Kellus
2007-09-04, 06:33 PM
The Third Axis
Many people complain about the alignment system. Harsh words like “unrealistic” or “overly complicated” or even “unneccessary” are bandied about regularly. I have recently come to see that this is not because the alignment system is overly complex, but rather that it is simply NOT PRECISE ENOUGH. As it stands, the alignment system is too confining because of the lack of options. There needs to be more differentiation between characters of allegedly the same alignment. There is obviously a difference in outlook between, say, Hinjo and Miko, even though these two characters are supposedly of the same alignment.
The answer is the third axis of the alignment system, which has thus far gone ignored: the axis of funk! This axis dictates how hip and happening a being is, and essentially how cool they are. A being is either square, neutral, or funky on this axis. This new option for alignment opens up many new possibilities for characters, ballooning possible alignments to a staggering 27. A short description of each new alignment follows.
New Alignments
Lawful-Good-Funky (LGF): A character of this alignment follows the rules, attempts to help people rather than hurt them, and is always up on what’s hot and what’s not. He’s the fellow that everyone secretly wants to be: everybody likes him, he never gets in trouble, and he’s just generally awesome.
Lawful-Good-Neutral (LGN): A character of this alignment doesn’t worry about trivial matters such as being cool, but instead concerns himself with the grander scheme of things. He’s the iconic paladin, forgoing rock and roll for, of course, the Greater Good.
Lawful-Good-Square (LGS): Whether he’s an active buzzkill or just generally oblivious, a character of this alignment actively detracts from a cool situation. He brings law and good, of course, but he also goes out of his way to quash any fun he stumbles across as he does it. He’s the town mayor who outlaws fun. You know you hate him.
Lawful-Neutral-Funky (LNF): A character of this alignment values law and funk above all else. He doesn’t worry about how other people will be helped or hurt by his actions- he just cares about grooving out while following the rules! A little effort in following laws and rules means that less time is wasted when you could be partying!
Lawful-Neutral-Neutral (LNN): A character of this alignment values law above all else. Good and evil, coolness and drabness don’t make any difference to him. All that matters is the law, and enforcing it. He’s the quitessential impartial judge, who takes no sides, but deals with matters of pure justice.
Lawful-Neutral-Square (LNS): A character of this alignment sees cool stuff as leading to lawbreaking. In the interest of preserving law and order, this guy stomps out anything rad he can find. Remember: if not having fun will help preserve justice, it’s a small price to pay.
Lawful-Evil-Funky (LEF): Sure, this guy is dominating, scheming, and just plain EVIL, but at least he’s totally gnarly! A character of this alignment twists laws and rules to better suit himself, at the expense of others. But hey: at least he’s friggin’ AWESOME doing it! If you’re having trouble picturing this alignment, think of Asmodeus. That guy kills, man.
Lawful-Evil-Neutral (LEN): A character of this alignment has no regard for groovy things, but is only interested in personal power. The iconic devil, this guy manipulates laws and bends rules to make himself more powerful.
Lawful-Evil-Square (LES): A character of this alignment hates all things funky, probably because he didn’t get enough love as a child. In retaliation against this slight, this guy backstabs and cuts throats to gain power in a corrupt society, and he then uses his power to destroy anything cool he can find.
Neutral-Good-Funky (NGF): Unconcerned with rules, a character of this alignment cares about two things: having fun, and making sure nobody gets hurt in the process. He’s a generally nice guy who likes to party, but also helps people and takes care of them. Remember: it’s only funny until someone gets hurt.
Neutral-Good-Neutral (NGN): A character of this alignment cares only about helping others. As long as he is a good and moral person, who cares about rules or parties? Life is the most precious gift there is, and this guy is here to protect that gift. He forgoes having fun himself to allow others to.
Neutral-Good-Square (NGS): A character of this alignment is very careful, and even paranoid. Coolness inevitably leads, after all, to someone getting hurt. This guy prevents this by not allowing people around him to have fun. Paragons of this alignment, including some outsiders, actively hunt out cool people and places to put the kibosh on. Even if nobody can enjoy themselves, it’s a small price to pay for safety.
Neutral-Neutral-Funky (NNF): Often called the best alignment, and sometimes called “The Funkmaster”. A character of this alignment cares about one thing and one thing only: the pure power of funkitude. He’s always up on what’s new, and is always groovin’. He exudes an aura of pure gnarliness, and makes other people cooler just by being around them. Seriously, this guy rocks.
Neutral-Neutral-Neutral (N): A character of this alignment just doesn’t care. At all. I mean, really: you had 27 alignments to pick from, and you chose to be neutral in every aspect? This guy is the pinnacle of apathy. He’s completely unconcerned, and in many cases clinically brain-dead. Most animals are this alignment, with the exception of dinosaurs (see “The Funkmaster”, above).
Neutral-Neutral-Square (NNS): Commonly called a stick-in-the-mud, a character of this alignment only cares about making sure nobody else enjoys themselves. This guy seeks out cool people and places simply so that he can bust the scene and end the party for everyone. Nobody likes him. I mean, really. You know the kind of guy I’m talking about. This guy just ‘doesn’t get it’.
Neutral-Evil-Funky (NEF): A character of this alignment wants to bring pain and misery to all he meets, but at least he does it with style! The most common example of this alignment is the Groovin’ Dead (see below).
Neutral-Evil-Neutral (NEN): A character of this alignment is dedicated to destroying all things good and pure. Sly and cunning, but also bloodthirsty and vengeful, this guy isn’t constrained by rules as he destroys all things good and pure. In fact, he’s so busy wiping good out of the cosmos, this guy doesn’t pay attention to funkitude one way or the other.
Neutral-Evil-Square (NES): A character of this alignment brings pain and misery, but worst of all, an end to everything cool and awesome! The only thing that matters to this guy is making sure nobody, and I mean nobody, enjoys themselves in any sort of way. Unless said person likes decapitations and defenstrations, in which case they might be cool with it. This is an ideal alignment for big bad guys in the game, since they are, like, the ultimate downers.
Chaotic-Good-Funky (CGF): This is the guy who’s up on everything that’s happining. Unconstrained by such trivialities as ‘rules’ or ‘laws’, a character of this alignment is generally a wanderer who brings funk in his wake. He’s a nice guy, sure- but he’s a partier at heart.
Chaotic-Good-Neutral (CGN): A character of this alignment is a wanderer who does not abide by rules and does not fit into society. Be that as it may, this guy tries to help people and generally be a good guy; even if it means forsaking funk himself.
Chaotic-Good-Square (CGS): A character of this alignment is a great guy who helps people all over the place, and who doesn’t fit into established norms. Unfortunately, his version of ‘helping’ is a little twisted. Not being up on what’s hot and hip, this guy shuts down funkiness wherever he goes, despite his inclination to protect and nurture.
Chaotic-Neutral-Funky (CNF): A character of this alignment follows no rules or laws; that’s just how he rolls! This guy parties hard and often, and is always up on the latest buzz. Everybody knows this guy; despite his nomadic tendencies, and the way he just doesn’t fit in, this guy has connections everywhere.
