View Full Version : Funniest/most creative kills you have ever pulled off

Kevin Drake
2017-10-31, 01:06 PM
In a recent session with my old group, I managed to pull off a kill that literally ruined my dm's entire campaign, so before I share my story on it i would like to ask you all to list your best 'creativity kills' in the comments, no matter what enemy it was on, it doesn't matter as long as it was 'unconventional'. So anyways onto my story. I was in a group of three players (not counting the dm). There was a werewolf cleric, a dwarven paladin, and most importantly to the story, a gnome wizard named Namo Wezard (played by me). Namo was a low level wizard with a few spells but two important items, a vorpal scimitar (with a mimic sheath named bob who would more often that not not let me use it), and a satchel of 'happy powder' (the ingame equivalent to cocaine) which would give me free actions if I had enough, which I could harvest from specific types of mushrooms. But anyways, in the campaign two kingdoms were waging war, the good guys and the bad guys. So the good guys sent us to the kingdom of the bad guys as a neutral party to try and work something out with the bbeg (he wasn't to final boss strength yet but he still was many levels above the party) so when we arrived, the cleric and paladin went in through the main entrance, but I didn't. Because I had a plan. Beforehand I had gotten ahold of a map of the castle's layout and found out that there was a side entrance that could be accessed via tunnels and led to a staircase to the throne room, so I snuck in (I had managed to convince bob to let go of the scimitar for a bit) and stuck the scimitar into the ground at the bottom of the staircase so the non bladed side was at an acute angle (this is important later) and went back out and went in through the main entrance. I went up to the bbeg and successfully convinced him to meet with me in that stairwell so we could speak in private. (I had two free actions worth of happy powder so I decided to put it to use) so when we were both in there I put my plan into action, I cast color spray directly into his face, then I cast grease on the top of the stairs (we were at the top, and he was in the area of affect and I wasn't), then I used my last action to spin him around to face the stairs. He then stumbled forward (he failed every saving throw in the next part, and failed miserably), slipped on the grease, started rolling down the stairs and getting injured badly in the process, and then he landed face first onto the scimitar I had stuck into the ground earlier and split his head clean in half. He was completely dead. Switch back to me and the other players around the table. The dm slowly pulls out a huge binder with what I assumed was the story he had planned, and threw it at me. We are still good friends and we still do d&d sessions but now he makes sure the bbeg can tell if something's up like that.

2017-11-06, 11:28 AM
As a DM long ago, when I had a Roc attack the party, the wizard said "aha! i cast Transmute Rock to Mud on it" and everyone thought it was hilarious so I allowed it. But in retrospect, I realize I should have had it polymorph into Harcourt Fenton Mudd.

2017-11-06, 11:33 AM
In a star wars game, my droid character (who was not allowed to make attacks directly, not being a combat droid), wracked up a couple dozen in a multi kill.

First, he dumped a lot of dry ice into the river, creating a local fog condition. Then, he took about a hundred meters of metal cable and tied it to a sturdy tree.

Then he tied the other end to a landspeeder and dropped a brick on the accelerator.

Jay R
2017-11-07, 07:40 PM
1. Probably my most creatively elegant kill was performed by David the thief. In a game of original D&D, I rolled STR 4, DEX 16, CHA high, WIS low, and the rest low-to-average. I was considering dumping him, when the DM said, "That's a nine-year-old kid. He could get away with anything." So I went with it - in large part because the character idea was exciting to both me and the DM.

He once took down a sentry by walking up sniffling and crying, and saying, "Where's my daddy? I can't find him. I'm cold, and I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I'm thirsty, and I want my daddy!" As the sentry bent down to comfort him, the kid sneak attacked.


2. My funniest kill wasn't particularly creative D&D - just a great line. In a 2e game, all the PCs were 14. We were leading a battle against the keep of an evil priest. Near the end of the battle my thief jumped down onto his balcony with him. [Not ideal, but the only way to stop his next spell.] He looked at me and sneered, "You? You're the great heroes who think you can stop me?"

While attacking, Ornrandir replied, "And you'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for us meddling kids."


3. It wasn't a single kill, but my most creative victory over of an enemy was when six player-characters defeated an entire army - in Flashing Blades, a musketeer game with no magic.

Jean-Louis is my rogue PC. Vivienne is Ruth's actress PC.

