Steven Seagal Nearly Ruined My Life! (sort of)

[FoE]

Anyone who reads the thread "Most Touching Character Death" in Media Discussions will know I'm no fan of Steven Seagal. Posting there brought back the awful memories of he nearly ruined my life (sort of).

Mostly, I hate his action scenes. His acting stinks, but I especially hate how the bad guys in his movies are COMPLETELY INCAPABLE of hurting him. Even if they're in large groups, they only attack one at a time, and no one can ever match his level of skill. In The Glimmer Man, Seagal took one punch, and that was only because he basically let the guy!

But I have another legitimate reason for hating that fat, pony-tailed son of a bitch: he nearly lost me my job.

Ever see Exit Wounds? It was filmed in Calgary back in 2000, when I was working for the City of Calgary public works department. One day, they were filming this big shootout involving Seagal and this big red helicopter with a yellow-smiley face on the side, like this. :smallsmile:

Anyway, my routine involved getting downtown at an ungodly hour to ride the bus. But on this particular day, they changed the bus schedule to accomodate shooting, and I got to work TWO HOURS LATE!! As it was, my boss thoroughly chewed me out. Luckily, I wasn't fired, which would have been horribly inconvenient for me because I was a starving student at the time trying to put myself through Evil Journalism School!

Now, I'll grant you that Steven Seagal didn't intentionally inconvenience me. I'll also grant you that I hated that job and was very bad at it. Finally, I'll grant you that my foreman hated my guts and once marked me 30 seconds late.

But what really irks me about the whole thing is that Exit Wounds was so goddamn BAD!!! Like, it's one thing to nearly ruin my life, but it wasn't even in the service of a good movie!

What do you think? Am I crazy? Or do I have a legitimate reason for revenge?

P.S. If you have any stories for wanting revenge against celebrities OTHER than making bad stories,writing bad books, etc. etc. feel free to share them.

[GimliFett]

What do you think? Am I crazy? Or do I have a legitimate reason for revenge?

Revenge against that no-talent hack? Go for it! :smallsmile:
Whatcha got planned? Oh and how'd your journalism schooling go? That's always a good way to go. :smallbiggrin:

[FoE]

I'm not sure how I will carry out my revenge, but challenging him to a fight is probably a bad idea. And my vengeance won't involve hi-jacking a Navy destroyer, killing an ex-partner, dumping toxic waste or trying to drive Inuit tribes out of their ancestral homes. That's just BEGGING to get taken down.

P.S. I finished school, and I'm currently the editor of my own evil newspaper. (Of course, there's only two people in the newsroom, so it's really just a title.) We publish lies, slander and sensationalized bullcrap. :smallbiggrin:

@V: No matter. My hatred shall burn forever. My family has a long history of long-standing grudges for even the slightest grievance. My father refused to shop at the neighborhood confectionary for over a decade because he thought someone once over-charged him for milk. My uncle left his wife because she said he didn't do a very good job of painting the garage. I haven't spoken to my brother in five years because he stole one of my socks. :smallwink:

[Bob_the_Mighty]

You know, that was in the year 2000. Your rant is seven years late.

But, I will say that Steven Segal makes the worst drinks ever. Has anyone here ever had his energy drinks? The blue one thats flavored after some type of berry is the single worst drink I've ever had. It tastes like a combination of alchohol, rotten tomatoes, and yak piss. At least, what I perceive the combination of those three to taste like.

[Om]

I eagerly await the day that Seagal's career has collapsed to the point where he is available for hire at children's parties.

[BlackStaticWolf]

I eagerly await the day that Segal's career has collapsed to the point where he is available for hire at children's parties.

I thought it already had.

[Tom_Violence]

I eagerly await the day that Seagal's career has collapsed to the point where he is available for hire at children's parties.

My worst birthday ever was when that bastard threw me through some iron railings and I died!

[Midnight Son]

You know, that was in the year 2000. Your rant is seven years late.

But, I will say that Steven Segal makes the worst drinks ever. Has anyone here ever had his energy drinks? The blue one thats flavored after some type of berry is the single worst drink I've ever had. It tastes like a combination of alchohol, rotten tomatoes, and yak piss. At least, what I perceive the combination of those three to taste like.Well I see your problem. Yak Piss makes for a very poor mixed drink, but is excellent when fermented on it's own.

