Team Ready, Aim, Fire! Round 6

[Lord Herman]

Hello, and welcome to the sixth round of team-based spin-off of Silkenfist's Ready, Aim, Fire!

The theme for this round will be Romans versus Gauls. It will be set during the siege of Alesia. It will be mostly based on history, with a few nods to Asterix. The teams will be Romans and Gauls, of course.

Registration is open until Sunday, 18:00 GMT. If you want to join a specific team, please specify which one. If you don't specify a team, I will add you to a random team.

The Rules:
The rules are like those of the standard game (linky!), with a few additions:
1. The players are divided into two or more teams.
1a. At recruitment, the players specify their preferred team.
1b. Players who don't specify a team will be placed in a random team.
1c. If one team has more members than the other(s), I will randomly move players around. I'll first try to even it out with the players who didn't specify a team.
2. You can not shoot players on your own team.
3. If your team is the only one left standing, you win. There are no individual victories in this game - only victories as a team.

There are also some rules that aren't critical to the gameplay but are important nonetheless:
1. You can only send one action at a time. You can't send actions in advance.
2. The sign-up period is four days, and each round takes three days.
Previous Rounds:
The Trojan War - Winner: Trojans
Star Wars - Winner: Rebels
Superheroes - Winner: Heroes
Pirates - Winner: Navy
Samurai - Winner: Ninja
The Auto-Notify List:
Akaziel
Almighty Salmon
Baboon Army
Captain van der Decken
DarkLightDragon
Destro Yersul
Dr. Bath
Draken
dun-dun-DUUN
Ezlo
Firepup
Fleeing Coward
Fredricus
HyramGraff
Ink
Kasz
Khaldan
Mad Wizard
purple gelatinous cube o' Doom
radikalskippy
Raiser B1ade
Shadow
Stu42
Vampiric
weebl

If you want to be added to the list, just post here and ask. Remember, you'll still have to register for the game - people on the list just get a PM to notify them that registration has started.
For a list of trophies and their winners, go here (http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/Gallery/TeamRAF.html).

[Ink]

I'm in! Make me a Roman, please.

[Baboon Army]

I'm in, as a Gaul.

[Akaziel]

I'm with the Gauls.

[Fleeing Coward]

In, either side is fine, I'm just going to suicide anyways.

[Fredricus]

Roman here!

[Indurain]

I'm in, and I'll take either side please.

[Khaldan]

zi'll be a gaul.

[DarkLightDragon]

I wanna be a Gaul! :smallbiggrin:

*insert relevant Asterix quote here*

[Calamity]

What have the Romans ever done for me!?

............

*Several minutes later*

Yeah, I'll sign up as Roman.

(Gee, can't believe Team RAF! is at R6 already.)

[Lord Herman]

(Gee, can't belive Team RAF! is at R6 already.)

Yes, things have been moving quite fast - the first round started on June 21st. I am going to slow things down a bit from this round on - you will have three instead of two days to submit your actions.

[Atreyu the Masked LLama]

I'm in! I wanna be a lumberjack!!

[Xykon_Fan]

I'm in...I don't care

[Vampiric]

I'm in - either side is cool.

[HyramGraff]

I'll join again. Random please.

[Neodan282]

I'll be in as a Gaul.

[Lord Herman]

I've modified all the badges so their colours are clearer, and I've also added one new badge.

Behold, the grey badge for round I veterans:
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/GreySilver.png
This badge goes to everyone who participated in the first round of Team RAF

[Castaras]

Shiiiiiiiny badge....

Oh, and Pieistastius, the Roman Centurion is in.

[Shadow]

The Romans had the first ninjas, did theyt not?
Sounds like I'm a Roman!

The Roman assassin, Shadow, strikes fear into the hearts of all.
Never seen.
Always smelled.
Known by reputation and flatulence the world around!

[Draken]

Call me Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus.

I'm in the romans.

I have faith in my choices, I have beem arround for two rounds, and the team I choose won the two rounds, let's see if i keep choosing the wining side :smallbiggrin:

[Raiser Blade]

Im in
as the town drunk on the roman side

[Zar Peter]

Sebigbos, the Gaul, ready to aim and fire!

[Studoku]

I'm in. I'll join the Gauls- they have a less strict dress code that means I don't have to wear massive amounts of clanking armour. That and they have druids so I can get some healing.:smalltongue:

If possible, can I be a druid?

[Calamity]

I am Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus! I have no idea what that means except that it's a name and sounds funny! :smallsmile:

[Almighty Salmon]

The Salmon is in!

I don't mind which team i'm on.

[Destro_Yersul]

Roman for me.

Gladius Wieldius

:smallbiggrin:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Maximus Bladderus, Centurion of the Roman army, ready to bathe my blade in the blood of these barbarians, sir.

By your command.

[Shadow]

The players so far:

Romans
Calamity
Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion
Draken (Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus) - Senator
Fredricus
Ink
Raiser B1ade - Town Drunk
Shadow - Flatulent Roman Ninja

Gauls
Akaziel
Baboon Army
DarkLightDragon
Khaldan
Neodan282
Zar Peter (Sebigbos)

Random
Fleeing Coward
HyramGraff
Indurain
Vampiric
Xykon Fan

Lumberjacks
Atreyu

You forgot the flatulent part.
I fixed it for you.

[RocketBard]

I'll be a Gaul.

I can't remember the bard from Asterix because his name is too long.

[Mad Wizard]

Add me as a Roman, if possible.

[Fleeing Coward]

Since the Salmon has returned, I'd like to respectfully request that I be placed on whichever side it isn't on. I prefer hunting for my own dinner instead of letting my enemies kill it for me :smallbiggrin:

[firepup]

I will join as a IDC team

[Mr. Moon]

I'm in. Fangirlicious. Or something... well, better. >.<

I never was good with names...

[PlasticSoldier]

So basically the rules are we type in a name and they take damage?

I'll be Gaul because my awesomeness is better shown without a shirt.

[evnafets]

I'll be a Gaul.

I can't remember the bard from Asterix because his name is too long.

The bard from Asterix was "Cacofonix"

In as a gaul.

[Skippy]

I'm in as well, by the name of Skippix. (Gauls, by Tutatis!)

Perhaps he was thinking of the name of the bard in another language. In Spanish (and in the original French) he's called Asurancetourix.

[Case]

Let's see here I'll be a gaul. They where from Germany I think, or where those the Visigoths. Now I wish I hasn't slept through that part of history class. Oh well I'll be the Gaul's...ummmm...let's see what isn't claimed, I'll call chef. The Gauls had chefs didn't they.

[pingcode20]

In as Radarpulsix the Gaul.

If I don't get back to you, I shoot Khaldan.

[Neodan282]

My Gaul steal a longbow from the romans, and will use it against them. Longbovinus is his name.

[dun-dun-DUUN]

In.
As a Gaulish Roman.
:smallwink:

[Lord Herman]

So basically the rules are we type in a name and they take damage?

Well, it's a bit more binary than that - there are no 'hit points' or anything. If you shoot someone, they die. Unless they shoot themselves, in which case you die and they don't.


I'll be Gaul because my awesomeness is better shown without a shirt.

However, the Romans don't have pants...


Let's see here I'll be a gaul. They where from Germany I think, or where those the Visigoths. Now I wish I hasn't slept through that part of history class.

The Gauls were from modern day France.


Longbovinus is his name.

Moooooo!

[banjo1985]

I'm willing to sign up, never played before but sounds simple enough to get hold of!

I'll be a Roman please, Banjonimus Bardisius is ready to entertain the roman legions with his mighty lute and tales of yore...

[Castaras]

GAH!

Herman, Zar Peter, you guys have just messed with my head again!

AHHHHH!

*runs around in circles*

[Zar Peter]

:smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin:

[Castaras]

Hmm...I can shoot Zar Peter easily enough....