Chaotic-Neutral-Neutral (CNN): Chaos is the only thing that matters to a character of this alignment. It is through constant change that this guy finds himself, and he dedicates himself to bringing sweeping revolutions wherever he treads. This is a very uncommon alignment for most mortals- due to their chaotic tendencies, they almost invariably end up slipping to one side or the other of the funk axis. Extraplanar paragons are the best examples of this alignment in action.
Chaotic-Neutral-Square (CNS): This rebel from society fits in nowhere, and wants to make sure that nobody anywhere has any fun. A character of this alignment has no regard for good or evil, but simply wanders the world, bringing a wake of unfunk in his path.
Chaotic-Evil-Funky (CNF): A slaughterer, a madman, an insane butcherer, but also really cool! A character of this alignment puts a new spin on psycopathic murderers everywhere, as he jives to the beat while eviscerating his victims.
Chaotic-Evil-Neutral (CNN): Who cares about funk when there are innocent babies to be devoured? The only thing that matters to this guy is carnage and mayhem. Remember: a live civilian is a bad civilian.
Chaotic-Evil-Square (CNS): A character of this alignment is a psycopathic killer, sure. But even worse, he’s totally square! Although happy with most any victim, this guy will generally try to commit his brutality in funky areas, so that the most hip people possible suffer from his rampages.
Old mechanics under this new system are relatively unchanged. However, there are many new additions to accomodate for the expanded alignment system.
New Class Requirements
Barbarian Class Requirement: A barbarian must be any nonlawful.
Bard Class Requirement: A bard must be any nonlawful and must be funky.
Cleric Class Requirement: A cleric must still be within one step of their deity’s alignment. However, this becomes more complicated now. See “opposing alignments”, below.
Druid Class Requirement: A druid must be neutral on at least two axes.
Monk Class Requirement: A monk must be any lawful and any nonfunky.
Paladin Class Requirement: A paladin must be any Lawful Good.
Prestige classes with alignment restrictions should be reviewed by the DM before allowing a player character to take a level in it.
Opposing Alignments
Most players are familiar with the standard alignment grid:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/OldAlignmentGrid.jpg
However, the introduction of the third axis complicates things slightly. This is the new alignment grid:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/NewAlignmentGrid.jpg
This can be represented three-dimensionally with a cube:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/MyCube.jpg
Each colour represents one of the original alignments, each of which is now divided into three new alignments.
Many class features depend on opposing alignments. If you want, you can make a three-dimensional cube based off this grid, and see the opposing alignments easily. But for easy reference, the following alignments are opposed:
{table]Alignment|Opposed Alignment
LGF|CES
LGN|CEN
LGS|CEF
LNF|CNS
LNN|CNN
LNS|CNF
LEF|CGS
LEN|CGN
LES|CGF
NGF|NES
NGN|NEN
NGS|NEF
NNG|NNE[/table]
For a cleric, you must be within one step of your deity’s alignment. Find your deity’s alignment on the new grid. Be careful, as it probably shows up multiple times. Any alignment which touches that one is allowable for you.
Bear in mind that true neutral (N) does not show up on the new grid, since it would be inside the cube. I think. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how that would work, so yeah. For neutral deities, any alignment with a neutral perspective on two axes is permissable.
Alignments of Deities
The following are the new alignments of the standard D&D pantheon, as described in the Dungeon Master’s Guide and the Complete Divine supplement:
{table]Deity|New Alignment
Bahamut|LGF
Boccob|N
Corellon Larethian|CGN
Ehlonna|NGN
Erythnul|CEF
Fharlaghn|NNF
Garl Glittergold|NGF
Gruumsh|CES
Heironeous|LGS
Hextor|LES
Kord|CGN
Kurtulmak|LEN
Lolth|CEN
Moradin|LGN
Nerull|NEN
Obad-Hai|N
Olidammara|CNF
Pelor|NGS
St. Cuthbert|LNS
Tiamat|LEF
Vecna|NES
Wee Jas|LNF
Yondalla|LGN[/table]
DM’s should establish non-core deities’ funkitude before play begins, so as to avoid ambiguity later on.
Changing Existing Alignments
All existing beings need to have their alignment changed under this system. In general, refer to the following chart to update alignments.
{table]Type|New Alignment Aspect
Aberration|Funky
Animal|Neutral, unless dinosaur, in which case Funky
Construct|Square
Dragon|Funky
Elemental|Neutral
Fey|Funky
Giant|Neutral
Humanoid|No set alignment
Magical Beast|Neutral
Monstrous Humanoid|No set alignment
Ooze|Funky
Outsider|No set alignment, often paragons of funk or unfunk
Plant|Square
Undead|Normally square, but see The Groovin’ Dead, below
Vermin|Neutral[/table]
Paragons of Funk
On the Outer Planes, under this system, there are 82 new planes (It’s a hollow cube with five planes to a side with one plane in the middle). This is a lot. I’m sure there are a lot of fantastic things on those planes, but let’s be realistic. Two particular planes are described in this document, the epitome of pure funk and unfunk. The other 80 I’m sure you can imagine yourself. One has a volcano.
For the purposes of this system, all previously existing planes are neutral with respect to the new axis.
New Planes
The Groovy Beats of Gnarlopolopolis
This plane is an infinite metropolitan city, infused with the pure power of everything that’s cool in the cosmos. Stuck in an eternal nighttime frenzy, changing trends alter this plane like earthquakes, bringing new fashions, styles, and other groovy aspects in their wake. Discotheques and other such funky establishments litter the cosmopolitan plane like gnats on a gray render. This is the plane to which exceptionally funky individuals are sent after death.
Planar Traits
- Gravity: Normal gravity, unless gigantic moon jumps happen to be cool (about 5% of the time), in which case gravity is half normal strength.
- Time: Gnarlopolopolis is eternally stuck at about 3:00 AM, the funkiest time of the day. Visitors leave the plane at the same moment they entered, no matter how long they subjectively spend on the plane.
- Divinely morphic: Galla inhabits this plane, and can alter it according to her sense of what’s trendy and stylish.
- Strongly funk-aligned.
- Normal magic
The Sedate Street of Drabsville
This plane is an infinitely long simple cobblestone street lined with mundane and uninteresting shops and houses. Nothing interesting ever happens here. In fact, as a rule, nothing happens here at all. It’s a place of extreme unchange and uncoolness. This is the plane to which exceptionally square individuals are sent after death.
Planar Traits
- Gravity: Normal gravity.
- Time: Time passes as normal in Drabsville, although you’d never know it by being there.
- Divinely morhic: Diabolus inhabits this plane, and could alter it as he wishes. Of course, being a deity of pure squaritude, he’ll never actually alter it. But he could if he wanted.
- Strongly square-aligned.
- Normal magic
New Spells
Armour of Unfunk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Square 8, Clr 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 20 ft.
Targets: One creature/level in a 20-ft.-radius burst centered on you
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)
A mundane brown energy surrounds the subjects, protecting them from attacks, granting them resistance to spells cast by funky creatures, and causing funky creatures that strike the subjects to become exhausted. This abjuration has four effects.
First, each warded creature gains a +4 deflection bonus to AC and a +4 resistance bonus on saves. Unlike protection from funk, the benefit of this spell applies against all attacks, not just against attacks by funky creatures.
