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azule74
2007-08-30, 05:49 PM
Okay so here is the set up. My group and I are about to walk into a huge battle with at least 2 dragons, from the information that I have been able to uncover it is going to be a Blue and a Red. I know the DM well enough that as a fighter, which I am, with out a magical bow I will be standing there for a while. I am looking to throw out some good insults to the dragons to try to get them to come and attack me. Please help. Here is what I have come up with so far.

For the blue: "Your mother was a Bronze Dragon"
For the red: "Your mother Copper Dragon"
"You are so ugly that even Tiamat doesn't like you"
"Your skin will make a nice shield! See your cousin has already fallen to this group (hold up the white dragon shield)"
"My cohort can fly better than that."
"You call that a breath weapon? Talk to our Cat folk in the morning, now that is a breath weapon!" (we have a cat folk ranger in the group)
"You call that a frightful presence? You should see Trallara in the morning! Now that is scary." (Trallara is a female cohort Bard in the group)


The PC’s in the group:
1-Dragon Born: Fighter
1-Draconic Elf: Fighter/Champion of Corellon Larethian
1-Dwarf: Cleric/war priest
1-Elf: Favored Soul
1-Elf: Wizard
1-Elf: Bard (cohort to the Wizard)
1-very young Brass Dragon (Dragon Born’s cohort)
1-Elf: Rogue
1-Cat Folk: Ranger, that has an obsession with eating mice. Go figure

Thank you in advance for your help.

Fax Celestis
2007-08-30, 05:52 PM
"Hey! You! Yeah, the ugly red lizard! Quit beating up on that scrawny blue thing and take on an even match! Or are you scared of getting your ass kicked by a 'little manling'?"

Iudex Fatarum
2007-08-30, 05:54 PM
Are you the dragon born, if so, "I'm more dragon than you ever have been" simple and to the point

Glyphic
2007-08-30, 05:54 PM
Tease them about making magenta children.

azule74
2007-08-30, 05:57 PM
Yes I am the Dragon Born.

SpiderKoopa
2007-08-30, 06:02 PM
Insult the red's sense of pride. Talk about how any other type of dragon is far superior in every way. Give little tidbits like, "You know, the breath of red is supposed to be so great, you know, I find personally that gold breaths are far superior... well, actually now that I think about it, golds are just about better at everything." etcetera...

TheAlmightyOne
2007-08-30, 06:03 PM
In my experience trashtalking a dragon is rarely a good idea. Although challenging them to a dance-off is the best way to attract their attention. Everyone knows dragons can't resist a good old 70's dance off. (Arrange with the other players that while your DM goes into a lengthy arguement about how dragons CAN resist a dance-off challenge they swap the dice for a fixed one. Either bad dragon rolls or good party rolls, whichever you prefer)

The above plan worked for me against a small army of goblins.

Ralfarius
2007-08-30, 06:03 PM
"Is that your face, or does your butt have a cone of fire/line of lightning attack?"

"I find your propensity toward accumulating monetary wealth through violent means of highly dubious sensibility!"

"Your mother was a shocker lizard, and your father stank of lizardfolk!"

daggaz
2007-08-30, 06:08 PM
The Will Smith approach: Bring a big bag of lizards, dump them out on the ground, and start crushing them under your heel one by one.

Fax Celestis
2007-08-30, 06:10 PM
The Will Smith approach: Bring a big bag of lizards, dump them out on the ground, and start crushing them under your heel one by one.

No, no, bring a bag of subdued red and blue wyrmlings. Or eggs!

InkEyes
2007-08-30, 06:13 PM
Might I recommend some good, old-fashioned French Taunting (http://www.mwscomp.com/movies/grail/grail-08.htm)?

Some other options might be along the lines of "Your mother was a hideous, hairless ape!" or "I've seen level 1 commoners who could hit harder than that!"

Magi_Ring_O
2007-08-30, 06:14 PM
"Seriously, sharpen your claws. A blind farmer with a dull pitchfork could do more damage than you with those claws. Ugh, what a disgrace to dragon kind."

daggaz
2007-08-30, 06:14 PM
Heh yeah, I was just going to say something along those lines... like..

