Ways to get the DM to kill your character

[LongVin]

Since lists are all the rage now. It is time to compile a list on how to get a DM to arbitarily and randomly kill your character and elicite the single and terrifying phrase "Your character dies."


1. At an important battle you state "I use my magic to turn him into a giant purple ass."
2. After commenting on how hungry he is you still grab the last slice of pizza.
3. At the start of the adventure instead of listening to the strange old man in the tavern you decide to mug him and give him a thrashing.
4. You randomly comment on the physical appearance of the DM's sister(or other female relative.)
5. You present the DM for a 12 page or longer background story for your character.
6. ...and expect him to read it all before the game and comment as well as incorporating elements into the story.
7. You question the motivations for going on an adventure and decide it is better to stay home.

[BRC]

9.
DM: The duke smiles and guestures forward, two guards carry a treasure chest into the room and set it in front of you. they cerimoniously open it to re-
you: I attack the duke.

[Kaelaroth]

10. DM = And then the ant swirled, raging and frothing at the mouth!
PC = Ants have no mouths!
DM = But... But....
PC = Hah! Once again Logic commands all!!!!!

11. Giggle uncontrollably. All the time. For no reason.

12. Comment on how the Duke looks mighty fine in that doublet.

[Tengu]

13. Ignore all plothooks, spend all the time brooding in a corner, thinking about your tragic past. If any of the other players tries to do anything, steal the spotlight immediately by doing something stupid and start a monologue about your past.

I had a player like that.

[martyboy74]

14. Do anything on this (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29508&page=60&highlight=welch) list.

[Ranis]

13. DM: You see the frog sitting on a stump. As you approach, it begins to spea-
PC: I hit the frog with my quarterstaff.


14. I'll make a Knowledge (Physics) to cause the radial diometry of the monster to defy the actual gravity of the planet in a........

[Green Bean]

15. Whenever you slay an enemy, steal one of their ears. Throw them at important NPCs, while yelling, "What an eerie thing to say!"

((How many posts do you think there'll be before someone mentions pun-pun.



Dang!))

[martyboy74]

18. Immediately destroy all corpses, statues, skeletons, or other creatures that could possibly animate before entering the room.

19. Prop open all doors in such a manner that it is impossible for them to close magically while the party is in the room.

[Enzario]

20. Be a rules lawyer
21. In the officer's club of the City Watch, stab the guy next to you in the eye.
22. ...Then point to the head watchman and say, "He did it!"
23. Bring a 6-pack of Red Bull, then wait until, say, early morning. Don't give your gamemates any until they recreate the Fish-Slapping-Dance with some carp.
24. Make a Kobold with 3 levels in MOMF... you know the rest.
25. Get ideas for your characters from threads like this one.
26. Attack the darkness. A gazebo works well, too.

[goat]

3. At the start of the adventure instead of listening to the strange old man in the tavern you decide to mug him and give him a thrashing.

This is a perfectly valid response to a clichéd plot starter. Especially if he's carrying something you're not supposed to get your hands on for another 5 levels.

[Overlard]

27. Create a grappling character, but never learn the grappling rules.

[Logos7]

if you know the Dm's trying to do something, and you purposefully sabotage it, it doesn't matter how cliche or ridicolous whatever the Dm is trying to do is, your being disruptive. Being not interested / small time mugger is a slighty different story.

If you want to get your dm to kill your character arbitrarily, be an Ass, that always works

Logos

[Spiryt]

28. Mumble some nonsenses about filed off dice everytime you roll 8 (or lower) on d20.

[FireSpark]

29: Ask for the name of every NPC you make contact with. Every. Last. One.

30: During the climatic confrontation with the BBEG, and he is performing his monologue, keep asking "Why?" over and over again.

31: Try to steal everything in sight. Including other people's pants.

[valadil]

Since lists are all the rage now. It is time to compile a list on how to get a DM to arbitarily and randomly kill your character and elicite the single and terrifying phrase "Your character dies."

4. You randomly comment on the physical appearance of the DM's sister(or other female relative.)
5. You present the DM for a 12 page or longer background story for your character.
6. ...and expect him to read it all before the game and comment as well as incorporating elements into the story.