Second, each warded creature gains spell resistance 25 against funky spells and spells cast by funky creatures.
Third, the abjuration blocks possession and mental influence, just as protection from funk does.
Finally, if a funky creature succeeds on a melee attack against a warded creature, the offending attacker is exhausted for 1 round (Will save negates).
Focus: A consecrated cane. The cane costs at least 500 gp.
Detect Funk
Divination
Level: Clr 1
This spell functions like detect evil, except that it detects the auras of funky creatures, clerics of funky deities, funky spells, and funky magic items, and you are vulnerable to an overwhelming funky aura if you are a square.
Detect Squares
Divination
Level: Clr 1
This spell functions like detect evil, except that it detects the auras of square creatures, clerics of square deities, square spells, and square magic items, and you are vulnerable to an overwhelming square aura if you are funky.
Dispel Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Square 5, Clr 5
This spell functions like dispel evil, except that you are surrounded by sedate and unmoving brown energy, and the spell affects funky creatures and spells rather than evil ones.
Dispel Squares
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Funk 5, Clr 5
This spell functions like dispel evil, except that you are surrounded by disco lights, and the spell affects square creatures and spells rather than evil ones.
Feel The Beat
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Funk 8, Clr 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 20 ft.
Targets: One creature/level in a 20-ft.-radius burst centered on you
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)
A flashing pattern of disco lights surround the subjects, protecting them from attacks, granting them resistance to spells cast by square creatures, and causing square creatures that strike the subjects to become blown away. This abjuration has four effects.
First, each warded creature gains a +4 deflection bonus to AC and a +4 resistance bonus on saves. Unlike protection from squares, the benefit of this spell applies against all attacks, not just against attacks by square creatures.
Second, each warded creature gains spell resistance 25 against square spells and spells cast by square creatures.
Third, the abjuration blocks possession and mental influence, just as protection from squares does.
Finally, if a square creature succeeds on a melee attack against a warded creature, the offending attacker is blown away for 1 round (Reflex save negates, as with the gust of wind spell, but against the save DC of feel the beat).
Focus: A tiny shard of a disco ball. The shard costs at least 500 gp.
Grounding
Evocation [Square]
Level: Square 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area: 25-ft. square, centered on the caster
Duration: Instantaneous (1 round); see text
Saving Throw: Will partial; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
You draw down the harsh realities of the universe to smite your enemies. Only funky and neutral creatures are harmed by the spell; square creatures are unaffected.
The spell deals 1d8 points of damage per two caster levels (maximum 5d8) to each funky creature in the area (or 1d6 points of damage per caster level, maximum 10d6, to a funky outsider) and causes it to be exhausted for 1 round.. A successful Will saving throw reduces damage to half and negates the exhaustion effect.
The spell deals only half damage to creatures who are neither funky nor square, and they are not exhausted. Such a creature can reduce that damage by half (down to one-quarter of the roll) with a successful Will save.
Lecture
Evocation [Square, Sonic][/i]
Level: Square 7, Clr 7
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 40 ft.
Area: Nonsquare creatures in a 40-ft.- radius spread centered on you
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None or Will negates; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
Any nonsquare creature within the area who hears the lecture suffers the following ill effects.
The effects are cumulative and concurrent. No saving throw is allowed against these effects.
Deafened: The creature is deafened for 1d4 rounds.
Stunned: The creature is stunned for 1 round.
Exhausted: The creature is exhausted for 1d10 minutes.
Killed: Living creatures die. Undead creatures are destroyed.
{table]HD|Effect
Equal to caster level|Deafened
Up to caster level –1|Stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –5|Exhausted, stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –10|Killed, exhausted, stunned, deafened[/table]
Furthermore, if you are on your home plane when you cast this spell, nonsquare extraplanar creatures within the area are instantly banished back to their home planes. Creatures so banished cannot return for at least 24 hours. This effect takes place regardless of whether the creatures hear the lecture. The banishment effect allows a Will save (at a –4 penalty) to negate.
Creatures whose HD exceed your caster level are unaffected by lecture.
Magic Circle against Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Clr 3, Funk 3, Sor/Wiz 3
This spell functions like magic circle against evil, except that it is similar to protection from funk instead of protection from evil, and it can imprison a nonsquare called creature.
Magic Circle against Squares
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Clr 3, Funk 3, Sor/Wiz 3
This spell functions like magic circle against evil, except that it is similar to protection from squares instead of protection from evil, and it can imprison a nonfunky called creature.
Power of Groove
Evocation [Funky]
Level: Funk 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area: 20-ft.-radius burst
Duration: Instantaneous (1 round); see text
Saving Throw: Will partial; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
You draw down the sheer awesomeness of the universe to smite your enemies. Only square and neutral creatures are harmed by the spell; funky creatures are unaffected.
The spell deals 1d8 points of damage per two caster levels (maximum 5d8) to each square creature in the area (or 1d6 points of damage per caster level, maximum 10d6, to a square outsider) and causes it to be blown away.. A successful Will saving throw reduces damage to half and negates the blown away effect.
The spell deals only half damage to creatures who are neither funky nor square, and they are not blown away. Such a creature can reduce that damage by half (down to one-quarter of the roll) with a successful Will save.
Protection from Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Clr 1, Square 1, Sor/Wiz 1
This spell functions like protection from evil, except that the deflection and resistance bonuses apply to attacks from funky creatures, and funky summoned creatures cannot touch the subject.
Protection from Squares
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Clr 1, Funk 1, Sor/Wiz 1
This spell functions like protection from evil, except that the deflection and resistance bonuses apply to attacks from square creatures, and square summoned creatures cannot touch the subject.
Word of the Day
Evocation [Funky, Sonic]
Level: Funk 7, Clr 7
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 40 ft.
Area: Nonfunky creatures in a 40-ft.- radius spread centered on you
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None or Will negates; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
Any nonfunky creature within the area who hears the word of the day suffers the following ill effects.
The effects are cumulative and concurrent. No saving throw is allowed against these effects.
Deafened: The creature is deafened for 1d4 rounds.
Stunned: The creature is stunned for 1 round.
Blown Away: The creature is blown away.
Killed: Living creatures die. Undead creatures are destroyed.
{table]HD|Effect
Equal to caster level|Deafened
Up to caster level –1|Stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –5|Blown away, stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –10|Killed, blown away, stunned, deafened[/table]
Furthermore, if you are on your home plane when you cast this spell, nonfunky extraplanar creatures within the area are instantly banished back to their home planes. Creatures so banished cannot return for at least 24 hours. This effect takes place regardless of whether the creatures hear the word of the day. The banishment effect allows a Will save (at a –4 penalty) to negate.
Creatures whose HD exceed your caster level are unaffected by word of the day.
New Domains
The following two domains supplement those presented for the cleric in the Player’s Handbook. A cleric may only select these domains if he has an appropriate alignment.
Funk Domain
Granted Power: You cast funky spells at +1 caster level.
