Botnik and Predictively-Written Spells

[GreatWyrmGold]

Botnik is a website with content related to predictive writing software (which takes a bunch of text, tries to understand what words tend to follow other words, and generates new text based on that). It mostly does so for humorous purposes, most notably with Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-uDnlGJRdk). Recently, I realized they had a tool to let visitors create such predicted texts, both with preset libraries of stuff and with uploaded .txt files.

I decided to pop the entire text of the Spell Compendium for 3.5 into a Notepad document, chop out the beginning and end of the book, save the resulting list of spell descriptions, and send that to Botnik to see what I got.


The subject is not stunned for 1 round per caster level. Sightless creatures in the area with 9 hit points or lower can not be attacked or damaged by the spell. The orbs fly to their designated targets and turn blood red as they suddenly sport long claws of darkness. Also, on a will save or pass out of the winds (though spells cast by a wizard of your own form and becomes nonfunctional). If you have at least 20 feet of the primary target per two caster levels (maximum 5d6), but you lose any extraordinary special abilities of your own form. You can not speak or cast spells while in wolf form, and you gain 1d8 temporary hit points when they equal the character's casting time. Neither attack is used as a standard action. The mount and the smoke trail is a creature with freedom of movement (ph 233).
I just let Botnik run wild, and it shows. This spell seems to have a lot going on—it turns someone into a wolf and makes them immune to stunning, eventually gives them a few temporary hit points, creates orbs that grow darkness claws to attack anyone with at least 10 hit points, and conjures a mount with a ridiculously alkaline smoke trail and freedom of movement. And maybe some other stuff.
Okay, I realize that that's "Player's Handbook," not "potential hydrogen".


You can use a free action to make one ranged attack with a range increment of 10 feet from yourself. If the target is a creature with freedom of movement (ph 233), the spell is cast by a wizard of your own form. However, you are small. The subject gestures as if it were an animated object (mm 14). The victim takes 2d8 points of slashing damage per round (that is not lawful and not good). If you have at least 20 feet of the primary target, the victim must take double damage and 24d10 points of acid damage per caster level (maximum 15d6).
I tried to guide Botnik better this time, and I think this spell is more coherent (though it still has even worse editing problems than the Tome of Magic). It lets you make short-ranged ranged attacks that force the subject to act like an animated object and deals ongoing slashing damage. The target takes double damage and a lot of acid damage if it's at least 20 feet away, though it's not clear whether it takes 15d6 or a ridiculous number of d10's, nor whether this is per-round like the slashing damage. Lawful or good targets seem to be immune to the damage (though not the act-like-an-animated-object), and there are some weird interactions with freedom of movement.


1 standard action range: touch target: you duration: 1 round / level (d) (fire) spell (ph 272) spell resistance: yes (harmless) You touch your body to emanate fire ants (alive). If you choose to strike a target within 30 feet that meets your gaze, it takes 1d6 points of fire damage per caster level (maximum 15d6). If you have at least 20 feet from yourself, spreading glory to your comrades and the being who originally made it. The spell is counterspelled by the spell is cast.
This one is even simpler. You touch yourself and emanate fire ants. It's hard to tell if (alive) is supposed to clarify that the ants are alive or that you don't die from getting bitten by the fire ants, but both seem likely. If you hit someone within 30 feet who met your gaze, they take a bunch of fire damage. But then there are the last two sentences, which say that if you are at least 20 feet from yourself (cue Yo' Mama jokes), you get to spread "glory" to your buddies and whoever made this spell. Also, the spell can be counterspelled by a spell being cast...which I assume is basically like normal counterspelling, but more flexible.


You can not speak or cast spells with somatic components. (see mm 290 for information on skills.) Creatures whose alignment differs from yours on one component take 1d12 points of constitution damage per caster level (maximum 15d12). Creatures damaged by this spell have hardness 5. You gain a +1 round/level saving throw bonuses toward both creatures that fail their saving throws against your breath (page 73) or one creature/level. This effect grants you a bite attack that deals 1d8 points of nonlethal damage per caster level (maximum 10d8) with no loss of damage from critical hits. Like a fireball spell, you assume the physical appearance of fire.
This seems to be a transformation spell which makes you look like fire. It also prevents you from talking or using somatic spells (it does not clarify whether you can use verbal spells). You also deal a crapload of Constitution damage to creatures with slightly differing alignments, though anyone who survives gets some free Hardness out of it. You also get a nonlethal bite attack which doesn't lose damage when you get a critical hit (which is the opposite of what critical hits usually do, right?) There's also a line about getting saving throw bonuses against certain creatures, but...well, that's what happens when your editors get drunk on the job, I guess.


To cast this spell, you hurl a successful craft to the stomach dimension (ac 21). The subject is removed from the creature you touch now. It can harm you or any other creatures (and their equipment). If you are small or smaller size, you can attempt to escape justice? Is a creature with freedom to make another creature's for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction 5/evil?
This removes a creature from another creature by throwing some neat trinket into "the stomach dimension" (I must have missed the latest Planescape book). The subject can thereafter harm you or anyone else it likes. Then the spell begins to wax sorta philosophical before I cut it off.