What would happen if I shot the narrator? :smallbiggrin:

[Lord Herman]

Well, I have third-person omniscience, so I should be okay.

[Castaras]

Darn. :smallamused:

[Krursk]

Ooh, I'm in as a roman. I'll get back to you guys on a name. Oh, wait, what about Procrastinatus. That works.

How can Raiser be the town drunk? We're legionaires aren't we? Perhaps Draken is visiting the troops when the Gauls attack, but a town drunk? Perhaps a drunk legionaire, unless he's a gaul so drunk he's attacking his comrades.

[Lord Herman]

The players so far:

Romans
banjo1985 (Banjonimus Bardisius) - Musician
Calamity (Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus)
Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion, will die in the first round because she threatened to shoot the narrator
Destro Yersul (Gladius Wieldius)
Draken (Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus) - Senator
dun-dun-DUUN - Gaulish Roman
Fredricus
Ink
Krursk (Procrastinatus)
Lord Fullbladder (Maximus Bladderus) - Centurion
Mad Wizard
Raiser B1ade - Drunk
Shadow - Flatulent Roman Ninja

Gauls
Akaziel
Baboon Army
Case - Chef
DarkLightDragon
evnafets
Khaldan
Neodan282 (Longbovinus) - Longbowman
pingcode20 (Radarpulsix)
PlasticSoldier
radikalskippy (Skippix)
RocketBard
Stu42 - Druid
Zar Peter (Sebigbos)

Random
Almighty Salmon
firepup
Fleeing Coward - Not on the side Almighty Salmon is on
HyramGraff
Indurain
Moon Called
Vampiric
Xykon Fan

Lumberjacks
Atreyu

[Draken]

That is buging me, so I must ask.

What is Atreyu going to do?

[Dr. Bath]

Atreyu shall lumber and also jack throughout the battle. He'll probably bleat a bit too.

Also! I would like to join on either team.

Also! the 2nd. When did you and Zar Peter switch, lord Herman?

[Vonriel]

He's a lumberjack! He'll swing from the trees! Do all sorts of.. lumberjacky.. stuff..! Ok, just go and listen to the Monty Python lumberjack song.

I'll join as well. Umm, I don't care which side. Also, didn't Gaullia encompass Spain more than France?

[Lord Herman]

What is Atreyu going to do?

He'll chop down trees, he'll skip and jump...

Well, actually, he'll just be on a random team as a lumberjack.


When did you and Zar Peter switch, lord Herman?

Just a few hours ago. I figured that with only a few days of Mistaken Identity Week to go, we should make the remaining time as confusing as we possibly can.


Also, didn't Gaullia encompass Spain more than France?

No. Spain was called Hispania by the Romans, and was conquered long before Gaul. Gaul encompassed France, Belgium, and parts of the Netherlands and Germany, as well as a part of northern Italy.

[Raiser Blade]

How can Raiser be the town drunk? We're legionaires aren't we? Perhaps Draken is visiting the troops when the Gauls attack, but a town drunk? Perhaps a drunk legionaire, unless he's a gaul so drunk he's attacking his comrades.

"*Hic*.. urp.. Whaddaya mean i cansh be a roman *hic*".

"I've beensh shlerving *hic* is magestry fer thirdy yearsh."

[alec]

I'll be in as a Gaul. Hmm, Alecix sound like a girls name. Fun!

[Lord Herman]

This round starts in two days. Don't forget to sign up!

[RocketBard]

I found his name! I want to be Assurancetourix, the village bard.

Yeah, I was already signed-up, but now I have something to add after my name.

[Baboon Army]

If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to change my team to Romans please.
And I shall be called Baboonius Arminiae.

[Fredricus]

I noticed I've allready got a suitable name. I'll just add title, Senator.

Senator Fredricus

[Captain van der Decken]

I'll be in as a gaul, please.

[Studoku]

Is it too late to change my name to Weetabix?

[Calamity]

Is it too late to change my name to Weetabix?

:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

[Traveling_Angel]

I'm in as whoever.

[Ezlo]

I'll be the local tavern owner for the Romans. Guess what the house special is. :smallwink:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

Ezlo, if I weren't on the same team as you, I'd shoot you here and now. Knowing you, the ONLY thing you can get at that tavern is meatloaf. Or, perhaps, meatloaf-flavored beer.

[Krursk]

Ezlo, if I weren't on the same team as you, I'd shoot you here and now. Knowing you, the ONLY thing you can get at that tavern is meatloaf. Or, perhaps, meatloaf-flavored beer.

I don't think there's any rule against shooting the meatloaf

[Vampiric]

Ezlo, if I weren't on the same team as you, I'd shoot you here and now. Knowing you, the ONLY thing you can get at that tavern is meatloaf. Or, perhaps, meatloaf-flavored beer.

I can do it... I'm on the random team. wait... does that mean we have a 10% chance or something of disappearing/imploding every round?:smalleek: :smallbiggrin:

[Lord Herman]

Here is the final list of contestants. I will write the introduction tomorrow - I'm a bit too tired to do it now. Blame the Dutch Meetup.

Romans
Almighty Salmon (Titus Salmonis)
Baboon Army (Baboonius Arminiae)
banjo1985 (Banjonimus Bardisius) - Musician
Calamity (Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus)
Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion, will die in the first round because she threatened to shoot the narrator
Destro Yersul (Gladius Wieldius)
Dr. Bath
Draken (Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus) - Senator
dun-dun-DUUN - Gaulish Roman
Ezlo - Tavern owner
Fredricus (Senator Fredricus) - Senator
Hoggy - Roman with eyepatch
HyramGraff
Ink
Krursk (Procrastinatus)
Lord Fullbladder (Maximus Bladderus) - Centurion
Mad Wizard
Raiser B1ade - Drunk
Shadow - Flatulent Roman Ninja
Vonriel
Xykon Fan

Gauls
Akaziel (Lakazix)
alec (Alecix)
Atreyu - Lumberjack
Captain van der Decken
Case - Chef
DarkLightDragon (Dragonmatrix)
evnafets
firepup
Fleeing Coward (Fleevinus Cowardix) - Messenger
Indurain
Khaldan
Moon Called
Neodan282 (Longbovinus) - Longbowman
pingcode20 (Radarpulsix)
PlasticSoldier
radikalskippy (Skippix)
RocketBard (Assurancetourix) - Bard
Stu42 (Weetabix) - Druid
Traveling Angel
Vampiric (Biting-etorix)
Zar Peter (Sebigbos)


You can already send in your actions, or wait until the introduction is up. Either way, the deadline is Wednesday, 18:00 GMT.

[Ezlo]

Too tell you the truth, I personally don't like meatloaf THAT much. It's just that Silkenfist killed me off my character in the roman senator ready aim fire classic by having everyone angry at my proposed Meatloaf Day. I loved it and then PMed him to continue the trend. All Lord_Herman is doing is continuing the trend.:smallbiggrin:

[Castaras]

Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion, will die in the first round because she threatened to shoot the narrator.

Not only threatened...:smallamused: :smallwink:

[Lord Herman]

Late addition
Hoggy has been added to the Roman team. Both teams now have equal numbers.

[Hoggy]

YAHARRR ME MATEYS!

Oh wait, Romans.

Can eye have an Ipatch?

[Skippy]

Can eye have an Ipatch?

Ipatch? Is that something from Apple?

[Fleeing Coward]

Remember, any Roman who shoots Fleevinus Cowardix, the Gaulish messenger, shall die a painful death.

[Lord Herman]

This round has the most participants so far. Forty-two, to be exact.

Hmm... 'How many participants are in Team RAF 6?'

Nah.

