Jokes: They're Supposed To Make You Laugh

[Baby Gary]

So jokes!

I love jokes (and puns) so I though I would share a few with the playground and hopefully learn some new good ones (I need good ones, ask any of my friends)

Joke 1
what is faster than the speed of light?
C++
Joke 2
Two pamphlets were hanging out, coloring in their coloring book, the usual. So the first one asked the second one to pass the red crayon, the second one says "Brochure"
brochure -- bro sure
Joke 3
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

[Anonymouswizard]

I'm more a fan of 'questionless' jokes myself. A classic:

Joke #4
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says 'boy it's hot in here, isn't it?'

Th other muffin looks at him and screams 'AHHHHHHHH! A talking muffin!'


Now If I think of any actually good ones I'll let you know.

Joke #5
What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
A stern rebuke from the research ethics committee and immediate cessation of your funding.

[Baby Gary]

love the muffin one, was going to say that bit you got it before me.

Joke 6
what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
Joke 7
what do you call a cow with 2 legs?
lean beef
Joke 8
what do you call a cow with 1 leg?
stake

[JeenLeen]

Joke 1 made me laugh (took me a moment to realize it, but after that I thought it was awesome), and I liked the humor from Anonymouswizard.

I don't get joke 3 (seems a natural response, but maybe I'm missing a pun) or joke 8.

[Baby Gary]

Joke 1 made me laugh (took me a moment to realize it, but after that I thought it was awesome), and I liked the humor from Anonymouswizard.

I don't get joke 3 (seems a natural response, but maybe I'm missing a pun) or joke 8.

joke 3 is funny because how obvious it is. I just like it because it is so bad

joke 8: you stick a stake in the ground (it's one thing in the ground) also steak is, well, cow.

however jokes are not that good when you have to explain them :( lol

Joke 9
what is a broken pencil?
Pointless

[rooster707]

This one's my friend's favorite. Somehow, he makes it funny.

#10: Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

[Anonymouswizard]

I of course, know some more classic 'not quite humour jokes', for example:

Joke #11
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

Honestly, my best humour is that quick, building off of somebody else's comment humour, which I can't really replicate here.

[Fiery Diamond]

I of course, know some more classic 'not quite humour jokes', for example:

Joke #11
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

Honestly, my best humour is that quick, building off of somebody else's comment humour, which I can't really replicate here.

And the follow-up...

Joke #12
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.

[Baby Gary]

Joke 13
what do you call a man with a shovel?
Doug
Joke 14
what do you call a man without a shovel?
Douglas
Joke 15
what do you call a man floating in water?
Bob
Joke 16
who has the best jokes?
Baby Gary

[Anonymouswizard]

Joke #17
What do you call a man in a bush?
Russel

Joke #18
What do you call a man with shoes on his head?
Matt

Joke # 19
What do you call a man with bananas in his ears?
Whatever you want, he can't hear you.

And now, the follow up to the follow up to Joke number eleven.

Joke #20
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and it's head covered in wounds?
Still no bloody eye deer.

[Manga Shoggoth]

How do you get two zebras in a mini?

One in the front, one in the back.


How do you get two whales in a mini?

(a) You can't, it's full of zebras.
(b) Straight down the M4.

[Anonymouswizard]

Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

Joke #23
How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

Joke #24
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.


Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?

[ve4grm]

Joke 13
what do you call a man with a shovel?
Doug
Joke 14
what do you call a man without a shovel?
Douglas
Joke 15
what do you call a man floating in water?
Bob
Joke 16
who has the best jokes?
Baby Gary

My favourite along these lines has always been:

Joke #25
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
*said loudly and confidently, and maybe wetly* FSH!!!

[Tvtyrant]

Hector stabbed Patrocles, then Achilles stabbed Hector.
It was a Menage a Troy.

What did the newspaper call it when I killed you?
Murder most vowel.

You should never trust an evergreen in a fur coats.
They are con in furs.

