my group no longer wants to play with one of my players

[Thelownlycheese]

I'm stuck in a little dilemma. When we started our campaign none of my players had played before and they were new to the game. We started with five and added a sixth later. However one of the original five really didn't like another in the group and got pretty sick of him. The rest of the group also didn't like him as much in game but we were still friends. But as sessions continued other players started to get sick of him and I was also getting tired. Some of them are asking me to kick him out of the group. Now I normally wouldn't do this but there was another problem. Our group used to play about once every two weeks. But now we play about once every two months. This is because we all have been getting busy again, but the main reason is the one guy they don't like is NEVER around. Aditionaly he is going on a long trip this summer so he won't be around. My question is what should I do about this player? I'm sick of him as well as my players. I'm thinking that his character might go on a big side quest so we can continue playing this summer without him. I have a good reason for him to go on a sidequest. However I doubt my players would want to let him join again even after this summer. How should I handle this?

[smcmike]

This question answers itself. If he isn’t around enough currently, and won’t be around at all during the summer, he’s given you a perfect excuse to drop him without hurting his feelings.

[sophontteks]

There's a few solutions.

Brutal and direct
Confront them before they leave and explain that everyone wants him/her to leave because his character sucks and they are a detriment to the game. Roll intimidation.

Lie and keep the lie going
Don't bring up the game ever again. If they ask, tell them you stopped playing. Make up something else at that time if you need to. Something that they have no interest in (volunteering works). Roll deception.

Tell them in a song
Write a song about the situation, or perhaps even a poem. Let the beauty of Art soften the blow. Roll performance.

Just tell them you are removing their character because they can't participate enough
They can't play enough, its holding the game back, and once they get back the game will be too far in for new characters to join in. Roll persuasion.

You can use multiple solutions depending on how you roll.

[Matrix_Walker]

Since it seems to be what you are looking for...

You have permission to drop him from your game, and scheduling is a good pretext if you don't want to deal with the underlying issues.

[DarkKnightJin]

Yeah, pretty much what's been said already.

Tell them that their lack of ability to participate is stopping everybody from enjoying themselves.
Added to that, you have grown tired of [Insert their things that made you dislike the character] and you want to keep going at the usual interval of every 2 weeks without their character present.

They might get snippy with you, but remember: It's your right to uninvite them from your table if they are bringing the fun down for the rest of the table.

Possibly a dumb question, but.. Have you tried talking to the problematic player about their behavior before now?
If you have, and they didn't make (enough of) a change to the behavior.. You're more than justified in booting them from the table, no questions asked.

I do understand that it's likely a tough call to make, but sometimes those are the calls you have to make.
I personally would like it if the DM, or other players, let me know if I'm doing something that's bringing down their enjoyment of the game, so I can at least try to make a change.
I like playing D&D. I like having fun with my friends that are playing D&D with me.

Rule #0 in life, pretty much: "Don't be a d*ck."

[RazorChain]

Just don't invite him to play anymore and hope he gets the hint?

[clash]

So people not like the player or the character he is playing? If the latter talk to him and express the concerns. Actually on both cases talk to him like an adult and see if he improves before just kicking him or anything like that

[strangebloke]

Just run sessions without him when he can't make it. Run his character for him. He'll miss two or three sessions, and then decide he doesn't want to play anymore.

I always have this as a rule, that if one person is missing, we play without them.

Ain't nobody getting in the way of my DND.

[Samayu]

I think the best is to just stop inviting him. Then when he asks, and you have to come up with an excuse, it's already after the fact. We did that to a guy once, but he was always kinda down on himself, so he didn't even bother to ask why. I would have felt bad for him but he was really a poor excuse for a human being.

Then you only have to figure out what you're going to tell him when he asks...

"Sorry man, the group decided to go on without you."

"We decided the game was going a lot smoother without you, and we wanted to continue that way."

[Malifice]

I'm stuck in a little dilemma. When we started our campaign none of my players had played before and they were new to the game. We started with five and added a sixth later. However one of the original five really didn't like another in the group and got pretty sick of him. The rest of the group also didn't like him as much in game but we were still friends. But as sessions continued other players started to get sick of him and I was also getting tired. Some of them are asking me to kick him out of the group. Now I normally wouldn't do this but there was another problem. Our group used to play about once every two weeks. But now we play about once every two months. This is because we all have been getting busy again, but the main reason is the one guy they don't like is NEVER around. Aditionaly he is going on a long trip this summer so he won't be around. My question is what should I do about this player? I'm sick of him as well as my players. I'm thinking that his character might go on a big side quest so we can continue playing this summer without him. I have a good reason for him to go on a sidequest. However I doubt my players would want to let him join again even after this summer. How should I handle this?

Sounds like he's given you an easy out already.

'Sorry mate, but we want to play more frequently than every couple of months. Your scheduling doesn't match that of the groups. Have fun on your holiday!'