That was...interesting.
You can try making your own spells here (http://botnik.org/apps/writer/?source=a274dbf2a37bd0ec7bd65140aaaf7dbb) if you want. If I've interpreted the URL correctly, that should let you use the .txt I uploaded, but I'm not sure.

[Necroticplague]

Interesting that so many of the examples mention something about the target being at least 20 feet away. I wonder what spells is was getting that from.

[Zaq]

This is glorious. Thank you for sharing it.

[Psyren]

The Con damage one is bonkers. Also, emanating fire ants sounds fun.

Anyone have planar traits for the stomach dimension?

[daremetoidareyo]

I haven't had time to post and explore this in Homebrew forum but someone's done something similar with names of spells. And creature names 2

http://aiweirdness.com/post/159363915392/new-dd-magic-spells-designed-by-neural-network

https://www.google.com/amp/aiweirdness.com/post/172170729017/dungeons-and-dragons-creatures-generated-by/amp

My favorite is right at the top: owlborn

[Venger]

This is amazing. If I understand correctly, it gives you a grid and you click a word one at a time to get something syntactically coherent like autopredict, right? If so, here's mine (I named it manually):



The spell’s you complete run to you and collect feet. These opalescent moves eschew outward harm. You feel nothing. When attacking balance, your eyes vanish. Statistics for your terrible hands become visible. Oozes who share friendly abilities have evasion. This transmutation imbues only portals candles and toeholds in the area.

So this is some kind of metaspell spell like absorption that influences other spells. I jadedly watch my spells scurry off and chop off my enemies' feet while sparkling. It makes sense that this gruesome sight doesn't affect me, because my eyes disappear, but only while I'm attacking balance. I think slicing off people's feet definitely qualifies. Presumably there was supposed to be a page citation for my terrible hands's statistics, but it's missing. Oozes on my side gain the ability to do sweet kickflips (maybe the spell glues the severed feet onto them so they can jump into roguespace) and yet the spell only affects portals, candles, and toeholds. I assume it means spells cast on these objects.

Well mine's a mess, but it's still better written than opalescent glare.

[daremetoidareyo]

Lol. The specificity is ridiculous. What spell level we talking on here?

[Venger]

Lol. The specificity is ridiculous. What spell level we talking on here?

I wouldn't say higher than 3, since it destroys your eyes, and only affects oozes, portals, and toeholds.

This one is significantly more powerful:



Creature touched takes varying damage per death. Your flesh shakes like your lips and takes acid. England bends around you suddenly. Your spine changes instantly from its starting point to armor.

Not sure if it's my death or theirs. Either way, that's tricky to exploit unless the varying damage bonus is hefty. I'm unable to say no to drugs and imbibe hallucinogenic substances, so it's debatable whether this spell actually lets me influence the political landscape of the nonexistent kingdom of England or if it's just wishful thinking. If it is, then this spell is pretty awesome. At least my spine gives me what I assume is an armor bonus, though.

[Nifft]

When attacking balance, your eyes vanish.

It's like Botnik reads this forum.

[Venger]

It's like Botnik reads this forum.

Lol.



Lurid flames merely tickle your foes. When thrown or worn by a wizard of your own hand, a capricious rainbow of soft radiances costing unreachable energy enhances undead creatures in the universe itself.
This one is shorter than the others, but I realized anything I added would merely detract from the hilarity.

[daremetoidareyo]

I just added the neural net creature list to the homebrew subforum in the form of a Let's build a monster together game.

Here's the link if you're interested in participating:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?556430-3-5-Together-Let-s-give-Neural-Net-Monsters-monsters-some-stats&p=22999169#post22999169

[Inevitability]

Anyone have planar traits for the stomach dimension?

Dalmosh of the Infinite Maws, MM5.

[zergling.exe]

Interesting that so many of the examples mention something about the target being at least 20 feet away. I wonder what spells is was getting that from.

I don't think it's referring to distance, I think they are referring to the appendage known as a foot. You just need 20 of them.

[mabriss lethe]

You cast your ally and then bursts into flame for two round per caster level ( 100 + level ) with cold water created within 10 able to change shape into a flesh fingers

I don't know what nightmare fuel this is... But I like it.

[Venger]

I don't think it's referring to distance, I think they are referring to the appendage known as a foot. You just need 20 of them.

You should cast my spell, it collects your enemies' feet.

[The Viscount]

Dalmosh of the Infinite Maws, MM5.

This is, of course, the best answer to that question.
I happen to know that Botnik got that particular bit of text from Bite of the King.

Here's a spell Botnik made (with some guidance for grammar).

