LGBTAI+ #59: Will You Take This Woman To Be Your Galpal?

[AuthorGirl]

Hello i have just realized that i am non binary

Hey, that's awesome! Do you mind if I ask how you figured that out?

[137beth]

Hello i have just realized that i am non binary

Congratulations on your realization! It can be hard for a lot of people to come to.

[Heliomance]

I'm doing pretty well. I be an amazing girlfriend that I'm sickeningly in love with, my brother and his wife have moved out (don't get me wrong, I like them both, but we are incompatible housemates and it was doing bad things to my mental health), and I have a final stage interview on Monday that if all goes well will let me move up north like I've been wanting to for months. I have friends, a decent social life, and overall my life is pretty great right now.

[super dark33]

Hey, that's awesome! Do you mind if I ask how you figured that out?

Sure!

For the longest time i always had this underlying sense that i never really like how """gender""" functions in society, and by the time i discovered what non-binaryness means i was already well into ending my teenage years and have been living in a 100% bknary gendered language (hebrew) so i dismissed these feelings as mere doubt or part of my overall depression to ignore.

For the last few years i legit started thinking about myself in terms of gender and while i still hated the binary i was way too comfy with being Male and percieved as such to consider otherwise.

A few days ago i saw a post from a person asking if its valid to be enby while still wantjng to present 100% femme with she/her pronouns and the positive responses helped everything click in my brain.


Basically i like all pronouns with preference to neutral ones.



The biggest hurdle was language, but its not like im gonna come out to my immidiate surrounding, heh.

[noparlpf]

Sent in a petition to change my surname and the form they sent back uses "his/her/their" wherever there's a pronoun.

[Sahe]

I'm soon starting a job. I'm out there all for the world to see with a nametag that reads my name. My bosses have been good so far in the talks and very forthcoming (I can take my Uniform with and dress at home and can avoid the whole changing room situation that way)

Other than that I'm kinda suffering from lovesickness and lonelyness lately and wondering if I'm poly, because I'm more or less hard crushing on like...5 people rn...could just be my hormones tho.

@AuthorGirl: I'm sorry for your loss and your situation.

[SilentNight]

Hi all, just popping in to say a great big thanks. I came out to a select few people in my life a few years ago after at least a decade of questioning, but was still a little unsure since I really only had experience dating the opposite sex. Long story short, I've had a lot of validating experiences as a queer man as of late and am feeling super confident and comfortable, so thank you all for building such a wonderful community to help me through that journey. Much love.

[Florian]

Some inspirational stuff. This link leads to an article about 1st generation trans people and how they have aged and are happy with their transition. Run it thru google translate as usual.
https://www.zeit.de/zeit-magazin/2018-05/transgender-csd-jess-t-dugan-vanessa-fabbre-fs

[golentan]

Hi folks. I stopped coming here for a while, but I found myself missing the playground and figured I'd poke my head in and say hi, and maybe get in the habit of checking back in regularly.

[sneakykitten]

Being trans and gender fluid wrecked my life. If I were born as a girl ppls wouldn't hate and despise me. If I were born as a girl they would treat me the way I wanna be treated and see me the way I see myself. Yet they don't and never will. I have to get a costly, traumatic surgery just to live the life I need to live. Or else I am gonna drown in all my sorrows and never recover.

[CWater]

Being trans and gender fluid wrecked my life. If I were born as a girl ppls wouldn't hate and despise me. If I were born as a girl they would treat me the way I wanna be treated and see me the way I see myself. Yet they don't and never will. I have to get a costly, traumatic surgery just to live the life I need to live. Or else I am gonna drown in all my sorrows and never recover.

*hugs* It sucks.

[Lycunadari]

In my family we frequently swap clothes around - brother wore my grandpa's suit to his wedding, I have old skirts from my mom and my brother's old winter jacket, a close family friend recently got several of my late grandma's dresses, etc. This led to a cute conversation between my mom and me yesterday :smallsmile:
Mom:"You need to find a boyfriend who can wear this old pink dress of mine because I doubt it will ever fit me again and it's not your or [sister]'s style."
Me: "Boyfriend?"
Mom: "Or girlfriend. Having some boobs would be necessary for the dress to fit properly, I guess."
Me: "Well, push-up bras and such are always an option~"

I'm honestly not even surprised that my mom's first thought for "person to wear a dress" was "guy who likes dresses" and not "girl", considering any partner of mine would have to be very queer, and my sister's girlfriend would never voluntarily wear a dress. :smallbiggrin:

[CWater]

In my family we frequently swap clothes around - brother wore my grandpa's suit to his wedding, I have old skirts from my mom and my brother's old winter jacket, a close family friend recently got several of my late grandma's dresses, etc. This led to a cute conversation between my mom and me yesterday :smallsmile:
Mom:"You need to find a boyfriend who can wear this old pink dress of mine because I doubt it will ever fit me again and it's not your or [sister]'s style."
Me: "Boyfriend?"
Mom: "Or girlfriend. Having some boobs would be necessary for the dress to fit properly, I guess."
Me: "Well, push-up bras and such are always an option~"

I'm honestly not even surprised that my mom's first thought for "person to wear a dress" was "guy who likes dresses" and not "girl", considering any partner of mine would have to be very queer, and my sister's girlfriend would never voluntarily wear a dress. :smallbiggrin:

That's quite adorable :smalltongue:

[137beth]

I bought falsies online yesterday. Waiting anxiously for them to arrive.

[sneakykitten]

*hugs* It sucks.
/me hugs.

Thx. I just feel so tired that living the way I am makes ppls get in my face. I'm gonna get beaten up by cops or something eventually. Grr. Sighs.

[Iethloc]

Hey, all. It's been quite some time since I've posted on these forums, though I've been reading stuff here pretty regularly. A lot has happened, much of it negative, but still some positive stuff. I don't really want to compress almost a year's worth of stuff into one post, but there are some things I want to talk about with someone who's had similar experiences. Not all of it is LGBTAI+ related, but some of it is so I'd feel more comfortable seeking support here. I've been trying to process some neglect and violence from my early childhood, along with the severe mental illnesses (specifically schizophrenia and OCD) that began around that time, and how it relates to the way I process my gender and sexuality. I know that's pretty broad, but if anyone has personal experience with that sort of stuff, or experience helping others deal with it, I would appreciate being able to talk through private messages or other private means.

[JNAProductions]

Hey, all. It's been quite some time since I've posted on these forums, though I've been reading stuff here pretty regularly. A lot has happened, much of it negative, but still some positive stuff. I don't really want to compress almost a year's worth of stuff into one post, but there are some things I want to talk about with someone who's had similar experiences. Not all of it is LGBTAI+ related, but some of it is so I'd feel more comfortable seeking support here. I've been trying to process some neglect and violence from my early childhood, along with the severe mental illnesses (specifically schizophrenia and OCD) that began around that time, and how it relates to the way I process my gender and sexuality. I know that's pretty broad, but if anyone has personal experience with that sort of stuff, or experience helping others deal with it, I would appreciate being able to talk through private messages or other private means.

I do not have much experience with... Well, any of that. But you have my sympathies, and I hope life starts going better for you! *Offers hugs*

Good luck.

[sneakykitten]

Hey, all. It's been quite some time since I've posted on these forums, though I've been reading stuff here pretty regularly. A lot has happened, much of it negative, but still some positive stuff. I don't really want to compress almost a year's worth of stuff into one post, but there are some things I want to talk about with someone who's had similar experiences. Not all of it is LGBTAI+ related, but some of it is so I'd feel more comfortable seeking support here. I've been trying to process some neglect and violence from my early childhood, along with the severe mental illnesses (specifically schizophrenia and OCD) that began around that time, and how it relates to the way I process my gender and sexuality. I know that's pretty broad, but if anyone has personal experience with that sort of stuff, or experience helping others deal with it, I would appreciate being able to talk through private messages or other private means.
I have experiences dealing with OCD, psychotic symptoms, and gender stuffs. Hit me up whenever if you wanna.

[golentan]

Hey, all. It's been quite some time since I've posted on these forums, though I've been reading stuff here pretty regularly. A lot has happened, much of it negative, but still some positive stuff. I don't really want to compress almost a year's worth of stuff into one post, but there are some things I want to talk about with someone who's had similar experiences. Not all of it is LGBTAI+ related, but some of it is so I'd feel more comfortable seeking support here. I've been trying to process some neglect and violence from my early childhood, along with the severe mental illnesses (specifically schizophrenia and OCD) that began around that time, and how it relates to the way I process my gender and sexuality. I know that's pretty broad, but if anyone has personal experience with that sort of stuff, or experience helping others deal with it, I would appreciate being able to talk through private messages or other private means.

I've dealt with schizoaffective disorder my whole adult life. There's a fair bit of overlap. If I can help, ask away.

[Iethloc]

I hate to back out right now, but an urgent medical issue has just arisen that I need to prioritize. I will talk about it here once I have some more information, which could take a while. Thank you for the offers of support, and the support I've gotten in the past.

[JusticeZero]

Experienced a mildly traumatic assault attempt at work the other day. Mildly. Took a few days to get over it anyways. So I am looking for a change of career now so I can stop having to worry about that happening again.

Very frustrated because I am simultaneously overqualified for everything and underqualified for anything. Trying to figure out career resources, ugh. Having very little luck explaining to people how high 'portability of career' ranks on shoring up the bottom of Maslow's Pyramid for me, so they need to please stop trying to talk about ultimate job fulfillment if it's not addressing that piece.