In a previous adventure, we had captured bills of lading for supplies to feed an army coming to France next spring. The bills of lading implied an army of roughly 2,000 soldiers and camp followers and 500 horses, led by the General Don Miguel ----, whose last name is a moot point, as shown below. All winter, we had horses staked out to attract two wolf packs to the forest between Luneville and Drouville. We wanted numerous wolves used to feeding on horseflesh to greet the Spanish army.

The first delivery was at St. Die. We arranged that the food would arrive two days early, to allow spoilage. Then there was a heavy rain that delayed the troops. The wine was (very mildly) spiked with bad water. There were 20 pistoles baked into the bread. We spread a rumor that the rich soldiers have been throwing coins to the peasants, to encourage peasants along the road to get in the army's way.

Vivienne and Jean-Louis joined the army as camp followers, Vivienne concentrating her attentions on the officers. Jean-Louis started to become a common face, performing, spreading rumors, asking questions. "What's this I hear about a missing paywagon?" The next day was Baccarat. 20 more pistoles and 2 Louis d'Or (gold coins) were baked in the bread. The wine was slghtly more spiked. Deliveries of the food arrived mid-morning the next day, further delaying the troops. Vivienne had two officers fighting a duel over her. […] we spread rumors about the paywagon, and bad blood between officers. (Jean-Louis gathered a crowd of soldiers at the dueling field.) We started a fire in town after the troops left.

Some cavalry units left early, and so were not fed. Near the town of Luneville, we burned a bridge and planted stakes. The cavalry units tried to cross first, and one horse was lamed. So they waited for the rest of the army to arrive to build the bridge. More unrest, more rumors, more bad food. We incited some guttersnipes to throw rocks across the river at them. The bridge was finished mid-morning the next day, so late the next night, a bedraggled, tired, dispirited army arrived at Drouville. The army was forced to detour through the wolf forest by a road block. We spread rumors that the army had been torching villages behind them. The food was strongly poisoned, and the rye bread was tainted with ergot. The army was not going to be in shape to deal with the situation. Vivienne lured Don Miguel to her room at an inn, and murdered him in his sleep. We spread poisoned oats out in the woods. Then we torched the town, stampeding the horses. We started several fires on the upwind side of town. While cutting horses loose, Jean-Louis was spotted. He yelled, "Release the horses – don’t let them burn!" And he convinced the sentries that were there to guard the horses to help him release and stampede them.

The Spanish lost supplies, horses, and lots of time trying to round up the horses that survived the night. Note that spooked horses aren't too bright, and that they were downwind of the flames. Many horses were lost (or eaten). Jean-Louis slipped into the General's headquarters. He fought and killed two sentries, leaving them in a pose indicating that they had slain each other. He then made off with the general's orders, dispatches, and 70 escudo (4200 L.!).

In nearby towns the next day we spread rumors that the army was berserk, looting and burning. We spread rumors in the army that the general was seen running off with a courtesan. Henri went north and bought their next shipment of food (with their money), which we dumped in the river. After spreading a few more rumors in Nancy, the capital of Lorraine, we returned to Paris, where we delivered the orders and dispatches to Richelieu.

The army split up, some becoming bandits until captured by the Duke of Lorraine; some continuing on, ravaging the countryside as they went.

2017-11-08, 08:11 AM
I had an indirect one, of sorts. I helped a friend who would be playing a campaign with one of our usual DMs who usually makes outrageous but fun settings, but we convinced him to tone it down for one campaign to regular vanilla stuff. He agreed on the condition players could only use PHB stuff.

Level 6 Fighter with a Greatsword, very bread-n-butter Charge + Power Attack. But I threw in Cleave and Great Cleave too because "why not?"

Fast forward, the party was ambushed by some gnoll scouts. As the fighter dismounted the carriage, he was rushed from all sides by gnolls before his turn came up. He attacked, killed one, Cleaved, killed another, player declares the next attack. DM says he can't cleave agains unless he has great cleave, the player replies that he does and shows him his character sheet. The DM grabs it and goes pale and makes a pouty face before saying "I didn't know..." and giving back the character sheet to the player. 5 brave gnolls died in a single round because the DM forgot that Great cleave's requirements are hilariously low.