These are all encouraged where I come from. Though we hand over our backstory at least a week in advance so the DM has time to figure out how to use our plot hooks and we don't expect them to show up immediately.

If you really wanna irritate a GM with background, here's how you do. Actually here's how I've done it - these are all thing's I have in fact done to GMs.

32. Google for old Bill Brasky sketches from SNL. Replace all instances of Bill Brasky with your character's name (in this case it was Bucky d'Forrest). Claim this as an original work and hand it to your GM.

33. Escribir en espanol.

34. Don't tell your GM that your new bard character is actually your old bard who faked his own death and assumed a new identity. The background story you give the GM is what the original bard wrote in planning for his new role. Then have the character critique the story he just wrote and talk about how hard it'll be to get into character. Your GM will know something is amiss but shouldn't figure it all out till the last couple sentences. This one's a little trickier, but if done right your GM will actually slap you.

[UserClone]

35. Have your 7-Con Bard agree to melee one-on-one with a tough-looking Hobgoblin Lieutenant; then let the party Warmage cast a stinking Cloud on the two of you. Trust me, you'll quickly be CdG'd.

[martyboy74]

30: During the climatic confrontation with the BBEG, and he is performing his monologue, keep asking "Why?" over and over again.
Heisenberg's horror (http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/horror.html) doesn't work if they're already insane.

[DraPrime]

36. Do what my friend did. Get caught making out with the DMs sister.

[Kaelaroth]

37. Sing Happy Birthday at innapropriate moments.
38. Try and chat up the Evil Overlord.
39. Make quotes from Shakespeare. All the time. For no reason.

[BRC]

Ask for the DC to steal your own pants without you noticing. (Actually somthing you must do in the online game kingdom of loathing).

[Kaelaroth]

41:
DM: You see a vast mysterious castle, surrounded by a swirling, black cloud, where lightnin-
PC: Control Weather Nice'n'Sunny now!

[Telonius]

42. Constantly ask people where their towel is.
43. Create a high-charisma character. In the opening bar scene, start hitting on the waitress. Demand that the results be described in detail. (Works best if DM is of the same gender as you).

[Leliel]

44: Ask the gold dragon if he is single. This also provides an IC explanation for the bolt of lightning that suddenly hits your character if "Big G" has sorcerer levels.

[SadisticFishing]

42. Constantly ask people where their towel is.
43. Create a high-charisma character. In the opening bar scene, start hitting on the waitress. Demand that the results be described in detail. (Works best if DM is of the same gender as you).

You have an odd definition of "best" :P

[orcmonk89]

26. Attack the darkness. A gazebo works well, too.

We literally had to do that once. Damn spell-like abilities...

44. Demand you take falling damage whenever your character trips - especially over fences etc.
45. Insist you 'send the cleric'.
46. Get your character drunk, and start to make balance checks.

[Harold]

:smallsmile: 47 when adding your hit and damage say all the math out loud.

[Telonius]

:smallsmile: 47 when adding your hit and damage say all the math out loud.

:smallfrown: We actually have a guy who does that. And he's a barbarian. Eventually we had to write up an excel sheet Power Attack reference to keep ourselves from lynching him.

[Harold]

We actually have a guy who does that. And he's a barbarian. Eventually we had to write up an excel sheet Power Attack reference to keep ourselves from lynching him.

I have someone who does that too, and every time we had to tell them to do it in there head they took 1 point of stupidity damage.

[EndgamerAzari]

48. Have your already-powerful character bitch at the personification of Fate for not giving him a present.

[Anxe]

49. Steal the artifact of goodness and then sell it to a fence. (I actually did this one once. Hilarious, but ended up dead.)

[Mewtarthio]

(related to the above)

50) While playing a noble Paladin who is a loyal servant of Pelor, get on the good side of the church for your piousness. Eventually, become so famous that you are granted access to an Artifact of Good. Then, sell that artifact to a random demon. Next, explain how it's totally in-character for your char and that you shouldn't fall for that action.

[FoE]

51) Interrupt BBEG halfway through his evil monologue. As soon as he comes into sight, fire an arrow/bullet/Magic Missle.
52) Make an intentionally stupid character, and keep telling everyone about how much he sucks. Try to make up a song/rhyme about how awful your character is.