"Oh, but wouldn't you rather have a job that makes you feel fulfilled?"
"If it means having to work in some oddball job opening that only exists in a couple of red states with no ability to relocate on short notice? No."
"Error, does not compute! Wouldn't you rather have a job that makes you feel fulfilled?"
"*sigh*"

[golentan]

Experienced a mildly traumatic assault attempt at work the other day. Mildly. Took a few days to get over it anyways. So I am looking for a change of career now so I can stop having to worry about that happening again.

Very frustrated because I am simultaneously overqualified for everything and underqualified for anything. Trying to figure out career resources, ugh. Having very little luck explaining to people how high 'portability of career' ranks on shoring up the bottom of Maslow's Pyramid for me, so they need to please stop trying to talk about ultimate job fulfillment if it's not addressing that piece.

"Oh, but wouldn't you rather have a job that makes you feel fulfilled?"
"If it means having to work in some oddball job opening that only exists in a couple of red states with no ability to relocate on short notice? No."
"Error, does not compute! Wouldn't you rather have a job that makes you feel fulfilled?"
"*sigh*"

Ugh, with you on that. I have a career I actually like, and people keep trying to not so subtly tell me I should be unhappy with it because it's in some way "beneath me."

I just want a job that makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful and doesn't make me want to jump in front of a bus, and this is the thing that lets me meet my own needs.

[sneakykitten]

I'm gonna be honest: I don't like my life. I had more fun doing a dead end job that was highly unsafe... because? I dunno. I love my friends, here and offline. I love the staff at the building, and counselors, and even the helpful... c-cops. I just don't love myself. And I can't make myself love myself. So like... what's up with this constant deep depression that goes to happiness and up and down all day? Like I go from really loving and trusting the world to feeling so sad I wanna disappear. It has nothing to do with transition. It's like my brain is exploding from stress and sadness and moodiness and something is missing? I dunno what's missing from my life?

[Kesnit]

And I can't make myself love myself. So like... what's up with this constant deep depression that goes to happiness and up and down all day? Like I go from really loving and trusting the world to feeling so sad I wanna disappear. It has nothing to do with transition. It's like my brain is exploding from stress and sadness and moodiness and something is missing? I dunno what's missing from my life?

Have you ever taken anti-depressants? If not, start there. If you are already on them, it sounds like they aren't working for you and you need to change dosage and/or brand.

[sneakykitten]

Have you ever taken anti-depressants? If not, start there. If you are already on them, it sounds like they aren't working for you and you need to change dosage and/or brand.
I am on them they may not be working. The only medicine that feels like it 'works' I'm taking right now is quietiapine, seroquel, whatevs. And the side effects were making it difficult to become fully awake or walk around. Do I really wanna have a working anti-depressant with side effects or is there some way to stop hating my life naturally?

A-Anyone? Ah ha ha.

[jwhouk]

Is location not an issue? Because I have a suspicion that the typical lack of sunlight in your neck of the woods probably isn't helping.

[Recherché]

I've had similar problems with anti-depressants making me a zombie with no creativity or motivation. For me not being on SSRIs ended up being a better choice because while I may have to deal with more depression and anxiety symptoms, I actually have the drive to get out there and do stuff and to take better care of myself, including therapy. To each their own though, for some people anti-depressants are lifesavers.

[Recherché]

Is location not an issue? Because I have a suspicion that the typical lack of sunlight in your neck of the woods probably isn't helping.

Eh Spokane? I used to live there, and lack of sunlight is not an issue. Spokane is on the other side of the state from Seattle and the weather is less rainy Seattle and more like the Midwest. Probably because Spokane is much closer to Idaho than Seattle.

[jwhouk]

The remoteness can't be helpful, either, I'd think.

[Recherché]

The remoteness can't be helpful, either, I'd think.

Spokane is not a tiny town either. It's around 200,00 people. Sure it's not that close to any other large cities but it's also not rural.

[sneakykitten]

The remoteness can't be helpful, either, I'd think.
Yes, I feel kinda isolated. I do have friends and see the sun everyday yet it doesn't seem to be making the big emotional probs better. I don't feel like just going outside or being closer to activities around the city would completely change things either. I dunno, I'm so stuck in depression and anxiety and psychosis that I can't organize myself, I do personal hygiene everyday and that makes me feel tired and it shouldn't.


I've had similar problems with anti-depressants making me a zombie with no creativity or motivation. For me not being on SSRIs ended up being a better choice because while I may have to deal with more depression and anxiety symptoms, I actually have the drive to get out there and do stuff and to take better care of myself, including therapy. To each their own though, for some people anti-depressants are lifesavers.
Is quietiapine, seroquel, whatevs an anti-depressant? That's what's messing up my brain. Like, it does... 'work?' Yet it also makes me feel like I'm like, slooowed down, and it's relaxing yet as well a bit of a struggle to get thru the day. I like to mostly be awake when I'm with caregivers or at therapy, ah ha ha, goodness. Well, anyway, hope u can cope with your symptoms and like... deal with it all without the helps of meds. 'Cause I sure can't.

[Nemirthel]

I finally have prescriptions for estradiol and spironolactone! I am more than a little happy about this.

Unfortunately, I still have about 4 months before I can socially transition at work/school (these are the same thing for me). But that's a lot less than how long I've been trying to just get to this point. I still need to come out to my advisor and a few other faculty members next month- hopefully it'll go well, but if not they can't really get rid of me until the semester ends without blatantly violating university policy (between semesters they can sneakily violate it). Hopefully I won't need a backup plan, but I have one anyway.

And I'm still having difficulties with my mom. I can't talk to her about anything transition related without her telling me that I need to learn to love myself and just accept that I can't transition until some ambiguous point in the future (initially when I finished my PhD 2.5-3.5 years from now, but now it seems to have moved until at least 7 years from now). She hasn't told me why she thinks I can't transition until then- I suspect that she believes that I'm financially dependent on my dad and her parents but I'm not sure. I'm starting to think that she's hoping that if she tells me enough times that it's impossible for me to transition (even though the evidence suggests otherwise) I'll somehow turn into a gay man instead of a straight woman.

But overall I'm just happy about finally being able to start HRT and being close to being able to not completely hide myself all the time.

[sneakykitten]

Your post made me feel a lot happier today, thanks Nemirthel. Aaanyways, about your mommy, i wouldn't worry too much. Doesn't seem like she has any control over your actual living situation or whatevs so her opinions can just bend off u harmlessly like water. You seem v-very prepared and 'put together.' If u do wanna chat with her about your transition, i suggest just like, telling her you're gonna do it when you wanna as a starting point so she can't argue w/u anymore about it.

[Fantastic Alice]

I just wanted to say hello. I've been heavy lurking on the "Egads a woman mentioned having an ex girlfriend!" and the sequel " Gasp! Durkon's Mum tries to support her child by not caring who he finds love with " thread as well as the V's gender thread and just general strip discussions.

As horrible and ridiculous as some of the arguments were it established that there were not only a lot of great people on this board who enjoy the comic having people like this but the creator works really hard at making sure people like me can see people we identify with.

I'm a genderqueer lesbian. I use She, Her, Xe, Xir pronouns and as I am also intersexed my GQ identity technically means I'm cisgender(:p)

And I don't know how often I'll post. I've been bullied in every online environment I've ever been in(normally related to being a lesbian in some way) So I am really closed up and scared to open up due to such.

I'm also a DV survivor. Because of her I had to have my foot cut off and reattached, crippling me for life. And I have been unable to talk about it due to the utter disgusting looks.I get if I don't blatantly lie and pretend it was a bloke.

I even went to a DV group and had to deal with all these women who were 100% able bodied continually stepping over my attempts to talk and making it very very obvious their situation was worse than mine because their abuser was a bloke.

I'm crippled for life. I had to have my foot cut off and not only can I no longer stand, can barely walk, but I have developed sciatica due to it. I also no longer have an ankle. Because my foot was so destroyed not only did they have to cut my foot off to get rid of necrotic bone but they had to remove my ankle.

With all that I had to deal with these women making out that their abuse was worse just because it was a bloke. Support groups don't work if everyone in the group connects to each other afterwards as long as they are straight.

Not one person in the group gave two ****s about wha what I had gone through. And I've had to bottle.it up for so long it's next to impossible to talk about.

The fact that For 1.5 years I was also not allowed to talk about anything to anyone under threat of forced heat exhaustion, starvation, and being forced to walk miles and miles without shoes makes it depressingly ironic.

I'd rather have someone look at me like I am the most disgusting pile of human garbage they've ever seen than be dismissed in a sham of a gay friendly support group.

I don't have any friends left and people have been noticeably cruel and dismissive of me in most attempts I have made in environments I have entered to make friends.

I had 100s before I went 1.5 years not being allowed to talk to other people.

I spent years faking through my autism to pretend to have social skills and be functional.

It's really hard to believe I lost all of that. What's not hard to believe is having a wheelchair and being a DV victim has people quick to dismiss me. Or I just had so many friends I had built over so many years before I lost most of them(no way to contact them) that I didn't realise how difficult it was to make friends when you're a lesbian. It sure doesn't help.