[Lord Herman]

It is the year 52 BC. The Roman general Gaius Inkius Caesar has been fighting a losing war against the Gallic tribes. After Caesar’s conquest of the Helvetii, the Belgae and the Nervii, the other Gauls united under the banner of Vercingetorix, who dealt the Roman invaders a heavy blow at the battle of Gergovia. The Gallic chief has now fortified himself in the town of Alesia, where he awaits the Roman counterattack.

Although he faces greater numbers and a heavily fortified position, Inkius Caesar marches on Alesia. The Gallic town is situated on a hilltop and protected by thick walls, so Caesar decides against a direct assault. Instead, his armies surround Alesia, and build fortifications of their own. A wooden palisade and deep trenches now completely encircle the town.

During the second night of the siege, two Gallic soldiers are patrolling the walls. “Hey,” says one, “what’s that over there? I saw something move!” “Where?” “Right there on the wall! I think it’s a Roman!” “Come on, Alecix, you’re just being paranoid. The Romans are all hiding behind their wall.” “There it is again! Skippix, look!” “By Toutatis, I see it too! Looks like a Roman to me! Come, let’s get him!” The Gallic warriors draw their swords, and go after the dark figure. They chase him down a ladder, and into the armoury. There, they corner him, and stab him to death. “Ha, now let’s see your face, you sneaky Roman!” Alecix lights a torch, and looks straight into the lifeless face of Vercingetorix. “Erm... I think we might have a problem, Alecix,” says Skippix.

The next morning, a meeting is held in the town hall. “Do I look alright? I think the helmet is too big for me.” says Alecix. “Of course you look alright,” says Skippix. “They’ll all think you’re Vercingetorix. I mean, most of them have never seen him from up close. You’ll be fine.” As the two enter the hall, they see the leaders of the Gauls: Sebigbos, chief of the Mandubii, Khaldix, chief of the Parisii, Weetabix the druid, and a couple of other chiefs who aren’t important enough to have names.

“Hail, Vercingetorix of the Averni!” say the chiefs. Weetabix stands up, and says: “Vercingetorix, the Romans have us surrounded. How will we break the siege? What is your plan?” “Uhm... well... er... we, umm, we... we attack!” “Attack, great chief? Are you sure that is wise? We may outnumber the Romans, but their fortifications are strong, and they are much better equipped.” “I agree with Vercingetorix,” says Sebigbos. “Better to attack now, than to wait until we are half-starved. We will have to drive off the Romans at some point. Better to do it now we are still strong!” “Erm, yeah. That’s why I said we should attack.” “And at what point should we start our assault?” “What?” “Where should we strike first?” “Uhm... that way,” Alecix says, pointing in a random direction. “A bold move, great chief. The Romans will not expect us to attack them in the south. They’ll expect us to the north, where the hill’s slope is gentle and the river shallow. We will have to climb down four hundred feet of sheer rock face, and swim across a deep and dangerous river, but we will catch the Romans completely by surprise!” “But who shall lead the attack?” asks Weetabix. “Uh... well, I...” “You, chief? By Belenos, our leader is as brave as he is wise! Vercingetorix will lead the attack himself!” “No, wait!” squeals Alecix. “Yes,” says Sebigbos, “we should wait. Crossing the river at night would be suicide. We should attack tomorrow.”

[Destro_Yersul]

This round has the most participants so far. Forty-two, to be exact.

Hmm... 'How many participants are in Team RAF 6?'

Nah.

Bwahahaha! "Well, it does fit..."

"No, they'll hang us if we give them that. Think of something better."

"Erm.. How about 'How many roads must a man walk down?'"

"Oh, yes, that's very good. We'll tell them that.":smallbiggrin:

[Lord Herman]

Statistics time! With Gezina gone, we're down to eight people who have participated in every round of Team RAF:

Akaziel
Castaras
Fleeing Coward
Fredricus
Indurain
Ink
Lord Fullbladder
pingcode20

[Calamity]

That is the price I pay for having too much work to finsish in the last week of school, then my keyboard completely breaking down for a week, and then spending 2 weeks in Blackpool. Not that I'm complaining about the Blackpool part :smallbiggrin:

[Draken]

Senator Drakerius meets with general Gaius Inkius and Senator Fredericus.

So my friends, how are our battleplans developing? Like I told you, the siege will undermine their strenght in no... What is that noise?

Drakerius goes out of the meeting tent holding a silvery scythe, with a blade made of what seens to be a meld of steel and obsidian.

[Lord Herman]

I still need 11 actions. Remember, kids: if you time out twice, you die.

[DarkLightDragon]

Feel free to come up with a good name for me, Herman.

[Skippy]

You know, I always enjoy Lord Herman's introductions for this game. However, I didn't quite enjoy being guilty of Vercingetorix's death... I hope the sky won't fall on our heads now...

[Vampiric]

Biting-etorix for me, please!

[Almighty Salmon]

Uhmm.. A name..

How about: Titus Salmonix. Yeah, i'll go with that.

[Lord Herman]

Alright, it's 18:00 GMT. Time to write!

[Lord Herman]

I've been writing for about four hours, and I'm only halfway done. I'll finish the rest tomorrow.

[Krursk]

But I'm going on camp tomorrow. Then how will I find out about what happens?:smallfrown:

[DarkLightDragon]

What was the dog's name... Dogmatrix? How about Dragonmatrix for me then?

[Ink]

It's Dogmatix.

[DarkLightDragon]

I got it mostly right! :smallbiggrin:

Dragonmatrix sounds cooler though.

[Ink]

That it does. :smallsmile:

[Lord Herman]

“Look at those idiots swim,” says Captain Deckix. “It’s a good thing I brought my boat.” “It smells,” says Indurix. “No, it doesn’t.” “Yes, it does. It smells of stale fish.” “It does not! And my fish are not stale!” Deckix grabs one of the fish lying in his boat, and swings it at Indurix. “Right, that does it!” says Indurix, punching the fishmonger in the face. The brawl does not go unnoticed – on the shore, a group of Romans watches the spectacle. “Right, I’ve had enough of this,” says their Decurion. “Fire!” One of the soldiers cuts the rope of the catapult, and a large rock is lobbed at the small boat, smashing it.

Meanwhile, the other Gauls have managed to make it to the other side of the river. They sneak to the Roman fortifications. “Alright, Atreyix, now it’s your turn. Get us through this wall.” The llama llumberjack bleats, and starts making a hole in the wall with his axe. Before long, the hole is large enough to climb through, and the Gauls sneak into the Roman camp one by one. “What should we do now, Vercingetorix?” asks Weetabix. “There’s Romans everywhere!” the chief says. “Good point. We should spread out.” “I’m supposed to go out there alone?” “By Toutatis, so you are! It is a good thing you remember the old laws, great chief! It is indeed true that in battle, a chief should not be protected by his personal bodyguard.” “But I don’t want to fight Caesar’s soldiers!” “And you shouldn’t, great chief. Chiefs should only fight other chiefs – you must seek out Caesar himself!”

“So if I understand this correctly,” says Senator Fredricus, “the rock goes there, and then you cut this rope?” “That’s right, my lord,” says Procrastinatus. “This mighty piece of Roman machinery can throw a large stone over great distances.” “Could you give a demonstration?” “Maybe later,” the engineer says. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I say ‘could you give a demonstration’? What I meant to say was ‘fire the damn catapult or I’ll have you fed to the lions!’” “Certainly, sir,” the engineer says hastily, and looks for a big rock to fire. “Hold it right there,” says Biting-etorix, “or I’ll kill the Senator.” The Gaul has managed to sneak up on Fredricus, and holds the senator’s own sword against his throat. “Soldier, on my command, cut the rope!” says the senator. “Be silent,” says the Gaul, “besides, what’s the point? The thing isn’t loaded.” “Not yet.” With a swift kick, Fredricus knocks Biting-etorix onto the catapult. “Now!” he says. Procrastinatus cuts the rope, and the screaming Gaul is launched at the walls of Alesia.

