How do I tell someone I like them? [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

ngilop

2017-11-03, 08:37 PM

Ok first off i should warn you;
a) I am american
b)I am male
c) I grew up surrounded by women
d) I have no idea how I am not more crazy than I currently am

Ok with all that out of the way

The easist method to tell somebody you like them is to:

Tell somebody you like them.

females I have known enjoy it more then a guy is direct than other ways, something about being more sure of themselves and aggressive behavior..

Males I know *myself included* castly prefer a girl being direct with us. that way we do not have to figure out those crazy mind games and guessing games females tend to create. only to find out w guessed wrong and now we got peppered sprayed in the face or other such actions.

ufo

2017-11-03, 08:41 PM

Be honest, and you can be elaborate and tell people how and why you like them (but you never need a reason!). Just always respect their boundaries :smallbiggrin:

An Enemy Spy

2017-11-03, 08:46 PM

Dig through her trash and collect her thrown away items to assemble a shrine to her in your basement. Then send her pictures of this shrine via whatever social media you use anonymously using a fake account. There are two possibilities: A)She will be flattered by the attention thrown her way or B)She will be disturbed and frightened. Both of these are favorable opportunities. In case of the former, you reveal yourself as her secret admirer. In the latter case, you cultivate an atmosphere of fear in her life through relentless stalking, anonymous threats, and constant gaslighting. Meanwhile, you set yourself up as the person she can turn to for emotional support, thus ensuring that so long as she never feels safe, she will never stop needing you. Never ever reveal the truth to her. Nothing sours a relationship like honesty.

Peelee

2017-11-03, 10:28 PM

Have you tried "I like you?" It's a pretty solid opening.

Look, this is no time for mind games.

AuthorGirl

2017-11-03, 10:42 PM

"I like you" or even "I love you" can be surprisingly ambiguous, depending on context. (Then again, my friend group is oddly tight-knit and affectionate, a lot of circles promote more reserve.)

"I have a bit of a crush on you, sorry to be weird" or "hey, would you like to go on a date sometime?" are less ambiguous, assuming that was the kind of liking you meant.

sktarq

2017-11-03, 10:48 PM

If you feel like being circumspect and all, pick something appropriate for the moment in the conversation... Perhaps something more like:

"I like spending time with you, probably because I like you"
"I don't know what I'm doing this weekend, but I like you so hanging out would be nice"
"Sorry awkward, well you know I like you anyway, ummm how about fish&chips or a movie?"

and now you see why just saying "I like you" may well be easier?

Murk

2017-11-04, 02:49 AM

I'm firmly of the opinion that it should be obvious already before you tell.
You can still tell, heck, you should still tell, but if it comes as a surprise to them, you did something wrong.

If you're married for forty years you still want to tell your spouse that you love them every now and then, but if they're shocked, or if it was new information... eh, that's no good.
The same goes for people you haven't been married to for forty years. If you have a very good friend in someone, they should already know without you telling them (because you do friend-stuff). It's still nice to tell them, but they should know.

As such, I feel that if you're in love with someone, it should be obvious long before you ever say it. Relationships are delicate: you don't want to shock things up. Now, I know that people (especially sappy teenagers) often act like being in love with someone is somehow shameful and you should keep it a secret, but that is silly. You don't want important things like these to be secrets.
So, the best way to tell someone you like them is by laughing together, by sharing stuff, by spending time together, so that when you say "I like you", their response is somewhere along the lines of "I know" (of course preferably followed by "I like you too".)
An extra benefit is that it allows them to be more obvious too, so that the response won't be a surprise either.

Vinyadan

2017-11-04, 07:52 AM

Hey honey, wanna come to my place and watch me brushing my hair?

Scarlet Knight

2017-11-04, 08:39 AM

I'm firmly of the opinion that it should be obvious already before you tell.
You can still tell, heck, you should still tell, but if it comes as a surprise to them, you did something wrong.

If you're married for forty years you still want to tell your spouse that you love them every now and then, but if they're shocked, or if it was new information... eh, that's no good.