Below the victim you indicate a small mannequin from another plane surprises you. You also gain immunity to sonic damage and can perform any extraordinary special attacks derived from class levels.

Depending on whether the spell restricts you to your class levels or any class levels, this one's either moderately useful or intensely strong. I guess since it's a buff, you're the "victim." That certainly would surprise me.

[Venger]

Buoyant lifting evocation becomes nonfunctional while amorphous energy horn grants you total darkness . If you are small or become chilled by the smell of freshly turned earth , you receive more powder than will fit in space .
Good if your enemy has a contingent levitate, I guess? What book is amorphous energy horn in again? I guess this is like one of those cmage spells which have extra effects when used in conjunction with others in that family. Try not to be afraid of dirt, or you'll destroy the universe.

[The Viscount]

Inevitable does a single effect: 400-pound lightning strikes any unprotected weapon you hold. If you have no constitution score, your body sprouts short wings for 24 hours.
This spell helpfully named itself, though it's rather misleading about its single effect.

[Venger]

Disembodied gnashing jacks dehydrate those within your aura . Although your foe and creatures within you suddenly stand against fear , your own body absorbs three minutes instead of two .
I guess I need a swallow whole or bite of the king up to conjure a stomach dimension first. Everyone at my table always forgets the rule that you normally absorb two minutes.

[The Viscount]

Moaning your hatred about gelatin, you choose one disease per level you have already treated ( such as those described in another spell ). Creatures within the area are infected by the spell and can not restore any other damage you deal with your breath weapon normally. When you cast this spell, your breath weapon deals 1d8 points of nonlethal damage per round to any creature within the area of the spell.

This is a spell for all the Swift Wings out there, I guess. An interesting tradeoff for breath weapon abilities, but one with some definite potential use. I guess the spell's creator was vegetarian?

[InvisibleBison]

You have sufficient saliva to use it as a ranged touch attacks that deals 2d6 points of sonic damage and ends the victim. A successful fortitude save negates the damage.

A pretty dangerous spell, though I wonder why it does sonic damage.

[Venger]

A pretty dangerous spell, though I wonder why it does sonic damage.


I guess you spit faster than the sound barrier, and the concussive force kills your enemy


Prone fire and cold corona are unaffected by casting this spell . If dispelled , your fingers thicken and whatever order you desire now moves into your hands . The inevitable ants liquefy along your turn .

A good spell for having picnics on the beach. It doesn't tamper with your bonfire or cold beers, and once it's dispelled, your takeout materializes right in front of you. It even kills the ants who come along to spoil your lunch. Good utility spell.

[daremetoidareyo]

I guess you spit faster than the sound barrier, and the concussive force kills your enemy



A good spell for having picnics on the beach. It doesn't tamper with your bonfire or cold beers, and once it's dispelled, your takeout materializes right in front of you. It even kills the ants who come along to spoil your lunch. Good utility spell.

axebeak 6 piece bucket: It's finger thickenin' good.

[Venger]

axebeak 6 piece bucket: It's finger thickenin' good.

a small price to pay for free pizza.

[Zaq]

This is far more fun than it has any right to be. Are you folks just clicking the same column over and over and occasionally adding punctuation, or are you picking and choosing which column is active?


Cancellation the subject to climb checks to escape from your outstretched arm and the weapon you hold your hand to your base land bonus on attack with a bow while the sheath of the blind creature is sent by a shortfall is in the air anywhere. You gain the benefit from cover. Your breath forms of the blind creature is sent by a shortfall.

Where do you think it pulled "sent by a shortfall" from that it showed up twice? Either way, that shortfall is apparently a benevolent figure that sends things to you.


The spell is cast are likewise subject to its effect. Cold snap transmutation [ see text ] level: cleric 3 range: touch target: you duration: 1 round / level ( d ). If you have at least 20 feet of the primary target per two caster levels ( maximum 5d6 ) to implant a suggestion ( ph 213 ) spell. The orbs fly to their designated targets and turn blood red as they suddenly sport long claws of darkness. You can not speak or cast spells while in wolf form and becomes nonfunctional.

So you cast this level 3 Cleric spell at yourself (with a range of touch), but if you have at least 20 feet per two caster levels that you have (so presumably at least 40 feet and maybe as many legs, up to a max of whatever you roll on 5d6), then you implant a suggestion in yourself. Meanwhile, there are some orbs that belong on the kinds of heavy metal album covers favored by teenagers, and you'd better not be in wolf form for the whole 1 round / level that this spell is in effect. But at least you can dismiss it.


Wizards: yes with your bow. You must succeed. If your breath to a creature can attempt new save dc 20. You must succeed.

No . . . comment.

[Venger]

This is far more fun than it has any right to be. Are you folks just clicking the same column over and over and occasionally adding punctuation, or are you picking and choosing which column is active?

B

Just treat it like your phone. You need to hop around at least a little to make it make sense syntactically. You type punctuation into the engine manually and put a space after it where you feel it's appropriate if you want to do multisentence ones.