“Ave,” says Maximus Bladderus, as he enters the tavern. “Ave, Centurion,” says Ezlos, the innkeeper from Ilium. “What will it be?” “I’m hungry,” the centurion says, “give me bread and some meat.” “I have something better,” Ezlos says. “Instead of bringing all kinds of different food, I’ve decided to take only one thing – the tastiest food there is.” “You have giraffe meat?” asks Bladderus. “No, better.” “Better? There’s no food in the world that is better than giraffe meat!” “Trust me, Centurion. Here it is.” The centurion looks at his plate. “This is meatloaf.” “Yes, it’s it great? I didn’t bring anything but meatloaf!” “You brought nothing... but meatloaf.” “That’s correct, sir, only meatloaf.” “There’s no giraffe meat.” “No.” “No grapes.” “No.” “Not even any bread.” “No, centurion.” “Just meatloaf.” “Yes, centurion. No matter how long this siege takes, we won’t run out of meatloaf.” “Only meatloaf.” “That’s right. With any luck, we’ll be eating meatloaf for the next six months.”

“You stupid git!” centurion Bladderus yells, clenching his hands around Ezlos’ throat. “I hate meatloaf! Let me eat worms! Let me eat sand! Let me eat Culinarus Catastrofus’ soup of the day! Anything but meatloaf!” Suddenly, the centurion loosens his grip, and slumps backwards. Two Gauls are standing behind him. The druid, Weetabix, has just lodged his sickle in the centurion’s spine. The other, Evnafix, utters a battlecry, and jumps at Ezlos. The innkeeper, however, has been in many bar fights, and has developed lightning-quick reflexes. As the screaming Gallic warrior raises his sword, Ezlos grabs the meatloaf and shoves the entire thing into the Gaul’s mouth, choking him.

“My goodness, Titus, there are Gauls coming this way!” “Quickly, Senator, we can still get away!” “Get away? And what will they say in the senate? Oh no, I will not give Cato the pleasure of calling me a coward in front of all the other senators. Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus does not flee!” “But Senator, the Gauls will kill you!” “Titus Salmonis, Vonrielus, do I have to remind you what I pay you people for? Protect me!” Moments later, the Romans are attacked by two Gauls. Khaldix disembowels Vonrielus, and together with Travelangelix, he attacks the senator. Drakerius draws his dagger, and stabs Khaldix, saying: “Sic semper barbaris!” before being decapitated by Travelangelix. The Gaul then swings his sword at Titus Salmonis, but stumbles over Vonrielus’ corpse. Salmonis stabs the fallen Gaul in the back, and cleans his blade. “Now how am I going to explain this to Caesar...”

“I can’t believe this,” says Puppix. “I only said he looked different,” says Longbovinus, “that he looked shorter than usual. That’s no reason to leave us to ‘guard the town’!” “You should have kept your mouth shut! You know how touchy Vercingetorix can be! And now I have to stay here too, just because I was standing close to you!” “You were giggling!” “I was not! And that was only because of what you said about Vercingetorix’ helmet!” “Guys!” “Who’s there?” asks Longbovinus. “Guys, it’s me, Lakazix. Where is everybody?” “Lakazix! Aren’t you supposed to be down there with the others?” “Down there? What for?” “To fight the Romans, of course!” “Romans? What Romans?” “By Belenos, Lakazix, Inkius Caesar’s Romans! The Romans that are laying siege to Alesia!” “Nobody told me about any Romans.” “They’ve been firing their catapults at us all morning!” “Really? Didn’t hear a thing. Slept right through it.” “Slept right... one of the rocks hit the barracks, right where you slept!” “Ah, so that’s why it was such a mess when I woke up. But if the others are really fighting the Romans down there, we should go and help them!” “But Vercingetorix said...” “Pfft, who cares what he says. Come, let’s go!”

A Gaulish warrior, a bard, and a llama are sneaking through the Roman camp. “Alright, this seems like a good spot. The Romans won’t know what hit them!” “I beg your pardon?” asks the bard. “Er, I meant your performance, Assurancetourix. The Romans will be blown away!” “Why, thank you, Fleevinus Cowardix. Now, for my first song...” “Wait! Wait, Atreyix and I should hide... oh, damn.” Fleevinus and Atreyix hide behind a tent just in time, as a Roman walks up to Assurancetourix. “What is this? A Gallic bard? How quaint.” “Quaint?” “Oh, your performances are no doubt adequate for Gallic ears, but you need not bother this Roman legion with your... provincial music. Roman soldiers prefer civilized music. Roman music.” “Why, I’ll let you hear some music!” Banjonimus Bardisius, the Roman maestro and musical genius, never got a chance. It is said that the song of the Sirens drives men mad, but Assurancetourix’s voice at point blank range has a very similar effect.

“What is this? Right, you there, stop strangling that poor cat!” Legionaries Doctor Bathus and Magus Dementus draw their swords, and advance towards the bard. “You’re under arrest, Gaul!” Suddenly, they hear a bleat, and a furry shape jumps on top of the Romans. Clenching the axe beween his teeth, he tries to hit the Romans, but to no avail. While Doctor Bathus grabs the llama, Magus Dementus snatches the axe. “Well, I’ve never seen a creature like this. Off to the Circus with it!” The legionaries lead the llama away, and put him in a cage.

Four Romans are sitting in a watch tower, watching the battle from a safe distance. “Come on, Raisus B1adus, you’re drunk. Let’s get you to bed.” “Nonshenshe, HyramGrafus! I’m not *hic* drunk! Beshidesh, we have to Gaul the fights!” “What?” “Gaul the fights! Gight the fauls, I mean! *hic*” “Fight the Gauls?” “Thash what I shaid!” “But there aren’t any Gauls here.” “Theresh one right *hic* behind you!” “What? To arms! Hoggus, Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus, get over here!” Four Gauls have climbed the tower, and are coming at the Romans with drawn swords. Radarpulsix goes for the drunk Roman, thinking him an easy target. Raisus B1adus, however, knocks the sword out of the Gaul’s hand, and bites him in the ear. “Aaaah! He’s got my ear! He’s got my ear! Get him off me!” “Gesh him! Gesh him! I gotsh him!” The Roman holds on to Radarpulsix, who is trying to grab his sword. “I’ll get him,” says Lunatelephonix. “Hold on, I’ll help you,” says HyramGrafus. A few stabbings later, and both the Roman and the Gaul lie dead. “Avast! Ye stabbed Raisus B1adus,” says Hoggus, the Roman with the eyepatch. He and Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus draw their swords, and stab Lunatelephonix to death. But by stabbing the Gaul, Longinus has turned his back to Casix and Dragonmatrix, who skewer him on their swords.

Baboonius Arminiae, Gladius Wieldius, and Xykon Fannus are standing on a nearby hilltop, next to a cart full of hay. “This is a stupid plan,” says Gladius Wieldius. “It’s not,” says Baboonius Arminiae, “It’s going to work.” “And how, may I ask, is it going to hit the Gauls?” “Simple. We put you on the cart, and you’ll steer it towards them. Then you jump off at the last moment, and the cart will hit the Gauls!” “It will be on fire.” “Of course. It wouldn’t do much harm otherwise, would it?” “I’ll be on the cart!” “Yes. But that’s why we gave you a bucket.” “A bucket.” “So you can put yourself out if you catch fire.” “By Jupiter, this is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard!” “Alright, I’ve had enough of this,” says Decurion Xykon Fannus. “Gladius Wieldius, get on the cart.” “But... but...” “That’s an order!” “Yes, sir!” As the burning cart rolls down the hill, Baboonius Arminiae says: “Erm, sir?” “Yes?” “I think I’ve discovered a fatal flaw in our plan.” “And what would that be?” “That cart, sir. It can’t be steered.” “What?” “It can’t be steered if there aren’t any horses pulling it.” “Oh dear,” the Decurion says, as he sees the burning cart, with Gladius Wieldius still on it, crash into a centurion’s tent and explode in a giant fireball.