I don't know what initial posts in this thread are supposed to be like and I have to end here so I can compose myself and dry my eyes but I hope I haven't talked to much I just feel so freaking alone. When your life has to revolve around reading and radio plays and audio books with perhaps the occasional comic and Doctor Who telly it feels like I am such a d@£# island.

Thank you for readin

[JusticeZero]

For me it's that I want to bring home enough money that I don't have to be afraid of poverty emergencies, and I want to be able to work anywhere and not have to fear that I will lose my entire career and have to start from nothing if the wrong somebody finds out that I transitioned or whatever. If that means unfulfilling or meaningless work, hey.
I need to feel safe. Right now I don't feel safe.
My first priority is to feel safe. So is my second. I can not seem to explain that to anybody, because they keep suggesting very unsafe ideas, and arguing with me when I object on that basis.

Ugh, with you on that. I have a career I actually like, and people keep trying to not so subtly tell me I should be unhappy with it because it's in some way "beneath me."
I just want a job that makes me feel like I'm doing something meaningful and doesn't make me want to jump in front of a bus, and this is the thing that lets me meet my own needs.

[Iethloc]

I'm also a DV survivor. Because of her I had to have my foot cut off and reattached, crippling me for life. And I have been unable to talk about it due to the utter disgusting looks.I get if I don't blatantly lie and pretend it was a bloke.

I am also a survivor of domestic violence, and my abuser was a woman. My situation is pretty different from yours (I'm mostly able-bodied and such), but I can still empathize with what you've gone through to some degree. I can definitely empathize with feelings of being isolated, and I myself may be on the autism spectrum (it's not as easy to get diagnosed when you're an adult). If you ever want to talk, I'm just a private message away.

[Sahe]

Your situations sound really terrible and I hope I'm not being cruel by posting how I'm doing pretty well, but I find, when I'm down if someone tells me what is positive in their lives, can really help me.

I'm sorry for what you all had to go through.

Now, about me. Don't think I mentioned this, but I have a girlfriend now. To bad we're separated by several thousand kilometers and an ocean, but I plan to visit her in February.

I also have a jon, something I was afraid of, because I knew I couldn't work under my deadname and wasn't sure anyone would take me. I applied for a job at my old place and not only did they accept my application, they were happy I returned after I skipped a season. They were accomodating telling me they would have my back should issues arise and all that. For example they asked me which wardrobe I wanted to use or if I wanted to take the uniform home (took the latter option).
I had some negative experiences regarding passing or stemming from ignorance, but that was to be expected.
From my collegues, old and new I feel largely accepted, at least with those that matter.
Soo, yeah...

[Lissou]

@Fantastic Alice Welcome! I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, it sounds horrible! I hope you'll feel more welcome here, at the very least you can definitely talk about being abused by a woman, we know that it does happen (to men, women and non-binary people). Some people here may feel more comfortable if, if you decide to talk about specific, graphic details, you spoiler it and put a content warning, but that has more to do with it being descriptions of violence than who committed it and hopefully it won't make you feel silenced, because that's not the point!

Again, welcome, I hope you will feel free to participate as much as you'd like :)

[Threeshades]

Hey everyone,

I used to be an active poster on GitP quite a few years ago before a temporary disinterest in RPGs in general had me become inactive, and since then for some reason i never really became active again. Back then I made it a point on the boards here and really wherever possible to hide my gender. On the boards here in particular I found it fun to liken myself to Vaarsuvius in that way. This was only one expression of my journey to discovering who I really am. People active on the paizo.com forums may recognize what follows as it is mostl a copypaste of that.

Yesterday, I came out to my Significant Other as trans, which is the first time i actually verbalized my identity as female, which I only in the past few weeks fully realized about myself.

My SO themselves being gender nonbinary, was very happy for me and happily accepted calling me their girlfriend from now on (one of my greatest fear with coming out was that they wouldn't)

I remembered there to be a very lively and sweet LGBT+ communit thread here, and wanted to share my journey to finally coming to terms with who I am now at the age of 31, and also how it relates to gaming as well (since this is after all the LGBT Gaming thread). And please forgive me, I find it a bit difficult finding the right words for everything, since I never really actively dealt with what it means to be transgender and the vocabulary attached to it.

I apologize in advance for my habit of constructing long, meandering sentences. And I'm thankful for anyone wiling to suffer through this.

In my early teens i noticed for the first time that I didn't always feel entirely comfortable within the male identity. I think at the time the most significant part of this was my desire to wear skirts, which at the time i didnt think too much of, because men's skirts were already a thing and really, wearing a skirt does not a woman make.

As time went on I would always wear one of the skirts i had bought or made myself along with feminizing makeup whenever I would go out to parties or clubs with friends. I also started wearing more traditionally female articles of clothing, really anything that woudn't reveal my all to male body hair. My circle of friends have always been a rainbow coalition of all sorts of identities and sexualities so I fit right in, but at the time i would still refuse to (or perhaps be afraid of) call myself female, I just told anyone who would ask im a guy who likes to look feminine, or a crossdresser.

In my gaming life i had a parallel development. I've been playing videogames since childhood and started TTRPGs (in the form of the German game the Dark Eye) in my early teens, in which at the time i always made male characters. Whereas in videogames I found myself gravitating towards choosing the female options, even in games where this choice made little to no difference, such as in Civilization II. I later started playing D&D a few years later with some of the abovementioned circle of friends, and that was when i made my last male player character before playing almost exclusively female characters. I have made two or three male characters but would always quickly find that i never really feel those characters the way i did any of my female characters, even those that were much less well developed. I didn't realize this for a long time and always thought my preference for female player characters was based in the fact that i found them more visually appealing, and while I do, i only later and in retrospect realized how much more i connect to these characters than male ones.

When I started my relationship with my SO just over 12 years ago now, it didn't take long for us to find that we both were a bit gender nonconforming, and in our conversations, which at the time were purely online, because we lived in different countries at the time, we started using opposite pronouns.

Later as i picked up more about transgender, genderqueer and nonbinary identities more through cultural osmosis than active research, I thought perhaps calling myself nonbinary would be more appropriate. At the time i told myself I didnt really mind about what anyone would call me and what pronouns they used. But really, it always felt right to me when people used "she", or when i used it for myself when chatting with my SO, it made me feel affirmed, even when it was more in jest. The same has always been true when someone called me anything that is linked intrinsically to the female gender. I ignored these feelings however, and never acted on them by asking people to use female pronouns, partly for fear of ridicule, partly because some part of me still denied it.

In between, I sometimes felt a conscious desire that I would rather be a girl and even told some friends, but I kept dismissing these feelings every time.

As I grew older, i gained some weight and started growing rather strong body hair, (I already was slightly overweight before) which only pulled me further away from the image of the girl, or the woman, I would want to be and started me down a path where i almost completely blocked out my feminine side for several years. I told myself its better to be a hairy guy than a hairy girl, and almost completely stopped dressing in feminine clothing and using makeup. I grew a beard (more of a goatee) to hide my fading jaw line and really would only make any effort to dress up for dates with my SO who by the time had moved in with me.

I think in someway i was also afraid to actively claim any sort of trans or genderqueer identity because I felt inadequate claiming a label of a grou of people who have had to suffer so much historically and even now, both with the society around them and their very own bodies, when my life was always quite comfortable and dare I say, privileged.

We're both currently staying at their parent's home (it's been nearly two weeks now and we're going to stay until the end of the month) and I haven't taken anything with me with which to express my feminine side (for multiple reasons which I feel I shouldn't get into). and it's only since we came here that these thoughts have been building up, and i have been reflecting back on my life so far, that I realized that i'm neither male nor nonbinary, and I wasn't for all this time.

I'm a woman.

[Eldest]

I think in someway i was also afraid to actively claim any sort of trans or genderqueer identity because I felt inadequate claiming a label of a grou of people who have had to suffer so much historically and even now, both with the society around them and their very own bodies, when my life was always quite comfortable and dare I say, privileged.

I'm a woman.

Congradulations, you get to join the suffering bin now! :smalltongue:

In all seriousness, I am happy that you realized that about yourself, and wish you many happy years of self-expression!

[Astrella]

Hi all,

after the big mess in the lgbt questions thread as well I think I'm just gonna start bowing out from following the discussions here cause it just, it just aint good for my own mental health anymore to read these vile arguments. There's lots of people here I care deeply about, and like, if you're still interested in talking to me send me a pm or such for my discord or tumblr or whatever, but just, I'm just done with it.

[Anymage]

Hi all,

after the big mess in the lgbt questions thread as well I think I'm just gonna start bowing out from following the discussions here cause it just, it just aint good for my own mental health anymore to read these vile arguments. There's lots of people here I care deeply about, and like, if you're still interested in talking to me send me a pm or such for my discord or tumblr or whatever, but just, I'm just done with it.

For what little it helps, it seems like it's usually the same handful of people who come in with the same arguments. Ignoring, or at least mentally making a point to skim over anything they say or any time they're quoted, can save you some frustration.

Sympathies, though, that those posts always blow up into huge things instead of just being written off as "cool, you're free to date or not date whoever you see fit", and then having everybody else move on because those topics are never productive.

[Heliomance]

Hi all,

after the big mess in the lgbt questions thread as well I think I'm just gonna start bowing out from following the discussions here cause it just, it just aint good for my own mental health anymore to read these vile arguments. There's lots of people here I care deeply about, and like, if you're still interested in talking to me send me a pm or such for my discord or tumblr or whatever, but just, I'm just done with it.

