Why do some people make it so difficult to get in touch with them?

[MonkeySage]

People who have no reliable way of contacting them.

They don't answer email, they very rarely respond to text, they never answer calls... You message them on skype, and you know there's only a 10% chance they'll even see the message.

Forget trying to make plans with them...

Why do people do this?

[Razade]

They're just not that into you.

[KillingAScarab]

Obligatory xkcd
https://www.xkcd.com/1810/

Long live AOL Instant Messenger.

[Aedilred]

Chances are that Razade is correct. If people really are that interested, most of the time they'll respond.

However you can increase your chances of their responding by making easy for them to do so. "Hey, what's up?" and the like is a maddening message to receive (or at least for me, and I suspect I'm one of the people being complained about). Responding with a similarly brief message feels pointless. Responding at length takes a while and tends to mean you leave it until you have more time - and then never get round to it. People like that often don't like having long conversations by text/messenger or even the phone if they can avoid it in any case. What seems like a reasonable response time to some people can feel interminable to others, and vice versa.

That doesn't mean they're not interested in meeting up but they may subconsciously be wary that a conversation making plans to meet up will turn into a longer one requiring more detailed responses. If you're trying to make plans with them, make specific propositions which can be answered simply and quickly. Suggest dates or locations that they can simply say "yes" to. While it may seem tempting to include a bunch of other questions/updates/conversation along with these suggestions, that probably decreases the chance of a reply because they'll feel they need to respond to all of it (which means they'll put it off and not get round to it).

Some people you will have to chase and prod a bit to get any response from. That's just their nature. They may be aware that they're doing it (in which case they may feel guilty, but not enough to stop) or they may not. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether you enjoy their company enough to continue to make the effort.

Alternatively, they may have no interest in seeing you at all and that's what lies behind their failure to respond. If you're finding it truly impossible to get hold of them and they're not responding to any means of contact within a reasonable time frame (a week or two), that may well be what's going on.

[Eldan]

Chances are that Razade is correct. If people really are that interested, most of the time they'll respond.

However you can increase your chances of their responding by making easy for them to do so. "Hey, what's up?" and the like is a maddening message to receive (or at least for me, and I suspect I'm one of the people being complained about). Responding with a similarly brief message feels pointless. Responding at length takes a while and tends to mean you leave it until you have more time - and then never get round to it. People like that often don't like having long conversations by text/messenger or even the phone if they can avoid it in any case. What seems like a reasonable response time to some people can feel intermin

This. So much this. Typing on a phone is uncomfortable and after about three words, my fingers hurt. Also, I can never get the spelling right and that bothers me so much. If someone types just "Hey, what's up", I'll probably ignore it, since there's no real content there and no good way to respond. If you want to do something with me, write "Are you free this saturday for board games?" not "What's up?"

[2D8HP]

...Why?... .
I'm tired, I have enough on my list already, and I'm getting more and more experience that people lie about getting around to submitting a Service Order on the CMMS, to drop what I'm already obligated to do as a favor to you.

Get your supervisor, my boss, or the boiler room to submit the request for you.

Is it flooding?

Just a drip?

Please, the inmates on the 7th floor use 10 x that amount of water out of boredom, as does the buildimgs cooling and heating system.

No the last time I did you a favor you never followed through, your time is valuable to you, not to me.

Submit the request properly.

You get a favor once, but you've shown yourself to be unable or unwilling to use the CMMS, I am monitored by how many of those Service Orders I complete, not by the work requests that come via texts, voicemails, post it notes, and hallway muttering.

And could you please give a room number, there are over a dozen restrooms on the third floor alone.

I'm already off the clock and working unpaid.

I just don't have the time to spare.

[KillingAScarab]

.
I'm tired, I have enough on my list already, and I'm getting more and more experience that people lie about getting around to submitting a Service Order on the CMMS, to drop what I'm already obligated to do as a favor to you.

Get your supervisor, my boss, or the boiler room to submit the request for you.

Is it flooding?

Just a drip?

Please, the inmates on the 7th floor use 10 x that amount of water out of boredom, as does the buildimgs cooling and heating system.

No the last time I did you a favor you never followed through, your time is valuable to you, not to me.

Submit the request properly.

You get a favor once, but you've shown yourself to be unable or unwilling to use the CMMS, I am monitored by how many of those Service Orders I complete, not by the work requests that come via texts, voicemails, post it notes, and hallway muttering.

And could you please give a room number, there are over a dozen restrooms on the third floor alone.

I'm already off the clock and working unpaid.

I just don't have the time to spare."But we just switched over to a new order system, and nothing works right. Hey, I know, you can submit an order to yourself. That doesn't ever annoy anyone on the fulfillment side, especially when I'm the one asking, right?"

Yeah, I can sympathize, here.

[danzibr]

Hmm... I feel this thread is sorta about me :P

I'm this way because I like to be left alone/stay at home/have time with my wife and children.

[2D8HP]

...I'm this way because I like to be left alone/stay at home/have time with my wife and children..
Preach it!!!

[Sinewmire]

Sometimes I'll ignore messages and suchlike if I'm embarassed I've left it too long.

I'll build it up into a huge thing in my mind, certain that everyone is very annoyed, disappointed and hurt by my refusal to engage earlier "why did I leave it this long?" I will ask myself, and by not engaging I can put off the confrontation.

Hell, I almost missed my window with my amazing girlfriend because we had to cancel our first date, and weren't able to agree a date for our second try and then we both kinda just left it...

Turns out we both actually had legitimate reasons, and she was still interested, and there was no awkwardness or anything, and we live together now.

Anyway, I don't do it so often these days, but I still do it.

[2D8HP]

People who have no reliable way of contacting them.

They don't answer email, they very rarely respond to text, they never answer calls... You message them on skype, and you know there's only a 10% chance they'll even see the message.

Forget trying to make plans with them...

Why do people do this?.
I'm curious @MonkeySage, who are you trying to make plans with and why?
I know in my case my time is already overcomitted, and I treasure the little freedom and solitude I may get, and I don't want anymore hassles, why are you trying to hassle people into making plans they obviously want to avoid?

How did the song go?


♫ ♫ ♫ I don't care ♫ ♫ ♫

So you said

I don't want you

I don't need you

I don't love you

Leave me alone

I'm self contained

Just go away

I'm fickle

I'm cold

I'm shallow

You fill me with inertia

Don't get excited

Save your breath

Cool it

I'm not interested

It's too much effort

Don't you ever leave off?

I'm callous

How dull

You bore me

♫ ♫ ♫ I'm not available ♫ ♫ ♫

- Drimble Wedge & the Vegetations

[JeenLeen]

Assuming this is a person you know enjoys your company and that the issue is solely communication...

Some people dislike certain modes of communication. I personally dislike texting and am unlikely to respond to a text unless there is a clear need to respond (or it's my wife). I can envision somebody not liking any mode beyond in-person, which of course makes it hard to coordinate meeting in-person.

Similarly, some folk don't check messages often. If it goes to voicemail or email, they may never see it.

One oddity I have seen is folk calling someone, NOT leaving a voicemail, and expecting a callback since they saw a missed call. I think I've ticked one person off by not calling back, but my reasoning is that: if someone wants me to call them back, they will leave a message. (From your OP, I see you are leaving messages, but I wanted to add this as another way folk try to initiate conversation that may not work well.)

---
Depending on personality type, it might be rather energy-draining to this person to respond to messages. That probably seems odd, but I know (due to a mix of disliking some tech & social awkwardness) can feel really nervous about returning a phone call or texting, and so I procrastinate about it and sometimes it becomes moot until I next see the person in person.