End Time Prophetic Insights

[Luna_Mayflower]

Last night, I was visited by insights as to the future of the OOTS comic strip. As I tossed and turned, the following prophecies were revealed to me. I awoke shortly after as if shaken by a giant hand.

+ The Exarch and stone lady dwarf are hiding off-screen, ready to turn the tide with a secret plan.
+ The Ottoman Vs are gathering their forces.
+ Jake (aka Malack) will return as a spirit that will possess one of the OOTS members.
+ Said member will become a hybrid-vampire that will become a common enemy for Durkon 2.0 and the OOTS.
+ Jake will love me.
+ Jake will be defeated by a joint effort.
+ Roy, having learnt that trusting dwarves is bad, will backstab Durkon 2.0 and kill him.
+ Hilgya will refuse to resurrect Durkon as his lawful, warm heart doesn't deserve to suffer any further.
+ Emo vampire chick (the one with the poncho) will take Durkon 2.0's place.
+ To defeat the emo, Hilgya will infuse Durkon's corpse with cybernetics, creating Durkon 2.1123561321345589144.
+ Durkon will slay the emo chick of his own creation and atone for his vampiric actions.
+ Hilgya will say goodbye to the emotionless android in a touching moment.
+ V will become sad again due to mass murder (which really wasn't that bad, they had it coming).
+ V will become happy again due to pretty colours.
+ MiTD is tearing me apart, Lisa!
+ MiTD is Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss.
+ Gauss will use his namesake cannon to slay Xykon.
+ Redcloak will go berserk. He will see red.
+ Elan will call Redcloak a berk.
+ Redcloak will decide that berserking is a bad idea and will surrender.
+ The day will be saved.
+ Roy will live happily ever after with Celia.
+ Belkar will live happily ever after with anthro mr. Scuffy.
+ V will live happily ever after with the gestalt entity of all the souls she's murdered. They have a cute wedding.
+ Haley will live happily ever after with Hilgya.
+ Elan will die of a coronary bypass.
+ Redcloak will join Jake and I in a polygamous relationship. (Reddy is kinda cute, c'mon).
+ Durkon will be happy in LG heaven.
+ Xykon will be resurrected as an old man. He will make lemonade on a farm in Penbrokeshire.
+ He will die permanently from choking on the pips.
+ All other characters will be happy in their own unimportant lives.
+ The End.

[martianmister]

What about the Belkar's prophecy? He's destined to be dead within weeks. The Oracle himself made that prophecy, you can't deny a fellow reptile-kin's truthfullness. And I already claimed Malack, you can't date with him anymore.

[Luna_Mayflower]

What about the Belkar's prophecy? He's destined to be dead within weeks. The Oracle himself made that prophecy, you can't deny it.

That's an interesting question and I'm very glad you asked it. Yes, the Oracle says he'll "take his last breath ever". This does not mean death. See, Belkar will come to peace with the world around him, including the air. Mother earth and Belkar will embrace each other. As such, he will no longer be "taking breath", but rather be given it by nature and accept it gracefully.


And I already claimed Malack, you can't date with him anymore.

I don't accept this.

[martianmister]

That's an interesting question and I'm very glad you asked it. Yes, the Oracle says he'll "take his last breath ever". This does not mean death. See, Belkar will come to peace with the world around him, including the air. Mother earth and Belkar will embrace each other. As such, he will no longer be "taking breath", but rather be given it by nature and accept it gracefully.

Prophecy also said that he's not long for this world, he shouldn't care about IRA and he should savor his next birthday cake


I don't accept this.

This is truth.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?295026-Sexiest-Lizardfolk-quot-Alive-quot

[Luna_Mayflower]

Prophecy also said that he's not long for this world, he shouldn't care about IRA and he should savor his next birthday cake

Once he comes to peace with this world, he will not "long for it" anymore. He will have found it. Everyone should savour birthday cakes, they're tasty. And the Irish Republican Army isn't around anymore, so why would anyone care about them?



This is truth.
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?295026-Sexiest-Lizardfolk-quot-Alive-quot

Stop objectifying my beloved!

[137beth]

What about the Belkar's prophecy? He's destined to be dead within weeks. The Oracle himself made that prophecy, you can't deny a fellow reptile-kin's truthfullness. And I already claimed Malack, you can't date with him anymore.

Bah, that was the fake kobold oracle. Clearly, his so-called prophecy is inferior to that of the True Oracle Luna Mayflower.

[KorvinStarmast]

Luna, I'd suggest putting the more mundane type of mushrooms on your pizza next time.

[Vinsfeld]

I missed your prophecies, Luna Mayflower

[Luna_Mayflower]

Bah, that was the fake kobold oracle. Clearly, his so-called prophecy is inferior to that of the True Oracle Luna Mayflower.

I believe I'm canon. The giant hand belonged to Rich, who drew a comic in front of my eyes. In it, I tell the Order that Jake will return, but Belkar says "I don't believe a word this funky chick says." I then go into the corner and cry because he called me smelly. Or at least I think that's it.


Luna, I'd suggest putting the more mundane type of mushrooms on your pizza next time.

I'm sorry Korvin, I'm afraid I can't do that.


I missed your prophecies, Luna Mayflower

And the angels did cry out with glee as they heralded my return. That's the subject of strip #1342, actually.

[martianmister]

Once he comes to peace with this world, he will not "long for it" anymore. He will have found it. Everyone should savour birthday cakes, they're tasty. And the Irish Republican Army isn't around anymore, so why would anyone care about them?

Well, there is still some fractions of IRA, but I see your point.


Stop objectifying my beloved!

Fine, then let him decide.

[Luna_Mayflower]

Fine, then let him decide.

He'd pick me. I'd let him drink my blood, as long as he was gentle. The Giant told me so in a dream, and he knows Jake best.

[Lacuna Caster]

+ emo vampire chick (the one with the poncho) will take durkon 2.0's place.
i second this motion.

[Fyraltari]

Luna, I'd suggest putting the more mundane type of mushrooms on your pizza next time.
Now, where would the fun in that be ?

He'd pick me. I'd let him drink my blood, as long as he was gentle. The Giant told me so in a dream, and he knows Jake best.
Luna, no! Physical abuse is no basis for a healthy relationship! You should obviously help him find the best food wrapers around instead.

[Lord Torath]

+ Elan will die of a coronary bypass.Is Elan's Happy Ending really dying from a (presumably) botched surgical procedure? Also, does Haley get to sue for malpractice?

[Luna_Mayflower]

i second this motion.

Absolutely! She's also kinda cute, so that helps.


Luna, no! Physical abuse is no basis for a healthy relationship! You should obviously help him find the best food wrapers around instead.

Physical abuse? Letting your vampire love drink from you is the most intimate thing imaginable... then again, I do like to chew on food wrappers and try to work out what food they once held. Difficult...


Is Elan's Happy Ending really dying from a (presumably) botched surgical procedure? Also, does Haley get to sue for malpractice?

Firstly, V will cast a mind-affecting spell on Elan to force him to be happy before the bypass. A D&D version of anaesthesia. The procedure will kill him. His life will end with him being happy. And of course she will! This is Haley we're talking about! (The surgeon will be a enslaved centaur lady given them as a joke gift by Xykon. Haley will blackmail her into opening her mouth and she'll steal her golden tooth as her malpractice payment. Hence she'll look a gift horse in the mouth.)