3.5e Crazy merchant ideas. Troll(not the monster) items

[BloodSnake'sCha]

Hello guys :)

I want to make my party meet a crazy merchant that will sell them troll items.

I need something funny for the group, not to kill them or do something permanent.

I am looking for ideas.

What I have is(I am bad with stuff like that):
Explosive Rune scrolls - 400gp:
Come with a seal. Explode in your face when you read this magical scroll.
After a day it will reseal itself and be ready to the new user.

[flappeercraft]

Potion of Spiderclimbing: When someone drinks this, all spiders that see him/her will gi and climb onto him but not necessarily attack him.

Bottle of air: Just a regular empty bottle

Ring of deflection: Lets you deflect any insults back at the one who told them to you

[Goaty14]

Ring of Many wishes:
-When the wearer makes a wish, a magic mouth appears and says

You have reached make a wish hotline #387, and you are #10981 in waiting, please bide your time as an informed representative reaches your call> or something like that while it plays elevator music that doesn't stop until the ring is taken off. It's probably cursed that nothing but universal solvent can remove it.

[Andor13]

A scroll of Rock to Stone
Decanter of Endless Insults
A wand of wine to water
A potion of cure light hides
+1 flaming nose ring (enchantment not transferable)

[Nifft]

Wand of cure light wands (does not work on non-wands)

Ring of Fire Detection (range: touch)

Dehydrated Water (empty box)

Improvable Rod (mundane masterwork rod, suitable for enchantment)

[Bulhakov]

Search the forum for threads with "magic items" in the title. There were quite a few good ones.
e.g. http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?521003-Discount-magic-items!
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?550137-Help-me-come-up-with-magic-items-you-don-t-want-to-loot
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?399328-List-of-Mostly-Useless-Magic-Items

[DrMotives]

My favorite from previous editions is the "ring of bureaucratic wizardry". It's like the useful DMG item "ring of wizardry" but whenever the wearer casts a spell, a quill pen and some forms appear in the caster's hands. The forms take 1 round per spell level to complete, and ask things like the purpose for why the caster is trying to use a given spell. After the paperwork is finished, it disappears and the spell goes off, delayed but otherwise cast as normal.

[BowStreetRunner]

Net of Snarking - a Net of Snaring that make snide and sharply critical comments about the person attempting to use it. (If you actually roll a 1 on an attack roll with this item it goes on a tirade for a full minute afterward.)

Deck of Many Tithings - appears and functions similar to a Deck of Many Things except that each card represents a tax that the person drawing the card must pay (it is magically collected from them).

The Orbs of Koboldkind - each orb contains the essence and personality of a long deceased kobold. Other than that, they don't actually do anything.

[Nifft]

Cube of Farce - Similar to a cube of force (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#cubeofForce), but the force walls are only capable of hedging out mimes.

Ring of Wizardly - The wearer appears to be a Wizard. However, this does not provide any bonus to Disguise checks.

Boots of Frying - These boots can be cooked (in a pan with butter) and eaten. They don't taste good, but they do provide nutrition sufficient for a single meal.

[Falontani]

Uncursed Girdle of Opposite Alignment (normal price)
Potion of Enlarge "Person" (doesn't make your whole body bigger) 50 gp
Potion of Swift Swim (male fertility potion) 25 gp
"Outfit" of Enhanced Confidence: 1/day gain +6 bonus to Charisma and Constitution checks for 1 hour. Slotless item. Must be showing to gain the benefit. 7k GP
Tablets of Pain Relief 30 charges: eases pain. if all 30 are used at once then the spell Empyreal Ecstasy is cast on you at CL 13, standard action to destroy a tablet 80 gp
Potion of Tongues: Grow two more tongues, tongues grow a foot. Lasts for a half hour. 150 GP; Makes it difficult to speak granting a 20% spell failure on any spell with a verbal component
Ring of Shielding: Female contraceptive, 2k gp
Collar of Dominance: The wearer is under the effects of Dominate Person, everyone else is considered the caster. At any point the wearer can freely say the word, "stop" and the effect is dismissed until the collar is taken off and put back on, no command can prevent the wearer from saying the word "stop". The wearer forgoes a will save if they donned the collar willingly, otherwise it is DC 17. 10k GP

[Karl Aegis]

What exactly is a troll item? The example given is a self-resetting trap that is potentially deadly to the general populace. +1 Arrow of Anarchy? Potentially creates a wight unless the holder has the right alignment.