A dragon egg chamber pot, which you use in its presence.
A wyrmling dragonskin waterskin, full of wine.
Baby dragonhead slippers.
Adult sized diapers, made of dragonskin, which you crap in and throw away. (wear them over your armor).
etc etc..

smart thog
2007-08-30, 06:22 PM
I constantly dis dragons, and die quite often, but its worth it. here are some good ones. "Wow, so Tiamat does engage in incest, you two are living proof. well if you can call your what you do living", say to the blue "you play jazz, right?" to the red "you look pink rather than red to me, is your excuse for a breath weapon a cone of flowers?" and do not forget the "Yo goddess so (insert insult here)" jokes

Silkenfist
2007-08-30, 06:23 PM
You don't need to stand around. Get yourself something that lets you fly (Alter, Polymorph, Fly, something), then approach the Dragon and try to Rodeo ride it.

AKA_Bait
2007-08-30, 06:28 PM
"I didn't know we were fighting pseudodragons!"

"Oh good, more teeth for my necklace"

"Hey, you, slightly pink scaly fellow, mind roasting a few marshmellows for me? I don't have any but your shiny blue friend over there seems close enough."

Setra
2007-08-30, 06:31 PM
"You couldn't solve a riddle to save your life"

The Glyphstone
2007-08-30, 06:36 PM
Insulting them by making comments about Tiamat might not be healthy - gods automatically become aware whenever someone mentions them...and if your DM is vindictive enough, Tiamat might get upset that you're trash-talking her and decide to DO something about it...

azule74
2007-08-30, 06:39 PM
Insulting them by making comments about Tiamat might not be healthy - gods automatically become aware whenever someone mentions them...and if your DM is vindictive enough, Tiamat might get upset that you're trash-talking her and decide to DO something about it...

While this is a very valid point, but I don't care. So bring them on! Plus our DM may get a little frustrated, but then they will just come and attack me. :smallcool:

leperkhaun
2007-08-30, 06:42 PM
Id kill you but your horde is too small to make any money on.

Setra
2007-08-30, 06:45 PM
As a note, many dragons hate being compared to "lesser species", also, they're arrogant about their intelligence.. so maybe something like..

"I've met a Gully Dwarf smarter than you!"

Replace Gully Dwarf with whatever fits.

ShneekeyTheLost
2007-08-30, 06:48 PM
"You listen to me, you son of a Kobold..."

(to a male dragon) "Oh, I see... you're a Fairy Dragon... you're more interested in the laddies than the ladies..."

"You call that a breath weapon? You're more likely to kill me with the odor than the <flavor>"

"Hey guys, from now on, Dragon Burgers is off the menu. Stupid might be contagious."

"Two words. Breath Mint."

Setra
2007-08-30, 06:50 PM
(to a male dragon) "Oh, I see... you're a Fairy Dragon... you're more interested in the laddies than the ladies..."
I take offense at that!

Fairy Dragons are awesome.

SilverClawShift
2007-08-30, 06:56 PM
"Baby-blue lookin' troll-humper"

I can't imagine that'll get you anything but a (welcome) facefull of dragon fist.

slexlollar89
2007-08-30, 07:03 PM
"wait, this is a dragon?! HA HA HA HA HA etc...."

"I, I'm sorry... did you, did you just blow crap out of your mouth into my face? Whyat was that supposed to do? You, sir are an ass."

"Wow, i thought we were going to fight fight a dragon, not some old, shriveled, poor, degenerate, sorry, fat, ugly, stupid wizard wanna-be dirt merchant! (seriously, your hoard looks like your private parts: small, worthless, and unapealing to the opposite sex)"

"ahem, attention, all those that will be alive after the next five rounds raise your hands! whoa, not so fast mr shocker lizard, oh i'm terribly sorry you're dire lizard! my ba- wait, you're a DRAGON?! BWA HA HA HA etc..."

good enough?

The_Werebear
2007-08-30, 07:05 PM
Worm! as opposed to Wyrm.

Wow, very impressive fire. A little hotter, and I can do some cooking.

I've seen better hoards come from between sofa cushions.