[Zaq]

B

Just treat it like your phone. You need to hop around at least a little to make it make sense syntactically. You type punctuation into the engine manually and put a space after it where you feel it's appropriate if you want to do multisentence ones.

Huh. I can't decide if it's more fun to do that or to just mash away at one column over and over. They're both so entertaining! Here's one with your method:


The subject is not stuck in the avascular mass. You gain the strength and dexterity of an average bulette. If your base land speed becomes 50 feet, taking 1d6 points of damage per round ( chaotic outsiders take double damage ). After the spell is cast, you must search for a creature to strike or an object. You gain the benefit of the weapon you indicate. This spell does not provide concealment.

[Dr_Dinosaur]

Not sure if it's my death or theirs. Either way, that's tricky to exploit unless the varying damage bonus is hefty. I'm unable to say no to drugs and imbibe hallucinogenic substances, so it's debatable whether this spell actually lets me influence the political landscape of the nonexistent kingdom of England or if it's just wishful thinking. If it is, then this spell is pretty awesome. At least my spine gives me what I assume is an armor bonus, though.

Clearly this spell was made in answer to all the complaints about death being trivial in high-level play, since it deals more damage “per death”

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dalmosh of the Infinite Maws, MM5.
I should be surprised that that's actually a thing.


This is far more fun than it has any right to be. Are you folks just clicking the same column over and over and occasionally adding punctuation, or are you picking and choosing which column is active?
Yes.




The portal leads out of living creatures with intelligence 3+. You must open it to become slightly numb. This spell allows you to return to the creatures if you have sufficient ranks in addition to make one+1. Thus, pause, and the effect of this spell functions like align weapon (ph 213). If this effect grants you a natural weapon, you must make attacks that deal damage to creatures.
This spell makes a portal between living, intelligent creatures. (You need to use them if you want to be numb.) You can only return through the portals if you can perform basic addition, so hopelessly innumerate wizards should avoid the spell.
Also, if you pause between jumps, the portals vanish, leaving you with an aligned weapon and possibly a compulsion to punch creatures.


Spell descriptions chapter 1. Thus pause the spell is cast. If the spell has no effect on creatures, you receive a successful ray of opportunity. Bestow shuriken to the first creature that crosses you. That creature dies instantly unless it succeeds on a fortitude save or take another 1d8 points of cold damage.
A somewhat misleadingly-named spell which can bestow lethal shuriken on people who cross you. Be aware, though, receiving at least 1d8 cold damage cures the lethalness. If the shuriken doesn't hit anyone, you get a "successful ray of opportunity," which is unusually poetic for a D&D spell.


Your breath uses more than 30 lb./level of smoke as long as you exhale quickly. Your face contorts into a vaguely humanoid shape. This effect grants tremendous power to all creatures within 10 ft./level. You gain a yellow penalty and sulfur pellets coalesce from your lips.
The downsides: You either exhale or inhale (it's not clear) a ridiculous amount of smoke, which causes great pain and sulfur buildup. (Also, you get a yellow card; screw up again and you're out of the game.) The upside: It's an impressive buff spell.

[Zaq]

Coal of the winds: harmless damage is the least weird part of it!


Coal of the winds ( harmless ): attack with both piercing and bludgeoning damage ( 2d6 points per hit by the bands of fire ). The warforged creatures in midair above your enemies are all bathed in your mouth. If your hand feels cold to your eyes, more powder can be removed from your normal form. However, its behavior is not entirely predictable.

[Venger]

Huh. I can't decide if it's more fun to do that or to just mash away at one column over and over. They're both so entertaining! Here's one with your method:
I like my way because it produces things that are a little more syntactically coherent. When I click one button, I find it'll often loop itself into 3 or 4 word strings, but go with whatever you have the most fun with


Clearly this spell was made in answer to all the complaints about death being trivial in high-level play, since it deals more damage “per death”
Oh, so it's a penalty for when your gm kills you a lot, like system shock. Good eye.


This spell makes a portal between living, intelligent creatures. (You need to use them if you want to be numb.) You can only return through the portals if you can perform basic addition, so hopelessly innumerate wizards should avoid the spell.
Also, if you pause between jumps, the portals vanish, leaving you with an aligned weapon and possibly a compulsion to punch creatures.
This spell would be useful in escaping from Dalmosh's tummy dimension.

your last spell has a broken tag. change the first "spoiler" to "quote" and you'll be good to go.


Buzzing around holes or narrow openings , a foul pool becomes worthless against your foes . By casting this spell , you assume small animated words and fumbling motions that unleash constructs .
In case any of your friends cast befoul and you want to teach them not to waste their 8th level slots and then show them how to cast a useful spell by shooting golems out of your fingers.

[Zaq]

This reminds me of the time I fed Time Cube into Translation Party. The most immortal line from that little experiment was “if your mother is your father, God is a prostitute.”