Also I think we've got reasonably good about not letting this thread get too inflammatory. The questions thread was specifically started to keep the potential blowups out of this thread, so I guess it's doing its job?

[Sahe]

With some of the comments over there reading it comes at the very least close to digital self harm. Stopping to read it is probably a good idea.

[Astrella]

Also I think we've got reasonably good about not letting this thread get too inflammatory. The questions thread was specifically started to keep the potential blowups out of this thread, so I guess it's doing its job?

True. It's just, it's hard for me to not check it. I'm not good at not seeking out like, stuff that hurts to read in general. We'll see. Maybe I'm being a bit too overdramatic, apologies.

[Threeshades]

Congradulations, you get to join the suffering bin now! :smalltongue:

In all seriousness, I am happy that you realized that about yourself, and wish you many happy years of self-expression!

Thank you so much

Ironically, where im staying right now, i cannot express myself without judgement from some of the people im staying with...

but nonetheless i've been feeling much better about myself, healthier even, since coming out (even if not to those people mentioned above).

[YossarianLives]

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Anyway ive been wanting to present myself more femininely recently, and be refered to as such more, idk if its cos its a whole new area for my identity to explore, being bored of Male-ness, or not wanting to 'be' male, but i kinda wanna broaden my horizons.

What i wanna ask is should i dye my hair to Bi Colors?

[golentan]

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Anyway ive been wanting to present myself more femininely recently, and be refered to as such more, idk if its cos its a whole new area for my identity to explore, being bored of Male-ness, or not wanting to 'be' male, but i kinda wanna broaden my horizons.

What i wanna ask is should i dye my hair to Bi Colors?

Absolutely, go for it.

[Jormengand]

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[137beth]

Okay, time for a distraction!

There are a lot more gender-neutral public bathrooms in the neighborhood immediately surrounding me than there were two years ago. Still way harder to find than they should be, but progress is coming.

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In other topics that arent as obvious as "is the sky blue", how should i go about dying my v dark hair? i have no idea how hair works ;u;

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[Recherché]

In other topics that arent as obvious as "is the sky blue", how should i go about dying my v dark hair? i have no idea how hair works ;u;

Unfortunately you can't lighten hair with dye, you gotta bleach it first to lighten it. Bleach will damage your hair somewhat but how much depends on how heavily you bleach it and the starting condition and texture or your hair. It's also pretty hard to do to yourself, if you have a friend who's comfortable with the peroxide they might be able to do it with chemicals from a beauty supply store. Otherwise talk to a professional salon. Honestly I'd suggest talking to a professional salon anyways. I used to dye my hair red and every month my bathroom looked like a bloody murder scene from the dye.

[Jormengand]

Unfortunately you can't lighten hair with dye, you gotta bleach it first to lighten it. Bleach will damage your hair somewhat but how much depends on how heavily you bleach it and the starting condition and texture or your hair. It's also pretty hard to do to yourself, if you have a friend who's comfortable with the peroxide they might be able to do it with chemicals from a beauty supply store. Otherwise talk to a professional salon. Honestly I'd suggest talking to a professional salon anyways. I used to dye my hair red and every month my bathroom looked like a bloody murder scene from the dye.

I don't think that bleaching your own hair is that hard, but yeah, dyeing your hair will inevitably make a mess; try to clean it up sooner rather than later or it will stain.

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[Mystic Muse]

Guys, please drop this before the thread gets permanently locked for it.

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[Mystic Muse]

Guys, this is going to get the thread locked permanently, and it's already going to get locked for multiple days. Please drop it.

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I looked up vids as to how to bleach my hair, it seems a bit too complicated for me to try so im gonna look up pro hairdressers, The Big City should have no shortage of them!

[Recherché]

Bleach and dying is a pretty basic hair dressing skill so it shouldn't be hard to find someone. Though if you want a complicated pattern dyed in it might end up fairly expensive. Also I don't know what color(s) you want to dye it but most of the bright non-natural colors don't stick to hair very well so you have to keep redying it

[super dark33]

Bleach and dying is a pretty basic hair dressing skill so it shouldn't be hard to find someone. Though if you want a complicated pattern dyed in it might end up fairly expensive. Also I don't know what color(s) you want to dye it but most of the bright non-natural colors don't stick to hair very well so you have to keep redying it

The colors are blue and purple so i guess thats the latter :'3

Sadly i have not much income and i have to express myself as a no nonsense guy for the time being, but its always good to plan for the future.

Thanks for the help!

[Florian]

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The colors are blue and purple so i guess thats the latter :'3

Sadly i have not much income and i have to express myself as a no nonsense guy for the time being, but its always good to plan for the future.

Thanks for the help!

Hah! Had a punk phase some more than half a lifetime ago and my preference was for shock blue spikes. Ok, for blue and purple, you have to bleach. The good news, you can also use silver and grey, which are pretty en vogue right now (at least in Germany) and far less aggressive than straight bleach.

Overall, it´s not that hard to learn, but you're of to a good start when you have someone guiding you thru the process.

[Recherché]

Hmmm have you considered a wig so you could switch hair colors whenever?

[Dragonus45]

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[super dark33]

Hmmm have you considered a wig so you could switch hair colors whenever?

In this heat? my head will boil D:

[Recherché]

Depending on where you are it'll likely start cooling down soon. Hmmm maybe I should wear my cosplay wigs instead of a hat this winter for warmth.

[Amazon]

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[lio45]

It depends how far on the spectrum you are. For some, a surrogate might work, for others, deeper in the spectrum, fantasy is not enough, only the real thing will do.

For some, a surrogate might work (implied: and be satisfying enough).
For others, deeper in the spectrum, a surrogate will have to do.

Or else they'll eventually end up in jail, deservedly so.

The real thing is off-limits and they know it.

[Douglas]

The Mod Radiant: Locked for review.

[Forum Staff]

Discussing illegal activity is against the board rules—even if that illegal activity has never been engaged in. Likewise, discussing whether or not an activity that is illegal should remain illegal or not is also against the board rules. Anything that touches on, hints at, or refers to activity that is illegal is not permitted. There is no exception for illegal activity that might come about as a result of sexual preferences.

As with all of our rules, assume the broadest, most expansive possible interpretation of this rule if you wish to continue posting on this message board.

This thread will remain locked until moderators can scrub/warn/infract any posts that require it.

[Haruki-kun]

The Winged Mod: Thread re-opened after review.

As a reminder to everyone, please be sure to review the Forum Rules (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?a=1), especially in regards to what topics are appropriate to discuss on this site.

Furthermore, please do not attempt to carry over previous discussions from other threads, as noted under External Baggage.

[Grytorm]

Hello again. Does anyone remember me?

[Mystic Muse]

A little vaguely, but yes, I definitely recognize your username.

[CWater]

Hello again. Does anyone remember me?

Hi! I remember your avatar:smalltongue:

[Anymage]

Just looking at the amount of time covered by the mod edit timestamps, I want to thank Haruki-kun for the time and effort he put into cleaning things up. Just a pointless appreciation post for the amount of work the mods put into keeping this place running smoothly.

[Irish Musician]

Just looking at the amount of time covered by the mod edit timestamps, I want to thank Haruki-kun for the time and effort he put into cleaning things up. Just a pointless appreciation post for the amount of work the mods put into keeping this place running smoothly.

https://i.imgur.com/NLQvPat.jpg

[The Extinguisher]

I need some coming out advice. My parents are going to be in town this weekend and im having dinner with them on friday. Ive been out fulltime since i moved here, and want them to be a part of my life. I just want them to do that with the right name and pronouns.

Im not expecting it ti go bad, but im expecting insensitive questions and the like. Does anyone have any tips or experiences they can share?

[ArlEammon]

@The Extinguisher , Ironically, I wish I could help, but I'm still closeted.

[Eldest]

I need some coming out advice. My parents are going to be in town this weekend and im having dinner with them on friday. Ive been out fulltime since i moved here, and want them to be a part of my life. I just want them to do that with the right name and pronouns.

Im not expecting it ti go bad, but im expecting insensitive questions and the like. Does anyone have any tips or experiences they can share?

Have positive examples to hand. Expect it to be a shock at first. I strongly suggest either presenting gender neutral or telling them ahead of time, again to avoid the shock factor. Also, expect confusion about gender identity and sexuality: they might think this is just you trying to be gay or whatever. Worst case scenario, have the ability to cut ties. Answer questions gently but firmly: you know more about this than they do, in all likelyhood.

[ArgentiAertheri]

I need some coming out advice. My parents are going to be in town this weekend and im having dinner with them on friday. Ive been out fulltime since i moved here, and want them to be a part of my life. I just want them to do that with the right name and pronouns.

Im not expecting it ti go bad, but im expecting insensitive questions and the like. Does anyone have any tips or experiences they can share?

Can you do it in advance? Over a carefully thought out email perhaps? I went the route of "hello FB, I'm non-binary and that means...", it sorta worked?

Even if it goes perfectly, expect to correct LOTS of pronouns, particularly if you're switching to something besides s/he. Assuming you're of drinking age, maybe have some wine before they show up? Definitely have some variety of support in place for after they leave -- people you're out to and comfortable venting with. Don't be afraid to reply with any of: I'm not comfortable answering that, I don't know, I'll have to think about that. "Why do you ask?" is always a good fallback too. If you're like me and the nervous sort, write everything out on your phone and straight up read it off if you have to. Remember you can always pop to the bathroom if it gets overwhelming!