[Baby Gary]

My favourite along these lines has always been:

Joke #25
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
*said loudly and confidently, and maybe wetly* FSH!!!

this one is also similar

Joke 29
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk (now queue the laugh track)

[Potato_Priest]

A police officer was on patrol when he saw a car going extremely slow on the freeway. He put on his lights and pulled the car over, and found it was full of 4 frazzled old ladies, looking extremely frazzled with the exception of the driver. The police officer explains that driving so slow is dangerous on a major highway. The driver says "I'm sorry officer, but a sign just a couple miles back said the speed limit was 22."

The cop explains that that sign was for the route number, not the speed limit, and they share a good laugh. He then asks why the other old women look so bedraggled. The driver looks at him and says "Well officer, we just turned off route 111."

[Vinyadan]

You stand in front of a trucker hat. What does it say?

"Get off the road, *******!"

[WarKitty]

Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

Joke #23
How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

Joke #24
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.


Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?

The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.

[Baby Gary]

for my fellow nerd out there

Joke 32
What is faster than the speed of light?
C++

[Fiery Diamond]

Can't believe I forgot this one until now!

Joke #23
How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

Joke #24
How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.


Now forum, I end this post with a question. Tonight Lion is throwing a party, but due to circumstances one animal is unable to turn up. Which animal is it?


The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.

You come across a river known for being crocodile-infested. How do you safely cross?
Just go ahead and swim. The crocodiles are all at the lion's party.

[Marillion]

I work at a restaurant. Whenever someone is looking at their paycheck, I sprinkle it with parsley and say "Your wages have been garnished."

HA!

People don't always understand my humour, but as Douglas Adams said, jokes are a lot like cats. If you take one apart to see how it works, the first thing you discover is that you've killed the cat.

[Vinyadan]

People don't always understand my humour, but as Douglas Adams said, jokes are a lot like cats. If you take one apart to see how it works, the first thing you discover is that you've killed the cat.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

[lio45]

for my fellow nerd out there

Joke 32
What is faster than the speed of light?

The Millennium Falcon, when in hyperspace.

Also, you'd made that one already -- see your Joke 1.

[LordEntrails]

Hear about the new parachute?
Opens on impact

Hear about he new submarine?
It has screen doors to keep the fish out

Why does the new navy have glass bottom boats?
To see the old navy

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine

[Sermil]

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the bulb has to want to change

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Soup made from multicolored machine parts

[Insane Jeenyus]

.. .. .. EDIT .. .. ..

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?

Soup made from multicolored machine parts

Hello, greetings to all. This is my first post on this web sight and it to say I am stealing this for my signature. Thank you for the artistic rendition of my mind.


. . . Mua ha ha ha ha ha! . . .

[Anonymouswizard]

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the bulb has to want to change

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Soup made from multicolored machine parts

How many new age thinkers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just start a Coping With Darkness support group.

[Heliomance]

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's a hardware problem


How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, have software code a workaround instead

[Anonymouswizard]

How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, have software code a workaround instead

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, we'll put it in the user manual.


For something different, how many cockroaches does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody knows, once you turn on the light they all scatter.

[Sinewmire]

My favourite terrible dad joke follows:

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
The parrots-eat-'em-all.

[Kid Jake]

A grizzled cowboy strolls into the saloon one evening for a night of hard drinking. He's the quiet type and spends the night drinking in silence in the corner alone. In fact he's so quiet, that wanting to get a rise out of the stoic gunslinger, some of the younger patrons sneak out to hide his horse while he's drinking.

When he finishes up, he walks outside and is of course enraged to discover his horse missing.

The cowboy kicks in the saloon door, rests his hand on his weathered revolver and in a booming baritone growls "Listen up you worthless yokels, my horse is missing and if one of YOU don't find it for me before I finish this drink I'm going to do what I done down in Texas....and I don't like what I done down in Texas. Nobody likes doing what I done down in Texas..."

So the cowboy sits down, has a drink and when he walks outside his horse is waiting for him. As the cowboy swings up onto the saddles the bartender runs out and shouts "Wait! I've got to know...what did you do down in Texas?"

The cowboy scowls and replies "I walked home."

[enderlord99]

Joke # 19
What do you call a man with bananas in his ears?
Whatever you want, he can't hear you.

We do not discuss bananas here.