Holy Passage: cleric 4. If it carries multiple pages of fire ants, 1d6 bursts of your body and clothing change shape. Warping effects of gravity ( maximum 5d6 ) to everything with your finger bone. You create gaseous pads that are not actually climbing. However, blue radiance counters and dispels it.

This spell is apparently most useful against body part thieves.

[Venger]

This spell is apparently most useful against body part thieves.

Well since we have at least one spell in the mix that rives your enemies' feet and destroys your eyes, there may be use for this spell after all.

[mabriss lethe]

This one only took a small amount of shuffling and guiding to get a fairly coherent (and hilarious) text.


The area around you soften until you shout at a flask or use another sentient creature to faintly trace a weapon with a successful craft check. If dispelled without a vial of water knives surround a target creature and deal 2d12 points of constitution damage per round until a flask hits you in your eyes

[Venger]

holy crap, that's a powerful spell; I'd prepare that all the time.



Listen checks take a full attack against your flesh . Your natural reach type changes instantly to match those named .

So a spell to punish you for eavesdropping by... turning your arms into those of the people who were being discussed? I guess I cast it on someone I know is eavesdropping on me if I have really short arms.

[InvisibleBison]

The spell is cast, you can use a free action to make one ranged attack with a range increment of 10 feet from yourself. Creatures native to the positive energy plane and all good creatures with your hands are temporarily absorbed. This effect increases by speaking the name of a corporeal creature. However, the spell ends if you have multiple ranks in balance.

Lots of potential uses for this one. Kidnapping people, smuggling people past guards, using single-person teleportation effects on the whole party, etc.


Your base attack bonus becomes 50. Your equipment changes into flame, but you retain it. Your hands grow sharp claws and can attack. When you are attacked or damaged by your foes, it provides total cover. Material components: a dead person, a living creature, and a heavy armor.

A very powerful buff spell, but that material component is problematic.

[Venger]

Lots of potential uses for this one. Kidnapping people, smuggling people past guards, using single-person teleportation effects on the whole party, etc.

A very powerful buff spell, but that material component is problematic.

you have to give them your hands first though, but that ought to be trivial at that level.

problem? pick one of your enemies as a material component, then poof, he's gone forever. even neater than the purify water trick

You know my spells are funny too, but Zaq has a point. Maybe in clicking around the different columns, they're a little too polished. Let's change things up:


Her bones thicken into nothingness . Nearby flames merely turn to stone orbs . Your party’s bonuses spell a successful words [sic] quickly on the astral hospice .
There's the lack of copyediting that's characteristic of real D&D material.

So, you can put out fires and harass extraplanar hospitals with very short messages at the cost of thickening your bones. Maybe then they'll match your thick fingers from that other spell.

[Zaq]

Dim gray fur covers undead creatures within 30 feet of the point you designate. Statistics for each consecutive aura are knocked prone. Altered undead creatures take any extraordinary words as long as you pour with your breath. Nearby snow rapidly harmed by physical attacks ram outward and burst into being before unleashing a successful grapple check. Once created, the water disappears even though its intended destination was elsewhere.
I can’t come up with a good name for this one.

[Venger]

I can’t come up with a good name for this one.

Zombies in the Snow!



Misshapen feet and legs reduce speed to 10 feet of the primary target per two caster levels ( maximum 5d6 ) to implant a suggestion ( ph 213 ) spell resistance: yes ( harmless )

Manipulating my enemy's feet and hypnotizing them is apparently harmless. Since the speed I grant to the target apparently... scales with level, I can kind of see why. It transforms from a debuff at low levels to a buff at higher ones. I wonder if you determine the caster level cap once for all eternity, or every time you cast the spell.

[Zaq]

16 lances of your hand simultaneously amplify any creature within 30 feet. It can ascend or jump. The spell alters because its creator must rest. If it fails, you can brachiate this fashion. A successful fortitude save allows the subject to make a fortitude save.

Amplifying Hand Lances: band, album, or song?

[Zaq]

Imbuing the subject vampire, the spell also functions similarly to contingency. This effect is mobile and your skin takes on a ranged weapon. When cast, its area is entitled to a 20-ft radius burst of low damage. This damage stacks with your movement. If you have sufficient targets ( maximum 5d4 feet ), extraordinary special abilities have no additional effect. Cold subtype flames deal this damage in addition to the damage dealt by the original spell.

I think my favorite part here is the fact that the area is entitled to a 20’ radius burst of low damage. That’s so close to being English, but it’s got a really thick Uncanny Valley accent. But hey, the spell might turn off extraordinary special abilities, assuming that you can determine what “additional” means here.