[smellie_hippie]

To recover from bad Steven Segal, watch that Kurt Russell movie on the airplane (I dunno the name of it). Steven Segal is in the movie as well...


He dies in the first 15 minutes!

[Cyborg Pirate]

*reads OP*

:smallconfused:

...issues much?

Tho you Are completely correct in that SS's movies are a pile of crap.

[OverdrivePrime]

Steven Seagal has done one good movie in his entire life. After Under Siege, I would have preferred if the universe eliminated him... preferably in a grease fire at Wendy's or something equally ignominious.


Sort of opposite to the OP, I keep a short list of celebrities that I think are cool enough to invite to a barbeque at my house with a few other friends. The list:
Wil Wheaton
Bruce Campbell
Vin Diesel
Aisha Tyler
Dolph Lundgren
Billy Boyd
Alyson Hannigan
Neil Patrick Harris
Seth Green

[Skippy]

If I had a party with celebrities, I'd just invite hot chicks. No cool action guys, or comedians...

[Alyorbase]

Sort of opposite to the OP, I keep a short list of celebrities that I think are cool enough to invite to a barbeque at my house with a few other friends. The list:
Wil Wheaton


Wait, didn't Wil Wheaton play Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: TNG...if I'm right about that, can I come to your party so i can set him on fire?:smallamused:

[dehro]

my list:

jessica alba,
monica bellucci,
asia argento,
scarlet johansson,
halle berry,
salma hayek,
jennifer love-hewitt,
joss stone,
nicole kidman,
caterine zeta-jones and elisha cuthbert
no other friends, and a lot of booze...


why? I like favourable odds...that's why. :biggrin:

[OverdrivePrime]

Wait, didn't Wil Wheaton play Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: TNG...if I'm right about that, can I come to your party so i can set him on fire?:smallamused:

That's it, Alyorbase, you and me's a-feudin'! :smallfurious:

Just kidding, I can understand why some trekkers hate his character. Even if they are a bunch of old fuddy-duddy sticks in the mud. :smallwink:

Back when I was 14, Wesley Crusher was my hero! It's very gratifying to see what a cool guy he's turned into in real life. (http://www.wilwheaton.net/) I hear he just gave the opening talk at PAX this year.

[Dragonrider]

Yeah, Wesley could be annoying, but Wil Weaton is awesome if only for that column he did in Dungeon Magazine for a while. :smallamused: After reading that, I find in my heart that it's much easier to be charitable to smarmy little Wes. :smallwink:

[Tweekinator]

To recover from bad Steven Segal, watch that Kurt Russell movie on the airplane (I dunno the name of it). Steven Segal is in the movie as well...


He dies in the first 15 minutes!


Executive Decision.

[FoE]

Wil Wheaton also did a really great column in "The Onion" called "Games of our Lives" that was really funny. But for some reason he doesn't write it anymore. :smallfrown:

Oh, and I don't have ISSUES! The next poster who says that gets a punch in the face! Yeah, take that, my neglective Father!!!! This is for never being there when I was growing up!!

(Face of Evil starts crying, runs upstairs)

[ranger89]

What do you think? Am I crazy? Or do I have a legitimate reason for revenge?

I don't know if you're crazy or not. I'm just happy that I'm not the only one that will hold a grudge around her. The celebrity section of grudge is quite long and distinguished. Number 1: Julia "I have a face like a fish" Roberts. I've hated her for so long that I can't even remember why I started hating her in the first place. Aside from her fish face, I mean.

Here's my BBQ List:
Bruce Campbell
Jason Lee
Kristen Bell
Bridget Fonda
Bill Murray
Amanda Peet
Nathan Fillion
Seth Rogen
Luke Wilson
Elizabeth Banks
and Jada Pinket (w/o her husband)

[FoE]

THAT'S NOT FAIR, RANGER89! It's really more like a jack-o-lantern. :smallbiggrin:

I'm happy to see Bruce Campbell is on so many people's barbecue lists. That is very — dare I say it — groovy.