[TheGrimPeddler]

What's orange and rhymes with parrot?
A carrot!

[Fiery Diamond]

So a rope slithers into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender just stares at it and goes, "Get out of here, we don't serve ropes here." The rope leaves and goes and messes itself up, gets all tangled, messes up its hair, and so on. Then it goes back in and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that rope that was just in here?" The rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

[Anonymouswizard]

A horse walks into a bar.
The barman asks 'why the long face?'The horse replies 'my wife just died.'

[robnar]

These are good jokes. Thanks OP!

For the following, insert <college name> where you see these. I'm from Texas, so I will use Aggies.

What happened to the <Aggie> hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.

----------------------------------------------------------

How many Sith lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

How many veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Slam fist on table.

YOU DON'T KNOW MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!!!!!

*note, be careful with this one.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Studies have shown that most chain smokers actually smoke cigarettes.

What's brown, and sounds like a bell?
Dung!

[Manga Shoggoth]

What's brown, and sounds like a bell?
Dung!

What comes steaming out of cows backwards?

The Isle of Wight Ferry!

Actually, the town is spelled "Cowes"...

[Red Fel]

I'm more of a fan of story-style jokes than question-answer jokes. Observe.

-------------------

A duck waddles into a saloon, waddles right up to the bar, hops up onto a stool, and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, perplexed at this talking duck, is gobstruck for a moment, before responding, "No, we haven't got any grapes." The duck shrugs, inasmuch as a duck can shrug, hops off the stool, and waddles out of the saloon.

The next day, in waddles the duck again, right up to the bar. He hops up onto the same stool, and asks again, "Got any grapes?" The bartender shakes his head, "No, we still don't have any grapes." The duck shrugs, hops down, and leaves.

This continues for two weeks. Every day, around the same time, the duck waddles in, waddles up to the bar, and asks his question - "Got any grapes?" What started as a strange and amusing happenstance has become a thing of dread and annoyance for the hapless bartender.

One day, the duck waddles in, repeating the daily ritual, and hops up onto his regular stool. Before he can ask his question, the bartender snaps, "Listen, you little twerp, if you ask me about grapes one more time, I'm gonna glue your beak shut, nail your feet to the floor, and clobber you with a hammer!"

The duck pauses, tilting its head slightly. "Got any glue?" it asks. "No," replies the bartender.

"Got any nails?" "No," comes the reply.

"Got any hammers?" "No."

There's a pause.

"Got any grapes?"

[Christopher K.]

Here are a couple that went over pretty well on Reddit a while back:

Joke 1:
Our monk bit off a bit more than he could chew when he challenged the dragon to a boxing match.. he didn't know he was going up against Bahamut Ali.

Joke 2:
We fought the same villain twice in our cyberpunk campaign. I swear, it was like there was a Lich in the Matrix.

[Baby Gary]

Here are a couple that went over pretty well on Reddit a while back:

Joke 1:
Our monk bit off a bit more than he could chew when he challenged the dragon to a boxing match.. he didn't know he was going up against Bahamut Ali.

Joke 2:
We fought the same villain twice in our cyberpunk campaign. I swear, it was like there was a Lich in the Matrix.

these are both really good and really bad... at the same time

[Christopher K.]

these are both really good and really bad... at the same time

Well they were for dmdadjokes, so they're supposed to be groanworthy :tongue:

[Velaryon]

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a tricycle?

Attire!


Why did the bouncy castle cost twice as much as last year?

That’s inflation for you.


A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says;

[Sermil]

(This one works best if you actually tell it to someone out loud)

So, there's a hotel. One night, a salesman arrives and asks for a room. Clerk says "OK, here's the key for room 549. It's just up the stairs there -- but be careful, the 99th step is very unstable and you might fall in if you step on it."

The salesman takes the key and proceeds up the steps, carefully counting as he goes.
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it safely to his room.

The bellboy follows with his luggage. The bellboy is new and needs to carefully count steps:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers the luggage.

Salesman decides he's hungry. Calls room service and asks for a burger, fries and a Coke. The waiter comes up the stairs carrying the food:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers the order.