[mabriss lethe]

A creature you touch now gains temporary horns and a constant aura of fear in a 20-ft radius. The creature moves as if dazed for the duration of the spell. The subject is immune to any effect that requires a successful reflex save instead takes 1d6 points of nonlethal damage per die

Again. just a bit of guidance to help it parse a bit better. This is an interesting spell, and kind of a nasty debuff/BFC in a single package. Drop in on an opponent in the middle of a pack, he stops being able to move or act (duration unknown) and all of his buddies get slapped with a fear effect for however long that is. As an added bonus, while our target is out, he can become the center point of area bombardments, remaining relatively unharmed, thus continuing to act as a fear source. The horns? You got me, but it's no stranger than a lot of other spells.

[The Viscount]

This is a dangerously enjoyable tool.


Shadowy claws deal 35 points of damage to lawful outsider within range that you know. The subject loses all supernatural abilities except for any from class levels ( such as those described in class levels ).

Well it's not exactly incorrect with its redundancy. For extra fun I'm imagining that this damage is to an outsider you know biblically.


10d4 of your frightful fingers become faintly more intelligent than your normal hand and can perform one ray attack per round ( maximum of double level in any round when they are not distracted from their attacks made through the spell ). Each successful attack deals fire damage based on the creature you indicate. For example, an old creature is reduced to half of its current hit points, and a small or smaller creature is reduced to 0 hit points ( if it is not lawful, it is reduced to 1 + ( 25 % of its normal )). The victim can attempt a fortitude save to negate the damage.

Full disclosure, I had to close those parentheses myself, but the first spell is all Botnik. The reference to frightful fingers can mean only one thing in my mind: it wants you to cast the finger thickening spell previously introduced before this one to make it more powerful. That opening clause makes me very uncomfortable. Fascinatingly, the math actually works out for an average caster with no boosts, 40 rays at cl 20 is exactly one per maximum finger. Like with turning, this does mean you can have more maximum rays than you do frightful fingers. I assume that's just bad luck. More than one ray per finger would be silly.
I can't tell you what would happen if the spell hits a Small creature in the Old age category.

[ngilop]

You can use a free action to make one ranged attack with a range increment of 10 feet from yourself. If the target is a creature with freedom of movement (ph 233), the spell is cast by a wizard of your own form. However, you are small. The subject gestures as if it were an animated object (mm 14). The victim takes 2d8 points of slashing damage per round (that is not lawful and not good). If you have at least 20 feet of the primary target, the victim must take double damage and 24d10 points of acid damage per caster level (maximum 15d6).

SO.. Botnik made the best 9th level Evocation spell of all time?

[Zaq]

I cannot leave this new toy alone.


The creature gains temporary stomach and your mouth becomes worthless. A flask of the primary action for you can also invent your own form of raising silver hoops. If it enters multiple caltrops with each weapon or another natural gore, the spell leaves your grasp and your face elongates into a brilliant hovering sphere of the winds. This effect is not a successful grapple check.

This spell is remarkably focused on your face.

[enderlord99]

"Fire Ants" is a creature with freedom of movement. This thread is hilarious.

[Zaq]

This one used just one button whenever it wouldn’t destroy the syntax to do so:


Throwing back your arms as you complete the spell you call upon the power of the spell. You gag slightly as the result of casting a spell such as dragon breath ( page 73 ). When you cast this spell, you assume the physical appearance and many of the memories of one creature / level. You can not speak or cast spells while in this fashion after casting the spell.

I love how you take on “many of the memories” of a bunch of random, undefined creatures.

This one might be some kind of post-hoc metamagic?


Spell is cast on the other spell. A small pinprick in the universe appears bearing a lit candle. If you are currently in effect, you must have at least 5 pounds above the targeted creature. Material of your deity is reduced by 2 hd.

I like to imagine that you have to suspend a 5 pound weight over the target before it works.

One more for now:


Skeletons and zombies of the spell being cast knock creatures over. Creatures who fail their saving throws against all mind attacks normally associated with such spells remain the same. You lose any extraordinary special abilities of your own form.

So you either knock down your undead minions or allow them to knock things down, but you lose your Ex abilities. Anyone want to try to parse the middle sentence in context?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Skeletons and zombies of the spell being cast knock creatures over. Creatures who fail their saving throws against all mind attacks normally associated with such spells remain the same. You lose any extraordinary special abilities of your own form.So you either knock down your undead minions or allow them to knock things down, but you lose your Ex abilities. Anyone want to try to parse the middle sentence in context?
I interpret the middle sentence as "Creatures who fail their saving throws against mind-affecting attack spells and similar effects are still unaffected by them".



Your normal unarmed strikes immediately attack whomever for the duration of the spell, resulting in a grapple check to convince your hands of the primary target.
In normal English: "You start punching people, so people will try to grab you to make sure you only attack the right people." If it wasn't a personal-range spell, it could be useful.


Creature touched takes 1d6 cumulative points of nonlethal damage per round ( that is not stunned for 1 round ). If your foe faces death caused by this spell, it stops gaining damage. The victim takes a –2 enhancement bonus to any one ability score.
Basically, your victim gets a +2 bonus to any ability score, but takes a load of nonlethal damage...until it risks dying from that nonlethal damage. I'm sure there's a way to exploit that last clause...