(I played with a guy who did this, and halfway through the adventure, he "disappeared" and didn't show up until the end, where the BBEG had him tied up. Because he wouldn't shut up, he had to sit there watching us play for about an hour.)

53) Attack the darkness.

[FireSpark]

54: When the BBEG guy asks if you have any last words, begin insulting his choice of outfits, making sure to note that the colors clash too hard with their eyes. :smalltongue:

[martyboy74]

(Note: I didn't invent this)
55 Spam Create Water.

BBEG: Now that I have you...
Wizard: Create Water!
*20-some gallons of water appear above BBEG*
BBEG: ...in my grasp I will...
Wizard: Create Water!
BBEG: Hey! Stop doing...
Wizard: Create Water!
BBEG: ...
Wizard: Create Water!
DM: You die. The end.

[BardicDuelist]

56. Create a character who is afraid of entering taverns. Justify it in that every time he enters a tavern, somthing dangerous ends up happening.

57. Create a character who thinks alcahol is the route of all evil and goes on a crusade against taverns.

When your DM is "old school," he hates it when you take away his "classic" plot hooks and campaign starters.

[Runolfr]

Since lists are all the rage now. It is time to compile a list on how to get a DM to arbitarily and randomly kill your character and elicite the single and terrifying phrase "Your character dies."

I've never had the need to do that.

I did have one sorcerer get so selfish about following his own agenda that he lied to the party to lead them to an evil temple (he was the only one able to speak Goblin, and they got directions by interrogating one) to defeat its cleric as part of a personal vendetta. When he got reduced to 0 hp in the ensuing fight, the cleric cast death knell on him. He passed his save, however, and was later revived by the rest of the disgruntled party.

I once had a player who was so utterly disruptive to game play that when he (for the umpteenth time) decided to bash open a door without letting the rogue search it or listen for sound beyond, the party wizard cast blindness on him and let him think it was a magical trap on the door. He blundered into the web of a group of monstrous spiders and got stuck. The party decided to burn out the webs... without rescuing the annoying cleric first... and he died in the fire. They threw his body in the nearby river and then went on about their business without him.

[Funkyodor]

56. Actual situation. Ages ago (almost 20 years ago...) our old DM let his little boy roll the dice for some of the monsters. Well at that time he was a running an interesting campaign and the heros (by design) got separated within the BBEG's lair that resembled a carnival. Well long story short, kid rolls at a critical moment. Player dies. Kid looks him in the eyes "Hee, Hee, Hee, I killed you!". A short stare and a back hand later everyone is throwing themselves inbetween trying to separate DM and Player. Long story summation "Back hand the DM's son to ensure your player stays dead and you don't come back."

[KillianHawkeye]

(Note: I didn't invent this)
55 Spam Create Water.

BBEG: Now that I have you...
Wizard: Create Water!
*20-some gallons of water appear above BBEG*
BBEG: ...in my grasp I will...
Wizard: Create Water!
BBEG: Hey! Stop doing...
Wizard: Create Water!
BBEG: ...
Wizard: Create Water!
DM: You die. The end.

LMAO!

57. Get overly obssesed with the backup character you've made.

[Dragor]

13. Ignore all plothooks, spend all the time brooding in a corner, thinking about your tragic past. If any of the other players tries to do anything, steal the spotlight immediately by doing something stupid and start a monologue about your past.

I had a player like that.

Same. Related to that....

58: Every time another player's character has an opinion of their own, flying kick him.

Yes, that happened. Pissed me off no end.

[Korias]

59. Play a female character with "Weapon Proficiency: Naughty Pillows"

Ouch, Simu'd.

[RAGE KING!]

4. You randomly comment on the physical appearance of the DM's sister(or other female relative.)
5. You present the DM for a 12 page or longer background story for your character.
6. ...and expect him to read it all before the game and comment as well as incorporating elements into the story.
7. You question the motivations for going on an adventure and decide it is better to stay home.

I usually question the motive for going on an adventure, but then decide that someone in the party is cute, and go along.