Good luck!

Side note edit regarding hair: manic panic makes a lightening kit that you can use at home, to great effect, if you can pour bottle A into jar B and stir. It's about as idiot proof as bleach can get (I've done it, successfully, repeatedly, and my chemistry skills never left grade school!)

[ve4grm]

I need some coming out advice. My parents are going to be in town this weekend and im having dinner with them on friday. Ive been out fulltime since i moved here, and want them to be a part of my life. I just want them to do that with the right name and pronouns.

Im not expecting it ti go bad, but im expecting insensitive questions and the like. Does anyone have any tips or experiences they can share?


Have positive examples to hand. Expect it to be a shock at first. I strongly suggest either presenting gender neutral or telling them ahead of time, again to avoid the shock factor. Also, expect confusion about gender identity and sexuality: they might think this is just you trying to be gay or whatever. Worst case scenario, have the ability to cut ties. Answer questions gently but firmly: you know more about this than they do, in all likelyhood.

Assuming you're right and it doesn't go badly, I second the gentle-but-firm approach. If they're asking insensitive questions, point that out, but do try to answer them if you can. Remember that they're very possibly learning about this as you're telling them, and they may not know what's insensitive yet.

Think back to when you first learned about the concept. You probably had a lot of questions that would seem insensitive or dumb based on what you know now. That's them right now. So lean on that experience and know they can get to the same point you're at with willingness and effort.

[Mystic Muse]

Well, I just sent an email to my siblings.

The worst part is done. They'll accept me, or they won't, and whatever they decide is on them.

[The Extinguisher]

Thanks for the tips! Not to worry, im willing and perfectly capable of severing ties if things go south.

I was actually going to send this over an email, but i kept not doing it and kinda got surprised by the visit.

Ill let everyone know how it goes!

[Astrella]

Hoping on positive responses for both of you!

[Comrade]

Hoping on positive responses for both of you!

Me as well.

[137beth]

Hoping on positive responses for both of you!

Yep, me too.

[Mystic Muse]

Three out of four have responded, all positive so far. Last one either doesn't know yet, orvis taking jis time, both of which are probably positive. :smallsmile:

[AuthorGirl]

Three out of four have responded, all positive so far. Last one either doesn't know yet, orvis taking jis time, both of which are probably positive. :smallsmile:

Awesome! Hoping for the best with the fourth one too :smallsmile:

[Jaros]

It's weird coming back to the forums after a couple of years with a new gender but the same username I used when I still thought I was a cis guy...

Anyway, hi.

[Grytorm]

A little vaguely, but yes, I definitely recognize your username.

That's nice, I posted here again for reasons. I think quite a while ago I was pretty certain of my real gender identity but between doing next to no experimenting with dressing up or anything and time I feel less certain. I still feel dysphoria sometimes I think, especially when I am thinking about that sort of stuff already and when I don't get around to shaving my face for a while. I wanted to post here, maybe to reconnect or something, I don't know.

And part of the reason I am here is about two months ago I attempted suicide. I ran my car into a tree. I was really lucky that my only major injury was a broken leg. Just its connected to this because I guess emotions or something.

I posted to ask if anyone remembered me when I was down about something which I can't remember.

[Mith]

That's nice, I posted here again for reasons. I think quite a while ago I was pretty certain of my real gender identity but between doing next to no experimenting with dressing up or anything and time I feel less certain. I still feel dysphoria sometimes I think, especially when I am thinking about that sort of stuff already and when I don't get around to shaving my face for a while. I wanted to post here, maybe to reconnect or something, I don't know.

And part of the reason I am here is about two months ago I attempted suicide. I ran my car into a tree. I was really lucky that my only major injury was a broken leg. Just its connected to this because I guess emotions or something.

I posted to ask if anyone remembered me when I was down about something which I can't remember.

From what I remember about the last time you were posting, you were not really down about anything specific, and more isolating yourself from others. You may have provided more details, but I cannot recall any without scrolling back through the threads.

[The Extinguisher]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

it went reasonably well. it was a supportive "as long as your happy" kinda deal. they didnt ask any questions really but im going to see them again before they leave town so im guessing things will come up then.
now im going to eat a lot of ice cream and watch cartoons

[Comrade]

That's great!

[Eldest]

That's amazing, I'm happy for you!

[Grytorm]

From what I remember about the last time you were posting, you were not really down about anything specific, and more isolating yourself from others. You may have provided more details, but I cannot recall any without scrolling back through the threads.

Oh yeah, I tend to do that. Lately, sort of. I am not in a good position to really reach out to anyone, I don't have a car and public transportation is sort of available but difficult to get to. And I have tried to reach out some. I was in a therapy group for the trigger warning above, and I tried to keep in contact with a few people from it. But one of them hasn't gotten back in a while (I hope she is okay) and another one I went with a very safe suggestion for initial outside communication, Steam, and it didn't really work out.

[CWater]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

it went reasonably well. it was a supportive "as long as your happy" kinda deal. they didnt ask any questions really but im going to see them again before they leave town so im guessing things will come up then.
now im going to eat a lot of ice cream and watch cartoons

Yay! I'm happy for you!:smallsmile:

[Mystic Muse]

Family all responded. No outright negative replies. Going to be setting up first appointment with a counselor soon to get on the road to hormones.

Extended family is likely to find out in like half a year.

[The Succubus]

Well, if a whole bunch of other old folks are returning....

Hi y'all. It's been a while. Hard to believe my first post here was 10 years ago this month. Can't believe how much I've changed since then.

[CWater]

Family all responded. No outright negative replies. Going to be setting up first appointment with a counselor soon to get on the road to hormones.

Extended family is likely to find out in like half a year.

Congrats on the good start! I hope it continues to go well!:smallsmile:

[Florian]

Haha, something I saw today made me at first very perplex, then I had to laugh: That was the first time I saw a job offer that actually included to "/D" option beyond the usual "M/F" (Male, Female), which is the code for "Non-Binary".

[137beth]

I now have my first appointment for laser hair removal for my face:smallsmile:

[Domino Quartz]

I feel like I just recently leveled up (for lack of a better term) regarding my level of comfort with my sexuality. :smallbiggrin:

Another thing: I recently remembered about how I'd had instances of same-sex attraction in the past before I actually realised I was attracted to men - I think I thought "Well, I'm attracted to women so I must be heterosexual." The thing that prompted me to realise that was this (the "Ridiculously Photogenic Guy" meme) (https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ridiculously-photogenic-guy-zeddie-little). I remember thinking "Wow, that guy is really handsome" and then "Oh no no no what is wrong with me?" Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[CWater]

A book about enby people was recently published in Finland (probably the first of its kind). Just loaned it to my dad with a comment "This is an important topic for me. We'll talk about it later". :S

Not really expecting him to react badly per se. I'm just afraid he won't understand.

[137beth]

A book about enby people was recently published in Finland (probably the first of its kind). Just loaned it to my dad with a comment "This is an important topic for me. We'll talk about it later". :S

Not really expecting him to react badly per se. I'm just afraid he won't understand.

What's the book called (and is it available in English)?

[JusticeZero]

.. I thought "Well, I'm attracted to women so I must be heterosexual." The thing that prompted me to realise that was this (the "Ridiculously Photogenic Guy" meme) (https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/ridiculously-photogenic-guy-zeddie-little). I remember thinking "Wow, that guy is really handsome" and then "Oh no no no what is wrong with me?" Has anyone else had a similar experience?
Well, not with attraction, though I spent a lot of time thinking I was bit defective. I never really get outside of this mode (https://www.deviantart.com/sallyvinter/art/Aces-Wild-12-Non-Sensual-696981316), which mostly just left me confused about what everyone else was going on about.
Would being confused and guilty for not being forced to do the extra unpleasant chores my grandmother demanded of girls count? Because I have a huge pile of things like that stretching back to 18 months of age.

[Ravens_cry]

I found myself mooning over a picture of Sir Patrick Stewart when I had a, ahem, physical reaction. "Well, guess I'm bisexual. " I currently have a loving, if long-distance 10 months of the year, boyfriend.

[Heliomance]

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I then have three weeks to find a flat and move across the country to start my new job. In that time I have three larps to attend.

https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/zL48ecvX2NkW1cU0FEfgrCc7Rgo=/0x0:900x500/920x613/filters:focal(378x178:522x322):format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/49493993/this-is-fine.0.jpg

[The Succubus]

You could save time by LARPing at your new job or LARPing while inspecting potential flats?

[Bastian Weaver]

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I then have three weeks to find a flat and move across the country to start my new job. In that time I have three larps to attend.


Judging by my experience, I'd say this is perfectly normal for a real LARP person. They used to sing a song... let me try and translate...

"I've been called by your boss, Lord Randall my son,
I've been called by your boss, my handsome young man”
“Oh, to hell with my boss, mother, make my bed soon,
For I’m weary wi’ LARPing, and fain wald lie down.”

“O I fear ye are fired, Lord Randall my son!
O I fear ye are fired, my handsome young man!”
“O yes, I am fired: mother, make my bed soon,
For I’m weary wi' LARPing, and I fain wald lie down.”

[CWater]

What's the book called (and is it available in English)?