I agree; still if you're married 40 years, even if you never said you like her, well, you're doing SOMETHING right. {cue "Fiddler on the Roof- Do you love me?" scene}

D&DecentPeople never says where they are in the relationship, so I assume this is for a first date. Is it a classmate or a co-worker ( caveat- never ask a direct report)? If so, don't say you like her right off, because you'll have to see her again tomorrow even if she turns you down. Simple ask "Do you want to go get coffee (bite to eat /drinks after work) ?" This allows for comfortable refusal and can be repeated at a later time but no more than 3x. Afterwards, if things go well, say you had fun and would like to do it again. If she says she had fun, now you can ask for a date on Saturday night (refusal is still possible).

When the relationship firms up a bit ( second -third date), you can say "You're really ( insert endearing trait here); I guess that's one of the reasons I like you so much."

This is fun because it's been so long since I dated. :smallsmile:

Vinyadan

2017-11-04, 09:13 AM

Hey honey, wanna watch me make a declaration of love?

Thrawn4

2017-11-04, 09:21 AM

danzibr

2017-11-04, 04:32 PM

“Wanna go out?”

At least in my day, and where I’m from.

Honest Tiefling

2017-11-05, 02:02 PM

1) Don't do it around others! She might feel obligated to accept/reject. But don't corner her either, and make sure she gets some space afterwards if she wants it.

2) Don't bring a gift. Save that for when you're dating.

3) Try complimenting her. What about her do you like? Don't go overboard here, just mention 'Hey, I think you're very sweet, and I would like to take you out on a date' or something.

4) Don't talk about YOUR hobbies, ask HER questions. What are her hobbies? Favorite color? Favorite foods? Also, if you ever get stuck, I have found that adorable animals are usually a safe topic for most people.

Christopher K.

2017-11-05, 02:12 PM

Experience has shown that saying, "Hey, I think you're a lot of fun to be with. Would you like to go on a date sometime?" tends to produce helpful results, or at least closure.

Meijin

2017-11-05, 03:22 PM

If you want to be pretty direct but still a little subtle, I've found it often sends a fairly clear message to test the waters by complementing the person on some physical trait. Not in an ironic way. Not backhandedly. And not unique to how they arranged said feature today. Just honestly and openly. Something like "Hey ~~, you have really nice eyes." Or "You have the best smile." This tends to send a pretty clear message, while not committing you. If they're weird about it, drop it, they're not into you. If they are into you, they will probably respond well.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Follow the logic. If they are NOT into you, they probably won't love the compliment, but you can back off easily and it's not as vulnerable as telling them you like them.
If they ARE into you, they probably will respond well to the complement.
However, this is not to say that necessarily if they respond well to the complement.

Honest Tiefling

2017-11-05, 03:47 PM

If you want to be pretty direct but still a little subtle, I've found it often sends a fairly clear message to test the waters by complementing the person on some physical trait.

Too many times I have heard of people misinterpreting this to be just...Well, a compliment. Even when it is across genders. They might also assume you're trying to pick them up for sex, not romance if you compliment a physical attribute not a personality trait.

There are reasons I think the direct and honest route is the best.

GameOmen

2017-11-06, 02:37 AM

Don't say a thing. Someone will now. Simply. Talking just makes things worst :)

Lvl 2 Expert

2017-11-06, 06:21 AM

I've learned that there are two ways. You can tell her you love her, how much you love her. Don't turn away, don't be afraid. Tell her you love her. Or you can Step right up, walk right in, rock this crazy world I'm living in. If love ain't foolish nothing is, I'm dying for your kiss. Come on.

Then again, I might have been raised by some bad influences. :smallbiggrin:

(If you don't get the reference, you are the 99%, and probably the good 99%. I just felt like messing about.)

But yeah, ask them out, if you're of asking out age (12-146). Just don't be too weird if rejected.

No, I don't need to clarify what weird is, you'll know. It mostly involves calling people a bitch and burning bridges.

AuthorGirl

2017-11-06, 04:04 PM

No, I don't need to clarify what weird is, you'll know. It mostly involves calling people a bitch and burning bridges.

It also involves asking to be set up with one of the person's friends. :smallyuk:

Honest Tiefling

2017-11-06, 11:20 PM

It also involves asking to be set up with one of the person's friends. :smallyuk:

Huh. Probably one of the better responses I've heard of. Apparently I know a lot of creep-bait.

Lvl 2 Expert

2017-11-07, 02:16 AM

It also involves asking to be set up with one of the person's friends. :smallyuk:

Nice.