- actually i just came up with that now, but it's a great idea!

A better idea is to go out with the DM's sister, which i would do, if she wasn't around 10 years old.

A 12 page backstory just means you get hit with it.

One of the players in our group likes chaotic characters and does stuff like this:

Player: "I knock on that persons door"
DM: "A young woman answers"
Player: "I ask her if she'd like to buy cart insurance"
DM: "*snicker* she slams the door in your face."
Player: "I light my torch, and burn her house down with it"

At that point another player convinces him not to.

[Kaelaroth]

60: Give your Bard ranks in Perform (percussion), and insist you demonstate OOC with your friend's head.

61: Order drinks from the inn, when your DM has no idea what they are.

62: Have your monk grapple-hug gnomes.

63: Insist that, yes, your halfling character really does have such a squeaky voice, and, yes, to stay in character you must continually garble in it.

[Quincunx]

64. Pause the game mid-railroading to suggest that if the DM can't handle plot changes on the fly, the players would be willing to assist with game development.

[ArmorArmadillo]

65. Polymorph into a Rukanyr.

[bloodluster]

66. polymorph into a tarrasque

[talagan]

Make a Bard with high intelegence and put 1 rank in Every Single Skill Including perform. If you run out of skills, do random Knowledges.... pretty good roleplayer though.

[Fax Celestis]

65. Polymorph into a Rukanyr.

But what about Wild Shaping into one? :smallbiggrin:

[Destro_Yersul]

67, When playing a Paladin add 'Forsooth' to the beginning of every sentence.

[BRC]

play a bard and insist on speaking in iambic pentamiter.

[talagan]

Play a Paladin.

[Icewalker]

Try this. (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1061)

Or many, many other things in that comic.

[talagan]

Quote Monty Python.

[RandomNPC]

every time the DM asks what your character does reply with "kill it and take its stuf."

[Setra]

73(?). "I begin to strip" (Possibly accompanied by stripping OOC)

[Zak3056]

play a bard and insist on speaking in iambic pentamiter.

I think we have a winner.

I'm not quite that obnoxious--when I play bards, I just sing... badly. :smallbiggrin:

[grinner666]

74: Name your character "Dr. Insane" after Dr. Zane from Star Blazers
75: Make him a half-orc sorcerer. With a CHA of 10.
76: Insist that you have an army of 10,000 orcs under your command. "Send them in" to take care of every problem, even after everyone stops being amused.

Yes, true experience. Clown just wanted to disrupt the game. After that game I told the player to not bother coming back.

[horseboy]

56. Create a character who is afraid of entering taverns. Justify it in that every time he enters a tavern, somthing dangerous ends up happening.

57. Create a character who thinks alcahol is the route of all evil and goes on a crusade against taverns.

When your DM is "old school," he hates it when you take away his "classic" plot hooks and campaign starters.
You know, given the typical trouble adventurer types have in bars/taverns/inns I would almost consider that justifiable.

77 Create new spell: "Wood to fruit". Turn wooden tavern floor into giant banana during inevitable bar fight. Use ensuing chaos to provide prove for your phobia.

78 Take a bard with performance: puppeteer. Use peanut's naked puppet joke. Sit there and flap your hand the entire time, to claim your bardic song for the entire night.

[Lavin]

29: Ask for the name of every NPC you make contact with. Every. Last. One.


*sob* My Players actually do this. The sad thing is, they're serious. They Really want to know what every character's name is.

[Gaelbert]

Try this. (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1061)

Or many, many other things in that comic.

There's a few good ones about killing people during parley, the latest one, I think is one of those.
Also:
In the first movie:
DM: You spot a shape moving in the water with your roll of a 20 on the spot check.
Legolas: I shoot it! I get a critical!
DM: Smeagle dies.

[Porthos]

79: Whenever your character says something, speak entirely in gibberish. When asked what you are doing, proclaim that you aren't speaking gibberish, but instead, you are speaking in "Common". Flatly state that it helps get you "properly in character". If told that Common is English (or whatever your native language is), remind that person in the most condescending way possible that it is statistically impossible that another culture in another place of existence could have possibly had the same language develop as the one everyone else is speaking.