"Näkymätön sukupuoli - Ei-binäärisiä ihmisiä", meaning "The Invisible Gender - Non-binary people". I'm afraid it's probably not been translated, the publisher is small. I hope it would be though, there's not exactly too much available on this topic. :P

It's not a study or a "text book" though, but a collection of enby people sharing their thoughts and life stories and what being non-binary means to them. I think it's actually a pretty good approach to the topic, considering there's not exactly a lot of research or statistical data to draw from yet.

[Sobol]

Celebrated Bisexuality Day by coming out to a friend; he was totally OK with it.

[137beth]

Congratulations Sobol!

[CWater]

Celebrated Bisexuality Day by coming out to a friend; he was totally OK with it.

Yay!:smallbiggrin:

[Sobol]

137ben, CWater, thanks.

That's far from the first time I've told people I'm not straight, but I've never done it on Bi Visibility Day before.

[Cizak]

Question for the aces and demis or anyone who feels comfortable answering, spoilered for some slight TMI:
What would you call someone who can and does get aroused fairly frequently, but limits the way to get that out of their system to porn? I can definitely look at a person, think "yeah that is indeed attractive to me in a sexual way", and if I'm in the right mood my body responds as a body does. But I have as far as I can remember never felt that I need or want to have sex with anyone I've met in person. I'm a virgin at 24 years old and changing that is not something I'm interested in putting any mental or physical energy into. I am unhappy with a lot of things in my life, but that is not one of them. It'll be weeks or months between the times I even think about it. In a hypothetical situation where someone else approaches me for sex, I'd probably give it a spin, but moreso in the same way I'd say yes to trying bungee jumping than any deeper desire to get laid.

[CWater]

@Cizak: It sounds to me like you'd fit in the asexual spectrum. Grey ace maybe? Not all asexuals have an aversion to sex, or never experience sexual feelings. The common thing about aces, is just lesser interest in sex compared to the general population. And while there are some people that are obviously asexuals, some are more in the grey area, and it sounds like you'd fit there.

I hope this is of help, I'm not too great at explaining things. ^^'

[noparlpf]

Question for the aces and demis or anyone who feels comfortable answering, spoilered for some slight TMI:
What would you call someone who can and does get aroused fairly frequently, but limits the way to get that out of their system to porn? I can definitely look at a person, think "yeah that is indeed attractive to me in a sexual way", and if I'm in the right mood my body responds as a body does. But I have as far as I can remember never felt that I need or want to have sex with anyone I've met in person. I'm a virgin at 24 years old and changing that is not something I'm interested in putting any mental or physical energy into. I am unhappy with a lot of things in my life, but that is not one of them. It'll be weeks or months between the times I even think about it. In a hypothetical situation where someone else approaches me for sex, I'd probably give it a spin, but moreso in the same way I'd say yes to trying bungee jumping than any deeper desire to get laid.

Probably somewhere on the ace spectrum, maybe grey ace or aegosexual depending how precise you want to try to be.

[137beth]

Question for the aces and demis or anyone who feels comfortable answering, spoilered for some slight TMI:
What would you call someone who can and does get aroused fairly frequently, but limits the way to get that out of their system to porn? I can definitely look at a person, think "yeah that is indeed attractive to me in a sexual way", and if I'm in the right mood my body responds as a body does. But I have as far as I can remember never felt that I need or want to have sex with anyone I've met in person. I'm a virgin at 24 years old and changing that is not something I'm interested in putting any mental or physical energy into. I am unhappy with a lot of things in my life, but that is not one of them. It'll be weeks or months between the times I even think about it. In a hypothetical situation where someone else approaches me for sex, I'd probably give it a spin, but moreso in the same way I'd say yes to trying bungee jumping than any deeper desire to get laid.

I'd say that description sounds like some sort of gray-ace.


In unrelated news, yesterday I had my first session of laser hair removal.

[Dire Moose]

Got my hair long enough and styled properly; I don’t need a wig anymore!
https://i.postimg.cc/G4DZRyX3/796067_EC-9_AAF-48_C4-98_D5-0_E043_AEA96_CE.jpg (https://postimg.cc/G4DZRyX3)

[TerrickTerran]

congrats, DM. Looking nice.

[Anymage]

I have a feeling that I'm going to be stepping into a minefield here. Still, I'm too curious, so I might as well step in and have people point out the mines to me.
I've been seeing an increasing number of trans people - usually M2Fs - who are claiming to be the opposite of their birth gender while putting zero effort into publicly presenting as anything other than their birth gender.

I have a feeling that if I'm noticing this from the outside, and I pay little attention to the depths of the gendersphere, I know that this has caused issues inside the gendersphere. As an outsider, I'm curious for just a quick rundown on how this drama has shaken out.

[Iruka]

I have a feeling that I'm going to be stepping into a minefield here. Still, I'm too curious, so I might as well step in and have people point out the mines to me.
I've been seeing an increasing number of trans people - usually M2Fs - who are claiming to be the opposite of their birth gender while putting zero effort into publicly presenting as anything other than their birth gender.

I have a feeling that if I'm noticing this from the outside, and I pay little attention to the depths of the gendersphere, I know that this has caused issues inside the gendersphere. As an outsider, I'm curious for just a quick rundown on how this drama has shaken out.

I am in no position to tell you where to post stuff, but as a suggestion: For questions about LGBT stuff, there's the LGBT-Q&A-Thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?535389-LGBTAI-Question-and-Discussion-Thread-IV-Citation-Needed/page22). Specifically to keep possible drama away from this support thread.

[Anymage]

Didn't see that thread. My question was more looking for a cliff's notes explanation of the drama, but you're right it would be better there.

[137beth]

I'm a bit frustrated right now. I have "sleep-safe" falsies, and I want to try actually sleeping with them to get a feel for what having breasts would be like. Unfortunately, they need a bra to keep them attached, and every bra I can find is either
a)Itchy, and so would make sleeping harder, or
b)Somewhat tight.
I'm somewhat concerned about sleeping in tight elastic, since I've read in can mess up your breathing. An elastic sports-bra probably won't be as bad to sleep in as, say, binders for trans men, but I'm still nervous about wearing anything tight while I sleep.

I guess the only thing I can do is try and find some looser bras that are also comfortable, if such things even exist.


And unrelatedly, someone is insisting that it's bad for media to depict fictional trans men because it "takes away" representation from cis women:smallmad:

[Ravens_cry]

And unrelatedly, someone is insisting that it's bad for media to depict fictional trans men because it "takes away" representation from cis women:smallmad:
There is a technical term for someone like that:
Numpty.
Unrelated to that, I am going to visit my boyfriend down in California again in 20 days. I know what to expect, more or less, but I'm still rather scared. Not of flying, I love flying, just of . . . everything else. Security delays, some kind of problem, mistake or snarl meaning I miss my flight, etcetera.

[Algeh]

I'm a bit frustrated right now. I have "sleep-safe" falsies, and I want to try actually sleeping with them to get a feel for what having breasts would be like. Unfortunately, they need a bra to keep them attached, and every bra I can find is either
a)Itchy, and so would make sleeping harder, or
b)Somewhat tight.
I'm somewhat concerned about sleeping in tight elastic, since I've read in can mess up your breathing. An elastic sports-bra probably won't be as bad to sleep in as, say, binders for trans men, but I'm still nervous about wearing anything tight while I sleep.

I guess the only thing I can do is try and find some looser bras that are also comfortable, if such things even exist.



I suspect it'll come down to a compromise between something tight enough to keep them from escaping, but loose enough to be comfortable (which pretty much sums up my relationship with bras in a nutshell, but YMMV). I'm pretty sure I slept in a bra for a few years in high school and college without any major issues, but I did a lot of dumb things in high school and college so that's not much of an endorsement in terms of the safety or comfort thereof. I know they also make tank tops with built in bra-ish things in them, but I've never actually bought one. I have no idea if they would work well for you.

[Recherché]

I'm a bit frustrated right now. I have "sleep-safe" falsies, and I want to try actually sleeping with them to get a feel for what having breasts would be like. Unfortunately, they need a bra to keep them attached, and every bra I can find is either
a)Itchy, and so would make sleeping harder, or
b)Somewhat tight.
I'm somewhat concerned about sleeping in tight elastic, since I've read in can mess up your breathing. An elastic sports-bra probably won't be as bad to sleep in as, say, binders for trans men, but I'm still nervous about wearing anything tight while I sleep.

I guess the only thing I can do is try and find some looser bras that are also comfortable, if such things even exist.

Cis woman here and I sleep in my sports bras occasionally with no problems and informal poll among my friends says about 60% of us sometimes sleep in a bra. Assuming the elastic isn't so tight that it's cutting off circulation, it's no big deal. Your bra shouldn't be so tight that it's uncomfortable or dangerous to sleep in anymore than panties are. Itchy-ness I can't help with. I will say that when I first started wearing bras I found them kind of annoying but just got used to them over the years.

Out of curiosity do you know what your underbust chest measurement is and what size bra you're wearing and what style of bra (bralette, underwire, shelf bra ect,)? I swear I'm not perving I'm just a seamstress who spent way too much time learning about bra fitting.

[Kesnit]

An elastic sports-bra probably won't be as bad to sleep in as, say, binders for trans men, but I'm still nervous about wearing anything tight while I sleep.

I can't speak for all the services, but when I was in Officer Candidate School, everyone slept in their PT gear (because PT was right after revile). For the females, that included sports bras. We never had issues.