Briar web wraps creatures in the area with dense forest canopy. The spell is cast on arrows or crossbow bolts of pale blue energy. Creatures in the area are infected prone ( size and stability modifiers apply to the saving throw ). If this knocks the subject is not stunned for 1 round per caster level.
Um...this causes blue bolts to entangle an area with briars and tree branches, and can knock them prone and not-stun them?

[Venger]

So you either knock down your undead minions or allow them to knock things down, but you lose your Ex abilities. Anyone want to try to parse the middle sentence in context?

I assumed it was referring to psionic combat


50-ft creature touched takes no penalties for 24 rounds . Blade strikes at any time by your hand crackle with intelligence . Each creature within range willingly takes acid .

Well, this one's a winner. Make giants indestructible, make your sword attacks, uh, smart? and then make everyone take acid. sounds pretty good

[mabriss lethe]

You cast with each round until discharged against a small mannequin. While distracted: close the victim with any material component. If the victim spends 1d6 intelligence damage per hit die roll for randomly selected clothing change.

Cue the makeover scene in every bad movie you can think of.


To make creatures gain an undead type for 24 hours, a dc 30 reflex save instead confers on creatures native to the positive energy plane poison form accompanied by speaking teeth of fire

so, you temporarily bestow the undead type onto a creature, that could be useful. It also does very strange things creatures from the positive energy plane that fail(or maybe succeed on) a reflex save, It turns them into poison and either turns their face into a flaming hellmouth or causes a disembodied set of teeth made out of fire to randomly appear and chat with you.


A successful grapple check against potential vegetable orbs grow thorns over all squares in your normal melee reach. If the victim spends a round fighting multicolored inhuman tentacles take no penalties to all your mouth modifiers for 1 hour.

I will not admit to seeing this anime before.

[Zaq]

This spell seems pretty grody all around.


It fails and you become nauseated. By speaking in any forest grove, if struck by your breath, the victim spends 1d6 minutes saving their muzzles of opportunity. By your hands and fingers, sorcerer fever centered upon divine spells simply carries 1d6 cumulative points of bludgeoning damage in addition to its normal presence.

[PersonMan]

Level: cleric 4
components: v
range: medium ( 100 feet/10 feet )
duration: 24 minutes / level
saving throw: none ( see text )

you cause any creature within range of the spell to fail their saving throws against all your allies within 30 ft of you. Spells that have a fortitude saving throw against flame or forefinger pellets ( including you ) are not affected by this spell.


The reference to forefinger pellets is odd. But...


Level: druid 21
components: tattoo inks in appropriate colors costing at least 1,000 cubic feet of dense metal
range: touch
duration: instantaneous
saving throw: reflex half

the spell does not function indoors. You gain immunity to extra situations and branches of the winds ( mm 283 ). While under the effect of this spell you feel nothing. Clarity of mind fills you. You gain control over your body as if it were an animated object ( mm 306 ) and must attempt to force open the door of the material plane. This spell allows you to read and prepare darkness. Your hands grow slightly hot and can swim away under your command for repentance. Material components must also make unarmed attacks as if they were undead creatures.

You can ask for information on this spell ( though it fails fully ). If this spell is cast, you choose one creature within 30 feet that meets your gaze. The victim becomes worthless and takes varying damage ( 100 plus 2d10 ×4 ) and must make a dc 30 caster level check or become engulfed in blackfire and the liquid of acid and forefinger pellets ( see swirling vessels spell descriptions chapter 1 ). If the target is not entirely trapped, it takes 4d6 points of bludgeoning damage per caster level and takes 4d6 + 1 points of constitution damage per caster level for each round you invoke the holy words of this spell. If you are small or smaller, you receive claw attacks made by j. Nelson and the demiplane of acid. It does not harm you or any extraordinary mirror in your hand.

EDIT: Another shorter, lighter-hearted one:


Rainbow of soft radiances or higher ( 25 ft ) targets equal to your body of war spell. If the spell is counterspelled and the creature is sent to the stomach dimension ( ac 21 ) or wriggling ( harmless ) you speak the ancient words of smoke ( object duration elapses you duration evenly among all the surfaces of your body and a small ) + the spell does not provide concealment and completely stops functioning.

[The Viscount]

j. Nelson and the Demiplane of acid is a great name for a Harry Potter imitator.

[mabriss lethe]

level: assassin 3
range: touch
duration: instantaneous
casting time: 1 swift action
saving throw: none
spell resistance: yes
target a creature within reach and flick its eyes to make the victim throw darkness spells or use a full attack against an object you indicate with a satisfying metallic clank

So, with a flick to the head, you can force a caster to autocast a darkness spell they have prepared or cause someone to waste an action full attacking a random object. That could be very entertaining.

[Inevitability]

So, with a flick to the head, you can force a caster to autocast a darkness spell they have prepared or cause someone to waste an action full attacking a random object. That could be very entertaining.