Funk Domain Spells
{table]Spell Name|Brief Description
1 Protection from Squares:|+2 to AC and saves, counter mind control, hedge out elementals and outsiders.
2 Tasha’s Hideous Laughter:|Subject loses actions for 1 round/level.
3 Magic Circle against Squares:|As protection spells, but 10-ft. radius and 10 min./level.
4 Power of Groove:|Damages and blows away square creatures.
5 Dispel Squares:|+4 bonus against attacks.
6 Symbol of Persuasion:|Triggered rune charms nearby creatures.
7 Word of the Day:|Kills, paralyzes, blinds, or blows away nonfunky subjects.
8 Feel the Beat:|+4 to AC, +4 resistance, and SR 25 against square spells.
9 Summon Monster IX*:|Calls extraplanar creature to fight for you.[/table]
*Cast as a funky spell only
Core deities with the Funk Domain: Bahamut, Erythnul, Garl Glittergold, and Tiamat.
Square Domain
Granted Power: You cast square spells at +1 caster level.
Square Domain Spells
{table]Spell Name|Brief Description
1 Protection from Funk:|+2 to AC and saves, counter mind control, hedge out elementals and outsiders.
2 Web:|Fills 20-ft.-radius spread with sticky spiderwebs.
3 Magic Circle against Funk:|As protection spells, but 10-ft. radius and 10 min./level.
4 Grounding:|Damages and exhausts funky creatures.
5 Dispel Funk:|+4 bonus against attacks.
6 Guards and Wards:|Array of magic effects protect area.
7 Lecture:|Kills, paralyzes, blinds, or exhausts nonsquare subjects.
8 Armour of Unfunk:|+4 to AC, +4 resistance, and SR 25 against funky spells.
9 Summon Monster IX*:|Calls extraplanar creature to fight for you.[/table]
*Cast as a square spell only
Core deities with the Square Domain: St. Cuthbert, Heironeous, Hextor, and Pelor.
New Deities
The following two deities supplement those described in the Dungeon Master’s Guide, and use the Deity format first presented in the Complete Divine supplement.
Galla
The Septa of Style, The Baroness of Fashion, The Final Judge
Lesser God (Neutral Neutral Funky)
Galla is the pure embodiment of coolness in the cosmos. This god is happening, man! She’s the ultimate authority on what’s awesome and what’s passé, everywhere in the multiverse. She teaches her followers to party hard and never to take no for an answer. She appears as a dancing human clothed with stylish robes that are constantly changing colour.
Portfolio: Style, trends
Domains: Charm, Funk, Luck, Travel
Cleric Training: In order for a cleric to be ordained in the Church of The Final Judge, they must host a 24-hour party for all other churchgoers and foot the bill.
Quests: Followers of Galla often end up on missions to spread trends throughout the land. Typical quests include eradicating a serious buzzkiller.
Prayers: Prayers to The Septa of Style typically involve a polite request preceded by a litany of what’s in and what’s out.
Temples: There is a temple to the Baroness of Fashion in every city of metropolitan size or larger. In such large conglomerations of life, knowing what’s in style and what’s not is of paramount importance.
Rites: Rites for The Septa of Style take place in all sorts of places and fashions, depending on what’s in style at the time.
Relics: Galla has no relics, since by the time an item is old enough to be considered a relic, it’s out of style.
Favoured Weapon: Glaive
Diabolus
The Final Say, The Stern Gaze, The Duke of Disapproval
Lesser God (Neutral Neutral Square)
Diabolus is the ultimate stick in the mud. He hates all things allegedly cool or groovy, and teaches his followers to stop all revelry in the cosmos. He appears as a stern, disapproving, and well-dressed middle-aged man.
Portfolio: Thriftiness, economics
Domains: Destruction, Knowledge, Nobility, Square
Cleric Training: To become a cleric of The Duke of Disapproval, one must live in the same clothes for one year, buy nothing fashionable in that time, and eat the same food every day. Thusly, clerics of The Stern Gaze are fairly uncommon.
Quests: Followers of The Final Say often go on missions which ivolve shutting down rad scenes and confiscating cool stuff. They’re a patrol of squares who put the kibosh on revelry everywhere.
Prayer: Prayers to Diabolus involve many oaths swearing that the cleric will never willingly have fun.
Temples: Temples to Diabolus are pretty rare, owing to the difficulty of finding clerics.
Rites: Rites for The Final Say involve lots of people standing still for long periods of time.
Relics: Now that relics are all the fashion with other deities, Diabolus refuses to have any.
Favoured Weapon: Quarterstaff
Monsters
The Groovin’ Dead
Standard-issue undead in a high-funk environment often spontaneously evolve into this new form of undead. Groovin’ dead are hipper, hotter, and generally more happening than their graveborn progenitors.
Creating a Groovin’ Dead
“Groovin’” is an inherited template that can be added to any undead (referred to hereafter as the base creature).
A groovin’ dead uses all the base createure’s statistics and abilities, except as noted here.
Abilities: Same as the base creature’s, with the following adjustments: Cha +4, Dex +2.
Skills: A groovin’ dead gains a +8 racial bonus to Perform (dance) checks.
Alignment: Retains original alignment, but changes to funky.
Special Attacks: A groovin’ dead retains all the special attacks of the base creature, and gains the following attacks:
Dance-off (Ex): Once per encounter the creature can initiate a dance-off with a target creature as a standard action. The two beings make opposed Perform (dance) checks, and the loser takes a -4 penalty to saves and AC against the victor for 3 rounds.
Smite Square (Su): Once per day the creature can make a normal melee attack to deal extra damage equal to its HD (max 20) against a square foe.
Spontaneous Musical Number (Su): A groovin’ dead has access to bardic music as if a 3rd level bard. If the creature has class levels in the bard class, these effective levels stack to determine the number of uses of bardic music available per day and the bardic music effects available.
Special Qualities: A groovin’ dead retains all the special qualities of the base creature, and gains the following attack:
Corpse of Pure Funk (Su): The creature adds its Cha modifier to its AC, HD, and saves in addition to the relevant ability modifier (minimum +1).
Level Adjustment: Same as the base creature +3
Challenge Rating: Same as the base creature +3.
Weapon Special Abilities
The following two weapon special abilities supplement those presented in the Dungeon Master’s Guide.
Gnarly: A gnarly weapon is funkily aligned and infused with the power of funk. It makes the weapon funk-aligned and thus bypasses the corresponding damage reduction. It deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against all of square alignment. It bestows one negative level on any square creature attempting to wield it. The negative level remains as long as the weapon is in hand and disappears when the weapon is no longer wielded. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Bows, crossbows, and slings so crafted bestow the gnarly power upon their ammunition.
Moderate evocation [funky]; CL 7th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, power of groove, creator must be funky; Price +2 bonus.
Killjoy: A killjoy weapon is square aligned and infused with the power of unfunk. It makes the weapon square-aligned and thus bypasses the corresponding damage reduction. It deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against all of funky alignment. It bestows one negative level on any funky creature attempting to wield it. The negative level remains as long as the weapon is in hand and disappears when the weapon is no longer wielded. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Bows, crossbows, and slings so crafted bestow the killjoy power upon their ammunition.
Moderate evocation [square]; CL 7th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, grounding, creator must be square; Price +2 bonus.