Well, then a married couple shows up and asks for a room. Clerk gives them room 551, but warns them about the 99th step. The husband goes up to the room:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to the room.

The wife finishes parking the car, and follows her husband up the stairs:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to the room.

The husband decides he's hungry, so he calls room service and asks for a grilled cheese sandwich and a Pepsi. The waiter climes the stairs with the order:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and the food is delivered.

Meanwhile, a business woman arrives at the front desk, having been dropped off by an Uber. She gets room 565. and the same warning about step #99. Up she goes:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and makes it to her room.

The bellboy follows with her luggage:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and delivers her luggage.

The business woman decides she needs a little something after a hard day, so she calls room service and orders a rum-and-Coke. The waiter brings it to her:
5...
10...
15....
20....
25....
30....
35....
40....
45....
50....
55....
60....
65....
70....
75....
80....
85....
90....
95, 96, 97, 98, jumps over the 99th step and she gets her drink.

Now, what is the moral of this story?


2 out of 3 people surveyed preferred the taste of Coke to Pepsi!

(That's what we call a 'shaggy dog' story.)

[Velaryon]

Two men set out to go ice fishing. As they are augering a hole in the ice, they hear a booming voice come from above them, saying,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

The two men look around in confusion for a moment, then they pack up, move about 30 feet, and start making a new hole. Soon they hear the booming voice again,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

The two men look around again, then pack up their gear, move another 30 feet, and start getting ready to try again, when they hear,

"I TOLD YOU THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE."

Both men look up and call out "God? Is that you?"

"NO, YOU IDIOTS! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK."

[Kid Jake]

A man wakes up in the morning and as he's getting ready to go to work a booming voice seems to shout "OUTSIDE!", so the man panics and scrambles outside. Once outside, the voice bellows "TREE!", so the man runs to the oak tree in his back yard, whereupon the voice demands "DIG!"

Without hesitation, the man falls to his knees and starts digging in the dirt with his hands. "DEEPER!" the voice commands when he begins to slow down and so he tears at the ground until his hand latches onto a ratty old duffel bag in the ground. The man drags it into the sunlight and stares at it for a moment in wonderment, until the voice shouts "OPEN!"

Quickly the man unzips the bag and dumps its contents onto the ground. At a glance, he estimates there's more than $100,000 in loose bills. Before he can even think of something to say at this kind of luck, the voice is at it once more, it shouts "VEGAS!" and so without hesitation he grabs the money and rushes to the airport to get a plane to Las Vegas.

The flight is quiet, but the second he touches down the voice shouts "CASINO!" so he has the cabby drop him off at the closest one. As soon as he gets out of the card, the voice shouts "ROULETTE!", so he runs to the roulette wheel and as the voice thunders "BLACK!" the man throws down every cent he has on the table.

The ball bounces around for a tense moment before the croupier calls out "Red 23!"

The voice just screams "FUUU-"

[Von_Derpington]

Jokes. Yes. I love jokes.

A photon walks into a hotel. The man at the desk asks the photon if he would like him to take his bags. The photon replies:
"Nah, I'm traveling light."
Why is is hard to get into koala college?
They have very stringent koalafications.
Why did the duck cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
THE DUCK.

[PunsAndDragons]

I once dated a mermaid, but to be honest she was all washed up.

I then dated a baker but she was too kneady.

[Anonymouswizard]

So what do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper!

But what do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
A stern rebuke from the research ethics committee and immediate cessation of your funding.

[Jormengand]

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing: you can't cross a vector and a scaler.

(I think there will be maybe two people who get the joke)

[enderlord99]

(I think there will be maybe two people who get the joke)

Based on where this is, I think at least 40% of the people who read this joke will get it.

[lio45]

I'm sure there's at least two physicists on this forum (Ifni and myself) so that's your quota already filled.

[Mith]

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing: you can't cross a vector and a scaler.

(I think there will be maybe two people who get the joke)

I always liked this joke because when I first heard it, the friend telling it was drunk and botched it horribly. It was hilarious.

[Baby Gary]

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

Nothing: you can't cross a vector and a scaler.