"No, you don't? And uhh Julia, you think she might be interested? Could you maybe get in a good word for me?

Hé, you just said no. I'm free to play the field..."

Or worse:

"Ah, I was kind of hoping you would say that, you see, I really like Jennifer, and you and her are close..."

Rynjin

2017-11-07, 03:54 AM

Words are cheap.
Speak through your actions. Smile when talking to that person. Talk about your hobbies. Be polite and offer help. Bring cake. Ask whether the person would like to come to your party/hang out.

A lot of uncertainty comes from the fact that one does not know how a person is going to react. Spend more time with each other and neither one will be surprised.

Words are undervalued and people are stupid. At least when it comes to picking up romantic signals. Truer the younger you are, but applies to everyone.

Everything you said right there applies to a friend as much as a romantic partner. It doesn't signal anything more than you're friendly and you like hanging out. Behavior like that with the false assurance that someone will recognize and acknowledge you're romantically interested is how the "friendzone" myth gets propagated.

"Words are undervalued" applies to more aspects than the initial opener, mind you. Expecting the other person to read your mind over if or why you feel a certain way causes nothing but trouble.

Murk

2017-11-07, 11:18 AM

Words are undervalued and people are stupid. At least when it comes to picking up romantic signals. Truer the younger you are, but applies to everyone.

Everything you said right there applies to a friend as much as a romantic partner. It doesn't signal anything more than you're friendly and you like hanging out. Behavior like that with the false assurance that someone will recognize and acknowledge you're romantically interested is how the "friendzone" myth gets propagated.

"Words are undervalued" applies to more aspects than the initial opener, mind you. Expecting the other person to read your mind over if or why you feel a certain way causes nothing but trouble.

It's a good start though, exactly because it is the same as being friends.
So often I hear people talking about their crush who they are so in love with, but haven't ever had a conversation with. Then, when encouraged to simply say "I like you" or "Want to go on a date?", just like the OP here is encouraged, they get rejected - probably because they asked someone who barely knows them out.

Getting friendly with someone until you're comfortable with them and they are comfortable with you is a great strategy. It means that you can guess at their response. If you are truly good friends with them, and didn't actively try to hide your interest, they won't even be surprised when you tell them you like them.

Of course, this completely agrees with "words are undervalued", but hanging out with people first rather than barging in and starting to talk about love is still a good thing.

Cozzer

2017-11-07, 11:28 AM

"Ah, I was kind of hoping you would say that, you see, I really like Jennifer, and you and her are close..."

Hey, if you say this with the right tone, this can be top-tier material! The hard part is making her exactly 99% (not less, but not 100% either) sure you're joking.

Astral Avenger

2017-11-07, 08:32 PM

I tend to take a slightly more complex approach to this kind of thing.
Step 1: make a full map of the all relationships involving either of you to at least the second degree of separation. Higher orders are helpful here, but computationally expensive.
Step 2: find the average degree of minimum separation from either you or the person you're interested in in the graph.
Step 3: find someone who has separation of 1 from each of you and ask them if they could see the two of you working as a couple.
Step 4: repeat step 3 until you are sure that someone you talked to in 3 has mentioned your interest to the one you're interested in (I am really being hard on pronouns here, hopefully this is clearer than mud.), or you run out of people who qualify for use in 3.
Step 5: Classified
Step 6: sack Carthage. If either of you happen to live in Carthage, try sacking some other city for their honnor. Let the total profit in 2003 GBP from the sacking be x. If log(x)/log(number from step 2) is greater than the number of animals in your flocks, ask them to a seashore date. If the number is less than that, ask them on an inland date. If the number is equal, take them hot air balooning.

Note: I'm not sure why the value of the GBP from 2003 is used, but it hasn't let me down yet.

Note 2: If you have been following world events lately, you may know that Carthage has not been sacked in the last couple years. This algorithm for dating has seen a drastic fall in popularity since the rise of smokeless powder. I dont know if it needs to be updated to a new combination of currency and year to remain useful.

Note 3: I appologise for not sharing step 5, but I am bound by self preservation and 3 separate NDAs to never reveal what it is (I do not wish to cross the people with the yellow helicopters, they're scary no matter what Cecil says on my local radio).

danzibr

2017-11-08, 06:13 PM

What if the result from step 2 is 1? You’re dividing by log(1).