And unrelatedly, someone is insisting that it's bad for media to depict fictional trans men because it "takes away" representation from cis women:smallmad:

Huh?

[Roxxy]

So I feel good right now. I'm switching from Pathfinder to 5E, and I just bought the Wayfinder's Guide to Eberron. I also looked at Eberron author Keith Baker's webside and some interviews, and he's just dropping cool stuff all over the place. Want to know how to run a Western game in Eberron? Keith's working on that. More info about everyday magic? Working on it. More info about cosmography? Working on it.

Then I found this third party Eberron book on DM's Guild:

https://www.dmsguild.com/images/8957/253631.png (https://www.dmsguild.com/product/253631/Blessed-of-The-Traveler-Queer-Gender-Identity-in-Eberron)

I was already excited, but then the author of this guide shared an email Keith Baker sent him before this book was written, when the author emailed Baker asking about what kind of lives trans people might live in Eberron:

https://i.imgur.com/GVQl5LX.jpg

I'm happy now. Not only did I buy a guide to trans characters in Eberron, I know the author of my favorite published setting ever thinks people like me have a place in his world.

[Recherché]

Quick thing but it's not just Eberron. In the Wrath of the Righteous AP there's a lesbian couple where one was AMAB and took a sex change potion.

Also the iconic shaman (https://paizo.com/community/blog/v5748dyo5lgcn?Meet-the-Iconics-Shardra-Geltl)

[JusticeZero]

So I want to move to a different country next year, probably Canada.

My husband has a dream of becoming a plumber. He's 45 though, so running out of time for that. And he hasn't started an apprenticeship yet. He doesn't want to leave in the middle. He wasn't ever allowed to want anything like that when he was younger, because AFAB kids in the 80's don't get to want to go into construction.

I have a few skills, so I can probably get by, but the how is unclear. Writing, grantwriter, and various other skills. I don't mind living somewhere kind of small and unpopular, but I fear tiny towns because I had to fight my last doctor tooth and nail in one. I'd need to know that I was accepted enough to have support.

I don't really want to leave my husband behind. I will if it comes to it, but that's miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't know what options might exist there. I need thoughts and ideas. I feel like Cassandra of Troy, and I miss feeling safe.

[sneakykitten]

So I want to move to a different country next year, probably Canada.

...

I don't really want to leave my husband behind. I will if it comes to it, but that's miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't know what options might exist there. I need thoughts and ideas. I feel like Cassandra of Troy, and I miss feeling safe.
Don't leave your husband if you don't wanna. Is the place in Canada you may be going a small town and you don't wanna live there? Ask your husband if he minds moving somewhere else? And your skills, not sure about writing in any job except maybe writing books or maybe contributing written materials to a company? What other skills do you have? Umm, a thought: If what you really wanna have is to be with your husband, then please try to convince him not to move back to a small town.

[Delta]

Just to be clear: Is there any pressing reason to move to Canada next year? It doesn't sound like you have a job offer or anything like that lined up there, so why not wait and give your husband the time he needs?

[Chen]

Also without a job offer just “moving to Canada” what is your plan for moving? If your husband and you are the same age this could be a large barrier to entry as well. Significant costs to the healthcare system occur as you age. Without a job offer a 40something year old is going to have an even harder time immigrating. Thats not to say its impossible but something that certainly needs to be taken into account.

[JusticeZero]

My reason for moving is mostly outside of the scope of allowable topics and can be summed up as 'fear'. I've been fighting things, now the world is jumping up and down on the 'flight' button instead.

Never let your children study history, or they will know that people are repeating the mistakes of the past and be unable to do anything about it. It is better to obliviously walk to your doom than to be a screaming, miserable Cassandra being dragged to it. My father has always been a history nerd, and I have advanced degrees studying topics historical, demographic, and political.

I'm barely making it here and my safety is eroding. My husband is not making it at all. I would rather be barely making it in a place that I don't feel afraid of just under half of the people around me.

Basically, everything is falling apart around me on several levels, I know history, I am afraid. And I have lived in other countries, so that doesn't scare me in and of itself.

[Recherché]

So as a US citizen living in Canada, it's really not that easy. It took me more than 6 months to set up everything and I had a prestigious university making me an offer. And in the end its not really that different. Or at least there's not a ton of difference for me in how I'm treated between where I was in Washington and where I am in Toronto. Moving from South Carolina to Washington did a lot more for me and my sanity actually.

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't aim to move to Canada if you really want to but doing it is not a walk in the park. I'm still super stressed out by the move 2 months later. If you want any practical advice on the move PM me. I won't be able to answer everything but I can at least answer some basic questions about immigration.

[CWater]

I get your feeling JusticeZero (though I can never get behind the "never study history" opinion #hugehistorynerd).

Anyway, Canada might not be your best option, since as I understand, they've got pretty strict demands on who is allowed to get a work permit, resident visa, etc.

There might be another country that you can get into more easily, in Europe for example. (Though I admit I'm no expert on the subject.) And while New Zealand might seem like pretty far away, it's a real nice place. (To a visitor's eyes at least.)

Assuming you live in the US, I've heard that just moving to a different part of the country could also improve your safety situation a lot.

[Anymage]

Anyway, Canada might not be your best option, since as I understand, they've got pretty strict demands on who is allowed to get a work permit, resident visa, etc.

There might be another country that you can get into more easily, in Europe for example. (Though I admit I'm no expert on the subject.) And while New Zealand might seem like pretty far away, it's a real nice place. (To a visitor's eyes at least.)

I find it interesting that when people say they want to leave the U.S. for political reasons, they always seem to forget that we have two neighboring countries.

[Liquor Box]

There might be another country that you can get into more easily, in Europe for example. (Though I admit I'm no expert on the subject.) And while New Zealand might seem like pretty far away, it's a real nice place. (To a visitor's eyes at least.)


I'm from New Zealand, so happy to answer any questions about it. We do have reasonably difficult requirements for a person to get a work visa or residence though.

In terms of safety from physical violence I expect JusticeZero would be safer here than in either USA or Canada or most Euro countries.

[CWater]

I find it interesting that when people say they want to leave the U.S. for political reasons, they always seem to forget that we have two neighboring countries.

Well, statistically speaking, Mexico is sadly not exactly at the top of the list when it comes to personal safety. :/

So many people would probably not consider it for that reason.

[ve4grm]

My reason for moving is mostly outside of the scope of allowable topics and can be summed up as 'fear'. I've been fighting things, now the world is jumping up and down on the 'flight' button instead.

Never let your children study history, or they will know that people are repeating the mistakes of the past and be unable to do anything about it. It is better to obliviously walk to your doom than to be a screaming, miserable Cassandra being dragged to it. My father has always been a history nerd, and I have advanced degrees studying topics historical, demographic, and political.

I'm barely making it here and my safety is eroding. My husband is not making it at all. I would rather be barely making it in a place that I don't feel afraid of just under half of the people around me.

Basically, everything is falling apart around me on several levels, I know history, I am afraid. And I have lived in other countries, so that doesn't scare me in and of itself.

As a Canadian, I'll wish you the best of luck. Do note that it's not like no Canadians are bigoted, though. We have legal gay marriage, and gay/lesbian issues have been fairly well accepted across Canada, but some areas are definitely less progressive than others, on a variety of issues. There are no bathroom bills that I'm aware of, however, so that's nice.

I don't have any practical advice on the immigration process, but if you want to get somewhere with a reasonable cost of living, but big enough to have job opportunities and not run too much risk of small-town bigotry, I'd recommend looking at the Kamloops or Kelowna areas in BC. Edmonton in Alberta. There's plenty of other places that fit that description as well, but I'd avoid Calgary and the lower mainland/Vancouver region due to higher cost of living. Most of our smaller towns are nice as well, and many probably wouldn't be bad choices per se, but as you probably well know, the more rural you are, the higher the risk of that small-town bigotry.

You might also find it easier to move to go to school, and then apply to stay afterwards. If your husband hasn't gone through the plumber training yet, you can find a trade school near where you want to go, and have him apply there. If he has, he can apply for an apprenticeship, and see if the company will sponsor you. Skilled trades are in high demand in certain areas, especially smaller communities.

To find out if you can even immigrate, and what sorts of costs will be involved, this website (a law firm specializing in Canadian immigration) seems to have a lot of free information. https://www.canadavisa.com/

And of course you can get info straight from the horse's mouth here: https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/immigrate-canada.html

But as Recherche says...


So as a US citizen living in Canada, it's really not that easy. It took me more than 6 months to set up everything and I had a prestigious university making me an offer. And in the end its not really that different. Or at least there's not a ton of difference for me in how I'm treated between where I was in Washington and where I am in Toronto. Moving from South Carolina to Washington did a lot more for me and my sanity actually.

I'm not going to say that you shouldn't aim to move to Canada if you really want to but doing it is not a walk in the park. I'm still super stressed out by the move 2 months later. If you want any practical advice on the move PM me. I won't be able to answer everything but I can at least answer some basic questions about immigration.

...you might have an easier time, with just as much (or nearly as much) success if you move to Washington, Oregon, Colorado, California. There are plenty of states that support the issues you are hinting at better than Alaska does, and it might be a lot cheaper and easier to move there instead.

Best of luck getting into a better situation, wherever that may be.

[Miriel]

Hey. Not sure if people remember me, haven't been here for a while, but I might be back because I've been struggling lately with stuff. Sorry.

