Moose]

Ok, so what image hosting sites do work with this forum?

[AuthorGirl]

Ok, so what image hosting sites do work with this forum?

I don't know, but I think Honest Tiefling does.

[CWater]

Ok, so what image hosting sites do work with this forum?

Imgur has worked fine for me.

[137beth]

Let's see if Tumblr works...
https://78.media.tumblr.com/8b256fcf723ac780ce16daa3a0bd06b8/tumblr_inline_p4hiqlDQT51usfwug_500.png

[Lea Plath]

Yo, y'all nerds.

So I've had GIC, got my second GIC appointment, came out at work, came out properly socially, finally getting my spider tattoo as a reminder of the years closeted, and if any of you folks are going to be anywhere near Leeds Pride this august, I'm catering for the trans stuff and events.

Dunno how many of the folks I knew are still around, but if any of you are, add me on discord~

[Jormengand]

Yo, y'all nerds.

So I've had GIC, got my second GIC appointment, came out at work, came out properly socially, finally getting my spider tattoo as a reminder of the years closeted, and if any of you folks are going to be anywhere near Leeds Pride this august, I'm catering for the trans stuff and events.

Dunno how many of the folks I knew are still around, but if any of you are, add me on discord~

Hi spider-girl!

Also, awesome progress! :smallbiggrin:

I'm still here! Despite it all... Don't usually use discord tho. More Skype and occasionally Steam.

[JNAProductions]

Yo, y'all nerds.

So I've had GIC, got my second GIC appointment, came out at work, came out properly socially, finally getting my spider tattoo as a reminder of the years closeted, and if any of you folks are going to be anywhere near Leeds Pride this august, I'm catering for the trans stuff and events.

Dunno how many of the folks I knew are still around, but if any of you are, add me on discord~

I'm occasionally on Discord. (Nowhere near the Leeds area, though.) If you'd like, send me a PM and we can chat on there!

[Domino Quartz]

There's something that happens to me sometimes - I identify as male, but sometimes I find myself imagining having breasts instead of my flat male chest, or having a vagina instead of a penis. I don't know why this happens.

[noparlpf]

There's something that happens to me sometimes - I identify as male, but sometimes I find myself imagining having breasts instead of my flat male chest, or having a vagina instead of a penis. I don't know why this happens.

I've never really imagined having breasts but I've wondered what it would be like to have a vagina. I think that's just normal curiosity.

[Honest Tiefling]

Ok, so what image hosting sites do work with this forum?

Postimage will work just fine, been hosting there for a bit. It doesn't require an e-mail, if you still need help. Just remember to make sure that it is a http link, not https.

[137beth]

Yo, y'all nerds.

So I've had GIC, got my second GIC appointment, came out at work, came out properly socially, finally getting my spider tattoo as a reminder of the years closeted, and if any of you folks are going to be anywhere near Leeds Pride this august, I'm catering for the trans stuff and events.

Dunno how many of the folks I knew are still around, but if any of you are, add me on discord~

Congratulations! It's always good to make progress like that.

[TaiLiu]

Yo, y'all nerds.

So I've had GIC, got my second GIC appointment, came out at work, came out properly socially, finally getting my spider tattoo as a reminder of the years closeted, and if any of you folks are going to be anywhere near Leeds Pride this august, I'm catering for the trans stuff and events.

Dunno how many of the folks I knew are still around, but if any of you are, add me on discord~
Hey, Lea Plath! I don't think we really interacted back when we were both participants in this thread, but it's really good to hear about how well your life is going now!

[Dire Moose]

Ok, let’s give this a shot: https://s8.postimg.cc/57alwraj5/07_C29_DC8-809_A-4_D13-_A633-2378_DFC80614.jpg (https://postimg.cc/image/57alwraj5/)

[AuthorGirl]

Ok, let’s give this a shot: https://s8.postimg.cc/57alwraj5/07_C29_DC8-809_A-4_D13-_A633-2378_DFC80614.jpg (https://postimg.cc/image/57alwraj5/)

Shot successful!

[137beth]

Good picture Dire Moose!

[Dire Moose]

Something silly I did in honor of Shark Week: https://youtu.be/tPBkn14ZRtw

I’m afraid I sound a bit more androgynous than truly female though.

[Shadowscale]

How's everyone been lately?

[AuthorGirl]

How's everyone been lately?

Um.

I may have lost a friend.

Another friend is contemplating suicide.

It's rare that I feel any kind of composure or confidence - yet at the same time, I don't care about that.

It's rare that I can fall asleep without staring at the ceiling and worrying for what seems like hours - yet at the same time, I don't feel any need to make that stop.

Rationally, I know this isn't a good place to be in, but I'm just sort of disconnected from all of it. That's probably a blessing at the moment.

So uh . . . I have not been okay, but I'm not distressed about that in the slightest. Thanks for asking.

How are you?

[super dark33]

Hello i have just realized that i am non binary