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NRSASD
2017-12-07, 09:18 AM
Hey Playground! What are some things that could be onboard a D&D smuggler's ship? Specifically, I'm looking for labelled crates to place in a hold where the PCs wake up. Every entry on the list should have the crate's label and its contents. As always, thanks in advance!

1. Birdsworth and Featheringjay's Fine Foreign Furniture. Contents: Three mahogany kenku perches, one of which is hollow and filled with small, unmarked gemstones.

2. Duskveil's Herbal Emporium. Contents: A small, sealed box containing a silken pouch of powdered Exile's Rose, a rare Fey spice.

3. Unlabelled, but the crate is very water damaged. Contents: An ancient ivory statuette of a lovecraftian entity that exudes a perpetual miasma of dampness and unease.

JellyPooga
2017-12-07, 09:47 AM
A Mystic, a farm-boy, the smuggler himself and his pet wookie half-orc?

Jay R
2017-12-07, 04:08 PM
4. XXX: barrel of rum. [In fact, there is a small waterproof package inside. This is an attempt to smuggle an important item - small artifact, crown jewels, etc. - so that the smugglers themselves don't know what they are carrying.]

5. Munitions: a crate of arrows being sent to the ogre wars. In fact, it contains 200 arrows of ogre slaying.

Potato_Priest
2017-12-07, 04:16 PM
6. A crate full of dangerous spell components. -
Assorted Bat Guano: 2 boxes. Pinches of Sulfur: 6 Boxes.

Jay R
2017-12-07, 06:48 PM
7. An ornate coffin. Empty.
Roll for initiative.

Lazymancer
2017-12-07, 07:30 PM
8. Neatly packaged barrel with dried-up gelatinous cube. Just add water.

9. Beatuful sword. A relic stolen from some order of paladins. Opening lead-lined box means that they can finally scry on it.

10. Twenty suspicious books written in some incomprehensible language. The writer was just mad and not possessed by some malevolent entity - contrary to the belief of owners, who intend to decipher books at all costs.
11. Stoned gnome. He has no idea where he is or how he had gotten there, but the party was awesome.

gmoyes
2017-12-07, 07:57 PM
12. Your newest party member
13. Pocket dimension

Nifft
2017-12-07, 08:29 PM
14. Thousands of live spiders, which are a well-known spell component for spider climb. Also this crate has a false bottom, because who's going to check?

Sredni Vashtar
2017-12-08, 07:41 AM
15. A dozen lifelike statues and a case of Stone to Flesh scrolls. (Whether or not the smuggler knows they're transporting slaves is up to the GM.)

hymer
2017-12-08, 08:46 AM
16: Self-sealing stem bolts. Contains self-sealing stem bolts.

Guizonde
2017-12-08, 10:30 AM
17: rations, assorted: contains enough long-lasting rations (think salted meats, hardtack) to make for 45 days of food for one person.
18: whale blubber: contains blubber to be used as fuel in oil lamps, among other things.
19: gnomish underwear (used): actually contains clean underwear, with a false-bottom containing recreational drugs.
20: writing materials, assorted: contains parchment, powdered ink, quills, charcoal sticks, and sharpeners.

LordCdrMilitant
2017-12-08, 10:30 AM
It helps to know for what purpose his cargo is bound.

He could be smuggling ordinary goods through a blockade, weapons to a resistance [or less savory organization], people over a controlled border [in or out], illegal drugs, etc..


I'd hazard he already has buyers lined up for everything he's transporting, and his cargo to be generally consistent.

NRSASD
2017-12-08, 01:46 PM
@LordCdrMilitant The smuggler in question is an opportunist, with multiple ventures lined up all along the coast. No major wars, but a lot of criminal traffic, cults, illegal magic, and revolutionary sleeper cells waiting for the opportune moment.

@Everyone else: Loving the input so far! Thanks!