You're about as scary as a gnome.

azule74
2007-08-30, 07:05 PM
"ahem, attention, all those that will be alive after the next five rounds raise your hands! whoa, not so fast mr shocker lizard, oh i'm terribly sorry you're dire lizard! my ba- wait, you're a DRAGON?! BWA HA HA HA etc..."

good enough?

OMG This one is great!! I am still rolling

slexlollar89
2007-08-30, 07:06 PM
DUDE GNOMES KICK BUTT!!

I demand you take that back!

sorry, i just think gnomes are okay... I mean they are sort of useful, like if you throw them at stuff

Thanks, it is nice to do some lizard... i mean dragon jokes and have them apreciated.

slexlollar89
2007-08-30, 07:15 PM
" Excuse me Mr. dinosaur, I'm in the neiborhood for a greatsword, preferably in a dragons brains, maybe something ut of the bane section, wih a bit of vorpal on there. Well, if yu cant help me i guess I'll have to cut off Tiamats heads the old fashioned way... easilly."

"Perhaps you can help me with a problem i have sir. There is this really whiney village that is complainng abouts some (color) dragons terrorizing the countryside, nd after searching the whole area, i could only find you and you concubine here. I figure you must have seen a drgon somewhere, they are supposed to be powerful after all! By the way sir, fornicating with scaled donkeys is frowned upon in this province, I think you should take your, uh, mistress out of the country."

"my granny has more natural armor than you, and she's a ghost!"

"Hey man could you move? I want to see the dragon. WHAT? you are the dragon?! pshyea right."

CockroachTeaParty
2007-08-30, 08:13 PM
"Done much reading in your apparent waste of a life? Remember all those stories about dragon slayers? Well, seeing as how you're no diamond in the rough, I'd say you're just about to become another children's bedtime story."

"You've got a few gems lodged in your hide there... Come down here and I'll pick them out with my sword for you."

"Where were you when that meteor wiped out the rest of the dinosaurs? Probably hiding from squirrels..."

"Hey! Look! A star sapphire! ... HA! Made ya look!"

"My priceless antique sword's magically enchanted adamantine. But you need to get closer to properly appraise it."

"What kind of self-respecting dragon needs a partner to defend his lair? Do the two of you suck so bad individually you can't help but use the buddy system? Good gods, you really are pathetic..."

Krimm_Blackleaf
2007-08-30, 08:45 PM
I can see it being easy to attack a dragon's pride, cunning, ego or even horde of treasure. Perhaps variable depending on what type.

"This is your layer? Did you take it from ogres? I mean really stupid ogres."

"Did you set those traps up? I swear those were set up to keep wandering livestock mildly annoyed..."(This may work for any BBEG)

"Hah! I carry more gold in my haversack!"

Mithhuan
2007-08-30, 09:09 PM
You must get the dwarf in the party to yell out the classic" Dragons is so stupid"!!:smallbiggrin:

Mewtarthio
2007-08-30, 09:17 PM
Are you the dragon born, if so, "I'm more dragon than you ever have been" simple and to the point

This is undoubtably the best insult in the thread. Seriously, if you wind up with some pre-battle banter, find a way to work it in.

Now, as far as taunts go...

"I'd mock your ability to defend your horde if you had a horde to defend."

"This is priceless. A white and a red working together? Has your fear really reduced you to this?"

"Well, this won't take long. I'd better inform the gnome mayor to draft up the deed to a new mountain."

slexlollar89
2007-08-30, 09:29 PM
"aghh, not another dragon! seriously, i just killed six! Well, I do need the workout... who am i kidding? This isn't a workout!"

"Listen... thts the sound of you about to die."

"Foolish lizard! I have slaughtered scores of dragons more poten than yourself! Prepare to shuffle off this mortal coil and meet with you vile mistress! Bahamut's servant shall end your pathetic life... if you even call this a life! I mean really, your cave looks like a badger dug it for a waste receptacle, and that hoard is so small I would probably just give it away to the villagers (who probably make more anyway). I mean seriously, you can't beat Bahamut, he is like... just awesome. Give up and we'll leave some reamins so you can be resurected."