[Falontani]

What exactly is a troll item? The example given is a self-resetting trap that is potentially deadly to the general populace. +1 Arrow of Anarchy? Potentially creates a wight unless the holder has the right alignment.

It seems to just be items that don't do what you would think they do from their name

[Albions_Angel]

(Ironically enough, these are reposted from some items I created for a 5e thread nearly 3 years ago)

Amulet of Recursion: A pendent with an Ouroborus design. Remains in the wearers possession until a chest or storage device is opened, when the pendent appears in the chest or storage device, often covered in dust. Happens every time a chest or storage device is opened.

Wand of Recursion: When a charge is expended, the wand recharges by one charge. 50 charges.

Book of Recursion: Strongly magical book containing 2 pages. First page is blank save for a page number. Second page only contains the phrase "Turn to page 1".

Amulet of Recursion: A pendent with an Ouroborus design. Remains in the wearers possession until a chest or storage device is opened, when the pendent appears in the chest or storage device, often covered in dust. Happens every time a chest or storage device is opened.

Ring of Recursion: Forces the wearer to relive the most embarrassing moment of their life once every 1d4 hours. This causes disadvantage in combat and social situations for 10 minutes unless wearer passes DC15 Cha save. Wearer can share effects to one touched intelligent creature every time the save is failed which must also make the save.

Amulet of Recursion: A pendent with an Ouroborus design. Remains in the wearers possession until a chest or storage device is opened, when the pendent appears in the chest or storage device, often covered in dust. Happens every time a chest or storage device is opened.

Coin of Recursion: A small coin that bonds with the first item it buys. After being exchanged for that item, and subsequently any item of that type, the coin reappears in the users coin pouch. Bonding item cannot exceed apparent value of the coin. Only known examples appear as copper coins.

Quill of Recursion: Only writes Recursion. Can write in many colours and styles at will, but will force writer to continue writing until at least two of every colour/style combination previously used has been written.

Amulet of Recursion: A pendent with an Ouroborus design. Remains in the wearers possession until a chest or storage device is opened, when the pendent appears in the chest or storage device, often covered in dust. Happens every time a chest or storage device is opened.

[Hiro Quester]

Give your party caster a "ring of spels". It's cursed with the misspell metamagic. Every Spell cast has a 50% chance of being misspelled. See http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Misspell_(3.5e_Spell). Some of these are hilarious.

[TheYell]

Balloon Golem: A Tiny Humanoid construct weighing 1/2 lbs and capable of lifting 1 lb,, cannot wield arms or shield or armor, has 1 HP and a Hardness of 1. Can use magic items and start fires. Will obey commands to travel within 30 ft of the owner.

Coup Stick A blunt lance that does no damage but forces the struck target to roll a Will save against being shaken for one round.

Tail Bells : Brass bells that ring audibly for 50 ft when the tail wags.

Demonic Summons Orders a target to appear in a noble court not less than two days travel to argue about a debt of 100 gp he does not owe, or forfeit that amount. If he fails to appear, he is pursued by 1 imp, 3 imps, 5 imps, 7 imps, 11 imps, and then 13 imps who want to collect or fight.

Wicked Laird Pie Mix A metal tub containing enough premade pie crust mix to cover a corpse. Just add water.

[BowStreetRunner]

Amulet of Recursion: A pendent with an Ouroborus design. Remains in the wearers possession until a chest or storage device is opened, when the pendent appears in the chest or storage device, often covered in dust. Happens every time a chest or storage device is opened.

[Blu]

Cloak of weird nondetection this dark cloak is encased in shadows and makes the wearer better at hiding. The user gains a +20 bonus to move silently checks he makes.
When the user tries to sneak, meaning he is making a move silently check, a mouth appears at the back of the cloak and starts screaming, granting the user a -20 penalty to move silently checks.

[Telonius]

The Goggles. Goggles enchanted with a permanent Magic Aura spell. They do nothing.

Wing of Lizardry. Summons a salamander (the small lizard, not the fire creature) once per day.

Grue Repellent. Guaranteed to repel any grue in the area. Must be effective, since no grue have been seen in the area for decades.

Old lamp. Really plain, needs some dusting. The merchant seems unwilling to part with it, giving excuses that it's really a junky old thing, not worth the time of adventurers such as yourselves. Some strange lettering can be seen beneath a layer of tarnish, but nothing more. If pressed, he'll agree to let it go for 20gp. It's actually just a regular lamp. The inscription reads, "Replica of a genie's lamp" in an obscure language.

[Bulhakov]

Fun generator of random magic items: http://rustyandco.com/extras/magicitemgenerator/