21. Lord Bentley’s Gnomish Preserves- Extra Piquant Private Collection. Contents: a magically stasis-ed ochre jelly. Opening the barrel incorrectly turns the zesty marmalade into a confused and angry jelly

22. Clangsworth Ironworks. Contents: various wrought iron cooking ware. A magical cold iron warhammer of Fey Slaying (fey smashing?) is concealed in the crate’s false bottom

23. Handle with Caution: Contains Live Tiger! Contents: a live, 100% genuine real tiger. You wouldn’t think it’d fit in a shoe box, but wizards are tricky like that. Opening the shoe box naturally restores the tiger to its full size and poor disposition.

Jama7301
2017-12-08, 01:52 PM
24. A sleeping dog, the pet of a foreign noble.

denthor
2017-12-08, 03:19 PM
25 perfume

26 ordinary vegetables

27 black onyx spell component for animate dead.

28. Statuettes of Evil deties.

29 poison of different types str. dex change

Adeon Hawkwood
2017-12-08, 05:56 PM
30. Label says Steel Plowshares, crate is actually full of Longswords.

31. Label says Straw and the crate is indeed full of simple straw. Careful examination reveals that the crate itself is constructed from Darkwood which has been carefully disguised as common oak.

32. Three crates containing Charcoal, Saltpeter and Sulfur. The crates are poorly constructed and have been haphazardly stacked resulting some of the contents spilling and intermixing.

33. Label says Noodle Implements. Crate contains 37 clay jugs, 50ft of hemp rope, a small bag of iron nails, a single spiked gauntlet and a bullseye lantern.

Nifft
2017-12-08, 06:47 PM
33. Label says Noodle Implements. Crate contains [CONTENTS SCRUBBED]

"I already told you, we are NOT TALKING about the Noodle Implements!"

Jay R
2017-12-08, 09:52 PM
31. Crate is labeled "Handle with Care. Velociraptor Eggs." Skittering noises are heard inside. Put anything you want in it; nobody's going to open it.

32. Label says, "Open crate in an flat, bare area at least 20 feet in diameter. Property of Leomund." Actual contents: a bounce house.

khadgar567
2017-12-09, 10:25 AM
33. common merchant gear loaded wagon on hidden false bottom bunch of elven slaves.

Archpaladin Zousha
2017-12-09, 04:36 PM
34. A live Sumatran Rat-Monkey. Don't let the thing scratch you!

Nifft
2017-12-09, 04:41 PM
35. A portable hole full of dimensional lint, which is lint found in pocket dimensions. Nobody knows why it exists or how it can be used.

36. Seven disassembled stage coaches, each one a different size, for an upcoming event named the Road of Seven Carts. There's a note that the carts must be assembled in the correct order.

khadgar567
2017-12-10, 08:49 AM
34. A live Sumatran Rat-Monkey. Don't let the thing scratch you!
rolls for smite damage where in the burning heavens this thing came from.

Deliverance
2017-12-10, 07:24 PM
37. An airtight crate labeled "Agricultural Implements".

The crate contains two dead peasants dressed in farm clothing. They are rather ripe, having probably been dead for a few weeks.


38. A crate labeled "Inflatable Succubus. Do not penetrate."

The crate is empty save a message carved on the inside of the lid, saying "Gone shopping." The carving appears to have been done with a claw or a very sharp and hard nail.


39. A large crate labeled "Fragile. Right side up. Open in case of Apocalypse. Some assembly required."

When the crate is opened, blue smoke billows forth. It is harmless and soon replaced by air from the surroundings, but might surprise the players.

The crate contains a four-poster bed on which lies a pretty elven woman in the bloom of youth dressed in a wedding dress. Next to her feet on the bed is a chess board with pieces in their starting position, yet it appears some pieces are missing.

Examining the chess board reveals that the black king has been broken in half, the top half lying next to the board and the bottom half in its rightful place, and that the white queen and the black g8 knight are missing.

The woman appears to be sleeping at first, but a closer examination reveals that she's not breathing and exhibits no signs of life but is nevertheless perfectly preserved with no signs of decomposition. She clutches something in her right hand.

Prying open the fingers of the right hand reveals the missing black rook.

Removing her dress reveals a narrow incision down the centre of her torso, which allows it to be opened up. Doing so reveals that her lungs, heart, kidneys, and intestines have been removed.