[Belier]

Don't you guys are all adults? Sure you don't want to hurts his feeling but sometines being direct is a boon.

When I was playing with a group I had a bad habbit of trying to count for people because I count fast and it irritates me if I am faster to get the results. The guy rudely said to me that he was able to make it and that it was irritating and that it was his sheet. On the first 3 seconds I admit I was shocked but after thinking about it, well, he was right. So I shut up and took it like a man. I could then see the other players started to appreciate my presence more for the help I was bringing on the table and the way I focuses my pc in the game. So even if this guy is not around anymore playing with us because he calls that he have a life, well, I am still playing with the group and they like me. May be without it I coul'dve been kicked out of the group.

I am the kind of guy to try to know all the rules and pinpoint everything and all aspect of the game and it use to irritate me when peoples make mistakes on their calculation for like 1 points and that makes that they touch or evadr stuff and to point on the rules all the time. You get the point, I can be irritating on a table where people are just there to have fun. Well I still stick around and they start to look at me for questions and knowledge from what can be read in the phb just because I'm an adult that took it like a man and start to think, may be he's right about it and that even If I am right most of the times in the things I says, does'nt make me right for the matter.

At first I had the impression I was not so liked at the table and then, well I am now more than welcome to play with them and they are happy with what I bring to the table.

[Unoriginal]

I'm stuck in a little dilemma. When we started our campaign none of my players had played before and they were new to the game. We started with five and added a sixth later. However one of the original five really didn't like another in the group and got pretty sick of him. The rest of the group also didn't like him as much in game but we were still friends. But as sessions continued other players started to get sick of him and I was also getting tired. Some of them are asking me to kick him out of the group. Now I normally wouldn't do this but there was another problem. Our group used to play about once every two weeks. But now we play about once every two months. This is because we all have been getting busy again, but the main reason is the one guy they don't like is NEVER around. Aditionaly he is going on a long trip this summer so he won't be around. My question is what should I do about this player? I'm sick of him as well as my players. I'm thinking that his character might go on a big side quest so we can continue playing this summer without him. I have a good reason for him to go on a sidequest. However I doubt my players would want to let him join again even after this summer. How should I handle this?

Go to him and tell him "sorry, we don't want to play with you anymore. Your schedule is hindering how much we can play, and the way you're acting isn't gaining you any favor either." Don't just ditch him without a word.

Or you could talk to him and try to solve the issue on how his behavior is ****ing up the game for everyone.

[randomodo]

You don't have to have 100% of your players to have a game. If he's not available, play anyway.

And, yes, talking about the behavior isn't bad either. What do people find annoying about him? Is it him, or is it how he plays? He may not have any idea that he's frustrating others.

[2D8HP]

Credit where credit is due, here's good lessons that fit these types of situations:


All hail the flowchart!

https://i.imgur.com/IVljfT9.jpg



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lEi9DAn9rE

Definitely recommend you watch this video. He succinctly describes what you should know in this situation.

[Contrast]

I always have this as a rule, that if one person is missing, we play without them.

Ain't nobody getting in the way of my DND.

This. I've played before with as many as 3 people missing from a 6 PC group. I would never drop from twice a month to once every two months just because one player couldn't make it.

If you want to avoid confronting them, start up a new campaign for when they can't make it and don't invite them to any of the timetabling conversations for that group. As others have suggested (particularly if you're otherwise friends with the person) the much better solution is probably just talking to them about why no-one wants them along anymore and seeing if you can fix that.

[Solaris]

Tell him he's been voted off the island. Tell him why. Think carefully about what you want to say and how you want to say it before you go into it, unless you don't particularly care about retaining him as a friend.

It's only as hard as you make it.

[Kuulvheysoon]

Honestly, I'm with the people who are saying play without him.

My group is 5 people, but it's not unusual for us to play with 4 (due to one guy), or even three. If we waited until everyone was available, I'd be lucky to get a game in every 6 weeks, instead of a weekly affair. The guy in question had issues with it at first, but I had coffee with him a few months ago and talked it out. It went surprisingly well, actually. So I'd recommend talking to him.

[Asmotherion]

You're all in the wrong here, and all to blame.

Talk to the guy about what you think he does wrong. See if he's willing to compremise. If this continues, tell him you're kicking him because the way he's role playing/his shedule of coming online is ruining the fun for everyone, no hard feelings or anything.

Gosh, don't be so passive agressive over a freaking game! Playing D&D is about having fun, and you're all ruining it for each other over petty feelings that you're building up, because you're not TALKING about your out of game FEELINGS.

You said yourself that you're all out of game friends right? If so, your friend will understand. At least he should. Doing everything behind your friend's back means you know you're in the wrong, and can't comfront him about his behavior otherwise. Be direct, and stop ruining D&D for everyone: It's about having fun and sharing happy feelings, not passive agressiveness.

[denthor]

Your answer is simple he goes on vacation the game goes on. He may not come back. If he does. Have him continue to run his last character even if 5 levels behind.