Hadrian_Emrys
2007-08-30, 09:44 PM
Most of you guys are over thinking the whole thing.

"Don't mind me." *starts looting mid fight*

13_CBS
2007-08-30, 09:58 PM
An efficient and simple way to insult a dragon is simply state that you and your entire race is better than it is. Dragons think they're at the top of the world; just say that that's actually your spot, and that the dragons were only benchwarmers, and they'll be pissed to no end.

The above post is also excellent.

Viscount Einstrauss
2007-08-30, 09:59 PM
"Ooh, fresh armor components!"

"So which one of you wears the pants in this relationship? Oh, wait."

"I'll have to eat either you guys or the starving cow I found outside, and I'd rather save the beef for a special ocassion."

"You'd think a gargantuan-sized creature would have at least diminuitive-sized brains."

"This place is a hole and your treasure is fake."

Setra
2007-08-30, 10:18 PM
Just a random thought.. Not an insult but it'd certainly be funny..

"My your scales are sexy"

"What a fabulous tail"

"Wanna go out with me?"

Hawriel
2007-08-30, 10:19 PM
Things my Rogue has said to dragons.

"ah a new pair of boots"

"Oh look green, now I'll have the full set"

"I do need a new belt to match my boots"

"time to drain the lizard"

"Hay I just named my new Inn, The Toothless Dragon!"

and even though it was said to a vampire lizard king wizard. said by the bard in the party.

"theres a fish on the alter come and get it frog boy!!!" a fish hit the floor one round later so did the bard. it was the last thing he said.

Crazy_Uncle_Doug
2007-08-30, 10:30 PM
"Your mother has a soft, white underbelly!"

Hadrian_Emrys
2007-08-30, 11:02 PM
*lets loose rust monster from it's leash*

Come on people. It really isn't THAT hard to get the job done without all the excess.

Xuincherguixe
2007-08-30, 11:35 PM
"I've seen a lot of dragons in my day, but you're the most sad and pathetic thing I've ever seen. You know just because you live in cave doesn't mean you have to spend all your time in here. Oh wait, you're just terrified that adventurers will kill you. You don't need to worry about that, your stench is making it hard for me to breathe all the way over here *hack* *cough*. When was the last time you took a bath? You know what I don't even want your damn treasure. I'd never be able to get the stench out. After I do the world the favor of taking you out of it I'm just going to leave that filthy disgusting pile where it is. Maybe some scavengers almost but not quite as sad as you are will come along and take it, but unlike you I actually have standards. You know what heres a dagger *toss* I know that sorry sacks like you all realize they don't deserve to live and cut themselves. Actually you know what just give me the damn dagger back. We all know you don't have the guts."


This begs the question though, if you do make a dragon kill itself (not that it would :P) do you get experience for beating the encounter or does the dragon get it for defeating himself?

Jarlax
2007-08-31, 01:05 AM
if your not just looking for verbal then doing anything to their treasure horde will get their attention. throw a flask of acid, alchemists fire or simply cast a spell or effect that will damage the horde in some way.

but no so much that you lose your earnings.

horseboy
2007-08-31, 01:20 AM
You don't need to stand around. Get yourself something that lets you fly (Alter, Polymorph, Fly, something), then approach the Dragon and try to Rodeo ride it.


"My your scales are sexy"

"What a fabulous tail"

"Wanna go out with me?"

The notion of rodeo sex with a dragon just strikes me as extra disturbing.

Oohh: "Tiamat never told you what happened to your father, what me? No, not me, I'm your grand daddy, Tia was calling me daddy all last night!"

Setra
2007-08-31, 02:48 AM
The notion of rodeo sex with a dragon just strikes me as extra disturbing.
Just imagine how the dragon would feel :smalltongue: Especially if it's same-sex.

TranquilRage
2007-08-31, 04:56 AM
Ask your fellow party members if you they think these ones can talk.

Or just turn your back on them like they arn't worth looking at. You could even sit down.

Turn your back on them, debate how old they are then declare "Boring, cant we find something more interesting to kill?"

Shout "Wooo! Free gold for me!"