Anybody looking under the bed will discover a collection of six jars and a note with assembly instructions (requiring rare ingredients/and or magic as desired by the DM, but something that definitely requires adventuring to acquire). These jars contain the internal organs mentioned above, perfectly preserved.

Anybody moving the bed without looking under it risk knocking over one or more jars.

Assembling the elf in accordance with the instructions results in a looping telepathic broadcast of "Too Soon! You have assembled me too soon! What is the meaning of this?", that repeats every minute in the heads of anybody within sixty foot range of the body. The volume of each telepathic broadcast appears to be random, everything from a faint whisper to a roar drowning out all thought. There are no other results and the source of the broadcast cannot be divined.

Disassembling the elf and placing her organs in jars like they were before assembly will stop the broadcast. (Any jars will work, but no other containers.)

The elf's body and organs do not detect as magic, as living, as unliving, ... She's a black hole as far as divination is concerned.

The elf cannot be returned to life in any way, nor can lore checks or divination reveal anything beyond the facts that the elf has previously been assembled by various people, most of whom came to a bad end.

Even more work will reveal names and details about some of these people, which would be an excellent place to hang plot hooks for other adventures.

The players can do whatever they want with the elf's body - it will remain lifeless. Circus attraction, centerpiece of a new religion, necrophilia service, mantel conversation piece, egg timer (if broadcasting), or perhaps it might be used as a prop for a con. Anything goes.

While the body does not decompose, it can be damaged by other means. Should it suffer more than 50% damage or any of its assembly kit internal organs be destroyed, the body will instantly vanish and a few years later, somewhere in the world, somebody will unexpectedly find a large crate labeled "Fragile. Right side up. Open in case of Apocalypse. Some assembly required." with the elf, a new four-poster-bed, jars, chess board, instructions, blue smoke, and everything else prepared in exactly the same state the players found it.

--- Goes without saying that you can use any sex/any race for this. I went for the classical sleeping beauty faerytale approach.


(No. I don't know whether this elf was once a living elf, whether it is some sort of elf golem or construct, whether it is a divine practical joke or an essential tool come whatever local variant of an apocalypse your setting features. I invented it to be a true mystery, a curiosity and a wonder, something for the players to never be able to figure out but still be able to put to some use if they were creative. And players can be so endlessly creative.)

Archpaladin Zousha
2017-12-10, 09:47 PM
rolls for smite damage where in the burning heavens this thing came from.

From the Peter Jackson movie BrainDead (or DeadAlive, depending on where you watch it):

https://i.giphy.com/media/kzW4UnsM3sCQ/giphy.webp

It makes zombies.

Gwynfrid
2017-12-19, 09:32 AM
40. "In case of Fire or Hot Pursuit: Break Glass". The crate's top is indeed made of glass, showing nothing but fog inside. If the cover is broken, a dense, extremely damp mist pours out, in a cloud that expands at the rate of 30' radius per round for 15 minutes. The crate continues to generate more mist for 1 hour, covering a zone of 1 mile radius centered on the crate. It then dissipates naturally, depending on wind and sunshine conditions in the location. The mist is so thick and damp that it duplicates the effects of both Obscuring Mist and Quench spells (or equivalent effects in systems other than D&D).

41. "Lord Belial's Cellar - Item #114362A-56". The crate contains 25 pickled imps. The imps are reduced to 1/10 their natural size and preserved in a mixture of vinegar, sulfur and a few unsavory alchemical additives. If taken out of the barrel, an imp is initially in a comatose state. Left undisturbed, it wakes up in 1d6 rounds, and grows back to its normal size in 1d6 minutes. It is free to act as it pleases.

NRSASD
2017-12-19, 01:15 PM
Loving the ideas! Here's a handful I just used in my campaign.

42. A burlap sack labelled "Chicken Scratch": Since chicken scratch is kenku mafia slang for protection money, it contained 11,305 silver pieces in small, unmarked currency.

43. A stout crate labelled "Dwarven Laundry": contains a dirty but fully functional suit of half-plate

44. A crate reinforced with steel and wrapped in chains. Labelled "Caution! Do Not Open! Venomous Bagpipes Within!": contains several bagpipes, one of which just might be full of poison.