Many people complain about the alignment system. Harsh words like “unrealistic” or “overly complicated” or even “unneccessary” are bandied about regularly. I have recently come to see that this is not because the alignment system is overly complex, but rather that it is simply NOT PRECISE ENOUGH. As it stands, the alignment system is too confining because of the lack of options. There needs to be more differentiation between characters of allegedly the same alignment. There is obviously a difference in outlook between, say, Hinjo and Miko, even though these two characters are supposedly of the same alignment.
The answer is the third axis of the alignment system, which has thus far gone ignored: the axis of funk! This axis dictates how hip and happening a being is, and essentially how cool they are. A being is either square, neutral, or funky on this axis. This new option for alignment opens up many new possibilities for characters, ballooning possible alignments to a staggering 27. A short description of each new alignment follows.
New Alignments
Lawful-Good-Funky (LGF): A character of this alignment follows the rules, attempts to help people rather than hurt them, and is always up on what’s hot and what’s not. He’s the fellow that everyone secretly wants to be: everybody likes him, he never gets in trouble, and he’s just generally awesome.
Lawful-Good-Neutral (LGN): A character of this alignment doesn’t worry about trivial matters such as being cool, but instead concerns himself with the grander scheme of things. He’s the iconic paladin, forgoing rock and roll for, of course, the Greater Good.
Lawful-Good-Square (LGS): Whether he’s an active buzzkill or just generally oblivious, a character of this alignment actively detracts from a cool situation. He brings law and good, of course, but he also goes out of his way to quash any fun he stumbles across as he does it. He’s the town mayor who outlaws fun. You know you hate him.
Lawful-Neutral-Funky (LNF): A character of this alignment values law and funk above all else. He doesn’t worry about how other people will be helped or hurt by his actions- he just cares about grooving out while following the rules! A little effort in following laws and rules means that less time is wasted when you could be partying!
Lawful-Neutral-Neutral (LNN): A character of this alignment values law above all else. Good and evil, coolness and drabness don’t make any difference to him. All that matters is the law, and enforcing it. He’s the quitessential impartial judge, who takes no sides, but deals with matters of pure justice.
Lawful-Neutral-Square (LNS): A character of this alignment sees cool stuff as leading to lawbreaking. In the interest of preserving law and order, this guy stomps out anything rad he can find. Remember: if not having fun will help preserve justice, it’s a small price to pay.
Lawful-Evil-Funky (LEF): Sure, this guy is dominating, scheming, and just plain EVIL, but at least he’s totally gnarly! A character of this alignment twists laws and rules to better suit himself, at the expense of others. But hey: at least he’s friggin’ AWESOME doing it! If you’re having trouble picturing this alignment, think of Asmodeus. That guy kills, man.
Lawful-Evil-Neutral (LEN): A character of this alignment has no regard for groovy things, but is only interested in personal power. The iconic devil, this guy manipulates laws and bends rules to make himself more powerful.
Lawful-Evil-Square (LES): A character of this alignment hates all things funky, probably because he didn’t get enough love as a child. In retaliation against this slight, this guy backstabs and cuts throats to gain power in a corrupt society, and he then uses his power to destroy anything cool he can find.
Neutral-Good-Funky (NGF): Unconcerned with rules, a character of this alignment cares about two things: having fun, and making sure nobody gets hurt in the process. He’s a generally nice guy who likes to party, but also helps people and takes care of them. Remember: it’s only funny until someone gets hurt.
Neutral-Good-Neutral (NGN): A character of this alignment cares only about helping others. As long as he is a good and moral person, who cares about rules or parties? Life is the most precious gift there is, and this guy is here to protect that gift. He forgoes having fun himself to allow others to.
Neutral-Good-Square (NGS): A character of this alignment is very careful, and even paranoid. Coolness inevitably leads, after all, to someone getting hurt. This guy prevents this by not allowing people around him to have fun. Paragons of this alignment, including some outsiders, actively hunt out cool people and places to put the kibosh on. Even if nobody can enjoy themselves, it’s a small price to pay for safety.
Neutral-Neutral-Funky (NNF): Often called the best alignment, and sometimes called “The Funkmaster”. A character of this alignment cares about one thing and one thing only: the pure power of funkitude. He’s always up on what’s new, and is always groovin’. He exudes an aura of pure gnarliness, and makes other people cooler just by being around them. Seriously, this guy rocks.
Neutral-Neutral-Neutral (N): A character of this alignment just doesn’t care. At all. I mean, really: you had 27 alignments to pick from, and you chose to be neutral in every aspect? This guy is the pinnacle of apathy. He’s completely unconcerned, and in many cases clinically brain-dead. Most animals are this alignment, with the exception of dinosaurs (see “The Funkmaster”, above).
Neutral-Neutral-Square (NNS): Commonly called a stick-in-the-mud, a character of this alignment only cares about making sure nobody else enjoys themselves. This guy seeks out cool people and places simply so that he can bust the scene and end the party for everyone. Nobody likes him. I mean, really. You know the kind of guy I’m talking about. This guy just ‘doesn’t get it’.
Neutral-Evil-Funky (NEF): A character of this alignment wants to bring pain and misery to all he meets, but at least he does it with style! The most common example of this alignment is the Groovin’ Dead (see below).
Neutral-Evil-Neutral (NEN): A character of this alignment is dedicated to destroying all things good and pure. Sly and cunning, but also bloodthirsty and vengeful, this guy isn’t constrained by rules as he destroys all things good and pure. In fact, he’s so busy wiping good out of the cosmos, this guy doesn’t pay attention to funkitude one way or the other.
Neutral-Evil-Square (NES): A character of this alignment brings pain and misery, but worst of all, an end to everything cool and awesome! The only thing that matters to this guy is making sure nobody, and I mean nobody, enjoys themselves in any sort of way. Unless said person likes decapitations and defenstrations, in which case they might be cool with it. This is an ideal alignment for big bad guys in the game, since they are, like, the ultimate downers.
Chaotic-Good-Funky (CGF): This is the guy who’s up on everything that’s happining. Unconstrained by such trivialities as ‘rules’ or ‘laws’, a character of this alignment is generally a wanderer who brings funk in his wake. He’s a nice guy, sure- but he’s a partier at heart.
Chaotic-Good-Neutral (CGN): A character of this alignment is a wanderer who does not abide by rules and does not fit into society. Be that as it may, this guy tries to help people and generally be a good guy; even if it means forsaking funk himself.
Chaotic-Good-Square (CGS): A character of this alignment is a great guy who helps people all over the place, and who doesn’t fit into established norms. Unfortunately, his version of ‘helping’ is a little twisted. Not being up on what’s hot and hip, this guy shuts down funkiness wherever he goes, despite his inclination to protect and nurture.
Chaotic-Neutral-Funky (CNF): A character of this alignment follows no rules or laws; that’s just how he rolls! This guy parties hard and often, and is always up on the latest buzz. Everybody knows this guy; despite his nomadic tendencies, and the way he just doesn’t fit in, this guy has connections everywhere.
Chaotic-Neutral-Neutral (CNN): Chaos is the only thing that matters to a character of this alignment. It is through constant change that this guy finds himself, and he dedicates himself to bringing sweeping revolutions wherever he treads. This is a very uncommon alignment for most mortals- due to their chaotic tendencies, they almost invariably end up slipping to one side or the other of the funk axis. Extraplanar paragons are the best examples of this alignment in action.