[JusticeZero]

Honestly, I am not afraid of personal violence here. I pass and people are incredibly supportive. But... That doesn't mean that I am less terrified of the legal situation changing on me. My husband is unemployed, and it seems to vaguely and deniably follow a pattern of "Have you been known by any other names? What other name? *read, pause* We aren't hiring right now."

[Lentrax]

Hey. Not sure if people remember me, haven't been here for a while, but I might be back because I've been struggling lately with stuff. Sorry.

Hi, Miriel! Good to see you around here again! Sorry you have stuff. If you need an ear just PM me.

[ArgentiAertheri]

I'm a bit frustrated right now. I have "sleep-safe" falsies, and I want to try actually sleeping with them to get a feel for what having breasts would be like. Unfortunately, they need a bra to keep them attached, and every bra I can find is either
a)Itchy, and so would make sleeping harder, or
b)Somewhat tight.
I'm somewhat concerned about sleeping in tight elastic, since I've read in can mess up your breathing. An elastic sports-bra probably won't be as bad to sleep in as, say, binders for trans men, but I'm still nervous about wearing anything tight while I sleep.

I guess the only thing I can do is try and find some looser bras that are also comfortable, if such things even exist.


And unrelatedly, someone is insisting that it's bad for media to depict fictional trans men because it "takes away" representation from cis women:smallmad:

As long as it's comfortable and you can breathe and such, it's safe! Source: my surgeon after my reduction. I wore a bra 24-freakin-7 for a solid 8 weeks after surgery, and fairly continuously for awhile after that.

[Ravens_cry]

{Scrubbed}

[CWater]

{Scrubbed}

:smallfrown::smallfrown::smallfrown::smallfurious: :smallfrown:

[JusticeZero]

Yeah, everything has been nightmarish. I've been trying to figure out how to explain to people that it's not that I am afraid of being attacked, it's that I am increasingly certain that things will get to the point where I have to watch people put their lives on the line to protect me, very soon, and I don't know if I can handle being here to watch it.

[Ravens_cry]

I'm lucky, damn lucky, to live in Canada instead, but one of my long-term hopes is to move down to The States to be with my long-distance boyfriend full time. Now though, I am not so sure.

[Comrade]

We obviously can't get into the politics of it or anything, but I would just say we shouldn't be so quick to lose hope. None of this is irreparable.

[Dire Moose]

Yeah, everything has been nightmarish. I've been trying to figure out how to explain to people that it's not that I am afraid of being attacked, it's that I am increasingly certain that things will get to the point where I have to watch people put their lives on the line to protect me, very soon, and I don't know if I can handle being here to watch it.

Would he be able to move to Canada?

[Ravens_cry]

Would he be able to move to Canada?
No easy task, I've looked into it for personal reasons for getting someone up here.
Still, the way stuff is going down, maybe one could apply for refugee status?
I'm only slightly joking.

[Lentrax]

The situation we are going through right now is the only reason I have to be glad I am not out full time.

If I was, well, it would be far worse.

For what it’s worth, my friends, I am here. If any one needs anything, I will do whatever I can to help you.

[Iethloc]

I've really felt overwhelmed the past week, due to a lot of personal stuff along with the, ah, "situation" in my country. I am very fortunate to live in an accepting and supportive environment. Last week I decided to start wearing skirts (and other women's clothing) as often as I can. Despite everything that's going on right now...I'm actually feeling happy about being me. I still have a lot to be unhappy about, but at the end of the day I'm living and presenting as a woman, and that provides some much-needed comfort.

I've asked for support here in the past, but now I feel like I'm in a position where I can offer support for people. Whoever you are, I'm here for you.

[137beth]

Finally got an endo appointment...four February 25, which was their earliest available time. :smallfrown:

[noparlpf]

Finally got an endo appointment...four February 25, which was their earliest available time. :smallfrown:

That sucks. I'm trying to see a doctor who might be the only person in Massachusetts who treats what I think I have, and he's booked til June. Sorry I don't have a silver lining, just commiserating.

[Dire Moose]

I’m in one of my female moods right now. It’s interesting how I tend to jump from boy to girl and back like this. Also, I’m approaching 1 year on hormones now.

Also, recent Halloweenish picture: https://i.postimg.cc/crWrjVzc/6765-C034-2-C2-C-483-F-BB5-B-028-F3-F7060-A5.jpg (https://postimg.cc/crWrjVzc)

[Nemirthel]

I just wrote to come out to my advisor.

I'm both excited to be close to living full time and terrified that it won't go over well. I don't really know how she'll react, though at least the university does have a nondiscrimination policy that includes gender identity.

Update: she's entirely on my side. I'm now incredibly relieved and the least anxious I've been since... ever, as far as I can remember. Still have to come out to some co-workers who might respond differently, but no one who can cause serious problems without blatantly violating the EO policy. The people who could do so subtly have all turned out to be accepting.

[WarKitty]

Annual reminder for everyone: A lot of cheap makeup gift sets go on sale right around this time. So for anyone who wants to learn makeup, it's often a very good way to see what you like. Because of the gift-giving season as well, it's probably a bit less awkward to buy for people who aren't presenting female or otherwise feel uncomfortable purchasing makeup.

[Dire Moose]

New avatar! I’m experimenting with some new possibilities for my overall look.

I’m also going to dye my hair pink after Christmas.

[Honest Tiefling]

Because of the gift-giving season as well, it's probably a bit less awkward to buy for people who aren't presenting female or otherwise feel uncomfortable purchasing makeup.

And if you still feel awkward...Remember to buy it with a card. Sure it adds to the purchase, but hey, you have an emergency card on hand in case you forget.

[Sobol]

Just started reading Good Deeds Gone Unpunished. Page 19 is about two Azure City men in a relationship and it's kind of cute.

[137beth]

My favorite part of GDGU was on page 152:

Shojo: You can't even tell your spouse about this.
O'Chul: I am not married, and have no interest in such pursuits.

[Lissou]

I dyed my hair rainbowy (purple to yellow, not blue or green) and bought binders and corsets to better embrace dressing sometimes as a guy and sometimes as a gal.

[Kesnit]

Even in sadness, there can be a small bit of joy.

My mother passed away suddenly last Friday. My dad just sent me (and several other members of the family) a draft of the obituary. It has me listed as their son, with my legal name.

[Mith]

Even in sadness, there can be a small bit of joy.

My mother passed away suddenly last Friday. My dad just sent me (and several other members of the family) a draft of the obituary. It has me listed as their son, with my legal name.

My condolances for your loss. It's also good that you can draw some silver lining from dark clouds.

[CWater]

My condolances for your loss. It's also good that you can draw some silver lining from dark clouds.

Seconded. My condolences.

[Dire Moose]

Why are there so many trans people in the Playground? Did someone drop a cauldron full of Elixir of Sex Shifting in the water supply here or something?

[Mystic Muse]

Why are there so many trans people in the Playground? Did someone drop a cauldron full of Elixir of Sex Shifting in the water supply here or something?

Probably just a case of us trying to be a very welcoming place so people feel comfortable bringing the topic up.

[Thufir]

Yeah, it's kind of to be expected that the forum which has had a thriving LGBT+ support thread for many years attracts and retains more trans members than one which hasn't.

[ArlEammon]

If anyone has some helpful advice for a subject I could get infracted or banned for mentioning out in the open I would appreciate it.
I'm asking for someone to help me in PM, so no one gets in trouble. Hopefully, I would get some help from a gay, or bi man.

[PairO'Dice Lost]

PM'd you.extracharacters

[ArlEammon]

PM'd you.extracharacters


Thanks. :D

I'm curious, does anyone know why imgur doesn't work on the board any more?

[137beth]

Thanks. :D

I'm curious, does anyone know why imgur doesn't work on the board any more?

Because Imgur decided to block their images from being hosted on giantitp.com.

[CWater]

Because Imgur decided to block their images from being hosted on giantitp.com.

Huh, really? Guess that's the issue I've been having, need to switch to another image site. Any suggestions?

[ve4grm]

Huh, really? Guess that's the issue I've been having, need to switch to another image site. Any suggestions?

There's another thread about image hosts on the board right now. I'd try looking/asking there: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?567844-Anyone-know-a-good-image-hosting-site

[CWater]

There's another thread about image hosts on the board right now. I'd try looking/asking there: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?567844-Anyone-know-a-good-image-hosting-site

Thanks! I'll check it out.

[The Ari-tificer]

Hi, all! I've just recently realized my non-cis-ness.

[Dire Moose]

Hi, all! I've just recently realized my non-cis-ness.

Yay! Happy to hear it!

In other news, I’m over a year on estrogen now and after a few measurements I just realized I’m sporting a pair of full C cup breasts. I love my new body!

Also, I’m going to work as female for the first time tomorrow.

[Heliomance]

Yay! Happy to hear it!

In other news, I’m over a year on estrogen now and after a few measurements I just realized I’m sporting a pair of full C cup breasts. I love my new body!

Also, I’m going to work as female for the first time tomorrow.

Arg, jealous! Despite my sisters being absolutely stacked, I've only just managed to scrape a B cup (if being generous)

[Honest Tiefling]

Arg, jealous! Despite my sisters being absolutely stacked, I've only just managed to scrape a B cup (if being generous)

Make sure to rub in their face all of the cute clothes and bras you can wear that they can't. Oh, don't want bras in white, black or nude? TOO BAD.