45. A large barrel labelled "Proscribed and Seditious Contents; do not shake!": contains a radical and controversial elven anarchist poet

46. A sealed casket labelled "Do not open! Gentle Repose in effect. Reward of 2000 gp if delivered intact to 537 Godswalk, Meroe": contains a dead adventurer being shipped to a friendly temple for resurrection

hymer
2017-12-19, 01:30 PM
47: Educational materials. Contains a frozen cow carcass which could thaw into some high quality steak given time.

Landon_Guss
2017-12-30, 12:02 AM
48. "Helm of Selachimorpha" and inside is a helmet and face mask built from the skull of a shark enchanted with the ability to telepathically communicate with all sharks in a 1 square mile radius (hence the term Selachimorpha which is the suborder that sharks belong to). Could be an entertaining ability to gain while on the deck of a smuggling ship.

Nifft
2017-12-30, 12:57 AM
49. Werewolf Tonic. Bottles of mildly scented liquid that cause hair to grow when splashed upon skin. Side effects include lunacy. Consult your druid before using.

JenBurdoo
2017-12-31, 12:57 PM
50. A small, beautifully carved wooden case with silver fittings, locked and covered with hazard stickers and dire warnings. "Do not open! This means you!" Contains a Deck of Many Things.

Concrete
2018-01-01, 07:03 AM
51. A small cask marked: "Jorgmund special reserve, (appropriate year)”

It does contain liquor, but it is used to preserve a small, unsettling magical creature which may or may not come back to life if released, and may or may not have given the liquor unsettling qualities. Has a slight sulphur bouquet.

52. A large box marked: " Checker pieces, clay, (2000), Black, White.

The topmost checker pieces are real, but the lowest layer is actually platinum pieces baked into clay as a means to smuggle large amounts of currency.

53. Crate marked: "Paintings, Misc (26)

The paintings are pretty much garbage, but one of them contains visual code which will provide a certain spy with invaluable information. To anyone else, it's just a couple of dogs playing poker.

Feddlefew
2018-01-01, 07:25 AM
54. The eye-like sensory organ of outerbeing, suspended in a magically reinforced crystal sphere about the size of a human head. It broadcasts information about nearby points of interest and tourist traps into the minds of all who meet its gaze, but is otherwise harmless.

55. A half-dragon goat.

Braininthejar2
2018-01-01, 10:28 AM
56: a rune-bound black box containing something lovecraftian. If released, it will possess the nearest available host, and start preparations for a ritual to summon its boss, murdering as required to conceal its presence until then. It being aboard will cause various dark portents and misfortune to follow the ship, as it warps it surroundings with its very existence.

khadgar567
2018-01-01, 12:00 PM
57. sealed glass lid coffin with elven woman in scanty clothing and note saying "bride for local lord do not open until delivery".

eru001
2018-01-03, 09:40 AM
Lockbox: A wooden shipping crate, unlocked
contains locks

Von Menkompfts Magical Maneuverable Majestic Mighty Military Mechanisims: A solidly made hardwood crate
Contains: 6 Enchanted Repeating Crosbows, A miniature ballistae (3 inches long) which grows to a full sized ballistae when in contact with dirt, sand, or grass, a self propelled automatic battering ram, 6 collapsable shields, 2 spinning swords, 4 springloaded spears, 8 ballistic knives, an an instruction manual for the above written in cartoonishy german accented english.

Paltridge's Portable Pottery Pervayor's Pushcart
a four inch tall pushcart which grows to the size of a normal pushcart upon the use of the phrase "pots for sale" Contains assorted pottery. has a sign on it which reads "Property of Peter Packingham Paltridge"

Percussive Matinence Toolkit
Contains many hammers

Army Crate Mark E
Contains assorted dynamite, rockets, pies, springs, strings, ductape, an anvil, a refridgerator, an oversized cannon, four 18th century grenades, a pair of cross country skis, and an imperial socket wrench with several metric sockets.