(I think there will be maybe two people who get the joke)

nice joke, I get the punch line (mostly). How is a mosquito a vector? Is it really obvious and am I just being really dumb?

P.S. @lio45, what about me? I know some physics, and I really enjoy thinking of the SCIENCE behind throwing stuff at people

[enderlord99]

nice joke, I get the punch line (mostly). How is a mosquito a vector? Is it really obvious and am I just being really dumb?

It is a vector (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vector_(epidemiology)) for, among other things, malaria. As for whether that's obvious, I'd say "somewhat."

[Jormengand]

Based on where this is, I think at least 40% of the people who read this joke will get it.

Fair enough. I'm just used to being surrounded by idio... uh, non-scientists.

[2D8HP]

Fair enough. I'm just used to being surrounded by idio... uh, non-scientists..
I qualify as both an idio... and a non-scientist, so at least one is in the audience.

[Baby Gary]

It is a vector (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vector_(epidemiology)) for, among other things, malaria. As for whether that's obvious, I'd say "somewhat."

Us physicists don't learn about epidemiology, thats for the idio... I mean biologists (or whoever studies mosquitos, idk)

[enderlord99]

idio... I mean biologists

Counterpoint. (https://xkcd.com/1520/)

[Jormengand]

Counterpoint. (https://xkcd.com/1520/)

He's not even a real horseman of the apocalypse anyway.

[Baby Gary]

Counterpoint. (https://xkcd.com/1520/)

And? random words

[enderlord99]

And? random words

Idiots don't eradicate smallpox, is my point.

[lcavalheiro]

That rant made me remember one:

An indefinite, non-countable group made of physics, biologists and mathematicians went to a pub. There, first one asked to waiter, "Man, I want a beer!", second one asked, "I want half a beer", third one, "A quarter of beer, please!". Before fourth could talk, waiter replied, "Ok, I got it!", and brought two beers.

[lcavalheiro]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

[WarKitty]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

There's always the Moorean solution.

For those not in the know, G.E. Moore presented a response to skepticism. He held one hand up in front of his face and declared "there is a hand here." He held another hand up and declared "there is another hand here." He then reasoned, since he knows there are at least 2 things in the world, the external world exists.

[Kail11]

Also a good one:

How many philosophers would you need to change a bulb?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing if there'e a bulb.
How many?
First we need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
First you need to know how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing how many philosophers we need for knowing if there's a bulb.
How many?
Stop this recursion thing, jerk!

Ahaaaaa! Good one :P

[InvisibleBison]

A man is driving through the countryside one day, and as he passes a farm he happens to notice one of the pigs has a wooden leg. Intrigued, he goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. The farmer comes out, and the man introduces himself and says "I couldn't help but notice one of your pigs has a wooden leg, and I was wondering why."

The farmer smiles and says "Ah, that'd be Horace. About, oh, two years ago now, Horace bursts into my bedroom in the middle of the night and wakes me up, squealing and running around and making a whole lot of fuss. Naturally, I wondered how he'd gotten there and why he was so worked up. He ran out into the hall, and I followed him and that's when I saw that the house was on fire! Horace had seen the fire, jumped out of the pigpen and came running to alert us. The house burned down, but my family and I were fine. That pig saved our lives."

"Amazing," says the man. "I take it Horace hurt his leg at some point, and the wooden leg is a replacement?"

"What? No, no." The farmer shook his head. "Horace was fine."

"Then why does he have a wooden leg?"

"Well," said the farmer, "A pig like that... you don't eat him all at once."

[Casimir-Ivanova]

Two flies are on a pile of manure. One fly cuts a fart, and the other fly says "Hey, I'm eating here."

[Some Android]

Why did the anime protagonist cross the road?
Because it was a filler arc.

How many shonen anime protagonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but you might have to sit through a few episodes of filler.

How many Madoka Magica magical girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five: one to screw in the light bulb and the rest to die horrible, surreal deaths.

How many Starks of Winterfell does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: one to screw in the light bulb, one to get beheaded, and one to get pushed out of a window resulting in them getting crippled for life. Then the first Stark is eventually beheaded as well.

How many characters from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but whoever you think it is you are wrong! It is actually I, DIO!