Chaotic-Neutral-Square (CNS): This rebel from society fits in nowhere, and wants to make sure that nobody anywhere has any fun. A character of this alignment has no regard for good or evil, but simply wanders the world, bringing a wake of unfunk in his path.
Chaotic-Evil-Funky (CNF): A slaughterer, a madman, an insane butcherer, but also really cool! A character of this alignment puts a new spin on psycopathic murderers everywhere, as he jives to the beat while eviscerating his victims.
Chaotic-Evil-Neutral (CNN): Who cares about funk when there are innocent babies to be devoured? The only thing that matters to this guy is carnage and mayhem. Remember: a live civilian is a bad civilian.
Chaotic-Evil-Square (CNS): A character of this alignment is a psycopathic killer, sure. But even worse, he’s totally square! Although happy with most any victim, this guy will generally try to commit his brutality in funky areas, so that the most hip people possible suffer from his rampages.
Old mechanics under this new system are relatively unchanged. However, there are many new additions to accomodate for the expanded alignment system.
New Class Requirements
Barbarian Class Requirement: A barbarian must be any nonlawful.
Bard Class Requirement: A bard must be any nonlawful and must be funky.
Cleric Class Requirement: A cleric must still be within one step of their deity’s alignment. However, this becomes more complicated now. See “opposing alignments”, below.
Druid Class Requirement: A druid must be neutral on at least two axes.
Monk Class Requirement: A monk must be any lawful and any nonfunky.
Paladin Class Requirement: A paladin must be any Lawful Good.
Prestige classes with alignment restrictions should be reviewed by the DM before allowing a player character to take a level in it.
Opposing Alignments
Most players are familiar with the standard alignment grid:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/OldAlignmentGrid.jpg
However, the introduction of the third axis complicates things slightly. This is the new alignment grid:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/NewAlignmentGrid.jpg
This can be represented three-dimensionally with a cube:
http://usera.imagecave.com/Kellus/MyCube.jpg
Each colour represents one of the original alignments, each of which is now divided into three new alignments.
Many class features depend on opposing alignments. If you want, you can make a three-dimensional cube based off this grid, and see the opposing alignments easily. But for easy reference, the following alignments are opposed:
{table]Alignment|Opposed Alignment
LGF|CES
LGN|CEN
LGS|CEF
LNF|CNS
LNN|CNN
LNS|CNF
LEF|CGS
LEN|CGN
LES|CGF
NGF|NES
NGN|NEN
NGS|NEF
NNG|NNE[/table]
For a cleric, you must be within one step of your deity’s alignment. Find your deity’s alignment on the new grid. Be careful, as it probably shows up multiple times. Any alignment which touches that one is allowable for you.
Bear in mind that true neutral (N) does not show up on the new grid, since it would be inside the cube. I think. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how that would work, so yeah. For neutral deities, any alignment with a neutral perspective on two axes is permissable.
Alignments of Deities
The following are the new alignments of the standard D&D pantheon, as described in the Dungeon Master’s Guide and the Complete Divine supplement:
{table]Deity|New Alignment
Bahamut|LGF
Boccob|N
Corellon Larethian|CGN
Ehlonna|NGN
Erythnul|CEF
Fharlaghn|NNF
Garl Glittergold|NGF
Gruumsh|CES
Heironeous|LGS
Hextor|LES
Kord|CGN
Kurtulmak|LEN
Lolth|CEN
Moradin|LGN
Nerull|NEN
Obad-Hai|N
Olidammara|CNF
Pelor|NGS
St. Cuthbert|LNS
Tiamat|LEF
Vecna|NES
Wee Jas|LNF
Yondalla|LGN[/table]
DM’s should establish non-core deities’ funkitude before play begins, so as to avoid ambiguity later on.
Changing Existing Alignments
All existing beings need to have their alignment changed under this system. In general, refer to the following chart to update alignments.
{table]Type|New Alignment Aspect
Aberration|Funky
Animal|Neutral, unless dinosaur, in which case Funky
Construct|Square
Dragon|Funky
Elemental|Neutral
Fey|Funky
Giant|Neutral
Humanoid|No set alignment
Magical Beast|Neutral
Monstrous Humanoid|No set alignment
Ooze|Funky
Outsider|No set alignment, often paragons of funk or unfunk
Plant|Square
Undead|Normally square, but see The Groovin’ Dead, below
Vermin|Neutral[/table]
Paragons of Funk
On the Outer Planes, under this system, there are 82 new planes (It’s a hollow cube with five planes to a side with one plane in the middle). This is a lot. I’m sure there are a lot of fantastic things on those planes, but let’s be realistic. Two particular planes are described in this document, the epitome of pure funk and unfunk. The other 80 I’m sure you can imagine yourself. One has a volcano.
For the purposes of this system, all previously existing planes are neutral with respect to the new axis.
New Planes
The Groovy Beats of Gnarlopolopolis
This plane is an infinite metropolitan city, infused with the pure power of everything that’s cool in the cosmos. Stuck in an eternal nighttime frenzy, changing trends alter this plane like earthquakes, bringing new fashions, styles, and other groovy aspects in their wake. Discotheques and other such funky establishments litter the cosmopolitan plane like gnats on a gray render. This is the plane to which exceptionally funky individuals are sent after death.
Planar Traits
- Gravity: Normal gravity, unless gigantic moon jumps happen to be cool (about 5% of the time), in which case gravity is half normal strength.
- Time: Gnarlopolopolis is eternally stuck at about 3:00 AM, the funkiest time of the day. Visitors leave the plane at the same moment they entered, no matter how long they subjectively spend on the plane.
- Divinely morphic: Galla inhabits this plane, and can alter it according to her sense of what’s trendy and stylish.
- Strongly funk-aligned.
- Normal magic
The Sedate Street of Drabsville
This plane is an infinitely long simple cobblestone street lined with mundane and uninteresting shops and houses. Nothing interesting ever happens here. In fact, as a rule, nothing happens here at all. It’s a place of extreme unchange and uncoolness. This is the plane to which exceptionally square individuals are sent after death.
Planar Traits
- Gravity: Normal gravity.
- Time: Time passes as normal in Drabsville, although you’d never know it by being there.
- Divinely morhic: Diabolus inhabits this plane, and could alter it as he wishes. Of course, being a deity of pure squaritude, he’ll never actually alter it. But he could if he wanted.
- Strongly square-aligned.
- Normal magic
New Spells
Armour of Unfunk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Square 8, Clr 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 20 ft.
Targets: One creature/level in a 20-ft.-radius burst centered on you
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)
A mundane brown energy surrounds the subjects, protecting them from attacks, granting them resistance to spells cast by funky creatures, and causing funky creatures that strike the subjects to become exhausted. This abjuration has four effects.
First, each warded creature gains a +4 deflection bonus to AC and a +4 resistance bonus on saves. Unlike protection from funk, the benefit of this spell applies against all attacks, not just against attacks by funky creatures.
Second, each warded creature gains spell resistance 25 against funky spells and spells cast by funky creatures.
Third, the abjuration blocks possession and mental influence, just as protection from funk does.