High up in the sky, a Gaul is gliding towards his target. PlasticSoldierix has fashioned a crude parachute from a bedsheet, and is humming the Ride of the Valkyries as he soars above the Roman camp. Dramatichordus, the Gallic Roman, is standing guard on the wall. He’s fallen asleep, leaning against his spear. “Traitor!” shouts PlasticSoldierix, “I have come to punish your... uhm... treachery!” Drawing his bow, the flying Gaul shoots Dramatichordus right in the groin. “Ha, take that!” the Gaul says, as he lands next to the corpse of the traitor. “Wait... what’s that smell?” Suddenly, he starts gasping for breath, and collapses. Umbra, the flatulent Roman ninja, sneaks away. Unfortunately, he hasn’t noticed Skippix. The Gaul points his sword at a point behind the ninja, saying “Come, men, follow me to victory! Wait, what’s this? There’s something stuck on my sword. It feels heavy, but I can’t see anything. Odd. Oh, now it’s gone,” he says, as Umbra slumps to the ground.

Alecix has cut a piece of cloth from a tent, and made himself a white flag. “With any luck, the Romans will grant me asylum. These Gauls are crazy!” He walks to Caesar’s headquarters. The Roman general is moving little figurines on a map, and doesn’t notice the Gaul that has entered this tent. “Look, Brutus, I’m now executing a classical pincer maneuver. To the left, the... hey, what are you doing in my tent?” Brutus immediately draws his dagger, and Alecix draws his sword. “Put away that sword, Gaul. Et tu, Brute.” “Inkius Caesar, I request asylum.” “Asylum? That is unexpected. I thought you came here to challenge me, as is the Gallic custom.” “Uhm... no, we’ve got this new custom. Instead of fighting the other chief to the death, I am supposed to surrender to you. You’re then supposed to give me a nice villa somewhere, with slaves and everything, so I can retire there and never bother you again.” “Sounds reasonable,” says Caesar. “I do have some lands near Pompeii you could have. Good soil, nice weather, and a beautiful view of the volcano.” “Sounds good.” “Hey, hold on a minute!” says Brutus, “that’s my villa! You’re giving him my villa!” “Brutus, you have fifteen villae. Surely, you can spare one? You can have a new one in Gaul. Now that Vercingetorix has surrendered, it’s practically mine already.” “I don’t like Gaul! I want my villa at Pompeii!” “Shut up, Brutus!” “Right, that does it!” says Brutus. He draws his dagger, and stabs Caesar. “Hey, wait! What about my villa?” says Alecix, while Caesar bleeds to death. “MY villa,” says Brutus. He tries to stab the Gaul, but misses. “Well, so much for my surrender,” says Alecix, drawing his sword and decapitating Brutus.

Centurion Pieistastius is sneaking up on a man in a tuxedo. He has a microphone, and he is describing what is happening on the battlefield. “I have you now, narrator!” she says, and draws her sword. Suddenly, the sword falls out of her hand. “Damn you!” She tries to strangle him, but she slips on something and falls. “Right, narrate your way out of this,” she says, drawing a dagger and prepares to throw it at the narrator. But suddenly, something totally unexpected happens! “Nice try,” she says. “He’s right, though,” a voice behind her says. Sebigbos had been watching the centurion, and has decided this story does need a narrator. He grabs his axe, and chops Pieistastius in two, heroically saving the narrator.

[Lord Herman]

{table]Romans|Action
Almighty Salmon|Traveling Angel
Baboon Army|Timeout
banjo1985|Fleeing Coward
Calamity|Moon Called
Castaras|The Narrator
Destro Yersul|Self
Dr. Bath|Self
Draken|Khaldan
dun-dun-DUUN|Timeout
Ezlo|Self
Fredricus|Self
Hoggy|Moon Called
HyramGraff|pingcode20
Ink|Air
Krursk|Vampiric
Lord Fullbladder|Stu42
Mad Wizard|Atreyu
Raiser B1ade|pingcode20
Shadow|PlasticSoldier
Vonriel|Traveling Angel
Xykon Fan|Timeout
Gauls|Action
Akaziel|Air
alec|Ink
Atreyu|Dr. Bath
Captain van der Decken|Self
Case|Calamity
DarkLightDragon|Calamity
evnafets|Ezlo
firepup|Timeout
Fleeing Coward|Self
Indurain|Self
Khaldan|Vonriel
Moon Called|Raiser B1ade
Neodan282|Air
pingcode20|Raiser B1ade
PlasticSoldier|dun-dun-DUUN
radikalskippy|Shadow
RocketBard|banjo1985
Stu42|Self
Traveling Angel|Draken
Vampiric|Fredricus
Zar Peter|Castaras[/table]


Romans
Almighty Salmon (Titus Salmonis)
Baboon Army (Baboonius Arminiae)
Dr. Bath (Doctor Bathus)
Ezlo (Ezlos) - Tavern owner
Fredricus (Senator Fredricus) - Senator
Hoggy (Hoggus) - Roman with eyepatch
HyramGraff (HyramGrafus)
Krursk (Procrastinatus)
Mad Wizard (Magus Dementus)
Xykon Fan (Xykon Fannus) - Decurion
banjo1985 (Banjonimus Bardisius) - Musician
Calamity (Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus)
Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion, will die in the first round because she threatened to shoot the narrator
Destro Yersul (Gladius Wieldius)
Draken (Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus) - Senator
dun-dun-DUUN (Dramatichordus) - Gaulish Roman
Ink (Gaius Inkius Caesar) - General
Lord Fullbladder (Maximus Bladderus) - Centurion
Raiser B1ade (Raisus B1adus) - Drunk
Shadow (Umbra) - Flatulent Roman Ninja
Vonriel (Vonrielus)


Gauls
Akaziel (Lakazix)
alec (Alecix)
Case (Casix) - Chef
DarkLightDragon (Dragonmatrix)
firepup (Puppix)
Fleeing Coward (Fleevinus Cowardix) - Messenger
Neodan282 (Longbovinus) - Longbowman
radikalskippy (Skippix)
RocketBard (Assurancetourix) - Bard
Stu42 (Weetabix) - Druid
Zar Peter (Sebigbos)
Atreyu (Atreyix) - Lumberjack
Captain van der Decken (Captain Deckix) - Fishmonger
evnafets (Evnafix)
Indurain (Indurix) - Village smith
Khaldan (Khaldix)
Moon Called (Lunatelephonix)
pingcode20 (Radarpulsix)
PlasticSoldier (PlasticSoldierix)
Traveling Angel (Travelangelix)
Vampiric (Biting-etorix)


Please submit your actions before Saturday, 17:00 GMT. Note that the deadline is now one hour earlier than usual - that means I can start writing directly after dinner, instead of having to wait for an hour.

[Calamity]

Case, DLD. I will have my revenge!!! Well, maybe. Maybe not.

[banjo1985]

Oh bum, dead in the first round...serves me right for shooting a coward!

Banjonimus Bardisius staggers backwards, shocked at the force of the Gaulish bards words. Soon his mind breaks and he quietly bashes his own head in with his lute...

Damnit RocketBard....I shall have my revenge!

Oh well, bring on round 7!

[Skippy]

I can't believe it! I survived the first attack!!!

Come on, gauls, let's keep on fighting, by Toutatis!!!

[Fredricus]

Awesome!

Really liked the story!

[Atreyu the Masked LLama]

^ love the new avatar

OH NOES!!! Its the circus life for me. AH well, its probably better than being a lumberjack.

[Studoku]

Nice, we got Caesar and Brutus in round one and I got to sickle someone.

[Lord Herman]

OH NOES!!! Its the circus life for me. AH well, its probably better than being a lumberjack.