One that was my own was a Fighter/Rogue going full Shadow of Mordor on the smug Wizard trying to convince him to kill someone on his behalf in exchange for some critical information the party needed. Fighter sat in front of the wizard's desk, chatted amicably with him, even offered to play chess with him and sell some of his loot in exchange for the info. When the Wizard got fed up and demanded an answer("Will you go kill the guy, yes or no?"), Fighter goes: "I think..."

I declared a surprise round, tumbled on top of the desk and sneak attacked the wizard for 20 damage. Roll initiative, fighter goes first. Full attack, the wizard only realized what happened when his head toppled to the floor, shock on his face, his body still sitting on his chair and the fighter standing next to where his head had landed. "You're not so smart if you think I'll take whatever deal YOU offer me."

Fighter is a Chaotic Good Cowboy Cop who lives ON THE EDGE and doesn't make deals with terrorists.

2017-11-08, 08:43 AM
My favourite is probably in a game of Only War, where my character, having been through a lot (lost an arm, got a cybernetic arm, got captured, escaped, tried to hold off a daemonette by spraying her with a fire extinguisher, the latter of which he kept for lols) eventually made it to where he was meant to be. After killing wave after wave of enemies and stealing their stuff, including a plasma gun (cool, why not, plasma guns are neat), we finally managed to finish our objective, which was at the top of a staircase. My character was at the bottom, still, because he'd managed to fall there (to surprisingly limited effect) during the fighting and didn't really want to retry climbing it.

Suddenly, a freaking defiler, which for those who don't know is a demon robot crab the size of a house with a battle cannon in its chest for good measure, bursts into the room. Ah, damn. Well it's used up its turn doing that, so what do we do?

Player 1: I leave up the stairs.
NPC: I leave up the stairs.

Two arms and a robot-arm wielded a variety of swords against the robot armed like a tank to roughly the effect you'd expect. Then, I blew out half its circuitry (and half its hit points) with a single, powerful plasma gun burst. Nice!

Defiler: I eat player 2.
Player 2: Aww...
Player 1: I can't hear you dying over the sound of me running away!
NPC: Nanananah still running can't hear you scream!

DM: I assume you use the plasma gun again.
Me: I, uh, overcharged it. I can't use it this round.
DM: Oh, great, so are you just gonna shoot it?
Me: Most of its bottom armour is gone?
DM: Yeah.
Me: It has a bunch of exposed circuitry?
DM: Yeah...?
Me: I have a fire extinguisher.

Legends were later told of the defiler which was destroyed by the actions of one guardsman with a plasma gun, a fire extinguisher, and the balls of a champion.

2017-11-08, 12:57 PM
I've told this one on the forums before, but I like the story a lot so I'm happy to put it out there again.

My mountain spiritfolk ninja once jumped onto the back of a red dragon (I don't remember what age category, but something old enough to be a Boss Fight for level 10 or 11 characters), then ran along its back to the head and jammed a pair of Immovable Rods in the dragon's nose, halting his flight in mid-air and causing quite a bit of pain. He was eventually able to shake loose, but in the meantime he was locked in place while the rest of the party pounded on him with everything we had. It definitely made the fight considerably easier.

Another time, one of my players once drowned nearly an entire ship's worth of pirates in one go. The pirates were doing a pincer attack on a small coastal village (the ship sailed straight in to the bay while a raiding force attacked overland from the other direction), so the party plus their NPC allies had been split in two as they tried to defend both fronts at once.

The centaur fighter (basic mounted charger build except he was his own mount) got the warlock to cast fly on him with a scroll. They had spotted the pirate captain along with her Orog bodyguard and air genasi sorceress on the deck of the ship, so I thought he was probably going to charge off to attack them before they could land.


Instead, he flies up really high into the air, then charges the deck of the ship instead. Between his large mass, high attack roll and ridiculous damage, plus the sheer amount of distance he can travel in a straight line, he smashed through the deck and out the bottom of the ship, leaving a massive hole that caused the ship to sink rapidly. What followed was the orog jumping into the water to go after him... which didn't go well for the orog at all. They ended up killing the sorceress as well, and taking the captain prisoner, since by the time she made it to shore she was in no shape to fight.