If someone should actually try to say that everything is being translated for ease of gaming, sniff derisively and state, "I find dubbed films to be massively inferior to subtitled work."

80: After listening to the DM describe how life-threatening this campaign will be, and how everyone will have to proceed with utmost caution, sarcastically comment, "I sure hope your Death Traps are more original than "Rocks Fall, Everybody Dies."
(NOTE: Works best with a "Killer DM")

81: Upon entering a Major Metropolis for the first time, relentlessly grill the DM about the economic model that the town operates under. Ask how people actually make a living in the city and wonder aloud where all the capital comes from (or in the case of Magic Marts, goes). After hearing the DM's explanations, unequivocally state that no society could possibly function in that manner for any length of time. Debate Macro Economic Theory with the DM for at least 30 minutes.

If the DM finally says something like, "it's magic" or "that's just the way it is", nod your head and agree with the DM. Then, after letting the DM think they have actually won this battle, state that your character is going to drop everything he is doing and dedicate the next few game sessions to either (your choice) fostering a education campaign for local workers/becoming a robber baron/establishing stores that sell goods and services for 10% less than the book listing/creating a cartel that only answers to you/something similar that relies on Exploting Unstable Economies. Make sure to explain your economic actions in the most convoluted way possible while implying that anyone who either doesn't understand or disagrees with your reasoning is a complete idiot.

[psychoticbarber]

79: Whenever your character says something, speak entirely in gibberish. When asked what you are doing, proclaim that you aren't speaking gibberish, but instead, you are speaking in "Common". Flatly state that it helps get you "properly in character". If told that Common is English (or whatever your native language is), remind that person in the most condescending way possible that it is statistically impossible that another culture in another place of existence could have possibly had the same language develop as the one everyone else is speaking.

If someone should actually try to say that everything is being translated for ease of gaming, sniff derisively and state, "I find dubbed films to be massively inferior to subtitled work."


I love it. I absolutely LOVE it.

[Setra]

I love it. I absolutely LOVE it.
Agreed, that was hilarious.

[BRC]

I think we have a winner.

I'm not quite that obnoxious--when I play bards, I just sing... badly. :smallbiggrin:

Even better: Play a bard and speak only in Haiku.

[Citizen Joe]

Even better: Play a bard and speak only in Haiku.

I played as a monk that only spoke in haiku. It took a lot of thought to get them just right.

[psychoticbarber]

I played as a monk that only spoke in haiku. It took a lot of thought to get them just right.

Is that really true?
I've had no such problems.
Haiku are easy.

:smallwink:

[Quellian-dyrae]

Play a wizard. Insist that the party stop to rest after every encounter in which you cast at least one spell (even Prestidigitation). If they leave you behind, whine incessantly about how it isn't fair that they aren't letting you get any XP or make full use of your character's capabilities. And make sure to mention how easily you could have handled problem X if they had just let you recover your spells.

[Matthew]

56. Actual situation. Ages ago (almost 20 years ago...) our old DM let his little boy roll the dice for some of the monsters. Well at that time he was a running an interesting campaign and the heros (by design) got separated within the BBEG's lair that resembled a carnival. Well long story short, kid rolls at a critical moment. Player dies. Kid looks him in the eyes "Hee, Hee, Hee, I killed you!". A short stare and a back hand later everyone is throwing themselves inbetween trying to separate DM and Player. Long story summation "Back hand the DM's son to ensure your player stays dead and you don't come back."

Whoah?! Talk about a breach of real life etiquette. Somebody was a bit into his game.

[D Knight]

when trying to figure out what a magic weapon does in a room full of half-dragon drow. walk up to the blue 1/2-dragon drow (DM) and lowkick him for 10 suddual damage then let him breath and take no damage (magic weapon) also let him expend all power points for the day and not die over a 3 day in-game time frame. that just really makes him mad so be ready for any thing later.

[Fenix_of_Doom]

82: start with asking a random NPC for directions, but then start talking about the neighbourhood, it's life, local rituals etc.

83: Ask for very detailed descriptions of every location/NPC/Building.

[Jacklu]

OK, I can verify that these will work.