Calsan
2007-08-31, 05:11 AM
I think you guys forgot the age old clasic:

"Dibs on the Reds skull and that golden bow too"

beholder
2007-08-31, 05:19 AM
when you walk in stop and stare at the dragons. then burst out laughing for ages and ages. after a while, calm down, and look at the rest of the party
" oh good one guys. hahahaha 'big evil dragons' hahahahahahaa"
see if that doesnt piss them off

Duke of URL
2007-08-31, 06:33 AM
"You call that a breath weapon? I've seen garlic-eating half-orcs with stronger breath than that!"

Zim
2007-08-31, 09:24 AM
May your claws crack and break.
May your scales soften and fade.
May your horde be stolen lesser creatures.
May your young never hatch.
May your name be forgotton.

That's some pretty strong dragon to dragon type insults. Gotta hit'em where they're sensitive otherwise it's just namecalling.

azule74
2007-09-01, 09:48 AM
You don't need to stand around. Get yourself something that lets you fly (Alter, Polymorph, Fly, something), then approach the Dragon and try to Rodeo ride it.

Okay, so I am going to try ths to the Red Dragon. Since I am a White Dragon born I think that it will be an even bigger insult!!!

earlblue
2007-09-01, 10:18 AM
"Here Kitty, kitty, kitty..."

"Dragons? What Dragons? The red and blue? Those ain't no dragons! REAL dragons should be bigger."

"Argh! Runaway! Snakes! I hate Snakes!"

O'BeQuiet UWannabe

Freshmeat
2007-09-01, 10:23 AM
Just attack his pride, by barely giving him any attention and failing to acknowledge basic dramatic entrances.

Walk in, glance over at the dragon and say in your most casual voice: "Yo."
Then start looting.

Threeshades
2007-09-01, 10:58 AM
"Thanks for keeping my treasure warm."

"There you have it! You just go away for a few thousand years and when you come back, those winged vermin are all over your money!"

"Excuse me, I think you're sitting on something that belongs to me."

"Look at this mess! It was about time, somebody came to clean up this room... And get rid of that fat lizard over there."

Insert Name Here
2007-09-03, 08:29 AM
"All that fake treasure... how long have you been stealing from kids?"
"Ooh! Inverse tucker's kobolds! Well, you're both scaly, but they're smart. And alive..."

GolemsVoice
2007-09-03, 02:49 PM
"Oh look, armor learned to walk"
"look, your hoard isn't high enough, so it's not the thin air that stops you from thinking clearly. Well, maybe you were born with it."
"if heard that nowadays, even peasants can slaughter dragons. Than WE shall have no problem with two of those lizards."
"My momma said I must not touch the oven when it's hot. Can someone bring me proper gloves?"
"Hmm, dragon lair, dragon hoard, dragon smell, now where's the dragon?" *while you look araound the cave in an inquisitive manner, obviously seeing the wyrms*
"My old professor back at school wondered if old age makes dragons silly andweak, too? Now that does proof it, to dragons, both apparently senile"

Were-Sandwich
2007-09-03, 02:57 PM
Remember, dragons are highly intelligent creatures, and as such are probably going to react to petty insults with disdain. Real intelligent wit and satire are more likely to draw its attention.

slexlollar89
2007-09-03, 04:37 PM
"WELL! Look at this! I wasn't aware they allow trash such as yourself into such establishments (as poor as these accomidations are)! Excuse me, but I must count my gold, and sort my magical acutrements over there, and you are obstructing my path! Sir (if you are of sufficient status to be called such), please shift your rather rediculous and shabby self to the refuse heap in that corner... WHAT? you mean to tell me that the noxious pile i your refuse?! Well, I hardly thought anything could be worth les than yourself."

Dullyanna
2007-09-03, 04:46 PM
Remember, dragons are highly intelligent creatures, and as such are probably going to react to petty insults with disdain.

That, or a breath attack:smallbiggrin: .

Personally, I'd go after the loot, or the eggs if they have any. And don't show off your white dragonscale shield. It won't impress or offend them (Whites are considered the weakest, after all).