Emergency Repair and Matinence Crate
Contains Aeresolized Lubricant, strong Adhesive Tape, and a message under the lid of the crate which says (If it moves and shouldn't apply tape, if it doesn't and should, apply Lubricant. )

Kobold Control Device
Contains Cattle Prod

Kolbold Rapid transit Device
Contains a Golf Club (2 Wood)

Goblin Handcuffs
Contains assorted rusty meat cleavers

Dwarven Handcuffs
Contains two pints of ale

Hans' Cuffs
Contains assorted fancy cufflinks

Locked crate wrapped in chains labled "DO NOT OPEN Contains Certain Death"
Contains a high level halfling assasin named "Certain Death" and a wanted poster for said halfling with the ludicrously high bounty circled in red.

Bohandas
2018-01-04, 01:46 AM
70.) Whale oil

Sparklelord
2018-01-04, 07:12 AM
71.) A useless brass tag to put by your name. Symbol with a sword.

72.) Another useless bronze tag to put by your name. Symbol with a hammer.

72.) A slip of paper with a somewhat good catchphrase. "It still only counts as one!"

No, not the sexy priestess outfit you were looking for. Would you like to buy another 101 crates? 15% off?

khadgar567
2018-01-04, 07:53 AM
71.) A useless brass tag to put by your name. Symbol with a sword.

72.) Another useless bronze tag to put by your name. Symbol with a hammer.

72.) A slip of paper with a somewhat good catchphrase. "It still only counts as one!"

No, not the sexy priestess outfit you were looking for. Would you like to buy another 101 crates? 15% off?
73.) cursed sexy prietess outfit with fake holy book.

LokiRagnarok
2018-01-05, 02:28 AM
74. "Toys for young Ms. [name of the daughter of a local lord here]"

A crate full of small constructs with impossibly cute eyes. When interacted with, they say things like "Play with me!" and "Feed me." When the PCs get bored and turn away, they say things like "I bet [name of other PC] has a tasty heart. Wouldn't you like to know?", "Let's find out together", "Ah, I haven't seen light in thirty years" and similar things.

If you pay attention to them, they look perfectly normal and harmless, and these eyes are so, so cute <3 You can feel your desire to take one of them home with you...

Bohandas
2018-01-05, 02:44 AM
74. "Toys for young Ms. [name of the daughter of a local lord here]"

A crate full of small constructs with impossibly cute eyes. When interacted with, they say things like "Play with me!" and "Feed me." When the PCs get bored and turn away, they say things like "I bet [name of other PC] has a tasty heart. Wouldn't you like to know?", "Let's find out together", "Ah, I haven't seen light in thirty years" and similar things.

If you pay attention to them, they look perfectly normal and harmless, and these eyes are so, so cute <3 You can feel your desire to take one of them home with you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sQ2ms-lrg#t=06m45s

LokiRagnarok
2018-01-05, 03:00 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85sQ2ms-lrg#t=06m45s

*groan* there is nothing new in the world, is there.

I was thinking of Furby's when I wrote that, then decided to put an evil twist on them, inspired by the Satanic Panic.

Bohandas
2018-01-28, 05:34 PM
75.) Bath salts

Hugh Mann
2018-01-28, 09:00 PM
76. A sound proofed, lead-lined, metal container. It is made in such a way that it is impossible to guess the state of the items within without opening it. It is labeled "1 miligram of uranium, a sensor, a hammer, a flask of poison, and 1 cat". The cat is dead due to dehydration.

Goaty14
2018-01-28, 11:35 PM
77. Labeled: 101 Items for impromptu assault.

Contains: Shards of wood, steel, and leather, Picking up a shard causes other shards to come out and materialize as a random exotic weapon.

MeimuHakurei
2018-01-29, 06:07 AM
78. A crate filled with various stacks of books, having differently colored bindings. They all describe a game system of playing a role in an imaginative world. The first set has plenty of tables, charts, extra rules and rulings and many re-writes and additional player options across, being nearly incomprehensible. The second book has a more streamlined ruling, although the play options are comically unbalanced and there's many extra books detailing all sorts of obscure professions and settings. The third set is rigorously consistent, everything is acutely balanced and all the passages read machine code instructions for how bland they are. The last set is significantly smaller, uses lots of weasel words and vaguely defined rules and uses copious amounts of fluff to hide its lack of structure.