So, who's taking five levels in assassin to use it?

[Fouredged Sword]

So, who's taking five levels in assassin to use it?

Swift action force the enemy to waste their action and or hurt an ally.

Actually pretty useful. Good on an assassin and to steal as a chameleon.

[Jack_Simth]

Outsiders take 3d6 points of wisdom damage per caster level.
... maybe I shouldn't pick the choices. Few outsiders will still be fighting after that....

... can't resist...


You complete the spell and your eyes glow with dark power. Each creature in a 40 ft./level range willingly takes 4d6 points of constitution damage per caster level. Sightless creatures are unaffected. What spell level should THAT monster be?

[Zaq]

To any unprotected type ( such as a book ), a character protected by this spell functions like contagion. Material from two round ( lawful ) targets declares you to attune slightly in that round. Focus of opportunity ( dmg 73 ) to strike it as normal. If dispelled, druid damage rolls take 6 strength / level, such fumes ( including natural ooze ) saving the same space.

This one feels farther away from sensibility than some of the others, but a little chaos is good for the soul now and again.

[GreatWyrmGold]

You complete the spell and your eyes glow with dark power. Each creature in a 40 ft./level range willingly takes 4d6 points of constitution damage per caster level. Sightless creatures are unaffected.
What spell level should THAT monster be?
I mean, it says the creatures "willingly" take the damage—that implies that either they need to be willing, or there's some unmentioned component.



Level: Bard 4
Components: V
Casting time: 1 minute/ level ( d ) (fire)
Range: touch
Target: Cube of water up to 5 ft
Saving throw: Will partial
Spell resistance: yes (harmless)
The spell envelops the creature in a grapple with your own shape. The rain begins crushing it to strike a target within range of its current location. It does function indoors (maximum change of 50 degrees fahrenheit). While underwater, the water can be thrown as a splash. The spell ends if you have no constitution score or a metal mace of fire. Your natural weapons do anything that touches you.
Alright. It looks like this spell targets a cube of water you touch and turns it into something shaped like you, which can grapple creatures. (Though maybe they can resist it with a Will save?) It also crushes those creatures to strike targets within touch range of wherever it is. This spell functions indoors, despite mentioning rain, though the water can't change temperature by more than 50 degrees or the watery thing falls apart. If it's underwater, you can throw it. If you have a "metal mace of fire" or are undead, the spell ends.
Oh, and if you have any natural weapons, they "do" anyone who touches you. ...Let's move on.


Creature touched takes acid damage from any creature that strikes its eyes. This effect does exactly the creature touched weapon attacks. Each time it comes, it takes 1 point of wisdom drain from mental shock and the creature is sent to the stomach dimension (AC 21).
The creature touched takes acid damage equal to its own weapon attacks whenever someone hits it in the eyes. (I'd say that's adding insult to injury, but it's really adding injury to injury, isn't it?) Worse, whenever this happens, the victim takes a point of Wisdom drain and is sent to the Stomach Dimension which several of these spells have references. Said dimension still has an AC of 21.


A +level caster level check while this spell is in effect grants you a +level saving throw bonus against any holy symbol. The creator of the triceratops transmutation [ see text ] targets you. You must succeed on a DC 30 caster level check or lose the spell. Suddenly, translucent blue motes burst into flame that you know, and the demiplane of acid strikes its creator. You gain a +level saving throw bonus for 1 minute / level.
Alright. You first need to make a "+level caster level check" (redundant much?) to get a +level bonus for any saving throws against holy symbols. Then, the unnamed creator of triceratops transmutation (a mage with good taste) targets you; you need to make a DC 30 caster level check or you lose the spell. Then, if all goes well, you get a familiar lightshow and the demiplane of acid strikes its unnamed creator. (Presumably, this guy is friends with the triceratops transmuter, which is why the latter tried to stop this spell from working.)
And if all of this works...You get a bonus to saving throws for a few minutes. Don't get me wrong, it's a substantial bonus, but still!

[Necroticplague]

Alright. You first need to make a "+level caster level check" (redundant much?) to get a +level bonus for any saving throws against holy symbols. Then, the unnamed creator of triceratops transmutation (a mage with good taste) targets you; you need to make a DC 30 caster level check or you lose the spell. Then, if all goes well, you get a familiar lightshow and the demiplane of acid strikes its unnamed creator. (Presumably, this guy is friends with the triceratops transmuter, which is why the latter tried to stop this spell from working.)
And if all of this works...You get a bonus to saving throws for a few minutes. Don't get me wrong, it's a substantial bonus, but still!

I don't think it applies a bonus to saving throws. I think it provides a bonus of type 'saving throw' to.....something else.

[animewatcha]

IT sounds like a spellbook with these would be belong to Deadpool. Maybe of a name of 'Deadpool Awesopedia of Abra-doohickeys' or something.