84. Collect every useless item you find along the way. This includes parts of the scenery, silverware from the abandoned mansion you find, and even the tattered cloths off rotting corpses. If you want to spice it up, collect the remains of every enemy you defeat.

85. related to the above, make it a point to collect the teeth from defeated enemies. I currently have a nice collection, including some rotten bear teeth and a few beholder fangs.

86. regardless of your party's condition, charge headlong at every possible enemy.

87. Start every battle by dousing the enemy with oil and attack with a lit torch. This works surprisingly well... at least until the DM starts only using enemies with high grapple checks.

[Tach13]

Tried the language thing in a Star Trek based game. Not only did I have the person running the game threaten me, I had all the other players doing it. Worked great in IRC, just move my fingers one key over.

[BRC]

OK, I can verify that these will work.

84. Collect every useless item you find along the way. This includes parts of the scenery, silverware from the abandoned mansion you find, and even the tattered cloths off rotting corpses. If you want to spice it up, collect the remains of every enemy you defeat.


I have a paranoia player who does this everytime I mention an item that comes into his possesion he writes it on a card in case he can use it later. Any item, mop handles, expended lazer barrels, portable screens, suspicously damaged bot brains, everything.

[Ruerl]

And here is a list of things from your numbers that i'd be able to get away with since my regulair DM considers them roleplaying and won't punish his players for not following a railroad plot :smallwink:

3: But I expect some other reprecussions, none too serious if the old man was socially unimportant though.
5: Oh he'd incorporate it and use it against me, but he's too evil to just kill me off ;)
7: He'd do the same if the motivation for his character was'nt good enough.
12: I am wondering what's wrong with that one.
13: Talking animals are a crime against nature! Kill it!
19: Nothing wrong in being paranoid -they are after me after all, and if the DM uses such old boring traps, he deserves to have them foiled.
25: Some of the ideas are actually acceptable :smallsmile:
38: Thats encouraged where I play
41: Well if there is a reason to do it, and I do not like cold stormy weather so...
43: Ouch, I think the last time somebody did that there where some words sounding roughly like these *a rough deep throathed voice comes from the servitrice* So sailor, shall I take you from behind with my -------- (you guess the meaning of the censorship, but I shall not type it here, only let you know that the word contains exactly that number of letters and is a part of the female anatomy -and yes, our humour is *that* twisted).
49: Gotta do that someday!
51: Ditto -he's my enemy, why should I wait if I don't want to chat with him? (see 38)
54: Well we *all* know that black is SO out of fashion! Offcourse I must insult him for his fashion sense, if he want to rule the world, at least he should do it with style!
56: If the DM was running a cliché adventure I could actually justify that.
59: I shudder at the implications (see 43)
63: Would get killed by the party before the DM lifted a finger, but good one.
81: I love this one, except I would'nt argue with my DM like that, I could however very well have my character settle down to exploit the locals if they where exploitable *cough*pillarofsocietyIam*cough*
??: Speaking only in Haiku? Damn, if a player could do that i'd give him praise for being in-character.
82: I could see myself doing just that, makes it easier to fit into the society -I would need a purpose such as that for it before asking though.

On the serious note in the end however, my DM would only instant kill any of our characters for something that would be serious enough to end the campaign because it simply ruined it, or alternativedly something that would make him kick one of us from the campaign.

[Gaelbert]

88. Make a character with the same name as the DMs sister or loved one and act like a total 51(_)7

[leperkhaun]

89. find a solution to the adventure that throws out a month of work on the DM's part.

90. killing his favorite NPC

[The Duskblade]

I love it. I absolutely LOVE it.

I belive I might just make heavy use of an online translator in our games :smallsmile:

As for my contribution

91. Take one dwarven Defender. Add Con/armour boosting stuff (As much as possible) And give him two shields (Two tower shields for extra points). Use Defensive stance and total defence as much as possible. Spell casters will come calling :smallsmile:

[Tengu]

92. Eat all DM's food you can find. Not limited to the one at a table - rummage through his house, looking for it, empty his fridge et cetera.

93. In the middle of the game, start doing something loud and disruptive, for example listen to some (preferably god-awful) music or play on a gaming console. Say that you're still paying attention to the game and are waiting for the boring stuff to pass.