Allow your table to be a drop in table. Anybody that wants to play can play. Trust me when I say more will show up for 1 game session and never be back.

[strangebloke]

This. I've played before with as many as 3 people missing from a 6 PC group. I would never drop from twice a month to once every two months just because one player couldn't make it.

If you want to avoid confronting them, start up a new campaign for when they can't make it and don't invite them to any of the timetabling conversations for that group. As others have suggested (particularly if you're otherwise friends with the person) the much better solution is probably just talking to them about why no-one wants them along anymore and seeing if you can fix that.


Honestly, I'm with the people who are saying play without him.

My group is 5 people, but it's not unusual for us to play with 4 (due to one guy), or even three. If we waited until everyone was available, I'd be lucky to get a game in every 6 weeks, instead of a weekly affair. The guy in question had issues with it at first, but I had coffee with him a few months ago and talked it out. It went surprisingly well, actually. So I'd recommend talking to him.

In my last big campaign, which ran a year and a half, I dropped a total of 4 players due to scheduling conflicts. Some of these people were very close friends. I tried to get a time in the week that worked for everyone, but if someone couldn't make the agreed-upon time, tough rocks.

My problem, incidentally, was with the players who were awful but still showed up every week. (look back a year or so in my threads started list) I really regret not manning up, laying down the law and kicking some of those guys out. DND is a huge time investment, and people who say they can't find new players/groups are generally either in extreme small towns or lying.

[DMThac0]

None of us want to kick a friend out, it is a rough ordeal and it doesn't feel good at first. The sense of possible betrayal and the desire to avoid conflict really make this kind of situation hard to handle. So time for anecdotes!

I ran a game for the local shop, it lasted for close to a year before it came to an end. I had one player who would lie about their rolls, another who was always trying make his character OP, one who was a min/max type, one who could take an hour trying to figure out what to do with their ASI, and one who showed up infrequently without notice. I can handle any play style, the min/max and the "I wanna be OP" player didn't bother me beyond the frequent roll of the eyes as they tried to "beat the DM". The ones who took forever to figure out what to do with their character when leveling, I just moved on, if he took too long I just let him catch up. The one who chapped me the most was the cheater, it was so blatant it became a table joke. I talked to most of the players about their styles, mostly to understand them and find ways to work with the attitude/actions.

In the end though, after close to 6 months of hair pulling, I looked at the shop owner and told him I needed a break. I wrapped up the current plot line the players were on and told the guys I was taking a break. It was to the point where the game felt like a job, and that's when I knew I was done. The shop owner backed me on my decision, told me he'd start something up while I took my break, and asked me to come back when I was ready. It also lead to a conversation with him that I have the right to kick anyone off the tables I feel is not good for the group.

----

I have a 2 year old homebrew game I'm planning on tossing on a popular streaming service. I have 6 players and for the most part it's been a wonderful time. Now that we've talked about streaming I've had to look at the group as individuals and as a whole to figure out what things we'll have to address for the stream. My fiancee is really good at derailing the game with randomness, I have one player who's always on their phone, table talk that can get overwhelming, and a player who gets up whenever they're bored to have a cigarette. I've addressed all of those issues with the players, and I can already tell that one of them is not happy with the new house rules. Not only is this person my friend, they're also the parent of another player. I am dreading the day I have to do this, but I've accepted it, that I have to kick the player off the table. It sucks because they, when they're present, add a fun dynamic to the game.

I love my table, it's been a long and fun game, but I have an entire table sans one, who is pushing to get into streaming. I don't enjoy the idea of losing a player, I've addressed them, and now I have to follow through. In the words of Spock: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Sure I could scrap the idea of streaming, but when 5/6 people, and the DM, are all interested in the move, it's hard to let one person stop a desire.

---

This guy may be a friend, but if they're not helping the table, if they're causing issues at the table, and if they aren't present at the table, then take them away from the table. Always talk to them first, give them that one last chance, but then you have to follow through.

[King of Nowhere]

You go at lenght to say that everyone has a problem with this guy, but you don't say why. Why does your group has a problem with this guy? Is it something that can be solved by talking?
Talk to the guy about how his behavior is disruptive of everyone's fun. If he does not amend, kick him out, telling him in his face the reason.
Using thinly veiled excuses, or, worse, conspiring to keep him out of the loop, is awful backstabbing, made worse by him being a friend. Plus, D&D players are generally nerds, and nerds are generally bad at taking social hints. All those "leave him out, make things difficult for him, he'll get the hint eventually" sicken me (incidentally giving me -2 on skill checks, so this post is less diplomatic than it could. And good thig I'm not trying to hit anything for damage).
Talk to him, figure out the problems, solve them or tell the guy in his face that you don't want to play with him any longer because the aforementioned problems could not be solved to everyone's satisfaction.
Heck, if he takes so many breaks in the schedule, chances are he doesn't care that much about the game in the first place, and won't object to being kicked out.