You do realize that Roman circuses were slightly different from modern ones, do you? The term 'circus life' isn't really appropriate in this case.

[Atreyu the Masked LLama]

*Twitches* ummm.....no. I like to think I'm an educated man but I have not studied the traveling habits of Private William Santiago or Roman Circuses. I'm gonna learn something not pleasant today, aren't I?

[Lord Herman]

Well, let's just say that the circuses are the reason there aren't any lions in Europe anymore.

edit: I'd post an informative wiki link, but wikipedia seems to be down.

another edit: Ah well, then I'll have to explain myself. You see, the Romans used to have these theatres called Circuses. They were actually more like sports stadiums - an arena of sand, with stands for spectators around it.

These circuses were used for gladiator fights. Usually, gladiators would fight each other, but sometimes, they fought wild animals instead. The Romans took exotic animals from all corners of the empire to fight in the circuses - giraffes, rhinos, elephants, lions. Some species even came close to extinction because of these fights.

[Ezlo]

Hurrah! Meatloaf saves the day!

[Fredricus]

Deadly food ;)

[Hoggy]

Huzzah! I'm still alive! I'm so proud of me. :smallbiggrin:

[Zar Peter]

I saved the narrator, I save the narrator...

I think it's the first time I shoot one and I'm not dead.
Thank you Cassie, I thought that you really would do something like that.

[Castaras]

Well, I rarely lie about who I'm going to shoot. :smalltongue:

I thought someone would kill me...:smallamused:

[Draken]

Draken > Khaldan > Vonriel > TravelingAngel > Draken.

Ok, this is just LOL.

[Dallas-Dakota]

Can Dallix or Dakotis still join?
*stealthily Dallix/Dakotus sneaks in the battle and stabs his enemy and contineu's doing so until he is spotted, then he shouts : By Belkar, lets kill these wussies!*

[Almighty Salmon]

Woohoo! I'm not dead in the first round! finally, my bad luck comes to an end.

You're going down Fleeing Coward :smallamused:

[Mad Wizard]

Woot! I survived one round! And got a kill! Well, I probably won't survive another.

[Lord Herman]

Can Dallix or Dakotis still join?
*stealthily Dallix/Dakotus sneaks in the battle and stabs his enemy and contineu's doing so until he is spotted, then he shouts : By Belkar, lets kill these wussies!*

I'm afraid the sign-ups have already ended, so you won't be able to join this round. I can put you on the auto-notify list, so you'll receive a PM when the sign-ups for the next round start.

[Baboon Army]

Hate having no computer access:smallfurious:
*Gathers a lynch mob and points towards his brother*

-Also you misspelled my name in the text(Baboonius Arminiae)

[Lord Herman]

Oops, sorry. Fixed.

[Raiser Blade]

Hic* "osh wells... ad leasht i gots one of's tem.


Ha i got you pingcode :smallbiggrin:
sadly you got me too :smallsigh:

[Fleeing Coward]

Woohoo! I'm not dead in the first round! finally, my bad luck comes to an end.

You're going down Fleeing Coward :smallamused:

It's as simple as not shooting me people. How many times do i have to shoot myself before I get the message through? :smalltongue:

/msg Lord Herman Shoot Self

[Mr. Moon]

Errrmmm... Hah-hah, I've had my revenge?

...

*sighs*

[Draken]

I think that we (Khaldan, Vonriel, Traveling Angel and me) should get a trophy for that thing we have just done, I mean what are the odds?

[Lord Herman]

There is a badge for longest chain of kills - the record is held by Ink (and seven others), with 7 kills. We've never had a closed loop of kills before, though.

[Fredricus]

In the non-team Ready, Aim, Fire we had a three way atleast. Possible there where longer ones too, they where fun. A group of three ninjas poisoning each others food.

[Vampiric]

If I die in the first round of the next one, LH, you might have to put in a medal for 'Least Likely To Make It Past The First Round'. That's the second time!

[Lord Herman]

There is a medal for dying in the first round most, which is currently tied between Fredricus and Moon Called, with 4 deaths in the first round each.

[DarkLightDragon]

I survived the first round... :smalleek: :smallbiggrin: :smallredface:

[Fredricus]

There is a medal for dying in the first round most, which is currently tied between Fredricus and Moon Called, with 4 deaths in the first round each.

That was a bad habit, trying to fix it.

[Lord Herman]

ACHTUNG!

I just had to send 13 reminder PMs to people who haven't submitted their action yet. That's 13 out of 21 surviving players. Please try to submit your actions in time. I recommend that you submit your action as soon as you've read the results of the last round.

[Vonriel]

Oh come on... I killed someone by having someone else trip over my corpse? That's just not fair! :smalltongue:

Heh, closed loop of kills... That's pretty funny, though. And to think, I was toying with the idea of shooting myself... Stupid hindsight.

[RocketBard]

The Romans can't win because... the power of Asterix is too great to handle. Also, I killed the rival musician! Take that you bard-killer!

:smallamused:

[Ink]

Haha, very nice writing, Lord Herman! Too bad General Inkius Caesar was short-lived, but the story was great! C'mon Romans!

[Lord Herman]

Writing now.

[Lord Herman]

“Get those Gauls!” shouts HyramGrafus, climbing after Casix and Dragonmatrix. “Thar she blows!” says Hoggus. He grabs a rope, and swings down the watchtower. The two Gauls have quite a head start, and are heading to the tavern. The druid, Weetabix, is just leaving the tavern in a hurry – Ezlos chases after him with a meatloaf, but soon gives up the chase and goes back to his tavern to clean up the mess the Gauls left. Meanwhile, Titus Salmonis has decided to drown himself in wine rather than tell Caesar about the senator’s death, and heads to the tavern as well. He meets up with Magus Dementus, who has just made a lot of money on a deal with a animal trader, and plans to blow it all on booze.

Ezlos is just filling Titus’ glass as Casix and Dragonmatrix burst into the tavern, followed by HyramGrafus and Hoggus. “We’ve got you cornered, Gauls. Surrender!” says HyramGrafus. “I don’t think so,” says Casix. “Oh, and why not?” “Because we’re getting reinforcements.” “Rein...” at that moment, three more Gauls burst into the tavern, knocking HyramGrafus to the ground. Lakazix, Longbovinus and Puppix were planning to join the battle, but when they saw Ezlos’ tavern, they decided to have a drink instead. “Oh crud,” says Ezlos, “a bar fight! Quick, the mirror!”

Dragonmatrix grabs a stool, and knocks out Titus Salmonis. Lakazix breaks a bottle and tries to attack Hoggus, but Magus Dementus hits him on the head with a clay mug. Casix throws a chair at the large wall-to-wall mirror, but Ezlos catches it. “Hey, that mirror is expensive,” he says, and knocks Casix out with the chair. Longbovinus grabs the barkeep, puts him on the bar, and slides him into the mirror. Hoggus tries to help Ezlos, but slips and falls into the broken shards of the mirror. HyramGrafus grabs a few bottles of wine from behind the bar, and starts tossing them around, hitting Dragonmatrix. Puppix doesn’t need any help getting knocked out – he’s catching HyramGrafus’ bottles, and he’s drinking them until he passes out.

Decurion Xykon Fannus has ordered Baboonius Arminae to check out the damage of the exploding cart, and, if necessary, take the blame. The legionary pokes around the smouldering tent, steals a small pouch of sestertii, and then wanders off in search of something better to do. Preferably something that keeps him far away from the centurion whose tent he wrecked. Suddenly, he sees Vercingetorix standing over the bodies of Caesar and Brutus. “Hey! Hey, you there!” “Who, me?” “Yes, you! You killed Caesar!” “No, I didn’t! It was Brutus!” “Right, of course. Let me guess. Brutus stabbed Caesar, and then you killed the murder of your greatest enemy? Sounds very plausible.” “Good, because that’s what happened.” “I was being sarcastic.” “Oh. But it really did happen. Honest!” “I’m going to have to stab you now.” “I’ll stab you back!” “You won’t, because you’ll be dead!” says Baboonius, sticking his gladius in Alecix’ chest. “Yes... *cough* I will...” says Alecix, and stabs the Roman through the heart before collapsing.