Finally, if a funky creature succeeds on a melee attack against a warded creature, the offending attacker is exhausted for 1 round (Will save negates).
Focus: A consecrated cane. The cane costs at least 500 gp.
Detect Funk
Divination
Level: Clr 1
This spell functions like detect evil, except that it detects the auras of funky creatures, clerics of funky deities, funky spells, and funky magic items, and you are vulnerable to an overwhelming funky aura if you are a square.
Detect Squares
Divination
Level: Clr 1
This spell functions like detect evil, except that it detects the auras of square creatures, clerics of square deities, square spells, and square magic items, and you are vulnerable to an overwhelming square aura if you are funky.
Dispel Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Square 5, Clr 5
This spell functions like dispel evil, except that you are surrounded by sedate and unmoving brown energy, and the spell affects funky creatures and spells rather than evil ones.
Dispel Squares
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Funk 5, Clr 5
This spell functions like dispel evil, except that you are surrounded by disco lights, and the spell affects square creatures and spells rather than evil ones.
Feel The Beat
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Funk 8, Clr 8
Components: V, S, F
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 20 ft.
Targets: One creature/level in a 20-ft.-radius burst centered on you
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: See text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless)
A flashing pattern of disco lights surround the subjects, protecting them from attacks, granting them resistance to spells cast by square creatures, and causing square creatures that strike the subjects to become blown away. This abjuration has four effects.
First, each warded creature gains a +4 deflection bonus to AC and a +4 resistance bonus on saves. Unlike protection from squares, the benefit of this spell applies against all attacks, not just against attacks by square creatures.
Second, each warded creature gains spell resistance 25 against square spells and spells cast by square creatures.
Third, the abjuration blocks possession and mental influence, just as protection from squares does.
Finally, if a square creature succeeds on a melee attack against a warded creature, the offending attacker is blown away for 1 round (Reflex save negates, as with the gust of wind spell, but against the save DC of feel the beat).
Focus: A tiny shard of a disco ball. The shard costs at least 500 gp.
Grounding
Evocation [Square]
Level: Square 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area: 25-ft. square, centered on the caster
Duration: Instantaneous (1 round); see text
Saving Throw: Will partial; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
You draw down the harsh realities of the universe to smite your enemies. Only funky and neutral creatures are harmed by the spell; square creatures are unaffected.
The spell deals 1d8 points of damage per two caster levels (maximum 5d8) to each funky creature in the area (or 1d6 points of damage per caster level, maximum 10d6, to a funky outsider) and causes it to be exhausted for 1 round.. A successful Will saving throw reduces damage to half and negates the exhaustion effect.
The spell deals only half damage to creatures who are neither funky nor square, and they are not exhausted. Such a creature can reduce that damage by half (down to one-quarter of the roll) with a successful Will save.
Lecture
Evocation [Square, Sonic][/i]
Level: Square 7, Clr 7
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 40 ft.
Area: Nonsquare creatures in a 40-ft.- radius spread centered on you
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None or Will negates; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
Any nonsquare creature within the area who hears the lecture suffers the following ill effects.
The effects are cumulative and concurrent. No saving throw is allowed against these effects.
Deafened: The creature is deafened for 1d4 rounds.
Stunned: The creature is stunned for 1 round.
Exhausted: The creature is exhausted for 1d10 minutes.
Killed: Living creatures die. Undead creatures are destroyed.
{table]HD|Effect
Equal to caster level|Deafened
Up to caster level –1|Stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –5|Exhausted, stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –10|Killed, exhausted, stunned, deafened[/table]
Furthermore, if you are on your home plane when you cast this spell, nonsquare extraplanar creatures within the area are instantly banished back to their home planes. Creatures so banished cannot return for at least 24 hours. This effect takes place regardless of whether the creatures hear the lecture. The banishment effect allows a Will save (at a –4 penalty) to negate.
Creatures whose HD exceed your caster level are unaffected by lecture.
Magic Circle against Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Clr 3, Funk 3, Sor/Wiz 3
This spell functions like magic circle against evil, except that it is similar to protection from funk instead of protection from evil, and it can imprison a nonsquare called creature.
Magic Circle against Squares
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Clr 3, Funk 3, Sor/Wiz 3
This spell functions like magic circle against evil, except that it is similar to protection from squares instead of protection from evil, and it can imprison a nonfunky called creature.
Power of Groove
Evocation [Funky]
Level: Funk 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium (100 ft. + 10 ft./level)
Area: 20-ft.-radius burst
Duration: Instantaneous (1 round); see text
Saving Throw: Will partial; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
You draw down the sheer awesomeness of the universe to smite your enemies. Only square and neutral creatures are harmed by the spell; funky creatures are unaffected.
The spell deals 1d8 points of damage per two caster levels (maximum 5d8) to each square creature in the area (or 1d6 points of damage per caster level, maximum 10d6, to a square outsider) and causes it to be blown away.. A successful Will saving throw reduces damage to half and negates the blown away effect.
The spell deals only half damage to creatures who are neither funky nor square, and they are not blown away. Such a creature can reduce that damage by half (down to one-quarter of the roll) with a successful Will save.
Protection from Funk
Abjuration [Square]
Level: Clr 1, Square 1, Sor/Wiz 1
This spell functions like protection from evil, except that the deflection and resistance bonuses apply to attacks from funky creatures, and funky summoned creatures cannot touch the subject.
Protection from Squares
Abjuration [Funky]
Level: Clr 1, Funk 1, Sor/Wiz 1
This spell functions like protection from evil, except that the deflection and resistance bonuses apply to attacks from square creatures, and square summoned creatures cannot touch the subject.
Word of the Day
Evocation [Funky, Sonic]
Level: Funk 7, Clr 7
Components: V
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 40 ft.
Area: Nonfunky creatures in a 40-ft.- radius spread centered on you
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None or Will negates; see text
Spell Resistance: Yes
Any nonfunky creature within the area who hears the word of the day suffers the following ill effects.
The effects are cumulative and concurrent. No saving throw is allowed against these effects.
Deafened: The creature is deafened for 1d4 rounds.
Stunned: The creature is stunned for 1 round.
Blown Away: The creature is blown away.
Killed: Living creatures die. Undead creatures are destroyed.
{table]HD|Effect
Equal to caster level|Deafened
Up to caster level –1|Stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –5|Blown away, stunned, deafened
Up to caster level –10|Killed, blown away, stunned, deafened[/table]
Furthermore, if you are on your home plane when you cast this spell, nonfunky extraplanar creatures within the area are instantly banished back to their home planes. Creatures so banished cannot return for at least 24 hours. This effect takes place regardless of whether the creatures hear the word of the day. The banishment effect allows a Will save (at a –4 penalty) to negate.
Creatures whose HD exceed your caster level are unaffected by word of the day.
New Domains
The following two domains supplement those presented for the cleric in the Player’s Handbook. A cleric may only select these domains if he has an appropriate alignment.
Funk Domain
Granted Power: You cast funky spells at +1 caster level.