Astral Avenger

2017-11-08, 11:19 PM

What if the result from step 2 is 1? You’re dividing by log(1).

Minimum degree of separation is 1 (people either of you know directly). Since the graph goes to a minimum of 2 degrees of separation, the only possible way for the average separation to be 1 is for no one that either Alice or Bob know to know someone that doesn't know Alice or Bob (or the complete graph has maximal nodes of value 1). If you're in a small island village pre-internet, this might be theoretically possible, but given that the OP posted this on the internet, I'd say odds are low.
If you need a better explanation, pm me. I can draw some pictures and/or hop on teamspeak, either of which probably would help for explaining the graph theory.

Heliomance

2017-11-09, 03:05 AM

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-09, 04:44 AM

What kind of like is this, because for any of these types the following is really good advice.

Have you tried "I like you?"

For specifically 'I like you, I think you're a beautiful person and want to see a movie with you/get dinner with you/pound you until dawn every day of the week' liking someone, My suggestion is as follows:

1) Be clear, even the most perceptive people can get something wrong.
2) Make sure that there at the very least none of their friends around, so that they don't feel pressured, ideally nobody else around.
3) Make sure the situation itself doesn't make them uncomfortable.
4) Make sure it's somewhere they leave if saying the words 'I like you' causes them to be uncomfortable.
5) If they say no you have two choices: admit that it's how they feel and you don't have any claim to their liking, or kidnap them and lock them in your dungeon until they come to realise how good you are for them. One of these is the right choice.

Hey honey, wanna come to my place and watch me brushing my hair?

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Words are undervalued and people are stupid.

This. I mean, some of us have problems reading body language and subtlety anyway, being direct is just polite. This applies to more than romantic signals, but especially then.

No I am not just bitter that it took me three months and being told to realise a friend has romantic feelings for me.

Scarlet Knight

2017-11-09, 06:59 AM

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-09, 07:15 AM

Ham it up. "YOU! I like you! I suggest we seek out MANY EXCELLENT ADVENTURES together!

"Or we could go for coffee, that works too."

Or follow Neil Gaiman's advice. (http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/19040209309/how-to-seduce-a-writer) He's famous, he can't be wrong!

I wonder if writers, due to their imagination, get crossed up with their signals more than the general population?

"Dude, she's into me."
"She said 'Hi'."
"Yeah, but it was how she said it. Did you notice the breathy 'H'?"

Oh, totally. On the other hand...

'Dude she's totally into you.'
'Nah, you're reading too much into things.'
'She kissed you!'
'There's probably another explanation, she did drink a lot and maybe she spent the last year in France.'

Very loosely based on a friend's experience.

danzibr

2017-11-11, 08:36 AM

For specifically 'I like you, I think you're a beautiful person and want to see a movie with you/get dinner with you/pound you until dawn every day of the week' liking someone, My suggestion is as follows:
Well, that escalated quickly.

No pun intended.

kyoryu

2017-11-13, 01:35 PM

"Hey, let's go grab a coffee sometime."

It's low pressure, low time commitment, and can leave things open if it goes really well.

Vinyadan

2017-11-13, 02:02 PM

"Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries."

Mikemical

2017-11-13, 08:46 PM

"Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries."

"What's your power level? Mine's pretty big..."

On-topic: Don't make such a big deal out of it, or you're gonna end up like me, spending 5 months mustering up the courage to tell a girl I had been hanging out with for six months that I wanted to be more than just friends with her. By the time I asked her out, she literally yelled "finally!"

Anonymouswizard

2017-11-14, 04:29 AM

On-topic: Don't make such a big deal out of it, or you're gonna end up like me, spending 5 months mustering up the courage to tell a girl I had been hanging out with for six months that I wanted to be more than just friends with her. By the time I asked her out, she literally yelled "finally!"

Oh certainly, this is definitely good advice. I once got a girl embarrassed that she hadn't noticed I'd liked her four months ago (she worked it out the day I admitted it to her).

Although that has led to an interesting relationship, she held off telling me she'd developed feelings for me (two to three months after I told her I like her) until she left the country because she knew I'd immediately start trying to date her.

OP, just remember that even if they don't yell finally or kiss you or whatever and only want to be friends, there's nothing wrong with that.