“And what is this?” asks Senator Fredricus. “This? This is the mighty siege tower,” says Procrastinatus. “How does it work?” “Well, you see, you put a lot of soldiers in it, and then roll it towards the enemy walls. The soldiers then climb the ladders inside, and they can then get onto the walls with the drawbridge up there.” “Ingenious. I’d like to climb it.” “Certainly. Do be careful, sir. It’s built for soldiers, not senators. We didn’t really build in any safety measures.” The senator climbs the rickety ladders and lowers the drawbridge. “I see,” shouts the senator from the top of the siege tower, “and then you just walk on to the enemy’s wall?” “Yes, sir.” “Marvellous! Now, how does one make it... well, go?” “Well, there’s a lever up there that controls the brakes, but I really wouldn’t... oh dear,” the engineer says, as the lumbering tower starts rolling down the hill. “The centurion is going to kill me for this.” “Erm, excuse me? Could someone tell me how one stops this thing? Anyone?”

Sebigbos has gathered up a group of Gauls, and they are now looking for Romans to rough up. They find a Decurion and a legionary, engaged in conversation about llamas. “Right, let’s get them!” the chief says, drawing his sword. Skippix, Weetabix, Assurancetourix and Sebigbos run toward Xykon Fannus and Doctor Bathus, and Fleevinus Cowardix runs in the opposite direction. Skippix and Assurancetourix grab Xykon Fannus and try to throw him into a nearby campfire, but the Roman draws his sword and runs Skippix through, while Doctor Bathus stabs the bard in the back. “Hey, no Roman hurts our bard! That’s our job!” says Sebigbos, and he and the druid beat Doctor Bathus over the head with Assurancetourix’ lute.

“Phew, I’m glad I got away from those madmen. Those Romans are crazy!” says Fleevinus Cowardix, and gets hit by a speeding siege tower.

[Lord Herman]

{table]Romans|Action
Almighty Salmon|Air
Baboon Army|Alec
Dr. Bath|RocketBard
Ezlo|Case
Fredricus|Self
Hoggy|Self
HyramGraff|DarkLightDragon
Krursk|Timeout
Mad Wizard|Akaziel
Xykon Fan|Self
Gauls|Action
Akaziel|Timeout
alec|Baboon Army
Case|Timeout
DarkLightDragon|Almighty Salmon
firepup|Timeout
Fleeing Coward|Self
Neodan282|Ezlo
radikalskippy|Xykon Fan
RocketBard|Xykon Fan
Stu42|Dr. Bath
Zar Peter|Dr. Bath[/table]


Romans
HyramGraff (HyramGrafus)
Krursk (Procrastinatus)
Mad Wizard (Magus Dementus)
Xykon Fan (Xykon Fannus) - Decurion
Almighty Salmon (Titus Salmonis)
Baboon Army (Baboonius Arminiae)
banjo1985 (Banjonimus Bardisius) - Musician
Calamity (Adeodatus Secundus Octavius Longinus)
Castaras (Pieistastius) - Centurion, will die in the first round because she threatened to shoot the narrator
Destro Yersul (Gladius Wieldius)
Dr. Bath (Doctor Bathus)
Draken (Senator Drakerius Hydrantis Gelatus) - Senator
dun-dun-DUUN (Dramatichordus) - Gaulish Roman
Ezlo (Ezlos) - Tavern owner
Fredricus (Senator Fredricus) - Senator
Hoggy (Hoggus) - Roman with eyepatch
Ink (Gaius Inkius Caesar) - General
Lord Fullbladder (Maximus Bladderus) - Centurion
Raiser B1ade (Raisus B1adus) - Drunk
Shadow (Umbra) - Flatulent Roman Ninja
Vonriel (Vonrielus)


Gauls
Neodan282 (Longbovinus) - Longbowman
Stu42 (Weetabix) - Druid
Zar Peter (Sebigbos)
Akaziel (Lakazix)
alec (Alecix)
Atreyu (Atreyix) - Lumberjack
Captain van der Decken (Captain Deckix) - Fishmonger
Case (Casix) - Chef
DarkLightDragon (Dragonmatrix)
evnafets (Evnafix)
firepup (Puppix)
Fleeing Coward (Fleevinus Cowardix) - Messenger
Indurain (Indurix) - Village smith
Khaldan (Khaldix)
Moon Called (Lunatelephonix)
pingcode20 (Radarpulsix)
PlasticSoldier (PlasticSoldierix)
radikalskippy (Skippix)
RocketBard (Assurancetourix) - Bard
Traveling Angel (Travelangelix)
Vampiric (Biting-etorix)


Please submit your actions before Monday, 17:00 GMT. Note that the deadline is now one hour earlier than usual - that means I can start writing directly after dinner, instead of having to wait for an hour.

[Mr. Moon]

There is a medal for dying in the first round most, which is currently tied between Fredricus and Moon Called, with 4 deaths in the first round each.

...

You don't have to rub it in, you know.

[Almighty Salmon]

Dammit, DLD! I'll get my revenge...

At some point..

[Neodan282]

Awwww Man... I wanted a nice glass of root beer! But now both side's chefs are dead.

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I don't think enough meatloaf has been destroyed.

[Hoggy]

Yay! I remain undefeated by anyone else!

[Mad Wizard]

Well, my "strategy" seems to be working :smallwink: . (I decide basically randomly.)

[Lord Herman]

There are only seven players left, so I think we can start considering themes for the next round. This is what I've got so far:
- Wild West, either cowboys vs indians or lawmen vs outlaws.
- Napoleontic warfare, probably Waterloo.
- Medieval warfare, possibly Scots vs English.
- Science Fiction. Star Trek, Stargate, Starcraft, Warhammer 40k, or something else.

Any suggestions are welcome.

[Fleeing Coward]

I vote Waterloo

About time I died, I'm aiming for most first round deaths but these crowds ain't been very helpful :smalltongue:

[Khaldan]

40k, Blood angels vs. Dark angels.

[Draken]

Starcraft, Protoss vs Zerg

[Baboon Army]

I'm for Starcraft. Terrans/Protoss vs. Zerg.

[Vampiric]

If it is starcraft, I'm going Protoss.:smallbiggrin:

Wait... You haven't done Cowboys vs. Indians yet?!?! :eek: That should have been the first game! :smallamused: Shotgun indians.:smallsmile:

I vote starcraft or wild west. whichever makes the difference.

[Lord Herman]

In case I do choose Starcraft, it'll probably be a three-way battle that includes all the races.

[Draken]

Heh, why don't you bing up the anxiety for SC 2 and inclued the Xel' Naga there to then?

[Mad Wizard]

I'll add another vote for Starcraft. A three way battle would be interesting.

[Lord Herman]

Another idea I have: An archaeological expedition versus the perils of the jungle, set around 1900.

[Hoggy]

Jungle tentacle rape?

...

I'm game. :smallwink:

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

I'm up for X-Treme Archeology. The X-Treme makes it cool.

[Lord Herman]

Alright, all the actions are in. Writing now.

[Lord Herman]

Up in a tree, Xykon Fannus is rethinking his career. “Join up, they said! It’s a man’s life, they said!” Down on the ground, two Gauls are hacking away at the tree. “This’ll take ages, Weetabix. Don’t you have any magic potion with you?” “Let’s see... yes, I do have a potion.” “Well,” says Sebigbos, “that should make it a lot easier to bring down this tree.” The druid and the chief drink the potion, and try to pull the tree out of the ground. “Hmm... it doesn’t seem to be working.” “Are you sure you’ve got the right potion? Check the label on the flask.” “Hmm... ‘Hair Growth Potion. Warning: imbibing this potion will cause hair to grow uncontrollably for four to six hours.’” “What? Oh no!” Sebigbos’ hair has already grown two feet, and the druid’s beard is even longer than before. “I think we might have a problem, Sebigbos.”