PastorofMuppets
2018-01-29, 07:03 AM
A crate marked as containing 1 Gambler Chest.

Contains small treasure chest made of a dark wood with silver instead of steel for all hinges and reinforcement. It is unlocked and empty with a keyhole shaped as a coin slot. A small note inside the chest says it accepts copper silver gold and platinum coins. When a coin is placed into the slot of the closed chest two things happen. The metalwork of the chest over 4 seconds changes into the same metal as the used coin. Secondly a randomized object or pouch of coins (1-100) appears inside the chest, more valuable based on the number and type of coin. It will most often give the user something of roughly equivalent or slightly lesser value but rarely will grant a much more expensive prize(a copper piece exchanging for an entire table setting in silver for example)The chest may also have a telepathic component as when a user is discouraged it will sometimes simply open with a few coins of higher value than those last used to entice further use.

Whyrocknodie
2018-01-29, 07:30 AM
National Geographic magazine.

Bohandas
2018-03-04, 02:54 AM
81.) 'Tobacco Accessories' - Contains weed paraphernalia

Braininthejar2
2018-03-04, 05:37 AM
76. A sound proofed, lead-lined, metal container. It is made in such a way that it is impossible to guess the state of the items within without opening it. It is labeled "1 miligram of uranium, a sensor, a hammer, a flask of poison, and 1 cat". The cat is dead due to dehydration.

The cat is undead, due to an extended quantum paradox.

redwizard007
2018-03-04, 10:01 AM
Damn mynocks. Probably chewing on the power converters.

ko_sct
2018-03-04, 10:44 AM
82.) Contain: 1 Orb of infinite power. HANDLE WITH CARE. Contain a small metal orb. If touched, the player take 1d4 lightning damage. (The power might be infinite, but the output is quite small). With a bit of creativity can be used to make a magic weapon.

83.) Contain: PERFECT HEALTH. Crate containing 82 serums of perfect health. Give 5 temporary hp that last 24h as well as advantage on con check for those 24h. The feeling is addictive, after the effect wear out, make a wisdom save dc 5+ 1 per consecutive doses taken or you feel the urge to take an other dose.

Bohandas
2018-03-04, 05:34 PM
84.) Garmonbozia

TheYell
2018-03-04, 06:11 PM
85) An oak crate labelled "Property of a Lady" which contains a solid 3000 lbs basalt sarcophagus of a demon, Hardness 12, with the Abyssal inscription Thou Art Already Damned. Breaking it to pieces uncovers a vorpal adamantine greatsword.

FreddyNoNose
2018-03-04, 08:40 PM
86: a crate which contains 101 mini-crates.

What is in the mini-crates: start listing them now!
mini-crate 001: An electrum thimbull

TheStranger
2018-03-05, 01:23 AM
87) Labeled for delivery to a kingdom in the midst of a succession crisis - one stone, with sword embedded in it. The sword radiates strong magic of an indeterminate type.

Lvl 2 Expert
2018-03-05, 04:25 AM
If you really want to go crazy, throw in these crates (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?504072-101-fun-things-to-find-in-a-Sci-Fi-cargo-crate).

DigoDragon
2018-03-05, 08:20 AM
88. The crate is labeled "grenades". It is filled with ordinary oranges, nothing more.
89. The crate is full of various old receipts and transaction documents. On top of the stack is a folder labeled "Capone, Alphonse G. - Property of the Internal Revenue Service."



12. Your newest party member

This has happened twice to my old local group. It's a great 'WTF' moment for all PCs. :D

Jay R
2018-03-05, 01:07 PM
90. A large crate, clearly marked "Spell components". It is entirely filled with bat guano, and if the crate is opened, it will be impossible to get the smell out of the hold.

vasilidor
2018-03-10, 03:10 AM
a crate filled with candles. the ones at the center of the bottom are magic.
android girlfriend, some assembly required.
an angry ninja.