One shot plot set

[Josato]

The two kingdom has finally come to a peaceful accord. The wedding of the kings children are held in neutral territory. The heroes are each brought to this wedding as security for a lord who secretly hired them to investigate the grounds and anything suspicious.


The villian wants to cause discord between the two kingdoms so she can lay her undying army at a divided country ( divide & conquer etc.) In turn removing the chain of command in both kingdoms to aid her goals.

First her plan is to use the duke to access the building setting up teleportation for the bride and groom. Then causing the duke into a dragon to cause confusion and chaos.

The heroes will be given time to find the teleportation glyph,
Find out who is supporting her and figure out who this villian is and foil her plot.

So how does this sound so far? Any help is appreciated.

[Tiadoppler]

First glance:
Please provide names (at least placeholder names) for each character/location and describe who/what they are. At the moment, this seems like a first draft of a high concept for a game. If you want useful feedback from the community, try expanding on what you already have.



What you have:

There was a war. There's peace now. There will be a wedding as part of the peace treaty. The heroes are independent security contractors hired by a third party.

The villain doesn't want peace. The villain has an immortal(?) army, but wants to weaken both kingdoms before invading. The villain can teleport and turn people into dragons.



How I would write a second draft:

King Plottus rules Plotopia. His eldest daughter and heir is named Princess Subplot.
Duke Patsy is a major noble of Plotopia. He is under the unwitting control of Villain.

King Settus rules Settingopolis. His eldest son and heir is named Prince Subset.
Lord Questgiver is a minor noble of Settingopolis. He is extremely suspicious of Plotopia.


For a hundred years, Plotopia and Settingopolis have been at war. After tens of thousands of deaths, the two kings met in person for secret negotiations, and came up with a compromise that would end the slaughter. They have arranged a marriage (how do Subplot and Subset feel about the arranged marriage?) between their heirs, which will unite the two kingdoms into one, more powerful nation.

In between Plotopia and Settingopolis is a tiny, independent, trading town called Wretchedhive. Wretchedhive is neutral in the war between Plotopia and Settingopolis, and has served as a source of smugglers into both kingdoms. The wedding of Subplot and Subset will take place here, guarded by the armies of both kingdoms. On the day of their wedding, Subplot and Subset will become the equal rulers of Wretchedhive, to gain experience in leadership until the day their parents die, and they take over as rulers of both kingdoms.

Lord Questgiver is a loyal subject of King Settus, but he's been at war the the 'Plotty's for his entire life, and cannot bring himself to trust them. No matter what treaties has been signed, and how peaceful things are at the moment, he cannot lower his guard and trust a Plotty. For that reason, he's decided to hire a team of investigators (the PCs) to keep a close eye on the wedding planning in Wretchedhive, specifically to watch for any sign of Plotty deceit.

Meanwhile, Duke Patsy of Plotopia is being manipulated by the Villain. The Villain does not want peace between Plotopia and Settingopolis, and intends to sabotage the wedding in Wretchedhive. Villain has used Duke Patsy to gain access to the secret wedding location (a small, ancient chapel in the outskirts of Wretchedhive) and has begun to set up a teleportation circle in the sub-basement.

On the wedding day, Villain intends to kill the wedding guests (including King Plottus and King Settus) and kidnap the couple (Subplot and Subset), plunging both kingdoms into chaos. Using mind control on the heirs of both kingdoms, and supported by a secret undead army, Villain will be able to add both kingdoms to his nation of the undead.

[Tiadoppler]

Advice on getting advice:

When you ask for constructive criticism, the way to get valuable advice is to use more words, and explain your situation and idea as clearly and specifically as possible. Let's say I'm designing a kingdom from scratch.

There's a kingdom in the mountains.

There's a small kingdom in a mountain valley, along a river.

In a remote mountain valley, there is a small kingdom called Willowvale, named for the many healthy willow trees along the banks of the river Stonespray.

In a remote mountain valley, there is a small kingdom called Willowvale, named for the many healthy willow trees along the banks of the river Stonespray. Willowvale is a peaceful land ruled by King Rogok, a strongly built half-orc man, and his queen, Tetha, a slim human woman.

In a remote mountain valley, there is a small kingdom called Willowvale, named for the many healthy willow trees along the banks of the river Stonespray. Willowvale is a peaceful land ruled by King Rogok, a strongly built half-orc man, and his queen, Tetha, a slim human woman. King Rogok is a loud and boisterous scholar and linguist who loves wordplay and spirited debate. Queen Tetha rarely engages in argument and prefers to listen and think carefully before speaking.

In a remote mountain valley, there is a small kingdom called Willowvale, named for the many healthy willow trees along the banks of the river Stonespray. Willowvale is a peaceful land ruled by King Rogok, a strongly built half-orc man, and his queen, Tetha, a slim human woman. King Rogok is a loud and boisterous scholar, linguist, and epicure who loves wordplay and spirited debate. Queen Tetha rarely engages in argument and prefers to listen and think carefully before speaking.

When meeting foreign dignitaries for the first time, King Rogok likes to arrange a feast in the great hall, lit by simple torches and fires, with vast quantities of undercooked meats. He speaks slowly, loudly, without grammar, and using only the most basic words. He judges diplomats' intelligence based on how long it takes them to discover that he's screwing with them.

Many foreign nations do not realize that the softspoken and reserved Queen Tetha is the actual monarch of Willowvale, and Rogok is simply her husband, with an honorary title of King (according to Willowvale's traditions, neither title is considered inherently superior to the other). Rogok is free to be loud, obvious, and distracting, as Tetha manages the kingdom's prosperity. It is not uncommon for a stupid or inexperienced diplomat to spend an entire evening attempting to explain the correct use of silverware to (a highly amused) King Rogok, as the actual negotiations take place in a quiet corner of the hall.

My preference is to wait until Draft 5 or Draft 6 before asking for feedback or advice. Until then, there's simply not enough detail for anybody to respond to. I would feel comfortable letting a party of PCs wander into Draft 6 and letting them explore, because I have enough high-concept to make the kingdom feel real.