[Dareon]

94: Play a Wizard, and prepare only Prestidigitation in every single spell slot. Use it to clean yourself immediately every time something touches you or you are forced to touch something. Walking on the floor included, if you feel like. If anyone asks, explain that you are killing the invisible demons.

95: Get your DM to approve a Monk/Bard multiclass. There are a few variants out you can use, but the key point is that you should play it up that you could handle anything thrown at you. When he or she finally agrees, RUIN the concept in execution. Wis and Cha as dump stats. Weapons and heavy armor you're not proficient with. All your skill ranks in Profession (dungsweeper) or similarly lowly occupations. Work all this into your backstory, for instance claiming that the two-bladed sword was your father's, the armor is because he has a pathological fear of getting hurt, and the professions... You're on your own there, really. If this character actually sees play, scream if anyone tries to touch you. If he sees actual COMBAT, immediately begin removing your armor. If you succeed and there's still at least one enemy, move so you provoke as many AoOs as possible before swinging your exotic weapon. Or firing it in melee, potentially provoking another AoO, in case you took a ranged weapon.

96: Play solitaire during the game session. Claim you're waiting for something engaging. Keep playing solitaire, even while describing your character's actions in combat. Works best with a gag or otherwise odd deck, like one with naked women on the cards. Also works well if you suddenly put down the cards and pay great attention when the party beds down for the night, and get very excited about being on watch. Immediately begin playing solitaire again if anything happens on your watch.

97: Bring 20 character sheets already written up to the table. Doesn't matter if you already know which rules you'll be running by or not. Alternatively, if you make your characters in the first session, make five at once, asking the DM about various options for each of them, without telling him which one you're referring to. Get really attached to one of them, likely the one the DM was most hesitant about allowing, then suddenly change your mind and play a different one (at random works best) just as the DM is beginning his intro. Insist that you're playing this one now, without even looking at it until you need to roll something.

98: Cheat like crazy right out in the open. Change your die rolls to the maximum number two seconds after they stop rolling, obviously erase something from your character sheet and write something else in just before rolling something, and make very obvious lies prefaced with "Um..." when the DM asks you a question.

[Kurald Galain]

I've actually had this happen to me... my character was attacked by something big, IIRC an ogre. However, I had the "displacement" spell active, in 2nd ed; this is a weaker variant of Mirror Image that basically means the first attack against you automatically misses, and you gain a minor bonus to armor class for the remainder of the spell duration.

So DM states I was hit for a somewhat painful amount of damage. I respond that since this was the first attack, my spell should have caused it to miss. DM rules okay, but proceeds to have all monsters in the encounter target me exclusively with all their attacks, until my character dies, then had my other character taken captive by highly intelligent, creative and strategically-minded zombies.

[Toric]

99. In a Star Wars campaign, attempt to recreate the Endor Holocaust (http://www.theforce.net/swtc/holocaust.html) on another inhabited moon or planet.

[Josef]

100! Play any character with (or without) the perform skill, and whenever things get the slightest bit dull roll a d20 and say 'I got a [insert result] on my perform check'. I had a sorcerer who did this as well as being badly designed (a shadow adept without many useful spells). He eventually got killed by soem ice strom spell, and then my next character (after waiting two sessions to arrive) got killed by a bodak in the first ten minutes.

[Person_Man]

101: Announce that you've optimized your PC so well that, "He can be killed."

[UserClone]

Is that really true?
I've had no such problems.
Haiku are easy.

:smallwink:

Yer haiku ain't right
only six syllables in
the second line down
:smalltongue:

[Runolfr]

29: Ask for the name of every NPC you make contact with. Every. Last. One.

I shall hunt you down and destroy you. [/frustrated DM]

[Runolfr]

Quote Monty Python.

Nope. As a DM, that amuses me. In fact, in their latest adventure, the party encountered a group of kobolds looking down on them from a cliff and taunting them in outrageous accents.

[psychoticbarber]

Yer haiku ain't right
only six syllables in
the second line down
:smalltongue:

Oh crap I guess I
Counted that one wrong. Perchance
You will forgive me.