Jothki
2007-09-04, 12:13 AM
"I'm looking for a new cohort. Either of you up for it?"

mostlyharmful
2007-09-04, 05:49 AM
OI! MATCHSTICK! (pulls out cigar) LIGHT ME!!!! (only do this if you have improved evasion and a reflex save up the Ying-Yang)

GolemsVoice
2007-09-04, 11:06 AM
"Hey, Dragons! Whats 1 + 1? Come on, this is an easy one, even a kobold could do it... well, probably not, seeing they are descendant from YOU guys."

Telonius
2007-09-04, 11:38 AM
Here's one I've actually used.

Shifter Rogue/Wizard/Master of Masks, after using Evasion to completely dodge a Breath Weapon attack.

"That's all? You ought to be ashamed! For heaven's sake, I'm more of a dragon than you are." (Put on Dragon mask, use breath weapon).

psychoticbarber
2007-09-04, 11:43 AM
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of..."

Nevermind. It's been done :smallwink:.

azule74
2007-09-12, 03:03 PM
Okay so I just found out that I misquoted the number of dragons that we are fighting. There are 4. Red, Blue, Black, and a mystery dragon. Any new suggestions? The fight of the century, at least in my game, goes down on Saturday 4:00 PM MST. Any last ones that I should use?

Nerd-o-rama
2007-09-12, 03:08 PM
"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of..."

Nevermind. It's been done :smallwink:.

How about, "Your mother was a mammal and your father smelt of kerosene"?

No?

AKA_Bait
2007-09-12, 03:10 PM
"Hey look it's 4 parts of Tiamat... get a fly swatter."

Awetugiw
2007-09-12, 04:12 PM
I think the best way to go is the "distracted" insults, like the "Do you think those can talk?" one mentioned earlier. By virtue of being more subtle, they probably have a better chance of actually making the dragons angry.

Wait, what am I saying? Making dragons angry... Ehm... Perhaps the best insult would be "I am sorry oh great beings, I just came in here by accident. I'll be leaving now."

Fax Celestis
2007-09-12, 04:13 PM
How about, "Your mother was a mammal and your father smelt of kerosene"?

No?

"Your mother was a dingleberry and your father liked to pick 'em off when they were young."

Swordguy
2007-09-12, 04:30 PM
"Oh look, the DM's compensating again."

knightsaline
2007-09-12, 08:59 PM
Do you speak draconic? insult them like that! try this one!

DFFERFvvfgrewg, Motyxverrg! bue'wfdwekj snouihjn, itnw?

Translated, this means " Noble language of the superour race, person who carries on incestous relations with your mother? Do you speak it?"

or, try the Ankh-morpork city watch motto.
Fabricati diem, pvnc?

Okizruin
2007-09-12, 11:51 PM
How about "Your kind had been in a war for centuries, no, millenia... Our wars last only a few years at best. Who is truly superior here???" Sorry if it's subpar.

TheOOB
2007-09-13, 12:12 AM
Playing 7th Sea has helped me build up my witty banter, but I get surprisingly little dragons to insult, lets see what I come up with, insulting dragons is difficult because a) you are crunchy and hard to take seriously and b) they have lived long enough that nothing should come as a surprise.

"Hmm, I can't tell if we just entered the dragon's lair or a latrine"

Umarth
2007-09-13, 10:14 AM
No need to worry everyone. This is the one our divinations revealed is only weilding a diminutive quarterstaff.

How do you kill a dragon? *rest of the group* Put spikes in it's shoulderpads.

I see a bigger dragon every time I take a piss.

Solmage
2007-09-15, 12:45 PM
Well, you could always try what someone suggested, a simple "I am looking for some powerful dragons to fight, have you seen any?", but if you really want to entice them to get closer, maybe you need to rethink your strategy:

Simply open a bottle of ketchup and spread it all over yourself. :smalltongue:

smart thog
2007-09-15, 03:53 PM
It is most likely too late but here is a good one.

"Hey You (to the biggest one) when you die could you be in your cool pose? I know that it will be hard for you but I am going to put your head on the tavern I am going to build using the gold from your hoard, if you do not have enough I can borrow some cash. I will name the tavern after you. It will be called "The retarded excuse for a dragon"."

I did this once.

It was awesome!