2017-11-11, 07:57 PM
Can't remember which campaign this was in (possibly Shackled City, but I'd have to look it up); but we were exploring this underground lair. Several canopic jars were lining the walls, and we'd determined that they would release a "Wail of the Banshee" spell if opened. So, being the enterprising adventurers we were, we took them all with us. One of our characters had a Hippogriff mount. So we basically turned it into a WW1-era bomber. Fly over the enemies, drop the jar, jar shatters, releasing the spell effect.

2017-11-12, 04:16 PM
My players shot down a gryffon while killing its goblin rider, which then started falling wildly from the sky due to a wing injury; the halfling paladin rolled two 20's in a row on his strength check to catch it. This was at a Dennys where a waiter had joined us, and he ended taking that gryffon to a druid for training as a mount.

Another my players did, was after I was inspired by a random conversation in the book, The Dungeoneers, about the pronunciation of lich (went something like, "it's like lick and chicken," with a nearby character quipping, "chicken lich, now that'd be something"). I introduced them to a chicken lich I named Clucks (because I'm so original), the result of a wizard guild experimenting on a chicken they'd gotten a druid to cast awaken on. I'd toned down the stats by quite a bit thinking I needed to give them a chance as they were all like 6th level, even stripping the legendary saves. They then handily defeated it far too easy via the Web spell restraining it, and then found the phylactery, a gilded egg. They then boiled it in a pot to destroy it, and joked that whenever they used that pot in the future, whatever they made in it would be "soul food".
This gets better when you take into consideration the fact that the book has a chicken named Clucks - one of several chickens used to check for traps - who lays an egg which is then used to trick the lich, whose basic plot is that his body is too old so he needs a new one, and if he wants to stay a lich, the new body needs a new phylactery to go with; in this book (I believe there's a sequel out but I haven't read it) a lich's phylactery must contain a bit of the lich's body which while traditionally the heart can technically be anything, into trapping its essence within the egg when the egg is placed within the prepared phylactery; this egg is later hard boiled, to prevent any possible issues of the lich "hatching" later on. Granted, I hadn't reached that point in the book myself when this happened, nor had I even gotten far enough to have met Clucks, but still...

2017-11-12, 05:50 PM
In a star wars game, my droid character (who was not allowed to make attacks directly, not being a combat droid), wracked up a couple dozen in a multi kill.

First, he dumped a lot of dry ice into the river, creating a local fog condition. Then, he took about a hundred meters of metal cable and tied it to a sturdy tree.

Then he tied the other end to a landspeeder and dropped a brick on the accelerator.

Hahaha love it....sounds like riding a motorcycle in certain places of the world, never knowing when you were in danger of losing your head.

2017-11-13, 11:39 AM
I thought I was pretty creative, but this thread puts me to shame. I was playing a bard and we were fighting giant frogs. Eventually, I decided to climb inside one and cast thunder wave. It blew up, and blood and frog guts rained from the sky. It was beautiful.

2017-11-14, 12:41 PM
I thought I was pretty creative, but this thread puts me to shame. I was playing a bard and we were fighting giant frogs. Eventually, I decided to climb inside one and cast thunder wave. It blew up, and blood and frog guts rained from the sky. It was beautiful.

So your character made like Drax in vol 2 but actually succeeded? lol

2017-11-14, 01:07 PM
We be goblins

We had a alchemist (me), an oracle, a druid and a ranger (i think? Or was it a witch?). We were fighting the bosses guardian atop the boat. Someone threw an alchemist's fire and i rolled a bomb like a bolling ball (i think there was one more spell in there).

The DM lavished the details of how our enemy exploded into a thousand pieces, how it shook the ship. How the mast went falling like a tree and how we had a new hole in the floor. Alerting the boss to our presence.


Then, being goblins, me and the most sturdy goblin jumped into the hole (i was second sturdiest barring animal companions). The boss jumped out and stabbed me! The fight was quick and dirty. I died, gloriously, in battle. Okay the goblin didn't find it glorious but i sure did!

Lunatic Sledge
2017-11-14, 03:01 PM
D20 Call of Cthulhu. One of those pesticide sprayers with the canister on the back. Siphoned gas out of a truck. Had started the game with a lighter. Impromptu flamethrower party with the cultists.

And not mine but a game of Mystic Empyrean I ran, I had a party use unbreachable magic barriers to funnel the entirety of a nuclear bomb into a monster's face. One of the other party members then performed a ritual to absorb the remaining radiation out of the air. All fuss, no muss.