Back in the tavern, the bar fight is still raging. At least, Magus Dementus and Longbovinus are still wrestling on the floor, and HyramGrafus is quickly running out of bottles to throw. “Get help,” says Magus Dementus. “I’m a bit busy,” says Longbovinus. “Not you, you idiot, him!” “Oh, right,” says the Gaul, and punches the Roman in the ribs. HyramGrafus throws Magus Dementus his last bottle, and then leaves the tavern to find help. On a nearby hill, he finds Procrastinatus, who is dragging something into the bushes. “What are you doing?” “Aaah! Uh, I mean, nothing!” “Oh, okay. Magus Dementus sent me, he needs help. He’s fighting a Gaul in the tavern.” “In the tavern, you say? Hmm, that’s just in range of the catapult.” “What? But Magus Dementus is still in there!” “Ah, but that’s the beauty of the catapult – it doesn’t matter if there’s anyone in the way, it’ll just go right through them and hit the intended target!” “But...” “Come, help me load this enormous rock into the catapult.”

Moments later, a huge rock crashes into the tavern, flattening Longbovinus, and missing Magus Dementus by a hair’s breadth. “Phew,” he says, “that was close.” “Ha, got him!” says Pluto, the god of the underworld. “What? No! Why?” says Mars, the god of war. “He said ‘that was close’ after almost getting hit by a big rock! That means he’s going to die any second now.” “But that’s not fair! He’s a soldier, he’s supposed to die in heroic battle!” “Hey, I didn’t write the laws of comedy physics. You owe me twenty souls.”

Back on the hill, Procrastinatus and HyramGrafus are loading the catapult again. “Can’t be too sure,” says Procrastinatus, “if the first rock didn’t get him, this second one will. Or the third.” “Wouldn’t that be a waste of valuable military assets?” “Nonsense, we’ve got lots of big rocks. Besides, there’s no kill like overkill.” “Oh well, fire again, then.” Twenty-seven big rocks later, the tavern is completely destroyed. Longbovinus and Magus Dementus are crushed beneath a few tons of rock, and Ezlos’ complete stash of meatloaf is wiped out by a particularly large rock that landed on the provisions shack.

Decurion Xykon Fannus has gathered up the survivors. “Well, what are we going to do now? Caesar is dead, as well as both of the senators. When word of this gets to Rome, we’re dead!” “Wait a second,” says Procrastinatus, “if both of the senators are dead, what are we worrying about? There’s nobody left to tell the senate!” “But won’t they miss the senators?” asks HyramGrafus, “and Caesar, for that matter?” “Hmm... wait, I have a plan!”

Two months later, Xykon Fannus is standing in the senate. He straightens his toga, and addresses the senators. “I, Gaius Julius Caesar, have defeated the Gauls!” “Inkius,” a senator mutters, “Inkius Caesar, you idiot!” “All of Gaul is now occupied by the Romans.” “All?” asks a senator. “Not quite,” says another, who bears a striking resemblance to HyramGrafus. “Sssh!” says the senator next to him, poking him in the ribs. “What my esteemed colleague tried to say,” says the other senator, who looks an awful lot like Procrastinatus, “is that yes, all of Gaul is now occupied by the Romans. Hooray for Caesar!” The senators cheer, and gather around Caesar to congratulate him. “He should be granted a triumph!” says Procrastinatus. “Hooray!” say the senators. “Let’s make him Emperor or something!” “Hooray... wait, Emperor?” says another senator, “what about the Republic?” “Yes, what about the Senate?” “He’s trying to put us out of a job!” “Down with the tyrant!” The senators draw their daggers, and stab Caesar to death. “Et tu, Procrastinatus...”

[Lord Herman]

{table]Romans|Action
HyramGraff|Air
Krursk|Neodan282
Mad Wizard|Neodan282
Xykon Fan|Air
Gauls|Action
Neodan282|Mad Wizard
Stu42|Self
Zar Peter|Self[/table]


The Romans have won! HyramGraff, Krursk and Xykon Fan are the survivors! Congratulations!

The trophies and medals will be up shortly.

[Lord Herman]

The trophies:
{table]Trophy|Winner
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/WinBronze.png Winning team|Romans
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/WinSilver.png Surviving winners|HyramGraff, Krursk, Xykon Fan
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/WinGold.png Most wins|HyramGraff
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/RedSilver.png Most kills|Mad Wizard (3 kills)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/RedGold.png Most kills overall|Raiser B1ade (9 kills)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/GreenSilver.png Survival|HyramGraff, Krursk, Neodan282, Stu42, Xykon Fan, Zar Peter
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/GreenGold.png Survival overall|pingcode20 (14 rounds)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/BlueSilver.png Pacifist|Akaziel, Almighty Salmon, Castaras, HyramGraff, Ink, Neodan282, Xykon Fan (1 airshot)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/BlueGold.png Pacifist overall|pingcode20 (11 airshots)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/PurpleSilver.png Shot at most|Dr. Bath (3 times)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/PurpleGold.png Shot at most overall|Moon Called (9 times)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/YellowSilver.png Not shot at most|HyramGraff, Krursk, Zar Peter (3 rounds)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/YellowGold.png Not shot at most overall|pingcode20 (15 rounds)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/BlackGold.png First round casualty|Moon Called (5 times)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/OrangeGold.png Most effective suicide|Three-way tie
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/BrownGold.png Largest lynch mob|Tie between Moon Called and Akaziel
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/MagentaGold.png Longest chain of kills|Ink (7 kills)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/MagentaSilver.png Longest chain of kills|Gezina, Akaziel, Captain van der Decken, Atreyu, firepup, Raiser B1ade, Lord Fullbladder
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/WhiteGold.png Sole survivor|Raiser B1ade (6 rounds)
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation1.png 1 round participation|
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation2.png 2 round participation|
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation3.png 3 round participation|
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation4.png 4 round participation|
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation5.png 5 round participation|
http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/Participation6.png 6 round participation|[/table]

If you're not sure which trophies you've won, look here (http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/Gallery/TeamRAF.html).

[Fredricus]

Victory to the Romans!

lawmen VS outlaws sound fun

[HyramGraff]

Yay, my team wins again. One thing about the medals though, how did Zar Peter get the not shot at most when he shot himself this last round?

[Lord Herman]

Shooting yourself doesn't count toward the purple medal. Only shots by others (successful or not) are counted.

The list of medals has now been updated: Linky! (http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/Gallery/TeamRAF.html)

I'll post the next round tomorrow.

[Calamity]

Umm, it doesn't look updated to me.

[Neodan282]

I like to see that I'm loved!

[HyramGraff]

Umm, it doesn't look updated to me.

Try refreshing the page. That fixed it for me.

[Calamity]

Try refreshing the page. That fixed it for me.

Nope, still the same.

[Lord Herman]

That's odd. Are you seeing the three-round participation stripes, two bronze cups and the round I veteran badge? You're supposed to have those.

[Mad Wizard]

I'm not quite sure how to put the images in my signature. Could someone give me a hand?

[Ink]

Right-click on the image, then select Properties. Copy the URL, and then go to the Edit Signature part of your User CP. Paste the URL in between tags. Like this:

http://home.planet.nl/~hdgoede/tdg/StickArt/TeamRAF/WinBronze.png

[banjo1985]

Wahey we romans were victorius! At least Banjonimus died for a purpose! Looking forward to the next round, Cowboys and Indians sounds fun to me!

[RocketBard]

Never mind.