Funk Domain Spells
{table]Spell Name|Brief Description
1 Protection from Squares:|+2 to AC and saves, counter mind control, hedge out elementals and outsiders.
2 Tasha’s Hideous Laughter:|Subject loses actions for 1 round/level.
3 Magic Circle against Squares:|As protection spells, but 10-ft. radius and 10 min./level.
4 Power of Groove:|Damages and blows away square creatures.
5 Dispel Squares:|+4 bonus against attacks.
6 Symbol of Persuasion:|Triggered rune charms nearby creatures.
7 Word of the Day:|Kills, paralyzes, blinds, or blows away nonfunky subjects.
8 Feel the Beat:|+4 to AC, +4 resistance, and SR 25 against square spells.
9 Summon Monster IX*:|Calls extraplanar creature to fight for you.[/table]
*Cast as a funky spell only
Core deities with the Funk Domain: Bahamut, Erythnul, Garl Glittergold, and Tiamat.
Square Domain
Granted Power: You cast square spells at +1 caster level.
Square Domain Spells
{table]Spell Name|Brief Description
1 Protection from Funk:|+2 to AC and saves, counter mind control, hedge out elementals and outsiders.
2 Web:|Fills 20-ft.-radius spread with sticky spiderwebs.
3 Magic Circle against Funk:|As protection spells, but 10-ft. radius and 10 min./level.
4 Grounding:|Damages and exhausts funky creatures.
5 Dispel Funk:|+4 bonus against attacks.
6 Guards and Wards:|Array of magic effects protect area.
7 Lecture:|Kills, paralyzes, blinds, or exhausts nonsquare subjects.
8 Armour of Unfunk:|+4 to AC, +4 resistance, and SR 25 against funky spells.
9 Summon Monster IX*:|Calls extraplanar creature to fight for you.[/table]
*Cast as a square spell only
Core deities with the Square Domain: St. Cuthbert, Heironeous, Hextor, and Pelor.
New Deities
The following two deities supplement those described in the Dungeon Master’s Guide, and use the Deity format first presented in the Complete Divine supplement.
Galla
The Septa of Style, The Baroness of Fashion, The Final Judge
Lesser God (Neutral Neutral Funky)
Galla is the pure embodiment of coolness in the cosmos. This god is happening, man! She’s the ultimate authority on what’s awesome and what’s passé, everywhere in the multiverse. She teaches her followers to party hard and never to take no for an answer. She appears as a dancing human clothed with stylish robes that are constantly changing colour.
Portfolio: Style, trends
Domains: Charm, Funk, Luck, Travel
Cleric Training: In order for a cleric to be ordained in the Church of The Final Judge, they must host a 24-hour party for all other churchgoers and foot the bill.
Quests: Followers of Galla often end up on missions to spread trends throughout the land. Typical quests include eradicating a serious buzzkiller.
Prayers: Prayers to The Septa of Style typically involve a polite request preceded by a litany of what’s in and what’s out.
Temples: There is a temple to the Baroness of Fashion in every city of metropolitan size or larger. In such large conglomerations of life, knowing what’s in style and what’s not is of paramount importance.
Rites: Rites for The Septa of Style take place in all sorts of places and fashions, depending on what’s in style at the time.
Relics: Galla has no relics, since by the time an item is old enough to be considered a relic, it’s out of style.
Favoured Weapon: Glaive
Diabolus
The Final Say, The Stern Gaze, The Duke of Disapproval
Lesser God (Neutral Neutral Square)
Diabolus is the ultimate stick in the mud. He hates all things allegedly cool or groovy, and teaches his followers to stop all revelry in the cosmos. He appears as a stern, disapproving, and well-dressed middle-aged man.
Portfolio: Thriftiness, economics
Domains: Destruction, Knowledge, Nobility, Square
Cleric Training: To become a cleric of The Duke of Disapproval, one must live in the same clothes for one year, buy nothing fashionable in that time, and eat the same food every day. Thusly, clerics of The Stern Gaze are fairly uncommon.
Quests: Followers of The Final Say often go on missions which ivolve shutting down rad scenes and confiscating cool stuff. They’re a patrol of squares who put the kibosh on revelry everywhere.
Prayer: Prayers to Diabolus involve many oaths swearing that the cleric will never willingly have fun.
Temples: Temples to Diabolus are pretty rare, owing to the difficulty of finding clerics.
Rites: Rites for The Final Say involve lots of people standing still for long periods of time.
Relics: Now that relics are all the fashion with other deities, Diabolus refuses to have any.
Favoured Weapon: Quarterstaff
Monsters
The Groovin’ Dead
Standard-issue undead in a high-funk environment often spontaneously evolve into this new form of undead. Groovin’ dead are hipper, hotter, and generally more happening than their graveborn progenitors.
Creating a Groovin’ Dead
“Groovin’” is an inherited template that can be added to any undead (referred to hereafter as the base creature).
A groovin’ dead uses all the base createure’s statistics and abilities, except as noted here.
Abilities: Same as the base creature’s, with the following adjustments: Cha +4, Dex +2.
Skills: A groovin’ dead gains a +8 racial bonus to Perform (dance) checks.
Alignment: Retains original alignment, but changes to funky.
Special Attacks: A groovin’ dead retains all the special attacks of the base creature, and gains the following attacks:
Dance-off (Ex): Once per encounter the creature can initiate a dance-off with a target creature as a standard action. The two beings make opposed Perform (dance) checks, and the loser takes a -4 penalty to saves and AC against the victor for 3 rounds.
Smite Square (Su): Once per day the creature can make a normal melee attack to deal extra damage equal to its HD (max 20) against a square foe.
Spontaneous Musical Number (Su): A groovin’ dead has access to bardic music as if a 3rd level bard. If the creature has class levels in the bard class, these effective levels stack to determine the number of uses of bardic music available per day and the bardic music effects available.
Special Qualities: A groovin’ dead retains all the special qualities of the base creature, and gains the following attack:
Corpse of Pure Funk (Su): The creature adds its Cha modifier to its AC, HD, and saves in addition to the relevant ability modifier (minimum +1).
Level Adjustment: Same as the base creature +3
Challenge Rating: Same as the base creature +3.
Weapon Special Abilities
The following two weapon special abilities supplement those presented in the Dungeon Master’s Guide.
Gnarly: A gnarly weapon is funkily aligned and infused with the power of funk. It makes the weapon funk-aligned and thus bypasses the corresponding damage reduction. It deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against all of square alignment. It bestows one negative level on any square creature attempting to wield it. The negative level remains as long as the weapon is in hand and disappears when the weapon is no longer wielded. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Bows, crossbows, and slings so crafted bestow the gnarly power upon their ammunition.
Moderate evocation [funky]; CL 7th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, power of groove, creator must be funky; Price +2 bonus.
Killjoy: A killjoy weapon is square aligned and infused with the power of unfunk. It makes the weapon square-aligned and thus bypasses the corresponding damage reduction. It deals an extra 2d6 points of damage against all of funky alignment. It bestows one negative level on any funky creature attempting to wield it. The negative level remains as long as the weapon is in hand and disappears when the weapon is no longer wielded. This negative level never results in actual level loss, but it cannot be overcome in any way (including restoration spells) while the weapon is wielded. Bows, crossbows, and slings so crafted bestow the killjoy power upon their ammunition.
Moderate evocation [square]; CL 7th; Craft Magic Arms and Armor, grounding, creator must be square; Price +2 bonus.